Strengthening Relationship 1

Does Getting Physically Involved Strengthen a Relationship?

Fahim Almas Rubaiat ID- 073 354 045 ENG: 105: 02 ABDUS SELIM May 2, 2012

Strengthening Relationship 2

Abstract In our culture our parents from our childhood days teach us to keep a certain distance from the opposite gender. So by any chance, if we get close to a certain person with romantic involvement they over react. First of all we get scolded, screamed on, and then we are strictly instructed to keep a maximum physical distance from that person. Or even we are told to break up the relation. From a girls prospective, the matter gets much worse. But is this really helping? We cannot disagree with the very true fact of nature that a girl and a boy can get romantically involved. Getting physically involved is also part of the natures process for human beings. So in my thesis, I am going to explain the facts answering one of the most asked question by the concerned members of our society which is Does getting physically involved helps strengthening a relationship?

Strengthening Relationship 3

Introduction We all belong to this beautiful world. But the distribution of the beauty in the world is not equal. Not only the beauty but also some other things which matter a lot in this world are not equal to all states. For that reason we see a wide difference among the states or regions of this world. We belong to Bangladesh which is a part of South Asia. There are lots of reasons that developed countries like USA, Canada, Germany, etc. are way ahead of us. Other than technologies, economy there is one important reason that we are far away from those developed countries. And that reason is the difference between our thoughts. We are so emotional nation. It does not mean they do not have emotions, but they have controls over that and we do not have. They know how and when to show emotions. For example, in our country after being 18 parents do not let their children to do any work whereas in modern countries after being 18 children earn their own pocket money. In our country we are more concerned about relationships. But eventually they understand the better meaning of relations. In our society whenever a boy and a girl makes relationship they bring some restrictions as well. In our culture people are not accepted meeting their partner physically unless they get married. They put a high portion of concentration on this matter than any other things in their life, whereas people from modern world have understood this simple reality of nature that a boy and a girl could get romantically or physically involved a long time ago. They understand the very basic thing about human needs which we do not understand or we could not accept because of some restrictions or social bindings. So, we need to overcome those bindings. We need to think out of the box. That is how we should proceed. I am not suggesting us to follow the western world but to grow up our thoughts, to believe in the simple logics. We need to reconsider our thoughts in every step which could make us more matured more smart to the modern world, so that we compete with other

Strengthening Relationship 4

powerful countries in near future. Getting physically involved is a part of the natures process for human beings. So, I maintain that for a long term relationship physical involvement is quite necessary to keep all the required need fulfilled and to strengthen the very core of a relationship. Basically from this research I am trying to prove that a relationship requires some necessary steps and getting physically involved is definitely one of those steps. It will help us having strong bonding among our relationships and that will help us concentrating in our works more precisely, which can help us compete with the world. How Does It Help Strengthening a Relationship? In our country in most of the relations we see that they are very passionate in their relationships at the beginning. But, in the long run in most of the cases this compassion fades away. And in western countries, unless they get separated from each other they hold a strong relation between them. So, if we see the main difference between a relationship in our society and a relationship in their society, it will definitely be the thinking difference between us. They are open minded in physical stuffs whereas we are not. Now, one can ask me that, if they can hold a better relation then why do they get separated? The answer is simple. They do not hold their selves in a relationship forcefully if they understand that they do not feel for their partners anymore. They get separated most of the time in a mutual agreement. And on the other hand in our country in most of the cases, even if any couple is married and if they are not happy with each other, only for the sake of family and the society they stay together. They force their selves to be stuck in that relation. The main idea is to be the maximum closer with the partner to make the bond between them stronger. And getting physically involved is the highest level of being closed to each other. Unless one knows his/her partner cent percent it is impossible for them to make a healthy and happy relation. Unless having physical interaction it is impossible to have a

Strengthening Relationship 5

complete relationship. This is the lacking among the people in our country for which they can barely continue a relationship happy and healthy. And those relationships which are most successful must have some level of physical intimacy. So, like any other true facts in this world it is also a simple true fact that physical attraction and bonding is a very true and a natural fact between a boy and a girl and obviously it helps strengthening the relationship between them. What Is the Problem in Our Country? In our country people are more concerned about family, society, and religious view rather than personal choices. A premarital relation among people especially among young generations is not socially acceptable. But situations are changed now; those concepts are a bit old now, people are going out, they are having relations now. But they are not yet socially allowed to be physically involved. One of the main reason is we are Muslim nation. We have a huge religious interference among our cultures and thoughts. But even in Islam it is suggested that people should be get married when they are physically matured. Because, people not only grow physically but also their physical needs grow as well. As this is the overall scenario in our country, we belong to the middle of a high religious nation and almost a developing nation. We have both some religious touch and westerns interference in our society. As a summation of all we are a mixture nation. So, as a result we are in a middle of nowhere. Our people doing most of the things done in western culture, after having relations a couple are doing almost the same as in western culture they do, but all in hide and seek.

