Trust vs.

Mistrust Birth to one year

Trust is a very important factor in early child development. It is the foundation upon which all other developmental milestones are built. Children who bond with their caregiver and have their needs met, develop a sense of trust. Children who are abused or neglected, or whose needs are not met, develop a sense of mistrust. The first few months of life are crucial in the social development of children. An infants primary task is to learn whether or not they can trust other people. (Mcdevitt & Ormond, 2013, p. 418). It is during this time infants must depend on their caregivers to meet their every need in life, including eating, regular diaper changes, and overall comfort and safety. If an infant experiences a trusting relationship with his/her caregiver, the infant will develop a sense of trust in others. Successfully passing through this crises as described by Erikson will result in moving on to the next stage of development with no lasting problems. If an infant experiences lack of care, where needs are not met, and his/her general well-being is deficient, the infant will not successfully pass through the crises and may have to address the shortcomings from this stage later in life. I, Emily Elizabeth Cmar, entered the world on June 17, 1991. I was the first-born child of Greg and Bethany Cmar. My mother laughingly claims I was a first-year anniversary present for her and my father. While my parents had only been married a year at my birth, I was definitely a planned baby. Recalling pregnancy, my mother remembers it being an exciting time and one in which she felt great the entire nine months; with the exception of morning sickness the first three months. Toward the end of my mothers pregnancy, she and my father purchased their first home. Before my parents made their first mortgage payment, my father lost his job. Needless to say, my parents experienced eustress and distress during this time. On the morning of June 17, 1991, my mother woke up my dad as she was experiencing contractions. Although her water had not broken, my parents headed to Ball Memorial Hospital to meet me for the first time. After several hours of labor, I entered the world a health little girl weighing 6.12 lbs. and measuring 21 inches. My mom and dad opted to be the only family members in the delivery room, but I had extended family in the waiting room. Eagerly awaiting my arrival in the waiting room was my grandma, aunt, and two cousins. My mother recalls being exhausted after delivery and my father crying upon my birth. My first days in the hospital were spent bonding with my family. On the day I was to go home, I was brought to my mothers room and she noticed I had a bruise on my face. She just knew one of the nurses had hurt me! As it turns out, many babies experience bruising from trauma at birth. On my third day, my new little family prepared to go home. The nurse informed my

mother she needed to dress me. My mom looked at the nurse and explained she had no idea how to dress me without breaking me. The nurse assured my mom she would not break me. Mom remembers the nurse saying although I was her first baby and she had no experience, this was also my first experience having a mother. I guess mom and I learned along the way how to be a mother and daughter. On the drive home for the first time, my parents stopped to show me off to my two great, great aunts. From there we visited my grandma and grandpas house, where I have spent a great deal of my life. I am sure we will address this relationship in later stages of life. Mom recalls me being a good baby, who only cried to get my needs met. My mom was the primary caregiver during the day while my dad worked, and they shared the responsibilities when my dad was home. During my first few weeks at home, mom remembers feelings of impending doom and the fear I would die in the night. Although my parents had taped a baby monitor to the headboard of their bed, mom convinced my dad I needed to sleep in a bassinet next to their bed. In addition to the impending doom my mother experienced, she tells how it became increasingly difficult for her to clean the house and enjoy having a new baby. She kept the curtains drawn and we did not go out of the house much. Looking back, mom knows she was experiencing post partum depression. She feels fortunate the depression did not interfere with my well-being, and believes new mothers need to be aware of the dangers associated with depression after the birth of a child. At the age of three months, my mom and dad laid me down for a nap. When I woke up, mom noticed a very tiny raised bump near my eye. Not thinking much of it, we went on with our day. I spent the evening at my grandma and grandpas getting the love and attention every baby needs. When my parents picked me up, grandma reported I had been very fussy, which was unusual for me. My parents took me home and put me to bed. It was not long before I woke them up unable to be consoled. I was not hungry, nor did I need a fresh diaper. My parents did not know what to do for me. The remainder of that night was spent in the living room watching the time go so slowly. My mom wanted help in understanding what was wrong. The morning finally came with no sleep for any of us; it was a Sunday. The doctors office di d not open until noon, and I was still crying. By this time the tiny bump my mom noticed the day before was now covering half of my face, and it was turning black by this time. As we entered the doctors office, Dr. Byrn took one look at me and exclaimed, Get this baby to the hospital. She is going to die. My mother was devastated! Her baby, only three months old was dying. The hospital was only a few blocks from the doctors office, and my mom opted to hold me in her arms rather than put me in my car seat. She was fearful I would not make it to the hospital alive. After many tests, it was discovered I had cellulitis. That small bump on my eye turned out to be a bug bite, which caused me to get an infection. My prognosis was not good, and my parents feared they would lose me. During my four days in the hospital, I was never alone. My mother spent both night and day with me, only leaving my side to take a shower. When mom would leave me, my dad or grandma would take her place. There were children in the nearby rooms who cried daily, all day long. When my mom asked why the babies were crying, she was told he

