. . . AND GULLIVER RETURNS --In Search of Utopia-BOOK 6--SMASHWORDS EDITION OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL MOTIVATIONS What Makes Us Tick?

By

Lemuel Gulliver XVI as told to Jacqueline Slow 2010 ISBN978-0-9823076-0-1

Dear riends!"#viously I wrote t$is series to #e read rom Boo% 1 to t$e end& #ut silly me' (eaders o ten #e)in wit$ w$at sounds interestin) to t$em* +$is may leave t$em unaware o t$e c$aracters& my riends and I* So let me introduce us* ,e were #oy$ood riends& as wild and as close as )eese $eadin) sout$ or t$e winter* But our university educations s-lit us -$iloso-$ically li%e a dro- o quic%silver $ittin) t$e loor* But li%e t$ose #alls o mercury& w$en #rou)$t to)et$er& t$ey a)ain #ecome one* .s $ave we*

(ay #ecame a /at$olic -riest and moved ar to t$e ri)$t o w$ere our teena)e li#eralism $ad #ound us* (ay calls $imsel a neo0conservative* ,e t$in% $e is a reactionary*

Lee slid to t$e le t o our adolescent leanin)s& and somew$ere alon) t$e line #ecame an at$eist* Lee is a lawyer*

/oncannon& /on or s$ort& retired rom $is very success ul #usiness* I )uess $is #usiness e1-erience moved $im a #it to t$e ri)$t& to conservatism!a conservative 2ust to t$e ri)$t o t$e middle*

+$en t$ere3s me* I t$in% I3m -retty muc$ a middle o t$e roader!e1ce-t or my -assion to save our

-lanet #y reducin) our -o-ulation #e ore )lo#al warmin)& massive -overty and ar0reac$in) amines decimate our $umanity* 4o-e t$is introduction ma%es our discussions ma%e a #it more sense*

By the way, as most of you know, we have put our photos efore every !t of "!a#o$ue%
&h!s shou#" make you more fam!#!ar w!th us% So the ooks rea" more #!ke p#ays% S!n'e most of you rea" the ooks !n ()* or +(,B format !t !s no pro #em% But !f you rea" them !n -&* or &.& you w!## pro a #y #ose the photos% &h!s w!## make the trans!t!ons of the 'onversat!ons more "!ff!'u#t to fo##ow% /0

+a#le o /ontents 5eetin) Dr* /$an 5otivation!our reasons or doin) 6reud7and t$e need or -leasure +$e -ower drive +$e need or love /om#inations o needs and drives 8ature or nurture 6reud and se1 5aslow3s c$aracteristics o sel 0actuali9in) -eo-le :ower as a motivatin) orce :ower and success as -rimary drives :ower over Violence as -ower ,ar and conquerin) :ower in s-orts :ower and terrorism /ruelty :ower and se1 Gender and -ower :ower in se1ual $arassment and a#use in s-ort

:ower and reli)ion :ower t$rou)$ social traditions sancti ied #y reli)ions "t$er illustrations o -ower .ddressin) t$e -ower drive in education +o #e $uman we must #e a#le to love :syc$olo)ical intimacy ,$at is love +$e %inds o love +$e need or love +$e develo-ment o love +$e in)redients o love :ower over and -ower to Lovin)!t$e continuum 6indin) meanin) in our lives 4y-ot$etical structure o our minds .d2ustments!rational and irrational .ttac% and retreat .d2ustin) to stress 8ormal and a#normal #e$avior Stress and ad2ustments Some common -atterns o ad2ustin) .ttac%in)!t$e i)$tin) a--roac$ +y-es o attac%in) #e$avior +y-es o wit$drawin) #e$avior!t$e leein) a--roac$ 6or)ettin) reality Distortin) reality .tonin) or reality (etreatin) rom reality 8eurosis

:syc$osis 4ow it a ects -arent licensin) 4ow it a ects our education +$e -at$ to mental $ealt$ and its resultin) $a--iness Settin) )oals /ontentment and $a--iness +$e ca-acity to #e $a--y notes

5eetin) Dr* /$an

!;Good mornin) )entlemen* I want to introduce you to Dr* /$uc% /$an* 4e is a -ro essor o social -syc$olo)y at our university*<

!;Glad to meet you Dr* /$an* ,anda ,an) su))ested t$at we meet you w$en we were in Sin)alin)*<

!;Glad to meet you all* :lease 2ust call me /$uc%* I %now you $ave s-ent some time wit$ Dr* ,an) in =ino* S$e is a deli)$t ul lady* ,anda and I )o way #ac%* ,e )ot our doctorates at t$e same time at your alma mater /ommander* " course I was in -syc$olo)y and s$e was in -$iloso-$y #ut we %new eac$ ot$er socially* +$en I )ot a >-ost doc3 at Stan ord and s$e )ot one at Ber%eley* 8owadays we are o ten -ut on t$e same -odium to de#ate our #elie s& my realistic #elie in t$e #asic -syc$olo)ical drives t$at motivate us and $er idealistic conce-ts o et$ics as $i)$er level motivations* ,e do come close w$en my ideas o -ower intertwine wit$ $er ideas o sel 0centered motivations* +$e di erence& o course is t$at I #elieve t$at most -eo-le react into t$eir #e$aviors and s$e #elieves t$at we can t$in% our way into our #e$avior* I would certainly li%e to #elieve $er& #ut t$e evidence -oints to t$e act t$at we are -syc$olo)ical& not lo)ical* ;.s you $ave -ro#a#ly $eard& t$at3s w$y we -syc$olo)ists study our ield!to t$row sus-icion o ourselves* ;,e are a raid we won3t #e seen as lo)ical* :eo-le are more li%ely to do somet$in) rom a -syc$olo)ical need or -ower& t$en rationali9e t$eir actions #ased on t$e assum-tions t$at ,anda tal%s

a#out* I may $ave an in eriority com-le1& as -ro#a#ly we all do in varyin) de)rees* I t$en may $it or %ill someone w$o is less -ower ul t$an I am* I eel )ood* 5y rationali9ation or w$y I did it may #e societal& >$e is in a di erent )an)*3 It may #e God #ased& >$e is in a di erent reli)ious #elie system3* It mi)$t even #e sel 0centered& >I want to )et into a )an)*3 "r -er$a-s it3s )reed& I wanted $is watc$ or $is money* +$e )eneral lac% o reasonin) a#ility in our $uman race is sad& w$en we all t$in% we are t$in%in)& #ut we are )enerally 2ust reactin)* .s 8a-oleon said& we $ave to lau)$ at ourselves to avoid cryin) or ourselves* ;,anda told me a#out your diverse )rou- o li elon) riends* S$e said you $ad some very interestin) discussions a#out values* 8ow we are )oin) to discuss anot$er source o our motivations*<

!;(i)$t* 4o-e ully wit$ your -syc$olo)ical in-ut and $er ideas on values we can )et a #etter $andle on w$at ma%es -eo-le tic%* ;?ou mentioned Stan ord* Lee& $ere& is a Stan ord man* I wonder i you are as li#eral as $e is* (ay is a -riest and a )raduate o 8otre Dame* /on and I are @/L. )rads* ;4avin) now loo%ed at my own country& alon) wit$ =ino and Sin)alin) I wonder w$at it is t$at motivates us to #e$ave as we do00to acce-t or re2ect suc$ very di erent values& to acce-t or re2ect t$e leaders$i- o t$e society& to acce-t or re2ect t$e li estyles lived #y our -arents* ;.s I $ave said& on my voya)e I was a#le to read t$e wor%s o t$e )reat& and not so )reat& intellectuals o our race* It now )ives me cause to consider some o t$e -syc$olo)ical t$eories t$at may e1-lain w$y we #e$ave as we do* 5y readin) and t$in%in) do not )ive me suc$ certainty t$at I can -ut all o us $umans into one mold* Indeed& it a--ears t$at t$ere are quite di erent drives and needs t$at motivate us* 5y )uess is t$at we are not all ro#ots w$o can #e -ro)rammed #y #e$aviorist -lannin) 00li%e so many rats in a ma9e* ;"$& i I only $ad in inite %nowled)e and could tell t$e world my -lan' But& un ortunately& I do not* I $ave neit$er an in inite mind nor in inite %nowled)e so I cannot a--roac$ certainty* 5y only $o-e is to clari y in my own mind w$at I $ave read and a--ly t$at to w$at I $ave e1-erienced*<

00;+$rou)$out t$e a)es& many sa)es $ave written a#out w$o and w$at we are& it too% t$e #e)innin)s o -syc$olo)y to #e)in to ocus seriously on our motivations* Just as t$e )reat reli)ious leaders seem to #e clim#in) t$e same mountain rom di erent sides& t$e astute -syc$olo)ists seem to #e analy9in) our similar #e$aviors only t$rou)$ sli)$tly di erent sets o s-ectacles* Aac$ reco)ni9es similarities in our unctions00#ut eac$ em-$asi9es a di erent -art* So Si)mund 6reud saw -leasure as t$e ma2or drivin) orce and ound t$at any drive or -ower we mi)$t $ave& w$ic$ $e called

su#limation& is only a small -art o t$e -leasure drive* .l red .dler& as you %now& was an early collea)ue o Si)mund* 4e ound t$at -ower was t$e ma2or drive& and se1 or -leasure was merely a -art o t$e -ower drive* ;So let3s irst ac%nowled)e t$at most t$in%in) -eo-le assume t$at everyone t$in%s li%e t$ey do* +$ey3re wron)* Genetics& neurotransmitters& $ormones and our environments a ect our t$in%in)* (eco)ni9in) t$at& let3s see w$at I can do to $el- you* I3ll $ave to warn you t$at I try to )o #ac% to t$e #asics as muc$ as I can* +$ere are so many t$eories in -syc$olo)y a#out w$at motivates us& $ow we learn and $ow we -erceive t$in)s t$at I don3t want to con use you* I could -ro#a#ly start at a $undred di erent -oints& #ut let3s )o #ac% in $istory a #it* ?ou %now t$at Si)mund 6reud -o-ulari9ed t$e idea t$at we $ave an unconscious -art o our mind* ;I t$in% we all a)ree t$at we $ave a conscious mind& at least mentally $ealt$y -eo-le %now w$at3s )oin) on around t$em and w$at t$ey are t$in%in)* 5entally ill -eo-le don3t e1-erience t$e same t$in)s in t$eir conscious minds t$at most o us do* +$ey may $ear voices or e1-erience t$eir reality in quite di erent ways t$an t$e rest o us* +$eir >reality3 may #e a -roduct o a #rain mal unction or may#e t$ey 2ust learned a di erent reality at some time in t$eir lives* ;+$e #rain mal unction is one t$in)* Learnin) a mentally un$ealt$y a--roac$ to li e is quite di erent* +$e motivations or t$ese -eo-le may #e t$e same as or mentally $ealt$y -eo-le& t$ey 2ust #e$ave anti0socially* ,e3ll come #ac% to t$is %ind o #e$avior later* ;So let3s start our loo% at motivation wit$ 6reud* 4is classic t$eory was t$at our natural im-ulses o ten lead us to #e$ave in ways t$at society doesn3t a--rove o * So society and reli)ion develo- a conscience in us to tell us not to do t$e nau)$ty t$in)s t$at our instincts tell us to do* +$en t$e ree -art o our conscious mind $as to wrestle wit$ $ow we are )oin) to #e$ave00 #y c$oosin) #etween our conscience and our more #asic sensual -leasures* ;.s you %now& one o t$e #asic questions in -syc$olo)y& ant$ro-olo)y and -$iloso-$y is w$et$er $umans $ave instincts* It is clear t$at animals $ave t$em* But i we are )oin) to o-erate wit$ t$e reli)ious and -$iloso-$ical ideas t$at we $ave ree will& we #ecome res-onsi#le or our actions* I we are mono0t$eistically reli)ious we can c$oose t$e way o God and i we act in accordance wit$ 4is laws we can s-end eternity wit$ 4im* I we $ave instincts we can3t #e #lamed or not ollowin) t$e -at$ t$at some -eo-le say God $as commanded* ;. -ower ul e1am-le o animal instincts was s$own in t$e wor% o Au)ene 5arais* I3m sure you $ave seen e1am-les o t$e nests o t$e weaver #irds in . rica* +$ese small inc$es #uild a lar)e tear dro- s$a-ed nest wit$ com-licated %nots $oldin) t$e twi)s and $airs o t$e nest in -lace* 5arais too% some o t$ese inc$ e))s and removed t$em rom t$eir environment and $ad t$em $atc$ed #y canaries* ,$en t$e new inc$es were #orn t$ey were not e1-osed to any o t$e #uildin) materials common to

t$eir s-ecies* ,$en t$ey mated t$eir e))s were removed and a)ain $atc$ed #y canaries* 4e did t$is or our )enerations durin) w$ic$ t$ere was no contact wit$ t$eir -arents& wit$ nests& or wit$ nest #uildin) materials* . ter t$e ourt$ )eneration 5arais allowed t$e new #irds access to t$e traditional nest #uildin) materials* +o $is sur-rise t$ey #uilt identical nests wit$ identical %nots to t$ose o t$eir )reat0 )reat0)rand #irdies* B1C ;It seems t$at instincts are muc$ stron)er as we clim# down t$e evolutionary ladder* Does t$at mean t$at $umans don3t $ave anyD It3s dou#t ul t$at we $ave s$a%en o every instinctual )ene in our marc$ toward ree will' ,$en you reali9e t$at our )enetic ma%e u- is EF*GGH t$at same as a c$im-an9ee and a#out I0H t$e same as a c$ic%en& we would $ave to assume t$at we $ave some instincts* ;:syc$olo)ists& -$iloso-$ers& $istorians and sociolo)ists $ave all wrestled wit$ t$e questions relatin) to >w$y we are w$o we are*3 Do our )enes -redis-ose us to a certain ty-e o -ersonalityD Is it our amilies and nei)$#or$oods& our environment& t$at is t$e all0determinin) actorD "r& more li%ely& is it a com#ination o t$e twoD +o w$at de)ree are we limited or driven #y our instincts& our $eredity or #y our environmentD ;.re we #asically violent #ein)s 00 as some ant$ro-olo)ists assertD "r are we -rimarily -eace ul& lovin) #ein)s& as some $umanists #elieveD Is t$e ul illment o -leasure& li%e se1& our #asic drive or are we driven to ind $i)$er meanin)s in li eD Serious students o $uman nature $ave e1-ressed eac$ o t$ese t$eories* ;:er$a-s #y understandin) some o t$e various -syc$olo)ical t$eories o -ersonality we can #etter understand and direct our t$in%in) and actions* :er$a-s suc$ %nowled)e can )ive us #etter control over our own lives* +$e more we %now a#out ourselves& t$e #etter we can control our own destinies* +$is is w$at muc$ o science and most o education is all a#out* I we can )et a #etter )ras- o t$e a--ro-riate sciences and develo- an a--ro-riate set o values we can $ave $ealt$ier and $a--ier citi9ens and a more nouris$in) society!t$en we can live more -ositively* ;,it$ ten #illion #rain cells it doesn3t ta%e muc$ ima)ination to t$in% t$at we mi)$t #e directed somew$at #y $eredity& somew$at #y w$at $as $a--ened to us in t$e -ast and somew$at #y our -resent day t$in%in)* I assume you are aware o t$e #rain ima)in) wor% #y neuroscientists t$at s$ows t$at our emotions are more im-ortant in ma%in) decisions t$an is our intellect* 4ow muc$ o t$ose emotions are t$e result o our unconscious memoriesD +$is needs to #e studied* But we o ten ear %nowled)e #ecause it 2ars us rom t$e ruts t$at )uide t$e routine o our lives* I we are rational animals& t$ere is little evidence or it* ;Do we $ave ree willD +$e -$iloso-$er0mat$ematician Bertrand (ussell said t$at i $e %new all t$e laws o t$e universe and everyt$in) t$at $ad $a--ened u- until now& $e could -redict wit$out error

w$at would $a--en in t$e uture* So one o t$e ,est3s )reat minds #elieved t$at we are merely )oin) t$rou)$ t$e motions o livin)* It -arallels t$e reli)ious t$in%in) o Jo$n /alvin00 t$at we are -redestined or $eaven or $ell& #ecause God %nows w$at will $a--en* ?es& 6at$er (ay*<

!;But doesn3t (ussell3s t$in%in) re ute $is t$eoryD Did $is at$eistic #elie s and $is mat$ematical )enius )row rom t$e in-ut o $is environmentD It would seem t$at $is materialism is quite counter to t$e reli)ious #elie s o $is society* .nd $ow did $is mat$ematical a#ility transcend t$at o $is -ro essorsD I ind it im-ossi#le to acce-t t$e Godless materialism t$at $as made some small inroads into our traditions* .nd I cannot acce-t t$e instinct ins-ired ideas t$at we are merely animals* It is o#vious to me t$at we $ave ree will* I 2ust loo% #ac% at my li e e1-eriences and I see -eo-le ma%in) conscious c$oices*<

!;,ell (ay& we li%e to t$in% t$at we can t$in% or ourselves and our quest or a reli)ious a terli e and our civil laws are #ased on t$at -remise* But is it trueD Some say w$at we consider to #e ree will is merely an illusion* Some researc$ s$ows t$at we are determined!determined #y our )enes and our -ast e1-eriences* 5any studies $ave s$own t$at t$e unconscious mind determines $ow we will act& t$en t$e conscious mind does it!t$in%in) t$at it made t$e decision itsel * "t$er researc$ seems to indicate t$at some t$in)s occur randomly* But t$en may#e we #elieve it #ecause -eo-le deny t$at t$ey don3t $ave control over t$eir #e$avior& e1ce-t in court t$en t$ey are loo%in) or e1cuses or t$eir anti0social actions* ;8ew #rain ima)in) is )ivin) us -ictures o $ow t$e #rain will react* Ima)in) o ten s$ows us t$at t$e #rain will react in ways quite di erent rom t$e lo)ical rules t$at we t$in% o as our unique $uman a#ility* +$e lim#ic system in t$e #rain o ten ta%es -riority over t$e lo)ical section o t$e #rain* +$is $as an e ect on our #uyin) $a#its& our -re erences or ilms and television -ro)rams& and many o our daily c$oices* So t$ere are many actors t$at may motivate us!and most o t$em are -ro#a#ly not consciously decided* But we $o-e t$at as we #ecome more $umani9ed we are more a#le to t$in% or ourselves* ;Studies in Germany s$ow t$at -eo-le3s unconscious minds $ave made t$eir decision #e ore t$e intellect or t$e conscious mind t$in%s it $as decided& since t$e unconscious mind can ma%e a decision u- to ten seconds #e ore t$e conscious mind t$in%s it $as decided* Does t$is %ill or cri--le our idea o ree willD 6or t$e reli)ious& does it rein orce Jo$n /alvin3s ideasD 6or most reli)ious -eo-le& does it ma%e t$em question t$e scri-tural mandate t$at t$ey $ave t$e a#ility to ma%e moral decisions reely and correctly*

;I t$in% t$at many w$o $ave #ecome at$eists or a)nostics $ave actually t$ou)$t t$eir way into t$eir new #elie s #ecause t$eir t$in%in) $as ta%en t$em away rom t$e #elie system in w$ic$ t$ey were raised* By t$e same to%en& $ave -eo-le w$o were raised wit$out reli)ion #ut t$en converted also used some ree will in so doin)D ?es Lee*<

00;.s an at$eist& I would li%e to t$in% t$at we $ave all ollowed t$e lane o lo)ic to arrive at our new #elie s* But I $ave seen -eo-le w$o $ave re2ected reli)ion only #ecause it inter ered wit$ t$eir -leasure driven #e$avior* So I t$in% some $ave rationali9ed t$eir way to t$eir at$eism rat$er t$an reasoned t$eir way*<

!;Good -oint& Lee* +$at illustrates t$e -ro#lems we encounter w$en we loo% at our motivations and our #e$avior*

MOTIVATION--OUR REASONS FOR DOING

;6or most o us& our real motivations determine w$at we do!our #e$avior* +$at #e$avior may #e t$e result o #rain in2uries t$at we can3t control* It may #e t$e result o actors in our unconscious minds t$at we are not consciously aware o * :o-ulari9in) t$is idea was -er$a-s 6reud3s )reatest contri#ution to t$e t$eories o -syc$olo)y* .s an e1am-le& -er$a-s a -erson was #eaten or i)nored as a c$ild* 4e doesn3t remem#er any o it& #ut $e #e$aves over0a))ressively toward ot$ers* "r -er$a-s $e wit$draws rom $uman contact* In eit$er case $e doesn3t %now w$y* But since we can3t do an instant -syc$oanalysis on -eo-le wit$ -ro#lems& we will $ave to limit ourselves to tryin) to understand wit$ our conscious minds w$at mi)$t #e in luencin) us and ot$ers* ;"ur #e$avior is directed #y a com#ination o conscious and unconscious orces& suc$ as -syc$olo)ical drives and needs& values& and t$e -ressures o society to ad2ust!or #ust* +$ese are very muc$ intertwined* . -syc$olo)ical need or -ower may #e directed #y one society to ma%e you $olier and more saintly t$an ot$ers* In anot$er society it mi)$t #e to ma%e you t$e most violent warrior* ,e need only loo% at t$e various sects o every reli)ion to see $ow t$e s-ectrum o $oliness varies rom an individual union wit$ t$e .lmi)$ty t$rou)$ a mystical e1-erience& t$rou)$ t$e reli)ion o com-assion and love or all $umanity& and to t$e reli)ious militarism t$at see%s to anni$ilate all w$o do not $ave t$e true ait$!even t$ose w$o are mem#ers o t$eir same reli)ion #ut do not s$are all o t$e same >trut$s*3 ;5ost o don3t want to #elieve it #ut we are -syc$olo)ical!not lo)ical* +$e common #elie s in s-irits& )ods& or in a su-reme #ein) satis ies a dee- -syc$olo)ical need or meanin) in our lives and

t$ey )ive us answers to t$e unanswera#le and endurin) questions o livin)& o nature and o t$e ultimate meanin) o li e*<

!;Is t$ere an ultimate meanin) o li eD<

!;Don3t you #elieve in 5onday 8i)$t 6oot#allD ,$at could #e more meanin) ulD But seriously& ew -eo-le want to #elieve t$at t$is s$ort tri- t$rou)$ time is all t$ere is* ,e want to #e a#le to cross t$e (iver Sty1& drin% wine wit$ .lla$& live in t$e 4a--y 4untin) Ground& cross t$rou)$ t$e :early Gates& or enter Val$alla* ,e can3t t$in% o our own non0e1istence* ,e can t$in% o ourselves lyin) in our )raves wit$ t$e worms ni##lin) on our ri#s!#ut we are still t$in%in) o us as e1istin)* 5ost o us seem to need to $ave a vision o our uture #ein)* "ur #asic need is to live!i we are mentally $ealt$y* So i God did not e1ist we would $ave to invent 4im!or 4er* .nd w$o #etter t$an God to -rovide us wit$ an e1istence a ter deat$ t$at sur-asses our eart$ly li e in every divine dimension* ;4avin) an a terli e is a nearly universal #elie & #ut t$e e1-eriences durin) t$at a terli e vary considera#ly* Do we )o to $eaven or $ellD Do we e1-erience nearly endless reincarnationsD Do we #ecome t$e revered ancestors o our -ro)enyD Does t$at a terli e start immediately a ter deat$D . ter t$ree days as in Joroastrian #elie D 8ot until 6inal Jud)ment DayD +$ese utterly diver)ent >trut$s3 are eac$ #elieved #y millions* 4ow remar%a#le are our minds to #e a#le to con2ure u- so many a#solute trut$s' .nd so wit$ -syc$olo)y' But wit$ -syc$olo)y we can start wit$ evidence& li%e any science* But unli%e t$e >$ard3 sciences& our varia#les are nearly in inite* But not as in inite as t$e -ossi#ilities e1-ressed #y t$e many reli)ions o t$e world* ;"ur cultures& reli)ions& secular -$iloso-$ies& economic needs and #lessin)s eac$ in luence our needs or and& our views o & an a terli e* +$e same in luences seem to a ect our conce-ts o #ein)! and our reliance on ait$ and $o-e* +$eolo)ians $ave )iven us many ideas o w$at we are and w$at a--roac$es to li e we need to ta%e to #e $a--y* :$iloso-$ers $ave added to t$e mi1* .s $ave -laywri)$ts& -oets& witc$ doctors& novelists and our ne1t0door nei)$#ors* +$ese #ouquets o s-eculative #u##les may )ive us certainties or sus-icions* +$ey may ma%e us #elievers or s%e-tics* ;But in t$e last $undred years -syc$olo)y $as attem-ted to clear u- t$e muddle t$rou)$ a scienti ic a--roac$ to understandin) w$at it is to #e $uman* But t$e social scientists don3t $ave t$e -otential o certainty t$at a c$emist or -$ysicist $as* ,$en a $undred c$emists )at$er to discuss t$e elements in water t$ere is a)reement t$at t$ere are two $ydro)en atoms and an o1y)en atom* ,$en -$ysicists measure t$e s-eed o sound t$ere are ew varia#les* But w$en a -syc$olo)ist declares t$at we are

driven #y an instinct towards -leasure or a drive or -ower& and we ind t$at t$eir $y-ot$eses are #ased on a relatively ew interviews wit$ Viennese neurotics in t$e early +wentiet$ /entury& we may question t$e validity or t$e relia#ility o t$e universality o t$eir -ronouncements* Still& t$ere may #e some trut$ in t$eir ideas* I 6reud said t$at or)asms are -leasura#le& it is di icult to counter $is o#servation* I .dler said we need to overcome our eelin)s o in eriority& we can ind am-le evidence o t$at need in t$e ,est* But is it true amon) t$e natives o "ceania or .siaD Still& let us loo% or a w$ile at some o t$e ma2or early ideas o ,estern -syc$olo)y*

6(A@D00.8D +4A 8AAD 6"( :LA.S@(A

;Let3s start wit$ 6reud* 4e was a medical doctor s-eciali9in) in neurolo)y* 4is association wit$ -eo-le wor%in) in w$at mi)$t #e called t$e led)lin) ield o -syc$olo)y redirected $is interests so t$at $e #e)an to study t$e motivations o -eo-le and t$e -syc$olo)ical nature o some diseases* ;.s a scientist& 6reud loo%ed or a cause and e ect relations$i- in #e$avior* .s a doctor& t$e #e$avior t$at $e saw was )enerally t$at o mentally ill -eo-le* So $is t$eories may $ave #een unduly in luenced #y a#normal motivations and #e$aviors* ;4is t$eories assumed t$at t$ere was a li e orce or libido w$ic$ )ave -eo-le t$e ener)y to move and #e$ave* 4e reali9ed t$at a orce must $ave a direction* +$e -ower ul drive toward w$ic$ our ener)y -us$ed us must #e toward -leasure 00 or $umans are -leasure0see%in) animals* 4e called t$e -art o t$e mind t$at contained t$is -ower ul drive or -leasure t$e >id3& w$ic$ is Latin or >it*3 ;4owever $e ound t$at t$e drive or t$e immediate )rati ication o -leasure was o ten rustrated #y t$e dictates o society and reli)ion w$ic$ )ave us our laws& morals and customs* ,e mi)$t call t$is t$e conscience* 6reud called it t$e >super ego&3 w$ic$ is Latin or >$i)$er t$an t$e sel *3 +$is super ego attem-ted to %ee- t$e -leasure drives in c$ec%* But as t$ese -leasure ur)es were rustrated& t$e individual could #ecome neurotic* +$e -art o t$e mind t$at $ad to ma%e t$e decisions as to w$et$er t$e id or t$e super ego would win was called t$e ego w$ic$ is Latin or >sel 3 or >I3* ?ou mi)$t visuali9e it as a ladder wit$ t$e id on t$e #ottom wit$ its little -leasure ur)es clim#in) u-ward* But on t$e to- o t$e ladder t$e morality o t$e conscience is clim#in) down attem-tin) to rustrate t$e ids u-ward clim#* +$en in t$e middle is you& or your ego& decidin) w$et$er you will )ive in to t$e ur)es or do w$at your reli)ion or your society tells you is #est* ;6reud urt$er #elieved t$at -eo-le o di erent a)es satis ied t$eir -leasures di erently* +$e in antKs )reatest -leasures were ound in t$e mout$& in suc%in) and eatin)* +$is was called t$e oral sta)e o se1ual develo-ment* .t around a)e 1 to 2& t$e -leasure or se1ual center moved to t$e anal area* +$e c$ildKs )reatest 2oys and eelin)s o accom-lis$ment were ound in de ecatin)& urinatin)& or in wit$$oldin) t$ese e1crements* ;+$e ne1t sta)e $e called t$e >-$allic3 sta)e* It is at t$is sta)e t$at 6reud #elieved t$at t$e se1ual

desires irst emer)ed* 6reud #elieved t$at c$ildren& #y a#out a)e L& #ecome aware o se1 di erences and #ecome attracted to t$e -arent o t$e o--osite se1 w$ile develo-in) a 2ealousy and $atred o t$e same se1 -arent* +$is $atred t$en #ecomes re-ressed& w$ic$ causes -syc$olo)ical -ro#lems* In #oys t$is is o ten called t$e "edi-us com-le1& in )irls& t$e Alectra situation* Bot$ o t$ese ideas come to us rom t$e ancient Gree% -oets and -laywri)$ts w$o told t$e stories o "edi-us un%nowin)ly %illin) $is at$er and marryin) $is mot$er and o Alectra3s mot$er and $er lover %illin) Alectra3s at$er& leavin) $er to #e occu-ied #y $er at$er3s memory* +$e latent sta)e ollows* In t$is sta)e t$e c$ild is attem-tin) to wor% t$rou)$ t$e se1ual desires #y re-ressin) t$em and ma%in) many >same se13 riends* +$e adult sta)e is centered in t$e )enitals* Interest is more directed toward -eo-le o t$e o--osite se1* Se1ual intercourse would #e t$e ultimate )rati ication o t$is -leasure center* ;It can #e readily seen w$y society $ad to re-ress t$e ur)es o t$e -leasure driven id #y develo-in) t$e super ego* In t$e oral sta)e -arents must re-ress t$e ur)e to eat -oisons& worms& and -ennies* +$e anal sta)e needs to #e re-ressed or t$ere will #e messy #rown and yellow s-ots all over t$e %inder)arten* .nd t$e adult )enital ur)es need to #e re-ressed or t$ere will #e ram-ant se1ually transmitted disease and an increase in c$ildren #orn out o wedloc%* ;6reud #elieved t$at t$e drive or -leasure& mainly se1ual -leasure& was -rimary* 4e was not aware o t$e >-leasure center3 in t$e #rain00t$e medial ore#rain #undle* It is $ere t$at t$e ma2or e ects o or)asm are centered* 5odern #ioc$emistry $as also ound t$at cocaine and its analo)ues also stimulate t$is area o t$e #rain* +$en later researc$ ound t$at -leasure also stimulated t$e #rain stem& t$e more -rimitive area at t$e to- o t$e s-inal column and some near#y areas* So it is conceiva#le t$at 6reudKs -syc$o0se1ual t$eory may $ave a stron) #iolo)ical #asis o w$ic$ $e was not aware*<

!;I t$in% t$ere3s a lot to t$at -leasure drive* 5ost o t$e men I %now com-lain t$at a ter marria)e t$ey don3t )et as muc$ se1 as t$ey want* It seems t$at mot$ers tell t$eir dau)$ters t$at t$e way to a man3s $eart is t$rou)$ $is stomac$* I at$ers were as%ed t$ey would name t$e or)an several inc$es lower as t$e -at$ to a man3s $eart* ,omen %now t$is w$en t$ey are datin)& #ut o ten or)et it w$en t$e >I do3 eventually #ecomes >I don3t*3 ;I wonder i 6reud would $ave ta%en t$e same a--roac$ to $is science i $e $ad #een around today* (emem#er $e3s #een dead or nearly a $undred years* I $e $ad t$e 5(I and t$e ot$er neuroscience tools availa#le to scientists today I would )uess t$at $is researc$ would $ave ta%en a di erent -at$ and $is t$eories would $ave #een eit$er stren)t$ened or a#andoned #ased on modern neuroscience* But t$ere is no question t$at $is insi)$ts were critical to ,estern t$in%in)* 4e was one o t$e )reat minds o our $istory*<

!;(i)$t Lee* I would )uess t$at i $e were researc$in) today $e would $ave #een loo%in) or a #iolo)ical #asis or our unconscious minds* 4e would -ro#a#ly #e stimulatin) di erent areas o t$e #rain to elicit t$ou)$ts and emotions t$at $ave #een $idden in t$e dar% caves o our #rains as our minds $ave moved on to wrestle wit$ t$e -resent* 4ave we really or)otten so many t$in)s or do our ten #illion #rain cells merely $ide many o our e1-eriences so t$ey don3t con use us in our day0to0day livin)D<

!;:ro#a#ly i we remem#ered every sin)le t$in) t$at $as $a--ened to us every daily decision would require t$ousands o considerations #ased on our -revious e1-eriences* +$at3s -ro#a#ly w$y we $ave #etter > or)eteries3 t$an memories' ;But /$uc%& I see muc$ more trut$ in t$e -ower drive idea o .l red .dler* "r)asms are )reat& #ut I t$in% our more im-ortant memories are ar more o ten in t$e areas o -ower& love and meanin) accom-lis$ments*<

!;,ell Lee& 6reud did allow or -ower* 4e said t$at we could su#limate our drive or -leasure and use its -owers to accom-lis$ ot$er t$in)s* Still w$en .dler saw -ower as t$e main motivatin) orce 6reud didn3t li%e t$at it con licted wit$ $is -rimary t$esis so t$ey -arted ways in 1E11 and never met a)ain* +$ey disa)reed on a num#er o t$in)s& li%e t$e role o instincts and unconscious drives in controllin) our #e$avior* ?es& /on*<

!;Brie ly& or my own sense o clarity& I see 6reudKs conce-t o li#ido to #e muc$ more im-ortant t$an I did w$en I was in colle)e* +$e wor% o -syc$olo)ist Jo$n "lds on t$e medial ore#rain #undle& a -leasure center o t$e #rain& really intri)ued me* In searc$in) or t$e unctions w$ic$ t$e lower levels o t$e #rain control& $e -ut an electrode into t$e ront -art o t$e $y-ot$alamus o $is la# animals* +$e $y-ot$alamus controls a )reat many #ody unctions& suc$ as #ody tem-erature& slee-& $un)er& and t$e develo-ment o secondary se1 c$aracteristics* But t$e ront -art o t$at or)an& t$e medial ore#rain #undle& is a #undle o nerves w$ic$& w$en activated& )ive an or)asm00or somet$in) quite li%e it* +$is is t$e area o t$e #rain w$ic$ eels t$e se1ual or)asm* +$is is t$e area o t$e #rain t$at cocaine $its* 8o wonder -eo-le $ave ound cocaine so addictive' ?ou )et t$e or)asm #ut you donKt $ave to )o to dinner wit$ it or %iss it )ood ni)$t*<

!;+$ere are ot$er -arts o t$e #rain t$at $ave also #een associated wit$ -leasure or or)asms* +$ere are also $ormones released t$at )ive additional -leasure eelin)s* ?ou -ro#a#ly %now t$is& #ut "lds wondered 2ust $ow stron) a motivator was $is new ound toy* 4e inserted electrodes into t$e rats3 -leasure centers t$en s$owed $is rats $ow to tri- a switc$ and )et an electric >$i)$*3 +$en $e set u- an electri ied )rid t$at t$e animals $ad to run across in order to )et a reward* 6irst $e -laced ood on t$e ar side o t$e )rid rom t$e animal* Aven w$en t$ey starved t$ey re used to cross t$e )rid #ecause o t$e -ain involved* ,$en t$ey )ot $un)ry t$ey touc$ed t$e )rid #ut decided t$e ood wasnKt wort$ t$e -ain* +$en $e s$owed t$em t$at i t$ey crossed t$e )rid t$ey would )et a s$oc% to t$eir medial ore#rain #undles* +$ey couldnKt wait* Someone else did a study wit$ c$im-s t$at were )iven cocaine w$enever t$ey tri--ed a switc$* +$en t$e e1-erimenter sto--ed )ivin) t$e dru)* +$e c$im- $it t$e switc$ over 1000 times #e ore )ivin) u- tryin) or t$e cocaine* So an or)asm is more im-ortant t$an ood or rats and c$im-s*<

!;4ec%& I could $ave told $im t$at' +$ose little critters are 2ust li%e -eo-le* 5y )uess is t$at i Si)mund were wit$ us today $e would $ave renamed $is -leasure drive to t$e more -$ysiolo)ical com-onent00t$e stimulation o t$e medial ore#rain #undle* /ertainly many -eo-leKs lives are directed toward e1citin) t$at or)an t$rou)$ se1 and cocaine* It is indeed a -ower ul drive* ;4ow can suc$ a drive #e $andled #y t$e -eo-le o Sin)alin) w$en t$ey are not allowed teena)e se1 or dru)sD ,$at is it t$at %ee-s t$em so contented* /ertainly -eo-le in my country need #ot$* +$e media e1tol t$e 2oys and t$e -romises o se1 and t$e street corner #usinessmen )uarantee you $a--iness w$en you #uy t$eir mind alterin) wares* .nd t$e mar%etin) o se1 in #oo%s& movies& and television $as s$attered our :uritanical roots to t$e core* ;So tell me now& w$ic$ would you rat$er do& $ave a 6reudian or)asm or sit in a God in luenced c$urc$D I you are loo%in) at t$e uture t$e c$urc$ may #e t$e -lace to #e& #ut we live in t$e >now3* >Aat& drin% and #e merry& or tomorrow we die*3 +$at was t$e call o t$e Beatni%s o t$e M0Ks& t$e $i--ies o t$e I0Ks& and t$e uncommitted o today* ;But too many o my countrymen $ave ca-itulated to t$e need or immediate ecstasy and wear #linders to t$e 2oys o tomorrow* Because o t$is we $ave slid #ac%wards w$ile =ino and Sin)alin) $ave ta%en over t$e values w$ic$ once made us )reat* +$is saddens me& #ut it was to #e e1-ected* ;.ll civili9ations -eris$ rom wit$in* +$ey rise #ecause o a common -ur-ose and dynamic leaders$i-& t$ey sto- )rowin) w$en t$e individual sel is$ness o )reed -ulls down t$e necessary #ulwar%s o t$e culture00 amily& reli)ion& and a dynamic -ur-ose* +$en t$ey all and are re-laced #y

new dynamic societies w$ose citi9ens loo% to t$e uture and wor% or t$eir dreams*<

!;It3s not all a#out se1& Lee* Studies at Vander#ilt @niversity s$owed t$at& at least in mice& a))ression stimulates t$e #rain3s reward system& wit$ neurotransmitter res-onses similar to t$ose o se1 and c$ocolate* Is it t$at violence )ives a -ositive #rain res-onse& or is it more )eneral!t$at every time we ul ill a real need our #rain reacts to it wit$ c$emical res-onses to matc$ our mental satis action* So w$en I eel )ood& does my #rain res-ond -ositively in res-onse to my )ood eelin)D "r does my #rain res-ond wit$ reward res-onses to a situation& and t$at3s w$y I eel )ood* It is t$e old c$ic%en and e)) dilemma* ;So in an or)asm we could )uess t$at t$e #rain reacts irst so we eel )ood* But in a -ower drive satis action is it t$e con rontation or t$e success ul accom-lis$ment t$at stimulates t$e #rain* "r anot$er -ossi#ility is t$at di erent -eo-le react di erently to a))ression* "n anot$er trac%& w$en classical music releases endor-$ins is it #ecause we en2oy it or do we en2oy it #ecause o t$e release o endor-$ins* +$e same question can #e as%ed o an e1ercise $i)$* Does t$e e1ercise cause t$e $i)$& w$ic$ I would sus-ect& or does t$e en2oyment o t$e e1ercise cause t$e $i)$D ;"ur motivations can come rom t$e inside& intrinsic& or t$e outside& e1trinsic* I I do somet$in) t$at ma%es me $a--y #ecause o my dee- down desires& I am intrinsically motivated* I I accom-lis$ somet$in) or suc$ a reason I will eel satis ied and $a--y00and no#ody else $as to %now a#out it to ma%e me eel )ood* I I do somet$in) #ecause o a reward or -unis$ment rom t$e outside it is e1trinsic*<

00NI en2oy t$e -oetry t$at I write* But IKve never s$own it to anyone* +$at is certainly an intrinsic 2oy*<

!;(i)$t (ay* 8ow )entlemen& let3s ma%e a #rie aside to our searc$ or our motivations* "ur mental $ealt$ is related in lar)e -art to $ow e ectively we satis y our individual needs& drives and values* So mental $ealt$ can #e evaluated& in -art& #y e1aminin) our motivations* ,$y do we do w$at we doD Some t$in%ers& suc$ as 6reud& #elieved t$at our motivations are in$erited* "t$ers& suc$ as B* 6* S%inner and .l red .dler& t$ou)$t t$at our motivations are #ased to a lar)e de)ree on our environment*

+$e :ower Drive

;5any o t$e -eo-le w$o $ave o ered su))estions as to w$at motivates us $ave t$eori9ed t$at certain needs or drives direct our #e$avior* 6reud elt t$at we are #asically animals w$o are driven to see% -leasure* .dler #elieved t$at we are driven or -ower over our environment 00 or su-eriority* 4e is #ac%ed u- #y suc$ modern ant$ro-olo)ists as /onrad Loren9 and Desmond 5orris* +$ey see an a))ressive nature in many o t$e $i)$er a-es and assume t$at $umans may $ave t$ese same -rimal ur)es*

+$e 8eed or Love

;Aric$ 6romm ound our #asic need to #e t$at o overcomin) our aloneness 00 t$e need to love and #e loved* 4e did not see t$e $uman #ein) as a necessarily a))ressive animal* /arl Jun) ound us to #e see%in) reli)ious and moral values w$ic$ were already dee- wit$in our minds* Vi%tor 6ran%l saw us as #ein) in searc$ o meanin) in our lives* B* 6* S%inner saw $umans as -rimarily see%in) rewards and avoidin) -unis$ment* .nd .l#ert Bandura sees t$e environment as t$e ma2or way t$at -eo-le learn to #e w$at t$ey will #e*

/om#inations o 8eeds and Drives

;,$ile t$ere is some overla- in many o t$e a#ove orces& t$ere are also di erences* Is it -ossi#le t$at many o us are motivated #y several o t$ese orcesD 6or e1am-le& w$ile S%inner mi)$t see social a--roval as an e ective reward& 6romm mi)$t see social a--roval as an element o love* ,$ile 6reud would see a se1ual e1-erience as t$e satis action o a #asic drive& .dler mi)$t see it as an indication o -ower over anot$er -erson00 an e1am-le o s$owin) oneKs su-eriority* S%inner would say t$at it is not t$e $y-ot$etical drive t$at is im-ortant& #ut t$e act t$at it is a motivator o #e$avior* But ot$ers #elieve t$at t$ere is a #asic drive t$at motivates our $ealt$y actions00 and t$at drive is all im-ortant* ;+$ere is no question t$at we are all motivated to #e$ave in ways s-eci ic to ourselves* "ur needs& drives& values& and $ow we loo% at our )enders& eac$ -lay a role in ma%in) us w$at we are* .ll t$e w$ile remem#er t$at eac$ o us is di erent in our $eredity& in t$e unctionin) or mal unctionin) o our #rain and in our -erce-tion o our world* ,$at motivates eac$ o us will t$ere ore #e somew$at di erent* .s $umans we are neit$er twins nor ro#ots00we are individuals*

8ature or 8urtureD
;+$is #rin)s us to t$e question o w$et$er our motivations are learned or in$eritedD .s we $ave said&

