14 Essential Aspergers Strategies For 2014

By Dave Angel
www.parentingaspergers.com/blog

Anger

Anger can definitely be a problem for children with Asperger's. Anger management is something that you will have to teach the child since social language and emotional responses do not come naturally. Your child, like many children on the spectrum, may be dealing with a number of emotions that he cannot explain. We know that stress and anxiety are major issues for children with Asperger's Syndrome. Here are other problem emotions that can manifest as anger.

Frustration caused by lacking social skills can quickly become anger. Aggression caused by being bullied can escalate to anger. Depression caused by self-isolation can eventually lead to anger issues.

Some people have said that the emotions are missing when you have Asperger's. Anger management would not be an issue if emotions were missing. Children with Asperger's Syndrome have a full range of emotional response. The problem lies within emotional recognition. Recognizing when to respond and how to respond in an appropriate manner is where the problem lies. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the best tools for teaching Asperger's anger management skills. This therapy focuses on the child's thoughts, emotions, and personal feelings, teaching him that his thoughts are what control his actions. By changing his thoughts, he can change his outward responses, even if the circumstances remain the same. This therapy can be used to help the child in many areas in addition to anger management. Many people believe you must see a therapist for this type of therapy. However, since most of the work falls on the individual, parents can find video recordings geared towards a self-help home program. There are several other techniques you can teach your child with Asperger's: 1. Redirect his focus on something else. Find a way to redirect his attention to something pleasant. If you have something special planned for him in the near future, use that event as a way to get him back on track. Another idea is to allow him a few minutes to do something that he really enjoys. For example, if he enjoys reading books, give him a few minutes to read one of his favorite books until the anger passes over.

2. Offer your son a replacement behavior for his anger. As soon as you begin to notice that your son is becoming angry, draw his attention to his

anger and offer him a replacement behavior. Make sure that he understands why it is not appropriate to continue to hold on to his anger. Discuss the consequences for his actions, and you can even allow him to help come up with a solution that can help him get over his anger. 3. Use a reward system to combat his anger. A behavior contract is a good way to keep your son's anger under control. Sit down with him and draft a copy of a behavior contract that offers rewards when he can overcome his anger. Allowing him to take part in the process will give him some ownership in the process and holds him accountable for his actions. The reward system also makes everything clear to your son so that there are no misunderstandings about what is expected from him. 4. Use your son's special interests to help with his anger. Children with Aspergers usually have an obsessive interest for a certain topic.They will do anything to receive time to spend doing their special interest. You can use his special interest as an exchange for appropriate behaviors when he is angry.The decision can be made in advanced to use the special interest or it can be used as a last minute decisions to eliminate his anger quickly. 5. Deep breathing exercises are great for releasing tension. Teach your child to take a deep breath in through his nose, hold for a count of five, then out slowly through tight lips. He can do this any time he feels stressed, upset, or angry. 6. Counting down from 10 slowly will remove the focus from the trigger or situation. 7. Meditation is calming to the soul, by definition. 8. Physical activity can help your child work off his anger. Heavy lifting, jumping, and running are good choices. 9. Encourage his creativity as a soother. Doing something you enjoy will often lift your spirits. Be sure to talk to your child about the need for Asperger's anger management. He needs to be aware of his triggers so he can associate the emotions with the correct responses. Patience will be needed as it may take some time for him to gain control.

Getting Services

For many children with Asperger's, special education services are necessary. These services make a huge impact on how successful they are in the classroom. A solid education can make a true difference-it can mean living a well-adjusted life, not only within the classroom, but on the outside, too. It can mean independence. Sometimes these services are offered and delivered without any extra effort from the parents. Some school systems have adequate funding and the necessary staff to carry out the complex services required by children with special needs. Other times, it is like fighting a major battle. Some school systems are seriously under-staffed and underfunded. Because of this, these schools may not be as eager to offer more than the bare minimum special education services. It is very uncomfortable to feel like you have to fight for your child with Asperger's special education services. The research is published and your child's physician or psychologist may have created a list of expected services and accommodations. Shouldn't this be enough? Sometimes it isn't, unless you happen to live in a proactive and innovative school district. Since you are asking, you must expect a fight in the near future. Here are a few tips to help equip you.
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Be prepared. Know what is in your child's school file and his medical file. If you do not know, request copies of these records. Educate yourself about appropriate education goals, services, and accommodations. Remember, there is a difference between what a parent feels is best for the child and what is considered appropriate. Schools are not required to grant your wish list, only what is necessary to support the educational process in an appropriate manner. Take someone with you to your child's IEP meeting. Find a trained advocate, or take a friend or family member. Anyone who is willing to listen, take notes, and offer suggestions is better than going alone. Ask community members, support group members, and therapists for names of trained advocate in your area. Discuss measurable goals first, then services. The services offered should be enough to support the goals.

