Preschool Bullying: Steps to Stop Child Aggression Not many people are surprised to see preschoolers acting aggressivelyfrom

taking toys from each other to getting physical to expressing negative emotions, three- to five-yearolds are expected to have outbursts, as theyre still learning how to interact appropriately with their peers. While all bullying is aggression, not all aggression is bullying. o be considered bullying, the bully must display behavior thats intended to hurt, harm, or in!ure another person, and done on numerous occasionsall while maintaining a position of social power, such as having older, bigger friends. When the perpetrator acts aggressively, the harassment may become patterns of bullying unless adults intervene to teach young kids the appropriate way to handle conflict "#$. %nstances of bullying between young kids takes many forms, including hitting and kicking, name-calling, and social exclusion "e.g., &%m not going to be your friend'$. (uring preschool, bullying is based more on the here and now, and likely doesnt include past events. )dditionally, this peer-on-peer harassment tends to be direct and done in front of adults, revealing the identity of the bully and making intervention by adults easier compared to older children "#, *, +$. Victims Down the Road ,ids who are aggressive in preschool are more likely to be on the receiving end of bullying down the road. hese aggressors, who often tell other kids &you cant be my friend anymore,' are more likely to be isolated by these same behaviors later in the school year, and kids who exclude their classmates in preschool end up not being liked well later in the school yearwhich puts a target on the backs of former bullies. )dditionally, kids who aggress by excluding or re!ecting others are less likely to be included in birthday parties, play dates, and other social gatherings later on "*$. %nterestingly, the same shift has been found in children who are victimi-ed by their peers in preschool. ,ids who are victims of bullying before kindergarten learn from their experiencesand act out aggressive behaviors in the future. Not only does the bullied become a bully, but children will often dish out the same sort of treatment they received earlier. .or example, the child whos hit and kicked by his peers is likely to hit and kick others "/$. Gender Trends .ollowing the trends of their older counterparts, young girls will most often participate in social exclusion, while young boys tend to act out with physical aggression. .actors believed to contribute to bullying include insecure or low 0uality parent-child relationships during infancy, sibling aggression, poor peer relationships, lots of parent-child conflict during the preschool years and exposure to aggressive behavior in the media "#, 1, +, 2, 3$. How to Help )s a preschool parent, its up to you to help reduce aggression and victimi-ation "3, 4$.
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odel empathy! each your child that aggressive behavior is hurtful, and unacceptable. %f you notice acts of aggression, calmly hug your little one, make eye contact, and reiterate that its never okay to hurt others. %nstead, help them come up with an age-appropriate vocabulary so they can use non-hurtful words to express their feelings. Positi"e rein#orcement! 5ongratulate your child for sharing, cooperating, and helping others. 6arents often communicate dismay at misbehaviors, but sometimes forget to praise behaviors they like. 7ugs, high fives and proclamations like, &% see you shared your favorite toy with (ylanmommy is proud of you,' will make it more likely your tiny tot will continue to be nice to peers. Create a #riend group! )rrange supervised play dates one to three times a week, or take your child to playgrounds and organi-ed activities where theres opportunities to experiment with new pals. )s your child explores and interacts with peers, keep a close eye outand intervene if you see any aggressive behavior. 8eing a friend is a learned skill, so take advantage of car rides and bedtime chitchat to explain the appropriate ways to treat companions. )dditionally, you can incorporate learning into your bedtime routine by picking up some books that outline how to make friendsand keep them. Turn o## the TV! ,ids love to mimic, so limit exposure to aggressive role modelsboth in the media and at home. 9eplace screaming matches with heartfelt talks, and keep your easily influenced kid away from the &bad' boys and girls on the small screen. :ducational videos and public television can be great resources for ageappropriate role models, but remember it is important to watch the program with your child and talk with them about the content. ;ounger children may have difficulty understanding the lesson in the program and instead could learn from aggressive behaviors or conflict scenes that are sometimes shown in high 0uality programming. %n addition to these positive steps to take at home, you should encourage your childs teacher to adopt anti-bullying practices in the classroom "4$. Condemn aggression! Whenever possible, teachers should connect acts of aggression, such as biting or not sharing, to the hurt it causes other childrenand do it right away. (ont use other examples of aggressive behavior to teach a lessonsticking to the current incident will help keep it relevant. )s a result, preschoolers will be better able to connect the dots between bullying and hurt feelings. Step it out! ;oung preschool children need specific and easily recalled steps for how to be less aggressive, and develop more positive ways to solve problems. <sing engaging puppets, role-play, and interactive activities will allow kids to practice friendship formation skills. )bove all, rememberbeing kind is a learning process, and with your guidance, your preschooler can ditch any inappropriate behaviors and learn how to interact well with others before kindergarten rolls around.

