Metro Weekly - 03-20-14 - Lily Tomlin

2 MARCH 20, 2014 METROWEEKLY.
COM
3 METROWEEKLY.COM MARCH 20, 2014
4 MARCH 20, 2014 METROWEEKLY.COM
Commission Faults
Transgender Ban
Independent group offers recommendations for ending the Pentagon policy
banning out transgender servicemembers
Hagel
by Justin Snow
T
HERE IS NO COMPELLING
medical rationale for ban-
ning transgender people from
serving in the American mili-
tary, an independent commission led by
a former U.S. surgeon general and a
retired admiral concluded in a study
released March 13.
We determined not only that there
is no compelling medical reason for the
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ban, but also that the ban itself is an
expensive, damaging and unfair barrier
to health care access for the approxi-
mately 15,450 transgender personnel
who serve currently in the active, Guard
and reserve components, the report
states. Medical regulations requiring the
discharge of transgender personnel are
inconsistent with how the military regu-
lates all other medical and psychologi-
cal conditions, and transgender-related
conditions appear to be the only gender-
related conditions that require discharge
irrespective of tness for duty.
Despite the repeal of Dont Ask, Dont
Tell in September 2011, a medical regu-
latory ban remains in place for those
who identify as transgender. Not only is
evidence of transition therapy grounds
for disqualication for potential recruits,
so is openly identifying as transgender,
which the Pentagon considers a psychiat-
ric condition.
Commissioned by the Palm Center at
San Francisco State University, the study
was led by Dr. Joycelyn Elders, who was
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Poliglot: Health-insurance expansion
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administrative separation as well.
Recommendation No. 2: Do not
write new medical regulations. Aside
from these minor revisions, the Defense
Department should not write new med-
ical regulations or policies to address
health care needs of transgender person-
nel, and should treat transgender service
members in accordance with established
medical practices and standards, as it
does with the provision of all medical
care. As we have documented through-
out this report, transgender service
members should be presumed to be t.
Any medical issue that interferes with
an individuals performance of duty is
already subject to evaluation under exist-
ing medical standards, determinations of
tness and deployability for transgender
personnel. Transgender service members
should not be held to different standards
of self-sufciency or tness than any
other service members.
Recommendation No. 3: Base new
administrative guidance on foreign mili-
tary and US government precedents.
While no new medical rules are needed,
the Defense Department should formu-
late administrative guidance to address
tness testing, records and identica-
tion, uniforms, housing and privacy. We
encourage independent scholars as well
as Pentagon analysts to study foreign
military experiences that could inform
appointed surgeon general by President
Bill Clinton in 1993, and retired Rear
Admiral Alan M. Steinman, who served
more than 25 years in the U.S. Coast
Guard and the Public Health Service.
The commission also included a retired
general and two experts on transgender
issues. The report was endorsed by 16
former and current faculty members of
military universities.
According to the commission, the
reports policy recommendations are
simple, straightforward and fair:
Recommendation No. 1: Lift the ban
on transgender military service. With
respect to medical regulations, the Com-
mander in Chief should order the Defense
Department to eliminate bars to transgen-
der military service by updating enlist-
ment regulations that disqualify condi-
tions that are dened physically (abnor-
malities or defects of the genitalia such
as change of sex) and mentally (psy-
chosexual conditions, including but not
limited to transsexualism). These blanket
enlistment bars should be deleted, along
with other disqualications that may
arise from medically appropriate treat-
ment of transgender-related conditions,
such as amenorrhea or hypogonadism.
The Commander in Chief should order
the Defense Department to eliminate
retention regulations that specify gender
identity disorder as a condition justifying
the policy-making process. At least 12
countries including Australia, Belgium,
Canada, the Czech Republic, Denmark,
Israel, the Netherlands, New Zealand,
Norway, Spain, Sweden, and the United
Kingdom allow transgender personnel
to serve; foreign military regulations that
apply to transgender military service are
straightforward and sensible, offering a
sound model for US military policy.
Unlike Dont Ask, Dont Tell
because policies that prohibit transgen-
der service are spelled out in Defense
Department as well as service-specic
regulations, but not in a congressional
statute the report states that Presi-
dent Barack Obama could lift the mili-
tarys transgender ban without obtaining
approval from Congress.
The study is one of 11 commissioned
by the Palm Centers Transgender Mili-
tary Service Initiative evaluating trans-
gender military service as well as ques-
tions related to readiness, morale, wel-
fare, personnel requirements and man-
agement. The initiative was launched
in 2013 after a $1.35 million grant from
the Tawani Foundation, which was
founded by Jennifer Pritzker. A retired
lieutenant colonel who served 11 years
in the Army and 16 years in the National
Guard, Pritzker became the worlds rst
transgender billionaire when she came
out last September. l
MARCH 20, 2014 METROWEEKLY.COM
Catania Enters
Mayors Race
Independent candidate touts his records against
eld of possible Democratic competitors
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by John Riley
C
OUNCILMEMBER DAVID CATANIA (I-AT LARGE) FILED
papers with the D.C. Ofce of Campaign Finance Wednesday
morning, March 12, declaring his intent to seek the citys may-
oralty in the November general election.
In a conference with reporters outside the citys Reeves Center
Municipal Building, Catania tamped down speculation that he was
prompted to enter the race by news that broke two days prior regarding
the guilty plea of Jeffrey E. Thompson, a local businessman accused of
funneling illegal contributions to various political campaigns, including
incumbent Mayor Vincent Grays 2010 campaign. Catania told reporters
LGBTNews
8
ity, medical marijuana, smoke-free D.C.,
cutting the number of uninsured children
and adults in this city by half, my work on
HIV and most recently my work with
respect to education, including the fair-
funding bill, which is nally going to give
the resources for poor kids to catch up.
And, so, labels are ne, but I think people
are looking for a leader whos actually
delivered.
Addressing concerns related to his
temperament, Catania dismissed his crit-
ics, saying, Were not cutting the crusts
off of cucumber sandwiches here. This is
not a garden party.
This is about running a $12 billion
organization, where the lives of 640,000
people depend on someone being hon-
est, having values and a vision, and
being faithful to those values and those
visions, Catania said. And so Im not
going to apologize for the passion that I
take to this job. I think most residents are
outraged when they have re and EMS
ofcials standing by while our citizens
are in harms way. I think most of our
citizens are outraged when they see half
our African-American males not gradu-
ate on time from high school. I think
most of our citizens are outraged when
they see our homeless living in rec cen-
ters. And so Im not going to apologize for
that outrage, Im not going to apologize
for the passion. Its exactly that passion
thats helped me get through some of the
toughest measures in the past 15, 16 years
on the Council.
Catania also lobbed criticism at Gray
over the issues of education and eco-
nomic development. Catania specically
criticized Grays most touted economic
success of recruiting tech companies to
settle in the District, saying that Gray has
simply embraced a bill Catania authored
in 2000, the New Economy Transforma-
tion Act, that provides the tax incentives
for those businesses.
that hed made the decision in January
to le on March 12, and that his timing
was not in any way associated with the
Thompson plea.
I made my feelings known about
the mayors shadow campaign once it
was rst disclosed nearly two years ago,
Catania said, his voice strained from the
effects of a cold. I said he should have
resigned then, and I believe that today.
However, Catania said, he is running
because he believes he has the values
and the vision and the tenacity to tackle
the challenges facing the city, as well
as a strong record from his more than
16 years on the D.C. Council, following
his upset of interim incumbent Council-
member Arrington Dixon (D) in a 1997
special election.
During the press conference, Catania
elded questions on a host of issues,
ranging from the political to the per-
sonal, including inquiries his race, sexual
orientation, his afliation as a Republi-
can in heavily Democratic D.C. prior to
2004, his previous job with integrated
systems and engineering rm M.C. Dean
Inc. while serving as councilmember, and
even his temperament, which detractors
have said is hostile and aggressive and
has left him with a reputation for being
difcult.
If elected, Catania would not only
become the Districts rst out gay mayor,
but its rst white mayor since the Home
Rule Act allowing the District to form
its own local government was enacted
in 1973.
I would be delighted to put my
record up against any of those who have
Democrat by their name, Catania said
in response to concerns about his party
afliation. As it relates to Democratic
values, I think my record more embod-
ies Democratic values than the eld of
candidates running as Democrats. If you
look at what Ive done on marriage equal-
I think our city is growing in spite
of the mayor, not because of the mayor.
One thing is certain about our city: We
have incredible fundamentals in terms
of our economy and in terms of our
shared values. This city can survive just
about anything, and this is an illustra-
tion of it. But I think we have more of an
administrator than a leader. The mayor
has tended a garden that was planted by
those before him. I dont believe any of
these cranes are traced to the work of
Vincent Gray.
Asked about a recent report by the
Anti-Defamation League looking into
how the Metropolitan Police Depart-
ment (MPD) deals with hate crimes and
charges from members of the LGBT
community that MPD Chief Cathy Lani-
er has prevented the Gay and Lesbian
Liaison Unit (GLLU) from operating
effectively, Catania defended Laniers
performance, but also acknowledged
there was room for improvement on
how MPD responds to hate crimes. He
declined to say whether he would ask
Lanier to stay on, saying he would not
discuss personnel decisions, something
he reiterated when asked about Schools
Chancellor Kaya Henderson. The one
exception Catania did make was saying
he would re Kenneth Ellerbe, chief
of the Districts Fire and EMS Depart-
ment.
Catania also acknowledged that he
may not receive the full support of the
Districts LGBT community, particu-
larly because almost all the Democrats
running for mayor, and Gray in par-
ticular, have portrayed themselves as
strong allies of the community. But he
also included a dig at the Democrats,
some of whom he said are engaging in
revisionist history when it comes to
the strength of their support for LGBT
issues.
I think people are going to vote
their interests, Catania said. And I
hope we can refrain from having con-
stituency voting blocs. I dont think
thats good for anybody. I hear in
these forums of how everyone takes
responsibility and credit for same-sex
marriage. But I was there I know
the members who never showed up for
hearings, and never said a word on the
dais. So whether its having been the
rst openly gay member of the Coun-
cil, from championing HIV education
and treatment to same-sex marriage to
adoption to transgender rights, Ill put
my record against anyones. l
SATURDAY, MARCH 22
WEEKLY EVENTS
ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURAL HEALTH
offers free HIV testing, 9-5 p.m., and HIV
services (by appointment). 202-291-4707 or
andromedatransculturalhealth.org.
BET MISHPACHAH, founded by members of the
LGBT community, holds Saturday morning Shabbat
services, 10 a.m., followed by kiddush luncheon.
Services in DCJCC Community Room, 1529 16th St.
NW. betmish.org.
BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP, including others
interested in Brazilian culture, meets. For location/
time, email braziliangaygroup@yahoo.com.
DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) practice session at
Marie Reed Aquatic Center, 2200 Champlain St.
NW. 8-9:30 a.m. swimdcac.org.
DC FRONT RUNNERS running/walking/social
club welcomes all levels for exercise in a fun and
supportive environment, socializing afterward.
Meet 9:30 a.m., 23rd & P Streets NW, for a walk; or
10 a.m. for fun run. dcfrontrunners.org.
DIGNITY NORTHERN VIRGINIA sponsors Mass
for LGBT community, family and friends. 6:30 p.m.,
Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill, 3606 Seminary
Road, Alexandria. All welcome. dignitynova.org.
DC SENTINELS basketball team meets at Turkey
Thicket Recreation Center, 1100 Michigan Ave. NE,
2-4 p.m. For players of all levels, gay or straight.
teamdcbasketball.org.
GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discusses critical
languages and foreign languages. 7 p.m. Nellies,
900 U St. NW. RVSP preferred. brendandarcy@
gmail.com.
IDENTITY offers free and condential HIV testing
in Takoma Park, 7676 New Hampshire Ave., Suite
411. Walk-ins 12-3 p.m. For appointments other
hours, call 301-422-2398.
SUNDAY, MARCH 23
ADVENTURING outdoors group hikes 12 challenging
miles, Billy Goat Trails near Great Falls, Md. Bring
beverages, lunch, sturdy boots, bug spray, a few
dollars/fees. No dogs. Carpool 8:30 a.m., Tenleytown
Metro. Jeff, 301-775-9660. adventuring.org.
WEEKLY EVENTS
BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressive and radically
inclusive church holds services at 11:30 a.m. 2217
Minnesota Ave. SE. 202-248-1895, betheldc.org.
FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITED CHURCH OF
CHRIST welcomes all to 10:30 a.m. service, 945 G
St. NW. rstuccdc.org or 202-628-4317.
HOPE UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes
GLBT community for worship. 10:30 a.m., 6130 Old
Telegraph Road, Alexandria. hopeucc.org.
US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous
Meeting, 6:30-7:30 p.m., 3636 Georgia Ave. NW.
The group is independent of UHU. 202-446-1100.
FRIDAY, MARCH 21
Mayors Ofce of GLBT Affairs presents SHEROES
OF THE MOVEMENT awards ceremony. 6:30-
8:30 p.m. Fannie Mae Conference Center, 4000
Wisconsin Ave. NW. lgbt@dc.gov.
WEEKLY EVENTS
METROHEALTH CENTER offers free, rapid HIV
testing. Appointment needed. 1012 14th St. NW,
Suite 700. 202-638-0750.
services (by appointment). 202-291-4707,
BET MISHPACHAH, founded by members of the
GLBT community, holds Friday night Shabbat
services followed by oneg social hour. 8-9:30 p.m.
Services in DCJCC Community Room, 1529 16th St.
NW. betmish.org.
GAY DISTRICT holds facilitated discussion for
GBTQ men, 18-35, rst and third Fridays. 8:30 p.m.
The DC Center, 1318 U St. NW. 202-682-2245,
gaydistrict.org.
GAY MARRIED MENS ASSOCIATION (GAMMA)
is a peer-support group that meets in Dupont Circle
every second and fourth Friday at 7:30 p.m. gay-
married.com or GAMMAinDC1@yahoo.com.
HIV TESTING at Whitman-Walker Health,
Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St. NW,
9 a.m.-5 p.m. 202-745-7000, whitman-walker.org.
PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-afrming social
group for ages 11-24. 4-6 p.m. 1419 Columbia Road
NW. Tamara, 202-319-0422, layc-dc.org.
SMYALS REC NIGHT provides a social
atmosphere for GLBT and questioning youth,
featuring dance parties, vogue nights, movies and
games. catherine.chu@smyal.org.
SMYAL offers free HIV Testing, 3-6 p.m., by
appointment and walk-in, for youth 21 and younger.
Youth Center, 410 7th St. SE. 202-567-3155,
testing@smyal.org.
THURSDAY, MARCH 20
DOD PRIDE hosts happy hour for Pentagon LGBT
personnel, including civilians. 5-7 p.m. Freddies
Beach Bar, 555 South 23rd St., Arlington. info@
dodpride.org.
WEEKLY EVENTS
Suite 700. 202-638-0750.
offers free HIV testing, 9-5 p.m., and HIV services
(by appointment). Call 202-291-4707, or visit
DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) practice session
at the Takoma Aquatic Center, 7:30-9 p.m. Visit
swimdcac.org.
DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and lesbian square-
dancing group features mainstream through
advanced square dancing at the National City
Christian Church, 5 Thomas Circle NW, 7-9:30 p.m.
Casual dress. 301-257-0517, dclambdasquares.org.
The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern Virginia social
group meets for happy hour at Sheraton in Reston,
11810 Sunrise Valley Drive, second-oor bar, 7-9
p.m. All welcome. dullestriangles.com.
HIV TESTING at Whitman-Walker Health. The
9 a.m.-5 p.m. At the Max Robinson Center, 2301
MLK Jr. Ave. SE, 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Call 202-745-
7000. Visit whitman-walker.org.
in Gaithersburg, 414 East Diamond Ave., and in
Takoma Park, 7676 New Hampshire Ave., Suite 411.
Walk-ins 2-6 p.m. For appointments other hours,
call Gaithersburg, 301-300-9978, or Takoma Park,
301-422-2398.
202-567-3155 or testing@smyal.org.
WOMENS LEADERSHIP INSTITUTE for young
LBTQ women, 13-21, interested in leadership
development. 5-6:30 p.m. SMYAL Youth Center, 410
7th St. SE. 202-567-3163, catherine.chu@smyal.org.
Metro Weeklys Community Calendar highlights important events in
the D.C.-area LGBT community, from alternative social events to
volunteer opportunities. Event information should be sent by email to
calendar@MetroWeekly.com. Deadline for inclusion is noon
of the Friday before Thursdays publication. Questions about
the calendar may be directed to the Metro Weekly ofce at
202-638-6830 or the calendar email address.
LGBTCommunityCalendar
marketplace
marketplace
Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONAL TEMPLE
UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST for an inclusive,
loving and progressive faith community every
Sunday. 11 a.m. 1701 11th Street NW, near R in
Shaw/Logan neighborhood. lincolntemple.org.
LUTHERAN CHURCH OF REFORMATION invites
all to Sunday worship at 8:30 or 11 a.m. Childcare is
available at both services. Welcoming LGBT people for
25 years. 212 East Capitol St. NE. reformationdc.org
METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH OF
WASHINGTON, D.C. services at 9 a.m. (ASL
interpreted) and 11 a.m. Childrens Sunday School
at 11 a.m. 474 Ridge St. NW. 202-638-7373, mccdc.
com.
RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCH, a Christ-centered,
interracial, welcoming-and-afrming church, offers
service at 10 a.m. 680 I St. SW. 202-554-4330,
riverside-dc.org.
UNITARIAN CHURCH OF ARLINGTON, an
LGBTQ welcoming-and-afrming congregation,
offers services at 10 a.m. Virginia Rainbow UU
Ministry. 4444 Arlington Blvd. uucava.org.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CHURCH OF
SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and
individuals of all creeds and cultures to join the
church. Services 9:15 and 11:15 a.m. 10309 New
Hampshire Ave. uucss.org.
UNIVERSALIST NATIONAL MEMORIAL
CHURCH, a welcoming and inclusive church. GLBT
Interweave social/service group meets monthly.
Services at 11 a.m., Romanesque sanctuary. 1810 16th
St. NW. 202-387-3411, universalist.org.
MONDAY, MARCH 24
WEEKLY EVENTS
NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing. 5-7 p.m. 2049
N. 15th St., Suite 200, Arlington. Appointments:
703-789-4467.
testing. No appointment needed. 11 a.m.-7 p.m. 1012
14th St. NW, Suite 700. 202-638-0750.
The DC Center hosts COFFEE DROP-IN FOR THE
SENIOR LGBT COMMUNITY. 10 a.m.-noon. 2000
14th St. NW. 202-682-2245, thedccenter.org.
Michael Brazell teaches BEARS DO YOGA, a
program of The DC Center. 6:30 p.m., Green
Lantern, 1335 Green Court NW. No cost, newcomers
welcome. 202-682-2245, thedccenter.org.
GETEQUAL meets 6:30-8 p.m. at Quaker House,
2111 Florida Ave. NW. getequal.wdc@gmail.com.
KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY (K.I.) SERVICES,
3333 Duke St., Alexandria, offers free rapid HIV
testing and counseling, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. 703-823-4401.
Youth Center, 410 7th St. SE. 202-567-3155 or
testing@smyal.org.
US HELPING US hosts a black gay mens evening
afnity group. 3636 Georgia Ave. NW.
202-446-1100.
WASHINGTON WETSKINS Water Polo Team
practices 7-9 p.m. Takoma Aquatic Center, 300
Van Buren St. NW. Newcomers with at least basic
swimming ability always welcome. Tom, 703-299-
0504, secretary@wetskins.org, wetskins.org.
Whitman-Walker Health HIV/AIDS SUPPORT
GROUP for newly diagnosed individuals, meets
7 p.m. Registration required. 202-939-7671,
hivsupport@whitman-walker.org.
HIV TESTING at Whitman-Walker Health. D.C.:
Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St.
NW, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. At the Max Robinson Center,
2301 MLK Jr. Ave. SE, 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. For an
appointment call 202-745-7000. Visit
whitman-walker.org.
TUESDAY, MARCH 25
WEEKLY EVENTS
A COMPANY OF STRANGERS, a theater chorus,
meets 7:30-9:30 p.m. A GLBTA and SATB looking
for actors, singers, crew. Open Hearth Foundation,
13
LGBTCommunityCalendar
METROWEEKLY.COM MARCH 20, 2014
marketplace
1502 Massachusetts Ave. SE. Charles, 240-764-
5748. ecumenicon.org.
ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly dinner in Dupont/
Logan Circle area, 6:30 p.m. afwash@aol.com,
afwashington.net.
Takoma Aquatic Center, 300 Van Buren St. NW.
7:30-9 p.m. swimdcac.org.
DC FRONT RUNNERS running/walking/social club
serving greater D.C.s LGBT community and allies
hosts an evening run/walk. dcfrontrunners.org.
THE GAY MENS HEALTH COLLABORATIVE
offers free HIV/STI screening every 2nd and 4th
Tuesday. 5-6:30 p.m. Rainbow Tuesday LGBT
Clinic, Alexandria Health Department, 4480 King
St. 703-321-2511, james.leslie@inova.org.
Whitman-Walker Healths GAY MENS HEALTH
AND WELLNESS/STD CLINIC opens at 6 p.m.,
1701 14th St. NW. Patients are seen on walk-in basis.
No-cost screening for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea and
chlamydia. Hepatitis and herpes testing available
for fee. whitman-walker.org.
Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center, 1701 14th St.
NW, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. At the Max Robinson Center,
2301 MLK Jr. Ave. SE, 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. For an
appointment call 202-745-7000. Visit whitman-
walker.org.
THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THE DC CENTER
hosts Packing Party, where volunteers assemble
safe-sex kits of condoms and lube. 7 p.m., Green
Lantern, 1335 Green Court NW. thedccenter.org.
in Gaithersburg, 414 East Diamond Ave., and in
Takoma Park, 7676 New Hampshire Ave., Suite 411.
Walk-ins 2-6 p.m. For appointments other hours,
call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park
at 301-422-2398.
KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY (K.I.) SERVICES,
at 3333 Duke St., Alexandria, offers free rapid HIV
testing and counseling, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. 703-823-4401.
Youth Center, 410 7th St. SE. 202-567-3155,
testing@smyal.org.
SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21
meets at SMYAL, 410 7th St. SE, 5-6:30 p.m. Cathy
Chu, 202-567-3163, catherine.chu@smyal.org.
marketplace
Suite 700. 202-638-0750.
US HELPING US hosts a support group for black
gay men 40 and older. 7-9 p.m., 3636 Georgia Ave.
NW. 202-446-1100.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 26
Various groups join to hold the MPD HATE
CRIMES TASK FORCE COMMUNITY FORUM.
7-8 p.m. Casa Ruby, 2822 Georgia Ave. NW.
For more information or to RSVP: vvillano@
transequality.org.
LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate
Bridge. No reservations needed. All welcome. 7:30
p.m. Dignity Center, 721 8th St. SE. For information
or a partner, 703-407-6540.
WEEKLY EVENTS
NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing. 11 a.m.-
2 p.m. 2049 N. 15th St., Suite 200, Arlington.
Appointments: 703-789-4467.
testing. No appointment needed. 11 a.m.-7 p.m. 1012
14th St. NW, Suite 700. 202-638-0750.
AD LIB, a group for freestyle conversation, meets
about 7:45 p.m., covered-patio area of Cosi, 1647
20th St. NW. All welcome. Jamie, 703-892-8567.
Marie Reed Aquatic Center, 2200 Champlain St.
NW. 8-9:30 p.m. swimdcac.org.
HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday
worship 7:15 a.m. and 12:05 p.m. All welcome.
118 N. Washington St., Alexandria. 703-549-1450,
historicchristchurch.org.
in Gaithersburg, 414 East Diamond Ave. Walk-
ins 2-7 p.m. For appointments other hours, call
Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978.
9 a.m.-6 p.m. At the Max Robinson Center, 2301
MLK Jr. Ave. SE, 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. 202-745-7000,
whitman-walker.org.
PRIME TIMERS OF DC, social club for mature gay
men, hosts weekly happy hour/dinner. 6:30 p.m.,
Windows Bar above Dupont Italian Kitchen, 1637
17th St. NW. Carl, 703-573-8316. l
FOR MORE CALENDAR LISTINGS
PLEASE VISIT
WWW.METROWEEKLY.COM
MARCH 20, 2014
VOLUME 20 / ISSUE 46
PUBLISHER
Randy Shulman
EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Randy Shulman
ART DIRECTOR
Todd Franson
MANAGING EDITOR
Will OBryan
POLITICAL EDITOR
Justin Snow
STAFF WRITER
John Riley
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS
Rhuaridh Marr, Doug Rule
SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHER
Ward Morrison
CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS
Christopher Cunetto, Julian Vankim
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS
Scott G. Brooks, Christopher Cunetto
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
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19
EARLIER THIS
month, I shared a
post on my Face-
book wall regarding
Dmitry Kiselyov.
The post was criti-
cal of the anti-West-
ern, anti-LGBT
Kiselyov, taking
what appeared to
be a family holiday in Amsterdam.
I found Kiselyovs Amsterdam out-
ing of interest in that some have called
for the Magnitsky Act to be applied to
those Russian politicians behind the
countrys vague 2013 law banning pro-
paganda of nontraditional sexual rela-
tions, blocking their access to Western
fun and funds. Since Kiselyovs visit,
the Obama administration has actually
turned similar screws on some Russian
ofcials though not Kiselyov, sadly-
for the sake of Crimea.
Still, seeing an elite, Putin-back-
ing mouthpiece enjoy the dirty West
warms my heart, comforting me that
theyve already lost this global version
of our own so-called culture war.
While some of my Facebook friends
took issue with making anything of
the Kiselyov clans Western Europe-
an vacation, they also took issue with
the original posts characterization of
Amsterdam as the worlds gay capital.
Ive heard the phrase applied to
Amsterdam before, but I suppose Id
agree its time to move on. Not that I
dont love Amsterdam. I do! But the
worlds gay capital in 2014?
Amsterdam is one of my favorite
cities for too many reasons to count in
limited space. But after a visit, I appre-
ciate returning to Washington. Not only
is home where the heart is, its gayer.
So, as I considered what some posted
about Amsterdam, I wondered just which
city might be the worlds gay capital.
Though my bias is obvious, I g-
ured its D.C. Not in a ashy, Sydney
Mardi Gras sort of way, or with much
Folsom Street air. But there are argu-
ments to be made.
What a worlds anything needs is
a sense of the global. From embassies
to airports, Chinatown to the de facto
Little Ethiopia, check.
In the institutional sense, theres the
hard-to-miss Human Rights Campaign
headquarters. Less visible are the D.C.
ofces of the National Gay and Les-
bian Task Force, the National Center
for Transgender Equality, Immigration
Equality, The Council for Global Equal-
ity, the Center for Black Equity, the
Mautner Project and the National Gay
& Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Just
to scratch the surface.
More grassroots, the Gertrude Stein
Democratic Club holds its own. The
Gay & Lesbian Activists Alliance of
Washington, D.C., is one of the nations
and the worlds longest-operating
LGBT organizations. D.C. is home to
LGBT people of every political stripe
think Goldwater to Gandhi. But weve
also got a gay imam and any number
of religious institutions celebrating the
spiritual journeys of LGBT people. Our
primary LGBT center, The DC Center,
is joined by Casa Ruby, Us Helping
Us, Khush DC, the Latino GLBT His-
tory Project and Asian Pacic Island-
er Queer Sisters. Again, thats just for
starters. Want to play kickball in a gay
league? Weve got you covered.
What really makes D.C. the worlds
gay capital is that Center Global, a pro-
gram of the aforementioned DC Center,
has had to quickly nd a way to support
LGBT refugees seeking asylum here.
Because theyre coming.
I may not have thought much of
Ronald Reagans application of the
shining city metaphor, but I see it
now in D.C. Despite its faults, it is a
beacon for LGBT people. If D.C. is once
again a cold war capital, Im proud to
call it home. And to those arriving to
make it even better, whether youre
from Lubbock or Lagos, as you navigate
your new home pay special attention to
that voice on the Metro that cautions us
to Step back. Yep, shes family. l
Shining City
Perhaps theres no place like home
LGBTOpinion
by Will OBryan
Tales of the Tomlin
FROM DRAWERS FULL OF DIMES TO SUPERSTARDOM,
LILY TOMLIN SHARES THE RICHNESS OF HER JOURNEY
INTERVIEW BY WILL OBRYAN
M
A
T
T