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If you do not agree with the services and accommodations offered, follow the procedural safeguards provided by your school district. In most cases, you must work to find common ground, and then move on to mediation and due process.

This is the number one most important piece of advice for parents of a child with Asperger's. Special education services fights must be documented. Your paper trail will be your key to success. Get everything in writing, whether it is a follow-up to a phone call or a dispute on discipline. Make a habit of writing down everything in a factual manner, without emotion. This one tip can save you a lot of aggravation in your fight for a free, appropriate, public education.

Teens
Teenagers are often a puzzle. One minute they seem totally clueless and other times they come across as sharp as a tack. There is definitely an age factor at play. Kids in the mid-teen years conveniently bounce between being a child and becoming an adult as the need arises. Not purposely, of course, they are just trying to find their place in life. Asperger's Syndrome does not change this reality. Due to the additional struggles that Asperger's brings with it, the teen years can be extremely difficult. This is a time of heightened social activity, friendships, and the blossom of teen romance. These are all tough areas for the teen with Asperger's. Add in driving, independence, the possibility of college and it's enough to rock a teen's world, and yours along with it. Don't let the difficulties of your teen's existence or his Asperger's lower your expectations for his future. Here are a few suggestions that may help you and your son generate a plan for his future.
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Shore up his social skills. You've been working on these skills for years, but now is the time to really concentrate on these abilities. He'll need to know how to read social cues like personal space, to understand facial expressions, and to respond appropriately. At the very least, he needs to be able to recognize his weaknesses so he can work around them. Develop basic daily living skills. Hygiene, household chores, shopping, and driving are basic living skills. You may need to make lists, calendar pages, and other visual aids. Check behind him as he works on these skills. Practice and your reassurance will allow him to strengthen these skills. Create a communication plan. You've been working on communication since childhood. Your son needs to know how to communicate with people. Roleplay conversations that might take place out in the world. For instance, roleplay conversations with a college professor, a job interview, a customer, and a potential date. This will give him chances to practice and learn about communication, building on what he's been taught since childhood. Sell him on Self-advocacy. Your son should take control of his affairs. Teach him about handling money, making doctor's appointments, and keeping up with his medications, for example. Don't abandon him, of course, but let him take on some of these matters with your supervision for now. Rely on reality. You know your son better than anyone else does. You know what he is capable of doing. Look past the craziness of the teen years and

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imagine the adult. Easier said than done at times, but necessary. Set high expectations, but be realistic. Stretch him, support him, and celebrate his accomplishments, but don't set him up for failure.

Social skills
Social skills are hard for children with Asperger's to understand. It takes the efforts of parents and other individuals to make sure that they learn the social skills needed for success. The following are tips to teach your son social skills: 1. Role play with your son. This is one of the best way to teach social skills. Show your son the behaviors you want to see in him. Practice working with him until he masters certain social skills and then move on to others. 2. Teach him how to use vocal cues. Show him the proper way to use voice and tone, and help him to identify voice and tone in others. Play a guessing game where he has to make predictions based on practiced speech patterns. 3. Use cards with him. You can teach your son new vocabulary words and emotions by using flash cards. The two of you can practice learning social skills on a daily basis by using these cards. 4. Use a daily planner. The planner is a good want to make adjustments in social skills training based on the information in the planner. If your son keeps a record of his daily events and the events that are coming in the future, you can prepare him for social situations that he may encounter. 5. Teach him nonverbal cues. Much of what he needs to know about social skills is unspoken. Teaching him to identify nonverbal cues in body language, eye contact, and facial expressions can make a great difference in his social skills. You can also use flash cards to help him understand nonverbal cues as well. 6. Teach him how to give and receive verbal praise. The most important thing that he needs to know in this area is how to distinguish between good praise or complements and bad ones. Role play situations where he does something well and receives praise and then change to situations where he is doing the praise. 7. Teach him how to talk to others. Teach your son the basics of conversation with others. This can cover everything from personal space to appropriate topics of conversation. Role play situations with your son so that he feels comfortable when he talks with others. Social skills will take you a while to teach, but with practice, your son can become excellent when it comes to interacting with others. Practice until you feel comfortable with his current level of understanding of social skills.

Meltdowns

For children with Asperger's, behavioral interventions can play a huge part in whether or not they are able to integrate successfully in society. Problem behaviors are common and vary from mild to severe. The causes also vary. Some are caused by the child's physical and emotional challenges. Others are caused by certain actions, settings, and sensory reinforcements. No matter the cause, behavioral interventions can make a difference. Meltdowns are coping mechanisms for children with Asperger's. Behavioral interventions teach children more positive and appropriate practices for managing these emotions. Without the interventions, children will use negative behaviors to receive the sensory input they crave, to avoid unwanted activities, or to get something material they desire. It truly is a poor form of communication, but at times it is the best the child has to offer. Successful Asperger's behavioral interventions vary from simple redirection to the use of visual aids, to peer directed reinforcement. Depending on the specific behaviors, interventions must be carefully selected. It is not so much about failing interventions, but about a mismatch of intervention to the misbehavior. Here are some interventions used for tantrums.