6reud t$ou)$t t$at we in$erited our #asic drive or -leasure* Studies indicate t$at a )reat deal o our #e$avior can #e attri#uted to our $eredity&* Some criminal activity& some $omose1ual #e$avior& some -ersonality traits $ave #een stron)ly lin%ed to t$e in luence o our )enes* +$ere is also a )reat deal o animal researc$ t$at -oints to t$e e1istence o instincts* ;,e mentioned (o#ert .rdrey3s #oo% >. rican Genesis3 in w$ic$ $e lays out a stron) case or us in$eritin) an instinct or violence* I t$is is true it would #e an instinct toward t$e -ower drive t$at .dler su))ested* Desmond 5orris& as an ant$ro-olo)ist& ound similar instinctual traits* But .dler said t$at our need or -ower came mainly rom our environment& #ecause we $ad little control over it w$en we were youn)* It was mainly 6reud w$o said we $ad instincts& #ut t$ey were towards -leasure ul illment& not towards violence* But .rdrey3s ne1t #oo%& titled >+$e +erritorial Im-erative3 indicated t$at in animals t$ere is o ten a territorial im-erative* +$e stron)est a-e& sea lion& antelo-e or ot$er animal ta%es t$e most desira#le s-ot* .t Disneyland you may notice t$e two sta)s i)$tin) on a $ill wit$ a doe loo%in) on* +$e 6reudian mi)$t see it as a i)$t or t$e doe* .rdrey and .dler would see it as a i)$t or t$e #est territory& t$e $ill* ,$oever wins t$e $ill will win t$e doe* ;8ow we $ave evidence& at least rom mice& t$at a))ression )ives a >$i)$3 caused #y t$e release o do-amine* +$is is similar to t$e $i)$s e1-erienced rom some dru)s& rom se1& and rom some oods* B1aC So our mammalian a))ression may )ive us -syc$olo)ical >$i)$s3 rom warrin)& torturin) and s-ouse and c$ild #eatin)*<

!;,onder i t$at e1-lains t$e $i)$ we )et w$en ma%in) a #loc% or tac%le in oot#allD<

!;"r landin) a le t 2a# on our o--onent3s c$in in t$e #o1in) rin)D<

!;5ay#e so* But never $avin) #een on a oot#all ield or in a #o1in) rin) I wouldn3t %now* +$e closest I came to violence in my -syc$olo)y classes was in dissectin) a latworm or nearly drownin) a w$ite rat* .nd neit$er )ave me any or)asmic0li%e titillations* I )uess I3m more o a lover t$an a i)$ter' But seriously& it3s not 2ust t$e neurotransmitters t$at are involved& #ut also w$at area o t$e #rain t$ey e1cite* I t$ey e1cited t$e medial ore#rain #undle on t$e $y-ot$alamus it could well $ave t$e e ect o an or)asm or a cocaine $i)$*<

!;I wonder i t$at e1-lains t$e violence we see so commonly see in amily mem#er a#use and in -risoner a#use and tortureD ,$en I was at Stan ord& Dr* Jim#ardo& w$o was a -syc$olo)ist&

recruited a cou-le o do9en male students or a two wee% study* 4e assi)ned some to #e -risoners and ot$ers to #e )uards* +$e )uards were told to %ee- order and ma%e sure t$at no one esca-ed& #ut t$ey were not to use violence* By t$e second day some )uards were $ittin) t$e -risoners wit$ t$eir ists* Some o t$em made t$e -risoners do -us$u-s& t$en t$ey -ut t$eir eet on t$e -risoners* +$ey o ten didn3t let t$e -risoners slee- and t$ey too% away t$eir #lan%ets* +$en t$ey loc%ed t$e -risoners in dar% rooms or lon) -eriods o time* Soon t$ey stri--ed some -risoners nude and made t$em simulate $umiliatin) se1 acts* ;+$e two wee% e1-eriment was sto--ed a ter si1 days and some o t$e -risoners $ad already #een released rom t$e study #ecause o stron) ne)ative stress reactions li%e cryin) and screamin)* +$ese reactions were caused #y students at .merica3s most -resti)ious university #y -syc$olo)ically normal students*B2C Dr* Jim#ardo3s conclusions were t$at it was t$e situation t$at was lar)ely res-onsi#le or t$e way t$e )uards reacted* +$e situation )ave t$em t$e o--ortunity and t$e -ermission to do t$in)s t$ey would never $ave dreamed o * ;In anot$er university study students were told to administer electric s$oc%s to ot$ers w$o were to learn word lists* +$ose doin) t$e s$oc%in) were not aware t$at t$e -eo-le t$ey were su--osedly s$oc%in) were actually actors w$o were not really #ein) s$oc%ed* ,$en t$e actors ei)ned -ain and t$e student >s$oc%ers3 were reticent to administer more s$oc%s& t$e -syc$olo)ist assured t$em t$at it was "= to $urt t$em* I0H o t$e s$oc%ers continued administerin) t$e -unis$ment #ecause a -erson in aut$ority told t$em it was acce-ta#le*BLC I )uess t$at we s$ouldn3t #e sur-rised w$en youn) Germans tortured and %illed or 4itler& w$en youn) /$inese and /am#odians %illed or 5ao or :ol :ot& or even youn) .mericans actin) as t$ey did in t$e .#u G$rai# -rison in Iraq* Is it t$at t$e instinct or violence las$es out w$en t$e social restraints are removedD Is it t$at our need or -ower will ta%e any road t$at leads to ul illmentD Is it t$at our in eriority com-le1es will see% any avenue t$at may lead to su-eriorityD Is it t$at our values o ri)$t and wron) or o $uman ri)$ts are easily ne)ated w$en a su-erior tells us t$at it is ri)$t to #e$ave cruellyD ;8o#ody #elieves t$at )an)#an)ers t$in% t$ey are #e$avin) et$ically w$en t$ey -ur-osely s$oot a two year old* 8o#ody #elieves t$at c$eaters in sc$ool t$in% t$ey are doin) as t$ey s$ould* 8o at$lete #elieves t$at ille)al $oldin) or -unc$in) is wit$in t$e s-irit o t$e rules* But every one o t$ese -eo-le $as a -ower drive #ein) ul illed as t$e motivation or t$e tras$in) o values*<

!;In t$e same line o t$in%in)& initiations into clu#s& raternities or s-ort teams may s$ow t$e same %inds o -ower or t$e older mem#ers* +$ey may see it as )ood clean un to $umiliate t$e initiates& #ut it is clear t$at it is t$e in eriority o t$e in0)rou- mem#ers t$at requires t$e neo-$ytes to -ass t$e c$ildis$ tests o initiation*<

!;.nd w$at a#out c$ildren teasin) or tauntin)D +$e 2uvenile in eriorities -lay out in all t$e sim-le and naOve o#viousness o a cartoon* ,$et$er it #e a toddlin) in ant or a totterin) )rand-a& -uttin) down ot$ers to raise your own status is a cultural universal or t$e immature*Is it $uman nature to try to #e -$ysically or -syc$olo)ically su-eriorD (emem#er t$e story o t$e scor-ion and t$e turtleD ,$en t$e scor-ion as%ed t$e turtle to #rin) $im across t$e river& t$e turtle t$ou)$t $e was sa e #ecause t$ere was no way t$at t$e scor-ion would %ill $imsel t$rou)$ drownin)* But $e did stin) t$e turtle* .s t$ey san% t$e turtle as%ed w$y $e %illed t$em #ot$* +$e scor-ion answered >#ecause it is my nature*3 ;I we $ave a $uman nature is it ound in t$e animals rom w$ence we $ave evolvedD Do we $ave innate drivesD Do we all $ave t$e same drivesD /an education c$an)e t$ose drives and raise our $uman naturesD Homo sapiens seems to $ave eliminated a $u)e num#er o s-ecies o animals& alon) wit$ t$e 8eandert$als!and now homo sapiens $as endan)ered itsel *<

!;It is e1actly t$ese %inds o #e$aviors t$at we wor% to eliminate early in t$e lives o our Sin)alin) c$ildren* ,$en -arents or teac$ers $ear or see an e1am-le o one eelin) $is in eriority& t$ey ste- in immediately to e1-lain w$y ma%in) anot$er -erson eel -ain& mental or -$ysical& is not a lovin) t$in) to do and it doesn3t ma%e t$em a -erson wit$ a $i)$er status* +$en later as t$ey e1-erience t$eir adolescent education we e1-ose t$em& little #y little& to t$e atrocities t$at $umans $ave -er-etrated on ot$ers o t$eir s-ecies* But we teac$ t$em t$at anti0social mental and -$ysical violence is only a -art o t$e -ower -ac%a)e*<

00;/$uc%& do you remem#er w$en our Secretary o State& 4enry =issin)er& was c$ided or datin) #eauti ul women $al $is a)eD 4is retort was t$at >-ower is t$e ultimate a-$rodisiac*3 So I )uess its true rom mice to men* Get your -ower t$rou)$ -olitics& money& #eauty or cele#rity and you3ll )et enou)$ se1'<

!;Generally true& /on* ,omen $ave ty-ically )ained t$eir -ower t$rou)$ -$ysical #eauty& alt$ou)$ t$at3s certainly not a universal* Aleanor (oosevelt )ot $ers rom $er #rains& as did 5arie /urie* But #ac% to .rdrey* 4e )ives many e1am-les o $ow male animals wor% to )ain -ower t$rou)$ -$ysical su-eriority or ownin) an im-ressive territory* 4e wrote a#out a ty-e o #ird t$at wor%ed to ma%e t$e most #eauti ul nest* Strin)& twi)s& -a-er!all t$e t$in)s t$at )irl #irdies love* I $is nest was

su iciently attractive t$e emales o t$e s-ecies would ancy $im and $e could settle down to a year o nu99lin) and nestin)*<

!;,$en I )ot my /orvette in colle)e I $ad my -ic% o t$e sorority )irls* .nd my #uddy& wit$ $is -ent$ouse overloo%in) t$e Santa 5onica and 5ali#u #eac$es $as a $arem0in0waitin)* But it3s not 2ust material )oods* (emem#er in $i)$ sc$ool all t$e c$eerleaders were a ter (ay* 4e didn3t even $ave a car* 4e was 2ust so )ood loo%in3 and suc$ a )reat at$lete!I )uess t$ose are )ood sources o -ower or $i)$ sc$ool %ids*<

!;Lee& I t$in% you3re ma%in) t$at u-* I it $ad $a--ened I %now I was muc$ more interested in catc$in) a oot#all t$an in -itc$in) woo* I )uess my celi#ate li e was -re0ordained'<

!;I )et t$e -un* I3m sure +$omas .quinas is turnin) over in $is )rave seein) you usin) lan)ua)e or rivolity rat$er t$an or -$iloso-$y* But )uys& let3s )et serious a)ain* "ur mental environment is undou#tedly im-ortant* ,$at our culture e1-ects& $ow we $ave #een treated& w$et$er we $ave #een -raised or #lamed& encoura)ed or #eaten& can eac$ a ect our motivations*<

!;,e can loo% at our environment rom t$e -ers-ectives o t$e -ast& t$e -resent& and t$e uture* I would 2ust li%e to loo% at a ew o t$e drives and needs t$at are amon) t$e stron) motivatin) orces t$at some -syc$olo)ists $ave ound to #e im-ortant to us* +$ere is t$e need to develo- -ower in our lives and to overcome our in eriority com-le1es* .s we3ve said& .l red .dler #elieved t$is* +$en t$ere is t$e need to overcome our NalonenessN #y #ein) surrounded #y lovin) carin) -eo-le& +$is was t$e concern o Aric$ 6romm* 4e elt t$at t$e ma2or need o modern $umans was to #e a#le to love00in t$e #roadest sense* Vi%tor 6ran%l develo-ed t$e idea t$at we need to ind meanin) in our lives and to #e res-onsi#le or c$oosin) and livin) our values* .s a Jewis$ -risoner in a 8a9i deat$ cam- $e saw t$at some -eo-le )ave u- on li e easily& ot$ers clun) to li e #ecause t$ey $ad ound meanin)* +$e $umanist .#ra$am 5aslow $ad similar ideas* +$en t$ere are t$e -erce-tions o our society& es-ecially our nei)$#or$oods and t$e communications media& t$at in luence us to ma%e decisions t$at direct our livin)* +$is is w$at is called t$e Nsocial co)nitiveN ty-e o motivation* But many o t$ese >social co)nitive3 decisions may #e made #ased on t$e need or -ower or t$e need to overcome >aloneness3 wit$in oneKs social )rou-* ;Bein) a socially concerned -erson& loo%in) or t$e #etterment o t$e society& and $el-in) -eo-le& is

seen as a ma2or indication o mental $ealt$ #y many im-ortant -syc$olo)ists* ,$ile .dler may $ave said it irst& 6romm -ro#a#ly said it #etter* 4e #elieved t$at modern society $as re-laced dee- $uman relations$i-s wit$ >se-arateness*3 +ec$nolo)y is one o t$e ma2or cul-rits in c$an)in) our li estyles or t$e worse* ,e& t$ere ore& need to learn to love* +$is is not as sim-le a tas% as we would li%e to #elieve* +$e need to love& w$ic$ 6romm saw& and t$e need or se1& t$at 6reud identi ied& are -oles a-art00in act& sometimes are diametrically o--osed* ;. -ersonKs attem-ts to love are #ound to ail& accordin) to 6romm& >unless $e tries most actively to develo- $is total -ersonality& so as to ac$ieve a -roductive orientationP t$at satis action in individual love cannot #e attained wit$out t$e ca-acity to love oneKs nei)$#or& wit$out true $umility& ait$& and disci-line* In a culture in w$ic$ t$ese qualities are rare& t$e attainment o t$e ca-acity to love must remain a rare ac$ievement*3BQC

6(A@D .8D SAX

;Did Giacomo /asanova& t$e model or t$e le)end o Don Juan& seduce so many women to s$ow $is -ower!were $is e1-loits -owered rom a sel 0centered& sel 0love motivation* ,as it really 2ust searc$in) or or)asmD ;Some s-ecies are -re-ared to die or se1* +$e -reyin) mantis #ites o t$e $ead o its male mate w$ile co-ulatin)* +$e male red #ac% s-ider is eaten #y $is mate a ter t$eir date* Some salmon s-ecies& w$ile not eatin) in t$eir u-stream tre%& use u- all t$eir ener)y a ter matin) and die* .nd a cou-le o $umans $ave #een s$ot #y 2ealous mates w$en t$ey $ave wandered& or $ave #een cau)$t wanderin)* Is it only t$e desire to re-roduce or t$e desire or or)asmsD ;In our $uman s-ecies we don3t need a -artner or an or)asm* ,e can mastur#ate li%e many animals do* Is t$at w$y .#ra$am 5aslow listed se1 wit$ t$e most #asic o -$ysiolo)ical needsD<

5.SL",KS /4.(./+A(IS+I/S "6 SAL6 ./+@.LIJI8G :A":LA

7;Sorry /$uc%& I must $ave #een aslee- in my -syc$ class w$en t$e -ro essor #rou)$t $im u-* /an you )ive me a #it o a #ac%)round on $imD<

!;/ertainly /on* 5aslow started as a #e$aviorist& t$in%in) t$at we can control $uman #e$avior 2ust as can control animals& wit$ rewards and -unis$ments* .s $e matured& $owever& $e #ecame a $umanist00t$in%in) t$at $umans are quite di erent rom ot$ers in t$e animal %in)dom* 4e

loo%ed at us as $avin) several levels o motivations* .s we satis y one level we are ready to )o to t$e ne1t sta)e in $umanness* 5any o t$e ideas o ot$ers& li%e 6reud and .dler& can #e ound at di erent levels o 5aslowKs >$ierarc$y o needs*3 ;5aslow wrote t$at t$e most #asic drives are -$ysiolo)ical* I we are not satis ied& our w$ole #ein) -ursues t$em* 6or e1am-le& i I am very $un)ry or very t$irsty t$e desire to satis y t$ese #asic needs will ta%e -recedence over any ot$er desires I mi)$t $ave* "nce t$ese most #asic needs are met my ne1t need is sa ety* I I eel -$ysically and emotionally sa e I t$en would want love* I I am loved& t$e ne1t most im-ortant need is esteem& suc$ as t$e reco)nition o ot$ers* I can t$en -ursue t$e $i)$est $uman needs& t$ose o >sel 0actuali9ation*3 +$ese needs 5aslow called t$e meta needs* >Meta3 is rom t$e Gree% word meanin) >$i)$est3 ;+$e -$ysiolo)ical need or air is accom-lis$ed wit$out even t$in%in) a#out it* ,e donKt $ave to say to ourselves >in$ale& e1$ale*3 It is done unconsciously* 4un)er -an)s develo- unconsciously #ut our conscious mind -ic%s u- t$e si)nal and says& >IKm $un)ry*3 +$e erection o t$e -enis or t$e lu#rication o t$e vulva occur unconsciously& usually a ter t$e conscious mind says >I want to ma%e love*3 ,e can see some similarities wit$ 6reudKs ideas $ere* ;,$et$er t$ey ori)inate in t$e conscious or t$e unconscious mind& t$ey e1-ress -ower ul needs* But even t$ese needs $ave a -riority* I I am #ein) su ocated& my drive to )et air will ar sur-ass my drive to quenc$ my t$irst* .nd i I am very t$irsty I am not )oin) to t$in% muc$ a#out my desire or se1* ;+$e need or sa ety comes ne1t u- t$e $ierarc$y* I +ar9an $as satis ied $is needs or ood and water $e may #uild a tree $ouse or $is sa ety* 4owever& i $e is very $un)ry $e may swim across a crocodile in ested river to $arvest a #anana tree* .n in ant may see% t$e security o a -arentKs arms w$en encounterin) a t$reatenin) situation* . driver may #uc%le t$e s$oulder stra- #ecause t$ere is always t$e -ossi#ility o an auto accident*

I $ave $eardt$at F0H o Italian men rom 1F to L0 still live wit$ t$eir -arents* I )uess t$ere s a lot o sa ety and security in $avin) mama ta%e care o you* ,$en do t$ey start #ecomin) res-onsi#le or t$emselves and t$e societyD Italy3s ti)$t society and stron) amily security run counter to t$e com-etitiveness needed in )lo#al economics* 8o need to i)$t dra)ons w$en you are sa e in your castle*

;+$at would certainly t$wart t$eir -ower drive and leave t$eir mot$ers in control* 6rom w$at I $ave seen t$ey try to )et t$eir -ower drives $anded #y #ra))adocio* +al% mac$o t$en )o $ome to mama'

;But let3s tal% a#out 5aslow3s t$ird ste- to mental $ealt$ t$e need or love and a ection can #e met in t$e amily& -eer )rou-& or in some ot$er )rou- in w$ic$ emotional #onds are ormed* +$e love need is aided #y dee- emotional ties* 5aslow a)rees wit$ 6romm in $is #elie t$at a lac% o love is t$e most commonly ound reason or -syc$olo)ical malad2ustment* ;5ovin) to t$e ne1t level we ind t$e esteem needs t$at relate to a -ersonKs eelin)s o sel wort$* I a -erson $as #een loved& it )oes a lon) way towards $el-in) to develo- a eelin) o sel res-ect* I a -erson o#tains t$e res-ect and -raise o ot$er -eo-le& es-ecially w$en youn)& t$ere is a )ood c$ance o develo-in) an adequate eelin) o sel wort$* ,e can see some o .dlerKs ideas $ere* ;+$e -$ysiolo)ical& sa ety& love and esteem needs are called >#asic needs3 #y 5aslow* +$ese needs s$ould #e easily met in any civili9ed society* Sadly& t$e love and esteem needs are not met as o ten as would #e desira#le* But i t$ese >#asic needs3 are met t$e individual can )o on to satis y t$e >truly $uman needs3 or as 5aslow called t$em >meta needs*3 ;+$e meta needs include #eauty& order& unity& 2ustice& and )oodness* ,$en you success ully meet t$ese needs you are >sel actuali9in)3 or reali9in) your $i)$est sel * In $is later wor% 5aslow -re erred t$e term #ecomin) > ully $uman3 to t$e term >sel actuali9ation3 w$ic$ $e $ad used earlier* ;5aslowKs investi)ations led $im to #elieve t$at some -eo-le ac$ieve at levels a#ove w$at could #e e1-ected o t$em* +$ey were not >conditioned3 to t$eir #e$avior& as t$e #e$aviorists #elieve& rat$er t$ey ac$ieved in s-ite o t$eir conditionin)* +$e truly $uman #ein) is one w$o does t$in)s rat$er t$an one w$o is >done to*3 ;,$ile many -syc$olo)ists $ave loo%ed at mental illness t$en develo-ed t$eir t$eories o w$at mental $ealt$ s$ould #e& 5aslow started #y loo%in) at mentally $ealt$y -eo-le* 4e determined w$ic$ -eo-le seemed to $ave t$eir $i)$est -otentials reali9ed& t$en $e analy9ed w$y t$ey were $ealt$y* +$ese ideas a#out some -eo-le ac$ievin) at a >truly $uman3 level were initiated w$en 5aslow decided to analy9e two o $is teac$ers* +$ese two -eo-le $eld s-ecial -laces in $is li e* +$ey were di erent* +$ey were emotionally $ealt$y* +$ey were creative& $a--y and dynamic* . ter analy9in) t$eir c$aracteristics& $e #e)an to loo% at ot$er -eo-le w$o e1$i#ited t$e $i)$est $uman traits* ;,e can also learn muc$ rom sel 0actuali9in)& mentally $ealt$y -eo-le* >+$ey $ave $i)$er ceilin)s* +$ey can see urt$er* .nd t$ey can see in a more inclusive and inte)ratin) way* +$ey teac$ us t$at t$ere is no real o--osition #etween caution and coura)e& #etween action and contem-lation& #etween vi)or and s-eculation& #etween seriousness and $i)$ level $umor *** suc$ -eo-le eel no need to deny t$eir dee-er eelin)s* Indeed& it is my im-ression t$at& i anyt$in)& t$ey tend rat$er to en2oy suc$ e1-eriences*3BMC ;In Sin)alin) in our -arent education& in our sc$ools& and in our a ter0sc$ool -ro)rams we want to em-$asi9e t$is idea o w$at it means to #e truly $uman* "ur education -lan is total!or at least as

com-lete as we can ma%e it* +y-ically $ere in Aast .sia education $as #een too muc$ o rote memori9ation* +$at is not a $umani9in) tec$nique* /ertainly t$ere are t$in)s t$at need to #e learned #y rote!s-ellin)& writin)& t$e multi-lication ta#les& and so ort$* But video )ames can teac$ $istory& )eo)ra-$y& economics& -syc$olo)y and many ot$er areas* 8aturally we use com-uter )ames and e1ercises to teac$ #asic com-utational s%ills& readin) and writin)* ;?ou can )uess t$at develo-in) c$ildren w$o are >truly $uman3 is a tall order or -arents* ,e certainly don3t e1-ect every -arent to raise a truly sel 0actuali9ed c$ild& #ut it is a )oal* ,e )ive every assistance -ossi#le or t$is to $a--en!and it $a--ens more t$an you mi)$t ima)ine* ;"ur )overnment3s aims are to $el- t$e -arents& t$e sc$ools and t$e recreational de-artment to e ectively meet t$e irst our levels o needs or t$e c$ildren& t$at is not too di icult* +$en we wor% to #rin) t$e teena)ers closer to t$at >truly $uman3 level* It3s actually a li elon) -rocess& #ut some -eo-le are quite sel 0actuali9ed #y t$eir mid0twenties or early t$irties* ;,e wor% on develo-in) -eo-le w$o $ave more e icient -erce-tions o reality and are more com orta#le wit$ t$e real world* +$ose w$o reac$ t$is level acce-t t$emselves and t$eir own natures almost wit$out t$in%in) a#out it* +$eir #e$avior is mar%ed #y sim-licity and naturalness and #y a lac% o arti iciality or strainin) or e ect* +$ey ocus on -ro#lems outside t$emselvesP t$ey are concerned wit$ #asic issues and eternal questions* +$ey li%e -rivacy and tend to #e detac$ed* +$ey $ave a relative inde-endence rom t$eir -$ysical and social environmentsP t$ey rely on t$eir own develo-0 ment and t$eir continued )rowt$* +$ey do not ta%e #lessin)s or )ranted& #ut a--reciate a)ain and a)ain t$e #asic -leasures o li e* ;5aslow went on to o#serve t$at t$ese sel actuali9ed -eo-le $ave a dee- eelin) o %ins$i- wit$ ot$ers& es-ecially ot$er sel actuali9ed -eo-le* +$ey are democratic in a dee- senseP alt$ou)$ not indiscriminate& t$ey are not really aware o di erences* +$ey are stron)ly et$ical& wit$ de inite moral standards& t$ou)$ t$eir attitudes are conventional& t$ey relate to ends rat$er t$an means* ,$ile t$ey tend toward t$e conventional and e1ist well wit$in t$e culture& t$ey live #y t$e laws o t$eir own c$aracters* In your country t$e sel actuali9ed -eo-le3s values may o ten #e di erent rom your national values& #ut in our country t$ey tend to )o wit$ t$e enli)$tened laws we $ave* But to say t$e least& t$ese sel actuali9ed -eo-le $ave #een $i)$ly instrumental in develo-in) our morals& our mores& and our laws* ;+$ese -eo-le3s $umor is real and related to -$iloso-$y& not $ostilityP t$ey are s-ontaneous less o ten t$an ot$ers& and tend to #e more serious and t$ou)$t ul* .nd t$ey are truly $uman* +$ey are not -er ect and don3t see t$emselves as -er ect* +$ey e1-erience im-er ections and $ave ordinary eelin)s& li%e ot$ers*<BIC

/.8 ,A +4I8=D

00;Let me c$an)e t$e su#2ect a #it* ,e call ourselves homo sapiens& t$in%in) $umans& #ut can all o us t$in%D /an any o us t$in%D /an any o us t$in% rationally all t$e timeD +$e answer is t$at -ro#a#ly no one can t$in% rationally all t$e time* . #rain in2ured -erson may not #e a#le to t$in% e ectively at any time* +$e man in t$e mental $os-ital w$o t$in%s $e is 8a-oleon is -ro#a#ly wron)*<

!;But w$at i reincarnation e1ists and $e is really 8a-oleon reincarnatedD " course I don3t #elieve in reincarnation& #ut t$ere are -ro#a#ly a #illion -eo-le w$o do*<

!;?ou3re ri)$t (ay& we can never #e sure* But let3s ta%e t$e -osition o ,estern medicine and assume t$at t$is 8a-oleon is -syc$otic* 4e isn3t t$in%in) rationally* Aven you (ay& w$at i you $ad )one to t$e university in /airo or +e$ran and studied Islam rat$er t$an /at$olicism at 8otre DameD 5i)$t you #e an imam in +ur%ey nowD +$e -oint is t$at we tend to %now w$at we $ave learned rom our society* I your mot$er and at$er were stee-ed in t$e 5uslim reli)ion it is $i)$ly li%ely t$at you would #e a 5uslim*<

!;I3d $ave to a)ree wit$ you* But you %now t$ere are many 5uslims w$o $ave converted to /$ristianity*<

!;.nd many /$ristians w$o $ave converted to Islam*<

!;+$ose are cases to loo% at* Did t$ey c$an)e reli)ions #ecause t$ey were disa--ointed in t$eir own ait$& w$ose ad$erents t$ey %new well& t$en moved to a similar t$eistic #elie t$at sounded #etterD Did t$ey study a num#er o reli)ions #e ore decidin) or did t$ey 2ust move to t$e most convenient #elie system availa#leD Did t$ey loo% at t$e -ossi#ilities o -ant$eism& deism or at$eismD +$e question is did t$ey t$in% t$eir way to a new #elie or 2ust react away rom t$eir old #elie sD ;,$en -eo-le re2ect t$e scienti ic t$eory o evolution do t$ey re2ect it wit$ solid scienti ic evidence or do t$ey merely re2ect it #ecause it con licts wit$ t$eir creationist #elie sD ,$en -eo-le marry do t$ey do it #ecause o t$e attraction o -$ysical #eauty& re)ular se1& or #ecause t$is is t$e irst -erson t$ey $ave ound w$o is interested in a relations$i-D Do t$ey researc$ t$e -syc$olo)ical literature wit$ t$eir -otential mate to see i t$ey are really com-ati#le and $ave a c$ance at a real relations$i-D

;+$ere are so many illustrations o individuals& reli)ions and )overnments reactin) a)ainst new ideas* Let3s loo% at t$e case or some vitamins* ;+$e Danes ound t$at w$en t$ey sold #utter to ot$er countries durin) and a ter t$e ,orld ,ar* +$ey su#stituted mar)arine in t$eir own diets* Because o t$is diet c$an)e t$eir c$ildren develo-ed serious eye -ro#lems* +$e vitamin . in #utter was not -resent in t$e mar)arine* So t$ey #e)an to add t$e vitamin to mar)arine* In t$e mid01EQ0s t$e @nited States -assed a law to require nutrients removed rom a ood to #e -ut #ac% in #e ore it is sold* So -rocessed #read& w$ic$ $ad lost its B vitamins in t$e millin) and #leac$in)& $ad to #e enric$ed wit$ vitamins B1& B2 and BL* 5ar)arine& as imitation #utter& $ad to #e enric$ed wit$ vitamins . and D* 5il% t$at $ad #een s%immed o its vitamin . and D containin) cream $ad to $ave t$e vitamins . and D added* +$ose vitamins were in t$e cream t$at was removed* But most countries $aven3t ollowed t$e @*S* lead* ;8orway& w$ose citi9ens are seldom in t$e vitamin D -roducin) sun& could add t$e . and D to t$eir s%im mil%* +$ey don3t& #ut are inally t$in%in) a#out it!si1ty years a ter t$e .mericans did it* " course t$ose w$o ta%e a teas-oon o cod liver oil daily& a relatively common $a#it in 8orway& may )et Q00 international units o D* +$is may #e enou)$ or most -eo-le to %ee- t$eir #ones stron)* But we now ind t$at vitamin D may i)$t cancers and art$ritis& t$e minimums are now recommended to #e u-ward o I00 units a day and some are recommendin) u- to L000 units a day* +$e to1ic level may #e #etween 2&000 and 10&000 units a day* ,e 2ust don3t %now yet*.nd w$ile we once t$ou)$t t$at c$ildren needed t$e vitamin more& we now ind t$at t$e elderly $ave even more o a need or t$is vitamin* ;I -eo-le )ot 10 to 1M minutes o sunli)$t a day t$ey could )et all t$e D t$ey need* +$is may #e easy in t$e sout$ern @*S* and in t$e low latitude countries& #ut in t$e nort$ern areas not many -eo-le don t$eir #i%inis in January to e1-ose t$emselves to some sun #etween t$e snow la%es* So t$ose w$o dwell near Santa /laus $ad #etter )et more vitamin D& es-ecially in t$e wintertime* ;So wit$ t$e availa#le evidence on vitamins& -eo-le and )overnments are o ten not -ayin) attention* But its not 2ust true a#out vitamins& it3s true in most areas o %nowled)e* ,e ind it di icult to t$in% our way out o our tradition0constructed mental #o1es* So assumin) we $ave -syc$olo)ical needs or drives& assumin) we $ave t$ou)$t t$rou)$ our values!understandin) our #asic assum-tions and t$e validity o t$e evidence we use& and assumin) we $ave some a#ility to actually t$in%& rat$er t$an 2ust rationali9in) w$at we do& we s$ould #e a#le to )et a #etter idea o $ow to use t$e %nowled)e o science to #etter our lives*<

!;,ill you clari y w$at you mean #y rationali9in)D<

!;,ell& -syc$olo)ically s-ea%in)& a rationali9ation is an e1cuse or a #e$avior& or a -rocess o t$in%in)& t$at is not really true* +$e -erson rationali9in) $is #e$avior #elieves w$at $e is sayin)&& it3s 2ust t$at it3s not really true* . 5uslim terrorist may say t$at $is actions are w$at .lla$ wants* But t$e Ru3ran doesn3t #ac% u- $is rationali9ation* . -erson w$o can3t )et a 2o# may #lame it on a irmative action w$en t$e real reason may #e $is lac% o s%ill or $is o ensive -ersonality* +$e c$ild wit$ -oor )rades #lames t$e teac$er or not li%in) $er!we ind rationali9ations at every level o $uman li e* +$e -ity is t$at t$e rationali9ers really #elieve w$at t$ey are sayin)*But t$e real reasons are ound in t$e o) o t$eoretical needs or unreasoned values* ;It3s a dismayin) t$ou)$t t$at -er$a-s we can3t t$in%' It3s unsettlin) to reali9e t$at we don3t %now w$ere our unconscious minds are -us$in) us* It3s dauntin) to reali9e t$at most -eo-le $aven3t t$ou)$t t$rou)$ t$eir values* .nd yet we call ourselves homo sapiens' ;.s I3m sure ,anda mentioned& we can tell w$at we value #y $ow we act* +$e stron)ly /$ristian le)islator w$o e1tols amily values and ri)$teousness t$en is cau)$t $ustlin) youn) #oys w$o wor% or $im& or one w$o is cau)$t in corru-t dealin)s& is not livin) t$e ideal /$ristian li e*,e must -ractice w$at we -reac$* ,e must >wal% t$e wal%3 not merely >tal% t$e tal%*3 "ur drives or se1ual satis action& as 6reud -reac$ed& or our drive or -ower #y accumulatin) money or le)islative -ower& as .dler #elieved& o ten determine w$at we really value in li e!and t$ere ore $ow we will #e$ave and live our lives* ;"n t$e ot$er $and& we can3t o ten tell w$at our real motivations are* ,as 5ot$er +$eresa motivated #y t$e God #ased value to >Love your nei)$#or as yoursel 3D ,as s$e motivated #y a need to overcome $er aloneness& as 6romm discussed& #ut doin) it in a God conte1t* ,as s$e motivated #y -ower!t$e -ower to do w$at was necessary to )et to $eaven& or -er$a-s to )ain -ositive esteem rom t$e -eo-le o t$e worldD 5ost o us would #et on t$e irst o-tion& #ut would our ma2ority vote determine t$e trut$D ;In our own lives do we $ave a air idea o w$at our own needs and drives are& w$at our values are& and w$et$er we $ave made our li e c$oices or )rowt$& as 5aslow su))ested!rat$er t$an rom earD ,$at did you do t$e irst t$in) t$is mornin) 00 ri)$t a ter you awo%eD Did you #rus$ your teet$D Did you eel t$irsty and )et a drin%D Did you eel $un)ry and eat some #rea% astD Did you )et u- and studyD ,$yD 4ow muc$ time did you s-end c$oosin) your clot$es and #rus$in) your $airD ;+$e way you act 00 mornin)& noon and ni)$t 00 tells us w$o and w$at you are* It indicates your needs and values& it -in-oints t$e drives w$ic$ you eel* It uncovers your rustrations& and it s$ows $ow you react to successes and ailures* ;+$e c$oices we ma%e $el- us desi)n our lives* ,e $ave a )reat deal o c$oice in t$e occu-ations

t$at we c$oose to ollow* ,e $ave a c$oice o w$ere to live& w$et$er to marry& $ow to vote& w$et$er to smo%e& in act every area o our lives o ers c$oices t$at we must ma%e* " ten t$e c$oices are made #y ot$er -eo-le and we ollow wit$out muc$ questionin)* Sometimes value decisions are #ased on t$e traditions o our amily or our culture* But #ecause it is common& is it ri)$tD ;I I say >5y amily $as voted Democratic or over 100 years* IKll #e a Democrat until I die*3 I o#viously $ave a stron) motivation rom aut$ority!t$e aut$ority o my amily* Suc$ a one trac% non0 t$in%in) attitude may wor% a)ainst your #est interests* ,$at i t$e Democrat you voted or increases your ta1es and cuts your #ene its& t$en your reliance on your traditional aut$ority may $ave $urt you* ;Sometimes our -remises or our actions are #ased on incorrect %nowled)e* +$is also rustrates our -ursuit o w$at is )ood or us* ,$at i someone says >I3ve $eard t$at -eo-le w$o drin% alco$ol& es-ecially red wine& live lon)er t$an non0drin%ers* So I drin% two #ottles o red wine a day*3 +$at -erson3s %nowled)e o t$e e ects o alco$ol were incom-lete #ecause t$at muc$ red wine would #e muc$ more li%ely to s$orten t$eir lives* ;,$en you sto- to t$in% a#out it& li e is a continuous con rontation o c$oices* Sometimes we c$oose and sometimes we c$oose not to c$oose& #ut t$at too& is a c$oice* "ne -erson may c$oose to investi)ate several reli)ious -oints o view to determine w$et$er or not to ollow a reli)ion& and i so& w$ic$ one* .not$er -erson will unquestionin)ly acce-t t$e #elie s t$at $ad #een ollowed since c$ild$ood* ;I we #elieve t$at )lo#al warmin) doesn3t e1ist or t$at t$ere aren3t too many -eo-le on t$e eart$ our %nowled)e is eit$er aulty or incom-lete* I we do #elieve t$ese as acts& w$at are we )oin) to do a#out t$emD +$ese are t$e %inds o questions t$at e1cite and direct our students in Sin)alin) into )ainin) more %nowled)e and )ettin) closer to uncoverin) t$e trut$*<

:",A( .S . 5"+IV.+I8G 6"(/A

!;I a--reciate your descri-tion o 5aslow3s ideas or $umanness& mental $ealt$ and $a--iness* I t$in% it is an ideal t$at we s$ould %ee- as a )oal or all o us* But my e1-erience leads me to see t$at $umans act so o ten rom a drive or -ower* ,ill you tell us more a#out t$ese ot$er drives* I can sure see $ow 6reud #elieved t$at we $ave a drive or an instinct toward -leasure* ;I a)ree more wit$ t$e idea t$at we& as animals and -eo-le& o ten& or even usually& ollow -ower motivations* I want to discuss .dler3s ideas a #it #ut we $ave )one way #eyond $is ori)inal ideas in t$e last 100 years* .s you %now $e said t$at we all $ave in eriority com-le1es* 8ot lon) a)o :rince /$arles& t$en t$e $eir to t$e Britis$ t$rone& seemed to indicate t$at $e was #ein) seen as irrelevant* 4e said >+$e most im-ortant t$in) is to #e relevant *** It isn3t easy& as you can ima)ine *** #ecause i you

say anyt$in)& -eo-le will say& 3It3s all ri)$t or you to say t$at*3 It3s very easy to 2ust dismiss anyt$in) I say* *** It3s di icult&3 #ecause $e said t$at $e was #orn to t$e duty to >worry a#out t$is country and its in$a#itants*3 So it3s not 2ust you and me w$o $ave our #urdens o in eriority and irrelevance& -ro#a#ly every#ody $as suc$ -syc$olo)ical #urdens*

:",A( .8D S@//ASS .S :(I5.(? D(IVAS

;5y -ersonal avorite t$eory& $owever& #e)ins wit$ t$e -ower drive su))ested #y .l red .dler* 4e said t$at w$en we are small we all develo- in eriority com-le1es* I would say we do it wit$ )ood reason00we are in erior' ,e canKt drin% our mil%& we canKt c$an)e our own dia-ers& we canKt even tal%* So w$atKs to #ra) a#outD ;But we see -ower illustrated constantly* It may #e in t$e cruelty o state leaders li%e /$arles +aylor o Li#eria or Slo#odan 5iloSeviT& t$e ormer -resident o Ser#ia* ?ou see it in -arents vyin) or t$e most e1-ensive #irt$day -arties& weddin)s& #ar mit9va$s& #at mit9va$s& and sweet 1I -arties* ,ealt$ is so o ten t$ou)$t o as -ower& ,e see it in -olitics& s-orts& #usiness and in t$e $ome* ;But w$en one -erson )ets more -ower& o ten anot$er loses $is or $ers* 6or e1am-le wit$ male -ower drives w$at t$ey are women traditionally su er rom a lac% o -ower* 6or e1am-le& in . )$anistan I0H o women are orced to marry a)ainst t$eir will& and I0H o t$ose are under 1I* . #ully ac$ieves -ower at t$e e1-ense o $is victim* . winnin) candidate at t$e e1-ense o t$e loser* " course $ere& t$e loser $ad t$e c$oice not to enter t$e election*<

!;(i)$t* So #ecause o an early lac% o -ower in our in ancy and c$ild$ood we s-end our lives see%in) it00in success in s-orts and academics& in drivin) a desira#le car& in #uyin) t$e most as$iona#le clot$es& in usin) sarcasm& in #eatin) s-ouses and c$ildren& and even %illin) t$ose w$o t$reaten us wit$ t$eir own #rand o -ower00di erent )an) colors& a -olicemanKs uni orm& an e1-ensive car& or even a new -air o tennis s$oes* ,$y do we lau)$ w$en a comedian sli-s on a #anana -eel or )ets a -ie in t$e aceD00#ecause we are #etter t$an $im& It didnKt $a--en to us* ,$y do we live and die wit$ our $ometown oot#all and #ase#all teamsD ,e )et -ower rom our identity wit$ t$eir -ower ul ima)es* 4ow a#out -ractical 2o%es and .-ril 6ool3s Day stunts* Loo% at t$e use o sarcasm in your -ersonal li e or on +V* +$e continual >-ut downs3 o sarcasm ma%e every#ody& #ut t$e o#2ect o t$e sarcasm& lau)$!#ecause t$ey are all #etter t$an t$e )oat o t$e 2o%e* :ower& -ower& -ower! rom comedy to violence* ;+$e more I o#serve my ellow $umans& t$e more I see t$e drive or -ower everyw$ere* It may #e one s-ouse controllin) t$e ot$er& a -arent unnecessarily controllin) a c$ild& a low level administrator

)oin) -ower $un)ry& t$e teena)er -aintin) )ra iti or ta))in)& or a c$ild molester or ra-ist doin) $is t$in)* +$e drive or -ower is everyw$ere* It is e1-erienced #y t$ose w$o #elieve t$ey are mem#ers o t$e c$osen -eo-le& t$ose w$o are mem#ers o +4A true reli)ion& t$ose -roud -arents o t$e most success ul c$ildren& t$e -eo-le w$o win a #et& -eo-le w$o -lay on a winnin) team or c$eer or a winnin) team& teena)ers w$o own a car& adults w$o own a $ouse!so many t$in)s can )ive us t$at -ower -at on our -syc$olo)ical rum-s* 5inisters may enter t$eir -ro ession out o a God #ased value system or #ecause o a drive or -ower* Bein) ri)$t& $avin) God3s ear& and $avin) many -eo-le $an) on your every word is certainly an e1-erience in -ower* But to acce-t a su-ervisory 2o# li%e a #is$oor -o-e is de initely -ower* ;+$e -eo-le o =ino and Sin)alin) certainly $ave a eelin) o -ower* +$ey are citi9ens o two o t$e most -ower ul countries in t$e world* +$ey live well* +$ey $ave t$e money to ta%e e1-ensive vacations* ?es t$ey $ave -ower00 t$rou)$ t$eir individual and t$eir national successes*<

!;In my country t$e drive or -ower $as not #een as controlled as it $as #een in ot$er countries* +$e sel 0centered drives o #ot$ yout$ and adults $ave #een )iven nearly ree rein #ecause o our conce-t o >li#erty3 w$ic$ means you are ree to do a#out anyt$in)& and t$e /onstitution will -rotect you* ,it$ t$e media -o%in) un at reli)ion& our traditional values $ave dwindled* ;,$erever you loo% you see -ower* +$e -ower )ained #y #ein) in t$e true reli)ion& t$e #est nation& t$e more avored race& #y #ein) t$e older mem#er o t$e team or clu# w$o can $a9e and initiate t$e neo-$ytes& t$e -ower )ained in -rison #y #ein) in t$e tou)$est )an) or #ein) t$e tou)$est inmate& t$e -ower )ained rom #ein) in t$e #est sc$ool or on t$e #est team!t$e e1am-les are endless* +$en t$ere are t$e -olitical& #usiness and c$urc$ leaders all o w$om are driven #y -ower*<

00;+$at3s true& Lee* But we mi)$t )o #ac% a t$eoretical ste- art$er& rom -syc$olo)ical -ower to -$ysically a))ressive and even violent -ower* "ne o .dler3s early -a-ers was on t$e instinct towards a))ression* .nt$ro-olo)ists o ten see t$is same instinct* ,e tal% a#out t$e -ec%in) order o animals!meanin) t$at t$ere are more -ower ul animals t$at lord it over ot$er animals o t$eir s-ecies* Ale-$ant seals will $ave a %in) seal w$o is t$e tou)$est )uy in t$e $erd and )ets t$e #i))est $arem* +$is )ainin) o -ower t$rou)$ violence is common& #ut not universal& in t$e animal %in)dom* I already mentioned some o t$e evidence or $oldin) a territory as anot$er indication o animal -ower* It is certainly easy to see $ow -ower t$rou)$ violence is common amon) -eo-le as is )ainin) -ower t$rou)$ $avin) a territory suc$ as ownin) a car& a $ouse& or a #usiness* ;I animals $ave instincts& w$ic$ we don3t dou#t& and i evolution is true& w$ic$ we don3t dou#t&