H
O
Y
L
E
Tales of the Tomlin
FROM DRAWERS FULL OF DIMES TO SUPERSTARDOM,
LILY TOMLIN SHARES THE RICHNESS OF HER JOURNEY
INTERVIEW BY WILL OBRYAN
HERE IS NO ARGUMENT:
Lily Tomlin loves show business. And that love has driven her
from stage to screen and back again, countless times.
With her partner in life and profession Jane Wagner
at her side, Tomlin has earned an Oscar nomination, multiple
Emmys and Tonys, and so many more accolades. Shes played
characters from silly many of whom are her own creations
to serious. Theres the young Tomlin of Laugh-In yuks, or the
grittier Linnea of Nashville. Shes shared the screen with Cher,
Bette, Jane and Dolly, to name a few. From the frantic battle
to grasp the dawn of the AIDS epidemic as Dr. Selma Dritz
in the movie version of And the Band Played On, to animated
voiceovers, there is range, there is talent and there is dedication.
Were forever wanting to make something, she says of
Wagner and herself, offering as an example an effort to produce
a show based on Tomlins precocious 5-year-old persona, Edith
Ann. One time we really wanted to get a series together for
Edith Ann, and we wanted to do it in claymation. This was oh,
God, I dont even know before claymation was very popular.
And 3D was really prohibitive. We built Edith Anns whole
neighborhood in our garage with clay animators. We could not
convince anyone to do dimensional animation like that at the
time. It mustve been 30 years ago or more.
And weve done that many times. It didnt matter. Youre just
so mad to make something that you dont think twice about it.
Its been like that since Tomlin, 74, was not much older than
Edith Ann, trying unsuccessfully to corral her neighborhood
peers of inner-city Detroit to put on a show. With an Edith Ann-
inspired raspberry to whatever stands in her way, Tomlin has
not been deterred, which is why shell soon be back in the D.C.
area for a show. And in Florida for two. And Las Vegas. And an
Olivia cruise. Tomlin long ago found the secret to making magic,
and shes not about to stop.