Sensory therapy can greatly reduce tantrums. Those of us with normally functioning sensory systems have no idea how difficult it is to live with an unbalanced sensory system. Heavy muscle work, brushing, swinging, and joint and muscle pressure are all forms of sensory therapy. Improving your child's language and communication skills will reduce tantrums by reducing frustration from being misunderstood. Helping your child learn how to start and carry on two-way conversations is probably the most helpful skill to prevent miscommunication tantrums. Creating a safe zone can help assure your child's safety during a tantrum. A safe zone is a place reserved as a retreat when your child is overwhelmed. The goal is to recognize the need and to move the child to the safe zone before the tantrum escalates. Your child should have a safe zone at school and at home.

As you know, punishments rarely work well in these cases of Asperger's. Behavioral interventions and planned support will usually work better to reduce problem behaviors. No plan will be successful every time, but it is worth the effort to create these intervention plans to avoid these negative behaviors. With some give and take, you can find an appropriate set of behavioral interventions for your child.

Another good thing you can do is Teach your child about his triggers will help him learn about self-control, a useful skill in itself. Here are a few suggestions that may help. What to avoid You and your child need to know exactly what triggers his meltdowns. Try keeping a journal. Record every meltdown that happens and try to identify what triggered it. After a set time, review your journal and look for the most common triggers. Once your family knows the troubling circumstances, it will be easier to avoid these. This will also help your child become more aware of his own emotions-an important step in learning to control himself. Now you can come up with a plan to adapt. How to adapt Adapting to your child's meltdown triggers is simply using your list of situations to avoid in a way that allows your child to have some control. Visual aids such as a written trigger list and an emotion meter, sometimes called a 5-point scale will help your child make a visual connection to how he is feeling when a meltdown is on the horizon. A 5-point scale is a picture scale that shows faces from happy to meltdown, from 1 to 5. The higher the number is, the stronger the anger is. After a while he will be able to make adjustments as he sees the numbers on the 5-point scale rise. Fortunately, much has been written on the subject of Autism meltdowns. You can find books and videos that are focused common meltdown triggers. For example the DVD, Difficult Moments for Children and Youth with Autism Spectrum Disorders by Brenda Smith Myles, Ph.D. may be a good place to start. Learning to exhibit control over his environment as well as his reactions is a big step for your child with Asperger's Syndrome. Stress management skills are tough for children with Autism to understand. The ability to control some of his meltdowns is a positive step for your child.

Aggression to siblings
Parents always dread the clashes that their children have as they grow up. Sibling rivalries are a part of every sibling relationship to some extent or another. If you add in a child with Asperger's, the situation can intensify far beyond what any parent wants. Children with Asperger's see the world through their own eyes and no one else's so it is very hard for them to understand how others think and act. So when they get upset, it can really become a bad situation very quickly. It is never okay for a child with Asperger's to hurt others. Here are a few tips that may help you when your son gets angry with his sibling:
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Identify and eliminate the triggers. There is something that is setting your son off and causing him to hurt his sibling. You should observe him as he interacts with his brother to identify the trigger so that it can be eliminated in the future. You may not be able to prevent all instances from happening, but you certainly can prevent many from happening in the future. Make sure that there are consequences for his actions. Just because your son has Asperger's does not mean that he should not be held accountable for his actions. Sit down with him and identify the action that you find to be wrong and let your son know why he should not hurt his brother. It may be hard for him to understand, but you have to try to put a plan in place to prevent him from doing this in the future. A behavior contract may help. You and your son should sit down together and create a behavior contract that outlines the behaviors you want to see, the behaviors you do not want to see, and the consequences or rewards for those actions. You should allow your son to have some say so in the creation of this contract. You have to make sure that you hold him accountable for his actions. Do not give him multiple chances to correct his behavior. Make sure that the behavior contract is clear so that he has no questions about what is expected of him. Provide him with a visual of the contract in various places around the house so that he knows what he needs to do. Use an emotion scale to identify rising stress levels. Emotion scales usually cover levels of emotion from calm, happy, and excited, to stressed and angry. Learning to identify emotions is the first step to learning self-control. Encourage your child to practice identifying the emotions using the scale as often as possible. Teach your child to halt aggression with relaxation techniques. Feelings of stress and frustration can be reduced by practicing deep breathing exercises. Counting slowly to ten will help calm your child's mental frustration.

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Physical exercise is an excellent stress reducer. Yoga, stretching, and walking are a few gentle options. Hang in there with your son. It is never okay for your son to hurt his brother or others when he gets angry. You may also want to consider social skills training or counseling if the matter continues in the future.