has nobody to be with them. As I reflect on my experience, although I cannot remember it, I was lucky to have a family who cared about me enough to stay by my all day and all night. Trust or mistrust is developed in the first few months of life and can be affected by events prior to birth. As a baby who was planned and very much wanted, I feel fortunate to have been given the experiences I had during this first stage of Eriksons psychosocial development. Through these experiences, I exited this first stage successfully, and can now proceed on to the next stage of life. Autonomy Vs. Shame and Doubt- 1 to 3 years Independence is another important part of growing up. Children become less dependent on their caregivers once they become mobile. This is usually around their first birthday when they begin to walk and can explore on their own. Some parents however, a lot of times mothers, do not want their child to grow up quite so quickly and want them to continue to be dependent on them. This may cause the child to doubt whether or not they can accomplish tasks on their own. (McDevitt & Ormond, 2013, pg.421) As a child, I was encouraged to be independent. From what I wore, to what toys I played with, and what I ate. When I asked my mom about how much independence I had as a toddler, the first thing she said was that she would trick me. She said that she would lay out two outfits that she wanted me to wear and allow me to choose from those two outfits. That way I was really wearing what she wanted me to wear, but it made me feel as though I made the decision on my own. This is a very good idea. That way the parent or adult is getting their way, but still allowing the child to gain some independence. What toys I played with was always my choice. I do not remember a lot about my early childhood, but I do know from stories that we did not have a lot of money. As I talked about in the previous stage, my dad lost his job just before I was born. This had to be a burden and stress to my young mom and dad. They told me that one year they didnt know how they were going to afford to get me a Christmas present. They went down to the Dime Store in town and bought me a baby doll. Of course I had no idea where it had come from or how much it cost, but was as happy as can be with that baby. Even when my parents struggled through, there was never a worry or concern that I would not have my needs met, or my wants satisfied. My parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles always made sure that I had plenty of toys to play with. So as a little girl I had a bedroom full of toys from which to choose, and I got to choose what I wanted to play with. This gave me a sense of independence. Mom says I didnt get a lot of say in what I ate, but she did give me choices of what I wanted to drink, and I am sure there were days where she let me pick what she made for lunch. My mom was a stay at home mom for the first few years of my life. We spent all day together. We always had a big breakfast in the mornings; lunch for two in the afternoons, and dinner was always on the table when my dad got home from work. My mom never made TV dinners or frozen pizzas, it was always meat and potatoes, spaghetti, or enchiladas. But mom would give