METRO WEEKLY: Youre back in L.A. for a few days? Im
told youve been doing some lming. Can you tell me what
youre working on?
LILY TOMLIN: I was doing a thing for a friend that was just
sort of fun. Rocco Urbisci was the producer on a couple
of my specials years ago, for one of which we won an
Emmy. Anyway, Rocco manages these two young girls
that are really interesting. They do kind of satiric songs
and comedy. Their names are Carlie and Doni. Theyd
written a song called Gangsta Waitress. Its really
funny, and they were making a music video of it. I played
their, like, top waitress.
MW: A recurring role for you.
TOMLIN: Oh, yeah, right! [Laughs.] But just for this little
video. It was hip, dirty, campy and all of that.
MW: But early on, you actually worked as a Howard John-
sons waitress?
TOMLIN: Oh, God, yeah, I did. I worked at the old origi-
nal one at 49th and Broadway, which was like the rst
Howard Johnsons in New York. It was a little, tiny, nar-
row storefront. It wasnt very big. Their bigger one was
down near 52nd Street and Broadway, then the big one
across town was the HoJo hotel. Mine got shut down.
We were not even on the circuit. I dont think the How-
ard Johnsons people who came to inspect even came
to our restaurant. We had really old uniforms, like from
the 30s, that were so starched. Their uniforms would
stand on their own because of so much starch. We were
all wannabe actresses and everybody wanted to be really
attractive, so the other girls would hem em up real fast
every morning, so they could be wearing miniskirts.
[Laughs.] I always wore mine totally regulation. Tall and
lanky. But those uniforms were cut on the bias and you
were supposed to have a lot of hips. Of course, I didnt.
You had these big, puffy sleeves and your little arms are
hanging out. It was like playing a role. I wanted to be a
real Howard Johnsons waitress. Id wear a hairnet and
a paper hat.
I used to duck down behind the counter with a
microphone and Id say, Attention, diners. Your How-
ard Johnsons waitress of the week, Lily Tomlin, is
about to make an appearance on the oor. Give her a big
hand! And then Id come out from behind the counter
and theyd applaud me. I just used to have fun. Whenev-
er I was doing something, I used to make it into theater.
MW: With your career, and life thats moved from the
South to the Midwest, to both coasts, you seem so all-
American. You are such a strong piece of our culture. Do
you have a strong identity as an American?
TOMLIN: I feel like Im a human being. I dont have any
overly nationalistic pride. I want the nation to be what
we have believed in the past, when people were really
in love with Americans especially after World War II.
We seemed special. Maybe we werent, even then, but
we thought we were. We thought we were really good
people, a good race of humans. I really identify with just
humanity in general.
I was lucky enough to have Southern parents and
spend every summer in rural Kentucky. I grew up in
inner-city Detroit, grew up in a predominantly black
neighborhood. At that time in American society there
was more ethnicity. There was a bigger mix of humanity.
We lived within blocks of people who were fairly well
T
off, professionals. The streets were very wide and the
houses were very large, and I went to school with those
kids, too. Id go to their houses and they were larger, bet-
ter furnished. We didnt even have a car in our family.
MW: All this before Americans were more mobile, better
able to segregate themselves socially?
TOMLIN: Exactly. And thats what happened in poor old
Detroit. All the white ight left the city destitute, no
tax base. It was a fantastic city, a great city. And I think
it will be again. Its like a template for a city of the future,
because it has hit rock bottom so hard. More and more
artists are being drawn there because housing is inex-
pensive. Its just alive, vibrant even now. As bad off as
it is, theres a vibrant niche culture there that will spread
and spread, I hope.
MW: Have you been back recently?
TOMLIN: I played in one of the suburbs there maybe two
months ago. My cousin and her family live there, in one
of the suburbs. And I have all my old girlfriends from
high school there not in the inner city, because its
really destitute. I went to high school with Henry Ford
IIs widow and third wife [Kathleen DuRoss]. Im going
to play Palm Beach soon, so Ill see her when I go down
there.
MW: Shes a pal?
TOMLIN: Yeah! I got her on the cheer team. Thats the
kind of place Detroit is. It was rich. It was an industrial
city. With unions, it was a very political city, too. Not so
white-bread and diluted down. It was zestier.
MW: With the tour, I dont see a particular title. Im won-
dering
TOMLIN: I dont do a tour like that. I never have. People
ask me, When did this tour start? I say, Oh, maybe
several decades ago on my back porch. I always put
on shows. I dont know where I
got the notion. I mean, we didnt
go to the theater. But I did take
ballet and tap and the Depart-
ment of Parks and Recreation
across the street from my old
apartment house. It was kind of
a tough neighborhood and we
had a lot of programs to keep
kids off the street. I pitched for
a police athletic baseball team.
All these different community
groups were involved. And I took ballet and tap, as I
said. In the summer, we played all kinds of sports. I was
a jacks champion. When I was about 9, I played in the
junior division.
MW: Junior division of jacks?
TOMLIN: Yeah.
MW: Sounds like you were involved in everything.
TOMLIN: I was! And in the old apartment house, there
were so many different kinds of people. The older
people there were professionals, but they were on lim-
ited incomes so they couldnt move. They wanted to! All
these blue-collar Southerners came up to work, like my
mother and dad, so my dad could work in the factory.
We had 40 apartments in our building, with a common
backyard. It burned down in the 67 riots. You think your
backyards so big, but its like a postage stamp. But all the
kids played in that backyard. People hung their wash on
clotheslines. [Laughs.] It was a real community.
MW: Were you precocious?
TOMLIN: You could say precocious in some areas, maybe. [Laughs.]
People used to let me babysit their kids when I was 10.
MW: Were you sort of the leader of the local kids?
TOMLIN: I dont know. I took a leader role at some points. I was
always producing shows! I wanted to do a show so bad and I
would try to get the other kids to be in it, and they wouldnt
rehearse or show up. They just didnt have the interest in it, and
I did. I did magic tricks. I used to say I was the worlds rst per-
formance artist. Id tap dance, Id do ballet, Id tell jokes Id seen
on television. I could cut a rope and restore it. I could oat a ball
under a silk. [Laughs.] What I Do you really want to hear this?
MW: Yes!
TOMLIN: When I was pretty young, maybe 8, Id come home from
school and read a Red Ryder comic book. In the back they had
all these joke items, like hand buzzers and dribble glasses. All
this bad joke stuff. Plastic vomit. Ice cubes with ies in them.
Anyway, it was, C.O.D., send no money. Im thinking Im the
only kid hip enough to get this, so Im going to get all these items
for nothing. [Laughs.] I sent for all this stuff. I came home from
school one day and my mother meets me at the door and says, I
want to know if you ordered a bunch of old junk from a comic
book. Oh, I was just elated and wanted to get my hands on it.
She said, You can have it when you pay me back. I said, How
is a kid supposed to get any money?
You could do things for the neighbors.
It was epiphanous. I told my mother later it was the most
important thing she ever told me. I started a dime business. In
those 40 apartments, Id take out your garbage for a dime. Id
go to the store for a dime. Id walk your dog for a dime. I had
drawers full of dimes. Then I would take the money downtown
to Abbotts Magic Shop and I would learn a magic trick. I was
mad for magic. But not sleight of hand. I was totally lazy, so I
would buy apparatus. [Laughs.] I didnt stay with it, but I was so
fascinated by illusion.
MW: This apartment house was an amazing world for a kid.
TOMLIN: And there was a botanist who lived in the building, one
of the retirees who couldnt move. Mrs. Rupert. Mrs. Rupert had
decided I was the kid in the building who had the most potential
to rise above my station. Those are her words.
MW: Mrs. Rupert was right, I suppose.
TOMLIN: I was 8, and she got my mother to let me come over
every night after supper. Her husband would be out, worked
at the railroad. She was terribly, terribly interesting. She was a
short woman, very zaftig, and here I was so lanky, but as tall as
she was. So she was like a girlfriend almost, like another kid or
something.
MW: Have you written many of these memories?
TOMLIN: No, no, I havent.
MW: Arent you tempted?
Id take out your garbage for a dime.
ID GO TO THE STORE FOR A DIME. ID WALK YOUR
DOG FOR A DIME. I HAD DRAWERS FULL OF DIMES.
Then I would take the money downtown to Abbotts Magic
Shop and I would learn a magic trick. I was mad for magic.
TOMLIN: Sometimes. My partner Jane and I, we some-
times use our backgrounds a little bit in pieces, but really
not identiably. I might reference my neighborhood or
something. But, yes, since you said that, you encourage
me to do it. I would think, well, everybodys got these
stories. Theyre just time and place, and the players
change a little bit.
MW: Its true that everyone has these stories, but so few
seem to remember them so expertly.
TOMLIN: I remember this stuff, but not my address. And
Mrs. Rupert was such a big part of my life. Id go by every
night and walk her Chihuahuas and Id get a dime. We
would read The New York Times and I had to write down
words I didnt understand and look them up.
MW: She was your Auntie Mame.
TOMLIN: Yeah, she was like my Auntie Mame, in a
sense. After that, wed have a little tea and petits fours.
[Laughs.]
She was very conservative. She hated Adlai Steven-
son. Hated him. She was so pixilated. She told me she
had helped capture and indict Alger Hiss when shed
been a phone operator, before she became a botanist.
Every Saturday she would take me downtown to
Hudsons, which was the big department store in
Detroit, which has been torn down, sadly. She was trying
to educate me to marry well and run a big house. To be
extremely well off and have a staff. She taught me how to
buy linens and tone your wardrobe with your stockings. I
thought it was all hilarious. Id have to wear gloves and a
hat and carry a purse. I had to be able to open the purse
and retrieve anything I wanted without looking. A lady
is capable of this.
So, in the winter, your nose starts to run when you
go from the cold outside into a warm tearoom. Hudsons
had everything a post ofce, a tearoom. So, if we
were going to stop in for me to get a hot chocolate, wed
duck up a side street and go into a doorway and blow our
noses. Mrs. Rupert thought she was very elite. [Laughs.]
Blowing our noses. And here we are, both of us in hats,
and wed go into a tearoom. Sure enough, youd see some
poor woman who had not blown her nose. Her nose is
running and shes trying to get napkins out of the napkin
holder. And Mrs. Rupert would, like, give me the elbow
and nod toward that woman. [Laughs.]
MW: Mrs. Rupert is reminding me of a character I just saw
you play in a short, The Procession.
TOMLIN: Really? But shes so, you know, bourgeois. Mrs.
Rupert thought she was quite superior to everybody
else in the building. She wore a hat and fox furs to the
garbage can.
Finally what happened, when I was about 12 Id had
a long history with Mrs. Rupert by now I was doing my shows.
I never told her anything about it. One day she tells me that Mr.
Rupert is going to be off the next evening and hed be home. I
said, Ill come over tomorrow and do my magic show for you.
And she hit the ceiling. Dont tell me youve been wasting your
money on magic tricks! I was so insulted. I was really pleased
with my act. She said, Dont you know thats illusion? If youre
not careful, youre going to end up in show business. [Laughs.] I
was just furious. I stopped going to see her.
Then she tried to entice me and my brother he was about 8
over to her apartment one evening. She opens the window onto
the backyard and invites me over. She says she wants to show us
something very special. So my brother and I are thinking were
going to see a dead baby or
something. [Laughs.] We go
in and she gets [whisper-
ing] very quiet. She makes
sure all the blinds are down
and she brings out a big
box a wooden, ornate
box and puts it on the
table. She opens that box,
and theres another box
inside. She takes that box
out and opens yet another
box. There are three boxes. Then she pulls out this long thing
wrapped in a chamois. She unwraps it and says, This is the knife
that killed Mussolini.
MW: What?
TOMLIN: Thats what she told us! [Laughs.] And we didnt really
know who Mussolini was or weather hed been killed with a
knife or not. We were so disappointed.
MW: That memory mustve been going through your head while
your were shooting Tea with Mussolini.
TOMLIN: [Laughs.] Yes! Mrs. Rupert mightve liked that because
Maggie Smith was in it.
MW: The richness of your childhood seems not to have been wasted at all.
TOMLIN: Growing up the way I did, I saw so many different kinds
of people. It never occurred to me that I wasnt like all of them,
whether I thought they were great or not. I saw everybody as
awful, as cruel, as wonderful, as kind, loving, depressed all over
the map. Different groups of people, different ethnicities, every-
thing. They werent so different. They seemed different, but they
werent so different. It was really important. It really did make
me have an affection and empathy, really, for most all people.
MW: Beyond people, youve also got an affection for elephants?
TOMLIN: Ive been advocating for elephants in captivity for a
while. And lots of other things. It just happened that that I
became kind of focused on that here in L.A. because we had
elephants at the L.A. Zoo that were in meager circumstances.
Then I began to read about elephants, and people began to tap
me for other cities like Seattle and Dallas. Ive gone there and
Ive advocated.
I was friendly with Sheila Nevins at HBO, so I pitched the
idea about doing some kind of documentary about elephants in
captivity. We managed to do that last year. But there were many
people involved. The young woman, Amy Schatz, who was the
HBO director/producer, she won a [Directors Guild of America
Award] for directing [An Apology to Elephants], and I won an
Emmy for narration.
MW: What other efforts have gotten your attention?
TOMLIN: Ive always been active in womens rights, the womens
movement, gay rights, fundraisers for female politicians.
Growing up the way I did, I saw so many different kinds of people.
I SAW EVERYBODY AS AWFUL, AS CRUEL,
AS WONDERFUL, AS KIND, LOVING,
DEPRESSED ALL OVER THE MAP.
It really did make me have an affection and empathy, really,
for most all people.
MW: I think I spotted a
Hillary Clinton tweet
from you not long ago.
Are you part of the Clin-
ton 2016 push?
TOMLIN: Not ofcially or
anything. I so much dont
want a right-wing person
to be in the presidency.
Im so afraid everythings
going to go on this next
election, that theres
going to be more seats
lost. If the conservatives
control the Senate and
the House, I dread to
think what will happen.
It wont matter whos
the president. Its bad
enough with the obstruc-
tionist stuff thats going
on all these years with
Obama. I think many
advances could even be
repealed overnight.
MW: Has your political
involvement increased
over the years?
TOMLIN: As I said ear-
lier, Detroit was always
a political city, a lot of
unions. We were con-
scious of it. My dad
was in the union. My
dad was a Southern guy,
basically a rural kid who
grew up with 10 broth-
ers and sisters. A ten-
ant farmer. Really, my
dad only went to the
third grade. But he was
innately intelligent. He
wouldve been a tool-
maker, but he really
couldnt write to any
real extent. But he could
read a blueprint and put
a machine together. He
would come home with
these little things that
hed produced and I
knew how proud he was
that he was able to do
that, that the toolmaker
would go to him and
be able to say, I need
this part. Can you put a
machine together? And
hed say to me, Babe,
this is what the old man
did today. [Laughs.]
So I knew how much
it meant to him. I saw
the pride he had in that.
So, politically, you just
understand about peo-
ple. You dont intellec-
tualize it. As a kid, you
know what it is to have
money or not to have
money. People scraping
by, getting laid-off, not
having a job for ve or
six months.
I remember when
my dad was laid off
and rebuilt a lot of the
porches in our old apart-
ment house. I was really
a little kid, but I can
remember hanging out
on a porch all day while
he rebuilt a new porch
and banister and steps. I
was just so proud of that,
that he could build those
porches.
MW: Did you and your
wife consider having
kids?
TOMLIN: Of course we
talked about it. But I
dont call Jane my
wife at all. Thats a
heterosexual stricture.
When people used to
ask, Are you and Jane
going to get married?
even before it was pos-
sible, when everyone
was ghting for it, I
would say, Well, I was
hoping the gay commu-
nity could come up with
something better than
marriage. Jane would
say, Youve got to stop
being so ippant about
it, because the issue of
marriage is really seri-
ous and important to
a lot of people. And I
knew that. Especially
for friends, same-sex
couples, with children.
They ran and got mar-
ried right away.
I lightened up
about it, and I do real-
ize its meaningful. Its
meaningful for it to
be acknowledged in
the culture. Im aston-
ished at how far the gay
movement has come in
20 years. Its staggering.
P
A
T
T
E
R
S
O
N
MW: As culture and politics go, Im guessing plenty of
Washingtonians loved you on The West Wing.
TOMLIN: I loved that, too. When it came on the air, I
thought, How has it happened that Im not in this?
I had my agent reach out to Tommy Schlamme, and
Aaron Sorkin at that time. And then Mrs. Landingham
was killed in that episode no doing of mine whatso-
ever, believe me. She was so loved. But they planned to
use Mrs. Landingham kind of as a Jiminy Cricket, but
it didnt really work for them. Kathryn Joosten became
a good friend of mine. I knew her from Murphy Brown,
and then later I did a stint with her on Desperate House-
wives. I played her sister. We were good friends.
MW: I would think, particularly as a team with Jane Wag-
ner, youd have enough clout to do any project you like.
TOMLIN: Well, not quite, Will. [Laughs.] Yes, it helps, of
course. But not everybody maybe feels the same about
me. It happened that Aaron Sorkin liked me and was
probably pleased that I wanted to be on the show.
And I am allowed to tell you although I usually hold back
because I dont like to tell too much about upcoming projects
that Jane Fonda and I are going to do a project for Netix. A
series.
MW: Netix is on re right now.
TOMLIN: And theyre just great people, so easy to be with. Marta
Kauffman, who was one of the creators of Friends, shes written
the rst episode.
MW: Its not a 9 to 5 reunion, is it?
TOMLIN: Aw, no. That wouldve been good. Maybe we can get
Dolly in some part. That would be fun!
MW: I know Ive got to let you go, but before I do I want to make
sure you know theres at least one group of gay fellahs quoting your
9 to 5 Violet Newstead character routinely.
TOMLIN: [Laughs.] I know just where to stick it.
Lily Tomlin performs Friday, March 28, at 8 p.m. at the Music
Center at Strathmore, 5301 Tuckerman Lane, North Bethesda. For
tickets, $27 to $81, call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmore.org. l
When people used to ask,
Are you and Jane going
to get married? even before
it was possible, when
everyone was fghting for it,
I would say, Well,
I WAS HOPING THE
GAY COMMUNITY
COULD COME UP
WITH SOMETHING
BETTER THAN
MARRIAGE.
MARCH 20 - 27, 2014
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Compiled by Doug Rule
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E DONT GLAMORIZE PHYSICS. WHETHER
theoretical or experimental, theres very little
recognition of the incredible, fascinating work
that those dedicated to either side of the physics
coin devote their lives to. As we maneuver through our day-to-
day routine watching TV, clocking in at the ofce, wonder-
ing if we should have that second donut physicists are busy
unraveling the complex mysteries surrounding the foundations
and building blocks which construct the universe we live in.
It may not be perceived as sexy, but Ill be damned if someone
says it doesnt make for an utterly compelling documentary.
The lm in question is PARTICLE FEVER (HHHHH), direct-
ed by Mark Levinson, who gained a doctoral degree in par-
ticle physics from Berkeley before transitioning to the lm
industry. Particle Fever follows the lives of six scientists in
the years leading up to and surrounding the activation of the
Large Hadron Collider the giant ring that blasts particles
together at velocities close to the speed of light. Edited by
Walter Murch, who delivered the nal cuts of such cinemat-
ic greats as The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, the 99-min-
ute doc cuts between breathtaking views of the magnicent
grandeur of the facilities buried underground at CERN in
Switzerland, personal footage of the scientists going about
their days work, and incredibly well-designed graphics that
aim to illustrate dense, complex theories to an audience who
Atom Chasers
A stunning new documentary chronicles the search for the Higgs Boson Particle
may otherwise balk at such ideas.
If you have little to no interest in the subject matter, Par-
ticle Fever will likely not change your mind. However, for those
willing to dip their toes into the world of advanced physics re-
search and experimentation and I highly recommend that
you do so what will transpire is a front row seat into one
of the most important discoveries in modern science. Yes, the
elusive Higgs Boson particle, which was oft rumored but never
proven, is the main focus here. Watching the drama, humor
and elation that comes from condensing ve years of work into
one lm humanizes a eld of research otherwise alien to av-
erage Joes. Even as they throw concepts at the audience that
will likely hurt more than a few brains, the magnicently in-
telligent scientists who work at CERN or conduct research at
Stanford and Princeton prove that, regardless of the perceived
or real importance of what we do, we are all inherently human
in the way we engage with the world.
When asked what he hoped the audience would take away
from the lm, Levison responded I hope they have a certain
appreciation for the wonderful, monumental achievement that
is embodied in particle physics. You absolutely will.
Rhuaridh Marr
Particle Fever opens Friday, March 21, at Landmarks E Street
Cinema. Call 202-783-9494 or visit landmarktheatres.com. l
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Tuesday, March 25, at 8 p.m. Rams Head On Stage,
33 West St., Annapolis. Tickets are $19.50. Call 410-
268-4545 or visit ramsheadonstage.com.
ELTON JOHN: THE MILLION DOLLAR PIANO
Fathom Events presents a lmed performance
of Elton Johns Las Vegas concert extravaganza
from the Colosseum at Caesars Palace featuring
John playing his greatest hits on a custom-made
Yamaha piano with more than 68 LED screens
incorporated into the design. The naturally over-
the-top production centers on a baroque, Roman-
inspired golden stage that changes to reect the
theme of each song. Tuesday, March 26, at 7 p.m.
Select area theaters. Tickets are $15. Visit fandango.
com or fathomevents.com.
INDIGO LOVE & THE RENAISSANCE TRIO
Sassy: Celebrating Sarah Vaughan is a tribute
to the great jazz vocalist, dubbed the Divine
One, who got her start in 1942 winning the famed
Amateur Night at the Apollo Theater. Singer Indigo
Love performs a scripted show about the classy and
sophisticated artist and enhanced with photography,
costumes and an interactive Brazilian dance
troupe. Love is accompanied by the Renaissance
Trio featuring Nasar Abadey, Allyn Johnson and
James King. Wednesday, March 26, at 8 p.m. The
Howard Theatre, 620 T St. NW. Tickets are $22.50
in advance or $27.50 day of. Call 202-588-5595 or
visit thehowardtheatre.com.
KORESH DANCE COMPANY
The Washington Performing Arts Society presents
the D.C. premiere of this Philadelphia-based
company blending ballet, modern and jazz dance
styles and founded in 1991 by Israeli choreographer
Roni Koresh. Earlier this month the Koresh Dance
Company was in residency with the CityDance
Conservatory, teaching CityDance students Koreshs
Standing in Tears, which opens this program.
Friday, March 21, and Saturday, March 22, at 8 p.m.
Lansburgh Theatre, 450 7th St. NW. Tickets are $30.
Call 202-785-9727 or visit wpas.org.
NINE INCH NAILS & SOUNDGARDEN
It was 25 years ago that Trent Reznor rst performed
in Washington with his electronic/punk band Nine
Inch Nails. Last October at a Verizon Center concert
packed with red-up fans, Reznor revealed that
he didnt expect to ever get invited back to D.C.
after that gig, as an opening act for Skinny Puppy
at the original 9:30 Club. Well, if the band actually
sucked on that rst go-round as Reznor thinks they
did, they more than made amends at the Verizon
Center: The 2013 show was incredible, from stirring,
propulsive music the focus was on last years
sharp and tuneful, club-banging set Hesitation
Marks to intense and astounding light and visuals,
capped by invisible screens surrounding the band
on all sides with regularly projected imagery. This
summer Reznor and company return to the region
for a summer concert with fellow 90s metal-rock
hitmakers Soundgarden. Even if the production is
only half as good as that at the Verizon Center, you
wont be disappointed. Tickets on sale Friday, March
21, at 10 a.m., for Aug. 4 show at Jiffy Lube Live, 7800
Cellar Door Drive, Bristow, Va. Tickets are $29.50 to
$99.50. Call 703-754-6400 or visit livenation.com.
ORLANDO
WSC Avant Bard presents Sarah Ruhls new adaptation
of Virginia Woolfs most imaginative novel, a wild and
wonderful romp through centuries and across genders
and based in part on the life of Woolfs lover Vita
Sackville-West. Amber Jackson directs this regional
premiere of Orlando featuring company members Sara
Barker and Jay Hardee. Closes Monday, March 24.
Theatre on the Run, 3700 South Four Mile Run Drive,
Arlington. Tickets are $25 to $35. Call 703-418-4808 or
visit wscavantbard.org.
SPOTLIGHT
BETTY WHO
Betty Who loves gay D.C. so much, shes returning
only a few months since her last trip as well as
a couple weeks before release of her debut album,
Slow Dancing. Back in December Who packed the
Rock and Roll Hotel with a boisterous, relatively gay
crowd. Gays have been drawn to Who ever since the
YouTube sensation of Spencer Stouts elaborately
choreographed marriage proposal to his boyfriend,
Dustin, at a Utah Home Depot and set to Whos song
Somebody Loves You. But the U.S.-based singer-
songwriter, born Jessica Newham in Australia, has
been drawn to gays a lot longer. I grew up in
Sydney, and my moms best friends were all gay
men, Who told Metro Weekly. So Im very familiar
with the gay community and I love being an ally.
Sunday, March 23, at 8 p.m. Rock and Roll Hotel,
1353 H St. NE. Tickets are $16. Call 202-388-ROCK
or visit rockandrollhoteldc.com.
BRING IT ON: THE MUSICAL
Bring It On: The Musical may have opped
commercially on Broadway, lasting only a couple
months in 2012. But critically speaking the show
was a hit, as reected in its snagging of two Tony
nominations. And anyway, this musical about high
school cheerleading, adapted by book writer Jeff
Whitty (Avenue Q) from the hit movie starring
Kristen Dunst, was already a regional hit a year or so
before Broadway a success that continues today,
with Strathmore the latest to present the shows
touring production. Whitty enlisted other top-caliber
Broadway creative minds to assist him, including
composer Tom Kitt (Next to Normal), lyricist
Amanda Green and composer/lyricist Lin-Manuel
Miranda (In The Heights). The result, according
to a review of the Broadway production by Metro
Weeklys Doug Rule, is a show whose songs are as
au courant as Broadway gets, mixing both uptempo
pop and hip-hop into a frothy mix of guilty-pleasure
glee (or, for that matter, Glee). Choreographer Andy
Blankenbuehler (In The Heights) helms the entire
affair, and enlists an entire ensemble of professional
cheerleaders who constantly lift, throw, toss and
tumble each other as well as the cast. Saturday,
March 29, at 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. Music Center at
Strathmore, 5301 Tuckerman Lane, North Bethesda.
Tickets are $39 to $81. Call 301-581-5100 or visit
strathmore.org.
CHERYL WHEELER AND JOHN GORKA
A natural storyteller with a fantastic sense of humor
and spontaneity, Cheryl Wheeler performs many
songs in concert that havent even been recorded
on one of her engaging folk-based pop albums. For
the second year in a row on an annual gig at the
Birchmere, Wheeler brings in tow John Gorka,
whom Rolling Stone two decades ago called the
preeminent male singer-songwriter of what has been
dubbed the New Folk Movement. Saturday, March
29, at 7:30 p.m. The Birchmere, 3701 Mount Vernon
Ave., Alexandria. Tickets are $35. Call 703-549-7500
or visit birchmere.com.
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX
Purportedly later this year the runner-up on the
ninth season of American Idol in 2010 will make an
unexpected Broadway debut, playing the role of an
unexpected musical icon: Not Janis Joplin, whom
Bowersox sometimes recalls, but the pioneering
female country star in Always, Patsy Cline. But the
show failed to secure a proper theater on the Great
White Way last summer, so dont hold your breath
itll happen this year either. Certainly Bowersox isnt
holding hers. The artist, who came out as bisexual
this past November, continues to tour in support
of her sophomore album, 2013s All That for This.
NYMPHOMANIAC: VOLUME 1
Lars von Triers follow-up to Melanchoia is
Nymphomaniac, the story a self-diagnosed sex-
addict played by von Trier repeat offender Charlotte
Gainsbourg. Split into two full-length features, the
rst volume also stars Shia LaBeouf, Uma Thurman
and Christian Slater, and, according to its parental
advisory warning that no one under 18 will be
admitted, it includes graphic depictions of sexuality
to a degree unprecedented in a mainstream feature
lm. Opens Friday, March 21. Landmarks E Street
Cinema, 555 11th St. NW. Call 202-452-7672 or visit
landmarktheatres.com.
THE ADMISSION
Theater J took a lot of heat from conservatives and
Israeli hardliners last year when it announced a
production of Motti Lerners play about a contested
attack by Israeli soldiers on Arab civilians early in
the countrys history. In response, the DC Jewish
Community Centers theater company downgraded
the production to a workshop presentation
which translates to less theatrical showmanship
and fewer performances. Even so, the theater is still
bracing itself for protests during the show, which
is intriguing billed as an Israeli homage to All My
Sons and set in Haifa during the rst Intifada. Sinai
Peter directs a strong cast including Danny Gavigan,
Kimberly Schraf, Michael Tolaydo and Pomme
Koch. Opens in previews Thursday, March 20, at
7:30 p.m. To April 27. The Aaron & Cecile Goldman
Theater, Washington, D.C.s Jewish Community
Center, 1529 16th St. NW. Tickets are $30 to $55. Call
202-518-9400 or visit washingtondcjcc.org.
FILM
BAD WORDS
Jason Batemans lm career hasnt quite matched
the brilliance of playing Michael Bluth. With Bad
Words, Bateman is both the director and star, in a
tale about a middle-aged man who uses a loophole to
enter a spelling bee. Kathryn Hahn, Allison Janney
and Rachel Harris also star. Opens Friday, March 21.
Area theaters. Visit fandango.com.
DIVERGENT
Based on Veronica Roths young-adult novel set in a
near future where society is divided into ve factions
as determined by their personalities, Divergent is
now an $80 million blockbuster directed by Neil
Burger. Kate Winslet stars as the head of one faction
who is intent on destroying all divergents, those
who dont t into any one category. Opens Friday,
March 21. Area theaters. Visit fandango.com.
ELAINE STRITCH: SHOOT ME
Any lover of Broadway will want to see Chiemi
Karasawas documentary, which offers a look at
stalwart Elaine Stritch both on and off stage via
rare archival footage and intimate cinema verite.
In addition to the 87-year-old, Tony- and Emmy-
winning namesake, the documentary talks to Tina
Fey, Alec Baldwin and Cherry Jones. Area theaters.
Visit fandango.com.
STAGE
CAMP DAVID
Arena Stage presents a world premiere from Pulitzer
Prize-winning New Yorker writer Lawrence Wright
(My Trip to Al-Qaeda, the new scientology expos
Going Clear). Camp David is Wrights dramatization
about the historical multiday meeting in 1978 among
a few key world leaders, held in the shows namesake
Maryland retreat, attempting to forge peace in the
Middle East. The meeting resulted in really the only
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treaty, the Camp David Accords establishing peace
between Israel and Egypt, to yet stand the test of
time in the modern-day Middle East. Molly Smith
directs a cast that includes Richard John Boy
Thomas as President Jimmy Carter, Ron Rifkin as
Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin, Khaled
Nabawy as Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and
Hallie Foote as First Lady Rosalynn Carter. Opens
in previews Friday, March 21, at 8 p.m. To May 5.
Kreeger Theater the at Mead Center for American
Theater, 1101 6th St. SW. Tickts are $75 to $120. Call
202-488-3300 or visit arenastage.org.
HAIR
The Keegan Theatre presents a production of
the pioneering rock musical Hair, both a joyous
celebration of youth and a poignant journey through
the tumultuous 1960s America. The companys
leaders and husband-and-wife team Susan Marie
Rhea and Mark A. Rhea direct the show whose book
and lyrics were written by Gerome Ragni and James
Rado and music by Galt MacDermot. In addition
to the classic songs such as Aquarius, Let the
Sun Shine In and Sodomy, Keegans production
features choreography by Rachel Leigh Dolan and
a large ensemble cast led by Paul Scanlon and Josh
Stricklin Now to April 12. Andrew Keegan Theatre
(formerly Church Street Theater), 1742 Church St.
NW. Tickets are $35. Call 703-892-0202 or visit
keegantheatre.com.
LOVELAND
Arena Stage presents a special, extended presentation
of Ann Randolphs one-woman comedy, playing
multiple characters but centered on the role of Frannie
Potts, as an irreverent oddball trapped on a plane
traveling from California to Ohio for her mothers
funeral. Some critics have compared Randolph to
Gilda Radner, with the SF Bay Guardian calling it
riotously demented and brilliantly humane [and] not
to be missed. Now to April 13. Kogod Cradle at Mead
Center for American Theater, 1101 6th St. SW. Call
202-488-3300 or visit arenastage.org.
OH DAD, POOR DAD, MAMAS HUNG
The full title to this antic, absurdist black comedy
by Arthur Kopit? Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamas Hung
You in the Closet and Im Feeling So Sad. American
Center Theatre presents a revival of this comedy
about an incredibly dysfunctional family, which is
said to be as funny and shocking now as 50 years
ago when it premiered. Directed by Tyler Herman,
the production contains bright lights, loud noises
and, possibly, strobe lights. Opens in a Pay-What-
You-Can Preview Thursday, March 20, at 8 p.m. To
April 12. Gunston Theater Two, 2700 South Lang St.
Arlington. Tickets are $35 to $40. Call 703-998-4555
or visit americancentury.org.
HAMLET
A decade into its Helen Hayes Award-winning series
of silent Shakespeare productions, Synetic Theater
remounts the original, a silent rendering of the iconic
tale of a grief-stricken prince torn between duty,
love, conscience and fear. The revived Hamlet
here subtitled as the rest is silence is intended
both for longtime fans of Synetic and especially for
newcomers to see what all the fuss is about. This
go-round, young acting dynamo Alex Mills stars as
Hamlet. To April 6. Theater at Crystal City, 1800
South Bell St., Arlington. Tickets are $45 to $55. Call
800-494-8497 or visit synetictheater.org.
TENDER NAPALM
Signature Theatre presents the Washington
premiere of an edgy, new battle-of-the-sexes drama
by Philip Ridley, whom the New York Times Ben
Brantley shouted about in a review as one of the
most linguistically vivid dramatists on the planet!
Signatures associate artistic director Matthew
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A Mighty Wind
The appeal of Signatures Beaches goes far beyond
the maudlin movie
T
HERE ARE PEOPLE PLENTY OF THEM WHO ABSOLUTELY
love the maudlin 1988 chick ick blockbuster Beaches, about the
platonic love of two women. Im not one of them. But I suspect
haters would come away from Signature Theatres world premiere musi-
cal, an adaptation led in large part by the original novels author Iris
Rainer Dart, singing a new tune. Yes, even a certain old one, as director
Eric Schaeffer reversed course from an earlier announced decision, and
the show now in fact features the song Wind Beneath My Wings, the
only holdover from the lm.
If superbly voiced show star Alysha Umphresss version isnt better
than the overplayed one Bette Midler ew away with from the movie, its
certainly every bit as good. Umphress sings the song in the musical Beaches
with restraint, and that has the inverse effect of making it more powerful:
Its less vocally showy, more emotionally genuine. This ode to her character
Cee Cees lifelong best friend Bertie (appealingly played by Mara Davi) is
placed in the musical during a rough patch late in their relationship, and
Umphress performs it a bit wistfully, only accompanied by a piano. Its
uncharacteristically subtle.
Which, ultimately, is also why the musical, whose book Dart wrote with
Thom Thomas, is more compelling. It is too long, clocking in at over two-
and-a-half hours, with too many minor plot points and a couple of underde-
veloped characters. We dont need to see nearly this much of all that hap-
pened between the two leads from childhood to middle age.
But relative newcomer David Austins ne-tuned original music comple-
ments the book, and helps breezily move the show forward. The large cast
of actors also advances the cause, with perfectly realized performances
from even the tykes playing younger versions of Cee Cee and Bertie. Its
notable that even the shows most emotional and touching nal scenes, in
sharp contrast to the movie, are subtly played, with actions and gestures
often standing in for words. This induces more tears, not less, because its so
unexpected. Doug Rule
Beaches (HHH 1/2) runs to March 30 at Signature Theatre, 4200 Campbell
Ave., Arlington. Tickets are $56 to $89. Call 703-820-9771 or visit
signature-theatre.org. l
Gardiner directs this story about a man and a woman,
played by Elan Zar and Laura C. Harris, at a crucial
point in their relationship in the aftermath of an
extraordinary loss. Now to May 11. Ark Theatre at
Signature Theatre, 4200 Campbell Ave., Arlington.
Call 703-820-9771 or visit signature-theatre.org.
WATER BY THE SPOONFUL
Studio Theatre offers a Washington production
of Quiara Alegria Hudess 2012 Pulitzer Prize-
winner, about four addicts who collide with an
ex-Marine in North Philly. KJ Sanchez directs a cast
headed by Arturo Soria, Gisela Chipe and Gabriela
Fernandez-Coffey. Now to April 13. Studio Theatre,
14th & P Streets NW. Call 202-332-3300 or visit
studiotheatre.org.
WORLD STAGES 2014:
INTERNATIONAL THEATER FESTIVAL
The Kennedy Center plays host all month to this
contemporary theater festival featuring 13 fully
staged productions, including nine U.S. premieres,
plus theater-focused installations, staged readings
and panel discussions. Melbourne Theatre Company,
the National Theatre of China, Ronnie Burkett
Theatre of Marionettes, the National Theatre of
Iceland are just a few of the companies from 20
countries on tap for the festival, which also includes
works by famed director Peter Brook, novelist/
playwright Ariel Dorfman and acclaimed War Horse
collaborators Tom Morris and the Handspring
Puppet Company, this time on an extra-magical and
mythical remake of Shakespeares A Midsummer
Nights Dream. Festival runs to April 6. Kennedy
Center Eisenhower Theater. Call 202-467-4600 or
visit kennedy-center.org.

