My Life With Sri Anirvan By Sri Gautam Dharmapal 20/8/08.

It was in February 1953 that I first heard about Sri Anirvan. I was then posted at Gauhati, Assam as sales manager of Hind Hurricane Lanterns manufactured by India Industrial works, Salkia, Howrah. I was then staying at Smt. Amalprabha Dass house at Panbazar, Gauhati. Amalprabha was a social worker, head of the Kasturba Gandhi Trust in Assam. She was closely associated with me during the great Assam earthquake relief activities from August 1950 to December 1951. One day, in the third week of February 1953, I was going in a bus to Lijanbazar. I saw a signboard, Mothers Centre, in front of a residence. I got down from the bus and met the owner of the house Dr. Mahadev Agarwal. He was a devotee of Sri Aurobindo, and informed me that they are establishing a Mothers centre in Gauhati on Mothers birthday, 21st February 1953, and cordially invited me to attend the function and speak a few words. Soon we became good friends, and I often visited his house. In the first week of March 1953, Mahadev informed me that Sri Anirvan had come to Gauhati. Would you like to come with me to see him? he asked. Till then I had not heard about Sri Anirvan. It was Dr. Mahadev Agarwal who first informed me about Anirvan, about his being very popular amongst Sri.Aurobindos circle, especially in Bengal, because of his marvelous translation in Bangla of The Life Divine, the magnum opus of Sri Aurobindo. He also told me about the Ashram Haimavati of Sri Anirvan at Almora in UP, which he and his wife Shanti had visited. He told me, You need not talk to him. You simply sit in his presence, and you are overwhelmed by the silence, by the peace emanating from him. One day in the first week of March, we went together to a place near Gauhati Railway Station, but were told that Sri Anirvan had gone to the Himachal Ashram of Swami Shivananda. Next day we went to the Kamakhya hills, but to our regret we heard that the same morning, he had left by bus to Shillong where he would be staying for some days. I did not make any further effort to see him and the matter ended there. I released myself from business in June 1953 and returned to Kolkata. We, the Dharmapals, under the leadership of Sri Bandhu Dharmapal, were then staying at 18/4D, Fern Rd. It was now nearly eight years since we had come to Kolkata from Ahmedabad with ten young men under the leadership of Sri Babubhai Shah (Bandhu Dharmapal) taking vows as Dharmapal for working and dedicating ourselves to the cause of Sanathana Dharma, Eternal and Universal Religion, in the footsteps of Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo. As nothing concrete was taking place initially, I was getting restless. A sense of detachment and renunciation was growing in me. I thought of taking sannyas (monastic vows), and even went to Belur Math of Sri Ramakrishna Math and Mission, whose Swamijis were well known to me. I met the then Vice President Swamiji. He said,You are welcome, but you would at least have to pass seven years as a brahmachari (celibate) before getting sannyas. Of course, in your case, it may be reduced to three years. This rather depressed me and at this juncture I remembered Sri Anirvan. I wrote a letter to him asking if I could go to his ashram and stay there for some time. He soon replied that he was closing down his Haimavati Ashram at Almora, as Lizelle Reymond who had been staying with him since the last four years, was returning to Switzerland and he himself had decided to go to Shillong and establish Haimavati there. He said that on the way to Shillong he would stay at Kolkata for a few days during February 1954. He would stay then at Sri S. B. Roys house at 55, Dr. Sarat Banerjee Road near Deshpriya Park. He asked me to come and meet him at Sri Roys house. 22/8/08 Thus in the morning of 17th or 18th February 1954 I went to meet Sri Anirvan at Sri Roys house at the appointed time at 10.00 am. As I sat in the drawing room, Anirvanji came out from the adjacent room, a dark (shyam) bearded sadhu, wearing a lungi and a yellow colored alkhatta (robe) and a white cap. He had small but deep and

sparkling eyes with serious though gentle, easily smiling face. I got up and bowed down formally to him, as is the custom. Then we sat and conversed for about half an hour. Mostly I talked, and he listened. I told him about our past activities, social and political, in Ahmedabad, about our taking part in the Quit India movement launched by the Indian National Congress under the leadership of Mahatma Gandhi, about our leaving politics and founding the Dharma Sangha and taking the vows of a Dharmapal and dedicating our lives for the cause of Sanathana Dharma. Then I confided in him the present state of my mind, my urge for God realisation, to live in isolation, if possible with a holy person like Sri Anirvan. All the time he was watching me intently, and nodding his head from time to time. He said that he would be going to Shillong in March, and it would take some time to organise Haimavati there. Then I could go to him for some time. He said, You carry on as you are doing now, and I will try to help you as much as possible. He told me how he himself would like to stay alone; why he is against establishing any big and permanent ashram. I then gave him the invitation of Bandhu Dharmapal to visit our residence in Calcutta. Immediately Sri Anirvan looked at his small diary of appointments, and fixed the time, 10:00 am on 21st February. He asked me to take him to our place from 3, Swinhoe Street, where he would be addressing a meeting of the Physical Association of Mothers Centre organised by Sri Pramod Sen, a devotee of Sri Aurobindo Ashram. Thus, it was on the morning of 21st February 1954 that Sri Anirvan visited our house at 18/4 D Fern Rd. I brought him to Fern Rd from Swinhoe Street by rickshaw. In those days Swamiji as we called him later, did travel in trams and buses. Ramswarup, Sitaram Goel and their Congress leader friend also came to the first meeting. In the small room, Anirvanji was seated on Bandhus cot, and the rest of us sat on chairs opposite him. Ramswarup and Sitaram asked some questions about the present state of the nation and how to work for its regeneration. Anirvanji stressed on the individual spiritual development, on personal sadhana and to do whatever one has to do in the spirit of nonattachment as Karma yoga as ordained by Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. Talks continued for an hour or so and after light refreshments the meeting was over. Ramswarups friend took Anirvanji and myself in his car back to Sri Roys house. After this meeting on 21st February Bandhu and I visited Anirvanji on three to four occasions, once at Tollygunj at the residence of the daughter of his friend Biren Sen. Bandhu talked mostly about his life and mission, and asked for his help in the work. Anirvanji said that he would extend all his help to the work of Dharma Sangha, as he felt there was no difference between his thinking and our work. But he emphasised that he would never hold a post of responsibility in any organization, neither as a guru nor an official teacher. I shall always work in freedom. I shall always remain like a Baul, he said. Then he talked about Sri Ramakrishna, Sri Rabindranath Tagore, and various Bauls. He quoted from Kathamrita,The Baul came, sang and went away. 23/8/08 Anirvanji left for Shillong in the first week of March 1954. In Shillong he had already gathered around him a group of friends and devotees. The main person among them was Smt Usha Bhattacharya, Principal of Lady Kean College for Girls, Shillong. She was a devotee of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, and was attracted to Anirvanji after reading the Bangla translation of The Life Divine, the best known work of Sri Aurobindo. She even visited Haimavati at Almora, during the period when Lizelle Reymond was living with Anirvanji. Every year when Sri Anirvan visited Himachal Ashram at Gauhati during winter, he would go to Shillong and stay at Ushas house. There, along with Ushas other friends, the girls from Lady Kean College came to him. Sandhya Das and Rema Chakravarty were chief amongst the group of girls who were closely drawn towards Anirvanji. In fact, this was the group of girls who were to join the proposed Shanti Ashram at Almora under the guidance of Lizelle Reymond and Anirvanji who planned to be the titular heads, but at the

last moment all the girls except Sandhya and Rema dropped out because of the strictness of their parents, who would not allow their daughters to go to such a faraway place. This was the main reason why Lizelle became frustrated and depressed, as she wanted to do something active. That was the time when Anirvanji had found some books of Gurdjieff, especially the famous book of Guspensky, the fourth. He saw that Gurdjieffs philosophy is akin to the Samkhya philosophy of India, and advised Lizelle to go back to Switzerland and work with the Gurdjieff group and contribute to the group what she had learnt all these years in his company. This was how they parted. Lizelle returned to Switzerland, and Anirvanji decided to stay at Shillong. Thus Sri Anirvan established his Haimavati first at Nong-thy-mai, Shillong, from April 1954. Later in April 1958, he shifted Haimavati to the spacious grounds of Sri Aurobindo Path-Mandir, Shillong, behind the Assam Governors Bungalow on Camel-Back Rd near the Words lake, where Ushas brother Karuna Bhattacharya had a contractor build a small house for him according to his specifications. From 1954 March to August 1955, I maintained contact with Sri Anirvan by correspondence. Apart from being a saint, Anirvanji was a great scholar of the Vedas, and of Indian and Western philosophy, psychology and literature. He collected a large number of books for his library. Till now his younger brother Bimal Sarkar Dhar was his main supplier of books. Whatever money he received from his friends he would invest it mostly in books. After he came to know us, he would write to us as well, especially when the books were to be purchased from Bombay (now called Mumbai). Most of the books he ordered were on Zoroastrianism, preserved and translated into Gujarati by the Parsi community of Gujarat. Professor Taraporewala, a Zoroastrian, was his teacher in Calcutta University, where Anirvanji, as Nirvana Chaitanya Brahmachari, did his M.A. degree during 1916-1918 with the Vedas as his main subject. He was very much interested in Sanskrit literature, in Vyasa, Valmiki, in Kalidasa and Bhavabhuti and Banabhalta and other Sanskrit poets. While filling up the entrance forms for his M.A. he was going to write Sanskrit literature as his main subject, but something within him impelled him to write Vedas instead. Later he told me that it was his Guru Swami Nigamananda who used his spiritual powers to make him choose the Vedas as his main subject of study for the M.A. degree. To digress. The same extraordinary thing happened again at the end of his studies. After finishing his two-year course, he did not want to go back immediately to the Gurus Ashram in Jorhat, Assam. He wanted to go to Kanyakumari, to the temple of Goddess Parvati, a form of his Ishta Devi Haimavati. The goddess Kanyakumari is depicted standing with a garland to receive Her consort Lord Siva. The temple of Kanyakumari is situated at the southernmost tip of India, surrounded by three seas, the Bay of Bengal, the Arabian Sea and the Indian Ocean. This was the place from where Swami Vivekananda swam to the southernmost island and had his vision of Reawakened Mother India. When Anirvanji went to the Railway Office in Kolkata to purchase the ticket for Kanyakumari (or Madras from where he would travel to Kanyakumari), instead of Madras he asked for a ticket to Jorhat, Assam. That too was a miracle enforced on him by his guru Swami Nigamananda. Well, to return to the topic. When Nirvana Chaitanya (Sri Anirvan) filled up his form for the Vedas M.A. course, another problem arose. The Brahmin professors would not teach Vedas to a non-Brahmin boy. Chaitanya was a Kayastha, of the warrior caste. He had to approach Sri Ashutosh Mukerjee, then Chief Justice and Vice-Chancellor of the Calcutta University, himself a Brahmin. Sri Ashutosh said, All right, if they do not want to teach you the Vedas, I will get teachers from South India to teach you the Vedas.

In fact, he did invite two Vedic scholars from South India who had no objection to teaching the Vedas to a non-Brahmin boy. When they came to Kolkata, the other Bengali professors too came humbly down from their high pedestal, and from then onwards non-Brahmin students were admitted to the Vedic Department of the University. Thus the ground for Anirvanjis writings on the Vedas was prepared. In his M.A. classes Anirvanji had read portions of Zend Avesta, the scripture of the Zoroastrian religion. The Zoroastrians or Parsis, as they are known in India, had developed their scriptures in Gujarat after they migrated to Gujarat from Persia (now called Iran) in the 8th century, when the Arabian Muslims conquered Persia and destroyed most of their fire temples and religious scriptures. Anirvanji could easily read printed Gujarati, Marathi, Assamese, Oriya and Hindi languages. Thus he knew almost all the languages of northern India, including Kashmiri. Unfortunately he did not learn the Southern languages, Tamil, Telugu, Kannada, Had he learnt them, it would have been easier for linguists to link the ties between the southern and northern languages, almost all of which had come from the Vedic Chandas Bhasha, Pali and Prakrit. Smt Gouri Dharmapal is trying to do this, though she too does not know much of Tamil, Telugu etc. She had almost united them through her study of Paninis Ashtadhyayi (grammar of Chhandas and Bhasta) in her book The Linguistic Atom and the Origin of Languages. Then came 6th August 1955. A bolt from the blue, like an atom bomb that fell on Hiroshima on 6th August 1945, fell on the Dharmapals. Bandhu Dharmapal, the founder and leader of Dharma Sangha had an attack of apoplexy, a cerebral haemorrhage. The attack came at 3.00 pm on 6st August, Saturday, and he passed away the same night at about 11.30 pm. A dark cloud of despair and depression descended on us. Under the circumstances, I wrote to Sri Anirvan to come to mitigate our sorrow, and requested him to come and stay with us for sometime in Kolkata if possible. Anirvanji immediately replied, conveying his grief at the passing away of Bandhu Dharmapal and appreciating his ideas and ideals. He assured us that his help and support to our cause would be always there. He said that though he would not be directly connected with Dharma Sangha, he would do whatever possible to help and take forward the cause of Dharma Sangha as the ideas and ideals of Bandhu were the same as his own. He also informed me that when he comes next to Kolkata in November he would stay with us. The Divine Mother had already prepared the ground for the shifting of his Haimavati to Kolkata, as Sri S.R. Roy, with whom he usually stayed in Kolkata, was transferred to Delhi. Thus Anirvanji came from Shillong to stay with us for the first time at 6H, Keyatala Rd, Kolkata 700029, on 18th November 1955. He stayed with us till 15th December. He left for Ranchi, a hill resort in Bihar, now the capital of the Jharkhand state; which was then part of Bihar. Anivanjis college friend Sri Biren Sen, Accountant General of Eastern India, was posted there in his early forties. Almost every year after his leaving his Guru Nigamananda Saraswatis Ashram in Jorhat, Anirvanji would visit Biren Sen wherever he was posted, Ranchi or Delhi. Before 1945, he would stay for long periods in Sens house. He tutored Sens son and daughters for some time, especially when Sri Sen was in Delhi. It was during one of his visits to Ranchi that Anirvanji was discovered by a group of devotees of Sri Aurobindo. One day in August 1942 Anirvanji was going to Ranchi from Kolkata by Ranchi Express. Due to storm and floods in the river Rupanarayan, the bridge was damaged and the train detained for three nights on the Kolkata side of the river, near Bagrtan. Very early in the morning, Anirvanji would get out of the train and, after taking his bath in the river, sit below a big tree in meditation or read a book. Some devotees of Sri Aurobindo who were also going to Ranchi by the same train were attracted towards him and sat beside him and heard his satsanga. They asked some questions about Sri Aurobindos philosophy, especially about The Life Divine, the place where Anirvanji had established his first Haimavati, where Lizelle Reymond had joined him later in 1949,50. Tapas not only arranged for his stay in Almora, she herself stayed with him and served him as his cook, his personal secretary and servant. Anirvanji gave her sannyas and named her Chinmayi. It was in fact, Tapas who suggested the name Anirvan, when they were thinking of a name for the author of Divya Jivana, the Bangla translation of The

Life Divine. It was in 1949 that the first volume of this translation was published under the name of Anirvan as author. Till then, after leaving the Gurus ashram in 1930, Anirvanji was using different names, sometimes Nirvanananda, sometimes Sachchidananda, sometimes Barda, etc. Tapas left Anirvanji in 1949, when Lizelle came to Sri Anirvan to stay with him. By then Tapas was attracted towards J.D. Krishnamurti. Towards the end of her life in 1973, she almost came back to Anirvanji. In fact, it was through me that she came back to Sri Anirvan. I first met Tapas in August 1960 in Almora, where I had gone for a spiritual retreat and was staying at Haimavati, then occupied by Pierre Oppliger, the Swiss friend of Lizelle, with his American wife Mary. During the period when Lizelle and Anirvanji were staying at Almora, Pierre and his friends of S.C.I. (Service Civil International, a social service organization) used to visit Haimavati. I had become a friend of Pierre when we were together at Pathalipam on the river Subansini in Lakhimpur District, Assam, where we were working for relief activities during 1950,52. Since 1960, Tapas visited us whenever she came to Kolkata, first when we lived at Keyatala Road and then at Fern Road. Another place Anirvanji would always visit during his travels during the winter was Allahabad, home of another friend of his from his college days in Dacca, Sri Dhiren Dasgupta. Dhiren, Biren and Naren (Dhirendra, Birendra and Narendra (later Nirvanananda/Anirvan) were great friends during their college days in Dacca,1916-18, and remained great friends till the end of their lives. This was the itinerary of Anirvanji during his first visit to our place. Kolkata 18th November to 15th December; Ranchi from 16th December to 7th January 1956; Patna from 8th January to 14th January. At Patna, Anirvanji used to stay with Sister Pushpa, Principal of Nivedita Girls College. She was a friend of Tapas, and visited Haimavati at Almora, during her summer or October puja vacations. She too had taken up sannyas, but continued with her college work till she passed away. From Patna Anirvanji went to Allahabad, 15th to 28th January; then he stayed at Delhi until 6th February. From Delhi he went to Almora and Loharghat in the Himalayas, near Mayavati, for the last time. He stayed there till 12th February and returned to Allahabad where he again stayed for ten days. Anirvanji returned to Kolkata on 23rd February and stayed with us till 29th February, when he left for Shillong by plane up to Gauhati, and from there from bus to Shillong by the first week of March. 3/9/08 When Anirvanji was with us in December 1955, Swami Chinmayananda, a sannyasi sadhu, connected previously with Sri Ramakrishna Math and Mission, who too was introduced to us in December 1954 by our astrologer friend Jitendra Kumar Bhattacharya, came to stay with us. Swami Chinmayananda, after leaving Sri R.K. Math and Mission, also lived in Almora, and knew Anirvanji very well. Though Chinmayananda talked much about Anirvanji, even criticised him for staying with Tapas and Lizelle, Anirvanji never spoke anything for or against him. He always kept silence, the silence which we came to know later as Akasha Bhavna, remaining ever quiet and aloof like the peaceful sky, unperturbed in all circumstances. Though this was Swami Chinmayanandas second and last visit to our house in Keyatala Road, in December 1955, it became a difficult problem for us how to accommodate the two Swamijis together. Fortunately for us, the problem was automatically solved as, according to his extrovert nature, Chinmayananda preferred the small front room, while Anirvanji was happy to stay in the inner larger room, like a cave, where Bandhu lived. As to satsanga, we first sat with Swami Chinmayananda who read the Gita without interpreting it, according to the Bhashya of Shankaracharya following his uncompromising monistic Adventism. After his class was over, we sat with

Anirvanji, who during that first visit talked to us on Ishopanishad in his way of synthesis. Anirvanji then spoke in English, as many friends who joined the classes could not understand his Bangla commentary properly. However, from his second visit on in 1957, he talked in his natural beautiful Bangla. In the afternoon and evening, visitors came to meet both the Swamijis. As there were separate entrances for both the rooms, there was not much difficulty. A greater number of visitors came to meet Anirvanji as he had already become popular in Kolkata, especially in the Aurobindo circle, because of his Bangla translation of The Life Divine. Anirvanji had also started lecturing at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir at their Saturday evening meetings. During the fifties he talked there on The Life Divine. and the synthesis of the yoga of Sri Aurobindo. He himself wrote down the lecture notes, which were published in Bartika, a quarterly magazine of Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry, entitled Divya Jivana Prasanga and Yoga Samanvaya Prasanga, the best commentaries on Sri Aurobindos Life Divine and Synthesis of Yoga. From 1961 onwards, Sri Anirvan began his talks on Savitri, the epic poem of Sri Aurobindo. These continued till the first week of August 1971, when he fell ill and could not continue further. His notes were so extensive that by then he had not finished even the first volume of Savitri. Savitri had taken so much hold on him, that whenever he would read Savitri for the classes he would go into a trance. One morning, he even fell down during a trance. Fortunately, I saw him slowly slipping down, trying to catch hold of the door, and immediately ran and helped him to the bed. That was on a Saturday morning in January or February 1962. This first visit of Sri Anirvan to our home at 6H, Keyatala Road was like an elixir to all the three remaining members of the Dharmapal family; Sudha Dharmapal, wife of Bandhu Dharmapal with her two children, myself and Sharad Dharmapal, the only two Dharmapals who had remained with Bandhu Dharmapal out of the ten Dharmapals who had taken vows of a Dharmapal for dedicating their lives for the cause of Dharma, according to the principles, ideas and ideals of Dharma Sangha. Sri Anirvans presence strengthened our determination to continue with the work of Dharma Sangha. We were assured of Anirvanjis help and guidance on our path. He became our Acharya in the Vedic sense. During this visit in March 1956, Anirvanjis personal appearance changed. No more did he don the saffron dress of a Sannyasi. He wore a simple white kurta or tunic, a Punjabi lungi or dhoti and a cap, all beautifully ironed. His clothes were washed at home, and I took pride in ironing them every day. Previously, I had always seen him in shabby uncared for dress. He was more particular about his food than his dress. He himself was a good cook, and always cooked his own food, from his young hostel days in Kolkata. He was one of the first users of Icmic cookers. Whenever he remained alone in his Haimavati, he cooked himself; not for himself alone but even for his occasional guests. This continued till he fell ill in August 1971 at Fern Road. Anirvanjis next visit to Keyatala Road took place in November 1957. He did not come down to Kolkata in the winter of 1956. We had some correspondence at this time, but unfortunately the letters, though few, are not to be found. In April 1956, I went on my second visit to Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry. The first visit took place in August 1945 with Sharad (then called Shyamu) when we were on our pilgrimage to South India from 5th August to 12th October 1945, visiting Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry, most of the important ashrams belonging to Sri Ramakrishna Mission in the South, Sri Ramanna Maharishi Ashram at Tiruvannamalai, the Ashram of Sri Ramdas, a great saint and devotee of Sri Rama, at Kanhangada below Mangalore in Konkan, on the west coast of India.