Strengthening Relationship 6

Table 1
20 18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2 0 With female sex workers With casual female With With any partners partners males/transgenders % had sex

Note. The data is retrived from https://centre.icddrb.org/images/HSB_Eng52_Nonmarital-sexual.pdf A survey on sexual behaviour was conducted among7122 males (aged 18-49 years) in six districts (3 urban and 3 rural) in Bangladesh. Overall 18% of the respondents reported ever having sexual intercourse outside of marriage (10% with female sex workers, 9% with casual female partners and 2% with males/transgenders) in the past year (Non-marital sexual behaviour of men in Bangladesh: implications for HIV transmission, 2007). The bar chart given above clearly proves my statement about the hide and seek condition among our people. It is not that our people are not meeting sexually with their partners before marriage, but we just do not expose it. Being one sided is a good thing but being in the middle of several cultures is the most terrible thing for any culture and that is the condition now we do have. So this is the main problem in our country. We are not socially permitted in having relations like this and which results like this bar chart.

Strengthening Relationship 7

Is Getting Married the Ultimate Solution for Any Relationship? In our culture getting married considers to be the ultimate solution for any relationship. From our childhood we are being taught to be a family focused person. And in our culture arranged marriage is the most common marital arrangement accepted by the people of all status. Arranged marriage is a marital system where ones family or friends find a partner for him/her. No matter who ones choice is he/she is always preferred to do an arranged marriage while his/her turn of getting married comes. His/her personal choice always gets the least priority. This is the most common scenario in our country. There are exceptions, but so few in number that those could be easily negligible. In our culture parents or the eldest members of the family think that only they could make the better match of boys and girls. But even they could do the better match we see in some cases the husbands and wives are not happy in their marital life. The reason is they could not have the chance to have a relation with that person before their marriage so, they did not know each other a lot, and after getting married they find out they do not feel for each other or their thinking are not matched. Now, the question is, does the affair marriage have the solution for all these? The answer is simple, no. Because in most of the cases affairs are not successful even. In our society we see, affairs of years even do not have the smooth relationship. The main reason behind it is lack of time with each other, lack of intimacy. So, in most of the affairs people could not discover their partner in full so a certain gap remains in the relationship which reflects as a separation or break up. So, even if a couple is married they are not satisfied because after they meet with each other they realize that there are differences between them, which make them unhappy with each other. So, if that same couple would have the chance of having an affair before getting married, they would have discovered the same problem before

Strengthening Relationship 8

so, may they would not involve in marriage. And on the other hand, if a couple after having an affair they realize they are happy with each other then they could be happy in their further life it does not matter, whether they are married or not. So, the main thing here is having affair and more over meeting with partners in full, in the closest level of intimacy. How Does Intimacy Define Love Among Couples? We are human beings. We are designed to be in relationships, to love each other, to meet with opposite genders physically. These are natures process. So, it is so obvious to be attracted with the opposite genders so easily and so often. We see a lot of people daily, among them many of them are attracted by us, but it does not mean we do love them. Somehow if one gets a chance to have a relationship with a person who was attracted by him/her, he/she may find some problems with the attracted one. Because anything looks pretty does not always taste sweet. Most of the time we see whenever any couple is in a relationship, the past history was just attraction. Attraction is the most common term in any relationship to begin. And people call this attraction as love. But, this is not love. In a relationship though attraction was the first term to begin, as the time goes on, some problems like, lack of understanding, trust, sacrifices make their relationship weak. So, whenever a couple has a relationship they should be close to themselves in order to justify their problems and to solve it. Being closer makes their relationship stronger. The closer they are the more they feel for each other. So, intimacy becomes an obvious thing among relationships. There is another term is called open relationship or we better call it physically attracted. If it is declared by both the partners from a couple then it is alright, because it is their choice that which relationship they would go for. But if in a happy relationship there is no love but only they are physically attracted then the future of that relationship is going to be

Strengthening Relationship 9

ruined. But, it is difficult to judge whether a couple are in serious love with each other or just physically attracted. As per I have understood, and as per logic says, being intimate or getting physically involved justifies whether a couple are in love or just physically attracted to each other. When a person gets physically involved with his/her partner, if he/she was only physically attracted with his/her partner, then after meeting physically he/she would not have any interest with his/her partner anymore. But if they are in real love, their bonding will be stronger. This is how getting physically involved defines whether there is love or just physical attraction among couples. How Our Young Generation Is Being Affected? Now-a-days, in our culture the tendency of having affairs among the young generations has increased. They are having relations among their selves. But, the problem is the eldest members of our society do not take this matter easily. From the family and the society the young fellows are always in a pressure to not to do such this. So, in the total procedure of an affair from beginning to end they put their selves in a rush situation. After having met with each other they take the decision of having affair quite fast, not even knowing each other properly, then after getting involved in affair, they hardly spend some time together, share their thoughts, and understand each other, so eventually they could not make a healthy relation. This is what the elder members of our society think, that young people should not go for affairs, because they could not keep it. But they never think the reason behind it. They never think that, how could the couple make a healthy relation if they could not spend some time together? So, the main point arises is, the problem is at the beginning. If there should not be that much pressure on young fellows, then they would not have any rush of building a relationship, then they would take their times to feel for each other, even they would get the time to understand whether they really feel for each other or the thing they have nothing but only attraction. Then there will be no unwanted affairs as

