A SUPPLEMENT TO THE JEWISH STANDARD, JEWISH COMMUNITY NEWS, AND ROCKLAND JEWISH STANDARD WINTER 2014
Being an entrepreneur means the
ability to evolve. SPACE has gone through many growing pains About Elvira Grau Creator and Founder of SPACE Elvira Grau is a Russian immigrant who built her business from scratch in Englewood, NJ. A happily married wife and a mom proves that women really can have it all and is a frm believer that hard work can lead to the American Dream. She founded SPACE in 2005 when she discovered an empty, 26,000 sq. ft. warehouse and envisioned a one-of-a-kind, entertainment event SPACE! Given the current economic climate, what has been your strategy for building awareness of SPACE for short- term & long-term growth: EG: Reputation is everything! Youre only as good as your last party. I tell all my staff, there are no second chances, and we only have one time to get it right. Its like a Broadway play- the curtain opens and were live. As long as wecontinue to give our clients everything they want and more, we will do well. Happy clients refer business, and whether the economy is up or down, people still need to celebrate milestones in life. I also work with clients on their own budgets. Q & A with Elvira Grau, the Creator of SPACE! Please share with us what inspired you to create SPACE? EG: As a mother frst and foremost, it was initially for my own personal need and my desire to create a safe, clean and climate controlled environment for my own children. Having 4 kids who ranged, at the time, from 4-12 years old, I wanted to design an entertainment space flled with a diverse array of games and attractions that appeal to all age groups. SPACE combines the best aspects of a catering hall, a nightclub, and a gaming arcade; its conducive for both kids and adults. Weve created endless fun for kids and an elegant venue for adults. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. What is your proudest achievement as an accomplished entrepreneur? EG: Repeat business! Im now hosting parties for the siblings, friends, and other family members of my current clients. I love when families come back to me for parties for their second and third child after a birthday, bar/bat mitzvah or sweet sixteen. Its the biggest form of a compliment to me.They trust me, and thats priceless! What is your advice for someone interested in entrepreneurship? EG: Never give up! If you have tenacity, perseverance, a true desire to succeed and passion for what you do, you will go far. I was told many times to give up when I frst started. People said my idea wouldnt work. I didnt listen and I didnt give up, it works. I operate with pure intentions and high integrity. I wake up every day and ask myself, what can I do today to make my business better? What more can I do? As an entrepreneur, its always about whats next. You have to be on top of your game. - Elvira Grau CELEBRATING OUR 8TH YEAR ANNIVERSARY THE HOTTEST ENTERTAINMENT SPACE 26,000 SQ FT OF PURE EXCITEMENT! VISION - SPACE IS TRULY A ONE - STOP SHOP Dear Elvira, There are a few events in life that take a year+ to plan and are so special and meaningful in our lives. Last Saturday was that day for us. We went to many places looking for the best place to have our daughter Jessicas Bat Mitzvah. After visiting many places we came to meet you and see your SPACE. We were immediately overwhelmed with the welcoming and confdence of you and your staff. Diana and your staff made it so easy for us. You helped and guided us from day 1. You and Diana out did yourselves. From the moment we walked in we had tears of joy.The place was beautiful and the designs were outstanding. The food was extremely tasty and elegantly presented. DJ Charlie was unbelievable. He and his crew had everybody out on the foor. The place was flled with electricity!! On behalf of my wife, Jodi and myself and our Bat Mitzvah daughter Jessica - we would like to thank you and all of your staff from the bottom of our hearts! - The Leichter Family 201-567-3810 491 South Dean Street Englewood, NJ 07631 www.spaceodysseyusa.com V I S I ON- SPACE IS TRULY A ONE - STOP SHOP Being an entrepreneur means the ability to evolve. SPACE has gone through many growing pains About Elvira Grau Creator and Founder of SPACE Elvira Grau is a Russian immigrant who built her business from scratch in Englewood, NJ. A happily married wife and a mom proves that women really can have it all and is a frm believer that hard work can lead to the American Dream. She founded SPACE in 2005 when she discovered an empty, 26,000 sq. ft. warehouse and envisioned a one-of-a-kind, entertainment event SPACE! Given the current economic climate, what has been your strategy for building awareness of SPACE for short- term & long-term growth: EG: Reputation is everything! Youre only as good as your last party. I tell all my staff, there are no second chances, and we only have one time to get it right. Its like a Broadway play- the curtain opens and were live. As long as wecontinue to give our clients everything they want and more, we will do well. Happy clients refer business, and whether the economy is up or down, people still need to celebrate milestones in life. I also work with clients on their own budgets. Q & A with Elvira Grau, the Creator of SPACE! Please share with us what inspired you to create SPACE? EG: As a mother frst and foremost, it was initially for my own personal need and my desire to create a safe, clean and climate controlled environment for my own children. Having 4 kids who ranged, at the time, from 4-12 years old, I wanted to design an entertainment space flled with a diverse array of games and attractions that appeal to all age groups. SPACE combines the best aspects of a catering hall, a nightclub, and a gaming arcade; its conducive for both kids and adults. Weve created endless fun for kids and an elegant venue for adults. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. What is your proudest achievement as an accomplished entrepreneur? EG: Repeat business! Im now hosting parties for the siblings, friends, and other family members of my current clients. I love when families come back to me for parties for their second and third child after a birthday, bar/bat mitzvah or sweet sixteen. Its the biggest form of a compliment to me.They trust me, and thats priceless! What is your advice for someone interested in entrepreneurship? EG: Never give up! If you have tenacity, perseverance, a true desire to succeed and passion for what you do, you will go far. I was told many times to give up when I frst started. People said my idea wouldnt work. I didnt listen and I didnt give up, it works. I operate with pure intentions and high integrity. I wake up every day and ask myself, what can I do today to make my business better? What more can I do? As an entrepreneur, its always about whats next. You have to be on top of your game. - Elvira Grau CELEBRATING OUR 8TH YEAR ANNIVERSARY THE HOTTEST ENTERTAINMENT SPACE 26,000 SQ FT OF PURE EXCITEMENT! VISION - SPACE IS TRULY A ONE - STOP SHOP Dear Elvira, There are a few events in life that take a year+ to plan and are so special and meaningful in our lives. Last Saturday was that day for us. We went to many places looking for the best place to have our daughter Jessicas Bat Mitzvah. After visiting many places we came to meet you and see your SPACE. We were immediately overwhelmed with the welcoming and confdence of you and your staff. Diana and your staff made it so easy for us. You helped and guided us from day 1. You and Diana out did yourselves. From the moment we walked in we had tears of joy.The place was beautiful and the designs were outstanding. The food was extremely tasty and elegantly presented. DJ Charlie was unbelievable. He and his crew had everybody out on the foor. The place was flled with electricity!! On behalf of my wife, Jodi and myself and our Bat Mitzvah daughter Jessica - we would like to thank you and all of your staff from the bottom of our hearts! - The Leichter Family Woodcliff Lake 11/16/13 201-567-3810 491 South Dean Street Englewood, NJ 07631 www.spaceodysseyusa.com V I S I ON- SPACE IS TRULY A ONE - STOP SHOP JUNE GLAZER L ong before the hal l is booked and the invitations mailed, many families plan- ning a bar or bat mitzvah celebration often take on a special project as a way to deepen their connection to Judaism and imbue the upcoming occa- sion with added meaning. The project they choose usually culminates with a moving speech or video that will be pre- sented at the party. While any project that strength- ens ties to Judaism is meaningful and important, Rabbi Noah Greenberg has a unique idea that culminates with some- thing much more tangible, and one that experience shows is deeply inspi- rational. An artist and educator living in Israel, he has figured out a way to craft kosher tellin (phylacteries) out of parchment through a process similar to origami, and has created a program in which participants make their own pair. Tellin is the rst mitzvah assumed by a Jewish male upon becoming a bar mitzvah. I dont think I have run across a project in my whole life that would be more appropriate and more directly applicable for any student as a