We can draw a line from Kanhangad to Pondicherry via Tiruvannamalai, from the West coast of India to the East coast through the middle of South India, and we see a great Bhakta, a great Jnani and a great Yogi living and guiding thousands of their devotees at the same time. Both of us visited and stayed at all these three places, as well as the Ramakrishna Mission Ashrams in the South, where we had the good fortune to meet some of the stalwarts and great sannyasis of the Ramakrishna Movement of the second generation, such as Swami Kailashananda , Swami Tapasyananda, Swami Chidghanananda and others. We had the Darshan of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother together for the first and last time on 15th August 1945, the Darshan Day. I saw the Mother many more times of course, then and later when I visited the ashram in 1956, 1972, 1989 and 1995. At Sri Ramannas Ashram we stayed for five days, saw Sri Ramanna, sat in the hall when he lectured, but could never talk, nor could we understand his lectures as he used to speak only in the South Indian languages, mostly in Telugu and Tamil, his mother tongue, though there may have been a few words in English. Nevertheless, his silence was more eloquent than his speech. In the presence of Sri Raman, all your questions would just melt away, and you would rise to a state of Jagrat Samadhi, if you are a true jignasu or enquirer. With Ramadas the case was quite different. He was like a grandfather. You can talk, laugh and sing with him. We could go on evening walks with him, and he was seated as a guru during the prayers. We could sing with him the Rama Dhuna, singing Gods name in chorus, and Bhajans, devotional songs. Oh, those fifteen days with him and Krishnabai, the Mother of the Ashram, were like staying in heaven with God and the Goddess. 5.9.08. During my second visit to Sri Aurobindos Ashram, Sri Aurobindo was no more physically, but spiritually he was more visible everywhere, in everything; more pulsating than in 1945, during our first visit to the Ashram. Was it because of the descent of the supermind on Earth in physical consciousness on 29th February 1956? Those who are connected with Sri Aurobindos life and Philosophy, aims and ideals, very well know about this spiritual event, that took place at the playground of the Ashram in the evening of 29th February 1956, about which the Mother declared, what was promised was fulfilled. It was a matter of great joy for me that the Mother openly proclaimed this event that occurred on 29th February, in a message distributed on the 4th of April 1956. This is the message: Lord, Thou hast willed, and I execute: A new light breaks upon the earth, A new world is born. The things that were promised are fulfilled. The day I reached Pondicherry on my second visit to the Ashram was 4th April, which is also the day when Sri Aurobindo arrived at Pondicherry in 1910 for the first time after escaping from the British net spread out for his arrest. Most of the sadhana of Sri Aurobindo after the descent of Krishna consciousness in his physical consciousness on 24th November 1926, after which he closeted himself, giving the charge of the Ashram to the Mother, who made possible the descent of the super mind on the Earth consciousness. That descent spiritually and physically took place, according to the Mother on 29th February 1956. I stayed at the Ashram for three weeks, from 4th April to 25th April 1956. I stayed then at the Ashram with Prof. Mahadev Agarwal of Gauhati University, Assam in 1953. He was there in the Ashram with his wife Santi, and had rented a house for three months where he could stay during his summer vacation. During this period I had the Darshan of the Mother at least thrice daily; at the balcony Darshan in the morning; at the tennis court next to the sea where Mother used to play tennis daily in the evening with Pranab, her A.D.C. and other senior sadhakas or disciples of the Ashram, and of course at the playground. During this period I had the golden opportunity of meditating in Sri Aurobindos room.

On my birthday I received a present in the form of a book, The Synthesis of Yoga at the hands of the Mother at the playground on 14th April 1956. Naturally, I reported all this to Sri Anirvan who had already become our Mentor on the spiritual journey. He was very glad to hear about my pilgrimages, and blessed me. Let me make very clear one characteristic of Sri Anirvan as a teacher. He never thrust himself as a guru upon anybody that came to him, to teach, to expound. He always followed the example of Sri Krishna. After saying whatever he had to say on any issue, like Sri Krishna he would end with yatha icchasi tatha kuru, i.e. do as you wish. This was his practice till the end of his life. Most probably, Anirvanji did not come down to Kolkata in the winter of November 1956 to February 1957. In February 1957, I wrote a short commentary on The Message of Dharma, a small pamphlet of about ten pages written almost in the form of Sutra or aphorisms, by Bandhu Dharmapal, about Dharma Sangha, its ideals etc. to be distributed only amongst Dharmapals or would be Dharmapals. Anirvanji almost approved and appreciated with a little correction here and there. The whole commentary and the Pamphlet Message of Dharma written by the hand of Bandhu is attached herewith. Though Dharma Sangha as an institution did not grow any further, (perhaps it was not so willed by the Divine), its ideas and ideals have been deeply rooted in our lives, and will live forever in the psychic world. In March 1957, I went to a short pilgrimage of Gaya and Bodha-Gaya in Bihar. Gautama Buddha has always meant and remained a guiding star in my life, as it was with Swami Vivekananda and Sri Anirvan. It is very difficult to say whom Sri Anirvan preferred more, Sri Krishna or Buddha. I think Sri Anirvan would have chosen Sri Krishna as the guiding star for the nation of India. However, in his own personal life and attitude, sadhana and pursuit of ideals, his leanings were more towards Buddha, with his Akasha Bhavna, stoic silence and isolated life of a Baul. My first place of Hindu pilgrimage was Gaya, the premier city. Gaya is the place where the Sraddha Ceremony (rituals performed after death) of parents and ancestors (manes) is most beneficial. It is the ancient Puranic place where Lord Vishnu vanquished Gayasura and blessed him, placing His feet on Gayasuras head. The most famous place there is the Temple of Vishnu with His Lotus Feet (pada padma). It was here at Gaya that Sri Gauranga (Krishna) Chaitanya was transformed into a Vaishnava, devotee of Hari and Sri Krishna, when he went there for performing the Sraddha Ceremony of his father. Before that he was a pundit, a master of Nyaya philosophy, almost an agnostic, and reveled in criticising the Vaishnavas of Navadvipa, his home town, famous all over India for its schools of Navya Nyaya i.e. neo-logic. It was here at Gaya that Vijaya Krishna Goswami (a descendant of Advaita Goswami, the teacher and prominent promoter and follower of Chaitanya) turned into a Brahmo teacher under the influence of Debendranath Thakur, father of Sri Rabindranath, who often visited Sri Ramakrishna at Dakshineswar, and at the end returned to the fold of his forefathers i.e. Vaishnava, and himself became a SadGuru. He received his great mantra and its sadhana from a Paramhamsa who descended at the small hill from the sky (taking physical form by his psychic powers), where Vijaya was meditating. Gouri Dharmapals parents, her brothers and elder sister also took the same Mantra Diksha from a third generation Guru in the lineage of Vijaya Krishna Goswami. After visiting the important places in the city of Gaya, I went to Bodhgaya, eight to ten miles from Gaya. It is almost a village with the big temple dedicated to the place where there was a big Fig tree, then a Vata Vriksha, a Banyan tree whose roots grow up into the branches as well as descend, under which Siddharth Gautama received his enlightenment and became Gautama Buddha. Now there is only a big Pippal Tree growing there, another variety of a Fig Tree and a

Vajrasana is built under it. The place carved with sixteen lotus steps, where Gautama Buddha did his chakramana, walking in meditative mood for seven days after his enlightenment, is also preserved. In Bodhgaya, I stayed for eight days in a guest house, but spent my days with a Buddhist monk of the Mahabodhi Society, and passed many hours meditating at the place of Buddhas enlightenment. Anirvanji very much appreciated my retreat to Bodhgaya and blessed me. Unfortunately the letter cannot be found in my files. A great peace had then descended over me at that time, which I cannot describe in words. It was much later in 1982 that I had the occasion of learning the famous Vipassana meditation of Buddha, which leads to that wonderful peaceful state. In June 1957, Sandhya Das, one of the girls who had accepted going to Almora and joining the Shanti Ashram under Lisella Reymond, came over to Kolkata to prepare for her M.A. Examination in Bangla from Calcutta University. In fact, it was because of her and the other girls who had opted for the Shanti Ashram, that Sri Anirvan had decided to transfer his Haimavati to Shillong, to train and mould them and transform them into human Haimavatis. Sandhya was chief amongst them and Anirvan paid much more attention to her. On her part, she was the only girl from them all who remained faithful and completely attached to Anirvanji. So much so, that she is completely absorbed in Sri Anirvan and his words; she played a great part in Anirvanjis life especially from 1954 to 1964 when Anirvanji shifted his Haimavati to Kolkata. In fact her marriage with Sri Binoy Lahiri was one of the reasons why Anirvanji came to Kolkata. All this time between 1954 and 1957, Anirvanji, along with giving spiritual instruction, was tutoring Sandhya for her M.A. examination in Bangla. And therefore he came down to Kolkata rather earlier than before. In between his regular visits to Ranchi, Patna, Allabahad and Delhi, he coached Sandhya. She took her examinations in which she did quite well and passed mainly in First Class. Whenever Sri Anirvan would be in Kolkata, he would hold regular classes and meetings at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, College Street, Kolkata, and Upanishad classes at our residence, 6H, Keyatala Road where he would stay. The same pattern was maintained in 1958. In 1958, Sandhya had shifted to our house as a guest, so that Anirvanji could teach her until late evening. Sandhya gave her examinations in November 1958. The result? She passed in the Third Division. Reason? The opinions and comments of the teacher were not approved and appreciated by the examiners. However brilliantly she might have written. The fates of many good students are thus marred by such inefficient, unworthy examiners. 8/9/08 From Anirvanjis visit to Kolkata in 1957 till he came down to stay in Kolkata in November 1964, he followed a routine of work in Kolkata. Sri Anirvan would arise from sleep early in the morning between four to five a.m. After ablutions he would do his morning exercises of Pranayamas and Asanas; write letters or read. From 7.30 to 9.00 A.M. he held classes reading and explaining the Upanishads. He began talking on the Upanishads serially in Bangla, starting with the Isha Upanishad. By August 1st 1971 he had stopped taking classes because of his illness. Commentaries on all the major Upanishads, including Kaushitaki and Svetasvatara Upanishads, were complete. After permanently coming over to Kolkata, he held his talks at 6H, Keyatala Road or 9/3, Central Park, Jadavpur or 9/2, Fern Road, every Sunday morning from 9 am to 12 noon, three hours at a stretch. From May 1965, he had began his

talks on Rig Veda, at the request of Gouri Chowdhury, who had met Anirvanji first in December in 1964 at Keyatala Road, after her return from England where she went to study leave from her Lady Brabourne College, which she later called Barbarnini college, where she was a reader in the Sanskrit Department. And from January 1966, at the request of his niece Narayani Devi, who had translated the Life of Sister Nivedita by Lizelle Reymond into Bangla. Anirvanji added to his classes, his talks on Srimad Bhagavat Purana. Thus from January 1966, his Sunday morning classes extended over three hours at a stretch, he sat almost all the time sitting in one posture, in one particular Asana, and rarely changed his posture or got up leaving the Asana. He had so fully mastered the Asana. Coming back to his programme till 1965, after the Upanishad class in the morning, after 10 am he would go for a walk at the lake, which was very near our house at Keyatala Road. As he came to Kolkata only during the winter, the weather was always cool and comfortable. After returning from the lake he would take his bath and finish his lunch generally by 12 noon. From 12 to 4 pm he read newspapers, rested and did his personal work. From 4 pm to 5 pm and again from 5 to 7 or 8 pm he generally gave individual interviews. Three days in a week he would go to Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir to give talks on The Life Divine or Synthesis Of Yoga, and last of all on Savitri, the epic poem of Sri Aurobindo. On other days he held open sessions, discussions and answer questions from people who would come to meet him in the evening. He would dine at 8 pm, and then meet the family members for light conversations, and with close devotees who remained at our Keyatala Road house till night. Two three friends even stayed at our house while Sri Anirvan lived there. For us Dharmapals it was a happy time, peaceful and yet full of joy. The time passed happily like festival days. 9/9/08 I would write notes in longhand of the talks on the Upanishads by Sri Anirvan at the Dharma Sabha. I wrote in my Gujarati script as I could not write in the Bangla script. Though I could read and speak Bangla quite fluently, I never practiced writing in Bangla, may be due to lack of diligence, patience. I had to take help of my Bengali friends, whomever I found nearby, sometimes Bina Das, Narayani Basu or Debi Majumdar and later (in the eighties and nineties) Bratati Mukerjee. As Sandhya was present at the Ishopanishad talks, she had taken notes, but in the Bangla script and Anirvanji could directly use her notes for writing the Isha Upanishad for the Burdwan University. Later Anirvanji used my notes for writing Aitareya and Kena Upanishad. He had started writing Taittiriya Upanishad in 1970 when he was residing at 9/3, Central Park, Jadavpur, but the work was stopped after writing the elaborate introduction, writing in full detail about the sacrifices or yagnas, as Taittiriya Upanishad belonged to Yajur Veda, the Veda especially connected with sacrifices. Soon after coming to 9/2, Fern Road, he fell ill at the end of 1971, and had to stop all work, teaching and writing, except talking at the interviews and writing letters, being an invalid, confined to bed. Thus there are only Commentaries on three Upanishads - Isha, Aitareya and Kena, written by Anirvanji himself, which were published before he passed away in May 1978. The remaining commentaries on the Katha, Kaushitaki and Taittiriya Upanishads, were published from my notes first in the Arya Darpana monthly magazine published by Assam Bangiya, Saraswat Math, Halisahar, W.B. and then in book form by Burdwan University. Svetasvatara Upanishad is now being published in the Arya Darpana. At the time of Mandukya and Prasna Upanishad commentaries, I did not find anybody to help me in writing in the Bangla script, and so I translated my notes myself into English instead. The Mandukya Upanishad commentary is now already published in the Ribhu, a biannual magazine published by Golden Horizon, a centre for Sri Aurobindos Adventure of Consciousness, Kolkata 700091, in the 2005-6 issues. The Prasna Upanishad commentary is being published from the February 2007 issue. I hope to get them published soon in book form. Regarding the Vedas, Anirvanji said that, though he started studying the Vedas while he was in Calcutta University, and wrote articles in the Arya Darpana magazine, the true spirit of the Vedas was revealed to him only at Almora, when he was living face to face with his Haimavati, the snow peaks of the Himalayas! It was during the period of his stay at

Almora and Lohaghat with Tapas and Lizelle, when he was translating into Bangla the Life Divine of Sri Aurobindo, that he also started his work on the Vedas especially the Rig Veda. He sent his poetic translation in Bangla of the Suktas of the Rig Veda along with his commentary to Arya Darpana, but most of them were written down and preserved in big notebooks, especially the translation and commentary of the third book (Mandala) of Rig Veda, of Rishi Visvamitra. He called it the Gayatri Mandala because the famous Gayatri Mantra, which is daily repeated by all the Brahmans of India even today (R.V. 3.62.10), forms part of this book. The notebooks were lying hidden in the cave of his bed all these days and the credit goes to Rama Chowdhury, elder sister of Gouri, to bring them out in the book form in six volumes after nearly twenty years of Anirvanjis passing away- the last volume having been published in , through her Haimavati Anirvan Trust. The real credit for getting published Veda Mimamsa, Sri Anirvans Magnum Opus, goes to Dr. Gobindgopal Mukhopadhyaya. It was he who prompted Dr. Gourinath Sastri, the then Principal of Sanskrit College, Kolkata, in 1958, when he was going to meet Anirvanji at the Haimavati Shillong in Assam, to request him to write something on the Vedas. The result was the publication of the first volume of Veda Mimamsa in 1961, as a part of Calcutta Sanskrit College Research Series; Volume II was published in 1966 and Volume III followed in 1973. Had the printing of Vol. III not taken so long (though the manuscript was given in 1967, work was halted due to the Naxalite movement during that period and other reasons), we would have had a complete version at least of the Devata prakarana- the elucidation of all the gods of all the three worlds (lokas), the earth (prithivi) the Midregions (antariksha) and the Heavens (dynloka). As it is, even the elucidation of the gods of the antariksha loka is not completed in the third Volume. I will rather put all the blame on the Supreme Divine who does not allow any great man to complete his work his Mission. Divine will? Divine enemy? Credit must go again to Dr. Gobindagopal Mukerjee for prompting Sri Anirvan to start writing about the Upanishads. It was he who arranged to invite Sri Anirvan to talk on the Upanishads as a part of the Extension lectures at the Burdwan University, where he was the head of the Department of Sanskrit, and later took the whole responsibility of getting them published from the Burdwan University. The first volume of the Upanishad series, the Isha Upanishad, was thus published in 1965, and the second volume, the Aitareya Upanishad, was published in 1969 from the Burdwan University. The third volume of the Upanishad series, the Kena Upanishad, was first published privately by us in 1969 with the help of the money received from Sri Tejesh Chandra Ghosh of Allahabad, but later published also by the Burdwan University as the third Volume of the Upanishad series in 1984, thanks to Sri Rathin Palit, the then head of the Publication Dept. of the University and of course the then Vice-Chancellor of the University Sri who personally knew Gouri Dharmapal from their student days. The fourth volume, the Katha Upanishad, was published in 1988, the fifth the Kaushitaki in 1992 and the sixth, the Taittiriya, as late as 2007, nearly thirty years after the passing away of Sri Anirvan. All these three Upanishads were published using manuscripts prepared from my class-notes with the help of different friends. 10/9/08 Apart from the volumes of Veda Mimamsa and six Upanishads, his direct works on the Vedas, another of Anirvanjis great works was to expound Sri Aurobindos Philosophy in Bangla. As mentioned earlier, Anirvanjis first monumental work was Divya Jivan, his translation of Sri Aurobindos Life Divine during his stay in Almora. Both the volumes were published from Sri Aurobindo Ashram before Sri Aurobindo himself hailed the translation, as good as the original. Anirvanjis expositions of the Life Divine and the Synthesis Of Yoga were delivered at his lectures at Sri Aurobindo Ashram during the Fifties as Divya Jivan Prasanga and Yoga Samanvaya Prasanga. Anirvanjis even checked the proofs of the second editions of all these books during his stay at Central Park. To resume our narrative, it was in June July 1958 that I went to Shillong to stay at Anirvanjis Haimavati; the actual house was built in the sprawling compound of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir. From the window of my room, I could see Anirvanjis small house, with his personal small garden surrounding it, at a distance of about 15-20 metres. I took my

meals with Jasoda Narayana Ghosh, who was in charge of the Shillong Path Mandir then, and not with Sri Anirvan, as the guests did at his Almora or later Narendrapur or Kolkata Haimavati. Apart from eating together, the quiet atmosphere of the program pervaded everywhere, and we would meet only in the evening, that too mostly in silence, occasionally asking questions. Thus after a months quiet retreat I returned to Kolkata. This is what Anirvanji wrote to Sandhya, who was then staying at our house at Keyatala Road. The letter in Bangla is dated -13.7.58. Gautam will arrive tomorrow. He passed a month here closeted as if in a cave. Hope he is returning full of inner joy. He is going from one Haimavati to another Haimavati. I did not know that he too is a Mother worshipper. He is blessed by the Mother even before his birth. (in fact my mothers family members were Mother Worshippers of Goddess Amba or Durga and my fathers family members were Vaishnavas, Krishna worshippers). I bless him and hope my dream of kumar sambhava, the birth of a son, Kartikeya, for the destruction of demon Tarkasura as a result of meeting of Siva and Parvati, will be fulfilled in him. The nation needs true men. There is a lot of noise outside but tears come to the eyes when I think how people are empty and poor within. In such a situation, hope arises, there is some joy, when I see someone engrossed in deep sadhana Saraswati is the longed for Ishta Goddess of Bandhu realised in a dream. You must have seen that picture of Saraswati in their place of worship and one united India was a part of his constant meditationwe have to work for the success of the dream of Bandhu. That responsibility is mine as well as all of you So greatly and deeply Anirvanji had identified himself with Bandhu Dharmapal and Dharma Sanghas ideas and ideology, though officially, he would not identify himself with any institution; such was his attitude after coming out of his Guru Swami Nigamanandajis Ashram in 1930. He remained a free Baul... Like us, he too considered Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo and Rabindranath (whom we kept outside the Trinity of Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo, only as a poet of the new age) as the four pillars of resurgent India, of the new Age. Let me quote here a beautiful passage from one of his diaries He writes on 7th January 1963 from our Keyatala Road house Ramakrishna, Vivekananda, Rabindranath, Aurobindothey are like the great suns shining in the sky of the same age . Not only of Bangla (Banga) or even of India, the Bharat-varsha, they are the great suns Mahasurya enlightening the whole Earth Prithivi. Ramakrishna in my childhood, Vivekananda in my adolescence, Rabindranath in my youth and Aurobindo in the end of my life, the unbounded splendour and strength and grace of these four great lights have always inspired and brightened my self- confidence.

