Originality is nothing but judicious imitation - Voltiare

February 17th, 2014

Volume 3, Issue 2

Sketchbook

Mark Conway

News, or something like it.

HAPPENINGS

Submit to us! thearmadillojournal@gmail.com

Where are they now?

Louie Demarco

The News Ticker

There are prospies everywhere. I got paid! Student would have gone to Chelonia if she had more than $3.89 in her checking account. Thunder Junk makes second appearance and still no junk was seen. Free Bacon my ass Bon Appetite, all I want is a BLT when Im hungover for brunch. Student doesnt know whether hes making the poop or if the poop is making him. Help

Well I moved to Davenport Iowa

because a friend from high school needed a roommate or his landlord was going to evict and I had told him I was leaving Beloit. I transferred into St. Ambrose University in January of last year because it was right down the street from the house. Its a liberal arts school about double the size of Beloit. I had enough credits from Beloit to already have a Bio minor completed and I took up a double major in Art and Pyschology. Ive designed props for some theater productions here and am VP of the Art Club and have worked on some oragnizing murals and some design work for the school and city. We are also in the process of getting together a gallery space off campus which will feature student works. I have a job as the art editor for the literary and visual arts journal here this year. As for the future im not too sure, haha, still trying to figure that out mostly. Ive thought about using the Pysch degree to go into counseling for stabilities sale but ideally Id like to have my professional life be involved with the arts in someway, ya know?

New York Art Show Open with lots of art. Birth control was refilled in preparation for the weekend. Your stupid. Student finishes paper of semester thanks to Adderall .

Mark Conway
Are you an artist? Perhaps a casual doodler? Send in your work (1-3 pieces) and have it displayed at NEXUS, an art exhibition that puts campus and community art in the same space. Email salisburyg@beloit.edu if youre interested.

Art? Emma Clark

WORKS

Submit to us! Campus mail box 314

Only douchebags write about death

My Grandmother taught me to sew so I took out her eyelashes and made boy scout knots of them, because hot dogs remind me of sleeping bags and sleeping bags remind me of you. Remind me that it was cold in your attic that I heard a fly buzz when Iwhen you died. Gran doesnt look me in the eye anymore not since Carl lost his face not since my hair grew a new color that doesnt resemble the place you remember me in, a polaroid photograph. raspberry walking stick house of diseased DNA from the Other side of the family And I think if she met Arlis it would have to be on the inside of a constellation behind a mound of target bags never to be opened only mulled over-with a plate of swedish meatballs And there theyd sit, Marge, with her knitting needles Arlis, with the Irish mob Me, with a bag over my head, burlap dunce cap voted best dressed at work No one talks of the present, just pleasantries the weather channel antiques roadshow. And on holidays we draw turkeys. like our fingers were feathers like the New York Times actually cares, like art school paid off. and we eat chili you thought came from a cheerleader that I made with my dad who thinks Im his little surfer girl because he died listening to the beach boys. because holidays suck. and sponge baths remind me of you. your chapped lips, elderly creases, pinching time as they do flesh hurting all the same. Somewhere youre out there talking to yourself, before it scared us reverberating the house from the basement escaping the many minds of your mother. your mother your mother looks a lot like me Im finally driving for once a red clown car of disorder that loves you shamelessly and all this is a lie because death is the privilege to exaggerate. And Dad, you are not dead you are the only god I know.

Grace Smith

Griffin Salisbury

Found in the library

Untitled by Dena Winter

College Haikus

Amelia Diehl

Why would anyone still use wide-ruled paper here we are in college Got to the party and thought Id be hornier but this is still fun I put buttons on my big thrift store jacket cuz Im so quirky now What are these lyrics I guess Ill move my body do the walls look wet? Um, actually loneliness is the theme of every party so

Photo by Grace Smith

Ramblings.

Perspectives

Were on Facebook! /thearmadillojournal Jonah Isenstein

Jonahs quality cash saving tips for around the house:

1. Does your cheese come with little pieces of paper in between the slices? If so, these make excellent napkins. If its wrapped in plastic, hey, with enough ingenuity and a hot glue gun youve got a zip lock bag! 2. Did the leg fall off of your ikea dining room set chair? Take em all off and youve got a sweet gaming chair, so you can play flash games on the floor or wherever! 3. Interested in the dark arts? You can take all that rancid turkey meat in your fridge and put it in a safety deposit box at the post office. Wham! Six months later go check it! 4. Ever wonder what its like to eat sawdust? Go to Ace hardware and ask for their extra stuff and mix it with water, budget pasta paste, twice the carbs and slow for the digestion tract! 5. Low on laundry detergent? Scrape your shower clean and mix that stuff with hand soap, bleach, and some of that extra sawdust you shrewdly acquired. Let it sit for a week or two, but cover it so bugs dont fly in! 6. If you have any more tips, dont be a stranger, and remember, were all in this together!

