World Economic Shocks Slap G-20 Finance Meeting

Right Upside the Pittsburg

From Banana News (www.banananws.com)

China Fights Tire Tariffs by Scratching Out Trade in Chicken Feet

Sept 30, 2008

A series of economic shocks hit financial markets upside, sideways, and under,
just as the G-20 finance summit, in Pittsburg, began to wind up and unwind down.
The shocks, their interaction, and their interaction with the Pittsburg finance
meetings sent markets into a tail spin, sent economists into a headspin, and sent
consumers and bankers, once again, into a spiral of stomach spinning and churning.
The shocks, six in all, twelve in half, and twenty four in quarters, hit in rapid
succession and with surprising speed.

First, Thursday morning September 24th, at 9:05 A.M., finance ministers from two
European, and three Asian countries announced, from a bus stop in Akron Ohio, that
they were unable to find Pittsburg.

Second, at 9:18 A.M., a group of New York City lawyers and Columbia University
archeologists working in a basement storage room below Wall Street, uncovered,
live before CNN cameras, a “treasure trove” of hidden consumer credit card fees;
estimated to be worth billions of dollars.

Third, at 9:47 A.M. East Coast Time, and 9:47 P.M. Bejing time, the U.S-China
trade war which had begun with U.S. imposed auto tire-tariffs and China’s import
ban of American chicken-feet, escalated as China announced it would dump its
entire stock of imported American chicken feet onto pharmaceutical product
markets around the world.

Fourth, at 9:49, the Geek, a Carnegie Melon newspaper written in computer assembly
language, came on line, and announced that life insurance backed security brokers
on Wall Street, had created distinct market “tranches” for the human respiratory
system, the human digestive system, the human circulatory system, and the sub-
human debt repayment system.

Fifth, at 9:58 U.S. Treasury officials announced they had uncovered a hidden
system of “bonuses executive bonuses” which rewarded Wall Street and Back Road
Executives with “expert” bonuses, for demonstrating enough acumen and networking
ability, to receive an initial bonus.

Sixth, at 12:03 P.M. country markets around the world discovered, to their
amazement, that trade and finance markets run more efficiently when finance
ministers, treasury officials, and economists remain locked away within the hills
and hollows of an out of way American former steel making town.

By 3:15 P.M. Thursday the cumulative impact of the shocks sent financial markers
chopping and spinning like a table tennis ball in a Chinese street tournament.

The G-20 gathering of finance officials moved to alleviate the problem by faxing
Pennsylvania road maps to every bus stop, car rental, and tire outlet in Akron
Ohio. The Chinese Government interpreted the fax as a strategic offensive move in
the tire dump-chicken feet trade war, and quickly retaliated by, putting Chinese
tire factories and poultry farms on a war and chicken footing.

At 2.A.M., past midnight, Friday morning, the U.S. Department of Agriculture and
the Pentagon announced that they were moving to “put into place” missile defense
shields around four hundred and two “critically important” U.S. chicken farms to
protect the feet of millions of "the top chickens" in America.

At 7 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, lawyers representing the group “consumers without
tires”, appeared on the Today show, and announced that a sample of the newly
discovered credit card fees would be put on display at Columbia University’s
museum of “Artifacts, Money, and Easy College Credit.”

At 11 A.M, Friday, September 25th, the Chinese Government announced that it was
shipping a million Chinese manufactured tires to the U.S. Pacific territory of
Guam, and would purchase a billion dollars worth of respiratory backed securities,
effectively holding hostage the next, ongoing, and last breath of two million
Americans with security backed life insurance plans.

At 2 P.M. Executives representing four Wall street financial firms announced that
a “treasure trove” of “perfectly hidden” credit card fees had been discovered
“missing”, and perhaps “stolen”, from their storage basements. Executives also
announced that bonuses would be awarded to thirty six Wall Street Executives for
taking part in the “treasure trove credit card” announcement.