I have never been able to keep them at a distance, and worship them as Gods. Thakur Ramakrishna, I considered a constant playmate of my eternal childhood, Vivekananda, always a friend (dosara) of my eternal adolescence and Aurobindo my Bandhu a friend and a brother of all my lives. And Robindranath? He is my mother. Such close affinity of all my nerves I have with none other. I have not seen Ramakrishna and Vivekananda with my (physical) eyes. They had left this world before my eyes opened. (In fact Sri Ramakrishna passed away in 1886 before A was born , but Swami Vivekananda passed away in 1902 when he was six years old and could have seen him physically, if he had been nearby. His Guru Swami Nigamananda born in 1880 had seen Sri Ramakrishna physically as he was taken to Sri R.K. by his father

to Dakshineswar, and Sri R.K. had blessed the young child). Though there was a possibility, I never saw Aurobindo physically. That was because of my nature. I could not go to anybody for the sake of just having Darshan. What happens naturally I consider that to be the real truth: I think it is hypocrisy to go against ones nature and make things happen..( then he continues to narrate how he had seen Robindranath several times but did not go close to him etc.) Anirvanji came down to Kolkata again in October 1958. This time he came a bit earlier as he wished to prepare Sandhya for her M.A. examinations. Sandhya had already shifted to our Keyatala Road house from her hostel by May-June 1958. He taught Sandhya for many hours in the morning, afternoon and even till late in the evening for nearly one month, as if it was his main purpose in life. After Sandhyas examination was over, Anirvanji took her with him on his regular visits to Allahabad, Delhi etc. They returned to Kolkata at the end of January 1959; He had talks in the morning at Keyatala Road and lectures at Sri Aurobindo-Path Mandir thrice a week in the evening during February 59. He left for Shillong with Sandhya in the first week of March 59. 12/9/08 One would wonder why Sri Anirvan gave so much time to Sandhya? Many eyebrows were lifted, envying her and asking questions. The answer to this query lies in the story of his life, in the dreams and visions of Sri Anirvan, in his mission of life; how the Supreme Divine guided and moulded him. Every person, small or great, is the portion of the Supreme Divine, expressing, manifesting and developing in the manifest world a particular aspect of the Divine. Slowly and steadily, Sri Anirvan was prepared by the Divine for expounding and dissimilating the sacred knowledge of the Vedas. His association and work in expounding Sri Aurobindos writings was part and parcel of the same vision and mission. But there was another sacred and secret vision and mission of Sri Anirvans life which was very near to his heart, and that was to search for Uma Haimavati, his Ishta, whose vision had beckoned to him from his boyhood. He would seek her out in the physical human form as he wished to be like Shiva. If he could not meet his Uma Haimavati directly he would try his best to give shape to his ideal whenever he saw the possibility. Like Napoleon, he also believed that the hand that rocks the cradle shall rule the world, that the future and greatness of the nation lies in the betterment of women. That was the main reason in establishing the Shanti Ashram in Almora with Lizelle Reymond as its Mother. The name Shanti was selected intentionally by Sri Anirvan. Shanti Devi was the name of Anirvanjis bhiksha mata, the mother from whom he begged food for the first time when he took Sannyas (monks vow) from his Guru. Shantidevi herself had taken Sannyas from Swami Nigamanandaji, and was a highly developed Sannyasini. Anirvanji paid her great respect, and considered her like Gargi of Brihadaramka Upanishad. When the idea of Shanti Ashram did not materialise, Anirvanji went to Shillong where, among the visitors to the ashram, he found some young girls in whom there was the possibility of growing into Gargis and Maitreyis, into his ideal of Uma Haimavati. Sandhya was one of the girls who remained with him, under his direct training for a much longer time than any other person. Even now she is working for him. We find a vivid picture of this phase of the life of Sri Anirvan in his diary Vichitra published by Haimavati Ashram Trust in 1993; and also in the short biography of Sri Anirvan by Dr. Govinda Gopal Mukerjee in his book Mahajana Samvada.

My Life With Sri Anirvan, Part 2 13/9/08 Anirvanji did not come down from Shillong to Kolkata in the winter of 1959. The whole of 1959-1960, he was extremely busy writing the manuscript for his Veda- Mimamsa. Dr Gourinath Sastri, principal of Sanskrit College at Kolkata, had requested him in 1958 to write something on the Vedas for their Sanskrit College Research Series. Since 1959, after my visit to Shillong-Haimavati in 1958, I planned to go to Almora-Haimavati for a spiritual retreat, which actually took place in July-August 1960. On 14.6.59 Anirvanji wrote to me from Shillong Haimavati My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 5th reached here last Monday. The rains have earnestly set in. It is raining almost incessantly since yesterday. I hope the week of sickness is definitely over in your house and now you are planning weeks of health. I am glad that you are improving. Mother always presents us with a riddle to solve. Good, bad and indifferent things will be coming to you and you have simply to go beyond them. You die to live that is the only solution to the riddle. Almora is quite nice during the rains. It is pleasantly cool there and it does not rain so heavily of continuously as in Shillong. You may very well go there in July or August. Is Mono (another girl from Shillong who stayed with us for some time after Sandhya left) still with you or has she gone to Navadwip? Is her friend ( I think it is Chameli) still in Calcutta? If she is still there and if you can contact her, can you send with her a Janata Kerosene store for me by Burmah Oil Company? It cost Rs. 7.50 but here they charge Rs. 12.02.14. I shall pay later on. My best wishes and love for you all.Please remember me to Sharad also ever yours, A. This is the first letter of Anirvanji in my file. As it was difficult for me to read his Bangla handwriting, Anirvanji used to write to me in English. I ,too, as I could not write in the Bangla script, wrote to him in English. But I did not keep the copies of my letters to him and he did not return it to us unless it was necessary. Om My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 13th. Mr. Das of Allahabad is seriously ill. It is a long protracted illness which is slowly sapping away his strength. I might go down in winter to see him and stay with him for a few days. On my way to Allahabad I might stay in Kolkata for a few days. But please keep this strictly confidential. I shall not make any decision before January. Conferences achieve very little, that is true. I too have not much faith in them. But I have a great faith in the good will of the conveners of these conferences. It is Her Light. This is the subha buddhi- (written in Bangla- meaning good will) spoken of in the Shruti. The last Sukta of Rig Veda too breathes this same idea. Let us join forces with this. And work Haimavati. 23.8.59.

silently in full support (?) with those who work..noise will attract a big crowd? They will come and hear and then conveniently forget..let then, who cares.work without seeking fruits of (?) the work. I hope you are all well. With love for you all. Ever yours. A. During this period, there were anti Bengali riots in all parts of Assam, Bangla Kheda - driving away the Bengalis - as they said in Assamese. I had seen the same thing, the same spirit among the Assamese people, when I was staying in Assam during 1950-53 for my relief and business work. I had written a long letter to Anirvanji requesting him to come over to Kolkata. To this letter of mine A repliedOm My dear Gautam, I was glad to have your long letter. The disturbances have quieted down by this time. The outcome is, people have been alerted. There appears a change of tone in Nehrus voice. Some of his recent utterances appears to be inspired not by his ego but some higher power. We are all instruments in Her Hand. To realise this gives a poise and a dignity to all our doings and thoughts. I feel we are before a great Dawn. I am not thinking of India only but the whole human race. Those who have dedicated themselves to Her should now be vigilant and wait for orders. Sandhya is alright. She had been dead tired, and is now almost her old self again. She says she has written to you. My love and best wishes for you all. Everyones A. P.S. Mono might come to Shillong during the Poojas, if so, I would like her to bring a few things from Calcutta! The Janata stove is one thing. I shall inform you when I am definite she is coming. In 1959, I was suffering from low-blood-pressure and was undergoing a course of Naturopathy under one Sri Ananta Sastri who had come from Bangalore and joined us in our business. And then I had started adding eggs to my diet, one or two, with a tablespoon of Brandy. Until now I had been a vegetarian as Anirvanji was, so he writes on 3.1.60 from Shillong, My dear Gautam, I am glad to hear that eggs and brandy are doing you good! They are making you a full fledged Tantrik! In Bengal Mother has invariably a partiality for the Tantriks. You are surely going to win this time! I think Bani* should go back to her parents. What is the use of dragging an existence which does not help her in any way? Haimavati 13.9.59.

Sandhya caught a chill and was bed ridden for a few days. She is still very weak, perhaps she is going down to the plains this week. Love special brand for New Year- impartially for all of you! Ever yours.A. *Bani: Bani Majumdar later Bani Ghosh A girl from Shillong who had left her parents, come down to Kolkata, and was then living with us. I knew her when I had gone to Shillong Haimavati in 1958 and was staying in Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir. Sri Jasoda Narayan Ghosh, who was a friend of Dilip Kumar Roy and stayed at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry for some time, was then in charge of the Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir. She had come in contact with Anirvanji too. A had even given her a new name Aparajita, name of a flower as well as the Goddess Durga, meaning one who is unconquered, invincible. Jasoda Babu too had come down to Kolkata and was staying at Banis house. Later they got married, myself being one of the witnesses signing on their marriage certificate! Bani had an adventurous life, though sad but always remained invincible in spirit! They had a son, named Divyajyoti or Divine light as he was born on 24th November, the Siddhi day of Sri Aurobindo! Jasoda Babu passed away in 1965, when A had already come down to Kolkata. Last I heard about Bani, she was living with her son who is a businessman in Bangalore. The next letter I received from Sri Anirvan is dated 24.1.60. I had gone to Nagpur in January 1960 to attend a general session of Jana Sangha, a former nomenclature of present Bharatiya Janata Party with which I was keeping in close contact, as I was then working for the cause of United India. We had formed the Unity Party of India, the inspiration then coming mainly from Sri Anil Baran Roy of Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry. Even since I returned from my visit to Sri Aurobindo Ashram in 1956, Anil Baran Roy was writing me letters about their problem of the partition of India in 1947 at the time of Independence. Sri Aurobindo had forecast in his message to the nation that this partition of India will and must go and the Mother of the Ashram had also said to a correspondent Sri Chamanlal after the passing away of Sri Aurobindo that, Sri Aurobindo had said to me that the partition will go within ten days! All this had inspired me to return to politics and work for the cause of annulling the Partition. Till 1962, I worked for the Unity Party but nothing materialised. Om My dear Gautam, I hope you are back from Nagpur by now. Where and how is Mono? I had not heard from her from two weeks. Had she been able to secure a job? Inwardisation gives you a vision and that vision creates a mood, or a temperament . it is then best to hold on to that mood, because, while thought is discursive emotion is more or less stable. It is better to Feel Reality than to think about it. Gradually the spiritual feeling gets the upper hand and draws in the thoughts also towards reality. Then even in your normal functioning, you can remain happily and luminously in Truth. With love to all of you, Ever yours..A. Haimavati. 24.1.66.

*Enclosed herewith my small pamphlet What after Bangladesh? published in January 1972- to give a full idea about the matter. 16/9/08 After coming over to Kolkata at the end of 1945, to work for Dharma Sangha, for the first two years the Dharmapals depended on the donations received from friends and sympathisers. Soon a financial crisis arose. As we believed in full life and had not taken to Sannyas renouncing life and becoming monks, we decided to earn our bread. We started business activities first in the name of Dharmapal Brothers, later Apurva and Company. At this period of time, i.e. after the passing away of Bandhu Dharmapal, we had opened a business office in the name of Aparna Traders at 3, Bentinck Street in the business area. In the beginning of 1960, we were thinking of establishing a private limited company in the name of Lotus India Private Ltd., profits from which would be used for donations to Saints, religious institutions etc. Replying to my letter of 13 January 1960, Anirvanji wrote to me the following. OM Shillong 17.1.60.

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 13th Jasoda Babu had already written to me about the starting of the new enterprise asking for my good wishes. I had immediately sent a packet containing the very best. Now I see the inauguration day has been postponed! Never mind I am sending another packet in addition. May the Lotus bloom in the full sunlight of the Divine Grace. To lose all zest for work is not bad. It is rather good if you still go on working full speed. Then you see the fun of the whole thing. The sun rises and sets at such a slow pace, it seems as not to move at all. And yet it is shining all the timeshines indifferently over our lives and hates (?) peace and war, good and evil. It is alone and It fills the whole world with its light- and does not care. Remember that Shloka of the Ishopanishad I want to see the most benign form of yours! That Purusha yonder there, He am I, He am I! Madam Reymond has come to India, with her tourist party. She is now in South India, will be in Delhi on 8th February, then to Shillong and from here to Calcutta; perhaps on the 18th she intends to see you there. Nivedita is going to be filmed by Sri Ajit Bose. Please give my best wishes to Ramswarupji and Sufiji. The Memory of the Delhi days are still green. With love for you all, with a special brand for Sharad. Ever yours.A The next letter came as a reply to my letters dated 2nd February, in which I must have written about the attitude of the Jana Sangha, a political party with which I was closely connected during this period. OM Shillong, 7.2.60.

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 2nd. I think Jana Sanghas attitude is due to the placation of the Muslims by the Congress in the past. That was a very great mistake that Congress made. From history it should have learnt that the Hindus are already tolerant by nature while the Muslims are not and so the former could not be very unjust to the latter if power came in their hands. The Congress has simply shelved the problem of Communalism by declaring for a secular state! The rancour is still there and the Govt. is doing nothing to bring about an understanding between the two cultures. However, it is heartening to hear that a large body of people are ready to fight aggression, though personally I think China will not attack India but simply follow the Pakistani policy in Kashmir. We are not going to get back the occupied territory and there is no use getting it back though one should always show fight! You can bark, if you dont bite! The real problem before the country is character building. This should be done both in the public and the private sector. The government should cleanse its stables first. There has been so much corruption until now, that the people have lost all faith in the Govt. And a house divided is a dangerous thing. Is your Lotus blooming? I am glad Mono is going to put up with you. She is full of praise for you. She is very very happy with you. With love for you all ever yoursA. P.S. Bimal* will bring you a packet of books on the 14th. Himangshu Babu of Path Mandir will be coming to Shillong on the 19th. I had asked him to bring the packet with him. Will you please contact him by phone and tell him that the packet is ready? The next letter is in the continuation of the above. "OM Shillong 28.2.60.

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 22nd. All the books were brought by Usha from Bimals* house and when I learnt this, there was no time to inform Himanshu BabuI hear that Jasho Babu is going to pay us a visit soon. It must be in connection with the Lotus India Company. After long consultations Lotus India Pvt. Ltd. was actually inaugurated on 28th February 1960. It was Sri Ramakrishnas Birthday and the function was presided by Sadguru Omkara who was then at Calcutta with us. May your enterprise thrive. How are you feeling under Naturopathy?? Do you find any improvement in your health? Of course any form of tapasya does one a lot of good. There is a common basis of all spiritual Sadhana. It has been treated scientifically by the Sankhya and Yoga systems of India. Somehow Gurdjieff had been in touch with this. In many things, he approaches quite near to the mystical teachings of India. Of course all mystics speak of the same thing. But in occult things, opinions differ. This part of Gs teachings often appear too complicated to me. I wonder if it is much use!

Have you read Kenneth Walkers, The Teachings Of Gurdieff? There the system is explained very clearly. Has Sharads marriage been settled? Have you made a choice about the bride? I showed your letter to Sandhya. She will write to you soon. Her school opens on the 7th of March. With love to you all. Ever Yours .A. *Bimal was Anirvanjis younger brother, who was living in Calcutta with his family. 17/9/08 The next letter contains mostly personal and mundane matters. But mundane or spiritual, Anirvanji looked at the lives of all these who came in his contact with love and care and directly or indirectly tried to extend his hand of healing and help people grow spiritually to a higher level. OM Shillong, 27.3.60.

My dear G., Thank you for your P.C. of the 23rd. I have handed over Sandhyas letter to her. Her family has been to much (trouble) because of one operation (gastric ulcer) done on one of her brothers-in-law. And Radesh (her elder brother) also is going to be operated upon this week for the same trouble. Sandhyas brother-in-law is improving rapidly. I am glad to hear that Naturopathy has done you good. Is Bani still (there) with you? I did not know that they * were going to get married soon. J. did not tell me anything! Well, everyth8ng is for the good. Banoi requires some support. She is too weak to support herself. I hope everything turns out well at the end. Where is Sharad? How is your sadhana going on? Do you feel free and happy in spite of the bustle of everyday life? My love for you all, Ever yours, A. *Bani and Jashoda Narayan Ghosh. There was a great difference of age between the two. Bani looked like a grand daughter of Jashoda Babu. Bani and Jasoda Babu were married according to the civil Marriage Act. Business activity of Apurna and Company, Aparna Traders and Lotus India Pvt. Ltd. were going on full fledgedly. After their annual examinations Apurva and Aparna son and daughter of Sudha and Bandhu Dharmapal, had gone to Ahmedabad to spend their summer vacation with Mata Srivatsava, a girl from Lucknow who was staying with us as a paying guest. A tale hangs thereby, but that is not necessary here. Actually in April 1960, Apurna and Aparna had gone to Ahmedabad with Sharad Dharmapal via Delhi. With Mala they had gone again to Ahmedabad late. Anirvanji writes from Shillong on 24th April 1960.

My dear Gautam, Your P.C. came last Monday. So the children are away in Ahmedabad. Will they be long in coming back? Your analysis of the present situation is quite correct. It is our becoming which matters; not what we are doing. At first work becomes a means of self- realization. And after you have reached your self beyond your mission, work becomes a spontaneous flow of creative energy. Social evolution is always a very slow process while individual spiritual evolution can become very quick. Hence come the problems of how to translate ones mature ideas into effective work. Of course, it takes time and one has to wait patiently even for a whole life. I always remember what the Buddha used to say, Look, I am the twenty fourth Tathagata, before whom twenty- three passed away in silence without leaving any record! To have fullness within and to radiate it silently, just as the Sun does, is the thing that matters. I hope you are keeping a perfect health now. With love for you all, Ever yours..A. The next letter of Sri Anirvan came a month later OM Haimavati 29.5.60.

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 19th came here on the 23rd. the monsoons have started here and now there will be irregularities in the delivery of mails. I understand Sudhas silent writing. I am blessing her silently. May the light and the love of the Divine shine in her heart always. If the jelly does not reach here, never mind. I shall still silently appreciate her silent offering. From what you say in your letter about yourself, I feel you will do well to take a holiday for some time and go to some place where you can live all alone with God. I would suggest Buddha Gaya which once did you a lot of good. I hope your health is alright now? I have given to Sandhya her letter. She is all right. With love to you all, Ever yours.A. After receiving this letter I decided to go to Almora, to the Haimavati where Sri Anirvan and Lizelle stayed before they parted . After they left Pierre Oppliger purchased the property and lived there with his American wife Mary and the same servant Prema worked after them. I had already arranged for my stay there and wrote to Anirvanji. He soon replied

OM My dear Gautam,

Haimavati 19.6.60.

Your letter of the 14th. Almora will be a quite nice place to go to. The rains there are not so heavy as in Shillong here. And Haimavati is situated in beautiful surroundings. It is very quiet. You can easily lose yourself there. As a friend and companion Pierre is wonderful. I shall leave for the plains by the middle of November. I shall touch Calcutta and go directly to Allahabad where I mean to stay till the middle of December. The rest of the program is not settled. There is a suggestion of going either South or West for sight-seeing. I have not yet decided which way to go. Let me see how things stand in December. I dont know when Veda Mimansa will be out. I have sent a bulk of the press copy and hear that it has been sent to the Press but no proofs have come to me as yet. I could not take up the revision of the Kathopanishad. Udbodhana (one of the oldest Bengali Magazines of the Ramakrishna Math and Mission published from Kolkata. The idea of writing the Katha- Upanishad too did not materialise in As life-time) had asked for some contribution from me, and I had offered this to them. It would have been convenient for me to go on with the revision by monthly installments. But they want the whole thing beforehand to judge and approve! Of course I let the matter drop there. If they cannot trust me I fell no need of humouring them. Then came this Veda printing business! I have no time left now. Whether the Veda is printed or not I want to finish a decent part of the work before. I leave for the plains. I have thought of taking the mss f the Katha Upanishad with me and see through it during my stay down. Hope everything is going well with you. With love for yourself and all. Ever yours .A.

In July 60 there were Anti-Bengali riots again in Assam. Anirvanji wrote to me on 17th July.

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 6th reached on the 11th here. You must have read everything about the hell lot loose in Assam by the Govt. and the opposition together. A repetition of what happened in Pakistan in every detail with the full connivance of the Govt. The wound is deep, it will take time to heal. I would call it high treason against India. I know Assam for fifty years. The seed of hatred was sown by some wily politicians fifty years ago with what results we now see. I hate to go into details. Let us hope and see that this foolish madness goes. I have not made my tour program yet. I will be settled after my stay in Allahabad is over. I shall be three months in the plains. I hope to stay at least three weeks in Calcutta. Dr.Bhattacharya had written about the bottle of jelly. Dont worry about it, it may reach me hear someday!

I hope you are all OK. My love to you all. Ever yoursA. As mentioned I went to Almora-Haimavati at the end of July 60 for a spiritual retreat. It will be interesting, I hope, to give a picture of my mental and spiritual state of mind at this particular time. I am translating here into English a Gujarati letter, written to a friend in Ahmadabad from Almora; written to a friend in Ahmadabad from Almora, which is still with me; preserved by me, as it describes vividly my state of mind at that time. OM Mother! Thy will be done! Dear Sister Kali*, Received your letter of 22nd August on 26th August. Thank you for all the news. I have also received my fathers letter to which I have replied in a general way. If he goes to you dont talk much or discuss things with him. Keep quiet and hear all that he says patiently. Automatically he will be quiet. By the grace of Divine Mother, I am in a blissful mood at present. When I started from Calcutta, my mind was in great turmoil. I was in a perplexed state of mind, with thoughts of individual and collective sadhana, about home, business, society and about the future of Mother India. Ever and above all this the intensity to realise the Divine Mother was so poignant, that it did not allow me to remain quiet at one place. Thoughts of running away to some distant lonely place always tormented me. Under the circumstances I decided to come over to Almora. I wrote to Swamiji ( Anirvanji) and he too gave me the same suggestion. So, winding up all activities, I came here. After coming here, my sadhana took an intense form. By 6th August (the day of Bandhu passing away) it was almost like a conflagration. From 6 August to 14th August, my sadhana passed in the same intensity. Two three times I even thought of committing suicide! I even went on the top of a mountain and thought of jumping down. But someone from within stopped me from doing that. I thought, Suicide is cowardice. And what do I get out of it? I might die, but I will have to take another birth and start everything again from the beginning! The same circle to be repeated! It is much better to continue the sadhana patiently till the end, in this very life! The Divine Mother was advising me thus from within. And I would return. But the intensity continued. Sometimes I got angry with the Mother. I cried a lot. I controlled myself and again and again continued with my Japa and Dhyana, repetition of the name and mediation, sometimes till late at night, sometimes getting up very early, by 3 am in the morning. Thus it continued till 14th August, Janmastami, the day of Sri Krishnas Birth! The whole day was passed in quiet meditation. I read the whole of Bhagavad Gita, and after a light supper sat for mediation at about 9.30 pm. I went into deep meditation. That night I had a wonderful experience during mediation. A stream of bliss, ananda, started to flow from above my head, flowing, enveloping my whole body and within the body, through all my veins. The whole body was thrilled, was trembling with the feeling of bliss. It continued till 12.30 am. Even after the meditation was over, the experience of bliss continued in the body and mind. Haimavati, Almora. 2.9.60.