me the choice between milk or water. Even the smallest of choices gave me independence, even if I did not realize it at the time. Initiative Vs. Guilt- 3 to 5 years Between the ages of three and five years old, children gain yet more independence. They are able to communicate through use of words and actions. Personalities really start coming through at this age, and a lot of times it is funny to listen to the things they say, and watch the things they do. Even though this stage proves to be an entertaining one, it is also a time when children realize when they are in trouble, and feel distress over breaking a rule, or failing to live up to a standard. (McDevitt & Ormond, 2013, pg.421) When I was three I was excited to get a baby brother. I could not wait for him to come home with my mom so I could help take care of him. My moms pregnancy with my brother however, was not as enjoyable as mine. She had gestational diabetes and was bed ridden for the last three months of her pregnancy. This was a great time for me to show her I could help. Instead of making her lay on the couch and play with me in the living room, I would choose what books I wanted her to read to me, and what toys I wanted to play with, and take them to her bed and spend all day in bed. We would watch TV and nap, read books, and nap some more, and play, and nap again. My brother was four weeks premature so his lungs were not fully developed so he had to stay in the hospital for a while. I went to see him almost every day! I just wanted him to come home so I could help take care of him, just like I took care of my baby dolls. Andrew (my brother) finally got to come home. I asked to hold him all the time and watched mom change his diaper and feed him. One day Andrew and I were playing together, mom was on the phone, and I noticed that Andrew was very stinking and I knew he had pooped. Instead of going and telling my mom I decided that I knew where everything was and would do it myself! I changed his diaper and threw everything away, just like I had seen mom do dozens of times. By this time mom was off the phone, so I went to her and said Andrew pooped mommy. But dont worry, I changed him and he is clean as a bun!! Of course mom immediately went to look. She was surprised to see that I did get him clean and got the diaper on correctly. She was not so happy though when she saw all the poop covering her bedspread. My mom didnt yell or scold me. She thanked me for taking care of Andrew and nicely told me to tell her next time and that she would change Andrews diapers. I realized that mom was upset about getting her bedspread all dirty and I felt guilty I am sure. Industry Vs. Inferiority- 6 to 10 years Early school years give many opportunities for children to find something they are good at. Most teachers assign jobs and responsibilities to the students in their classroom. This gives the students a sense of accomplishment and that they can succeed at the jobs they are given. However, this is also a time when children can see what their peers are good at, and begin to compare themselves to others and lose confidence when they cannot succeed at the same things. (McDevitt & Ormond, 2013, pg.421)

When I was in school I wanted to be a part of everything. If there was something going on at school I was going to try it. I was the news reporter for the school news in the mornings, I tried out for choir, volleyball, and cheerleading. Early on I found myself to be not one of those kids who is good at everything. Every week they would choose two students from each classroom to do the school TV news for the week. I could not wait for my turn to be the news reporter. When it was my turn I would go in every morning with a smile on my face and do my best to read the news. All the faculty would tell me what a great news reporter I was and that I would be on channel six one day. That made me feel great! Choir was also a success for me. I was in the fourth and fifth grade choir. I would stay after for every practice, and volunteer for every solo. Every year we had to tryout to go to Circle the State with Song. Our choir director could only choose a few students to go. I got to go both years. Of course I was happy and gained confidence in my singing which made me more confident all around. Other things I tried out for however didnt always end so well for me. The school had intramural volleyball teams that played a couple days a week after school. My very best friend was going to play, so of course I wanted to as well. Volleyball turned out not to be my thing. I wasnt very good, I got hurt all the time, and I was very clumsy! My best friend was the star of the team though and that made me feel awful. Not only did I want to play volleyball with my best friend, but also I wanted to be as good at it as she was. I lost a lot of confidence in myself after that. That was my first bad experience with sports. I am sure I will get to the others later in this paper. My best friend was also a cheerleader. I had always thought the high school cheerleaders were amazing, beautiful, and popular. So naturally, I wanted to be a cheerleader. I went to every cheer clinic that was offered, and practiced all my cheerleading moves at home in the evenings. I even started taking gymnastics lessons to help me improve. Gymnastics didnt seem to help though. I was always too scared to do any flips, I wasnt very strong, and once again, I was clumsy! I broke my arm the first day of summer vacation, which ended my gymnastics career. I still wanted to be a cheerleader though. My last cheer clinic was in the fifth grade. I was having a great day and doing my very best when they girl next to me told me that I was too fat and ugly to be a cheerleader. I just gave her a nasty look and continued through my day. I soon realized that I wasnt as good as the other girls especially my best friend. This of course made me feel worse about myself than I already did. I held in my emotions and feeling until I got home. When I got home though I cried and cried and cried. I was heartbroken. My selfconfidence was shot and my cheerleading career was over. I just knew that I was going to go into middle school as a loser. Identity Vs. Role Confusion: 10 to 20 years The identity versus role confusion stage covers a large span of time. This time span is usually consumed with trying to figure out who you are, and where you fit in. It is a time for young people to try new things and develop a sense of what they want to do with their lives.