Tips for drinking with your new British Friends

Jackson Morrison

Finding friends in a new country can be intimidating, but just remember to stick to the basics. Getting involved in the campus culture through clubs and societies is a great way to meet people, but if you want cool friends then my suggestion is to wander around outside the pub asking for cigarettes. Even if you dont smoke, you can choke one down to get a conversation started and by the end of the night everyones too drunk to realize that you never smoked another. If you want, you can even make a big deal about quitting and impress your new friends with how youre able to hang out with so many smokers and not pick it back up. If you feel weird about being the non-smoker but just cant bring yourself to smoke rollies (they all smoke rollies) then you can always stain your fingertips yellow with turmeric and claim you just smoked one. Now that you have some mates (dont say mate, it sounds awful in an American accent), this brings up a very important point: Never try to impress your British friends with how much you can drink because they can drink more than you, even the little ginger girl. Shes probably Irish. Be conscious, drink slowly. In America, drinking is a sprint, in Britain its a marathon, Except the Irish, who sprint marathons. One of the hardest things to remember is that the British pound is worth about a dollar and a half, I know its easy to spend two little coins on a beer or throw some purple monopoly money on the bar and order SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! but the moneys real and youre paying more than you think you are. You can pretty much drink whatever you want, gin and whiskey are respectable, and vodkas acceptable. Theres probably no wine for you if youre on the 100 mile diet, in fact, if youre on the 100 mile diet you should probably focus on beer, fish, and potatoes. I have a sneaking suspicion the British dont eat lettuce, but that not been confirmed as of yet. The last thing that should be worrying you is what youre going to talk about because British pop culture is basically American pop culture from three years ago, so youll probably be more informed than they are. If someone mentions a band youve never heard of dont panic, you can still sound cool by shrugging nonchalantly and saying, they probably never made it across the ocean. If you do it right it wont convey the message that youre not hip enough to scour the internet for avant garde bands from all over the world but more that this cultural exchange business is starting to seem a little bit one sided. And if you for some reason feel the need to confess that you actually think the American Office is way better than the UK version, do it while their all watching a football (soccer) match so they arent listening anyway.

The Three Houseguests

Depression Depression is a hushed house guest. Sometimes I dont realize she has been sleeping in the pit of my basement. She ties her body in a knot, listens to the dull lullaby of my furnace, Halleluja, Halleluja Praise your human need for heat. She slinks through the staircase shadows. Opens the empty fridge, feels her hollow belly. Depression sits at my kitchen table rocks her foot like its the only thing moving in my house.

Julie Shayna
Apathy Mania Mania is a loud house guest. Sometimes I dont even realize she has been spinning her favorite rhythms after feeding my walls sleeping pills. Mania is hanging her clean laundry like she is the family portrait sitting on my mantel. There is a choir in my gas line, it sings like God just built this. Morning whistle of my furnace,

Halleluja, Halleluja, praise the days I am not a suicide note.

The other houses in the neighborhood have noticed that the guests visit often but never stay long. The other houses want to build a white picket fence. Depression lets it happen but buys black paint. Depression opens her wallet looks at the photograph of Mania she keeps behind her license. She baptizes herself in the black paint. Says God,

The other houses notice that sometimes my walls looked pressed out as if there is something trying to burst into the skyline. Mania drinks tea in the yard as she cradles her sledgehammer. She attacks the fence because she doesnt know why they built it. Mania wants to paint me orange and refurnish my bedrooms. She is crafting new chochskees for my mantel. Once and a while Mania stops and wonders why there arent other people reading poetry to the empty cabinets. She buys groceries and bakes red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. She eats the whole thing herself and smacks her lips together. Mania is painting a mural on my walls in washable marker. It is the color spectrum and it is as loud as the way she loves herself. She shakes with laughter as she bathes in the paint Says God,

let Mania find me and make me a clean woman.

Depression wants to peel the wallpaper off my dining room walls, eat the plaster, and be friends with the termites. Depression likes my furniture. She is counting loose floorboards counting stairs counting the dents in my wall. She is making lists of how things are. Depression is sitting on loose floorboard number fifty five. With a black permanent marker. Staring at her hands begging the stillness to shake her. She thinks she is imagining the remnants of past paintings. Depression is not painting on the walls. Depression is leaving. She is holding her feelings in her throat as she waves from my porch. Keeps whispering that she will see me soon.

may depression never find me and make me a clean woman.

Her knees give out. I find her sitting on loose floorboard number fifty five, reaching for the permanent black marker in her back pocket. This is her final mark. She never says goodbye. My walls just start peeling. I am a straining doorway calling Mania home.

Nash wins, loses

Sean Little The thing about movies is John Nash never gave a Nobel Prize acceptance speech. If he had, he would not have been so candid toward his ex-wife. He might have had an episode, so said the ceremonys organizers who so ceremoniously excluded the Beautiful Mind. The thing about minds is they never quit. A mind may surrender control only to itself. Even then, what can stop a man from building castles?

Photo by Liz Hock

Henry Klatz

Photo by Grace Smith

Overheards
I watched Archer once. It seemed pretty misogynistic. Girl in Java Joint Im more of a stud guy. Male Athlete You dont have to be drunk to dance in commons! Girl in Commons Ok, Goodbye you two are racist. Argument in Commons Im drunk enough I can queer whatever I want! Girl on the weekend Have you ever been on the phone and wondered where your phone was? Student in Java Joint If you say you dont believe in fairies then a fairy dies. Student at mail center After many years of role playing experience, - Guy in Java Joint

SPOT THE RAT

What youll find here is a series of comics I made in the 5th grade,, I give you: FROGZILLA by Mark Conway