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How Common Painful Belief Systems Lead Us Into Narcissistic Abuse

I receive this question from people What are the common negative beliefs that lead to narcissistic abuse? This happens from time to time in emails, and this question pooped up on last week s blog comments! "s a result, I decided it was time to write an article about this! I realised quite some time ago that there are definite common negative beliefs, that we held, which created susceptibilities to abuse! There is a pattern and a predisposition which man# giving, caring people who possess integrit# have which allows them to get enmeshed with narcissists! These are e$actl# the beliefs that a narcissist can use to hook #ou, addict #ou to him or her, and continue to e$tract narcissistic suppl# from #ou! When I started the %ourne# of identif#ing and releasing these negative beliefs, in order to recover from narcissistic abuse, for m#self and personal clients, I found man# common threads over and over again! I want to share a few of the most powerful ones with #ou! &efore I do let s %ust re'cap what negative beliefs are!

What Are Negati e Belief Systems!


The# are false premises about ourselves, life and others! The# create pain and d#sfunction! (egative belief s#stems are internal programs within our subconscious, which were established generall# at a ver# #oung age whilst we were operating in theta and alpha brainwaves! We acquired these beliefs from our environment emotionally, primaril# before we developed cognitive reasoning!

&efore this time we had no abilit# to filter an# of the messages as )right or )wrong , and as a result the# were all accepted as )true ! The ver# nature of a belief s#stem is this* To generate the evidence with life that fulfils the belief as true. " couple of e$amples of painful belief s#stems are these* +eople don t support me, I have to do ever#thing m#self, and ,en are onl# after one thing!

When people have belief s#stems such as these, life will alwa#s deliver that belief s#stem back to that person, regardless of an#thing the# tr# to do to create another realit#! This person will also )show up in life as operating emotionall# within that belief s#stem and will unconsciously create more of that reality in their life b# pushing awa# support, not speaking up for what the# need healthil#, choosing non'supportive people, and sabotaging decent potential men, and enmeshing with ones who )are after one thing ! &elief s#stems are powerful! The# run our life! In areas of our life that just work we have e$cellent belief s#stems which serve us! It is these self' generated internal beliefs, and the wa#s we healthil# emotionall# operate that are responsible for these outcomes! In an# area of our life that we struggle the culprit is always negative beliefs we have on that particular topic! -eep within our subconscious are belief s#stems that pla# out exactly to generate the painful and negative results! "ll we have to do is look at our real life outcomes to start understanding what topics our negative belief s#stems are connected to! Life always shows them up for us

.ife makes the unconscious conscious.

"he Common Beliefs We Carry "hat #atch Being Narcissistically Abused


The following are some of the main beliefs which are a common thread with being narcissisticall# abused! (ot onl# did I find these as a strong thread of consistenc# I also discovered the profound results when releasing and reversing these painful belief s#stems which is what true recovery is all about! The first painful belief is this/ $% I can&t create my own security' fulfilment' accom(lishments' lo e and a((ro al for myself or )oy in life* ,an# people believe that without another person s energ# that the# don t have the power to generate their own life in some or many areas! 0o'dependents definitel# fall into this categor# and can feel terrified about believing that the# can feel )whole or )fulfilled on their own! ,# definition of a co'dependent is someone who feels empt# on the inside and is tr#ing to gain an aspect of )self from outside of )self ! 1nderstandabl# co'dependenc# can be a ver# common human condition! The narcissist shows up as the dream person who can magicall# provide all of what the co'dependent #earns for! This makes it incredibl# difficult to let go of the )mirage who seemed to be the answer to all the lifelong feelings of emptiness, insecurit# and pain! 2ome of the false beliefs that get accessed b# facing )3eleasing the illusion that the narcissist is the perfect partner include*

4n m# own I am not enough I am not worth loving .ife doesn t support and love me I am powerless to create m# own chosen realities

When 5uanta 6reedom 7ealing is used to release these painful negative beliefs the# are then replaced with the natural True 2elf state of*

I am enough and worth loving simpl# because I e$ist .ife co'creates with me lovingl# and abundantl# I have the power to generate and create m# own chosen realities

