WHY I RUN

I reached a milestone today. After a morning pass through the neighborhood, my running total since Jan. 1, 2003 stands at 14,000 miles. I know this because I keep a journal to track exercise and other activities. For the last few years, I have set a goal of running at least 100 miles each month. Which means 25 miles a week. Or about four miles a day. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. Every month. Every type of weather. Every city or town in which I find myself. I get it done and write it down, pencil on paper, with a few other notes like temperature, weight, and the days other activities. In the 75 months since the beginning of 2008, Ive missed the 100-mile mark only three times, by a combined 22.5 miles. On the upside, Ive topped 120 miles 23 times in that same period. Both the running itself, and how I go about tracking it, may sound obsessive. Or narcissistic. Or unnecessary. My family and friends think its kind of nuts. But I have my reasons. Its about forcing myself to lead a healthier lifestyle. And just as importantly, its about control. Of my day, my thoughts, and, ultimately, my happiness. Being a runner has led me to the conclusion that we can, in large part, control our personal happiness.
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I started my running life in 1995, in response to my dads latest hospitalization for a cardiac episode. He had bypass surgery in 1986, and things had been a little dicey after that. I was scared for his life. He was a good man, but not a healthy one. I made a spontaneous pledge that day that I would live differently. I would try to keep my weight and cholesterol down. I would learn from his experiences and not repeat mistakes. I couldnt do anything about heredity, but I could handle the lifestyle. I chose running because it was something I knew I could do. If I had different skills and I wish I had -- it could have been basketball or hockey or tennis. I cant do any of that well. But I can run. I launched in, and, soon, something clicked. I kept going. At some point I dont recall exactly when -- I set the monthly goal. There is a foolish consistency to what I have undertaken. It affects those around me. I can be grumpy and annoying if I dont get my run in a phrase my wife has come to despise, even as she has become a tenacious and accomplished runner herself. And, the coffee and puttering before the run; then the run itself; then the cool-down and the food and the shower well, the whole process can eat up a lot of time on a weekend morning or on a vacation with other people. Especially when its the first thing on the to-do list. Many days, and many miles, feel spectacular. Others, not so much. Many runners may agree that all too frequently, the best part is when its over. Still, I believe I have become addicted to whatever brain chemicals are released during prolonged activity. Those chemicals help bring a clarity of thought during hours alone on roads and trails. I often use the time to sort through whats on my mind, coming up with solutions to personal and professional problems. And with heightened senses and a sharp awareness of surroundings, I have collected some of my most vivid memories and greatest experiences during runs.
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Ill never forget my time along the shore of Lake Michigan during the 1996 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, training for my first marathon. Or the dusty uphill trail Karen and I shared on a sparsely populated Dalmation Coast island. Ive explored the National Mall in Washington end to end, the streets of Rome and back roads on Marthas Vineyard. Ill never forget traversing Hermosa Beach with my best man and high school buddy, Lee. Or the summer day in the Pemigewasset Wilderness of New Hamphsire, when I switched from boots to sneakers at mile 15 of an 18-mile hike and went from a walk to a jog so I could avoid placing a zero in the journal. I remember runs more than many meals, conversations, hotels, squabbles. Ultimately, I have grown to realize that, for me, running is about control. Taking control of your day. Taking control of your life. So much of life is beyond control. We have jobs with demands that arise unexpectedly. We never know when the car will break down. When a flight will be canceled. When the power will go out. When a parent or spouse will become gravely ill. But every day, I can decide whether I have motivation enough to lace up my shoes and get out the door. I can decide what pace to set. I can decide whether the endorphins will rush that day. And when it happens, I know its good for me. No matter what else the day brings, Ive accomplished at least one positive thing. Ultimately, running makes me happy. Setting a goal and hitting it however mundane or trivial -- makes me happy. And it is happiness that I can control. Years later, I dont know for sure whether I am healthier than my dad, who died four years ago, though not from heart disease. I carry a couple of extra pounds. I havent checked my cholesterol in too long. Sometimes I feel twinges in my chest and shoulder blade that I tell myself are muscular not cardiac.
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I dont know how many miles I have to go. Im fortunate that my knees and hips and ankles havent given out. If they do, I will set different goals. Even then, I hope Ill still be able to control my happiness. Thats a lesson I hope can be transferred for the rest of my days. Also, I think Im going to take tomorrow off. David Nitkin March 25, 2014

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