PEACE OF PHI - DRUGS

Written by Chairman

https://www.facebook.com /pages/Worlds-1st-NWO-Resource-basedsitcom/253757188136460

INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING BETH, CHAIRMAN, JENNA, WILL, LENA & LILY watching TV, adverts are playing. CHAIRMAN Come on, skip through the adverts would you? Theyre nearly all so terribly made, its an embarrassment to the brainwashing industry. LILY Cant its live TV. CHAIRMAN Its bad enough that you make me endure this garbage so-called talent TV, but you cant even record it in advance and watch The Simpsons for 20 minutes or listen to both versions of Voodoo Chile beforehand. LENA We have to watch X-Factor live. CHAIRMAN Well, change the channels for five minutes will you? LILY No we need to see would makes it onto one of the good teams and who ends up on Sinittas team. CHAIRMAN Wheres the remote? LENA I swallowed it. CHAIRMAN I will beat you, you little brat, but with a talent like that youve got a grim and depressing future ahead of you in the San Fernando Valley. LENA Where?

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WILL Porn valley, just behind the Hollywood Hills, where most Hollywood wannabes end up in the smut and exploitation industry. LENA Are you saying Im destined to be a porn star? CHAIRMAN Well you are living in a hypersexualised society where girls are raised in a social environment conducive towards creating a new breed of super slut. Id hate to have a daughter in this society. LENA You dont ever want to have a daughter? CHAIRMAN Thats not what I said. Id love to have a little angelface just like you, but one who wears softer shoes if shes gonna kick me all day. BETH Whats youre point Chairman? CHAIRMAN You'd have to be some kind of superwoman or superman to raise a normal child amongst the images of flesh paraded in everywhere in this society. LILY Superwoman like these. LILY runs to Jenna, LENA runs to BETH CHAIRMAN (looks at BETH & LENA) Well, yeah, maybe, kinda, yeah. (looks at JENNA & LILY) Her? Shes about as hypersexualised as any woman who isnt a nympho. WILL Shes not a nympho, then Im not bald.

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JENNA Shut the fuck up Will. LENA Whats a nympho? BETH A nymphomaniac is a woman who has to... do Jenna things all the time, but doesnt get any pleasure from it. Jen gets too much pleasure from it. WILL Thats half the problem with her and half the fun. JENNA Trust me, its not gonna be a problem or any fun for you for a long time. WILL Thats okay, weve got 3D pornography now. BETH Nymphomaniacs are like drug addicts who have to do it to take away the pain and feel normal. CHAIRMAN Is that in the slightest bit surprising in this society that we are all drug addicts in the waiting? JENNA Here he goes again. CHAIRMAN Look at the crappy advert that was on TV, cant sleep? Take some drugs. Feel sleepy? Take some drugs. Too much energy? Take some drugs. Too little energy? Take some drugs. Cant concentrate? Take some drugs. JENNA Cant eat? Take some drugs. too much? Take some drugs. Eat

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WILL Cant get it up? Take some drugs. Cant stop being horny? Meet Jenna, shell work your libido to death. CHAIRMAN Its much worse in America where Big Pharma can advertise any drug direct to the consumer on TV and the rest of the media. JENNA See Will, you didnt have to buy that fake Viagra from the web, you could of got it from a doctor. CHAIRMAN Any most of the time you just ask the doctor to prescribe any drug you saw on TV and youll walk out with your permission slip, often with no questions asked, to become yet another junkie, but a legal one, so thats OK. BETH And they even invent new diseases so they can sell the same old dugs to treat several newly invented illnesses. CHAIRMAN I know we decided Prozac and Seroxat were all purpose drugs to cure the pains and alleviate the misery of everyday life. Pretty much the same as Brazilian street kids sniffing glue just to get them through the day. So we invented new ills for our highly profitable and expensive drugs to cure. As long as we have the patent we will always look for new patients without having to do any real work. LILY You used to work for Big Pharma? Youre evil. CHAIRMAN Not me, other propagandists. Im showing solidarity with my fellow mind control experts.

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LILY But you worked with drugs? CHAIRMAN Extensively, but only ever the illegal ones, its more fun that way. BETH And more of a challenge, which you love. CHAIRMAN Still not as big a challenge shifting a dozen tonnes of pure skag a month as bringing up a child in this society. But no, little angel, I never worked for Big Pharma. LILY Thats okay then. (turns back to TV) Oh, we missed who went through, someone rewind it. BETH switches off the TV LENA Terrorists have flown planes into Simon Cowell and knocked out the telly. BETH Its okay, its on record, you can watch it later. LILY But its on now. BETH Sweetheart, Ive got something more important for you, for both of you. LENA Chips? BETH No, not chips. Its about time for you girls learned all about the Chairmans field of work.

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CHAIRMAN Im already teaching that little munchkin how to be a propagandist. LENA Thats why I like watching the adverts, I can see them through Chairmans swastika eyes now. BETH Not that part, the part I share with him, the drugs. JENNA Thats right, Chairman produces the addicts and Beth fixes them. CHAIRMAN The system works, in a perfect cycle as nature intended because theyll always be back for more. LENA Is that what you do Chairman? Youre evil. BETH Thats not what he does. CHAIRMAN I did get everyone in this house smoking a lot more skunk. BETH Not me. LENA Or me. LILY Or me. CHAIRMAN Yeah, Im working on that. LENA kicks CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Not you little angels, I know the golden rule. BETH Whats the golden rule, girls?

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LENA & LILY No drugs til were 18 and we dont have to take any nasty Big Pharma drugs. BETH Such smart twins angels. Yeah, but youll be if people had a job CHAIRMAN once youre eighteen, tempted to turn to drugs, didnt I wouldnt have for the last six years.

LENA Well never turn to the darkside. LILY Bethy will save us from you. CHAIRMAN Im not gonna make you drug users or addicts. People use them to relieve the pain of the illness called the human condition and Beth cant cure that. WILL You sound like a preacher going on about the nonsense of original sin. What are you rabbiting on about? LENA Yeah, is he just talking crazy? LILY Like always. CHAIRMAN I will beat you so hard. BETH Chairman means human beings are not supposed to live the way most of us do, in poverty, in economic slavery, under government and social control, etc. So we end up in pain which is a symptom, your body and minds natural way of telling you something is wrong. (MORE)

8. BETH (CONT'D) But instead of searching for the root problem and cause, we just take some drugs, legal or illegal, to take away to symptom of the illness, the pain, rather than making change in out lives.

LENA So people take drugs as a painkiller because life is hard for most of us, whilst a few people are way too rich? BETH Yeah, or at least I think thats what the Chairman was saying CHAIRMAN Youre so fucking smart, Im keeping you forever. LENA kicks CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Yeah, kick me as much as you want, youre a fucking genius too. LENA kicks CHAIRMAN, then LENA hugs CHAIRMAN. LENA So are you going to teach me to be a drug addict. I already know someone who will teach me not to be an addict and you said I should always learn both sides of things. CHAIRMAN Yes, Ill teach you to be a junkie, but first youre gonna have to learn to speak in a Scottish accent. LENA Okay, we can watch Shrek tomorrow. CHAIRMAN I dont like watching Wayne Rooney or American comedy films which seem to be devoid of any comedy element. Dont they have trading standards out there? It will drive me to self-harm.

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BETH Okay, you can watch Trainspotting instead. LENA Can we? BETH Yes, and maybe youll see the difference between the Chairman and a proper junkie. Chairman can stop anytime he wants to. Real addicts cant just turn it on and off at will. CHAIRMAN I dont ever want to stop, I just do it to lower my tolerance, so I can get more wasted on less product. Good for the wallet, good for the health and so much better for the mind. LENA Youre good for the health, Mr witchdoctor. CHAIRMAN Told You I was a shamen not a witchdoctor. LENA Will you teach me to e a witchdoctor as well? CHAIRMAN Only if you call me a shamen not a witchdoctor. LENA Never... Ill call you Ebenezer Goode instead. CHAIRMAN Course Ill teach you, angelface. BETH Not now sweetheart. You and your sister need to learn about drugs now because you are going to be exposed to much more of them when you go to secondary school.

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LENA Im never going to secondary school, can I watch X-Factor? BETH Well youre going to be exposed much more to drugs if you keep watching films with the Chairman. So choose, X-Factor and no lecture or learn about drugs and you can watch extreme Japanese and Korean cinema with Chairman. LENA Can I watch Battle Royale? BETH If you learn about drugs, you can watch anything you want so long as it is with Me, Jen, Will or even the Chairman. LENA Okay, make me a junkie, Chairman. BETH Chairman, get us started CHAIRMAN How am I supposed to teach something so complex without even a powerpoint presentation. LILY I can make you a powerpoint presentation if you like. CHAIRMAN No, someone might film it and mistake it for an Oscar-worthy documentary like they did with Al Gores An Incoherent Twat. Listen kids, you only need to know one thing about drugs - Just Say No... or you might end up like Zammo in Grange Hill. JENNA That worked well on you and me. WILL Just say no was the stupid policy of people like Nixon and Daddy Bush.

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CHAIRMAN Daddy Bush who appeared on camera with crack, and was one of the biggest players in the coke industry, before my time. He deals in selling tanks now with The Carlyle Group. JENNA Suppose its karma that his son ended up a cokehead. CHAIRMAN Angels, let George W. Bush be a walking advert for what too much coke and alcohol do to the mind. I saw him once in a TV debate when he was campaigning to be governor of Texas, the highest post he was ever legitimately held. Then he could actually string together an intelligible argument, even though what he was in favour of was insane. Trying minors as adults, in essence executing minors allowing even China to look down its nose at America with regard to human rights. You know youve fucked up if China can hold the moral high ground on you. LENA I wanna be a junkie even more now so I can be the first lady President of America. CHAIRMAN You dont need to be a junkie to be president, yo just need a good propagandist like me, and a willingness to be in league with El Diablo. LENA OK, Im President soon. WILL Cant be President until youre thirty-five and you have to be born in the US. LENA Chairman, youre a liar, I was born here.

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CHAIRMAN Obama wasnt born in the US, ask his family in Kenya and hes President. But he did win propaganda campaign of the year in 2008 and thats why he is President, with a lot of help from the satanic influence of Kissinger, Soros and Brezinsky. LENA But I have to wait until Im thirtyfive. CHAIRMAN Well probably more like forty-five for you as women tend to lie about their age. LENA OK, plenty of time then for you to teach me and my sister about drugs. CHAIRMAN Teach you and your sister? Will knows even less about drugs than you two, even Jen needs a proper education on this. JENNA Educate us then instead of sounding like a long advert between the real show. CHAIRMAN I only teach the intelligent. Intelligent people ask and are not afraid of asking questions. So what do you want to know? LILY You only work with illegal drugs, right? CHAIRMAN Yeah, because its more fun and you dont have as many rules to follow. You can just appeal almost unrestricted to the pure human psyche. But I dont decide which drugs are legal or illegal. LILY Who does?

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CHAIRMAN Different levels of government around the world, but often dictated to them by the US or UN. LENA So if all drugs were legal, then you wouldnt have a job to go back to? CHAIRMAN True, Id have to get a proper job, but thats never gonna happen again so Id have to retire like your Grandad and endure all manner of cunt saying Why dont you get a job? LENA I think we should legalise all drugs today. WILL Thats crazy, you cant have that. Society would just descend into chaos and anarchy. JENNA I think we should legalise all drugs too. WILL Thats just being stupid. JENNA Now youre calling me and Lena stupid for having a radical solution to a real problem that we created ourselves that wont just simply go away on itself. WILL Not exactly, but no sane person can truly believe that we should just legalise all drugs overnight. BETH So youre calling Beth crazy too? LENA Youre evil, Will.

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WILL You think we should have overnight legislation? BETH Governments change overnight so why not masses of legislation, that would reflect the change the people voted for. Whats the point in voting out one government if the next one keeps the old unpopular legislation the way Obama has only reinforced The Patriot Act. Ideally we would have a period of education first but given what an abysmal failure government health promotional campaigns have been, screw it. Overnight it and learn to cope with it. LILY Like evolution, adaptation or extinction? BETH Yes angel, but more intellectual evolution rather than the physical. Forcing people to learn about health and the consequences of their behaviour and habits if they want to be healthy. It no different to exercise, good diet or not smoking tobacco. LILY Youre the one who makes me eat well and exercise. Thats why I know Ill never be a junkie, or a slut like the Chairman thinks. CHAIRMAN I dont think that... all the time. LENA Hes joking cause hes an idiot, (to BETH) What if you and Chairman did the education campaign? LILY That would work, you know everything and Chairmans a proper.

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LENA Proper idiot. CHAIRMAN Say propagandist, you little angels. LENA & LILY Proper idiot CHAIRMAN Im not doing any anti-drug programme. JENNA Its education not indoctrination. CHAIRMAN Propagandists only do the later. Theres not enough money, demand and freedom with education and its hard work. Brainwashing is much easier and much more fun. JENNA Dont you want drugs to be legalised? CHAIRMAN No. WILL Of all the people Ive met in my life, I find you to be the last person to object to drugs being legalised. CHAIRMAN I really dont. LILY Liar. CHAIRMAN Beth, am I lying? BETH No, hes not. WILL & LILY & LENA Really?

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CHAIRMAN Why would I want to create further legislation and give the government more control over my life? I love my drugs and my freedom. Giving government control over my love, whether it be prohibition or legislation, is just acquiescing to less freedom. WILL So you believe in anarchy and chaos if you dont believe in any rule of law? CHAIRMAN Simple minded people like you only think in pairs; good and bad, love and marriage, gin and tonic, blacks and crime, and chaos must go with anarchy. There can only be two options, total prohibition or total legalization. There are always third options for people who dare to think for themselves and usually forth, fifth, sixth, etc. options once you educate yourself and open up your mind. JENNA Chairman, youre not making much sense to me now, so open our minds or Im taking Will to bed and opening my legs. CHAIRMAN OK, lets see how smart you people really are. Whats the opposite of legalization, and not Beth. JENNA Prohibition. CHAIRMAN Correct. Now are they both forms of freedom or control? JENNA Prohibition is control. Legalization is the freedom to do it.

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CHAIRMAN Idiot slut. How can creating laws of control equate to freedom? JENNA Things like The Charter of Human Rights and The European Court of Human Rights, retard. CHAIRMAN You were born with these right, you dont need a piece of paper to give you them, you just need to exercise these rights regularly. Exercising your God given rights is the easiest way to test exactly how much freedom your society and government permits you. Otherwise youll just surrender them every time something blows up. Human rights are like a handful of Jack Daniels, once it drips away, its very difficult to get back. LENA So government controls you both by making things legal and illegal? CHAIRMAN Such a genius girl. And for the jackpot, whats the opposite of government control? LENA No government control. CHAIRMAN Which means what kind of laws on drugs? Legalization? Prohibition? And remember this is for the caravan. Neither. LENA No laws at all.

CHAIRMAN Come here genius angelface. CHAIRMAN hugs LENA CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Im keeping this one. Shes the smartest little angel in the world. (MORE)

18. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) You make Will look like Forrest Gump.

LENA Yeah and not the nice Forrest Gump, the KKK one. WILL (in Forrest Gump voice) You aint got no bedsheet on your horse Lieutenant Dan. (normal voice) I mean, you think we could really just have no laws on drugs? CHAIRMAN (to LENA) What do you think, angelface? LENA Yeah, no laws. You can take our lives but you can never take our freedom. CHAIRMAN Consider drug prohibition to be a twentieth century racist experiment thats got way out of hand and is no longer valid in these supposedly more enlightened times. Just cancel the legislation and close down the government departments like the fall of The Berlin Wall. BETH Angel Lena and Lily could have kicked that down themselves. What do you think Lily, should we have no laws on drugs or are you in my camp? LILY I think we should legalise. BETH Come here, youre with me. Will, are you still in the lock them up category? WILL I dont think you should lock them up. Just move all the money and resources from the Home Office to the Department of Health. (MORE)

19. WILL (CONT'D) It should be an issue of health not criminality. Less police and more people like you.

BETH OK, come over here, youre in my camp. WILL Screw you so called genius Chairman, Im in Beths camp tonight. JENNA No, youre just a bit camp, boy. Why do you think she loves him so much? He disagrees with her on an intellectual level we cant even begin to imagine, let alone comprehend. CHAIRMAN Thats what natural psychedelics are there to help with. Now, time for a toke break. BETH What camp are you in, Jen? JENNA Well in an attempt to impersonate intelligence in the presence of such great minds, and Will. Im gonna admit I have no idea so Im gonna open my mind with the Chairman and his magic herbs, then listen to the rest of you and make up my mind after Ive learned something about it from you mighty intellectuals, and Will. WILL Make sure you only open your mind with the Chairman and not your legs. CHAIRMAN Thats a good point, what day is it? Show us your knickers, Jen. JENNA flashed her knickers at CHAIRMAN

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CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Green. Richard of York gave, green, Thursday. That means nothing to me. LENA Youre an idiot Chairman. WILL Yeah. Who finds out what day of the week it is by looking up Jens skirt? JENNA I dont mind. CHAIRMAN First of all, its an appreciation that Jen wears a skirt or dress, something a generation of women seem to have forgotten. And whats better, looking up Jennas skirt or looking at a calendar with a nudy plastic, Barbie-like so called woman on that youre never gonna speak to except in wet dreams like you do? BETH Wills an idiot. He once bought a Jodie Marsh calendar which is bad enough, but he stuck the pages together by March. JENNA That things been shot at more times than Tupac WILL If Im getting mocked by people on my own team and the neutrals then I want a hit on the peace pipe as well. PLAY CLIP - REEFER MADNESS - INTRODUCTION INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN & JENNA Enter.

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CHAIRMAN Okay, intelligent people, what is it you wanted to know? BETH Lily, you first. CHAIRMAN You havent been conspiring against me, have you? Angelface, youre supposed to be with me. Come over here instead of this big, blazon bisexual Bubba loves Forrest Gump boy. LENA goes over to WILL and hugs him. LILY Why are some drugs legal and some arent. And why are some allowed to be advertised and others not? CHAIRMAN Beth, she asks too questions. Let me for awhile and you like when were in CHAIRMAN hugs BETH tightly BETH Hes gone into his own world for awhile now. CHAIRMAN A world where only you exist and everything else dissolves into sweet smelling marijuana ash. LENA Does that mean I can plat his hair? CHAIRMAN Leave my hair alone. BETH Do what you want, so long as you dont hurt him, hell stay right here. LENA plays with CHAIRMANs hair intelligent shut my mind off do all the work, bed.

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BETH (CONTD) Anyway genius angels, the main reason certain drugs were classified as illegal in the first place is... actually why do you think some drugs are illegal, angels? LENA To keep people like Chairman in jail. BETH Think so? It hasnt done much of a job thus far, he hasnt spent a single night in a jail cell. LENA Yeah, people like him are weird and stupid and know how to change the world. And the people who run the world and have all the power and money dont want people like him to ruin things for them. JENNA Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Allah, I just quoted Henry Kissinger, there must be something seriously wrong with me. LENA Chairman will fix it, he fixes everything because hes so stupid. BETH True. People in power are addicted more so to power than most junkies to drugs and people like Chairman, Jesus, John Lennon and Cobain scare the shit out of them. CHAIRMAN Ill go for the Jesus option, I look more like him then the Western depictions of a white man. Plus I dont fancy suffering the same tragic fate as Lennon and Cobain, marrying Yoko Ono or Courtney Love is a cruel sentence to receive, a death sentence in the later case. BETH What do you think Lily?

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LILY Some drugs are illegal because people dont feel good and behave how other people expect, so it allows Big Pharma to make stupid money as they have licenses and patents to sell drugs and so long as governments make some drugs illegal, people will think its safe to take the legal drugs from Big Pharma everyday, even though they are more expensive, less effective and more addictive and dangerous than the drugs the Chairman sells. If all drugs were legal, people would have to find out for themselves what the drugs actually do rather than just trusting doctors and the law. CHAIRMAN (turns around from BETH) Who said that? (to JENNA) You? (to LILY) Or you? (to LENA) Or you? JENNA Thats all this little angel. CHAIRMAN You are so fucking smart. LENA kicks CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Kick me all you want angelface, but Ive never been surrounded by people this intelligent and you two are only like five years old or something. LENA Ten, stupid. CHAIRMAN Most people go their entire existence without thinking or saying anything nearly as smart as you two. (MORE)

24. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Lena, not sure youre the second most intelligent person I know anymore. Little angel is right in your tail angelface.

LENA I told you shes smarter than me. CHAIRMAN Maybe, Ill find out in time. Or at least I would if I had a decent means of measuring let alone comparing intelligence. WILL Thats what an IQ test is there for. BETH IQ tests are measures of retardation. They were originally developed to discriminate against those considered to be stupid, with categories such as imbecile and moron. They dont measure intelligence, they are the tool of a eugenicist. JENNA What a surprise, Kaiser Wilhelm supports Nazi policy. WILL Actually, the Nazis came to power after the reign of the Kaisers. In fact, the lack of any kind of a monarchy is one of the reasons Hitler was so warmly embraced. JENNA You dont have to be historically accurate when mocking Germans. You just need to mention that you people used to love the Nazis, and started two world wars, you genetically evil fuckwits. BETH Enough about how evil and retarded Will and all Germans are. Lily was showing what a genius she is. So what do you think we should do with drug policy?