$ow can we dou#t t$at some& many& most or all o us $umans $ave instinctsD /an we reco)ni9e our instinctsD ;,$en we $ear t$e #irds tweetin) in t$e mornin) we may t$in% t$at t$ey are sayin) >)ood mornin) sun3 or >every#ody #e as $a--y as I am*3 But researc$ tells us t$at t$eir tweetin) is actually a warnin) or ot$ers not to invade t$eir territory* ,$at t$ey are really sayin) is >cat )et out o my tree3 or >ro#in ly somew$ere else*3 Isn3t it -ossi#le t$at we $ave instincts or -ower* .re we really socially constructed as .dler t$ou)$tD .re our instincts really directed #y -ower and not #y -leasure& as 6reud #elievedD<

00;I can certainly see t$e drive or -ower in #usiness' But it seems to me t$at I can see it everyw$ere* 5ost 2o%es $ave a -ower -unc$ line* ,$et$er t$e #utt o t$e 2o%e is a Jew& an Iris$man& a 5e1ican& a 5uslim or a /at$olic!it s$ould ma%e me eel su-erior to $im* Aven t$e se1 2o%es are )enerally related to -ower* Some#ody um#led in t$e se1ual arena* I didn3t& so I am su-erior* ,$y do I lau)$ w$en a comedian ma%es un o $is nose or mout$D Because I $ave a #etter s$a-ed nose or mout$* ;I see -ower everyw$ere* I I $ave si1 %ids and you $ave only two* I am t$ere ore more -roli ic or a more com-etent mot$er or at$er* 5y lawn is #etter %e-t t$an yours* 5y outdoor /$ristmas decorations are more e1-ensive or -rettier t$an yours* 5y #ar#equin) e1-ertise is su-erior to yours* ;I certainly see it in )am#lin)* I %now t$at t$e odds are a)ainst me& so w$en I win I can #ra) a#out it* +$e #ra))in) is more im-ortant t$an t$e winnin)s* I I lose& it was to #e e1-ected* But I mi)$t even #ra) a#out $ow muc$ I lost& so my inancial loss may #e converted into -syc$olo)ical winnin)s* Gam#lin) is a no0lose -syc$olo)ical event and a no0win economic event* ,$en you lose you %new t$at t$e odds were in t$e casino3s avor* ,$en you win your -ower drive is titillated* .nd everyone wins sometimes* ,$ile t$ere is some s%ill in -layin) some )ames& t$e cards are still stac%ed a)ainst you* ;+$ere was a university study a ew years t$at s$owed t$at c$ildren w$o were -ro#lems in %inder)arten were li%ely to #e teena)e )am#lers* I elt t$at t$e early -ro#lems were o ten a result o in eriority eelin)s t$at $ad not #een $andled at $ome w$en t$ey were youn)er* ;,$en over 2 million -eo-le in our country are -at$olo)ical )am#lers& and 1M million more w$o are airly serious )am#lers we can see t$e -ower drive -ro#lem and $ow t$e )am#ler can lose not only money& #ut amily and #usiness*<

00;.s wit$ ot$er $arm ul actions& t$e loser will rationali9e t$e action or #lame ot$ers* . ew

years a)o an attorney& w$ose -ractice earned a $al million dollars a year& lost over a million at t$e ta#les in .tlantic /ity and Las Ve)as* S$e started usin) $er clients3 money to -ay $er de#ts* S$e was dis#arred or $er actions* So naturally as a lawyer& s$e sued t$e casinos* ?ou %now t$at we attorneys are always ri)$t* .nd i you don3t #elieve it& I3ll sue you or de amation o c$aracter'<

!;I read a#out $er* S$e $ad written #oo%s and was a +V -ersonality* So s$e was o#viously smart as well as success ul* So i s$e $as intelli)ence and ree will& isn3t s$e lia#leD "n t$e ot$er $and i s$e was totally a victim o $er -syc$olo)ical drives and did not $ave ree will& is s$e res-onsi#leD +$en on t$e ot$er $and w$at i t$e casino o-erators are -syc$olo)ically motivated also* +$eir motivation mi)$t #e -ower t$rou)$ accumulatin) money in a #usiness w$ere t$ey %now t$ey $old t$e avored cards* So is it $er unconscious -syc$olo)ical motivations a)ainst t$e casino owners3 unconscious motivationsD Is it $er intellectual ree will a)ainst t$e casino o-erators3 ree willD "r is it $er uncontrolled unconscious drives a)ainst t$e casino owners3 cold calculatin) intellectual decisionsD ;It ma%es me wonder w$y t$e )overnment #ac%s casinos& state lotteries& $orse racin) and any ot$er )am#lin) t$at it can -ro it rom* .nd it3s not 2ust t$e millions o com-ulsive )am#lers in @*S* t$at 2oy ully )ive t$eir money* I %new two -eo-le in my old nei)$#or$ood o .)oura w$o lost t$eir $omes in Las Ve)as in a sin)le day* ;Gettin) drun% can also #e a -ower drive satis action* . colle)e so-$omore mi)$t #ra) t$at >I was drun% rom 6riday ni)$t t$rou)$ Sunday ni)$t*3 "r >I was so drun% I sle-t t$rou)$ my inal e1am*3 I adults drin% and I am tryin) to #e adult& I will certainly -rove my man$ood #y out0drin%in) my at$er* ;.nd I also su--ose t$at corru-tion in )overnment or #usiness is 2ust anot$er way to #ecome more success ul and -ower ul* I wonder i t$e -etty )ra t we see in muc$ o t$e world is related to satis yin) t$e -$ysiolo)ical need to eat or to eed my amily& as 5aslow mentioned& or is it a way o s$owin) -ower in a situation* ,$en a -erson ta%es a #ri#e to issue a license or to rent a room& I would )uess it is -ower*<

!;?ou )uys $ave a )ood $andle on it* :ower is everyw$ere* :ower is a#out >me3 #ein) -rimary' But as we will discuss in a w$ile some -eo-le conquer t$e -ower drive #y #ein) lovin)* (eal love is a#out >you3* But i we analy9e more dee-ly we o ten ind t$at w$at a--ears to #e love is o ten really -ower* +$e woman w$o is t$e -er ect mot$er and $omema%er may actually #e doin) it out o a -ower motivation* I s$e is -er ect $ow can s$e #e aultedD I remem#er one o my cases in /ali ornia concerned a woman w$o was a -er ect $ousecleaner* S$e went so ar so as to -revent $er amily rom usin) t$e #at$room #ecause t$ey would )et it dirty* So we $ad a no#le occu-ation o $ousecleanin)

evolvin) into a neurotic #e$avior* ;So t$e reco)nition o t$e drive or -ower is ra-idly increasin) in todayKs world* +$e need or control and success are o#vious* ,$et$er t$at control #e over ourselves or over ot$ers00it is im-ortant in our society* So t$e -oint is not w$et$er t$is drive or -ower is )ood or #ad& #ut rat$er t$at >it e1ists*3 It is now reco)ni9ed as t$e reason or ra-e* (a-e used to #e t$ou)$t o as motivated #y t$e drive or se1ual -leasure& #ut no lon)er* 5a%e sure t$e woman is wea%er t$an you* (a-e t$e I0 year old& not t$e 21 year old "lym-ic c$am-ion s$ot -utter or t$e >#a#e3 wit$ a #lac% #elt in %arate* ;,$at $as to #e done is to c$annel t$e drive rom #ein) a >-ower over -eo-le3 drive to a >-ower to ac$ieve3 driveD Gettin) our students to #e >-ower to3 -eo-le is one o t$e ma2or )oals or our education system* +$e ot$er )oal or our -arentin) and our sc$ools is to wor% on t$e >love3 end o t$e -ower0love continuum* . civili9ed society can3t e1ist w$ere t$e ma2or motivation is or some -eo-le to want -ower over ot$er -eo-le* /onsequently we must develo- in our c$ildren and youn) adults t$e a#ilities to $ave -ower to do some t$in)s well* +$is can #e in t$e vocational& avocational& amilial or -olitical arenas* +$is $el-s to develo- t$eir sel esteem w$ic$ is critical to eventually #ein) a#le to love* ;So let3s )et #ac% to .dler3s ideas to $el- us )et t$e eel o w$ere $e was and w$ere we3re )oin) wit$ it* 4e was very -ositive to our $uman -otentials and #elieved t$at we can as$ion our own lives* I we all develo- in eriority com-le1es w$en we are youn) #ecause we can3t wal% or eed ourselves& we can3t cross t$e street alone& and we don3t $ave any say in amily matters!we develo- t$e drive to control our lives and to #e su-erior in some im-ortant areas* Sel 0reali9ation and sel esteem are required or us to #e mentally $ealt$y* 5aslow& o course& )oes way #eyond t$is sel 0reali9ation in $is #elie t$at to #e truly $uman we must #e sel actuali9ed* ,e must )o #eyond overcomin) our in eriorities& we must #ecome $uman in t$e $i)$est sense* ;.nyway& .dler was one o t$e irst -syc$olo)ists to #e o-timistic a#out our -otentials* .t any sta)e o our lives we can evaluate and control our li estyles* ,$ile 6reud t$ou)$t t$at an un-leasant c$ild$ood would loc% us into a neurotic closet& .dler )ave us t$e %ey to t$e door* +$en $e went #eyond t$e reein) o t$e individual and said t$at we $ad t$e need and t$e a#ility to coo-erate wit$ ot$ers to #uild a #etter society* 6reud was content to say t$at to #e mentally $ealt$y we $ad to $ave t$e a#ility to love and to wor%* +$ese are certainly essential to us as individuals in a society* But .dler saw in us t$e -otential to #uild a #etter society* ;.s I indicated& -eo-le use -ower two ways* +$e -ositive way is to wor% to ma%e t$in)s $a--en accordin) to your )oals00your socially0conscious -ersonal )oals* +$e ot$er use o -ower is ne)ative* In t$is ty-e o -ower a -erson tries to orce ot$ers to do w$at $e or s$e wants t$em to do* ?oun) c$ildren are o ten masters at )ettin) t$eir -arents to do t$eir #iddin)* /ryin) or screamin) in t$e su-ermar%et

may orce t$e -arent to )ive in to avoid t$e em#arrassment o $avin) an uncontrolla#le and irritatin) c$ild* ;+$e e ective use o -ower -us$es one to #e very )ood at somet$in)* ,e eac$ $ave di erent talents and -otentials* I you li%e s-ort and are M oot L you mi)$t #e a 2oc%ey or a wrestler* I you are I eet 10 you mi)$t #e a #as%et#all -layer or a $i)$ 2um-er* But i you are M eet F you mi)$t not #e eit$er o t$ese& #ut #ein) a runner or a )ymnast mi)$t #e an o-tion* I you are a#le to eel em-at$y you mi)$t consider #ein) a -syc$olo)ist or a teac$er* I you $ave a sense o #eauty and o )eometry you mi)$t consider arc$itecture* ,$et$er our talents reside in our -$ysiques or our #rains& t$ere is a -lace to use t$ose talents* ,e must 2ust #e aware o our -otentials and our limitations t$en ind t$e nic$e w$ere we mi)$t #est it* ;,$en you can3t D" somet$in) t$en o ten 4.VI8G somet$in) $el-s to -rovide you a eelin) o -ower* In many countries& es-ecially t$e -oorer countries& i a man $as many c$ildren it s$ows t$at $e is virile& so $e $as -ower* It doesn3t matter t$at $e can3t -rovide or t$em or t$at $is country or $is world doesn3t need t$em* /ommander& I t$in% t$is is a ma2or o#stacle in your quest or reducin) -o-ulation and licensin) -arents* In a democracy you won3t $ave any su--ort rom men w$ose only source o -ower would #e ta%en rom t$em* .nd some women $ave t$e same solution to -owerlessness!$avin) more #a#ies* +$e question is w$et$er a )overnment s$ould indul)e suc$ neurotic needs* ;In $is later years .dler t$ou)$t t$at t$e drive or -ower was a neurotic ad2ustment to li e3s -ro#lems and #elieved t$at t$ose w$o were still in t$e >-ower over3 mode $ad not matured adequately #ecause t$ey were still sel is$ w$ile real maturity required a stron) social interest* +$is o#servation is quite similar to t$at o 5aslow and $is meta level -eo-le* In act $is later idea t$at we s$ould #e strivin) or -er ection -receded 5aslow3s ideas o meta level $umanness* ;,$ile 6reud tried to e1-lain t$e several as-ects o our -ersonalities as #ein) )enerated rom our instincts t$rou)$ our #odies& .dler #elieved t$at we were $olistic!in terms o our #odies& minds and societal interests* ;,$en we license -arents we are assumin) t$at t$e -ast is im-ortant* ?ou may see t$is as somew$at 6reudian* But we also want -arents to #e a#le to $andle t$eir own li estyles w$ic$ s$ould #e #ein) directed towards a uture!a uture t$at is success ul or t$em and t$at adds to t$e society3s economic and et$ical stren)t$* I t$ey $ave t$ese ca-a#ilities we $o-e t$at t$ey can s$ow t$eir c$ildren t$is -at$* +$is is not easy* +$ey need a view o t$e -ast and an a--reciation o its lessons& and a dream or a uture t$at moves us orward* ;.dler was clear a#out t$e essential -lace o social interest in one3s mental $ealt$* ,e are >in3 and >o 3 our communities* But t$is $ad to #e com#ined wit$ strivin) or -er ection* /learly in Sin)alin)

we $ave #een in luenced #y .dler& and #ecause o $im& 5aslow* ;I s$ould -oint out t$at .dler3s idea o social interest ac%nowled)ed t$at we are not truly $uman -eo-le unless we are socially active* .nd t$at society ran)es rom our amily and nei)$#or$ood to all o $umanity* 4ere we can see $im antici-atin) Aric$ 6romm3s ideas* ;In raisin) our c$ildren we must lead t$em #y increasin) t$eir sel esteem and increasin) t$eir social involvement* By t$e time t$ey are a#out ive years old t$ey s$ould #e well on t$e road rom in eriority towards maturity* ,e wor% $ard to ma%e -arents reali9e $ow im-ortant it is to )ive c$ildren t$e o--ortunity or success& t$en to -raise t$em w$en t$ey are success ul* By t$e time t$ey )et to sc$ool t$ey s$ould eel )ood a#out t$emselves and #e ready or success in many areas outside o t$eir amily* ,e use orei)n travel as -art o our education -rocess wit$ eac$ c$ild )oin) to di erent cities and countries* +$at way eac$ is an e1-ert in a )eo)ra-$ical area t$at t$e ot$ers don3t %now* +$ose w$o can3t ind success in academics or at$letics will #e nurtured in areas not addressed in t$e sc$ools or )ymnasiums* I I3m t$e only one w$o %nows somet$in) a#out t$e A-ic o Gil)ames$& I am su-erior in t$at area* I no one else %nows $ow to ence wit$ a sa#er or wield a %endo #o%%en& I am accom-lis$ed* ;8one o us are wit$out some eelin)s o in eriority in some area or areas o our lives& #ut strivin) or -er ection is merely a )oal& and a#solute -er ection is never an accom-lis$ment* It is t$e strivin) t$at is essential* ,allowin) in sel -ity #ecause o a -$ysical $andica- is not acce-ta#le* ,e already mentioned 4elen =eller w$o& dea and #lind& )raduated rom colle)e and #ecame a amous aut$or and lecturer* +$en t$ere is "scar :istorius& t$e Sout$ . rican s-rinter w$ose lower le)s are metal and :ete Strudley w$o ran t$e marat$on wit$out eet* "r t$ere is /ato Ja$l :ederson w$o won 1L )old medals in t$e summer and winter :ara0"lym-ics and s%ied across .ntarctica to t$e Sout$ :ole wit$out arms* :$ysical im-ediments 2ust test our mettle and increase t$e $ei)$t o t$e $urdles we must clear* ;.nd on t$e mental side& wartime Britis$ :rime 5inister& $istorian and aut$or ,inston /$urc$ill $ad a at$er w$o wrote o $im >I $ave an idiot or a son*3 .merican -resident ,oodrow ,ilson& w$o $ad also #een t$e -resident o :rinceton @niversity& was dysle1ic* +$omas Adison $ad academic -ro#lems in sc$ool and lasted only t$ree mont$s in ormal education* 4e was $ome0sc$ooled #y $is mot$er w$o )ave $im t$e drive or success* ;Some o us $ave #i) $urdles to overcome& and some o us seem to #e runnin) down$ill most o our lives* ,e all %now t$at li e isn3t air* But w$erever we start in li e& we can ac$ieve* +$is is t$e lesson we want our -arents and sc$ools to inculcate into our youn) -eo-le* ,e don3t want our youn) -eo-le to #e $eld #ac% #ecause o w$at .dler called >or)an in eriority3* Bein) e1tra tall or e1tra s$ort& #ein) overwei)$t or very t$in& $avin) ast$ma or stutterin)& all are sometimes seen amon) our youn)* ,e $ave to teac$ our youn) t$at t$ese >or)an in eriorities3 are not t$e essentials o t$e -eo-le* +$e

-ersonality is t$e -erson*<

!;It reminds me o a )irl w$o was a cou-le o years #e$ind me at @*/*L*.* S$e was tall& rat$er at and quite $omely* +$ese >or)an in eriorities3 would $ave driven most -eo-le into t$e closet !#ut not $er* ,$enever t$e situation was ri)$t s$e could #e counted on to #rea% into son) wit$ t$e re-ertoire o So-$ie +uc%er& t$at 1E203s son)stress w$ose am-le #ody -roduced t$e -ower ul tunes t$at roc%ed t$e s-ea%easies o t$e 20s* So-$ie was one o .merica3s most amous sin)ers& -ro#a#ly t$e most amous o $er era* 5y sc$oolmate was always availa#le or sc$ool causes* I remem#er one time s$e& and a very s$ort classmate o $ers dressed in a tu1edo& and wit$ $er in $er #est ormal& a--eared on t$e loor o t$e Los .n)eles /oliseum at $al time o a ma2or oot#all )ame* +$ey were advertisin) t$e 2unior -rom* I don3t %now w$o would $ave $ad t$e )uts t$at s$e did!#ut .dler would $ave #een -roud* ,$en I loo% #ac% at my colle)e years I ind t$at I admired $er more t$an anyone else at sc$ool* .nd I never actually met $er*<

!;?es ,rec%& t$ere are a num#er o -eo-le w$o $ave t$e coura)e to overcome t$eir -$ysical limitations* It is )enerally $arder to overcome our mental and emotional in eriorities* ,e may not s$ine in t$e academic classroom #ut studyin) more e ectively may )o a lon) way toward remedyin) an intellectual -ro#lem* ,e use tutors to $el-* " ten t$ey are ro#ots* But emotional -ro#lems are muc$ more di icult to deal wit$* ,e $ave to $el- -eo-le understand w$y t$e -ro#lems -ro#a#ly e1ist* +$en we $ave to desi)n -ro)rams to allow t$em real success* Amotional -ro#lems are so o ten a matter o $avin) low sel esteem* So we try to remedy t$at* ,e $ave s-ecial sc$ools or s-ecial a ter sc$ool -ro)rams* ,e also wor% wit$ t$e -arents on $ow to $el- to increase t$eir c$ild3s sel esteem* ;:eo-le w$o don3t )row out o t$eir in eriority com-le1es use di erent met$ods to )et -ower over ot$ers* Some #ecome #ossy& t$ey may #ully or #ra)* +$ey can do t$is in in luencin) small )rou-s or lar)e countries* "t$ers control #y mani-ulatin) ot$ers* +$ey lean on t$em* . t$ird ty-e o -ro#lem -ersonality ad2ustment is t$e ty-e o -erson w$o avoids livin)& es-ecially #y avoidin) ot$er -eo-le* I it -ro)resses to a -syc$osis t$e -erson wit$draws totally rom t$e world* "n t$e ot$er $and& t$e $ealt$y -ersonality is ener)etic and socially use ul* 4e is movin) toward -er ection in a socially use ul -at$* ;+$e ma2or criticism o .dler3s ideas is t$at t$ey are not su iciently scienti ic* +$ey are more li%e a set o reli)ious #elie s in w$ic$ some#ody says t$at somet$in) is true* +$en some#ody writes it down and many -eo-le #elieve it* .dler certainly $ad many e1am-les rom $is t$era-y to -rove $is -oint* In social science we would call t$is qualitative analysis* 4ere we )o dee-ly into a limited num#er o

cases* ;+$e ot$er %ind o researc$ is called quantitative* In t$is ty-e o researc$ we ta%e a lar)e num#er o cases t$en see $ow o ten somet$in) comes u-* 6or e1am-le in t$e amous nurses3 study o LG&000 emale nurses in t$e @*S* in t$e -eriod rom 1EE2 to 2000 t$ere were a#out a t$ousand cases o #reast cancer* +$e women in $i)$ stress 2o#s $ad sli)$tly more #reast cancer t$an t$ose in low stress 2o#s* But t$e di erence was so little t$at it was not statistically si)ni icant* +$e study was a quantitative study* ,$at i we too% LG&000 secretaries or %inder)arten teac$ers or LG&000 emale )ra-e -ic%ers! would t$e num#er o #reast cancer cases $ave #een t$e sameD ,$at i we too% LG&000 /$inese nursesD +$e -ro#lem in see%in) scienti ic validity or certainty in sociolo)ical studies& wit$ si1 #illion -eo-le in t$e world& or in -syc$olo)ical studies& w$ere eac$ -erson $as ten #illion #rain cells& is im-ossi#le wit$ today3s measurin) tools* It3s 2ust not t$e same as a c$emist -uttin) two $ydro)en atoms wit$ an o1y)en atom to ma%e a molecule o water or a -$ysicist measurin) t$e s-eed o li)$t or o sound* So we don3t %now $ow well .dler3s t$eories would wor% everyw$ere& #ut we t$in% t$ey contri#ute to our society*

:",A( "VA(

;?ou mentioned t$e more -rimitive use o -ower to overcome in eriorities* It is o#vious t$at >-ower over3 is common in all societies* ,$et$er it is t$e -ower o t$e oldest 4indu wi e to lord it over all t$e youn)er women in t$e amily or t$e use o )uns and #om#s to en$ance t$e -ower o t$e tri#al or national leader!>-ower over3 seems to #e #orne in our )enes*<

!;Lee& s-o%en li%e a true /ali ornia lawyer* Didn3t you tell me t$at winnin) a court case was more im-ortant t$an seein) 2ustice served or most o your ellow attorneysD<

!;+rue& ,rec%* Because o our notion t$at eac$ attorney must i)$t $is case to $is utmost a#ility and t$at 2ustice is more li%ely to #e served in so0doin)& winnin) #ecomes -rimary* Get t$e murderer o * ,in or t$e to#acco com-anies* Sway t$e 2ury wit$ emotion and -ity* +$e end 2usti ies t$e means* But at least we do it wit$ our mout$s and our #rains& not our ists*

VI"LA8/A .S :",A(

;"ne o t$e worst outcomes o t$e -ower drive is usin) violence to ac$ieve our ends* Ait$er it is t$e /ri-s i)$tin) t$e Bloods& /ain %illin) .#el& t$e .mericans invadin) Iraq& or reli)ious terrorists a)ainst a#out every#ody* It )oes wit$out sayin) t$at nearly every conqueror ac$ieves t$rou)$ violence*<

!;.nd most o t$em are in turn conquered #y violence* +$ere $ave #een ew non0violent conquerors* Gand$i and =in) come to mind& and may#e St* :aul* "#viously t$e non0violent conquerors su#due #y s$owin) love and callin) or 2ustice* Just t$e e1act o--osite o t$ose usin) -ower to su#due ot$ers in #usiness& -olitics or s-ort* ;I crin)ed w$en I saw t$e . rican dictators& li%e 5u)a#e and +aylor& ruinin) t$eir countries* .nd t$e act t$at t$ey su--osedly came to -ower democratically ma%es me lose ait$ in t$e one -erson! one vote idea* /learly it was -ower -olitics t$at )ot t$em t$ere and %e-t t$em t$ere* ;,$at worries me is t$e -$ysical violence I see* Violence is t$e most #asic and sim-lest way o s$owin) -ower over someone* ?ou don3t $ave to t$in% in order to use violence* ,$y try to communicate ver#ally wit$ your s-ouse w$en you can las$ out wit$ a -unc$ or a sla-* It ta%es some maturity to try to analy9e and solve a -ro#lem* But w$en our e)o is rustrated& our instinct or violence eru-ts and we are rewarded wit$ immediate satis action* ;Loo% at t$e stu-id mac$o -ower* ,e $ave t$e soccer $ooli)ans& t$e )an) tur wars and ultimate i)$tin)* Some mental ve)eta#les t$in% t$at t$ese activities are t$e -innacle o -ower*I see -eo-le #ecome cra9y and violent or t$e silliest t$in)s& li%e w$ic$ team is #etter and w$ic$ o a t$ousand o-tions t$at )od wants today* Soccer $ooli)ans or suicide #om#ers are #rot$ers in usin) violence or ridiculous causes* ;:eo-le o ten associate murder wit$ -overty& #ut Sout$ . rica is . rica3s ric$est country* "n t$e ot$er $and its -overty rate $as dou#led in t$e last ten years* But t$ey $ave t$eir criminal )an)s and t$ere is t$e mistrust o ot$ers* 5any Jim#a#weans tryin) to esca-e t$eir im-ossi#le conditions #y comin) to Sout$ . rica were murdered!2ust #ecause t$ey were di erent* ;+a%e a -erson wit$ an an)ry $eart& -ut a )un in $is $ands t$en let t$e -ower drive ta%e over and you $ave instant violence* +a%e a -syc$olo)ically wea% man& -resent $im wit$ a -$ysically wea% woman& and you mi)$t $ave a ra-e*< ;+$ere are -lenty o reasons or violent #e$avior00loss o a 2o#& t$e deat$ o someone %nown or un%nown& a -erceived in2ustice #y a le)islature or a court* But t$e violent reaction o an individual or a )rou- nearly always $as ne)ative e ects or you or your co$orts* ,e3ll tal% more a#out t$at in Indus w$en we tal% to Dr* Sin)$ a#out e ective -olitics*<

!;+$en t$ere is always a rationali9ation to 2usti y -eo-le3s #e$avior* 6or t$e soccer $ooli)ans it mi)$t #e t$at Britain is #etter t$an 6rance or t$at 5anc$ester is #etter t$an /$elsea* 6or t$e suicide #om#er it may come rom $is local imam or rom t$e =oran w$ere it says >" :ro-$et strive $ard a)ainst t$e @n#elievers and t$e 4y-ocrites& and #e irm a)ainst t$em& t$eir a#ode is 4ell00 an evil re u)e indeed*3 BIaC ;,e wonder i t$e violence we see on t$e streets o 8ew ?or% or Ba)$dad& in t$e wars o Auro-e& in t$e slums o Bra9il& in t$e wars o reli)ions& in t$e a))ressive tri#es o . rica& is t$e norm or our s-eciesD<

!;+$e violence I see is so cowardly* Several yout$s #urn or #eat a sin)le $omeless -erson to deat$ in 6lorida* In Illinois or Vir)inia a student #uys )uns and )renades to %ill students $e doesn3t even %now* In . rica tri#al soldiers ra-e #a#ies wit$ -enises and #ayonets* Illiterate men and women are du-ed into doin) w$at t$e =oran or#ids in t$e name o .lla$* +$e may$em o some imams salves t$eir -ower drives wit$ votives o violence* ;It3s muc$ easier or -oor yout$s to #urn cars and #uses and to t$row roc%s at -olice to satis y t$eir need or -ower t$an it is to study dili)ently or years to ac$ieve in society and )ain t$eir >-ower to3* Violence is t$e most -rimitive and usually t$e least e ective way to )ain -ower!es-ecially i you are usin) your -ower over an entity t$at is more -ower ul and more or)ani9ed t$an you are* It is one t$in) to try wit$ your eleven -layers a)ainst t$e ot$er team3s eleven on t$e oot#all ield t$an to ta%e your two t$ousand a)ainst your )overnment3s ten million* Individual or )rou- suicide is not always t$e recommended met$od or c$an)in) a society* +$e o#2ectives o individual or mo# violence& li%e #urnin) s$o-s and -rivate cars& )enerally $ave little to do wit$ t$e actual cause o t$e rustration* But rat$er t$ey are w$at is nearest and least dan)erous to t$e rioters* ;+$en t$ere were t$e in amous Danis$ cartoons t$at evo%ed multi0national violence* In several -oses& all related to t$e terrorist #om#in)s #y a ew 5uslims around t$e world& 5u$ammad or a terrorist was cartooned* "ne cartoon s$owed a 5uslim in $eaven tellin) t$e -eo-le #elow t$at >t$ey were runnin) out o vir)ins3* .s you %now suicide #om#ers were e1-ectin) rom 20 to G0 vir)ins in $eaven a ter com-letin) t$eir -art o t$e 2i$ad* .not$er s$owed a 5uslim& alle)edly 5u$ammad& wit$ a #om# or a tur#an* 5ost -eo-le in t$e ,est& 5uslims included& $ad a#$orred w$at t$ey saw as senseless %illin)s o innocent -eo-le #y Islamic terrorists* +$e question o t$e cartoons was!is t$is w$at 5u$ammad would advocateD But a ew imams in Denmar% were o ended* It too% a ew mont$s or t$e o ense to #e #roadcast to t$e 5uslim world* +$en a cou-le o Danis$ and 8orwe)ian

em#assies were destroyed* +$is& o course was senseless* But since we are -syc$olo)ical rat$er t$an lo)ical it could #e e1-ected* . more sensi#le act o reven)e would $ave #een to %ill t$e cartoonist or -er$a-s sto- #uyin) t$e Danis$ news-a-er* But 8"'& t$e -syc$olo)ical reaction is to attac% w$at is near#y* =ill a Dane visitin) t$e 5uslim country* 4e may never $ave even seen t$e cartoons* 8o matter' 5ad senseless -ower must $ave its victims* ;In t$e case o t$e cartoons& t$e ,estern -ress de ended reedom o t$e -ress!w$ic$ is o ten valued #y t$e newsmen* But is -ress reedom more valua#le to a 5uslim w$ose -ro-$et $as #een de iledD It is reli)ious values versus -olitical values* .nd in s-ite o t$e stren)t$ wit$ w$ic$ t$ey are $eld& #ot$ are rooted in non0-rova#le assum-tions' ;.nd violence sure sells in ilms& on +V and in com-uter )ames* 4ave we always #een so violent or are t$e media -us$in) us t$at wayD "r is it t$e wea-ons t$at are availa#leD ,ould .le1ander& Gen)$is or t$e Vi%in)s $ave conquered t$e w$ole world i t$ey $ad ri les& cannons or #om#ersD<

--Remember during the first week of the 2011 year conservative fanatics on opposite sides of the globe and with their fanaticisms goaded by incongruous yet compatible heralds of hate took aim at elected representatives of their people. The governor of Punjab, Salman Taseer, was gunned down by one of his guards, who pumped 26 bullets into his employer. Of course the assassination was deserved. The governor had opposed his countrys blasphemy law and had spoken in defense of a Christian woman who had been sentenced to death for violating it

--You might be aware that Pakistans blasphemy law prohibits and defiling the Holy Koran, or making derogatory remarks about Mohammad or any other holy person or their families. Defiling the Koran is punishable by life imprisonment. Making derogatory remarks about the Holy Prophet is punishable by death. Derogatory remarks about other holy personages can result in a three-year prison term and a fine. Even calling oneself a Muslim can be illegal if one is not in the major Muslim groups of Pakistan.

--A few days later in Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head as she was meeting with voters to discuss their concerns with Congress. Six others at the meeting were killed by the crazed assassin.

--Both assassins rationalized that they were doing what was right. The one upholding the laws of God and the parliament and the other attacking what he believed to be the unconstitutional harassment of the American people by authorities in government. There was no question from his actions and writings that he was a psychologically disturbed young man. Power and control by the individual is primary and does not take into consideration any socially democratic controls. The individual, not the group, is the only concern. This is just another example of the essential nature of our need for power--we find it as the overriding personality trait on the whole motivation spectrum from socially approved actions to psychosis.

!;?ou would t$in% t$at wit$ our more advanced #rains we could we redirect t$at -ower to conquerin) in #usiness& in s-ort or in s-readin) t$e word o GodD ;+$en it seems to me t$at -eo-le can )ain -ower t$rou)$ t$in)s* Drivin) ast is a common su#stitute or not #ein) success ul on t$e -layin) ield* Just -retend t$at you $ave t$e -ower o your automo#ile* Don3t or)et road ra)e w$ere a driver uses $is car to e1-ress $is an)er a)ainst one and all* ;Buyin) clot$es and accessories t$at carry wit$ t$em an air o -ower can #e seen in t$e oversi9ed clot$es o many )an) mem#ers and >wanna0#es3* "r it can come wit$ t$e couturier la#els o 6i t$ .venue or /anon Drive*<

!;?ou can certainly )ain -ower #y associatin) wit$ ot$ers* /ollective riotin) on t$e streets o :aris or ,atts is a violent illustration* ,earin) your avorite team3s 2erseys is a non0violent ty-e o association* "r loo% at t$e -ower )rou-in)s in -risons& t$e .ryan Brot$er$ood& t$e 5e1ican 5a ia& t$e Blac% Guerrilla 6amily and many ot$ers w$o i)$t or t$eir ille)al and anti0social a)endas inside and outside t$e -rison walls*<

00;+$en t$ere is w$at we mi)$t call mental violence* /$ildren #ully w$ile adults use sarcasm* Gossi-in) wit$ t$e idea o $oldin) yoursel $i)$er t$an t$e o#2ect o your )ossi- is anot$er common use o -ower to overcome one3s in eriority* ;Bullyin) is )ettin) worse as students3 sel esteem dro-s* .nd as wit$ violent )an)s& #ullies o ten #and to)et$er* 5ore t$an one in our students re-ort #ein) #ullied in a year* Sometimes t$ey are even %illed& as a /ali ornia #oy was a ter $e said $e was a $omose1ual* Sometimes t$e #ullied students do t$e %illin)& as $a--ened at /olum#ine 4i)$ Sc$ool* /ommonly t$e victims o #ullyin) cut sc$ool*

.nd w$en t$ey attend sc$ool t$ey o ten are orced to avoid certain -arts o t$e sc$ool li%e restrooms and ca eterias* Bullyin)& li%e ot$er $arassin) #e$avior& is one o t$e common #e$aviors o -eo-le wit$ in eriority eelin)s*<

!;?ou $ave to admit t$at violence in ilms& +V -ro)rammin) and video )ames& $el-s to ma%e #etter soldiers!w$ere %illin) is an ideal orm o #e$avior* In ,orld ,ar I %illin) was di icult or most soldiers to do* +$en t$e -syc$olo)ists $el-ed t$e -ro-a)andists to develo- t$eir warli%e mentalities t$e %ill ratios went u- in ,orld ,ar II* Ja-anese as yellow #ellied slant0eyed sadists w$o would dive t$eir #om#ers into .merican s$i-s %illin) t$ose nice .merican #oys* 4itler3s troo-s were )oose0ste--in) co)s in a terror mac$ine #ent on conquerin) t$e world w$ile )assin) undesira#le )y-sies and Jews alon) t$e way* +$e =orean ,ar3s -ro-a)anda was even more e ective* .nd #y t$e time t$e warriors invaded Vietnam every .sian mi)$t #e an enemy so could #e %illed*<

!;+$ose two #oys w$o %illed 1L -eo-le at /olum#ine 4i)$ Sc$ool in 1EEE wrote 2ournals a#out $ow t$ey were )oin) to %ill and torture -eo-le* +$ey mentioned a cou-le o violent video )ames as ins-irations or t$e actions* +$ey $ad -lans or even #i))er attac%s li%enin) t$em to t$e L. riots& t$e "%la$oma #om#in)s and even ,orld ,ar II*<

!;?ou $ave certainly $ad your -ro#lems wit$ sc$ool s$ootin)s in .merica& #ut we are seein) t$e seeds o violence -lanted more o ten everyw$ere today* . 200Q study #y t$e 6renc$ -olice ound t$at 2ust under 10H o t$e mosques were under t$e control o e1tremists* ?et 2LH o 6renc$ converts to Islam identi ied t$emselves wit$ t$e Sala ists& a sect associated wit$ violence* ;In t$e /on)o anti0)overnment re#els attac%ed villa)es murderin)& ra-in)& and deca-itatin) men& women and c$ildren* Aven t$e )overnment troo-s& out o rustration& o ten attac%ed t$e -eo-le t$ey were su--osed to -rotect* In Iraq innocents were attac%ed wit$ equal ury #y t$eir countrymen*<

00;5illions o -eo-le in our country donKt automatically reac$ or t$e television remote control w$en t$ey want to #e entertained* +$ey turn to electronic )ames or diversion* .ccordin) to a new -oll& Q0H o .merican adults -lay )ames on a com-uter or a console* 5en& youn)er adults and minorities were most li%ely to -lay t$ose )ames* It3s not 2ust t$at so many )ames $ave violence as t$e main eature& #ut t$e act t$at so many are e1-eriencin) meanin)less time0%illin) -astimes* ,e %now t$at readin) $as decreased* 8ews-a-er circulation is reduced* :eo-le are dum#in) down intellectually

w$ile t$ey o ten are )ettin) t$e unconscious -ermission to #e violent* So t$in%in) is less and less a actor in our #e$avior* .nd I3ve noticed t$at 1eno-$o#ia& t$e ear o ot$ers w$o are di erent& in ects every society!even t$ose societies t$at stron)ly -reac$ equality*<

,.( .8D /"8R@A(I8G

!;5a2or warlords come in requently!Gen)$is =$an& 4itler& 8a-oleon& Geor)e Bus$& .le1ander t$e Great& Darius& #in Ladin* +$ese -eo-le )o ar #eyond t$eir #orders to conquer ot$ers* 5inor warlords are wit$ us eternally!many in . rica& =$omeini in Iran& Sadd$am in Iraq& leaders o t$e =u =lu1 =lan or Ali2a 5o$ammed* +$ese -eo-le tend to rouse u- civil discord or war on minor nei)$#orin) -o-ulations!sometimes %illin) more -eo-le t$an t$e ma2or warlords*

:",A( I8 S:"(+S
;.t$letes may #e)in #y wantin) to -lay& #ut as t$ey rise to t$e to- o t$eir s-orts winnin) #ecomes -rimary* ?ou may #e tryin) to win over an o--onent& a >-ower over3 motivation& or tryin) to win over yoursel #y doin) #etter every wee%* +$is would #e a >-ower to3 motivation* ;,it$ )ame attendance& television& mar%etin) o s-ort team uni orms and suc$& t$e at$letes $ave ac$ieved a -ower )reater t$an t$eir s%ills mi)$t warrant* ,it$ multi0million dollar salaries& and merc$andi9in) contracts t$at may dwar t$eir salaries& we $ave canoni9ed t$e cele#rities w$ile triviali9in) t$ose w$o are titans o t$e intellect*<

:",A( .8D +A(("(IS5

00;Avery motivation can #e carried to e1tremes* +$e drive or -leasure may #e carried to t$e e1treme o a >se1a$olic3& a emale nym-$omanic or a male Don Juan* +$e -ower drive can #e carried to t$e e1treme o a 4itler& #in Ladin or 8a-oleon* But unless t$e e1treme ad2ustment is -syc$otic& w$ere rational reasons or #e$avior are not needed& some rationali9ation will #e needed* Avery neurotic& no matter $ow severely malad2usted& will )ive a rationali9ation or w$y $e or s$e did w$at was done* 6or t$e advancement o 8ational Socialism& 4itler needed Jews and )y-sies as t$e devils* Bin Ladin needed -ro0Israel countries and li#eral 5uslims as $is reasons or %illin) innocents* :ower driven /at$olics needed t$e savin) o Jerusalem and t$e #elie s o t$e anti0/$ristian in idels to launc$ t$eir /rusades rom t$e 11t$ t$rou)$ t$e 1Lt$ /enturies* It is stran)e t$at so o ten in t$e /rusades it was

t$e in idels w$o s$owed true com-assion* +$ey were o ten a#le to turn t$e ot$er c$ee% to t$e /$ristians continued ace sla--in)* ;It is always #est to ind a valued #elie on w$ic$ to #ase one3s irrational #e$avior* (eli)ion and t$e #etterment o society are t$e most common values used #y t$e severely neurotically -ower driven -eo-le* 8a-oleon& .le1ander t$e Great& 4itler& /yrus& /aesar and all t$e ot$er )reat conquerors used t$e advancement o t$e state as t$e reason or t$eir a#normal drive or -ower* Bin Ladin and some 5iddle .)e -o-es used reli)ion as t$e reasons or t$e Inquisition& witc$ $untin)& t$e +$irty ?ears ,ar& t$e EU11 massacre and many more* But 9ealots o t$e 5id0Aast reli)ions $ave continually ou)$t eac$ ot$er and any w$o o--osed t$em* +$ey ou)$t or #ot$ reli)ious -rimacy and territorial desires* .nd many used reli)ion as t$eir 2usti ication or t$eir individual insecurities* ;Stran)e& #ut t$e reli)ious wars nearly always $ave -itted t$ose w$o #elieve in t$e same God a)ainst one anot$er* .#ra$am& t$e at$er o Judaism& is credited wit$ $avin) #een revealed t$e trut$ o t$ere #ein) only one God* +$is $e -assed down t$rou)$ $is son Isaac to $is -ro)eny& t$e Jews* Jesus o course was always a Jew* 4e& li%e many ot$er Jewis$ t$in%ers& tau)$t a di erent conce-t o $is ait$* /$ristianity really develo-ed #ased on w$at t$e (oman Jew :aul o ered $is converts* 5o$ammed said t$at Islam was t$e true reli)ion #ecause it dated rom t$e irst #orn son o .#ra$am& Is$mael& #orn o t$e .ra# slave 4a)ar #e ore .#ra$am3s wi e Sara$ $ad conceived Isaac* ;So Judaism& /$ristianity and Islam all stem rom t$e God o .#ra$am& #ut li%e t$e #rot$ers t$ey are& t$eir i)$ts $ave #een most #rutal #etween t$em* Jews a)ainst 5oslems& 5oslems a)ainst Jews& /$ristians a)ainst /$ristians& /$ristians a)ainst Jews or 5oslems& 5oslems a)ainst /$ristians or ot$er 5uslims!eac$ #ein) +4A +(@A reli)ion& $as all t$e answers* ,$en was t$e last time you $eard o a war to advance 4induismD +$e 4indus& #elievin) t$at all is "ne& or all is God& tolerate all #elie s as #ein) wit$in t$e "ne* +$is doesn3t mean t$at some 4indus will not i)$t to t$e deat$ over w$et$er 4indi or An)lis$ s$ould #e t$e o icial lan)ua)e* ,$et$er it is t$e tolerant #elie system or t$e -overty o t$e country t$at reduces t$e anaticism ound in t$e reli)ions o t$e ric$er ,est!most 4indus don3t care w$at you #elieve* Budd$ists $ave t$e same -ro#lem wit$ not #ein) irrationally -ower driven* 4as t$ere ever #een a war to advance Budd$ismD Aven t$ou)$ t$e Budd$ists t$in% t$at t$ey $ave t$e +rue way to enli)$tenment& it3s not wort$ a li e to try to orce someone into t$at #elie * ;/ould 6reud $ave cured 4itler or #in LadinD :ro#a#ly less t$an a 1H c$ance* ,$ile 6reud saw us to #e w$at we $ave $idden in our unconscious minds& are we not really w$at we $ave accom-lis$edD ,$et$er it #e as a lovin) 5ot$er +$eresa& a -ractical scientist suc$ as +$omas Adison or dee-ly $uman t$in%ers suc$ as Sidd$art$a or Socrates*

/(@AL+?