pre-bar mitzvah project, said Simon Jacob of West Orange. Past president of the Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy/Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School in Livings- ton, he and his wife, Barrie, brought Rabbi Greenberg and his program to their home three years ago in advance of their son Levi Yehezkels bar mitzvah, and over the course of a Thanksgiving weekend (not including Shabbat) 14 boys and three adults immersed them- selves in the world of tellin-making. The thought behind it is so fantas- tic and the kids became so engaged. The program is called Kesher Tefillin, and kesher means connection. The proj- ect creates a connection between the child and the tellin. Youve never seen a bunch of young teenagers so focused, Mr. Jacob said of the group he gathered. Tefillin are biblical in origin, and are commanded within the context of several laws outlining a Jews relation- ship with God. Comprising two small black boxes and leather straps, they are worn one on the head and one on the arm and donned each morning of the week with the exception of Shabbat and Jewish holidays. Usually, boys are trained to start wearing them one or two months before they turn 13 accord- ing to the Hebrew calendar. Many years ago, I was learning with my son for his bar mitzvah and we had just bought him a pair of beauti- ful and expensive tefillin, said Rabbi Greenberg, a native of Oakland, Calif., who moved to Safed in 1978 where he maintains an artist workshop in his home. As we were learning, I thought to myself that Moshe Rabbeinu also wore tefillin, and I started to think Creating tellin ties Unique tellin project engages young teens with Judaism The thought behind it is so fantastic and the kids became so engaged. 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3430439 Gattinolli bouab 201 march dc ____ E-Proof ____ Proof ___ OK AS IS ___ OK W. CHANGE ________________ approved by This ad is copyrighted by North Jersey Media Group and may not be reproduced in any form, or replicated in a similar version, without approval from North Jersey Media Group. Bat Mitzvah Sweet 16 Pageant Dresses and Special Occasion Dresses Expert tailor on premises. 256 East Ridgewood Ave.,Ridgewood, NJ 07450 201.444.2898 www.gattinolli.com Mon-Sat 10-7, Thurs 10-8 LARGEST SELECTION OF UNIQUE GOWNS AND SPECIAL OCCASION DRESSES Bat Mitzvah Dresses Mitzvah girl Mother of Sister of Prom . Sweet 16 Pageant dresses Graduation Dresses for All Special Occasions 256 EAST RIDGEWOOD AVE RIDGEWOOD, NJ 2014442898 WWW.GATTINOLLI.COM MONSAT 107, THURS 108 Expert tailor on premises Jovani Trunk Show Starting Feb 10th Other Spring 2014 Trunk Shows: Faviana Terani Couture Lara Tony Bowls Alberto Makali Rena Di Montella La Femme Please call for the schedule. about how he might have made them. Obviously, he didnt have computers and hydraulic presses in the desert. The thought prompted Rabbi Greenberg to experiment and he came up with a way to fold goat-skin parch- mentthe same material a kosher Torah scroll is written onto create the batim, or boxes, that hold the four sets of biblical verses, hand-written by a scribe, in which tellin are commanded. The rst person to see the proto- type that Rabbi Greenberg made was Rabbi Loren Sykes, CEO and execu- tive director of the Shirley and Jacob Fuchsberg Jerusalem Center of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism. I was in Noahs workshop about another matter when I saw the tefillin sitting on his desk and asked him about them. He explained and I told him that this is something we should gure out how to do with kids. The rest of the story is Noah mak- ing this mitzvah possible for them. Rabbi Sykes, who is founding director of Camp Ramah Darom in northeast Georgia, brought a pilot program to the camp that summer and campers there have been making tefillin ever since. Weve exponentially increased the number of kids who are actively involved in this mitzvah, he said. Since that summer six years ago, some 2,000 kids in camps, schools, and private gatherings in the US and Isra- el have participated in Kesher Tellin, including Rabbi Sykes son Elan, who was part of the pilot. The focus was not so much on how to fold it as it was on the inten- tionlearning the laws related to tel- lin and doing everything lshem kidu- shat tellin [for the sake of the sanctity of the tellin]. Having the experience of folding and coloring, sewing and tying, and putting the scrolls into the compartments really gave me a sense of ownership over the mitzvah. I put on tefillin for the first time with that pair and the experience was much more meaningful, the younger Sykes said. When I started this, I thought the project was about the tefillin them- selves, Rabbi Greenberg noted. As Ive done it more and more, Ive real- ized that its really about the wealth and organic wholeness of our Jewish life and heritage. The foundation of this pro- gram is kidusha [holiness], which we study in-depth. And, the kids really get it. They truly integrate the concepts. Rabbi Greenberg added that the project, which takes 15 hours over sev- eral days to complete, is complex, chal- lenging, fast-moving, and hands-on. In the process, the kids are learning the Rambam, Shulchan Aruch, Mishnah Brurah, and even the Gemara. If I were a rabbi coming in with a bunch of books and trying to teach them the same stuff, theyd be asleep in two minutes. This way, the kids dont even realize that theyre learning, he said. Greenbergs tellin have the has- kama [approbation] of prominent rab- bis in Israel and the U.S., including Rav Nissim Karelitz of Bnei Brak, Rav Yisroel Belsky of the Orthodox Union (OU), and Rabbi Saul Berman of Yeshi- va University, who has been a driving force behind the project from the out- set and answers the ongoing halachic questions as they develop. In the Con- servative Movement, Rabbi Joel Roth, who serves as the halachic authority for all the Conservative Movements Ramah summer camps, also supports the project. People say this is a transforma- tional experience in these kids lives. Recently at Camp Ramah in the Berk- shires, a mother told me that her son, a public school student, did the program three years ago and since then gets up 15 minutes early every day to put on his tellin. And now, his father does, too. If this story were an isolated incident, the program would still be worth it, but I hear anecdotes like this all the time. Its incredible, Greenberg said. For the past three years, the art- ist and educator has presented Kesh- er Tefillin in the Ethiopian communi- ty in Israel, as well. One of the excit- ing things were doing is working with groups of Ethiopian olimfathers and sonsas part of their aliyah-conver- sion-bar mitzvah process. In Ethiopia, many Jews were forced to convert to Christianity and have crosses tattooed onto their foreheads right at the spot where the men wear the tefillin shel rosh [the box that is placed on the head]. When you see the fathers put- ting on their tefillin on that spot. . . . Rabbi Greenberg trailed off with emo- tion. Were being given this opportu- nity to negate the travesty that was done to these people. Ever the craftsman, Rabbi Green- berg brings all his own tools and materi- als along when he presents his program, including kosher scrolls to insert into the boxes. Under his direction, partici- pants tie them with calf hair, put them in each box, sew the boxes with sinews, and tie ritzuotspecial knotsin the straps, all in accordance with Jewish law. The cap-off moment is when the boys don their tellin for the rst time and say the Shema. It is a moment like no other, Mr. Jacob attested. When our group did the project, that moment was so intense. There were very few dry eyes. To put on these tefillin the kids made themselves and to say the Shemait was an incredibly beautiful, wonderful experience, and the kids were so excited. They were so into it. This is really an inspirational pro- cess, Rabbi Greenberg said. What these kids come away with is ownership not only of this one mitzvah, but of Jew- ish existence in general. It is changing peoples lives. For more information about the Kesher Tefillin program, visit the Web site at http://www.kesher-tellin.com/. ON THE COVER: Sarah Fassbergs bat mitzvah photo by Todd France Photography, 56 West 22nd St., New York, NY. Studio: (212) 300-4264. Dress from Party Girl in Tenafly. S-6 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard WINTER 2014 BAR/BAT MITZVAH AMI T BAR/BAT MITZVAH PROGRAM YOUR MI TZVAH TODAY ENSURES A BRI GHTER FUTURE FOR A CHI LD TOMORROW. AMITs professional staff in New York, across the U.S., and Israel will work with you and your Bar/Bat Mitzvah to customize your twinning experience. For more information please contact Laurie Georgeou at (212) 792-5025 or e-mail LaurieG@amitchildren.org. AMITs Bar and Bat Mitzvah Program offers the opportunity for your child, grandchild, niece, nephew or friends child approaching his or her Bar or Bat Mitzvah to connect with an AMIT child in Israel, who is also preparing for this special day. By twinning with a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you will also add a dimension of tzedekah to your childs celebration and provide a