Reshmi Nair LING 207 Final paper Living in a different country while embracing my own native culture has

helped me learn to appreciate living my life in United States, a country formed by immigrants and appreciates the different cultural varieties around the world. As an Indian who was born and brought up in a Middle Eastern country and then moved to India and then moved to the United States, it has been interesting to say the least but was overwhelming at times, especially when we moved from Dubai to India and my mother had come to the United States to take the Registered Nurse exam. We moved to the United States from India in 2000. Even though we did go through a culture shock, today if asked whether we would move back home to Kerala, my sisters and I would answer that as no it would be very difficult for us to survive there after living here. The most interesting I find is that my parents opinions differ and that my father would want to retire and live in our family home in Kerala, India while my mother would not want to move back there. I will start my paper by writing about my life in Dubai as a child and then in India as a teenager and later in United States as a late teen and an adult. In Dubai, we lived with my father, mother and two sisters and my aunty, an older unmarried woman who was our nanny and who still reside with us in our house in Kerala, India. The six of us lived in a two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms and a kitchen. The apartment was in the town Alshaab. The apartment building was a decrepit building. There was no elevator and we lived on the second floor. So we were used to always using the staircase. We had two supermarkets nearby us and one of them had all Malayalee (people from Kerala who speak Malayalam) employees and so we favored that

store. They were helpful in the way that they did delivery for us. Another aspect of living in Dubai was that they did start their prayers at 6 am in the morning which worked as our alarm. We were admitted to the Indian High School, a private Indian school which was very common and there was a lot of rivalry among the students of the schools. Indian High School was considered the most prestigious private Indian school. Since Dubai is an Islamic country, our weekend was Friday while Saturday and Sunday were working days. Another difference was that our schools had two shifts, where girls had the morning shift and our sessions started at 8am ended at 1pm and the afternoon shift was for boys who had school from 1pm to 6pm. Most of my friends who were North Indians and some Malayalees did go to the Indian High School and I had few family friends whose children went to other private Indian schools. In Dubai, there is a plethoric amount of population of Indian community and so we had a group of the Nair, which was our caste name (all group member were from Kerala and were of the Nair caste). It was a large group and usually it was a get together or picnics or dinner parties where we would meet up and the men would just drink alcohol and smoke cigars or cigarettes while playing cards and talking about everyday events, the women would be talking about shopping in India and of cooking and various other household subjects while the children were in a different room and we would just play together and would communicate at times in Malayalam but usually we conversed amongst each other in English. Most of the children would speak to their parents about a sleep over that we would ask to them but when they replied about what their parents told us it would be in English. But when our friends parents conversed to us, they would always use Malayalam. There was a lot of competition between the children itself because of the schools. Indian High School was considered the most prestigious at those times.

We were also members of a religious organization called the Chinmaya Mission. It was being members of this organization that helped us meet with other North Indians in our neighborhood. There were some Malayalees in this group too. As being members of this group, all the Malayalee women had decided that they wanted their children to at least learn the basic alphabets of Malayalam and so three women were chosen and based on age groups we were divided amongst the three women to teach us Malayalam. The text book was a common basic Malayalam text that all the families could buy on their trip to Kerala. These classes helped me later when we moved to India and I had to go from learning to read a book for second grade students when I was eleven years old to learning to read sixth grade books was difficult in the least but those classes did help me since I had gained the basic reading and writing skills for the language. Our religious classes was on Tuesday evenings and the last Thursday of the month we had a family get together, since Friday was our weekend. We had our Malayalam language class on Wednesday evenings. Monday was a day when we went swimming with our group of Indian friends and since it was a conservative country they did have swimming suits for older women that looked like a body suit and so our mothers did not mind in joining us in swimming. In this manner or parents kept us busy at all times. This changed dramatically when we moved to India since in India extra-curricular activities is not that favored. But today I am grateful that my parents taught us about our culture. Today, I meet young Indian children who do not converse in Malayalam and I am thankful that my parents did make the right choices in helping us learn about our language and culture and today I can say that I am trilingual. My parents grew up within their own culture and so when we were brought up my parents and nanny always spoke to us in Malayalam and since we could speak we were