The ne$t painful belief s#stem is this one/ +% I am a ictim of life and bad (eo(le 8ictimisation is powerlessness! It creates us as separated from our own personal growth and evolution! "s children if we were abused, guilted, devalued, engulfed, controlled and over powered in wa#s that were detrimental to our abilit# to love, accept and trust ourselves we developed beliefs that we were powerless to generate and create a healthy entitlement to love, respect and stable people and environments! "s a result we learnt to minimalise ourselves! We did not dare to 9or know how to: identif#, anchor into and speak up for our feelings and needs right from the beginning of relationships, and we tried to appease others in order to lessen the risk of criticism, re%ection, abandonment or punishment! 2ome of the false beliefs that get accessed b# facing )6orgiving life, others and ourself from what we have been through include*

I am a victim 4ther people hurt me and mistreat me I am powerless to stop people hurting me it is %ust what the# do .ife and others don t have m# best interests at heart

When 5uanta 6reedom 7ealing is used to release these painful negative beliefs the# are replaced with the natural True 2elf state of*

,# soul co'creates e$periences so that I can develop, heal and be whole +eople will alwa#s treat me at the level of development matching where I am with m#self I have the power to generate m# own evolution to heal and be authentic, speak m# needs clearl# and stand for m# own truth, regardless of what other people are or aren t choosing to be or do .ife and others will reflect back to me m# essential emotional relationship with m#self no more and no less! Therefore m# true fundamental relationship graduation is with m#self first

The ne$t negative belief s#stem is this one/

,% I can&t heal' reco er or reach closure until )ustice is done' and - or wrongs are righted This belief is t#picall# human! "n#one can logicall# understand that we want bad people brought to %ustice, and we wish the# could be made accountable! ;motionall# this belief is incredibl# self'defeating and literall# cripples #our life! If #ou believe that #our life depends on someone else doing anything so that #ou can feel better #ou have immediatel# handed #our power straight over to them! +owerlessness is the act of making something or someone else responsible for how you feel and for your life. <ou have no control over this something or )someone else ! <ou onl# ever have control of #ourself and this needs to be non'reliant on an#thing outside of #ou, if you wish to have the freedom to generate happiness and create a fulfilling life. This doesn t mean #ou have to )be )an island or do ever#thing on #our own! In fact it is the e$act opposite! There are wonderful, incredible and loving resources in life to build #our life with! Which means #ou can detach from tr#ing to force a bad person to make amends, and focus on releasing them and the pain in order to be free to co'create with healthy resources and people in life! If #ou don t, #ou will remain a prisoner to this person long after #ou have left them, and long after #ou ph#sicall# e$ited the )prison cell ! If #ou don t detach and reverse these belief s#stems, #ou remain enmeshed in the pain, and #ou have no access to the happ#, health#, supportive and fulfilling resources of life! 4ne of the greatest hooks narcissists pla# on is you trying to force him or her to be accountable. This puts #ou in the direct firing line of abuse, which grants the narcissist a wonderful dumping ground for his or her tortured self, and guarantees the narcissist copious amounts of "'=rade narcissistic suppl#! Which is* your attention and the narcissist knowing her or she can affect you intensely.

0o'dependents have high levels of integrit#, and make great targets for abusers as a result of )fighting for integrit# and accountabilit# ! 2ome of the false beliefs that get accessed b# facing )3eleasing the need to win and gain accountabilit# include*

,# emotions are dependent on what others are or aren t doing I can t receive closure until amends are made I am powerless to create m# own reconciliation with m#self If I can t be right, I can t be safe or happ#

When 5uanta 6reedom 7ealing is used to release these painful negative beliefs the# are replaced with the natural True 2elf state of*


realities

I have the power to generate and create m# own emotional well'being ,# closure is between m#self and life, and is the development of m#self into more empowered and healthier 2pecific people do not need to share m# values, views, beliefs or truth in order for me to generate and create a safe, happ# and health# life for m#self