I lay down to sleep at 1 am. Got up at 4 am. It was a light sleep. Even during sleep, the feeling of bliss was as if continued. The morning of the next day was most wonderful, full of bliss all around. The experience of bliss took the form of love, and a stream of love as if started flowing from my heart towards all things, all beings, towards the Mountains yonder, towards plants, trees, birds, animals, human beings! All and everything appeared full of beauty. In the morning I went out for a walk with Pierre. And I saw snow clad peaks of Trishul and Nanda Devi shining with golden beauty as the sun was rising. Since the last six or seven days they had hidden behind dark clouds. Now, as if to welcome my experience of joy and bliss, the curtain of clouds was lifted, and the Haimavati showed her golden face, smiling and shining with the rays of the sun playing on Her face!! The most beautiful scene ever saw in my life. Mothers creation, this universe, is full of beauty, love and bliss. Only we have lost the capacity to visualise that! May we regain that capacity and may we see that Divine Form of the Divine, full of love, beauty and bliss! May we see it in all men, birds, animals, in all living beings, in every thing! My eyes were as if opened up with new light, with a new insight! I felt a sense of freedom- as if there is no problem in the world. Every where there is Satyam, Shivam, Sundararam, the Truth, the Good, the Beautiful. My mind that was full of agitation, full of so many problems became totally empty and it was filled with peace and joy. It is really difficult to put in words this experience of mine. Sometimes a doubt touched my mind, if all that I saw and experienced was true! But again and again I was assured of the Mothers Grace that had made the experience possible. At present I can deeply immersed in that joy. Mother has graced me and removed the curtain of ignorance! The Mother that has given this bliss will surely take me further in Her hands and transform my mind, life and body; make me Her conscious instrument. Meanwhile, after my arrival at Almora, I received the following letters from Sri Anirvan.

OM My dear G.

Haimavati 31.7.60.

Your P.C. reached me on the 27th. You must be now in Almora. How do you find it? Yes, its the Divine who is working though all these. Let us be fit instruments for the radiation of His Power and Light. With love, Ever yours. A. OM My dear Gautam, So you are nicely settled there. May your tapasya bear fruit. Shillong is quiet now. Things are returning to normality elsewhere, we hear. But who knows? Let these things pass. Dive deep, deep, deep into your heart to bring down grace from above to bring up a new India for the world. Sandhya is all right; I will give her your news. Haimavati. 7.8.60.

With love, ever yours, A. OM My dear Gautam, I am so glad to have all your news. So your stay at Almora is bearing good fruit. Do you see the snow peaks sometimes? They are seen very clearly from November on. I remember how I often used to pass a whole day gazing at the splendor and purity, which are Haimavati. Anyhow you will find the atmosphere surrounded with spiritual Shakti, if use seek for it. Many truths hidden in the Vedas would not have been revealed to me if I had not been in the Himalayas. May the Light that has dawned upon you stay with you. My love to you and to Pierre and Mary. Ever yours, A. During my stay at Almora apart from my personal Sadhana two important things happened which will be interesting to note here. 1. My first meeting with Tapas Chinmayi who was instrumental in taking Anirvanji to Almora to facilitate his translation of Life Divine and work on the Vedas- who stayed and worked with Anirvan till Lizelle Reymond took over the charge. 2. My visit to Nava or Uttara Vrindavan at Hirtola near Almora about 16 miles away to Sri Krishnaprema formerly Ronald Nixon of England, a trip as holder of Cambridge University, who had become a Viiaishnava Sannyasi- a worshipper of Sri Krishna- under the influence of Jasoda Ma a great Devotee of Sri Krishna. She was actually Monikadevi, wife of Dr. Jnana Saran Chakravarty, vice Chancellor of Lucknow Universitywho himself was a great spiritual Sadhaka. He gave Bhagavad Gita in Mirra Richards hands. 21.9.08 Krishnaprema was a great friend of Dilip Kumar Roy and they exchanged a large number of letters on spiritual matters regarding Krishna Bhakti and Devotion to Sri Krishna and regarding Sri Aurobindos philosophy, sadhana, etc. as Dilip K Roy was a disciple of Sri Aurobindo as well. Sri Harekrishna Mandira- Poone now publishes all this correspondence in English. To come back to our narration. I returned to Calcutta via Varanasi Kashi in the 2nd week of September. Anirvanji wrote me from Shillong on 25th Sept. 1960 Your letter of the 19th. the accompanying letter is for Brother Pierre, who writes, he will be in Calcutta from Madras on the 29th and stay for a week or so with you. Perhaps, he has already written to you. I am glad that you have come down to the plains from the heights with a new outlook towards life. Holidays if they make one holy are really indispensible for a sincere worker who seeks to realise the divine through all aspects of life. The inner-life is surely greater than the outer life. An inner peace is the keyword to all spiritual realization. And this peace is nothing but the sense of the void is there. The more the spirit of Pure Existence enters into you and suffuses your whole being the nearer you are to reality. And then you are free to work without any attachment to anything. Haimavati 21.8.60.

Hamlet had said: To be or not to be. That is the question! I would tell him: My boy, not to be is to be and there is no question about it! With love to you all. Ever yours. A. The next letter to me from Sri Anirvan is a P.C. dated 19.3.61. Anirvanji had returned to Shillong from Calcutta on 2nd March 1961. Anirvanji along with Sandhya came down to Calcutta from Shillong in the middle of December 1960. After passing her M.A. examination from Calcutta University Sandhya Das, who was under the direct care of Sri Anirvan acquired the job of a teacher in a missionary school at Shillong. During January 1961, Anirvanji and Sandhya together took a pilgrimage tour of South India, along with one Sri Sailendra Dasgupta, a devotee of Sri Anirvan, who was an officer of the Custom Department of the Govt. of India and was then posted at Shillong, the capital of Assam Government then (now of Meghalaya state). he had taken charge of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir- Shillong when Jasoda Narayan Ghosh relinquished the charge and came down to Calcutta! And he was staying at the Pathmandir. Sharad Dharmapal accompanied them in their South Indian Tour as he was well- acquainted with almost all the important places of South India, having frequently visited the same for his business tours. First they went to Aurangabad from where people generally go to the famous caves of Ajanta and Ellora. Sri Anirvan and his party left Calcutta on 8th January and arrived at Aurangabad on the 10th Jan. where Lizelle was waiting for them. At Aurangabad Anirvanji met Lizelle Reymond who had gone there with other tourists from Switzerland. From there to Hyderabad, Mysore- Bangalore and then to Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu, by Bus through the Nilgiri Hills visiting Uttacamand on the way by Bus journey in south is better than train journey! From Coimbatore Sharad arranged for a tourist taxi for Anirvanjis group and himself returned on 4th February 1961. His elder brother Nanda Kishore Mehta and Mother were then residents of Mumbai and had arranged for Sharads marriage to Jyoti, daughter of Sri Ramanlal Tolat of Borivalli- Mumbai. It was during this tour that Anirvanji visited Kanyakumari another form of his dear Haimavati, whom he was pining to visit since his college days. After passing his M.A. examination, Anirvanji- then Nirvan Chaitanya Brahmachari wanted to visit his Ishta- duty Kanyakumari and had gone to the railway booking station to book a ticket to Madras from where he will go to Kanyakumari. But the spiritual force of his Guru- Swami Nigamananda forced him from within to ask for a ticket for Jorhat, in Assam where their Ashram was situated! On the way they visited Trichinapally, Tanjore, Madura, Rameswar and other places. Before 1939 I did not know anything about Sri Aurobindo. But before that my life philosophy had already taken shape; it had taken form in my several writings; some of which was already published; some remained unpublished. Therefore when I came across The Life Divine in 1939, I felt a great joy in finding the similarity of ideas and ideals. Letter dated 6.11.55. Patralekha vol.5 . After this little digression let us go back to our own narrative.

Anirvanji and party returned to Calcutta in the first week of February 1961. As mentioned earlier, Sharad had gone to Bombay after accompanying Sri Anirvan and party upto Coimbatore and hiring a taxi for them for the rest of the tour up to Pondicherry. Sharads marriage to Jyoti took place on 4th February at Bombay. I could not attend the marriage because of a last minute decision as to who should go to Bombay, Sudha or myself, as one of us had to remain in Calcutta to be with Apurva, son of Sudha and Bandhu, during his annual school examinations. Tickets were reserved for myself and Aparna, daughter of Sudha. But it was Sharads mothers wish that if both Gautam and Sudha and I together could not come, then Sudha should come, as Jyoti should get to know Sudha in Bombay rather than Calcutta. So the reservations had to be changed. I could not go. There is an interesting story, which I am tempted to write here. Some two years back I had a dream. Sharad is going to be married and I am unable to attend the marriage. Some days after the marriage, I go to Howrah railway station to receive the couple who are returning from Bombay in a First Class Compartment! At the time I had the dream, talks of Sharads marriage were going on, but with other girls, Jyoti was nowhere in the picture. When Sharads marriage with Jyoti was being fixed, Sharad had sent us a photo of Jyoti from Bombay. Seeing the photograph, I remembered the dream and said, I have seen this girl in my dream. There is no question of selection. The marriage will take place. And even then I could not foresee that I would not be able to go to attend the marriage, and my dream will come true even in that respect. All happened as in that dream. How true is that coming events do cast their shadows before, sometimes. Sharad and Jyoti, the newly wedded couple, came over to Calcutta on 22nd February after passing a few days on a honeymoon cum pilgrimage at the Ashram of Swami Vidyananda, the guru of Sharads mother, at Karnali on the bank of the river Narmada, which is considered one of the holiest rivers of India along with Ganga and Yamuna. We will come back to this river Narmada again when Anirvanji visits Her in 1963. A special reception was held on the occasion at 6H, Keyatala Road on 26th February. Anirvanji and Sandhya together were there during the month of February. Anirvanji was conducting his Upanishad classes at 6H Keyatala Road and Savitri classes at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir as usual. On 2nd March 1961, Anirvanji with Sandhya left for Shillong by plane. After arriving at Shillong, Anirvanji resumed his regular work of study and writing, this time on the second volume of Veda Himansa which contains elaborate discussion on the Vedic Gods (Devata), beginning with a general discussion on gods and then in detail, first on the Fire-God, Agni, who especially belongs to Earth, Prithvi, Sthaniya: Sandhya went back to her home in Shillong and resumed her school work, but regularly meeting Anirvanji during weekends and holidays. Anirvan lived all alone in the small house especially built for him in the spacious compound of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, Shillong; held his weekly classes at the Mediation Hall of the Mandir. After returning to Shillong, Anirvanji wrote to me on 19th March-

Your p.c. of the 17th. The days are fine here now. The spring is on. Work is going on quite well. If the dispatch of the parcel is a bit delayed, will you please send me the second and third parts of the notes on the Kathopanishad by book post as early as possible? I have the first part with me. I require the next two parts. It is difficult to get Prabuddha Bharat here. So I would be glad to have the issue which publishes the article you mention. those who do good work never suffer..those who have set their hearts on me for all times are always looked after by me, Bhagawad Gita- 9/22. I finally believe the Mother will look after you. The set back is only temporary. It will pass. Light will shine upon the household. I am glad to hear that you are a happy and holy family now. Yes, wait for the call. They also serve who stand and wait. With love for you all. Ever love .A. Again on 26th April 1961, Anirvanji writes from Shillong-Haimavati, My dear Gautam, Your p.c. came alright. I was waiting for the mosquito-net to come. It came yesterday. Thank you. The newer one will remain with the touring kit. Mohan (Mohantosh Chatterjee a friend of mine since 1946 along with Subodh Das and Khanesh Ghosal (adikari) - the trio or trinity of friends.) is leaving on Friday. I hope he has enjoyed his stay. Yes, I can feel we are passing through hard times. But we shall never waver in our faith. I am quite confident, things will take better turn. Aparna will surely come to the reserve of Apurva. I trust her with love for you all. ever yoursA. 26.9.08 Here I will translate a letter from Sandhya dated 14th April 1961, the Bangla new year day, from Shillong. It will show how close Sandhya had come to Sri Anirvan as well as to us. In many letters to her which remained unpublished, Anirvanji addressed her as sati, Aparajita and such other names of Parvati or Haimavati of his heart. Wherever he saw the possibility, Anirvanji tried to rouse the spirit of women that came in his contact to the level of his ideal of Haimavati, to the level of Maitreyi and Gargi of Upanishadic period or of Apata behind the proposal establishment of Shanti Ashram under Lizelle Reymond at Almora. Since then he gave up the idea of establishing an ashram but he continued to give shape to his ideal for women, wherever he saw the possibility. Shillong 14.4.61. Dear Gautambhai, My New Year greetings to you all. My love and blessing to Bablu and Kiki (Apurva and Aparna).

I am extremely pleased to your letter this time: I am feeling a great sense of peace to know that you all consider me one of you. Truly speaking, it is Swamiji (Anirvanji) who has built up the bridge between us. Rather he is the bridge. I do not know on what blessed day I happened to get him as Guru, as father, as a dear friend (sakha). My small and ordinary cup of life is filled to the brim by his unbounded grace. I hear the call of the infinite, of the unbounded in the bounded finite. You have well said, Swamiji considers his pure consciousness as ether akasha. I have often heard this from him.Varuna and Aditi. These are the two forms of the great void. If varuna is the presiding dutyof Ether- Akash- Aditi is His ShaktiPower, Energy. He says, Varuna and Aditi, the couple- mithuna of the great void- Mahasunya are the God and the Goddess worshipped by him; and this Aditi indeed is the Non-self void- nairatmya-rupini shunyata of Buddha. At sometime I had told Swamiji about your experience. Swamiji said, without talking about himself he told me what he felt about Bandhuji. Seeing Bandhu for the first time he had felt that a great force was burning in itself, dazzling like the Mid-Day sun. Yes Gautambhai, I too sometimes felt like going down to Calcutta and stay with you. But all the time, I think of Swamiji. He always says, Dont try to create any situation on your own. What happens naturally, in course of time, accept it with joy. Nothing happens at your will. Everything happens at His will. Therefore surrender to Him fully at that time. I am trying to follow that in my life. You know in what disturbing circumstances, I am passing through. Of course, that turmoil is outside- my inner being is like a small but clear lake and I do not allow to fade the shadow, the image of the infinite sky that falls on it. That is the consolation that I have even in the great sorrow. With love.Sandhya The next letter from Anirvanji is from Haimavati, Shillong Dated 4.6.61. My dear G, Your letter of the 26th. Perhaps you have received Sandhyas letter by this time. Radheshs (Sandhyas elder brother) marriage is going to take place very soon. The date has been fixed for the 26th June. Let us hope everything will come off smoothly. I agree with your political plan. But nobody will hear us. If India is to go to ruins, let her go as soon as possible. Things have become unbearable for a few sensitive persons. The rest simply do not care. Naturally, the reaction to such surroundings is more and more of inwardisation. In the inmost recess of ones heart, one has the Truth. But it cannot be protected outwards. Perhaps, we shall have to wait long and long, till at last the curtain falls as Death. I understand the pangs which you are passing through. It is the preparation. Before we have the creative joy, we have to go through this creative pain. I cannot wish that this pain leaves you, neither do you. I would rather say, let the fire burn more and more. Till no fuel is left. Then the void will catch fire and the phase of creative joy start. Is it not sweet to suffer for the Thing for which we can stake all? You have written about your financial position. How are things going on? My love for you all

Ever yours.A.

27.9.08 Here I have a quote from Sri Anirvans letter in Bangla dated 167.61. Man is only a symbol, the goal is God. However great a man may be, never place him on the seat of God. If you want to see God in Man, you should see him first in your heart. The person who inspires you to see God in your own heart, may be a superhuman person, a maha-manava, but he is not God. Keep God above all and everything. Therein lies the Good. Here I am reminded of an Urdu couplet. Adam ko khuda mat kaho, adam khuda nahi hai. Dont call man a God. Man is not God. But (again) man is not different, separate from the Light of God. The first volume of Veda Mimamsa, the Vedic Exegesis, of Sri Anirvan was published in May-June 1961. He started the work on Veda Mimamsa in 1958, after Dr. Gourinath Shastris visit to Shillong. It was then that Dr. Shastri, the principal of Sanskrit College, Calcutta, had met Sri Anirvan and requested him to write something on the Veda for their Calcutta Sanskrit College Research Series. As soon as the book was published it was highly applauded by the learned, and the West Bengal Government welcomed it by bestowing on it the honour of Robindra Puraskara. During this period I was beset with many problems and decided to pass a few quiet days at Shillong in the silent company of Anirvanji. After getting the consent from Sri Anirvan I embarked on the journey on 12th August. This time my Journey to and from Shillong was a bit hazardous. I reached Pandu rather late at night on 14th August. There was no direct train from Calcutta to Gauhati. We had to cross the river Padma at Sakarigali Ghat and Pandu on the side of Gauhati by steamer, disembarking from one train and embarking on the other side on another train. To find ones reserved seat was a great problem. With great difficulty I found the sleeping quarters in the railway colony of Pandu, passed the night there, and took a bus to Shillong from Pandu in the early morning. I should have reached Shillong before noon, but our bus met with an accident on the way. There was a landslide on the slippery mountainous road and a big tree fell just on the front hood of the bus. A few seconds more and the tree would have crushed the roof of the bus and left many injured. Fortunately no one was injured, not even the driver, and the machine too was unhurt and remained in good working condition. It took three to four hours to remove the tree trunk, cutting it at several places and start the journey again. By the time I reached Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, it was almost evening, the evening program of the Path Mandir was over, and refreshments were being distributed at the end of the program, it being Sri Aurobindos 90th Birthday. The return journey was more adventurous. I left Shillong on 2nd October with Shikha, a niece of Sandhya, who accompanied me to Calcutta, took the train from Gauhati, and crossing the Brahmaputra River, reached Barauni. The railway tracks were washed away in the heavy rains, so we had to get down the train with our luggage, huddle ourselves in a truck and reach Mokama junction at a distance of a few miles, sometimes pushing the truck in deep waters. From Mokama we again took the train and reached Calcutta on 5th October. This time Sri Dasgupta was in charge of the Path Mandir, and I was given a room at the rear of the Mandir, facing Sri Anirvans Haimavati which was at the far end of the spacious compound. I spent one and a half months in the quiet and

peaceful atmosphere of the place. One felt the force of silence emanating from the centre throughout the whole area of the Path Mandir. Apart from the evenings, I spent the whole day in silent meditation, doing all my personal work. I used to go to Anirvanji every evening between six and eight, except on the days when Anirvanji had special appointments elsewhere, or when he held discussions at the Path Mandir. Generally the talks were held on Saturday evenings. Even during the evening meetings, we talked in silence mostly, sometimes exchanging information. It was like sitting before Sri Raman Maharshi at Tiruvannamalli, the only difference being that I was more intimate with Sri Anirvan and could talk freely in the same language. 28.9.08 During my stay ai Shillong, one day I visited Sandhyas house and one day Sandhya and I went for a walk at a beautiful place called Shillong Summit, from where, if the light of the day permits, Mount Everest can be seen. Sadly, Usha Bhattacharyas mother passed away. Anirvanji and I attended the sraddha ceremony. One day I went with Anirvanji to the vegetable market of Shillong, managed mostly by the Khasi women. It was a sight to see. Anirvanji would stand silently before the preferred stall. He looked like a fakir. The Khasi Assamese women would attend first to well dressed people, rich prospective customers who purchased large quantities of vegetables even though Anirvanj was waiting before they came. Anirvanji neither said a word nor pushed himself forward, simply waited silently with a little smile on his face. That day, I tried to intervene. But he stopped me by a gesture. 29.9.08 I returned to Calcutta on 5th October 1961, after nearly one and a half months retreat at Shillong in the charged spiritual atmosphere. Anirvanji came down to Calcutta with Sandhya in the last week of December 1961, and after a short stay in Calcutta left for Ranchi, Patna, Allahabad and Delhi, the places he regularly visited in winter since the forties. Sandhya too accompanied him. From Delhi, he returned to Calcutta on 31st January 1962. During this period I went to Varanasi with Sudha and Narayani Basu, wife of Dr. Atindra Basu, a friend of ours since 1948-49. Dr. Atindra Basu had suddenly passed away in London on 17th October 1961, where he had gone on research for his book on Anarchism. Since then Narayani Basu had become a close friend. The main purpose of our visiting Varanasi this time was to attend the talks of Sri J. Krishnamurti which were being held there between 22nd December to 18th January 1962. Tapas, who was by now a staunch devotee of Krishnamurti, had arranged for our stay at Bescent Vihar, Varanasi, on the bank of the river Varuna, where Krishnamurti usually stayed and gave his lectures. Tapas also arranged a special meeting for us with Sri J. Krishnamurti. On our way back to Calcutta we visited Gaya and Buddha Gaya. Anirvanji and Sandhya passed the month of February 1962 at our place, 6H, Keyatala Road. This was Anirvanjis general program when stayed with us at Keyatala Road. He got up very early in the morning, and by 6 am finished his regular Asana, Pranayama, and so forth. 7.30 to 9.00 am 9.00 to 10.00 am 10.00 to 11.00 am 11.00 to 12.00 noon Upanishad class. Reading or interviews. Going for a walk to the lakes which is very near. Bath and lunch.

12.00 to 2.00 pm 2.00 to 4.00 pm 4.00 to 5.00 pm 5.00 to 8.00 pm 8.00 to 10.00 pm

Reading newspapers- rest. Personal work, no interviews. Individual interviews. Talks at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, or open session at Keyatala Road or visit to some places. Dinner, general conversation with family members and close friends.