However, this stage is very difficult for some. They may struggle finding something they are good at, or even what they want to do with their life. As a young person, Erikson experienced teasing because of what he looked like and the life style he appeared to have. In one of his biographies it says that these encounters helped encourage his research on identity, and influenced his work throughout the rest of his life. (Cherry) As a young girl I never played any sports, took dance classes, or gymnastics. I was a very girly little girl. In the previous stages, I talked about my experience with volleyball and with cheerleading. Those didnt work out so well for me. However, in sixth grade I decided I wanted to try out for something. My cousin Dusty, a junior in high school, had a girlfriend that was on the high school diving team. I thought she was great. I would go to her dive meets and watch her compete. It was fascinating to me, and I decided that I wanted to be on the middle school diving team. I worked so hard to learn the four dives I had to know to compete. After I learned those four dives, they were the only four dives I was willing to learn. I was too afraid of getting hurt, or embarrassing myself in front of the rest of my team. At the end of the season, my coach told my parents that I was not a very good diver and that diving may not be my thing. This upset me terribly. How could I be on the team next year knowing my coach thought that about me? I decided that this would be the end of my diving career. I thought that I would never try any sport ever again. At the end of my middle school years I was sad to leave, but excited to move on to high school. I remember the first day of high school my mom took me to school and right before we got to the school I remember seeing the school and wanting to tell my mom to take me back home because I was too scared to go! I made it through my first day and thought that maybe joining a team or a club would help me get to know people and find where I belonged in high school. I went through the first semester and hadnt heard about anything that interested me. After Christmas break they started announcing tennis conditioning. I thought I would try it out. I joined the girl tennis team and began conditioning with them. I was thin my freshman year, but obviously very out of shape. Every night I would go home and eat a big dinner, take a shower, and fall right to sleep. I had a pretty good season. I won about as many matches as I lost. I had fun and played tennis all summer long. The school year came back around and I was one of the only sophomores able to drive. It was great! My sophomore year proved to be harder than my freshman year. I was able to drive to school as long as my grades were good and my room was clean. I decided that I wouldnt be able to balance school, home, and tennis. I didnt play tennis any more during high school. I knew that sports were not my thing and decided to focus on school. High school became more fun after I learned my way around and made new friends. I realized I didnt need a group or team to help me fit in. I had two best friends and we did everything together, so my high school years went by quickly and we had a blast. My senior year finally rolled around and I had to choose between child development or a gym class. Well obviously I chose the child development class. I had always thought that I would want to be a kindergarten teacher. This

