RIDDLES

Why is the letter A like twelve noon? Because its always in the middle of day. What was the worlds first palindrome; the three words Adam used when he introduced himself to Eve? Madam, Im Adam. What letters are in the mailbox? The ones that are in the mailbox. ow do you make antifree!e? You steal her blanket. What is smaller than an ants mouth? An ants dinner. What are the lar"est ants in the world? Ele hants. What is the difference between apples and alli"ators? If you dont know, Ill certainly ne!er ask you to brin" me any a les. ow can you divide seventeen apples e#ually between eleven boys if four of the apples are very small? By makin" a le sauce. $f all the other animals went into the Ark in pairs% why didnt the worms? Because they went in a les. Where is the Atlantic the deepest? At the bottom. What was the smallest continent before Australia was discovered? Australia. Why was the baby raised on monkey milk? Because it was a baby monkey. Who is bi""er& 'rs( )i""er or her baby? #er baby is a little Bi""er. Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby "irls in pink? Because they cant dress themsel!es. $n which ball can you carry your shoppin"? A basket ball. ow many balls of strin" would it take to reach the moon? $ust one. But it would ha!e to be a mi"hty bi" one% Why do we all "o to bed? Because the bed will not come to us. What is the last thin" you take off when you "o to bed? You take your feet off the floor. Which is the best side of the bed to sleep on? The to side. Why does a circus master wear a belt with three rin"s on it? To hold u his ants. What bevera"e represents the be"innin" of time? Tea. Why cant a bicycle stand by itself? Because it is two tired. *he more you take away from it% the bi""er it becomes( What is it? A hole. What is a bird after he is four days old? &i!e days old. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because its too far to walk. What does every baby "et on its first birthday? Born. What is black and white and red all over? A news a er. What has four le"s% a back and two arms% but no body? A chair. What two bows can nobody tie or untie? A rainbow and an elbow. +pell brandy with three letters( B, ' and Y. What two thin"s can you never have before breakfast? (unch and dinner. What does not break no matter how hard it falls? A leaf. $f youre broke% why mi"ht it be a "ood idea to "o out in the rain with your purse open? There mi"ht be some chan"e in the weather. What do they have in )rooklyn that they havent "ot in 'anhattan? The Brooklyn end of the Brooklyn Brid"e. ,ou are my brother% but $ am not your brother( Who am $? Your sister( $f you could buy ei"ht apples for twenty-six cents% how many could you buy for one cent and a #uarter? Ei"ht. Which burns lon"er& a +lovak candle or a un"arian candle? )either, they both burn shorter. What has the head of a cat% the tail of a cat% and is not a cat? A kitten.

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Why does a cat% when it enters a room% look first to one side and then to the other? Because it cant look at both sides at the same time. What makes more noise than a cat stuck in a tree? Two cats stuck in a tree. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its aws and a comma its ause at the end of a clause. What kind of room has no ceilin"? A mushroom. What is found in the center of both America and Australia? The letter *'+. Why do are .rishna people chant% rin" little bells% and beat drums as they walk the streets? To kee away ti"ers. .in" /harles the 0irst walked and talked alf an hour after his head was cut off( ow can you make sense of that? ,ut a eriod after the word talked and a comma after the word after. What was it that Adam never saw% never had and still "ave two of to his children? ,arents. What will "o up chimney down but not down a chimney up? An umbrella. What is the difference between a cloud and a kid bein" spanked? -ne ours with rain and the other roars with ain. What is always comin" but never arrives? Tomorrow. Which member of parliament wears the bi""est hat? The one who has the bi""est head. Whats found twice in any corner but only once in every room? The letter *'+. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns wont work. Who earns a livin" by drivin" customers away? A taxi dri!er. Why is /upid a poor marksman? #e is always makin" Mrs. Why is the letter . like a sailor? It follows the /. When can the letter . be upsettin"? 0hen it makes ma mad. Why is the letter . like a weddin" rin"? Because we cannot be wed without it. What is the difference between a dancer and a duck? -ne "oes 1uick on her beautiful le"s and the other "oes 1uack on her beautiful e""s. What "ets darker with more li"ht? A shadow. What are the stron"est days of the week? 2aturday and 2unday, because all the rest are *weakdays. What thin"s% thou"h they appear once in every day% and twice in every week are only seen twice in a year? 3owels. What is deaf% dumb and blind and always tells the truth? A mirror. What letter in the alphabet is most useful to a deaf old lady? The letter A, because it makes her hear. $f you were condemned to die% which is the best manner of death you could choose? -ld a"e. *he more it "ets% the more it eats% but when it has eaten everythin"% it must die( What is it? &ire. ow does a dentist examine a crocodiles teeth? 3ery carefully. What is the difference between a new twenty-crown bill and an old 12-crown bill? 45 crowns. ow do you stop a do" from barkin" in the back seat of your car? ,ut him in the front seat. When is a sheep do" most likely to "o into the house? 0hen the door is o en. Why does a do" wa" his tail? Because no one else will wa" it for him. What is the fastest way to double your dollars? &old them. *here is a donkey on one side of a deep river% and a bundle of hay on the other side( ow can the donkey "et the hay? *here is no brid"e% and he cannot swim( 3o you "ive up? 2o did the other donkey.

