Akctby Douglas Adtms in PanBoohs TheHirchHikcls cuid to rheGalaxy 'the Restaurant .

u the Edge of thc Univers Life,thc Univcrsc aDdEveryrhing SoLong.:nd Thankrfor AUrheFisL MostlyHarmless Hltch Hikcr\ Guidto thc OalaxyOrnnibur l:drtion The Hifth Hikcrt cuidc to thc calaxy: 'Ihc (ditcd OriginalRadioScripts arldwith ln inrroduction by Geoffrey Perkins) Dirk Gnrly\Ilolistic Dtctive Agency 'Ihe l,ongl)ark Tea-Time of rhc Soul With Mark Qttua ine L.rstChance to Se 'fhe

THE

DeeFe,

MEANING LIFF
OF

DOUGLAS ADAMS & J O H NL L O Y D

illuminatcdby BERT KITCHEN

DouSlas Adams' wbiitis .tl www.tdv.com The Starship Titanicwbrire ir 5rl www.rt.$hiptitaric.com lf you arc intcrcstcrl in thc worksof Douglas Adams, you may likc io joirrZZ9 PluralZ Alpha,thc official Ilitch Hikcr'sGuidcto the Galary Apprcciation Sociery. For details of thisfan+unsocicty, establishcd 17 years, 6cnd an SAUIRCtol 67 South ParkGardns Bcrkhamstcd HcrtsHP4 IHZ UK

P A NB O o K S rAItIR & Fr\BER

Prefaccs
PTEFACE TO THE FITSTEDITION,I9E! ln Lifc. th.r. .rc meny hundrcdt of cohmon .xFricncc., feelingr, rhualionr .nd .vcn objcd! which wc ell inow and rccotnizc, but for which no wotd cxi!!t. On tha orhcr hand, fic world ir litrcEd with rhou..ndr of tp.tr wordr which ,pcnd th.ir tim. doing nothinS but lo.fing.bour on ,ignpo.t! pointing ar phc.!. Ourjob, a! wc lcc it, ir !o gli thcrc wordr down off thc aignpocu rnd into thc mout}! of brbcr and ruckling! end ro on, ehcrc th.y aan ltrn c.ming their lccp in evcrydey conv.B.lion rnd mrl(e e morE lErilivc conrribul|Jon !olocfcly. h.tht Ad.*,l.li'tllo4 M'4lN, I9t2

PT,IFACE TO THE I9t' IEPRINT What w. 3.id in rhc fir$ pr.facc prclty much lgndq I thinl.
Ddgbt A&tt, N@ Ydl\ I9tt

PAEIACE TO THESECOND I964TEIIINT Canl rhinl ofany rhing much io rdd !o lhc prcviou! prcf.c.. -D.iats It'3 nicc, hcr., thou8h, t/(nt, s4a., iut lsir'l JohtU"d, ai^sth.r, tgl

PI'EFACE TO THE I9E6IEPr|NT wr| a point I war going !o mzL in thir prcf... bur ir'! on. of rho.c rhing! lhrt you jurt crn't rcm.Ebcr sh.n you actually rh down to writc it. blaht A&^t, MtA.a@, t9,t 'Ihcre

PRETACEE PIEFACE T O T H E I 9 E 7R E P R I N T No. It camc b.cl io m. bricfly whcn I lfaa in Bi.zil, didn'thavc.Fn with mc. Dqgbt Ad.r,t, H6t K6g,l 6 but I

PIETACE TO THE I9EE REPRINT

Maps

Did yougetlha prcfeccI fax.d you from Nc$ Zcaland?

Ddgbt Aes, Zttr., 196E

P R E I A C ET O T H E I 9 8 9 I E P t I N f No. lot t Lbtt, L,fi,.ti, I9t9

P T , E T A CT EO T H E S E C O N DI 9 E 9R E P R I N T Pi!y. That wa! a tood onc. Cen'arcmcmbcr ho$ it wcnt now. Detbt Ae*, B.ij6g, 1 9

P R E F A CT EO T T I ET H I R D I 9 E 9R E P R I N T Did we male thc point about all thc!. word! ectually bcing ical placa namc!? D@sbt Adb^, Mdwitiu, I 9

I 9 6 9T E P R I N T P R E F A CT EO T H E F O U N T H Yc.. l&n Llird,I'tui, I9E9

P R E F A CT EO T H E F I I S T E D I T I O NO F T H E D E E P E R MEANINC O FL I F FI 9 9 O Wcll, rhcrc'! not much w. nccd to add to lhal lhcn, rcally, rhcrcl D@da A,s',lo^'tlJ'rt, tdvr, tgn

ABI-ADL (n.) Abitrgr cx.epl Oncwhow$hc!upcvcrything thefrying pan, the

andlhc aauccpan whiah cheerc-gratd lhc choaolatc saucc her bcnrnadcin.

Adrt (n.)
Oncwhochanges hb nam.to bcncarcrthe front, A.!lc.gh (n.) A liqucurmadconly for drinkingat the cnd of a rcvoltingly longborilcpartywhcnall thc drinkablc drinl has bendrunL. Abd.rnrrr (n,) Thc agonizing lituationin whichthcrc ie onlyone possiblc decilion butyourtill can\takeit. Abcftccg (vb.)
Ofamatcuracbrs,

Abligo (n.) Onwhopridcshimrclfonnorcvcnknowing whatdayof thewcel it is. Abotnc (vb.) 'fo bat an cxpcn a! a game of 3lill by playing 30appalIinglythar noncof hfucl.v.r ractic! or itratcgie! arc of anyuscto him. Abrurro (n.) 'fhe wornpalch ofgroundundcraswing. Abrcon(n,) An annual confcicncc hcld a! thc Dretonara Horcl, I.eds, for p.opl. whohavcn'! goranyorherconf.rcnccs ro8oro. Abwong(vb.) To bounccchccrfullTon a trcd. Ackliru (pl.n.) Th. odd lwinge!yougctin panr ofyour bodywhen you e4raich othcrpans, Aclc(n.) 'fhe roguc pin whichlhirtmek.r. conccal ii a hiddcn fold ofi ncw rhirt. ttr funcrion fu ro !r2byouwhcnyou donthcgarment. Addb Abrbr (n.) 'fhe torrentof incomprchenrible gibberith whichcmanatcsfrom rh. loudcpcalcrs on top of c5ls covcrcd in AdLlEop (n,) l hepartofa ruitcare which ir dcaigncd ro tct snarlcd up 3

uponto playanyvaricty offoreign.r (except Pakisranir forwhoma W.bh acccnt i. conlidcrcd sumcient). Abercr.vc (vb.) To d!ir. strongly to swingfrom the poleon rhe r.ar footplat ofa bus, Abrt (vb.) po$ible Tochang a baby's name at thelast momnr. Abcryrtwyth (n,) ycarning A nostalgic whichir in ibelfmorcpleasanr rhan thcthingbcing ycarned for. Abilcnc (adj.) Descriptiv ofthe pl.a3ing coolness on th. rcv.ne rideof thpillow. 2

toadopt a Mexican acenrwhen called

ADR-AIN at airports, Somc of the moremodcrn bh3 on conveyor dcrignshavca lpccial'quickrle$' fcatur adlcstrop whichcnablcs lhe case to nip op.n at thispointandRing your underclothca inio thc convcyorbclt's 8aring mocnenlsm, Adrigolc (n.) on whichthe man of a merry.go.round Thc cantr.picce 3tands unnervintly 3lill. wirhthatickcts Afrcot (n.) wiulalLaf(cr. Thc sortof fart youhopepoplc Affpuddlc (n.) pavinS ston.. A puddlewhichb hiddcnundera pivoted You only knowit! thera whenyou stepon thc paving ahoots up yourleg, thepuddlc stonaand Ah.lry (adj.) 'Ihe way p.oplc atandwhenxamining other pople! booklhclves, Aigburth (n.) anatomy foundamongst Any picc.ofreadilyidentifiablc meat, cookcd Aind.rby Qucmhow (n,) bcmoans the'lors' of thc word'tay' Onewhocontinually .v.n thouShlhey had never to the Englishlantuage, $,ord in any context at all until they starled usedrhe thatthcycouldntu.eit anymorc. complainint Airdcfty St rplc (n.) youa qucrtion withtheapparen! motive of Onc whoasks wantingto haaryour am$er,but $ho culslhort your 'andI'll fonard andsaying by lcaning opcning rcntcncc 3olidly for thancxt tllyouwhyI asl . , .'and thcntalking hour, Alnrsonh (n.) !hop, to tat !rvcdin a camcra The lcnFh of timcit takca

AIR-AMB Ilenc., al!o,howlong$c $ill havcto wahfor thc abolitaxor thcSc@nd Comint. rionof incomc Aird ofSl..i (n.)
(A..haic) AncientScottilhcur!. plac.d from afa! on thc by HcethrowAirpon. strctchofland now occupicd Aith (n,) Thc sinSlebristle fiat sticl! ou! lidewayson a cheap painrbrush. Albrcctc (n ) A ,ingl. 3urprhingly long hair growing in th middlc of

(n.) Albuquerqu.
'l he shapclc!!squigglcwhich is utterly unlikc your normal signatur., but which ir, ncvcnhcl$3, all you arc ablc tr: producc when a3kcd formally to idcntify your!.lf. Muslim3,whosc rcligion forbids thc making of gravcn images. usealbuquerqu* to dccorateth.ir towls, mcnu cardsand pyjama!. Alcoy (adj.) wantint to b. bullicd into havinganothci drink. Aldclun. (n,) One$ho collects rcn-year-old telephone directories, Alltrhi (n.) 'fhe ancicntan ofbcing ablc to balancc thc hor and cold

Ahbrrol.rnpy(n.)
'l'h! bizarrcalsortmcnr of objc.tscollected by a ileep-

Arnblerid. (n.) 'I he talk givcnaboutthc Facrr of Lifc bt a f.rhcr ro hh sonwhils! walking in rhcgardn ona Sunday aftcmoon.

AME-ARD AncrrhrE (n.) (Thouthlto which tickl.rbut ncvcr cornca. Thc ancez
dcriv. from thc Mctropolitan Linc tubc atationof thc samc namc where thc raik alwaysrattL but th. train

ARD-AYN Ard.liglith (adj ) youar of Sellotape when of thcbchaviour Dcacriptive

tltco.

Anlwch (n.)
which ha3 bcen l.pt softbybin8 A Eritilh Railsandwich in clingfilm. washed andrescalcd regularly Atrpu! (n.) youcan'tremcmber which A lurid bruise tetting. An.niug (vb) (Eskimo bctween lhe oarg lcrm) To bang)our lhumb3 when rowing. Anjoromb (n.) youbaclfrom garmnt someone brin8s A lo6e, coloured youto wcar. which thcyhoneslly expect thcir travels Arrglir (n.) joke played by young (Archaic) prectical 1'hc medieval thc afternoon he ii due to on a lnight aspirant squircs the sr.rt his vigil. As ihe knight arrivcaat the castle asthe attcmptto raise thc drawbridg squirr suddenly s!.pon it. knightandhischargr Ardcrory (n,) passd offas'a verytood lriend A remoicacquaintanc. people tryingto impress ofmina'bysomeone Ardclv. (vb.) yourpockct! whcn ofsarchingall a bigdisplay To mal(c collectot bya charity approach.d Ard.ltitrny (n.) whcnhc !it! On. who rubshis handseatcrlytogcthcr downin a reltaurant,
ARDSLICNISH

Articl.ve (n,) .onstruction dcaigned to givethe A clever archilcctural illusion from th. topdeckofa busthatit isfar toobi8for rheroad. Ashdod(n.) Anyobj.ctagain3t habilually knock out whicha emokcr hispipc. Aubueron (n.) 'fhc which a girl adop6for a spe(ial occasion hair3tyla suddenly givcsyou a scnre of $hat shewill look lile in twcnty ycarr'!imc. Ayrho (vb.) 0fwaitcrs, ncvcrto have a pen.

B A N- B A T B.ntecr(n.) (Archaic) A lustyandraucous old ballad sung afrcra (q.v,)ha! pariicularly spcctacular araglin bccn pulld off. Brrrtibl.Y(n.)
Bebworth(n.) good having a rcally cry somcthintwhichjustifrer (n.) Br&cho!.ch.r gets resolvcd. whichnever An on.offrclationlhip A humorou. dcvic.luch asa chinahonc or rmallnalcd porc.lain infanrwhichjocular hosrs u!. to pilswercr into yourScotch with.

B.dgrbup(n.)
Thc lplotch on a child's face whcrc the ice-.reamcon. hashisscd, Bddock (n.) Th sharp prong on top of a tree slumPwhere the tree sawnthrough. hassnappcdoff beforebcinBcomPletely

(n,) Bdenrartinc

' talkingto that womanat oncc Thelootwhich says,'Stop

(n.) Bdlycurnbcr
in your One of the rix half-rcadbookslyinS someu'here bd.

B.lr.r (n.)
'fie noiscofa dustbinlid comingoffin the middle oftlte nrSnL
AARSTIBLEY

Bentr(adj.)
P.rraininEro. or d...riptivc of. that kind of facialexprescxceprwhen havinga rion whici i! impdsib[ to achieve which resulls in hapPa! passport photograph talcn,

Brthet(vb.)
'fo prctendto havcrad th. book under di!.u$ion whan in factyou'vonly 3ccnth TV lcricr.

BAU-BEL B.ughunt (n.)

That kind of largc fierce ugly roman who o$'n! a 3mall 6crccuSlydot. Dluab.r (n.) botlom thcct which turns your malA fittcd clasticatcd banana-!hapcd tre3s

BEN-BIL pasrcntdlcat of yourcaror on somcbody! thighunder their!kirt. Benburb(n ) 'fh.sort of manwhobcomes a r.turnirg offi.er. Bcppu (n.) The lriumphant slamming shutof a bookafr.r rcading thefinalpage. Bepton(n.) Onewhobeam!bnignly aft.r burping. Brepp.r (n.) 'I he irrevocablc andsturdyfart released in thc prcsence of royalty,whichroundslile quite a smallmotorbikc (butnotcnouSh pasringby !o beconfuicd wi$ one). Berkh.ortcd (n.) The massive three-coune nridmoming blow-out cnjoyed bya dieterwhohasahady donehisor herslimminS duty byhaving a spoonful of cottate cheese for br.akfasr. Berrivillocl (n.) An unknown workmate who$rit.s'Allthcbcst'on your Ieavingcard. Bcrry Pomeroy(n,) L Theshapcofa lips. Bourmer's 2.Thedropl.t of saliva which hanSs frofl thcm. Bickcrrtrffc (nJ fhc person in an olice that cveryone whinges aboutin lhe pub. Many largecorporarions deliberarely employ bickeEtffca in cach department. lbr cxamplc.Mr RobcrtMexwcllwasbothChairman and ChicaBictcr. staffe of Mirror GroupNc$papcr3. Bilbrrer (n.) A bauple (q.v,) sohidcous andcnormous tha!youhavcro
II

B.uplc (n,)
An indctcrminatepustule\dhichcould b..ithci a sP(nor a Dlrc, Bedingi (pl.n.) (Archaic)Thc uNavoury part! of a moat $,hicha kniSht ha! to pour out ofhi! armour aftrr bcint th vi.dm ofan araglin (q.v.). ln mcdieval Flanderr, louP made ftom wasa very slighdylouthr'aft.r dlicacy bealings

BcrulicuHill (n.)
'l'hc optimum vantagcpoint from t{hich to view pople thc slret undrca.inginlhc bcdroomacro3s

B.cclcr (pl.n.)
bt Tha smell bone buttons Placcdin baconsandwiches dcnti.its. uncmployed

Bcdfont(n.)
A lurching 3.n3ationin th. pit of th. rtomach exPriby th rcalizaiion enrcd at bieakfartin a hotcl.occasioncd will havedis' tha( it i! about now thar th. chambcrmaid rlain on your bottomshei covcrcdthe embarrassing

B.lding (n.)
first ball hae The technicalname for a stallionalier its 'Bcware of the reads which notice ben cut off. Any Belding'shouldbe tal en very,vcry sclioudy

BlF (n.)
A lnob of somcone clsc's che$iD8 8um which you uncxpected\ find your hand resting on under l h e

l0

BIN-BOG you'v cutyour' it withrtiahngplaat.randPretend covcr !clflhaving, BirdlG (vb.) change. coinrintoa cultomcr'! To llip forcign Birhop'r Gurdlc (n.) bafore a Same ol chc$ *herebyth An openintgambit Irom the by small ornamcnt! arereplacd mi$ing pia.ca mant.lpiecc. Bl.ldford ForuE (n.) show 4 chat AnyRadio Blc.n (n.) I glimmer= 100'000 of luminosity: mcarure Scicntific blcans. belwecn to produce torches arc dcaigned Ushcrettec you in tallint then to a!3i3t 2.5 and 4 bleans,.nabling yourhandinlo or Putting on pcoPle treading downstairs, forchanF tubwhcnreaching a Neapolitan llithbury (n.) thal lhey're givesyou whichindicatr A l(x)k someone you've said anything muchtoodrunkt; havcundcrslood twanty minutcs to theh in thclasl Blitt.rlc.r (pl.n.) 'fhc fittleslivcftof bamboo picked chairby a off a cane quelrwhi.h Iirterrhecarpet bcneath andtcll thc nervou3 ro offurnitureisabout chair! oiner rhatthewholcpiece a until it rescmblcs llowlt uncoilttrribly and Siant Pencil sharPcnrnt. Eodtnin (n,) b.twenthe discrePancy Thc irrationaland incvitablc when pooled nedcd a large amount and lhc amount aliera meal. groupof'people try to paya bill togcthr Botu (n.) lhetoPof your btwccn of3lin lhataPPcarc Thc expanle

801-Bos
and the bottomofyour trourerr whcnyou sit down. socks 'Thc Dukc of lford thr.w him!.lf onto thc chc!ter6eld, brazcnlydilpleying hi! botu.s to lhc dowagcr Lady Ingatcatonc.' (Cotr. Soon,Streng. Hors.nan, b,/ BarbaraCarlland)

Boinh (n )

'fhe nobcthrough th. wall$hichtclliyouthatthepopl. nextdoorcnjoya bcttcrlcx lifc thanyoudo.