On the first of March 1962, Anirvanji and Sandhya left for Shillong by plane and I resumed my normal activities. We held our weekly Dharma Sabha every Sunday morning from 10.00 to 11.30 am. until Anirvanji came over to Calcutta at the end of 1964, After sending a postcard informing us about his reaching Shillong, Anirvanji wrote me a letter on 7th March 1962. My dear Gautam, You must have received my P.C. by this time. I could not write to you on Sunday, as I was very busy with some repairs to be done. I am now almost settled and hope to begin work from next Monday. The cold is still very severe. In addition to that it has been raining from the past two days. Today a biting wind is blowing and it seems that we have been put to cold storage! I often remember the strenuous but happy days that I spend with you. This time the family was running very smoothly and all of you had some time to spare. I hope you remember what I told you before I left. I feel very deeply for you. You are the head of a spiritual family and Bandhujis mantle has fallen upon you. Even if you are in no mood for work just now, you must help the family and the cause by radiating peace, strength and joy to others. I can assure you that you shall always be in my thoughts. Live deeply, truly and energetically. Sandhyas school opens today. Her elder sister-in-law and the ailing child were to be released from hospital last Monday. I hope the child is quite all right now. Sandhya has asked me to send to you all her love. Bablu must have been back from the camp. How did he fare there? My love to you and Sudha, Sharad, Jyoti, Bablu and Kiki. Please write to me as often as you can. Ever yoursA. Again on 25th March 1962, Anirvanji writes from Shillong. My dear Gautam, Excuse me in taking out long time in answering your letter. I have been racing with time.

If for one reason or another I miss one Sunday it becomes impossible to find an opportunity of writing a letter. During the weekdays, though I had thought of doing so, the last two weeks. The result was that many and many mental dispatches have been send to you during the whole time. Perhaps that is the easier way and costs you nothing! I am glad to hear that you are determined to carry on the torch. Thats brave! The foundation stone is always deep in the earth beyond the sight of men, but it is strong to uphold the whole super- structure. Live deep within yourself, let your whole life become a flame-song as the rishi used to say. I have much much hope in you. You and Sudha like two comrades-in-arms, as one might say, like Krishna and Panshali, and Sharad and Jyoti like Vasistha and Arundhati is it not a glorious dream? Well, you will surely have your golden deerskin; I shall not forget. To live deeply, fully, truly and let all works become an emanation of light, that is what we have to achieve. Sandhya is all right. She sends you her love. Radeshs wife has been sent to the hospital for delivery two days ago and yet there is no news. We hope everything will come off all right. With love, ever yours, A. 1.10.08 It would have been easier to follow the next two letters if I had the copies of my letters to Sri Anirvanji. But unfortunately I did not keep copies of my letters then, and so we have to manage as it is! OM My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 5th reached here on the 9yh. I am anxious about Sharads health, Sandhya has written in the mean time. As there has been no further communication from you. I hope he is all right by this time. Please write. I dont know when Sudha Bose or Nivedita comes, but Gopikanta of Jadavpur University is expected to come in May when the University closes. I shall require these things: 1. cushion of pins for flower arrangements Rs. 3/12 2. Hindi dictionary (sudhas school) 1. Watch (presented by Mohontosh) 1 waste paper basket of bamboo rods. In the shape of a basket? You must make purchases later on when it is definitely known who comes when. I am glad to hear Narayani Bose is writing and completing the works of Sri (Atindra) Bose. I wish her all success. The very same idea haunts me too. Only I have added Shiva to my pantheon. It is something like this. The void of the Buddha (one or zero) Shiva and Shakti in Kailash (the eternal two) Krishna (sporting with the many) Haimavati, 15.4.62.

In Krishna I find the fulfillment. I think not only of the adolescent Krishna, but also of the philosopher, the patriot and the man of action. He dreamt of an India which is yet to come. May be inspire us always, as hard as a rock and as soft as a flower. My love to you allever yours A. The next letter is dated 22.4.62. My dear G. Your P.C. of the 19th gave me great relief. I hope S. is progressing quite satisfactorily and will be all right in a few days. Please keep me informed of his condition. Dasgupta will be leaving next week. The Path Mandir bids henceforth to be a pure mandir, no establishment and hence no paying guest concern anymore. Gopi has come here, he will stay as long as circumstances are favorable to him, and he can go on with his studies without interruption. He will cook for himself and pay a small sum as seat rent. Things are in the melting pot now! By Shiva I meant what is technically called the Mahashiva, the Para-samvit (the highest knowledge. Chit = consciousness. Trinity = Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva or Maheswara.) or Chit- principle of the Shaiva Darshana, not the Shiva of the Trinity. This, I added to make my idea clear to you. The rest is quite O.K. Anyhow, I feel you are never to be defeated, and victory to Her. With love to all of you, Ever yours.A. The next two letters are postcards---OM. My dear Gautam, Your P.C. of the 2nd reached yesterday evening. Sandhya was speaking of you the other day. She might have written to you. I shall enquire. You are the standard bearers of Bandhu. His immortal spirit is the kindly light that is leading you on. Spiritual achievement is always measured by the calmness and depth that you have attained to. The Glory is within. May it shine unquenched in you all. My love to you and to every one of yours and mine. Ever yoursA. Haimavati, 4.8.62.

OM.

Haimavati, Shillong.

19.8.62. My dear Gautam, Your card of the 14th. I had a general attack of lumbago during the rains because of exposure but it was not acute. It passed away in three or four days and I am all right now. But from the middle of June, I could not work for six weeks or so. Physically, I felt very weak and was quite unable to bear any strain. I have been working at a stretch from the last twelve hours. Every ten or twelve years, I have got to go to seclusion; forget everything about the world. It was perhaps that mood which overtook me. I am all right now and working normally but am not at all hurrying with my work. Let it grow up naturally. No use forcing the pace. (Anirvan was now working on the 2nd Volume of Veda Mimamsa.) I am glad that Sudha has taken to her studies seriously. Let her make hay when the sun shines. We are O.K. With love for you all, Ever yours.A. Sri Anirvan had begun planning for his next pilgrimage to Western India, to his dear river Narmada and to Dwarka, the capital of the Yadu race of Sri Krishna during the Mahabharata period. The four places of Pilgrimage at the four corners of India, which all Hindus desire to visit at least once during their lifetime since at least two thousand years, are Jagannath Puri in the East, Rameswar in the south, Dwarka in the west and Kedar-Badri in the North. Jagannath Puri was visited quite a few times by Sri Anirvan since his Brahmachari days with Swami Nigamananda Saraswati, his Guru. Anirvanji visited Rameswar and Kanyakumari in January 1961. Now he was planning to visit Dwarka in January 1963. Though I belong to Gujarat, I too had not visited Dwarka all this time, and so I decided to accompany Anirvanji in his next pilgrimage. This matter comes up in the next letter.

OM. My dear Gautam,

Haimavati, Shillong. 23.9.62.

I did not answer your letter last week because I was waiting for some information from Calcutta. Benoy Mukerjee of 18, Basanta Bose Road; will be coming to the Path Mandir after the pujas to stay for a month. Of course, he will be making his own cooking arrangements or if it is convenient for both, he may mess with Rao,* who has become a self-cooker like myself. I am writing to him today to bring with him the books that are lying there as luggage. All expenses fully paid by me. I hope you will make the necessary arrangements when he contacts you. Perhaps Jyoti will be soon going to Bombay. Is she all right now? Yes, Sudha must not be disturbed in her studies. How are Bablu and Kiki doing? Bablu must have found his line and what is Kiki going to do? Is she going to be a Jane of all trades?

We are having beastly weather here. There is hardly a few hours of sunshine and it is raining continuously, though not heavily but quite nastily enough to damp body and mind. Are you keeping quite fit? The days must be very busy for you. But the nights? Are they quiet and smooth? Are you training yourself for a yogic sleep? It is a mere suggestion it would help you a lot. I have not written to Dilip Babu yet (Sri Dilip Kumar Roy at Poona Hare Krishna Mandir). I shall take up your idea of first going to Bombay, then taking up Saurashtra and Madhya Bharat. Next month, I mean to do a bit of book and map reading to prepare myself for the tour. Hope you all are all quite O.K. My love for you. Ever yoursA. *Sri Rao was a permanent paying guest of the Path Mandir. He was a lecturer at the Lady Kean College, where Usha Bhattacharya was a principal. When Sri Anirvanji came down to Calcutta in 1965, he even stayed for some time in the house where A. stayed. In October 1962, China attacked India from both western and eastern fronts. On the eastern front they almost came down upto Tezpur in Assam capturing the whole of the present Arunachal state. In the western front they captured some portions of Ladakh and North East Kashmir; which they never left. Thanks to the active help coming from the U.S.A. - John Kennedy was then the president of U.S.A.- and the spiritual intervention of yogis like the Mother of Pondicherry, Sri Aurobindo Ashram, the Chinese unilaterally withdrew from the eastern front, and the war was over, keeping the border issue burning till today. As this situation in Assam was becoming more and more unstable and anarchic, both because of the Chinese aggression and the political movements of United Liberation Front of Assam (ULFA) and other fronts as in Nagaland etc. I began requesting Anirvanji to come down to Calcutta, which materialised at the end of 1964, two years later, after the marriage of Sandhya to Benoy Lahiri, an old friend and comrade in December 1963 and his own severe illness in 1964. We will talk about that later. But just now Anirvanji is preparing his next pilgrimage to Dwarka and other places in western India.

OM. My dear Gautam,

Haimavati, Shillong. 11.11.62.

Your inland letter of the 6th. I am sending by tomorrows post an M.O. for Rs. 20/- (perhaps I had written, You need not send the M.O.) The present circumstances have upset my program. Perhaps I shall be a few days late in going down: then I shall have to cancel my stay at Patna or squeeze it. The dates fixed for pilgrimage and the Calcutta program will most probably remain unchanged. I hope to know everything definitely by the end of this month.

I quite agree with you about the present crisis. Have you seen the Mothers message regarding the emergency? Calcutta Path Mandir sent me a copy. It is wonderful. We acquired freedom without paying any price for it (we should say not enough price). It was the freedom of a few political and economic profiteers to hoodwink and exploit the mass. This blow will be an eye-opener. Now we have to fight the external enemy as one man and so have to sink all ideological differences. Then we have to turn our forces against the internal enemies and pull down those who in these fifteen years brought down the country to the verge of ruin. But first of all, we have to purify ourselves. There is no Dharma in the land, Dharma has to be established by wiping away the misdoers as the Gita says. With love for you all, Ever yours .A. The last letter in 1962 from Haimavati Shillong. OM. My dear G. Your two letters came one after another and also your wire. The friends from Venezuela stayed in a hotel here for four days, and left today at noon. They were very nice and I saw them every day. The present crises have upset all my plans. I dont know when I shall be able to leave Shillong. I have left everything in the Hands who brought me here. I am not working now. I am simply sitting calm and doing my little part that I have to do in this crisis. It is difficult to see into the future. The worst might happen or the best. I do not care. Let Her will be done. It is a joy to submit to it. Real work is done not through overt acts or words, but through deeper and deeper silence. On the practical side, transport difficulties are increasing from day to day. There are other things also to consider which are not in our hands. I shall keep you informed every week regarding the situation here. If I come down of course Sandhya will accompany me and I will bring the papers worth saving with me. Please dont worry about me I am quite all right in other ways. Only strange vistas are opening before me and I cannot but place myself in Her hands in utter passivity. My love to you all. Ever yours..A 3.10.08 Anirvanji and Sandhya came down from Shillong to Calcutta by plane on 15th December 1962 and left for Allahabad on 17th December to see his ailing friend Dhirender Chandra Dasgupta. Sri Dasgupta who had accompanied Dated 25.11.62.

Anirvanji on his South India pilgrimage also accompanied him on this tour of western India as well Anirvanji, Sandhya and Dasgupta together arrived at Bombay on 14th January 1963 where Sharad and I received them. Meanwhile I had gone to Ahmedabad, and leaving Calcutta on 1st January 1963, I went to my native place, Ahmedabad, after a lapse of long fourteen years. I had last gone there in 1948, when our first business concern, the Dharmapal Brothers, was being wound up. While leaving Ahmedabad I told my younger sister Kokila (who was then six or seven years old and asked for a great many presents from me) that I would come the next time with a lot of money to buy her all she wanted. It was fourteen years before I returned to Ahmedabad, and I could not keep my promise to my young sister Kokila, as meanwhile she had died of anemia in 1954. When I went to Ahmedabad in January 1963, my old father did not forget to remind me of my failed promise. I could only answer that I did not go to Calcutta to make money. Before I reached Ahmedabad. on 3rd January, another tragedy had occurred. My friend Nanubhai P. Shah, elder brother of Kanti P.Shah who was intimately close to Bandhu Dharmapal, who was to become a Dharmapal and was to accompany Bandhu first to Calcutta instead of me, passed away on 1st January. He was suffering from cancer, and Kanti told me that he was remembering me at the time of his passing away, as he knew that I was coming to Ahmedabad. It was Nanubhai who was like my protecting angel during the 1942 movement, and even later in 1948 when I had come to Ahmedabad. to wind up the business. But all that is another story. After meeting and visiting all the friends and relatives in Ahmedabad after a long time, I went to Bombay to receive Anirvanji and company. Sharad was already there after completing his business tour of South India. Anirvanji Sandhya and Dasgupta arrived at Bombay on 14th January. We had arranged for their stay at Vile Parle East at the spacious residence of our old friend Dahyabhai Patel. Anirvanjis pilgrimages were hectic, covering many places in a short span of time, and this tour was most hectic. On 14th evening, we visited some places in Bombay city. On 15th morning we visited the famous Elephant Caves, which is situated on an island in the sea near Bombay, where there is the famous stone statue of Trimurti, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. In the evening, we visited the famous Hanging Gardens and enjoyed walking on the sea beach. Next day on sixteenth January, our friend Dahyabhai Patel lent us his car to visit first Nasik and Trayambak, then to Poona for two days. On our return journey we visited Matheran, a beautiful hill station, with stony mountain at one side and jungles covering the other side. Nasik is a place of pilgrimage on the bank of the river Godavari, that emerges out of the mountain just opposite, collecting in a small lake, and then flows out. On the way to Nasik and Tryambak are the famous Pandava Caves where the Pandavas, Yudhisthir and his brothers, with Draupadi are supposed to have stayed for some time during their twelve-year stay in the forest. At Poona we stayed at Ananda Niketan, an Ashram of Swami Amarjyoti, and a friend of mine. Sri Dilip Kumar Roy, whom we visited next day at his Hare Krishna Mandir, mildly rebuked Anirvanji for not giving him an opportunity to serve him. Any way we sat at the evening prayers of his Radha Krishna tenple and heard his celestial BhajanKirtan. We also visited the famous of Mother Bhawani, the deity of Shivaji, who is supposed to have given Her sword to Shivaji to fight against the Mogul Emperor Aurangzeb and free the motherland. The temple is situated on the small hill near the famous fort of Poona. We left Poona on 18th morning and on our way to Matheran visited the famous Karta- Bhaje Buddhist Caves, reaching Matheran in the evening. It was pleasant to walk in the jungles of Matheran in the moonlit night. Next day morning, we

climbed up to the Panorama and Monkey Points, returning to Bombay the same evening. We took the train to Ahmrdabad and reached there on 20th January morning. 20th and 21st January were spent in Ahmedabad. visiting the Sabarmati Ashram of Mahatma Gandhi and other places. On 21st evening Anirvanji met devotees of Sri Aurobindo and gave a talk at the local Mothers Centre at the Ellisbridge, Pritamnagar area. We hired a taxi and toured the whole of Saurashtra in four days. Generally I sat in the front seat with the driver and Anirvanji, Sandhya and Dasgupta occupied the back seats. We started very early in the morning of 22nd January, and reached Palitana, near Bhavnagar at about 11 am. Palitana is considered especially holy by the Jains, as one of the 24th Trithankars of Jains, Neminath the 22nd, a cousin of Krishna, was cremated here. In fact Parasnath hills in Bihar is the holiest place for the Jains, as the 22nd Trithankars including the 23rd Trithankar Parsvanath, are cremated at different places on this hill. About the same time Gautama Buddha was cremated at Pavapuri near Nalanda in Bihar. Thus Palitana is the third holiest places for the Jains, which should be visited by all Jains at least once in their lives. The same evening we left Palitana and reached Junagadh at the foot of the famous Girnar Hills via Rajkot late at night. Next morning on the 23rd January, we climbed the Girnar Hill up to the fifth peak where there is the temple of Mother Amba, another form of Durga. Regular steps are built up to this temple. One has to go up to the seventh peak, which is dedicated to Gorakhnath the greatest of the Nath- Yogis. We did not go up to that peak as there was no regular path to it and will take much time. We came down by 11am; saw the famous Ashoka Pillar where the message of peace is carved out in Brahmi script, which only Anirvanji could read. We read the Gujarat, Hindi and English translations. We also visited the famous Damodar Temple where the famous Gujarati Poet and Bhakta (devotee of Sri Krishna) Narasimha used to sing Bhajans (devotional songs). Thanks to Mahatma Gandhi, his (Narasimhas) name is now famous the world over because of the singing of his Bhajan, Vaishnava Jana to tene Kahiye. He is called a Vaishnava, a devotee of Vishnu or Krishna. Though extremely tired because of the climbing, we left Junagadh after lunch and a little rest, and reached Somanath Patana, the famous Somnath Temple, on the seashore. The present temple is newly built after the independence of India in 1947 on the ruins of the old temple which was first destroyed in 1040 A.D. by Mohammad Ghazni, the first Muslim invader from Afghanistan. Next, we visited the temple at Prabhas Patana, the place where Sri Krishna is believed to have left his body after the selfmassacre of his Yadu-clan. The same night of 23rd, we reached Rajkot via Junagadha and passed the night at the Ambassador Hotel. Next day in the morning of 24th we left Rajkot, reached Jamnagar at about 10 in the morning; where patients are being treated with Sun-Rays. We left Jamnagar in the afternoon and reached Dwarka in the evening. We could not go to BetDwarka the island where the actual Dwarka is supposed to have been situated, as no more boats were available. After visiting the local famous temple of Dwarkadhisha, watching the evening prayers, we returned to our Railway Waiting Room and passed the night there. Next morning, that is on 25th Jan. we paid our obeisance to Dwarkadhisha and the Gomati River nearby. We left Dwarka; were back in Ahmedabad late at night, passing the whole day in the taxi. We were dead tired, Anirvanji the most, as he took the attack of the sun rays on his body all the day; would not exchange his seat with me or Dasgupta.

As the whole program till our return to Calcutta was so tightly fixed, and railway bookings etc. were made in advance, there was no time to relax. The penalty was paid at last at Jabalpore, but to that we shall come later. On 26th morning we left for Abu by train. It is again a hill station, the highest in the Aravalli hills of Rajasthan. Abu is situated at the border between Gujarat (north) and Rajasthan (south) and exchanged suzerainty between the rulers of Gujarat and Rajasthan Kings. The famous Jain temples of Dilwara and the cave temple of Goddess Ambaji, the Jain temples of Achalgadh, the highest peak, Vasishtha Ashram, the beautiful Nakhi Lake and the Sunset Point, we visited all these in one day. We had a wonderful experience at the Sunset Point. We were all sitting on the top of a small hill enjoying the sunset on the far stretching valley below, when there was a rumbling sound from the ground. It was the sound that generally precedes an earthquake. And the crowd, except a few of us, ran pell-mell down the hill, some falling down in the process. Fortunately nothing happened; we slowly came down; took our taxi and came down the mount Abu to the plains, to catch the train back to Ahmedabad where we reached on 27th morning. We did not go out anywhere; the whole day and night of the 27th was passed in rest. Of course, Anirvanji had to meet many people who came to see him, in the morning and evening, as we were to leave Ahmedabad the next morning. We left Ahmedabad in the morning of 28th January. On our way to Bhopal we broke the journey at Ujjain on the river Shipra, where the famous Kumba-Mela is held once every twelve years (a great gathering of saints and pilgrims from all over India at four places on a particular day every twelve years. The four places are Haridwar on Ganga, Prayag (Ahmadabad) at the Junction of Ganga and Yamuna, Nasik on the bank of Godavari and Ujjain on the bank of Shipra. The four places are supposed to have been made very holy because of the falling of nectar from the pitcher of nectar being carried away by Jayanta, son of Indra. Ujjain is the place where the legendary king Vikramaditya once ruled, in whose cabinet called Navratna, the nine jewels, the famous poet Kalidasa and the famous astronomer Varahanuhir held prominent positions. Ujjain is a place of pilgrimage for the MahaKaleswar temple situated there: the whole day of the 39th January was spent in visiting all the important places in Ujjain, and in the evening we again took the train to Bhopal, where we arrived on the morning of 30th Jan. In Bhopal Anirvanji and Sandhya stayed with Smt. Susmita Chatterjee, a student disciple of Anirvanji who was a professor in the local Government Girls College. As she had not sufficient accommodation, Dasgupta and and I stayed at the local Sri Aurobindo Centre, where a meeting was arranged for Sri Anirvan in the evening of 30th January. In Bhopal, we stayed for two days and left for Jabalpur on 31st night. After arriving at Jabalpur in the morning of 1st February, Anirvanji fell ill, and we had to cancel our program of visiting the famous Khajuraho Temples. He could not even come with us to see the famous marble rocks in the river Narmada shining brightly in the moonlit night. For four days, Anirvanji had high fever. Pranab Dhar, Abani Banerjee, Dr.R.K. Ganguly, all friends and devotees of Anirvanji took great care and served him with care and devotion. On 4th February Anirvanji was a little better and we left for Calcutta on 5th February, arriving there in the afternoon of 6th February 1963. Though weak due to the high fever in Jabalpur, Anirvanji took his classes on Upanishads at Keyatala Road every day in the morning and on Savitri at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir thrice a week in the evenings, he would meet people as usual. During this time he was so much engrossed with the thoughts and visions of Savitri and Sri Krishna- the Dwarkadhish that some days he would fall down and remained unconscious for a length of time, and often we did not know it had happened.