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LILY Legalise it all and make it clearer and safer for the people who take drugs. CHAIRMAN And let the government control and make a ton of money from it that will probably be spent on another immoral and illegal war against darkies? BETH Chairman! CHAIRMAN Shes a smart, tough girl. Ive worked that out. She can handle me so long as she doesnt let emotion, especially fear and anger, control her. Right angel? LILY I can beat you up. Jen takes me to kung-fu practice every week. CHAIRMAN Great, now Im gonna get two psychos kicking the shit out of me. LENA kicks CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN (CONTD) When Bethany says it, its OK. I get kicked. LENA Yeah, shes the best. CHAIRMAN I know but Lilys mind has captivated me now. You want government to control and tax all the drugs? LILY Not the government, better people. CHAIRMAN Better than Boris Johnson? LILY Yeah, I think Bethy should control it and make all the rules. (MORE) But

26. LILY (CONT'D) She knows more about drugs than all the politicians.

CHAIRMAN Shes too smart for me and Ive already frazzled my mind too much to compete with her. BETH Stop hitting the pipe so hard then. CHAIRMAN Good point, time to hit the pipe harder than ever before a few times. Someone dig up Roy Castles cancer riddled corpse so he can verify its a world record. Will lets hear your view about the need for government control. CHAIRMAN gets up to leave WILL Youre not even gonna stay to hear my position? CHAIRMAN No need, I know already. People like me have shaped your view of drugs all the way back to propaganda like Reefer Madness. Show the little angels that whilst Im gone and you can discuss it whilst I return to my marijuana and Bethany induced utopian coma. This is gonna be a long night if you people insist on being this intelligent. CHAIRMAN leaves room, JENNA follows. JENNA Yeah I still need to open my mind a fraction more. BETH Dont let him take more than two tokes, we still need his input. JENNA How am I supposed to stop him?

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BETH Flash you vag at him and hell soon come running back. JENNA I think I can manage that. JENNA leaves room. BETH Angel Lena, are you going to school tomorrow? LENA No, Im annoying the Chairman. BETH You never annoy him, Leen. will you do me a favour? LILY Anything. BETH Take the day of school tomorrow, have a lie in with your sister and no clock in the room and spend the day with me, Chairman, Jenna and you sister. LILY OK, why? BETH Chairmans right, this is going to be a long night and you girls really need to learn this sooner or later, especially if you want to know why me and my darling Chairman work in this industry. LILY Can we stay up all night with you? BETH For quite awhile yet, were not going to finish this tonight. LILY Can we have chips? BETH Only if you can persuade someone to go to the chippy. Lily,

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LILY But its getting late. LENA Dont worry, my Daddy Chairman will cook us some chips. He makes the best chips. LILY But he takes an hour to peel and cut and cook them and even longer hugging Bethy. LENA OK, Ill get him to hypnotise Will and hell go for us. WILL No need, Ill go for you. You people have screwed with my mind enough already. LENA & LILY Thank Will. LENA Just give them twenty pounds and tell them to give you all the chips, and pretend you have a gun under your jacket. JENNA Hes only going because its his turn to speak and hes scared the girls will make him look like an idiot. WILL Maybe, but I need to clear my head, and the angels will go easy on me if theyre munching through a mountain of chips. LENA Hire a skip and tell them to fill it up with chips. WILL That will go well with a bucket of greasy fried chicken. LILY Err, we dont eat that filth.

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BETH Good point, get a bucket of MSG drenched greasy chicken and you can share it with Chairman. WILL I thought he knew everything about health and diet, he doesnt eat that. BETH He knows plenty about health but doesnt see a point in being healthy. Hes much better at taking care of others than himself. He doesnt eat enough of late, so make sure its KFC. At least hell eat plenty of that. WILL Now I have to go out of the way to KFC, cant I go to the local grease shack where they call me boss? BETH Dont make me hypnotise you, Ill make you think youre a catholic schoolgirl for the rest of the year. WILL Do I get super strength as well like that eye patch woman in Twin Peaks? Ill need it to ward of the sexual advances of the clergy. LENA Will can go to school wearing my uniform, I dont need it. WILL Im going already. LILY Dont forget the shipping container full of chips. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN & JENNA enter, CHAIRMAN hugs BETH

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LENA Come on Chairmee, teach us about drugs. CHAIRMAN Told you Im a good propagandist, she cant stop thinking about drugs now. BETH She doesnt want to take drugs though, do you angels? LENA & LILY No CHAIRMAN Yeah, but I got her interest, thats a start. BETH Shes just fascinated by it, much the same way you spend half your life knee deep in the nastiest cesspits of humanity to try to understand the human mind and the notion of society. Shes a lot like you. CHAIRMAN If she was more like me shed shut up and let me hold you forever. Besides one of the best things about these cesspit cities is you can book into a nice hotel in the midst of the lunacy, after easily acquiring some sweet lady Jane, especially with the way I look. Its such a haven away from the madness I see everywhere. Just like Beths my haven. I wanna stay here forever, theres nothing better for me in this world, and Ive been looking for a long time. LILY Youre just like a junkie when youre like this. CHAIRMAN Im not a junkie. I dont smoke the MJ everyday.

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LILY Not drugs, Bethys you addiction. CHAIRMAN Yeah, its not my fault, shes so fucking amazing in every way. LENA gets up to kick CHAIRMAN, BETH signals not to. stops. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Youre my amazing schizo princess. JENNA And Im the amazing spiderman, woman... tranny superhero and I need a hug too. So you two little angels get over here before I shoot spiderwebs at you and hang you up between the World Trade Centre towers. LENA & LILY run to JENNA. LENA Tell us about drugs. CHAIRMAN Too tired. LILY Tell us or Ill put X-Factor on at full volume. BETH Shes not kidding. CHAIRMAN The key with dugs is to always get pure, uncontaminated, high quality, natural, organically grown products. Look for the Soil Association logo. So you food? to you youre JENNA support legislation for Which is just as important as drugs, despite what eating tonight. LENA

CHAIRMAN Soil Association isnt a government agency. (MORE)

32. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But in the absence of that logo, just come to me when youre over eighteen and Ill get you any drugs you want for free.

BETH lightly slaps CHAIRMAN around the head CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Sorry, what were we talking about, legislation or something? BETH Hes not kidding, he really will. LILY Youre evil, Chairman drug dealer. CHAIRMAN Im not a dealer. Im giving them away for free, like a compassion club. I given away literally tonnes of skag and MJ to ill people. LILY Like who? CHAIRMAN Mentally ill people like addicts, that way they dont have to steal or whore themselves out. Depressed people. BETH Compassion for other people just like you, and Chairman also gives drugs freely to those feeling the side effects of nasty Big Pharma. LILY Thats okay then, but you wont be able to give me or Lena any drugs. Bethy will stop you. BETH No, I wont. LENA & LILY Really? BETH We have a deal, no drugs until youre both eighteen. (MORE)

33. BETH (CONT'D) Then you can do what you want and Id rather you ask one of us for anything you want rather than putting yourselves in a dangerous position.

LENA Chairmans making you into a freak like him JENNA Shes always been a freak, Chairman just sets her free. BETH I know, hes such a sweet puppy dog. LILY Yeah but hell grow up to be a pitbull when were eighteen and youll have to protect us from him and his drugs. CHAIRMAN You make me sound like a drug pushing sex offender who has a warped sense of respect for the legal age of consent. Once they can legally give their consent, thats when I dont ask for it. BETH Dont worry, Ill protect you two forever. LENA You should put a leash on him. BETH Maybe I should, stop him from moving around for awhile. CHAIRMAN Im not going anywhere anymore. BETH I know, and I know you. Thats why I know these girls dont ever need protecting from you. Besides these angels are going to be protected from the dangers of drugs from education, and education protects far better than legislation.

34.

LENA What does that mean? BETH It means most people dont bother to learn about these things because they think that the law protects them, but in the case of drugs we have extreme consequences of the actions we take to try and stop drug use and it just isnt working. The drugs are getting cheaper, purer and easier to get a hold of. LENA Thats just because Chairman's here. CHAIRMAN Told you Im good at my job. LILY Evil Chairman. BETH No whats evil is all of this persecution of nonviolent people and the creation of ultra-violent gangs and cartels through prohibition and it just ain't working. If it did work, we could justify these laws and the enormous cost involved. But were just making a bad situation much worse and wasting oh so many resources that could be spent on positive creative things, instead of further debasing society. And for all the cost, we only stop one percent of all the drugs coming into Britain, yet they still support the policy. JENNA Now thats truly stupid CHAIRMAN Yeah but people like you support the system by doing things like voting and allowing government legitimacy in gradually creating a police state in the noble attempt to protect us from drugs, terrorists and peedos.

35.

LENA Im never voting. CHAIRMAN So smart too, and I thought you were just a pretty angelface. BETH Chairman never votes either, thats makes you the same as him, except hes probably been involved in rigging elections. LENA And Im never going to school either. CHAIRMAN Beth said education protects better than legislation. LENA And you said you cant get a proper education at school, they just brainwash you. CHAIRMAN Stop remembering things I say. One of the cornerstones of my work is the fact most people dont learn because hey dont remember anything. One third of all Americans cant even remember the date of nine-eleven even though the term is a date. LENA Teach me everything you know now, or Ill jump out the window. CHAIRMAN Were on the ground floor, angelface. LENA Yeah but Ill jump off the window ledge onto your head. BETH Shes not kidding. CHAIRMAN Im happy here, leave me alone.

36.

LENA Never. WILL enters with food. him. LENA & LILY run up to WILL and hug

CHAIRMAN That kaiser retard does have some use after all. BETH Are you hungry, puppy dog? CHAIRMAN Dont know. I like it here. wanna stay here forever. BETH (moves to lie down) Come here Chairm. CHAIRMAN No, let me stay here, its so nice. BETH Chairman, trust me BETH lies down with CHAIRMAN on top of her and wraps her arms and legs around him. CHAIRMAN Beth, youre like a cocoon protecting me and keeping all the evil away. Youre my heroin. BETH Yeah, it does sound exactly like that, have you never taken skag? CHAIRMAN I cant, I deal in it, cant be a fiend and a successful narcotrafficker. BETH You couldnt ever stop if you started, its just too good for someone in as much pain as you. CHAIRMAN Right, if you ever leave me, Im on the skag. I

37.

BETH No chance, Ill protect you from the need to ever shoot up. If you cant mix business and pleasure, how have you smoked and trafficked MJ? CHAIRMAN That was never a business, that was strictly pleasure. I dont want government, corporations or money involved in skunk. BETH So you never sold any of it? CHAIRMAN Only as a means to earn enough money to live and bribe and have a little fun. BETH Dont you have numerous offshore bank accounts filled with drug money? CHAIRMAN Not anymore, I gave it away to people who could spend it more wisely than me. Have you still got any of that money I sent you, you did get it didnt you? BETH Yes I got it, its what allows me to work in a worthwhile job and treat those four. Thank you, sweetheart. CHAIRMAN Is there any left, or is the discussion of you finances off limits even in a loving relationship? BETH Ive still got enough left, the rest I gave away. CHAIRMAN You didnt give it away, you did what I wanted and spent it wisely. I can probably get plenty more if you need it.

38.

BETH Youre not going back to work for a long time, youre mine now. Besides I kept back a third and the interest of that in your superdodgy offshore account. CHAIRMAN Your account, not mine. And you dont work, you volunteer. BETH The interest pays for enough chips for the girls and keeps the clinic open. CHAIRMAN You fund the clinic? You must be a goddess to these people. BETH They dont know I fund them in part and the government doesnt give us nearly enough money or theres strings attached with regard to treatment policy. CHAIRMAN Dont you want them to adore you the way the gang of four does? BETH Not for using drug money to fund drug treatment, its a bit hypocritical. CHAIRMAN Its only as hypocritical as using tobacco tax revenue to cure smoking related illnesses. BETH I know, thats why I dont have any moral issues about it. But I dont want them to treat me special because of money thats too much like being a sugardaddy. We always have disagreements towards policy and if they know I fund them, theyll just let me have my way every time and do what I think is best. It would be like when Homer Simpson became the last emperor.

39.

CHAIRMAN Yeah, Im sure people at your clinic dont need money to see you as special. BETH Plus I can use it to change the life of the man who first taught me what addiction really looks like. CHAIRMAN Me? BETH Not you, you narcissistic idiot. One of my first patients. CHAIRMAN Yeah me, you fixed me before you became a junkie handler. BETH Havent fixed you yet, still working on it. CHAIRMAN Who teaches you more about drugs than me? Tell me so I can eat his heart and gain his powers. BETH An old man who had been a junkie for decades, mainly due to poor self-esteem. We pretend he donates the money and when he arrives at the clinic hes treated like lord of the manor. CHAIRMAN Hes still a junkie, dont they wonder how he can afford to fund them? BETH Hes been clean for years now, but he still comes by twice a week for group therapy. Besides most of the addicts I work with spend and therefore acquire more than the seventy grand a year he supposedly gives them.

40.

CHAIRMAN But doesnt he still look like and ex-junkie tramp. BETH Far from it. Hes cleaned up his life, got married to an Filipino exhooker and now has a mortgage with two respectably earned salaries to pay for it. CHAIRMAN Not enough for you to just save junkies, you have to save whores too. Do you want me to batter Jen as well so you can add victims of domestic abuse to you checklist. BETH No, I want you to eat something. You dont seem like youve eaten much over the last few months or maybe years. CHAIRMAN I dont like food anymore, its all horrible. BETH KFC and all the chips you can get away from Lily and Lena. CHAIRMAN Ill eat that greasy shit, but Ill get addicted to the MSG. You know its a neurotoxin that switched off the part of your brain that tells your body when to stop eating. BETH And thats exactly what you need at the moment, youre probably malnourished. CHAIRMAN Eating greasy chicken and chips wont nourish me, it will just make me fat. Most of the fattest people in the world are malnourished. And by fattest people I mean Americans. LENA hands a tray of food to BETH

41.

LENA Americans arent all fat, Wills in really good shape. CHAIRMAN Yeah, but theres still over 2 million people there who weigh more than 40 stone. LENA Thats impossible. American would sink like Atlantis. CHAIRMAN Maybe, Atlantis alledgedly sunk due to too much power and a misuse of it. America, the worlds only superpower and almost the textbook definition of a rogue state, has too much power and uses it unwisely. LENA Like what? CHAIRMAN Like food. American foreign policy keeps over half the worlds people hungry or even starving, whilst in America, they throw away more than half their food and yet are still literally eating themselves to death. BETH Death to America by food. LENA Tell me more about the end of America, are they all gonna explode like that guy in Big Trouble in Little China? BETH Not now Angel Lena, Chairman needs to eat and you need to learn about drugs. LENA OK, Ill ask him tomorrow. CHAIRMAN Let me sleep tomorrow.

42.

LENA OK, the next day. CHAIRMAN Shell forget by then. BETH No, she doesnt forget easily. CHAIRMAN Fine. Here, watch this whilst I eat if you want to learn about American overeating. PLAY CLIP - CHRIS ROCK BIGGER AND BLACKER - LACTOSE INTOLERANT RWANDANS. PLAY CLIP - TOM STADE LIVE - FAT POOR AMERICANS. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN enters room, hugs BETH. CHAIRMAN God, its bad enough you make me live in this freezing cold country, but you make have to go outside to smoke a joint as well. LENA Dont take drugs then. CHAIRMAN I need it to settle my stomach after that greasy chow. LENA Dont eat poison foods then. CHAIRMAN But I like it, everybody likes KFC, except to those who merely object to it on a moral and health level. Even people who have lived in remote tribes their entire lives prefer to the taste of KFC to any chicken theyve ever sampled. LENA Really?

43.

CHAIRMAN Yeah, why do you think they let me live with them and trained me as a shamen. I stole the Colonels secret original recipe of eleven different herbs and spices, but left out all the chemicals they add to it nowadays. LENA Teach me the Colonels secret recipe so I can be a crazy witchdoctor too. CHAIRMAN Thats between me and Harland. LENA Teach me or Ill cover myself in KFC batter and jump into a vat of hot oil. The recipe will be in my DNA then. BETH Not now darling. And you dont need the recipe, Chairman will tech you to be a shamen. LENA Will you, Chairmee? CHAIRMAN Go away, Im in my cocoon. LENA Thanks Chairmee. LILY Ill get you the recipe of Google. BETH No using phones or internet or watching TV when youre learning or Ill make us all start living like the Amish. Now, what was the next question? LILY You still havent answered the first question. JENNA Yeah, Chairman goes off on more tangents than Ross Noble.

44.

WILL Shame hes not as funny. But then Ross Nobles not that funny anymore. Actually what was the first question? BETH Lily? LILY Why are some drugs illegal and others legal? BETH Chairman? CHAIRMAN Its all about money, your turn, Im sleepy. BETH Drug laws were originally created to be racist. LENA Really? BETH Yes sweetheart. Most people think drug laws have been around forever, but most of them were created in the last 100 years. Like Chairman said, they are a twentieth century experiment gone wrong like communism. LENA Chairmans a commie and a druggie. BETH My twentieth century toy. CHAIRMAN I not a commie anymore. WILL But you are extreme left-wing. BETH Surprise, surprise, an American whos terrified of communism. Might be why youre so right-wing.

45.

WILL I thought only Jenna and Chairman made jokes about me being a Nazi. BETH It wasnt a joke. LENA Youre a Nazi, she doesnt lie to us. BETH The terms right and left-wing stem from the revolutionary government that took power after the French Revolution. The more conservative members tended to sit on the right side of the chamber and the more radical members of the left. LENA Can we be revolutionaries? BETH Only if Chairman teaches you. LENA Chairmee, can you teach us to do revolution? CHAIRMAN Violent or nonviolent? LENA Nonviolent. CHAIRMAN No chance. Whats the point of revolution if you cant scalp a couple of rich whities. LENA Please. CHAIRMAN How can I teach you nonviolence when you keep kinking the shit out of me? LENA Thanks Chairman Gandhi junkie. CHAIRMAN I didnt say yes.

46.

BETH Yes he did. And going back to drugs, do you know where the term junkie comes from? LENA Chairman, he always uses the word. BETH No junkies were drug addicts back in the days before drug laws. They used to take a horse-drawn cart around collecting any junk they could get and sell it to buy drugs. Which were very cheap back then. CHAIRMAN Everythings cheaper when theres no government interference. JENNA Hang on, a junkie sounds like a rag and bone man, does that mean Steptoe and Son were junkies? BETH Maybe, they didnt show drug use on TV back then. JENNA No, but they did use the tern coon frequently and broadcast The Black and White Minstral Show for twenty years when there were only two or three channels. LILY Two channels? Even the Amish have more than that. Are the Amish junkies too? Is that why they ride around in horse-drawn carts and cant pay for electricity because all the money goes on drugs and beards? CHAIRMAN Yes angelface, theyre all skagheeds. LENA And Princess Anne rode a horse at the Olympics, does that mean shes a world class junkie?

47.

CHAIRMAN Yes angel, you can only win Olympic medals if you take drugs. BETH Chairmans being an idiot. LENA I know, hes always stupid. LILY How are drugs laws racist? BETH Well, if you take America for example. WILL Always picking on us Americans. JENNA Well maybe you people shouldnt celebrate being so retarded then and instead listen to smart people as you need change more than any other developed country in the world at present. But instead you think the whole world should live like you and live in envy of you. LENA Yeah, shut up Will and listen, you racist Nazi. CHAIRMAN I love that little girl. BETH In America, the first antimarijuana laws were created in order to deport Mexican immigrants looking for work, as they tended to smoke marijuana and the white European Americans tended to drink alcohol. LENA So it was Nazis like Will who created drugs laws. JENNA Yes.

48.

BETH They did the same to the Chinese by banning opium, even though white Europeans used to sell chests full of opium to the Chinese. LENA Really? BETH Yes, it was the same East India Company you saw in Pirates of the Caribbean. They even went to war more than once when the Chinese government banned opium. LILY So do they want opium legal or not? CHAIRMAN The people who want opium legal are the ones who can make money from it. Those who cant and find it cuts into their own business interests want it illegal along with people who have a concern for the effects on the health of the nation. And, of course, those who can more easily control the market if it is illegal. Like I said, it all boils down to money. LENA Did you sell opium to the Chinese, Chairman? CHAIRMAN Yes, I sell to whoevers buying. Why do you know someone who wants to buy some? LENA Teach me about China. CHAIRMAN China, possibly the most miserable shithole country Ive ever had to deal with. And the reason, the people, theyre all such arseholes, but miserable arseholes and so many miserable arseholes who have a newly found source of disposable income. (MORE)

49. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) So there's plenty of skag to be sold. How comes she hasnt kicked me yet?

LENA (gets up) Sorry Chairman. BETH Lena, dont even think about its. And Chairman, youre not going on a rant about your hated of the Chinese and every other nation ever formed or well be here until the apocalypse. LENA I want apocalypse now. BETH Sit down sweet girly. LENA Ill go over here then (hugs JENNA) Err, youre stinky like Chairman. JENNA Chairmans fault. LENA Ill go over to the Nazi instead. (sits up against WILL) He smells of Obsession for Men. BETH Obsession for women actually. Jen makes him wear womens perfume. JENNA Makes sense doesnt it? Women prefer the scent of womens perfume. If women liked the scent of mens perfume, they would wear it themselves. If I liked the scent of a mens perfume, I wouldnt let the words for men stop me from stealing or wearing it. LENA Will smells nice. Why do you lock up Mexicans and the Chinese? (MORE)

50. LENA (CONT'D) Do you lock up blacks as well you nice smelling Nazi?

WILL Except for Jenna occasionally, when shes in the mood, I dont tie or lock anyone up. BETH Yes he does. White people tend to snort power cocaine whilst black people are more likely to smoke crack cocaine. Crack users get far harsher sentences and are demonised more by society. CHAIRMAN Thats not entirely true, its possible thats propaganda created by me. BETH What did you do, Chairman? CHAIRMAN Not me personally with crack, that was done before I worked as a propagandist. But nowadays black people make up about one eighth of all crack users and also make up about one eighth of the population of the US. We just exploited peoples racist tendencies because America is one of the most racist countries I ever had to deal with or deal to. Racism is the real reason most of them dont want to give up their guns. LENA So why do you do so much business with them then? CHAIRMAN Same reason I do business with China, Im trying to destroy these grotesque rogue states. And in the case of America its a doublewhammy. I worked for CIA controlled and funded corporations, flooded the country with hard drugs and even got them to vote for the drug legislation they passed. (MORE)

51. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Therefore I had American permission, will and funding every step of the way. Thats democracy for retards.