BolloYcr (n.) Oneof thorebrownplastic lrayswith bumps on, placed upridedownin boxes of chocolates to makeyou think you're gettinS rwolayers. Bonkl. (vb,) Ofplumbinginold hotcls, to makc loudanduncxplained noisca in rhenight,particularly Ntabout 6vco'clck in rhe mornlng. (pl,n.) BooltGn! 'I hc amell3certcrings of forcigncoinsand halfpennier trhichinhabitdrc$ing tabl.s.Sincc thcyarc nevcrused and ncvcrthrownawayboohcenr account for a signiticantdrainon thcworld'smoncy supply. Eoothby C'|fioc (n.) l he manin thc pub whoslap people on the bacl a! if they wreold friends, whnin fact he hasno fricnd!, larScly on accouni of lhh habi!, Eoscerttc (n,) 'Ihc just insidcthe hugc pyramidof tin cani placcd entrancc toaruFrmarkct, Boremrn (n.) One who spends all day loafin8aboutn.ar pcdcltrian cro$ingr looking a! ifh'sabout to cro6s. l9

BOT-BRE Botch.rby(n,)
The principleby which Britilh roa& are signPosled

BRE-BRO Brrcor (n.)

'fh. pan oftha tocnailwhich isdcaigted !osnagon nylon shccls.

Bod.y (n.)
The prominent stain on a mans troulcr crotch seenon by hir rciurn liom thc lavatory.A botlcyproper is caused not bc con' taPs, end should with the an accidenl Push ofthc by ituumcint waSSling fusedwith anystaincausd willy (!c piddl.trcnthide) Botolph! (pl.n.) Hucc bcnign tumours $hich archdcaconr and old cheiiristrytiichers affcct to taearon the sider of rhir Bot!w.n! (n.) which ir more fruitfully used lbr a purpose SomerhinH other tha; that for which it was dcsigned.A firhlnife used to lcver open a stubborn tin of emukion is a line examplcofa bolswana,

Brindlc (vb.) To remcmbcr suddenly whercit is you'remcant!o be you'v.already goingaftr bccndrivingfor tenminutcs. Bri.ban(n.) A prfcctly rcasonable (Such xplanation. ason. offered by a Frlon with a Surgling.ough whichhasnothinS to do withlhe facrrhatrhy3mokc fiflycigarcuca aday,) Brithdir (n.) (Old Norsc)The frrsrday of the win!ron whichyour breath condenscs in thcair. Bro.t5 (pl.n.) A pair of trousers wirha carecr behind them,Broats are mGt .ommonlyseenon .ld.rly reriredarmy ofncr!. Originally the broats wercparrof thcir besr suirbackin the thiriics;then in lhe fiftiesthcy weredemorcd and usedfor gardening. Recenrly, pcnsions nor bcingwhar rheywcrc,the broats havcbcencalled out of rctirement andreinstaied aspan ofthe bitsuitag"in. Brompton(n,)
A brompt<rn is tha! shich is saidio hav. bencommiucd when you ar convinced you are aboutto blowoff with a resounding rrumpringnoi3cin a publicplaceand alllhar actually slipsout i3 a tiny'pfpt'.

(n.) Botu.flcming bysur' sleel trorcl used (Mcdical) lonS-handled A small,

nostrik Prior of a paticnt'3 geon3to removcth con!nl3 to a sinusoperatlon, Errbdt (adj.) Vcry much inclined to 3ee holf lar you can push

Br.dford (n.)
old hairy .jaclet, now severelydisA schoolteacher's ol colourdby chalLdust, ink, e&t and thc precipitations reactions unedifyingchemical

Erdwortht (n.)
lmres Onwhon.killd in thart ofnaming Brclde. (n.) ofartifi(ialplanb. A discasc

Bromrgrovc (n.) Any urbanenvironment containint a small amoun! of clotrurdandebour fony-nve ronr ofbcnr nc.l pylon or a
rr.rlnp ofcon(rere hirh holerclaimingto bc sculprurc. Oh, comemydcar, and comewirh m. And wandcr'ncaththc bromsgrovc rro. - Bcljcman

t4

I
BR O . B U R Broucb sowe.bY(n )
o-nc who har beenworlint ai thc lame d.3k in thc aame ;lncc for fificn ycaB and has very much his o$n ideas pa$ed ovct for promouon' he i! continually about\a,hy

BUR-CAA mant is thrown inio tha ltrcet from a grcund-floor

BurntYd.r (pl.n,)
Condition to which yat.! (q.v.) will suddeDly pali withour

Brubby (n.) whisly scalon a Pretnlious the fakc antiquePlasuc bortlc. Brvrbo (nJ after bun lcfi in a b'ker'l shoP Thc singlcunappeiizinS four P m. Budby (n ) or welmalerial lhioughRimsy deflncd e'nippicclcarly (n.) BudG of vicars in th' prcaence for u3c rcservcd A polilejoke Budlc (vb.) To fart undarwarr' Buldoo (n.) accompanrs gcncrally which A virulcntrcd'colourcd Pu3 v (q sadbcrF(q )' v clonmuh )and Burb{. (n.) all tryint to Thi sound madebv a lifttut ot PcoPle thirnoses' through breaihe Bur.. (Dl.n.) formed bt a andclbows (Mc;ical) on thekns Thc s.abs nmr'matiint on cheaP lore to make compulsion Burl.lton (n.) adoptcd andwhistling humming tunetes! That peculiarly angrY' arecxtremelY by peoPlewho Burlingiobb (n.) crimeby whichexcre(Ar;haic)A svcntecnth<ntury
l6

period,aftcr thc lpiri! of rhc any apperent intrveninS (q.v,)ha! throckmorton finally b.cn iurnmoncd by inc.!!antrhrocling(q,v.). Bur.Ldon (n.) 'l heblubottlc oncb tootir.d to 8ctup andswat, but nor rirednough rorlc.p rhrough. BurrlcD (n.) OnewhoSoes on talking at threeo'cloclin thc morning alier evcryonc elschas gone to sl.cp. Thc principal habitat ofburulcms b Radio 2. Burton Cogglc! (pl.n.) The bunchof kcyrfoundin a dra$erwhore purpolchas long becnforgottcn, and whichcan lhreforenow bc used onlyfor dropping downpeople'r baclsa3a cur. for nose.bleeds. Burwarh(n,) 'l hepleasurable ctr)lsloosh ofpuddl. watcrover thetos ofyour gumb(xn!.

Crarnduncan (n.)
'fhe high-pirchedand insistentcry of the young male huhan urging one of its peer Sroup to do 3omthin8 dangerouron a cliff-edge or pic( of ioxic waltcground.

t7

CAD-CAN Crdootr (n.)

Thc inSrcdi.nt in coffc. crcam.r tha! rire! to the lurfecc a! !aum. Tha frugtrationof not bcing ablc to lcmembr what an acronym standsfor' The ruthca of .motion triggerd by overheardsnatches ofan old song.

C H A- C L A

ChdiDg(ptcpl.vb.) up th. wrll by thopinions of Tryingnot to bc driven

will not allow you!o artue whomcircumltancca somcon

c|fu (n)

C.hor. (Pln.)

Chcb(n.) nickname by whicha fourtccn-ycar-old An emturrarring wisher that hc now tobknown. inrkts boy Chrnic! (pl n.) 'lhe lalr few spri$ or tassch of lasl yar! Chrhtma! you notice on th. ccilingwhilelyin8on thc decorations
so{a on an Auguslatihoon.

Criro (n,) 'Ihc noiseof a spinninghubcap comin8to resl

Crlicur (adj.)

seehow much their inad' Detcrminednot to let someonc vrtcnt remarl hashurt/ou'

Chicago(n,) "fhe windwhichprecedes an undr$ound foul-smlling

tlain,

C..E.r (n.) cabcr' A mh-lo33cd C|trnoct Ch{. (n.) ln any box of Aftcr Eitht MinE, therc is always -alarge or than four nu-b.t of ..pry "n".lopes and no more bv $ the Process in. "ctuat mitits Thc canno(k chase your you insrt box which, no maltcr whi.h Part of the 'xtrad mostot linrcts into, or ho$'oft.n' you will always an bcforc PinninSdown actualmtnt'or th;mPty sachts who Put Thc cannockchas?also o(curt sifi PeoPIe lhen embarrass and matchbox in th back dead match.s with threc tttitsot".t "r Partiestrying lo liSht cigarcttes ofcharcoal' inch quartcr! an ol 'The term i! ako used to dcs( be futile attcmPtsto who nick y')ur advcrtiling agencies puBue uns{ruPulous with idasto scllchocolatcs

Chimbote(n.) much cth ic stewwhich,howcvcr A newlyfashionablc

ev.ryone ravesafbut it, seem!to you to havc.ath.r a lot offi3h-head!in it. ChinLent (n.) One whore life appcarsnot to have movcd on in any directionat all whenyou meetthem atain tan ycarslater.

Chipping Otrgrr(n.)
'the

(or 'ongar') fch by an disgustand embarrasrmcnt with kir. r)bserver in th. prsenc.of a prron festooned bics(q.v.),$hcn they donl lno$, them wcll cnoughto tcll 'ongar' is accom' thcm to wipc thm off. Invariablythis paniedby an involunlarystaccato twitchingol the lct (or '(hipping').

clabby(adj.)
A clabby con!rsationis one struck up by a commissi{rraircor cleaninglady in order to avoid any furthr to ctual work. The opc ing 8ambit is u3uallydesiSned provoke the maximum confusion, and lherefor. ih. l9

Crnudor(n.)

friends to !etheirsinglc Thc delirc of marricdcouPlca pairoff l8

CLA - CLO lonrclt polriblc clabbyconvcrsationl! i! lilally imPor_ Bnito l;arn thc corrcd uscof clixby'(q v ), the rclPoN 'dithcrro a clabbvlrambit,and noi to get traPP'd by a inqto" tq.uf. For inrtancc, if confronkd b) a clabby "i-Ui, *'"t' a3'Oh Mr Smnh, I didnt know vou'd had iour leg off, thc ditherington rclPonrc is I havcni whcrcr;thc clixbyis'd" Cl.ck void (n.) The tcchnic.l term for a sintl. pagc of script from an oPcra AustraliansoaP

c L o- c o o
clovi! (n ) look forward to puttinf up ftc Chriltone whoactually in thcomce, mas decoration3 Clut (n.) A leg which has gon. io 3lc.p and ha! to bc haulcd around aftcryou. Clunc! (pl.n,) go, won't Peopl.whojust Coil.ntogle (n,)
(vulg.) Long lalticated loop of snot which conneca a

chck nn|n (n.) by tnrrting ovcran 'lePhanfs'foot made The sound

full of walkinS-!tick3 umbrella-stand

pullcd bogcy toanose. condovcr(n.) to stand about all dsybrowlint Onewhois .mploycd
in thc newlagcnt. rhroughihc magarincrack

Cl.thy (adj )

ol a dud Nirvourly indeciri'eabout how io disPose lighlbulb

Cl.nchtd.rton (n.) which' bysqu'czin8 (Archaic) anexorcist Oncwhoas3is$ usful dcems $c cxorcirt cveroan of rhepocre$cd CUnpy tadj.) and to do romcthing to bc pcrsuaded eilowin! yoursclf bc relu.tan! to Pr.tcnding Dorn (n.) Cli!rr[|!'. to Puton a in whichit be.om$imPG3ible ih condition mccting imPortant for an hurry whcn ina tiecorrctly clixby (adj.) rudc.BritklyvagueFirmlyuninformativc Politely Clortc. Point (n.) !.raoblcdc8$ areready at which in3tani Thc Drccise Clortrult (n.) of buldo') A vellowooz. uually found ncar secr'tiotu (q.!.)andtadbcrtr(q v ). 20

(n.) Cong
ft.lal utensil found at thc back of the Strange-shapcd cupboatd,Many authoritic! bclievcthat congs raucepan ofa now.xtinct providcconcluliv. proof of thc cxirtenca fbrm ofycllow vcgetablc whichthc victorian! u|cd to boil mercileilly.

coNc

Coodardy (adj) Astoundcd wilh. managed to tet away at whatyou'vejult 2l

c o R- c o R
Coff. (n.) froma tohlly indirrin$rilhablc whichi.ralmor! An objcct newspipr,lhc one crucial diffcrenccbcing that it more belonqf,to rcmcMy clla and b unaccountably

c o R- c o T
'I rually pretcnd ruddcn rcognirion. hcy now lool up with a glaery smile,asifhaving spo(ed eachorhcr for lhe 6rrt time, (and arc pa icularly dclighrcd to havc don out'Haaaaallllllooool'as so), shoutinS if to say'Good grin! You!! H!r!!l Of all popllWll I nvr.C(t). Srap me vilals,'ctcetcra.

inrcrcidng than yourorn - Hhich mayothffisc aPPcar to bc in all rcrpcctt idcntical. Thourh it ir a rule of life that a train or othr Public placc miy contain any numbcr of corfes but only one ncwspaper,it b quite Pdsiblc to transform tout own pcrfcitly ordinary newspap.rinto a corfe by the simplc clscrcadit, cxpcdicntof lattingsomeona

(n.) Corricmoillie
Thc drcadful rinking scnsationin a long paltag.way encounter $,hcn both protatonirts immcdia!.ly rcalizc they have plumFd lbr thc corriedoo (q,v,) much too earlyar they are itill a Soodthirty yardr apan, Thcy wcre embarra-rscd by the prctcnceof corriecravie(q,v,)and decidcd to make usc of th. corricdoobcause ihcv fch riUy. This wa! a mirtal(ear corrielorrie (q.\.) $ill makc them secmfar rillicr. Corricmuchloch (n.) The kind of p.rson who can malc a completemels ofa simplejoblitc walring downacorridor.

Corfu (n.) The dulle!! pnon you mct during thc courucol your that holidav.Al3othc onlv on. who failed to understand i3 of the holiday al fie cnd of addrdsca lhc .xchandng to not en invitation b abtolutely ritual and a social mcr.lt on your dooKtcP phonc you up or turn up unannounccd thicc monthi latcr, (n.) Corric.ruct from Thc mom.nt at which two PcoPle,aPProaching other recoSniz..ach long cndt ofa oppolit. Pallatcway. and immediatclyprctend th.y haven\' Thi it to avoid of having !o condnucrccog' lhe Ehaldy embarrasrment niziigcachother thc wholelcngrhof the corrdor.

(n.) Corrievorric
Corridor ctiquettcdcmand! that oncc a cor .doo (q.r.) hri bc.n dcclarcd,corricvorric murt b. cmploy.d. Both protagonirk mu.t now cmb.llfuhth.ir approachwith an embarra$ing combinationof waving,grinning, rnaking idiot faccs,doing pirarc impr.3siom, and $affilin8 ihe hcad from sidc to sidc whilc holding the other pcrsont cyes as th smil. drips off thcir face, until, with great reliet, lhey pass eachothcr.

Coriccnvi. (n.)

(q v.),corric.ravie i3 To aventhc horron of corricvorric but highly3killd Thb is thc .owardly usually cmployed. condnu.to approach procees by whichbolhProlatonbt. thal thcyhavcnlnoticed whilc kceDinr up thc prctcnc each orhci-"by itaring furiou.lyat lhcir f.ct. grimacing ai if in a or studyintthc wellscloaly into a notabook, moodof dccpirritation.

Corrtorphinc (n.)
A very short percmptory scrvicc held in monastcries prior |o tca-timeto offer thanks for the bcncdiction of digestive biscuits. Cott r.aocl (n.) A pi.ce of wood usedto stir paint and thereafreritored Lrselca3ly in the shdin perpetuity.

Corrt.doo (n.) in a long Pas' Thc crucialmomcntof falscrccognition cncounter, Though both propleare perfcctly ragway thcymurtevcn' wellawarc thattheothcrisaPProaching

23

cow-cRo
Corecrddcu (pl.n )
an idcal and commakca A lat of twelvcco$caddcni wcddintgifl baffiing plctcly

Cr.boon (vb.) froma cliff. boitterously To shout Cr.il (n.mineral) foundwidely kind of rock or gravel crail b a common acrG3fie Britbh lllca (duc to an asyct undhcovcrd 6tone Eachindividual cravitalional propny) i! chargcd with ngative crailvou howmuch thatnomatter Thismcans Euoyancy'. risc to th' it $ilt more of from thc remove Sardcn, surface. Navyfor making by the Royal Crailis muchcmploycd utedinsubmarinca. andalhltays th. papcrwcigh$ Cr.lligh (n.) A mood of irralional irritation with vcryoneand evcrythint. Cr..b.rd (n.) used !o Thc light workint lunchwhichAnnc Hatha$ay makcfor her husband Cricff(vb.) with a taxldriveraboutimmi' sycophantically To agree gmtron. Cron.rty (n,) The brittl. sludgewhichclin$ to the toP of kclchup cait in nast) plallictomaloct bottlesand D.ldctby (n ) mcaninglc.s bccause it rcfcrg A lettcrto thc .ditor made ro a prcviousletter you didn\ read. (Sc. A.H, Hcd3rd,) gchope,July Dalfibbl. (vb,) ofyourlifc looking for carkys, large swathcs T o rpend Dallow(adj.) content to !tar. at lom.thingfor no particular Perfectly Ddmilling (ptcpl.vb.) $ho h tryinglo talkto 3omeone continually makintsmall read e book. Dalrynpl. (n.) of Dalrymplcs arethc thing tou paycxtrafor on pic.ca handmade craflwort- th. rough.d8et,lhe paint3mudandih. holca in thetlazing, 8es Damnaglrur(n.) whichactorrare requircd to A certainfacialxpression to dernonstratc of bcforcthayareallowcd thcir mastery playMacbcth. Darenrh(n) Ilealure= 0.0000176 mg, of Dfindas ihat amounl of margarincaPable (o!.ring onchundrcdrliceiof brcadto lhedeplhol onc rnolcculc. in sandwich maximum allowed Thi! b thc legal Daft in Grcatcr lrndon. 25

DAR_DID D.rvcl (vb.)