les fortunate child in Israel with memories of a lifetime. INDOOR ELECTRIC GO KART RACING EXPERIENCE THE MOST EXHILARATING BAR OR BAT MITZVAH Adult & Junior Karts (Must be 48 tall) 2 Giant European Style Tracks Video Games, Pool Tables, Food & More Private Party Rooms & Spaces Birthday Parties, Corporate Events & Fundraisers Can Accomodate Groups from 50-525 BUFFALO, NY | CORONA, CA | DALLAS | HOUSTON | NEW YORK/JERSEY CITY | LAS VEGAS | LONG ISLAND, NY | MURRIETA, CA | OKLAHOMA CITY | ST. LOUIS | SUMMERLIN, NV | SYRACUSE, NY Experience the Elegance Celebrate your Bar or Bat Mitzvah in our elegant ballroom and stately lobby, set amidst lavish gardens and the historic homes of Rockleigh. Our unsurpassed personal service and custom menus enhance the magic of your special day. 26 Paris Avenue Rockleigh, New Jersey 07647 Tel. 201-768-7171 www.therockleigh.net JewStd_Bar_ad_080109.indd 1 2/22/08 3:43:33 PM A mitzvah project triple Israelis with special needs encounter nature with Lotem ABIGAIL KLEIN LEICHMAN I f your bar or bat mitzvah child is a lover of the great out- doors, former Fair Lawn resi- dent Alisa Bodner has a novel idea for a chesed project. Ms. Bodner, who moved to Israel in 2010, is the Keren Kay- emeth LeIsrael-Jewish National Fund liaison with Lotem (www. lotem.net), a non-prot dedicat- ed to making nature accessible to Israelis with disabilities reach- ing about 30,000 people each year. Lotem maintains Israels only accessible hiking trail together with KKL-JNF, and also has an accessible ecological farm the only site of its kind worldwide where people with special needs can experience pressing grapes and olives, drawing water from wells and baking pita. Lotem is the Hebrew acronym for limudei teva mishulavim, mean- ing integrated nature studies. Its also, appropriately enough, the name of a ower. We work with Israelis who have all kinds of physical, communication and intellectual disorders, hearing and vision impairment, and also battered women together with their children, and at-risk youth, says Ms. Bodner. Dor giving a high ve to Ido, his Lotem guide. SEE MITZVAH PROJECT PAGE 8 26 E. Palisade Avenue Englewood, NJ 201.894.1424 verouomo@verizon.net www.verouomo.com U V DISTINCTIVE MENS APPAREL PERSONAL SERVICE MADE TO MEASURE BOYS SUITS 8-20 k k READERS CHOICE 2013 FIRST PLACE MENS SHOP Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri 10:00-6:00 Thu 10:00-7:00 Sat 10:00-6:00 CLOSED SUNDAY www.jstandard.com SEE MITZVAH PROJECT PAGE 8 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-7 Experience the Elegance Celebrate your Bar or Bat Mitzvah in our elegant ballroom and stately lobby, set amidst lavish gardens and the historic homes of Rockleigh. Our unsurpassed personal service and custom menus enhance the magic of your special day. 26 Paris Avenue Rockleigh, New Jersey 07647 Tel. 201-768-7171 www.therockleigh.net JewStd_Bar_ad_080109.indd 1 2/22/08 3:43:33 PM S-8 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard WINTER 2014 BAR/BAT MITZVAH 885 Teaneck Road Teaneck, NJ 201-862-9595 9:30 am - 6 pm Closed on Monday www.m-fashions.com Having an affair? Mishelynes Fashions Come see the Largest Selection of Eveningwear and Sportswear READERS CHOICE 2013 FIRST PLACE SPECIAL OCCASION DRESS SHOP Lotems Mitzvah-to-Mitzvah program encourag- es celebrants to contribute toward a specic program that resonates with them. The options include: Touching the Western Wall: Enable a group of chil- dren with special needs to visit the Western Wall and other important historical and religious sites in Jerusa- lem, just like their friends and relatives. Natures Way: Sponsor hands-on activities on Lotems eco-farm for a group of children with special needs. Activities are tied to the ancient agricultural cycle in Israel and bring participants closer to nature and their Jewish heritage. Natural Integration: Sponsor a group hike that brings children in a special-education class together with children in a regular class for educational activi- ties in nature. This program promotes acceptance and understanding and fosters love and friendship between children whose main commonality is love of nature. Integra-Teva: Help foster coexistence by sponsor- ing an accessible hike that brings together Arab and Jewish youth with special needs for joint activities in nature. Choosing one or more of these programs helps them feel connected to the cause, says Ms. Bodner, a graduate of The Frisch School and Queens College. Theyre contributing a gift to children the same age as them, who ordinarily wouldnt be able to go out and enjoy nature. Its very hands-on and age-appropriate. Even better, if the young celebrant plans to visit Israel, he or she can arrange to join a Lotem hike and even help guide it together with the soldiers and national service volunteers who work with the organi- zation. Or they can interact with people coming to the eco-farm for nature activities. This connects them even more to the whole pro- cess, and they can really see the difference their con- tribution is making, says Ms. Bodner. The volunteers gain from the encounter as well. After taking part in a recent Natural Integration program, one Israeli eighth-grader admitted that though she was initially apprehensive, This experi- ence opened our minds. We are used to spending time with people who are similar to us but we had the opportunity to meet others. Essentially every person that you dont know is different and when you think about it again, you discover suddenly that there is no such thing as normal and that everybody is unique. It showed me to look upon the world in a different way. Another 13-year-old on the program commented, We need to accept differences regardless of who the person is. The children from [the special-needs school] have such happiness for life. They have such strong willpower and they do not give up even in difculty. This is something I need to take upon myself. Lotem programs also offer a unique option for bar/bat mitzvah children from abroad who them- selves have special needs. The organization already works with Birthright tours for members of Yachad, the National Jewish Council for Disabilities, and arranges one-day inclusive tours for visiting individuals or fami- lies free of charge, to raise awareness of the organiza- tion. When we make our tours accessible, its not only physical accessibility but also pedagogic accessibil- ity, Ms. Bodner stresses. We provide each group with guides who can give specialized instruction to t their particular special needs and level of understanding. From the United States, Ms. Bodner can be con- tacted at (347) 236-3262 or Lotem@jnf.org. She adds that JNF, a partner organization with Lotem for the past seven years, offers this program as well as other opportunities in its own bnei mitzvah program geared to supporting Israel. For more on that, see http://www.jnf.org/get-involved/celebrate/. Two children from the Bet Chinuch School lead a child from the Ben Yehuda School for Special Education. Mitzvah Project FROM PAGE 6 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-9 as them, who ordinarily wouldnt be able to go out and enjoy nature. Its very hands-on and age-appropriate. Even better, if the young celebrant plans to visit Israel, he or she can arrange to join a Lotem hike and even help guide it together with the soldiers and national service volunteers who work with the organi- zation. Or they can interact with people coming to the eco-farm for nature activities. This connects them even more to the whole pro- cess, and they can really see the difference their con- tribution is making, says Ms. Bodner. The volunteers gain from the encounter as well. After taking part in a recent Natural Integration program, one Israeli eighth-grader admitted that though she was initially apprehensive, This experi- ence opened our minds. We are used to spending time with people who are similar to us but we had the opportunity to meet others. Essentially every person that you dont know is different and when you think about it again, you discover suddenly that there is no such thing as normal and that everybody is unique. It showed me to look upon the world in a different way. Another 13-year-old on the program commented, We need to accept differences regardless of who the person is. The children from [the special-needs school] have such happiness for life. They have such strong willpower and they do not give up even in difculty. This is something I need to take upon myself. Lotem programs also offer a unique option for bar/bat mitzvah children from abroad who them- selves have special needs. The organization already works with Birthright tours for members of Yachad, the National Jewish Council for Disabilities, and arranges one-day inclusive tours for visiting individuals or fami- lies free of charge, to raise awareness of the organiza- tion. When we make our tours accessible, its not only physical accessibility but also pedagogic accessibil- ity, Ms. Bodner stresses. We provide each group with guides who can give specialized instruction to t their particular special needs and level of understanding. From the United States, Ms. Bodner can be con- tacted at (347) 236-3262 or