Aspergers Adults
The parents of adult Asperger's children are key to the successful independence of the child. The years of offering support and fighting for appropriate services and education pay off when they see the child has become an independent, contributing member of society. In cases of late childhood or teen diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, parents will find themselves learning about the condition along with the nearly grown child. In these cases, parents must teach important skills in a short time that are normally picked up over time and come naturally to the child. Either way, even though the parents have done so much to get the child to this point, their job is still not complete. Individuals with adult Asperger's may still need the assistance of parents and family to maintain a functioning level of independence. There is a lot involved when it comes to independent living. Not everyone is good at it. For some people, it is a natural next step to graduating high school and getting a job. To other people, it may seem too overwhelming to even consider. Here are some ways you can make sure your child is ready for independent living.
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Teach him basic daily living skills. Living skills are a large group of skill sets divided in different areas that are essential to a person's successful independence. These skills sets include: Personal hygiene rules are necessary for adults. Regular bathing is important, as well as shampooing your hair and brushing your teeth. Knowing the reasons for these activities is important, but it is equally important to know how often they are needed. Daily household chores such as washing the dishes, wiping counters, and sweeping the floors must be done to prevent germs, insects, and disease. Weekly household chores include dusting, vacuuming and mopping the floors, for example. Monthly household chores like cleaning the windows and the air conditioner filter must also be remembered. Personal finances management is a tough skill set for many people. You should be able to write checks, pay your bills, and balance your checkbook. Some people continue to need help in this area.

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Medical care management is essential, especially if you take daily medications. You must also be able to make and keep important appointments. 8. Time management is a skill that affects all areas of life. Getting to work on time, keeping appointments, having the time to complete your daily chores, and remembering to call your mother are all covered by this skill set.
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In addition to basic living skills, the adult Asperger's needs to understand what is expected of him. Your child must know that it is okay to ask for help at any time. Some people need assistance to live independently, and that is okay. Also when it comes to employment . . . People with Asperger's have special interests, or obsessions that they pursue wholeheartedly. You probably can think of a few your son has had over the years. They become fixated on a subject, learning everything there is to know about that topic. This could be the key to finding a fulfilling career that is interesting and also an income producer. Your son's obsession can evolve into a career with a little planning. Help him make a list of his most intense interests. Brainstorm and list possible jobs for each interest. Think outside of the box. Remember, he may not be focused on a high-powered executive position. Imagine how happy he could be with a job centered on his favorite area of concentration. For example, a love of electronics can translate into a job selling computer systems at a local retail outlet. Your son could spend his days showing potential customers everything the latest laptop can do while pulling in a decent salary, plus commission on every sale. Another example is automobile sales. If your son knows all there is to know about everything from sports cars to SUVs, he could spend all day totally immersed in his obsession, talking extensively on the subject, making money-in some cases, lots of money. What if your son's obsession is more abstract, like oil paintings? He could work in an art gallery teaching classes, giving tours, or even doing painting restorations. Now that you have some ideas on what could possibly work for him, contact your local adult Asperger's support group. They can give you resources and ideas on the local services available to your son. In addition to support group meetings, they will have information on career counseling, vocational training, and other valuable tools that can help him find his place. The possibilities really are endless. Finally, be hopeful. Like everyone else, it may take some time for him to discover his true field of interest. Be patient. He may decide to further his knowledge in his chosen field by attending training courses or even pursuing a college degree. Be

supportive. Even though he is an adult, he needs to know that his family is standing with him.

Depression and suicide

An increased risk of suicide is observed in children with Asperger's, with the risk rising in proportion to the number and severity of other diagnoses, such as OCD. Asperger's is probably undiagnosed in many suicide cases because a lack of awareness of the condition's existence and the unreliable tools used to identify it. So, people with Asperger's who commit suicide are probably reported as having other or undiagnosed psychiatric problems. In cases of unexpected suicide, Asperger's is a strong possibility. Parents and teachers need to keep a watchful eye on teenagers who have Asperger's Syndrome. Know the warning signs and learn about the three D's: drugs, depression and dangerous activity as possible clues to suicidal thoughts. Preliminary research studies suggest that low levels of the serotonin metabolite 5HIAA may be associated with violent suicide attempts. Children as young as seven with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) may threaten and even attempt suicide. A big factor in attempted suicide is depression. Have your son checked immediately for depression. Medication may be indicated and will help him reduce thoughts of suicide. Inform all family members and teachers about your son's depression and the depth of it, hire a therapist, and get counselling for your son to deal with his emotional and social problems. If you feel he is close to a suicide attempt, call his therapist immediately for help. Learn how to contact the therapist at all hours - at the office or at home. Do not wait and do not ignore suicidal thoughts, feelings, or urges. Learn the fastest way to reach an emergency room or be admitted to a hospital. Get the phone numbers to Community Mental Health Centers and a local Suicide Prevention Service. Talk with your son and try to determine why he wants to commit suicide. Then, deal with the issues he brings up. He should receive ongoing counseling. Meet with his teachers to discuss how he is doing in school and what can be done to help him. Request interventions to help him. If he has not been diagnosed with an academic diagnosis of Asperger's, request testing immediately. Then, he will be eligible for many interventions. Educate yourself on how to help him at home. Establish a "take a break" room both at school and at home for him to use when stress builds. He can go there for peace and quiet until he feels calm. Your goal is to lower the risk of suicide by working to: increase his psychological sense that he has good choices he can make, help him understand he does not have to feel he has no alternatives to suicide, and increase his sense of being

