*Interpretive Theory for understanding what relationships look like *What do you want from your partner?

*Intimacy:_X_:__:__:__:__:__: Independence -The more intimate I am with you, the more dependent I am *Privacy:__:__:__:__:__:_X_: Disclosure *Would these relationships be the same? Basic Claim! * Personal Relationships Are Indeterminate Process of Ongoing Flux -doesnt have an end *What is a dialectic -Opposing tensions, contradictions, or forces that exist: *Exist both within each person and between the relationship & the community at large *Unified opposites *Are in conflict with each other -More of one causes a less of the other *In all relationships *Create a dynamic pull or tension

Internal (within ourselves)

<-----Dialectic----> Integration vs. Separation

External (within partner-macro)

Connection-Separation

Inclusion - Seclusion
*group dates and solos *want separation from larger groups

*Most central or primary tension *Part of a couple or independent -->AKA Connection

v. Autonomy

Certainty- Uncertainty Uniqueness

Stability vs. Change *the desire for both security and excitement Conventionality*We do it our way, not like everyone else *We want to be in a box

*AKA Predictability v. Novelty *Uncertainty Reduction Theory

Expression vs. Privacy Openness-Closedness Revelation-Concealment *Do we tell people about X *The need to disclose, but also have privacy *Verbal disclosure *Social Penetration Theory Coping Strategies 1. Denial or Selection *One extreme at expense of the other *Doesnt work as a strategy 2. Disorientation *Overwhelmed by the contradictions, non-coping *Conversations halts *Fuse short circuits 3. Spiraling inversion or cyclic alteration *Cycle back and forth between poles

*Both poles, at different times (Connection-Separation, Certainty-Uncertainty) 4. Segmentation *Create separate domains *poles apply to different areas (Openness-Closedness) 5. Balance or neutralization -Both poles, but watered down or compromised -Neither to the full measure -restrict the range, equate the poles a little more -No body wins -Forced threshold 6. Integration *Redefining extremes so you do both at once *an aesthetic moments Tension in Relationships *Post Marital partners *Parents and Children (mother/daughter) Application: Since I am far from Dr. Langans example in class of finding Miss Right, I would like to assess this relational dialectics theory from the perspective of my family. There are a couple of dialectics, opposing tensions which exist in the individual and the community at large, that I would like to discuss. The tension between Integration and Separation is the most central or primary tension according to Montgomery and Baxter and this tension plays a big part in my relationship with my family. There is a constant internal tension between connection and separation, otherwise known as connection and autonomy. Living close to home, I choose every weekend and Sunday to be separated from them at college. I want to experience the college life and see them on breaks or every once in a while but not see them every weekend. Even after every football game, I have a decision whether or not I want to go out to eat with them and connect or just go back to my house on campus and hang out with my friends. Say that for instance, I decide to go out eat with my family, there is a constant tension going on in my mind to either stay connected or at what point do I call it quits and become separated. I believe with ones family, the dialectic of integrating or separating is an ever-changing process because you are constantly making decisions whether to see them or whether to have a life on your own. I hope in the future, I will have a good balance of integration versus separation but becoming a missionary will probably swing this tension to one side of the pendulum.