Mellen 1 Jami Mellen Mrs.

Parrish English 1010 December 10, 2013 Arranged Disorder After 17 years of remaining faithful to the same man, Debbie Thomas is miserable, lonely, and still trying to figure out why she stays. Moving from India to America was a struggle in itself, but being forced to marry a man she had zero interest in simply ruined her life. Thomas realized her parents only wanted what was best for her, but was it really? Imagine being forced into an unwanted marriage based solely on ones parents logic. Would it last? The issue of arranged marriages versus marrying for love, surprisingly, still exists today and has made its way into our society. Arranged marriage is the idea of a marriage planned and agreed to by the families or guardians of the bride and groom, who have little or no say in the matter themselves. Marriages have problems its expected. One of the major causes of divorce, however, is lack of money and deficiency of financial security. Many believe that the idea of an arranged marriage would execute financial problems to create stability. The controversy is prevailing in the United States and will ultimately affect each citizen sooner or later. Regardless of cultivated principles for arranged marriages, marriage should revolve around a womans freedom to choose who she shares her life with. The predisposed beliefs towards arranged marriages remain steadfast with the trust that parents are for more experienced and more objective than their children when it comes to choosing a life-long mate. Parents are more concerned about the family reputation, than the

Mellen 2 granted consent from their daughter or son. Although this may be a longstanding tradition, it is morally corrupt to take away the freedom to choose from a human being. A person should be able to marry when they want and especially who they please. A 16 year-old girl named Sarah, born and raised in Somalia, was forced to marry her 35 year-old uncle. Leading a life of shame and sorrow, Sarah tries to repress those horrible memories. He treated me like an animal. I was just his whore from Holland, thats what his whole family called me. In our community, a woman has to be deflowered within seven days after the wedding. In my case that didnt happen. I told him I had my period. I told him that for two weeks and then he raped me. And after that he did it all the time. I didnt feel anything. I was numb. Regardless of the misery of the bride, many support the notion of arranged marriages in creating a more successful and long-lasting relationship. While nearly half of the American populations marriages result in divorce, arranged marriages end in about 10 times less often than non-arranged marriages. A young man named Elke Quinn was getting tired of being on his own, and dared to ask his parents to make a match for him through the works of a man named Sun Myung Moon, without his input. The odds turned out to be in his favor, as he married Thompson, a young girl from Kansas. With about 12,000 members in the United States, the days when Moon filled stadiums for mass weddings are long gone. But more than 70% of Moon-matched couples are still together, U.S. church officials estimate (Burke). Even if marrying for love may not contribute to high savings, 71% of women in their twenties who admit they would marry for money say they expect it to end in divorce (Tilsner).

Mellen 3 With divorce rates being nearly at 50 percent in the United States, arranged marriages just might be on to something here. Psychology professor, Pamela Regan, looked at 58 IndianAmerican marriages 28 arranged and 30 being love-based. She conducted a questionnaire and found that there were absolutely no differences whatsoever between the two (Schoenberg). Granted, arranged marriages are between a man and a woman the parents have carefully selected to fit their son or daughter. However, some brides may lie to cover up their frank feelings to save themselves from any further trouble. Some girls are threatened with news that if she refuses to obey her parents wishes, her father will die of a heart attack (Anderson). First of all, the fact that a parent would terrorize their own child with false reservations is downright wrong. A person who has enough nerve to agonize another with a gruesome lie is immoral, and they should be humiliated. No matter what traditions one may live by, lying is unacceptable, especially in a case as extreme as double-dealing about a death occurring from ones simple decision. Regardless of their daughters wishes, parents feel much more comfortable knowing that their child is financially secure. As expected, a parent wants to raise a happy and healthy child and send them off to a life of contentment and protection. With arranged marriages, parents have the governing choice to choose a well-off man for their baby girl. The guarantee of monetary steadiness is reassuring and lessens worries of parents. What if the man they choose for their daughter loses his job, or the economy crashes? The poor couple is faced with no common ground or branded affection for one another. Money should not be the key to happiness in a marriage. Sure, life is hard-hitting when there isnt quite enough money in the savings account, but is that more important than being with the one we truly love?