JENNA Yeah, you retards let George W. Bush steal two elections. WILL And this country wants Boris Johnson as its next premier. You people are just as stupid as we are, youd love to have a funny retard as Prime Minister. BETH Probably true, shows you what a joke democracy is nowadays compared to the efforts people undertake to get universal suffrage. But now I really want to know what other racist propaganda Chairmans been spread. CHAIRMAN Told you, I didnt do crack, before my time. BETH What did you do? CHAIRMAN Crystal meth. JENNA Meth laws arent racist are they? White people mainly do meth. CHAIRMAN Well, we ran out of darkies to discriminate against and persecute, so we demonised meth as a drug primarily used by trailer park trash and homos. BETH Crystal meth is not even closed to used exclusively by trailer park trash and gays. CHAIRMAN It doesnt need to be true, you just need to appeal to emotion. (MORE)

52. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Americans claim to love Americans and freedom, but seem to hate a lot of Americans. Thats why they lock up a greater proportion of their population than the East Germans under the Stasi or Apartheid-era South Africa. One in a hundred is locked up.

LENA Really? BETH Yep,, more than one million nonviolent drug users are in jail in America. LILY Cant you lock up the Chairman instead? CHAIRMAN Id love to have an American prison to myself. They keep locking up more and more people so have to build ever greater numbers of prisons. Most of them are more modern than the hotels out there. BETH You couldnt lock Chairman up. He know what maritime admiralty law is, so hasnt actually broken any laws. Well none that apply to human beings anyway. LENA Really? BETH Common law applies to human beings and you break common law when you do harm to a person or their property, or get in the way of their rights and liberties. Everything else is corporate law and only applies to companies and that includes taxes.

53.

JENNA So why do humans have to keep paying more and more tax for fewer and fewer public services and a soaring national debt when the biggest corporations pay no tax or only do it as a PR stunt? BETH Because most people dont know legally the difference between being a human and a corporation. Chairman will teach you about that, he taught me. CHAIRMAN Im not teaching anything now. Youre supposed to tell us how drug laws have their roots in racism, just like Britney Spears as her roots in a trailer park. Do you know we flipped a coin as to whether she would be the poster girl of an anti-crystal meth campaign or the icon of nineties pop paedophilia? BETH The drug laws may have started with racism but it goes far beyond that now. Prohibition and the propaganda the goes with it thanks to people like him, create a state of fear amongst users and non-users alike. People who live in a state of cant think clearly, so the government is granted more power to rule in the name of drugs. But then always uses the powers for nondrug purposes and the users of drugs stay hidden away, trying to avoid the state. When they should be sharing the ideas they have about how to change the world for the better, like the hippies did. CHAIRMAN Were doing the same thing with terrorism as well. LENA Youre evil, Chairman.

54.

CHAIRMAN Its okay, were only really doing it to the Americans. The fear created by nine-eleven allowed us to bulldoze through most of the barriers to create a police state. Chinese totalitarian fascism is the blueprint model for the new world order. Thats what The Department of Homeland Security was created for. In its first five years, the department investigated over eight hundred thousand cases and not even thirty were terrorist related. WILL Thirty thousand? CHAIRMAN No, less than thirty cases, but we still investigated over one million Americans, which could not have been done legally prior to nineeleven and The Patriot Act. BETH Enough terrorism for now, back to drugs. CHAIRMAN The two are linked by people like me. Bogus message about if you buy and eighth you support the terrorists, whoever they really are. The Americans have absolutely no idea so they just target everyone. BETH You people did the same with a lot of other things as well, such as linking so-called music and video piracy with terrorism. CHAIRMAN Guilty. Were good and its so easy to control the scared, especially after the media replayed those nineeleven snuff movies again and again and again and again. Thats why I laugh when I watch that footage. LILY Youre evil, Chairman.

55.

CHAIRMAN If you dont laugh at them and instead react with fear, shock and panic, you let the terrorists win. LENA Is that true? BETH In a way, but Chairmans being stupid as well. LENA Hes always stupid. BETH OK, lets see how stupid he is. Why does he think some drugs are legal and some can be advertised. CHAIRMAN I told you, its all about money, its that simple. LENA Its really that simple? CHAIRMAN Yeah, well nowadays its nearly that simple but Beths right about how it started. Though there is, of course, the factor of expanding the influence of Big Oil and restricting the influence of communism and the resources commies have access to. But when I say money, I mean making sure white people make money from drugs, whether they be legal or not, as darkies being rich was never part of the plan, What plan? simple. LENA This doesnt seem

LILY And it sounds like it about racism again.

56.

CHAIRMAN Argh, for fucks sake, why cant you two be like normal schoolchildren and just accept and repeat everything I say and never ask questions? LENA Theyre scared of looking stupid and no ones as stupid as you. But youre fun stupid, thats why I like you. CHAIRMAN Well you must like something about me cause you wont ever leave me alone or let me sleep for my usual fourteen hours a day. Hang on, you havent kicked me for swearing. LENA Im not allowed to today, she said so. (pointing at BETH) But only if you teach us good or Ill kick your kneecaps off. CHAIRMAN Oh, I need a toke first, maybe this isnt so simple after all. Nothing is if you insist on understanding it properly rather than repeating Two legs bad, four legs good. LENA Teach us now. CHAIRMAN Let him go sweetheart, hell always be back soon. LENA Not soon enough, hes always good too long. BETH I know. Just one toke Chairman, its getting late. CHAIRMAN Two.

57.

BETH OK, two and straight back. No listening to Voodoo Chile for fifteen minutes. CHAIRMAN leaves, JENNA gets up to follow. JENNA I suppose I should take my vag with to ensure he comes straight back. LENA Liar, you just like the Chairmans drugs. JENNA Not as much as I like you. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN enters. CHAIRMAN Okay people, listen up if you really want to know how the people I work with control the drug industry. It all boils down to money and power at nearly every level. The drugs that are legal are the one that Western powers can control easily. Skag, coke, MJ, etc. come from brown countries and we cant have rich brown people. Thats not something the people at the top of the pyramidal power structure can ever accept. Theyre a bunch of genocidal maniacs who actively support eugenics. Sure we can have a few rich Arabs, so long as most of the revenue flows out of the country. Take for example the Saudis, they deposit ridiculous amounts of money in Western banks, but they are in for a rude awakening if they ever tried to withdraw all that money. (MORE)

58. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Even the few uber rich people that you have heard of like Bill Gates sponsor racist genocide by funding organisations such as Planned Parenthood, which was originally called the American Birth Control League before the term eugenics feel out of favour when the Nazis lost power. Go research the views of a woman named Margaret Sagner, Im sure you wont. She was one of the most influential advocates and ideologists of the early twentieth century eugenics movement in America. So how is Planned Parenthood engaging in racist genocide in the twenty-first century? Because it sounds like such a cute people friendly organisation who even awarded Doctor King The Margaret Sagner Prize in nineteen sixty-six. Thats just a trick we propagandists pull such as calling Americans weapons of mass destruction cool names like cruise and patriot missiles whilst Saddam and had bunch of dirty nasty scuds. Or changing the name of my work from propaganda to public relations, because its that easy too fool people as the granddaddy of public relations, Edward Bernays, pioneered. So eugenics organisations get nice people friendly names, liked Planned Parenthood, who have an abortion clinic in every black neighbourhood in America, but hardly any in white areas, and none in affluent white neighbourhoods. And imposing measures intended to prevent birth within a group is classified as genocide according to the UNs adopted definition under The Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide. Go and look it up on Wankipedia if you think thats what makes the internet a great information resource, you retarded facebook and porn freaks. And under the UN charter, they are obliged to intervene. (MORE)

59. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But the rogue state of America proves only too well what a feckless organisation the UN really is. They dont care about stopping Western backed racist genocide. But they had a black man as the secretary-general, a black African wouldnt let such a thing happen. Bull motherfucking shit people. Kofi Annan has blood on his hands from the Rwandan genocide, the killers of which were trained by the French, like the world need anymore reason to hate the French. And the man who is responsible for starting yet another chapter in the history of genocide, Paul Kagame, is now Rwandas President and praised as a model African leader by the West, even though three million Rwandans fled the country as soon as he took power. Thats a man who has the trust of his people. Still he does get to share Christmas dinner with the ex-spice girl, Mel B, so he must be alright. Why do popstars love rich powerful tyrants? Likewise, the Khmer Rouge were trained to lay landmines by the British SAS, many of which are still active and maiming Cambodian children to this day. I know, Ive seen it. But you dont see that headline in the Murdoch controlled London Times. No, youre too busy staring at the tits on page three of the Murdoch controlled Sun, a socalled newspaper. Jordan acting like a drunken slag is neither new nor news. I didnt see the now gladly defunct Murdoch controlled News of the Celebrity World campaigning to get the government to reveal their extent of involvement in genocide in the same way they campaigned to name and shame paedophiles. No, if it doesnt involve being outraged by paedophiles or a celebrity upskirt, its not worth printing. And what was at the heart of that campaign? Yet more fear and government control. (MORE)

60. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) The Murdoch controlled Fox News does the same thing campaigning for more government control to protect us from our fear of terrorist. According to the Murdoch media, one in one people are terrorists or peedos. Fox News is so powerful in America, they were the ones who stole the two thousand election for the Bush junta. Nobody knew who had won on the night, a ton of data just arrived at all the TV stations which would take hours to decipher. Fox suddenly announced Bush was the winner and all of the rest of the media followed suit as they didnt want to been seen as off the pace of live twenty four hour news, it could never have happened in the days of the print media. The instant twenty-four hour news coverage society we live in is the most misinformed for generations, speed is not a substitute for accuracy. The second theft was even worse, exit polls showed John Kerry won, the count showed a 5 per cent swing to the incumbent and the media and people of America said almost nothing. The exact same thing happened in the Ukraine at the same time. Even members of the US government like Condi said that was proof enough of election fraud. In Germany they dont even wait for the final count, defeat is conceeded from the exit polls. So the US will stand up for democracy in the case of the Western backed Victor Yushchenko versus the incumbent Weird Victor Yanukovych, but not in their own country. America, a country that proves your average celebrity and incest obsessed hillbilly retarded trailer park piece of trash doesnt deserve something as precious as the vote. Youre making bile rise inside me talking about Rupert Murdoch aka Satans Little Helper. Back to someone slightly less repulsive, Bill Gates and his genocidal bitch wife, who fund and campaign for greater use of contraception. (MORE)

61. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But only in darkie countries, not the white ones. Again, genocide according to the UN. In Haiti, you have a twenty-five per cent chance of having access to clean water, or at least what they call clean, it always makes me ill. But a woman in Haiti has a ninety per cent chance of having access to the pill. And that bitch wife says its for everyones good, they can look after fewer children better and it eases the problem of global crowding and the footprint it leaves. Heres a better solution, let these so-called developing countries actually develop. The best way to naturally lower the birthrate is by allowing a country to become developed. No, but instead greedy twats like Bill Gates hoard as much money as they can so there isnt enough to go round for everyone else. Practically all of the wealth is siphoned out of developing countries by Western corporations or stolen by corrupt officials and leaders who are only allowed to be in power because they cut a deal with someone like John Perkins or were trained at The School of the Americas. The term developing country is a misnomer as we will never allow these countries to develop. The wealth from their resources goes to the West, but obviously not you and me, just a few rich people and paying the interest on the massive loans our government take out for things like wars that will unquestionably bankrupt us soon. Anyway, its possible I may have got a little bit sidetracked, but as Beth said drug laws are inherently racist, so you need to understand the mentality behind them. Drugs from brown countries are illegal even in those brown producer countries. (MORE)

62. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) And if they go about legalising or decriminalising them, they are hit with possibly the most powerful force in the modern world, Western economics. Whet it be sanctions or investment capital, or rather lack of it. Look at the difference it made between North and South Korea. Meanwhile the drugs white countries produce such as tobacco are openly marketed in these brown countries. Your satanic music idols play gigs in South East Asia that are sponsored by tobacco companies. These people have as little morality as they have talent, otherwise they wouldnt be preforming million dollar private gigs for despots like the Gaddafis in between deepthroating Satans twenty-four inch razor blade cock. If white owned corporations could make exactly the same amount of money, and brown people didnt earn that much more, these drug prohibition laws would disappear overnight and be replaced with laws that ensure corporations rake in all the profits rather than the ordinary people, especially if they have a chocolate face. And what kills more people, Western tobacco and alcohol or all the drugs weve discovered and invented thus far and then criminalised? And some may use the lower death rate to justify prohibition. But if prohibition is for health and harm reduction purposes as Kaiser Wilhelm thinks, then you have to do the same with tobacco and alcohol. Which they tried with American alcohol prohibition last century, and it was as an abysmal a failure as Marky Marks acting career. Halfway through prohibition, alcohol was the biggest industry in the US, worth four billion dollars a year, roughly thirty times that today thanks to the inflation created by the banks. (MORE)

63. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) The net result of that experiment was it created the criminal syndicates and networks who now pump which ever drugs are deemed illegal through America. You didnt think these well earning bootleggers, as they were called, drug dealers to be more accurate, would give up so much wealth and just work minimum wage jobs at McDonalds? Of course not, they just switched to other illegal substances and used the extensive infrastructure created in every town in America during alcohol prohibition to sell drugs like skag. Which was introduced to America in mass by Meyer Lansky, a man who couldnt be touched by J Edgar Hoover and the FBI because Lansky had a picture of Hoover performing an act of fellatio. Hoover went so far as to refuse to set up a department within the FBI to investigate organised crime as he said no such thing existed in America. Even to this day, the money is just too good. If you are a poor black kid living in the ghetto were you have no chance of a good education or job, where the best career option available to you is joining the army, but thats a joke as no Afghan or Iraqi ever called me a nigger. Could you easily pass on the opportunity to earn a thousand dollars or more for a few hours work with no boss breathing down you neck all day and no racist hiring policies like the Coca-cola company, and instead ask every customer Do you want fries with that? And this job will be minimum wage as McDonalds staff dont get tips as Mr Pink pointed out. And with the ridiculous amount of money involved, we can bribe every level of society, were worse than The League of Shadows when it comes to corrupting society. (MORE)

64. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Drug barons in Central America have government ministers and police chiefs at their childrens weddings, I know Ive been to a few to network. Imagine if drugs werent illegal as John Lennon encouraged you to do, wed lose our monopoly. This is just corporate ideology, its not exclusive to drugs. The oil companies do the same. You see adverts claiming they are investing in alternative energies for a sustainable future. But in reality they are just trying to sustain their profitability. Why would they want anything to change when BP and Shell make combined profits of three point three million pounds an hour? Its a bit more than the McDonalds worker makes. Alternative energy is their worst nightmare as they wont have a monopoly on it like they do with our addiction to oil. If they could make the same amount of money and exercise the same amount of power, they would easily switch to sustainable, clean sources of energy, but not even the US military cant secure the Sun and wind in the way they control oil fields. Thats why they use their so called alternative energy funds to suppress new technologies, and new technology drives a society forwards as much as anything else, if its done with an adequate measure of wisdom, something corporations seem to be devoid of along with morality. It works like this in the oil industry. Some genius like Lily invents a means of generating clean, sustainable or even unlimited energy but doesn't have the resources to develop and mass produce it. So the oil companies offer them a million or so for their hard work and the rights to the technology under the pretence they are going to develop and mass produce it, turning an idea into reality. (MORE)

65. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But instead they just mothball it, never to be seen again or invented by anybody else as the patents have been secured. Thats one of the fallacies of the patent system, on the one hand it can be used to register inventions, but at the same time it can be used to stop anyone else developing the same technology. Its a shame the former patent clerk Albert Einstein didnt do that with nuclear technology. Imagine if you could buy a box which could power your entire home with no running costs. Where would the oil companies be then? Especially when people turn to electric cars and charge them up at home for free. Actually you dont need to imagine it. Im taking us off the grid using one of these devices once I can be bothered. Think of the advantages, you can watch Jenna Haze spread out on a fifty inch screen without having to suffer erectile dysfunction due to worrying about the fate of drowning polar bears. Anyway back to the drug money, rather than money in general, because if money makes the world go around, that would explain why the Earths all wonky and nothing seems quite right. With all the money we make we can fund any military or paramilitary or even terrorist organisation in the world, such as the Rothschild state of Israel, to make sure the people we want in power rule these exploited shithole countries. And in any war, the side with the most resources always wins. And yes I know, you people might say that didnt happen in Vietnam, but the Vietnam war was never engineered to be won. If you look at the rules of engagement in that war, they were designed simply to sustain the war, such as not allowing VC antiaircraft installations to be destroyed until after they were operational. (MORE)

66. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Plus the grand Satanist Henry Kissinger played a major role in ensuring the peace talks dragged on forever, and yet he gets a Nobel prize. Look at the net result of that war. Three million Vietnamese dead, can you put a price on losing that level of your natural resources? Permanent damage to their ecosystem from all the Monsanto agents sprayed over their lands, just like chemtrails are doing today. Considering the destruction that took place in Vietnam compared to in America, can you really say they won? Whilst American corporations made a killing from arms sales. How much do you think those helicopters Robert Duvall was flying around in to the sound of Wagner cost? And the American people were happy enough being employed, as weapons manufacturing is one of the few Western manufacturing industries that hasnt been outsourced to the darkies yet. Do you think the MOD will ever outsource the manufacture of their tanks to the Chinese? Soon well be able to get them in poundshops. Plus we made a killing from creating the Golden Triangle. Think it was a coincidence that the triangle flourished at the same time as the war? We even had our own airline the ship the shit worldwide, Air America. Thats when Robert Downy Junior developed his taste for our products. We did the same thing in Afghanistan when the Taliban almost eradicated poppy cultivation on the ninety-five per cent of Afghanistan that they controlled. So you people who demand drug prohibition should go live under the Taliban, they were far more successful than Nixons war on drugs. The vast majority of skag coming out of Afghanistan was produced in North Alliance controlled area, which only accounted for five per cent of the land back then. (MORE)

67. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) So we shot missiles at some buildings and bought three towers down with the help of some thermate and possibly mini-nukes. All under the gaze of a TV addicted public. Using a bit of TV trickery and propaganda, which is so effective on those who live in a state of fear. We then used the US military to allow the skag producing Northern Alliance to take over the country. Then we put Hamid Karzai on the throne, that pawn of Big Oil, despite his brother being the biggest skag merchant in the war ravaged shithole country. Oh, and one of the first things the Americans did was to release ten thousand druglords from Taliban jails and you wonder why Afghanistan produces record opium yields every year from our gorgeous shiny Golden Crescent piggybank. Seriously, think about it. If this rag tag group of despots called the Taliban can eradicate poppy cultivation with next to no resources. Why is it when the greatest military machine created since the great flood, the US army, went to into Afghanistan with all of its immense resources and nearly all of the rest of the worlds backing, suddenly Afghanistans haemorrhaging more skag than a mother fucker? But then that war wasnt just about drugs. We might sometimes make more money than them, but we true drug kingpins also have our masters, of sorts. The military and Big Oil are very much intertwined into our web of unimaginable sin, destruction and the profiteering that comes with it. Lets use Afghanistan as an easy example. Afghanistan has oil interests and is controlled by the Taliban, a government who you couldnt ever call friendly to the W est. There is oil and gas in the Caspian sea that we need to pipe through Afghanistan, Pakistan, India and then to the coast. (MORE)

68. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) The Taliban wont let US corporations do this. Thankfully they had a war with the Soviets so they wont be piping through to them or that invasion would have occurred a lot earlier as the US governments insane mission to stop or at least contain communism is probably where the genesis of my job probably lies. If there resources, particularly oil, in an area where the local government wont let us take control of them, they may well fall in to hands of the communist. And communism must be stopped at all costs. So we support the local paramilitary or terrorist types with as much weaponry as we can smuggle. Those that we arm cant pay for it from taxes as they are not in power. So where does there funding come from? Drugs. Thats right, nearly every paramilitary we support produces industrial levels of highly illicit drugs. Whether it be the Northern Alliance, the Contras or the paramilitaries we fund in Columbia to fight the FARC. The paramilitaries take control of the country and everyones happy. Well, obviously not the brown people who now live in a war torn shithole country under a despotic regime, but those people in power who made the war so financially successful. First, drug production goes through the roof, which is good news for us narco traffickers, the oil supply is safe from the red menace and now available for us to exploit, the military industrial complex makes a killing from the war itself and replenishment for the next. And of course the bankers made the most money of all as they bankrolled both sides in the war and both sides will have plenty of new revenue to pay back their loans. And the only real expense, the lives of a nation of darkies, I think the West can live with that. (MORE)

69. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) We make more money from this business than the entire Fortune Five Hundred combined, but then Big Pharma, just the top ten, also makes more than the rest of the Fortune Five Hundred combined. Again, as long as the money goes to Western corporations and the white people who own and control them, drugs are freely available and advertised openly. If Ho Chi Minh invented and held the patent on Prozac, do you think it would be legal and popped like tic-tacs in America? On top of that, the Fortune Five Hundred need us narco traffickers to boost their numbers. We launder so much drug money through these corporations, easily a trillion a year, if we stopped the DOW would drop thirty per cent. When that Satanist bitch, Janet Reno wasnt ordering the massacre of the Branch Davidians, she called representatives of some of Americas top corporations to discuss the issue at the White House. She didnt ask them to stop or threaten to prosecute, let alone actually prosecute, she simply asked them not to launder so much. So it could remain under the radar, without some gorgeous smartass called Bethany who asks unpopular questions to fuck everything up, like what happened with Enron. Why does she tolerate it? Simple, American politics, at almost every level of election from president of the country to school board president, is determined by whoever puts the most money into the campaign, although you can go too far with it like that crazy WWF hag. Since we have so much money, we couldnt spend it all if we tried except on war, we decide whos in power. Whether it be directly, or indirectly though so called legitimate corporations which allow us to funnel in funds from so many directions and remain unnoticed. Its always dirty money that gets people elected. (MORE)

70. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Our partners in Big Oil are also well in on the act. The Koch brothers fund more than half of all US senators and congressmen. And you wonder why laws are introduced which make the rich richer and the poor can fuck off and live in a tent city. And dont think things are gonna change soon, well not for the better, because the same fuckwits like the Koch brothers invest heavily in education in the name of philanthropy. But thats bullshit propaganda. What theyre investing in is indoctrination. They are allowed to set the syllabus therefore brainwashing the next generation into accepting whatever they are taught is the status quo, and it must be good information considering how much a good school costs in America. And were getting much better at what we do. Watch Reefer Madness and tell me if that would convince you to ban marijuana. Of course not for any vaguely intelligent person nowadays whos grown up with Hollywood and TV. But in those days, that was the level of sophistication required to persuade an ignorant public that marijuana needed to be outlawed using a relatively novel form of the mass media. Most people at the time had never heard of marijuana, as it was then an obscure Mexican slang word that most Americans had never encountered before. One of the real reasons for that prohibition was so companies and families such as Du Pont could make a killing from the alternative, inferior materials they controlled, which became commonplace once hemp was banned along with marijuana. Hemp has been reported for over a century as potentially the worlds most profitable non food crop. You can make just about everything out of it except a decent smokable product. (MORE)

71. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Afterwards, people were like Hemp, no thats fine, we dont need to ban that. It was even the law once in America that farmers had to grow hemp to aid the war effort as hemp makes so many different materials which are cheaper and more durable than alternative materials. If you people truly want a bag for life, manufacture it out of hemp, not plastic. The first American flags and even the countrys constitution are printed on hemp. Which might mean the constitution is also illegal. But in any case, it works so easily to make something like a drug illegal. Just scare the people about the new drug they are ignorant about, as obviously the havent had a decent education on drugs. Produce a slick enough propaganda campaign. Throw in, or even create, a few celebrities and the public will demand for it to be outlawed for the sake of the kids, Please protect us with legislation as we have no idea what education looks like. Its no different to the menace of cake.