Lotem@jnf.org. She adds that JNF, a partner organization with Lotem for the past seven years, offers this program as well as other opportunities in its own bnei mitzvah program geared to supporting Israel. For more on that, see http://www.jnf.org/get-involved/celebrate/. S-10 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard WINTER 2014 BAR/BAT MITZVAH Its Party Time at 1 Highwood Ave. Tenafly, NJ 201-568-8804 Sronr Houns: Noox - 6vx Turs rnnu Sar Mox ns avvr. Customize the Dress, Gown or Suit of Your Dreams for Your Upcoming Events. A||ow 8-12 weeks for custom de|ivery A|terations inc|uded w/custom orders Temp|e & Guest Dresses Ban/Bar Mirzvan Sisrrn ov Bninrsxain Fiowrn Gini... axs svrciai occasiox: Jrwrins ns Cnanxrn Extensive Selection of Designer Ready-to-Wear Suits & Dresses Jewelry, Bags & Accessories By Appointment 201-750-9997 180 Piermont Road, Closter, NJ Specializing in Bar/Bat Tallit, Cards & Gifts ALL NEW! Featuring a Large Selection of Beautiful Items for Shabbat Holidays Hostess The Home & More Tzedakah Boxes Mezuzahs/ Kosher Parchments Gift Certificates Gift & Judaica Shop Mention this ad for 10% of your purchase visionsfcu.org VISIONS Kirby Kangaroo Club is part of our mission to improve nancial literacy. This free program for kids under 12 uses stories, games and rewards to encourage savings! T e ach Saving s ! Thats the ticket How to plan a bar/bat mitzvah in Israel ABIGAIL KLEIN LEICHMAN A mericans wishing to hold their childs coming-of-age ceremony in Israel often think of the West- ern Wall (Kotel) in Jerusalem, a landmark with deep religious signifi- cance. However, they need to be aware of potential pitfalls of an event at this spot and be prepared to consider less- er-known alternatives, say Israeli event planners who work with overseas fami- lies. The first thing to bear in mind is that the Kotel is geared only to Ortho- dox, gender-separated bar mitzvah ser- vices, and only on Mondays and Thurs- days (though any morning will do for a rst tellin experience). Because the site is so popular, numerous bar mitz- vahs are usually going on simultaneous- ly, and that brings logistical problems. If you dont get there early, you wont get a table [for the Torah read- ing] and women wont be able to see anything, cautions Adena Mark of A to Z Events in Israel. Thats why we pro- vide a service to reserve a spot for the men and another for the women on the other side of the mechitza [divider] where they will be able to see and hear as well as possible. Still, the women wont see much unless theyre standing on chairs. That can be problematic for older guests or those with physical handicaps. Just get- ting to the Kotel along cobblestoned streets and down stairs can be difcult for guests with limited mobility, as well as for parents with strollers. Parking is tight near the site as well. That being said, for people making a once-in-a-lifetime trip I understand their desire to do it at the Kotel, said Ms. Mark, and thats why we provide this service to make it easier. However, if a family goes to Israel often, then I do recommend doing a bar mitzvah some- where else. There are so many beautiful options in the Old City or in other cities of great meaning such as Hevron, Tzfat [Safed] or Meron. For bat mitzvahs and non-Ortho- dox bar mitzvahs, the Jerusalem Archeological Park-Davidson Center just south of the Kotel (known as the Southern Wall) is a good alternative, though the accessibility and parking issues remain. This area includes Rob- insons Arch, where many religious ser- vices are held for visitors. The genders are not separated, its not as inundated with tourists and competing ceremo- nies, and its easier for photographers to get shots of the whole group. Unlike the Kotel, however, there is a fee for admis- sion and there are no chairs. Another popular location for a bar or bat mitzvah is Masada, the Judean mountaintop where a band of Jewish zealots fended off Roman forces until committing mass suicide in the first century of the Common Era. We offer an amazing package to do something in Jerusalem, like an Old City tour, then make your way down to the desert and have a big musical feast in a Bedouin encampment and then a ceremony at Masada the next morning, said Nikki Fenton of Simcha in Israel. That way you cover both the historical and religious angles. OFF-THE-BEATEN-TRACK ALTERNATIVES Lesser-known Jerusalem venues for a bar mitzvah ceremony include Merkaz Shimshon, a picturesque synagogue in the Yemin Moshe neighborhood over- looking the Old City; and the circular Hecht Synagogue at Hebrew Univer- sitys Mount Scopus campus, which fea- tures a solid glass wall with a view of the Old City skyline. Dganit Altman of Loya Events enjoys nding unique ethnic venues. In the capital city, she schedules services at synagogues catering to the Syrian, Iraqi, or Indian communities, for exam- ple. I can bring paytanim [hymnists] to sing at the ceremony, she said. Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-11 Make Your Party a Splash! Spacious Gym Supervised Activities & Games Basketball, Soccer, & Floor Hockey Two beautifully appointed ballrooms with a capacity of 50 to 500 people, serviced by your choice of a wide variety of the fnest kosher caterers. For something different, theres also a gym and pool. All amenities you would expect from a fne catering establishment, but in a synagogue. Make summer all year long! A Fun Filled Active Way to Celebrate a Birthday, Special Occasion or Time with Friends Non-Competitive Games Refreshing Heated Pool Experienced Lifeguards Refreshment Designated Party Room Have your special event at the Jewish Center of Teaneck where families have celebrated for over 80 years. Conveniently located just 3 miles west of the George Washington Bridge Rabbi Lawrence S. Zierler Sandy Hausler, President Rose Sigler, Administrator The Jewish Center of Teaneck Teanecks frst and most comprehensive, full service Synagogue Center 70 Sterling Place, Teaneck, NJ (201) 833-0515 www.jcot.org email: info@jcot.org Affordable Elegance Israel bar mitzvah Web sites http://www.bar-and-bat-mitzvah-in-israel.com/, sponsored by the Ministry of Tourism www.israel-bar-mitzvah.com, an independent handbook www.barmitzvahinisrael.com www.loyevents.com www.nikkifenton.com http://atozeventsisrael.com For families of blended Eastern and Western heritage, Ms. Altman favors an early synagogue in the northern city of Rosh Pinah, the first shul ever where Sephardim and Ashkenazim prayed together, and even the design and nusach [liturgy] are all mixed. Most families think of upscale res- taurants and hotels for the reception which cost considerably less than at comparable venues in the United States. But there are almost limitless alternatives. Ms. Altman recommends hiring a personal chef specializing in ethnic cuisine. The meal can be in a rented villa or out-of-the-way restaurant in Jerusalem or Tzfat, or weather permit- ting outdoors. She enjoys arranging women-only events on the eve of a bat mitzvah, such as a private show by an Israeli singer such as Ahinoam Nini; or a challah-baking workshop with a master baker; or an art or music workshop. ARRANGEMENTS While it is possible to make arrange- ments without a professional planner, the time and language differences alone make communication difcult. On-the-ground planners can sug- gest interesting venues they have actu- ally visited, put together family tours with licensed guides suitable to the guests ages and interests, and book hotels and ights. They can arrange for photography, owers, and favors, baby- sitting and medical escorts, as well as a rabbi for the religious portion of the event. We refer our clients to a rabbi and he takes over the details of the service itself, said Yael Adar of barmitzvahinis- rael.com. The rabbi gets in contact with the family before they arrive and usually meets with them at their hotel the day before the service. On top of that, planners here say they ll a cultural gap between overseas clients and Israeli vendors. There are excellent service pro- viders here, but sometimes theres an attitude of hakol yehiye bseder [every- thing will be ne], said Ms. Fenton, a former Brit. This casual approach takes many English-speakers by surprise. In Israel, many bar/bat mitzvah events can be put together in less than two months. However, ve-star accom- modations in popular cities such as Jerusalem or Tel Aviv need to be booked up to two years in advance, especially for high season. I had a group of 15 coming in December, and they con- tacted me in June, said Ms. Adar. All the hotels they wanted were already booked. In general, said Ms. Fenton, You wont spend as much as you would in New York or in London. Ms. Mark says you can expect to spend no less than $20,000 for a day- time bar/bat mitzvah in Israel excluding travel and accommodation costs. Hashamayim hagvul [the skys the limit], said Ms. Altman. Call me and tell me your budget and Ill make it for you. A bar mitzvah at the Western Wall. ABIGAIL KLEIN LEICHMAN S-12 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard WINTER 2014 BAR/BAT MITZVAH JUDY LASH BALINT JERUSALEM Its 9:30 a.m. on a sunny Monday morning in the Jew- ish Quarter of Jerusalems Old City. Two