Strengthening Relationship 10

well. Because people will get the chance to think, to understand, and to feel before involving in any relationship. So, this is the overall scenario of our country about young members of our society. Some Problems We Need to Overcome As per our age increases our maturity should be increased too. But with some unforgettable evidences our country people always prove that we are either immature or so hideous nation. Some few bad deeds have made our country so badly reputed to the whole world. Some sick people have set up such example like spreading out mms, doing rapes, blackmailing with some previous deeds, which have led us down. These are the few reasons why having affairs and physical involvement is highly discouraged in our country. But after all we are a developing nation; we need to move forward, we cannot just sit down with some bad evidences in our hand. We need to be matured; we need to keep in our mind that our one bad deed can lead the whole nation down. Findings In order to prove my logic and justify my hypothesis I have done a survey with few important questions among 30 people from age group 18 and above. The survey questionnaire is attached in Appendices. Among the questions some of the findings, which are directly indicated to my hypothesis are discussed below:

Strengthening Relationship 11

Question: If the young generation is allowed to meet a potential partner more intimately, without any restriction from family or society, would they have healthier relationship? Table 2
18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2 0 Yes, they would Perhaps I do not think so No, then the situation will get worse Answers

In this question, 16 persons agreed that young generation would have healthier relationship whereas 7 persons think the situation will get worse. Then 3 persons said they do not think so and 4 persons said perhaps. So overall 20 persons agreed with me, and 10 persons disagreed with me.

Strengthening Relationship 12

Question: Do you think in a relationship a level of intimacy is necessary to keep the partners steady with their relation? Table 3
14 12 10 8 6 4 2 0 Obviously Yes No Definitely no Answers

Here, 9 persons responded obviously, 13 persons responded yes, 7 persons responded no, and 1 person responded definitely no. That means overall 22 persons agreed with me and 8 persons both partially and directly disagreed with me.

Strengthening Relationship 13

Question: Do you think getting physically involved in a relationship helps one to find out he/she really loves or feels for that person or is just physically attracted? Table 4
18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2 0 Yes, it is the only way to find it out Yes, it helps No, it does not help No, it cannot justify thet Answers

In this question, most of the respondents partially agreed with me. Here, 2 persons said yes, it is the only way to find it out, 16 persons said yes, it helps, 8 persons said that no, it does not help, and 4 persons said that no, it cannot justify that. In total 18 persons agreed with me and 12 persons disagreed with me.

Strengthening Relationship 14

Question: Do you think getting physically involved strengthens a relationship? Table 5

12 10 8 6 4 2 0 Yes May be Maybe no No Answers

This question was a pretty much straight forward question. Here, 10 persons responded yes, 9 persons responded may be, 3 persons responded maybe no, and 8 persons responded no. So, in total 19 persons directly and indirectly agreed with me and on the other hand, 11 persons disagreed with me.

Table 6

66% agreed with me 44% disagreed with me

Approximately 66% of my total respondents both directly and indirectly agreed with my hypothesis, and on the other hand approximately 44% of my total respondents disagreed with my hypothesis. May be, they have a different point of view. But I think 66% is a quite good support for me to prove my hypothesis true.

Strengthening Relationship 15

Conclusion The very core material of human nature is relationship. Without relationships mankind could never be grown up. In every aspects of our life, we are in various types of relationships. Our born starts with a relationship named mother and son, then we grow up, we go to schools, then we have teacher-student relationship, we make friends, then we like someone, we fall into affairs that are another kind of relationships, among all we have discussed here only about affairs, which is a relationship between a girl and a boy. This relationship is the center of all relationships. Naturally a boy and a girl will fall in love with each other; they will get romantically involved with each other. This is the basis on what mankind is still alive for thousands of years, and always will be until the world falls apart. So, strengthening this relationship should always be our concern. After discussing all the causes, effects, and our findings, we could come up with a conclusion that getting physically involved strengthens the very core of a relationship which is extremely required for a relationship to be successfully carried on.

Strengthening Relationship 16

References 1. ICDDRB. (2007). Health and Science Bulletin. In Non-marital sexual behaviour of men in Bangladesh: implications for HIV transmission. Retrieved from https://centre.icddrb.org/images/HSB_Eng_Non-marital-sexual.pdf