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Understanding Conflict
Definition: A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone's goals or desires. 4 Primary Causes of Conflict:
1. 2. 3. 4.
Misunderstandings resulting from poor communication Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions Competition over limited resources (perceived or real) Aggravated attitudes and habits that lead to hurtful words and actions
Conflict Mindsets
1.
Conflict is a hazard that threatens to sweep me off my feet and leave me bruised and hurting. Conflict is an obstacle that should be conquered quickly and firmly. Conflict is an opportunity to solve common problems in a way that benefits all those involved.
2.
3.
Responses to Conflict
2. Conflict is an obstacle
Response = Attack more interest in winning a conflict than in preserving a relationship. Conflict is a contest or a chance to assert rights, control others, or take advantage of the situation.
Responses to Conflict
3. Conflict is an opportunity Response = Reconcile/Resolve directed toward finding just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict. Focus is on "us" working toward mutual responsibility in solving the problem.
See the world differently than we do Do not believe problems can be resolved
# 5. Behavior out of proportion to problem. Most toxic people are blaming, complaining or draining Jonathon Ellerby, Ph.D.
Dr. Ben Bissell Video: Pitfalls to Avoid in Dealing with Difficult People
4 Pitfalls to Avoid
Do not excuse peoples behavior Do not ignore behavior Do not believe you can change these people
o Change their behavior, not their personality o You and I teach people how to treat us
1. Determine Involvement
Is behavior or issue worth my time & effort to deal with?
1. Determine Involvement
Is behavior or issue worth my time & effort to deal with?
to continue the battle, but sincerely seeking positive dialogue. Define the issue as narrow as possible. Be specific. Focus. Identify words or topics that should be avoided. Would offend or only make matters worse. Avoid "you always", "you never", "every time". What words best describe your feelings? (concerned, frustrated, confused, disappointed, hurt, etc) How the problem is impacting you. Use "I" statements: "When You _____, I Feel _____. As a result_____." Offer your suggestions for solving the issue.
Source: Bad Apples video and The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
1. Determine Involvement
Is behavior or issue worth my time & effort to deal with?
Listen and give respect. Understand their viewpoint. Recover and move on.
Thank You!