large groups of revelers almost collide in the alley leading to the main square. Both groups are accompanied by a clarinetist and a drummer belting out traditional simcha tunes, and in the middle of both are 13-year old boys dancing with beaming grandmas and uncles under a small chuppah as they make their way under the stone arches from the Western Wall. Its the Israeli version of the bar mitzvah extravaganza, and its repeated every Monday and Thursday (days when the Torah is read) throughout the year. Boys from all over the country are called up to the Torah for the rst time at the Wall, and then get danced up the steps to the Jewish Quarter and on to a lavish breakfast spread at one of the many res- taurants or halls dotting the area. But not every bar or bat mitzvah age teen in Israel is fortunate enough to have that kind of experience. For the tens of thousands of youths from dys- functional families who are cared for in residential facilities, its often diaspora Jews who make the difference between having no bar/bat mitzvah at all, or hav- ing a meaningful transition into Jewish responsibility. Zemira Ozarowski, coordinator of donor relations for AMIT, a network of educational programs that serves 28,000 Israeli children, is responsible for the twinning program that encour- ages American bar and bat mitzvah kids to share their celebration with needy Israeli kids. Some of the Americans come over with their families to take part in the simcha they have sponsored, Ozarowski explains, while others conduct fund- raising projects at home and send over funds to help support AMITs efforts to inject joy into the lives of Israeli kids from difcult backgrounds. Part of the donation is designated for the Israeli twin to receive a traditional bnei mitz- vah gift of a siddur or tellin. Some lasting relationships have been forged, Ozarowski notes, and the program was recently expanded to include twinning between Israeli pre- The Empty Vase a oral company We Can Make Any Party Beautiful CLOSTER 219 Closter Dock Rd. 201-750-7181 Licensed and Hotel Approved Outside Kosher Caterers Permitted Separate Kitchen Available For Kosher Functions Award Winning Cuisine Elegant Atmosphere Perfect Location Directly Off Rt. 287 Theme Parties, Fun Atmosphere Complete Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning The Wine Room for private dining Deluxe Overnight Accommodations For Guests with Preferred Room Rates. Separate Room For Children's Party Young Adult Customized Menu Award Winning Blue Morel Restaurant & Wine Bar 9735397300 www.westingovernormorris.com 2 whippany road morristown nj 07960
GOVERNOR MORRIS MORRISTOWN spectacular bar/bat mitzvahs are our specialty Your guests burst into celebration A father helps his hard-of-hearing son put on tellin for the rst time at a bar mitzvah orga- nized by the International Young Israel Movement and the Jewish Agency for Israel. JUDY LASH BALINT An eye for detail at Quality Events Based in north Jersey but serving the tri- state area, Quality Events has found its largest market is in stafng and event coordinating of glatt kosher events. Quality Events understands the expectations for events such as bris, bar/bat mitzvah, engagements, wed- dings, Shabbat lunch, Shabbat dinner, and kiddush. It specializes in event decorating and has a wide selection of items in-house such as an array of multi-colored table cloths, serving utensils, and platters. It also has the ability to rent tables, chairs, and tents if need be. Quality Events is led by John Sar- ria, who takes pride in his company and wants to provide the best service that his clients demand. Hes proud of his employees great work ethic and respect for what we do but insists on overseeing the rms parties with an eye for details and the aim of perfect- ing his craft. Putting the mitzvah in bar mitzvah How your kids can help Israeli kids celebrate their simcha teens from established Jerusalem neigh- borhoods and kids in AMITs Beit Hay- eled facility in Gilo. In Netanya, the Beit Elazraki Chil- drens Home run by Emunah, a promi- nent religious Israeli womens move- ment with worldwide supporters, hosts many bar and bat mitzvah twinning events. American bnei mitzvah and their families have sponsored sever- al major projects at the home, which houses almost 300 children whose fami- lies cannot care for them. Back in 2011, a group of budding musicians from Teaneck raised more than $20,000 as their bar mitzvah proj- ect, which funded new equipment for the music therapy program at Beit Elaz- raki. Several times a year, American and British bnei mitzvah join their peers at Beit Elazraki for a lively party that always features loud music and a festive meal. A popular bnei mitzvah activity for institutional groups as well as individual families is a visit to the Yad Lashiryon Latrun Tank Museum a few miles west Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-13 Hear, O Israel: the Lord is our God, the Lord is One Shema Yisrael 59 East Ridgewood Avenue, Ridgewood NJ 07450 201 689 1800 www.redvelvetluxe.com Made in Israel New & Pre-Owned Luxury Watch Brands Designer Jewelry Up to 70% O Retail Everyday Mitzvahs Sparkle at Red Velvet Luxe!! Shemas, Hamsas & Star of David Necklaces Sparkle in 14K Gold & Gold Plate Starting at $45 and up.... 59 East Ridgewood Avenue, Ridgewood NJ 201 689-1800 www.redvelvetluxe.com The Best Selection of Talliot and Kippot anywhere. Exquisite Styles for Women, Men, Bar and Bat Mitzvah www.thetallislady.com info@thetallislady.com Lisa Prawer Convenient Bergen County Location 201-321-4995 Beautifully Beaded, Crystal, Crocheted, Suede, Lace Kippot, Tallit Clips Mention this ad for 10% OFF of Jerusalem. Elisha Kramer, a U.S.-born graduate student, spent part of his army service as a tour guide at the museum. Some weeks there would be two or three bar mitzvah groups every day, Kramer recalls. Its a great place for kids to learn about the need for a strong Israel and the legitimacy of fighting for Israel, Kramer adds regarding the outdoor museum where more than 150 armored vehicles are on display along with a moving memorial complex dedicated to fallen Israeli soldiers. Many bnei mitzvah want to take an active role in their celebration, and Jerusalem Scavenger Hunts pro- vides creative opportunities for learning and fun in and around Jerusalem. Founder and director Tali Tarlow explains that Israeli kids can train to guide their friends and family on a fun-lled, educational, thematic navi- gation through the city as they engage with its history and gure out their place in its future. The program is tailored to the interests of each child, who works with one of the Scavenger Hunt professional guides and educators to develop a presentation at one of the sta- tions used in the Hunt. We believe a bar or bat mitz- vah should be a special occasion and an opportunity for a meaningful experience, says Tarlow, a long-time informal educator who made aliyah from South Africa. Any family thats been part of the Package from Home Bar and Bat Mitzvah Project would agree with that sentiment. Started by American immigrant Bar- bara Silverman at the beginning of the Second Inti- fada in 2000, the volunteer-run program prepares and sends tens of thousands of care packages to Israeli soldiers, focusing particularly on Lone Soldiers (sol- diers without family in Israel) and wounded soldiers. Bnei mitzvah in the U.S. can raise money for the proj- ect, and those visiting can take part in the packaging and distribution of everything from warm clothing to toiletries to snacks. Each package includes letters of appreciation for the soldiers, which kids are encour- aged to write. For children with physical as well as emotional challenges, it takes a special effort to create a bar or bat mitzvah program they can relate to. At a recent ceremony in a Jerusalem synagogue, 63 deaf and hard-of-hearing children were called to the Torah in front of parents who were visibly moved by the moment, which was sponsored by the Interna- tional Young Israel Movement and its Deaf Program- ming Division in cooperation with the Jewish Agency. Boys with cochlear implants opened up the brand new prayer shawls provided by Young Israel with a our- ish, while groups of girls chattered in sign language and waited for their turn to recite a special blessing for becoming a bat mitzvah. Ben Zion Chen, the head of the Association for the Deaf in Israel, told the kids, I grew up with hearing parents and didnt know what Torah was. You are all very fortunate. Rabbi Chanoch Yeres, director of the Deaf Programming Division of International Young Israel Movement (IYIM), leads a 2013 bar mitz- vah for 63 deaf and hard-of-hearing children. JUDY LASH BALINT Its important that you know your rights and how to deal with your deafness as you grow up, Mr. Chen added, while a sign language interpreter translated his words to the attentive students. He didnt sleep all last night, said one parent regarding her son, a profoundly deaf 13-year-old from Ramle. Hes gone through so many operations, and had so many difficulties in his short lifeits a joy to be here with him and see how happy he is, she exclaimed as her son took his place under the prayer shawl spread over his group, while Rabbi Chanoch Yeres, director of Young Israels Deaf Programming Division, read the Torah portion. In true Israeli bnei mitzvah style, the kids and their families, who had come from all over Israel, were treated to a celebratory lunch and a tour of the Old City to mark the day. 