MUSIC
CONGRESSIONAL CHORUS
New York, New York: An American Cabaret features
music that has captured the spirit of the Empire City
for centuries, including songs by Leonard Bernstein,
Cole Porter, Stephen Sondheim and Jay-Z and Alicia
Keys. The Congressional Chorus presents the show
featuring a cast of 85 singers and dancers. Thursday,
March 20, through Saturday, March 22, at 8 p.m.,
and Sunday, March 23, at 4 p.m. Atlas Performing
Arts Center, 1333 H St. NE. Tickets are $45. Call 202-
399-7993 or visit atlasarts.org.
GANGSTAGRASS
Whats in a name? In Gangstagrasss case, plenty:
The Brooklyn-based band mixes bluegrass and
hip-hop, in a way that will knock the socks off
just about everybody [but purists], the Wall Street
Journal raves. In fact, you may already be familiar
with the sound. Gangstagrasss Long Hard Times
to Come is the Emmy-nominated theme song to
FXs Justied. Beloved D.C. roots-rock group The
Walkaways and the local funk inspired Americana
group Wes Tucker & The Skillets open. Friday,
March 21, at 8 p.m. The Ballroom at Artisphere, 1101
Wilson Blvd., Arlington. Tickets are $15. Call 703-
875-1100 or visit artisphere.com.
JUSTIN TRAWICK GROUP
Cute, local, straight urban folk singer Justin
Trawick is one of the regions best folk/pop acts, a
bit reminiscent of Jason Mraz. Trawick performs
a free show with his full band at Hamilton Live as
part of its Late Night Music series in its loft space.
Friday, March 28, at 10:30 p.m. The Hamilton, 600
14th St. NW. Tickets are free. Call 202-787-1000 or
visit thehamiltondc.com.
KERRI CHANDLER
He may not be as well known as Junior Vasquez or
Frankie Knuckles, but Kerri Chandler is one of house
musics pioneers, chiey of its deep house sub-genre,
which Chandler helped establish by merging the
sounds of disco, R&B and garage/industrial dance
music. For one, D.C.s own celebrated deep house
duo Deep Dish owes much debt to Chandler. U
Street Music Halls sharp house music party Red
Fridays presents Chandlers return to the venue,
where hell play an open-to-close set. Friday, March
28, at 10 p.m. U Street Music Hall, 1115A U St.
NW. Tickets are $10. Call 202-588-1880 or visit
ustreetmusichall.com.
NATIONAL SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
Soprano Irene Theorin and bass-baritone John
Relyea join Christoph Eschenbach and the NSO in a
salute to Richard Strauss 150 years after the German
composers birth. The program includes selections
from Don Juan, Elektra and Salome. Thursday, March
20, at 7 p.m., and Friday, March 21, and Saturday,
March 22, at 8 p.m. Kennedy Center Concert Hall.
Tickets are $10 to $85. Call 202-467-4600 or visit
kennedy-center.org or washingtonballet.org.
STEVE HACKETT
Genesiss guitarist tours in support of his second
album, Genesis Revisited II, reinterpreting songs
from the British band that also spawned Peter
Gabriel and Phil Collins. The new set is a follow-up
to a 1996 set. Naturally, Steve Hackett will perform
from both. Wednesday, March 26. Doors at 7 p.m.
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Lincoln Theatre, 1215 U St. NW. Tickets are $45 to
$65. Call 202-328-6000 or visit thelincolndc.com.
THE RAVI COLTRANE QUARTET
The son of John Coltrane, who has followed in
his fathers footsteps and become a noted jazz
saxophonist, brings his quartet to Lisner Auditorium
for a free celebration of papa Coltrane and the 50th
anniversary of his and his Classic Quartets most
famous album, A Love Supreme. Co-produced with
the Smithsonians National Museum of American
History and the George Washington University
Music Department, this show, which also includes
the GW Jazz Combos, marks the launch of a month of
events honoring the genre of jazz. Wednesday, March
26, at 7:30 p.m. Lisner Auditorium, The George
Washington University, 730 21st St. NW. Tickets are
free with RSVP, but rst-come, rst-seated. Call 202-
994-6851 or visit lisner.org.
WICKED JEZABEL
Pauline Anson-Drosss popular lesbian all-covers
party-rock band Wicked Jezabel has been rocking
as well as raising money for various good causes
for a decade now. Friday, March 21, at 9 p.m.
Freddies Beach Bar, 555 South 23rd St., Arlington.
Call 703-685-0555 or visit freddiesbeachbar.com or
wickedjezabel.com.
DANCE
NEXT REFLEX DANCE COLLECTIVE
In On the edge of things and other notes, the audience
moves in, around and through dancers, changing
their perspective as the choreography, by Next Reex
Dance Collective artistic director Roxann Morgan
Rowley and company member Tina Fratello, unfolds.
Sunday, March 23, at 7:30 p.m. The Jack Guidone
Theater, Joy of Motion Dance Center Friendship
Heights, 5207 Wisconsin Ave. NW. Tickets are $18
online, more at the door. Call 703-927-0073 or visit
nextreexdc.com.
RENNIE HARRIS RHAW
RHAW, Rennie Harriss second company, is meant
to forge new paths for young hip-hop hopefuls and
present the genre in its RHAW-est forms. Expect
dynamic performances of street dances including
Campbell locking, popping and boogaloo, B-boy/girl,
house and hip-hop social dance. Saturday, March 22,
at 8 p.m., and Sunday, March 23, at 7 p.m. Edgewood
Arts Center, 3415 8th St. NE. Tickets are $22. Call
202-269-1600 or visit danceplace.org. l
Ciao Bello
Joe Bello prepares his swan dance as band leader of
DC Different Drummers
F
OR HIS SWANSONG TO THE DC DIFFERENT DRUMMERS
and to D.C. Joe Bello has put together a concert focused
on dance.
No, I wont be dancing, laughs Bello, director of DCDDs main
ensemble the Capital Pride Symphonic Band. But Bello has hired ve
dancers to perform at the concert bands spring concert Saturday,
March 29. The whole theme is centered around dance and several
different forms of dance, including the tango and the polka, says
Bello, who will be performing for the last time as show conductor, a
position hes held for the past six years.
Ive certainly grown as a person with them, and I wanted my
last concert to be a celebration of everything weve accomplished
together, he says. Among his accomplishments, Bello helped start
the Capital Pride Wind Ensemble. Ive learned a lot about managing
a community ensemble, while at the same getting to practice my own
conducting on a weekly basis. Having already held auditions, the
DCDD board is expected to announce Bellos replacement around
concert time.
This fall Bello intends to start a doctorate degree in conducting
hopefully at Northwestern University in his hometown of Chicago.
Hell be solely devoted to that pursuit: After 16 years, Bello has
also decided to take early retirement from the Air Force. Bello is a
euphoniumist with and the assistant director of operations for the
United States Air Force Bands Ceremonial Brass ensemble.
Tying together his work with both organizations, Bello has
invited Shanti Nolan, a fellow ofcer in the Air Force Band, to guest
conduct a piece during the DCDD concert. Shes a very energetic,
gracious conductor, he says.
But not too energetic: Like Bello, Nolan is expected to save the
dancing to the hired professionals. Doug Rule
The Capital Pride Symphonic Band performs
Saturday, March 29, at 7:30 p.m., at the Columbia
Heights Educational Centers CHEC Auditorium,
3101 16th St. NW. Tickets are $20. Call 202-403-
3669 or visit dcdd.org.
FOR MORE OUT ON THE TOWN LISTINGS
PLEASE VISIT
WWW.METROWEEKLY.COM
T
HERES A LOT OF PRESSURE WHEN BUYING
A car. Youve got the obvious choices: make, model,
color, body style, whether theres enough space for
your friends and if theres enough speakers to make
the most of that Spotify playlist youve carefully cultivated. In-
creasingly, however, theres one question everyone is forced to
ask how efcient is it? In a world of higher gas prices, greater
levels of pollution and the impact climate change is having on
our weather, reducing the amount of fumes your car belches out
and the quantity of fuel it guzzles down is becoming ever more
important.
Part of the challenge is navigating the increasingly murky wa-
ters of terminology. Automakers love nothing more than attach-
ing stylized logos to anything remotely green and efcient, and
that only makes things more obnoxious for those of us looking
for hard facts. Considering a Mercedes-Benz? Get a C-Class se-
dan with a BlueTEC engine. But wait, maybe you should consid-
er one rated for BlueEFFICIENCY? Perhaps, then, you should
also look at Volkswagens BlueMotion cars. Though now, do you
go for TFSI or TDI? Then again, you could also head to Hyundai
for a Blue Drive Sonata. Confused? Its understandable. When
did going green leave us feeling so blue?
In reality, its not as obtuse as it can seem they are, after
all, just monikers. For the average buyer, the main impediment
is deciding just how you want to power your car; everything
after that is merely cutting your way through a jungle of manu-
gears
by RHUARIDH MARR
Fueling Efciency
The termi nol ogy automakers use
to sel l you thei r fuel -effi ci ent
cars i s ever-more confusi ng. We
attempt to sort i t out.
facturer nonsense.
For most buyers, their next auto is likely to have a gas engine
at its heart. In terms of efciency, manufacturers have had over
a century to tweak and ddle with the internal combustion en-
gine, and thats where the love for special names has come into
play. Mazdas SKYACTIV actually refers to several parts of a
cars manufacturing process its all about lowering the weight
of the car and boosting the efciency of the engine. A lighter en-
gine block, faster, lighter gearbox, lighter chassis, a braking sys-
tem that captures energy lost when slowing down and returns it
to the cars battery and extensive tuning to eke out every bit of
speed and power from a drop of fuel. Its why the CX-5 crossover
can get up to 35mpg highway.
Fiat brought their incredible MultiAir engines to America,
which have now found a home in several Chrysler products,
including Jeep and Dodge. Its an example of using the engine
alone to produce great efciency. Fiats 1.4-liter MultiAir gas
engine is a turbocharged unit that produces almost 170hp and
180 lb-ft of torque. Thats 170 horses from 47 uid ounces of
engine capacity. Volkswagen makes similar gains with its TFSI
engines. These utilize a turbocharger and a pressure-injection
system that feeds fuel straight into the combustion chamber of
the engine, meaning as much fuel is burned as cleanly as pos-
sible. For drivers, that means better power and torque, more
miles from a tank of gas and less emissions out the exhaust.
Fords EcoBoost engines are similarly crafted turbocharged
and highly efcient, they can offer similar levels of power and
torque to a larger engine while cutting emissions and boosting
fuel economy.
With gas engines, the hardest part for many buyers is let-
ting go of the Bigger is better mentality. We love our rum-
bling V8s and throaty V6s. A small, 4-cylinder engine is a
laughable ideal for many used to big cars with big engines
the problem is that they also come with big fuel bills and
big emissions. What Fiat, Ford, Volkswagen, Mazda and many
others are doing is offering a small engine that offers similar
levels of power as a big V6 or V8, but with the fuel efficiency
that comes with the smaller size. If, for your next car pur-
chase, you want something fast and powerful but dont want
a bigger fuel bill, take a look at an EcoBoost V6 or a 2.0-liter
TFSI they may surprise you with how drivable they are, and
will shock you with how much less theyll need to be refilled
at the gas pump.
Of course, there are plenty of other options for those seeking
a cleaner, less fuel-hungry driving experience. You could, should
you be brave enough, venture down the dark path of diesel own-
ership. I jest, but for many, diesels are still the black-cloud-belch-
ing, rattle-prone, wheezing monsters they were when they all
but died out in the consumer market many years ago. However,
where America rejected the diesel, Europe embraced it, turn-
ing the ugly-duckling into something of a swan diesel mod-
els regularly outsell their gas counterparts on a continent where
its not unheard of to pay $10 a gallon for fuel. Now, those same
manufacturers are trying to get American consumers to welcome
diesel back into the family and it could be worth your while to
consider it.
The advantage of a diesel can be split into two categories:
theyre incredibly fuel-efcient and theyre much easier to drive.
Diesels typically use 20-to-50 percent less fuel than a similarly-
sized gas engine, while the abundance of torque means theyre
perfect for pulling away from stoplights or passing cars on the
highway. Jeeps Grand Cherokee EcoDiesel uses a 3.0-liter V6
diesel, which will net up to 30mpg on the highway and run for
730 miles on a single tank of black stuff. It has 240 hp and 420 lb-
ft of torque more torque than the 5.7-liter Hemi V8 and can
tow up to 7,400 pounds.
Volkswagen and Audi, both part of the same group, use Clean
Diesel technology to give their autos some of the best range of
any non-hybrid models on the road. Clean Diesel engines pro-
duce lower CO2 emissions than 93 percent of cars on the road,
while the Passat sedan nets 43mpg on the highway and almost
800 miles from a single tank of diesel. Audi estimates that some-
one driving their sporty A7 sedan 20,000 miles a year will save
almost $3,000 in fuel costs over a standard three-year lease. If
youre considering a big sedan or SUV for your next purchase, a
diesel engine could offset the initially higher cost with impres-
sive fuel savings and easy power. Its no coincidence that, when
Dodge introduced its Ram truck with a V6 diesel, it sold out in
just three days.
The future, at least in the mindset of a lot of buyers, lies not
in more efcient gas or diesel engines, but in hybrids and pure-
electric cars. Here, Toyotas Prius is the undeserving king a car
that has thrived on a reputation that belies the utterly mediocre
auto it actually is. Toyota claims up to 50mpg on the combined
cycle is possible and real-world testing shows that many owners
are achieving around 48mpg. Thats great. The Prius isnt.
Ignoring personal issues with Toyotas offering, hybrid en-
gines are where most manufacturers tend to stick to an obvious
naming convention: BMW ActiveHybrid, Mercedes Hybrid
Drive or Toyotas own Hybrid Synergy Drive. Hybrids them-
selves, though, are not born equal. In the market for a Ford
Fusion with the hybrid option? Great, theres a model named
Fusion Hybrid. What, then, is the Fusion Energi? Well, thats
also a hybrid, with a gas engine and electric motor working to-
gether. Whereas the standard hybrid uses the electric motor
to switch off the engine at stoplights, allow for electric-only
operation when coasting on the highway or moving away from
standstill and as a method to boost fuel economy, the Energi
model is capable of operating for 21 miles without ever need-
ing the gas engine. How does it compare? In city driving, the
hybrid will net 47mpg. The Energi will get 102mpg. Travel less
than 20 miles per day and plug the Energi in overnight and you
could avoid using gas altogether until you venture out on a lon-
ger journey.
Chevys Volt also uses a gas engine and an electric motor. Its
not a hybrid, though, but rather a range-extending vehicle.
What that means is that the engine never directly powers the
wheels instead, its used to charge the battery once the Volts
38 electric miles are exhausted. Total range? 380 miles, but of
the over 600 million miles driven by Volt owners, 400 million of
those have used the electric motor only. Again, plug it in at night
and gas is a thing of the past.
Want to ditch gas altogether? Nissans Leaf will run for 84
miles on a single charge of electricity though it has no gas en-
gine to supplement that mileage should you need to go further.
Teslas Model S sedan, which currently holds Consumer Reports
highest-ever rating of 99/100, will travel for up to 300 miles on
electricity alone.
All of this isnt taking into consideration GMs FlexFuel cars,
which can run on gas mixed with ethanol; or fuel-cell vehicles,
which are powered by liquid hydrogen; or CNG autos, which
propel themselves with compress natural gas. These are all more
limited offerings.
For consumers, there are a wealth of ways to pick something
that will t all of your needs and leave you feeling a little bet-
ter about your impact on the world. If its gas, try going small-
er American manufacturers are learning from their interna-
tional counterparts how to squeeze incredible amounts of power
from smaller engines with reduced fuel usage. If youre willing
to try diesel, youll reap more usable power and a lower fuel bill
though its really most benecial in large sedans, trucks and
SUVs. If you dont mind having a reduced range, hybrids, plug-in
hybrids and electric-only cars are the next step in reducing our
dependence on fossil fuels. Whatever you decide on, dont fall for
the jargon and names that manufacturers dress their cars up in.
Just remember: for many, blue is the new green. l
The Fitness Five
C
ONSIDER THAT YOU GO ABOUT YOUR DAY
thinking, This is how I do that, and this is how
I do this. It works, you feel it, and you dont
look completely lost. But then theres a person
someone you dont expect, most of the time who says
something along the lines of, Why dont you try leaning back a
bit more when you do that? One tiny suggestion, but youve got
to admit: It does work better!
Along my path of discovering my t self, Ive had plenty of
these moments, and I want to share a few with you. There arent
many shortcuts in life, but I hope these help.
1. ITS NOT ABOUT THE WEIGHT YOU MOVE. Okay, well, it sort
of is. But weights not everything. A lot of new lifters want to
push as much weight as possible, in any way possible. I know I
did. When I hit 185 pounds, I was ecstatic. Finally, a plate! I
thought. Then I xed my form, and the 185 pounds dropped
quickly. Doing lifts in the right manner can drastically alter the
way an exercise works. Its important in both preventing injuries
and building a balanced physique.
2. MUSCLE ACTIVATION. Along the same lines, lifting with the
health
by BRANDON HARRISON
illustration by CHRISTOPHER CUNETTO
Some commonsense gui del i nes
wi l l hel p you navi gate the
path to your workout goal s
proper muscle activation can really change the way a lift feels. It
might have the same effect as a form change, causing you to use
muscles youre not used to. Lowering the weight and nding the
mind-muscle connection is just as important as the form.
3. ITS MORE ABOUT THE MEAL THAN THE EXERCISE. I see it all the
time. People log mile upon mile on the treadmill or pavement, yet
the weight still doesnt come off. The opposite can be the same:
under the bar, day in and day out, but cant put on weight. Its the
food. Calories in, and calories out. You have to eat toward your
goals or youll never get there. Whether trimming or bulking,
protein, carbs and fat all need to be tracked and monitored.
4. PEOPLE ARENT PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU IN THE GYM. I
suffered from this badly when I rst started frequenting the
gym. I was a 260-pound man who hadnt sniffed an organized
sport or training session in well over eight years. If it werent
for a personal trainer who did an amazing job of making me
feel like the only person in the room, I may not have continued.
It took me a long time to realize that the people in the room
didnt care what I was doing. Even when it looked like I might
be trying to hurt myself, no one said anything. As I became
more comfortable, I did the same. If anything, when I did notice
someone in the gym it wasnt because they were out of place,
but because I was happy they were starting their own journey.
I loved it.
5. ITS ALL ABOUT CONSISTENCY. Finally, if there is one thing
I wish I could get through everyones skull, it would be that it
takes time and consistency to become t and healthy. Its not an
overnight thing. Others getting discouraged and quitting is the
most frustrating thing for me to see. Results are slow and steady,
weight change uctuates, and linear gains only last so long. My
favorite saying is, Its working out, not leisure-ing out.
These seem incredibly simple when written out, and I
wouldnt be surprised if youre thinking, Duh! If so, Im happy
you are. But I also know there are some who have just seen the
lightbulbs switched on above their heads. And theyll soon have
vastly improved workouts.
Brandon Harrison covers Health and Fitness for Metro Weekly.
Follow him at @ttrbrandon on Twitter. l
Sticking It
L
ETS GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY: IF YOURE
coming to South Park: The Stick of Truth because you
like turn-based RPGs, youre going to be disappointed.
This isnt a game for RPG fans. This isnt a game for
those who love in-depth gameplay or intense battles. This isnt
a game designed to engross you in minute details of inventory
management. What it is, is pure, unltered, unbridled, utterly
unabashed fan service. Stick of Truth is a game for those who
have watched and loved the adventures of four crudely drawn
boys as they navigate the quiet mountain town of South Park,
Colo. Whether youve watched slavishly for all 17 seasons or
only dipped your toes into a few of the intensely rude, satirical
and hilarious episodes the show has to offer, youll nd
something to love in Stick of Truth. If you arent a fan of South
Park, well you need to re-evaluate your life.
Stick of Truth is the latest title to attempt to convert the
much-beloved show into a game that can do justice to the source
material. The late 90s and early 00s were littered with licensed
games in which the shows creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone,
had little or no input and they sucked. Hard. The desire of fans
for a South Park game that wasnt abhorrent forced the shows
creators to step in and take over production of the next title in the
series. Parker and Stone have overseen every aspect of the game,
and, as such, Stick of Truth is in essence a playable, extended
episode of the TV show.
Ill admit, Ive not been the most reliable of viewers. Ive
fallen in and out of the series as its progressed, but Ive always
enjoyed it, and South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is not only a
great movie, but possibly one of the greatest musicals ever made.
If youre like me and havent heard every joke or seen every
reference, dont worry, theres still much to enjoy here.
Lets start with the most obvious thing: More so than any
other game based on a TV series or movie, The Stick of Truth
nails it in terms of making you feel like youre essentially playing
an episode of the show. Many praised The Simpsons Game when
it debuted in 2007 with cell-shaded graphics that took the 2D
cartoon into the third dimension. It worked, and it looked great.
Instead of trying to expand dimensions, South Park stays
put. It is very much a 2.5D game. Everything is viewed from
one perspective, with characters and objects moving within
planes on that perspective. Exactly like the TV show. The level
of immersion is intense. Wandering around the city of South
Park, mapped out for the rst time, is a nostalgia trip. Characters
hobble along just like they do in the show, mouths animate in
games
by RHUARIDH MARR
Uproari ousl y funny, South
Park: Sti ck of Truth offers the
same offensi ve humor as the
show, whi l e i mmersi ng you
i n i ts worl d
simple. Theres none of the depth of most other turn-based
games. Here, its possible to adopt the same strategy for most
battles and grind to victory. Battles are waged with the player
and one other buddy, who is interchangeable during battle. Each
brings a special set of skills, and players can use melee attacks,
ranged attacks, power attacks and fart attacks, as well as imbibe
potions and items to boost health or increase strength or revive
a fallen buddy.
While a few of the battles required some degree of strategy
and thinking, and the sense of reward that comes with beating
them, at many points I felt like the battles were simply getting
in the way of my enjoying being in the South Park world. If I saw
members of the rival faction on a street corner Id either run past
scribbled fashion, limbs and objects jerk around as
if they were being animated for every frame that
appears on screen. The aesthetic isnt just close
to the look and feel of the TV show, it perfectly
matches it. The graphics are mind-blowing, not for
their delity or complexity, but for never removing
you from feeling like youre existing within the
world of South Park. Its incredible.
Of course, thats where the fun begins. The Stick
of Truth starts with you as the new kid in town. You
create a custom avatar and are immediately sucked
into a massive roleplaying fantasy battle between the
humans Cartman, Kenny, Butters and more and
the elves Kyle, Stan and a similarly large group of
youths. Youll start with the humans, and their leader
Cartman, where youll select between four classes:
the standard RPG three of Fighter, Mage and Thief,
and a unique fourth class, Jew. Hovering over that
latter class leads Cartman to say Jew, huh? So I guess
well never really be friends. Thats just a small taste
of the intensely crude, offensive humor that Parker
and Stones show is known for.
After a tutorial level that brilliantly spoofs
tutorials in other games, youre given free reign to
start exploring South Park. A climb to the top of
the cardboard castle in Cartmans back yard slowly
pans into an epic vista of the town available to
you and almost all of it can be explored. Indeed,
thats how I spent my rst few hours with Stick of
Truth, by visiting every home, every building, every
location I could remember from the series. The
town of South Park is a treasure trove of sight gags,
references, nostalgic throwbacks and fresh comedy.
Im going to avoid spoiling the jokes for you, but
sufce to say that Stick of Truth is crammed full of
them. Even little things, like the in-game Facebook
parody, used to manage your inventory and stats: I
met Butterss parents when I walked through his
house looking for loot, and after I left received a
message from his father apologizing for Butters.
Not for anything specic, just apologizing.
The details lling the game are often where
the most humor can be found. Princess Kenny was
captured in one mission, and rather than rescue
her I kept raking through drawers and cupboards
for loot. This prompted my buddy to say, Our
princess is upstairs getting raped, but you just keep
searching for treasure. Venture into Cartmans
moms room and her bedside tables are lled with
dildos. Switch on a TV and listen to highly amusing
audio from Terrance and Phillip. Accidentally fart
and people will mock you for shitting your pants or
walk away in disgust.
Farting, of course, is a key component to
gameplay. Stick of Truth takes much inspiration from
Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, spoong its dramatic, Nordic music style and
its dragon shout combat system though here the shouts used to
take down dragons are farts used to overcome enemies and ignite
ames to move obstacles or wreak destruction. Watching Cartman
teach me how to cup my fart and aim it in a specic direction
drew out my inner 5-year-old as I laughed heartily and this is
all within the games opening hours. It remains consistently funny
throughout, without ever feeling repetitive.
The same cant be said for the remainder of the gameplay.
Actual combat is turn-based and very much on the light end of
that spectrum, much like Paper Mario. Battles between humans
and elves, or against hobos, rats, wolves, Mongolian warriors,
aliens, Shelly Marsh and a whole host of other enemies are rather
C
H
A
N
O
N