The last of the main painful beliefs that I want to share is/ .% I am res(onsible for other (eo(le&s lac/ of de elo(ment and awareness* ,an# co'dependants are fi$ers, rescuers and > or healers! The# have empath# for others and take it upon themselves to tr# to help other people! 4ften unsolicited, and often when these people are not willing to take responsibilit# for themselves! The deeper truth is often people tr# to )fi$ in order to tr# to create the other person as someone who will finally allow them feel safe happy and whole. 4ften we are attempting to subconsciousl# fi$ the )mother or )father who hurt us in childhood! 3ather than achieving this )fi$ we simpl# rip open those unhealed wounds over and over again! This equals how to lose badly. ,an# co'dependents themselves feel like a parent to the insecure, damaged and under'developed )child that the narcissist is, and feel that it is their moral dut# to set the narcissist straight b# teaching him or

her )fundamental human decenc# , not turn their back, not abandon him or her, or feel incredible guilt at the thought of leaving the narcissist to his or her own disorder! +eople who tr# to take responsibilit# for a narcissist and attempt to fi$, change, prescribe or lecture the narcissist are targeted heavil# for abuse! 3ather than the narcissist )getting it , he or she will pro%ect blame heavil# on to #ou, accuse #ou of ever#thing he or she is doing, and will punish #ou for the )accusations that the narcissist s intense and disordered defence mechanisms must maliciousl# lash out at #ou for! The narcissist will defend his or her 6alse 2elf at all costs! <ou are a meaningless casualt# in comparison! 2ome of the false beliefs that get accessed b# facing )3eleasing the need to take responsibilit# for the narcissist include*

If I don t fi$ other people I can t be safe, happ# or health# This person is m# 2oul ,ate who I am meant to help heal

When 5uanta 6reedom 7ealing is used to release these painful negative beliefs the# are replaced with the natural True 2elf state of*

,# true responsibilit# is toward m# own evolution, and that is how I will generate safet#, happiness and a health# life " )negative interaction with an# person grants ever#one involved the opportunit# to become conscious and self'evolve if they chose to take that opportunity.

How Im(ortant the 0oundation of Healthy Beliefs Systems Are


What I have discovered is that people who have accessed the 5uanta 6reedom ;mpowered 2elf 0ourse before working on abuse belief systems struggle to move forward! The reason is* it is impossible to create the internal freedom aligning with an e$pansive and great life when #ou are still hard'wired into abuse beliefs that hand #our power over to abusive people, events and situations! &eing abused not onl# activated severe fear, pain and abuse belief s#stems it also unearthed for #ou what you need to clean up in order to create a fulfilling, wholesome, safe and happ# life!

I love the wonderful late -ebbie 6ord s famous e$pression <ou can t put ice'cream on top of poop! 2he was referring to belief s#stems/ ,# e$pression is* <ou can t drive a 6errari into the garage when a rusted old wreck is blocking its path! ,an# people have ascertained that the (arcissistic "buse 3ecover# +rogram is onl# for intimate partner narcissistic relationships! That is not accurate! The (arcissistic "buse 3ecover# +rogram is for any abusive relationship #ou wish to deprogram #ourself and heal from, and it includes reversing the specific beliefs that have co'created abuse in #our life! The ones I have described above, and man# others are included in the (arcissistic "buse 3ecover# +rogram! When #ou reverse #our negative beliefs #ou heal powerfull#! That is what #our self'development into a Thriver from this e$perience is about the cleaning up of internal programs that #ou received geneticall# 9science now proves that #ou received the emotional predispositions of #our parents from the point of conception onwards:, absolutel# had reinforced developmentall# 9no )coincidence that the negative belief s#stems #ou acquired geneticall# were then further reinforced through )behaviour :, and which have been stunting #our abilit# to generate a new and healthier future! We have to break those subconscious patterns, if we want to break the c#cles of painful and unfulfilling relationship! If we don t have aligned beliefs with what we do want to create, then we do not have access to those possibilities in our energetic field , because we can onl# ever generate outcomes within the range of our present internal subconscious beliefs! I hope this article has reall# helped #ou realise where #ou true power, liberation and development lies/ It never comes from )the outside ! It is created on )the inside !