PLAY CLIP - BRASSEYE - DRUGS - CAKE CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Plus look at all the industry we fund indirectly from the narco industry. Miami was built using coke money. These traffickers had so much fucking money and were dying to spend it. Drug traffickers like to live the high life, like Tony Montana. And they cant keep all that money hidden in a shoebox or even their wifes box. So they spend it and one of the first recipients of a financial boom is the construction industry, look at Dubai. Most of the Miami skyscrapers from the seventies and eighties are the structures that coke built. (MORE)

72. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) And let us not forget the masses of legal tender poured into the police, prisons and indeed the entire legal system. The anti-drug industry has expanded so fucking much in the last century, it may end up being bigger and more profitable than the narcotrafficking industry. Youve all seen Jackie Brown, practically all of the bail bondsman's work came through the drug industry, or rather prohibition. How many people would lose their jobs and how many companies would face bankruptcy if there was no antidrug industry. An economy like America would take a major hit, something they cant afford in todays climate. Unless, of course, they embrace the change in the law and that will push the economy back into boom. And in America, the so-called land of the free, with the number of blacks you have in prison you would think slavery was back in fashion. Black is the new black when it come to slave labour. You think its bad that UK call centres are based in India? In America, they are based in prisons, getting these degenerate criminal niggers to take airline bookings at twenty dollars a week. Though, given that most Americans identify themselves as born again fundamentalist Christians and the Bible is cool with slavery, maybe America is fulfilling its special destiny on this planet to do Gods will and spread the civilised word of the Bible. Given that a golden rule in capitalism is you have to have permanent growth, with greater and greater profits every single year, do you expect the private incarceration industry to increase or decrease the number of inmates they have detained? (MORE)

73. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Even judges in juvenile courts have been convicted of accepting bribes from the private prisons industry in exchange for handing out harsher and more custodial sentencing of minors. Is that really what America wants, more of its kids in jail? And when they are released, what are their employment prospects? Bleak to say the least. Unless, of course, they return to the game. Dealing is like smoking tobacco, only a few people escape for good. And a dealer is more likely to get killed on the street than on the inside, so dont think they fear anything a judge throws their way, even a death sentence. But dont worry, well accept them into the army. Well even give you credit for a college education. But in your case, its gonna be a community college where you get the privilege of studying alongside drug dealers, crackheads and even prostitutes. But first you get to travel to a part of the world that tourists never go to, well not since we turned it into a war zone with no end in sight. Its just like Call of Duty, except weve insured your life for five million dollars, so were not too worried about you dying, player one. Whilst youre there you get to help bolster the US economy before it goes bankrupt for the second time in a century by making lots more bloodmoney for US corporations connected to the military industrial complex. You should have payed more attention to Eisenhowers farewell address from the Whitehouse. All in the name of permanent growth and corporate greed. Strange how when it comes to matters of economics, morality largely goes out the window, like the way nobody gives the fuck the way were destroying this plant now thats theres a recession on. Or when Richard Branson and the Prime Minister went begging bowl in hand to China not long ago. (MORE)

74. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Suddenly Tibet and having more executions than the rest of the world combined have been erased from our memories, like the Tianamen Square massacre has been erased from Chinese history. We need more bands like the Beastie Boys, I cant see The Pussycat Dolls creating a festival to raise political awareness of something outside the US, like the situation in Tibet. Maybe creating a festival to celebrate creating a career in the music industry by shoving your pussy into peoples face as an alternative to talent. No industry in the world could get away that, with the exception of showbusiness. Would you be happy with a mechanic who couldnt fix your car but shoved their arse into you face instead? We will happily do business with any despotic or totalitarian regime, just so long as theres enough money to be made. And if you cant get with the programme, youre labelled a failure. Tesco posted profits one year of about a billion. The next year it was down to nine hundred and fifty million and people had the audacity to deem that a failure and predicted the end of Tesco. When the fuck was being the biggest retailer in the country and making nine hundred and fifty million fucking pounds, suddenly a failure? Nine hundred and fifty million fucking pounds? Give me nine hundred and fifty million fucking pounds a year and you can all call me a failure all year long. Especially if you pay me nine hundred and fifty million fucking pounds of sterling silver, which is where the term pounds sterling originally came from. But we spend far, far more than that on the racist failure that is drug prohibition. Though from a capitalist point of view, its by no means a a failure, as it ensures the continual flow of money. (MORE)

75. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Like paying people to dig holes, or even creating holes by launching state of the art million dollar US manufactured missiles from a foreign country and then paying people to fill up the holes, albeit holes full of darkies. Sorry, were Americans, we can build the most sophisticated weapons in the world, but weve got nothing terms of intelligence so a bunch of darkie civilians have to die everyday. Theyre called drones for fucks sake, when has anything called a drone ever been a good thing? It sounds like a doomsday device, once they strap nuclear missiles to them and unveil the fruits of Project Orion. This massive waste is exactly what Orwell was talking about in Nineteen Eighty-four with regards to spending money on floating fortresses that will never see action. It just wastes the resourc es in society without contributing anything that the average man, woman or child can actually use and benefit from. Exactly the same as the nuclear weapons industry, another example of how it just seems to be in our nature to absolutely waste our limited resources with only the tiny minority benefiting from it. Or maybe this is just the point in so called civilisation that weve reached. All great societies eventually collapse and become Meccas for brain dead tourists to wander the ruins. The Millennium Dome could one day be the new Angkor Wat. You damn well know that no sane country could ever use nuclear weapon on a civilian target, only a rogue state like the US. And if America has them, you damn well know every other country in the world will have to get their hands on them if they are going to maintain their independence from American hegemony. (MORE)

76. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Why do you think countries like China and India have spent so much on their nuclear programme? When was the last time America invaded a country with the bomb? Getting the bomb was the wisest thing North Korea ever did to maintain its own insane society protected from the influences of American culture. Plus, thats another thing that makes about as much sense as being so selective about which drugs are legal or not. Why are some countries perfectly legitimate in possessing these doomsday nuclear weapons and other countries arent extended the same courtesy. And the same for chemical and biological weapons. Both America and Russia hold the only known specimens of smallpox left on this Earth. If you want to eradicate these diseases from the world, the US and Russia have to destroy their supplies. But thats not gonna happen, especially for America, who found smallpox to be the greatest weapon in the greatest genocide of all time. The near eradication of the native Americans. The Taliban almost eradicated opium and they were almost universally demonised. The Americans did the same thing with a group of human beings and everyone loves America in one form another, whether it be twatphones, strats or San Fernando porn. America has proved itself to be the one country that most certainly cannot be trusted with weapons of mass destruction. Yet they have the audacity of invade other countries simply suspected of having such weapons. Which they only do if they bought them from America or one of the other five permanent members of the UN socalled Security Council, who seem to have created a license to do anything they want without intervention, largely due to their power of veto on the council. (MORE)

77. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Its impossible to get a security council resolution against the interests of America, or its rulers in Israel and The City of London. Who used nuclear weapons to destroy civilian targets during World War Two? Who used carpet bombing to destroy areas of no military interest in Germany and so many other countries? Who used chemical weapons such as Agent Orange, made in America by Monsanto, to cause permanent ecological damage in Vietnam, with babies being born with extreme deformities even to this day? I know, Ive seen and met them, and helped them rebuild their lives through narco trafficking on occasion. Who shot depleted uranium all over Iraq causing cancer and deformity rates to skyrocket? And they dont care about their own soldiers, who ventured into the enemy tanks which were ripped apart by DU in order to collect souvenirs of their travels.T hat may very well have been the cause of Gulf War Syndrome, or it may have been the squalene in the many vaccines they took. Well find out if you proles who took the swine flu vaccine come down with the same symptoms, your inner party leaders took a vaccine without all the additives. And dont think you motherfuckers outside of Iraq are safely away form the toxic DU. Once something enters the atmosphere, there are literally no limits to where this shit can travel on the planet. And for the Gulf War Syndrome victims, the powers that be deny the illness exists because it will cost them too much money to treat. New or invented illnesses are only acknowledged by those who can make a tidy profit from them. If they could have made much monies from Gulf War Syndrome, you know Big Pharma would have invented it as a disease in order to sell them yet more drugs. (MORE)

78. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Because drugs fix everything in this society as long as the government lists them as legal. These nuclear weapons and perhaps the entire nuclear industry are yet another twentieth century experiment that went terribly wrong, despite what the promises of the slick propaganda campaigns in the sixties promising nuclear energy would change our lives forever, for the better. Even within the nuclear weapons industry, the cost was justified as they claimed we could reduce all other weapons expenditure, but thats yet more bullshit. They are again a waste of resources which could serve whole population in a positive way, the same way drug prohibition is. But, of course, if one country has nuclear weapons, theyre potential enemies want them too, like India and Pakistan. Or Israel, as Vanunu proved to the world. But, of course, Muslims in the Middle East cant have the bomb, and this is supported by the Worlds Western governments refusal to acknowledge that Israel has these weapons. Israel has the bomb and the world turns a blind eye. Is that the same as their attempts to hack and sabotage Irans centrifuges and Israels so called right to execute foreign nuclear scientists and bomb nuclear facilities. And you know theyre developing race-specific weapons to speed up their genocidal campaign, as the Apartheid-era South Africans admitted to developing. Still, South Africa was the first and only nuclear power to have unilateral nuclear disarmament, of course, that was only once blacks were about to take power. And then, of course, you have Chinas indispensable need to possess a large arsenal of nuclear weapons if they are not to become yet another victim of American imperialism and military intervention. (MORE)

79. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) With two fuckwit countries like these throwing so much money into their militaries, who obviously dont give the fuck about their own citizens, you just know were gonna have some kind of a nuclear war this century, consider Fallout Three to be prophecy. Weve nearly had one several times since the sixties, even as recently as the nineties. Russia detected what they believe to be a US nuclear weapon launched from a US submarine off the coast of Norway in the early hours. Advance warning of the launch did not make it all way to the Kremlin chiefs. Russian military protocols demanded a full scale retaliatory nuclear attack. But luckily, Boris Yeltsin wasnt too shitfaced to be woken in the middle of the night and didnt allow nuclear Armageddon to occur. The Americans would have. During the Cuban missile crisis, Kennedy realised his military was peppered with nutcases who believed if there was a nuclear holocaust and all that was left was one Russian and two Americans, them we win. Castro was far from the only nutcase who advocated launching a first strike. US military generals even drew up plans for the need to drop nuclear weapons on China at the start of any war, which was projected to kill three hundred million Chinese in one day. What a blow for the poundshop industry that would have been. Kennedy said that sooner or later, if we keep these weapons, there will be a nuclear war, whether caused by accident, miscalculation or madness. Think rogue state for the last one. When are you dense mother fuckers gonna learn? Either we, as a people, eradicate nuclear weapons or they are gonna eradicate us as a people. There is evidence for such wars in centuries gone by. (MORE)

80. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) But given how expensive the nuclear weapons are, theres always going to be an industry because theres just too much money to be made and too much power to be gained. Capitalism and morality are like oil and water when greed enters the equation as a catalyst. And, like many industries, it proves a magnificent waste of resources without benefitting the average person, who could use the money to emancipate himself from being subservient to the state. Instead we allow the powers that be to become more powerful with their brand new shiny versions of floating fortresses. Its the same as drug prohibition, its just the society weve created or allowed to be created by others by ourselves living in a state of hate, apathy and fear. But, of course, somehow these things like drug prohibition make us feel safer. The safety is only from the fear in your imagination which we propagandists planted in your mind using tools like Reefer Madness. The fear we planted in you minds allowed us greater money and power throughout the twentieth century, were in better shape now than ever before from the perspective or the greedy fuckwits orchestrating this scheme. But if you Western people really care about whats going on in darkie countries like Mexico, obviously we need to bring about some kind of change. Which I believe brings us neatly to the prohibition versus legislation versus decriminalisation debate, albeit via the long road. So, who wants to start?

CHAIRMAN turns to the others who are all asleep. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Well fuck you people. Youre the ones who wanted to discuss and learn about human nature, Im the one who wanted to go to sleep in the first fucking place. (MORE)

81. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Fine, Im going to bed. Get the hell of my sweet Bethany.

LENA Only kidding Chairman stupid. Everyone else wakes up. CHAIRMAN (to Lena) I will beat you, little girl. LENA No you wont. Now go and take your stinky medicine and tell us why there shouldnt be ay drug laws at all. CHAIRMAN Why, so you can all ignore what I say and fall asleep again? I should have just watched X-Factor and I would have been asleep hours ago. LENA We werent really sleeping stupid and I was listening to everything you said. Remember, Im on your side. CHAIRMAN Yeah, in the same way John Terry was supposed to be on Wayne Bridges side. But that didnt stop him from shafting Bridge, or to be more precise, his girlfriend. JENNA John Terrys a degenerate retard. If he wasnt a Premier League footballer, what else could he be? PLAY CLIP - KEVIN BRIDGES - THE STORY CONTINUES - JOHN TERRY INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER JENNA In the blue corner, we have Beth and Lily, who believe drugs should be legalised. (MORE)

82. JENNA (CONT'D) In the red corner we have Chairman and Lena, who believe drugs should be decriminalised. And also in front of this crowd of one, we have the idiot fanman Will, who believes drugs should remain illegal. Ready? Fight.

LENA kicks CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN I thought you were on my side, go kick them two. LENA I cant kick them. CHAIRMAN Well, kick Will then. LENA No, he bought us chips. CHAIRMAN OK, let us start with the idiot fanman who ruins everything. You really think drugs should remain illegal? WILL Of course, you cant have illegal drugs freely available to everyone like tobacco and alcohol. BETH Not everyone. There will be licenses and age restrictions, the same as alcohol. WILL Yeah, but that doesnt stop kids from acquiring and consuming tobacco and alcohol. Most smokers start before the legal age. CHAIRMAN There we go, if controls on alcohol and tobacco dont stop kids from getting a hold of them, whats the point of the controls? Have you ever heard of a drug dealer who requires proof of age for purchase?

83.

BETH The controls do stop people from whoring themselves out for a drug addiction. Ive never heard of a woman working as a prostitute to fund a tobacco addiction. CHAIRMAN No, but I did come across an immigrant in Italy who was pimping out his son to pay for, amongst other things, tobacco. WILL OK, but what about these two little angels? They would be able to get a hold of anything they want. BETH One of the reasons people like to do things is because they are told it is forbidden, like Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit. CHAIRMAN Or Lena and everything you tell her not to do. BETH These angels arent going to touch drugs until they are at least eighteen and if then they do decide to take drugs, at least they will get expert advice and uncontaminated drugs. Dealers cut drugs with whatevers available cheap. WILL So you really wouldnt mind if they took drugs... once theyre eighteen? BETH So long as they choose to, and make an informed decision at that, they have my blessing. And once theyre eighteen hopefully the opportunity will be available for them to be able to buy pure drugs from a licensed vendor.

84.

LENA Im never buying drugs, its a waste of money. WILL Good choice, my little angel. LENA Im getting the best ones free from the Chairman. CHAIRMAN Now thats my little angelface. WILL (to BETH) And youd be OK with that? BETH It would be highly hypocritical of me to repeat the just say no mantra when Ive probably taken more than my fair share of drugs. CHAIRMAN Fair share? God supplies so much, theres enough for everyone to take as much as they like. I mean, what drugs? I told you to get them from me. BETH Mainly psilocybin and so many drugs to try and control my schizophrenia. CHAIRMAN Like I said, I have the master drug to keep the schizo monster at bay. Where did you get your mushrooms from? I only ever gave you marijuana. BETH nods towards LENA & LILY CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Those two? I though adults gave drugs freely to children to get them hooked, but now children providing drugs to adults? Such a thing is unheard of.

85.

BETH Theres plenty of kids selling drugs. Many people are born in the so called game, havent you ever watched The Wire. CHAIRMAN I tried to, but I can never understand what's so great about it. People keep proclaiming it to be the most original television programme of all time. Cops and crims, like that hasnt been done before, I prefer the old camp Batman with Adam West. Same thing as The Wire to me. Anyway, wheres my mushrooms? LILY You cant have any, youre too much of a junkie. CHAIRMAN Where do you get them from anyway? LILY We go out and pick them for Bethy. CHAIRMAN From where? LENA Everywhere, you cant miss them if you actually look for them. Most people dont notice them. CHAIRMAN Like chemtrails. BETH Exactly. But unlike chemtrails, mushrooms are natural and can do your mind so much good. CHAIRMAN Natural, except for the chemtrails on them. How do you know which ones are good and which ones are poison? LILY Bethy told us what to look for and how to make spore prints. (MORE)

86. LILY (CONT'D) Its fun shroom hunting, its like science class in the real world.

BETH Thats right because science doesnt happen in a vacuum. JENNA Tell James Dyson that. CHAIRMAN And you, angelface, do you like picking mushrooms? LENA Yeah, I love going into the woods and parks and making art from the spore prints. CHAIRMAN That truly is psychedelic art. You two are like the pigs they use to find truffles. Do you two try and eat as much of each mushroom as you can before Beth wrestles them away from you? LILY Err, shrooms taste worse than McDonalds. WILL Ha, proof that if kids can get a hold of drugs, they will take them. LENA We dont take drugs. JENNA Ha, proof youre a idiot. Beth let them try them so they wouldnt be a mysterious forbidden fruit that they would always be curious about. LILY Yeah we tasted them and spat them out straight away because theyre disgusting. CHAIRMAN But you still collect them?

87.

LILY All the time. We look at the bottom of tress a couple of days after it rains. CHAIRMAN Its always rains in this fucking country. LENA No it doesnt or we could go out into the woods more. BETH You love being outdoors, dont you nature girl? LENA Yeah. CHAIRMAN But you dont like mushrooms? LENA Not to eat. We only collect them as medicine and medicine tastes horrible. CHAIRMAN So Beth sends young children alone into the woods to get her psychedelic medicine. Its dangerous in the woods, havent you seen Hansel and Gretel? LENA Ive read it and seen it. CHAIRMAN Not the Korean version Im talking about. The danger comes from little angel children like you two. LENA I havent seen that one. (to BETH) Can I watch it with you? BETH I havent seen it either, Chairmee will download it for us. LENA Cool.

88.

BETH And they dont go mushroom hunting own their own, Jen or I take them. LENA Yeah but you two work too much and it gets dark too early in the winter to go into the woods. BETH You can still go in the Summer. LENA It doesnt rain enough in the Summer. CHAIRMAN Yes it does in this fucking country. This weathers like the Muslims, either Sunni or Shiite. BETH Dont worry Angel Lena, now Chairmans back hell take you mushroom hunting whenever you like. LENA Will you, Chairman? CHAIRMAN Im not going out there, its horrible. LENA Thanks Chairman. LENA hugs CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN If I go out there, everyone keeps staring at me. I cant stand it anymore. BETH Leen always stares at you, can you not stand her? CHAIRMAN Yeah, but she does it with a sweet angelface smile, so it OK.

89.