encouraged to speak in Malayalam. My parents even made it a point that we should watch Malayalam and Hindi movies. We grew up watching videos of our religious texts such as the Mahabharata and Ramayana, and so one of the videos that was usually played at home would either be Dr. B.R. Chopras Mahabharata and Ramanand Sagars Ramayana which were in Hindi and watching that helped us gain our knowledge in Hindi. We also did watch an immense amount of Hindi and Malayalam movies and we did participate in group dances for organization functions, where we would either dance or sing to Hindi or Malayalam movie songs. We did see some English TV shows and watched some English movies, mainly Bond movies since my father was someone who did favor those movies. When I was eleven years, my family had decided to move to India and my mother had decided to come to the United States to take the Registered Nurse exam. To explain my life in India let me give a brief history of my parents backgrounds. M y father is from Mavelikkara, which is located in the Alappuzha district of Kerala and is considered one of the oldest municipalities of the state. His family home is the Thoppil and his family house name was Kuzhiyathu (Family house name is important and most people do name their houses, unless they live in apartments in the developing cities) and my mother is from Malayalappuzha which is a town outside Pathanamthitta city and is known for the temple that is located there. Her family name is Tholoor and that was her family house name. My fathers side of the family consists of an uncle and his family, and four aunts and their families. Our generation consists of ten girls and two boys, where the boys were brought up outside Kerala and the girls grew up together in Kerala. My mothers side of the family consists of two brothers and a sister with their families. We moved to India after our family home was built and was named Madathil. It was in the same neighborhood as where all of my fathers siblings reside except for two of his sisters.

My mothers sister also lives within the same neighborhood of us. I and both my sisters joined the Bishop Moore Vidyapith School, which was a Catholic Christian School but since it was the most prestigious school in Mavelikkara we joined the school. Most of my cousins were taught at this school and so most of the teachers who had taught there for a few years knew our family. At the school, our subjects were taught in English and we were taught Hindi and Malayalam as separate languages. Since it was a Christian school we had to study the bible and sing the hymns. In Indian education system, we did get to study in a co-ed school and it was not as in Dubai, where girls and boys had different shifts. In India our school started at 830am with the assembly and singing the hymns to 330pm when the school ended. We had tuitions, which was the term for an adult who tutored us. It has been a common practice. My tuition was with a teacher who was an employee of our school and lived in our neighborhood. In such a manner I went through to the tenth grade, which is the most important grade since we have to take the board exams. I had two male tutors, one for all my science and math subjects while the other tutor was only for Malayalam language. They helped me learn my subjects and I was able to graduate as an average student. One of the concepts of the education system is that it is either English Medium, where all the subjects will be taught in English and Malayalam, the regional language and Hindi, the national language were taught as languages. And there was Malayalam Medium, where all subjects were taught in Malayalam and English and Hindi were taught as language subjects. The school we joint was English Medium. The main principle of our school was that all students were supposed to converse in English and not use only English with teachers and Malayalam with friends. But even though it was the principle, most students always spoke in Malayalam

amongst friends and spoke in English to the teachers or the new students who came from abroad or other parts of India. But if we did converse in Malayalam without an accent, we would be considered as a friend and within the group while the ones who did speak with an accent or did not speak much Malayalam would have a difficult time with socializing among other children. Besides my educational background, I am going to discuss my life in Kerala. Living in Dubai and going on vacation to India, we always have a good relationship with our family members. Living in Kerala helped us learn about life and see how there are family fights over wills of the elderly deceased or over land and family wealth. Another concept that we learnt about was the about the arranged marriages and dowry system. An aspect that became a part of life was the act of bribery, which is very common system done by anybody in a managerial position. In some private schools, bribery was accepted by the board officials and also in colleges. Some colleges term it as donation, even though both parties knew the reason for the payment. Arranged marriages are considered as out of time and is something that is rapidly being changed. I remember watching three of my cousins who had to dress up in a Kasavu sari, the traditional Kerala style sari with gold border. The groom and his family would arrive at the family house of the bride and chai (tea) with snacks would be served. The snacks would be plantain chips, or biscuits, at times we would serve parippu vada (a fried snack made from dal). As a teenager who was not dating, the whole situation was very exciting since the nine girls would get together to discuss the groom and his family members and whether the women in their family wore a lot of gold, which is a common trait among Indian women. I remember one of my cousins during the arranged visit, we realized the groom and his brother would talk very fast to the point that most of us had to ask again. We believed it was because of nervousness but