Sandhya, who was very intimate with him during this period, saw and knew this very closely and was much worried. Anyway, thus passed the month of February and Anirvanji and Sandhya left for Shillong on 1st March 63. Immediately after Anirvanji reached Shillong, he wrote a P.C. to me. Before I could acknowledge, he wrote another letter. OM. My dear G. You must have received my p.c. by this time. I promised to write to you on Sunday but could not finish any mail. I started work yesterday, not yet with full speed. I am quite well now, physically but the mind has become a blank. And, I do not regret it. I can only say, God exists, and God is Existence: my existence does not matter at all. There is an I which is not mine. That I is Self-Conscious and that Self-consciousness is a pure colorless void. There is peace, which is a promise of bliss, but absolutely without any hedonistic complexion. With this background the world appears as a shimmering beauty. The appearance becomes reality. I dont look behind appearances. There might be skeletons underneath, but I dont care. There is only the void and this sheer appearance of beauty- the mayavin Varuna and His maya. You all have become beauteous appearances clothing the void and I love to think you of all. I dont know whether I am moving but it is so full of peace. May this peace descend into you all. Give your news in detail about everyone. Is Kiki trying to keep her promise? My love to you, Sudha, Sharad, Jyoti, Bablu and Kiki. Sandhya will write to you soon. His brother is going to be married on the 11th. So she is extremely busy with her schoolwork and this ceremony. Hope this finds you all O.K. Ever yoursA. Again on 12.3.63, Anirvanji wrote from Shillong. OM. My dear Gautam, Your two letters with the consignment notes reached all right. I shall enquire to-morrow if the air parcel has arrived. It was stamped subject to delay. I do not know that the charges had gone. Up by 50%. So that nowadays, it is cheaper to bring things as passenger luggage and no botheration too. By the way, can you tell me, where the office of the Air Assam is in Shillong? It becomes difficult sometimes to hunt up these offices. I am glad to learn that you are all O.K. Sandhya is all right too. She will be extremely busy this week with the homecoming of the new bride. I feel quite all right now. But I have reduced my working hours from 10 to 6. The nights I have kept quite free. The Sanskrit College is going to pay me handsomely for those summer lectures on the Vedas. So you have no cause for grudge against them any more. Haimavati; 5.3.63.

I am passing my days in a dream as it were. Everything appears so simple and lucent. Just like sunlight. Is it not the simplest thing in the world? It is radiantly white. It suffuses all. Nothing can stop its radiation. But if you put a prism before it, it refracts into vibgyor. How wonderful and beautiful too. If you go to analyze it, you write volumes about its laws and properties. But is there any need of analysis, after all? Why not bask in the sunlight just like a tree and suck light, joy and power from it? And give it forth in many hued blossoms of good thoughts, good words and deeds, which are all the glory of the sun. I had a wonderful vision this morning. I was returning to Calcutta from Jabalpur. With my open eyes, I saw the majesty of Dwarkadhish and the loving sweetness of His Rukmini. It stirred me to the depths of my soul. Nowhere have I seen that glory expressed in the figuration of the Lord. Somehow only Nandalal Bose seems to have caught a glimpse of it. But the vision has given me a deep faith in the future of India and the world. The Krishna consciousness is pressing on us. Let us open ourselves to it in the spirit of utter dedication. O Lord, let thy will be done. That will knows no failure. You cannot separate yourselves from Him and say, Failures are ours, while victory is Thine- No, No, it is all victory. His victory. My love to you and Sudha, Sharad and Jyoti, Bablu and Kiki- ever yours.A (these letters show how close we are coming to one another almost becoming one. Anirvanji is taking interest in the whole Dharmapal family- he is becoming like the father- figure with me especially he was like a friend and father both) G.D. On the Bangla New Year Day- that is also my birthday Anirvanji writes: OM. 15.4.63. My dear Gautam, Your I.T. of the 7th. I send you all my New Years Greetings. I am glad Sudha has passed her examinations. Sudha passed her Montessori Teachers training course and got a job at Abhinava Bharti, a childrens school. It will be a great opening in her life. It is not the extensity of work but its intensity that matters. In dedicating herself to the bringing up little children, she will be fulfilling the role of the Mother for which she had been intended by Bandhuji. I am also glad to hear that Kiki is trying to keep her promise. If I dont mention Bablu by name in my letters, it is not that I have not an eye on him. But he being a man does not require much poking. But Kiki is a woman- will you understand the rest. I am not going to express otherwise she will rouse a hue and cry. But she is a very very good girl is she not? By the way, the other day I was reading in the Bartika perhaps, that the Mother had a very naughty cat called Kiki whom she loved very much and was wondering who that cat might be. I would have easily placed him (where you know) the difficulty being that he was a male cat. I hope this will reach before Sharad starts on his tour. I wish him sacks full of good luck. I have told Sandhya about the scheme. I might have suggested that Sandhya should come down to Calcutta and stay with us and I will be able to find some work as a teacher for her. How nice it would have been if I had kept you suggested. She will surely give some thought to it. She has got your letter. Haimavati, Shillong.

I have written to Bina about the Gopalpur proposition and am writing today too. It is a good idea for you too to visit the place. My nature is to drift. I cannot move immediately. So not this year, as I am now deep in my work writing the second volume of Veda Mimamsa. I hope everything is O.K. with you. How is Jyoti? My love to you all. Ever yoursA. 7.10.08 The next letter of Sri Anirvan from Shillong is dated 12.5.63. OM. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the second. I dont think anybody will be coming to Shillong now. So it is best to send the books by roadways before the monsoon starts, when the roads might become impassable. I am glad to hear, Bablu and Kiki are giving more attention to their studies. Give them my blessings. I want them to grow up strong as their father. They must not be a burden to anybody, even to their mother. Bablu will understand these things and hope Kiki too. It is good news Jyoti is going to become a mother. My blessings for her too. I hope Sudha will soon get engaged somewhere. Tell her I often think of her and I wish her a bright future. I understand your position. In these years you have been several times away from home and this has done you good, though you have to come back. Maybe once you will go away for good. But dont force circumstances. Let God pull you out. You will be delivered of the world, just as a child is delivered of the mothers womb. But it is neither the childs nor the mothers choice. This will be your last act of surrender; when you place yourself completely in the hands of the Mother, with no will of your own- neither the will to stick to the world, nor the will to renounce it. A complete calmovercoming even this great inner stirrings- will break the last barrier and the highest will be revealed- whether at home or aboard. She alone knows! My best wishes and love for you. To Sharad his ones! Sandhya sends you all her love. With love ever yours.A.

8.10.08 In the month of June 1963, I received three letters from Sri Anirvan, after the death of Bandhu Dharmapal in August 1955. OM. 2.6.63. My dear Gautam, Haimavati- Shillong

I received your letter of the 23rd but did not answer it last week as I was waiting for the book and the parcel receipts to come. The book arrived all right, thank you. But as yet I have not received the receipt of the parcel of the books sent by the Roadways. I am sorry to learn that you are facing difficulty in your business concern. I hope, you will tide over it and be more careful in the future. After all business is business and you have to follow the rule of the game, carefully. Please let me know when everything has been settled. Sri Paresh Das from Shillong will be going to Calcutta on the 7th. I shall send with him a few bulbs of Accidenthura for Dr Pashupati Babu. Please inform him when they reach you. Hope Sudha is engaged somewhere now! How is Jyoti doing? Are Bablu and Kiti serious in their studies? Tell them, I often think of them and hope they will come out with flying colours in their exams. With love for you all, Ever yours, A. OM. 9.6.63. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 3rd; with the receipt of the parcel. Thank you. I shall ask Usha to enquire about the arrival of the consignment. Last time, it took about 20 days. You need to send the three magazines now. Another copy of the encounter is due. Bimal, younger brother of Sri Anirvan- Sri Narendra Chandra Dhar, will bring it to you and he will inform me. After that I shall decide whether they are to be send by parcel or not. Please let me know about the forwarding charges. I have not paid for a registered parcel you send last month. Please include its postage in the bill. (Anirvanji was very particular about accounts like Gandhiji! He followed the adage- Hisab Kodika- Bakshish Lakhki Accounts to the last pie, no limit or accounting in present) Sandhya was asking if you have got her letter. We are now working on the Isha Upanishad, once a week. There is a chance of its getting printed in the Baleshwari (?). The gentleman who is here to look after the affairs of the magazine told me the other day that he will be referring the matter to Calcutta. We have enough matter ready for one year. Let us see what happens. I hope the crisis through which you are passing will be over soon. We are having an extremely nasty weather here. But you cannot complain. You cannot complain against anything in the world. Life is so short. So you can only laugh! Never lose your child-like sense of fun in everything. With love for you all, Ever yoursA. Haimavati, Shillong

9.10.08 The next letter from Haimavati, Shillong is dated 30.6.63. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 26th. If the printing of the Upanishads is delayed I dont care. I have talked so many times and so many people have so many times have talked about them before and will talk in future. What is the use of preserving all these talks? Only gain that I see is that by talking we get warmed for some time and the fire goes down in the course of time. You may preserve the talks, but then they become texts on which people again begin to talk and more they talk this further they go away from the original! V.M. (Vedamimamsa Part II) has gone to the press, I have heard but I have not got the proofs yet. From Gopalnagar to Jhargram! Well, thats a fine idea. Of course, I have not struck root here in the soil of Assam (the idea of Sri Anirvanjis coming to Calcutta which actually took place in Nov. 1964.) last year when I left from here I thought I might not be coming back again. This year also I will keep my mind open and be ready to be carried by the stream. Perhaps these quakes mean something after all! I shall be accepting a letter from Kiki and Bablu. Is Sharad back from his tour? How is Jyoti? And what is Sudha doing now? Any Job? With love for you all, Ever yours, A

OM. 21.7.63. My dear Gautam,

Haimavati, Shillong,

Your letter of the 17th Mr Dass father died here recently. He was tom start for Shillong on the 19th. I dont know if he has seen you in the meantime. Let the periodicals remain with you now. I have very little time to read them. The Valeshwari people have taken the press copy of the Ishopanishad this week. The publication will start from the Ashvin issue. A general introduction (from Veda Mimamsa), a special introduction, Shanti Patha and the first issues in a year. They say, they will publish as much as they can. Well, the spinning of Upanishad yarn begins at last! Jhargram fades away! Dont bother! There is Gopalpur still. And if that too fades away, well, Haimavati will surely choose a place for me to rest and die! Yoga- Samanvaya- Prasanga in the Bartika will be finished this week- I mean my writing of it. It will run up to the April issue of 1965. A great burden is off my hands. I still have four months before I go down. I shall devote them to the Veda Mimansa II. I dont know if it will finish, but I shall try my level best. And this means hard work. I hope Sandhya will also

be able to finish the editing and copying for the press the rest of the Isho- Upanishad by this time. She is all right, though she is taking a course of Injections for her nose and eye trouble. It is a course of vaccination. She sends you all her love. My love to you all. My regrets for Sharads mother. (Two lines in Bangla for Kiki and Bablu). Bablu and Kiki do pay full attention to your studies. I have not forgotten you! I accept a lot from both of you. My love to both of you. Ever yours A. P.S. Ipomcea grows very quickly. But it is a delicacy for Cows. You may try Bougainvillea. But they take time. Coral vine grows fairly quickly. This is the time to sow seeds. OM. 11.8.63. My dear Gautam, Haimavati, Shillong.

Your letter of the 6th. I hope you are quite all right now and Sudha too. I am anxious about you both. Kiki asked me to write to her separately as she wants some elucidation of her mantra. (Anirvanji had initiated and given a Mantra to Kiki (Aparna Dharmapal) when he was last in Calcutta. So I have written to her under a separate cover. I hope Bablu will soon make up for this remiss. Sandhya is still going through the course of injections. There are not much appreciable results. This disease seems to be very common these days. The doctors say, it is due to allergy and some suspect atomic radiation! Who knows? We are progressing with the work of the Ishopanishad we can work only twice a week as she is busy with her school work and I with the second Vol. of the V.M. which has gone to the press. I have got some proofs and the press wants more material. So I am working as hard as I can. I want to finish the work before I go down by the 2nd week of December. I think some change will be brought about next year. I am quite satisfied with Sandhyas work and want her to be free now. Now, the family is nicely settled and she can now look to her own interest. In my case I am keen to finish the second Volume of V.M. so that I need not hurry back to Shillong and am left free to look about myself. Somehow, I feel something is going to happen. Perhaps one phase of the life is open and the last phase is before me. Actually this happened at the end of the next year i.e. 1964. Sandhya married on 14th Dec. 1963 to Benoy Lahiri. Anirvanji fell seriously ill in 1964 and at last he decided to leave Shillong and came to Calcutta in Nov. 1964 and the final phase of his life began. Narayani* the patient (and not the doctor, but how is she?) is now in Howrah. She has collected and edited a good numbers of my letters written to her, and Bimal proposes to bring them out in 1964 under the name of Patralekha. It will be a rather big book. Where is Sharad? In tour? My love to you all. Ever yoursA. * Narayani- daughter of Anirvanjis sister Surabata, translator of Lizelles book on Nivedita, later Patralekha was published in two parts. 10/10/08 OM.

Haimavati, Shillong 25/8/63

My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 20th. So Kiki has broadcast her mantra and it is now the secret of everyone. How funny of her. I have not yet heard from Mr Gupta. He will send the books etc. To Usha. I dont remember what books were left behind. There were three or four magazines perhaps. If Gopi comes to Shillong, can you send with him a flower-cushion (last time we bought from the New Market) - not the smaller one but the biggest size that you once sent me. I shall pay on receipt. Of course it is not so urgent. Sandhyas course of injections is finished. The reaction is anticipated by the Doctor has started. Let us see with what results. I have seen Narayanis letter. I am writing to her today giving the references she wanted. Sudha should get a part-time job, like Jyoti - there you are quite right. And she is also delicate in health. Too much strain might undermine it. The clouds will surely pass away. There is always a limit to everything. For a pretty long time, you have not been up to the mark. Perhaps, this also was necessary. Now the sun will rise. Never be despondent. It means, yielding to the hostile forces and giving them what they want. You must remain as unshakeable as a mountain against all odds. After all it is our reactions to the external world that matters. Never say die. Answering to my letter of 5th Sept. Anirvanji wrote from Shillong on 3th Sept 1963. OM Haimavati, Shillong. 8.9.63 My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 5th. Narayani has written to me and today I have written back. Bimal has received volume XII of Rabindra Rachanavati, and I have asked him to bring it to you. Gopi will start by the 9th or 10th of October and he will bring all the things to Shillong. Never say die is a colloquial phrase, meaning Never give up your efforts and allow yourself to be carried away by despondency. The divine is Here and Now, the circumstances do not matter at all. Like Sunshine let it flood all my being- all my thoughts and doings. The sunshine is there, only I have to open my window to it. Anira Karanamastu let there be no denial, as the Upanishad says. It is good, if we make the body preponderate in our Sadhana. A feeling of physical well-being can immediately translated into the joy of the divine. It is good to live; it is good to such light and life; like a flower twin the atmosphere around us. A child is blissfully unconscious of his adverse surroundings. We can at least partially imitate it. Even in the midst of business hours, we can for a few seconds drop all thoughts and with the whole being absorb the joy of the Divine that is surrounding us. To live like a child, like a tree, it is good. Thinking is for the world and feeling for God alone, why not make this division of labour?

Sandhya was asking if you received her letter. At present she is suffering a good deal from that allergy of cold. My love and best wishes to you all. Tell Bablu and Kiki I have not forgotten them. Ever yoursA Replying to my letter of 4th October Sri Anirvan writes OM Haimavati, Shillong My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 4th. I am glad to hear that you are heading towards light. The rains are bound to be over and we must have a sunlit path stretched before us. Gopi will be starting by the 16th or 17th. I have asked him to come to you for the things in time. Bimal will bring the books this week and the P.M( Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir. Calcutta.) people also. Yes, I wanted a flower cushion- nothing else this time. There are only two months before I go down. Sandhya has switched over to Kaviraji (Ayurvedic medicine) and is slightly better now. I have a very good prescription of Homeopathy with me, through the kindness of Mr. Aikat. When the symptoms have subsided a little more, we shall use it. Dont worry about work. When the time comes, you will be drawn into work that is Mothers outlook. What we have to do is simply to be. Purusha is and Prakriti does. Even while doing, being is still the bedrock. We should never create circumstances, but meet them calmly, when things come. And things are bound to come at proper time. To keep ones power dry and wait with a full heart is that entire one can hope to do. Otherwise, there is no doing but only being. The country is going to the dogs. Let it go. The patience of the people has not yet been exhausted. But I firmly believe there will be a silent revolution, which will change everything. I feel it in the air. Hope Bablu and Kiki are earnest in their studies. My love for you all. Ever yours.A After Durga Puja in the end of October Sri Anirvan writesOM 27.10.63 My dear Gautam, My Vijoya greetings to you, Sudha, Bablu and Kiki with much love. And to absentees also- Sharad and Jyoti. I have given your letter to Sandhya. She will decide for herself and let you know. I told you in my p.c. last week, I have received all the things, sent by you. I forgot to acknowledge the receipt of the books supplied by Bimal. Will you phone to him after the Puja Holidays? I may not write next week. Haimavati , Shillong, 6.10.63

I am glad you observed Bandhujis birthday quietly. The Guru is nothing but a configuration of the Infinite. We have to remember the Infinite alone and never anything finite. We have to realize Him in Jnana and Bhakti, which is comparatively easier, but nevertheless which forms the indispensable foundation of the Sadhana. The greatest difficulty is to realize Him in his will. The will of the Infinite finds expression in the eternity of time. And this eternity can be real to us in the absolute moment. But in the world, in the flow of time, we cannot grasp the eternity so we have to bear the divine will in full faith that outwardly will be done some day but inwardly it is done in us that very moment, which like the seed carries the huge banyan tree in it. We are like seeds- sparks of divinity. About Sitas letter, the friends you send were extremely nice. They did not disturb me at all. We had talks perhaps on two occasions and they have remained friends. Carlos writes to me from time to time. Only the other day he sent me a book. So there was nothing wrong done, I think. With love again to all of you. Ever yours A. P.S. Most probably. I shall be coming down to Calcutta on 9.12.63. * Sita is Lizelle Reymonds name given by Anirvanji, 18/10/08 The next letter from Anirvanji from Haimavati, Shillong is dated 29th March 1964. Before I proceed further, it will be good to describe two spiritual experiences, which Sri Anirvan had at his very young age, which were the guiding stars and goals of his whole life. The first happened when he was about seven years old. After paying obeisance to the picture of goddess Saraswati which he himself had hung on the wall of his room, Narendra was just leaving to go to school, when he saw an extremely beautiful young girl of about six years, Shadahyani, beckoning to him. Completely forgetting that he had to go to school, he obediently followed her for a long time. On arriving at the bank of the river, she just rose and disappeared into the sky. Later when Narendra grew up, he indentified this this vision with his chosen deity, Uma Haimavati, another form of Goddess Saraswati. Another experience came when Narendra was about nine years old. He was looking at the starry sky of the dark night of the new moon day. All of a sudden he felt the vast sky falling down and entering into his heart. He lost consciousness and fell down. That was the beginning of his now famous Akasha Bhavana, contemplation on the sky consciousness, which culminates in the realization and attainment of the Akasa Sariram brahma, satyatma, pranaramam, mana, anandam, santi,samriddham, amritam ( he becomes) Brahman whose body is the sky (akasha), truth is his self (atma), who revels in life (prana); bliss (ananda) is his mind, the mind that is enriched by Peace (santi) and is immortal (amritam), see Taittiriya Upanishad I/6/2. Though Anirvanji attained and lived in this Sky Consciousness, his attainment of his chosen deity, Haimavati remained unfulfilled at least in the external, physical field as he wished to have so earnestly during his whole life. He himself said, Though I may not have found my Sati* physically in human form, deep within my heart I am one with and eternally united with Haimavati, the yogini Uma. * another name of Haimavati, like Uma, Parvati, Aparajita etc. She was daughter of Daksha Prajapati and consort of Shiva, who immolated herself in the sacrifice of Daksha.

Aniravanjis search for his Haimavati in the world outside started from his very young age and continued till the end of his life. This search, the feeling of finding her and then losing her, this human, divine play was enacted several times in Anirvanjis life. Thanks to Dr Gobinda Gopal Mukhopadhya, through his short biography of Sri Anirvan in his famous book Mahajana Samvada, we have got some enlightenment on this part of Sri Anirvans life. 20/10/08 Sandhya was a person on whom Anirvanji tried to impose and give form to his ideal of Haimavati. He took charge of her, endeavouring to mould her according to his conception. But this could not be, as Anirvanji himself said, because of his inability to take the full responsibility of creation of this person as his own. To clear the matter let me quote from Anirvanjis own letter. - I do not believe, that a man can take full responsibility or burden of any person; even though Ramakrishna had told Girish Ghosh, All right, give power of attorney to me, I will do all that is necessary for you, and Girish had given it to him and possibly Ramakrishna too accepted it. And yet Ramakrishna did not keep Girish with him and did not take his worldly burden. Ma Sharda, wife of Sri Ramakrishna, was repeating the names of deities on a rosary. A devotee asked her, Mother, why should you repeat the names of deities? Ma Sharda said, Oh, I have so many sons and daughters who cannot do anything. I am doing all this for them. I think all this is just cajoling. Great men can strongly wish for the welfare of all, can bless all people because that is, after all, the wish of the Divine, but apart from wishing strongly for the welfare of their devotees or people in general, I do not believe that any body, however great that person may be, can do anything much for another person. Even in my own life, I have not experienced it. If you are devoted to me and follow my ideals, some of my ideas and ideals, (some of my powers) may be transmitted to you, but even in that case, are these ideals mine? It is like one flower telling another flower, See, I am causing you to flower, but a flower does not cause another flower to blossom; it is the sap of the tree that flowers both. I love you and strongly wish that your weaknesses might be removed. But what has been done till today? Nothing. Maybe one day you will rise up like Arjuna. But that too, would it be because of me? To keep you with me or to take all your physical burden is not possible, you surely know that. But I love you and strongly wish, Lazarus, Arise. Letter dated 5.5.67. Patralekha vol. 5.p.49. I think all this was because of his nature was that of a Baul. He had taken the vow of sannyas from his Guru Swami Nigamananda, and he was a sannyasin in the true sense. He loved to live alone by himself and after his experiences in his Gurus ashram, did not desire to create an ashram around him, though due to circumstances, he did try to form an ashram around him at least twice after 1930, after his leaving the Gurus Ashram, where he had already been appointed as the head or Mohanta of the ashram; but again due to the combined effect of his nature or prakriti and fate, things did not take shape. Even in his last Haimavati at Narendrapur near Kolkata where he lived all alone, he would entertain a guest for a week or so, but would never keep a friend, a disciple or a devotee as permanent member of the ashram. It was only towards the end of his life, when he sensed his coming sickness, he decided to come and stay with others, first at Central Park, Jadavpur with Narayani Devi and Rama Chowdhury, and then at Fern Road, his last Haimavati, with Rama Chowdhury and the Dharmapal family.