1'o hold out hop for a btt.r invilation until th lalt F,!!ibl mom.nl

D I L- D O L DillytoP(n ) The kindof barhplugwhich for romcunaccountabla

rcalon ir actuallydcligncd to rit on topofrhc holerathcr than fir into it.

D.ttucl (n.) lnes 3olG onhfu Oncwhoprfbrmsdrum D.d (n,)

damPtoca. found btwen Th gummy subltance Dcrn Fu!c. (Pl.n,) Thing. thar clr8ymcnoPinc on that arc none of lhir damnbusinc$,

Dindcr(vb.)
'fo nod thoughlfully whilelomconegivcr you a long and complcx ict of direciionowhich you know you'r. ncver gornt ro rcmcmocr,

Dinrdd(n.)

Onc who alwayrplays'Chopltick!'on lhe piano.

Dl.wre (n.)
ofa rcnt.dhou! ltuffon thcshelvc| Tha hidcour Dc. MoiD.! (pl n ) fromyournose thatcomedown Thctwoliltlelinca (n.) hchr part of the hymn(wuallya fewnotetat the end of Th 50hith or low that you wherethc tunc Soca virsc) thc it pilchtoaccommodate lo changc havc suddcnly D.v.ntcr (n.) ao little A dcchion ihaft vcry hard to take becausc it-lite\dhich waytowalkrounda Park dcpcndson Dcwlieh (adj ) bath aft.r anovrlong (Of thchands andfcct,)Prunelike Didcor (n.) a lickciinsPcor bit ofcardwhich Thc tin' oddlyrhaPcd .lipp.r wirh hi3 for no apParent a dcket out of cuts at Princcas facttha!theconfetti h ir a litdc-known rcason. uPofthoulandr ofdidcols was made Marmr.fs wedding on theRoyalTrarn by irrspect-ors cotleited 26

Dippl. (vb.) 'fo try to removc a sticky somcthing fromonchand with

the other, thus causin8it to gcr ltuck to the othar hand you trt to removci!wi!h. and eventually !oanythingclse

(n.) Dithcrington
Sudd.n acc3s of pani. cxpcrianccdby onc who realirca thal hc is b.int drawn incxorably inlo a clabby (q.v.) convcftation,i,.. on hc ha! no hopc of cnjoying,bcn.fiting from or und.mtanding.

Dobwrllr(pl.n.)
The now hard-boilcdbhs of nartinc$ which havc ro be prised off cro(kcry by hand aftcr it har bccn through a dishwashcr.

Dockcrt(n,)
Facatious bahaviouradopicd by an acaud man in thc histakcnbcli.fthet thh willcnd.ar him to th.judg.

Dogdyke(vb.)
Of dog ownerc, to adopt the ab,surd prctcnc. that tha animalshittingin the gut!r is nothing todo wirh thm.

Dolgclhu(n.)
The clump,or clustcr, of borcd,quictlycnraged, rnildly
,7

DOR.DUB out ofa to come for thcir wives menwaitinS nbarrassad shoP roomin a dress chan8rng Dorchclter (n.)
thc crudal Somconcels. s throaly couth which obscures made you velust rcnrark amusinS rather oan ofthe

D U B- D U L (n.) Dsbuquc whonas pcrson to rcrnconc A lool givcnby a supcrior

arrivcd *.arin8 thc wronglort of sho.!. Duddo (n ) 'fhc mort deformedpoteb in any of dvcn collcction POtatocs.

Dorridg! (n.) Tecinical term for onc of thc very lame cxcuteswrittc$ or ln "..v .rn"ff print on the lide of Pactelr of food why lhere e hardlv an)fting *"tttins po*ai. to .*plain 'Conientr may havc tcttld in includc in,iJ..'rl".pt., 'i-. l..p t*uns frlh rhev hav' b" indiir.""i, ."a scP' viduallr wrappedin silvcrPaPcrand clloPhnneand and ilaP a cardboard linin8 arated wirh iorrugated heavyindustrieltYr.3.'

Dnffrn (n.)

menatcl to looknruch An infuriadng prlon who always turninS uP unshaven clsc by anyone more dashinfthan formal and huncoverera Party. to be wiuy but is in b suPPo3cd Name for a shop which'1'hc 'Hair Exchang" lrffk ir.i *.**..1 s. ApPaient, ek from oPposrlc A streetdance fhc lwo partnersaPproach othrt $ay of ach ge! out politciy t() rrv and dircctions 'fhev stePto stepto the [ft, stePto lhe right, NPologiz' as often rcPeat and thl ieft again,bump into eachothr asunnecdsary.

Orcblcvfn.)

Dufton(n.)

DUDDO

The laet page of a documcntthat you alwayt lcavcfacc down in thc photocopierand havc to 80 and retncvc later. DugglGby(n,) Thc prron in front of vou in thc tuPcimarket qu.u. who har jult unloadeda bulging trolley on to thc con' reyor trck and ir now in tha ptoc!! of !rying to work out which po(ket lhey lft thcir chcqucbool in. end indced, whichpair oftrouscru.

Droitwich (n )

Drurnlu ( .)

tlul ftcurs \rhenI charactcn a car(x)n l hecarrhquake rrrnrintoa wall

Dulccl (n.) waiting forthcalarm liein bad Suddcn asyou realization,

to go off, that it shouldhavcSoneoff en hour ago.

Dubbo(rr.) 'l hc bruis. whohas ol someone or callus on theshouldcr bcn kniBhtcd unnecca3arily ofren. 28

Dulu$ (adj)
h.vejust tot Thc cmellofa taxioutofwhich PcoPlc

D U 8- D U N Dunb.r (n )
fircal tcrm u3d solclyby turnstile A hishly spcializcd ooerilites it Rcqcnt'rPark zoo. l! tclir3 !o the variabl. ainount of increisein thc gatc takingson a Sunda)alier' they ar nd)n, cauledby person!goingloth zoobcaulc in love and bcliavcthat the fccling of romancwill b lomhow cnhanccd by the smll of Panther3wcatand inthe rePtilehouse rank incontinencc that th train you havePaticntlywatchcd Thc realization pullinS out of thc atationwasthe one you wermeantto De on, Duncr.ggotr (n ) rtirem.nt cotlage The nameofCharlcs Bronson's Dutr8ene.! (n.) 'lhe unasyfccling that thc plastichandlesof the overcarrier'bat you are carryingare 8el' loadcdsupermarkct !iogsteadilylont.r. Dunitro (n.) who alwaF wantsto do whatcveryou $anl k) Someona do.

DuoboF. (n.)

E d. (pl.n.) Thc lludty bir! in theboitom of a dwtbin, und.rncarh thcactual binlincr. Eaking (ptcpl.vb.)
Wondcring whatto do nxrwhen you,vcju {ormdour ot rcmctnrng. EastWiatcrirt (h.) Thc rameas Welr Wirkring (q.v.). only it's you rhcy.r. lryrnt !o graway trom, Edgb.rton(n.) Thc apar lcar-culhion placcd again!! !h. rear oI a London busroindicarcthar ir ha!brokcn down. Elgin (adj.) Thin.and hettard asa r.sultof strnuouslyrryingro get healrhy, Elsricn. (n.) A bad ofswear which runsdown yourboltom clcavagc. Ely(r.) The 6rs!,.rinicai inklingtharromething, somcwherc, har tcrnblywrong. I{one Ernsvorth(n,) Mcasurc of timeandnohalcrlnc$ dcnnd a3thcmomcnt bctween thc doorsof a lift closing and ir bcdnningto Scintfuts blieve wc rpendip to one 6-fihof our ln,,vc.
ljvesin Iifis.

Dutrolly(n.)
An improviscdumbrcila. Dunrtlr (n.) ol at dawnon thcoccuPants A 3mallchildhired to bounce the sparc bdroom in order to sale on tce and alarnr

Drntirh (a{i.)
ha gover. by a svcr McntallyincaPacilated

30

5t

E N U- E P W

E R I- E X E

(n.) Eribou
A brown bubbl of chc$c conainint ta!o$ malrer which grow! on wcllh rarcbit.h wa! Sir Alexand.r Flcming's studt of cribolls which led, indirftdy, ro hb discoveryofrhe factrha! he didn r lik wclrh rarchr much.

Erhr(n,) Oneof thc[c pushtapsimralled in public washroom!

cnabling thc ulcr !o walhthcir trourcrs without actually g.ttinginrothc balin.Tha mottpowcrful clhrofrccent ycaru wa! 'dampd down'by RedAdairafter.n incrcdpi..adilly iblc. 3ixty-eithtdayr' fight in Manchcltcr's (n.) Elstrdlnc lrng slowrigh cmhrcd by a fale learhar arm(hair whcn 3at on,
ELSiICXLE

Enulrcl.w (n.) which thcy ofthe Freemasons rituals Oneoftheinitiation to do arenolontcr allowed Epptng ' '.fhi (prcPlvb ) used of foreingcrrandeyebrowr firtit. mo"cments wailen and of the atlenlion rc attract whcn failing barmcn. Eprom (n.) ofinitial!)ot a or a 3et An ntrvin a diarv(!ucha! a date of whichyou book' your eddtcsr nameand addr.3l in there' it'sdoing har,enl thefeinlcltidcawhat Eprvorih (n.) {q v ) lt i3aof thc uicfulne$ofePPinS valuc Thc precisc factthat an arlierdrali of th hnallin' ol litr.lc-known thc filrn Cou ui& tlE Wht had Clark Cablc aaying 'Flankly, ancPwonh thclinebcint mydcar,I dont Sivc on thc e"cnruillyitrangcd Sround!th.t it miShtnol b' anywhere' or indc.d lowa, in underrtood

Erterhuy (adj.) (Mcdica.l lcrm) Suffcring from rclccrivc rnemory los. 'fhc vifus whichcaulcs rhir condition is thou{hrro brccd irrthcair-conditioning ryrtcm of rhcWhitcHo-urc. Euphntc. (n.) The bu.lkhit with whicha chairman introduccs a gucst sPealcr. Ewcht. (n.) Th. 3mile b.rtowcdon youby anair hortess, Exeter(n,) All lighthouaahold andcl.crrical a numbcr tood. contain rJI vital(ornponcnts plu!at lcaltoneexetcr, Ifyou'vcjurt mcndcd a fircc, changcd a bulbor fixeda blendcr,the cxcrcr ir thc 6mallplalri. pie.c lft ovcr whichmcans you havcro undocv.ryrhingand sraitall

33

FAR- FLI

aiternoon whcnyouhaven\ don.. tor enough F.rrrnc.liidy (n.) A long and ultimatclyunruccessful anernprro undo

Fuahra (n.) The fcclingftar yougetar abour four o clock in rhc

Frl.tcr (n,)

golhcone'i bra,

A long.winded, dishonest and comPletcly incrdiblc whcn thc truft would havcbeencomPlercly xcuse-uscd acccptabl.

ntoudl. (vb.) Fe To laypla(escrrings withthc knivcs andforls thewrong wayround. Ferf.. (n.) Onc who is very excir.drhatthey.ve had a berteridca thantheonctou vcjurrlu8gstcd. Firuge (vb.) In any divilion of foodlruff3cquallyOerwcen rcvcral peopt. rogiveyourselfrh. cxlradic.lcfi ovcr. Fircbeg(n) A rcmarkintendcd to cueappleule at a Tory panycon. Fiur.r/ (n,) l'hc aafcplaccyou put lomcrhing and forgct$hcre ir Iladderbiltcr (n.) 'l har pen of a raincoar whichtraib our of a car afrer you'vc closcd thcdooron it.

(n ) Frm|gutt Thc draught which whisdcabtwccntwo bottoms that rcfuseto touch,

FAMAGUSTA

tr$ducknrntotr (n.) omitt.dfromthc (Archaic) cdict,myltcriously An ancicnt of fowl on that the lecding bom*day Book,requiring out equhablt carried bc pon& should villagc 54

Flrglct (n.) .s'omeone i{ho alway! 3em! to dhappar intolhoF whcn youre walking alontraltingto them. Flihby (n.) ()ne of th e irriraringhandle-lcar llippcry rraNtuccnt r)ags you grin supcrmarkct! which, no mert.rhowyou huldthem, always contrive toletsomerhinc fallour.

35

F L O- F R A Flodigrrry (n ) fith'r' oihlin wotnbydcP'rca rdout An ankle-lengh in GlasSow' andPublicam mer in Arbroarh FtuEr (pl.n.)
Womenwho only talk io cachothcr at Panrcs' Unabl. !ofind ihc right momcntto lcave Foindlc (vb.) working one 3 way up To qucu-jumPv.ry dilcrcctly b_y dorngrc' lhc li[. without bcing3pottcd

- FRO FRA fr.nt (n.)

Measura. The lcgalminimuih dirlanccbctwcn iwo train! on thc Di$ic! and Circlc linc! of thc landon Undcrground. A franr, which murt be not lesrthan 122chainr (or E lcaglct long, i! not conncc!.d in any way with thc adj(rivc'franric' which comcro ur by a complctclydif. ferent roure(a3indecddo!h. trains).

Foffstt (adj.)

Fr.ting Grc.n (adj.) 'l hc-rhade of tlenwhich furuppored to mak.youfcel

comtortabtc in ho.pitak, indutriour in schonh and uncasy in policcsretions. Fremeadc (vb.) 'Io lrcal thin$ not wonh rhc bothcr of srealing. Ohc sreal3 aar!, moncy and lilver, Bool matchcr,airliic eycpatchca and individualporsofTrurt Hourc Forrcapriiot lamarc mcrerytrcmanrlad, Fiimlcy (n.) ExaggcraEdcarefree3aunrcradop!.d by Norman Wirdom.a3.an immcdiateprludcro droppingdown an opn

(PtcPl.vb.) Fopirg 'n.-fu.i"g wisrful 5obloody to oy *tt"t it i! yourc looking Foniaria (n )

(Archaic) Thc righr of thc lord of thc manorto molest on thcirbinhdaYs' dwarfs

Fov.lt (n.) a tailedhandPoint'dout of th' A raxi.drivcr'3 8e!turc, \hank you'but actually *i"io" *tti.tr iurponr to mean off ou!ofmYwaY mcans'bu8tr

Fr.ddu (n.)

Thc amall awlwatd{hapcd Piece of chedc which itret grating a iargc icSular-lh'pd pice of r.."ini you to Sratcyour 6ngcri' and whiih cna.-blca chccsc.

(n ) Fr.dilghn lt ir cunningly urage in common of burdaralarm A kin-d

dcrirncd rc tlar it can ring al full volumc in $e ltrect disturbinganyone apparcndy with-out oittcr tlyicr of itamlinghamr ate burglar alarmsittcd whld to oll ar a in tctidcntial arcas. to busrn$t Dr,amirc! routin. a! 5.31 Pm on a Friday ma{.r of;crul cveningand d:onot gct turncd off till 9.20a m on Mon' day morninS.

Fring(n.) Thenoirc mad.byaIighrbulb rhat hasjust shone ir! la,r. Frithrn (n.) A paragraph thatyoutcr sluck on in a book. Themore you read it,th.lcss ir mcans royou. Frolcrworth (n.)
Measure.Thc minimum timc it b ncccrlary ro lpcnd trowning in decp conccntration at cach prcturcln en art in order thar cvcryon. ck. do.!nl think you.rca Sallery complelchoron, Fross.r (pl.n.) lh lcchcrous look exchanted bctweensixteen-ycarold! ar a pany givenby romcoric's parcno,

36

37

FRU-GAR F utd (adj.)

Rath.r too cagrlo b. crucl to bc kind. Fuking (ptcpl.vb.) Prt.ndingnot to b in whcn thc carol'singerg round.

GAR-CLA matkr. wharcould poisiblybc rhe matlcrl And anreay I oonl wanrtodilcu3r ir, wirhourmovingyourlipi.

Crrvock(n.)
'lhc. acrion of.pr.rurngyour finger in your chccl and ntcklngrt out wtrh a.pock.noilc,

C.st rd (n.) Useful.ipccially newroincd word for anillegitimate chitd (in orderto disringuilh h frorns.imeone_who rnlrciy
carvc3 you up on rhc motorway, c!c.). Ghent (adj.) D$criprive ofthe mood indicared by cartoonisrs by drawrnt a cnaradcr s mouth asawavyline.

crfrn.y (n.)
thin$ for, h Somcon. who dclibratclymilunderstands humoroui cffcat. hopca,

(n,) Cignog
Sohcone who. lhrough thc injudiciour applicadonof 3tcohot, 13 now a greetdealle33 funny lhan he ihink hc i!. Gilderlohc (adj.) Descripdve of ajoke romeone t.lls you which 3rarBwell, our whrchbc(omesso cmbllishcd in rhe !.lling thar yolr sta to wearyofit afterscarccly halfan hour.

Gd.rhiclr (pl.n)
A form of parricularly long sPa'3. 3idebuinr which ar'

guards. of BritithRail tumout partof thcrirandatory Gdlipolli (adj.)

Of thc behaviourofa bottomlip tryint to spitout mouth' $ash after an injc{tion at the denti3t Hencc, loo3c' floppy,u!lc$. 'shc $cntall galliPoliin hi!arm!'-Nol Coward (n.) C.Etncrlgill ans\{eKthc Embaffastedgtemmcryou ernitwhn a vorce phon. and you rcalizcthat you haven'tth' faintelt recol' lcctionofwho it i3you'vcjurt run8.

Gilgit(n.)
Hidden lharply poinGd objccr which lrab3 you in rhe .urrctewhenyou reachintoa 3rhallpot. Gilling (n) fhc.w-armtingling you ter in vour fccr when havint a reaxygood widdle.

Gipping (prcpl.vb.)
Ihe fish-like,opning and cloling of rhe jaws reen rmDDtstpeoplewho haverecently beento thedendstand arc puz2lcdas to whclher rheir tee|h havcbecn pur bacl rheri6htwa) up.