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From the elegantly designed invitations to the sumptuous buffet lunch, attention to detail was appar- ent in every aspect of the event, includ- ing bringing beautiful music into the Shabbat afternoon affair: A group of young men serenaded guests from the moment they entered the room, at their tableside, and until they left, sated with food and feelings of joy that come from celebrating a young womans entre into Jewish adult responsibility. No band. No sound system. No microphones. Just the voices of a capella singers, who regaled family and friends with songs in Hebrew, English, and Yiddish. A quiet luncheon is lovely, too, said Ms. Hait. But it was nice to be able to add music, and have the freilichkeit (joyfulness), the ruach (spirit) of the simcha enhanced in a Shabbat-obser- vant way. For the Sabbath-observant family making a bar or bat mitzvah, a capella groups are a perfect way to have music at the event. From anecdotal evidence, their popularity as Shabbat-friendly entertainment for bar/bat mitzvahs appears to be on the rise. A capella inherently is a very spiri- tual form of musical communication, said Peggy Abraham, a singer. Its using the human instrument, just the voice, and communicating more directly with your audience in a way that is experi- enced more deeply. A capella music is pure and can be transcendent. An extension of the Shabbat zmirot songs around the table, a capella at a bar mitzvah takes the melodic tradition and amplies it. Theres something very spiritual, organic and internal with a capella, said Sam Bodi Bodenheimer, leader of Spicerack Music and its Jewish arm, Bsamim, which has played at many bar and bat mitzvahs all over the country and world, and other events, including former New York City Mayor Bloom- bergs Chanukah party. Theres a sharing of a musical connection with those in the audience. There is no barrier. No one is on stage. This right away can bring everyone together, said Mr. Bodenheimer, who grew up in Teaneck. In fact, it is often part of the rou- tine of a capella singers to go table to table and sing to the guests, often taking requests ranging from modern tunes to Yiddish songs to Hebrew anthems. Typically, the a capella groups range from four to 10 singers with a variance of vocal range. But Mr. Bodenheimer said that when he assembles a group, he looks for the most talented singers who also are professional, can work collabor- atively, have a good degree of expertise, and whose voices will meld together in perfect harmony. Because there is no overhead for a sound system, a capella is usually a less expensive option than a traditional band with prices ranging in the $500 per singer range, he said. For David Ross, founder and musical director of Shir Soul Sim- cha Band, his evolution into Jewish music dovetailed with his evolution into Jewish observance. Born and bred in the mile-square Westchester community of Ardsley, N.Y., Mr. Ross said he brings his prior musical world of Motown, pop rock, and blues and fuses it with traditional Jewish tunes. The result is a young, fresh, hip way of expression that informs his band and a capella music. While Mr. Rosss is an all-male Orthodox group, and he has worked many Sabbaths with a capella, he has also brought the group to Reform and Conservative bar mitzvahs as well. Mr. Ross, who lives with his family in Teaneck, said his a capella group dis- tinguishes itself in other ways, too. Some of the groups are trying to sound like bands. We dont try to imitate a band. For me, its all about the voices and singing. There is only one instru- ment, and that is the voice. Sam Bodenheimers Bsamin a capella group View Bar/Bat Magazine online too! www.jstandard.com Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-15 GOLDSTEIN KATHY events BE A GUEST AT YOUR OWN PARTY! Kathy goldstein combines her expertse and unique style with your personal desires to create one-of-a-kind events! COMPLETE EVENT PLANNING personal Individual assistance entertainment: Bands, DJs, magicians and more Photography, Florist, Transportaton Creatve room Decor and table arrangements Unique Venues, Catering, Wait Sta Fun & Dierent giveaways, Favors, arcades, games unique Custom Invitatons WEDDINGS BAR/BAT MITZVAH SWEET 16S CORPORATE PARTIES/EVENTS (973) 647-4990 KATHYGOLDSTEINEVENTS.COM KATHY@KATHYGOLDSTEINEVENTS.COM FIRST PERSON In Italy, where Jews were silent for half a millennium, they now ock to celebrate BARBARA AIELLO I remember it well. I was a young girl, about 11 or 12 years old. It was a tran- sitional time that some now call the tweens, when kids like me were starting to explore larger society. As new faces crossed my path and as I made new friends, people would do the usual thing and ask me my name. Barbara Aiello, Id say, and give them a short lesson in pronouncing my last nameId point to my eye and say, like eye and the color yellow. So far, so good. Then, if religion came up, I had the chance to tell about my Jewish background: the little Sep- hardic synagogue my father sometimes took me to and the holidays and festivals we celebrated at home. Some people would look at me in disbelief and say something that Ive heard all my life. But youre Italian. You cant be Jewish! Looking back, it was this experience and many others like it that led me back home to Italy to connect with my Italian Jewish roots, and, as a rabbi, to establish a synagogue in my ancestral village of Serrastretta, in the mountains of Calabria, near the toe of Italys boot. Eight years ago, Sinagoga Ner Tamid del SudThe Eternal Light of the South Synagoguewas born. Half a millennium ago, forced con- versions caused Jewish belief and prac- tice to go into hiding. Ner Tamid del Sud is the rst active synagogue in Calabria in 500 years. In the intervening cen- turies, secret Jews of Southern Italy crypto-Jews, or bnei anousimtook their traditions into their homes and into their hearts, waiting for the oppor- tunity to be Jewish once again. That opportunity became a reality in 2007, when regular synagogue services began. This development wasnt only relevant to locals. Quickly, Jews from abroad started requesting bar and bat mitzvahs in our congregation, and shortly after our establishment we had our first instance of a family traveling here from the United States to celebrate the bar mitzvah of their son, Tyler. It The Calabrian mountains of Italy. POTITO M. 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Dcor Balloons Entertainment Visit our website www.LOTParty.com 800-74-PARTY became clear that the synagogue would both extend a Jewish welcome to southern Italians eager to make their own Jewish discoveries and open the door to this remarkable piece of history to Jewish families around the world. I recall meeting face to face with Tyler, his par- ents, and his younger brother. We had already studied together via Skype on a weekly basis for about three months, and we finally gathered in a small family- operated hotel in Lamezia Terme, the town closest to our village. I had driven down the mountain (the syna- gogue is 3,000 feet above sea level) with our antique Torah wrapped securely beside me, I was prepared to share our scroll with Tyler and offer him an opportu- nity to practice his verses before the big day. After our study time, Tyler and I, along with the entire family grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins toured Timpone, the old Jewish Quarter where a thriving Jewish community once lived and worked nearly 500 years ago. As we climbed the hill toward the center of the quarter, I was able to point out the local Catholic church, complete with a camouaged Star of David indicating that the church had once been a synagogue. As our walking tour continued and as we met some of the residents of Timpone, all of whom have ancestral Jewish heritage, our American families were astound- ed to learn that despite concerted efforts to eradicate established Judaism, an entire neighborhood held fast to their Jewish traditions for centuries. Over the years the bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah experience in Calabria has been a lesson in Jewish tenacity for the modern teens whose families opt out of the big party to give their sons and daughters a chance to see that in some parts of the world its not easy to be Jewish. In fact, on the day of the ceremony, our bar and bat mitzvah students some of whom had traveled from Chicago, New York, Canada, and Australia not only assisted me with the service, but also met and greeted Italian congregants who had journeyed great distances just to participate in the ceremony. One fam- ily came six hours by train so that their two daughters could see a young girl read directly from the Torah scroll. Their dedication amazed Charis, who had come from Rhode Island to become Calabrias rst-ever bat mitzvah. I carried the scroll to each of them, and I could see in their