Indians hypocrites Subject: Why are Indians such hypocrites? We're Indians. We don't kiss.

Kissing is what people outside India do. We just s mile shyly at the people we love. Watch our many movies for proof. We are all heterosexual. Homosexuals live outside our borders. We encourage our media to explore sexuality. We accept alternative sexualities, even though we ar e all convinced they do not exist. Few of us undress fully while making love. Undressing is what people outside Ind ia do. We are content with a little wiggling and maybe a few post-coital cigaret tes. Sex is, after all, a dirty word. We don't think about sex. It's never on ou r minds. We think pure thoughts at all hours. We love cricket. It's because we're so good at it. It's because our cricketers p our their hearts into every game. Other sports are not worthy of our attention. Other sportsmen do not pour their hearts out into their games. Other sportsmen a re not worthy of endorsing our brands of footwear, aerated drinks or car batteri es. Our cricketers alone deserve our adoration. Our cricketers and our movie sta rs, that is. Our movie stars are intelligent. They study all scripts carefully a nd are always unwilling to propagate stereotypes. Our movie stars live clean, wh olesome lives and are therefore perfectly suited to deliver clean, wholesome mes sages to the masses that adore them. We are a patient, tolerant people. We accept all religions and tolerate all kind s of behaviour. We never riot. Rioting, too, happens only outside our borders. W e keep the peace at all hours. We do not typecast other religions or provoke sen timents. Watch our many movies for proof. All Indians are our brothers and sisters. This is why we respect all women. This is why women in our major cities can do as they like and travel, unaccompanied, at all hours. This is why our policemen are highly respected, for the protectio n they offer all women. We like women to have minds of their own. Women who lead their own lives need not fear humiliation at our hands. We do not brand them wh ores. Look at our many female film stars for proof. We respect them all. The one s who choose to do as they like on screen, as well as the ones who do not. We have never felt the need to keep women at home, closeted or covered in any wa y. Bold women are never a threat to us. The idea of female sexuality is welcomed and holds no threat for our calm countrymen. We do not ask women to wear clothe s we choose for them. We respect them irrespective of whether they're dressed in nine-yard saris or nine-inch mini-skirts. Education is important for us. We respect our teachers. We encourage our sons an d daughters to take up teaching as a profession. We pay our teachers well. We pa y our teachers on time. We teach our sons that teaching is not just a job for wo men. We respect our system of education. We encourage our sons and daughters to get an education here, not abroad, because we believe in the system. The few who graduate abroad are encouraged to come back here, to make life even better than it already is for themselves and their countrymen. We are proud of our culture. We uphold it every week. Our heritage is precious. This is why we protect it well. Our monuments are well cared for. Our museums ar e well funded. Our curators are literate and well paid. We do not allow people t o encroach on sites like the Taj Mahal or the Qutub Minar. Graffiti is not allow ed. Vandalism is a myth. We treat our sons and daughters equally. We allow our daughters to marry when th

ey wish to. We allow our daughters to pick the men they want to spend their live s with. We encourage our daughters to think for themselves. We believe they have the intelligence to make wise decisions. This is also why we encourage them to study further. We love our country. We don't want to live anywhere else. We don't work towards the idea of leaving it and never coming back. Because we're Indians. Hypocrites, all.