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What "oes throu"h a door but never "oes in and never comes out? A keyhole. ow can five people divide five dou"hnuts so that everyone "ets one and one is still left on the plate? -ne takes the late with the dou"hnut. What "oes down but can never come up? A well. Why do dra"ons sleep durin" the day? 2o they can fi"ht kni"hts. Whats the best place to "o when youre dyin"? Into the li!in" room. Why is E the unluckiest letter? Because it is ne!er in cash, always in debt and ne!er out of dan"er. What is a word that starts with E and has only one letter in it? En!elo e. Why did the ea"le fly over the mountain? Because it couldnt fly under it. What is bi" at the top% little at the top% and has ears? A mountain. 6You!e ne!er heard of mountaineers78 What is easy to "et into but hard to "et out? Trouble. What would you serve but never want to eat? A tennis ball. Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep? Because there are more of them. What is brou"ht to the table and cut but never eaten? A deck of cards. $f a rooster laid an e"" on top of the barn% which way would it roll? 'oosters dont lay e""s. 'oosters dont roll% ow many e""s can you eat on an empty stomach? $ust one, because then your stomach wont be em ty. Every mornin" the farmer had e""s for breakfast( e owned no chickens and he never "ot e""s from anyone elses chickens( Where did he "et his e""s? &rom his ducks. Why is an elephant like a brick? Because neither of them can climb a tree. ow do you fit six elephants in a car? Three in the front and three in the back. ow can you fall off the Empire +tate )uildin" and not "et hurt? &all from the front doorste . What do you find at the end of everythin"? The letter 4( What do people in En"land call little black cats( 9ittens. What is that which is *he be"innin" of eternity% *he end of time and space% *he be"innin" of every end% *he end of every race? The letter E( $n the evenin" $ looked5 *here it was( $n the mornin" $ looked5 $t was "one( .arkness. What is it that everyone has at the same time? A name. What is everythin" doin" at the same time? :ettin" older. What did one eye say to the other? *$ust between you and me, there is somethin" that smells.+ What has a face but no head% hands but no feet% yet travels everywhere and is usually runnin"? A watch. What often falls but never "ets hurt? 'ain. What is always at the head of fashion but always out of date( The letter 0( What is li"hter than a feather but can be bi""er than a "iant? A "iants shadow. What is it that you cant hold for five minutes% yet its as li"ht as a feather? Your breath. What do you have when you dont feel well? You robably ha!e "lo!es on. *wo men heard about the same 6ob( )oth men wanted it( *hey fou"ht and killed each other( Who "ot the 6ob? The undertaker. $f ten men can fill a thousand liter tank in ten hours% how lon" would it take for ten men to fill a ten-liter tank? You cant fit ten men into a ten;liter tank.

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What did the boy flea say to the "irl flea when they came out of the movies? *2hall we walk home or take a do"7+ What has two holes and flies? An outhouse. Why is the letter 4 like the sun? Because it is the center of li"ht. What do most "ardeners not like to "row? -ld. What is the first thin" you put in a "arden? Your foot. What is a ten-letter word that starts with "as? An automobile. ow do you spell blind "iant? Blnd "ant. You s ell it this way because it has no eyes. Why are "iraffes necks so lon"? Because their heads are a lon" way from their bodies. Where do bad "irls "o? Almost e!erywhere% $ dropped a full "lass and didnt spill a drop of water( Why? Because the "lass was full of milk. Which is better% a house burned down or a house burned up? )either. Both are !ery bad. *he "reater it is% the less it can be seen( What is it? .arkness. Why wouldnt 7oberts "uitar work? Because it only knew how to lay. Why is the letter the one a deaf woman would most like to have? Because it would make her ear hear. *hree men were in a boat that capsi!ed( Why did only two of them "et their hair wet? -ne was bald. $f you hold a hambur"er hori!ontally% which is the left side? The art that wasnt eaten. $f you drop your hat into the )lack +ea% what will it become? 0et. ,ou dont have it% you dont want it% but if you did have it% you wouldnt take a million dollars for it( A bald head. 8isa had it first% 'ichell had it last; boys never have it but "irls do; 'aureen 9+ullivan had it twice in the same lace% but whens he married :atrick 9)rien% she never had it a"ain( The letter *(+. 9ne farmer had ; < stacks of hay in one row and = < stacks of hay in another row( ow many haystacks did he have when he put them to"ether? -ne. What is lower with a head than without it? A illow. Which is faster heat or cold? #eat. You can always catch cold. What stays hot even when its in the refri"erator? Mustard. What kind of men "o to heaven? .ead men. Why does a hen lay e""s? Because if she lets then dro , they will break. Why is a black hen smarter than a white hen? Because a black hen can lay a white e"" but a white hen cant lay a black e"". What is the difference between here and there? The letter *T+. Where do you find hippopotamuses? It de ends on where you left them. What was the hippopotamus doin" on the hi"hway? About < km an hour. $f you crawled into a hold du" clear throu"h the earth% where would you come out? -ut of the hole. What is full of holes and still holds water? A s on"e. ow much earth is there in a hole three meters deep by six meters? )one. Why is it bad to have a horse that is too polite? E!ery time you come to a fence, it will let you "o o!er first. $f there is a red house on the ri"ht and a blue house on the left% where is the White ouse? In 0ashin"ton, ../. What is neither in the house% nor out of the house% but is still part of the house? A window. What is the definition of ille"al? A sick bird.