emotionally supported. Strategies: Establish rapport (e.g. "I'm listening and I want to help you.") Explore his perception of the crisis Focus on the immediate past (e.g. a recent significant event or problem) and immediate future Develop options and a plan of action Increase the options available to him and the number of people available to help Arrange removal of potential means of suicide Monitor his emotional state and establish a follow-up plan Try to involve appropriate people in his support system. Consider a hospital placement if you feel he is in immediate danger. Or contact the other out of hours services such as the police.

Normal Teen Behavior vs Aspergers

The normal challenges that come during the teen years can make life crazy for families affected by Asperger's. It can be hard to distinguish the cause of problem behaviors during the Asperger's teenage years for several reasons. Teenage behaviors and attitudes can crop up quite suddenly, whether Asperger's is a factor or not. For teens with Asperger's, the additional hormone driven challenges can cause serious problems. You may notice that your once well-behaved teen is suddenly rude, angry, or even obnoxious. If your teen has always struggled with problem behaviors, you may not notice any change at all. For some, behavioral problems are never an issue, not due to Asperger's Syndrome or any other reason. Managing behavior problems compounded by normal teen challenges can be tough for the parents and the teen with Asperger's. Teenage hormones and the increased socialization due to interest in the opposite sex are a necessary part of growing up. Teaching your teen to deal with the frustration this causes should be top priority. Even if you cannot distinguish the true cause of behavior problems, it will be worth your time to help your teen recognize the changes he is facing. It is time for a few basic household rules.

Do not shirk your duties at home. Household rules and chores should be posted for easy reference. Use visual aids such as chore charts and check lists. Consequences for broken rules and neglected chores must be appropriate and unrelenting. Likewise, rewards for a job well done are nice. Do not sidestep your obligations at school. Similar visual aids should be used for school assignments and classroom behaviors. Be firm in what you expect from your teen. Stick to the schedule. Having a set routine and daily schedule will keep your teen on track, which will create calm and reduce problem behaviors. Count to ten, breathe in, breathe out. Repeat as needed. In other words, use your coping skills. Teach your teen to recognize when he may need to remove himself from a situation to prevent an angry outburst. You can also have a visual for this. An if/then' chart can help him visualize what he must do in a variety of situations.

Let your teen know that you will address and correct all Asperger's teenage problem behaviors. He needs to know that you are holding him to a high standard and that you will stand your ground at home and at school. It will take a variety of therapy techniques and support services to address and correct his behaviors. Here are a few suggestions that can be used in the home.

Social skills and language training will help reduce frustration. You can do this with television and movies. Use the characters to point out gestures and body language, sarcasm, personal space and two-way conversations. Behavior modification techniques can be used to avoid all types of problem behaviors. Anger, frustration, stress, and disappointment are examples of behaviors you can successfully modify by changing the way you think about the situation at hand. You can find books online and at the library to learn how to implement behavior modification.

Many factors can lead to problem behaviors during the Asperger's teenage years. Finding the right mix of therapy techniques, educational support, and family-based encouragement can make a real difference in your teen's awkward and challenging behavioral issues.

Hygiene
For many children with Asperger's, personal hygiene holds little importance. Many children, especially pre-teens, just do not see the point in daily maintenance of hair, body, and teeth, nor do they concern themselves with clean clothing. Some rationalize the need based on their level of physical activity. If they are sedentary they think they need less upkeep. Some struggle with the sensory sensitivities that come with soap, water, shampoo, and toothpaste. And for others, depression plays a major role. As children hit puberty, they often do not realize how these changes affect their bodies. Personal hygiene becomes increasingly important. Most kids go through a short period of slacking in the hygiene department, until they start noticing the opposite sex. At that point, teeth stay shiny white and they walk around in a cloud of deodorant and cologne. When it comes to your child with Asperger's, personal hygiene struggles can be conquered by first, determining the exact cause of his reluctance, and then developing a plan for success. Here are a few thoughts regarding personal hygiene and Asperger's Syndrome.