;:ower doesn3t necessarily mean t$e need to #e cruel!#ut t$at is a common element* +$ere is also -ower in #ein) )reedy and sel is$* +$ere is -ower in %nowin) t$e trut$ as we ind in most reli)ions& es-ecially in t$e all0%nowin) ministers and t$eir one0dimensional ollowers* ;8ow$ere $as cruelty #een more evident t$an in torture& and now$ere $as torture #een more evident t$an w$en t$e ri)$teously reli)ious torture t$e in idels& or t$e reli)ious ma2ority tortures t$e reli)ious minority* It is incom-re$ensi#le to most o us t$e in$umane $orrors t$at some $uman minds $ave con2ured and carried out* ,ater#oardin)& t$e /$inese water torture& even t$um# screws and iron mas%s -ale to t$e rac%& #ein) lowered ace down in #oilin) oil or lead& #ein) tied to a wide wooden w$eel and rolled down a roc%y $ill& #ein) nailed to a cross and cruci ied u-side down& #ein) tied to a red $ot iron c$air t$en $avin) your eet di--ed in #oilin) oil& #ein) ried in #oilin) oil& #ein) drawn and dra))ed t$rou)$ t$e villa)e #e$ind a $orse& t$en tortured& t$en t$e #ody cut into quarters w$ile still #arely alive* .nd t$ese are only a ew illustrations o reli)ious -ower and -re2udice )one wron)* ;It3s a#out -ower& and more t$an -ower& cruelty* "t$er animals use -ower to )et ood or social status* "nly we $uman animals include torture& )ratuitous violence and )rotesque $umiliation as elements o our #e$avior!#e$avior t$at seems to #e increasin) as we su--osedly #ecome more civili9ed*

:",A( .8D SAX

;,$en loo%in) at se1 and -ower we $ave two -ower ul& -ro#a#ly innate& drives* ,omen& traditionally t$rou)$ t$eir #eauty& )et -ower over men* Grantin) se1ual avors is even a #etter means o )ainin) -ower over t$em* 5en tend to )et t$eir se1ual attraction rom economic or -olitical success* .lt$ou)$ as women #ecome as s$allow as men& a man3s $andsomeness #ecomes more o a se1ual s-ice* So se1 can #e used to )ain -ower and -ower can #e used to )et se1* ;:ower is ound in -ractically every area o li e* Se1ual control or -ower is o ten clouded #y se1ual desires or se1ual activity00 or inactivity* Intimacy can #e wit$$eld as a -unis$ment or dan)led as an enticin) diamond o desire* +$e -ower o conquest can com-ete wit$& or even overs$adow& t$e satis action o an or)asm* :layin) t$e -ower )ames o se1 can dis)uise itsel as love& as t$e lovers -ractice t$ose #e$aviors t$at S$a%es-eare saw as massive dece-tions** ;(a-e& once t$ou)$t to #e a se1 driven act is now reco)ni9ed as a -ower driven act in t$e se1ual area* ,$y would a teena)er ra-e an F0 year oldD Se1ual desireD 8o' S$e is merely an easy o#2ect or $is -$ysical -ower to overcome and $umiliate someone* . stron) man out0musclin) a wea% woman& a man wit$ a %ni e or )un su#duin) a stron) woman& a )rou- o 4utus ra-in) a +utsi woman3s va)ina wit$ -enises and clu#s* 4ave you ever $eard o a clu# or #ayonet $avin) an or)asmD ;I3m sure you are amiliar wit$ t$at -oly)amous sect t$at calls itsel 5ormon& alt$ou)$ it $as lon)

since #een re#u%ed and e1communicated rom t$e main 5ormon /$urc$* +$e men marry multi-le wives and o ten cast out t$e youn) men so t$ey can3t #e com-etitors or t$e youn)er )irls and women* ?ou can ima)ine t$at t$is #rin)s ort$ 2ealousy in many wives w$o eac$ want to #e num#er one* So -ower -lays on #ot$ sides o t$e -oly)amous arran)ements* ;,$en t$e local -ro-$et tells men t$at t$ey need L wives to )et to $eaven it mi)$t sound li%e $eaven is already $ere* " course t$at t$ree wi e allotment requires eit$er enticin) more women into t$e sect or )ettin) rid o youn) #oys* +$e latter seems to #e t$e -at$& wit$ #oys eit$er #ein) #eaten to deat$ or released outside t$e -ro-$et3s -lay)round to s$i t or t$emselves* +$ese are t$e so0called >lost #oys*3 ;In t$e amous +e1as -oly)amy case t$e -ro-$et controlled everyone* 4e even sent $us#ands to ot$er states w$ile %ee-in) t$e wives and c$ildren at t$e com-ound* +$e remainin) men controlled t$e women and c$ildren* +$e su#servient wives controlled t$eir c$ildren and $ad t$e -ower o God directin) t$em to $eaven i t$ey o#eyed* ;,$en t$e +e1as aut$orities too% t$e c$ildren& t$e wives tried to )et t$em #ac% #ecause t$ey >loved3 t$em* I lovin) requires $el-in) t$e c$ild to #e t$e #est s$e can #e& a quality education mi)$t well #e a requirement or t$ose w$o are said to #e loved* :ossi#ly t$e e1-osure to a $ome li e t$at is wit$in t$e norm o t$e ,estern world mi)$t #e essential* Brainwas$in) )irls to #elieve t$at t$eir only 2o# in li e is to $ave #a#ies in a multi-le $us#and amily mi)$t not really #e lovin)* ;.not$er question s$ould #e w$et$er t$e mot$ers are -syc$olo)ically $ealt$y& de-ressed& or #rainwas$ed* +$ere was no question t$at t$e mot$ers were very concerned or t$eir c$ildren& #ut were t$ey -syc$olo)ically -re-ared to #e -arents in t$e modern worldD ,as t$e ra-e or t$e undera)e marria)e o t$e )irls in t$eir #est interestD ,$at a#out t$e -roven incestual environmentD 5ost states $ave laws a)ainst #ot$ incest and c$ild a#use* ,it$ t$e e1ce-tion o Lot $avin) se1 wit$ $is dau)$ters or Juda$ wit$ $is dau)$ter0in0law& incest is a)ainst God3s laws in t$e 5id0Aastern reli)ions* ;Loo% at t$e num#er o c$ildren& usually #oys& w$o $ave #een t$e unwillin) se1ual victims o t$e -ower o /at$olic -riests and #rot$ers& w$ose celi#ate se1ual cravin)s cost t$em& t$eir victims& and t$eir c$urc$ )reat -syc$olo)ical -ain* +$e -ain can run so dee- t$at t$e victims cannot recover rom t$eir se1ual violation #y a re-resentative o God* +$e wealt$y c$urc$ was stuc% wit$ over a #illion dollars in settlements to t$e victims*<

!;+$ose o us w$o are tryin) to do t$e wor% o t$e Lord are em#arrassed and as$amed #y t$ose we t$ou)$t were wit$ us* I can see t$at t$e #oys in my -aris$& and t$eir -arents& are a #it a raid t$at I mi)$t #e a molester* I don3t eel t$e closeness I once elt rom everyone* +$ese -riests $ave made my mission muc$ more di icult* I am an)ry at t$em or w$at t$ey $ave done to mem#ers o t$eir loc%& #ut I also eel )reat com-assion or t$em and t$eir victims* 5y collea)ues and I tal% a#out

t$e state o a airs o ten* ,e can3t understand it* 8one o us $as $ad suc$ se1ual im-ulses* ,e are sin)le0minded in wantin) to $el- our -aris$ioners in t$is li e and t$e ne1t* I can relate to t$e sin)leness o -ur-ose o t$e -ainter or scul-tor w$o can3t leave $is wor%& t$e mot$er devotin) $ersel to $er amily& t$e coac$ w$ose 2o# is $is li e and $is li e is $is 2o#*<

!;I eel or you (ay* I3ve t$ou)$t a#out you a lot durin) t$ose #ad -u#licity years* ,$en Anron or ,orld/om )o down it seems to re lect on all o us in #usiness& #ut not as #ad as w$at you must $ave elt* . ter all& we all e1-ect t$e cler)y to #e saintly& #ut in #usiness we e1-ect some croo%s& and o course in Lee3s -ro ession we e1-ect all lawyers to #e croo%s' ;,e see se1ual a#use and $arassment in every area o society& es-ecially w$ere t$ere is a discre-ancy in -owerV teac$er and student& -riest and altar #oy& coac$ and at$lete& minister and -aris$ioners& em-loyer and em-loyees& and even quite commonly -arent and c$ild* ;,e -ro#a#ly all wonder w$en we $ave a -resident or )overnor $avin) se1 wit$ em-loyees or -rostitutes& w$yD Is it #ecause t$ey don3t )et enou)$ cuddlin) at $omeD Is it to lirt wit$ dan)erD Is it to $ave -ower over someone in a more -ersonal& one0to0one relations$i-D Is it 2ust t$e desire or an or)asm in anot$er -ersonD It doesn3t ma%e sense rom a lo)ical -oint o view* But rom a -syc$olo)ical -ers-ective $e may eel t$at $e is immune rom discovery #ecause o $is aura o -ower* . ter all& i $is -ower drive is #ein) satis ied isn3t it li%ely t$at $is illicit -artner3s -ower drive will entice $er to tell someoneD +$at3s a -retty )ood satis action to tell -eo-le you $ave $ad se1 wit$ a -resident& %in)& )overnor or ot$er cele#rity* .nd even i t$ey %ee- quiet t$ere is t$e c$ance t$at some -olice investi)ation will uncover t$e indiscretion* 4ow many -rominent men w$o $ave #een e1-osed wis$ t$ey $ad never done itD<

!;5a%es me wonder too* But consentin) adults is one t$in) w$ile non0willin) teena)ers is somet$in) else* Just loo% at t$e emale )enital mutilation in . rica* +wenty ei)$t . rican countries -ractice some orm o t$is crude )enital sur)ery to cut t$e clitoris so t$at se1ual -leasure will #e reduced* It was -ro#a#ly started #y men w$o could $ave only one or)asm tryin) to #rin) t$e multi0 or)asmic women to a level #elow t$em* I )uess it3s >i you can3t do it& -unis$ some#ody w$o can*3 ;In t$e courtroom we see so many cases o domestic violence* +$e $us#and and wi e or #oy riend and )irl riend #eatin) eac$ ot$er u-* In t$e @*S* a quarter o women $ave e1-erienced domestic violence and $al t$at many men $ave #een #eaten #y t$eir wives* ;Domestic violence is uncommonly common& i not universal* In a woman3s li etime it ran)es rom a EMH rate in 8e-al and over G0H in At$io-ia to a 20 to 2MH rate in t$e @*S* and 1MH in Ja-an* I we

ta%e an annual rate it occurs to 1 in 2M women in Ja-an and to a#out 1 in 2 in Ban)lades$ every year* .ustralia is -retty $i)$ too& wit$ over 1 in M women #ein) #eaten in a year* +$is com-ares wit$ 1in F in t$e @=& 1 in LL in /anada and 1in GM annually in t$e @*S* +$is violence not only leaves t$e -$ysical scars o t$e encounter #ut it )reatly increases t$e ris% o ot$er $ealt$ -ro#lems in t$e uture* 5ay#e it is t$e ear actor t$at reduces t$e immune system3s -rotection& #ut w$atever it is& it is real*It3s not only t$e women* In t$e @*S* w$ile 2QH o women $ave e1-erienced -artner a#use& 12H o men also $ave su ered rom s-ousal a#use*BGC +welve $undred women are %illed and two million in2ured eac$ year* +$is o#viously soot$es t$e in eriority com-le1es* o a )ood num#er o rustrated lovers* ;Violence a)ainst women is worldwide* But su#0Sa$aran . rica may #e t$e worst* Stand u- or yoursel and )et #eaten or %illed* 5ost women are not as stron) as most men so are natural -rey since male mental in eriority can uel t$eir -$ysical su-eriority to ra-e& #eat or murder women* +$e 5uslim code in 8i)eria allows $us#ands to disci-line t$eir wives* I a man is t$e $ead o t$e $ouse$old& all in t$e $ome must #e su#missive* ;Jum-in) to Islam& you are certainly aware o t$e 5uslim tradition in some countries t$at requires at$ers and sons to %ill a emale amily mem#er w$o $as dis$onored t$e amily #y losin) $er vir)inity t$rou)$ consensual se1 or even ra-e* ;I see so many varieties o -ower in t$e se1ual areas* +a%e e1$i#itionism* 5ale > las$ers3 tryin) to s$oc% )irls #y e1-osin) t$emselves* But wise )irls will lau)$ at t$em& w$ic$ %ills t$eir -ower am#itions and -uts t$em in an in erior -osition* +$is $umiliation is 2ust t$e o--osite o t$e reaction t$ey want* "r ta%e t$e voyeurs& t$e ;-ee-in) +oms* 3+$ey )et t$eir -ower drive >2ollies3 #y seein) somet$in) t$ey3re not su--osed to see& t$at -uts t$em >one u-3 on t$e -erson s-ied on* "r sadistic se1& tyin) some#ody u- or w$i--in) t$em to )et t$eir -ower antasies ul illed* +$ere is frottage in w$ic$ a -erson touc$es anot$er to )et a se1ual t$rill and t$e -ower )ained rom $avin) done it* .nd o course t$e normal $eterose1ual or $omose1ual se1ual encounters )enerally $ave a -ower motivation!>I )ot $im3 or >I )ot $er*3 Isn3t t$is w$y is it so o ten called a conquest* So -ower 2oins wit$ t$e quest or or)asm or -$ysical intimacy& in many& i not most& se1ual liaisons*<

GA8DA( .8D :",A(

!;5r* ?uen told me t$at $e mentioned t$e -lace o women in our society* In t$e -ast many -eo-le $ave elt tra--ed #y t$e )ender traits w$ic$ $ave #een assi)ned to t$em #y t$eir societies* +$e idea00 t$at men are& or s$ould #e& a))ressive and dominant& and t$at women are& or s$ould #e& nurturin) and su#missive& $as recently #een c$allen)ed and o ten rede ined* +$e eminist movement

in t$e ,estern world& -articularly since t$e 1EI0Ks& $as orced #ot$ men and women to re0evaluate t$eir )ender roles* ;+$e traditional roles o men& to #e dominant and controllin)& are seen as ve$icles or t$e drive or -ower* It $ad orced t$em to ac$ieve in #usiness& to #ecome t$e money winners& and to wor% at t$e $i)$est academic and -olitical levels* ,omen& on t$e ot$er $and& were to nurture t$eir $us#ands and c$ildren and to #e su#servient* ;5en $ave #een driven to succeed and satis y t$eir -ower drives& and women were e1-ected to #e directed #y t$e need to love and #e loved* (at$er t$an seein) suc$ )ender traits on a masculine0 eminine scale I t$in% we s$ould see t$em on a love0-ower continuum on w$ic$ #ot$ men and women can e1ist* It is not t$e idea t$at men and women are -oles a-art #ut t$at $uman #ein)s can $ave quite di erent motivations* So on a scale wit$ a sel 0centered -ower drive on one end and an altruistic love need on t$e ot$er00men and women can #e ound alon) t$e w$ole scale* +$e arti icial conce-t t$at t$ere are masculine traits and eminine traits& w$ic$ are quite di erent& is a cultural a#rication w$ic$ can no lon)er #e su--orted #y t$e scienti ic evidence* ;Because o t$e eminist movement women $ave #een more overtly encoura)ed to ollow w$atever needs and drives t$ey eel* +$ey may now enter t$e traditional male domains00 o medicine& law& s-orts and #usiness00and satis y t$eir -ower drives* .nd t$ey don3t $ave to #ear c$ildren* 5en& on t$e ot$er $and& $ave #een allowed to enter t$e traditionally eminine roles o %inder)arten teac$er or nurse& and satis y t$eir needs to love* I t$ey $ave c$ildren suc$ men may decide to stay $ome and #e t$e $omema%ers* .s t$e c$ains o traditional )ender roles are #ro%en it )ives eac$ o us reer c$oices in directin) our lives accordin) to t$e needs and drives t$at motivate us and& as 5aslow said& to #ecome more sel actuali9ed and to #e a#le to wor% toward our $i)$est -otentials* ;. recent study o colle)e res$men in t$e @*S* indicates t$at t$e women $ave $i)$er educational )oals t$an t$e men* IIH o t$e women and ILH o t$e men -lanned to wor% or advanced de)rees* .nd a sli)$t ma2ority o women -lan to )o into law& medicine& or to -ursue doctoral de)rees* ;+oo many men want to $old on to t$e -ower dic$otomy o t$e society* In :oland t$e conservative )overnment dis#anded its se1ual equality committee* In #usiness and -olitics& women nearly always meet t$e )lass ceilin)* "nly a ew $ave -ierced it* Bena9ir B$utto o :a%istan& Indira Gand$i o India& 5ar)aret +$atc$er o t$e @=& Golda 5ier o Israel& Gro 4arlam Bruntland o 8orway& and 5ic$elle Bac$elet o /$ile are e1am-les o a ew o t$e women w$o $ave reac$ed t$e to- leaders$i- o t$eir countries* ,omen $ave at least as muc$ -otential or every leaders$i- -osition as men* But many men and many uneducated women i)$t to maintain t$e culture w$ere only $al o quali ied adults are allowed to com-ete or t$e to- 2o#s in every area* ;But as 5ic$elle Bac$elet $as said& women are o ten 2ud)ed di erently t$an men* ,$en a male

leader s$eds a tear in an emotional situation $e is s$owin) em-at$y& w$en a woman s$eds a tear in t$e same situation s$e can3t control $er emotions* .nd s$e is ar more li%ely t$an men to $ave $er clot$es critici9ed*BGaC ;+$ere are so many -laces in t$e world w$ere women are #ein) -us$ed #ac%wards* In Ba)$dad as .mericans -aid Iraqi tri#al leaders to i)$t t$e 2i$adists& t$e tri#al men were treatin) women as t$e +ali#an did* Some $ave t$reatened to %ill women w$o don3t wear veils* ,omen can3t wear #lac% to mourn loved ones or more t$an t$ree days* +$ese men see t$at dressin) in mournin) is #las-$emy #ecause it indicates t$at t$ey question t$e will o .lla$* I wonder i t$ey s$ed a tear w$en t$eir own c$ildren die*

:",A(& SAX@.L 4.(.SS5A8+ .8D .B@SA I8 S:"(+

;,e even ind t$is -re2udice re lected in s-ort* +$e International "lym-ic /ommittee $ad set to%en )oals o 10H women on national "lym-ic committees #y 2000 and 20H #y 200M!#ut t$ey $aven3t met t$eir own )oals* So it is a toot$less -roclamation* Se1ual discrimination and $arassment cannot even #e discussed in most o t$e world& suc$ as in t$e "rient& . rica& or t$e 5id0east& #ut even in t$e countries t$at lead t$e way in stam-in) out $arassment and a#use in s-ort are not clean* 8orway& /anada and t$e @S still $ave coac$es -racticin) se1ual $arassin) and a#usive tactics* +$ere are even "lym-ic level coac$es servin) lon) -rison terms or se1ually a#usin) t$eir youn) emale at$letes*<

!;?ou %now my commitment to t$e values o s-ort* I $ate to see t$e values o air -lay violated in any way* Because o my success as an at$lete and my commitment to s-ort I was a--ointed as a re-resentative to t$e International "lym-ic /ommittee3s /on erence on ,omen and S-ort in :aris a ew years a)o* +$ere were a num#er o women rom -oor countries w$ose way was -aid #y t$e I"/* +$ere were s-ea%ers w$o tal%ed a#out t$e need or more emales in coac$in) and s-ort administration* . ter every s-eec$ do9ens o emale dele)ates a--lauded t$e s-ea%er and a irmed t$e need in t$eir country* +$en :ro essor 6astin) o 8orway )ave a s-eec$ on t$e need to eliminate se1ual $arassment and a#use in s-ort* 8ot a sin)le dele)ate raised a voice in su--ort* I t$ou)$t t$is was odd* So I as%ed a -ro essor rom t$e 6ar Aast i t$is was& or could #e& researc$ed in $er country* S$e w$is-ered >no way*3 ;+$is )ot my curiosity u-* I #e)an to see% out -eo-le rom t$e non0,estern countries to )et t$eir slant on t$is issue* . cou-le o women rom Ja-an related $ow t$eir 1EIQ "lym-ic Gold 5edal volley#all team -layers $ad #een #eaten #y t$e coac$ i t$ey -er ormed -oorly* 6rom . rica I $eard o an "lym-ic male coac$ wit$ ei)$t -layers on $is team* 4e $ad $ad se1 wit$ si1 o t$em and ive )ot

-re)nant #y $im* ;+$en I wondered a#out t$e ,estern countries* I ound evidence o se1ual $arassment and a#use in every country* ?oun) )irls $ave #een ra-ed #y t$eir coac$es* "lym-ic coac$es in Ireland and An)land $ave #een 2ailed or se1ually a#usin) t$eir emale at$letes* In /anada youn) #oys on t$eir national 2unior $oc%ey team were se1ually $arassed and a#used* Study a ter study ound t$e a#use o male -ower over t$eir male and emale c$ar)es* .nd it isn3t limited to t$e coac$es* .t$letes o ten $a9e t$e new at$letes on t$eir team* S-ort administrators $ave also done some uns-ea%a#le t$in)s in t$eir )ender relations* But we also see at$letes $arassin) ot$er at$letes* It may #e $omose1uals -uttin) down $eterose1uals& or t$e ot$er way around* But any way you loo% at it& it is a -ro#lem o t$e misuse o -ower* .nd t$is is $a--enin) at every level rom yout$ to elite s-ort* ;+$e I"/ $as now ta%en t$e lead in wor%in) to reduce t$e unwarranted use o -ower& -articularly in t$e )ender related areas* I it can c$an)e t$e ne)ative -ower climate in s-ort it may )o a lon) way towards eliminatin) se1ual -ower -ro#lems in ot$er areas* Aven t$ou)$ I %now t$at t$e researc$ s$ows it $a--enin) less in s-ort t$an in education or #usiness& we must sto- it everyw$ere* /$uc%& I see t$at we $ave to wor% on eliminatin) t$e -ower drive in t$e se1ual area* But I see t$at it is suc$ a universal -ro#lem*<

:",A( .8D (ALIGI"8

00;:ower can come rom ame in #ot$ t$e le)al and ille)al realms* It can come rom cele#rity or accom-lis$ments in many areas& suc$ as t$e -olitical& economic& media or s-ort areas* In terms o 5aslow3s t$eories it would come at t$e esteem level* ?ou can ind reli)ious -eo-le wor%in) to #e $olier t$an t$eir nei)$#ors* .ttendin) c$urc$ or tem-le more o ten& eatin) meat less& -rayin) or meditatin) more& readin) t$e scri-tures continually& decryin) sin more loudly!are all -ossi#le activities o $oly -eo-le in most reli)ions* In act 2ust #elievin) in an a terli e )ives you a -ower over t$e stu-id at$eists w$o t$in% t$at t$e end o our -$ysical lives ends our e1istence* +$e certainty o #elie s in t$in)s t$at are un%nowa#le )ives a )reat source o su-eriority and -ower to t$ose w$o $aven3t #ot$ered to )round t$eir #elie s in a dee-er %nowled)e o t$eir reli)ion* .s you %now& most o t$e more educated -eo-le in t$e natural sciences don3t #elieve in a )od* But t$e #elie in a creatin) merci ul su-ernatural is a sim-le solution to most -eo-le3s $o-es!and a source o -ower or t$eir slim -syc$es* ;Loo% at t$e evan)elicals in your country sin)in) >I am a riend o God3 I )et t$e eelin) t$at t$ey are )ettin) $i)$ on -ower* I t$ere is a God wouldn3t it #e nice to $ave $im as a riend* I 5ary

:o--ins or :eter :an e1ists it would #e nice to $ave t$em as riends tooD ,$en you $ave a dee- #elie t$at ma%es you eel su-erior& you seem to want to launt it!even i you can3t -rove it* ,$en -eo-le say >it3s true or me3 it doesn3t mean t$at is corres-onds to a#solute trut$!even i you t$in% you #elieve in an a#solute' <

!;?ou3re not sayin) t$at all reli)ious #elievers are i)norant& are youD<

!;/ertainly not* But you would $ave to admit t$at a $u)e num#er o #elievers in every reli)ion $aven3t studied t$e t$eolo)y or $istory o t$eir ait$s* . ew quotes memori9ed rom t$e Bi#le& t$e Ru3ran& t$e Gita and you %now it all* I3m not tal%in) a#out t$e 5aritains& t$e =ier%e)aards& t$e Dalai Lamas& or t$e Gand$is w$o t$in% t$rou)$ t$eir #elie s* I3m tal%in) a#out t$e "3Dowds and t$e Joneses& t$e =$ans and t$e Sin)$s w$o merely ollow in t$e ima)inary oot-rints o t$ose w$o -roceeded t$em to -aradise* ;But t$e searc$ or esteem and ame is ound in every wal% o li e* =ee-in) t$e tidiest $ouse& volunteerin) t$e most o ten or community wor%& $avin) t$e smartest or most at$letic c$ildren& wor%in) lon)er $ours& ownin) t$e latest electronic )ad)ets!any area t$at can #e com-ared can #rin) local or international ame and esteem and -ower* 5any& on reac$in) ame at t$at level& mi)$t #e satis ied to sto- t$ere and or)et t$e quest o t$e meta level needs* ,e mi)$t say t$at suc$ -eo-le are i1ated at t$e esteem level*<

!;I would )uess t$at t$ose w$o $ave reac$ed t$e meta level wouldn3t )ive a $oot a#out t$e adoration rom ot$ers #ecause t$eir satis action in li e would come rom t$eir own contentment in accom-lis$in) t$e truly $uman deeds o t$e sel actuali9ed -erson* I assume t$at t$ese -eo-le $ave moved rom a -ower mode to a meanin) mode*<

!;Good -oint /on* I $adn3t t$ou)$t o it t$at way& #ut I a)ree wit$ you* ,e reco)ni9e t$at on t$e ladder to #ecomin) truly $uman& $avin) t$e esteem o ot$ers is im-ortant& #ut it3s not all im-ortant* :eo-le can #ecome stuc% at any level* +$e )ourmand is o ten stuc% at t$e -$ysiolo)ical level& as is t$e se1a$olic* Some #ecome so stuc% at t$e sa ety level t$at t$ey wit$draw into t$e woods livin) as $ermits* "t$ers #ecome misers $oardin) money as a -rotective roo or t$at )loomy rainy day* ?ou mi)$t even )et stuc% at t$e love level& limitin) your care0)ivin) to t$ose closest to you*

:",A( +4(@ S"/I.L +(.DI+I"8S S.8/+I6IAD B? (ALIGI"8S

;5uslin women may #e %illed i t$ey don3t marry t$e man t$eir -arents -ic% out* 4indu women may #e married a)ainst t$eir wills or #e #eaten or t$eir dowry money* In :a%istan and ot$er countries ra-e is used as reven)e or some societal sli)$t* It ta%es a )rou- o stron) sel con ident men to #e a#le to ra-e a woman o a amily w$ere $er male relative $as wron)ed one o your -eo-le* (even)e in licted on a woman is a )reat way to $andle your se1 and -ower drives* ?ou certainly don3t want to attac% a stron)er man or a #i))er )rou-* .nd i a woman is ra-ed or any reason& you remem#er t$at t$e 4udood laws require t$at s$e -roduce our male witnesses to $er ra-e or a court* ;It is certainly more e)o )rati yin) and -leasant to $ave an or)asm in a non0consentin) woman w$o is #ein) $eld down #y si1 o your amily mem#ers t$an to $ave your ace %ic%ed in durin) a one on one >mano a mano3 i)$t wit$ a real man* . #loody -$ysical de eat is neit$er or)asmic nor e)o )rati yin)* ;:ower& not a love o God& drives most 9ealots* Ait$er as a -rime drive& in w$ic$ t$eir reli)ion )ives t$em a rationali9ation or t$eir su-eriority& or or t$e true #elievers& usin) -ower and violence as t$eir -olitical met$ods to s-read t$eir ait$* (eli)ion )ives a stron) rationali9ation or -eo-le usin) violent -ower* :eo-le wouldn3t acce-t it i I said >I want your $el- to ta%e over t$e ad2oinin) country3 I must say t$at I am doin) it #ecause it is w$at God or .lla$ wants* "r sometimes I mi)$t #e a#le to say t$at we need to ta%e over t$at country #ecause t$ey are in erior to us or #ecause t$ey are a dan)er to us* Loo% at t$e 4amas versus 6ata$& -ittin) :alestinian 5uslim a)ainst :alestinian 5uslim* ;,e are o ten sur-rised #y t$e stren)t$ o #elie s #ased somew$at on reli)ion* Savanorola3s -reac$in) did muc$ to reduce t$e artistic and intellectual -rowess in (enaissance 6lorence* +oday20H o Britain3s 2 million 5uslims& most o w$om $ad #een #orn t$ere& said t$at t$e su#way #om#in)s were 2usti ied #ecause o t$e @=3s su--ort or t$e war on terrorism* ?oun) 5uslims were twice as li%ely to $old t$is view t$an older 5uslims* Ai)$ty -ercent saw t$emselves as 5uslims irst and Britis$ second* +$is is a $i)$er -ercenta)e t$an is ound in 5uslim countries li%e Jordan and A)y-t* +$e Britis$ 5uslims tended to #elieve t$at Britis$ society did not treat women wit$ res-ect and was )enerally morally corru-t*<

!;I can certainly see t$eir -oint on moral corru-tion& since youn) Britons& as so many yout$ in t$e ,est& are o ten so sel 0centered and -leasure driven* But I wonder $ow muc$ res-ect is s$own to women w$en t$ey are %illed #y amily mem#ers or reasons o amily $onor* "r t$ose women w$o don3t li%e to wear t$e #urqua #ein) orced to wear it* "r t$e male -ower t$at %ee-s women e1actly w$ere t$e men want t$em*

;"n anot$er note& reli)ious or societal -riorities $ave )iven us t$e rationali9ed atrocities o 8a9ism& Jionism& and /ommunism* +$ey $ave )iven us t$e war in Iraq to instill democratic ideals in t$e 5id0 Aast* +$ey $ave -rom-ted t$e arms race and caused untold misery or t$e common citi9ens!t$ose w$o were su--osed to #e t$e reci-ients o God3s or )overnments3 #ounties* 8ietsc$e3s conce-t o t$e su-ermen and t$eir domination o t$e $uman $erds is endlessly a irmed*<

!;I )uess i you don3t $ave a +V or t$e internet it must #e more e1citin) to #e in one o t$e militias i)$tin) or some dictator3s cause t$an to #e a su#sistence armer* It is satis yin) to eel we $ave a cause t$at -ro-els our -syc$es rom t$e de-t$s o our in eriorities to ollow a more virile leader to success!and we never question $is neurotic or -syc$otic motivations* Standin) #e$ind t$e ri le is certainly more e1citin) and -ower )eneratin) t$an wal%in) #e$ind a -low* ;Geor)e ,*& w$en $e was -resident& continually tal%ed a#out #ein) commander0in0c$ie and t$e >decision ma%er*3 4e and Lenin led wit$ -romises and ear& as did 5ao* But eac$ was a#le to control millions t$rou)$ t$eir aut$ority*

G.I8I8G :",A( +4(@ (ALIGI"8

!;I really worry a#out t$ose reactionary reli)ious 9ealots w$o #elieve t$at unless -eo-le #elieve in t$e same God& wit$ t$e same attri#utes and t$e same world view& you are not only immoral& #ut you cannot see t$at )od in $eaven* +$e reli)ious reactionary ri)$t in /$ristianity and Islam $ave caused most o t$e terror and war in recent years* I )et con used* +$e .lmi)$ty tells "sama #in Ladin to attac% t$e in idels in 8ew ?or% and ,as$in)ton& to %ill -eo-le w$o $adn3t $armed $im& and to %ill Geor)e ,& Bus$ #y lyin) a suicide mission into t$e ,$ite 4ouse& t$en t$at same .lmi)$ty tells G*,* Bus$ to %ill #in Ladin and to attac% Iraq and %ill -eo-le w$o $adn3t $armed $im* ,as one o t$em mista%enD ,ere t$ey #ot$ mista%enD "r was t$e .lmi)$ty merely -layin) wit$ $is tin soldiers durin) a #orin) day in :aradiseD ;?ou mi)$t e1-ect a reli)ious war #etween t$e monot$eistic and t$e -ant$eistic reli)ions& #ut t$at3s not w$ere we war* It3s t$e 5uslims& /$ristians and Jews a)ainst eac$ ot$er!and even a)ainst t$emselves* Loo% at t$e clas$es #etween t$e "rt$odo1 .rmenians and t$e "rt$odo1 Gree% -riests over cleanin) ri)$ts at t$e /$urc$ o t$e 8ativity in Bet$le$em at /$ristmas in 200G and or wors$i-in) ri)$ts at t$e /$urc$ o t$e 4oly Se-ulc$er in Jerusalem at Aastertime in 200F* +$eir claims to ecclesiastical e1clusivity o /$ristianity3s $oliest s$rines ran e1actly counter to t$e teac$in)s

o t$eir 5aster& to >turn t$e ot$er c$ee%3 and to >do unto ot$ers*3<

!;It3s not 2ust t$e reli)ious ri)$t' 4itler& t$e =eiser& Saddam 4ussein& and . rican leaders all develo-ed -ower #y convertin) anatic secular and reli)ious ollowers to t$eir ideas*<

!;,$et$er secular or reli)ious& convincin) t$e ra##le t$at t$ey will #e $olier& smarter or ric$er is a common met$od o c$an)in) $istory& in one3s country or in t$e world* 4avin) >+4A3 trut$ and convincin) ot$ers to ollow it is w$at moves $istory! or #etter or worse* ,$en God is wit$ you& and only wit$ you& ot$ers want to #e in on your mono-oly* ;+$e 5id0Aast reli)ions $ave #een t$e worst* +$e Bi#le enumerates t$e num#ers o #attles t$e Jews $ave ou)$t rom t$e earliest days* .nd it $asn3t sto--ed yet* +$en /onstantine ou)$t under t$e #anner o /$rist* +$e /rusades -itted t$e /$ristians a)ainst t$e 5uslims and t$e +$irty ?ears ,ar a)ainst eac$ ot$er* /at$olic 4itler3s e1termination o t$e Jews $ad reli)ious overtones in $is ot$erwise secular war* ,$et$er reli)ious or not& all wars are 2ust* Just as% t$e )enerals and %in)s& t$e -o-es and t$e cali-$s* 4istorical records relate t$at in IG0 .D t$e .ra# conqueror& @q#a i#n 8a i crossed t$e deserts o A)y-t and #e)an t$e irst 5uslim conquest o t$e 5a)$re# re)ion o 8ort$ . rica& esta#lis$in) a num#er o military -osts* By IEF& ollowin) several more military cam-ai)ns in t$e 5a)$re#& t$e .ra#s $ad driven t$e By9antines rom t$eir )arrisons in /art$a)e and #ecome masters o t$e -rovinces o 8ort$ . rica* ;+$ou)$ t$e 11t$ /entury t$e 5uslim rulers ostered an advanced level o sciences& literature and t$e arts* .)riculture was im-roved* .rc$itecture advanced* +$e 5oslem ac$ievements dwar ed t$ose o /$ristianity* So were t$e 5uslim conquests t$ere ore )oodD<

!;Let3s not or)et t$e individual usin) $is wiles to )et God to )rant $im s-ecial avors& li%e )oin) to $eaven* +$ere is an unusual way t$at many reli)ious -eo-le try to )et t$e -ower to )o to $eaven t$rou)$ masoc$ism* +$ey >morti y3 t$eir les$ #y wearin) a s-i%ed celise on t$eir le)s& drawin) #lood and )ivin) -ain& as some "-us Dei mem#ers do* Some /at$olic saints $ave tortured t$emselves to )reat e1tents& even to deat$* 5uslims may also use sel la)ellation or -enance* Some .merican Indians $ave occasionally used suc$ masoc$istic met$ods to -lacate t$eir ancestors* ;But #ac% to t$e reli)ious -ower in societies* +$ere3s no dou#t t$at in some nations t$e reli)ious -ower su-ersedes t$at o t$e elected le)islators* Iran is a -rime e1am-le today* .nd w$en you loo% #ac% in $istory you see -o-es $oldin) -ower over %in)s* +$en you $ave reli)ious 9ealots outside t$e

law wantin) to convert a reli)ious or a secular country to t$eir own #rand o reli)ious #elie s* Loo% at t$e .merican -reac$ers tryin) to wa) t$eir -olitical do)* "sama #in Ladin& as a Saudi& see%s to ma%e t$at conservative reli)ious )overnment reactionary* Some 5uslims in t$e @= want to initiate s$aria law or t$e country!at least or t$e Britis$ 5uslims* S$i3ites and Sunnis s-lit early in Islamic $istory over w$o was t$e ri)$t ul successor to 5o$ammed* +o ma%e t$eir -oint& #ot$ sides attac% eac$ ot$er& and o ten t$emselves* +$e -ower o %nowin) you are ri)$t ma%es some -eo-le do rat$er oolis$ t$in)s& li%e suicide #om#in)s& #urnin) #oo%s and de acin) art!li%e was done to 5ic$elan)elo3s :ieta in St* :eter3s in (ome& li%e Savonarola in (enaissance 6lorence& or li%e t$e +ali#an3s destruction o t$e Budd$as o Bamyan* ;Stran)e& #ut we don3t $ear o many women in $istory condemnin) $eretics to deat$ or t$eir various #elie s* :er$a-s Isa#ella o S-ain may $ave $ad some $and in -us$in) t$e S-anis$ Inquisition& w$en s$e tried to ma%e (oman /at$olicism t$e national reli)ion* But even s$e $ad $er so t side* S$e reed t$e Indians t$at /olum#us $ad #rou)$t #ac% as slaves*<

OTHER ILLUSTRATIONS OF POWER

;.dvanced #rain ima)ery seems to s$ow levels o -ower and an)er* +ests $ave #een desi)ned to measure -leasure centers* +$ey s$ow t$at cocaine addicts )et t$e cravin) w$en s$own a -ile o w$ite -owder* S$owin) -$otos o na%ed men or women& o dru)s& o $i)$ s-eed c$ases& o art& may indicate w$at motivations drive certain -eo-le* 4i)$ levels o an)er and ne)ative reactions to et$nic& )ender& reli)ious -$otos can indicate anti0social eelin)s* ;+$e -o-ular male music )rou-s seem to t$in% t$ey $ave to act mac$o!wear leat$er& cuss& $ave tattoos and try to act tou)$* +$e real mac$o )uys I %new -layed oot#all and didn3t act tou)$ o t$e ield* But in $i)$ sc$ool t$e )uitar -layers 2ust sat #ac% and smo%ed weed and tried to loo% tou)$ in t$eir anemic #odies* I you3re in a i)$t you want a tou)$ )uy -rotectin) your #ac%& not some lon) $aired tattooed -ussycat t$ere* It3s not a#out your e1terior& it3s a#out w$at3s inside* I you3re really tou)$ you don3t $ave to launt a acade* " ten )uys $ave to act -$ysically tou)$ #ecause inside t$ey eel in erior!no education& -oor 2o#& can3t carry on a conversation* Loo% at t$e motorcycle )an) ima)e* ;"ne3s drive or -ower creates an am#ition in -eo-le* It may #e or >-ower over3 or >-ower to*3 Loo% at some >-ower over3 #e$aviors* Joinin) a )an) to i)$t* 4avin) a c$ild to #oss around* It could #e controllin) a wi e or $us#and* ?ou %now t$e old story o t$e #ride0to0#e )oin) into t$e c$urc$ and loo%in) down t$e aisle& )a9in) at t$e altar t$en $earin) t$e or)anist -lay a $ymn* But w$at s$e was t$in%in) was >I3ll alter $im*3 ,$en a $us#and insists on com-lete control o t$e amily inances& t$at is -ower over* >:ower to< is )enerally a more -ositive and socially #ene icial motivation* "ne may $ave

t$e am#ition to develo- a #usiness& to #e an at$lete& to #e an o-era star& to #e an e ective 2ud)e or to lead a country<*

.DD(ASSI8G +4A :",A( D(IVA I8 AD@/.+I"8

!;Some t$eories cree- into t$e education esta#lis$ment to try to s$ortcut t$e real ac$ievin) o a >-ower to*3 +$e >sel esteem t$eory3 in education was correct is assumin) t$at t$e -ower drive $as to #e $andled& and t$e in eriority eelin)s reduced& i t$e c$ild is to #e on sound -syc$olo)ical ootin)* +$e -ro#lem was t$at $avin) teac$ers tell a student t$at s$e or $e is smart or nice wit$out t$em $avin) earned it is a lie and an ine ective met$od o reducin) in eriority eelin)s* ;+$en t$ere was t$e movement to teac$ #lac% c$ildren A#onics& t$e name or #lac% street An)lis$* It was seen #y some to #e -olitically correct and to $o-e ully )ive some -ride to s-ea%in) a dialect o -overty* It mi)$t #e 2ust ine i one3s ultimate vocational )oal was to swee- loors or collect )ar#a)e #ut it would #e a $u)e ne)ative or one w$o wanted a -ro essional career w$ere readin)& writin) or s-ea%in) was a necessity* +$ere is a dominant world out t$ere t$at most o us must ad2ust to i we want social and economic success* ;"n t$e ot$er $and students need to #e loved!es-ecially i t$eir -arents $aven3t done t$e 2o# e ectively* "--ortunities to love or #e loved are not so easily ound once t$e %ids leave elementary sc$ool* .ny intelli)ent -erson %nows t$at #a#ies and c$ildren need $u)s& %isses and a irmations* But lovin) ta%es di erent tac%s as t$e c$ild )rows* ,$en teena)ers stretc$ t$eir -syc$olo)ical um#ilicals away rom t$eir amilies t$ey c$allen)e t$e reality o t$eir -arents3 and teac$ers3 -ositions o -ower* It3s a mature -arent w$o can #alance t$e need to let )o wit$ t$e need to )uide* +$e teac$er is similarly c$allen)ed w$en #alancin) t$e necessity o classroom disci-line wit$ reein) develo-in) minds to evolve and clim# toward sel actuali9ation* Bein) a lovin) adult requires doin) w$at t$e c$ild needs to do to #ecome a ully unctionin) adult!and reac$in) adult$ood in one -iece*<

!;?ou3re ri)$t Lee& -ower is one essential element o $umanness* But more advanced $umans $ave t$e need to $el- ot$ers alleviate t$eir -ain and su erin) #y lovin)* Let3s loo% at e ective lovin) or a ew minutes*<

+" BA 4@5.8 ,A 5@S+ BA .BLA +" L"VA

:S?/4"L"GI/.L I8+I5./?