realized later that it is how they talk. This can be found among lots of Indians who learnt to memorize essays for exams. I know I did it and so I would talk to fast and learnt I had to slow down. The concept of dowry system is very common and to Indian parents of girls, it is a part of life unless the family is outside India. I remember growing up in Kerala around my cousin brothers (mothers side) who would differ that one would say they would choose that the bride should have education, while the other would choose dowry. I and my sisters are content that we had a career oriented mother who never liked working in India as a nurse and so came here, which helped us in not having to give any dowry since us and the grooms were outside India. As my fathers side of next generation consists of ten generations some of the families have given cars, money and gold jewelry. Dowry and bribery are two interesting concepts since it is language and communication, and letting the other family know what the demand is and how they will accept it. In the question of dowry, the grooms family may ask the question at the meeting of the bride and her family, which to some are accepted and to families who settled after living abroad may not have to accept it. Some groom familys may not mention it but may go indirectly as talking about another marriage that happened and the dowry that was given, which usually is considered as the gold jewelry the woman wears on the wedding day. There have been incidents where violence broke out over dowry within the grooms family towards the bride. I have known many women who have said about how they have gone through difficult times if the dowry given was not up to par with the in laws, which is a common trait. In bribery, both parties know that without the official receiving the bribe the required job would not get done. It is not again said straightforward but is indirectly hinted at during

conversations. When the official comes to the point that they do say without the bribe that the work would not be done, it becomes a point of threat since the bribe is not something the other person consented to but is only one persons consent. To Indians, it is considered as a part of life, as paying taxes to a person. It is common practice among government officials, education systems, etc. One of my mothers sisters son, my cousin who moved to Bangalore for employment and has been working with a technological company there and so always makes it a point to speak in English, even if we talk to him in Malayalam, he would respond back in Malayalam and then switch with his own question to English. He at most times talked to his son in English even though his wife at times would speak to him in Malayalam. But he speaks to my parents in Malayalam and will speak in Malayalam to all other family members who do reside in India, which maybe because he believes that it is the norm to talk among family members who reside in the same country with their own language and with someone from outside it may be okay to converse in English. But his older brother resides in Kerala with his family and we converse with him in Malayalam and when the two brothers talk amongst themselves they do speak in Malayalam. One of my cousins (fathers side sister), is married to a man from Hyderabad and their language is different from ours and so when they converse they converse in English and then she converses with us in Malayalam, so when they come home it gets interesting since we will be conversing in Malayalam and she would join but then one of us would have to interpret what we are conversing to him. We do try to include him by interpreting everything to English but when we do talk to him directly, we would be using English. With his parents, my cousin usually

speaks in Hindi or her husband would interpret for her. But when the two families meet, they usually converse in Hindi or English. With all of my nieces and nephews I always speak to them in Malayalam and they would respond back and converse with me in Malayalam. Unless they were telling me about a movie or television show that was in English, then it would switch to English and if it is in Hindi, then they would be talking about it in Malayalam. At times, it can get confusing and we would talk to a person in the wrong language and so we try to keep it in Malayalam as a group to talk and only code switch to English for certain words. I had a friend who was from North India and so she was born and brought up conversing in Hindi, so after eleven years when they moved to Kerala, and she was admitted to the school, she conversed with us in English or Malayalam with an accent. The other students were not accepting and made fun about her accent, she then conversed only with students who were from abroad and so did not mind speaking her accent. This is a very common trait seen amongst Indians who would know a person who learnt the language while living outside Kerala. I remember when I had a similar experience when I said the word poocha where the t sound is stressed but one time I not realizing used the t sound for which to this day they laugh about it. This led me to be cynical of Television hosts who would be speaking in Malayalam with an accent and so I would criticize and say I am not watching it since the host does not even know how she is talking, without realizing that may be to the television owners that is the sign that people who do live abroad still learn their native language and would learn to speak it. This is not usual and I have seen a lot of Indian Malayalee children who have been reinforced to speak in English.