S
A
W
A
N
G
M
E
K
or walk away to avoid having another ght. The game doesnt
force you into random encounters, which is good, but sometimes
I would nd myself reloading the game to a checkpoint and
nding a route that didnt involve battle.
Of course, in battle, the humor is still ever present. Employ
Princess Kenny as a buddy and he can kiss an enemy, grossing
them out and limiting their attacks. Block an attack successfully
and the attacker will bend over in front of you and allow a free
strike to their ass. Shelly Marsh appears with the bleeding
debuff already affecting her, but it isnt from being cut its her
time of the month, and this is reiterated when she throws used
tampons as one of her attacks. The humor keeps the battles from
becoming monotonous, but I still found myself less enamored
with them as the game progressed.
Outside of the battles, gameplay is a dream. There are a few
obstacles that can arise due to the limited viewpoint offered
I got stuck behind terrain items more than once but for the
most part, navigating South Park and its many building interiors
is simple and enjoyable. The game gets out of your way to let
you explore. The reward of exploration (and winning battles) is
loot, items that can be equipped or worn, new hairstyles to try,
makeup to apply, or a seemingly endless list of humorous junk
items that can be sold to pay for better weapons and armor, or
new upgrades. Most of what can be found is either a reference to
something from the series, or a spoof of the useless items that ll
up a lot of RPGs (and thus, player inventories).
What really brings everything together, though, is the sound.
From character voices to in-game music to ambient sounds,
South Park feels as real as an animated TV show can feel.
Passersby commenting on my actions, the constant chatter from
my buddy or other characters, the guitar riff accompanying each
new day or welcoming you back when you load a save just
like the show when it returns from commercial break. There are
songs from the shows canon dispersed throughout South Park,
waiting to play at the right moment. The classic shufing of the
characters feet as they move across a scene is here. Every voice
is spot on and because it was written by the shows creators, it
feels genuine.
Of course, above all else, the real treat is the barrage of crude,
gross, satirical, intelligent, emotional humor that South Park is
so well known for. I didnt think it could sustain it for an entire
game, but it does. For those who love the show, or even those who
just enjoy laughing loudly for half a day, South Park delivers on
every front. Sight gags, jokes, references, nostalgic throwbacks
its all impeccable. Stick of Truth is at its most enjoyable as
an exploration game. Seeking out every joke, exploring every
building, nding every bit of treasure I loved my time scanning
every inch of the town of South Park (and beyond).
Complaints about gameplay all feel slightly irrelevant,
however. Overall, as a game it works. As an extension of the
show it works. As a way of feeling like youre a part of its world it
works. Every time I played the game, it was like I was playing an
episode written specically for me to enjoy. Fans will adore it. (I
urge you to check out the main characters closets the phrase
treasure trove doesnt cover it.) If youre not a fan of the series,
this game will do little to persuade you otherwise, but it doesnt
shut out those willing to take the plunge. It offers jokes that reach
both old fans and new.
Its polished, side-splittingly funny, broad in its scope and yet
focused in its ability to make you laugh at a rape joke, a fart joke
or a racist joke. It offers the same Can I laugh at that? humor
as the show, while giving you the controls to explore it all at your
own pace. The game underneath may not be as solid as some are
expecting, but for those waiting for the perfect South Park game,
I say this: It has arrived.