Most likely, your child will consider several or all of the above-mentioned factors as contributors to the problem. For example, he may hate the feel of the shower spray, the smell of the shampoo, and the taste of the toothpaste. He may have a sedentary special interest, so he does not ever feel "dirty". He may suffer from a mild or moderate depression, isolating himself from others. Determine the true cause by asking pointed and direct questions. Stick to factual terms and leave the judgment out of the discussion. Explain the link between cleanliness and good health, as well as the link between appearance and mental health. Let your child know you are concerned about his health.

Create a plan for daily hygiene that will lead to a healthy body and outlook. Use printed schedules and checklists to help your son keep track of his hygiene routine. Start slow since he has little interest and will probably struggle with this change in his daily routine. For instance, during week one, add a shower to his schedule. Add a second shower to the following weekly schedule. You may have to break it down even further on his visual schedule. (ex. Shower with soap; wash hair with shampoo.)

Use rewards and consequences when your child completes the personal hygiene tasks on his daily schedule. Be sure to praise his efforts and his healthy appearance. Routine is very important for kids on the Autism spectrum. Making personal hygiene a set routine on the daily schedule may be just what your child needs to get on track. You can use written and/or picture check lists to teach basic skills such as bodily cleanliness, dental hygiene, and use of deodorant. Having a check list that tells when and how often each action is needed can help your child internalize what needs to be done. If your child has a behavioral therapist, this could be a topic for discussion in upcoming sessions. Behavioral therapy helps break down tasks so your child can learn the action. Look for books that explain how to teach these topics to your child. The book, Hygiene and Related Behaviors for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum and Related Disorders: A Fun Curriculum with a Focus on Social Understanding by Kelly Mahler, MS, OTR/L is a good example of a curriculum parents can use to work on personal hygiene skills in the home setting.

Personal hygiene may continue to be an issue for your child despite your best efforts. Children with Asperger's Syndrome simply do not see the importance. Your best approach will be one that presents the concept in the most logical way possible. If it makes logical sense to your child, the chances of success in personal hygiene are much greater.

Homework
Many aspects of the educational process may perplex your child with Asperger s. Homework is probably one of the main sources of contention. Children with Aspergers Syndrome can be extremely inflexible thinkers. Seeing things as black or white, never gray, your child just does not see the value in homework since he has spent his entire day immersed in education. Why must it carry over into his free time? Since your child is of average intelligence or possibly higher, his grades are probably more than adequate in most areas. For an honor student with Aspergers, homework is simply unnecessary. He may be unable to see the value of extra practice if he already knows the material. His rigid thinking keeps him from seeing that homework is as much an act of obedience as it is academic instruction. In addition, he may be lacking in theory of mind due to Aspergers. Homework failure causes problems with parent and teachers. No theory of mind will keep your child from recognizing how his refusal to do homework affects everyone around him. He does not need the extra practice, he wants to be free after school, and he sees no benefit to homework. Therefore, there is no reason to waste his time. In the meantime, parents are upset, teachers are making ultimatums, and his classmates are tired of the disruptions. Your child is oblivious to this domino effect. What is a parent supposed to do? Here are some suggestions. 1. Make it a household rule that homework must be completed before personal interests can be pursued. Follow through with rewards and punishments as needed. 2. Use social stories to illustrate the domino effect of his refusal to cooperate. This type of social story is valuable for any broken rule. Create your own to fit the homework situation or find examples on the Internet. 3. Rewards are extremely important. Use rewards as reinforcement for good behaviors of all types. Reward completed homework, correct answers, meeting homework deadlines, and working with a good attitude. Anything can be a reward: favorite snacks, computer time, or a small trinket or toy. 4. Address homework concerns on your child's educational plan. Reduced assignments, extra time, and classroom study/homework time are all common IEP accommodations.

5. When dealing with large projects or long-term assignments, break them down into small parts over several days. A small portion is often easier to accept even though it does not actually change the homework assignment. 6. Behavioral therapy can help your child overcome educational weaknesses and aversions to particular aspects of school. This therapy may be available at your child's school. If not, there are several published resources available for you to use at home. 7. Offer your help. It is possible that your son does not understand his assignments and does not want to do homework because of this. Help him with aspects of his schoolwork that he does not understand so that he can enjoy doing homework at home. 8. Praise your son for his efforts. Make sure that you praise your son every time he does something positive. Even when he gets something wrong and his is putting forth effort, reward him for his efforts. 9. Be sure that you are flexible and patient with your son. Your lack of patience and flexibility can cause your son not to want to do homework and schoolwork ever again. Be very careful when working with him. 10. Minimize distractions during homework. You should find a quiet place for your son to do his homework so that anyone or anything does not distract him. A quiet room makes a great place for your son to do his work. 11. Establish routines for your son. Do not forget that your son needs routines in order to function so you must also establish routines for him to complete his homework. 12. Do not push your son too hard. Some parents make threats when their children do not get their assignments done. Children with Aspergers will shut down or have a meltdown when your threaten them. Use caution when trying to persuade your son to do his work.