Curow (n.) a hair off . furrowlft afi.r Pulling Narrowwiggly

paintcd rurfac. G.rtrG.t (n.) nolhint thc Thc ability to say'No, thcre'sabtolutcly 38

Glasgow (n,)
I hc feelingofinfinite radness cngcndered wh.n $alking

39

GLA_ GLE lifkn ycar3 lhrouch a placcfillcd wirh happyPcoPle too fre' When exPcrienc.d th"n ",runcit vourrclf. ofrrunch(q ! )' o leadto anattack quenly,it islikeLy Gl.!!l (n.) when pcbble whichwasshinyand interstint A sca3ide ret, and ;hich is no\a'alump of r()ck'whichchildren with aft'r th on fillingthcir suitcases insist neverthelcas holiday, Glazelcy(adj.) 'fhc ltateof e bar stcr! flat greasy hair aftcr*earint a wit all day. ClcErnuilt (n.) youd comPlctely forgo(enabout Thc kindofruilt which an oldlettcrin ' on dlcovering bacl whichcomcrioaring cupboard. Glcnducli. (n.) a cralat. whowear! actor Any Scottbh

- CLO GLE cldwhilly (n.) (Scot!) A small larten pouch worn trncath rhckiltduring
the thistlc-harvcar.

Glcnt g8|n (n.)

A panicular !yp. of rartan hold'all. made exclulivcly under liccncefor Brililh Air$ayr. liom an airF)rt When waidnq to collectyour luS8age convevorbelt, tou will noticc that on the ncxt conveyor bclt alonE ther i! alway! a lintl. 5olitary bag Soing round aid round uncollccred.Thi! i5 a 8lenta88art. which has bcen placed thrc by thc baggatc'hendling staffto takeyour mind offth fact that your own lugga8c will lhortly bc landingin Murmansk Cl.rti.r (pl.n.) who has madc a Scricaof lmall ltePs by which somcone movas or argument convarsalion in error tacticel scrious agreemcnt. to wholeh.arted disagr.emcnt from complte
CLENWTIIL!Y

Glinrl(n.)
A hat which politicians buy roto ro Ru$ia in.

Clororum (n,) One whoraks pleasurc in informing orhcnabour lhcir

oowalmovcmenis.

Glorcop (n.)
A.oguc blob of food. lteamint ho! and highly ,Giosopr, which are generally adhesive. invariably fall off your rpoon and on to thi surlice of your hort's hiShly poliih;d anriquer6.wood {l

40

G R E- C R I
dining tablc. lf lhb ha! not, or may not havc, hcn (q.v.)rnay bc noliccd by th. companypresent,swanagc employcd.

Gr..t To..o! (n.) A fat bool conuining four wordr and lix cartooN which co.t!!12,95, Grat W.t rtng (ptcpl.vb.) Panicwhich3rs in wh.n you badlynccd to go ro rhc lavatory andcennot makc up yourmindabout whatbook or magazinc lotalcwith you. GEGl.y (n.) Som.oncwho continually annoy! you by continually you. apologiring for annoying Grcu (vb.) (Rarc) To 3ti.hto th. pointduringa family argumcnt. Grchr Grccn (adj.) A rhedof gi.cn whichmal.! you wishyou'dpaint.d whatcvar it wa!a diffcrcntcolour.
GribuD (n.) Thc p.non in a cri3bwho canahrayE bc rclicd on to makc a goodanccdole out of it,

Glud (n.)
Th pinldshmulch found in thc bottomof a lady'i handbat. Gluit LodF (n.) a t(x)ih The place whcrefoodcanbeltoredafler having for up .xtmcicd,Some Arabs canto wilhoutsultcnancc to 3ixwcekson a full gluit lodgc. coddEilg (n) rushoficlicfon dilcoverinB !ha!rheely(q.v,) Wondcrful (q.v.)wcr in factfalse alarms. andthcvrcmblay Gogiun (n,) child\ spcThc pic.c of la3toplas! on a lhort-sithtd taclcs, cohnr (adj.) Pertaining Blank, rly and faintly embarraiscd. to the who ha! clearly sccnon thc faccof somconc cxprcrsion yourDame, foigottcn Gonnrbrrn (n.) wastedon watchinganold movic onTv. An aftcrnoon
Goolc (n.) Th. puddle on the bar into which the barmanputs your changc,

Grinbirtcr (n,) [.arg body of canon a motor$ay all travclling atcxacdy

thc lpccd limh bcau3. onc of thcm i! a policccar.

CriDbct (n.) A lmall bulh from which.enoon charactcE dancleovcr thc cdg! of a cliff C.iItrrby (h.) A lumpof lohc$int grildyandfoul.taliintconcc.lcd in a moulhful of ,!cw or Dic. Crim,bic! arc romatim6 incrcly thc r6ult of carclc!! cookcry, bu! morc often thcy arc plac(d thrc dclibcratclyby Frccmaron!. Grimrbict c.n bc purchascd in bull from any r$pcctablMa.onicbut hcr on dvint him thc laclet Malonic handbag. Onc ir lhcn placcdin . 45

(pl,n.) Gootcruivc.
(Archaic) trousers worn by poultryA pair of wrxrdcn kccp.ru in thc Middle4t.3. Ooolmrgh (n.) lcft ovcr from preparing or catin8a mal, Somcthing whi.h tou 3torcin the fridtc dcaphe the fact tharyou knowfullr{cll thatyouwillnevcr everus k.

GRI-GUS guescafood to icc if he knows thc correct Masoni( mcrhodof dealingwith it This is as follows:rmove the $imsby carefullywith thc ailver tonSeprovided. Crossthc r(pm to your h(xt, hopping on on( lc8, and ram the grimsbyfirmly up his "I baltard.' noae, chaniint, akethat,you 3nlugMa3onic

- HAM GWE (n.) Gwcck Acoat hanger recyclcd as acaracrial.

il
d

Grin.te.d (n.)
Th state of a woman! clothint after she has bccn to powder her no3eand hashilchd up her li8htsovr her slirt at the back, thus xposillg hr botlom, a d has walkedout without nolicingil. Crobi.tcr (n.) thc Position and publicll rearranSes One who continually ofhis genitals.

Hrdwen ic (adj.) Rcabtant to tweezers, Hadror (n,) A sharpinstrumenr placcd in the$,ashing-up bowlwhich hakesit calicrto cui yourrelf, HeF.by (n.) Somcone who lookcda lor morcettractivc in $a dirco thanthcydo in yourbdthcncxtmorning, Hrlcro (n.) An adhcsivccloth designcdto faltcn baby-cloths togthcr. Thousands of tiny pic.caofjam 'hook'on to thoulands of picces of dribblc,cnablingthe cloth to bccome !ticky'. Hdifax (n.) 'fhc grccnsynthctic asiroturfon $hichgrecngro.cr! diplaythcirvegchbles, H.ll.piU (n.) 'Ih. namc for the adventuro$panygocrrwho don\ spcnd rhewholetimcin thelitchcn. Hahblcdor (n.) 'Ihe soundof a ringlc-engincd aircrattflyingby, heard while lyingin e iuftm.r fi.ld in England, whi.hsomhow (oncentratas thc 3ilnac andsense of ipace andlimeleisness and lcavs onc with thc lcelingof somcthing or 45

Gruid. (n.)
'fhe only bitsof an animal lefl after elcn thc Pcoplewho at it rolls haveben make3ausage

Grutlcls (n,) The resolvewith which the Qucn sitsthrough five days folk dancing of Polynesian Gubbl.cot (n.) by brtin8into tm manl Dcformationofthe palat! caused 'I'obleronca. Gucrnrey (adj.) Queasybut unbowed. l he kind of fcelingone getswhen a plasticcomparlntntin a fridS in which discovering (hingr are trowinS. usuallv fertjLrcd b\ .opious quantitiesof g$snargh (q.v.). Gulbcrwick (n,) 'fhe think you ve got stu(k smallparticlthat you always in rhe bac! ofyour rhroatrftcr yoLl'lebnsick. Gu$.g. (n.) lJrers-making tall.
44

HAN-HAS H.rhi. (adj.) havin8 a papr tissu.. incapablcof.v.r Congcnitally H.pp.r (n.)
'fhe ahusm.nt cauled by pa3'port photo3.

HAT-HEA lomconewho uncxpcdcdlyaomca inio a rooE, prcci!ly whatir i3youaredoing. H.lh.f!|gr (n.) The riny inippt! of bcard which coar the in.id. of . washbarin aftcrrhaving in it. Hrugfro (n,) Oncwholoudlyinform3orhcr dincrrin e rcrtauranrwher lind of man hc is by callingrhc chef by hi! Chrillirn narnefrom rhc lobby. Huby (n.) Anygardcning implcm.nt foundin a pordnt{h.d who!. purP6cr! unclcar. axact

H.pph (vb.)
'Io for lhem annoypoplcby linirhinglheir scnt.ncca what rcally mcant tosay. tellingthem thcy andthrn H.rbledown (vb.) a double mattre3s down a windinS To manoeuvre staircas, H.rbottl. (n,) glazing, double kindoffly whichliverinside A particular H.rlolh (vb.) thchot$atcrin a bath. To rcdiltributc (n.) H.fl|trgr you whotaks thc blamcwhileth manaSer The prson in hi! offrce. demandcd toreehids H.rperdc! (n.) of about conristing Th. codato a phoncconverlation, to 8toff by whichpople try Sracefully cightcxchangca, th.line. H.lclbury Plucltrctt (n.) for clcaning combs invented durinS A mcchanical devicc timeat Ark$righft ihc indurtrialrelolutionat the samc on in the sane spinningJnny,bu! whichdidn\ catch H.!!op (n.) The pocLctdown the ba.k of an armchairu3edfor andbit! ofLego. storingl0p piccca H..ting! (pl.n.) 'lhings saidon the spur of the momcntto explainto 46

HAXAV

Herntoa Puachrrdoa 1n.) A violcntargumant whichbrcak!out in thc caron thc 47

HEN-HID way homc from a Partyblwecna couplewho havhad to all evening bc polile to cachother ill comPanv

HIC- HOR protractcd and 6nal goodbyo to a group of peoplc and thcn realize rharyouvelcfi yourhat bchind.

H.ndridge (n.)
found bctwccn lhe Prongsof A dricd yellow substancc lbrk3 in rcstaurants,

Hth LiE.rigg (n.)

Thc topmolrtradof a lraircalc whichdfuappca$ whcn you'rc climbing rhcsrainin darknc$. High Oficy (n.) (q.v.) Goosnargh rhrtcweeblarcr. Hob.ri! (n,) (Mcdical) A spcrm which carrier a highriskof bccoming a
Dank l'lanagcr.

Hpplc(vb,)
ol asugarbowl. To sculptth contcnts Hcrllnonccux (n ) Thc correctname lbr th Sold medellion$orn by someonc who is in the habit of $earing thir shirt oPnlo the

H.ssl(vb,)
To try and sort out which sleleol a sleater h insidcout iton. rhrouShPtrttinS whenyou'realrcadyhalI:$.t:-

Hevcr(n,)
by half'hearinta Tannoyi'r an arrport. Th paniccaused Hcwith (adj.) ln a mood to swiPcatlet.tation with a stick

Hobb, Croa! (n.) Theawkward lcapintmanouvrca girl hastogorhrough ln Dcd In orclcr to matchlmslccp on thcwerpatch, Hoddlcrdor (n.) An 'injurcd'footballer'! lirnp backinb the gamcwhich draws applau3c butdoesnt f<x)lanybody. Hodlct (n.) The woodcnlafcty platformlupponed by raffolding rounda burldrng und.r consrrucrion fromwhich rhcbuilders(atalrnost no pcrsonal risk)candrop pi.ces of concrerc on Passrs-by. Hoff(vb.) 'fo dcnyindignanrlt somcrhingwhich ispalpably rrue. Hoggcrton(n.) Thc actionof ovcrrhaking a pair of diccin a cup in thc lnirlakcn blicfrhalthiswitliffect thc cventual ourcome in yourfavour andnotirritate evcryone else, Hordlc (vb) 'l odissmblein a fruity rnanner,likc Donald Sind.n. 49

H.xtrbl (n,)
'l colleclionwhich he record you 6nd in soheone else's instantlytellsyouyou could nevergo out with them
The marks leli on the out3idc brelrt Pocket o' a storekecpr's overall where he put a$ay his pen and mlsgeo,

Hibbing(n.)

Hickling (pt.pl,vb.) 'fhe practice of infuriating thatr-8ocft bl not onll arrivi;g late to a centre-rolf 3eat,but alsobudly aPolo_ gizinS to and patting each memb.r of rhe audiencin

(urn, Hidcotc B.ritds (n.) in a hid(olebartrami! to saya serieiof To b cauSht 48

HOR-HUM Horton.cun-Studlcy (n ) nodding movegrunu, of litllehclpful Thecombinadon

uP$ad frowns amiles, mntsof the head,consideratc in makinS ofpoPlcjoin thata SrouP and s.riouspauss
!o licit .h n.xt pronounccm.nt of sombody with a

HUM-IBS Huhby (n.) An .rfttion whicbwon'tgo downwhena grntlcman har to gororh.lavatory in rhcmiddlc ofdallying wirha lady. llu|tr (n.) Th. r.!uh ofcoming !o lhc $,rong d.cilion. Hu!.ingorc (n.) Medicval cercmonial bra$hornwithwhich thesuac$lful cx.curion ofan araglin (q.v.) i! trumpcted from rhccaitlc
Dattlcmcnr!.

rrrible stutter. Ho.nrcr(vb,)

(Ol a'IV newlrcader)To conii ue to stare impassively to into the cam.ra when it should havealreadyswhched rePort, the sPorts

Hot gn(n.)
lells }ou with t{hich a shoPassistant The aggrerriveness which they doni under' an1 pil-ce of high technoloSv standthcnrselves,

Hovc(adj,)
on lhe faceof a personin Desciiptiveof thc exPrs3ion of anolh.r who clearly fun1goinS !o sloP th. presence talking lbr a vcry lont time

Hutlcriurn (n.) (Archaic) A burn3ullaincd ar a rcruhoftbc bhaviourof a clumryhutler.(Thc prccir.dutie!of nuur!arc no$ lo3t in thcmbr!of hbtorv.) Hutloft (n.) Thc fib-rous algac whichgrowin thc darl, moilrenvironmcntol troucr turn-uP!, Hyairb (adj.) Dcrcriprivc of rhc r!ar. of mind in whichyou mitht a! wcll givc up-doing wharcvcr h i3 you'reirying io do bccaurc you'llonlymucl it up.

Huby(n.)
A half-erectionlarSe cnouSh to b a publicly embarrasringbulgc in the trouscrs,but not largc enoughto bc ofany uie to anybody.

Huclnrll (vb.)
To crouch upwardgra3 in lhe movamentof a seated lloover to person's fcet and legsmadeio allo$'a cleaner's pass bncalhthem.

Huggl..cot (n.)
The kind ol person}fho cxcitcdly opensa lcttcr which says'Youmay alr.ady havwon !10,000'on theoutsidc.

Hull (adj,)
cottage ofthe smcllofa wek.nd Descriptivc Hurnbcr (vb.) astherrcar To movelike rhecheek of a lery lat person grid. goes overa cattle

Iblc (adj.) Clcvcr but laz),. Iblro.t (n.) Anyrhintuscdto malc a noila on a corrugatcdiron wall or clinkcr.built lcnc. by dragting it along rh rurfacc

IMB.IPS whilc wallinq Par!it 'Mr Benniti thoughtfullv ..lc(tcd a rtout ihtock and teft the housc -Jani,tu.r.n' Pnt a Pt ludv.'ll I[rber (vb.) in the a carchase To lcan fiom sid. to tidc whilwatching

ISL-JAR

Inigori!h (adj,) Dcscriptivcof rhe cxpressionon a dinner Party tucat enjoymentto the hostt which'is mcan! to indicatehLrge and lim to go homc I think'to your paflner.An inr8on' (q v ) ish is usuallyihe prcludeto a heantonpunchardon Inverinrtc (vb.) I o spotthat bolh Pcoplein a heatedargumentare talking rubbish complete
IPPLEPIN

Inv.rkcithing (p!cPl.vb.) vou can onlv Addrssinglom.one by nrumblc t'causc (heir oame of first leltcr rcmenrbcrthe

Islert.p!(pl,n.) Cautiouimorcmcnts loward3 thc bathr$m in a strang hou3c in thedark.

lping (ptcpl,vb.)

The in(rcasin8ll,a xbus shilting fron leg lo leg yttu gtr tr) 8o t()the llvatory and throulh wherif'ou nre dcsperalc on rememberi S a to kccpr the p;rson you arc lalking to mentroD he want! tew6nalthings sir hiros n)ade by SellotaPiog writinginrPlenrent A useless to wrhe l(X) h eesief to make ()gether$hi.h is suPPosed

Ipplepcn(n,)

(n,) J.lingo

fhe alacrirvwirh which a grimbirter rq.v.)breaki up a3 \oon ar the policecarrurn!off. IpsrYich(n.) whichtells The soundat the orherend of rhc telcphonc ir workinlt\erl hard hut exchalr8e vou that the autonrati( is inrendingnot actuallyto connfl:t lou this timc, merely to let vou know how dilticull rl is.

Jrrrow(n,)
An asriculturald.vic. which,whcn towedbchind a !ractor. enablc! rhc farm.r ro lprcad hi! dung cv.nly acro3r tlrc width ofrhc road.

JAw-JUw
J.wcr.ig (n.)
$hich is brought on by facialsPasm (Mcdical)A massivc ofnews bcingtold a teallya3tounding Picce anackofjawcraig affe.ted 40'000rhecP A-mysterious in Walcsin 1952 ./ on a tralD. bctreen two f@tball h(x)ligans Convcrsation lunch i3 Pcrsonswho honeltly blicvc th.t a busincas going to achi.ve3om.thin8. The pieceof papcron toP of thejam intide lhejarnJar' ln breachof the lawsofiokc tclling, c s tivilrg awaythe punchlincin advance (Old Frcnch) Polite word for a well'proportioncddog' turd,

KAB-KAL

J.wf(n.)

l'

Jcffcr. (pl.n.)

