NEGATIVE SELF-TALKSTOP THE TAPE!

There it goes againthat voice. That often quiet, sometimes screaming voice in your head that judges your every move, accusing you and those around you of all sorts of imperfections and generally bringing you down.
It isnt a tangible sound, yet its destructive power should weigh in with mighty decibels. It also has the power to lift your mood and brighten your day, if you allow it to. This voice has a nameits called self-tal . Try to imagine it as a tape that plays constantly in the bac ground of your thoughts. !hat does your tape play" Is your self-tal full of negative messages that cause you to feel even a few of these emotions regularly"#

an$iety guilt insecurity%self-loathing bitterness frustration despair

The list truly is endless, isnt it" &efore you read on, understand that you are designed to feel a wide range of emotions, pleasant as well as very uncomfortable ones. Its simply part of being human. &ut have you ever wondered whether you might be able to e$perience less misery and claim more peace in your life" 'erhaps you can. (ead on to learn more about negative self-tal and what you can do about it. What feeds the tape? )s you consider the nature of your self-tal , you might wonder where themes such as pessimism or perfectionism first too root in you. That voice has been fed over the years by#

your parents or guardians your other family members authority figures in your life your peers the media and your culture your circumstances, good or bad your own responses to all of the above

In her boo , Your Body Believes Every Word You Say, &arbara *evine e$plains that what you tell yourself about you, and your life, continues to shape you even now. Then, +ust to ma e it

even tougher to thin brighter thoughts, that self-tal tape is influenced by#

your mood your health sleep, nutrition, e$ercise, etc.

What's playing right now? )re you ready to ta e a close loo at your self-tal " ,ont try to change it, +ust listen to what you say to yourself throughout the day. -ometimes it ta es a negative emotion to help us catch the voice more easily. )re you feeling an$ious" -ee if you are thin ing, !hat if this terrible thing happens" or I now something catastrophic will happen to me. .ind of hard to rela$ with those thoughts lur ing about, isnt it" ,r. ,avid &urns, author of Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, would say that you are fortune-tellinganticipating unpleasant or even disastrous future events. To discover what self-tal messages lie underneath your worst moments and lowest moods, spend a few minutes writing down your thoughts when you feel miserable. Changing the tape /ow that you have some sense of your negative self-tal , what should you do about it" 0irst, get this much into your beliefs about thoughtsthey happen. 1ood ones, boring ones, bi2arre ones, you name it. The last thing you need to addto what you tell yourself is I must have complete control of every thought and be perfect emotionally. !hy not rest in the nowledge that, +ust because you thin it, doesnt mean its true" Thoughts are full of errors, untruths, distortions and more. Thats another aspect of your human nature. 3ne simple change can be to accept that a low mood generates negative thin ing and that neither the mood nor the thin ing has to be ta en so seriously. 4ou can also try these suggestions#

Talk to the negative voice 5out loud or mentally6tell it to stop7 Tone down the messageIf you thin in e$treme terms such as always or never, try changing the message to sometimes. 8eres an e$ample# change the thought, 9y spouse is always late to 9y spouse is sometimes late. Keep a journal4ou can write out a dialogue between your negative self-tal and whatever you imagine that someone who loves you unconditionally would say about the situation. 0or e$ample, 4ou sounded so ridiculous tal ing to that person, could be countered with (ela$. That person might have been +ust as concerned about how he sounded to you. &e sure to record all the good things that happen to you. Feed the tape:$pose yourself to uplifting people, boo s and environments as much as possible, and try out a few positive messages now and then such as Its 3. to have flaws, or I have so much to be than ful for. Laugh at the negative voice if possi!le'icture your worries as a naughty child and shoo them into a corner for time out. They cant come bac until theyre ready to behave7 "ractice rela#ation;se deep breathing techni<ues, stretches, warm baths, whatever rela$es your body and eases the tension that can bring about troublesome thoughts. $sk for proof'sychologist (obert 9iller would have you as yourself, !here is the

proof that these negative thoughts are true" %etting started ,oes it all sound too complicated and overwhelming" Thats your self-tal going again, saying &ut I cant change or Im beyond hope and could never see myself differently. (emember, first, get to now whats on that tape. /o pressure to change, +ust try to ac nowledge that you thin a few self-defeating thoughts now and then. If you then can accept that not every negative belief you have about yourself and others is true, you are ready to grow into a new level of peace and emotional maturity. Tell yourself 4es, I can7
&esources
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by ,avid ,. &urns, 9,. 9orrow, !illiam and =ompany, >???. Self Help S uff Tha Wor!s by )dam .han. 4oume !or s, >???. The "ower of "osi ive Thin!ing by /orman @incent 'eale. 8utchinson =hildrens &oo s, >??A. -ources# Tac ett, =had. )void /egative Thin ing=hoose to &e 'ositive. Glo#al Heal h and Fi ness 'edwell, -usan. &anishing /egative -elf-tal . $anadian %iving 5>???6 &ond ,oyle, =athryn. /egative -elf-tal # !hy ,o !e Torture 3urselves" 5BAA>6. (obert '. 9iller, 'h,, clinical psychologist, =harlottesville, @a. &y *aurie 9. -tewart C BAADBA>A )chieve -olutionsE