South Park: Stick of Truth (HHHHH) is $59.99 and available for
PS3, Xbox 360, PC and as a PC download. l
Tilting at Puppy Mills
A
VOID BUYING A DOG AT A PET STORE. ACTU-
ally, its probably best to avoid buying a dog at all.
Those are two core takeaways from pretty
much any report on the pervasive problem of
puppy mills in America, including the inuential expos Oprah
Winfrey aired on her eponymous talk show in 2008. Puppy mills
are essentially the pet equivalent of factory farms and interna-
tional sweatshops: Places quickly churning out product, in this
case purportedly purebred puppies, to capitalize on signicant
even excessive demand, including the seemingly insatiable
desire for designer dogs. Its quantity over quality, and prot
over puppy health and wellness.
Puppy mills are usually rural, backyard operations with ve
or six breeding animals, says Marika Bell of the Washington
Humane Society. Or it might even be an entire warehouse of
breeding animals with cages stacked up on top of each other,
going to the bathroom on top of each other, not getting any medi-
cal care when they need it. They just pump out puppies.
I have to honestly believe that people wouldnt purpose-
fully get an animal from that sort of condition, Bell continues,
but sometimes people just dont know or they dont want to
know. Put most frankly, what everyone should know is, as the
Humane Society of the United States puts it in its Stop Puppy
Mills campaign: Pet stores that care about puppies dont sell
them. The majority of dogs for sale in pet stores come from
dealers, serving as a middleman between a puppy mill and a
store.
And these days, Bell of WHS adds, pet stores that care about
puppies bring in different adoptions and different rescue orga-
nizations to show animals. Promote those pet stores for sure.
pets
by DOUG RULE
C
H
A
N
O
N