Jid(n.)

Jofuc (adj.)

Jolicn(n.)

(n,) Joplin 'I

JURBY

he material from which all thc clothesin wmlworths arc madc, Awful ihingsbought in Nairobi which neverlook Soodat homc, A loolc woollengarmcnl reachint to the knecsand with three or morc armholca,kni(tcd by the rearcrs wcll' mcanint but incomPlentaunt Only slightlyrclcvantto thc mattcr in hand.

Jubor.. (pl.n)

Jurby(n.)

lbbwurn(n.) Thecursy hummint youmaleasyougo ro kiss noise

rcmeoneon thechcak. Kil.rni (n.) The anri.nr Eastern art of bcingablcro fold roadmaps
pfopfly.

Ju*ria (adj.)

54

KAN.KET I{|nlurl (n,)

An cxtrcmly intricatelmot ori8inally u3cdfor bclaying for.3hcet!of a 8aff'riggcd China cliPPcr' the topSallant whcn tt''ing to fict an and niw morc commonlyobscrvcd thas(airr' undcr cuPboard old kita ourofthc K..lc (n.) Thc hor blc smcllcaur.d by walhingarhtrayr' Kelli!g (ptcpl.vb.) in all Thc aclionof looking for lomthing all ov.r Ngain you'le alrcadY lookcd. thc placca

KIB-KIR

(n.) Kenilworth
A mearurc.Defincda3that Proporlion of a menu rhich thc $,aitcrspalsthat youcana.tuallyremcmlxr'

XETTY

Kcnt (adj,)
Polhlydctermin.d no! to help despitca violenturge to the contrar), are sccnon thc facesof p.opl. who Kent exprcssions somcone elsa who cant arc tood al somcthingwatchinS do it at all.

Kibblcrwonh (n,) Thc fooding amount of moncy by which rhcpricc of e

$vcn aniclc in a lhop ir lcssthan a scnriblcnumbcr, in th hope rhar ar lca!! onc idior will lhint i! cheap,For t11a119,thc Libblclworrhon a pair of shoespriled ar 119.99 i! I p. A [rcn kprin th. dclk tidy that nvcrworl3.

Kilv.xt r (n.) Kirnlrcridp (n,) Thc lighrbrcezc which blows through yourarmpir hair
whenyou arc rtrctchcdout!unbathing, Kinglton B.gpuilc (n.) A fony.ycar-old 3ixten-stone man trying to commit iuicidc byjogging.

Kcntucty(adj,) exactly andrarisfiingly. Fiuinr

ncatlyinro a smallrpace Thi cardboardbox that slides which boot or the la3t in a Frage. Pr.citeL fills a bookkentu(ky to fit rcalnicand issaid shelf,

Kcry (n.)
on a each sausate scParatei twistofstin which The small srring. Kcttcring (n.) or thigh!aftersunbathinS lcft on yourbottom The marl.s on e wicL.rworL.heir. Kctil.n.t! (adj.) waiched to peewhilebeinfi of notbeirtgablc Thcquality

Kirby(n.) Small burr.pubivc picc of foodpromincndy arrachd to

a pcrson's faceorclothing.

Ki$y Milp.rron (n.)

Onc who kindly aucmpr! to wip a kirby (q.v.) off

57

Kl'r - LAC
it to be a anothcr'3faccwith a nrPkin, and thcn discovcrs fixtur, i! raid to havccommitwart or othr Parmenant tcd a'kiiby milpcnon'.

LAM-LIB Ir rrcnc (adj,) Fc.lintbclr.r for havintputpyjama!on.

Kituurvy (n.)

A man who own3all lhc latcrt rportingged$try and sho.s,scvvy clothing(golf troll.y, lcc cdica,vntilat.d n.vy Amencan toP, lrackruit .utographed Belle.taros golf but i! ltill onlyon hi! sccond cap,rnirroriungla$ca)

L.tnbh (n,) Thc tbldr on horcl drccaint-rabtG ful ofaltoundindy dull LrrlFa.r(n,) Thc fifth mcmtrr ofa foursome. L.npung (n.) Tll. dazcrhichfollow!rurnint on rhcli8htin rhcmiddlc ortncnr8hl, L.rtoe.rd (n.) MororilB'namcfor lhe tind of pd$rrianwho lbnds DCi6c a matnroadandwavcr on thetraf6c, a! if i'! rhcir ritht ofway. Lrrobigdng (prcpl.vb.) Struggling to cxtrudc ancxrrcmelt larte rud. L Touqu.a(n.) A mcre _norhing, en uncoNidcrcdrriflc, a nglidblc amount.Un rouqucr ir ofrendcfincda.rthc dificrincc bcrw.cnlhc colrofa botdc ofgin boughr in anoff-liccncc rnopandonctoughtinaduty-frc.rhop. Lcrrcr (pl.n,) Irribring pains rhaiyourdociorrclLyounot !o bsowcr about.

Kittybrctd.tcr (n ) thelea offcrsto mak Thc girl whoalways Xloltcrr (pl.n,) 'l'hc little blobsof dricd urine on thc rim of th. bo\a'l undcrthescat, Ihrptoft (n.) fluff placcdin your prxketsby dryI'hc mysteriou! cleaninS6rms Kowloon (n ) and ordon an to an Indian teslaurant One $ho 8oe9 omelctle. Kurdiit$ (n.) giv.nby a h$bandto hiswift whcnhc noliccs Hards(arc the he Nnsseri in thc numbcrof timca a sharpincicasc numbr" wront phone to bctold,'Sorry,

lecmtag(prcpl.vb.)
Th. bu3inc!!ofmaling lilly f.ccsar babi.!.

krnvig (n.)
A pcrlonwhocanbc rlicduponto bc doingwoncrh.n

Lrckrwrnna(n.)
Th. inabililyofa Ne$ Yorkcabdrivcr to knowwhcrc,for inltance,CentralParki!.

Ubcngc (n.)
cryltallized d.po!i!. of oldcouthmixlurc.

LIB_LOB LiH. (adj.) Lochr.nr. (n.)

or not youfccl sexuall' about$,heth.r Beingundecid.d t()3()mcone, altracted Liff(n.) for whichno word yet objcctor experience A common Limrllol (n.) umbrellas lilll. Paper nemefor oneof lhose The correct in with too much eapplejuicc in co(ktails whichcome Pi them, Lindilf.rn. (adj.) tin smll of NnemPttbiscuit ol iheplcNsant Desriptive Lingle (vb.) trith one! tongue ba(erytrminah To rouch Linicl.tc (adj.) and lrlint to rnrem' ifi the mornin8 All stiff andachcy berwhy. Liraowl( .) !o bemoteahorbnt maton thebardcaiSned Th. small yourelbow3. as but not as ahorbnt ihanthebar, Littl. Ur3roick(n.) the teacher who nost inclines of anl alass The mamber should beintro' punhhment lhaicapital theview towards in schools. duced Ll.nelli (adj.)
Dcacriptiveof (he waSSlinglln,vement ol a Pcrlonl from them or rarnring up for hands$hcn rhakingwaaer theatr. a pie.e of workshoP

L O C_ L O W
Ihe lont una(companid \{ait in rhe middteof a Scorrish lolk long wherc thc pipcrs nip round the corncr for a .oupleofdrinks. t ll.nd (n.) A persr)n with a low threshold ofboredom.

lrngniddry (n.) A dropler which persisrs in runningout ofyourn(xe. Lsiiernouth (n.)

On of rhos middt.-aged ladie! hirh Jurr d hinr of a . nrxunanl nan(lcbar mou!tachc.

Lostwithi.l (n.) 'l'he dccp and peaceful slecpyou hnally lall inro rwo minutes brbre thealarm gos off, louth (n.) I he sorr ol man who wcarc toud .hc.k jackcrs, hasa personalized rankardbehindrhc bar and alwalsters served youdo. bcfore LowArdwello (n.) seducrive remarl made hopefully in thebackola raxi. LowEggborough (n.) A quiet litrle unr.garded m.n in gla.!e3 whorsbuitdins a Dcskindofaronric tr)mbin hi3gardn shcd. f,ower peovcr (n ) (lommon solution to rheproblcm (q.v.), ofa humby Lorve.toft (n.) Ihocorrecr neme lbr'navelflulf. Lo*thcr (vb,) {{)i a large grorrp of pcople whohave been to tneonema loiiether.)-Io ltandaimlcslyabour on the pavemenr ano 6l

Lob.ri. (n.)
blicfthet your.ar! strckout. Unshalcable

60

LUB-LUL artue about whethcr to go and .at .ither a Chinsc meal $hich lolhcdy ne,rby or an Indian malat a rcstaurant say3i! vcry Soodbut isnl ccrrain shcte h i3. orj8t 8o home,or havea Chin$ mealncarby- until by thc time vrythingis shut is reachd aErement

LUP-LYD

(n.) Luppi.r
The picccof learhcr$hich han$ off lhc bottomofyour ir|oc Dctorc you cln bc botherd aogrt h mandcd.

Lubcroy(n,)
. Thc telhale littlc lump in thc top of your swimming trunks rrhich tctlsyou you arc going to hav. to spndhalf an hour with a safetypin trying to pull the drarrlrin8out agarn.

LuFidt (n.) A bubblc bchind a picc. ofwallpapcr. Lutby (n,) Th.,foldof n.!h pulhingforward ovcrrhcropof e bra
which il roo rmall for thc ladyinridcit,

Lublir (n,) s body whrh th.ir pariner Par' Th.t bir of corncbody ticularlyIike!.

Ludlow(n,) or IumPof foldcduble.naplin A wadof nrwspapr,

cardboardput under a wobblylable or chair to male it standuD etraight. It is icrhapi not wrdclyknown that air'acesir Douglal Bader uscd !o get abouton an cnormoui Pair of ludlowi bfor. he had hisartificialle$ fitted.

IUSIY

Luff.nh.E (n.) Flingyou get eh.n the Puh aren\ Soingto bc oPcnfor and thc luffnfis iq v ) L bednaoothc; forty.filc rninutes ning to wara bit thin. Luffn.r! (n.) Heart) feeling thal comesfrom $elking on th. moor! cold ears whh gumbootsand Lulworth (n.) of convcr3ation Mea3ure A Iulworth dc6ncsthc amountof lhe leng(h,Ioudnest you rnakerfhen evrf ofa statement and embarrassment stopstalkinSal tha one elsein the room unaccountably samemofienl,

Luton(n.) The horscshoc{hapad rug whichgos rounda lavatory

laat,

LuttoD (n.) C'orrr!

Thc oppolire of grccn fingr! - thc cffortlcr! propcnsity to ceusc plantdcalh,

Lyb.t r(n.) The anificial chucklc in thc voic..ov.r at rhcendof a ruppolcdly fuhny !.lcvision comm.rcial. Lydd(n.) A.lid. A lydddiffcrrfroma lid in thar it ha!nothinS robc a lid of. is arleart .ighlccn rnonrhc old,andisroldinyl oldcAnriquc Shoppc!, 63

I.YD_MAN Lydi.rd Tr.gor. (n.)

Thc opposireof a mavi3cnderby (q.v.).An unr.quitcd stillcaulcstrrible earlt loveofyour life who inexplicably enginer. pangseren thoughrhe marricd a telephone

MAP-MAR momcnbry sulpicion that lomcrhing may havc mroc lls homc wifiih.

Lyminlt.r (n.)
A hom(xexualvicar.

Lynwilg(rr,)
onc of thosethingsthat pulls the elecrric cord ba(k into a vacuunclaner.

MALIAU

Muruig (n.)
horror xpericnced on waking up in The inexpressible the morninS and rcmcml*rnrg thai you .r. Andy

Mrpl.durh.m (n.)
A iidcou! picceofchipboard veneerturniture bouShrin a !uburhan furnirure rtorc and delitn;d to .high{rreer -colour notd, exacu) a year's rupply of Sunday suPPrcrhen16.

M.croy (n.)
An authoritative,confident opinion basedon one you reaclIn a newsPaPer, Maleybeley (adj.) All excitcdat sudder)ly remmbrin8 a wonderfirlpiecc on to somebody, oftossipthat you wantto pass

M.ry.rcttirg Tyc (n.)

lncxpccredly intimate bon<lrhar fbrhs when two pcoplc you ha\e jurr inrroduceddecid rhe, like cach orher bcner lhan rhevlikc you. Margr.c (n.) A margateisa parricularkind ofconrmhsionuirc who secs you cvry day and is on cheerful Chrisdan.name rerrhs wrth 'ou. rhen one day refusesro let you in bccaulc you ve torgorrenyouridendtycard. 'fhe

(n.) Malibu
'l by which th( topofa wav.excceds thcheiSh! hheiSht up vourtroLrsers. to vrhich 1ouharerolled

M.nitobN (n.) ritual. I he tntatile and rlucrant rouch. A re-courrship tos in bedaftera row. inI of spousca' M.nkirholc! (pl,n,) whichgivcrirc to the Th. 3lnall holes in a loafof bread 64

Marl.t D..ping (ptcpl.vb.)

Stcalingasinglepi..e ol fruit from a stre.r elall. M.rlow (n.)

'[he

borrom drawerin the kirchen where your mother keeps her paper bags.

MAR-MEL

MEL-MOF MclaoD Co..trbl. (n.)

A patcnrantiwrinllc crcamwhichpottc.mcn wearto reprhemlctve! l()okintyoung, M.nphi. (n.) Tbc Urrlcbit! of ycuo$fluff which in rhe 8cr rrappd nrnte or rne wrnctrcren wip.E afr.r polirhint the car witha ncwdusrer. Memu! (n.) The lhrlc rrickpcople ule !o rlmind thcrhselvc! whichi! lcit andwhich h righr. Meu! (n.) A periodof complere $lcncc on rh. radio,whichm.an! rharir mult beruned ro Radio S. Millino.tct (n.) Therhingrhatrattl.! around inlidanaerolotcan. Milw.ulc. (n.) The mclodiou! whbthng, chantintandhumming toncof thr mrjwNukec canbcheardwhencver a public la-vatory is entcred. It i3(heway th. crcupanrr ofrhi cubicles have of tellrngyou th.rc! no lockon rhcir door and /ou canl come in, Mimbridgc (n.) 'Ihar which two rery boring peoplehavein common
wnrch enab/cr you ro geraway from rhem.

Mryr.vy (n,)
A pcnon to $hom. under dirc injuncdon!ofsilcncc,you known. whichyou wbh !o bc fat morc vJidcly relia sccret

M.!b.rry (n.) trccfromwhi.hallcantccn Thc rapof a tiantNi8rian

Jamrere maqc, M.!..churctt! (pl,n,) Tholc itcnrs and particler which pcoplc who havc jull blown rhcir norcsarc carchinS for wh.n lhey lool into !hcir hanlie.,

Mrv..yn Ridw.rt (n.) The ltuffb.longin8 to a mavi! cnderby(q v ) whichlep3 turninguP in odd cornc ofyourhousc

Mrvir End.rby(n.) ftom your Thc almost.complctcly-fortottcn Sirlfricnd

irr' diltant palt for whomyour $ifc ha! a comPlct.ly jcalousy andhatrcd adonal Mrynooth (n.) uP,it may telktotalrtrantct.to chcr Oncwhorccklc$ly ncvarhaPFn. M..dlc (vb.) brcas6in a waywhich To blundararounda woman's for her. nothing does abrolutcly M..th (adj.) Warmandv.ry llithtly clammY, afteryou'vc Dc!.riptivcof the t.xturc of your hands hand' automatic tricd to dry thcmon a hot-air-blowint drlingmachin.. Mclbury Bubb (n.) $ho risca!o famc by bcinS.xlremcly A Tv cclcbrity emP. M.lcoEbc lcgi. (n,) usdin cocltail Thc rumc of thc ltylc of dcoration in mal-Tudor hothin Sur.cy loungcs

Mirchinhmpton (n.) 'fhe xpr3sion on a man's lac when heharjust zipF,cd

hrsrrouler! upwithout duecareand artenrion-

Misoot (n.)
A mixturc of toothpasrc and saliva in a wash-besin.

Moff.r(n.)
'lhar part of a coat which i3 dcsigncdto bc lar on by $c nxt to you on the bus. Person

67

MOG-MUM Mogulbcr (n,)

tn lhcyw.r. clcvercr OnewhogocrroundcomPlaining yaar!a8o. Mointy (n.) chccrs uP. romcbody Thc lartlitdctcatbcfore Moi.ic (adj.) aft r prformintcunnilingu!. of onet facc Thecondition Mol..by (n.) The kindof familythatdtivd lo thclcalidcandthen3it! rcading thc Srn&, clolcd, in thc .er withall thc window! Erprr$ and wcaringlidcuF (q.v ) Monb Toft (n.) Thc bundlcof hair whichis lcft aftera monkha! bcn bandand whichhc lccp3lied uPwitha rubtrer tonsured, awaY for chaling anB u3cr MonngtG (adj.) 'won\ work' Faindy nervouctha! a particular Po3tbox lcttcr. wh.n poltint animporlant Motrpur (n,) Th fourth whclof a luparmarl.t trolleywhichlookr to thc oth.r threcbu! rcndcr! thc trollcycom' idcniical plctcly uncontrollablc. Mugrrry (n.) littla (Mcdical) from whichth. unPleasant The 3ubltance pruon'! ara cyc! in thc corncB ofa llepy ycllow globules maoc. Mult& (n,) withwalnut in ordcrto hisface An infidclwhostain! iuic in a sitcom or aPPCar cntcrMc(ca MurnEclluE (n.) whichclin$ to thfingers of rubstan. An unwholesomc tomb"robb15. succcalful
68

MUN-NAN Muadcrt.ld (n.) A maadow lelcc_rcd, whikr driving pa3r, a! bcintidcal for
a_prcnrc whrch,trom a jtdng porilion,turn! our to bc full ot.rtubble, dulr and cowpaBand almolt imposriblero .nloy youncl! rn.

Mulrter (n.) A Frson who continually brin$ up the subj.t of Propcny Pnccr.