LENA Ill teach you all about what to look for and where the best shrooms are. CHAIRMAN Okay, thank you angelface. LILY I thought you were a witchdoctor, dont you use shrooms? CHAIRMAN Not really anymore. with ayahuasca. LENA Whats that? CHAIRMAN Another powerful psychedelic used in Central and South America. LENA Can we pick some of that as well? CHAIRMAN Doesnt grow around here, need somewhere hotter like South America. LENA Okay, lets go. You can teach me all about it on the way. CHAIRMAN Im not going anywhere. LENA Teach me or Ill jump in the river in the woods. CHAIRMAN No need, Ill throw you in someday. BETH (to LENA) You always jump in the river in the woods. Im sure Chairman will grow some out here and teach you how to grow it, nature girl. (to LILY) And if you want science girl, hell teach you how to extract it. (MORE) I fell in love

90. BETH (CONT'D) He knows more about natural psychedelics than any of us. my psychedelic wonderchild.

Hes

LILY Is it all natural with no chemicals or Big Pharma drugs. BETH Always with the Chairman, he hates Big Pharma more than you two. Okay. LILY Thanks Chairman.

CHAIRMAN I never agreed to any of this. LENA Yes you did. Howm I supposed to teach you about shrooms if you already know everything? CHAIRMAN Yeah, I forgot. Thats what too many drugs do to the mind, I need you to reteach me angelface and show me the local terrain so I can find a few secluded spots for some guerilla growing projects. LENA Can my sister help? CHAIRMAN Of course she can. I need you to help me and show me how smart you are so I can get Bethanys special medicine so she remains the most amazing person on the planet. Are you in, Lily? LILY Okay. BETH (to CHAIRMAN) Whats the most mazing thing youve seen on Ayahuasca? CHAIRMAN Your face.

91.

BETH Apart from that, when you were in the Americas. CHAIRMAN Like I said, you face. I used to visualise it all the time. Sometimes more than a hundred feet high, sometimes hundreds of them sparkling like stars falling from the sky. JENNA Do you ever answer a question properly? CHAIRMAN Depends on what you mean by properly... and question... and do. The most amazing thing Ive ever seen with ayahuasca was in Mayan country when around a hundred people sat in rows of chairs facing the same way like in a theatre or cinema. Everyone, one by one came to the front and took their dose of psychic medicine and sat back down and had their own personal or even group experience in near silence. Truly amazing. Much better than then sticking a screen at the front and watching some Hollywood piece of shit, where they seem to have given up on originality and just do remakes, badly. Look another superhero film thats been made dozens of times before. Look Batman is stuck at the bottom of a pit with a broken back, do you think he will get out? Look Catwomans fucked off to go step out of a limo with her snatch showing at an awards ceremony, do you think she will come back and help Batman? Look a bombs about to detonate, will Batman get it away with just a few seconds to spare. Of course he fucking will. Oh, and of course lets just give the whole thing a glossy Hollywood happy ending in Florence as well. Its more predictable than a happy ending massage. (MORE)

92. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But its okay because next time we have Ben Affleck attempting to be an actor in the role of Batman.

JENNA He won an Oscar for Argo. CHAIRMAN Not for acting I can assure you. All he does in the film is smoke, yet he cant even smoke. Smokers inhale, you overrated twat. JENNA He also won Best Writing for Good Will Hunting. CHAIRMAN My point exactly. If thats the best Hollywood can do, why waste your time? JENNA Argo fuck yourself. We were supposed to be discussing drugs. BETH Thank you Jen. Will, you said if drugs were legal, kids would be shooting up skag as soon as they could climb out of the cot and operate a syringe. These girls have access to drugs and theyre not junkies. WILL Yeah, but theyve got you to teach them all about it. BETH Back to my earlier point, education protects far better than legislation. WILL Yeah, but most kids havent got someone as good as you to guide them. BETH Ill take that as a compliment. LENA Shes not good, shes the best.

93.

LILY Yeah. CHAIRMAN The retarded Kaiser does make a good point. WILL How am I retarded if I make a good point, and quit calling me Kaiser. CHAIRMAN OK, the retarded grandson of a Nazi makes a good point. WILL Again, how is it retarded, and stop calling me a Nazi as well. LENA If you tell someone not to do something without giving a good reason, theyll want to do it even more, you retarded Kaiser Nazi. CHAIRMAN I love this girl... BETH The good point Chairman before you get lost in Angel Lenas eyes. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, most people dont get as good an education as you provide for these two amazing entities... BETH Chairman. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, if the degenerate animals that human beings are insist on not being sterilized to keep your numbers down, then if you have a kid, its your fucking responsibilty to educate your own kids. Not the schools, not religion and not any of the other institutions you grant so much power in your life. When someone does well and succeeds in life, parents are the first ones to take the credit, but if they cant read, its the schools fault. (MORE)

94. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) If they cant swim, again must be the schools fault, it cant possibly be a parents responsibility to teach their child anything. If they join radical Islam, its Abu Hamzas fault. If they shoot up a school, of course, it must be Marilyn Mansons fault.

JENNA But most people cant teach anywhere near as well as Beth. CHAIRMAN Whys that? LENA Because shes nice and funny and interesting and knows everything, unlike most of my teachers. CHAIRMAN There you go. BETH Elaborate, not everybodys on you page, puppy dog. CHAIRMAN You are, you elaborate. LENA But do it in the style of Granddad or Chairman, hes funny when he pretends to be angry. CHAIRMAN I am fucking angry. I just vent my anger through words rather than... BETH (in a somewhat cockney accent) You see the problem with these degenerate fucking animals, or humans as you insist upon calling them, is they dont know a fucking thing. If you know fuck all, all you can teach your soon to be retarded offspring is fuck all. I mean, heres a fucking idea. (MORE)

95. BETH (CONT'D) If you want to be a doctor, you have to learn to be a fucking doctor so you can treat your fucking patients. And if you want to be a builder, you have to fucking learn how to build, these things dont happen overnight like dumping your load in some Feltham slut. You have to learn to do it and then maybe you can teach someone else and that takes a lot of fucking time and a lot of fucking effort to get to that stage. But how much time and effort does your average degenerate human being spend learning to be a parent, and a good fucking one at that? Next to fuck all.

CHAIRMAN I dont talk like that. BETH Who the fucks talking to you, boy? CHAIRMAN Im off to smoke this. CHAIRMAN pulls out a joint from behind his ear, underneath his hair, and stands up. BETH takes joint from CHAIRMAN and gently pushes him back down BETH Sit the fuck down boy and you actually might learn something. BETH lights joint. CHAIRMAN Ive still got the demon whisky. BETH steals drink from CHAIRMANs hand. BETH Now as I was saying, to be a good parent and actually teach these degenerate, criminally minded kids a fucking thing, first you have to learn a motherfucking thing or two yourself. But do you make the effort? Do you, wank. (MORE)

96. BETH (CONT'D) And if youre too fucking retarded or too fucking lazy, then find someone else to fucking teach the little brats. If that means turning to a piece of shit lying institution like the lying piece of shit educational systems, then take control of it, instead of ceding all power and control to the government. And dont get me started on the motherfucking government. Then make sure that those who teach your kids can actually fucking teach your kids, you retarded fucking retards. Why is it when it comes to our kids education we demand no proof of qualifications nor do we even ask what the fuck will be taught. When you employ someone to build a house, dont you ask beforehand what the finished product will look like? Enough with bullshit those who cant, teach mantra. Find some motherfucker who can actually teach, in a school or any other fucking place you can find.

LILY People like you. BETH Exactly, now you two girls get the hell out of here before you get poisoned by Chairmans drugs and I beat you both for taking drugs before youre eighteen. Go, now. LILY Youre the best. LENA Yeah. LILY & LENA hug BETH BETH Get out of here now before you get poisoned and let the smoke clear. LENA Love you.

97.

LILY Love you too. BETH Go, now angels. LILY & LENA run outside. BETH (CONTD) This shits pretty good, no wonder you live like this all the time. I could get used to this. WILL I cant believe you could do that in front of the girls. Youre turning into him. BETH & CHAIRMAN & JENNA Shut the fuck up, Will. CHAIRMAN How comes you can smoke in the house and I have to go outside in the freezing cold? BETH Good point. Id better finish this outside. BETH goes outside. Finish? CHAIRMAN Its my fucking joint.

CHAIRMAN follows BETH outside. EXT. GARDEN CHAIRMAN Are you sure you should be doing that? BETH Oh sorry, did you want a puff? CHAIRMAN You are schizo remember? And Im supposed to be keeping you safe. BETH I know, and you will.

98.

CHAIRMAN So you should only smoke Bethany Daise, I did breed it just for you. BETH I know, but that hasnt finished growing yet and I want to get high with my lover tonight, its been so long. CHAIRMAN Yeah, but... BETH Dont say that, Will always says yeah, but before restricting his existence. CHAIRMAN How am I supposed to keep your schizo under control when you wont follow your new doctors orders. BETH Most people dont obey the doctors orders, especially you. Chairman, look at me, I know I mean more to you than anything or anyone in the world, even marijuana. And Im going to do to you something you love to happen. CHAIRMAN What, are you gonna ride me all night and do all the work whilst I just toke MJ? BETH Maybe, but Im going to prove you wrong, something you adore. Its not some magic strain of marijuana that will keep the schizo monster at bay, its you. I cant go schizo when youre here. CHAIRMAN What about last time? BETH Last time I went schizo, you came back and I havent gone schizo since.

99.

CHAIRMAN I mean the first time we met. BETH You mean the first time we fell in love? CHAIRMAN Everyone who meets you falls in love with you. BETH When we first met, we spent sixtynine continuous days together. During which I smoked numerous strains of MJ provided by you and the schizo didnt appear until after you left. Its impossible for the monster to return as long as you are close to me. Youre like Saint George who can defeat the evil dragon. CHAIRMAN Maybe. BETH Theres no maybe about it. I cant live with my biological family because they create an environment too high in expressed emotion that will set me off at ease. But you are the most calming influence Ive ever had in my life and I need not worry about a single thing when youre here, you know how to deal with anything. The schizo monsters scared shitless of you. CHAIRMAN Calming influence? Im one of the most stressed and verbally aggressive people youre ever likely to meet. BETH Verbally aggressive? Yes. But youre not that stressed. Jenna and Will are more stressed out than you. Why do you think Will has lost his hair and everyone thinks Jenna is older than me? (MORE)

100. BETH (CONT'D) You have the means of dealing with it, such as releasing it through your many disjointed rants that turn me on like nothing else on this planet.

CHAIRMAN Really? BETH Really. Youre the sweetest, most honest adult Ive ever met in my life. Plus you always have this chronic to keep you that way as my sweet puppy dog who will always keep me safe and happy. The only thing I have to worry about is keeping you safe and well. You seem to have developed an antipathy to that. CHAIRMAN Okay, but just to be on the safe side, I'm keeping you close to me twenty-four seven. Like the first 69 days we spent together when you were never more than a few metres away from me. BETH I dont intend to be more than a few inches from you. You need me to take care of you more than any of my junkies need me. CHAIRMAN I managed to take care of myself for the last ten years. BETH No you didnt, you treat your body like shit most of the time. You never nurture your mind or your body with what you knows good for you. Im keeping you for the long haul Chairman. Im going to make sure you live so long that youll look older and worse than Keith Richards one day. Plus Im back on the MJ now so it should be easy to lie around with you all day. It was so much fun the first time.

101.

CHAIRMAN And I thought skunk caused psychosis. BETH You know thats a lie. Marijuana trigger psychosis in the same way that flashing lights can trigger epileptic seizures, but the actual cause of schizophrenia is genetic. CHAIRMAN Ah, but they also say indoor grown sinsemilla skunk messes with the mind more so than outdoor grown marijuana. BETH Indoor marijuana cultivation only emerged in the seventies with the emergence of the legendary Northern Lights and Skunk genotypes. Since then schizophrenia rates have remained unchanged yet the majority of marijuana consumption today in this country is indoor grown skunk. But, you already know that. CHAIRMAN You are so fucking impressive, maybe more so under the influence of the right intoxicants. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Just trying to keep up with my darling Chairman. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Ive never met a person who takes a genuine interest in the things most important in my life. Most people just shut the fuck up, smile or change the subject to retarded reality television. And you smoke marijuana as well. BETH Good point. We better get back to the girls or theyll watch reality TV all night.

102.

CHAIRMAN Anything to stop that poison from killing our minds and distorting our perception of success. BETH Also, since Im getting stoned with you everyday for the foreseeable future, you have to make love to me everyday again. CHAIRMAN We didnt make love everyday, well not the first three days anyway. BETH I know, we managed to wait over fifty hours and then couldnt stop for two months. Im not waiting as long as fifty hours ever again without having you deep inside me. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, I forgot you could deepthroat. But given how sacred you consider the act of coitus and how excited and stressed you get just thinking about it, are you sure its wise? BETH If you dont find me sexually attractive, just say so. Dont use my schizophrenia as an excuse not to fuck me. CHAIRMAN Thats not what Im saying, Ive never been more sexually attracted to... Hang on, youre fucking with me arent you? BETH In more ways than one tonight. Thinking about making love makes me so stressed and sets off the schizo. So simple solution, no more lingering thought about it. Starting from tonight, whenever I think about it, lets just do it.

103.

CHAIRMAN Is that the same for me, because men allegedly think about sex every seven seconds? BETH I doubt many men thought about sex every seven seconds whilst watching Schindlers List or Paris Hiltons sextape. Or whilst solving quadratic equations or watching retard thugs playing football. CHAIRMAN (in girly Vietnamese voice) Wayne Rooney, he make me so horny, but he has to pay for it. Double if he wants to sleep with my grandmother as we have to dig her up first. BETH Chairman, youre not the only one who would love things to go back to exactly as they were when we first met and fell in love. But youve been gone along time and this group of people are my family now. CHAIRMAN So long as theres plenty of toking and ploughing to be done and you stay with me all day long. I think I can stay here for quite awhile. BETH Forever, not quite awhile. CHAIRMAN Once those sweet angels become obnoxious teenagers, Im taking you to Florence. BETH Lenas already too attached to you. Shell hunt you down to the ends of the Earth. CHAIRMAN No need. Im gonna kidnap her and bring her with.

104.

BETH Time to get back to our debate and then time for us to get back to the way things should be. Im gonna ride you all night whilst you can just remain like a toking mannequin. CHAIRMAN What has come over you today? BETH Hey, save coming over me until a little later would you? CHAIRMAN Now whos failing to answer the question? BETH Youre crazy, beautiful mind does things to me, on so many levels, psychologically, spiritually, physically and so many more I cant begin to describe. I cant wait anymore. Plus, I read your diary. CHAIRMAN I havent got a diary. BETH The archive folder on your laptop has a diary written in two-thousand and four and five. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, I did keep a diary for a few months after reading Anne Franks diary and visiting her home, or prison, or haven. Whatever it was to her, when I was trying to OD on MJ and psilocybin in the Dam. BETH Its the most depressing and addictive text Ive ever encountered. CHAIRMAN The Diary of Anne Frank wasnt that depressing.

105.

BETH Your diary idiot, no wonder Lena calls you Chairman stupid. You wrote that not long after we decided it was best if we didnt stay together. So its partially my fault that you were so depressed. Its time to show you, or rather its time for you to experience, just how much fun life can be. No more sitting around stoned and alone listening to another woman named Beth singing about how if I never saw the Sunshine, I wouldnt mind the rain. CHAIRMAN I dont want another woman, even if she has a gorgeous voice and is named Beth. I want the sunshine of your love. BETH Youre going to get a lot more than that this time. Now back to educating the girls as debating you turns me on so much. So lets see how ferocious you can build my libido before I unleash it upon you. CHAIRMAN (in the style of Samuel L. Jackson) And you know my name is the Chairman as I lay my cock upon thee. INT. LIVING ROOM BETH Right, I believe Will was arguing in favour of prohibition. WILL Not in its current form. Just simply move the government involvement from one of criminality to harm reduction. Its a health issue not a criminal issue.

106.

BETH But it will remain a criminal issue as prohibition always leads to crime and often some of the most brutal violence in society. As long as there is money to be made, and massive amounts at that, if there is no legal supply, the gangs and the cartels will always move in. And with them comes the violence and killing that is so prevalent in countries like Mexico. WILL Yeah, but... BETH In Nepal drugs were legal until the US government paid fifty million dollars to the Nepalese government in order to get them criminalised, and this led to an explosion of violence led by the newly powerful gangs and cartels. WILL Yeah, but... CHAIRMAN Plus if this is a health issue and person refuses treatment, then what? Lock them up as the substances they were caught with are still illegal. WILL I didnt say anything about locking people up. BETH So what do you do with those who refuse treatment programmes as they often have very stringent rules such as being interned an a treatment facility. Thats not easy if you have a family to look after. WILL If they refuse treatment, then...

107.

BETH Sounds like youre leaning towards decriminalisation which puts you on Lena and Chairmans side. WILL No, I dont agree with his free for all anarchic policy. LENA So whats the point of having laws if nobody has to follow them? WILL I dont know anymore. CHAIRMAN (to LENA) Youre so much smarter than him. Plus you dont get scared easily. Will is scared of a change in drugs laws because he has no idea what a future without drug laws would really look like. BETH Ignorance breeds fear and fear breeds ignorance. So thats Will discounted or at least in limbo. (to LILY) Now its you and me against my lover and your sister, think we can beat them? LILY Yeah. LENA Lilys smarter than me. CHAIRMAN And Beths a lot smarter than me. LENA We cant win. Will you should join our side. CHAIRMAN Thats not gonna help, that will hinder us. We need him on their side. LENA We dont have a chance.

108.

CHAIRMAN We can get Lily on our side. LENA & LILY How? CHAIRMAN Lily, have you ever heard of an organisation called The Partnership for a Drug Free America? LILY No. CHAIRMAN They are the ones who play a huge role in deciding which drugs are legal or illegal. LILY How do they decide? CHAIRMAN As always follow the money to see whos really behind this, although the Nine Eleven Commission didnt think the money trail was worth investigating. The people who fund the partnership are largely Big Oil and Big Pharma. Big Oil needs certain drugs to stay illegal as a means of funding the paramilitaries they want to take power in oil producing regions and Big Pharma wants the drugs they control to stay legal and the other illegal. LILY I hate Big Pharma. CHAIRMAN I know, so get over here before I harpoon you and drag you over here. LILY But if drugs were legal, drug free America would disappear, so Big Pharma cant fund them. CHAIRMAN Who do you think the biggest suppliers of newly legalised drugs would be?

109.

LILY You. CHAIRMAN Im retired. LENA More like retarded. CHAIRMAN That too, angelface. In eighteen eighty-three, the Merck pharmaceutical company sold less than half a kilo of cocaine. The following year, a medical paper was published claiming coke was a wonder drug that cures all your ills and was not addictive. Even Sigmund Freud got on the snorting bandwagon. In eighteen eightyfive, Merck sold eighty-four tonnes of coke. LILY No, they dont control tobacco and alcohol and theyre legal. CHAIRMAN Alcohol and tobacco companies dont want blanket legislation, it would hurt their business to hard if you could grow your own at home. LILY Theyre still not controlled by Big Pharma. CHAIRMAN You hate Big Pharma because they never stop trying to push their drugs on people, right? LILY Their nasty drugs with nasty sideeffects. CHAIRMAN Well if all natural drugs were legal, they would soon be used by some doctors for therapeutic purposes and so Big Pharma would get involved.

110.

LILY (to BETH) Really? BETH Probably as using natural drugs would dent their profits. A change in drugs laws could revolutionise the therapeutic drug industry and reverse the damage done by John D. Rockerfeller. But as Big Pharma makes too much money and are too greedy they would try and find a way to get doctors to prescribe drugs they can make money from. CHAIRMAN Its like the clinical psychologist's bible, the DSM. The DSM Five is being created almost exclusively by people with links to and funding from Big Pharma, so what kind of treatment will they recommend? Big Pharma will create their own version of the natural and currently illegal drugs that they can patent. Then my fellow propagandists will sell it to the medical industry and public at large, in the same way John D. Rockerfeller sold the world the lie that pharmaceutical medication is better than older, natural cures. He lived to over the age of ninety and died with his personal homeopathic doctor in attendance. Big Pharma will end up with just as much power and influence, if not more. LILY No, they wont, the law will stop them. CHAIRMAN We live in the age of the corporation, governments are becoming increasingly obsolete. The corporations now often make more than the entire GDP of a country, and by that I mean a country full of darkies. (MORE)

111. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Given how corrupt politicians are and how much money they need to stay in power, they will just increasingly become the corporations bitch.

BETH Thats why we as a people need to control our government rather than handing over the reins to idiots like W and Boris. CHAIRMAN Can you see that happening anytime soon? BETH A change in the drug laws would require a change in thinking and with that would come a new breed of politician. People whos policies appeal against the current backdrop of voter apathy. CHAIRMAN Can you see that happening anytime soon? BETH Yes. Human beings may be creatures of habit but they are also able to make great changes in a relatively short period of time. We spend longer raising our children than any other species which allows that social change to occur over a much shorter period of time than if the change was genetic. There isnt much, if anything, genetically different between us and the primitive savages of yesteryear, where brutality and infanticide were common parts of daily life. CHAIRMAN And how advanced we are today where reality TV is a common part of everyday life? BETH If you and I can intellectually evolve, why not everyone?

112.

LENA Even Will? BETH Yes, even Will is starting to change his thinking. CHAIRMAN You greatly overestimate the retarded masses. Most never fill their heads with knowledge and for those who do, thinking still remains an unknown endeavour. These people arent prepared to take control of their government themselves. Look at the Egyptian revolution, they kicked out the old government but immediately installed a new government so someone else could control the government and the people could go back to watching reality television. Real change needs to be thrust upon the idiot masses. Why do you think we propagandists have become so powerful? LENA Maybe you should use your skills to force people to educate and think for themselves. CHAIRMAN Then we will lose all our power and in all things in life, any kind of power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. LENA Youre not corrupted, you could do it. CHAIRMAN Im retired now, I have to stay with Beth and work on my plan to kidnap you. LENA Okay then, you can train me to do it for when Im President.