S
A
W
A
N
G
M
E
K
Ti ps on ensuri ng you
don t support the
puppi es-as-profi t cause
As one example, the Petco in Cleveland Park hosts an adoption
party almost every Saturday featuring dogs and cats from her
organizations shelters transported by a large RV dubbed Adopt
Force One. Meanwhile, the Alexandria PetsMart in Potomac
Yards hosts a dog adoption event by the Lost Dog and Cat Res-
cue Foundation most days every weekend.
I would like for every-
one whos considering a
pet to consider rescue,
says Colleen Learch, a vol-
unteer with the Lost Dog
foundation, whether its a
shelter or a [general] res-
cue like ours or a breed-
specic rescue. Going the
nonprot rescue route is
the clearest way to ensure
one isnt supporting the
puppy mill phenomena, as
the only money exchanged
is a pet fee that covers the
adoption agencys expens-
es. This route even helps
reduce a new owners
responsibility, as Bell of
WHS explains: Dogs from
your local animal shelter
have already been checked
out and given vaccinations.
Theyve been spayed or
neutered.
Yet if a future pet owner does decide to go the route of buying
a dog, some extra legwork is required to ensure any particular
breeder is not, in fact, a puppy mill in disguise. The best thing
to do is ask the breeder a ton of questions, Bell says, adding: A
good breeder will actually put you through the ringer to take one
of their puppies. l
RED FLAGS TO CAUSE PAUSE
OVER A SPECIFIC BREEDER
If the entity conveys little interest in you as a pet owner
If theres no return policy, for any reason
If excuses are made for why you cant see a puppys
mother or where it was raised
If puppies can be had at less than six-weeks-old, or even
eight-weeks-old, the earliest age experts say puppies can be
weaned most successfully from their mothers
If puppies are available year-round, a sign of over-breeding
If the entity is in Missouri or Pennsylvania, two states with
particularly high puppy mill concentrations
47 METROWEEKLY.COM MARCH 20, 2014 47 METROWEEKLY.COM MARCH 20, 2014
Sadie Rose
Sadie Rose is named after Lily Tomlins and Bette Midlers characters in Big
Business. She has the eyelashes of a high-femme cartoon puppy and she exu-
berates love for her dads, her stuffed javelina, her neighborhood, all other dogs
and string cheese. We were recently told that Sadie is the most charismatic
dog in our building and we are currently working on her creativity, uniqueness,
nerve and talent!
Ruben Gonzales 1-year-old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier
P
e
t

P
i
x
P
e
t

P
i
x
Upload your pets at MetroWeekly.com/pets
NIGHT
LIFE
49 METROWEEKLY.COM
t
THURS., 03.20.14
9 1/2
Happy Hour: 2 for 1 on any
drink, 5-9pm Multiple
TVs showing movies,
shows, sports Expanded
craft beer selection No
cover
ANNIES/ANNIES
UPSTAIRS
4@4 Happy Hour,
4pm-7pm $4 Small
Plates, $4 Stella Artois,
$4 House Wines, $4
Stolichnaya Cocktails, $4
Manhattans and Vodka
Martinis
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
GREEN LANTERN
Shirtless Men Drink Free,
10-11pm
JR.S
$3 Rail Vodka Highballs,
$2 JR.s drafts, 8pm to
close Top Pop Night
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
Beat The Clock Happy
Hour $2 (5-6pm), $3
(6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
Drag Bingo
NUMBER NINE
drink, 5-9pm No Cover
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
All male, nude dancers
Shirtless Thursday DJ
Tim E in Secrets 9pm
Cover 21+
FRI., 03.21.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
Hour: 2 for 1 on any drink,
5-9pm Friday Night
Videos with resident
DJ Shea Van Horn VJ
LISTINGS
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
DJ Matt Bailer Videos,
Dancing Beat The Clock
Happy Hour $2 (5-6pm),
$3 (6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
NUMBER NINE
Open 5pm Happy Hour:
2 for 1 on any drink, 5-9pm
No Cover
PHASE 1
DJ Styalo Dancing
$5 cover
PWS SPORTS BAR
9855 Washington Blvd. N
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
Drag Show in lounge
Half-price burgers and
fries
TOWN
Drag Show starts at
10:30pm Hosted by
Lena Lett and featuring
Tatianna, Shi-Queeta-
Lee, Jessica Spaulding
Deverreoux and Banaka
Doors open at 10pm For
those 21 and over, $5 from
Expanded craft beer
selection No cover
ANNIES
4@4 Happy Hour, 4-7pm
$4 Small Plates, $4 Stella
Artois, $4 House Wines,
$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails,
$4 Manhattans and Vodka
Martinis Upstairs open
5-11pm
DC BEAR CRUE
@Town Bear Happy
Hour, 6-11pm $3 Rail,
$3 Draft, $3 Bud Bottles
Free Pizza, 7pm Hosted
by Charger Stone No
cover before 9:30pm 21+
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
JR.S
Buy 1, Get 1,
11pm-midnight Happy
Hour: 2-for-1, 4-9pm $5
Coronas, $8 Vodka Red
Bulls, 9pm-close
10-11pm and $10 after
11pm For those 18-20,
$10 all night 18+
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
Ladies of Illusion with
host Kristina Kelly, 9pm
Cover 21+
SAT., 03.22.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
5-9pm $5 Absolut &
Titos, $3 Miller Lite after
9pm Expanded craft
beer selection No cover
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Diner Brunch, 10am-3pm
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke and/or live
entertainment, 9pm
JR.S
$4 Coors, $5 Vodka
highballs, $7 Vodka Red
Bulls
NELLIES
Guest DJs Zing Zang
Bloody Marys, Nellie Beer,
House Rail Drinks and
Mimosas, $4, 11am-5pm
Buckets of Beer, $15
NUMBER NINE
9:30pm Doors 5pm