!;,estern society $as an o#session wit$ t$e idea o love* ,$en t$e =in) o An)land )ave u$is t$rone or t$e love o a divorcee& t$e Britis$ were a)$ast& #ut t$e world was enra-tured* ,$en :rince .%i$ito& t$e son o t$e Am-eror o Ja-an& married a commoner& t$e Ja-anese were em#arrassed #ut t$e world was 2oyous* ,$en t$e "lym-ic c$am-ion in t$e womenKs 2avelin rom /9ec$oslova%ia ell in love wit$ t$e @* S* "lym-ic c$am-ion in t$e menKs $ammer t$row& s$e was allowed to ollow $er love and move to .merica00a--arently love can #e more -ower ul t$an totalitarian -olitics*<

!;But Lee& t$ose at$letes divorced* So sometimes reality ecli-ses t$e lunar induced romantic love* But I $ave to a)ree t$at t$e #allads o t$e medieval minstrels stirred desires wit$ t$e ideas o w$at #oy0)irl love could #e* +$e =ama Sutra )ra-$ically descri#es love0ma%in) tec$niques o t$e ancient 4indus* Drs* 5asters and Jo$nson $ave utili9ed t$e met$od o science to learn more a#out t$e most e ective tec$niques o love0ma%in)& or s$ould we say >se1in)D3 ,e ind romantic love as t$e central t$eme o t$e arts& music& and t$e t$eater* Love $as #een said to #e t$e cause o our #irt$ and t$e )oal o our li e* ;,e use t$e word >love3 wit$ so many meanin)s* ,$en we say& >I love stea%&3 or >I love my wi e&3 or >I love my country&3 do we mean t$e same t$in)D +$ere seems to #e a )reat con usion in our society re)ardin) true de inition o love* ,e >ma%e love3 w$en we $ave se1ual intercourse* ,e > all in love3 w$en we $ave an immediate& stron) attraction to a -articular -erson* ,e >love ice cream3 #ecause it tastes )oodP and o ten we equate love wit$ se1 and se1 wit$ lust* So many o us are so intellectually la9y t$at we o ten use a word wit$out -recise meanin)s* Its real de inition t$en #ecomes more and more o#scured* :ro#a#ly no word is more o ten misused t$an t$e word >love*3 (emem#er we tal%ed a#out semantics and -recise meanin)s w$en we tal%ed wit$ ,anda ,an)* ,$en I say >I love a--le -ie3 I really mean t$at I en2oy it* It tastes )ood* It stimulates my taste #uds* 5ay#e even t$at it stimulates t$e -leasure centers o my #rain* ,$en I say >I love +om 4an%s3 I mean t$at I t$in% $e is a )ood actor* But w$en I say >I love my wi e3 I may mean t$at >NI want my wi e or w$at s$e does or me*3 "r it mi)$t also mean t$at >I want to $el- my wi e develo- $er ullest -otential*3<

!;5ost -eo-le $ave some u99y idea o w$at $uman love is* +$is idea usually relates to some romantic notion develo-ed rom an e1-osure to t$e antasies o iction in literature and to -o-ular son)s and ot$er media* :syc$olo)ists $ave recently se-arated t$e real roots o love rom t$e ima)es romantic writers usually associate wit$ t$e idea o love* It is& t$ere ore& now -ossi#le to more -recisely

de ine love& it is also -ossi#le to see t$e essential relations$i-s #etween real love and mental $ealt$* ;It is o ten di icult& i not im-ossi#le& to com-re$end an idea or an emotion i one $as not e1-erienced it* I one $as not #een loved as a small c$ild& or $as not #een involved in a real love relations$i-& suc$ as a mature $us#and0wi e or -arent0c$ild relations$i-& it may #e somew$at di icult to relate to t$e ideas o love as it is now de ined* +$e idea o love can #e #ased -rimarily on t$e %nowled)e o science& #ut is tem-ered #y insi)$ts and s-eculations o -$iloso-$ers& reli)ious t$in%ers& and -oets* ;,e can see an equivalent o love in animals* In t$em it can #e considered instinctual* But& su--osedly& t$e $uman #ein) $as only remnants o instincts #ecause we $ave su--osedly transcended nature* 4umans may $ave t$e a#ility to reason* .t least we li%e to t$in% t$at we do* +$e a#ility to reason )ives -eo-le a view o t$emselves& t$eir ellow $umans& t$eir -ast& and t$eir uture* 4umans can see t$e uture* +$ey see t$e act o deat$* ,e understand t$at our loved ones will die and leave us alone* .nd we understand t$at very ew -eo-le are really concerned wit$ us* +$is )ives us a deeeelin) o se-arateness and aloneness* +$is& accordin) to 6romm& is t$e #asis or all $uman an1iety* It is t$ere ore essential t$at we learn to love i we are to #e truly >$uman3 #ein)s* ;,e #elieve t$at t$e ideas o Aric$ 6romm are essential to understandin) $ow to #rin) t$e ideas o .dler and 5aslow to ruition* 6romm #elieved t$at our )reatest need is to overcome our aloneness* ?ou can understand $ow t$is its into overcomin) in eriorities and #ecomin) a social -erson* Develo-in) t$e ideas o 6romm and .s$ley 5onta)u are essential or our -arent education in Sin)alin)* I we can truly love our c$ildren t$ere is muc$ less o a c$ance t$at t$ey will eel in erior* +$ere is a muc$ #etter c$ance t$at t$ey will #e a#le to move t$rou)$ 5aslow3s t$ird and ourt$ levels and #e ready or develo-in) t$eir meta level -otentials*

,4.+ IS L"VAD
;5any -eo-le t$in% t$at t$e a#ility to love $as somet$in) to do wit$ t$e se1ual drive t$at 6reud su))ested* It does not* It is rat$er a learned a#ility in w$ic$ one >coo-erates wit$3 and >does or3 ot$er -eo-le* ;.s$ley 5onta)u& writin) t$e c$a-ter on love or t$e Ancyclo-edia o 5ental 4ealt$ BFC $as attem-ted to solve t$is eni)ma wit$ $is de inition t$at >Love is t$e communication to anot$er -erson o oneKs dee- involvement in t$at -ersonKs wel are& o oneKs -ro ound interest in $im as a -erson& demonstrated #y acts t$at su--ort& stimulate& and contri#ute to t$e reali9ation o t$at -ersonKs -ersonality and its ul illment*3 ,it$ t$is -oint o view& $e t$en ec$oed 6reudKs idea t$at& >5ental $ealt$ is t$e a#ility to love and t$e a#ility to wor%*3 ;,e can #etter understand w$at 5onta)u meant #y #rea%in) down t$e de inition into its com-onent

-arts* >Love is t$e communication to anot$er -erson*3 4ow do we communicateD I I say >I love you& #a#y3 to a new#orn in ant& t$e idea would vary accordin) to t$e tone o my voice* I I coo it so tly& t$e #a#y will receive a -ositive messa)eP i I snarl it s$ar-ly& t$e #a#y will receive a ne)ative messa)e* So it is not only t$e actual words s-o%en t$at reveal t$e messa)e& #ut also t$e tone o t$e voice used!t$e non0ver#al lan)ua)e* ;+$ere is evidence t$at non0ver#al communication may account or as muc$ as E0H o all communication** /ommunicatin) love non0ver#ally may #e s$own in $u))in)& -leasant acial e1-ressions& various %inds o touc$in)& or in actions w$ic$ are not seen& #ut w$ose e ects are e1-erienced 00 a wi e sur-risin) $er $us#and wit$ a #atc$ o $is avorite coo%ies& or a at$er #uyin) a #oo% or $is c$ild* Aven certain ne)ative e1-eriences& suc$ as a c$ildKs s-an%in)& may s$ow a -ositive love e ect to t$e c$ild* +$e -erson w$o loves must communicate a concern or and an interest in t$e -ersons loved* .nd t$at communication s$ould #e in t$e orm o actions t$at $el- t$e loved ones to ac$ieve t$eir ullest -otentials* Aven t$e )reat -syc$olo)ist ,illiam S$a%es-eare tells us t$at >+$ey do not love t$at do not s$ow t$eir love*3 ;8iet9sc$e saw t$e element o acce-tance o anot$er w$en $e said& >,$at else is love #ut understandin) and re2oicin) in t$e act t$at anot$er -erson lives& acts and e1-eriences ot$erwise t$an we do*3 Vi%tor 6ran%l went -ast t$e acce-tance t$at 8iet9sc$e saw and saw love as $el-in) ot$ers ul ill t$emselves w$en $e said >Love is wantin) to uncover t$e -otential in ot$er -eo-le*3 6romm develo-ed t$e idea even urt$er w$en $e wrote t$at >+o love a -erson im-lies carin) or and eelin) res-onsi#le or $is li e& or t$e )rowt$ and develo-ment o all $is $uman -owers*3<

!;+$ese all s$ow t$e essential elements o love t$at -arents must e1$i#it* +$ey are so counter to t$e ideas I $ave commonly seen in youn) marrieds and youn) -arents* +$e youn) o ten t$in% o t$e one t$ey say t$ey love as a -ossession* But love is not -ossessiveness* It is not ma%in) anot$er -erson over into your own ima)e* It is not de-endency* It is not sel 0sacri ice& t$ou)$ love may at times require sacri ice* It is a dee- eelin) o concern or t$e -erson loved and a commitment to $el- t$at -erson to #e t$e #est $e or s$e can #e*<

!;I remem#er a si1t$0)rade classmate& 5arvin& w$ose )randmot$er used to $old $is $and as s$e wal%ed $im to sc$ool* S$e would meet $im #e ore lunc$ and wal% $im $ome& t$en #ac% to sc$ool wit$ $im a ter lunc$* . ter sc$ool t$e same ritual too% -lace* GrandmaKs over-rotection o -oor 5arvin was #ad enou)$& #ut t$e act t$at $e lived only t$ree $ouses rom t$e sc$ool com-ounded )randmaKs over9ealous actions* ,$ile s$e was certainly concerned wit$ $im& $er actions were not

actions o love* +$e truly lovin) -erson would $ave seen to it t$at 5arvin wal%ed $ome #y $imsel & or t$ere comes a time in every youn) -ersonKs li e w$en inde-endence must come* +$e truly lovin) -erson will see to it t$at c$ildren #e)in to e1ercise t$eir inde-endence at t$e ri)$t time*<

!;+$e most common -ro#lem wit$ -readolescents and adolescents is t$at t$ey want to #e too inde-endent too soon* In t$ese cases& -arents may $ave to $old t$em #ac% i t$ey are truly concerned wit$ t$e develo-ment o t$eir c$ildrenKs -ersonalities and -otentials* 6or e1am-le& t$e eleven year old w$o wants to attend an NXN rated movie s$ould -ro#a#ly #e stron)ly dissuaded* "r t$e 100year0old Little Lea)ue -itc$er w$o wants to t$row a curve #all s$ould not #e allowed& #ecause t$at ty-e o -itc$ at t$at a)e is dan)erous to t$e el#ow* +$ere are no s-eci ic )uidelines or t$e develo-ment o any one -ersonKs -otentials at any -articular time& #ut t$e well0in ormed individual mi)$t start wit$ t$e tas%s and crises t$at educators and -syc$olo)ists $ave said are essential or youn) -eo-le to success ully con ront* I you are interested you mi)$t c$ec% t$e writin)s o Ari% Ari%son or (o#ert 4avi)$urst w$en you )et #ac% to .merica*<

!;.s -arents& we o ten wonder i we $ave done anyt$in) ri)$t in raisin) our c$ildren* ,e )enerally t$in% we $ave done t$e #est 2o# -ossi#le* But $ow o ten $as a #oy #een orced into a yout$ oot#all -ro)ram #ecause $is at$er was a rustrated at$lete& w$ose -ower drive mi)$t #e satis ied i $is son succeeds* ?et t$e at$er will never admit t$is -ossi#ilityP $e will say instead t$at $e did it >#ecause t$e #oy needs t$e e1ercise3 or >It will ma%e a man o $im3 or >4e will li%e it once $e )ets used to it*3 "n t$e ot$er $and& $ow many mot$ers $ave -revented t$eir sons rom -layin) oot#all& w$en it mi)$t $ave done t$e #oy a )reat deal o )ood* ?et t$at mot$er says& >I donKt want $im #ecomin) a rou)$nec%3 or >IKm a raid $eKll )et $urt3 or >I donKt want $im ta%in) time rom $is studies*3 +$e e1-erience o -layin) oot#all can #e mentally and -$ysically #ene icial to t$e #oy& or it can #e detrimental* ,ise -arents loo% to t$e -otential o t$at #oy00not to t$eir own rustrations or ears00in ma%in) t$e decision*<

00;Good -oints* 8ow let me )et #ac% to de inin) love* "ne o t$e -ro#lems encountered in de inin) love is t$at it is sometimes de ined in terms o marria)e love and sometimes in terms o t$e )enerali9ed a#ility to love* . ty-ical de inition o marria)e0ty-e love is ound in .le1ander 5a)ounKs #oo%& Love and 5arria)e*BEC >Love is t$e -assionate and a#idin) desire on t$e -art o two or more -eo-le to -roduce to)et$er t$e conditions under w$ic$ eac$ can s-ontaneously e1-ress $is real sel P to -roduce to)et$er an intellectual soil and an emotional climate in w$ic$ eac$ can louris$ t$at is ar

su-erior to w$at eit$er could ac$ieve alone*3 ;+$e #lue collar -$iloso-$er 6ran% 4o er de ined love as involvin) an inte)ration o -ersonalities wit$ a >-assionate interest in t$e ot$erKs ideas& $o-es& and as-irationsP interc$an)e o t$ou)$tP res-ect or t$e ot$erKs di)nity and wort$* +$e -$ysical relations$i- is assumed to -ossess t$e )reatest de)ree o intimacy* ,$ile t$is in one sense may #e true& I wis$ to stress t$at t$e ultimate in intimacy may occur in a con)enial conversation& loo%in) at a sunset to)et$er& -arta%in) o a meal* +$e sense o intimacy does not arise rom mere -$ysical contact* It is mental rat$er t$an -$ysical*3 +$is de inition also im-lies an >adult3 relations$i-* ;. #rie de inition o love& not necessarily a--lica#le to adult $umans& was o ered #y Dr* 4arry "verstreet* 4e stated t$at& >+$e love o a -erson does not im-ly t$e -ossession o t$at -erson* It means )rantin) $im& )ladly& t$e ull ri)$t o unique $uman$ood* "ne does not truly love yet see% to enslave #y #onds o de-endence or -ossessiveness*3 "verstreet e1-ressed t$e same )enerali9ed idea o love develo-ed #y 5onta)u and 6romm* 4ere is t$e quality o relations$i- w$ic$ can #e ound and reco)0 ni9ed #etween a man and a woman& an adult and a c$ild& or #etween -ersons w$o are riends or stran)ers* 4ere we see t$e -syc$olo)ical intimacy t$at can occur #etween -ersons* It may #e t$e Good Samaritan& w$o %new not t$e man $e $el-ed* It mi)$t #e a $us#and and wi e team wor%in) to)et$er suc$ as scientists& :ierre and 5arie /urie or t$e aut$ors& ,ill and .riel Durant* It mi)$t #e a teac$er wit$ a student& a nurse wit$ a -atient& a -arent wit$ a c$ild* In any case& it is a eelin) o involvement& $el-in) t$e ot$er -erson to #ecome t$e #est t$at $e or s$e can #e* It is a -syc$olo)ical intimacy #etween -eo-le* 4ere we ind in t$e understanda#le terms o science t$at eelin) w$ic$ -oets $ave e1-ressed or so many centuries*<

7;Be ore my voya)e it seemed t$at t$e messa)e o t$e media was o ten t$at se1 >was3 love* .nd w$ile I elt t$at t$e meanin) o t$at c$eris$ed our letter word was a #it more com-re$ensive t$an 2ust Nse1&N I $adnKt )iven it t$e dee- consideration t$at 5onta)u $ad* ;I was amiliar wit$ t$e Gree% conce-ts o erotic love& t$e lust and desire o Aros w$ic$ can cloud our reasonin)* I was also amiliar wit$ t$e Gree% conce-t o >-$ilia3 or riends$i-* .nd certainly t$e /$ristiani9ed conce-t o #rot$erly love or >a)a-e3 was an im-ortant consideration* I $ad always attem-ted to -ut t$e t$ree to)et$er w$en t$in%in) a#out an ultimate marria)e relations$i-00o desire& dee- riends$i-& and true concern or eac$ ot$er* ;5onta)uKs idea )ave me a dee-er idea o w$at a lovin) relations$i- s$ould #e* It really e1-lained t$e idea o #rot$erly love in more concrete terms* ItKs so sim-le* Lovin) is doin) somet$in) or some#ody else t$at ma%es $im or $er a #etter -erson* ;Aric$ 6romm -ro#a#ly did t$e most to -o-ulari9e t$e idea o $ow to develo- t$is $uman a#ility to

love in -eo-le* I read $is #oo% >+$e .rt o Lovin)3 2ust a ter I le t colle)e* 4e said t$at w$at modern society needed& more t$an anyt$in) else& was lovin) -eo-le* .s our ra)mented amilies $ave #ro%en o rom our root amilies& usually in searc$ o 2o#s or adventure& we $ave #ecome more alone* 6romm said t$at our NalonenessN was t$e ma2or -ro#lem in todayKs society* ,e needed to overcome t$is in order to #e w$ole00to #e civili9ed* I a)ree to a lar)e de)ree* But #ein) alone is not #ad* Solitude is not loneliness!#ecause you $ave your #etter sel as com-any* ,$at could #e #etterD I you can3t #e com orta#le wit$ yoursel you are very lonely* Better try a video )ame ;I li%ed 6rommKs idea o $ow we develo- t$e a#ility to love in a -erson* 4e said t$at we must irst develo- a c$ild3s sel res-ect* I we donKt res-ect ourselves we can never #e unsel is$ and lovin)* 4ere is w$ere 6romm and .dler a)ree* .dler says t$at our in eriority com-le1es are t$e root o our drive or -ower00and t$at drive or -ower can ta%e #ot$ socially use ul and socially disru-tive -at$s* .dler said >we all $ave in eriority eelin)s&3 6romm said >letKs -revent t$em*3 ;6romm said t$at t$e ne1t ste- on t$e ladder o lovin) was to develo- sel love*It too% me a lon) time to i)ure out w$at $e meant& #ut I t$in% $e was sayin) t$at a ter we develo- res-ect or ourselves we can t$en $onestly a irm ourselves as wort$w$ile* +$en we can develo- res-ect or ot$ers #ecause t$ey are eac$ a irmin) t$emselves00and I s$ould understand t$eir im-ortance* I as a c$ild& I am tau)$t to ta%e turns& I am a irmin) t$at ot$ers are im-ortant 2ust as I am* ;+$e culmination o t$is maturin) into love is t$e )enerali9ed a#ility to love* ,$en a -erson reac$es t$is level $e or s$e >2ust loves*3 I a -erson can love only one -erson or only t$ose in t$e immediate amily it may #e seen as more o a sel is$ need to #elon) rat$er t$an t$e dee-er and more le)itimately altruistic concern or $umanity00suc$ as we $ave seen wit$ 5ot$er +$eresa*<

00;/ertainly develo-in) t$e a#ility to love in our c$ildren is t$e -rimary 2o# we $ave to do as -arents* +$is is w$at t$e elders o Sin)alin) also ound* ?ou remem#er t$e amous -syc$iatrist Dr* ,illiam 5ennin)er* 4e said >I t$in% t$e #est t$in) -arents can do is to teac$ t$eir c$ildren $ow to love*3 ;5ost -eo-le desire -ower* . ew are ca-a#le o love and com-assion* . ew want to ind meanin) in t$eir lives and t$e reedom to #e* "ur courses on -arent education s-end a )ood deal o time on $ow love can #e ostered00and $ow sel is$ness can #e eliminated* It is essential t$at t$ey reco)ni9e t$at develo-in) lovin) citi9ens will reduce t$e ne)ative out)rowt$s o t$e -ower drive& suc$ as crime and sel is$ness& w$ile %ee-in) t$e valua#le elements o t$at drive or success& suc$ as settin) )oals and wor%in) towards t$em* ;+$ere is no question t$at 6romm and .dler were on t$e same trac%* .dler said t$at we eel in erior so we are motivated to control* 6romm said t$at to avoid t$at eelin) o in eriority we must develo-

sel res-ect and sel love* +o ta%e t$eir t$in%in) a ste- art$er& many o t$e most eminent -syc$olo)ists conclude t$eir individual t$eories #y requirin) t$at mentally $ealt$y -eo-le #e actively involved in t$eir societies* . ter all& t$e o--osite o love is not $ate& it is indi erence* ;,e Sin)alin)ians are involved in our society* ,e are not indi erent* ,e ta%e res-onsi#ility or t$e cleanliness o our country* ,e su--ort t$e -u#lic -ar%s and t$e s-ortin) and recreational activities w$ic$ are o ered* Averyone wor%s at some occu-ation* .s 6reud and 5onta)u $ave admonis$ed us& we must #e a#le to wor% and to love in order to #e mentally $ealt$y*<

00;I am $eartened #y t$e act t$at you Sin)alin)ians require t$at -eo-le wor%& t$at seems to oster mental $ealt$* 5y own country -ays -eo-le to not wor% and ta1es t$ose w$o do to -ay or t$eir ellow non0wor%in) citi9ens* I sincerely eel t$at my )overnment is osterin) mental illness w$en it does not require -eo-le to wor% or -ay* . ew counties and states $ave tried to require wor% #ut t$e #ureaucratic red ta-e ma%es it ine ective in terms o cost* It seems to me t$at $avin) -rivate industry ta%e ta1 credits a)ainst a minimum wa)e would #e -ossi#le* .nd munici-alities could em-loy t$e unem-loyed& t$en #ill t$e )overnmental a)ency in c$ar)e* +$is would )o a lon) way in )ettin) -eo-le wor%in) and -us$in) t$e society to more su--ort or -u#lic education* 5y country $as s$ortc$an)ed its sc$ools and colle)es w$ile -ayin) or wor%less wel are and lavis$ -risons* ?ou don3t seem to $ave t$ese -ro#lems*<

!;,e )uard a)ainst t$em* ,e $ave seen w$at $as o ten $a--ened in t$e 8et$erlands& Scandinavia and t$e @nited States* 6i ty years a)o you all $ad $ard wor%in) -eo-le tryin) to ma%e )ood lives or t$emselves and to #ecome economically success ul* +$is $ad to do a )reat deal wit$ satis yin) t$eir -ower drives* +$en as socialism #ecame more common t$e )overnments #ecame more concerned in a -arental way& t$ey wanted t$e #est or t$eir citi9ens* +$ey )ave lon)er vacations& earlier retirements& ree medical care and suc$* +$e more t$ey )ave t$e more some citi9ens #ecame li%e s-oiled c$ildren& wantin) more and doin) less* ,e are )uardin) a)ainst t$is* ,e require mature #e$avior rom our citi9ens* I assume t$at 5r* ?uen told you a#out our economic system* ?ou can retire w$en you want& #ut you $ave to -lan it and -ay or it* +$e same wit$ medical insurance& you -ay or w$at you want* ?ou -ay or your vacations& #ut t$e costs are $idden in your reduced salaries& 2ust li%e in all countries* ,e start wit$ very $i)$ salaries t$en you c$oose w$at you want deducted! vacations& medical insurance& early or late retirement& dental or vision insurance& and so ort$*

+4A =I8DS "6 L"VA

;+$e $istory o erotic or romantic love in luences our ima)inations*B10C "ur minds are o ten clouded wit$ t$e myt$s and love stories o our culture w$ic$ sets us u- to antasi9e a >love3 relations$i- w$en it is o ten merely our own needs t$at our loved one is meetin)* "ur need or sel esteem is o ten mista%enly -laced into a -erson w$o meets our current needs00and we t$in% t$at we are >in love*3 ;It a--ears t$at in early civili9ations marria)e was an economic arran)ement* +$is is still true today in some cultures* But as t$e idea o romantic love evolved& more -eo-le were allowed to ollow t$e -at$s o t$eir $earts rat$er t$an t$e road to money in c$oosin) a mate* +oday in 1QG o 1II cultures studies& romantic love is -racticed and is t$e ma2or consideration or marria)e*;B11C

00;,$at a#out tou)$ loveD .s you %now it is a way o $andlin) wayward c$ildren* ,$en a c$ild $as #ecome an addict& suc$ as t$rou)$ alco$ol or ot$er dru)s& and t$e -arent continues to su--ort t$e c$ild00t$at -arent is not loo%in) a ter t$e #est interests o t$e c$ild* 4e is ena#lin) t$e #e$avior* +$e >tou)$ love3 a--roac$ $as t$e -arents tell t$e c$ild to >s$a-e u- or s$i- out*3 " ten t$is wor%s* It lets t$e c$ild %now t$at $e or s$e can no lon)er control t$e -arents and )et a--roval or actions o w$ic$ t$e -arents do not a--rove* +o #e lovin) requires doin) w$at is #est or t$e loved one*<

!;4umanitarian love is certainly an essential to my /at$olic way o loo%in) at t$e world* .s I3m sure you %now /$uc%& t$e idea comes rom t$e Gree% word >philia&3 w$ic$ ori)inally meant riends$i- or #rot$erly love* :$ilant$ro-ists s$ow t$is ty-e o love* +$is is t$e ty-e o love s$own w$en -eo-le $el- ot$ers* Givin) to a c$arity& assistin) wit$ a yout$ )rou- or volunteerin) in a $os-ice are e1am-les o t$is ty-e o love* .ltruistic love e1-ands t$e idea o #rot$erly love* +$e Gree%s called it agape& t$e $i)$est orm o love& utterly unsel is$* It could #e seen in t$e love o God or $umanity or in t$e unsel is$& sacri icin) love o a -erson or ot$ers* 5any o t$e 8o#el :eace :ri9e winners e1$i#it t$is ty-e o love* .l#ert Sc$weit9er& 5ot$er +$eresa or t$e lawyer :eter Benenson& w$o ounded .mnesty International and won t$e 8o#el -eace -ri9e in 1EGG& are suc$ e1am-les*<

!;+$an%s (ay& very well said* It reminds me t$at 6romm s-ent a )ood deal o time analy9in) t$e %inds o love t$at -eo-le mi)$t s$ow towards ot$ers* +$e %inds o love were di erentiated accordin) toV +$e quali ications o t$e -ersons w$o were to #e t$e su#2ects o t$e lovin) actions!t$eir intelli)ence& se1ual attraction& or sim-ly t$e act t$at t$ey were $uman #ein)s00 and t$e relations$i- to t$e -erson doin) t$e lovin)& suc$ as a s-ouse or a c$ild*

;,$ile 5onta)u de ined t$e c$aracteristics o concern and #e$avior necessary in any love relations$i-& 6romm ound some overla- and some di erences de-endin) on t$e ty-e o relations$i-* So we mi)$t loo% to 6romm or anot$er -oint o view and -er$a-s a #roader -ers-ective on t$e %inds o relations$i-s in w$ic$ lovin) #e$avior can occur* +$e ty-es o relations$i-s in w$ic$ 6romm ound t$at love can e1ist includeV ;@nconditional love& t$e ideal is o ten ound in w$at we o#serve as >mot$er3s love3 in w$ic$ t$e -erson is loved no matter w$at t$at -erson $as done* 8ot all mot$ers e1$i#it t$is ty-e o mot$er love* 5any at$ers e1$i#it t$is unconditional love* Some years a)o t$ere was a radio interview wit$ a woman w$ose son was a#out to #e e1ecuted or t$e slayin) o two -olice o icers* +$e mot$er %e-t re-eatin) t$at& N$er son was suc$ a )ood #oy*N S$e NlovedN $im in s-ite o w$at $e $ad done* But one wonders $ow $e would $ave turned out i s$e $ad really loved $im early in li e in t$e sense t$at 5onta)u descri#es in $is de inition* N/onditional love is de-endent on a condition in order or love to occur* In ot$er words& t$e -erson is loved i t$at love $as #een earned some$ow* It can #e viewed as a %ind o a--roval o a -erson #ecause t$ey $ave acted in a certain way* Sometimes -arents >love3 t$eir c$ildren w$en t$ey -er orm* +$e star quarter#ac% is >loved3& t$e smart dau)$ter is 3loved*3 6romm associated t$is ty-e o love wit$ at$ers& alt$ou)$ $e noted t$at many mot$ers also love conditionally* +$is ty-e o love is -ro#a#ly more related to >-ower over3& w$en one )ets a--roval i t$ey do w$at t$at -erson wants* It doesn3t quali y under 5onta)u3s de inition* But it does com-ort wit$ w$at many -eo-le t$in% o w$en t$ey say t$ey love some#ody* ;S-ousal love is de ined #y 6romm as >evaluation and emotion*3 It $as #een similarly and a-tly descri#ed #y t$e -rominent Auro-ean -$iloso-$er& So-$ia Loren& as #ein) >amorous reci-rocal esteem*3 6romm and Loren are sayin) t$e same t$in)00 t$at love o a -erson o t$e o--osite se1 consists o li%in) t$e qualities o t$at -erson and #ein) >turned on3 #y t$em in a se1ual way* ;Love is not w$at you say& #ut w$at you do* 4ow o ten $ave we said& >I love you&3 w$en we really meant& >I want you*3 "ur #asic sel is$ness must #e overcome #e ore we can #e a real lover* ;6romm also listed riends$i- love* "ne can >love3 riends #y $avin) a -ositive eelin) or t$em and a willin)ness to $el- t$em i needed* ;"ne can certainly love oneKs country* ,$en :resident Jo$n =ennedy& said& N.s% not w$at your country can do or you& #ut as% w$at you can do or your country&< $e was -ointin) out t$at -eo-le can eel and act or t$eir country in a -ositive way* Immi)rants o ten love t$eir ado-ted country ar more t$an t$e native #orn citi9ens* +$e immi)rants $ave standards #y w$ic$ to measure and can a--reciate w$at t$eir country $as done or t$em* +$ey may #e more ea)er to $el- t$at country develo- its -otential*

;Love o $umanity is 6romm3s #roadest a--lication o lovin)* +$is ty-e o love is sometimes ound in t$ose w$o are reli)ious* (ay mentioned t$is ty-e o love a ew minutes a)o* Jesus may #e said to $ave #een suc$ a -ersonP .l#ert Sc$weit9er in $is ministry in . rica mi)$t #e anot$erP some missionaries mi)$t all in t$is cate)ory* 5any o t$ose w$o served in t$e :eace /or-s or t$e VIS+. -ro)ram mi)$t also quali y* +$ose w$o love t$eir nei)$#ors as t$emselves e1em-li y t$is ty-e o love* ;6romm $as de ined t$ese ty-es o love #ased on t$e natures o t$e love o#2ects and t$e attitude s$own #y t$e -erson w$o loves* In so doin)& $e $as )one ar a ield o t$e 5onta)u de inition w$ic$ is concerned wit$ t$e acts t$at a -erson does w$ic$ develo- anot$er -ersonKs -otential* ?et& 6rommKs idea t$at >love is an unsel is$ attitude and a -syc$olo)ical closeness3& as 5onta)u identi ied it& -ermeates $is wor%* /ertainly $is #oo% >+$e .rt o Lovin)3 is a classic and s$ould #e read #y anyone w$o wants a #etter understandin) o t$is o ten ne#ulous idea o love*<

00;Because o t$e various meanin)s o >love3 #rou)$t to our lan)ua)e rom ot$er lan)ua)es& it is understanda#le t$at we are con used a#out its meanin)* But now& as modern -syc$olo)ists $ave #e)un to understand t$e nature o love in t$e 20t$ century& t$ey $ave #een a#le to identi y t$e essential elements t$at ma%e u- a lovin) relations$i-* ?et wit$ all o t$e t$in%in) w$ic$ $as occurred in indin) adequate de initions o love& many -eo-le still #elieve t$at t$ey are in love w$en t$ey $ave a warm eelin) in t$eir underwear* But I wonder i t$ere are really di erent %inds o love or are t$ere really only de)rees o loveD<

!;.s$ley 5onta)u and Leo Busca)lia B12C would $old t$at t$ere is only one %ind o love #ut t$at it can #e s$own in many situations and to many de)rees*

+4A 8AAD 6"( L"VA

;I Aric$ 6romm and .#ra$am 5aslow are ri)$t& $umans $ave a #asic need or love* 4owever& t$e needs t$at a -erson eels& suc$ as t$e need to #e -o-ular or to #e needed& may not indicate t$e real #asic needs o t$e -erson* :eo-leKs #asic needs& to #e loved& to #e a#le to love& to eel secure& may #e overs$adowed in t$eir own minds #y ot$er needs w$ic$ t$ey eel00 suc$ as ma%in) money& #ein) -o-ular& or )ettin) married* ,e s$ould %ee- in mind t$at it is our real needs& not t$ose w$ic$ we eel& t$at are essential in develo-in) our mental $ealt$ and $a--iness* ;.l#ert Sc$weit9er& t$e 8o#el :eace :ri9e winner& said t$at >,e are all so muc$ to)et$er #ut we are all dyin) o aloneness*3 +$is is e1actly 6rommKs -oint* 6romm $as continually em-$asi9ed t$at our )reatest need in modern society is to overcome our aloneness* 5odern economic necessities and t$e

-ursuit o wealt$ $ave se-arated us rom t$e e1tended amilies w$ic$ we $ad in earlier days00w$ere -eo-le lived close to many relatives and riends* In t$ose days t$ere was more interde-endence wit$ ot$er -eo-le* +$ere was t$ere ore a $uman warmt$ t$at surrounded most -eo-le* .s -eo-le moved to t$e cities t$ey o ten le t t$e emotional co9iness o t$e amily and entered t$e emotional re ri)erator o a detac$ed e1istence* ;+$ere is not$in) wron) wit$ #ein) alone* ,$en we need to #e alone to rela1& to create& to rec$ar)e our #atteries we can call t$is solitude00a creative and necessary ty-e o #ein) alone* 4owever w$en we do not $ave warm $uman relations$i-s we o ten are s$rouded in a de-ressin) e1istence* It is t$en t$at we need to #e loved00to $ave riends and amily or our emotional su--ort*B1LC

+4A DAVAL":5A8+ "6 L"VA

;In terms o love #etween -eo-le& Aric$ 6rommKs +$e .rt o Lovin) B1QC stressed t$e -oint t$at most -eo-le see love -rimarily as t$e -ro#lem o >#ein) loved3 rat$er t$an t$at o #ein) t$e -erson w$o >does t$e lovin)*3 +$en $e em-$asi9ed t$at #ein) a#le to love de-ends on oneKs ca-acity to love* +$is is somet$in) t$at we learn* ;Aric$ 6romm was -ro#a#ly t$e irst to -oint out $ow t$e ca-acity to love is develo-ed& notin) t$at w$ile -eo-le #elieve t$at lovin) is natural and easy& t$e develo-ment o t$e ca-acity to love is actually a very di icult tas%* .nd w$en a -erson $as learned to love& t$at -erson does not 2ust love one ot$er -erson& #ut rat$er $e or s$e develo-s t$e )enerali9ed a#ility to love* ;It was 6rommKs t$esis t$at we learn to love #y #ein) loved* Love does not come naturally& it must #e cultivated* +$ere ore& t$e #est t$in) t$at -arents can do or t$eir c$ildren is to teac$ t$em $ow to love* +$is is done #y e1am-le* +$ere is a -ro)ression t$at 6romm su))ested t$at we ollow in our -arent education -ro)rams& and t$at we $o-e t$ey ollow* ;Sel 0res-ect is t$e #asis or develo-in) an a#ility to love* It is -rimarily t$e 2o# o -arents to ma%e t$eir c$ildren eel wort$w$ile* .s small c$ildren& i needs are met& cries answered& tummies ed and #odies cuddled& t$ey s$ould )et a eelin) o #ein) wort$ somet$in)* I so& t$ey develo- sel 00res-ect* /$ildren s$ould #e encoura)ed and -raised& not continually c$astised* "n t$e ot$er $and& c$ildren s$ould not #e overindul)ed or a--eased #y #ein) )iven too many material t$in)s or lettin) t$em do w$atever t$ey want* It is t$e quality o time& not t$e quantity o money& t$at re)isters on t$e mind o t$e c$ild* ;6romm and many ot$er -rominent -eo-le studyin) t$e develo-ment o mentally0$ealt$y -eo-le and $ealt$y relations$i-s& #elieve t$at t$is sel 0res-ect or sel esteem s$ould #e develo-ed in a c$ild #e ore its ourt$ or i t$ year00 i it is to #e an e ective #asis or t$e c$ildKs mental $ealt$ and t$e a#ility to love*

;Sel 0love is t$e second sta)e in t$e develo-ment o t$e a#ility to love& accordin) to 6romm* 4e ma%es it clear t$at sel love is not sel is$ness* Sel is$ness is seein) ourselves only00e1cludin) ot$er -eo-le& sel 0love is seein) ourselves in relation to ot$er -eo-le* It can occur only i t$e -erson $as develo-ed sel res-ect* ;6romm noted t$at w$en a -erson >loves oneKs nei)$#or as oneKs sel & it im-lies t$at t$e lovin) -ersonKs own uniqueness and inte)rity are res-ected* .n understandin) and a--reciation o oneKs sel is necessary #e ore anot$er -erson can #e understood and a--reciated* It is now muc$ more o ten reali9ed #y -syc$olo)ists t$at w$ile love is o ten identi ied as a relations$i- wit$ a -articular -erson& it is essentially a matter o carin) or onesel and ot$ers* ;,e mi)$t say t$at sel 0love occurs w$en one $as a eelin) o di)nity& o wort$w$ileness and a eelin) o #elon)in)* .nd as 5aslow said o sel 0actuali9ed -eo-le& t$ey s$ould $ave a $ealt$y sense o $umility* ,e must eel )ood a#out ourselves* ,e must #e a#le to or)ive ourselves w$en we ma%e mista%es* ,$en we can eel )ood a#out ourselves we will $ave t$e #asis or e1$i#itin) t$ose attitudes towards ot$ers* ;,$en we $ave develo-ed t$e eelin)s o sel wort$ and sel love we are on t$e way to develo-in) t$e )enerali9ed a#ility to love* +$is is t$e culmination o t$e develo-ment o love* ,$en -eo-le eel real Nsel wort$N and Nsel loveN& t$en security wit$in t$em ma%es it -ossi#le to s$ow t$is same attitude toward ot$ers* :eo-le w$o $ave develo-ed t$is -otential to love do not 2ust love one or a ew -eo-le& t$ey love >)enerally*3<

!<I )uess love is a s-ecial t$in)& you can )ive it #ut you still $ave it* .nd li%e t$ey say& t$e o--osite o love is not $ate!it3s indi erence* It ma%es me t$in% o t$e indi erence o most -eo-le to over-o-ulation& to )lo#al warmin) and& to t$ose dyin) rom starvation and disease* I so many o us are indi erent to ot$ers& we mustn3t $ave learned $ow to love* I $o-e your -eo-le are doin) #etter t$an t$e rest o us* /$uc%*<

!;,e3re doin) our #est* But we are a very small country* ,e need t$e -ower ul nations to ollow our lead*But it seems t$at t$ey are usin) t$eir time to -ursue ric$es rat$er t$an $uman values and $uman survival*

+4A I8G(ADIA8+S "6 L"VA

;+ime is a necessary in)redient o love* "ne cannot s$ow love wit$out devotin) a certain amount o time to t$e o#2ect o oneKs love* In evaluatin) $ow muc$ you love a -erson& you must $onestly 2ud)e

#ot$ t$e quantity and t$e quality o time s-ent wit$ and or t$at -erson* . at$er mi)$t devote many $ours wit$ $is son coac$in) $im in at$letics* 4e coac$es t$e #oy in :o- ,arner oot#all and Little Lea)ue #ase#all and s-ends a )reat deal o time wit$ t$e #oy* But& i t$e natural interest and inclination o t$e #oy is to -lay t$e -iano& t$e at$er is not $el-in) t$e #oy toward $is natural ul illment* +$e at$er s-ent a )reat quantity o time& #ut t$e quality o time was not too meanin) ul or t$at -articular #oy* ,$at i a )irl wants to s-end more time in at$leticsD ,ill t$e -arents s-end as muc$ time osterin) $er interests as t$ey would do wit$ $er #rot$erD ;5ore o ten it is t$e quantity o time t$at is lac%in)* (al-$ ,aldo Amerson once wrote t$at >(in)s and 2ewels are not )i ts& #ut a-olo)ies or )i tsP t$e only true )i t is a )i t o onesel *3 4ow o ten do we see t$e inancially success ul -arent wor%in) as many as seven days a wee%& -layin) )ol wit$ #usiness associates durin) ree time& seldom seein) $is or $er amily* But $e or s$e #uys t$em o wit$ )i ts* Son )ets a new car* Dau)$ter is sent to t$e inest #oardin) sc$ool and t$e #est summer cam-s* +$is -erson $as -ut time into w$at $e or s$e values 00 t$e 2o#* +$e money earned is t$en traded to #uy o t$ose w$om are su--osed to #e loved* ,e can tell w$at -eo-le value #y t$e amount o time t$ey s-end in various activities* ;:er$a-s it is #etter said t$at we can tell w$at -eo-le t$in% is im-ortant to t$em #y w$ere t$ey s-end t$eir time* +$ere are not enou)$ $ours in t$e day or most -eo-le* ,$ere do you )uys s-end your $oursD<

00;I3ve e1-erienced t$at w$en -eo-le date t$ey )enerally s-end a )reat deal o time to)et$er* Durin) en)a)ement t$e same relations$i- continues* But w$at $a--ens a ter marria)eD Do t$ey )o t$eir se-arate waysD Does one watc$ a )ood deal more television t$an #e oreD Does one )o #ac% to sc$ool a ew ni)$ts a wee%D Does one ollow an at$letic $o##y and not include t$e ot$erD "r& do t$ey s-end a )ood deal o time to)et$erD Do t$ey $old intimate conversations on t$eir -lans and -ro#lemsD ,$en marria)e cou-les continue to )ive eac$ ot$er time& t$e marria)e )enerally -ros-ers*<

!;(i)$t' +ime can #e used e ectively in many ways* "ne mi)$t use time #y s$owin) consideration or a loved one* . $us#and or wi e mi)$t #uy a #ouquet o lowers or t$e ot$er* . -erson mi)$t coo% a avorite meal or a loved one* +$e idea $ere is t$at it is t$e t$ou)$t t$at counts* +$e loved one understands t$at $e or s$e is im-ortant to t$e ot$er* ;. second use o time is s$owin) interest in t$e ot$er -erson& $el-in) $im or $er to ac$ieve t$eir )reatest -otential* . married cou-le mi)$t )o to sc$ool one or two evenin)s eac$ wee%& eac$ -ursuin) t$eir own interests* In t$e -ast $us#ands sometimes t$warted t$eir wivesK intellectual -ursuits #ecause

t$e wi eKs ac$ievement lessened t$e $us#andKs su--osed su-eriority* +$is would only #e true i $er $us#and $ad an in eriority com-le1* ,e want a married cou-le to #e interested in eac$ ot$er& to truly love eac$ ot$er* I t$ey don3t& t$eir c$ildren won3t $ave muc$ o a c$ance to develo- sel res-ect and learn to #e a#le to love* ,e $o-e t$at t$e -arents are interested in $el-in) t$eir c$ildren wit$ t$eir $omewor% or wit$ learnin) at$letic or ot$er s%ills w$ic$ t$ey would li%e to learn* ;Dee- and meanin) ul communication is anot$er way o )ivin) time*Does t$e at$er ta%e $is dau)$ter out or dinner so t$e two can #e alone to try to understand eac$ ot$erD Does t$e mot$er ta%e $er son on a $i%e wit$ t$e o#2ective o )ettin) to %now $im #etterD Do t$e $us#and and wi e ever really try to )et to %now eac$ ot$erP to %now w$at is #ot$erin) eac$ o t$emD ;/ommunication is a necessity o love* 5ost -eo-le are aware o t$is& #ut ar too ew try it& and ar ewer ever succeed* It is tra)ic t$at so o ten it is di icult to )et emotionally close to t$ose to w$om we s$ould eel closest* . man or woman may tell t$eir co0wor%ers a#out t$e aults o a mate* But t$ey ail to communicate t$ese -ro#lems to eac$ ot$er* +$ey t$us ail to accom-lis$ t$at necessary irst ste- in solvin) t$e -ro#lem* :er$a-s it is #ecause t$ey are a raid o $urtin) eac$ ot$erKs eelin)s& so t$ey #ite t$eir ton)ues wit$ eac$ ot$er and $old t$eir an1ieties* But suc$ actions only ma)ni y t$e -ro#lems and widen t$e )a- #etween t$e two* +rue lovers can s-ea% t$eir innermost t$ou)$ts to eac$ ot$er& secure in t$e #elie t$at suc$ communication will stren)t$en rat$er t$an wea%en t$e relations$i-* ,e e1-ose -ros-ective mates to t$ese o--ortunities and t$e $urdles* +$at3s w$y we $ave required -re0marital counselin) and o-tional annual counselin)* +oday3s world is so muc$ more di icult t$an -revious times #ecause t$e o--ortunities are so vast* .nd #ecause o t$e myriad or o--ortunities& t$e )rass o ten loo%s )reener in ot$er -laces* ,e want t$e )rass to #e )reenest in t$e amily3s #ac% yard* +$is attention to t$e married cou-le& and to t$e amily i t$ey $ave c$ildren& $as reduced Sin)alin)3s divorce rate to under ten -ercent* So it is muc$ lower t$an in most o your ,estern counties* ;In our sc$ools and in our -re0marital counselin) we stress t$at intimacy is an essential in a romantic ty-e o love* /ou-les must #e aware t$at it requires acce-tance o t$e ot$er -erson to suc$ a de)ree t$at oneKs innermost secrets can #e s$ared* ,omen are muc$ #etter a#out s$arin) t$an are men in Sin)alin)& 2ust as in your country* 5en o ten $ave trou#le #ecause i t$ey reveal ears or wea%nesses t$ey eel t$ey lose control and sacri ice some o t$e stren)t$ and -ower t$at is su--osed to #e a masculine im-erative* ,e stress t$at w$en secrets are s$ared t$ey must #e $eld in strictest con idence* It #rea%s a sacred trust to tell t$em to anyone00ever' ;Intimacy also means s$arin) at least some interests* Some cou-les s$are everyt$in) and may )row in t$e -rocess* "t$ers )o di erent directions sometimes& -ossi#ly )rowin)& t$en come #ac% to s$are* It is im-ortant to )row 2ust as it is im-ortant to s$are* Intellectual& -syc$olo)ical& and recreational areas )ive us ertile o--ortunities or -ersonal )rowt$ w$ic$ can #e s$ared*