113.

CHAIRMAN Okay angelface, but lets look at the reality of legislation using tobacco as an example. The tobacco industry is controlled by gigantic Western corporations who make ridiculous profits despite the fact that tobacco consumption kills over ten million people each year. All illegal drugs combined dont even kill five per cent of that number, if you exclude the violence inherent in prohibition. And do you know how they got to be so big as corporations and killers? JENNA Because of the influence of mighty propagandists like you? CHAIRMAN In part. We used to get dentists to recommend certain brands as being good for your teeth. SHOW POSTERS OF 62% OF DENTISTS RECOMMEND BRAND X. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) The daddy of public relations even targeted women specifically, during the womens rights movement. During a parade, a bunch of models were payed to whip out and light up a cigarette, whilst the media were handily placed to document the stunt. They then referred to cigarettes as torches of liberty, i.e. If you smoke you are a liberated woman just like the what the Statue of Liberty represents. Plus a million other tricks, but that was just to get them started. They key is to get them hooked and do you know what the secret ingredient is for addiction? BETH Ammonia. CHAIRMAN OK, your turn gorgeous genius girl.

114.

BETH Modern tobacco has hundreds, maybe over one thousand chemical additives in it. Its a different drug compared to what was once smoked by the native Americans. And the most important of which is ammonia which allows a drug to be absorbed faster and in greater quantities by the human body. Its also what is used by people like Chairman use to turn opium in to heroin, which is far more addictive than opium. CHAIRMAN Exactly princess. This is what corporations who demand permanent growth want, addicts not casual users. You know if corporations with the same mentality controlled the so called illicit drugs market, their goal would be to turn all users into addicts, once the propagandists have tempted them to try the drug. Plus, Big Tobacco will sell to anyone and that includes children. Which is exactly what they are doing in Asia and Africa, where you can buy single sticks of tobacco which are kept in containers provided by the tobacco companies themselves. Dont think the kids cant afford them, literally hundreds of shipping containers full of cigarettes go missing every year and end up being sold tax free in places like Africa, where it is usually a shorter walk to get a Marlboro than it is to get drinking water. And now they are doing the same with other drugs like sugar and chocolate. WILL Sugar and chocolate are drugs? BETH (gesturing towards LILY) Of course, sugar was largely responsible for this little ones hyperactivity.

115.

LILY And them you fixed me, the way you fix everyone. BETH If only I could. Chocolate is also a drug which acts on the exact same pathways in the brain as heroin. By using a opiate antagonist such as Naloxone, you can stop a chocoholic from gorging their fat faces on chocolate until they look like an oompah lumpah. CHAIRMAN Jordans skin colour makes her look like a queen oompah lumpah. BETH The love of chocolate comes from the reactions in the brain not the taste. Thats why so many people prefer chocolate to sex, which is also addictive due to what happens inside the brain, not to the body. WILL Only women prefer chocolate to sex, a man would never say such thing. JENNA Im taking a bar of Green and Blacks to bed tonight instead of Will, or maybe a maybe a chocolate phallus moulded from him. Gonna need at least two bars. CHAIRMAN And you people let the Marlboro Man buy Cadburys? JENNA No we didnt, Kraft bought it. CHAIRMAN And who bought Kraft in the nineties? BETH Phillip Morris, who own Marlboro amongst a mass of other tobacco brands.

116.

JENNA Wouldnt there have been a public outcry? CHAIRMAN Probably, if we propagandists hadnt worked our magic. LENA What did you do, Chairman? CHAIRMAN Simple, Phillip Morris bought Kraft, so we set up a parent company called Altria who own both Phillip Morris and Kraft. Kraft then bought Cadburys, so the chain of ownership is Cadburys, Kraft, Altria. Thus cutting the demon Phillip Morris out of the chain, in name anyway. Given that refined sugar, aka white sugar, probably kills more people than tobacco as coronary heart disease is the developed worlds number one cause of death ahead of lung cancer. Given that we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic, Phillip Morris will do a great job of keeping that as the status quo. BETH And they are experts at pushing drugs on kids, which they can quite legally do with sugar and chocolate. CHAIRMAN Are you still sure you want these corporations to control the sales of all drugs? BETH They wont control it, the government will. WILL Like when they banned tobacco advertising and put health warnings on cigarette packets.

117.

CHAIRMAN And how long did that take, given that Big Tobacco spends so much of their ill gotten gains on soulless lawyers, that governments are not prepared to fight them on an even playing field because they would rather spend the money on arms and locking up people? Plus, companies like Phillip Morris were happy with that ban on advertising in established markets, it stops new brands from challenging the dominance of a brand like Marlboro, as weve already established the brand in a way now other company can now do in the West. BETH If drugs were legalised and taxed, governments would have the money to contest corporations on an even playing field. CHAIRMAN Governments collect more revenue from a packet of cigarettes than the tobacco companies earn. Even if they did decide to take on the tobacco companies it would represent yet another magnificent waste of money on yet more soulless lawyers. But theyre not going to spend the money fighting them, they would rather spend it on more floating fortresses or find a new group to lock up like those who make jokes about riots and terrorism on social network sites. JENNA You hate everything about social network sites. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, lets lock them up instead of junkies. BETH Chairman, no getting sidetracked. Tobacco.

118.

CHAIRMAN Right, cigarette warnings on packs. We have a means around that as well. Tobacco companies supply paper sleeves with cool designs on to cover up the nasty picture of an external cancerous tumour. Making the warning obsolete and the packaging look even more appealing. And in this age of personalization, choose you own favourite packaging just like the case on you twatphone. JENNA Whats the alternative you are proposing? CHAIRMAN Lena, your turn. LENA No laws. Do what you want, just dont hurt others. BETH Elaborate. LENA Chairman, help me. CHAIRMAN Anytime angelface. Do things much more like the Dutch coffeeshop system. Theres a distinct lack of corporations in the coffeeshop scene. Even the biggest names like The Greenhouse, Barneys and The Dampkring only have a handful of shops in Amsterdam, far fewer than branches of McDonalds. And these shops dont advertise everywhere. In fact, the only advert Ive ever seen for a Dutch coffeeshop was Barneys tiny posting in the Yellow Pages. Plus these shops dont alter the MJ to make it more addictive with chemical additives. They try to produce better strains to satisfy customers and compete with rivals. And they are subject to seemingly no regulation when it comes to the product.

119.

JENNA Ive been to Amsterdam and they do have rules such as minimum age with ID sometimes required, and they can only sell you five grams. CHAIRMAN And they are only allowed a quarter kilo in stock. But those are restraints on sales not the actual product itself, which is not grown or manufactured by big corporations. LILY Who grows it? CHAIRMAN Independent commercial growers. Sure, many are in it for the money, but the breeders who create the new strains, with some help from Mother Nature, do it out of a passion for MJ not money. They dont produce a load of new more addictive products they way corporations would. JENNA Theres still regulations for growers though. CHAIRMAN No there isnt. Dutch law allows you to grow a handful of plants at home and not under lights. All coffeeshops buy their supplies in through the backdoor as very people have a license to grow it. LENA Who has licenses, do you have one? CHAIRMAN I dont need one, I dont listen to the government. The people who have been granted a license for commercial grows have been producing medical marijuana for sale in pharmacies under prescription, not for coffeeshops. BETH So there is a legal supply.

120.

CHAIRMAN Not really, most of it was destroyed as patients found it to be too restrictive, a key word when it comes to government, who dont grant you your God given rights but rather place restrictions on them. BETH What didnt the patients like? CHAIRMAN Pharmacies charge about the same as coffeeshops, limit sales to twentyeight grams and growers, and therefore pharmacies and patients, are restricted to only one strain of MJ due to the faulty thinking of the medical industrys silver bullet theory. LENA Whats that? BETH Modern medicine believes all people should receive the same treatment if they are diagnosed with a particular illness. But people arent like that, everyone needs to be medically treated as an individual. LENA Why dont they do that? BETH Because they just want to get you out of their surgery as fast as possible, they are supposed to see each patient in less than eight minutes. It would take them too long to learn everything they really need to know about a patient to give them the best possible treatment. LENA Thats stupid, theyre supposed to help you. LILY They just want to give you more Big Pharma drugs.

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CHAIRMAN Genius sweet angels. Most of the users of the government sanctioned medical marijuana switched back to the unregulated products of the coffeeshops as they could try a variety of strains and decide for themselves what is the best medicine for themselves rather than letting someone else tell you what is best. WILL If its unregulated, then whats stopping someone putting chemicals into the marijuana, possibly even killing someone? CHAIRMAN Coffeeshops are largely based on reputation. BETH Not for your average British tourist, who will just go into the first place they see that they think is a coffeeshop. Jenna. CHAIRMAN True, but for connoisseurs and locals, reputation is everything. So they get their supply from known and trusted suppliers. And, of course, they test it. WILL If ever a job was made for you. CHAIRMAN No, I get much better stuff from Mother Nature. JENNA I though didnt like outdoor grown. CHAIRMAN Yeah, but I always travel with my bubblebags and make ice hash. WILL Hash is normally full of additives.

122.

BETH Not the Chairmans unadulterated supply. CHAIRMAN She know me too well... BETH Chairman, coffeeshops. CHAIRMAN Oh yeah, if a coffeeshop sold a product that killed someone due to additives, they would lose all their customers due to the fatal stain on their reputation. Which would be far worse than the stain Bill Clinton left on Monica Lewinskys dress. WILL Only if people found out about it. CHAIRMAN This is MJ not Big Pharma, who each year manage to kill more people with properly prescribed and administered medication than the US army manage to slaughter. If anyone dies from coffeeshop MJ it would be on every news bulletin and front page for days. But you never see a headline in the Murdoch media mentioning the eight hundred thousand killed annually each year by Big Pharma, and thats not counting the even greater number killed by medical errors and negligence. And, of course, in the case of MJ, if someone died, the government would have to intervene. WILL Proof you need government control. CHAIRMAN Not really as one, all deaths should be investigated by a coroner, although they failed to do that well in the case of Doctor David Kelly And second, killing a person is a violation of common law. (MORE)

123. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Theres no need for specific laws on drugs, such as when murder can be tried as a race hate crime.

WILL What if someone died from another decriminalised drug like cocaine or heroin, would the government intervene? CHAIRMAN Depends on what the coroner rules. Not if the death was due to negligence on the part of the user. You cant stop people from dying even though you people who demonise smokers think youre gonna live forever. If the retailer and manufacturer provide information at the point of sale about the dangers of the product, then they have done their part. If the user ignores it, its their problem. Like some strains of ice hash in Amsterdam which have a warning, for experienced smokers only. BETH Something that acts as an advertisement rather than a warning to you. CHAIRMAN You really do know me too well. LENA Thats the reason she calls you her sweet puppy dog. JENNA What about streetdealers? They could add additives and you use street dealers all the time. CHAIRMAN Only out of necessity due to government legislation, and yes I have bought MJ with chemical additives and even liquid glass sprayed onto the green to make it look like it was caked in crystals. (MORE)

124. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) But again it comes down to reputation, I dont buy again from such dealers when I have an alternative supplier and in turn they would stop buying from such wholesalers and growers. Assuming consumers have the knowledge to differentiate between good and bad shit. In time, people would stop using streetdealers and instead go to reputable and trusted suppliers such as the established Dutch coffeeshops.

BETH Except for people who just want the cheapest prices. Streetdealers wouldnt pay tax. People destroy their health by buying cheap food devoid of nutrients and destroy others peoples health by buying cheap clothes made in dangerous sweatshops in places like Bangladesh. In this economic era, most people would probably seek the cheap supply. CHAIRMAN In nearly all purchases, you have to pay for a quality and safe product. BETH If corporations took over prices would fall, maybe even below street prices, due to corporate advantages like economies of scale. CHAIRMAN But thats the problem, I dont want the corporations to get involved due to their obsession with price and profit. It needs to stay small scale for the sake of the product, not for the sake of price. BETH You cant realistically expect an industry as large as the recreational drugs industry to remain out of the clutches of big business. (MORE)

125. BETH (CONT'D) As you already said, they launder over one trillion dollars a year of illicit drug money.

CHAIRMAN But it has remained out of the clutches at the grower and retailer i.e. dealer or coffeeshop level, at least for MJ. BETH So thats your main opposition to legislation? CHAIRMAN Exactly, the corporations would just fuck everything up and make cheap shitty drugs for the masses and make the connoisseur drugs even more expensive to give them an air of exclusivity. Keep everything small scale and run by people who have a passion for what they produce and sell, not a multinational corporate enterprise designed to maximise profit and market share. It may not be best for price but it is best for the quality of the product. BETH That isnt necessarily true for harder synthetic drugs. CHAIRMAN I dont care about them, do what you want. I only want the organic products and no one should have the right to fuck with organic products. Whether it be government prohibition or corporations like Monsanto genetically modifying them. BETH So you wouldnt mind corporations controlling the hard processed drug market? CHAIRMAN Like I said, if its a drug I dont love as a gift from Mother Nature i.e. anything non-organic, I dont really care. (MORE)

126. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Sure legislation would solve a lot of problems but not problems like addiction, promotion and advertising.

BETH There would be strict controls on promotion as we have learned lessons from tobacco and alcohol. CHAIRMAN Maybe in this country but poorer countries often have very corrupt governments and these leaders, whether politicians or royalty, can easily be bought off, much the same way Nepal was bought off to prohibit drugs. That would largely violate the entire endeavour in terms of harm reduction. And even in richer and bigger markets like America, promotion is rampant for many legals drugs, particularly Big Pharma who spend a quarter of their gigantic budget on promotion. LILY Is he right? Will it make Big Pharma even bigger so they give out more drugs? CHAIRMAN I told you wed get her on our side. BETH First the tobacco and alcohol corporations are not Big Pharma. Second if Big Pharma did get a slice of the cake, or mango in this hyperactive girls case, they would start prescribing natural drugs like the Chairman does, especially if thats what the public ask for. And if the public find out for themselves that it works better than the nasty pills with their ghastly side-effects, then use of those pills would decrease and people could get pharmaceutical grade natural cures. LILY Im staying here.

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CHAIRMAN Argh, for fucks sake, I forgot who I was up against. LENA (quietly to CHAIRMAN) Were losing, do something with your proper skills. CHAIRMAN Im supposed to be teaching you about propaganda, so use something Ive taught you already. Make them come up with the ideas so we can criticise them. LENA OK then, if laws are so good, explain exactly how they would work. CHAIRMAN (quietly to LENA) And the companies to make it harder. LENA And what rules the companies would have to follow. CHAIRMAN And the punishment of these companies. LENA And what happens when the companies break the laws. And whos in charge of making and using the laws. LILY They're cheating, theyre using proper. BETH And propaganda is a huge element of communication and therefore everyday life. Angel Lenas learning a new superpower because shes such a cute little genius, just like you. You can learn from my Chairman too. LENA runs to and hugs BETH.

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CHAIRMAN I thought you were on my side. LENA Im over here now, you said I should learn to argue on all sides. CHAIRMAN Fine. I work better on my own anyway and Im used to it. This way theres no one to limit my reach into the darkest depths of the human soul and rip and use any weapon I can find. Youre playing against raw human magma now. BETH Save some of that raw fluid for me later. CHAIRMAN Answer the question or Im going down to News Internationals London headquarters and going postal. You know I want to. LENA Whats going postal, are you gonna deliver them a bomb? WILL Close. Going postal is when someone shoots up a workplace or a school. The first people to do it were postal workers, which is the most depressed profession in America. LILY (to BETH) Is that true? BETH Nearly all true, he forgot to say its when American people, such as a US Postal Service worker, goes on a homicidal gun rampage. No other country in the world would invent such specific terms for specific types of massacres. Consider it Americas contribution to enriching the English language. LENA runs to Chairman.

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CHAIRMAN You back on my side again? LENA Need to make the question easier to answer by using an example. And use the example of the postal killers to show how your laws and companies would help these sad people. LENA runs back to BETH. LENA (CONTD) Theyre so bad for asking such a hard question. I say we just skip it and make him look like a drug dealer and make fun of the way he looks. WILL Finally, something I can have fun at. BETH OK, we need a break to formulate a response. Chairman, go get stoned. CHAIRMAN No wife would ever say that to her husband, thats why were never getting married. LENA Yes, you are. CHAIRMAN Look, Ill prove to you marriage is a bad idea. PLAY CLIP - TOM STADE LIVE - COMPROMISE KILLED MY DREAMS. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN enters. CHAIRMAN Right, youve had enough time to conspire. Now demonstrate your ideal system and Will and go first with Beth last. Otherwise this will be a two person conversation.

130.

BETH Will. WILL I thought you were going to do most of the talking. BETH I will, but first you explain your preferred system as well as you understand it. WILL OK, we eliminate all laws for personal use and refer them to the health authorities instead so they can get free treatment. CHAIRMAN And who exactly refers these people? WILL Doctors. CHAIRMAN What about the police, do they refer people? LENA No, they arrest them and drag them away kicking and screaming after tasering them. BETH Thats special treatment for schizos like me, sweetheart. CHAIRMAN If a person is stopped by the police and found to be in possession of what is still a prohibited substance, or is even consuming a narcotic openly in public, what would the police do? WILL If its possession for personal use, nothing. CHAIRMAN Not even confiscate it?

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WILL Not if its for personal use. CHAIRMAN Define personal. WILL Less than a certain amount. CHAIRMAN Be specific. WILL Five grams. CHAIRMAN Five grams, I buy at a time, you get shit quarter. What would now that Im classed least an ounce prices below a happen to me as a dealer?

WILL They wouldnt class you as a dealer. LENA Yes they would, once they found those scales in your pocket. CHAIRMAN Its a keyring, I always carry it. And stop going through my pockets. WILL Okay, not five grams... How about this, however much you can carry on your person. CHAIRMAN So you cant carry a bag on your person? WILL Only if its inside the clothing your wearing, but no external bags. Thats seem a fair compromise. CHAIRMAN Ill go along with that, it gives people the opportunity to be innovative with the law. So long as it includes how much you can shove into a mule. (MORE)

132. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Speaking of drug mules, Lena, I found a way to get you a cheap flight to Angkor.

Liar.

LENA You have to take me.

CHAIRMAN And Ill leave you there as a dirty garbage picking street child. What about people using drugs on the street or in a public park? WILL Okay, I can come up with a compromise on this too. I know youre trying to make me look like a advocate a police state. You can do it so long as no one else complains. CHAIRMAN We live in a nation of love to complain whingers. It a national pastime to feel offended and complain about something you didnt even experience because the media told you you should be mad as hell about it. Like the Ross Brand affair, or Janet Jackson whipping out a titty at the Superbowl. Its just to displace your justified anger at the government, corporations and banks onto a clearly identified scapegoat. WILL Thats why you should go somewhere more private, not a public place like in the middle of Saint Marks Square. CHAIRMAN I did that and Im gonna take Beth back their for our anniversary to do the same with her... BETH Chairman. CHAIRMAN What? Is it time to go the Venice already? Just let me pack some herbs. (MORE)

133. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Oh yeah, so one of you motherfuckers will find it impossible to resist this nations collective urge to complain if Im toking in the park. Even though I got there first and purposefully picked out an isolated spot. Not in order to avoid offending people by burning plants, something nature does all the time, but to try to get away from the rest of you whiney fucking whingers, especially if they speak in a retarded, high pitched, amused at anything, gay American accent. What happens to me then?

WILL First the person or people who have a problem should ask you to stop. CHAIRMAN Ill only stop if they can give me a justified reason, for example, if I was smoking at a petrol station or in an operating theatre. And if I have offended anyone, before I stop or move away, I want proof I have offended them. But thats not gonna happen so they will call up the boys on blue to come down, assume Im a terrorist, and taser me to toast like in Syphon Filter. WILL No, they would ask you to stop or leave. CHAIRMAN Fuck the police. If the offended twats a) couldnt come up with justification, b) couldnt prove how I have offended them or infringed on their rights or liberties and c) couldnt just move, even if it is only for ten minutes whilst I finish the joint, fuck em. But instead they would rather waste an hour waiting around for the police and getting into a dispute rather than relaxing at the park, then the police arent gonna have better luck trying to stop me. (MORE)

134. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Just because they have a badge, uniform and are a member of the Freemasons still doesnt give me justified reason to stop toking. Is it time for the armed police to storm in and shoot me in the head seven times with hollow point bullets for looking a bit Brazilian and being good with electronics?

WILL They would confiscate your stuff. CHAIRMAN They cant have my fucking stuff, its mine. And you said there would be no laws on personal use. WILL We cant have you smoking marijuana openly in front of kids and people who dont like inhaling smoke. CHAIRMAN Freedom means I have the right to toke at will, they have the freedom to fuck off and you have the freedom to go put on a brown shirt, you police state loving grandson of a Nazi. WILL Two Nazis actually. And Lily used to wear a brown shirt, well brown dress anyway when she was in the Brownies. Does that make her a police state loving Nazi? LENA No, she got kicked out for breaking all the rules. WILL OK, certain buildings and areas like parks will carry signs if no drugs are allowed, the same as no smoking and drinking signs. CHAIRMAN And if I dont see any sign or its in one of these foreign languages that foreigners speak in places like Bongo-Bongoland?

135.