PHASE 1
Dancing, 9pm-close
PWS SPORTS BAR
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
Karaoke in the lounge
Charity Bingo with Cash
Prizes 3rd Sat. of Every
Month
TOWN
Milk from RuPauls Drag
Race Drag Show starts
at 10:30pm DJ Wess
Hosted by Lena Lett
and featuring Tatianna,
Shi-Queeta-Lee, Jessica
Spaulding Deverreoux
and Banaka $8 from
11pm 21+
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
All nude male dancers,
9pm Ladies of Illusion
with host Ella Fitzgerald,
9pm DJ Steve
Henderson in Secrets DJ
Spyke in Ziegfelds Doors
8pm Cover 21+
SUN., 03.23.14
9 1/2
TVs showing movies,
cover
FIREPLACE
Skyy Vodka, $3 $5 cover
with $1 off coupons
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Champagne Brunch
Buffet, 10am-3pm
Crazy Hour, 4-8pm
Drag Show hosted by
Destiny B. Childs featuring
performances by a rotating
cast, 9pm No cover
Karaoke follows show
JR.S
Sunday Funday Liquid
Brunch Doors open at
1pm $2 Coors Lights &
$3 Skyy (all favors), all
day and night
NELLIES
Drag Brunch, hosted by
Shi-Queeta-Lee, 11am-3pm
$20 Brunch Buffet
House Rail Drinks, Zing
Zang Bloody Marys, Nellie
Beer and Mimosas, $4,
11am-close Buckets of
Beer, $15
NUMBER NINE
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
Decades of Dance DJ
Tim-e in Secrets Doors
8pm Cover 21+
51
t
scene
scan this tag
with your
smartphone
for bonus scene
pics online!
VelvetNation Reunion
with dj Chris Cox
Saturday, March 15
Town
PHOTOGRAPHY BY
WARD MORRISON
MON., 03.24.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
5-9pm Multiple TVs
showing movies, shows,
sports Expanded craft
ANNIES
Martinis
FREDDIES
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
JR.S
Happy Hour: 2-for-1, 4-9pm
Showtunes Songs &
Singalongs, 9pm-close
DJ Jamez $3 Drafts
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
Hour $2 (5-6pm), $3
(6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
Poker Texas Holdem, 8pm
NUMBER NINE
No Cover
PWS SPORTS BAR
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
Buzztime Trivia
competition 75 cents off
bottles and drafts
TUES., 03.25.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
5-9pm Multiple TVs
ANNIES
Happy Hour, 4-7pm $4
Stella Artois, $4 House
Wines, $4 Stolichnaya
Cocktails, $4 Manhattans
and Vodka Martinis
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
JR.S
Underground (Indie Pop/
Alt/Brit Rock), 9pm-close
DJ Wes Della Volla
2-for-1, all day and night
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
Hour $2 (5-6pm), $3
(6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
Karaoke
NUMBER NINE
No Cover
PWS SPORTS BAR
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
75 cents off bottles and
drafts Movie Night
WED., 03.26.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
5-9pm Multiple TVs
ANNIES
Happy Hour, 4-7pm $4
Stella Artois, $4 House
Wines, $4 Stolichnaya
Cocktails, $4 Manhattans
and Vodka Martinis
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm Drag
Bingo, 8pm Karaoke,
10pm
GREEN LANTERN
Happy Hour Prices,
4pm-Close
JR.S
Trivia with MC Jay
Ray, 8pm The Queen,
10-11pm $2 JRs Drafts
& $4 Vodka ($2 with
College I.D./JRs Team
Shirt)
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
Hour $2 (5-6pm), $3
(6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Half-Price Burger Night
Buckets of Beer $15
SmartAss Trivia, 8pm
NUMBER NINE
No Cover
PWS SPORTS BAR
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
Free Pool 75 cents off
Bottles and Drafts
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
New Meat Wednesday DJ
Don T 9pm Cover 21+
THURS., 03.27.14
9 1/2
TVs showing movies,
cover
ANNIES/ANNIES
UPSTAIRS
4@4 Happy Hour,
4pm-7pm $4 Small
Plates, $4 Stella Artois,
$4 House Wines, $4
Stolichnaya Cocktails, $4
Manhattans and Vodka
Martinis
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
GREEN LANTERN
Shirtless Men Drink Free,
10-11pm
JR.S
$3 Rail Vodka Highballs,
$2 JR.s drafts, 8pm to
close Top Pop Night
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
Hour $2 (5-6pm), $3
(6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
Drag Bingo
NUMBER NINE
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
Shirtless Thursday DJ
Tim E in Secrets 9pm
Cover 21+
FRI., 03.28.14
9 1/2
Open at 5pm Happy
5-9pm Friday Night
Videos with resident
DJ Shea Van Horn VJ
Expanded craft beer
selection No cover
ANNIES
Martinis Upstairs open
5-11pm
DC BEAR CRUE
@Town Bear Happy
Hour, 6-11pm $3 Rail,
$3 Draft, $3 Bud Bottles
Free Pizza, 7pm Hosted
by Charger Stone No
cover before 9:30pm 21+
FREDDIES BEACH BAR
Crazy Hour, 4-7pm
Karaoke, 9pm
JR.S
Buy 1, Get 1,
11pm-midnight Happy
Hour: 2-for-1, 4-9pm $5
Coronas, $8 Vodka Red
Bulls, 9pm-close
NELLIES SPORTS BAR
DJ Matt Bailer Videos,
Dancing Beat The Clock
Happy Hour $2 (5-6pm),
$3 (6-7pm), $4 (7-8pm)
Buckets of Beer $15
NUMBER NINE
No Cover
PHASE 1
DJ Styalo Dancing
$5 cover
PWS SPORTS BAR
Laurel, Md.
301-498-4840
Drag Show in lounge
Half-price burgers and
fries
TOWN
Drag Show starts at
10:30pm Hosted by
Lena Lett and featuring
Tatianna, Shi-Queeta-
Lee, Jessica Spaulding
Deverreoux and Banaka
Doors open at 10pm For
those 21 and over, $5 from
11pm For those 18-20,
$10 all night 18+
ZIEGFELDS/SECRETS
Ladies of Illusion with
host Kristina Kelly, 9pm
Cover 21+ l
55 PURCHASE YOUR PHOTO AT WWW.METROWEEKLY.COM/SCENE/
56 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWW.METROWEEKLY.COM/SCENE
scene
Majestic Diamond
Tuesday, March 11
PHOTOGRAPHY BY
WARD MORRISON
scan this tag
with your
smartphone
for bonus scene
pics online!
sic New York big-room DJ,
and Tom Superchumbo
Stephan, the gay London-
based DJ returning to the
Black Party for a second
year in a row. New Yorks
Nita Aviance will then take-
over late morning until the
partys afternoon close.
This year Peyton and
Stephen Pevner, Saint-At-
Larges executive produc-
er/owner, have partnered
with Out NYC to be the
weekends ofcial host
hotel and also site of three
events, including 24 Years
at Roseland: Electronic
Installation & Photography
Exhibition. This special
exhibition, which runs
Wednesday, March 19, to
Monday, March 24, will
display original posters and
rare images from the par-
ties the Saint-At-Large has
thrown at Roseland since
1991. Also on tap at Out
NYC: The 8th Annual Inter-
national Escort Awards,
The Hookies, on Friday,
March 21, and a ne and
frisky Black Party Brunch,
on Saturday, March 22.
Further conrmation
of the Black Party as a full
weekend fetish-party affair:
On Sunday, March 23, Ric
Sena will throw the 14th
annual Alegria Xtreme, a
special edition of his famed
party Alegria. Xtreme is
always about edgy, Sena
says, noting that this years
party at New Yorks historic
Webster Hall revolves around
a military theme. Boys like
to dress up, he says, laugh-
ing. Its a good excuse to
put on camouage.
This March edition of
Alegria is also a toast to its
resident DJ, Abel Aguilera.
Xtreme always celebrates
Abels birthday, says Sena,
noting that the gay circuits
best and most popular DJ
will be turning 51 this year.
In addition to the usual sur-
prise diva performer, Sena
has also tapped the great,
emerging house DJ Pagano,
from Italy via England, to
kick off the event this year
as he did last. As for the
weekends main attraction,
Peyton wants to reassure
fans: The party will go on
and on. Roselands closure
is something that weve
been anticipating for many,
many years [and] I think
were in a really good posi-
tion to make the transition,
he says, adding for further
emphasis: This is the last
Black Party at Roseland, not
the last Black Party.
The Black Party is Saturday,
March 22, starting at 10
p.m. at New Yorks Rose-
land Ballroom, 239 West
52nd St. Tickets are $165
in advance, or $180 at the
door. Visit blackparty.com
for full details on this and all
related events.
Alegria Xtreme is Sunday,
March 23, starting at 11
p.m. at Webster Hall, 125
East 11th St., New York.
Tickets are $80. Visit a
legriaevents.com. l
V
ENUES ARE VERY
important. They real-
ly do make the iden-
tity of a party, says Mike
Peyton, producer of New
Yorks Black Party, set for
Saturday, March 22, at New
Yorks Roseland Ballroom.
Even so, Peyton is quick
to add, venues are not a
partys be all and end all.
After all, the Black Party
has not only survived the
1988 closure of its original
venue, New Yorks legend-
ary gay club The Saint, it
has truly thrived. The rite
has become legendary in its
own right. Now turning 35,
this leather/fetish party, cel-
ebrating the start of spring
and produced by the Saint-
At-Large organization, draws
upwards of 5,000 revelers
annually to New York.
But earlier this year
developers announced
plans to raze Roseland with
the intention of building
condominiums. That will
make the venue in the heart
of Manhattans theater
district yet another nightlife
victim of the citys endless
parade of gentrication.
Though not before one
last party.
There were a lot of
memories made in that
place for the gay communi-
ty, both magical and maybe
scandalous as well, Peyton
says, adding, The burden
is on us to put together a
show thats worthy of the
last year at Roseland.
This years party, with a
theme drawing inspiration
from India but also pay-
ing homage to its ruined
paradise home venue,
will feature the kind of
strange live acts the party
has become notorious for
chiey, live fetish porn
shows. DJs Jason Kendig
of San Franciscos Honey
Soundsystem and nd_bau-
mecker of Berlin will kick
off a night of underground
progressive house music,
followed by back-to-back
sets from sunrise-welcom-
ing headliners Boris, a clas-
C
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U
B
L
I
F
E
B
Y

D
O
U
G

R
U
L
E
New York
Naughty
S
58
The nal Black Party at Roseland
Ballroom and another Alegria Xtreme
offer a one-two punch for fetish fans
B
L
A
C
K

P
A
R
T
Y

C
O
U
R
T
E
S
Y

T
H
E

S
A
I
N
T

A
T

L
A
R
G
E
B
L
A
C
K

P
A
R
T
Y

C
O
U
R
T
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S
Y

T
H
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A
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G
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60 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWW.METROWEEKLY.COM/SCENE
scene
DC Kings
14th Anniversary
Sunday, March 9
Phase 1
PHOTOGRAPHY BY
WARD MORRISON
scan this tag
with your
smartphone
for bonus scene
pics online!
Im not sure how I feel about this. Terribly ironic that his devotion to his god ends this way.
Destroyed by the monster he made.
NATHAN PHELPS, speaking on his Facebook page about his father, Fred Phelps Sr., founder of Westboro Baptist Church, which
gained notoriety for the slogan God Hates Fags and for picketing the funerals of American soldiers killed in action. The elder
Phelps is reportedly on the edge of death in a hospice in Kansas after being excommunicated from the church he established.
(Facebook)
Stoning of the homos is now in order.
Stoning is still the law.
DR. JAMES MANNING, a pastor at Atlah Worldwide Missionary Church in Manhattan, in a video posted to YouTube. Manning
came under re in February for claiming that President Obama had released the homo demons on the black man to enforce
as many black males to subscribe to ideas of a homosexual, perverted, LGBT as possible.
(YouTube)
I have a lot of gay friends, and

its sad to think that they cant get married
because theyre attracted to the same sex.
A student responding to Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who hosted a Q&A with Year 9 pupils in the grounds of
Parliament House in Canberra. Abbott quickly came under re from the students for his opposition to gay marriage, with the
students cheering when one asked Abbott Why are you so against legalizing gay marriage?
(YouTube)
At this point, all signs indicate that, in the eyes of the United States Constitution,
the plaintiffs marriages will be placed on an equal footing
with those of heterosexual couples.
Federal Judge ALETA TRAUGER, in a ruling that placed a preliminary ban on Tennessees same-sex marriage ban. The injunction
is a result of three couples who led a lawsuit asking the state to recognize their marriages, which were conducted out of state
in California and New York. The ruling only applies to the couples in the case and was granted pending
a broader review of the states ban on same-sex marriage.
(The Tennessean)
The law violates international law in that it is discriminatory and

seriously impinges on the freedom of expression and
freedom of assembly.
NAVI PILLAY, United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights and former South African judge, in a speech in the Nigerian
capital Abuja. Pillays remarks were in reference to Nigerias anti-gay law, signed by President Goodluck Jonathan in January,
which strengthens the punishment for homosexuality to a maximum of 14 years imprisonment.
(UN News Centre)

Metro Weekly - 03-20-14 - Lily Tomlin

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2 MARCH 20, 2014 METROWEEKLY.

I have a lot of gay friends, and

The law violates international law in that it is discriminatory and

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