eyes how happy they were, Charis said. Thanks in part to the international interest in our bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah program, I was able to renovate the synagogue space and enlarge it to accom- modate our destination families, along with our grow- ing bnei anousim congregation. In its new space, the synagogue is congured in the Sephardic style, with the ark on the Jerusalem wall and the reading table opposite. Visitors often remark that the sanctuary is reminiscent of the ancient Sephardic synagogues in Spain, to which most Calabrian Jews trace their Jewish roots. When Im asked about our Jewish affiliation, I explain that we are pluralistic, in that the service is fully egalitarian with equal participation for men and women as well as non-Jewish family members. And as one of just two non-Orthodox synagogues in Italy, our focus is on prayer and song in Hebrew, English, and Italian so that everyone feels comfortable and under- stands. Here in the south of Italy, Jewish families date back thousands of years to the time of the Maccabees, when Jews left Judea and voluntarily came to Italy. Centuries later at the time of the expulsion of the Jews from Spain, a new group of Jews made their way from Spain and Portugal to the islands of Sicily and Sardinia, and eventually to lo stivalethe boot, as we call the Italian mainland. The rich Jewish history of our area, combined with my own family background that includes a glimpse into secret and hidden Jewish tradi- tion, is truly a rabbis dream. I am so grateful for the opportunity to immerse our bar mitzvah and bat mitz- vah students into the unique Italian Jewish experience. JNS.org Barbara Aiello is Italys first female rabbi and also its first non- Orthodox rabbi. She can be reached at rabbi@rabbibarbara. com. This story was a first published by www.Jewish.Travel, an online Jewish travel magazine. 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And as one of just two non-Orthodox synagogues in Italy, our focus is on prayer and song in Hebrew, English, and Italian so that everyone feels comfortable and under- stands. Here in the south of Italy, Jewish families date back thousands of years to the time of the Maccabees, when Jews left Judea and voluntarily came to Italy. Centuries later at the time of the expulsion of the Jews from Spain, a new group of Jews made their way from Spain and Portugal to the islands of Sicily and Sardinia, and eventually to lo stivalethe boot, as we call the Italian mainland. The rich Jewish history of our area, combined with my own family background that includes a glimpse into secret and hidden Jewish tradi- tion, is truly a rabbis dream. I am so grateful for the opportunity to immerse our bar mitzvah and bat mitz- vah students into the unique Italian Jewish experience. JNS.org Barbara Aiello is Italys first female rabbi and also its first non- Orthodox rabbi. She can be reached at rabbi@rabbibarbara. com. This story was a first published by www.Jewish.Travel, an online Jewish travel magazine. Standing up for girls One researcher explains how to really protect our daughters during Bat Mitzvah DR. BETH COOPER BENJAMIN, ED.D. T oday, outside of Orthodoxy, girls and boys par- ticipate in identical bnai mitzvah rituals cel- ebrated with equal enthusiasm by families and communities. Given that ritual bar mitzvah has existed since the Middle Ages while bat mitzvah was inaugurated less than 100 years ago, we have certainly come a long way. Where I work, though, were learning that things might still be different for young men and women during bnai mitzvah. Recently, I spoke with my 12-year-old cousin, whose social calendar is in full-tilt bnai mitzvah mode. His reality is very different than that of his female classmates; when I asked what he wears I was told he has two shirts. I dont know if he nds the prospect of wearing the same thing every weekend a snoozefest or a relief. What I do know is that this relaxed noncha- lance is not what I encountered when I was studying girls experiences of contemporary bat mitzvah. I work as the research director at Mayan, where I co-lead a feminist leadership training program for Jewish teen girls. Together with a co-facilitator and nine Jewish girls in New York City-area high schools, we conducted an online survey of pre- and post-bat mitzvah girls in the tri-state area. In the survey, we presented a series of story stems (written scenari- os designed to elicit themes related to bat mitzvah) and asked participants to complete the stories they had been given and explain what the characters were thinking and feeling. Story stems, like other projective measures, allow respondents to articulate their experi- ences and associations indirectly, without having to claim them as their own. In our research, we found that the meaning of bat mitzvah is bound up with the ways girls are negotiat- ing femininity in the crucible of puberty and at the edge of adolescence. We learned that this milestone raises challenging issues for girls, and we have some suggestions for adults. In the complete report, I dis- cuss various aspects of the bat mitzvah experience for girls, but here I look specically at pressures girls face around attire, femininity, and sexuality. Girls narratives often took the shape of a mythic quest for the perfect dress, suggesting that the ques- tion of what to wear is one of great consequence for bat mitzvah girls. This quest for perfection also reects a mass culture that relentlessly targets girls with digi- tally enhanced images that create impossible beauty standards. What we noticed in these narratives is that One of the best things adults can do is to create safe spaces where girls can talk. 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Large selection of tables, chairs, tents, platters, multi-colored tablecloths and more Serving the tri-state area respondents had internalized the belief that they will be judged based on how they present themselves. The extreme version of the anxiety is a belief that their value as people is tied up with their clothing choice. Respondents also wrote rich descriptions of bat mitzvah dresses. Dresses were frequently described as either babyish or matronly, and sometimes both at once: It looked like a Barbie fairy princess turned Grandma. Whats missing from these developmental mash-ups of girlhood and old age is the state that girls bodies are often beginning to resemble at around Bat Mitzvah-age: sexually mature adulthood. Arguments around hemlines and tzniut (modesty) are sometimes proxies for a more difcult conversation about girls maturing bodies, sexualization and objectification, and their desire to assert and explore their sexuality. Lots of adults are concerned about their daugh- ters dignity or the solemnity of religious ritual. And many girls want to express their identities, relate to their friends, and not be coerced into looking like a nun. So whats a parent or other caring adult to do? Our research clearly shows that the bat mitzvah unfolds in conversation with all the other inuences and experiences in girls lives. One of the best things adults can do is to create safe spaces where girls can talk about their pressures and concerns as well as excitement and anticipation. Strive for open-ended dialogue rather than seeking out specic information or correcting misperceptions. Cultivating a curious (but not interrogative) attitude conveys respect to young people, who may view adults as using conversa- tions to assess or inform or x them. Another important thing adults (both parents and Jewish communal professionals) can do is to resist the temptation to police girls bodies even under the guise of protecting them. Its normal to feel protective of young people and/or community norms. But girls bodies and sexuality are often highly provocative for adults, and its crucial for us to ask ourselves: Whats coming up for me as I negotiate this issue? What do I feel when a woman wears a short skirt or a low-cut dress? What concerns me about my daughters cloth- ing preferences? It can also be helpful to talk explicitly with teens about the cultural pressures and marketing messages that constrain girls choices and create nar- row and impossible beauty standards. Whether theyre on the bimah, in school, or hang- ing out in their pajamas, tween and teen girls often feel scrutinized and denigrated based on their appear- ance and their actions. Its so common that we might not even notice it, but criticizing a girl or woman for violating or appearing to violate cultural norms of sexual behavior and appearance (sometimes called slut-shaming) demeans all girls and robs more dig- nity and meaning from a spiritual milestone than any hemline or high heel possibly could. And it clearly discriminates. Look at the reaction to the MTV Awards performance by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke: both performances were overtly sexualized, but Miley got criticized while Thicke (whose song Blurred Lines suggests that women dont mean it when they tell a man no) was barely mentioned. Calling out this kind of commentary is an act of courage and a powerful action for adults to model. You can start by naming it in the world