Getting your son to do his homework may be a challenge at times but it is an area that can improve over time. Provide your son with as much assistance as possible to complete his homework. You can find ways to improve your child's Aspergers homework issues. Whether it is making firm household rules or the development of understanding, or a combination, your child can learn to accept that sometimes he has to do things that seem to have no true value.

Friends
Social situations and relationships can be very difficult and uncomfortable for teens with Asperger's. Friendships may be much-desired, but difficult to establish, especially if the teen refuses social group activities. Many factors cause this trouble for your teen. Obsessions drive people away. Anxiety makes him too uncomfortable to put himself out there. However, social skills struggles are the main culprit. These include nonverbal communication like social cues, gestures, and body language, as well as problems with pragmatic language. Pragmatic language covers the ability to have meaningful two-way conversations. For your teen with Asperger's, friendships will take work on his part. If he does not feel comfortable participating in organized social groups, he will need other opportunities to mingle. You can help in this area. He can take advantage of social situations in natural setting that you create for him. He has to want it, though; you cannot force his willing participation. Here are a few ideas you can use to help your child make friends. Encourage him to join groups and clubs associated with his hobbies and special interests, rather than organized social training groups. He will be most relaxed in social settings where he can talk to others about his favorite topics without risk of appearing strange. Since group members share this love, they will encourage him to share his knowledge. Some children with Asperger's enjoy sports. Help your son find a sport he can play. Being a part of a team is a great social opportunity. Is he not the athletic type? Think of less physically challenging sports like bowling or golf. These sports require skills, but are not as physically demanding as other team sports. Other team activities will provide chances to make friends with common interests. Chess teams and debate teams are good options. If your son is not willing to participate in school activities, perhaps community or church activities will appeal to him. Drama team, office worker, media center worker, and sound booth operator are just a few of the various opportunities in church and community centers. Find volunteer work your son might enjoy. Volunteers often meet to plan activities, as well. Many companies, hospitals, and other organizations need volunteers on their team. Continue to encourage social skills training for your son with Asperger's. Friendships depend on strong social skills. If he is not comfortable working with a group, maybe

he can work one-on-one with a speech therapist to improve his abilities. Also, there are many inexpensive social skills applications for android tablets and iPads. Anyone can purchase these apps for use in the privacy of their home. Continue to encourage your son to do what it takes to improve his social skills. If he does, new friendships will soon develop.

Services
Adults with Asperger's Syndrome are often blind-sided when they finish school and prepare to enter the work force. The support they found so readily available during their school years disappears upon adulthood, leaving them vulnerable and often misunderstood. Educators are trained to work with children on the Autism spectrum. Private businesses have knowledge of the legal rights of employees with disabilities, but may know very little about how Asperger's Syndrome affects an employee's life and job performance. Even though Autism Spectrum Disorders and Asperger's Syndrome is quite prevalent, there are far more services and programs available to children than there are for adults with Asperger's. Once a child graduates high school, continued services depend on location and the severity of the disability. Some areas of the U.S. offer better services with more choices. Overall, most adult services seem to be limited to those with lower functionality. However, there are services worth investigating in every community and the options should rise as communities prepare for the rising number of children with Asperger's aging out of childhood services. Here are some examples of possible services in your community. State-run adult developmental centers offer a wide range of services such as transportation, job training and placement, respite care, and assisted living programs, just to name a few possibilities. Privately funded programs with similar benefits may exist in your community. Contact your local health department, public library, or city hall to learn about local programs for adults with Asperger's. Grant programs supply funds to individuals with disabilities. Some communities may offer state government or private grant opportunities. Search your local government listings for family support services, or call any local adult developmental center and inquire about grants in your area. Federal and state welfare programs help low income and/or disabled citizens. Learn more about these programs by calling the local office of the Department of Human Services. Social Security benefits are available for low-income citizens with disabilities. Call your local Social Security Administration office to see if you qualify. There are several possible options for services for adults with Asperger's Syndrome. However, the requirements for many of these services are strict, often too strict for high-functioning individuals. Contact your local Autism support organization to discuss the options for adults with Asperger's Syndrome in your community.