Nl|! (n.) 'fhe win.making rcgion of Albania where moir of rhe (q.v.)come3 aalleagh from. Nacton (n.) The n wirh whkh cheapadvcrrising copywrit.r! replac. th.wordand (asin 'fi3h n'chips.,.mix n'march ,.asrauh n bartcrt ), in rhc mhtalen bclief rhar it i5 in somcway chummyor endca ng.

Nrd(n.)
Measured.fined as rh. dilran.e b.tween a crriver,s ourstrcrchedfingnipi and lhc ticler machrnern an auromarrc car-parX. I nad- I8.4crh. Nambcr (vb.) To hang around rh. rablebcing too shy ro nr nexr to rhe peBon you rea y wanrto. Nanhoron (n.) A tiny valveconcealcd in thc inncr car whi.h enablfl a deaf grandmorherro conv.rscquite norm.lly whcn rh.

NAN-NAZ fcclr likc it, bul which .xcludc! .omplctelyanyrhin8 to hclP$irh layin8$a r.blc whichlound! likc . rqucar N.!6rcld (n.)
Thc lccrct po.l(ct which.at! your train ticket.

NIE-NO'I' NccaSollerr(pl.n.)
Anyrftcmbla offlpccially unflattcringand Fculiar garm.nr! wom by_lomconc$hich tells you rhar !h.y;rc riShrar rhe forefronrof fashion.

Nrtrttrich (n.)
A lat.-nilht !na.k, invcntedby th. Earl of Nantwich, which coiri.ru of lhc damp.lt thing in thc fridSc Th. Earl, who liv.d in a flat in clapham,inv.ntcd tha to to thoPPing. having to avoid nantPich Nrplcr (pl.n.) ofRyvita. Thc tinydcPr.$iontin a Pic(c

NcEpn.tt Thrubwcll(n,)
'fhe feeling expcricnc.d $,hcn drivint off for rhc very hrrt ||me ona brand ne$ motorbiLe,

(n.) Nindiguuy
Onc wlo (onllanrly neds to tr rc-pcrruadcd of somemtngtncy va already agrccdro.

Nipirhirh (adj.) Dcscriptivc ofa person walking barcfoot ontrav.l. Nirh (n.)
Thc dark picceofvclvet which hasbccn brwhcd against th. nap,

No.t Ho.t (n,)

A drivcrwhoindicarc! lcf! andturnsright. NogdrE End (n.) Thar pa of a pair of s.hsors us.d to tung in a picrure hook. Nolooir (n.) Oncwio drdles likeancrhnic minoriry ro $hichthcydo
NAFLES

N.ugrtucl (r,)
rhampoo.polyfille'ctc , which A pleltic lachd containing by biling off !h. corncF. opcn cxcapr to i.riinpo*iblc N.rctrg (ptcpl.vb.) noilc! of Prctcnd.d inlcrt Th. rtthar unconvincinS h,hcnbroutht a !m.ll dull whkh an adull ha! to maLG objcd for .dmirarion by a child

Nonrc(sfx,) .Oh latin sumxm.aningi qucltion expecrinE rheans$cr rcallylHowinrcr$ling.' Nouob (n.) Any word that lools a! if it's probably anothcrword ha.kwards but turn. outnorrobe.

Nothg. (n.)
Thc collecriv.namc for rhints rhich you find a ule for 7l

70

NUB-NYB aftcr youhavlhrown thcmawry. immcdiatcly uP your gracnhoutc ha! bccnclutrcrcd For inltancc, and trcat frond! for ycarrwith a hugepiicc.of cardboard of aardcninrrtrinr. Yoll .t lalt dccideto cl.ar all thi! hour!you st"ifout, a"-dvoubum ir' wirhin twnty-fou' rudd.nly and wraP a lartt n.cd !o will urScntly P.rccl, your i! somc cnho$G thcr in that luclily rcmcm-bcr St cardb ... Nubbock(n.) bforca Parlycan Thc Lindof pcnon whoha! to lcavc rclaxand cnjot itscu: (adj.) NulcrrFt Ablc to to on a two-wLholiday with hardly any luggag., Nuadlc (vb.) a Diano. To movc Nupcad (n.) ofan old foundin thcIining ahangc Thc rmountof small jult evcayourbacon. jackctwhiah N[tbout!. (n.) thc htwccn lwo or moraP$!ibl. Puddingr, In a choicc for. onenoMY PlumP6 Ny.rlirg (prcpl vb.) as a Of marricdcoupl6, u3inga tcrm of cndcafincnt tcrmof ccnluicor rcProach Nyb.tlr (n.) thclift totrar.l oncfloor' The ronofDcnonwhotaket

Ociur(n.)
Th cut. Iirtlccircl. or hcartov.r an .i. usedby teenage girlswhen wriringrh.irnanes, OcHc (n,) An el.ctricalswjrchwhich apparu ro b off in borh F)3rrrons, Offlcyhoo(adj,) Ridiculously over-enrhusie3tic about goingto Cornwall. Offord Dercy (n.) A-gatecrashrlou canlgerrid ofbccausc hei bcome rhe irreandsout ot thePany, Old C.!.op (n.) Ptcce ofcaringreaslurance which ij l parus kno$i3com. pret.ly unrrue. Asin ,aload of. . .' Ompton(n.) Oheshohas.bern cor ple(ely kircd ourar Burberr)i bur rr srill. nevcrrheless. clearly from Idaho. Osbarton(n.) A poinr rnadefor rhe seventh rime ro somc&)dy who in3isB tharrheyknowcxacrly whatyou meanbur ilearlv hrrni gotrhefainrest ida. Oshkorh(n.) 'lhe noiremadebr someonc who hasjurr Deen grossly tlaRered andh tryingrc makc lighrol ir. Ospringe(n.) 'Ihat parrofa rhree-colour birowhich rcnders ir instanrly

OUN-PAP

Osctt (n.) co.Y. A frilly rParcaoilct'roll

Orudlc (vb.) To walk ding.lcaning ridcwayr,with onc arrn hanging limp anddraggint on. lcg bchindr.hc orhcr. _Mo!rcoDmonlyulcd by acroEin amatcurprcductions of Rnhd III, or by lttr]plc czrrying e hcaw|cuitcarcin (n,) O/lirrdoub Onc whocanli3! andchcwglrmar rhc!:rmcrim.. O,srI (n.) Oncwhooffcn to hclp efter dl lhc worl ha! bccndon.,

ossElT

P.tb.y (n,) (Fcncingianh.) Tha play, or manoauvrc,wncr onc 3wordlman l.pr on ro rhc tubl. and pull! thc betdcrx. off the wdl. Put y-Wrcco (adj.) 'fhc find 3a!c of mind of a rctircd colonclb.forc thcy com to tala him away, Putpcrttog (n.) An actorwholconly telantiato rlay fat. Pepcadc (n.) Somethintdrawnor modclledby a rmeltchild whichyou arc auppolcd!o knowwh.t ir i!, Erpigocbic(n) A middl.-e8dment overlonghrircu!, inr.nded ro malrc hitnl6k youngcr, 75

o..ini!!

(ptcpl.vb)

Trying to t.c pa!! thc PcFon.htittg in front of youat th' c.rncma.

Ourldtwirdc (n.) (OId Non ) Smallbrdr wind inlllum.n! ur'd for tum' moning vikinp to lunch lfhcn th.y'rc off on thcir lonFhipr,pl.yin8. O.e6ty (n.) Thc inebilily !o 6nd a comfonabl. Polidonro lic in b.d.

Oulit rtt (n.)

you don'! want to invila to a Pany but whom Sornaonc youknou you h.vc to .! a matlcr of dutt 11

- PEL PAP P.ppl. (vb.)

do to louP wilh thir rpoons. To do whatbabies

PEN - Pf,R aSainsta lrrick wall whh a stout wooden bat until the prisonr confcsses.

PapworthEvcrerd(n.)
s.ne Tc.hnicalterm for the fifth tak. of an orga3m 6lm ofa thc makinS during PornograPhic P.r.dip (n.) in the one'rgcnitals Politcword for thc actof warhing wash-balin. Prrtold (adi.) pool to div. into a .old swirnming cnough Ncarlybrav on a windyday. P.rrog (n,) beromclonofbird, I suPPosc. Godlnows.Could P.ah.trui. (adj.) aft.r a heavy Saturday of a parilhchurch Thc condition efiernoonlwedlock. P.rLri BUD (n.) dcposed headsof Myslcriowillnesi amictingrcently tostand lrial means thcyar.nl wellenough itatewhich Prlrcy (n,) mak.3and insist! your nextdoor neighbout somcthing thatyoutry on yoursausagcs. Pccblcs(pl.n.) (q.v.) of skegn.3s roll.d Pllcts carefully Small,
P.ening Qu.d.r (n ) That arce of a disaothcqucwh.rc single men lounga about tryinS to look Sroovyaboutnot havinglhe couragc to aik a f,irl !o dancc.

tr..t f.rn.y.f.dw (n.) Pn

Welsheord whi.h literslly rranslarca s ,leaking,bi(>by, !he-glass-hoic-of-thc-clerl-of-th.-banl-has.oen-rarcn. to-another-placcleaving-onl/-thc-spcial-inkwcll-andrhree.inchca.of-tin<hain'.

(n.) Pcuge
I he expandingslonedarm on rNhich a cuckoocohsour ol a cuckooclck.

PENC!

Pcorie (n.) 'l h. fcarof p..ling roofawpotatoca. Percyherncr (n.)

(fnglirh public.school slend A prcfccrwho!. dury it i! ro surprila naw boyr 5t rhc urinrl and humiliatc !h.m in a rnanncr of hir chooring.

P.lutho(n.)
ball Samc The balb arc $hack.d A SouthAmerican 76

Pcrnnzbuloc (n.)
Oneof thoscrpray rhingrulcd to wcrironing with.

PER_PIN Peru(n,)
Thc expression of innccnt alarmsccnon the faccof in thmiddl. ofe pcrural. somcone surprised Suiltily P.a.rcultd (n.) youdon'!wantto b. fricnd3 withwhoringsyou Somone inlcrvah and sugg!!t! you tct up at eight-monthly togather 3oon, Pvctr!y(n.) 'fhe (Archaic) riSht to collcctshinglcfrorn thc ling'r forcrhore, PLill.cI (n.) pouch A Cuccibh forca yintcondom3in. Piblbury (n.) Thc littlaholcin thccndofa toothbrurh. Pictlcurh (n.) on thcmorningaftcr Thc detriturfoundin wincgla.rrcs a Party, Piddlctrenthidc (n.) (q.v.). Not to bc A rroulcr $ain caused by a wimbledon (q.v.). witha botley confurcd Pidncy (n.) Tha amountof coffeein ih. bottomof thc jar which docsnlamount to a spoonful, PiInlico (n.) pie(eof plaslic metalcomSmallodd-shapd or curious in bottom kitchcn rummagcfound the of a F)ncnt or looking drawcr whcnspring-clcanint lbrSellotapc. PiftFrn. (n.) foundon thc undchcath Onc of rhose rubbernodules 3idc ofa lavatory scat. Pingrndy (n.) ncat old person. An extremely 78

PIN - PLY

PinFring (n.)
That pan of an oventhat notrody wantsor knowt how!o rurn off. Pitlocht/ (n.) The backgroundgurtlint noi* h.rrd in fa!! food rca hurantr caurd by pcoplct#ng to gct rhc la!! bubblcs out of thcir milkhal$ by slurping loudlyrhrough thcir Pitroddi. (n,) or uppcrdas prronwhoaffccc a $orkintA middlecla:rrtylcof rpccch. Pibligo (n.) Panoftraditional rratint ritc. Duringthc fit3t hot dayof lpring, rll rhe menin rh. tubc .tart givint up th.ir iats !o ladicaand strap 'fh. purpo!of pitsliSo han8in8, i3 ro allow thcm ro dcmonstrate their manhood bydilplayingthc wctparches undcrthcirarms. Pleley (adj,) Desariptive ofa drunkpcron'sattempts rotrecndearing. Plenmellcr (n.) 'fh. non-wat.rprmfmat.rialtrom whichraincoarare maalc. Plcvcn(n.) Onemor. orob.lcas, thanth. numb.rrquir.d.

Pluragrnhr (pl.n)
'I hc corrugatio on th anllci cauidby waring tighr

Pluvigncr(n) 'l heminurculc holcin thelideofa biro. Plymouth(vb.) To rclatcan amwing!tor, to 3o|n.onc wilhou!remcmbringrharit wa!rhcy whoroldir to youin rh. firlt plac.. 79

P L Y- P O L Plynpto! (n.) onloPof awarmcmorial. Theknob Pocli4 (n)

Thc poindc!! BpPing of a ciSarcttcbcfore $ning olt wilh th!bulinca! oflmoking iL

P O N- P U L - whichinvariably win3childrcntpainlin8 comFdrion! In mc c-l aga gToup. (n.) PollyHlin Thc rhnccadopled bya 3calide comcdian whichGll! you tharthpunchlin. isimminni. PooDr(n,) gruntint noiscmadcwhcnsirtint bacl afler a Salisficd mcal. t@<r Pot rch (n,) Th. rld.lt nalin a soap opcra farhily, Pott Striglcy (n.) Dricd remaiN of a wccl-old calscrola, catcn whcn cxtrcmcly drunkat twoa,m, Pr.gu. (vb,) To dcclaimloudly and pornpoully upon any tubjecr abourwhich rhc rpcakerha! h; kn;whdgr fte; at [a!! oncothd pcrronarlhc bblc. Pre on Gubhdr (n.) Brcartiof uncvcn wight.

Podcbndy (n.)
Thc man in dirty overallc hired to wandcr whiltling to mal. it lool round lhc coffidorr ofa largccorPoraiion don. a! if thc managcm.nt'!tctting somcthing

Pofrddcr(n.)
A lnalcthat canl b. bolher.d lo bilc you

Pof8.y End (n.) Thgrc.n bil of a carrot. Pog!. (pl,n.) a that rcmainafter cooking Thc lumpsof dry Powdr packctoflouP. Polbthic (adj) only th. taPs using Giftedwith $c abililyio maniPulatc fcct. PolhtoErilh (adj.) fnnS outof lofas. to Pullthcatu inclincd rcsdcs3, Pc.vbh, Polloch (n.) foil lubr andaluminium tiny ribbd_Plaltic onc of thosc youto carryonc aaflly .neblinS of milk r.rvedon trains whreyou cansPillthc con' backto yourcompartment tryinS to gctthebloody rcnt!all overyourlc$ in comfort thingoP.n. Polp.rro (n.) to Mth Th. ball,or muff, of !ogg7hair foundclinging ovcrffo$-holca. Polyphut (n.) partbird,par!snakc, Thc mythicalbeas!Panjam!!.in 80

Princcrni.borouth (n,)
Thc right of any mcmbcr of rhc noyal Femily!o hav. paoplc l.ugh et th.irjol$, howcvc! wccdr. Pruaglc (adj.) Prct.nding robc proudto b. lintle, Pudrcy(n,) _fhc curiou!{hapcd nat wad!ofdough l.ft on a kikhcn lablcaftar3omconc ha!bn curtinc lconc!outofit, Pulv.rb.ich (n,) Thc 6rsrparagraph on thcblurbofa du!r-ja.L.r in ehi.h Ianrcu! author!claimto have hade lcricaof mcnialiobs in lhciryourh,

EI

- QUA PUN Puring (ptcpl.vb.)

Boolting a man's.go by pretendint to bc unabl. lo oPn ascrcwbPJar, PyEbl! (n.) small metal objectabout thc lizc of a thimble which lies it h lhc toP on rhe ground. Whenyou kick it you discover ofsomethingburied four fcet dccP.

QUE-RAN (n.) Qu.dgll.y A rabidlyl.fi.win8 politician who canafford ro bc rhal waybccaurc hc marricd a millionaircas. Qu.nby (n.) A liubbom lpot o'l a windowwhich/ou 3pnd rwnry minut.slrying to cl.anoff bfore dbcovcrint it'! on th. oth.r lidc ofrhc tlaos. Qucltin (n,) A pcrronftat no oneha! cvarhaardof whounaacountablymanagcr to malca living'rrilint prefacs, QuoFC.! (n.) Thc hatcfulncs! ofword! likc'relionua' and'ea!iDhir'.

Qu.bb. (pl.n.)

a black*hich emcrgewhcn you lquee?e The subltancca hcad.

R.dl.fl (n,) Thc linglc hcmilpherc of drid pcawhichis invariably foundin anotherwile spotlcarly clcan lauc.pan.

Ranrgrre(n,)
All inltilulional building! rhult, by law, conrainat lea( twenly ramlgatca. Th.sc erc dooB which opcn lhc opporit wayto th.onc tou rxpcct.

Rrnd.r.(pl,n.)
QUAaaS

Pcopl.who,for thcir own obrcurc rcalonr,try to tlc.p with pcoplcwho havesleptwith mcnbr! of fic Royal Family.

qudl (vb.)
'lb spcat with thc voicof onc who r.quirc! another to for them. do something

Rrfirrly (adj.)
Fachionof tying tie! !o that the long thin .nd dand6 bclowtha lhort fa! end.

ET

RAV-RIC

R I C- R U F Rictlirt (ptcpl.vb,) Fiddling around inrid. a magarine to removc all rhc

staplcd-in spccial offcr cards rharmak. i! impolliblelo read.