The year of 1963 after returning together to Shillong passed in a kind of psychological tug of war (1) between Sandhya and Anirvanji: Sandhya ardently wished to stay permanently with Anirvanji in his Haimavati, but Anirvanji did not allow it to happen. So in the end, Sandhya who was no more willing to stay in the family of her brothers decided to marry Benoy Lahiri who loved her even before Sandhya became a disciple of Anirvanji and had remained unmarried. Anirvanji himself fixed the date of their marriage, 14th December 1963, and himself came over to Kolkata on 8th December 1963. Though Anirvanji lived for one more year in Shillong, he finally closed his Haimavati ashram there and came over to Kolkata on 18th November 1964. We shall talk about that later. Now let us talk about his stay in the plains between 8th December 1963 and 16th March 1964, when he flew back to Shillong. 23/10/08 Here is the itinerary of Sri Anirvan between 8th December 63 and 16th March 64. After arriving at Kolkata on 8th December 63 Anirvanji first went to Ranchi, previously a hill station of Bihar, now the capital of the state of Jharkhand, on 12th December. It was from Ranchi, that a new period or phase of life of Sri Anirvan began after leaving his Gurus Ashram in 1930. It was at Ranchi in 1942 that he began to talk on the Life Divine of Sri Aurobindo, while he was visiting his friend Sri Biren Sens house. It was at Ranchi that Tapas came in search of Anirvan, got deeply interested in him and then fully involved herself with him, arranged for Anirvans stay at Almora and totally devoted herself to the work and mission of his life; till 1949, when Lizelle Reymond came and joined Sri Anirvan. Since then almost every year Anirvanji would go to Ranchi at least for a few days even when his friend Biren Sen had left the place. Wherever Sri Anirvan would go, a small group of friends and devotees would gather around him. From Ranchi, Anirvanji went to Patna on 24th December. At Patna, Sri Anirvan stayed with Pushpa, a friend of Tapas. Sister Pushpa had taken to Sannyas, but was working as a principal of Sister Nivedita College for Girls in Patna. Even when Anirvanji would not visit her place, she would surely meet him at the station whenever Sri Anirvan will pass through Patna on his way to Allahabad and Delhi. Sri Anirvan left Patna on 1st January 1964 and went to Allahabad. This was the last time that he stayed with his friend Sri Dhirendra Chandra Dasgupta at Lukerganj. Narendra, Dhirendra and Birendra were friends since their college days in Dacca during 1912 to 1916 and remained fast friends till death. Biren Sen passed away in and then Dhiren Babu towards the end of 1964. Sri Anirvan left Allahabad on 12th January for Delhi where he stayed with Sri S.B. Roy, at whose place in Kolkata I had first met Sri Anirvan in February 1954. Sitanshu Bhushan Roy was a commissioner of the Income tax Dept. of the Govt. Of India and Delhi was the last place of his transfer. From Delhi, Sri Anirvan visited Haridwar, Rishikesh and Deheradoon. Our friends Ramswarup and Sitaram Goel accompanied him on this short tour. After their return to Delhi, Sri Anirvan visited Bhopal and returned to Jabalpur between 26th January and 6th February, thence returning to Kolkata on 7th February 1964. 24/10/08 Sri Anirvans real stay at Kolkata this time began from 7th February and ended on 16th March 1964. During this time at Keyatala Road, Sri Anirvan talked on Upanishad or Patanjalis Yoga Sutras. There were evening sittings too, when friends and devotees visited him.

On 1st March 1964, in the morning, Sri Anirvan visited the Garia Ashram of Swami Pratyagatmananda Saraswati who performed Saraswati Puja every year with all rituals. Dr Gobindagopal Mukerjee was closely associated with Swami Pratyagatmananda Saraswati, and generally performed the puja as a priest at the Garia Ashram. During this period Sri Anirvan paid a short visit to Gopalpur, a beautiful sea-resort situated in Orissa near Jagannath Puri. Sri A.B. Chatterjee, a retired I.C.S. Officer, had recently become a friend and devotee of Sri Anirvan through our common friend Smt. Bina Das, a niece of the famous scientist Sri Jagadish Chandra Basu. Smt Bina Das was a social worker, head of Uday Villa, an institution established by Lady Abala Basu for the welfare of women refugees coming from East Bengal since the partition of India in 1947. Sri A.B. Chatterjee, who suffered from severe asthma, had purchased a bungalow on the seashore at Gopalpur, and wished to donate it to Sri Anirvan. The search for another Haimavati had already started. Binadi and I accompanied Sri Anirvan on this short journey from 18/2 to 23/2. It was very pleasant and invigorating, but Anirvanji said, If I come and stay here, I will not be able to work on Veda Mimamsa or any other serious subject. My mind will just fly in the air, dance with the waves of the sea. At most, I may write poetry. From 24th February to 26th February, Sri Anirvan visited Khadagpur, a railway junction on the South Eastern Railway where Shankar Sen, son of Sri Anirvans friend Biren Sen was an officer in the Railways. Amita, Sankars young wife was very much devoted to Sri Anirvan, and during this short visit Sri Anirvan read and expounded the Bhagavad Gita to her. Thus this visit to Kolkata and other places in the plains came to an end when Sri Anirvan flew back to Shillong on 16th March 1964. After reaching Shillong, Sri Anirvan, straight away plunged into his work of writing the second volume of Veda Mimamsa. His last stay in Shillong Haimavati was from 16th March to 15th November 1964. During this period he fell seriously ill, with B. coli infection. The devotees of Sri Aurobindo, who looked after the management of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, Shillong, were so much worried about his health that they wrote to the Mother and prayed for her blessings. When the Mother came to know that Anirvanji was only 68 years old, she said, Oh! He is so young! He has to live many more years yet! The Mother was 86 then ! After receiving my letter dated 21st March, Anirvanji wrote to me on 29th March 64 from Shillong. OM Haimavati Shillong, 29.3.64 My dear Gautam, Your I.L. of the 21st. I am awaiting the arrival of the air parcel receipt. Narayanis m.o. came the other day. And I have written to her today. I have also written to Bina. It is good news that her father will allow us the use of the land. Let us see, where Haimavati is going to put me up. Sandhyas address is c/o KaIcilda Wallong; near Muslim Club, Laban, P.O. Shillong. I am getting Bel (a cooling fruit with sweet pulp when ripe, often made into sherbet) here at the Calcutta price! My experimentation with food is quite successful. Bel in the morning, Khichuri at noon and bread at night (brown bread will be soon available).

I am now working regularly the whole day on Veda Mimamsa for five days in the week. Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for extra work. Revision of Eshana (my volume of personal essays), letter writing, two hours work with Sandhya on Kenopanishad (we hope to finish it in almost three months and then take up Prasna), one hour class on synthesis of yoga (on Saturday evenings) and one hour with visitors (on Sundays). This routine has suited me admirably. All my evenings and nights are free except two evenings. I mean to follow this routine in Calcutta also. This will mean two classes every week (Saturday and Sundays) and one or two holidays annually in November and May, I shall have 43 weeks to conduct my classes. This means 86 lectures in all! If I reserve 16 lectures for Savitri, 70 will be left for all Upanishads- sufficient to finish them say in two years! Anyhow, I hope I shall be allowed to wind up my business in another five years. Had Haimavati five-year plan! But I dont know what she thinks about it and I dont care. I am glad Narayani will soon be finishing A.U. (Aitareya Upanishad). Your notes are very full. Please try to incorporate as much of them in Narayanis version for the benefit of the common reader. The final revision will rest with me and I shall see that everything fits well in the whole series. The order of publishing will be- Isha, Aitareya, Kena, Taittiriya, KathaPrasna- Mundaka, Svetaswatara, Mandukya, Kaushitaki Chandogya and Brihadaranyaka. I hope you are all O.K. I mean to work intensively for six months and arrange for shifting to Calcutta in October. I shall be leaving just after Laxmi Puja; arrive with Sharad and Sudha in Calcutta by the end of the month; leave for one months winter tour and then back again for work by the beginning of December! My love for you all. Ever yours ..A. 25/10/08 OM. Haimavati, Shillong. 5.6.64. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 31st with R/R is to hand. I hope the Bels will come all right. You need not send the bori (an ingredient for cooking) by post. Mana or Susmita is sure to come during the summer vacation. I shall ask them to bring it to me. Till then I have enough stock. Have you sent any Panchang (Almanac). Please let me know immediately. If not, I shall buy one locally before the New Year begins. Sandhya knew that I would be leaving Assam. I dont think she will be pained. She has freely chosen her path. She can serve Haimavati by translating the letters of Nivedita which she had begun three or four years ago. These letters have to be translated before the Nivedita centenary October 1967. Heaps of letters and I dont think Sandhya will be able to translate all. I am thinking of harnessing both the Narayanis to the work in addition to Sandhya. She can do her work from here without coming to Calcutta. Her first duty is to her husband. By the by, Narayani of Puri writes to say that she may come to Calcutta, as Dr. Chatterjee had suggested, for a check-up, when the rains have started, that is sometime after June. Will you please convey this to Dr. C? I am glad Sharad has got a new agency. I wish him all success. It is good that Sudha sits for V.V. when I am in Calcutta. I shall be able to help her in her studies in my spare moments.

As regards, your going for a retreat for a few months, it is good idea too. I was thinking of Swami Amar Jyoti place. (Swami Amarjyotis Ashram- Ananda Niketan at Poona. In January 1963 we stayed at Ananda Niketan for a few days). Perhaps he will gladly help you. The climate is quite good- neither hot nor cold. And I liked the place. I hope Kiki is paying good attention to her studies as I am paying to my work. Surely she will be sweet enough to follow me. I have fed her with so many sweets! I need not push Bablu. He knows his business. With love for you all and a special quote for Sharad. Ever yoursA. Sharad was mainly looking after the business of the Dharmapals. In the beginning it was mainly an agency business, selling mostly Cycle parts and Sharad had to go long business tours to West and South India. Meanwhile on 9th November 1963, Jyoti, Sharads wife, had given birth to a daughter at Bombay. They were still in Bombay and therefore a special quota of love to Sharad! Sri Anirvan had named Sharad and Jyotis daughter Svagata, meaning Welcome; but in Bangla it would be pronounced Sagata, she is gone! And therefore, after a lottery; she was named Madhavi. Swami Amarjyoti was my friend Ramadas since 1950, when we were working together for Bengali Refugee Relief at Ranaghat Station. He had become a devotee of Ma Anandamayi in 1957 or so and later took to Sannyas on his own and established his first ashram at Poona. Later he visited U.S.A and established an ashram at Tucson, Arizona 85705- U.S.A. (Truth Consciousness Inc 3403, Sweetwater Drive- Tueson. Arizona 85705. After the 1st week of April 1964 Anirvanji suddenly fell sick with kidney infection of B. coli and high fever. This serious illness made him very weak and continued to harass him even after coming over to Calcutta. We get the details of the illness in his next letter. OM. Haimavati, Shillong 17.5.64 My dear G, Your I.L. of the 9th. Here is the weekly weather report for Shillong and Anirvan. Shillong: Almost always cloudy with spells of sunshine! Heavy showers almost everyday. The overall impression: Nasty! Anirvan much better this week. The urine trouble continues but is now much lessened. Appetite good: energy: three quarters full. Strength gaining slowly. Sometimes there is a sudden crash. But the reason there of lies elsewhere. Psychological and spiritual, Anirvanji had suffered similar serious illness in the thirties when Snehalata had left him from the Umachal Ashram near Gauhati. (In Vaishnava parlance this is called Vipralambha- pain of separation from the lover. Radha and Chaitanya are the famous examples of the state of Vipralambha. Anirvan has also discussed this state in many letters.) It has puzzled the doctors but Mother knows that in any way it is not alarming. I have consulted Dr.Guha about the suggestions of Dr. Ghosh. He said he had used Alkasol at the beginning and it is not now necessary. The germs were of a peculiar type, which Pasteur test showed to be wholly insensitive to Mycenae drugs. Auto- vaccine is simply by way of precaution. To strengthen the urinary system and hence lessen the obstruction he has started today a bi- weekly course of hormone injection. Pyridine tablets have been very helpful. I shall be on my legs again in another two weeks.

26/10/08 I dont regret this forced holiday. Every seven or eight years. I used to go into solitude to tone up the system. This has long been overdue. I have not taken any rest for the last fifteen years. This enforcement has made me much richer in experience. Suffering is absolutely necessary to make the cup of spiritual life full. If work stops in one plane, it goes on with intensified vigor on other plans. I had asked you to see if the Vols. I and II of Prof. Eggelings translations of the Satapatha Brahmana in the publishers of the reprint Motilal Banarasidass. Hope you are all O.K. With love for you all. Ever yoursA. During this time, (April-May 1964) apart from B. coli infection, acute prostrate problem had also developed. Anirvanji also suffered from Hernia, which he controlled by Pranayama. Next week came another letter discussing in detail the transfer of Haimavati to Calcutta.

Om Haimavati,Shillong 17.5.64 My dear G Your letter of the 20th. I hope you are quite all right now. I slept well last night and the pain of urination was almost nil. I think, I have turned round the corner! Narayani of Puri is expected to come to Mr. Chatterjees place by the 29th of this month. If she comes, will you please pay her Rs. 40/- which I left with you telling her that this is towards four months remittance beginning from June? I have given careful thought to your suggestion. I am not willing to leave Shillong even before October. But I am afraid this will not be possible before the treatment closes and I have a complete rest for a few weeks. The date for the last injection is the 6th of June. After that I feel, I must let the whole of the month of June expire, allowing me a complete rest from all work. At present, it is physically impossible for me to put myself to any stress in travel either by rail or by air. Even if you and Sharad come to help me in packing up, I have to direct you personally because you will not know what to take or what to leave. This I cannot do now. My position is this. The body is quickly gaining strength; the spirit is free and firm and can soar to heights, but the mind is in a stage of coma and revolt at the very idea of any strain. I think this is because I did not give it any rest for the last fifteen years and a holiday of at least three months was overdue seven or eight years back. So I must give it complete rest for a few weeks. Then, the climate of Shillong is ideally suitable for convalescence. Calcutta will be too hot and strain me physically. And moreover the bustle of Calcutta life cannot be avoided by any means. But what I need now is this calm and quiet of Haimavati. So I think, you will allow me to rest here for a few weeks and when I feel myself quite fit, I will give the signal to strike tents. In the meantime you can go for your much needed spiritual retreat. At the end of all, we begin our new life! Am I right? Yes, I was drifting. It is natural for the will to live to fight suffering and death. But when suffering opens the gates to new wonders and a universalized consciousness find it linked with the cosmic movement, individual will disappears in Her Will, Her will to achieve Victory through crucifixion. You have to drift then, whether it leads you to life or death. Anyhow the Experience has been marvellous.

I hope you are all O.K. My love for you all. Ever yoursA. Let us close this notebook here. We will open the next notebook with Anirvanjis next letter from Shillong dated 1st June 64, wherein he says, After a month and a half, I am today celebrating a New Year Day or a New Birthday (whatever you prefer to call it) by dismissing my faithful and patient nurse Prof. Panigrahi, leaving my sick bed and writing this letter to you, sitting on my chair before the secretariat table and facing the lovely figure of Haimavati Manishmardini. (Mahishmardini is the destroyer of the demon Mahishasura. The picture of Durga was painted by Sri Promod Kumar Chattopadhyay. It was lovingly kept by Anirvanji on his writing table.) 31/10/08 Om Haimavati, Shillong 1.6.64. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 28th. After a month and a half, I am today celebrating a New Years Day or a New Birth Day (whichever you prefer to call it) by dismissing my faithful and patient nurse Prof Panigrahi, leaving my sick bed and writing this letter to you sitting on my chair before the secretariat table and facing the lovely figure of Haimavati Mahisha-Mardini. You may say, I am almost normal except some weakness still lingering. The doctor till July 18 will continue the course of injections. I am spending June doing nothing and enjoying my well-earned rest. This illness- the worst in my life- seems to me to be a Godsend. It is really an opening up of a new vista. And your idea of visiting Amarnath perfectly coincides with my inner feelings. May you have the vision of the lord of Immortality who will guide you to your goal which he has fixed up for you. Mono has come with the Badi, thank you. Himangshu Babu (president of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, Calcutta as well as Sri A Path Mandir Shillong . Anirvanjis Haimavati was situated in the sprawling compound of the Path Mandir, Shillong will be coming tomorrow. I shall send back with him the time- piece (Europa) which stopped during my illness, may be due to mishandling. You need not send it back. It seems Haimavati is going to establish Herself at Hridaypur. She will make a really fine choice, I think. Go on with the plan (or the dream) as she guides you all. I have not much to suggest. Only I can say this much, a house facing south and on the bank of the tank will be lovely. In Bengal, we say,A house facing the South is the King of all houses, because it gives you warmth in the winter and shade in summer. I require a small bedroom, say 12 feet by 8 feet, a study say 12 x 12, a kitchen and store combined, say 12 x 6 and a small bathroom. A Verandah will be fine. Another cottage for guests, a tiny one, will be good. Perhaps this is your idea too? Only I want to have the bedroom at the eastern end of the cottage, so that every morning I may have a vision of Devah Savitri rising. Here, I shall be in full rest throughout June. In July I shall take up some light work. Such as revision of lectures on Upanishad etc. and work at Half speed. In August I mean to take Veda Mimamsa again and see how far I can go in two months. From the beginning of October I began to select and arrange things, preliminary to the great departure. If by December our Hridaypur is not ready to receive Haimavati, well, she may be installed at Keyatala.

After the death of Nehru, somehow, I feel a new India is going to emerge, even if there is some turmoil. People had been hoodwinked too long by hero-worship. It is time their eyes open. Hope you are all O.K. With love for you all. Ever yours.A. 1/11/09 To another devotee, Anirvanji writes from Shillong on 30.5.64. I am much better now. But I will have to take a long rest. I have laboured without taking rest for the last fifteen yearsnow I will take rest for about two months . I am and will remain much better. After the Puja I will wind up the work here and wish to go to Calcutta. Work there will be more facilitated. I will live in Calcutta, as I am here as living in a cave- within myself and if you are fully engrossed in your work, nothing will touch you- you know that. Therefore dont worry. Love and blessings- Anirvan Patralekha vol V P.29. After the passing away of Bandhu Dharmapal in August 1955, I used to go for spiritual retreat for a month or more, especially when Sharad Dharmapal will be in Calcutta. This time Anirvanji had suggested Poona, Swami Amarjyotis Ashram, where we had been for a few days in January 1963. But one night I saw a dream, that I am walking with a party of pilgrims going to the cave of Amarnath in Kashmir, shouting, Baba Amarnathji ki jay! and therefore taking it as Divine Will, I decided to go to Amarnath and wrote accordingly to Anirvanji, which he too acclaimed. As seen in the previous letter. Though Anirvanji never actively participated in politics or the struggle for freedom from the British rule, he was always sympathetic towards truly nationalistic movements and encouraged those who worked and sacrificed for the country and always wished for the emergency of better and greater India. Like Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo, he too had his dream of great and glorious India. And therefore in his letters to me, he always opined about the present political situation as I was more actively connected with freedom movement in my young age and always took active interest in politics. The next letter of Anirvanji from Shillong is dated 14th June 64. He writesMy dear Gautam, Your letter of the 10th. Yesterday, I completed two months of illness, the longest in my life. The last symptom, the urge to get up from bed even once after I have retired for the night, has disappeared and I am quite O.K. now but I am not straining myself. The month of June must be a holiday. The Doctor will continue his weekly injections till July 18 as a matter of precaution. Today I am going to Ushas house to celebrate the occasion of my recovery, and having my meals there, and from tomorrow, I am independent and shall cook for myself. All fun. Yes, I feel it is a new phase of life. But, I dont care whether it is life or death. The white radiance of eternal existence, the Shivalingam of Amarnath, engulfs all. When you go to Him convey my self-consecration to Him. I remember how Vivekananda when he came back after seeing Him said, he had his vision, and was granted the boon of Immortality, and,

almost immediately after, he passed away. A paradox is not it? After all, life and death are two wings of His Existence, pure and nude. This much is certain; I am leaving for Calcutta, immediately after the Pujas. If it is Keyatala, will and And good! If, it is Hridaypur, well and good too! Let us float in the stream of Haimavatis will! Nehru is dead and gone, the last trace of British Imperialism. Even if there is a crisis, I feel we are going to turn a new leaf in our national life in 1965. I scent it in the air. About S. Brahmana, I prefer to have my set completed without breaking Mukundas set. Narayani of Puri (why not call her Jayanti as I do, to avoid confusion) will be reaching Calcutta perhaps on the 17th. I have send Europa with Himangshu Babu. How are Bablu and Kiki doing? I have not enquired after them for a long time. With love for you all. Ever yoursA. 3/11/08 In the next letter Sri Anirvan talks more about his transferring of Haimavati from Shillong to Calcutta and about my pilgrimage to Amarnath. OM Haimavati, Shillong. 24.06.64. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 20th. Jayanti has written about her checkup in details. The future prospect seems to be bright. If she is completely cured, I can accept much work from her especially as I shall be in Calcutta. Well, let Her will be done! I think there will surely be a way out in case of Hridaypur (City of the heart! It is a small town in North 24 Parganas or Sealdah (Kolkata) Ranaghat line. Bina Dass brother had a plot of land there near the railway station. In the end we had to give up the idea of shifting Haimavati.) The name sounds so fine! Only, one has to do some Sadhana before one can establish Haimavati in the Hridaypur! Again, I say, let Her will be done! I am thinking of leaving Shillong immediately after the Laxmi Puja. If Sudha and Sharad start after the Mahalaya when the Puja holidays begin, we shall have two weeks in all for packing etc. I have more than three months in hand. From July, I intend to begin arranging and selecting things, so that the packing can be done smoothly and in minimum of time; say in five or six days. I am leaving the house to Prof. Panigrahi, who will be in charge of the Path Mandir after me. I endorse your feeling as regards the urge that has come upon you. Be free as air, you are not bound by anything. If you are destined to work for the Mother, meet Her personally first and take orders directly from Her. Work will then become a blossoming and not drudgery. Dont think of what is going to happen later on. At present, your only task is to see Lord Amarnath. Lay yourself bare before him and take His commands. Let the whole pilgrimage be done in a spirit of dedication. Make yourself blank and it will be filled up with His Light.