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Why is $ the luckiest of the vowels? Because it is in the center of bliss, while E is in hell and all the rest are in ur"atory. What is the difference between a 6ailer and a 6eweler? -ne sells watches, the other watches cells. :aul )unyan used to "o up to the tallest trees in all America% take off his boots and 6ump over them( ow was he able to do this? #e didnt ha!e !ery hi"h boots. Whats the best way to keep fresh cookies? .ont return them. Would you rather an elephant killed you% or a "orilla? Id rather he killed the "orilla. What is a kitten after it is four days old? &i!e days old. What has le"s but cannot walk? A chair or bed or table. What three letters turn a "irl into a woman? A : E. Why does B come before / ? Because one must be before one can see. Which two letters contain nothin"? M T. 0rom a word of five letters take two and leave one( Alone. Who can raise thin"s without liftin" them? A farmer. ow many lions can you put into a ca"e? -ne, after that it wont be em ty. What part of 8ondon is in 0rance? The letter >( Why is it that whenever you are lookin" for anythin"% you always find it in the last place you look? Because you always sto lookin" when you find it. What can you make that you cant see? )oise. *he man that made it sold it( *he man that bou"ht it didnt want it( *he man that used it didnt know it( What was it? A coffin. Who marries many women but stays sin"le all his life? A riest. When is medicine first mentioned in the )ible? 0hen :od "a!e Moses two tablets. +uppose there were only one tree left in the world% and one man and one ax( *he man cuts down the tree with the ax but the one tree falls and kills the one man( Who is left to tell the tale? The women. ow many bi" men were born in Alaska? )one. -nly babies. *he villa"e postman and his wife% the school teacher and his dau"hter% were walkin" in the woods( *hey found a birds nest that contained four e""s( Each of them took out an e"" and yet left one in the nest( ow? There was only one woman= the ost man had married the teachers dau"hter. ow do you "et a one-armed monkey down from an oran"e tree? 0a!e at him. Which is heavier% a half moon or a full moon? A half moon because a full moon is li"hter. What passes many motels without movin"? The hi"hway. What would you do if a hippopotamus sat in front of you at the movies? Miss most of the mo!ie. What "irls name% besides Anna% reads the same both ways? #annah. Who would eat at a kin"s table and without usin" a napkin? A fly. Whats black and white and read all over? A news a er. What is it that has nothin" left but a nose when it loses an eye? The word noise. What is it that everyone% no matter how careful% overlooks? A nose. 'r( *widdle bet 'r( *waddle that he could eat more oysters( 'r( *widdle ate ninety and 'r( *waddle ate a hundred and one( ow many more did 'r( *waddle eat than 'r( *widdle? Ten. As we said, he ate a hundred and won. Why should a stupid student study the letter : before takin" a test? Because it can make an ass ass. What is never part of anythin"? The whole. ow many eas are there in a pint? -ne.