WILL The authorities would ask you to stop or leave. CHAIRMAN Fuck em. I not going anywhere til I finish my joint and regain my sense of balance. Are the park rangers gonna become militarised and drag me hooded and bound to Guantanamo? Just want to turn everybody into the police dont you, Stasi boy? WILL They wouldnt go that far. JENNA They would. If they couldnt move you themselves, they will call the police and sooner or later someone will get tasered. Ive seen it on YouTube with drunks and the mentally ill. CHAIRMAN So Will cant imagine a system without the odd police tasering. And as you probably want the supply chain to remain criminalised and therefore in hands of the immoral criminal gangs, cartels and paramilitaries, that doesnt do much to diminish the violence enshrined in prohibition. But what about those who refuse treatment? WILL Nothing. Treatment is always available to those who seek and commit to it. No one is forced against their will and can find a treatment that suits their situation. JENNA And if they cant find a treatment where they can adhere to the rules and regulations?

136.

WILL Then we have to do a better job in listening to those afflicted and create suitable treatment programmes for them. CHAIRMAN Thats the most intelligent thing hes gonna say all night. So lets leave his flawed model there whilst he goes out on a high. So long as you say what I wanna hear. WILL (in Forrest Gump accent) You aint got no legs, Lieutenant Dan. CHAIRMAN Angels, explain to me how your legislation works. LILY We get rid of all the old laws and rewrite the rules now that were smarter. CHAIRMAN Whos we, the government? LILY Yes LENA (simultaneously with LILYs yes) No. (quietly to LILY) We can beat him if we dont let him complain all night about the government knowing what library books he borrows and what smut he downloads. (to everyone) The laws are written by experts. LILY Like Bethy. CHAIRMAN And what happens when someone breaks the law?

137.

LILY We go to the police. CHAIRMAN Again with the police state. Go put your brown shirt or dress on, Brownie. LILY Doesnt fit anymore, Am I allowed to call you brownie or is that just racist? BETH You can call Chairman anything you like so long as you dont have hatred in your heart. Ill even get you a new brown dress if you want to annoy the Chairman. LENA Can I have one too? BETH Of course, sweetheart. LENA So long as its not made by Chinese children. JENNA Hate you for not allowing me to shop at Primark anymore. I mean, where were we? BETH If someone is suspected of breaking the law, the evidence is taken to a judge who accepts or rejects the case. The courts then control any subsequent prosecution. CHAIRMAN Not how it works. Weve too much money and a payroll full of too many lawyers prepared to sell their own souls. You cant beat us, just slow us down a bit at best. BETH Well see.

138.

CHAIRMAN We already did for tobacco. OK, so ignoring enforcement of the law the moment, what are your laws? LENA No drugs before youre eighteen. CHAIRMAN And what happens if you do sell to minors? LILY You get fined. CHAIRMAN How much? LILY Ten thousand pounds... each time. CHAIRMAN The retailers will write it into their employees contracts that the shop staff pay the fine and not the corporation. Asda do it with alcohol sales. LILY Thats why they have to ask for ID, they sold it not the company. CHAIRMAN Fair enough. What is they keep selling to kids again and again and can afford as many fines as you throw at them because the employees are liable for it not the huge corporation. LILY Three fines in a year and you lose your license to sell. CHAIRMAN So I need to get a license to sell first? LILY Not to sell, just to set up a shop to sell.

139.

CHAIRMAN So streetdealers still exist in this post-apocatyltic future where all drugs are legal? LILY Only if people use them. You cant control everything and everyone. BETH Careful angel, saying that to a propagandist is a dare. CHAIRMAN So what do I need to get a license? LILY The same things you need to get a job or a bank loan or a place at uni. CHAIRMAN Thats me fucked on all three counts. BETH You need to sell yourself on the application, like you would on a CV, to explain why you want to do this and you are capable and of good reputation. You havent got any criminal convictions. An application from someone wanting to provide medical marijuana will go much further than one that simply says I want money. CHAIRMAN So even I could get a license? BETH Easily, just explain how youve spent years developing and freely distributing medical grade marijuana. CHAIRMAN Okay, this sounds better than normal government and corporation control. More rules angels. LENA No chemicals.

140.

CHAIRMAN Great idea but it wouldnt work. Some drugs like heroin and crystal meth have always got chemicals in their makeup, so they would have to remain illegal. But on the plus side you would destroy Big Pharma, so I agree with you. BETH Compromise. The packaging on products sold from licensed outlets contains a full list of ingredients. CHAIRMAN Do you know how big a fucking cigarette packet would be with around a thousand chemicals listed? BETH Good. If packs are huge people couldnt just carry them in their pockets and puff away all day. Also the full list of ingredients, combined with peoples ability to look them up on their smartphones, would serve as a better deterrent than a smoking kills warning. CHAIRMAN Realistically though, you would need a full list of fertilisers as well. BETH Well, you have to make do the same way as food. You have a choice of organic or take your pick from what chemicals may have been used in their manufacture. Corporations can list them on their websites if the consumers really want to know. CHAIRMAN Fair enough, next. LENA No one goes to jail to possession, no one arrested me for being possessed.

141.

CHAIRMAN You cant have that as a law, a right possibly, but if all the old laws were torn up, there would be no reason to create a new law on that. Next. LENA Companies have to pay tax. CHAIRMAN How much? LENA Some. BETH It would be graded. Anyone earning less than fifty thousand pounds a year would pay twenty-five per cent. Earnings above this to one million taxed at fifty per cent and everyone above that forks over seventy-five per cent. It gives the small scale independent suppliers a chance to compete against the corporate chains and franchises so they dont end up a novelty like an independent record shop. It also stop anyone one person or corporation from making too much money. Plus , on top of that, the new enterprise will create lots of jobs and these will be subject to standard income tax and National Insurance. CHAIRMAN OK, where does the tax go? LENA To open up a twenty-four hour chipshop on every street. BETH Well, if we make enough money, we could subsidise the cost of healthy foods such as organic whole fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. LENA But not chips?

142.

BETH No, you can always get them for me for free. Or maybe we can use some of the money to develop healthy chips. LILY Some of the money would be used to pay for hospitals and treatment. CHAIRMAN How much of it? LILY As much as they need. CHAIRMAN But not more? LILY No, you pay for the damage you cause. JENNA The American military hasnt learned that. CHAIRMAN They wont just give you a fair bill and expect you to pay an amount that rises and falls every year. This is the government and government departments are like God when it comes to money, they always want more, more, more. The tobacco industry pays five times as much tax as the NHS spends on treating the consequences of consuming their chemical laden products. And people have the nerve to say smokers should get second rate treatment on the NHS. With how much tax theyve paid they should get treated in The Priory with Kate Moss and Amy Winehouses corpse kept alive by machines so she can still puff away on the crackpipe in the beds either side of you. The government are going to want a flat fee up front which rises every year regardless of performance.

143.

LENA Well they cant have one. They give us a bill and then we go through it like at a restaurant or a hotel, and then we pay if we think its fair. BETH After arguing for half an hour. These two comb over every item on a hotel bill. LILY Just making sure you dont get ripped off. LENA And to make the hotel people work for the tips you give them. CHAIRMAN OK, you get a bill from the NHS just like an insurance company would as you are not a government department. Thats needs to be a rule. We dont need vote-grabbing politicians to fuck this up. No government control or funding. This is strictly a NGO. Agreed BETH, LILY, LENA, WILL & JENNA all acknowledge agreement. CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Who else gets you money? LILY Education programs on drugs. CHAIRMAN Campaigns like just say no with Zammo and Roland? LILY No, education by experts like Bethy, they run the whole thing. CHAIRMAN OK, so you wont need to hire anyone external to do the research and prepare the literature for you, but youre still gonna need a propagandist to sell it for you.

144.

LENA No, I can do that when you teach me good enough. CHAIRMAN And what if drugs become legal tomorrow? LENA Then you can do my job while I watch you and ask you questions all day. CHAIRMAN Thats what you do now. I dont need to go out there in the freezing cold to work for that. BETH You used to go out in the cold in Italy. CHAIRMAN Yeah but places like Florence are gorgeous and well lit up at night. Here, theres no building nearby worth lighting up at night and if you go out you just end up with dogshit on your shoes. BETH OK, when we become global with too much money to spend, well buy up Vatican City and have our own country. You can be the new Doge. CHAIRMAN Only if we can turn Basilica Saint Peter into a tokers den, kinda like a public bathhouse but without the nudity and homosexual overtones. No other drugs, only MJ, not even tobacco. Well make that place smell much better than the current incense stank. Youre starting to sell this to me. Give me more laws. JENNA Never thought Is hear you say that. WILL Not much of an anarchist, are you?

145.

CHAIRMAN If there are laws you need to know them, ignorance doesnt serve well as a legal defence Take for example more primitive backwards cultures who come to London like Muslims and gypsies. They cant get away with just saying Sorry, I didnt know it was against the law. Rape, domestic violence and bridekidnapping are corner stones of our culture. Give me the laws, or rather statutes, since none of them apply to me. LENA No advertising CHAIRMAN Thats not realistic, especially with corporations. LENA No advertising. Stops people like you from making companies too big. CHAIRMAN Youre only looking at one aspect of promotion. We propagandists frequently use advertising but that is just a small aspect of the propaganda trade. We would just sponsor events where the media would be reporting from, or make sure celebrities are seen with our product. Or simply pay them off in order to have them hype up our product on facebook or twitter or one of the other hundreds of examples why the internet has become an intellectual cesspit. JENNA Who said it was supposed to be any different? CHAIRMAN I first heard about the internet in the early nineties on a television programme called Bad Influence. (MORE)

146. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Every week this American kid would tell us about something new and wondrous that was heading our way soon and would change our lives for the better. A bona fide technological revolution. And do you know what this kid used to call the web back then?

JENNA The worldwide pornography network? CHAIRMAN No, the information superhighway. Information superhighway? Its become a retards playground. BETH Advertising, Chairman. CHAIRMAN You cant stop all promotion like the stunt we pulled for the tobacco industry when models puffed away on their torches of liberty. LILY Did it work? CHAIRMAN Of course it worked. American women are far more likely to smoke than Asian women. JENNA They are also more emancipated. CHAIRMAN Yeah, but one thing has nothing to do with the other. Filipino women rarely smoke and theyve had two female leaders. Weve done a good job of brainwashing you Western sluts, I mean women. LENA I wouldnt fall for that. CHAIRMAN Thats why our methods have become more refined, as youll learn. So Lily, how are you gonna stop me from working my magic? (MORE)

147. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Rockstars and movies will still be available to buy, didnt you see Thank You for Not Smoking?

LENA I havent seen that. BETH Its about a guy who does the same job as Chairman used to do but with the tobacco industry and tries to explain his job to his kid. LENA Cool, Ill watch it with Chairman tomorrow. LILY Ill download it for you. CHAIRMAN No point in arguing with women because I like to use things like logic and reason to win arguments. Its impossible to win an argument against a woman, without violence. Its a lot easier with a bit of bloodshed. Makes you feel like a real man. LILY Drug companies cant advertise their brand names or logos anywhere except on the packaging. LENA And the packets have to be hidden from sight like cigarettes. CHAIRMAN That was such a loss for us. Those were the days when you always had to face a wall of cigarette packets every time you went to the newsagents. Still, weve hidden them away now with a big age restriction warning, making them more appealing through mystery. BETH Why not go one step further and eliminate brands?

148.

CHAIRMAN Youre destroying my profession. BETH Not really there will still be hundreds of means of promoting a product. CHAIRMAN Yeah but no big corporations and no CIA involvement means no one can pay me well, so why would I do the job? BETH Because you love it and you always find a million ways to make work fun, like taking a bong into work with you. CHAIRMAN I still need money for campaigns. BETH When you buy MJ from a coffeeshop, do you look for brands? CHAIRMAN No, there are no brand names, the closest is import hash like Manali and Mazer-e-Sharif. The products are listed by strain name but I just ask whats the strongest, heaviest Indica or Afghanica you have that your average dickhead British tourist asks for and cant handle after just smelling it. BETH Exactly, rather than purchasing a product based on a specific brand name, you base it on the information about the actual product from the salespersons advice, friends recommendations, the internet and personal experience. Much the same as when you seek specific strains of MJ or vitamin C pills, you care about the product not who made it. (MORE)

149. BETH (CONT'D) Drug retail outlets will be more like pharmacies where all the stock is behind the counter in packaging and you need to talk to the salesperson to buy anything rather than a showroom type of setting.

CHAIRMAN OK, there may still be a place for the propagandist. If there are no logos and brand names, whats on the packaging? BETH The name of the product. CHAIRMAN Who decides the name, my people or your people? BETH We decide the names. No renaming crystal meth as Hendrix blaze. CHAIRMAN What about the MJ? The coffeeshops normally have two pieces of basic information on their menu for each product, the name and the price. We breeders control the name and thats why sometimes you get cool names like Skywalker, Northern Lights and Matanuska Valley Thunderfuck. BETH And Bethany Daise. OK so we cant stop names for specific genotypes. The packaging would have the name of the type of product, such as marijuana, which would be controlled by us. The strain name will be controlled by your lot or the creator, such as your afore mentioned Thunderfuck. CHAIRMAN Well buy the breeders off easily for something as simple as a name.

150.

BETH The potency, purity and amount contained, the full list of ingredients, the expiry date and the country of produce. CHAIRMAN Thats more like it. If it has a country or even regional stamp like Champagne, I can still get plenty of money to have some proper fun. WILL Youre supposed to be selling a product, not having fun at work. JENNA And this coming from the man who hates his daily nine to five routine more than anyone else here. CHAIRMAN Working should always be fun, getting the job done is just a necessary by-product. WILL I couldnt get away with that philosophy at my work. JENNA Maybe youre not very good at your job then. BETH Back to legalization. We can discuss how miserable and incompetent Will is at work later. CHAIRMAN Can we have pretty colours on the packs? LENA Yeah, theyll look cool. CHAIRMAN Theyre apparently not meant to look cool. LENA Yeah, but you dont want them to look boring. (MORE)

151. LENA (CONT'D) Chairman says that everything should be organic and everything should be beautiful.

BETH Like you two. Simple black lettering on a white background would probably be wise. But OK, lets not be boring, this is drugs after all. LENA You could let different unknown artists put designs on the boxes like they do at that postcard thing you take us to. CHAIRMAN That becomes a brand and a logo. BETH Not is you limit each design to ten thousand packets and use the same design on all different products rather than restricted to one product or manufacturer. CHAIRMAN So one side would be black text on a white background with all the necessary information on and the other a random artwork where the manufacturer has no say in which print? That will you wont packaging to view a BETH do as a compromise, as be able to see any in the shop until you ask specific product.

CHAIRMAN Given how long the list of ingredients will be for something like tobacco, these art prints are gonna be huge. It will be like bringing back cool twelve inch record sleeves from the sixties. People will collect them and think drug packaging is cool. It will even get its own category on eBay one day.

152.

BETH People think planes and trains are cool, you cant stop them. What would you rather be, a collector of art from drug packaging or a trainspotter? CHAIRMAN Too cold to go trainspotting in this country. Rather just watch the film with Lena. So would the manufacturers name appear on the packaging? And not Beth. LENA Maybe. CHAIRMAN If you do, that's as good as a brand name. What if a company like Red Bull starts manufacturing amphetamine. Would they have to stop all Red Bull advertising? Which would be hard as they own things like a football club and the X-fighters tour. LILY No manufacturers name. Only the place it was made like a farm or even a factory. CHAIRMAN Thats not gonna be cool. What if I had my own small scale grow operation and my MJ built up a good reputation. I would attract thieves and worse still, braindead Western and Japanese tourists who could easily be entertained by a piece of shiny foil. LENA You can have just the name of the farmer then and you can make it up, farmer Skywalker. CHAIRMAN Cool. My brands gonna say Made by Angelface. BETH They can put a made by name on the packaging. (MORE)

153. BETH (CONT'D) These products needs to build up a reputation so people can get what they want and can communicate directly with the growers and companies to make them aware of what the demand is for.

CHAIRMAN Direct access to the consumer including websites, thats a world of opportunity for us. Hang on a second, this is for the retail level. I want to grow and breed and maybe give away some excess to compassion clubs on occasion and even sell if I need the money. But the real fun is the growing and breeding, money is just a byproduct. BETH Just like life, ideally. CHAIRMAN Do I need a license to grow? LENA No, you cant ban growing plants. Everyone should do it. CHAIRMAN Do I need a license to sell the excess to cover my costs? LENA No farmers should be free, except for tax, everyone pays that. CHAIRMAN What if I cook up some crystal meth or LSD? Do I need a license to manufacture or sell it, or even give it away freely? JENNA People like you cause too many problem. Most folk can be governed easily because they are largely functioning on the profit motive and you can introduce laws, rules, regulations and taxes whenever money enters the equation. (MORE)

154. JENNA (CONT'D) But people like you fuck up that equation because you would quite happily grow marijuana and psilocybin mushrooms for every man, woman and possibly child who desires them and give them away for free.

CHAIRMAN Just trying to make the world a saner place. BETH And thats one of the many reasons I love him so much. Somehow his insanity makes the world a saner and safer place for me. CHAIRMAN Sanity comes from understanding and accepting people and things as they truly are and only the insane can see human beings and their influence on their only planet as a manifestation of utter insanity. LENA (to BETH) Does that make any sense to you? BETH It kind of does and will probably mean more and more to me every time I think about it. WILL You mean the more and more time you spend with the Chairman. LENA Can I understand it? BETH Not really until youve lived and learned and suffered a lot more in this life. LENA Never mind, I dont want to learn it. LILY Are you depressed, Chairman?

155.

BETH Why would you ask that, sweetheart? LILY Only depressed people say something like that. Plus, I read the Bethys old DSM and you could easily be classed as having an affective disorder. CHAIRMAN Why were you reading the DSM? I told you its garbage, Big Pharma propaganda at best. Im sounding like a Scientologist now, better start worshipping Tom Cruise now in a secretly gay way. LILY I wanted to check if you were telling the truth about the title. CHAIRMAN The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Volume Four, Text Revision? LILY Yeah, its stupid. There are no statistics in there. BETH So have you been diagnosing us all? LILY No. I read the bit on schizo but it didnt describe you very well. And I read the piece on depression because I wanted to see if they were right? CHAIRMAN So you think they are right to diagnose and classify me as depressed because I tick the right boxes? LILY No, but they were right about a lot of the things I felt when I was depressed.

156.

CHAIRMAN Your such a sweet, happy angel. Despite the fact that you never smile at me, Ive never seen you unhappy. Why would you ever be depressed? LILY Because of lots of things I didnt know how to change. I went really crazy when they put me on all kinds of pills. CHAIRMAN And what happened, you invented a genius mad professorss device to transfer all your craziness to Lena? LILY No, I met Bethy and she fixed me, then I didnt get expelled from schools anymore. CHAIRMAN How many schools have you been kicked out of? LILY Five. BETH Six. LILY Six. LENA Ive only been kicked out of three. CHAIRMAN Theres a surprise. Maybe if you applied yourself and actually went to school, you could catch up with your sister. LENA No, shes better at it than me. BETH So Lily, so you think the miserable old man is depressed?

157.

LILY Yeah sometimes, but in a weird way. JENNA Everythings weird about him. LILY If you ever want to talk about it with me you can, Bethy really helped me. LENA Cause shes the best. LILY I know, and I think I can help you, Chairman. CHAIRMAN If Beth helped you so much, Im sure shell do the same for me everyday. LILY I know. If you dont want to thats OK. I was just offering in case... CHAIRMAN (interrupts) Lily, sweet angel, you are very kind, observant, brave and intelligent to notice and offer help, most people have no clue Im a manic depressive. But I honestly cant put all of the things which depress me into the mind of a child. Thats child abuse. LILY I can handle it, Ive felt it too. (to BETH) Havent I? BETH Your mind was in a very dark place when I found you. But the Chairmans darkness is based upon what he has seen and witnessed. Yours was much more based upon imagination.

158.

LILY I can handle the truth, it hasnt hurt anyone in this house. BETH Chairman, you should take up this unique offer. CHAIRMAN Alright, but if she ends getting depressed or going crazy and starts making plans to shoot up her school or more dangerous still, starts listening to Goth music... BETH (interrupts) Then youll fix her, wont you? CHAIRMAN You could do it but since theres a man here capable of doing it, he might as well do it instead.. This is why you women will never earn the same money as men. WILL They do say a womans work is never done. JENNA Shut the fuck up, Will. CHAIRMAN (gets up) Im going to get this guy a bottle of Jack for making such a valid statement that resonates in all men. WILL And women if theyre honest, which they never are. CHAIRMAN Im gonna make it a litre now. Lily, would you be kind enough to escort me to the nearest liquor vendor? Perhaps one that involves passing by a fish and a chip emporium en route, as I am old and new to this area. I need a smart, knowledgeable, street fighting girl to protect and guide me at night.

159.

LILY Most certainly. But were not allowed chips twice in one day. CHAIRMAN You are today, and dont even think about looking at Beth for permission. If you really want you can leave them lying around and eat them cold after midnight like the little gremlins you two are. Come on, lets get going if you want to make your sister happy. JENNA If youre going out at night, make sure you dont get dogshit on your shoes. Sorry, I just wanted to ruin the moment, I have a compulsive urge to do that. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER CHAIRMAN and LILY enter. CHAIRMAN OK, were finally back. You two, gorge your face on potato wedges and curly fries. LENA Thanks, Chairman. CHAIRMAN (to BETH) Now you and me, superior being. Convince me there is a form of control that would work and stay out of government command. WILL Why are you so adamant on having absolutely no government control? CHAIRMAN Because I loved them once when I believed in democracy and later communism and they broke my heart. (MORE)

160. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) They are corrupt, serve only themselves and their masters who put them in power and dont care nearly as much about doing the right thing as scoring points in opinion polls. Some party will just criminalise drugs again to secure votes.