After my tenth grade, we were given the visa to come to the United States, which was a life changing moment, since coming here I learnt more about accepting other cultures and embracing my own culture. I started eleventh grade at Amityville Memorial High School. On my first day at school, I met my then best friend, another Indian, Harmeet Kaur who was Punjabi and was from Delhi. She was born and brought up in US in a traditional Indian family. Our religions differed since she was Sikh and I was Hindu. But we talked always in English unless we were talking about movie names, since they were in Hindi. It was a factor that helped us since we got to become best friends and she could help me in learning about the American education system, especially not bring the textbooks to school everyday. Since Harmeet, my friend was Sikh she was not allowed to cut her hair and so she did have long thick hair, which she always left braided. One question we were always asked was that why she did not cut her hair while I did cut mine and when we told them that we are from two different religions, they looked confused. Some would say that it is interesting. As a new comer from a different country, the first place we as a family went to was the library, and would take books to read and also watch movies. I got to meet with the librarian at and got to volunteer for their Summer Reading Program. The whole concept of library was in Dubai only in the school and also in India, so the idea of having a public library was very new and exciting. This led me to work at the library as a page, which was another exciting moment in my life since in India the only factor that I would be told to consider is what career I want for myself and how to gain such a career position. Since my uncle and his family lives in Queens, we used to go there every Friday night or Saturday. We went every weekend to the Flushing temple in Queens and then would go to my uncles house and then grocery shopping at all Indian stores and the specific Malayalee stores.

With my uncle, his wife and his two daughters and their husbands, we do speak in Malayalam. With the child, we speak in Malayalam and since she started preschool in India, she is used to speaking in Malayalam. Now that she has been going to school here, she is starting to speak in English at home but when she started, the teachers said she was shy and quiet since she didnt know the language. But at home she would always converse in Malayalam and since she lived with her grandparents for a while in Kerala and went to preschool there, she learnt the colloquial style of the language and so when she came back, that was the style she used in conversing with everybody without realizing that it was derogatory or what it actually meant. Her parents had to stop her from using such language but use the normal style. Today, she is learning English and so she converses more in English than in Malayalam. Coming here, we were able to join back into the Chinmaya Mission group that is active in Pennsylvania and we were able to start our own classes in New York with a few Indian Hindu families. This was an interesting opportunity for us to meet and socialize with other Indian families. An interesting factor that I found was that most Indian parents here, do not encourage their children in learning the Indian language native to them but converse with them in English. But the only language education they do get is when they watch Indian movies. Hence, a lot of them say that they understand the movies but they cannot speak or read or write in the languages. Some parents told us that the children did not want to speak in their native language and only wanted to speak in English. Once when he was told by his mother that she would not talk to him unless he spoke to her in Malayalam, he replied as that you are in America and you work so you do know English, so just speak to me in English. Interestingly though, when he was in Kerala, he would turn around and speak in Malayalam to all his family member there.

Socializing in this country, I realized that most children do not speak their own language but only speaks English. Conversing with my own parents is usually in Malayalam, since we grew up conversing to them in that language. Today we usually switch to English only when producing a response that was given to us from a third party. With our aunty, we have always conversed in Malayalam. With my own sisters, I grew up as a middle child speaking to them in Malayalam and at times in English at home in Dubai and India. Amongst others we would converse in either language based on which was being used at the situation. But when we were saying something in front of our elders we would speak in English and coming here we switched around with Malayalam and English and today, we usually speak in English. In college, I had friends who were North Indians and so we usually did talk in Hindi and at time, such as giving directions or explaining an incident, we would use English, but with my sisters and their Indian friends, they always speak in English, even though the others would speak Hindi or Urdu to their family members. Today, I converse to other Indians in English itself. I was married in 2009 and it was an arranged marriage. My husband was born and brought up in Mumbai, India and so he speaks Malayalam, Hindi, Marathi and English. With his parents, he was brought up conversing in Malayalam to them and I speak in Malayalam to them. With his grandmother he converses in Malayalam. He converses in Malayalam to my parents. With most of his friends in India, he converses in Marathi or Hindi since most of his friends are North Indians or Maharashtrians. He converses mostly with Indians and so most of his friends here are Indians and they converse with him in Hindi and one did converse with him in English and he said that the man was speaking in English so I did not want to be friends with him. Before