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Why should you do your math lessons with a pencil? Because the encil cant do them alone. What is the best thin" to put into a pie? Your teeth. What is often plowed but never planted? 2now. ow can your pocket be empty and still have somethin" in it? It can ha!e a hole in it. $n what month do politicians talk the least? In &ebruary. Its the shortest month. Where were potatoes first found? In the "round. What word is pronounced #uicker by addin" a syllable to it? >uick. What could a little man push in a wheelbarrow that a bi" man cant? The bi" man. *o what #uestion can you never honestly answer yes? Are you aslee 7 What is #uiet when alive and noisy when dead? A leaf. $f a woman is born in 4reece% "rows up in *urkey and dies in the hi"hlands of +cotland% what is she? .ead. 7ailroad /rossin"% Watch 9ut 0or /ars( /an you spell it without any 7s? I;T. $f your uncles sister is not your aunt% what relation is she to you? Your mom. What is it that we all re#uire% we all "ive% we occasionally ask for% but very seldom take? Ad!ice. What can be ri"ht but never wron"? An an"le. What is bi" and red and eats rocks? A bi" red rock eater. ow do you stop a rooster from crowin" early on +unday mornin"? Eat it on 2aturday ni"ht. Why is a dirty ru" like a bad boy? Because they both need beatin". What can run and whistle but not walk and talk? A locomoti!e. Who was the best runner in the )ible? Adam, because he came first in the human race. What do students like to hear most in school? The bell to "o home. What can $ see that you cannot? The back of your head. What is it that is seen twice in every day and four times in every week yet only once in every year? The !owel E( Who can shave many times a day and still have a beard? The barber. Why do we buy shoes? Because we cant "et them for free. Why does a smart man always put on his ri"ht shoe first? Because it would be silly to ut on the wron" shoe first. What should you do to stop from "ettin" sick the ni"ht before a trip? (ea!e a day earlier. Why should you never ski on an empty stomach? Because snow works much better. What do skunks have that no other animal has? Baby skunks. *he mother skunk had two baby skunks5$n and 9ut( When 9ut was in% $n was out( 9ne day% $n went out and 9ut came in and the mother skunk sent 9ut out to send $n in( ow did 9ut find $n? Instinct 6In stinked8 What smells most in a dru"store? The nose. Why is snow like a tree? Because it lea!es in s rin". What does a soldier have to be% to be buried with full military honors? .ead. Why does the +tatue of 8iberty stand in >ew ,ork harbor? Because she cant sit down. Why do stockin"s have holes in them? 2o you can "et your feet in. What are +aturday and +unday the stron"est days of the week? Because they arent weekdays. Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To kee their ants u .

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Why should you never swim on an empty stomach? Because its easier to swim in water. What words is made shorter by addin" a syllable to it? 2hort. What word of only three syllables contains in it twentysix letters? Al habet. Why is an island like the letter *? Because it is in the midst of water( What animal eats with its tail? All of them. )one of them can remo!e their tails to eat. *he more you take from it% *he lar"er it "ets( A hole. ow do you know that tall people are la!ier than short people? Because they lie lon"er in bed. After the ?oneses had bou"ht their first television set% why did they turn it on only once? Because they didnt know how to turn it off. /an two people stand 6ust 1cm apart and still not be able to touch each other? Yes, shut the door between them, etc. What can travel around the world and still stay in one corner? A stam . What do you have to know to teach an old do" new tricks? More than the do". What kind of umbrella does a Welshman carry when it rains? A wet one. *hree children and a rather lar"e puppy were crowded under one umbrella bun none of them "ot wet( Why not? It wasnt rainin". What is the difference between unlawful and ille"al? -ne is a"ainst the law and the other is a sick bird. What is it that "oes up but never down? Your a"e. What is it that belon"s to you but others use it more than you do? Your name. What valuable thin" that he never had and will never have can a man "ive to a woman? A husband. :lease explain to me ow this miracle can be& $ can throw an e"" a"ainst the wall And it will neither break nor fall( The wall will not break. What is the difference between a watchmaker and a prison warden? -ne sells watches and the other watches cells. When will water stop runnin" downhill? 0hen it "ets to the bottom. What is the best way to stop water from "ettin" into your house? .ont ay your water bill. ow can plumbers tell what the weather will be without usin" weather instruments? By listenin" to the weather forecasts. What is weathor? A bad s ell of weather. *he more it dries% the wetter it "ets( What is it? A towel. What is bi"% has four wheels% and flies? A "arba"e truck. Why does a whoopin" crane stand on one le"? Because it if ulls them both u , it will fall down% As $ was "oin" to +t( $ves% $ met a man with seven wives% Each wife had seven sacks; Each sack% seven cats; Each cat% seven kits( .its% cats% sacks% and wives% ow many were "oin" to +t( $ves? )one?they had @ust come from there% What word is always pronounced wron"? 0ron". What words is there of five letters from which% if you take two away% only one remains? 2tone. What five-letter word has six left when you take two away? 2ixty. What is the lon"est word in the En"lish lan"ua"e? 2miles. There is a mile between the be"innin" and the end of it. Who earns a livin" without doin" a days work? A ni"ht watchman. What is worse than findin" a worm in an apple? &indin" half a worm.

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What is the worst thin" that can happen to you? )othin". If nothin" is ha enin", youre dead% What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence. What #uestion can always be answered ,es? 0hat does Y;e;s s ell7 Which is correct? *he yolk of an e"" is white( *he yolk of an e"" are white( )either, the yolk of an e"" is yellow. When is the letter @ not used in ?apan? 0hen $a an is s elled correctly. A captured !ebra was fastened to a fifty-foot chain yet he walked a hundred feet( ow? The chain wasnt attached to anythin" but the Aebra.