Some people with Asperger's Syndrome also have a very difficult time coping with independent living. The lack of social skills, coping skills, daily living skills, and basic organizational skills can cause all sorts of problems. All of these skills are necessary for anyone seeking to live independently. Without these skills, something as simple as remembering when and how often to take your medication becomes a major stumbling block. It can be very confusing since most people with Asperger's Syndrome are highly intelligent. However, without full understanding of these skills, even the smartest individual will face struggles on a daily basis. While many people with Asperger's Syndrome have supportive families who take the time to teach these basic living skills, others must fend for themselves. Some families do not have the financial ability to obtain private therapists. Some families may not have the knowledge needed to develop an educational plan that suits the person's needs. For whatever reason, there are children growing up without the necessary skills to move on and live on their own, and unfortunately, the level of ability is often directly related on the treatment received as a child. Fortunately, there are resources available to help people of all ages live successful, independent lives in the face of Autism. Here are a few: Many communities have disability resource centers. These centers offer job training programs and assisted living or residential programs. Check with your Department of Human Services or the local County Health Department for programs in your area. Social skills training, as well as other adult living skills are practiced by private groups. Local chapters of national Autism support organizations in your area may sponsor classes and clubs, or may know of volunteer groups that offer such classes. Sometimes the best resources are published articles and books. Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism Updated and Expanded Edition by Kate Duffy, M.S. and Temple Grandin, Ph.D. is just one example that can help families with general guidance. Asperger's Syndrome is a spectrum disorder which means that some people will be higher functioning and better able to live independently. Others will need supervision and guidance in order to be successful. Either way, as long as the adult with Asperger's Syndrome is functioning to the best of his ability and is happy with his life situation, he is a success.

Discipline
Finding a way to punish bad behavior is often an issue for families dealing with Asperger's. Discipline for a child on the Autism Spectrum cannot be handled in the same manner as for a typical child. The parent must maintain control while the child may be completely upset, in a rage, or totally unresponsive. However, the child must be disciplined in order to learn from his mistakes. What is a parent to do? It is common for parents to complain of poor listening skills in their children with Asperger's. Discipline time is a prime example of a time when listening skills are important. The first thing a parent must do is determine whether the child has a true listening deficit like an auditory processing problem, has stopped listening due to sensory overload, or has just tuned out to avoid punishment. It is often said that children on the Autism Spectrum live in their own little world. There is a good chance that the child's retreats into himself are an unintentional form of selfpreservation. When it comes to Asperger's discipline, the best choices utilize the child's strongest skills. Without understanding, discipline is ineffective. If you spank a child for hitting his brother, he will have a hard time grasping the difference between his hitting and yours. Plus I am really against any form of physical punishment, as to me it shows an out of control parent (and may well be unlawful). There are always better and more effective ways than using violence. If you place your child in time-out or ground him for a time period, he may be confused by being punished to the comfort and security of his room. Here are some ideas that may help. Visual aids will help your child see the reason for the punishment. Make an If/Then chart or a consequence chart that shows exactly what will happen if the child engages in a punishable behavior. This chart can be made with pictures or words, depending on the child's ability. Another visual aid that comes in handy is a rewards chart. Equal importance should be placed on good behavior, including lots of praise and tangible rewards, to balance out the negativity. Removal of a favorite toy or removing the child from a desired area can be effective. Remember to talk about what is happening and why it is happening, so he understands the reason for the removal. 1-2-3 Magic is a discipline program developed by Thomas Phelan, Ph.D., an expert on child discipline and ADHD. Since ADHD and Asperger's share many common characteristics, this program works very well for most children on the Autism Spectrum. It is a no-nonsense, straight forward expansion of the time-out. This book can be found in your local book store or public library.

It is very important that you talk through the punishment with your child with Asperger's. Discipline will be more effective if you explain the reason for it. It sounds like over-simplifying, but your child with Asperger's may not see his actions as negative due to his lack of social awareness. When it comes to children with Asperger's, discipline can be very problematic. Since your child likely struggles to discern the consequences of what he does, he will grapple with your decision to discipline. Typical punishments like spanking often make the situation worse (plus in my opinion - not a healthy option anyway). Simply, he does not understand why he is in the wrong and why you can use harsh treatment in an attempt to correct his behavior. Put this way, his lack of understanding makes a little more sense. You are not alone in your struggle to find appropriate punishment options for your child with Asperger's. Discipline is a common concern and is the subject of much discussion within support groups and doctor's offices. Here are a few thoughts regarding discipline. Children with Asperger's Syndrome are usually rule followers. They like to know exactly what is expected of them. Make a written list or chart of your house rules and expected behavior. As a companion list or chart, post specific corresponding consequences for each rule. These are sometimes called "If/Then" charts. You can find printable charts on the Internet or you can make your own. Often, when children see the rules and consequences spelled out, their behavior automatically improves. As for actual discipline, there are a few gentle possibilities that can bring about a happy, compliant child Role play, a form of play acting you can perform for or with your child, can help him visualize how his actions look and how they affect those around him. It can also show him what needs to change. Social stories are simply worded stories used to teach children appropriate behavior. Most social stories are personalized to the needed situation and have pictures. Some are in comic book form. You can find books and websites that sell pre-written social stories, or you can create your own. There will be instances where you must use a harsher punishment for your child with Asperger's. Discipline options such as time-outs and loss of privileges usually work very well. By creating a house discipline plan, your discipline efforts will be more consistent and your child will not be able to question your decisions.