we married we usually talked in Malayalam but since we were in two different states we emailed each other often, which would be in English. After marriage we still use Malayalam usually but at times we do switch to using English. When he converses with my family, he converses in Malayalam unless he is reiterating something that occurred and to not lose the main context of the story, he reproduces it in English. When he converses with my sisters and brothers in law, he usually speaks in Malayalam but would switch with English based on the context of the dialog. When I converse with my in laws it is usually in Malayalam and since my mother in law is a teacher and does try to portray her knowledge of English, I usually I try to only converse in Malayalam with them and with my grandmother in law, I would converse in Malayalam. Since my husband is an only child I do not have any brothers or sisters in law to converse with. But with his friends I would converse with them in Hindi but at times they would converse with me in English and so I would respond to them in English. My older brother in law was born and brought up in Muscat, a Middle Eastern country and then moved to Kerala and then came to United States. He converses with his family, parents and a sister, her husband and their child in Malayalam, unless code switching at times to English. With the child everybody in the family converses in Malayalam, thus encouraging her to understand her native language. When he speaks with my sister, it is usually in Malayalam but sometimes it switches to English. When they speak to their child, it is usually in Malayalam. The only English word we use is no and now she does repeat that word back to us. When he converses with our parents, it is usually in Malayalam and with us also he usually converses in Malayalam unless we have to switch to English. With my sister, I usually speak now in English but when we are with our parents we would speak in Malayalam.

My younger brother in law speaks with his parents in Malayalam but with his sister, he speaks in English and at times switches to Malayalam, since that is a choice she made because her career in a firm is because of her English language skills. But with their aunt and uncle, they speak in Malayalam and with their sons, they speak in English. He converses with our parents in Malayalam and with my sister he usually converses in English and switches to Malayalam occasionally. When he converses with us, he usually converses in English and sometimes switches to Malayalam. Moving from the topic of casual conversations, we can go into cooking and the conversations that take place in kitchen. In kitchen we usually speak in Malayalam since we will be cooking traditional Kerala dishes or Indian dishes and occasionally an American dish. The traditional Kerala dishes we prepare would be the red rice (typical Kerala rice), pachadi (fried Okra in yogurt), Inji kuttan (Curry made with ginger), Sambar (curry made with mixed vegetbales), Avial (Curry made with yogurt and mixed vegetables), Rasam (Curry made tamarind water), moru curry(curry with yogurt and mangoes), kichdi (yogurt with plantain), thoran (sauted vegetables with coconut and garlic) and mezhukkuperatti (fired vegetable; usually okra, tindora, carrot, beans) and if we do have family coming over who eat seafood, we cook the traditional konjum manga (dry shrimp with mangoes); and meen curry (Mackerel or sardine curry made with mangoes) and on special occasions we would go buy the fish neymeen (King Fish) from the Kerala store in Queens. Since cooking is traditional Indian food, we usually converse in Malayalam. Our garnish is a sautee of mustard, with kariveyppella (curry leaves) and unnaka mullaku (Dry Chillies). This garnish is used in all our traditional dishes except for the mezhukkuperatti (fried vegetable). Our traditional dessert is paysam. It is usually made with milk, sugar and vermicelli but traditionally we use jackfruit, jiggery and milk. When cooking

North Indian dishes or American dishes, we use Malayalam and switch to English for certain words. This is the usual style for conversation in the kitchen. I know one of my friends who did come home once with me is from Guyana and so she does like Indian food and she is used to the Indian culture. I was making moru curry, the curry with mango and yogurt and she was saying that it is easy and I was saying it is easy but you have to be very careful since the yogurt should not curdle with too much heat. She said she made it at home and said that it did not come out well. In this manner, I learnt about my language and culture and heritage from my lessons and activities in Dubai. Moving to India, let it be in static but I learnt so much from living there about the dowry system, the arranged marriage, bribery etc. Coming to US later, helped me be respectful about my culture and heritage. It seems as a task that can never be achieved to get the Indian parents to acknowledge their own native language and encourage their children to speak in such a language. Hence, I am grateful to my parents for bringing us up in Dubai and then moving to India and then coming to the US. I believe I got to learn to respect my language and culture only because it was taught to me in a different country such as Dubai. In Kerala, I was immersed in culture by using the language for communication but culture and religion was a backdrop, since I found the socializing inside temples annoying and usually having to run the other way if I saw somebody I didnt like going in.