Rigolct (n.) Ar muchofan op.raa! most pcoplc canrit through. Riubcy (n.) Thc particularly imprc$ivc throw of a frisbc. which caurcs it to bclost, Ripo! (vb,) critic!)To includc all rhebcatjoLcs lof literary from rh. boot in the revi.wto maLe ir lool a! if rhccriticthought ofthcm, Rirplith (n.) Thc burutof apphuec $hichgrc.ri rhclound of a platc lmalhingin a cantcen,
RANTUR!Y

Rrvdrtlr (n.) in a workftanl bottom that Poetic term for theclaavag peks above thclop ofhb trouset!. Rhymn.y (n,) That part of a songlyric $hich you iuddenlydiscover you'vc bcen mishearing for years. Ribcr (n,) shcct of toil.t paper$,hich Thc barelysoiled iignahthe proccss. endofthc bouom-wiping Richtlond (adj.) D$criptivcofthe 3trte thatveryrespctablc cldcrly ladic! inlo if thcy have a little too nluch sherry, $hich, ar tet notmake youdrunl. everyone kno$s, do3

Rochc.tlr (n.) Onc who is ableto gainoccuparion of the armrcrts on bothlidcr oflheir cincma or aircrafr 3.at. Roo.cbccL(n.) Uscfulall-purpdccrncrgency word.Whena childasks 'Daddy,what'srhat bird/Rower/funny rhing rharmant w.aring?'you limplyr.ply'ICa a roolcbc.k, darling.' Royrton(n.) The men bchindyou in churchwho !ing! with rcrrific gurtoalmdtrhrcr-quancrs of a toneoffthcnotc. Rudgr (n.) An unjultcriticilm of yourcx-girlfricnd'3 nrwboyfriend. Rufioih (n.) On. oho ha! the llrngth of charactcr or loudncrs of voicc (q.v,)!c!3ion tobringalowthering to ancnd.

E4

E5

scA_scR
S..nblc.by (n.) A 3rnall dogwhich rctcmblc! e rhrow.rug and.ppaeRro
b. d.ed.

Srdbrgc(n) rhrubwhichir gound uP,mixdwith A violcntgrcan -rclatinc (q.v.)and .nd a.rvedwift clonmult rvrirsand no known (q,v-.) to for in a containcr rcfcnad bulidoo rcason a3the'rclhhtray'. sdfrcn Wdd.n (n.) A Dariicularlind of hidcouscarualjackct that nobody wein in rcal lifc, but whichi! huch favouEd by Ronnic Barlcr. SdPccn (nJ liquidin a cupof !ea. A fainttalteofwalhin8-up S.m.lrm|n (n.) by bcaming Onc who fills in th. gaP!in .onlersalrons wcll, wcll, hercwc all andsaying'Well, tcniallyat poplc arclhan',a lot. S.tr.dhw.itc (vb,) To spraythc Frlon you arc talking to wirh halfthcwed piccer of whitbah. or small breaacrumbs S.uclllo (n,) thc who comPlctely misjudgcr A ioke told by somconc lold. whom itfu perron to of rhc tcri pcrament S.v.rdlc (vb ) in thcblieffiat crcrt!on to ananorak To 3cw municiDal cdmopolitan. aPpar thawcarcr thi3makcr ScrcHctod (n.) of ca$!t$ that llides acro*r fta Horizonlal avalanche intriorof a carr! it tocarounda lharpcorncr.

SCAMILESBV

Sccthlot (n.) Ona of !hc)6c chc! worn l,cculiar bcardr-wirhou!-moult by r.lidou-!.Beldan! andAmcrican lcicnrill!whichhclp thcmlooklilc trolls, Sconlcr(n.) A pcEon who loob aroundlhcm lrhcn talling ro you, ro sec if tharc'rahyoncmorcinlcr$ting about, &opwict (n.) Thc Rap of.lin whichi! rom off yourlip whcntryingro rmoraanunlPpcdogarictlc, Scorrier(n,) A.smallhunringdog trainad!o lnumc amongs! your pnvalc Part!. Scorthrop(vb.) 'I o mal. v.gueoFning or curlingmovcm.nt! whh ihc handrwhcnwandering atrour looling for a tin opener, scrssorr..rc., inrhe hop. rharlhbwillhclpinlomcway. Scnbby(n,) A. curiou!-ahapcd du3tcrdvcn ro you by your mothcr which on closrinspc.tiontum! ou! to bc half an undcrDant, 87

E6

- scu scR
Scnb.t r (n.)
tca' ha!it off onyourlegdurinS Oncofthorcdogrwhich (n ) Scullet
'l
To cut oncaclf$hilrt licLing cnv.lop!.

_S H I s0u
something rnildly interesting on the orhr side of th

Scl.Dogc (vb ) Scr. o! (n,) of tha Mmin (q v )' ri,ho,aflcr thc dcclaration A Dcrcon '. rouP' rays, . Butt onlyhadthclomato atwayr Scnptoft (n ) mangrora/! Th. ablurd f,aPof hair a vain and balding plaltarcd thc ovcr toPofhis i! onccarto comb loncabovc to theotharcar. hcaa Scrccb (vb,) a rubbint against To malc thc noi!. of a nylonanoraL trouter3 Dair of corduroy Scrltt|n (n.) putting by PcoPlc bit causcd (Binhinr) The cro$ed-out all lhroughJanuarv chequ* ycar on their *rorig ihe Scr.Eby (n ) Th dhydrakdfclt'tiPPcnaitachcdby a 3tring to thc 'Don\ Forcct board in thc kitchn which has ncvcr worlcd in iivingmlmorYbut which no on. canbc both. crcdto throwa$ay

he lastteasF)onin lhe $ashingup.

(r.) S.urlage
{ duck-wb ofsnot caused bysncezing intoyourhand. (vb.) Snttle To rhakca nohelikea rraingoinS along. ( .) Shalunt ijn who ecars Trinidad and _fohago T-shirrs on the l)each in Balito prove.heydidn'rjus( winrhchotiday in a (ompetidon or anything. Shanllitr(n.) Thehoopofskinaround a single slice ol salanri. Sheepy Megne(rr.) One who .mergesune,(pcrdly from the wrongbcd roomin themorning. Sheppey (n.) Ilcasurc of distanc. (cqual ro approximaiely lcvene'ghlhs of a milc), defincd as!h. clolcsr dielancc arwhich sheep remain picturcaquc. Shifnat (n.) {n awkward rhulflingwalkcauled by rwoor morcpcople 'n a hurry accidcntal.ly in rhe same !gment of a tcitint revolvingdoor.

Scri.bin(n.)

with intcricweru' Thcrcncthat NormanTcbbit adoPts Th. rtout Dubichairr $,hichprolrude from your hclPing Grckrrtaurant of mou$akain a chaap somcthing that hitg th. window as a rcsuh of a violenl 3neczc. one whote moulh actuallyhan86oP.n whcn watching 88

(pl.n,) scroggr
Scronlcy (n.)

Shirnpliug (ptcpl.vb.)

(n.) Scugog

l.yitrgabourrhe sr.atc of your life in ordcr to cheerup yourparents, llti.-"r" (pt.n.)

Iallyoungmenwho cland around!milingarwcddingr as u lo suggcrtthat they knowthe bride rarherwell.

89

s H o- s l r
Sho.burync[ (n.) on yout't wh'nsitting fccling uncomfortablc Thcvaruc
a seatwiich is still warm from som.Hy ekc\ botlom Sbottlc (n.) dultbin! which Onc of !ho!e tubsmadeofyellow Pla3tic ofa housc buildcF ur to gct rubblcoffthc toP fioor

S K A- S L A sk giw.y(n,)
outbreak Suddcn ofcond on a motorway, sk nlcftP (n.) carserolc A Swcdirh madc ofcll-livcru. Slcgnc.. (n.) Nose excrela ofe malleable conristcncy. Slclliltcr (n.) A v.rt, vcrt old ioliciror. (adj.) Skellow Descrip.iv. of thc iatilfacrion .xperienced whnlooking at a rcallytood drylionc wall. Sl.nfrith (n.) Thc flakca ofathletelfootfoundinsidcs<xks. (n.) Sktty Apparendy self-proplled lirrledancea berglass prforms in itsownpuddle. Skibberecn (n.) 'l he nois madeby a sunburncd thigh leavinta plasric Slooncpruit (n.) I he tiny garden sprinkler thingyour mouthsometines ooes tor noaPParent ralon,
Skrubburdtrut(n.) one who draws penis! on postersof women in the L:nderground.

Shrcnl (n,)

A fold in a Pairofltockingr that arn\ tight cnouth for a pair of thinlc$.

SicrEou! (adj.) on thc Trry Wo&n show' Pc cclly willing to aPpar

(nJ SidcuD

A iat made from tying lnot! in thc corncfl of a hand' Icrchicf. Anything uscdin licu of a toothPict

Sigglc.thorn. (n )

StLft (n.)

(M.dical) Th inabilily to rcmmbcr, at the critic'l iomcnt. which ir the bitter iidc of !h' boat to b' lcasicl off. SohcthinEthat eat ltickv and i. now futry' found on rh' carpc!un;cr thc aofaon thc mominS aftcr a Pany ihc little mo"cmentof fal! modcatyby $hich a wom'n hr knac!,

(n.) Si.Uotb

SiEptiD (n.)

Sluhmus (n.)
sonrcone who is obviously no( doing 1{har$cy $,enrtnlo llte lavaloryfor,

StitilgbouEc

(n.)

arcwaidnt whcrc bothPcoPlc Oic of thorcconversationr

.^^.r-. onc ^-. to '^ rhut .h"r uP .- 30 .^ thcy ih.v.rn Et on wlm with th.rl aan tt for .Lthc olhcr
D|l.

$hbberrr 1pl.n)

People who sat 'Ca l havcsomemorejuicc?'whenthey nrean travy, 9l

90

- SMA SLE Sldrttua(n.) gocrroundandroundbut won'tcomc which Somclhing

off.

SME-SNO h largcly w.d by pcople rryinS ro giv. rhc . Smardcning rmpr..ltontharth.y-reenjoying a lrory rhey've hcardar
lciut llx ufnc! baIor..

SUFhi.ly (n,)

wholakcithcmorningoff*orkin ord.r to litn Someon. on, Slobosir (n,) unddp.n6 to PickuP Achronicinability Slogrric (n.) rough diald for thc ltrckh of conccald Hillwalkinr -which wa! you !h. what lhought bctw.n lic! moorland t. lop of th. hill andwhatactually sloilgc (n.) A po3trclf-abulc!ri!tc!!c Sloothby (adj.) Crnrpicuouly inconrpicuour- ar of a major cclcbrily cntcring a rcltaurant wifi a gr.at dilplay of bcing incognito, Slubbcrt (n.) of. dripr of wax!h.t dribblcdown!h. 3id! Thc goocy candlc. Sluggu (n, A lurid facial bruilc *hich cvcrtMy Polilcly omit! to mcntion bccaurcitl obviou! that you had a Punch'uP with your rpourc lalt nighr - bur u/hich wa! aciudly caurcdby walkinginto a door. lt i! ulclca! to voluntcat it. bc<3u!e noHy lvill bclievc thc iruc cxDlanation Slunb.y (n.) Thc cigrctte ind rcmconcdilcovar! in thc mouihful of jurt rwiSgcdftom a .an at lhc and of a hgcr tf,ey have

Srldri..ry (n.) Thc parr of a kir.hcnwall resncdfor rhc schooltim. daubing! of rmallchildren. Smirby (nJ Th corrftt namcfor a junior apprcntica greentroccr wnolcmatnduty t! to arrangc $a frui! ro rhatthc bad
cldcE undcrneath. From tha namcofacharactcrnot in Dickcns, I

Smyru (n.)
Tha cxpr$ionon rhc faceof onewhosejolchas tonc downrathciwcll, Snccm(n.) Panicular kind of frozen smilc bstowed on a smallchild .Mummy. bv a parnr.in mixedcompany whenqucslion. .Er what s rhh)'appearu ro rcquirc thearirwer. ... ir\'a johnny,darling.' rubbcr Srdtt.r (n.) Oneof thc rathcrunfunnynevrrpapcr clippings pinnd to an olhcc $ali, rhe humourof whichfu luDDdcdro derivefrom rhc facrtha(rhc headline contains a namc similar to tharof oneofrh. occupanri of$c officc. Snitterby(n.) Somaone whopinr up rnirrcrs (q.v,). Snittcrfcld (n,) Officcnoriccboard on whichsnirGrs (q.v.), cards iayinq 'Youdonl have to bemadro *ort here, but ifvou aie.ii h.lpdl!' and lmutrypolrcards from lbizageriinned up oysnrttarDrcl (q,v.).

Parry.
Srnrrdca (vb.) To lrcp your mouth lhut by hilinS de&rmin.dly lhroughyourtclh.

snoul (n.)
Thr lhird rccurrnc of a wintcr cold.

93

s N o- s P o
Snovct (n.) from hit e8t''upl !o drinkingcoffec Onc$,hob rcduccd morcwcck one upjuet offthewalhing inorderto Put solcnt (adj.) rcachcd rlf-kno\^'lcdgc of thrtateof sercnc Descriprivr drink through Sollcr (vb.) if you gludit in two whiletesling To brcaksomcthing togcthct ProPcrlY. Sodpting (n.) into one\ o$n of dnbblnS involuntarily Ttrc practicc pillor{, Sottrrl.y (n.) with au'nin$,which two shoPs bit bctween Uncovcred it'sraining youhavctoaro$when

- STE SPO Spot|lc (vb.) To tcmovcprecious objcct3 fiom a roombcforea pe y. SprcrlJcy (adj.) I.riiatingly chrful in rh. horning.

ltuob(n.) Sprucc
A gcnital aftcrlhave whichh suppord ro bc calching on in America.

(n.) Spurytr

Onc who in an!$cr to !h qurtion 'How arc you?' actually tcllsyotr,

(n.) SpuzruE
A wcc.wcewhich rclcmblera lawn rprinller, caused by a shrcdoflilsuc pap.r colcring thc exirholc of the penir. Squiblocl.t (n.) That part of a car, thc unexpected nccd for thc repiaccgaragcbill! to bc four timer larg.r ment of which ceu3e3 than the sdmata.

SourhwicL(n.)
A left-handcd wanker'

Spiddl. (vb)
'fo

frittcr awa), a PrfecdYSood life pr.Gnding lo dcvelopfiln Projects.

Stagno di Cunbi (n.)

(ltalian)Pilsdoff with weitint for a bus ro arrive,a waiterto brinSthe mcnu,or a tniN !o finhh painting yourc.iling.

SpinwrE (n.) 'fhc toxicfoamthatclinSs to ro.kylbrcahor's Spitt l ofcl.n.h.c (n ) doorsin the That which has to bc clean.doff castle or vamPlrc conte3t bagpiPc'Playing a atler morning attack. Spoff.rd (n.) tulimit'd to tayinS to poliricr contribution An MPwhos 'HcarHcar" Spofforth (vb.) ladyarrive3' Totidy upa roomb.foreth. cleaning 94

Strplow (n,)
A telcphonc numbcrthat you nowcanl find anywhcrc becausc two ycars youwouldnever agoyouswore spcal lo th! Pcnona8arn, Stebbing (n.) 'l he erection you ca not conceal you arc not because lfearingajackr. Stecnhullet (n.) Oncwhoi.cmployed bya trad dclcgarionor negoriaring leamlo iwcll th numbcnand makcir lml irnpr$sive

S T T '- S T R whc !h.y watk out. Thcre arc currently 25'36E!tcn_ huffelsworkingat the UN in Ncw York.

S T R- S W A Strubbt (adj.) Artractivcly miniaturc. Sturry(n,)

immcdiarely in fronr.of an"pproaching v.hiclegcnerally gtvea fituc waveand brcakinroa lturry. This giv!!h. imprdsion of hurrying wilhout havingany praclical effect on thirepeed wherlocver. Sluttotr(n.) Tiny mcltedplasric nodulcwhichfailsto hlp fasrcn a Sucklcyl{nowl (n.) A plumbr\assistant whoncverkfiowg wher. thc actual plumbcr is. Surby(adj.) Insolently polire,as of policemen who havcsropped a motorist, Sutton end Cheem(ns.) Surton andCh.arn aretherlfo kindi ofdirr inrowhich 'Suton'ir thedarksorrtharalways all dirt isdivided. gcts on to light-colourcd thin$, and 'cheam' th. lighr-coloured sorllhat always clings on ro darkirems. Anyone whohas everfoundMarmite stains on a dr.ss-shirr, or seagull goo on a dinnerjack.ra) knows all abour sutron and cheam, andb)isgoingrosome verycurious dinncrpartiei. Swaffhin Bulbcck (n.) An entirepicnic Iunchrinrcspenr fighrintoUwasp3. Swanegc (pl.n.)
A reri.s ofdnen'onarv kcrics uled when lrying ro covr up rh. cxilrence of a glormp tq.v.) such as uuering a xrgh-pirchcd laughand poinringourof rhewrndow.
A rolcn run. Pdesrriani who have chosln to cos! a roao

Minnir (n.) Sretling

A raditional strcct danc. This lovely old gi8!e can bc senat anv lime of the Yearin the strcctsof the City of lrndon or th couris of thc old Bailey.wherevcr you 3ee othcrwisepcrfectlyltaid Sroupsofbenkers'barrist.rg or ordinarv menrbersof the public moring along in a way you may be sur. thal a rt.lli S slightly syncopatcd by the place The Ph.nomenonis caused rninnii isiakirig cracks in stcPon lhe !o tryintnot arc factrhat the danicrs them pavcment th baff in case thc 8et ( Stibb ,) who hardly An unwelcomcpoke in the ribs by someonc 'Mr'Robert Maxwcll stibbcd Her Royal HiShnes! with his hubY,7A, ?ittn. repeatedly Stibbdd (n.) Thc invbible btatc pcdal on the pa!!cn8r'! ridc of !h

(n.) Stody ' 3othcy nun.s for hours somcone drinkwhich A small
can ltay in thc pub

Stolc Pogr. (n.)

Thc tappingmolcmcnl! ofan index fingcr on glalt mad' with lv a ijrrcn futitcly att mFring to communicate eithcrl trooicalfirh ora Po!!Omccclerl.

s.ostilg (ptc;l.vb.) lummY. woman's aPrcgnant Fecling SFu.g|rg (n.) hird!o lunch Gcimanword for the groupof workeru
inlida a 3lringof moior ay concltor *agvay (q.v )

Sart[.y (nJ hasgotEnglcdround or taF which lrng ltrip of PaPcr

lhc whcl of romcthins. 96

91

- TAR SWA Sr.ltbo.r (adj ) out aft'r e harddayhavintincome rhaggcd Cornplctely roYou raxexPlaincd se.fltng (ptcpl vb) alofa to Hoovcr atachmcnt Usin!a rpccial SvEond'r Y.t (n.)
inlidc ftc lid of a r'ccntly oP'nd The littlc tDoonful ' boilcdcgt.