At 3:01 the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Nutrition Service Agency, published a

revised food pyramid chart , which, when displayed in color, showed a tub of
roasted American chicken feet supporting the base of the food pyramid.

A 4:40 Eastern time, the Government of China announced it was recalling its
finance minister from duty at the Wheeler and King Street bus stop in Akron Ohio.

At 6:15 the Geek, announced that the Carnegie Mellon news and web paper had begun,
without human assistance, to assemble its own sentence structures, and perhaps had
taken the key leap from inert newspaper and webpage to living organism.

As events battered markets to and fro, finance officials and economists from 20
different G-countries nibbled and quibbled among the hills and hollows of
Pennsylvania’s second city. Hoping to revive the economic theories of Lord Keynes,
economists debated the benefit of publicizing the Keynesian proclamation: “in the
long we are all dead” sixty three years after Lord Keynes had died. Over a seven-
course dinner which included buttered smoked Salmon, roasted almond le chateau,
and chocolate glazed chicken du foot, finance officials, from thirty eight
countries, discussed the wonder and beauty of money.

At 8 P.M. an angry man, in Modesto, California called Modesto Emergency Hospital

to claim his Tylenol tablets tasted like sesame-stir fried chicken feet.

A 9:15 New York city Police arrested four Bank executives who were caught robbing
“credit card fees” from the Columbia Museum of “Artifacts, Money, and Easy College
Credit”. Student guards, at the museum, corroborated police accounts by telling a
New York times reporter that they had been attacked by bank executives welding
portfolio “tranches” extracted from Wall Street backed securities.

At 9:30 P.M. a group of finance ministers, at an Akron Ohio bus stop, received
faxes that contained maps with roads to Pittsburg, and instructions for removing
Chinese tires from American buses.

In Pittsburg, finance officials and economists, attending the G-20 meetings,

suspended their discussion of the history and meaning of money, for an evening of
light jazz music, family introductions, a lecture on the future of steel and
revenue fabrication, and a few family rounds of pin the bonus dollar on the
donkey.
At 11:37 P.M. Eastern Standard time, 10:37 rising sun time, the Tokyo’s Nikkei
Index disappeared from the face of the earth, only to emerge one minute and forty
nine seconds later, badly scratched, on a chicken foot farm, in Hokkaido Japan.

Monday, morning 8:30 A.M., Eastern Standard time, the finance minister of New
Zealand, presented a brilliantly written plan for a new world financial order,
only to admit, under direct questioning from the audience, that he was not the
true finance minister, but instead was a sixth generation life form which had
rapidly evolved, from the Carnegie Mellon newspaper, the Geek.

Monday evening, at the closing of the Pittsburg G-20 summit, an accord was signed
by sixty G-whiz finance officials representing twenty countries, which declared
that the beauty of money lay in the bank account of the beholder.

Finance Ministers, representing, six key G-countries, signed a second accord which
ordered all Trade Warring nations to make up and work together to develop a
“rotational auto tire” made from grounded American chicken feet.

As the U.S. Department of Defense ordered missile shields to be removed from

chicken farms and be leased out to Executives with an unpopular bonus records,
market prices nibbled and quibbled among the hills and hollows of the world stock
exchanges. Lawyers announced that any newly discovered treasure trove of hidden
credit card fees would be donated to education charities and used to pay tuition
fees for needy college students across the country; once appropriate hidden legal
fees were accounted for and deducted.

On Monday evening, September 28th, Finance ministers from two European and two
Asian countries were picked up from an Akron bus stop, and asked to serve as
advance men for next G-20 summit meeting, which finance ministers agreed would be
held in 2012, in an abandoned tire factory, in Akron Ohio.

At 12 P.M. Monday night, the Geek lifted off from its Carnegie Mellon University
base, in Pittsburg, and was last viewed attempting to escape the Keynesian long
run by heading for the dead outer void of empty space.

Banana News (www.bananaws.com)