I am quite O.K. now, though the doctor is still sticking to me and presenting tonics etc. I am obeying him. From July I shall begin to work at half speed, attaining full speed in August. I am in no hurry about anything. Hope Bablu and Kiki will be industrious now, With love for you all. Ever yours.A. Before I left for Srinagar- Kashmir on my pilgrimage to Amarnath, I received the following letter from Anirvanji. OM Haimavati. Shillong 8.7.64. My dear Gautam, Your letter was delivered to me on the evening of the 6th though it had arrived on the 4th. I hope this reaches you before you start on your pilgrimage. I am glad to hear that Moni Daroga is amicable. Hope, everything will be settled without much hindrance. I have no objection to Sharads coming here by the end of October. This will leave me free to go further ahead with the work of Veda Mimamsa, which is now pressing upon me. I shall then leave by 12th Nov. or so and got o Allahabad to see my sick friend immediately after my arrival at Calcutta. I want to travel by train this time. Will Sudha and Sharad be able to avail of hill-concession? I dont know. I am dying to have a picture of Swagata. I have not seen her but I feel her like a ray of Joyous Sunshine from above. Strangely enough, she came on earth on a day, which had a special meaning to me. That night, I had the vision of the Divine Mother and hence I named her Swagata. Well, outwardly it might all be a fancy, but inlay my heart melts in joy whenever I think of her. May little Swagata grow into the full splendor of Her light and joy. My heartiest congratulations to Agarwalji for his victimisation. May his Sangha grow in strength from day to day and bring about the fall of the Satanic power, which has gripped the country. I shall be with you mentally in your pilgrimage. May it be a response to the Call of the Void into the Deep. My love for you and special good wishes for Sharad and Jyoti. I am O.K. now and have begun to work though without any hurry. Ever yours..A Parmananda Agarwal was a friend of ours at Calcutta. He had become a member of the working Committee of Jana Sangha, a political party representing the Hindu Nation, established in 1952. Agarwalji and some other leaders of the Jana Sangh were arrested then for their political activity. Anirvanji knew him as he attended the Dharma Sabha at Keyatala Road. 4/11/08 I find there is a letter from Lizelle Reymond during this period enquiring about Sri Anirvans illness. 5, Rue des Alpes, Geneva 28.5.1964

My dear Gautam, Everybody is looking these days towards India with sorrow and also with great anxiety; you must all be very upset. I am sure. But the future is there with much hope also. Indirectly, I have heard that Sri Anirvan was severely ill. Can you give me some news of what is going on? I should be thankful to you. I wish also you would tell me as how your plans stand as now you are playing a big part in Sri Anirvans life. I had hoped to come to India this year but my chances are fading though I have not lost my hopes for another spring. By the way, did you send a receipt of the last cheque to Pierre Oppliger? In his last letter he mentioned that he had not got it. Kindly do it. I hope that you are all well. The family is growing around you. My love to all of you. Yours Sita. As planned, I left Calcutta on 12th July 64, and reached Srinagar on the 15th July. After a stay of two days at Srinagar in a houseboat Capri at the Dal Lake, I arrived at Sri Ramakrishna Maha Sammelan Ashram, Naghadandi, Achhabal on 18th July, where I stayed for about a month before embarking on the pilgrimage of the Amarnath Caves. Swami Ashokanandji, the head of the Ashram, was all love and care during my stay there. The dream of Swami Vivekananda of establishing an ashram in the beautiful Kashmir Valley was fulfilled by Swami Ashokananda. But that is another story. While I was in the Ramakrishna Ashram at Achhabal, I received the following letter from Anirvanji. OM Haimavati- Shillong- 24.7.64. Guru Purnima. My dear Gautam, Today is the Guru Purnima Day. May Lord Vyasa shower His Grace on you. Your letter reached here on the 21st. so it took only four days to reach from one end of India to the other end. I dont know of course when this letter will reach you. I am sure, you are feeling fine. Forget everything. Live in the void. Dive into the depth of pure existence. The pilgrimage to the lord of Immortality is through Death. Die to everything. Dont write to me if you feel like it. I shall understand. I shall always be with you. But if you feel free to write, of course you will write. The worship of Death should not be constriction. It should be like Nachiketa, facing the Resplendent Death- Vaivasvata Yama. Light.more light..and still more light. Convey my regards to Swamiji.

With love ever yours.A 5/11/08 Before I started on my pilgrimage to Amarnath on 12th July Sharad had already returned to Calcutta from his Business tour on 23rd June. Jyoti and their seven months old daughter Madhavi- Anirvanjis Swagata- had also come to Calcutta along with Sharad. After their return, Sharad had written to Anirvanji in my absence. Anirvanjis answer to his letter is informative and interesting. OM Haimavati, Shillong, 5.8.64 My dear Sharad, Your I.L. of the 29th. Yes, I am quite fit now and have begun my work in the right earnest, though I am not straining myself. A queer feeling has come upon me. Often, I feel as I am dead and so it does not matter whether I work or not and yet I am working. The work then seems like play. I had one letter from Gautam, after he had reached Achhabal. I hope, he has p[lunged into the depth for which he had been pining so long.did Mr. Chatterjee tell you that one of his friends (who wants to remain unknown at present) had proposed to build a new Haimavati in the suburbs of Calcutta as soon as possible, say by December next? I think, it will be best for us to travel via Baraum Reservations perhaps can be arranged from Gauhati ten days ahead. If, I remember right, was there a friend of yours in Amingaon? I wonder, if he is still there: I shall begin the preliminary packing in October with the help of a friend, so that we may not be in a hurry before the Departure from here. How are Bablu and Kiki? Doing their best? My love to you all and a very special quota for tiny Swagata. Ever yours.A Meanwhile, I was passing my days quietly in the serene atmosphere of Sri R.K. Mahasammclan Ashram at Achhabal. Swami Ashokanandji had provided me with a one-room apartment a little higher placed than the Ashram, where I passed my days quietly in study and meditation. In the evening, if it was not raining, I sat with Swamiji on the green lawns, having his satsanga. Of course, we met at the breakfast and at the time of meals, but mostly the time passed in Silence. While at Achhabal, I received another letter from Anirvanji. OM Haimavati, Shillong. 10.8.64 My dear Gautam, Your letter took eight days this time to reach here. I got it only today. I dont know if this will reach you in time. I am glad you are passing your days quietly. I would suggest to you to remember one thing. Spiritual achievement cannot be circumscribed; it is not that we attain something definite. It is rather a turn of consciousness; an opening of a bright noon. If this pilgrimage brings you that Beginning, that will be the real achievement. Your eyes will be opened. But the

gaze need not remain fixed. You are not to be a Ghat (the stations were boats are rested or bathing steps built on the river bank), but the stream itself. You are always in my thoughts. May Lord Shiva make you His very own and grant you the boon of deathlessness in life and death as he did to Vivekananda. My respects to Swamiji, With love and best wishes. Ever yours..A P.S. I noted at the last moment on the back of your letter that it was posted on 5.8.64. so this might reach you before you start. I left Achhabal, Sri R.K.Ashram, on 18th August for Pahelgam from where the pilgrimage to Amarnath cave started on 20th August. Though pilgrims can visit and pay their homage at the Amarnath cave individually before and after Sravani Purnima, the full moon day in the month of Sravana which mostly falls in the month of August, between Ekadashi (11th day of the bright fortnight) of Sravana and the Purnima day, no pilgrim can go before Chhadi-Saheb that leads the procession of pilgrims. I followed the procession along with four friends from Gujarat who had put up in the Regal Hotel, near the Lidar river, where I too had hired a room on 18th night. We had started at 7.30 am in the morning of 20th August and reached Chandanwadi by 12 noon at a distance of about ten miles from Pahelgam. Chandanwadi is quite easy, walking was made difficult due to rains and constant mud. Most of the ten thousand pilgrims, sadhus or householders- men, women, children- walked the whole distance. There were many who were on horseback, and some rich or old people hired palanquins. My coolie Gulam Kadir who was carrying my luggage including the tent had already reached Chandanwadi and put up the tent. Chandanwadi had become a tent-town. My four Gujarati friends had put up their tent at a distance. We passed the day and night of 20th August at Chandanwadi. There were heavy showers in the evening and the road beyond- the real ascent to Amarnath became all the more difficult. Many were discouraged. Naavar bhai, one of the four Gujarati friends came to my tent at night and said because of bad weather three of my friends are afraid of going up to Amarnath, but I am determined to complete the pilgrimage at any cost as I have taken a vow before starting from Jamnagar, but they will not allow me to go alone. Will you kindly assure me of your company? I gladly accepted his proposal and assured him of completing the pilgrimage to Lord Amarnath together, come what may. So from next day i.e. 21st morning we were together till we returned to Pahelgam on 24th August. The journey from Chandanwadi to Amarnath was extremely difficult. As it had rained almost the whole day, the authorities had announced that these who will go on foot would go first, then the palanquins, and last of all the horses with luggage or riders. From Chandanwali after a straight walk for a mile there is a hill-like climbing for about two miles to Pashupati at about 11.00. the road and climbing had become all the more difficult because of the rain. After taking some rest at the top, we walked a little further a few miles to Seshnaag where there is a beautiful lake with snow peak to the north of it. With blue sky, white snow peak and bottlegreen water of the lake and the green all around, it is a beautiful heavenly place. The pilgrims, those who can, bathe in the cold water of the lake. After resting a while there we moved and reached the platean of Vavjin (vayu-jin) as the land was quite open there, winds blew heavily and sometimes dangerously. Vavjin is at a height of 12750 feet. We reached there at about 5pm. But our horseman Gulam Kadir came very late at night about eleven or so. Fortunately, it was not raining and sky was very clear with the bright moon and stars shining, lighting up the area and there were a few temporary shops where we could take some food.

We had to wait on the way and shout for Gulam Kadir. At last he appeared, crying that his horse had slipped on one side, some of our luggage had fallen down in the valley, which he could not recover. Well. The tent was there and most of our things. Gulam Kadir put up the tent and lay out our bedding. We fell on the beds just like logs. It was so cold that, though we had put on our woollen overcoats, we were shivering under the blankets and slept the whole night hugging each other. The morning was beautiful. The golden rays of the sun shining and reflecting from the snow peaks around, we got up feeling quite fresh, full of joy and ready for the next days journey. After finishing our ablutions and enjoying a substantial breakfast, we started walking towards Panchatarni, our last stop. On the way we had to walk on snow while passing the Mahaa Gunash (Ganesh) pass, which is at a height of 14500 feet, the highest on our way to Amarnath. The air there was light and there was difficulty breathing. Fortunately the whole day was quite sunny and bright, and slowly we passed the Mahagunash pass, and then easily came down to Panchatarani at a height of 11.500 ft. It is a valley from where some small springs come down from different sides meet and flow downwards. We reached Panchatarani at about five in the evening. Gulam Kadir had reached before us and put up our tent and waiting for us, smiling before the tent. We passed the night of 22nd August peacefully, in quiet happiness talking and dreaming about our darshan of Lord Amarnath the next morning. We got up early in the morning and prepared ourselves for the last climb to Lord Amarnath. Again the announcement was made that those who can go up foot will be allowed to go up to the cave. It so happened that many could not have the darshan of Lord Amarnath even though they had come up to Panchatarni. Among them were some of the Swamijis of Ramakrishna Mission whom I met later after coming down from the cave of Amarnath. Though the climb is narrow and the path a bit difficult, we easily climbed up and reached the cave of Amarnath, which is at a height of 12500 ft. by the side of the cave flows Amar Ganga- a small rivulet, coming out of the ice-cave. The water is icey cold, but many people of all ages old and young, were taking their bath before entering the cave. The sun was shining brightly and I was dragged as it were to plunge in the cold waters of Amarganga. I took three dips and came out, the body all numb with cold. Natvar Bhai was waiting with my clothes. He did not take his bath. Because of the hot sun, I was fine after a few minutes and then we together climbed to the cave. The cave has a big open mouth like entrance. Inside there are lingas in three corners. The biggest is the Shivalinga, the Lord Amarnath. In the other corner a flat linga is called Parvatiji, and the other lingam is that of Ganesha. While entering the cave I was almost in a deep meditation mood. My mind was vacant, void, I was almost falling down, but Natvar Bhai held me by the hand and after paying my obeisance at all the three lings,one by one. I came out with Natvar Bhai and sat down on a rock outside for a few minutes. We came down from the cave to Panchatarni by 12.00 noon. Gulam Kadir was ready to start our Journey downwards, having packed the tent and all the other things. We finished our lunch together, hired two horses to go down upto Seshanaag, which we reached in the evening. Instead of staying at Seshanaag we came down a little further at Zozipal, just above the Pisughati. We passed the night at Zozipal. On 24th August, we got up early in the morning and after tea and breakfast came down the descent of Pisughati and reached Chandanvadi at about 10.30 in the morning. At the end of our pilgrimage to Amarnath, we walked the last distance of 10 miles from Chandanvadi to Pahelgam; back to our hotel Regal by 3 pm. Both of us rested in Pahelgam that evening and night, and left for Srinagar next morning i.e. 25th August by bus. We reached Srinagar at about 2 pm. Friends of Natvar Bhai were waiting at the bus with their car and took us to the House Boat Windsor which they had already hired.

I passed three days in Srinagar with Natvar Bhai and his friends during whom we visited different places round about Srinagar. One day we went to Tanmarga , Gulmarga, Khilanmarga, etc. another day we went to Gandarbal, Manasbal and Woole lakes Shopore, Baramullah, Pattan and other places. I took the train from Pathankot on 30th evening and reached Sealdah at about 7.30 pm on 1st September. Before leaving Sri Ramakrishna Maha Sammelan Ashram for Amarnath, I had written a postcard to Anirvanji and informed him about my possible date of return. After returning to Calcutta, I wrote a detailed letter to Sri Anirvan about my actual pilgrimage to Lord Amarnath. Unfortunately, I did not keep a copy of that letter, nor do I have the letter, which I wrote to Sharad and Sudha from Srinagar. Anyway, Anirvanji wrote to me this letter after receiving my letter. Om Haimavati-P.O. Shillong 12.9.64. My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 4th giving a detailed account of your pilgrimage reached me here on the 7th. While reading it, scenes rose before the minds eye and seemed to transport me to the very places where you were. The whole adventure was a concentrated tapasya on your part, a lever to raise your consciousness to a higher level. It does not matter if you had not seen or heard anything specific. That would have bound you and not left you a free agent of the Lord. What you have achieved is a change of consciousness and that is the right thing. If you can maintain the height you have reached, you will have done what was expected of you. The rest will follow in due course. In his last letter this week Mrs. Chatterjee says that the anonymous friend hopes to lay the foundation of the new Haimavati in ten or twelve days and as it is a simple structure, the whole will be finished by the middle of December. (In fact only the plinth of the house was laid and the whole of Haimavati was ready for occupation by the end of April 1965. Sri Anirvan came over to say at Narendrapur Haimavati on 2nd May 1965. From 19th November 1964 to 1st May 1965 Anirvanji stayed at 6H, Keyatala Road.) I shall have to go to Allahabad from Calcutta, if my friend lives through these months. He is now in precarious condition. Anyhow I want to begin work from the middle of December. I have written to Bina about the new turn of things and she approves of it. (it was Bina Das who was trying for the Hridaypur site! But Binadi also knew of the new arrangement at Narendrapur. I too! But we all kept it a secret before he came down to Calcutta) I am glad that Narayani has almost finished her work on the Aitareya, Haimavati willing, I hope to do many things with her. Give her my love and congratulations. Here on Saturdays, I am working with Sandhya on the Kena Upanishad. I have hit upon a new plan. At a sitting, I revise the notes and slowly dictate to her and the result is almost finished product, which will require very little further revision. And it is also quicker than if I would have written the whole thing by myself. I dont know how far we shall be able to go in Kena before I leave. Anyway I shall apply the same method to Katha, Prasna and Mundaka with the help of Narayani and when I have dictated she will collate and edit the whole thing.

I hope this will reach you before Sharad leaves. Give him a bagful of special good wishes from me. And love to you all a special quota for the little darling Swagata Ever yours.A 8/11/08 I have two more letters of Sri Anirvan during September 1964. There might be one or two more letters of Sri Anirvan during September 1964. There might be one or two more letters during October, but I do not find them in my file. Perhaps they were postcards. Anyway on both sides, we are all getting ready for the arrival of Sri Anirvan at Calcutta. Haimavati at Narendrapur is under construction. Anirvanji is busy with the second volume of Veda Mimamsa. Sharad goes on his short business tour and returns by the middle of October. We decide that Jyoti and Munni (MadhaviAnirvanjis Swagata) also will go to Shillong to bring Anirvanji to Calcutta. Binadi too decides to go to Shillong along with Sharad and Jyoti. We are all so excited! Om Haimavati-Shillong1- 19.9.64. Your letter of the 19th (it must have been a earlier date). Usha came to me yesterday. I have got the books and Locula. Thank you. Bari will come on Sunday. I am working hard, but rhythmically. I dont feel the strain. I dont work at all when I am not in a mood for it. I think, I shall not be able to finish the second volume before I go down. Perhaps about fifty pages will remain to be written. And even then the chapter on the Gods will not be completed. The book is growing. Well, let it grow. I dont care even if it is not finished. Swagata reminds me of Ahana. She also was a yogini- a wonderful child for the first few years. Flowers are always beautiful, even if the fruits are not so. Let us be happy with what we have. Perhaps it is a law that the first appearance is always a full manifestation of the Divine. Then gradually the glory recedes. Let us hope in Swagatas case, the fruit also will be as sweet as the flower. Hope is God! Dont worry about Bablu. If he is upright and honest, that is enough. Idealism will come to him later on. Children generally take not after the father but after the grandfather. There is always a gap between the generations. I have noticed it in many cases. Let everyone follow his own Dharma. How is Kiki? Working hard? Tell her, I often remember her. She must make good her promise time. With love for you all. Ever yoursA. P.S. Perhaps Sharad has left? In my next letter to Sri Anirvan, I gave Anirvanji all the details about the construction of the new building for Haimavati at Narendrapur; at village Elachi under Narendrapur P.O. Thus came the next letter. Om Haimavati, Shillong-1- 28.9.64 My dear Gautam, Your letter of the 18th. You must have got my letter of the last week. I got all the things all night. Thank you.

So Haimavati wishes to convert Hridaypur to Narendrapur! Well and good. Let Her will be done! Strange enough among my friends of childhood, I am still known as Naren. What a coincidence. (Anirvanjis name in his young age was Narendra Chandra Dhar. His fathers name was Raj Chandra Dhar. His Sanyas name was Swami Swarnpananda. Narendra was called Naren for short, like his friends Birendra- Biren and DhirendraDhiren!) My friend at Allahabad is seriously ill. (Dhirendra Chandra Dasgupta. He passed away in the 1st week of October 1964). I am expecting the last news any moment. If by a miracle he lives on, I shall have to go to Allahabad after reaching Calcutta. If not, I shall go nowhere and after resting a week, begin my work at Calcutta. The second vol. of V.M. has to be finished as soon as possible. The book is growing. It will keep me occupied for the coming five years. I think I shall begin the work at Keyatala and shift to Narendrapur when everything is ready. No hurry. I have only five or six Saturdays before I leave. Kenopanishad will not be finished I am afraid. It can be done in Calcutta. As I am dictating the whole thing after consulting the notes are taken down from the tape record. So I am not going to suggest anything to Sandhya. I dont want to meddle in her affairs and I never did. I feel, she is not free now as she was. Though, I have an open mind; I dont think a marriage between spirituality and communism is still possible. It is her duty to follow the path of the man of her choice. My intrusion may bring in a discordant note. When a man possesses a woman, he naturally wants to have her whole. Divided loyalty is no good. So, I shall be the last person to cross her path. I shall remain a cave man even in Narendrapur as here in Shillong. So, I dont think, I shall have to Sacrifice my loneliness. If a strict routine is followed, I can give my friends, plenty of company by retaining my loneliness. The Five Year Plan has to be implemented. But She knows. I think Sharad has left. Give him my best wishes of super-brand when you write to him. A wireless and silent communication to little Swagata. To you all, bushels of love and good wishes. Ever yours.A The month of October passed very quickly. Sharad, Jyoti, little Madhavi and Binadi left for Shillong on 29th October. Sharad with the help of Prof. Panigrahi arranged for packing of the huge library of Anirvanji, and dispatched them to Calcutta by truck. They packed the most necessary books for them by passenger parcel along with their luggage. The whole party, headed by Anirvanji left Shillong on 15th November, took the train from Gauhati on 17th November and arrived at Calcutta on 19th November. Anirvanji took complete rest for about four days and began his usual work from 24th November. We had temporarily arranged for his stay in the big room of Sharad and Jyoti at the back of our Keyatala Road house.