TtI-TIB Tcig[gr.cc (n.)

The bclicf rhat a Dcvoncrcamtca i! nol going to makc youfccl,icl rftr you'vccrtcn it. Tew (n.) bctwGcn e men'iycbrowr. Tuft ofhair that$owN Tcw.l (n.) thc front wallof a The little bralslatchwhichfastcns hou!, doll's Throcking (ptcpl.vb.) pushing downthc l.vcr on a The actionof continually poFup toaltcrin th. hopclhat tou will thcr.by8tit lo understand thatyouwantitto loaltrcmcthing. Thro.tEorton (n,) madman: oncof th@e nowknown ofa departed Thc soul ofpop-uptoa!tcrs. to inhabit thetimint mechanirms Thrun.tcr (n.) 'fhc ir tetingman nextto you in a .onccrtwho thinks hc'3 ihaconductor. Thrupp (vb.) theolher To holda ruleron oncndofa desl andmake cndgobbddbbddbbrrbrrrddrr. Thurnby (n,) which.veryone or linoleum A ruckcd-up edgeof carpt it 8et! will trip overand breal a let unlcas satglomeone triPi over k and ycar or two someone 6xcd. Af!r a breaks a leg, Tib.hf (n.) hung on a wall in a woodcnconltruction Crbs-crors
te"nagegirl's b.droom whi.h i!.ov.r.d *nh da!! bernbi. and poodl*, matchinS pigr and PorclainPonic! in variousPosturd, 99

T.bly SuFrlor (n.) Thc look dircctcda! you in a ficatr' bar during
intcrval by PaoPlcwho'Y. drc'dy gol th'ir drinkr'

T.Dp. (n ) to rcrt aftd droP irc rcundof a rubbcrcralarcoming pingoff adc.kin avryquictroorn Tru!.rtv. (vb) yourcntr.nccbyfallingovc!thcdu'tbinitl To announcc
thc drivc

T.nvrb (pl.n.) ofyourhoutc owncfl thatthePr.vioui rhinSr Dilturling

havc lcft in thc celler'

Tu.bulu. (n )
Thc gcom.lrical ngurc which,dcrribe Bomblim or a car ltcnng wncl

thc Ban thc

t r-- ttU.l to tcrthcburgl'F durintrhniEht To mal. loudnob! lnowyouarcin. 9t

TID-TOL Tidpit (n.)

from whichlrtirfyinglittlcblack Thc corncrof a tocnail 3Pots maybclPrung,

TOL- TRE Tollbchol.ir (phr.) Whatthc policein Leithrequircyou to sayin ordcr to thatyouarenotdrunk. Drovc ToE.tin (n.) Thc chemical from which rinned romaro ioupismade. TotryFndy (n,) Thvoice 3cdby presente$ on childrcn's rclviiion progfammcs, Toody.y (n.) lndoncsian expression meaning'somctimc ncxtmonth'. Tooting BGc(n,) A carbehindwhichon. drawrup ar rhetrafficlight!and hoots at $henthclighBgogrcen before rcalizingihat the carh parked andthcrcb nooncinlide. Torluld/ (n.) Narrove but lhickly grim.d rtrip of floor ber$ccnthc fridtc andrhsinkunit in thc kitchcn ofa rcnted flar, Toronto (n.) Ccncricterm for anlrhingwhichcomcrour in a tulh dcspilcall your carcfulaffortsro let h our gcnr.ly, c.g. flour into a whhcsauca, tomalo lctchupon ro friedfiih, sperm intoa human bcing, etc. Totrlridg! (n) Thc ridiculourtwo-inch hunchtharFoplc adoptwhn arrivinglat for th. thcatrcin thc vainhopcrharit will minimizccithcr thc cmberre$mcnt or thc lacl of visibilityfor thar.3t oftheaudicnce. Tnatlenorc (vb,) To makc a nofu.likca tiain ciosrintasc!ofpoint!. Trcwoofc (n.) A vcry ihick and heavydrift of snowbalanccd prccaiiouilyon thc cdtr ofa doorporchawaiting for whatit l0l

(n.) Ttuicoultry
adoptd byanemploycras chummincrr Thc oan-to-man to hav.to thathe! Soing to tellintanamploye a prcludc go, let him Tirnblc (vb.) (Of lmall nasty To fall oververyg.ntly, look children) who's about, andthnyellblucmurder. aroundto cee Tinclcton (n.) by pulling himlclf in your lavatory A man who amuscs if hc can finish and then seeing thc chainin mid.pc. bfor.theflushdoca. Tirglwicl (n.) ofthc peni3. morning !!irrin83 Thc 6n!, sleepy Tingrith (n.) 'fhe yourfillinEs papcragainst of silver fecling Tocldol.s (pl.n.) pe orations which infest broSues Thliny meaningless Todber (n.) hk lront tim. b to stand bhind idea ofa good Onewhorc to peopl.hc doesnlknow. hedtcandgivesurlynods Todding (p!cpl.vb.) and aidrleslly to thc Th businc$of talkingamicably barman at lhe br:al, Tolob (n.) the r.movalof The cr.ale or lbld in an undrblanket r.rnaking it. out of bd and larSely whichinvolves Setting

100

TRI-TUM -iudgr to bc the corrc(t momntto fall'Th. Trewoofe of Fiom thc ancicnt Crek lcgcnd, Damoclca'.

TWE-UMB (collective n.) Twcedrrnuir

given colhction of hat!lepi in Thc name to theextcnsivc lavatory whichdonl fit Nnyonc in th. thc downslairs family. Teornil.borri! (n.) Ea3t f,urop.an outdoorgame in which thcfirst A popular qucuc wini,andthc pcr3on to rcach thefrontof lhc meat pluF. to forfci!theirbath loscnhave

Tri.p.n (n.)

toughstalk a 3ingl, lt Srows A form of intcllignt 8rar3. end mals its homc on lawN. Whn it saal lhe uPaSain aftcrit it li.s downandPoPs coming lawnmowcr ha! toncby. Tro.r.ch. (pl.n.) raincoat ancxpensivc The $clcsscpaulctieson Trunch (n.) youngcr thanyou of PcoPle r.s.ntment Irulinctive

Tu.ngrrny(n.)
A hidcouswood.n ornament that P.oPlc hant ovcr th mantclpiccctoprovcthcy'vebccn io Afnca.

Uditu (adj.)
to charm. Not rusceptiblc

Tukiruki (n.)
A rcxualliaisonwhichis meanttob sccrctbut which h in factcommon knowlcdge.

Ugglb.rnby (n.)

l,

'l h ponyrail aff.cted bya middl-aged baldintnan

Tullyncrrlc (n,)
An honalt attemPtto track down a clitoris. TulB (n.) A slurp of beerwhhh has goncdown accidentally your shiit collar.

Ull.pool (n.) up on th. floorof thc orchdtra whichbuilds Thc apitrle pit ofthc Royal Opra Housc. Ullirg.wicL (n.) epiglotti! found in middlc-agcd An ovcr-dcvclopcd Ulting (ptcpl.vb.) unpop theeari. ClickinS thcja$,to Umbcrlcigh (n.) (q.v.) Thc ewful momentwhich followsa dorchesler weighs up whcther to repal an amusint whcna spcaker laughd th. Iast tim.To beon th. rcmarkafternobody horn3of an umbrlcithis to wondcr$hetherpcople or *h.ther theydid hcarit and didnl hcarthe remark, t03

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I

I
I

Turnby(n.) 'I heinvoluntary aMominal

gurgling$,hich6lb th followint !omeonc silcnce els'!intimatcpcrlonal revclaiion.

r02

UPO-UTT jurt didn'rthint it wa! funny,which$.3 whylomcbodY couShcd,

Vdlqai| (n.) An ornalc hcaddr!! or looregzrmcnt wom by a perron in ih. bclicf that it rrndcr! lhcm invilibly nativcand not lilc tourilt! at all. Peoplawho don bugc conicalsrrah, coolichat! with 'l luv leto!'on thcm in Nigrria,or fal oliciton frorn Tonbridgcon holidayin Malaya whoinsilt on appcadng in thc hotellobbywcaring a laront know whatwcarcon about.
ULLINGSWICN

Upott ry (n,)

Vrlcouvcr (n.) Thc ic.hnicalnamefor onc of thorehurc rrucls whh whirting brulhc!on thebortom uredto cleinstrccu. VcDhor (nJ On. who,havingbccnviair.da.s a childby a myir.rious gypry lady, tugiftcdwitl th. 3thntc power of bing able ro oprata theair-nozzlcs abovc acroplanc scats, vidlin (n.) Thc moiltlt fray.d.nd ofr pic.eol colton rhread. 'It ir casier for a rich nranto ntcl thc Kincdom of Hcavcn thanit i! for a vidlinto pa$ throu8h rhecyl ofa necdl..'

That Dar! of a kirchencupboardwhich conraintan of milI jugs. largcnumbcr unn.cclladly

UrcMont (n.) whichgoca throughfic mind ltab of hyPocrily Suddcn whcnlalint vow!asa todPareni. Uttorctcr (n,) which devicc mcchanical comPlcx but immcnlcly A small i! c!!.nridlv thc 'brain of a mod.rn coffc. machin..and
which cnabics thc machin to talc it! own d..i!ion!'

l0{

105

vls-wAw
Vi.by (n, with in thc bedclothes tcnl'likcatructurc ihc ooinrv,
which a man indicat$ to hir partner that hc think! itl high dm shc ltopPcd fiddlinS around in thc balhroom .loboard and camto Dd.

- WET WED Wcddcrhin (Pl.n)

Th larg patchd of swcat on lhc bacl of a hot man!

Vollenhovc (n.) One who indicatcsfrom thirty yardi acrots a crowded with you' you, wish to 3pak 3trcetthat ihey havesPotld to the sPot rcoted and that you arc rquired to rcmain waitin8for ihcm

ri
WaccaDaw (n ) An cxotic Brazilian bird which makcs itt home in thc of BBC Light Ent.rtainmcn! radio showsand audiencca whcn i( hean the word bonom 3creechca

;l

W.|rblcy (n.)
The hid.ou! momcntof connrmationtha! the dilaltcr ltruck. pretrgcd in thc cly (q v.) ha! actually Wcadcrr Anbo (n.) (valcrinary tcrm) Thc oPcradonto rraccan objcc!rwal_
lowcd by a cow through all it! 3.v.n stomach! Hrnc.' aL!o,an cxpcdilion io dilcovcr rdhcr. thc cxi!! are in the Barbican Cntrc.

W..l.ggu (n ) Warhrby (n.)

ofaraglins(q v ) (Archaic)Onc who do.3 not aPprov Somethingvou only dk(over about somehxlv the firrt ume theyiik thc,r cbthesoffin frcnt ot rou

W.!p Grqr (adj,) 'I yelbw $hich i3quiteobviously he paint in the catalogue

Wrtndl.th (n )
'I

rcmov$ ro asto open his rliding h bit of wood a cabbie windowand gire you the full bn.fit ofhisopinions

W|rvnc(n.) suPPrcased A badly Yawn

106

Welt Wtttlrilg (ptcpl.vb) twir.hin8 whichbr.alr out whcn Thc uncontrollablc fromthmolt boringprlonrt you're tryingto 8ctaway a P.ny. Wctu !g(n.)
A moilt Dcni!.

107

WHA-WIN Whrplodc Drov. (n )

golfltroke A homicidal Wh.!!.t (n.) to sommnc A burincsrcard in your $allct bclonging ofmcetint no recollcction whomyouhav WLlocndinc (n.) housc' (oftcnby nitho in a ltrange A noisrwhicho(curs you !o b ablc for .vcr irregular and too i! too rho which it comcifrom. to findout $halit ir andwherc WiddicoEb (n.) ffimPhoncs, whoimPrsonarc Thsortof prgon WiFn (n.) you knowha! onlyonclg lf. whcnalkinq to romconc and nor' you'retrying ti rrcatthcm pcrfcttly carually rs mally,but find to your horrcr that your convetsation to (a)lrngjohn silver' ltuddcdwi$ refcrcncca libcrally (c)lhc Hokeycol.y, (d) 'Putting (b) Hopalons Calsidy, lct of!h UEFAcomPctition" vourf&r in if, 1elrhc last a wigan youaresaid to havccommittcd Wikc (vb,) off your llin a! fasta! To rip a picccof lticly Pla3ter ho$blavcyouar' thatit will la)show possi6h inthe hoP and(b)nothurt. Willirarntic (adj ) Of a pcrsonwhoseheart is in thc wront Plece(ie. lhcir le8r. bctwen Wimblcdon (n.) no mattcthowmuchyoushaleit, Thc lart droPwhich, rc8 trou3ar goes down alway3 Your WinHcy (n.) yor'l'vc which turnsuPimmcdiatly A lolt objeci Soncand for it. a rcplacment bought t08

W I N- W R I Wi!!t!r (n.) lhatthcyare on. whoismbtalcnlyundcrthcimprcarion charmrnS. Wilrton-S.lcD (n )

A pcBon in a re3laur.nt who luggesis to thcir .ompanion! that they shouldsplit lhe costof a mcal .qually, on th bill. and thcn orderi two pacl.ls of cigarettcs

Wiv.lhoc (n.) withwhich a sprighdy cithty-ycar-old Thccryof alacrity

breal$ thc ic on thc lakc $hcn Soint for a .*im on Chrisima!Eve.

Woling (ptcpl.vb.)
whatyoucamc in hcrc $ondering in thekitchcn Standing WolloldiUy (n.) \a,hocanl gtherliFtickon ltraight, A women WorEr.t (n,) new in staling A kind of poltcrg.istwhichrpGciali2e! of thc A-Z lromyourcar. copies Wotltop (n.) A Flcrionwho ncveractua.lly tc$ round io doing anv_ hc rpndsall htu time wriling our lisu thing becausc hcadcd'Thin$To Do(Urtcnt)" WorD.lot|| TuEp (n,) who docan\ know aboutanyAny sventccn-tcar'old bicyclegears. thingatall in theworldotherthan Wrebncre(n,) a damp triedto dry oneselfwith The fcclingatierhaving towel, Wristlc (vb.) to s"ttleintoa hol. Ol a stcelball,

il

t09

WRO-YES Wrcot(n.)
A lhort liltlc b.rk $ho thintr lhai by pulling on hir PiP. and qazingshr.wdly at you hc will givc thc imPrcr3rcn tha! i. ir i;finncly wiseand6ft zin

Y E T- Y O R

wubin (n.)
'fhc mlalfoil con6incr whichChinelc m.alscom. in. Wyoming (plcpl.vb ) Movin8 in hurried desPention lnlm one cubicle to anothci in a publiclavalorytrying !o lind one whichhasa lock on the door. a saaton tha bowl and no brownstreaks on lhe !cat,
YIIiA

Ycti||tt (n.) $,aiting to 3.. who it wouldb. molt advantaga' A ycaman wrth. ou! lo aglrarc Yd.rdy (n.) An illncas $hich you know you'vc got but which the lo aclnowledge !hclmomctcr rfusaa

(n.) Yondcr Bognie

as'justthrtc minute3 Thc kind of rest urantadvcrtbcd clcrrly nobody ev.r gocrto and, from !hi! cinama'which iq haveccrtainly contcmPlalcd had cvcr cv.n if thcy !.ingftc advcrt changd lhcir mindtsincc Yontcrr (n) whcn (R.rc) Th. combincd thrill of Pain and 3hame bcingeught in publicplucling your nortril hairt and stuffing lhcmintoyourridc'Pockt Yorh (vb.) bag on a heavy To rhift th. polition of thc thouldrrtraPs to mal. h reemlighlcr. or ruckrdcl in a vainatl?mPt H.ncci to lauth fatrcly end hcanily e! an unfirnny rcmarl, him to lhc d.Pth!of yort.d poli!.ly,loathing .Ja3minc wmlf hcrbcing. VirSinia
l

Yrmoutb (vb.)
To 3hou! at foreitncfl in thc blicf that lhc loudcr you lpcak, thc bcticr thcy'llundcrltand you

Yra. (n.) in piecc which 3it!lumpily ofbread whirc Dilhcrncninslv

a pop-up b;ster dunng a protractcd rhrocking (q t.) re3!ion,

Y.br. (n.)
cl!. whichfan.icr and anythinS a zebra A cr$! bctwacn zcbras. Ycrmby (n.) whichmcan!'no" A'y.3, maybc' Il0

z l o- z u M
Zigo!.g(n.l
charact.r lkid mad. by cartoon Scr.cching Priorto turndircction in theoppositc ingroundandrunningback Zletibor (n.) (Hunsarian) A princeof the blood royal tcmporarily a!a waitcr, forced to lecl .mploymnt Zod (n,) An irrilatint lurnpwhichlticksout from the mainMy, Hcnce: (l)A bit ofcement whi.hsit!proudof ih. brickwork (2)A drip of painton thcwindowpanc. ona corner oftoast. (3)Th knobof iurplusbutter (4)NolEdmondJ had. Zumbo(n,) ha!fallcn notlo lnow tha!ft cxhaust Onewhopretends off hiscar.

Zrfrille (n.)
A garmcnt that cvan lsdy Rothcrmcrcwould nol dcign

Z.8r.b (n.)
A strangcr who suddenlyclutchcaan intimatc part of your body and thcn pretcnd! ih.y did it to Prcvrnt th.m' rclvcr falling. Z.d Mo cbotu.D (n.) (skiing !erm) To 3kiwilh'z.al monachorum'i!to dca..nd rh. to-plhrcc{uanen of thc mounbin in a quiv.ring bluc funk, but on arriving at thc gnllcbitjust in front of tha rertaurant to whizzio a 3toPlika a victoriousslalom

Z.crurt (n.)
The parti.ular kind ofdatdne$ whichamicb thin$that wereo dnally d$itncd to look futuriltic

'IGONC

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