around you (you will find plenty of examples in the media, but you can also nd amaz- ing examples of girls activism and resistance) and reminding young people that a persons value has nothing to do with what he or she wears. Coming of age can be difficult for girls, as they navigate a more complex social world and become more conscious of external pressures and expecta- tions from parents, peers, community, and society. But we know it can also be a challenging time for adults, who have to temper their support with restraint that encourages girls to explore their identities and solve their own problems. This piece contains just some of the many nd- ings from a longer report about our research on bat mitzvah. The full report, Its Actually A Pretty Big Deal: Girls narratives of contemporary Bat Mitzvah, is avail- able at bit.ly/Lq9W33 ; to learn more about Mayans resources for parents and educators, visit our website at mayan.org Dr. Beth Cooper Benjamin, Ed.D., is the director of research at Mayan, where she serves as a vocal advocate for girls in the Jewish communal world. She received her doctorate in Human Development and Psychology from the Harvard University Graduate School of Education and can be reached at beth@ mayan.org This article was originally published by eJewish Philanthropy. Reprinted by permission. GIRLS FROM PAGE 17 View Bar/Bat Magazine online too! www.jstandard.com Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard S-19 customizable MENU OPTIONS 201-THE-BIGM PLAYMEADOWLANDS.COM private VIP SUITES skyline VIEWS for our complete CATERING GUIDE & details on BOOKING, contact CATERING@PLAYMEADOWLANDS.COM a unique EXPERIENCE for your special day >> many girls want to express their identities, relate to their friends, and not be coerced into looking like a nun. So whats a parent or other caring adult to do? Our research clearly shows that the bat mitzvah unfolds in conversation with all the other inuences and experiences in girls lives. One of the best things adults can do is to create safe spaces where girls can talk about their pressures and concerns as well as excitement and anticipation. Strive for open-ended dialogue rather than seeking out specic information or correcting misperceptions. Cultivating a curious (but not interrogative) attitude conveys respect to young people, who may view adults as using conversa- tions to assess or inform or x them. Another important thing adults (both parents and Jewish communal professionals) can do is to resist the temptation to police girls bodies even under the guise of protecting them. Its normal to feel protective of young people and/or community norms. But girls bodies and sexuality are often highly provocative for adults, and its crucial for us to ask ourselves: Whats coming up for me as I negotiate this issue? What do I feel when a woman wears a short skirt or a low-cut dress? What concerns me about my daughters cloth- ing preferences? It can also be helpful to talk explicitly with teens about the cultural pressures and marketing messages that constrain girls choices and create nar- row and impossible beauty standards. Whether theyre on the bimah, in school, or hang- ing out in their pajamas, tween and teen girls often feel scrutinized and denigrated based on their appear- ance and their actions. Its so common that we might not even notice it, but criticizing a girl or woman for violating or appearing to violate cultural norms of sexual behavior and appearance (sometimes called slut-shaming) demeans all girls and robs more dig- nity and meaning from a spiritual milestone than any hemline or high heel possibly could. And it clearly discriminates. Look at the reaction to the MTV Awards performance by Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke: both performances were overtly sexualized, but Miley got criticized while Thicke (whose song Blurred Lines suggests that women dont mean it when they tell a man no) was barely mentioned. Calling out this kind of commentary is an act of courage and a powerful action for adults to model. You can start by naming it in the world around you (you will find plenty of examples in the media, but you can also nd amaz- ing examples of girls activism and resistance) and reminding young people that a persons value has nothing to do with what he or she wears. Coming of age can be difficult for girls, as they navigate a more complex social world and become more conscious of external pressures and expecta- tions from parents, peers, community, and society. But we know it can also be a challenging time for adults, who have to temper their support with restraint that encourages girls to explore their identities and solve their own problems. This piece contains just some of the many nd- ings from a longer report about our research on bat mitzvah. The full report, Its Actually A Pretty Big Deal: Girls narratives of contemporary Bat Mitzvah, is avail- able at bit.ly/Lq9W33 ; to learn more about Mayans resources for parents and educators, visit our website at mayan.org Dr. Beth Cooper Benjamin, Ed.D., is the director of research at Mayan, where she serves as a vocal advocate for girls in the Jewish communal world. She received her doctorate in Human Development and Psychology from the Harvard University Graduate School of Education and can be reached at beth@ mayan.org This article was originally published by eJewish Philanthropy. Reprinted by permission. Sprucing up the modern simcha Personal attention can make all the difference DIANA BURMISTROVICH I f the words kosher catering conjure up visions of bland and unhealthy food, and memories of bar and bat mitzvahs past still haunt you, remember that planning your upcom- ing simcha doesnt have to be a monot- onous process full of seen-it-befores or tried-that-onces. With the help of cre- ative kosher catering professionals or by simply looking within yourself your special day can be one of a kind. By including yourself in the process of creating (not just planning) your sim- cha, the event itself automatically cre- ates a more personal feeling. One way to do this is by making invitations by hand, which allows control over color scheme, font, and design; you can make the invitation an extension of your cel- ebrations theme or personal interests. Imbuing the invitation with your per- sonal style makes the atmosphere both more memorable and more meaningful. Rebecca Friedman of Farmers Daughter Catering in Asheville, N.C., suggests crafting your own table cen- terpieces as a way to infuse personality into the events ambiance. She also men- tions that many clients want to work with the party planner, rather than allow- ing the planner to have total control. Others may break from the traditional style of rst having a cocktail hour and then a formal dinner for weddings, or from having separate meals for adults and kids. When working with a client, I always ask them what theyre envision- ing with regards to the ow of the cel- ebration, Ellen Vaknine, vice president of sales and marketing for New York Citys Espirit Events kosher caterer, says. Ms. Vaknine notes that for simchas being planned for 2014, she is seeing more people opt for the extended cock- tail [hour] with passed hors doeuvres and stations, without having a formal sit-down dinner. That way, children, young adults, and adults have the option of spend- ing more time together, and kids dont have to face the ubiquitous schnitzel and pigs-in-a-blanket offered at so many simchas. Even for the parents who do choose to have kid food, Ms. Vaknine suggests updating the presentation with funky touches. Soup can be served in eggshell bowls, and kebob skewers can be made from bamboo. Customizing menus to include todays culinary trends is another way to modernize an event. Ms. Friedman who specializes in catering using only organic and local ingredients, and Tiny ice cream sundaes make for passable treats to save sit-down time at your simcha FARMERS DAUGHTER CATERING. Soup shooters in egg shell bowls from New York City kosher caterer Espirit Events. ELLEN VAKNINE typically provides farm-to-table food options notes the growing trend in using vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, and dairy-free foods as part of the simcha menu. Although kosher food is some- times unhealthy, it is slowly getting on board with foods that are more environ- mentally friendly and healthier, says Ms. Friedman. Ive had a bride who grew her own herbs and greens to incor- porate into my catering menu. It took a year in advance [to plan], but everyone remembered that part. Ms. Friedman suggests looking into old family recipes that can be used as part of the catering menu. That will cre- ate a catering menu that many guests havent seen before, and relatives will enjoy the sentiment. Whether it is through personaliz- ing decorations or bypassing traditional kosher fare, party planning doesnt have to be dreaded and stressful. With just a little bit of creativity, and by recognizing exactly what you want for your special day, you can make your dream simcha a reality. JNS.org S-20 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard WINTER 2014 BAR/BAT MITZVAH B A R / B A T
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