This article is $ased on these research reports: :iden, 9. (., =strov, >. ?., 5older, 5. 9., @eonard, ,. :., :dwards, :. 6., A =rrangeorchia, . "*B#B$. 6arent alcohol problems and peer bullying and victimi-ationC 5hild
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gender and infant attachment security as moderators. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 39, /1#-/+B. =strov, >. ?. "*BB4$. .orms of aggression and peer victimi-ation during early childhoodC ) short-term longitudinal study. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 36, /##/**. =strov, >. ?. "*B#B$. 6rospective associations between peer victimi-ation and aggression. Child Development, 8 , #23B-#233. =strov, >. ?., A 8ishop, 5. ?. "*BB4$. 6reschoolers aggression and parent-child relationshipsC ) short-term longitudinal study. Journal of !"perimental Child Psychology, 99, /BD-/**. =strov, >. ?. A Eoldeski, F. ). "*B#B$. oward an integrated gender-linked model of aggression subtypes in early and middle childhood. Psychological #evie$, %, *//-*1*. =strov, >. ?., 5rick, N. 9., A Ftauffacher, ,. "*BB2$. 9elational aggression, sibling and peer relationships during early childhood.Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, &%, *1#-*+/. =strov, >. ?., Eentile, (. )., A 5rick, N. 9. "*BB2$. ?edia habits, aggression, and prosocial behavior during early childhood. 'ocial Development, (, 2#*-2*3. =strov, >. ?., ?assetti, E. ?., Ftauffacher, ,., Eodleski, F. )., 7art, ,., ,arch, ,., ?ullins, ). (., A 9ies, :. :. "*BBD$. )n intervention for relational and physical aggression in early childhoodC ) preliminary study. !arly Childhood #esearch )uarterly, &*, #+-*4.

Aggressi"e Children 8y @)W9:N5: ,< N:9, 67.( here are times when even the most docile children appear to have the aggressive tendencies of a professional wrestler. While a certain amount of pushing and shoving is to be expected from all children, especially when they are very young, there are a few for whom aggression becomes a way of coping with almost any situation. hese overly aggressive children are not bulliesG they often get into fights with people who are stronger than they are. hey face problems not because they are aggressive, but because they become aggressive at times that are inappropriate and in ways that are selfdefeating. hey routinely argue with teachers and wind up in far more than their share of schoolyard scraps. %n some cases, this pattern of easily triggered aggression appears to be rooted in the childrens developing nervous systems. hey appear to be physiologically unable to control their impulses as much as other children their age. .or others, it is often a matter of needing to learn and practice social skills.

)ggression is one of the first responses to frustration that a baby learns. Erabbing, biting, hitting, and pushing are especially common before children develop the verbal skills that allow them to talk in a sophisticated way about what they want and how they feel. 5hildren are often rewarded for their aggressive behavior. he child who acts out in class generally gets the most attention from the teacher. he child who breaks into the line to go down the slide at the playground sometimes gets to use the slide the most. =ne of the toughest problems parents and teachers face in stopping aggressive behavior is that in the short term it gets the child exactly what he wants. %ts only after a few years that inappropriately aggressive children must cope with a lack of friends, bad reputations, and the other conse0uences of their behavior. .or some children, this tendency toward physical aggression and other difficult behaviors appears to be inborn. heres some evidence that a proportion of these children may be identified as restless fetuses that kick significantly more than other fetuses. ?any very aggressive children are noted to be restless infants even before they begin to crawl and walk. hese overly aggressive children appear to have less mature nervous systems than other children their age. his shows up in a variety of problems with self-control. hey cannot sit still for more than a few minutes. hey are easily distracted. =nce they begin to get excited or angry, they have difficulty stopping themselves. hey are impulsive and have trouble concentrating on a task for more than a few minutes or even seconds. Coping with a Very Aggressi"e Child %ts difficult for adults not to attribute malicious motives to children who consistently appear to be trying to drive their parents and teachers to distraction. =ften its e0ually difficult for parents not to assume that children are behaving this way because of something the parents have done wrong or have forgotten to do right. Fuch casting of blame, however, is not only inaccurate but usually useless as well. he first step in helping an overly aggressive child is to look for patterns in what triggers the assaults, especially if the child is a toddler or preschooler. he aggression may happen only at home or only in public places. %t may occur mostly in the afternoon or when the child is frustrated. )lso, most of these children go through a predictable se0uence of behaviors before they lose control. %ts a bit like watching a car going through a normal acceleration and then suddenly kicking into overdrive. =nce you can determine the most common triggers and can spot the escalating behavior, the simplest thing is to remove the child from that environment before he loses control. ake him away from the sandbox or the playgroup for a minute or two until he regains his composure. )s the child develops, he will become less frustrated and, therefore, less aggressive because he has a wider variety of ways to respond to a challenging situation. %ts also very useful to provide these aggressive and distractible children with a lot of structure and routine in their daily lives since predictability helps children remain calm and in control. empting as it may be at the time, spanking these children for being aggressive often does more harm than good. %t is simply modeling the very thing you dont want children to do. %t teaches them that big people hit when theyre angry or upset, and that is precisely the aggressive childs problem.
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.or older children and adolescents, teaching new and more appropriate ways of getting what they want can be very helpful. hese children often have not learned the skills that their classmates picked up years earlier. )s with bullies, formal assertiveness training can be particularly helpful to overly aggressive children since they have difficulty distinguishing between assertiveness and aggression. %ts also useful to help these children look at life from a slightly different perspective. 6sychologists have found that both aggressive children and their parents tend to focus on whats wrong with a situation rather than whats right with it. hat makes their respective problems all the more frustrating for each of them, since neither pays any attention to the childrens improvement when it occurs.