class just solidified that thought. I had a great time in my class taking home the baby, creating crafts, and lessons, and even getting to help out in the preschool room there in the school. I had finally done it. I figured out where I fit in and what I wanted to do. I had finally found my identity. Intimacy Vs. Isolation: Young Adult Years Building relationships is an important part of life. Not only are young adults concerned with building a relationship and finding a mate, but they also feel it is important to find a good job. There are many things that young adults have to do to build a life for themselves. Sometimes, it takes a while to build the life that you really want. Erikson was married in 1930, and had three children. He was 28 by the time he settled down and had children. (Cherry) When it came to working, I had a job my senior year of high school. I worked at Westminster Village where I waited tables in the dining room. I loved my job and loved working with the older people and listening to the stories they told. Since I was still in high school, I was still pretty immature and got wrapped up in a lot of the drama at work. I ended up quitting my job because of it. I had no idea where I was going to go and I knew I had to have a job. I was out of high school and I could not expect my parents to support me while they also paid for my college. I started looking and found where they needed an aide in the preschool room at Monroe Central Elementary. The only experiences I had had were babysitting jobs, and the child development class I had taken in high school. I was nervous but excited. The fall and winter went well and I was loving my job. The lead teacher in my room was in a car accident and was out for the rest of the school year. I was offered to take her place and be the lead teacher. I immediately said yes, and could not wait to get started. It was a great experience and I learned so much. I was ready to go back to work in the fall, but would have to go back to being the aide and not the teacher, but it was a job! I loved the children I worked with, the location, and my co-workers, but I heard about a job opening for Early Head Start and decided to look into it. I applied for the job and during the interview they told me they would pay for my schooling while I worked for them. Even though I am receiving a free education because my mom is an Ivy Tech employee I thought that this was an opportunity I should not pass on. They offered me the job and I accepted, but that meant that I had to tell the kids I had grown to love and my friends that I would not be back after Christmas break. I started out working as a teachers aide in both the combination classroom and the center classroom. This job was already giving me more opportunities than I had at the previous aide job I had. After six months of working at Early Head Start one of the two teachers in the center room quit and moved away in May. I took over her position while they were looking for someone to take her place. I worked very hard to do her job correctly hoping they would hire me as the full time teacher. I knew that there was a fifty fifty chance that they would hire me. I had to finish the summer semester and then I would be able to send my paperwork in to receive my CDA. A CDA is all that is required to be the lead teacher. In the middle of looking for a replacement for the first teacher who quit, the second teacher quit with no notice. I took over the whole center

classroom and all the paper work. It was very stressful, but I figured if I showed them what a hard worker I was they would hire me as the teacher. Sure enough I became a full time employee and am now the lead teacher in the center classroom. I am still going to school and hope to receive my Bachelors degree and one day be a kindergarten teacher. Until then I am completely happy with my babies at Early Head Start. In the middle of all of the excitement with work, I also found my prince charming. As a teenager I had multiple boyfriends, but none that ever proved to be a keeper. I finally found a great guy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I grew up way out in the country. Most people call it the middle of nowhere. My neighbor and I were pretty good friends, and one night he called me and told me to come down and see his new car. When I got there Ryan, my fianc, was standing in the driveway. My first thought was, Wow! He is cute. I stayed down there for a couple hours and talked to the guys and then went home. Ryan and I soon became facebook friends and exchanged cell phone numbers. We texted back and forth for a month or two before he finally asked me out on our first date. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, had dinner, and sat and talked for almost three hours. When he dropped me off at home he asked me if I was going to go inside and change my relationship status on facebook. I took that as him asking me to be his girlfriend. We dated for about six months before Ryan had to leave for thirty days to study in South Dakota. Before he left he gave me a promise ring for my birthday and promised to come back and spend his life with me. It seemed like the longest month of my life. That time in our relationship proved to me that we could make it through anything. When he got back we spent the fall fishing, working outside, and hiking. Our first holidays together were fun and exciting. We spent the first of the year and the spring doing homework together, and trying to find time to go to dinner and the movies. After the spring semester was over we decided to leave early Saturday morning and go hiking at McCormicks Creek State Park. There is a waterfall that you can hike to and have lunch. Ryan knew that I love waterfalls and promise to take me there for lunch. Little did I know he would get down on one knee and ask me to marry him. Of course I immediately said yes and couldnt wait to tell my family. We set a date for June 8, 2013, and are busy wedding planning. Building this relationship with Ryan proved to me that relationships are an important part of our lives. I know that I am glad to have found him, and cant imagine one day without him. Generativity Vs. Stagnation: Middle Age Years Erikson believed that during this stage men worried more about their careers, and women cared more about raising and teaching their children. This was apparent in Eriksons own life. Erik was busy writing books and teaching, while his wife, Joan, was a psychologist who probably stayed at home while her children were young. Eriksons career clearly meant a lot to him. He taught at Harvard, University of California at Berkley, Yale, the San Francisco Psychoanalytic Institute, Austen Riggs Center, and the Center for Advanced Studies of the Behavioral Sciences. While teaching in all of these places he also had a private practice in childhood psychoanalysis. His career was very important to him. We all have to find what is