;,e mi)$t consider t$at t$ere are t$ree -arts o a love relations$i-00eac$ -artner and t$e cou-le* 5any o t$e most success ul cou-les today $ave lives t$at are quite se-arate rom t$e relations$i-* ItKs not li%e t$e old days w$en #ot$ -eo-le wor%ed on t$e arm and totally s$ared a li e* In t$e modern world& es-ecially in t$e two career relations$i-s& t$ere are two lives00#ut t$ose lives meet o ten* .nd de-endin) on t$eir needs and t$e individuals3 ca-a#ilities or lovin)00t$ere is o ten a dynamite relations$i-* ;+o evaluate our love we s$ould loo% at t$e res-ect& care& and res-onsi#ility w$ic$ we s$ow anot$er -erson* .re we seein) and res-ectin) eac$ -erson or w$at t$ey really areD Do we s$ow an active concern or t$e li e and )rowt$ o t$e -eo-le we loveD Do we res-ond voluntarily to t$e needs o ot$er -eo-leD I so& we are e1$i#itin) t$e c$aracteristics o #ein) a -erson w$o loves* Aac$ o t$ese c$aracteristics ta%es time 00time or re lection and time or action* It ta%es time to #e considerate o ot$ers* +$e quality o time s-ent wit$ a loved one is -ro#a#ly t$e ma2or actor in a love relations$i-& w$et$er it #e $us#and and wi e& -arent and c$ild& riend and riend& si#lin) and si#lin)* ,e must reali9e t$at you can )ive wit$out lovin) #ut you can3t love wit$out )ivin)*<

!;,$en I t$in% o t$e im-ortance o time I t$in% o Ben 6ran%lin* 4e reco)ni9ed t$e im-ortance o time w$en $e said& >Dost t$ou love li eD +$en do not squander time& or it is t$e stu li e is made o *3 /$uc%& I a)ree wit$ you so muc$ in terms o t$e relations$i-s o t$e amily& #ut I t$in% we need everyone to understand t$at t$ey must #e concerned wit$ t$eir descendants and wit$ t$eir international res-onsi#ilities* ;.lt$ou)$ /$ina3s invasion o +i#et in 1EM1 resulted in t$e loss o a million +i#etan lives and t$e destruction o muc$ o its art& literature and #uildin)s& t$e Dalai Lama $as -reac$ed or)iveness and nonviolence* +$is is t$e ty-e o action w$ic$ )enerated a nomination or t$e 8o#el :eace :ri9e* "ur old riend .rnold +oyn#ee said t$at >/om-assion is t$e desire t$at moves t$e individual sel to widen t$e sco-e o its sel 0concern to em#race t$e w$ole o t$e universal sel *3 ;,it$out some concern or ot$ers we can3t e1ist as a )lo#ali9ed $umanitarian democratic society5ost o us are concerned wit$ our amily and nei)$#ors* But t$at is not enou)$ today* +$e Internet& cell -$ones& television& /88& a )lo#ali9ed economy& t$e e1istence o wea-ons o mass destruction& all require t$at we love and coo-erate& w$et$er it #e or sel -reservation or altruism* ,e must learn t$e lessons we need in order to ul ill our $uman -otentials*<

+4A A66A/+S "6 L"VA

00;So ar& we $ave loo%ed at t$e idea o love rom t$e -oint o view o t$e >lover3* ,$at a#out t$e -eo-le w$o are t$e o#2ects o t$at loveD ,$at e ect does love $ave on t$emD ;I 6romm is correct& it is -syc$olo)ical loneliness t$at is our ma2or mental $ealt$ need in a tec$nolo)ical )lo#al society* ,$ile many -eo-le in your country seem to eel t$at t$e ma2or questions o -arent$ood deal wit$ s-an%in) vs* non0s-an%in) or #reast eedin) versus #ottle eedin)& it is more im-ortant t$at t$e c$ild #e loved* .nd i t$e c$ild is loved& it will -ro#a#ly $ave a stron) #asis or #ein) a mentally $ealt$y $uman #ein)* Sociolo)ists tell us t$at t$e unloved c$ild is a -rimary candidate or 2uvenile delinquency& and criminolo)ists tell us t$at a lac% o love is at t$e root o many crimes* ;5any studies indicate t$at a lac% o love& or s$ould we say >emotional de-rivation&3 severely limits a c$ildKs -otentials in t$e -$ysical& mental& and emotional s-$eres* Love $as #een used in mental institutions to #rin) t$e mentally ill closer to normality* 5y e1-erience in mental $os-itals in your country s$owed t$at in case a ter case it was a lac% o sel 0love t$at was at t$e root o mental illness* I -eo-le $ad a $ealt$y love o t$emselves instead o carryin) $idden #urdens o sel 0contem-t& our -syc$iatric case load would $ave #een cut in $al * ;"ne case I was involved in as a resident -syc$olo)ist involved a sc$i9o-$renic w$o $ad com-letely wit$drawn rom t$e world* 4e wouldnKt eat& wouldnKt tal%& wouldnKt even come out o $is room* Durin) $is con inement in our mental $os-ital& t$e senior -syc$iatrist -rescri#ed >love3 as $is treatment* .s -art o our daily duties all o us w$o wor%ed in t$e area came to $is room& tal%ed to $im& and s$owed an interest in $im* It was a lon) time #e ore we received any ac%nowled)ment o our even #ein) t$ere*. ter several mont$s o t$is >love t$era-y3 $e le t t$e sel 0im-osed con inement o $is room and went outside& on $is way to recovery* ;It is essential t$at t$e in ant $uman #ein) eel love* I t$e youn) c$ild $as not e1-erienced an a#undance o love in its early years& t$at c$ild will -ro#a#ly #e on very s$a%y -syc$olo)ical ootin) or t$e rest o its li e* +$e adult needs t$is in-ut alsoP t$e eelin) t$at someone really cares or us and will $el- us to develo- more ully may well #e our )reatest need* +$ere is stron) evidence t$at t$e a#ility to love is t$e most no#le and t$e most essential o -eo-leKs emotions and a#ilities* +$e evidence %ee-s accumulatin) rein orcin) 6rommKs #elie t$at >Love is t$e only satis actory answer to t$e -ro#lem o $uman e1istence*3 . ter you die it won3t matter to t$e world $ow ric$ you were& #ut t$e world will #e #etter i you really loved a c$ild* +$is is w$y t$e a#ility to love is t$e cornerstone o our marria)e licensin) requirements*

>:",A( "VA(3 +" L"VI8G!+4A /"8+I8@@5

;+$ere is a continuum rom t$e more #rutal ty-es o >-ower over3 to more civil actions t$at clearly indicate t$e need to $ave some >-ower over3 anot$er -erson* 8e1t on t$e continuum is t$e a#ility to $ave t$e >-ower to3 00w$ic$ im-lies t$at a -erson does not need to #e su-erior to ot$ers to eel accom-lis$ed #ecause $e is success ul in some im-ortant areas** +$en t$e most -syc$olo)ically mature is t$e a#ility to love00w$ere one $el-s ot$ers and eels )ood is a result* ;. com-re$ensive education in a wise society& wit$ e ective -arentin)& can $el- -eo-le to #ecome more civili9ed w$ic$ will result in more -eo-le develo-in) t$e educational and -syc$olo)ical a#ilities to $ave >-ower to3 and eventually to #ecome lovers& in t$e #roadest and most $umanitarian sense* .s ormer Britis$ :rime 5inister Ben2amin Disraeli said& Kwe are all #orn or love* * * it is t$e -rinci-le o e1istence and its only end*3 ;,it$ t$ese ideas in mind& our -arents and educators& and eventually our yout$& can understand t$e -otential evolution o our -syc$olo)ical maturity* ,e all %now t$at in ants want some -ower over t$eir -arents* +$ey want to #e ed w$en t$ey are $un)ry and c$an)ed w$en t$ey are wet* +$ey want to #e $u))ed* .s t$ey )row t$ey want >-ower to*3 +$ey want to #e a#le to crawl& wal%& tal%& read& draw& -lay* +$ey want to learn& #ut learnin) s$ould #e en2oya#le to #e e ective* It s$ould eit$er #e en2oya#le as t$ey learn& or immediately a ter t$ey $ave learned it& t$ey s$ould eel a sense o mastery& a >-ower to3* ;+$en as t$ey learn t$ey develo- sel res-ect& w$ic$ s$ould #rin) a $ei)$tened level o sel esteem* "nce t$ey eel )ood a#out t$emselves t$ey $ave t$e -syc$olo)ical oundation to #e)in to #e unsel is$* +$ey s$ould $ave #een raised #y lovin) -arents* +$is would )ive t$em t$e model or unsel is$ness t$at is needed or lovin)* In our sc$ools we study t$e lives and accom-lis$ments o unsel is$ -eo-le* 8o#el :eace :ri9e winners are o ten t$e su#2ects o our studies* Some reli)ious and non0reli)ious -eo-le w$o $ave loved& or w$o $ave e1amined t$e idea o lovin)& are studied* ;,e $ave or Lovin) Le)ion& similar to your :eace /or-s& t$at allows our youn) adults to wor% in develo-in) countries to $el- #rin) t$em #etter lives* "ne o our ma2or -ro)rams wor%s wit$ villa)es in w$ic$ t$e -eo-le a)ree to sterili9ation a ter $avin) $ad one c$ild* "ur )overnment )uarantees t$em ree $ealt$ care and retirement #ene its and our Lovin) Le)ion volunteers $el- to #uild sc$ools& sanitation -ro2ects& retirement $omes and water -uri ication acilities* ,e train teac$ers and do some teac$in) ourselves* +$e -ro)rams $ave #een so success ul t$at we $ave a lon) waitin) list o villa)es t$at wis$ to -artici-ate* ,e are now see%in) -rivate -$ilant$ro-y rom outside our country to $el- to und w$at our )overnment cannot inance* ,e are also ta%in) a--lications rom youn) colle)e )raduates rom around t$e world w$o want to 2oin our Le)ions* . ter wor%in) wit$ us or ive years t$ese -eo-le )et additional colle)e wor% wit$ us& usually toward advanced de)rees* 5any will t$en )et 2o# o ers rom us& and some may #e invited to citi9ens$i- eventually*

;"ne une1-ected >#ad sur-rise3 was t$at some o our model villa)es were attac%ed #y marauders and even rene)ade )overnment troo-s* So we $ave $ad to de end t$e villa)es wit$ our modern ro#otic laser de enses* ,e $ate to see deat$& #ut sometimes or t$e )ood o t$e world t$ose tryin) to im-rove it must de end t$emselves* ,e would never use a military o ensive& #ut we eel 2usti ied in de endin) ourselves and t$e -eo-le w$o are tryin) to im-rove t$emselves and t$e world* ;So t$e -at$ toward $umanity develo-s rom t$e in ant3s need to $ave >-ower over3& to t$e student3s develo-ment o >-ower to3& to t$e individual3s a#ility to love& t$en to t$e youn) adult3s develo-in) $umanitarian love* It doesn3t $a--en to everyone& #ut we $ave #een very success ul*

6I8DI8G 5A.8I8G I8 "@( LIVAS

;Some -eo-le ind meanin) in t$eir lives #y #ein) $umanitarian lovers* "t$ers want to add ot$er ty-es o meanin)s to t$eir lives* So let me e1-lain and e1-and on Vi%tor 6ran%lKs ideas* +$ey intri)ued me #ecause t$ey rose rom t$e de-t$s o des-air in t$e 8a9i concentration cam-s* ,$at was t$ere to $o-e or in suc$ a settin)D ?et 6ran%l o#served t$at some -risoners continued to $o-e* 8o matter $ow #ad t$in)s were t$ey ound meanin) in t$eir lives* ,e need meanin)* ,e need -ur-ose* ,e must $ave )oals toward w$ic$ to as-ire* ;6ran%l #elieved t$at we are not limited #y $eredity& instinct& or environment* 4e said we are ree to c$oose to #e w$at we want to #e* :syc$olo)ical -ro#lems occur w$en our need or meanin) is rustrated* 6ran%l3s a--roac$ is one o a num#er o t$in%ers w$o em-$asi9e t$e -resent and uture as t$e essential in)redients o a -ersonKs -ersonality* ,$en a -erson inds meanin) in li e& or searc$es or meanin)& it is a si)n o #ein) -syc$olo)ically $ealt$y and $a--y* "ne mi)$t loo% at t$e artists and -oets& -$iloso-$ers and t$eolo)ians to see -eo-le w$o mi)$t well #e considered to #e driven #y t$e necessity to ind meanin) in li e* ;+$e $umanist sc$ool o -syc$olo)y $as also em-$asi9ed t$e im-ortance o a -erson #ein) res-onsi#le or $is or $er #e$avior* /arl (o)ers and .#ra$am 5aslow were amon) t$e most im-ortant t$in%ers in t$is ield* +$ey #elieved t$at t$e mature -erson ma%es 2ud)ments and ta%es on values a#out $imsel or $ersel * +$ese values& t$en& must #e lived* +o t$e de)ree t$at t$e -ressures o society& or o oneKs social )rou-& rustrate a -ersonKs individual values& t$ere will #e -ro#lems* I a woman wants to #e a doctor #ut $er amily -ressures $er to )et married and >settle down3 t$ere will #e -ro#lems* +o t$e de)ree t$at a #oy wants to re rain rom smo%in)& #ut is -ressured #y $is riends to smo%e 00t$ere will #e -ro#lems* ;,e Sin)alin)ians $ave )oals o national -ur-ose& #ut we also $ave t$e )oals o sel ul illment or our individual citi9ens* ,e ma%e -leasant and -roductive use o our leisure time* ,e read& we e1ercise& we -lay musical instruments& we -aint& we attend concerts& and most o all we continue our education*<

!;,e need to ollow you Sin)alin)ians in your a--roac$ to education* 4ere education is ree to everyone at every level* It seems t$at most -eo-le in your country are in sc$ool& eit$er wor%in) on a colle)e de)ree or are ta%in) classes t$at $el- t$em to en2oy li e more* /lasses in -$iloso-$y and $istory& in art and in music& in $ealt$ and in s-orts00all are o ered to $el- to ma%e your -eo-le t$e #est t$ey can #e* ;5any years a)o my country e1-orted its %nowled)e and )oodness in Jo$n =ennedyKs :eace /or-s* +oday we $ave little to e1-ort00e1ce-t our e1-ertise in dru)s and )ra iti* But as you $ave -ointed out& many Sin)alin)ians $ave ventured to develo-in) countries #rin)in) t$eir tec$nolo)y as well as t$eir -o-ulation control ideas wit$ t$em* +$eir concern& as wit$ t$e =inoese& is to reduce world -o-ulation w$ile increasin) t$e quality o li e or t$ose w$o are livin)* ;It seems t$at t$e -eo-le o Sin)alin) $ave #een a#le to inculcate t$e #est ideas o t$e economists and t$e -syc$olo)ists& t$e et$icists and t$e #usiness leaders& and $ave come closer to uto-ia t$an I $ad ever dreamed -ossi#le*<

00;,e $ave also used t$e a--roac$ o .l#ert Bandura3s social0co)nitive sc$ool o -syc$olo)y* 4e said we are in luenced #y our environments and we& in turn& in luence our environments* It is not only t$at our actual environment is in luencin) us #ut it is our -erce-tion o t$e environment t$at is our -rimary in luence* In Sin)alin) we attem-t to -rovide a w$olesome and nouris$in) environment rom t$e -re0#irt$ mont$s into retirement* +$e %ey& o course& is -arental screenin)& education and evaluation*<

00;+$at sounds so sensi#le* In t$e @*S* it seems t$at so o ten it is a matter o c$ance* 6or e1am-le& i we were to loo% at two inner city #oys in a $i)$ sc$ool& one mi)$t see education as #ot$ e1citin) and as a way out o -overty& t$e ot$er mi)$t see it as an o--ressive orce attem-tin) to c$an)e $im* .nd& i we ta%e .dlerKs idea o -ower as an e1am-le& t$e second student mi)$t #elieve t$at -ersonal success is )ained i education is ou)$t every ste- o t$e way* But my )uess is t$at t$e -ositively motivated #oy would $ave a -arent or )uardian w$o -rovided a lovin) nest and set a irm -at$ or success t$rou)$ education*<

00;"#viously our environments are im-ortant* But to w$at de)ree are t$ey in luenced #y t$e -ower drives t$at .dler su))ested or t$e -leasure drives o 6reudD 4ow muc$ is a -erson3s

environment in luenced #y indin) meanin) in $is or $er li eD /ertainly our environments di er* +$e Jewis$ )irl rom Beverly 4ills does not $ave t$e same environment as t$e Ba-tist arm #oy rom Louisiana* +$ese two -eo-le will li%ely model quite di erent environments*<

00;,e try to )et t$e #est -ossi#le environment to model* ,e want a lovin) model wit$ success or -ower in t$e vocational and educational areas* Social learnin) t$eory& assumin) it is true& ma%es us want to -rovide t$e #est environment or our c$ildren and adults* ,e discoura)e t$e arti icial -ower accoutrements li%e tattoos& #ody -iercin)& )an) clot$es and so ort$* (eal -ower over onesel does not come rom imitatin) -eo-le w$o act tou)$* 6or c$ildren it does not come rom doin) stu-id adult t$in)s li%e smo%in) or drin%in)* ,e em-$asi9e a)e a--ro-riate accom-lis$ments* ,$en we can )et c$ildren to loo% down on smo%ers or #ullies we don3t $ave smo%ers or #ullies* ,e em-$asi9e t$e stu-idity o suc$ #e$avior rom our earliest education* .nd o course -otentially #ullyin) -arents are )enerally eliminated in t$e licensin) -rocess* :$ysical violence is rowned on t$rou)$out our society* .nd we %ee- out o our media t$e 4ollywood em-$asis on violence or entertainment* "ur media writers must #e clever enou)$ to write comedy and -olitical commentary* ;,e $o-e t$at we can over-ower and eliminate any ne)ative instincts t$rou)$ love and success& #ut it is always a t$in veil t$at se-arates t$e instincts and t$e unconscious in eriority eelin)s rom a lovin) socially admira#le #elie as a oundation or one3s #e$avior* ;6or t$ose w$o sli- t$rou)$ t$e crac%s we $ave e1tensive #e$avior modi ication -ro)rams* It is e ective in understandin) and controllin) a))ression* 6or t$ose ew in 2ails or mental institutions we use e1tensive #e$avioral modi ication i t$ere are not -roven )enetic -ro#lems res-onsi#le or t$eir anti0social #e$aviors* ;,e want -eo-le to #e a#le to move easily to t$e societal roles t$at are com orta#le or t$em* 8ot every woman wants to #e a #usiness e1ecutive or a $a--y or sarcastic $ousewi e* ,e don3t t$in% t$at c$ildren s$ould #e sarcastic to any#ody* +$ey s$ouldn3t act adult0li%e& #e overtly se1ual or %now0it0 alls* ,$en we loo% at your .merican television& we crin)e* +$e t$in)s you do to sell soa- and #eer are ruinin) your once )reat country* ;"#viously we are many years away rom $avin) a com-lete and com-re$ensive t$eory o -ersonality* But we can )et some ideas a#out motivation and $ow #e$avior develo-s* +$ose ten #illion #rain cells in si1 #illion -eo-le )ive us almost an in inite num#er o varia#les or $uman #e$avior* ,e reali9e t$is* But we need to )o orward wit$ w$at is so ar indicated #y t$e ma2or t$in%ers in t$e ield o -syc$olo)y ;"n anot$er note& let me mention =aren 4orney* S$e irst ollowed 6reud #ut& #ased on $er own li e e1-eriences& s$e revolted a)ainst 6reudKs view o male su-eriority and #ecame a c$am-ion o emale

-syc$olo)y& w$ic$ t$e men in $er -ro ession $ad ne)lected* S$e was also a -ioneer in understandin) $ow im-ortant our cultures and environments are to us* +$is was made o#vious to $er w$en travelin) to many -arts o t$e world wit$ $er at$er& w$o was a sea ca-tain*.s you %now we in Sin)alin) -ri9e #ot$ se1es equally* ,e )ive t$em equal o--ortunities or sel ul illment and we )ive t$em equal rewards or ac$ievement ;. ma2or need o every -erson is to $ave $is or $er own identity* Glo#ali9ation tends to try to ma%e us as one& wit$ similar identities* "ur minds& $owever& seem to need a closer identity!a amily& tri#e& reli)ion& or core o #elie s* In Auro-e& or e1am-le& Bretons& Basques& ,alsers& /ornis$men& As%imos and many ot$er et$nic )rou-s ta%e -ride in t$eir et$nicity* In 8ort$ .merica t$e 8ative .mericans are urt$er su#divided #y tri#es* +$e Samur& t$e 8ordic As%imos o 8orway %ee- t$eir own identities and t$eir lan)ua)e& t$rou)$out 8orway every area $as its own national costume t$at is worn on t$eir 8ational Day& 5ay 1G& or w$enever a sli)$tly ormal or even a #lac% tie occasion arises* ;/ertainly we need to communicate in one lan)ua)e in order understand science& #usiness and international -olitics& #ut we need to %ee- some s-ecial identities as -art o our -ersonal and cultural $erita)e* ,$en we deca-itate our -ast we may $ear t$e -rimal scream o loneliness!t$e silence and em-tiness o not $avin) a -ast*

+4A 4?:"+4A+I/.LS+(@/+@(A "6 "@( 5I8DS

;8ow let3s -ut t$is to)et$er )ra-$ically* .s we $ave said& t$rou)$out most o $istory -eo-le $ave t$ou)$t t$at t$eir minds included only t$ose t$in)s w$ic$ t$ey could t$in% a#out00t$e t$ou)$ts o w$ic$ t$ey were conscious* .s we $ave also said& Si)mund 6reud -o-ulari9ed t$e idea t$at we $ave a lar)e -art o our mind w$ic$ is #elow t$e conscious level* 4e #elieved t$at t$is was ar lar)er t$an t$e conscious mind and so it controlled more o our actions* +$is $e called t$e unconscious or su#conscious mind* 5ost scientists acce-t #ot$ o t$ese levels o mind*<

!;/$uc%& in t$e States recently a woman -ur-osely drowned $er two c$ildren #y -uttin) t$em in a car and rollin) it into a la%e* 4er de ense was t$at s$e $ad #een re-eatedly ra-ed as a c$ild #y $er ste- at$er* +$e e ects o t$ese ra-es was $eld #y t$e lawyers to #e t$e >unconscious3 reason t$at s$e %illed $er sons w$om s$e su--osedly loved* +$ere are certainly $u)e num#ers o le)al cases t$at su))est t$at t$e unconscious mind is a -ower ul motivator o #e$avior*<

!;(i)$t Lee* 8ow let3s )o to a dee-er level o mind* +$ere are undou#tedly $ereditary elements t$at in luence our minds* Instincts& suc$ as or violence& or may#e towards est$etics& li%e art or music a#ilities may e1ist $ere* "rr may#e -$ysical #eauty or unattractiveness mi)$t in luence a

-erson to act in a more -ositive or ne)ative way* * ;?ou may #e amiliar wit$ /arl Jun)3s idea t$at t$ere was an even dee-er level o mind* Jun) was an early associate o 6reud* 4e was a medical doctor& one o many in $is amily* 4is amily also nurtured a )reat many t$eolo)ians* It mi)$t seem only natural& t$en& t$at Jun) would see t$e mind in #ot$ a medical and a reli)ious sense* In $is doctoral dissertation $e attem-ted to -ull t$e two ideas to)et$er w$en $e wrote a#out t$e occult or su-ernatural as-ects o t$e mind* ;"ne o Jun)Ks $y-ot$eses dealt wit$ t$e structure o t$e unconscious mind* 4e #elieved t$at eac$ individual $as a -ersonal unconscious w$ic$ is made u- o or)otten ideas and memories* But #eyond t$at -ersonal unconscious& t$at is di erent or every -erson& lies a collective unconscious& w$ic$ is similar in every -erson* ;+$e collective unconscious includes t$e memories o t$e $uman race t$at are #orn into eac$ -erson* +$e common nature o t$ese memories can #e seen as t$ey re-eat t$emselves t$rou)$ t$e course o $uman $istory* +$ey can #e s$own in t$e similarity o reli)ious #elie s& myt$olo)ies& wor%s o art& and dreams* ;,$ile Jun)Ks ideas o t$e collective unconscious $ave not #een )enerally acce-ted& t$e $y-ot$esis t$at t$ere may #e a dee-er level o consciousness& or o un%nown -syc$ic orces& $as )ained more attention recently* +$e interest in t$e -syc$olo)y o t$e occult its in wit$ Jun)Ks ideas o a dee-er nature o $umans* ;Jun)Ks #elie in )$osts and ot$er e1tra0sensory -$enomena was seen as a ne)ative in luence on $is ideas #y t$e -syc$olo)ists o $is day* ?et today t$ose same e1tra0sensory -$enomena are #ein) studied in re-uta#le universities across t$e world* 5ind readin) or tele-at$y& t$e e1istence o )$osts& t$e -ower o t$e mind to move -$ysical o#2ects are #ut a ew o t$e -$enomena #ein) investi)ated #y scientists* But it doesn3t mean t$at any or all o t$em e1ist* So Jun)Ks idea o t$e collective unconscious mi)$t )ive us an additional dimension or analy9in) t$at w$ic$ is not %nown a#out t$e ori)in o $uman drives and interests* .not$er element o Jun)Ks t$in%in) is o more im-ortance today* Jun) saw -syc$olo)ical meanin)s in t$e teac$in)s o t$e /$inese -$iloso-$er Lao +9u& a sa)e w$o lived sometime #etween t$e Qt$ and It$ centuries B*/* Lao +9u wrote a M&000 word #oo% in w$ic$ $e descri#ed >+$e ,ay3 or t$e >+ao3 to live a $armonious li e* 4e develo-ed t$e idea o t$e yin and t$e yan)00t$e eminine and masculine elements o t$e universe w$ic$ must #e in $armony* Jun) saw t$at #ot$ men and women $ave masculine and eminine sides* ,omen $ave an animus or masculine side and men $ave an anima or eminine dimension to t$eir -ersonalities* +$e conce-t o most -eo-le $avin) #ot$ masculine and eminine as-ects o t$eir -ersonalities I will discuss in time* ;Still anot$er as-ect o Jun)Ks -syc$olo)y deals wit$ introversion or #ein) inner directed and e1troversion or #ein) outer directed as #ein) motivational orces* +$e meditatin) Jen mon% s$ows

muc$ more o t$e inner directedness& w$ile t$e -arty animal is more e1troverted* ,e all $ave -otentials in eac$ direction* ;.not$er -oint is t$at w$ile 6reud t$ou)$t t$at our -ersonalities were -retty well ormed in t$e irst ew years& Jun) #elieved t$at we are still ormin) our -ersonalities into middle a)e* So itKs never too late* ;,$ile $is ideas o a collective unconscious mind were ins-ired #y t$e Aastern reli)ions it was not t$e -ant$eistic )od o India* I3m sure you all %now t$at t$e ma2or idea o t$e 4indu reli)ion is t$at at t$e root o t$e world& and o our minds& is t$e reality o God* .nd or t$e 4indu& God is t$e essence and totality o t$e universe* +$is view o God& t$at God is everyt$in)& is called -ant$eism* ,$en 4indus -ractice meditation t$ey are )enerally tryin) to )et t$eir consciousness to t$is dee- level o )odliness* ;So in t$is $y-ot$etical t$eory o w$at t$e mind mi)$t #e we mi)$t $y-ot$esi9e our levels o mindV t$e conscious mind t$at we are all aware o P a -ersonal unconscious mind t$at most -syc$olo)ists would acce-tP t$en some Jun)ians would #elieve in an even lower level o mind& t$e collective unconsciousP t$en many 4indus would acce-t t$e most #asic level o mind as #ein) )od* Aven #e ore Descartes3 dictum o >I t$in% t$ere ore I am3 most o us $ave #elieved in a conscious mind* . ew may #elieve in all our levels* But w$et$er or not we #elieve& t$e our layered $y-ot$esis )ives us some -i)eon $oles or a num#er o t$eories* ;+$e ,estern monot$eistic God would e1ist outside o t$is mind* "ne3s conscience& or value c$oosin) -art o t$e mind could $ave its sources in any o t$e levels* .s I understand your conversations wit$ ,anda& you were loo%in) at t$em -rimarily as #ein) a -art o t$e conscious mind* +$en& i we can t$in% or ourselves& we can $y-ot$esi9e t$at a small -art o t$e conscious mind would #e t$e intellect* I t$e intellect e1ists it would #e our ree t$in%in) a#ility and would #e seen as t$e -art o our mind t$at would $ave ree will* ;Let me draw it or you* 4ere I3ll do it on t$is old na-%in* +$e le t side o t$e drawin) re-resents t$e memories and t$e orces o needs and drives inside o t$e mind& w$ile t$e ri)$t side o t$e dotted line re-resents t$e value -art o t$e mind& w$ic$ would include t$e conscience* "#viously values are in luenced #y memories #ut I t$in% it illustrates my -oint* +$e small to- section re-resents your -ersonal conscious mind* I we $ave an intellect w$ic$ can t$in% or itsel it would #e in t$is area* +$e ne1t level& w$ic$ is lar)er& re-resents t$e -ersonal unconscious mind* It -ro#a#ly $olds more memories t$an does t$e conscious mind* +$e t$ird level down re-resents t$e in-ut and -otentials o our )enes and our instincts* Below t$at is t$e collective unconscious mind t$at Jun) su))ested& and t$e lowest level re-resents t$e -ant$eistic )od idea t$at many -eo-le #elieve* I don3t -ersonally #elieve in t$ese lower two ideas& #ut t$e drawin) )ives us a $andy way to it in t$e more ne#ulous t$eories o

w$at mi)$t #e motivatin) us*

DI.G(.5 "6 ,4.+ +4A 5I8D 5IG4+ I8/L@DA

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IntellectXX WWWWWWWWWWW /"8S/I"@S 5I8DX /"8S/I"@S V.L@AS +$in)s you can remem#er X Values you are aware o WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WW :A(S"8.L @8/"8/I"@S 5I8DX@8/"8S/I"@S V.L@AS A1-eriences you $ave or)otten XValues you once $eld or e1-erienced But t$at still may a ect your #e$avior X t$at you $ave re2ected #ut t$at may X Still in luence you!6or e1am-leV an X at$eist -rayin) in a time o trou#le WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WW GA8A+I/ I86L@A8/AS and I8S+I8/+S X GA8A+I/ and I8S+I8/+@.L IeV -arental carin) #e$avior& -ower or X+A8DA8/IAS Violent instinctsX WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :"SSIBLAX /"LLA/+IVA @8/"8S/I"@SX/"LLA/+IVA @8/"8SI"@S X V.L@AS!mysticism& love& -ower WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :.8+4AIS+I/ G"D X V.L@AS 6("5 8.+@(A! X +olerance& (everence or t$e world WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ;"n t$e ri)$t side we $ave t$e values area o t$e mind* +$e dotted line indicates t$at t$e memories and values can cross over to t$e ot$er side o t$e mind* .t t$e to- level we $ave t$e values t$at we are conscious o * +$ey may #e values we $ave develo-ed ourselves& #ut most were -ro#a#ly -ut into us #y our -arents& teac$ers& ministers& -olitical leaders& et cetera* But we %now w$at t$ey are* ,e mi)$t value t$at t$ere is a God and t$at t$e Bi#le is true* ,e mi)$t value our country& our amily& or a success ul li estyle we $ave seen* ,e mi)$t li%e t$e color -ur-le or t$e local s-orts team* ,e mi)$t

value not stealin)* .t t$e unconscious level we also $old values* 5ay#e t$e Bi#lical or =oranic values we learned as c$ildren $ave #een -us$ed to t$e unconscious level #y our new #elie s!t$at %illin) mem#ers o ot$er )an)s is )ood& or t$at ma%in) money in any way -ossi#le is acce-ta#le* ;.t t$e )enetic or instinctual level& -er$a-s our )enes -redis-ose us to violence& as some ant$ro-olo)ists #elieve* :er$a-s t$ey -redis-ose us to #ein) $onest& as some studies $ave indicated* +$ey may -redis-ose us to mental illness* But i our )enes are res-onsi#le or a lar)e -art o our #e$avior& may#e M0H or more& t$ey would certainly carry ideas or #e$aviors we would value* ;I we $ave a collective unconscious mind& it mi)$t carry myt$olo)ical or reli)ious values& or -er$a-s warli%e values* +$en at t$e #ottom level o t$e -ant$eistic )od& it would #e li%ely t$at we would value ve)etarianism and -ossi#ly reincarnation& as t$e 4indus do* So t$e content o our minds would #e instincts and everyt$in) in our environment t$at $as $ad an im-act on us& alon) wit$ any ori)inal t$ou)$ts our intellects mi)$t $ave contri#uted*

.DJ@S+5A8+S!(.+I"8.L .8D I((.+I"8.L00.++./= .8D (A+(A..+

;,$ile we $ave loo%ed a #it at w$at may motivate us& most o us $ave some -ro#lems w$en our drives or needs are not adequately met* In Sin)alin) we alert -arents& teac$ers& doctors& em-loyers and recreation leaders to t$e #e$aviors t$at indicate a lac% o -syc$olo)ical success* ,e want to discover t$ese telltale si)nals so t$at we can remedy t$e -ro#lems as early as -ossi#le #ecause t$e lon)er a -erson utili9es a $arm ul mental ad2ustment& t$e more di icult it is to e1tin)uis$ t$e -ro#lem #e$avior -attern* Do you want to )o into t$is more ne)ative area o -ro#lems or s$ould we )o in a di erent directionD<

;I3d li%e to $ear your a--roac$ to $andlin) -ro#lems& es-ecially relations$i- -ro#lems* ,e )et a lot o t$at in my #usiness*<

00;,ell (ay& as you well %now& t$ese stresses can occur to anyone in any society and in any social situation* So let me )ive you some e1am-les o $ow t$ey can $a--en in marria)e or -arent$ood* .s you %now& many studies $ave #een done on t$e success o c$ildren o divorced -arents& t$e sin)le -arent syndrome* +$ere is more c$ance or -oor -er ormance in sc$ool& or dru) use and criminal #e$avior& and or a )enerally -oor ad2ustment to li e* ;I don3t %now w$at t$e reasons are* +$ey mi)$t include some level o -overty& -arents w$o were not ideal to start wit$& t$e -oor ad2ustments o t$e -arents to stresses& t$e #irt$ o a c$ild w$ic$ increased t$e marital stress level -ast t$e -oint w$ere t$e -arents could co-e& t$e actual li e o t$e c$ild in a one

-arent $ouse$old& or a num#er o ot$er reasons& even t$e intelli)ence o t$e -arents* ,e $ave tried ar more t$an your country to reduce #ad marria)es and ine icient -arentin)* But let3s loo% at some relations$i- -ro#lems* ;,e $ave dealt wit$ t$e idea t$at we all $ave some in eriority eelin)s and t$at t$ese eelin)s are ma2or actors in t$e relations$i-s #etween -eo-le in close relations$i-s* In eriority eelin)s can #e s$own in a lar)e num#er o ways* In one -erson t$ey can result in a )reater t$an normal drive or success& suc$ as in #usiness& s-orts& and even $ousecleanin) and c$ild raisin)* +$ere are some $ouse%ee-ers w$o clean com-ulsively!sometimes not even lettin) t$eir amilies into a room #ecause it mi)$t )et dirty* /$ild raisin) is a muc$ more common area to ind t$e e ects o in eriority #ecause t$e c$ild is smaller and >more in erior3 t$an t$e adult* +$e c$ild is t$ere ore easier to control and can #ecome a tool o t$e -arent w$ose own unconscious mind does not rest on a oundation o love& success& and a true eelin) o sel esteem* ;" ten t$e e ects o t$e eelin)s o in eriority include a stron) eelin) o loneliness* +$is can develo- an overw$elmin) need to #e wanted and to $ave some#ody w$o will su--ort you* +$at loneliness needs to #e cured* +$e -ro#lem is t$at t$e in eriority eelin)s still e1ist even i someone is ta%in) care o you* 5aturity cannot #e )ained 2ust #y sayin) >I do*3 ;.not$er common %ind o e ect o in eriority& o ten rooted in men w$o $ave lost t$eir mot$ers early in li e& is t$e need to control anot$er -erson* +$ese -eo-le are o ten success ul in #usiness or in ot$er ields #ut t$is success is not enou)$ to eradicate t$eir in eriorities* +$ey must still control all w$o are around t$em* It may seem very master ul w$en we see it in a -erson w$om we need!#ut in a marria)e it is intolera#le* ;.not$er ty-e o in eriority #e$avior is o ten seen in women w$o $ave $ad dominant mot$ers and -syc$olo)ically inactive at$ers* +$ey may dress well& #e lirtatious& and $ave #u##lin) -ersonalities wit$ many social s%ills* Some merely launt t$eir se1uality& ot$ers act on it* +$is is sometimes a source o nym-$omania* +$ese women are continually see%in) social a--roval to ill t$e em-tiness o t$eir in erior -syc$es* ;. eelin) o in eriority is also commonly ound in t$e inancial area o a marria)e* "ne -erson wants to control #y $andlin) all& or most& o t$e money* It can also #e s$own in -eo-le w$o must continually increase t$eir wardro#es& #uy las$y cars& or s-end lavis$ly on t$in)s t$at are not really im-ortant* I t$in% you call t$em s$o-a$olics* ;,$en we $ave stresses o di erent sorts we ma%e ad2ustments to t$em* +$is is -art o our real -syc$olo)ical sel * ,$en we ma%e un$ealt$y ad2ustments it de initely a ects our relations$i-& our romantic eelin)s& and our -arentin) a#ilities* I we ma%e un$ealt$y ad2ustments our -artner is $i)$ly li%ely to react ne)atively* I our -artner ma%es suc$ ad2ustments it is $i)$ly li%ely to a ect our

eelin)s o romance toward t$at -artner* ,$ile it would #e nice to #e a#le to say t$at we are all )ood and we are all a#le to control every action we do!t$at isn3t t$e way our minds wor%* /onsequently to understand t$e realities in eac$ o us and $ow t$ey a ect our relations$i-s is essential i we are )oin) to -ro)ress toward t$e ideal and romantic relations$i- t$at is -ossi#le* Sometimes we can understand $ow we react* Sometimes we can c$an)e it or t$e #etter* Sometimes we need com-etent t$era-y to do it* By understandin) t$e ne)ative orces we s$ould #e more a#le to see t$em& eliminate t$em and re-lace t$em wit$ #e$aviors w$ic$ are -ositive or our relations$i-* ;4ow we see ourselves determines a )reat deal o our #e$avior* "ur sel 0view is im-ortant in our c$oices o ad2ustment -atterns* :eo-le may #e classi ied as internali9ers& t$ose w$o #elieve t$at t$ey are res-onsi#le or t$eir own ate& and e1ternali9ers& t$ose w$o #elieve t$ey are merely -awns o ate and are controlled #y creatures or orces over w$ic$ t$ey $ave little or no control* Studies o t$e >e1ternali9ers3 indicate t$at t$ey are o ten limited in t$eir outloo%V ri)id& -re2udiced& uncreative& and con ormin)* +$ese -eo-le unction reasona#ly well in a $i)$ly structured aut$oritarian social system suc$ as is ound in military li e or in a stron)ly reli)ious community* +$ey are usually intolerant o c$an)e and sometimes stron)ly resist any attac% on t$e aut$ority to w$ic$ t$ey $ave surrendered control* In )eneral t$ey are more motivated #y t$e social system t$an #y t$eir internal drives* ;+wo researc$ers were intri)ued #y t$e act t$at in your country many more Sout$erners t$an 8ort$erners $ave #een %illed #y tornadoes& even t$ou)$ t$e >twisters3 o t$e Sout$ are less requent and less intense* +$ey c$ec%ed several reasons w$y t$is mi)$t #e so and concluded t$at t$e -eo-le o t$e Sout$ were more e1ternally controlled* Sout$erners tended to #elieve in ate& luc%& and t$e will o God ar more t$an did t$e -eo-le o t$e 8ort$* 8ort$erners tended to #elieve t$at t$ey controlled t$eir own lives* +$ey were ar more li%ely to listen to t$e news and watc$ a #arometer w$en tornadoes a--roac$ed* +$ey were also more li%ely to warn t$eir nei)$#ors o t$e im-endin) -eril* ;"ur view o ourselves and our world is learned early in li e* "ur ad2ustments to t$e stresses o li e are also learned w$en we are youn)* +$e #e$aviorists #elieve t$at our views o ourselves and our reactions to stresses are determined #y t$e ty-e o rein orcement& suc$ as t$e rewards and a--roval& we $ave $ad* So i a -arent encoura)es de iance in a c$ild& t$at c$ild will tend to #ecome more de iant w$en aced wit$ a -ro#lem* I a c$ild is rewarded or cryin) or runnin) away& t$en t$ose are t$e ty-es o res-onses we would e1-ect rom t$at c$ild in a stress situation* ;+$ere $as #een some concern o late t$at many 2o#s may #e stress -roducin)* . doctor may eel a certain stress in $avin) to mana)e a medical -ractice or decidin) on t$e necessity o a serious o-eration* But usually doctors are quite $a--y in t$eir line o wor%* /ertain 2o#s may& $owever& cause stress 2ust rom s$eer #oredom* +$e ten most #orin) 2o#s in your country& not necessarily in t$is order& $ave #een ound to #eV an assem#ly line wor%er& o-erator o an elevator wit$ -us$0#utton controls&

ty-ist in a clerical -ool& #an% )uard& co-y mac$ine o-erator& %ey-unc$ o-erator& $i)$way toll collector& car watc$er in a tunnel& ile cler%& and $ousewi e* I you are in a 2o# w$ic$ you view as #orin) it is not )oin) to do muc$ or your eelin)s o sel esteem* . move to a new occu-ation may also $el- your relations$i- #ecause you will #e $a--ier* ;Stresses are )oin) to occur in everyone3s li e* It can #e 2o# stress& raisin) your c$ildren& social li e stress& a disease& un$a--iness wit$ t$e -olitical situation& or -ro#lems in t$e relations$i-* ,$en you eel stresses you will ad2ust* " ten t$at ad2ustment is made in t$e relations$i-!#ecause t$at is t$e sa est -lace to react* (emem#er t$at our ad2ustments to our stresses are seldom done consciously* ,e o ten don3t %now t$at we are ad2ustin) w$ile our #e$avior is c$an)in)*