BETH You can have non government organisations and quangos. CHAIRMAN Yes, but if you look at where the funding comes from you cant truly call them independent. Follow the money to find the master. BETH We wont get any money directly from the government. CHAIRMAN Dont taxes come via the government? BETH No, in the same way the retailers get their licenses directly from us, they also pay their taxes directly to us. CHAIRMAN Wont work once the people become aware of how much money youre making peddling Satans gutter products. They will demand the money be spent on other things in the same way they didnt want National Lottery charity money to be spent on lezza art. And sooner or later the government will take a huge chunk of your money to buy tanks from Johnny Major and The Carlyle Group. WILL Youre obsessed with government spending on the military

161.

CHAIRMAN And maybe if you Americans felt the same way, you wouldnt have so many people living in tent cities. Even though America has gone nuts with its military spending. As if preparing for a war with every other country on the planet simultaneously or maybe even with God himself. If you look at the rest of the top five military powers, they are spending way too much on their military and not nearly enough on the people theyre are supposed to be serving, who are largely being hit hard by austerity measures. Would you rather be served a house or a H-bomb? WILL Who are the top five military powers? CHAIRMAN Take a wiki-wiki-wild-wild guess. BETH The five permanent members of the UN security council. CHAIRMAN China charges twenty per cent tax on their newly formed middle class but offers them nearly zero public services. The reason they work so hard is to secure health insurance, a pension and an education for their kids, none of which are provided by the state. Standards of life for most Russians were higher in the Soviet Union-era then they are today, but Russia retains a mighty military presence. Britain and France are economically squeezing their people to the point of violent revolution. But so much is still wasted on overseas wars that simply make Britain a more hated and dangerous place. And of course the spending on the do nothing floating fortresses that we keep building. (MORE)

162. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) Take the Eurofighter as an example, you dont engage terrorists in airto-air combat, unless a hijacked seven four seven counts. The English riots of two thousand and eleven will look like Woodstock compared to the direction austerity is pushing us.

WILL Enough government already. CHAIRMAN Youll say that to me but not to your government. Still Ive got a couple of violent revolutionaries in training over there. LENA Well do revolution after chips. CHAIRMAN One of you better come over here and share with me if you wanna be the new Leila Khaled. LILY goes to CHAIRMAN with chips CHAIRMAN (CONTD) Right, now youre on my side. Never. now. LILY Im on Bethys side, for

CHAIRMAN Ive still got the chips, so I win. Onwards, more rules from you and more chips for me. BETH Will, do you want to chip in with a law? WILL No sales withing five hundred metres of a school. CHAIRMAN Only if the school was there first. Not having people building schools to purposefully close a coffeeshop. Or maybe that is a good way to get more schools built.

163.

LILY Free drugs for ill people including addicts. CHAIRMAN Who decides if someone get a prescription for treatment or not? LENA We do, we set up treatment clinics and our doctors decide. CHAIRMAN Even for me with no money and severe depression? LILY Especially for you. CHAIRMAN Even for a little angel whose a bit depressed and a lot hyperactive? LENA Maybe. Sales of drugs to under eighteens are illegal. But kids can get it from a doctor if the doctor thinks it is better than Big Pharmas drugs. So long as the kid and the parents know all the risks. WILL You think marijuana would ever be prescribed to hyperactive kids? BETH Why not? They give them Ritalin, which is synthetic cocaine. LILY I took that until I met you. BETH And you never have to take any drugs again regardless of what Chairman says. LILY He doesnt give me drugs, I give him drugs. He ate some shrooms I picked for him and you.

164.

BETH Chairman, have you been going down to the woods today and taking some nice shrooms? CHAIRMAN She forced me to at the equivalent of gunpoint. If I didnt trust her that the mushrooms she picked were safe and more importantly good, she might get depressed, take some Seroxat and shoot up her school with a few of the weapons in Wills arsenal. I cant have that on my conscience. Plus then Lena would never go back to school. WILL Not every American loves guns and has an arsenal. JENNA Only because its illegal here to buy an M-Sixteen. BETH And you do support Arsenal, so you do love the Gunners. WILL Yes every American likes to shoot at or over every face he sees. CHAIRMAN Yeah, in America they have package tours where they take you to a rich white, gated neighbourhood and you can hunt any Negro you desire. WILL You would end up in jail for murder. CHAIRMAN No, they just cover it up. The world doesnt care about yet another dead young black male. And if it does go to trial, the fee includes the propaganda campaign to get you off, like we did we did with Zimmerman. Trial by media. GLENNY enters.

165.

GLENNY The only trial taking place round here will be a trial by me. LENA & LILY Granddad! LENA & LILY run to and hug GLENNY. GLENNY Thats right, Glenny's about. Ive finally got up, but I still cant get it up. I knew you lot would still be causing trouble, unlike the misses. Shes gone to bed and I have to be so quiet, I have to go outside to fart. LENA Err, stinkys come to fart on us. GLENNY Jenna, do I stink? JENNA Never, Glenny Number One. GLENNY And you smell so good and look so good all the time. Come here and give me a hug, love. JENNA hugs GLENNY. GLENNY (CONTD) And you feel so good. You make everything stand on end apart from the one part that counts. Look, nothing. Feel down there, nothing, come on feel. JENNA grabs GLENNYs crotch. JENNA Its as flacid as if he was looking at the glamour model and alien Jodie Marsh. GLENNY Thats not possible, youve never felt a limp cock in your life before, have you? Youre the luckiest person in the world you know? (MORE)

166. GLENNY (CONT'D) Anytime you want, you can just play with yourself. You have no idea what we men would do for that eternal privilege. This isnt right, let me taste you, maybe that will get a few rusty cogs moving. Just let me lick your arms.

GLENNY licks JENNAs arms. GLENNY (CONTD) Nothing. I swear the misses is putting gay pills into my tea to keep me away from you. Once my boy finds the antidote, Im taking you away with me to Hawaii. Until then you just keep playing with yourself and remember how blessed you are. You know, your a lucky fucking cunt, Will. What are you? WILL Lucky. GLENNY Thats not what I said boy. Theres obviously a cunt in this room. It cant be Jenna, it could never be sweet Bethany. How are you love? BETH hugs GLENNY. BETH Perfect, now Ive got my Chairman back. GLENNY And speaking of perfection it cant be my impeccable twin grandkids. Are you calling my son a cunt? This is my boy here, cant you see how much we look the same? Are you saying my boys a cunt? WILL No. CHAIRMAN Not out loud, anyway. GLENNY That leaves just you and me, boy. So you must be calling me a cunt. (MORE)

167. GLENNY (CONT'D) I definitely heard someone in here being called a cunt, so who the fuck's calling me a cunt?

WILL Im the cunt. GLENNY My boy taught me that trick. (to Will) Stupid cunt. WILL Im going to bed GLENNY Oy you, sit down boy. That corner over there is the cunts corner. Youre not allowed in the rest of the room, its for us polite people only. Now twins, tell me everything that happened on XFactor and remember, Im old and I may have forgotten everything youve ever told me about X-Factor except that Jedwood deserve to be roadkill and I may instantly forget everything you say now. LILY We didnt watch all of X-Factor, Bethy and Chairman were teaching us about drugs. GLENNY Yep, if you want good drugs go to the Chairman, thats what I do. CHAIRMAN I not selling you any. GLENNY Pretty please with sugar and Jennas favourite thong on top? LILY Hes not selling them, he gives them away for free. GLENNY Thats more like it. Sign me up for a frozen lake full of ice hash and an active volcano of bubble hash.

168.

CHAIRMAN No dice. You can toke what you want here but no taking it outside, except in joint form. GLENNY He never sells me anything. Will, sell me you shoes. Now name me a good price. WILL Five dollars. GLENNY Dont give me any of that foreign or metric crap, youre in England now so stop acting like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Now heres a tuppence. Give me your shoes and fuck off and feed the birds, but stay in the cunts corner. GLENNY gives WILL a two pence coin for his shoes. GLENNY (CONTD) I fancy doing some more shopping now. Jenna, sell me you knickers. LILY Grandad! GLENNY Its okay, Ill pay her a fair price. Jenna, whats a fair price to pay for the closest Ill ever get again to sexual satisfaction? For you? Sold. JENNA takes off and throws her knickers at GLENNY. then hands her 200 GLENNY (CONTD) And thats for you. And dont even think about arguing, we had a deal and thats a tuppence. Beth... I couldnt buy or take any away from you ever, Ive way too much respect. (MORE) GLENNY JENNA A tuppence. GLENNY

169. GLENNY (CONTD) Take the misses, Ive got so much respect for her, Ive havent been near her knickers in years. But then neither has the washing machine, which explains the pungent smell of fish next door. Now something nice to clear the smell of fish out of my sinuses. Son, what have you got for me?

CHAIRMAN Whatevers in the tin is yours to toke at will. But not in front of the little ones, they still have much to learn before they decide whether they want to be Jedi knights or turn to the darkside GLENNY Okay, lets go upstairs. CHAIRMAN Not yet, I havent finished with Lena and Lily. GLENNY Come on, I need someone to help me. My throats knackered from being told as a boy that smoking would make me grow up big and strong. Come on son, I need someone to exhale down my throat, Ill let you spit in my face. CHAIRMAN Later. GLENNY Will, youll do it right. WILL Sir, yes, Sir. GLENNY And if you dare get a droplet of spit on my face, Ill make your junk as useless as mine. WILL Sir, yes, Sir.

170.

JENNA Will, stay in your corner. You cant even handle a joint without coughing and spluttering like a clapped out Lada. Ill do it, I seem to be turning into somewhat of a junkie so I still have use for Wills junk. GLENNY Thats more like it. You know you can exchange any bodily fluid you want with me, love. Will, what are you? WILL Sir, a lucky fucking cunt, Sir. JENNA & GLENNY leave. CHAIRMAN Now, what were we discussing? LENA Lily giving you shrooms. CHAIRMAN Yeah, I remember that. Thats why we may not have much time left for you to convince me of the need for controls. Explain to me what you would do with people who become too intoxicated, like those who never know when its time to stop drinking, for example, the British. BETH Well first, it probably wouldnt be good for reputation if there were always headlines about people ODing on your premises. But, license holders would have to right to refuse custom to anyone. CHAIRMAN Like Blacks? BETH Yes, in theory the laws could lead to prejudice and create more elitist clubs. But anyone who has a problem can take it up with The European Court of Human Rights. We cant control peoples attitudes.

171.

LENA Chairman can. BETH Yes he can, unlike Obama and his Yes we can mantra. He seems about as useless as Bush. CHAIRMAN So these people who dont know when to stop will just turn to a streetdealer, who will sell to anyone, including kids. Sure for the responsible people with the money and option to buy from a coffeeshop, the rules apply. But laws only really affect the actions of the law abiding. You think if America or Mexico banned guns overnight, the criminals would hand their guns like the British did after World Wat Two? Streetdealers would be free to operate devoid of any controls in the same way they do now, but no longer in fear and out of sight down a darkened alleyway. If you are going to try and control the system, you need to have system of control for all retailers including those who wont acquire licenses. Otherwise, people led by the media and in a propaganda campaigned financed by those who are losing money such as tobacco and alcohol will loudly proclaim it to be a failed experiment just like prohibition, and demand an return to the status quo. LENA Hes probably got a good point if I could understand what he says. He did use a lot of words. CHAIRMAN And this system cant be as draconian as the present one. LILY Your system doesnt deal with them either.

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LENA Yeah, lets hear how your system works. LILY Lena, stop using mind control tricks to control the conversation, they dont work on me. Lily, my system or lack of it just allows human beings to be human beings. Whatever emerges is just a representation of what the raw human psyche is. BETH Not entirely true. Human beings have a great capacity for learning and even discovery and invention. Humans are meant to learn, thats why we spend far longer nurturing our kids than any other species. All that learning allows at least some of us to change rapidly. CHAIRMAN True, thats also what allows a propagandist to be so effective. We can even turn children into dehumanised killing machines for the army. There is a reason why they refer to frontline soldiers as the infantry, children make the most obedient soldiers. But you still know Im right about what happens if you have unregulated streetdealing. You need to have a system if you want the experiment to succeed. And that may involve the police, courts, jails and ergo government. Then, of course, you introduce another money element. Who pays for the police, courts and jails? If its the government, the propaganda will lead people to say you make all the money, but we taxpayers have to pay for the law enforcement. BETH Hows that any different from now? In time, the amount the police, courts and jails cost will fall massively.

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CHAIRMAN That's not the way we propagandists would portray it. In the same way that people forgot we never used to spend anything on drug prohibition, people will also, in time, forget we used to spend so much. LILY You proper people are evil. LENA No, were not. We just remember that everyone else forgets. BETH We have enough money for our own education and, if necessary, propaganda department to make sure people are kept aware of the success of the experiment. CHAIRMAN Yeah. But youll have to compete with me. LENA Youll be working with us (to BETH) Wont he? BETH Its fifty-fifty, sweetheart. LILY How can you not be on Bethys side? CHAIRMAN (staring deeply into BETHs eyes) Its more fun trying to outsmart her... JENNA & GLENNY enter. GLENNY Okay, now that Jennas filled me up, its time fort he rest of you to fill me up with you abundant knowledge. What were you discussing? LILY What to do with drugdealers.

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GLENNY Drug dealers are okay, like me and my boy. LILY Not like you. Ones who put nasty chemicals in them and sell to kids. GLENNY They should all have their balls chopped off. BETH Nice of you to advocate Sharia law, but you have been spending a lot of time with Jen. GLENNY Sharia law would sort out those hoodies in about three minutes, Everyone who wears a hoodie gets their head chopped off and Im not talking about the one on the top of your body. WILL Unless youre lying down. GLENNY Not in my case, seems to have sunk into some kind of a ravine. You should all see it sometime. BETH Will, what do you think we should do with streetdealers as you are the voice of the law here? WILL Depends on what they have done besides dealing. Adding harmful chemicals allows them to be done for damage to person. If they sell to kids, they should go to jail like paedophiles. GLENNY Peedos shouldnt go to jail, they should go to the gallows. Like in that documentary The Execution of Gary Glitter.

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BETH Thats still too much like a harsh interpretation of Sharia law. CHAIRMAN Compromise, make a gameshow like The Running Man. People love high stakes gameshows and reality television. Plus the violence is always a turn on, a kind of hardcore version of Total Wipeout. Or just make Battle Royale a reality. But it cant have anything to do with Sharia law as the Taliban hate TV. So no one dies by having their throat slit like a halal execution. LENA You cant have that. GLENNY Everyone reacts like that but deep down you know wed all gather round the TV as a family and love watching a show like that. Hollywood violence is boring, now we want the real thing with peedos. CHAIRMAN Beth, beat that or were making The Running Man. BETH Well, jail is too barbaric and fines might work if the dealer actually pays them. So I think Ill let you propagandists take care of it with a News of the World style name and shame campaign. CHAIRMAN Cool, it just means more money for the immoral. LILY How? CHAIRMAN You might, for example, stick up pictures at schools of these dealers who sell to kids so parents know who to keep their kids away from. (MORE)

176. CHAIRMAN (CONT'D) This would also serve as free advertising direct to the consumer i.e. The kids will know who to go to if they want to get high. Strange, if its called getting high, why is it demonised and criminalised? No one refers to consuming legal tobacco and alcohol as getting high. If being drunk was called being high, alcohol would probably be illegal.

BETH Still not agreeing to lock them up. CHAIRMAN Even if theyre black? BETH Twins, what do you think we should do with people who sell to people like you and youre friends? LILY Make them do community service like building things. BETH Being creative towards society rather than destructive? LENA Yeah and if you teach them to build first, then they can get a job as builder later rather than a dealer. GLENNY And then we can get rid of all these Polish. Coming over here, doing our jobs better than us for a lower fee, destroying out twelve cups of tea a day culture. We need to get these two little girls working in a factory, then Britain will be a great nation again and well show the Chinese how we Brits do slave labour better than anyone. CHAIRMAN We should make this man Prime Minister, then we will have the benefits of a permanent war economy.

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GLENNY Yeah... what benefits? CHAIRMAN Societies in the midst of a major war... GLENNY You mean a proper war like the one we lived through, not those thousands of miles away imperialist wars like Iraq, Afghanistan and Vietnam? BETH Right. These societies have much greater income equality, which leads to lower levels of nearly all social problems in developed countries. War economies also often have one hundred per cent employment in aiding the war effort. Strange as it seems, most British people also had a better diet during World War Two in term of nutrition than at anytime since. CHAIRMAN That shows a lot about what is wrong with society. The government will offer everyone a job, so long as its ultimate intention is something as negative and destructive as war. If they would do the same for manufacturing and construction we could build our own telescreens and twatphones whilst all living in Dubai style towers. Plus why does this guy get, what is in essence an apprenticeship, when he starts selling drugs to kids. Why didnt the educational system teach him in the first place? If he left school with skills and opportunities, maybe he wouldnt have to contemplate drug dealing. Theres something seriously wrong with a society that creates so many problems for its people but only looks to fix them when things get so out of hand that people are willing to sell drugs to kids, yet never looks to stem the source of the problem.

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BETH We do live in a society which has a philosophy of If it aint broke dont fix it. Yet paradoxically, refer to our society as Broken Britain GLENNY Discipline will sort out these toerags. Stick these kiddie dealers in the army and make Gunnery Sergeant Hartman their senior drill instructor. Hell sort them all out, right girls? LENA & LILY & WILL Sir, yes, Sir. GLENNY See boy, Im turning Will into a woman. A few more months and Ill have him working as a tranny hooker in Bangkok. CHAIRMAN You girls have seen Full Metal Jacket? LILY Yeah, we watch it all the time with Granddad, but we saw it first with Bethy and Jenna on TV. CHAIRMAN Is this modern societys interpretation of a family We used to watch Star Wars Indiana Jones when I was a Was The Lone Ranger really bad? Yes. GLENNY Fucking terrible. JENNA Johnny Depps gone from being one of the actors of his generation into being Disneys bitch. CHAIRMAN So you watch Kubrick instead?

film? and child. that

BETH & JENNA & WILL & LENA & LILY

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LENA She showed it to us so we could understand why there are always soldiers killing people on the news everyday. CHAIRMAN And why are they happy to kill at will, were they born to kill? LENA No, its because of people like you who know how to brainwash. CHAIRMAN And when I teach you how to do it, will you display responsibility with your newfound knowledge and power? LENA No, Im gonna build a clone army for my Granddad. CHAIRMAN Thats right. Just make sure theyre not Chinese or they will turn against us once their economy collapses and they go to war. LENA Ill clone them all from Jenna, shes super tough. GLENNY A sexy assassin squad off all Jennas. Thats the way to die. The Chinese have no chance unless their totalitarian government can brainwash all the troops into being gay. CHAIRMAN Doesnt work, tried it as an alternative to the one child policy.

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GLENNY Then theyre fucked. If Id been in a trench for the last few months without any site of a woman, Id go running barefoot over broken glass in a minefield just to smell her dress. But not tonight, Ive got her knickers to sniff. CHAIRMAN So were putting kiddie dealers in the army then? BETH No, were not bringing back the draft. Soon all manner of nonviolent crime will result in a sentence of dehumanization, bloodshed and more war. Well stick to fines and community service apprenticeships. Were not the government and if the government havent allowed these people adequate opportunities in life, we will. CHAIRMAN What if I turn up at your door asking for greater opportunities in life? Would I first have to sell crystal meth to a child in front of a police officer and, of course, under the eternal gaze of the all seeing eye that is CCTV? BETH If we have the money, then yes, we will help you without the need to break the law first. CHAIRMAN And what if they refuse to do community service or pay the fine? BETH Well send Glenny around, theyll pay up. GLENNY And for you, Ill even make their kneecaps into a necklace for you, free of charge.

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CHAIRMAN You cant use your revenue to provide further growth to these private debt collection agencies. Ive spent years trying to convince people debt collectors have no legitimate claim to any money from a debtor, unless they can provide a lawful, signed contract between themselves and the debtor. Since no contract exists, they are simply third party interlopers. Actually as corporations cant sign contracts, no loan agreement with a bank is legally valid. But, of course, I never been able to explain that to anyone who understands it, except Beth. LILY Thats because shes Yoda. GLENNY Oh, so you can move objects with just the power of your mind. Well maybe you can help me lift something Ive being trying to get up for years. BETH Thats much more Jennas domain. Ill compromise or it will be an eternal thorn in our side. If they wont pay the fine or do the community service apprenticeship, you can have them for jail or even the army. CHAIRMAN Potential problem solved. Is that all the laws as these mushrooms are really starting to kick in and I should get another toke to settle my stomach for the next few hours. LENA Youre not supposed to mix drugs. CHAIRMAN No, youre not supposed to mix your Western drugs. I, as a shamen, work on the basis of synergy of natural compounds. Ill teach you if you want, its very sciencey.

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LILY Okay, Thanks Chairman. CHAIRMAN And thank you angel for the shrooms. LILY Youre welcome, junkie. CHAIRMAN Right, are we done with laws? BETH For now yes. CHAIRMAN If only all laws were this simple, people could actually read and learn them. Instead they are as long and complicated as the user agreement when you install new software, they purposefully do that so no one reads them. BETH There will be more laws, but laws should be carefully refined in reaction to the environment rather than set in stone from the beginning. CHAIRMAN And shes got great tits too. I mean, youre amazing and I love you so much, and youve got great tits too. Its the mushrooms talking. Blame Lily, Im off to toke. JENNA We havent heard your system in the same depth yet. CHAIRMAN I told you there is no system. Set your children free and see what they achieve alone. Like what God did when he abandoned us. BETH Your philosophy is Let the children use it, let the children lose it, let all the children boogie?

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CHAIRMAN Fuck Yeah. PLAY TRACK - DAVID BOWIE - STARMAN.