important to us, and give it everything we have to make life worthwhile. What is important in our lives is different for everyone. (Cherry) My life has just gotten started, and there are so many things that I want to do. I have had a great childhood and great teenage years, and my early adult years are off to a great start. Getting married in June will really get my early adult years started. My husband will be a scientist and I will be a teacher. His career is very important to him. He works hard at what he does, and loves every second of it. I could not imagine being or doing anything else besides teaching. I feel like teaching allows me to be a comfort and a friend to my students while they are at school. By the time I am to the middle age stage of Eriksons theory, I hope to be teaching kindergarten. The one thing I want most in my life is to be able to stay at home with my children. My mother stayed home with me, and I want to be able to stay home with my children. When my children are old enough to go to school, I want to teach again. Teaching is my passion. Many people dont know what they want to do with their lives, and it may take them some time to decide. By the time young adults get settles down and decide what they want for their lives, they may have lost some of their best years. Applying Eriksons seventh theory to my life, I think I am right in the middle. My career is very important to me, but being a stay at home mother and wife is also important to me. I hope to be able to balance both and be a great teacher, and a loving stay at home mom. Integrity Vs. Despair: Retirement years While study Eriksons life, I had a hard time finding anything about his life during his retirement years. It is my belief that Erikson never really retired. Eriksons life was centered around helping children, and teaching others how to best help and teach children. Even in his obituary he was quoted saying, You see a child play, and it is so close to seeing an artist paint, for in play a child says things without uttering a word. You can see how he solves his problems. You can also see what's wrong. Young children, especially, have enormous creativity, and whatever's in them rises to the surface in free play. (Erik Erikson) He was focused on his career up until the day he passed away. Looking ahead into the future I hope to teach and touch many child rens lives for years and years to come. However, one day I hope to spend most of my time with my family. Retirement seems so far away, but life has gone by so quickly already, it will be here before I know it. I hope to one day build my dream house and spend my retired years with my grandchildren there. My own grandmother keeps telling me that every stage of life is great, but being a grandma is the best stage there is. My husband and I will have many things in common. (we do already) I think most of our time will be spent outside gardening, fishing, camping, snowmobiling, and being with our families. Dealing with loss will be the hardest part of my life. I have never dealt well with losing loved ones. Writing this paper has made me tear up many times talking about my life as a child wishing I could go back, and life in the future. I lost my paternal grandmother when I was in the first grade. I get very emotional because I have no memory of her. My paternal grandfather died when I was in high school. I get emotional

thinking about the time that I should have spent with him, but was too caught up in my life to make the trip to Wisconsin to see him. My maternal grandparents have been there through everything, and losing them will be one of the hardest days of my life. I try not to think about it very often because I already become emotional at the thought of it. Losing my parents will be the hardest thing I will probably ever endure in my life. I know that I have many, many great years left, and cannot wait to spend life with them. Losing people you care about comes easier to some than to others. I am, and always have been an emotional person. When I think about growing old, I think about growing old with my husband and sitting in our recliners watching T.V. I hope that I pass away before he does, because I dont know that I could ever live alone or bear another heartache. Despair is a horrible feeling. I hope that I will have integrity and not despair in my final developmental stage. Writing this paper has taught me so many things about myself. If it would not have been for this paper, I dont know that I would have ever known how my mom felt when she had me. Many of the things that I did as a child were so vital to my development and I had no idea. Many of the funny things I did were milestones that maybe no one knew I was reaching. I feel that after writing this paper it will help me better understand my students, and even my own children. Not everyone was as lucky as I was to have the childhood that I did, but until this assignment I would have not thought about it as deeply. When working on this I thought deeply, brought feeling to the surface, and learned a lot. Erikson was in my opinion, a brilliant man. He saw they things that were important for children to grow and develop. Giving us the information he has, it will help us better our students, parents, and their families.

References Mcdevitt, T., & Ormond, J. E. (2013). Child development and education. Boston: Pearson.

Cmar, B. (2012, August 30). [Personal interview by the author].

Cherry, K. (n.d.). Erik erikson biography. Retrieved from http://psychology.about.com/od/profilesofmajorthinkers/p/bio_erikson.htm