.DJ@S+I8G +" S+(ASS

;So (ay& $ow two -eo-le ad2ust to stress ul situations can $ave a -ositive or ne)ative e ect on t$e relations$i-* ,e ad2ust to stresses #y attac%in) t$e stress or #y wit$drawin) rom t$em* +$is is o ten called t$e > i)$t or li)$t3 res-onse* ,e $o-e t$at our res-onses will #e socially acce-ta#le and mentally $ealt$y* Let me )ive you a cou-le o e1am-les* I one -artner says& >+$ere3s a ire in t$e %itc$en* /all t$e ire de-artment* I3ll )et t$e ire e1tin)uis$er*3 "r in anot$er situation& >I you really t$in% we $ave a -ro#lem wit$ our marria)e& w$y not )o to a marria)e counselor* :er$a-s t$en we can understand t$e roots o t$e -ro#lem and ind out $ow to co-e wit$ it*3 ,e $ave two intelli)ent ad2ustments to stresses* But w$at i one says& >I3ve tried everyt$in) I can t$in% o to #e riendly to 5r* Jones* Averyt$in) else $ere at wor% is really )reat and I don3t want to quit* So I )uess I3ll 2ust stay out o $is way*3 "r wit$ anot$er ty-e o -ro#lem& >+$is air -ollution #ot$ers me as muc$ as it does t$e rest o t$e amily* I t$in% I3ll ta%e t$at 2o# away rom t$e city* ,e3ll -ro#a#ly #e $a--ier and $ealt$ier t$ere*3 ;+$e irst two res-onses indicate an intelli)ent way o attac%in) a stress situation* +$e t$ird and ourt$ res-onses indicate intelli)ent met$ods o wit$drawin) rom a stress ul situation* But o ten we use non0intelli)ent& mentally un$ealt$y ways o ad2ustin) to a -ro#lem* 8ow let3s loo% at a cou-le o un$ealt$y ways o attac% or wit$drawin) as ways o easin) t$e stress* ;3+$is is t$e $ouse t$at #elon)s to t$e )uy t$at ired me* Let3s #urn it down*3 "r let3s loo% at a -ossi#le reaction in a marria)e* >?ou at slo#& ever since we )ot married it3s na)& na)& na)* ?ou3re a stu-id idiot& and I3ve $ad enou)$ o you*3 Bot$ o t$ese are un$ealt$y attac%in) #e$aviors* But w$at i a -erson says >+$at #lasted Jones* 4e )ets me so u-ti)$t t$at every ni)$t I3ve )ot to drin% ive or si1 #eers 2ust to rela1 and or)et $im*3 4ere we $ave a wit$drawin) #e$avior* 4ere3s anot$er e1am-le* >I really $ate t$is city livin)& t$e air -ollution& t$e violence& and all* I must s-end at least twenty $ours a wee% 2ust dreamin) a#out w$at it would #e li%e to live in western /anada& t$e .ri9ona desert or t$e Swiss .l-s*3

;"ur #odies can3t $el- #ut ma%e ad2ustments to stresses* ,$en our noses are tic%led we may snee9e* I )erms invade us we may develo- a ever* ,$en -oisons are in)ested& vomitin) and diarr$ea result* Similarly our minds ma%e ad2ustments to stresses* ,e may develo- -$ysical -ro#lems suc$ as$i)$ #lood -ressure& we may #ecome neurotic& overeat& )et drun%& rationali9e& or use ot$er suc$ un$ealt$y ad2ustments* ,$en we $ave -ro#lems in our lives& w$et$er rom t$e unconscious level& #ecause o memories rom our earlier li e& or rom t$e conscious level& li%e stresses rom our 2o#s or our amilies& we will ma%e ad2ustments* ;+$e way we ad2ust )enerally in our lives will tend to #e t$e way we ad2ust in a relations$i-* I a -erson $as $ad success in attac%in) as a means o ad2ustment& yellin) at or $ittin) one3s s-ouse may #e utili9ed* I wit$drawin) rom -ro#lems $as #een t$e norm in ot$er areas o li e& in t$e relations$i- it may s$ow u- #y a#usin) alco$ol or ot$er dru)s& #y wit$drawin) rom se1& or #y #ein) uncommunicative*

8"(5.L .8D .B8"(5.L BA4.VI"(

;8ormal #e$avior is determined #y t$e society in w$ic$ a -erson lives* It is #ased more on w$at is avera)e #e$avior& t$e norm& rat$er t$an on w$at mi)$t #e ideal #e$avior* .n An)lis$man w$o c$ooses a strict ve)etarian diet is not in t$e >norm3 o Britis$ eaters* In India a ve)etarian would #e in t$e norm #ecause t$ose o t$e 4indu and Jain reli)ions are )enerally ve)etarians* In an inner city )$etto violence mi)$t #e t$e norm or teena)e #oys* But at a senior citi9ens3 $ome in t$e su#ur#s o t$e same city& violence would de initely #e outside o t$e norm* ;. society need not #e t$ou)$t o as a w$ole country or a culture #ut may #e t$ou)$t o as a smaller )rou- o -eo-le wit$ similar interests* So w$at mi)$t #e normal or an "rt$odo1 Jew mi)$t not #e in t$e norm or a (e ormed Jew* ,$at is t$e norm in London mi)$t not #e t$e norm or rural Scotland* .nd w$at is normal #e$avior or a -ri9e i)$ter in t$e rin) would not #e normal #e$avior i $e were attendin) a university class* ;,e can loo% at #e$avior -ossi#ilities as #ein) on a continuum wit$ > i)$t3 or attac%in) #e$avior on one side and > li)$t3 or wit$drawin) #e$avior on t$e ot$er* 8ormal #e$avior would #e in t$e middle* Let me ma%e anot$er dia)ram* 6i)$tBattac%C 6li)$t Bwit$drawalC B.#normalCB8ormalC B.#normalC ;,$en we encounter a stress we ty-ically ad2ust #y attac%in) or wit$drawin)! i)$t or li)$t* .ttac%in) can #e as sim-le as standin) u- or yoursel * But it can include yellin)& -$ysical a#use!and even murder* ,it$drawin) can #e as sim-le as cryin)& daydreamin) or retirin) to your room* But it can include dru) use& suc$ as alco$ol or slee-in) -ills& develo-in) a neurosis or more serious mental -ro#lem!and t$e ultimate would #e suicide* So some movement into t$e i)$t or li)$t areas can #e

quite normal #e$avior& even ideal* Standin) u- or yoursel w$en you are ri)$t or cryin) w$en your mot$er dies are )ood ty-es o attac%in) and wit$drawin)* But %illin) t$e doctor w$o treated your mot$er& or %illin) yoursel & are e1tremely a#normal i)$t and li)$t ad2ustments*

S+(ASS .8D .DJ@S+5A8+S

;:eo-le w$o $ave low sel esteem are more susce-ti#le to stress* Some evidence is t$at #rain di erences may also #e involved* ;+$e stresses w$ic$ can #rin) on t$e i)$t or li)$t reaction can #e as sim-le as #ein) in slow tra ic or #urnin) t$e dinner& to losin) one3s 2o# or $avin) a deat$ in t$e amily* In relations$i-s t$e stresses can #e #rou)$t on #y doin) somet$in) or ne)lectin) to do somet$in)* 8e)lectin) a loved one& or)ettin) a #irt$day or anniversary& or ne)lectin) to do one3s res-onsi#ility can #e every #it as ne)ative as stormin) out o t$e $ouse or comin) $ome too late* ;I we are con ronted #y a -ro#lem or stress and c$oose to use >attac%3 as a means o solvin) it we mi)$t discuss t$e -ro#lem00wit$ a riend& or wit$ a t$era-ist* +$ese would #e in t$e ideal normal -atterns or #e$avior* I you were attendin) sc$ool and did -oorly on a test& studyin) more dili)ently would $ave #een a )ood ty-e o attac%& so your #e$avior would #e in t$e ideal0normal ty-e o #e$avior* I you were to meditate a ter a stress ul situation t$is would #e an ideal ty-e o wit$drawin) #e$avior in co-in) wit$ t$e situation* ;.mon) t$e less desira#le& more emotional& attac%in) ad2ustments we mi)$t use would #eV yellin)& ar)uin)& or slammin) a door* +$ese attac%in) #e$aviors would #e closer to a#normal #ut -ro#a#ly still #e in t$e normal ran)e* ,e mi)$t also resort to criminal activity suc$ as i)$tin) or ra-in)* +$ese would de initely #e in t$e a#normal area o attac%in) reality* 5ass murderers& neo08a9i3s& $ate )rouactivists are all e1am-les o emotional and senseless attac%in) as means o satis yin) t$eir $u)e in eriority com-le1es* S-ousal and c$ild a#use also all into t$is area o severe un$ealt$y ad2ustments to stress* +$ey si)nal real -ro#lems in t$e -ersonality o t$e -er-etrator* +$e media $ave made us more li%ely to attac% t$an #e ore!more $ittin)& %nives and )uns* +$e media $ave )iven us -ermission to attac%& even sava)ely* ;I we c$oose to wit$draw we mi)$t eit$er avoid an anta)oni9in) situation or %ee- quiet rat$er t$an ar)uin) as an acce-ta#le means o ad2ustment* ,e mi)$t resort to daydreamin) or ma%in) e1cuses Brationali9in)C* "r we mi)$t #ecome dru) addicts or alco$olics or commit suicide as )rossly a#normal ty-es o wit$drawin) ad2ustments* ;Averyone ma%es ad2ustments +$e question is w$en do you ma%e an ad2ustment t$at $as )one -ast t$e #ounds o normality* :syc$iatrists and -syc$olo)ists are o ten in disa)reement as to w$ere one leaves normality and enters into an a#normal ad2ustment* +$e same actions may #e normal or

a#normal de-endin) on t$e a)e o t$e individual or t$e cultural actors involved* 6or e1am-le a nine year old livin) in a )$etto area mi)$t #e involved in a i)$t once a mont$ and #e quite normal or $is a)e and culture* 4owever w$en a cele#rity in a nonviolent settin) )ets in a i)$t it may #e seen as rat$er a#normal* But i a -ro essional $oc%ey -layer& t$e same a)e as t$e cele#rity& )ets in a i)$t durin) a )ame it may #e wit$in t$e norm or t$e situation and many s-ectators are quite -leased* Similarly a normal t$irteen year old mi)$t s-end a )ood deal o time daydreamin) a#out #ecomin) -o-ular on cam-us or #ein) an outstandin) at$lete* But a LM year old w$o s-ent t$e same amount o time daydreamin) mi)$t well #e a#normal* "r a -erson mi)$t drin% a ine wine wit$ a delicious dinner and #e quite normal* But a youn) -erson w$o )ets drun% once a mont$ may $ave some -ro#lems* .n adult w$o $andles -ro#lems #y )oin) on a drin%in) #in)e would de initely #e ma%in) an a#normal ad2ustment* ;I we are emotionally mature we will #e a#le to reco)ni9e w$en we or anot$er -erson& es-ecially our -artner or c$ild& is over ad2ustin) to a stress* I we use alco$ol or ot$er dru)s e1cessively it is a dan)er si)nal* I we daydream too muc$ or eat com-ulsively it is cause or concern* I we cannot ta%e t$e #lame or our own ailures it mi)$t #e time to ta%e stoc% o our ad2ustment -atterns* I we drive too ast or too rec%lessly& )am#le com-ulsively& or do anyt$in) else w$ic$ mi)$t #e considered to #e an intem-erate ty-e o #e$avior t$ere is -ro#a#ly some -syc$olo)ical -ro#lem t$at we are not success ully solvin)*

S"5A /"55"8 :.++A(8S "6 .DJ@S+I8G

;Averyone ma%es ad2ustments to stresses* Some o t$ese ad2ustments are called >de ense mec$anisms3 #y -syc$olo)ists* +$e ad2ustment reactions are unconscious met$ods we use to deny or c$an)e our idea o reality* "ur unconscious minds use t$e met$ods t$at $ave #een ound use ul to reduce our an1ieties* Since t$ese mec$anisms o-erate at t$e unconscious level it is o ten di icult or us to see w$et$er our #e$avior is normal or a#normal* In act& we usually see ourselves as #ein) normal all t$e time* +$e ollowin) list will )ive you an idea o $ow you or your s-ouse mi)$t react to stresses* ;8ormally we can see t$ese #e$aviors in ot$ers* +$e ma2or -ro#lem is to determine $ow serious t$ey may #e in t$e marria)e relations$i-& a -arentin) situation or on t$e 2o#* +$en t$ere is always t$e c$allen)e to see w$ic$ o t$ese #e$aviors we are usin)* Suc$ sel dia)nosis ta%es #ot$ %nowled)e and insi)$t* ;"ur ad2ustments to our stresses may #e socially a--roved& socially tolerated& socially critici9ed& or socially disa--roved* 6or e1am-le& a -erson w$o wor%s very $ard is a--roved o #y many -eo-leP one w$o watc$es television most o t$e time may #e toleratedP one w$o is always ma%in) e1cuses may #e critici9edP and one w$o drives w$ile drun% is disa--roved*<

00;It seems to me t$at sometimes it is t$e action w$ic$ is a--roved or disa--roved& ot$er times it is t$e settin) in w$ic$ t$e action ta%es -lace& and sometimes it is t$e de)ree to w$ic$ t$e action occurs w$ic$ ma%es it socially desira#le or undesira#le* . man w$o -ic%s a i)$t in a -u# is socially disa--roved* But t$e man w$o wins an "lym-ic )old medal or #o1in) is socially a--roved* +$is would #e an e1am-le o t$e same action& i)$tin)& in di erent settin)s*<

!;,e can also see di erences o de)ree in an ad2ustment* 6or e1am-le& t$e -erson w$o cleans t$e #at$room once a wee% as o--osed to t$e -erson w$o cleans t$e #at$room t$irty times every day* +$is $as $a--ened& /ommander* I we use our de ense mec$anisms to an a#normal de)ree we can #e dia)nosed as neurotic* ,$en we use de ense mec$anism to suc$ a de)ree t$at we lose contact wit$ reality we can #e called -syc$otic* . neurotic -erson is& #y de inition& mentally ill* . -syc$otic -erson is severely mentally ill* ;"ne met$od o stayin) mentally $ealt$y is to #e a#le to see w$en we are ma%in) an ad2ustment t$at may #e #orderin) on t$e a#normal* I we can see t$is in our #e$avior we may t$en #e a#le to loo% or t$e cause o our an1iety* "nce we ind t$at an1iety& we can #e)in to wor% toward c$an)in) or eliminatin) it and we can #e)in to solve our -ro#lems more e ectively usin) $ealt$y ad2ustments and intelli)ent actions* ;Let me list some de ense mec$anisms and ot$er ty-es o ad2ustments* I3ll cate)ori9e t$em accordin) to $ow a -erson uses t$em to relate to t$e world* Some will #e quite normal& some will #e very a#normal* 6or clarity t$ey will #e cate)ori9ed accordin) to w$et$er t$e individual is attac%in) reality or wit$drawin) rom reality*

.++./=I8G (A.LI+?!+4A 6IG4+I8G .::("./4

;.ttac%in) reality can include suc$ normal #e$aviors as lau)$in)& sin)in)& nail #itin)& t$in%in)& wor%in)& -layin)& dancin)& or swimmin)* Some o t$ese are constructive activities& some are meanin)less* Bein) overly a))ressive in t$e use o a motor ve$icle& i)$tin)& #eatin) a c$ild& ra-in)& ro##in)& or murderin) are si)ns o t$e > i)$t3 syndrome done to a $arm ul de)ree* ;+raditionally #oys and men $ave #een more overtly violent in t$eir attac%s on reality* +$ey $ave ou)$t& stolen& and %illed* "t$er men were not as violent in t$eir $arm ul attac%s on reality* +$ey mi)$t $ave #ecome #ad c$ec% -assers& con men& or e1$i#itionists* ,$en women $ave used attac% as an a#normal means o ad2ustment t$ey $ave usually #een non0violent in t$eir attac%s on reality* +$ey mi)$t $ave s$o- li ted& #ecome se1ually -romiscuous& or resorted to -rostitution& #ut t$ey seldom

#ecame -$ysically violent* (ecently& $owever& it $as #ecome more common or women to involve t$emselves in -$ysically violent activities!#om# ma%in)& )an) i)$ts& %idna--in)& ro##ery& s-ousal #eatin)s& and murder* Durin) t$e last ten years in your country t$e rate o arrests or violent crimes $as risen twice as ast or women as or men* ;+$ere is very stron) evidence t$at t$e violence s$own in movies and on television $as )iven us -ermission to #e violent*B1MC 8ot only $ave t$e media )iven -ermission #ut t$ey $ave s$own us $ow to #ecome ever more violent* Some years a)o a ter a movie de-icted some #oys -ourin) )asoline over an old man and #urnin) $im& t$e same scene was -layed in real li e& once wit$ anot$er old man #ein) #urned to deat$ and a second wit$ a social wor%er #ein) set a ire* "t$er violent scenes in t$e media $ave #een co-ied #y malad2usted -eo-le soon a ter t$ey saw t$e action on television* ;"n t$e ot$er $and a sensitive -ortrayal o a violent act may ma%e t$in%in) -eo-le reevaluate t$eir ideas and #e$avior* In a lar)e study in w$ic$ date ra-e was -ortrayed in a movie& many o t$e su#2ects in every a)e )rou- c$an)ed t$eir view o w$om caused t$e a))ressive act* 5ost #lamed t$e man& older women w$o $ad earlier t$ou)$t t$at it was t$e woman3s ault o ten c$an)ed t$eir minds& #ut older men o ten reacted a)ainst t$e woman in t$e ilm*B1ICSo t$e media can #e used to increase or reduce violence!#ut t$e reality is t$at violence sells* /onsequently& w$ile suc$ violence $as anti0 social outcomes& t$e #elie o many t$at > reedom o s-eec$3 includes sayin) and s$owin) nearly anyt$in) will undou#tedly continue to )ive malad2usted -eo-le more met$ods o )rati yin) t$emselves #y conquerin) ot$ers t$rou)$ violence and ot$er means o attac%* +$is is increasin)ly indin) its way into amily relations$i-s as s-ousal and c$ild #eatin)*

+?:AS "6 .++./=I8G BA4.VI"(S

;6reud called many o t$ese #e$aviors de ense mec$anisms* But we $ave added to 6reud3s list in recent years* 5ost o t$e de ense mec$anisms relate to wit$drawin) rom reality* But $ere are a ew t$at are associated wit$ t$e attac%in) or t$e > i)$tin)3 ad2ustments* ;>Dis-lacement3 occurs w$en a -erson releases stron) emotional eelin)s a)ainst somet$in)& or someone& w$o was not t$e actual cause o t$e an1iety* . student mi)$t t$row a roc% t$rou)$ a sc$ool window a ter ailin) a test* .n adult mi)$t yell at a s-ouse or c$ild a ter $avin) $ad an ar)ument wit$ t$e #oss at wor%* Burnin) cars durin) a riot is anot$er e1am-le* ;"ne o James +$ur#er3s cartoon c$aracters indicated t$is very well* ,e ind $im lyin) on a so a wit$ $is tele-$one -ressed a)ainst $is ear and sayin) >,ell i I called t$e wron) num#er& w$y did you answer t$e -$oneD3 Li%e so many -eo-le!$e couldn3t #e wron)' ;4ate )rou-s are commonly associated wit$ senseless attac%in)* ,$et$er t$ey #e w$ite& as wit$ t$e =u =lu1 =lan& 8a9is& or S%in$eadsP #lac%& as some in t$e 8ation o IslamP or Jewis$& as wit$ t$e

Jewis$ De ense Lea)ue& t$e dis-lacement o eelin)s a)ainst un%nown ot$ers #ecause t$ey $ave a di erent race or reli)ion& is a si)n o severe a#normality* :eo-le& w$o at t$e unconscious level& #elieve t$emselves to #e in erior& can consciously eel su-erior w$en t$ey 2oin a $ate )rou- and can eel su-erior to all t$ose in ot$er )rou-s w$ic$ t$ey are a)ainst* <.ttac%in) reality can #e seen as -ower motivation w$ic$ is misdirected* +$e #eatin) o a s-ouse or a c$ild& t$e ra-e o one w$o is eit$er an acquaintance or a stran)er& a drive0#y s$ootin)& a car 2ac%in)& are e1am-les o criminal #e$avior in w$ic$ one uses -$ysical orce to attac% reality* I estimates are correct& -er$a-s t$e most common site or -$ysical attac%s is in t$e $ome* Astimates are t$at 2 million women in t$e @*S* are severely assaulted #y t$eir male -artners every year* 6urt$er estimates are t$at #etween one in t$ree and one in ive emer)ency room treatments on women are or #attery* " all #attery cases& a#out 10H involve t$e woman #eatin) $er male -artner& alt$ou)$ t$ere is some evidence t$at male -artners are attac%ed $al as o ten as are women* 6urt$er& women ma%e u- Q0H o t$e cases o s-ousal murderers* B1GC ;+$e -ro ile o male #atterers indicates t$atV t$ey lac% -ro#lem solvin) s%ills& are somew$at $ostile& and t$at t$ey are li%ely to act out t$eir $ostility* +$ey also tend to #e sel critical wit$ lower sel esteem* In addition& t$eir -erce-tion o t$eir relations$i-s tended to c$an)e rom seein) t$eir -artner earlier as $i)$ly valued t$en later as $avin) a very low value* .s e1-ected& uncontrolla#le an)er is also a actor in t$e -ersonality o t$e #atterer* .s you %now #atterers come rom every social class and every et$nic )rou-* ;+$e violent use o t$e automo#ile is anot$er common met$od o attac%in) reality* 6rustrations w$ic$ #uild u- in one3s mind or eelin)s o in eriority can o ten #e released #e$ind t$e w$eel* It may #e done le)ally w$ile #ouncin) over sand dunes in a Jee-* But it is muc$ more li%ely to #e done ille)ally in unaut$ori9ed dra) races& $i)$way s-eedin)& and )enerally unsa e a))ressive drivin)* 5any -eo-le attac% #y t$e way t$ey drive t$eir cars* +$ere seem to #e two ma2or ty-es o $a9ardous attac%in) drivers* +$ere is t$e sel is$ or -roud driver w$o will not let anot$er -erson -ass or will not yield t$e ri)$t o way #ecause it ma%es $im or $er eel in erior* +$en t$ere is t$e -erson wit$ sudden its o tem-er w$o is inclined to eel intimidated w$en anot$er driver tries to -ass* +$ese an)ry drivers commonly cut in on anot$er driver or tail)ate t$em* ;Jealousy and envy can also #e seen as e1am-les o a))ressive #e$avior w$ic$ is not warranted* Anvy is o ten an e ect o in eriority eelin)s* +$e envious -erson $as destructive im-ulses toward a )ood o#2ect* It di ers rom 2ealousy in t$at 2ealousy involves a t$ird -erson or an ima)ined t$ird -erson w$o may #e a t$reat to one3s relations$i-* Anvy involves only two -eo-le& t$e sel and t$e envied -erson* +$e envy may #e e1$i#ited solely #y t$ou)$ts or tal% a#out t$e -erson& #ut in its e1treme orm it may emer)e as $omicidal actions* .s wit$ ot$er ad2ustments& it doesn3t ma%e sense

lo)ically& #ut our unconscious minds do not wor% on lo)ical -rinci-les* ;>:assive a))ressive3 #e$avior occurs w$en a -erson is #ein) a))ressive #y #ein) -assive* . $us#and or wi e may s$ow dis-leasure wit$ t$e ot$er #y consciously not touc$in) t$e ot$er or #y not tal%in)* ,it$$oldin) se1 can also it into t$is -attern*

+?:AS "6 ,I+4D(.,I8G BA4.VI"(00+4A 6LAAI8G .::("./4

;,it$drawin) rom reality is -ro#a#ly our most common ty-e o ad2ustment* ,e mi)$t overeat& smo%e& cry& slee- a )reat deal& daydream& or use alco$ol or ot$er dru)s* Aven wor%in) on a $o##y may #e a ty-e o wit$drawin)* Some o t$ese #e$aviors are )ood& even necessary and $ealt$y ad2ustments* "t$ers can #e carried to an a#normal de)ree* In eac$ o t$e ollowin) ty-es o ad2ustments it is always t$e de)ree o ad2ustment t$at determines w$et$er or not a -attern o #e$avior is in t$e $ealt$y or t$e un$ealt$y area* ;,e can cate)ori9e t$e ty-es o wit$drawin) #e$avior w$ic$ we mi)$t use asV or)ettin) reality& suc$ as daydreamin)P distortin) reality& suc$ as rationali9in) in w$ic$ t$e trut$ is distortedP atonin) or reality& t$at is ma%in) u- or real need #y com-ensatin) in anot$er wayP and& retreatin) rom reality& suc$ as is done w$en resortin) to dru)s or suicide* Let me )o into t$ese a little dee-er* ,$en you can )et -eo-le to reco)ni9e t$ese #e$aviors you )o a lon) way towards $el-in) t$em to learn #etter ways to ad2ust*

6"(GA++I8G (A.LI+?
;>6or)ettin) t$e real world3 #y antasi9in) or daydreamin) can #e carried -ast t$e #oundaries o normality* In antasi9in)& t$e -erson loo%s to w$at mi)$t #e and or)ets w$at is* It is common amon) #ot$ c$ildren and adults to daydream a#out #ein) amous* +$ere are several su#0ty-es o t$is ma2or cate)ory o or)ettin) reality* ;"ne su#0ty-e o or)ettin) is called >re-ression*3 4ere t$e -erson re-resses or or)ets -ain ul t$ou)$ts w$ic$ are attem-tin) to enter one3s consciousness* ,e don3t li%e to t$in% t$at we $ave #een $ated #y our -arents* So we mi)$t re-ress our memories o w$en we were severely #eaten or ne)lected* ;Daydreamin) can #e a -ro#lem or an aid* 4ealt$y antasies can $el- us de ine our )oals #ut t$ey are wort$less i we don3t act on t$em* ;>Denyin) reality3 can occur to inward or outward stimuli* It is denial w$en a -erson does not ac%nowled)e somet$in) w$ic$ $e or s$e %nows to #e true* . -erson may deny t$at t$ere is a ris% o -re)nancy w$en en)a)in) in $eterose1ual intercourse* .not$er may deny t$at t$ere are -ro#lems in

t$e marria)e w$en suc$ -ro#lems really e1ist* Still anot$er may deny t$e reality o t$e dan)er o ridin) motorcycles #y ridin) wit$ street s$oes and no $elmet* .lco$olics and ot$er dru) users commonly deny t$at t$ey $ave -ro#lems* ;6antasy or daydreamin) occurs w$en we deli)$t in ima)inin) ourselves to #e ot$er t$an we areV a -ro essional at$lete& a )lamorous -ersonality& or a -erson unusually success ul in any ield* ;(e-ression is anot$er ty-e o denyin) reality* It occurs w$en we do not allow unwanted t$ou)$ts to enter our conscious minds* 6eelin)s suc$ as s$ame& -ain or )uilt are li%ely to #e re-ressed #ecause we are em#arrassed #y t$em*

DIS+"(+I8G (A.LI+?
;Distortin) reality is done #y >trans errin)3 our eelin)s or #y >rationali9in)3& t$at is& )ivin) reasons or our #e$avior w$ic$ we #elieve to #e true& #ut w$ic$ are not really true* ,e must #e care ul not to tal% ourselves into #elievin) somet$in) t$at is not true* ,e can )enerally )ive a reason or w$at we did* But was it t$e real reason or a rationali9ation!an e1cuse* ,$en an o#ese -erson says >I li%e #ein) at #ecause at -eo-le are 2olly* .nd I3m really $a--y t$is way*3 Is t$is t$e real reason or is it t$at I can3t control my im-ulse to $ave >-leasure now3 #y continually eatin)*<

!;I t$in% I )et it* ,$en anot$er -erson acts anta)onistic& $e3s u)ly * * * ,$en I do it& it3s my nerves* ,$en s$e3s set in $er ways& s$e is o#stinate * * ,$en I do it& it3s irmness* ,$en $e doesn3t li%e my riends& $e3s -re2udiced * * * ,$en I don3t li%e $is riends& I3m s$owin) )ood 2ud)ment o c$aracter* I s$e ta%es too muc$ time to do somet$in)& s$e3s la9y * ** ,$en I do it& I3m deli#erate* ,$en $e continually inds t$in)s wron)& $e3s cran%y * * * ,$en I do it& I3m discriminatin)* I3m 2ust li%e 5ary :o--ins * * * -ractically -er ect*<

!;?ou illustrate our nearly universal o-inions& t$at we don3t ma%e mista%es or mis2ud)ments* +$e #i) mista%e t$at most -eo-le ma%e is in #elievin) t$eir own rationali9ations* +$is is -articularly true or t$e anti0social -eo-le* +$ey may )ive reasons or t$eir #e$avior t$at ma%e it a--ear t$at t$eir actions were ins-ired #y a reli)ious idea& a social ideal or even %indness to animals& #ut t$eir real motivation was a -syc$olo)ical drive or -ower or an instinctual drive toward violence* ;,e $ave mentioned rationali9ation as a very common ty-e o e1cuse or our #e$avior* In usin) t$is we )ive a reason t$at sounds )ood to us and to ot$ers& #ut it is not t$e real reason or our #e$avior* ?et& we #elieve ourselves w$en we rationali9e*

;,e all loo% or rationali9ations so t$at our #e$avior seems #elieva#le and 2ust* 6rom normal -eo-le to severe neurotics& we must $ave reasons t$at ma%e sense to us0000>God told me to do it*3>4e did t$at to me so I retaliated&3 >4e was )oin) to do t$at to me so I $it irst3*<

00;It ta%es stren)t$ to #e a#le to admit a mista%e* +$e wea% rationali9e* S-endin) your time ma%in) e1cuses )ives you no time to accom-lis$ or t$e )ood* ,e will ma%e wron) c$oices& t$at3s 2ust #ein) $uman& we 2ust need to )et on t$e trac% o trut$ as quic%ly as -ossi#le* ,e see early e1am-les o rationali9ations in Genesis* .dam and Ave #lamed t$e ser-ent* .nd t$e murderin) /ain said >.m I my #rot$er3s %ee-erD<

00;5ore t$an li%ely we are res-onsi#le or our own situations* But it is so muc$ easier to ind someone else to #lame* Since we tend to t$in% o ourselves as -er ect& it is di icult to see ourselves as occasionally ine-t!only t$e mature -erson can reali9e a -ersonal ailure or admit to a mista%e* >Sour )ra-es3 is t$e name a--lied to t$e rationali9ation t$at a -erson )ives w$en de-reciatin) t$at w$ic$ can0 not #e attainedP t$at is& ma%in) somet$in) )ood& suc$ as a )ra-e& a--ear to #e sour or #ad* So i someone said >I don3t mind t$at I ailed medical sc$ool* I didn3t want to #e a doctor anyway* +$ey3re all too money $un)ry*3 "r >I wouldn3t want to )et married& even i some#ody as%ed me*3 +$ese mi)$t #e sour )ra-es* ;+$en t$ere is t$e >sweet lemon3 ty-e o rationali9ation* 4ere somet$in) t$at is really #ad is made to a--ear )ood* I you said >I3m )lad I )ot ired* I didn3t li%e t$at 2o# anyway*3 "r& >I3m )lad we #ro%e u-* S$e was too -er ect* +$ere wasn3t anyt$in) wron) wit$ $er* S$e -ro#a#ly wouldn3t $ave li%ed me a ter s$e really )ot to %now me*3 "r -er$a-s t$ey attri#ute a calamity to t$e will o God or .lla$* 4ere we $ave tried to ma%e #ad t$in)s a--ear to #e )ood* ;:ro2ection is anot$er ty-e o rationali9ation* ,$en we #lame anot$er -erson or our own inadequacies or ailures we are -ro2ectin)* I a c$ild says >+$at teac$er doesn3t li%e me* +$at3s w$y I lun%ed t$e e1am*3 Is it -ossi#le t$at I $adn3t studiedD "r >S$e3s really stuc%0u-* +$at3s w$y s$e won3t )o out wit$ me*3 /ould it #e t$at my -ersonality turns $er o D >I you weren3t on my case all t$e time& I wouldn3t $ave ar)ued wit$ t$e #oss and lost my 2o#*3 ;+$e o#2ect o t$e -ro2ection may even #e attac%ed* It is so common or t$e youn) to loo% or any reason to s$ow -$ysical -ower!t$ey don3t $ave intellectual -ower or economic -ower so t$ey )o to t$e more -rimitive -ower -otential* Sometimes it is #ullyin)& sometimes it is i)$tin) or %illin) randomly* But lar)er violent -ower out#ursts may #e -olitical* S%in$eads in (ussia $ave trained to attac% minorities& -rimarily #lac%s* +$eir rationali9ations are t$at t$ey are -rotectin) t$e -urity o t$e

race or -rotectin) (ussian 2o#s or et$nic (ussians* .n .merican #oy& -ro essin) to ollow 8a9i t$in%in)* attac%ed and %illed a cou-le o $omose1uals in a $omose1ual #ar* 4is-anic or #lac% )an)s may i)$t eac$ ot$er over w$o controls w$ic$ street* 5ass revolts are o ten reli)ious* ,$en a Danis$ news-a-er -u#lis$ed cartoons de-ictin) 5u$ammad it )ave 5uslim yout$ around t$e world an e1cuse to s$ow t$eir -ower t$rou)$ riotin)* ;+$ere is a di erence #etween lyin) and rationali9in)& alt$ou)$ #ot$ involve t$e lac% o trut$* In lyin) you %now w$at you are sayin) is not true* I t$e acts aren3t t$ere!ma%e t$em u-* But w$en you rationali9e& you really t$in% you are tellin) t$e trut$*<

!;In t$e @*S* we use a tec$nique to #rea% down t$e rationali9ations o alco$olics and dru) a#users* ,$en t$ey deny t$ey $ave a -ro#lem& t$at denial must #e s$own to #e a rationali9ation and untrue* +$e alco$olic will #elieve $is denial o $is alco$olism in a one0on0one situation* So you must $ave a )rou- con rontation* ,e #rin) in $is amily& $is doctor& $is riends& $is em-loyer& $is nei)$#ors* Aac$ can relate times and situations in w$ic$ $e was drun% and caused some ty-e o -ro#lem!an em#arrassment& a car or wor% accident& a s-ousal #eatin)& a inancial -ro#lem& or a -ro#lem in $is education* It usually c$an)es t$e #e$avior* But i it doesn3t& it at least #rea%s down t$e rationali9ation o denial* ;.s o--osed to t$e rationali9in) alco$olic& -oliticians are more li%ely to outri)$t lie* Loo% at t$e Bus$0/$eney duo o some years a)o* +$ey denied t$e trut$ #y lyin)* Lyndon Jo$nson lied to t$e electorate a#out Vietnam* 4itler lied* +$e end 2usti ies t$e means in -olitics* But t$en you $ave anot$er -ro#lem wit$ distortions o reality* +$ere may 2ust #e a misa--re$ension o t$e trut$* (emem#er #ac% in 200M w$en t$ere were riots in 6rance a)ainst t$e -olice* +$e word s-read t$at t$ree #oys were runnin) rom t$e -olice and $id in a $i)$ volta)e su#0station* +wo were %illed #y electrocution* +$e trut$ was t$at t$e -olice $ad never c$ased t$em* 5ay#e t$ey $ad done somet$in) wron) and t$ou)$t t$e -olice were c$asin) t$em* +$e rioters t$ou)$t it was t$e ault o t$e -olice* So a )reat deal o -ro-erty dama)e was done to -u#lic #uildin)s& a t$ousand cars were #urned and at least one deat$ resulted* So an incorrect -erce-tion o trut$ started t$e 6renc$ riots* .nd an incorrect -erce-tion o trut$ started t$e Iraq war*<

!;/on& you -ro#a#ly remem#er t$at a ter t$e amous "*J* Sim-son murder trial t$e -olice %new t$at t$ere would #e riotin) in Los .n)eles* I $e was acquitted t$e e1cuse or t$e may$em would #e t$e collective 2oy o $is #lac% #rot$ers* I $e lost& t$e e1cuse would #e #ecause o t$e un airness o t$e -re2udice a)ainst a ellow . ro0.merican*

;?oun) men need only t$e sli)$test e1cuse to las$ out at any#ody* :eo-le3s in eriority eelin)s cry out or an o--ortunity to conquer somet$in) or some#ody* =ill a =orean s$o-%ee-er #ecause t$e -olice arrested your riend* Do a drive0#y s$ootin) #ecause %illin) someone ma%es you t$eir su-erior* Burn some#ody3s car #ecause it is t$ere*<

!;?ou $ave covered lyin)& rationali9in) and not %nowin) t$e true acts* But w$at a#out %nowin)ly $idin) t$e trut$D +a%e& or e1am-le& t$e con lict #etween t$e sel centered values o some .merican -residents and t$eir stated reli)ious and social values t$en loo% at t$e common values o t$e -eo-le w$o elected t$em* Jo$n =ennedy $ad a num#er o liaisons& includin) 5arilyn 5onroe& 6D( too% u- wit$ $is mistress Lucy (ut$er ord& ,arren 4ardin) conceived an ille)itimate c$ild in a ,$ite 4ouse #room closet& and o course t$ere were Bill /linton3s wic% di--in) incidents* But not all indiscretions are se1ual& even t$ou)$ t$ey may #e more un' (ic$ard 8i1on3s ,ater)ate -lans and cover u-& Aisen$ower lied a#out t$e @02 s-y -lane #ein) s$ot down& (onald (ea)an lied a#out tradin) arms or $osta)es& Lyndon Jo$nson lied a#out t$e Gul o +on%in and Geor)e ,* Bus$ lied a#out Saddam 4ussein3s wea-ons o mass destruction and $e told us t$at t$e Iraq war was over years #e ore t$e i)$tin) sto--ed* ,$atever t$e reasons or t$e less t$an ideal #e$avior& -residents& li%e teena)ers& ind rationali9ations to a#solve t$eir indiscretions*<

!;Sometimes I t$in% t$at t$e -eo-le can3t see t$e orest or t$e trees* +$e -arents w$o attac% t$e teac$er w$o $as cau)$t t$eir c$ild c$eatin)* It doesn3t matter t$at t$e teac$er $as clear -roo * ,$at3s im-ortant is to -rotect t$e amily3s re-utation and to -rotect t$e c$ild rom any $arm& deserved or undeserved* So don3t #lame t$e c$eatin) c$ild& #lame t$e #lameless teac$er* Just as w$en-oliticians )et cau)$t in unseemly acts& t$ey will )enerally #lame t$e -olice& t$e media or t$e -syc$olo)ical -ressure o t$e 2o#** ;Aven t$e :o-e )ot cau)$t u- in not seein) t$e orest* . ew years a)o $e #lamed t$e ric$ countries or dama)in) t$e environment* .nd $e was ri)$t* But t$e #lame s$ould -ro#a#ly $ave #een -laced on t$e lac% o amily -lannin) in #ot$ t$e ric$ and t$e -oor countries* +$at is t$e #asic cause*<

00;I su--ose you %now t$at God $as )iven )y-sies 4is a--roval to steal* .s you may %now& a i t$ nail $ad #een made w$ic$ was to #e driven into Jesus3 $eart* But a )y-sy stole it so t$at it couldn3t #e used or t$at dastardly -ur-ose* So God )ave t$e )y-sies t$e -ermission to overloo% t$e Gt$ or Ft$ /ommandment& de-endin) on w$ic$ scri-tures you read* /onsequently stealin) is "= or

)y-sies* +$e act t$at t$e ancestors o t$e )y-sies& t$e (oma& didn3t leave India until a#out ei)$t centuries a ter t$e cruci i1ion s$ouldn3t ma%e t$e rationali9ation any less #elieva#le*<

00;S-ea%in) o usin) God as t$e #asis or rationali9ations& you $ave to assume t$at )od is not all0-ower ul or all0%nowin)* :eo-le a irm God3s will in e1-lainin) w$y tsunamis and orest ires %ill #a#ies and destroy c$urc$es and mosques* But God can3t )et rid o a ew S$ia& Sunni& Jews or /$ristians wit$out $uman $el-D ,$en terrorists doin) t$e will o God are #lown u- #y t$eir #om#s w$ile t$eir tar)ets are un$urt is t$is -roo t$at t$ey misread God3s intentionsD In t$e @*S*& s$oot t$e doctor w$o terminates unwanted -re)nancies& destroy t$e la#oratory t$at e1-eriments on God3s our le))ed creatures* +$at3s w$at God wants* Is it t$at 4e3s too #usy creatin) ma2or calamities to deal wit$ t$e small )rou-s or individuals w$o are not ollowin) 4is wis$esD ;.n Iraqi terrorist said t$at >I some innocent -eo-le are %illed wit$ $is #om#& I %now t$at w$en t$ey arrive in $eaven& .lla$ will as% t$em to or)ive me* +$e =oran says t$at it is t$e duty o 5uslims to #rin) terror to t$e enemy& so #ein) a terrorist ma%es me a )ood 5uslim3 +$e sura %nown as .l0 .n al& t$e S-oils o ,ar& says >.)ainst t$em ma%e ready your stren)t$ to t$e utmost o your -ower& includin) steeds o war& to stri%e terror into t$e enemy o .lla$ and your enemy* * *+$e only -erson w$o matters is .lla$!and t$e only question $e will as% me is >$ow many in idels did you %illD3<

!;But t$e =oran also says t$at li e is sacred in Suras QV2E and IV1M1* .nd %illin) wit$out a 2ust cause is li%e %illin) all $umanity& accordin) to MVL2* .nd urt$er& in 2MVIF0IE& %illin) innocents is t$e worst o all sins* So 2ust w$en s$ould we em-loy t$e merci ul or or)ivin) #e$aviors t$at t$e Bi#le and =oran demandD<

!;(ay& you %now t$at t$e /at$olics $ave used t$e same rationali9ations as t$e Islamic terrorists* +$e /$ristian rationali9ation or %illin) #ot$ )ood /at$olics and -otentially evil in$a#itants o a town was 2usti ied #y t$e -a-al le)ate .rnaud w$en $e said >=ill t$em all& or God %nows 4is own*3 +$is 2usti ied t$e %illin) o over 20&000 men& women and c$ildren in t$e 6renc$ city o Be9iers on July 22& 120E in a >crusade3 aut$ori9ed #y t$e -o-e*<

!;,e could )o on all day wit$ e1am-les o rationali9ations and lies& #ut t$ere are several ot$er -syc$olo)ical de ense mec$anisms t$at -eo-le use to distort reality* 6or e1am-le& >reaction ormation3

means t$at t$e -erson says or acts in a manner e1actly t$e o--osite o w$at is elt* . -erson may #e nice to anot$er w$ile actually disli%in) t$at -erson* >Ideali9ation3 occurs w$en a -erson t$in%s too $i)$ly o anot$er* Believin) t$at a mot$er or c$ild& $us#and or wi e& will ta%e care o you orever #ecause t$ey are -er ect and t$ey will love you orever* +$e >madonna0-rostitute3 syndrome is an e1am-le o a neurosis in w$ic$ a man cannot ma%e love wit$ $is wi e #ecause $e ideali9es $er li%e $is mot$er* +$ere are only )ood )irls and #ad )irls& and you can3t $ave se1 wit$ )ood )irls >Deni)ration3 is 2ust t$e o--osite o ideali9ation* 4ere a -erson sees anot$er as #ad w$en it is not t$e case* . -arent may #e #lamed or a c$ild3s ailure* +$e c$ild sees t$e -arent as res-onsi#le or everyt$in) t$at $as )one wron) in li e*<

.+"8I8G 6"( (A.LI+?