Mellen 4 A good marriage has its needs, and it definitely does not encompass money. In order to obtain a happy and healthy marriage, we need the initial attraction to come into play. If a man or woman is not drawn in by their spouses appearance, at least a little bit, romance will not exist. Respect is an essential part of a blissful relationship. If a woman is being forced to marry a man she wants nothing to do with, she will not respect him, nor will she ever be able to make him happy. The concept of arranged marriages seems to forget that friendship is fundamentally the most significant element in holy matrimony. Friendship between couples is when they know one another inside and out what makes them quirk, what drives them insane, what their dreams are, who they want to be, and what they really love. Arranged marriages try merging two people together who usually end up clashing, when really, they should blend. Blending or not, the parents are given control of the situation, and control is what they pine for. Parents should have a say in whom their child spends their life with. Besides, they raised them; they should be in charge, right? Wrong. There comes a certain boundary that people should not cross, and arranged marriages facilitate crossing that line. A human being is a human being, and that means they have a mind of their own. They are fully capable of making their own decisions and mistakes, and taking the initiative to learn from them. Some parents in charge or arranging a marriage for their child might crack under the pressure of selecting the perfect match. The weight of responsibility on their shoulders is heavy, and it is their job to make no mistakes. After all, they are choosing who their child ends up with forever. Do they ever consider that the perfect match may not be who he says he is? Family lies, hidden tribulations, and harmful actions that come upon their innocent daughter could lie in

Mellen 5 secrecy for years and years. If it were me, I sure wouldnt want to be accountable for the misery and pain my daughter experiences. In 2012, Maia Cruz was charged for arranging marriages between immigrants who were looking for an escape from isolation and an easy route to become a legal citizen of the United States. Prosecutors said Cruz tried to help fool immigration officials by telling the couples to share details about their lives, take photos together, and file joint taxes (Thayer). Not only is this an illegal act, but arranged marriages made for wrong reasons often lead to money swindles and plots of exploitation. It is simply unethical for a young girl to be married off for money or land. On a popular discussion website, debate.org, a user known as KnownEvan, has something else to say about the freedom of women in arranged marriages. It is not the concept, itself that infringes, but the enforcement on the concept against ones will that does. If they are given avenues of refusal, then it is a cultural value, in itself, and not a violation of freedom or rights. It is not the concept itself that infringes rights? Thats where KnownEvan is mistaken. A young girl should not be pushed into arranged marriage and put up for sexual activity. Children are not ready for such a thing and should be able to go against their parents demands. What if they actually object to the situation? Women who refuse to follow their parents orders not only have the chance of being ignored and forced into the marriage unwillingly, but they also may face being thrust out of the country or even killed. To threaten to take away ones life based on their readiness to obey and comply is sickening and sad. Although we are not too familiar with the concept of prearranged marriages, they are beginning to become more widespread on our soil. Respondents identified as many as 3,000

Mellen 6 known and suspected cases of forced marriage in just the last two years involving women from 56 different countries, including the US (Anderson). What we dont realize is that if this storm starts to spin out of control, we, as individuals, may have to face rules and regulations on marriage parameters. Thus, from all this evidence, we see that although conventional principles still exist for arranged marriages, they take away a womans liberty to choose. A woman should have the free will to choose who and when she weds. It is a life-long commitment, not a blind date. Marriages that sprout from friendship are much more successful than marriages that are enforced under duress. Although money is comforting and calming to stress levels, it is not what empowers a healthy marriage. Marriage should be between two people who love and care sincerely for one another. The rights and freedoms being disconnected from women is continuing to grow from the approval of arranged marriages. So, what should we do about this problem? As far as prearranged marriages go in the United States, they should be outlawed. A process of investigation should go into the motives behind marriage such as legal citizenship, beliefs, and marriage frauds. The reason two people get married should be because they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. In order to put a break in divorce rates, everyone should be allowed to marry who they want; that would help reduce the requests of legalized separation.

Mellen 7 Works Cited Anderson, Lisa. "Forced Marriage in America: many women dont know their rights, fear to claim them." www.trust.org. Thomas Reuters Foundation, 19 Nov 2012. Web. 21 Nov 2013. Burke, Daniel. "Does love last longer than arranged marriages?." www.usatoday.com. Gannett Corporation Inc., 23 May 2012. Web. 25 Nov 2013. "Dating and Marriage I: What is real love?." bayarea.net. N.p.. Web. 1 Dec 2013. <http://www.bayarea.net/~fonniepi/sharing/pete16.html>. "Sarahs Horror Story: A 16-Year-Old-Girl Forced to Marry Her Brutal 35-Year-Old Uncle." upww.us. Theme4Press, 19 Aug 2012. Web. 10 Dec 2013. <http://upww.us/vinienco/2012/08/19/sarahs-horror-story-16-year-old-girl-forcedmarry-brutal-35-year-old-uncle/>. Schoenberg, Nara. "A surprising new look at arranged marriages."

articles.chicagotribune.com. Chicago Tribune, 22 Aug 2012. Web. 19 Nov 2013. Thayer, Kate. "Woman who arranged sham marriages for money gets 2 years, 9 months in prison." articles.chicagotribune.com. Chicago Tribune, 12 Jan 2012. Web. 4 Dec 2013. Thomas, Debbie. "My Parents Chose My Husband." www.slate.com. The Slate Group. Web. 18 Nov 2013. Tilsner, Julie. "Marry for love...or money? Lots say the latter." dailyfinance.com. AOL Inc., 5 Feb 2008. Web. 4 Dec 2013.