;.tonin) or reality is anot$er ma2or ty-e o wit$drawin) rom reality* In t$is ma2or ad2ustment cate)ory t$e -erson tries to ma%e u- or t$e -ro#lems& suc$ as an in eriority com-le1& #y doin) somet$in) to e1cess in anot$er area!usually a non0-roductive area* ;3+rans erence occurs w$en we trans er our -ositive or ne)ative eelin)s rom one -erson to anot$er* I a -erson says >It was love at irst si)$t* S$e loo%ed 2ust li%e my mot$er3 we can see suc$ a -ositive trans erence* I one says >4e is a /$ristian& and you %now I3ve never trusted /$ristians* "nce I $eard o one w$o was in t$e ma ia*3 +$at would #e a ne)ative trans erence* ;+$en t$ere is >e)ocentrism3 w$ic$ is t$e name we )ive to #e$avior in w$ic$ t$e -erson is overly concerned wit$ $imsel or $ersel * Bra))in)& t$rowin) a tem-er tantrum& or s$owin) o are e1am-les o t$is mec$anism* I would )uess t$at we $ave all %nown -eo-le o t$is sort* ;>8e)ativism3 is t$e name o t$e #e$avior w$ic$ -eo-le use w$en t$ey continually t$wart constructive ideas or t$e -ower o le)itimate aut$ority* :arents w$o want t$eir c$ildren to )o ri)$t to wor% out o $i)$ sc$ool& rat$er t$an )oin) to colle)e& may deni)rate colle)e #ecause it would -ut t$eir c$ildren a$ead o t$em academically* "n t$e ot$er $and& #ein) a)ainst an unwise war& li%e Iraq or Vietnam& would not all under t$is cate)ory* It is #ein) a)ainst t$in)s t$at are& or s$ould #e& -ositive e1-eriences* /ontinually >-uttin) down3 an underlin)& li%e a c$ild or an em-loyee& may #e an e1am-le o #ein) ne)ative in order to #olster your sel esteem and uel your -ower drive* ;>Identi ication3 occurs w$en we see anot$er -erson as an ideal t$en ma%e some -syc$olo)ical lin% wit$ t$em* ,$en a c$ild ado-ts some o t$e values or #e$aviors o a -arent in order to avoid t$e wrat$ o t$e -arent& t$e c$ild is usin) t$is mec$anism* .n adult may also ado-t c$aracteristics o a de-arted -arent or loved one* Some -eo-le identi y wit$ an institution suc$ as a -ro essional s-orts team& as a means o develo-in) a eelin) o im-ortance* "t$ers identi y wit$ -eo-le #y collectin) -ictures& auto)ra-$s or records o t$at ideali9ed -erson*

;>Su#stitution3 occurs w$en a -erson enters one activity #ecause o t$e ear o ailure in anot$er* 4avin) a num#er o c$ildren may #e a way o avoidin) $avin) to )o to wor% in an outside 2o#* Bein) a success ul mem#er o a s-ort team may su#stitute or not studyin) in t$e classroom* >:er ectionism3 is a ty-e o su#stitution* 4owever& t$e -erson eels t$at in order to #e adequate it is necessary to overac$ieve in a c$osen activity* It is t$e ad2ustment mec$anism in w$ic$ a -erson attem-ts to esca-e #lame #y #ein) -er ect* Bein) -er ect sounds ine& #ut it can #e overdone* . -erson can clean t$eir $ouse too muc$ in order to avoid criticism* . student mi)$t study too muc$ to avoid social interaction* ;>/om-ensation3 occurs w$en a -erson tries to ma%e u- in one area w$at is lac%in) in anot$er* ,e mentioned 4elen =eller w$o was #lind and dea * S$e com-ensated #y develo-in) a )reat de-t$ o c$aracter w$ic$ was e1-osed in $er writin)s and s-eec$es* +$is was an admira#le %ind o com-ensation* Some -eo-le #ecome >wor%a$olics3* +$ey s-end a )reat deal o time at t$eir 2o#s* +$is may #e desira#le sometimes* But it may occur #ecause t$e $ard wor%in) -erson does not %now $ow to relate to $is or $er $ome and amily* In t$is case it is undesira#le* .not$er ty-e o undesira#le com-ensation is com-ulsive eatin)* In t$is& a -erson tries to use ood as a way o com-ensatin) or w$at is lac%in) in anot$er area o li e* "vereatin) to com-ensate or a eelin) o in eriority is a common e1am-le* ;>Sym-at$ism3 is used w$en a -erson see%s t$e sym-at$y o ot$ers w$en -ro#lems or ailures occur* +$e sym-at$y )ained $el-s to #olster t$e -erson3s eelin) o wort$* " ten w$en -ro#lems develo- in a relations$i- one o t$e -artners& usually t$e woman& will see% sym-at$y rom ot$ers* +$is sym-at$y can #olster $er e)o* . #etter a--roac$ would $ave #een to )o into counselin)* ;>6i1ation3 occurs w$en a -erson sto-s develo-in) in one or more areas o -syc$olo)ical )rowt$* +$is can $a--en #ecause t$e -erson was eit$er rustrated or e1-erienced a )reat deal o -leasure at t$at a)e* +$e -leasure o c$ild$ood mastur#ation mi)$t > i13 a -erson at t$at level o se1ual en2oyment and not allow more advanced levels o se1ual ul illment to develo-* "r >daddy3s little )irl3 or >mama3s little #oy3 may want to stay de-endent on t$eir mate a ter marria)e& as t$ey were wit$ t$eir -arent& instead o )rowin) u- and #ein) an adult -artner*

(A+(A.+I8G 6("5 (A.LI+?

;>(etreatin) rom reality3 occurs w$en a -erson tries to avoid t$e real world* It may #e done #y develo-in) -$ysical sym-toms w$ic$ se-arate t$e >e)o3 rom t$e world& suc$ as is done in -syc$olo)ically induced #lindness or -aralysis& develo-in) multi-le -ersonalities& #y committin) suicide& #y runnin) away& or #y retreatin) rom t$e world t$rou)$ dru)s o various ty-es* ;>.voidance3 is a common met$od o co-in) wit$ t$reatenin) situations* By avoidin) t$e situation it cannot t$reaten you* :eo-le w$o re use to ride in commercial airliners use t$is tec$nique* "ne mi)$t

avoid see%in) a 2o#& even t$ou)$ t$eir relations$i- needs more money& #ecause o a ear o ailure* :$o#ias& t$e Gree% derived word or ears& are a ty-e o neurosis w$ic$ alls under t$is #e$avior -attern* (unnin) away rom $ome is a ar too requent orm o ad2ustment or un$a--y teena)ers* But it is also a relatively common met$od in adults w$o desire to leave a amily situation* In t$e -ast it was most li%ely to #e t$e man w$o would run away rom a relations$i-* 8ow& $owever& mot$ers o ten leave t$eir amilies in searc$ o t$e $a--iness w$ic$ $as eluded t$em in t$e traditional role o a $ousewi e* .nd a ew years a)o two -ro essors le t t$eir very -resti)ious universities in t$e @*S* "ne was ound mont$s later wor%in) as a s$ill in Las Ve)as* +$e ot$er was a sta#le #oy at 4ollywood :ar% race trac%* ;6earin) success is anot$er ty-e o avoidance* Because o t$eir own in eriority com-le1es& some -arents or teac$ers may >-ut down3 c$ildren and ma%e t$em #elieve t$at t$ey cannot #e success ul* ,$en t$at c$ild does ac$ieve success in one area $e or s$e may unconsciously loo% or ailure in anot$er area* 6or e1am-le& a student w$o -asses a test wit$ a $i)$ )rade may ar)ue wit$ a riend so t$at t$e relations$i- ails& at least or a w$ile* ;Dru)s& includin) alco$ol& are -ro#a#ly t$e most serious ty-e o retreat rom reality* +$ese can aid a -erson in retreatin) rom reality #y de-ressin) t$e #rain& stimulatin) t$e #rain& or #y causin) $allucinations* .lco$ol and >downers3 de-ress t$e #rain and ma%e you or)et your -ro#lems and stresses* @--ers& li%e cocaine and am-$etamines& )ive a >$i)$3 t$at over-owers t$e de-ression t$at is #ein) e1-erienced*<

00 ;5y -ro#lem is -rocrastination w$ic$ is certainly a common met$od o avoidance* +$ere were a lot o us in $i)$ sc$ool and colle)e w$o -rocrastinated* ,e -ut o studyin) or tests or writin) researc$ -a-ers* 8eit$er were as interestin) as tal%in) wit$ riends or )oin) to -arties* ,$en t$e reality $it us t$at t$e e1am is tomorrow& or t$e -a-er is due in two days& t$en we $ad to cram* I even -ut o )ettin) a date or our senior -rom* I3m )ettin) #etter since I started my law -ractice& #ut t$e tem-tation is still t$ere* So now I -rocrastinate on doin) my ta1es and cleanin) t$e $ouse& and o course doin) my /$ristmas s$o--in)*<

00<S$yness is anot$er e1am-le o avoidance* I don3t t$in% any o you are so cursed* But or t$ose w$o are s$y it usually stems rom a eelin) o in eriority due to -erceived inadequacies o a -erson3s #ody or a lac% o sel esteem ma%e many -eo-le s$y* +$is s$yness is more li%ely to #e evident earlier in li e& es-ecially durin) t$e years #e ore and durin) $i)$ sc$ool* .s we enter colle)e or succeed in a -ro ession it is more li%ely t$at t$e s$yness -asses as we #ecome more sure o

ourselves* ;Suicide is t$e ultimate retreat rom one3s -ro#lems* It now causes 20H o t$e deat$s o youn) -eo-le in t$e @=* +$e $i)$est rates are or men 2M to QM and over GM* ?oun) w$ite women $ave a ris% only a#out a quarter o t$at or men and #lac% women $ave a ris% only $al t$at o w$ite women* Soldiers in Geor)e ,* Bus$3s war $ad twice t$e rate o suicide as soldiers $ad #e ore t$e war started* 5ore and lon)er de-loyments in Iraq or . )$anistan and marital -ro#lems caused #y t$eir a#sence rom $ome were cited as t$e causes* Soldiers $ad our times t$e normal .merican rate o Q*Q deat$s -er 100&000 -eo-le -er year* +$e rates in 4un)ary and Sri Lan%a were a#out t$e same as or .merican soldiers* But t$e rate or residents o t$e @= was only L*2 -er 100&000* ;+$is #rie list o -syc$olo)ical ad2ustments to stress s$ould )ive you a #it o an idea o some o t$e ways -eo-le ma%e un$ealt$y ad2ustments to t$eir stresses or t$eir -syc$olo)ical insu iciencies* Li%e I said& most o t$ese can #e done wit$in a normal ran)e or to t$e level o mental illness*<

!;.re you sayin) t$at you can commit suicide to a normal de)reeD<

!;/on& you3re -us$in) my #uttons' But )ood -oint* 5ay#e tellin) someone t$at you want to commit suicide could #e in t$e normal ran)e& -ro#a#ly t$e ar end o normal* But swallowin) a 2ar o #ar#iturates or -uttin) a )un in your mout$ and -ullin) t$e tri))er are way out -ast any normal ad2ustment* But t$e reality is t$at we all ad2ust and our individual ad2ustment -atterns are not identical* Aac$ o us tends to react in ways t$at $ave wor%ed or us!eit$er attac%in) or wit$drawin) rom reality* So i $ittin) some#ody %ee-s wor%in)& you will -ro#a#ly %ee- doin) it* I s$ootin) u- wit$ $eroin or )ettin) drun% wor%s& I3ll %ee- doin) it* But i some#ody #eats me u- or i my riends convince me t$at I3m an alco$olic& I may c$an)e my ad2ustment -atterns* ;,$et$er I $ave -ro#lems at wor% or in my relations$i-s& I will ad2ust* But my ad2ustments may #e di erent* I may wit$draw rom t$e -ro#lems wit$ my #oss& #ut I may attac% w$en I $ave a -ro#lem wit$ my s-ouse& my c$ildren or my nei)$#ors* Sometimes we #rin) our ad2ustment -atterns to our relations$i-s or our 2o#s* So you can see w$y we want to catc$ any -ro#lem #e$aviors very early in li e and correct t$e source o t$e -ro#lem and t$e un$ealt$y ad2ustment*<

!;4ow do you catc$ and t$en correct t$emD<

!;+$e -arents are t$e initial %ey* ,e )ive t$em ran)es o #e$aviors and #e$avioral o#2ectives

or eac$ a)e* +$ey %now t$at c$ildren will vary considera#ly rom t$e norms #ut can still #e normal& #ut w$en t$ey vary we $ave tests to c$ec% or any a#normalities* It3s -ossi#le t$at some orm o autism is evident* "r may#e a #rain -ro#lem $as develo-ed* "r -er$a-s t$ere is a nutritional lac% or a lac% o e1ercise t$at may #e t$e cause* "ur interventions would de-end on t$e -ro#lem* It could #e medical& -ossi#ly requirin) an o-eration or -rescri-tion dru)s* It could #e more su-ervised -lay* I it is a #e$avior -ro#lem t$en an a--ro-riate ty-e o #e$avior modi ication would #e indicated* ;,$en t$e c$ild is in sc$ool t$e teac$er is t$e #est aut$ority or insurin) t$at t$e needs and drives are e ectively $andled in t$e classroom social environment* But $ere also medical intervention may #e necessary* .ttention de icit disorders are )enerally not discovered until a c$ild is in sc$ool* ,$en suc$ -ro#lems are discovered our -syc$iatrists ind t$e most li%ely cure& w$et$er it #e a c$an)e in diet or a dru)* "ur small classes in elementary sc$ool ma%e it muc$ easier or teac$ers to )et to %now t$e c$ildren well* +$en t$eir e1-erience allows t$em to 2ud)e w$et$er t$e c$ild is in t$e normal ideal ran)e t$at we e1-ect or #elow t$at ran)e* ;?ou can understand w$y we em-$asi9e reco)ni9in) t$ese -ro#lems #y includin) t$em in our $i)$ sc$ool and colle)e curricula& #y trainin) #usiness su-ervisors to s-ot t$em& and #y includin) more in de-t$ education -ro)rams or -arents and teac$ers*

8A@("SIS
;,$en t$e ad2ustments #ecome more e1treme we la#el t$em as neuroses* .nd t$ese can vary rom mild to severe* I can )o on& #ut -er$a-s you $ave enou)$ o a -icture o t$e non0ideal #e$avior we are tryin) to avoid*<

!;I3d li%e you to )o on* In my #usiness I certainly see all t$e ad2ustment -atterns you mentioned* .nd I see a lot o neurotic and insane -eo-le& too* .nd t$ey3re not all in t$e criminal courts* I see t$em in #usiness dealin)s& in t$e divorce court and in t$e 2uvenile courts* But /$uc%& %eeit sim-le* I3m not loo%in) to a--ly or a state license in -syc$olo)y*<

!;"=& so i t$ere are no o#2ections we3ll loo% a #it a neuroses and -syc$oses* ?ou may $ave $eard t$e common de inition t$at neurotics #uild castles in t$e air and t$e -syc$otics live in t$em* But t$ere are a cou-le o di erent ways t$at -eo-le loo% at t$ese two ty-es o mental illness* "ne is t$at our ran)e o a#normal #e$avior )oes rom normal to neurotic& t$en i it is very severe& it #ecomes -syc$otic* ?ou mi)$t ima)ine it on a line li%e t$is* WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

8ormal to Y8eurotic toY :syc$otic ;"t$ers eel t$at t$ere is no necessary connection #etween t$e two illnesses& t$ey s$ould t$ere ore #e -ut on two di erent scalesV 8eurotic 8ormal :syc$otic ;+$e idea t$at neurosis and -syc$osis are di erent $as )ained a )reat deal o su--ort as we $ave ound neurotransmitter -ro#lems in di erent areas o t$e #rain t$at relate to a#normal #rain stimulation* .n e1cess o do-amine is o ten t$e -ro#lem in -syc$otics* ;Generally neurosis is a less serious disease t$an is -syc$osis* +$e neurotic reali9es t$at t$ere is a -ro#lem& a ear& a de-ression& a t$ou)$t& or an action& w$ic$ is a ectin) $is or $er unctionin)* +$e -syc$otic )enerally does not %now t$at t$ere is a -ro#lem* +$e -syc$otic is com-letely se-arated rom reality in all or -art o $is or $er li e* +$at se-aration may #e tem-orary or lon) term* ,e o ten $ear o a murderer w$o was considered to #e >tem-orarily insane*3 Insanity& you %now Lee& is t$e le)al word or -syc$osis* ;Generally neurotics can remain in our society as use ul mem#ers w$ile t$ey are under)oin) t$era-y* :syc$otics& on t$e ot$er $and& o ten require institutional care and intensive t$era-y durin) -art o t$eir lives* ;6reud #elieved t$at neurosis is rooted in a -ersonKs c$ild$ood e1-eriences* ,$en an individual learns ina--ro-riate #e$avior -atterns or develo-s distorted attitudes in c$ild$ood& t$ese res-onses ma%e it very di icult to ad2ust to adult situations* In order to relieve t$e -ain and tension #rou)$t on #y t$eir ina#ility to ad2ust to adult li e t$ey return to a more in antile sta)e o #e$avior and ma%e ina--ro-riate use o t$e de ense mec$anisms* I a)ree to a de)ree& #ut I $ave ound t$at o ten t$e dys unctional ad2ustment -atterns are learned in t$e teena)e years or in adult$ood* Violent video )ames& television and ilms can )ive older -eo-le ideas a#out violence as an a--roved met$od o reactin)!and t$ey )ive -eo-le t$e -ermission to use t$at violence*<

!;,e discussed t$at at some len)t$ wit$ ,anda ,an) in =ino* But t$ere we were tal%in) a#out values and $ere you are tal%in) a#out -syc$olo)ical ad2ustments* I )uess t$e line #etween t$em #lurs* 8ow I t$in% I understand your dia)ram o w$at our minds mi)$t me* +$at dotted line se-aratin) our values rom our needs and drives ma%es muc$ more sense to me now*<

!;.nd t$e sel centered values certainly overla- wit$ our satis yin) our needs and drives and our individual neurotic ad2ustments w$en our individual needs are not met* ,$en we started on t$is tre% ,rec% said we s$ould )et some new insi)$ts* It sure $as $a--ened in tal%in) to you and ,anda* I3m )ettin) a w$ole new slant on motivation* 8ow I $ave to t$in% a#out $ow I can use t$ese ideas to o-en t$e minds o my -aris$ioners*<

!;Glad to $ear it* But you3re not alone* 5y %nowled)e is also #ein) e1-anded as I ta%e w$at I t$in% I %now t$en old in wit$ ,anda3s t$ou)$ts and yours* I3d li%e to 2oin your )rou- #ut my duties $ere won3t allow it* But I sure would li%e to $ear your discussions wit$ Dr* Sin)$ on -olitics and $ow -eo-le are mani-ulated* I3m sure $e will #uild on w$at ,anda and I $ave said and ma%e it even more -ractical* ;But on wit$ neurosis* @nless t$e -erson )ets some %ind o $el-& t$ese de ense reactions may develo- into stron) #e$avioral -atterns wit$ #roadly varyin) sym-toms* +$e de ense mec$anisms& t$at I -reviously mentioned& o ten overla- or are com#ined so t$at in actual t$era-y t$ey are not as clear0 cut as I 2ust outlined* ;+$ere are several cate)ories o neurosis* +$ey all involve unacce-ta#le ways o ad2ustin) to li e3s -ro#lems* .n1iety& caused #y t$is ina#ility to $andle li e3s -ro#lems& is o ten evident* .s we e1-erience li e& #ad t$in)s may create #arriers in our -at$s* +$e deat$ o a loved one& a divorce& or t$e loss o a 2o# all require t$at we )et on wit$ livin)* But sometimes we can3t learn to re0direct our lives so we ma%e ad2ustments t$at )o #eyond t$e normal or ideal #e$avior -atterns* Sometimes it is e1-andin) t$e sco-e o a de ense mec$anism& sometimes it is a w$ole new #e$avioral quir% -rom-ted #y t$e an1iety created #y our lac% o control over our lives* 4ere are some common ty-es o neurotic ad2ustments* ;+$e conversion reaction or $ysteria is an a#normality in w$ic$ a -erson converts unacce-ta#le im-ulses into -$ysical sym-toms* . -erson w$o unconsciously does not want se1 may eel t$at t$e se1 or)ans $ave no eelin)* "r a -erson may #ecome -syc$olo)ically dea & #lind& or -araly9ed in order to s$ut o t$e -ossi#ility o $avin) to $ear& see& or move in a situation t$at is undesira#le* +$e ot$er e1treme o t$is reaction occurs w$en a -erson $allucinates voices or visions in order to en$ance a neurotic ad2ustment ;:syc$osomatic illnesses are a similar %ind o -ro#lem* +$ey are not unusual* It $as #een estimated t$at -er$a-s $al o all ast$ma attac%s are -syc$olo)ical in ori)in* So are many aller)ies* ;+$e de-ressive reaction is quite common* It occurs w$en t$e -erson e1$i#its low ener)y& minor

insomnia& eelin)s o $o-elessness& and t$e ina#ility to concentrate* It is #rou)$t on #y a #elie in oneKs own $el-lessness& a lac% o sel res-ect& or a eelin) t$at t$in)s will never #e any #etter* 5ost o t$ese de-ressions will dissi-ate and disa--ear in time& usually wit$in a ew wee%s to a year* +$ese eelin)s will o ten come and )o over t$e years* ;. ew years a)o a nation0wide study in your country re-orted t$at nearly one -erson in 20& #etween t$e a)es o 1M and MQ& $ad su ered a ma2or de-ressive reaction wit$in t$e last mont$* De-ression in t$is study was de ined as #ein) de-ressed all or most o every day or at least two wee%s* +$e ewest de-ressive e-isodes were in t$e a)e )rou- o QM to M0* +$e $i)$est num#er o e-isodes were recorded in women o . rican0.merican decent #etween t$e a)es o LM and QQ* But or all et$nic )rou-s studied& 4is-anics were twice as li%ely to $ave $ad e-isodes as were #lac%s* B1FC .nd a study o teena)ers s$owed t$at 1LH o )irls and MH o #oys $ad su ered a ma2or de-ression wit$in t$e last year* +$at3s a#out F*MH o all o your teena)ers* ;+$e ultimate causes o de-ression are not totally understood* +$ere are $ereditary lin%s* 6or e1am-le& i one identical twin is de-ressive t$ere is a M0 to E0H c$ance t$at t$e ot$er will e1-erience similar sym-toms at some time* 8eurolo)ical and endocrine -ro#lems may also #e involved*B1EC ;+$e dissociative reaction is t$e name )iven to t$e disorder in w$ic$ a -erson develo-s one or more >su# -ersonalities*3 "ne -ersonality may #e$ave as t$e -erson would li%e to #e$ave #ut canKt* So i a -erson re-resses t$e se1 drive it may rea--ear in t$e #e$avior o a second -ersonality* Dual or multi-le -ersonalities is t$e result o t$is action* +$e .cademy .ward winnin) movie >+$e +$ree 6aces o Ave3 s$owed some o t$e -ersonalities w$ic$ one woman ado-ted* /$ris Si9emore& t$e real li e >Ave3& $ad nearly Q0 -ersonalities* 8o -ersonalities were aware o t$e ot$ers* ;+$e an1iety disorders can $ave #ot$ -syc$olo)ical mani estations li%e intense ear& worry& di iculty in concentratin)& and a )eneral >%eyed u-3 eelin)* +$ere may also #e -$ysical e ects suc$ as sweatin)& dry mout$& di99iness& muscle tension& $eart -al-itations& etc* +$ese can #e caused #y social or -syc$olo)ical trauma or #y dru) e ects* ,it$drawal rom ca eine& to#acco& alco$ol& or ot$er sedatives as well as rom t$e wit$drawal rom some over0t$e0counter dru)s suc$ as nasal decon)estants& cold remedies& art$ritis remedies& or ast$ma in$alers* ,it$drawin) rom an e1cessive inta%e o ca eine can also cause t$is disorder* .mon) t$e an1iety disorders areV -anic disorder& )enerali9ed an1iety disorder& o#sessive0com-ulsive -ro#lems& -ost0traumatic stress disorder& and t$e -$o#ias* ;+$e -anic disorder occurs w$en a -erson -anics durin) a non0t$reatenin) situation* . -oundin) $eart& c$est -ain& c$o%in)& or di iculty in #reat$in) are t$e most serious sym-toms* 4owever& sweatin)& di99iness& nausea& #lurred vision& num#ness in t$e $ands or eet are also -ossi#le sym-toms* +$ese sym-toms are li%ely to #e)in in t$e late teens or early twenties* "ne o t$e most common

e ects o t$e -anic disorder is t$e develo-ment o a)ora-$o#ia& t$e ear o o-en -laces& even t$e ear o )oin) outside o oneKs $ome* I untreated it o ten leads to ma2or de-ressions& alco$ol and ot$er dru) de-endency& and suicide* ;+$e )enerali9ed an1iety disorder $a--ens w$en a -ersonKs ear leads to more ear& or -anic leads to more -anic* " ten t$e -erson tries $arder and $arder to ac$ieve #ut $as less and less success* +$is may also develo- t$e -$ysical sym-toms o stress suc$ as irre)ular $eart#eat& di iculty in #reat$in)& unusual ati)ue& insomnia& or ot$er -$ysical sym-toms* /a eine& as little as two cu-s -er day& can )reatly increase t$e e ects o an1iety*B20C8early LH o your -o-ulation su ers rom t$is malady wit$ women #ein) a ected twice as o ten as men* ;.not$er common ad2ustment is t$e o#sessive0com-ulsive reaction* It occurs w$en a -erson re-resses t$e natural instincts and ur)es #y means o continuous irrational t$ou)$ts* ,e call t$ese o#sessional t$ou)$ts* "r #y continuous irrational actions w$ic$ we call com-ulsions* So a -erson w$o does not want to t$in% >dirty se1ual t$ou)$ts3 may $ave o#sessive t$ou)$ts a#out seein) )erms everyw$ere or may -er orm com-ulsive actions suc$ as was$in) t$e $ands or cleanin) t$e #at$room many times eac$ day* 8early LH o your -o-ulation is a ected #y t$is disorder* +$en we would $ave to add t$e com-ulsive )am#lers& t$e com-ulsive eaters and t$e com-ulsive s$o--ers* ;+$en t$ere is t$e -ost0traumatic stress disorder t$at o ten ollows a traumatic event suc$ as a ire or eart$qua%e& a crime suc$ as a ra-e or ro##ery& a war or an accident* . ter a ma2or natural disaster it is estimated t$at u- to 1MH o t$e a ected -o-ulation will $ave enou)$ stress to require treatment* ;+$e -$o#ic reaction is dia)nosed w$en t$e -erson $as a#normal ears* +$e irrational ear is used as a reason or not $avin) to con ront t$e actual -ro#lem* So a -erson w$o $as an unconscious ear o ailure mi)$t develo- a ear o wor%& er)o-$o#ia or a ear o $ei)$ts& acro-$o#iaP #ecause a #usiness mi)$t #e in a tall #uildin)* +$ey mi)$t develo- a ear o #ein) in a con ined s-ace& claustro-$o#ia& to avoid $avin) to wor% in an o ice* ;8ot all -$o#ias are irrational* Bein) con ronted #y a lion in $is lair is a real cause or concern* But #ein) a raid o a -icture o a lion is an irrational -$o#ia* Bein) a raid o em#arrassment #ecause you must s-ea% #e ore an audience is natural* But w$en it )oes #eyond t$e normal amount o a--re$ension it #ecomes an irrational -$o#ia* ;,e all encounter distresses in our lives& we 2ust $ave to meet t$em wit$ t$e coura)e )ained rom %nowin) t$at ot$ers $ave conquered )reater -ro#lems and wit$ t$e %nowled)e t$at >t$is too s$all -ass away*3 ,$en #ad t$in)s $a--en to )ood -eo-le& i t$ey don3t %ill you t$ey will ma%e you stron)er*<

!;I see w$at I would call a mass $y-nosis& or may#e mass neurosis& a ectin) many in t$e more conservative or reactionary reli)ious )rou-s* .nd we $ave seen it in some -olitical movements* I

t$in% it develo-s w$en -eo-le3s in eriorities are )iven a socially sanctioned way to e1-ress t$eir su-eriority* It mi)$t #e develo-ed i a leader can elicit a -$o#ia in us* I we can #e led to #elieve t$at anot$er reli)ious sect is out to )et us& or anot$er et$nic )rou- is a t$reat to our way o li e& t$at -$o#ia can )row and even #ecome over-owerin) to us as individuals in a )rou- or nation* 4itler did t$at wit$ t$e Jews* A1istin) -o-ulations may ear t$e invasion o immi)rants* Sunnis and S$i3ites $ave done it to eac$ ot$er recently& /at$olics and :rotestants did it to eac$ ot$er a ew $undred years a)o& and "rt$odo1 Jews $ave done it to (e ormed Jews in modern Israel* ;+$e -$o#ia mi)$t t$en #e enlar)ed #y develo-in) a neurotic o#session to t$in% a#out eliminatin) t$e cul-rits or t$e neurotic com-ulsion to actually do it* Geor)e ,* Bus$ -layed on a real t$reat& #uilt it out o -ro-ortion to increase t$e -$o#ia& t$en used t$at to develo- t$e o#session a#out Iraq3s lin%s wit$ al Rueda and t$eir wea-ons o mass destruction!neit$er o w$ic$ e1isted* +$en came t$e com-ulsion to attac% Iraq* ,$et$er Bus$3s real interest was to #e a success ul warrior or to control Iraqi oil& or w$et$er it was 2ust a neurotic ad2ustment to $is in eriority* +$e answer will -ro#a#ly never #e %nown*

:S?/4"SIS
;.s you %now& t$e most serious mental illnesses are called -syc$oses* :syc$osis can #e or)anic& a result o -urely -$ysical causes li%e too muc$ or too little do-amine o serotonin& or t$ey can unctional& #ein) caused -rimarily #y mental stresses* +$ere are some e1-erts w$o wis$ to c$an)e t$e de initions o neurotic and -syc$otic* +$ey #elieve t$at neurosis s$ould include all o t$e learned mental illnesses* :syc$osis would t$en #e used as t$e term t$at would cover all o t$e cases in w$ic$ t$ere was a -$ysical cause& suc$ as $ereditarily a#normal #rain unctionin)& -ro#lems caused #y diseases suc$ as sy-$ilis& and -ro#lems caused #y in2ury or dru) in)estion* ;It $as #een said t$at neurotics #uild castles in t$e air& and t$e -syc$otics live in t$em* .nd t$e -syc$iatrists collect t$e rent* .nyway& -syc$osis is way out t$ere& in terms o w$at3s normal* @nder t$e traditional de inition o -syc$osis #ein) a com-lete se-aration rom reality& t$ere are t$ree ma2or ty-es o -syc$otic reactions* :u#lic $ealt$ o icials estimate t$at in any )iven year t$ere are a#out one million -syc$otic -eo-le in .merica* +$ere are several ty-es o dia)noses& #ut I3ll 2ust mention a cou-le* ;+$e #i0-olar -syc$osis $as -eo-le e1$i#itin) severe u-ward or downward mood swin)s* +$e manic -syc$otics are t$ose w$o a--ear to $ave ta%en too many >-e- -ills*3 +$ey may race around& )i))le& tal% incessantly and may a--ear to #e o-timistic and $ave e1a))erated sel con idence no matter $ow #ad a situation $as #ecome* In e1treme cases t$e manic -erson may #ecome so a)itated t$at it is necessary to use orci#le restraint*

;+$e de-ressive -syc$otics are overw$elmed #y t$e sadness and utility o livin)* +$ey may re use to )et out o t$eir #eds* .nd may even re use to eat* De-ression commonly #e)ins #etween t$e a)es o 20 and L0 #ut can overcome us at any a)e* It is muc$ more common as we )row older* LH o -eo-le over IM su er rom ma2or de-ression and 1MH $ave serious de-ressive sym-toms00serious enou)$ to warrant treatment* ;+$e de-ressive -erson )enerally wit$draws rom most orms o communication #ecause o -ersonal discoura)ement* Suc$ a -erson will not ma%e -lans or t$e uture* In e1treme cases o de-ression t$ere is a c$ance o suicide as t$e ultimate release rom t$e de-ressive sym-toms* /ontrary to -o-ular #elie & not all -eo-le in a de-ressed state act sad and morose* .#out $al o t$e victims o t$is ad2ustment -attern are irrita#le and easy to an)er* ;De-ression occurs eit$er #ecause t$e mind is una#le to co-e wit$ a sad situation or #ecause t$e #rain c$emical #alance is out o order* ,$en t$e neurotransmitters& suc$ as serotonin& nore-ine-$rine& or do-amine are in s$ort su--ly or are out o #alance& t$e nerve cells o t$e #rain donKt unction normally* +$e -erson is t$en not a#le to t$in% well or unction e ectively and may #ecome let$ar)ic* Genetics -lay a -art in oneKs tendency towards de-ression* +$ey seem to dou#le t$e c$ance t$at a -articular stressor will develo- de-ressive sym-toms in a -erson* But w$ile $eredity can #e a ma2or actor& environmental causes are also im-ortant* ;+$e sc$i9o-$renics are t$ose w$o re)ress into a -syc$olo)ical s$ell or w$o #adly distort reality* +$is disease a ects a#out 1H o all -eo-le in your country* +$ere are our ma2or ty-es o sc$i9o-$reniaV sim-le sc$i9o-$renia is dia)nosed w$en t$e -erson wit$draws rom reality #y s$owin) no interest& am#ition& emotional res-onse or s-ontaneous activityP $e#e-$renic sc$i9o-$renia is dia)nosed w$en t$e -erson $as lost all touc$ wit$ reality* +$e -ersonKs t$ou)$ts& s-eec$& #e$avior and emotions #ecome more and more distorted and disor)ani9edP t$e catatonic sc$i9o-$renic remains motionless or $ours on end& andP t$e -aranoid sc$i9o-$renic $as delusions o ear or )randeur* 4earin) voices or t$in%in) you are 8a-oleon are -ossi#ilities ;.s wit$ ot$er -syc$oses& t$ere seems to #e a $ereditary lin%* 6or e1am-le& i one -arent is sc$i9o-$renic eac$ c$ild $as a 10 to 20H c$ance o develo-in) t$e disease* I #ot$ -arents are a licted eac$ c$ildKs c$ance o develo-in) t$e illness runs rom 1M to M0H* .nd i one identical twin develo-s t$e disease t$e ot$er twinKs c$ance is M0 to I0H o develo-in) it* 4owever it seems to #e t$e environmental stresses t$at #rin) on t$e disease* ;:ersonality disorders are 2ud)ed to a lar)e de)ree #y w$at t$e society considers to #e normal* +$ey can )enerally #e dia)nosed in t$ose -eo-le w$o are anti0social or t$ose wit$ severe se1ual deviations* +$e truly anti0social -erson seems to $ave no )uilt eelin)s w$en >doin) ot$er -eo-le in*3 +$ey may #e a))ressive criminals suc$ as #an% ro##ers or murderin) $it men* In some countries t$ey may )o into

t$e military w$ere t$eir rut$lessness and tou)$ness may aid t$em to rise quic%ly to -ositions o in luence* "r t$ey may )o into #usiness or -olitics w$ere t$eir e)ocentric& )reedy im-ulsiveness may o ten ma%e t$em success ul*<

!;5any states in t$e @nited States $ave allowed or a le)al de ense #ased on a -lea o >insanity*3 Insanity is t$e le)al word or t$e medical term >-syc$osis*3 In 5arc$ o 1EEQ t$e @nited States Su-reme /ourt re used to rule on a case in w$ic$ t$e de endant $ad -leaded insanity in 5ontana& a state t$at $ad removed t$e insanity -lea rom its le)al code* +$e de endant wanted t$e court to rule t$at t$e insanity -lea was le)al under t$e /onstitution* +$e /ourt re used to do t$is* ;Ainstein used t$e word di erently& and -ossi#ly a--lied it to us non0-syc$otics in a more reco)ni9a#le #e$avior -attern* 4e said t$at >insanity is doin) t$e same t$in) over and over a)ain e1-ectin) di erent results*3 I would )uess t$at it a--lies to s-ouses continually as%in) t$e ot$er to c$an)e& to -eo-le -rayin) or t$e same t$in) over and over a)ain& and to -arents -leadin) wit$ t$eir c$ildren to sto- usin) dru)s or to )et #etter )rades in sc$ool*<

!;Li%e we say& w$en you ind yoursel in a dee- $ole& sto- di))in)* But #ac% to your Su-reme /ourt* I t$ou)$t t$at your lawyers and 2ud)es were always loo%in) or ways to ind criminals innocent* 4ere in Sin)alin) we irst try to -revent t$e develo-ment o mental -ro#lems* ,e deny -arent licenses to t$e -syc$otics w$o $ave #iolo)ical -ro#lems t$at $ave resulted in t$eir -syc$oses* .nd we try to discover and treat -syc$olo)ical malad2ustments as early in li e as -ossi#le* ;Because we $umans are -syc$olo)ical& a rational a--eal to a -syc$otic isn3t )oin) anyw$ere* +$e 8a-oleon in t$e asylum can3t #e convinced t$at t$e real 8a-oleon died many years a)o*+$e -ower driven terrorist $as t$e #lessin)s o $is leader and $is -romise o )reatness and wort$iness to #olster $is #rainwas$ed mind*<

!;.re we #ecomin) more cra9y #ecause o our social -ro#lems& are t$e -syc$otics $avin) more c$ildren& or is it 2ust t$at t$ere are more -eo-le so t$at t$ere are more madmen aroundD Just loo% at t$e cra9ies in t$e news t$is wee%' . man drove $is car down a -edestrian wal% %illin) 10* .not$er man dro--ed $is M year old dau)$ter rom a reeway over-ass* .nd o course we see t$e daily increase in t$e activity o violent )an)s*<

!;+rue /on* But loo% #ac% at t$e ideas o 6reud* 4e said t$at we $ave drives or #ot$

a))ression and or se1ual satis action* +$ey were $y-ot$etical at t$e time* ,$ile $e #elieved t$at t$ese drives $ad t$eir roots in $uman nature and in t$e #rain& it was im-ossi#le to -rove* 8ow wit$ #rain ima)in) it a--ears t$at modern -ractitioners $ave ound t$at source o our drives!in t$e lim#ic system* +$e lim#ic system $as lon) #een %nown to #e t$e seat o emotions& #ut now it may #e muc$ more*<

!;I t$in% t$at w$at we call $uman nature is lar)ely de-endent on t$e nature o our society and t$e amily wit$in our society* ,e are sociali9ed to acce-tin) t$e equality or t$e inequality o women* ,e are sociali9ed to $ave many c$ildren or ew* ,e are sociali9ed to -ursue education voraciously or to leave sc$ool early to wor% wit$ our $ands*<

4", I+ .66A/+S :.(A8+ LI/A8SI8G

!;+$e im-ortant t$in) $ere is t$at #y reco)ni9in) t$e di erent motivations o -eo-le we can $el- to c$annel our c$ildren into mentally $ealt$y -ursuits and ma%e t$eir educational e1-eriences more meanin) ul* ?ou %now rom your own country t$at wealt$ or status don3t necessarily ma%e a more e ective -arent* Gi ts o money instead o investments o time are counter-roductive in terms o to #ein) an e ective -arent* ;It is essential or our -arents and teac$ers to #e amiliar wit$ -syc$olo)ical drives and needs as well as wit$ social values* I we are )oin) to avoid alco$ol and dru) a#use& se1ual -romiscuity& )am#lin) and mental illnesses& we $ave to #e eternally vi)ilant wit$ our c$ildren* ;In s-ite o t$e act t$at we censor our media and t$e internet& some o your .merican mental illness causin) media )ets t$rou)$* Violence& uncarin) se1& and t$e continual -arade o mental mis its can do dama)e to our yout$ as t$ey do to yours* .merica is one o t$e most violent countries in t$e world! and it is de initely over0dru))ed* ?our teen suicide rate& teen -re)nancy& -rison detentions& $omelessness and mental $ealt$ -ro#lems are social ills and calamities we want to avoid* ,e want our citi9ens to eel ree to wal% our city streets at ni)$t* ?our city dwellers must loc% t$emselves #e$ind t$eir #arred windows w$en t$e sun sets* .nd it isn3t a w$ole lot #etter w$en t$e sun is u-* ;,e $ave #een a#le to -revent most s-ousal and c$ild a#use #y -romotin) lovin) relations$i-s in our education and #y our eliminatin) t$e -oor -arental ris%s in our licensin)* ;?our -eo-le wor% $ard& -ro#a#ly $arder t$an we do& #ut you don3t seem to ta%e t$e time to en2oy li e* It doesn3t even seem t$at your -eo-le t$in% muc$ a#out contentment and real $a--iness* ?our >more is #etter3 attitude doesn3t sit well wit$ us* "n t$e ot$er $and we t$in% t$at t$e socialistic Auro-eans $ave )one too ar t$e ot$er way* +oo many seem to loo% or ways to avoid wor% and ta%e

more t$an t$eir si1 or seven wee% vacation* ?ou are concerned wit$ your -ersonal economies and t$ey are concerned wit$ t$eir time away rom wor%* ,e t$in% t$ere is a $a--y medium #etween vocation and avocation* .nd we t$in% t$at on #ot$ sides o t$e .tlantic t$ere is too muc$ concern wit$ t$e individual at t$e e1-ense o a sound society* ;?our )overnment& t$e media& and do0)ooders all li%e to #lame everyone #ut t$e -arents or your continued and increasin) wel are -ro#lems& your crime rates& your dru) -ro#lems& your sc$ool droout rates& and all o your ot$er social and economic -ro#lems* ?ou are so #usy #ein) -olitically correct and a raid to $urt anyone3s eelin)s* 5ay#e you3re a raid to #e sued or de amation o c$aracter* I don3t %now* But your lawyers seem to %ee- loo%in) or anyt$in) t$at will ma%e t$em a dollar* Im-rovin) your society is not on t$e minds o most o your co$orts Lee* ;"ur ma2or societal concern is a#out -arentin)* ,$at -arentin) education $ave you $ad or your 1Q year old unmarried -re)nant )irls w$o dro- out o sc$ool so t$ey can dro- into wel are* ,$at are you doin) to sta#ili9e amily li e #y -re-arin) t$e 1M year old at$ersD .nd w$at a#out t$e more mature -arentsD ,$at -re-aration do you $ave or t$emD ;,e #elieve it is essential to %now as muc$ as -ossi#le a#out w$at -eo-le need -$ysically and -syc$olo)ically at every a)e* .nd we t$in% t$at t$e maturin) -rocess must #e monitored& irst #y -arents& t$en #y teac$ers& t$en #y em-loyers and co0wor%ers* ,e are not )oin) to sit #ac% and watc$ -eo-le ruin t$emselves or our society* ,e3re not )oin) to rationali9e t$e -ro#lems o our citi9ens* ,e are )oin) to $el- t$em on t$eir way to -syc$olo)ical and economic ul illment* It doesn3t seem to me t$at you .mericans and An)lis$men understand t$at your society $as a $u)e sta%e in $ow your citi9ens were -arented* ?ou are so $un) u- on individual reedom t$at you or)et t$e w$ole o society* ,$en one o your )ood citi9ens is %illed #y one o your #ad citi9ens& your society is a dou#le loser* ;5oney s-ent -reventin) somet$in) is usually a w$ole lot less t$an money s-ent correctin) somet$in)* Loo% at t$e vaccines t$at -revent diseases& t$e -ro)rams t$at -revent crime& t$e education t$at ma%es -eo-le economically success ul* 5oney s-ent on e ective -arentin) -ro)rams we ind is t$e #est money we s-end* +$rou)$ our sc$ool system we ma%e it evident t$at no#ody %nows everyt$in)& we must all %ee- o-en minds #ecause %nowled)e dou#les a#out every ive years& and we must #e a#le to love* I we $onestly love we will want to %now t$e #est ways to treat t$ose we love* ,e $o-e we are a#le to move our -eo-le alon) t$e continuum rom needin) -ower to #ein) a#le to love* ;5any -eo-le $ave reac$ed adult$ood wit$out $avin) )rown -syc$olo)ically rom needin) -ower over ot$ers to #ein) a#le to $ave success #y $avin) t$e -ower to do some t$in)s very well* .nd w$en t$ey $aven3t out)rown t$eir sel is$ness so t$at t$ey can love unconditionally!we $ave ailed as a society* So our em-$asis on ac$ievin) intellectually and our criteria or success are not economic& as

yours are* "ur )overnmental duty is to develo- -syc$olo)ically $ealt$y and truly $a--y citi9ens*+$e economic result is t$at we $ave sur-assed t$ose o you in t$e ,est* .nd as I $ave tried to indicate& it is a com#ination o eliminatin)& as #est we can& t$ose w$o would -ro#a#ly in$erit -syc$olo)ically ne)ative traits& t$en )ivin) everyone t$e li elon) $el- to #e t$e #est t$ey can #e* .nd t$e most im-ortant -art o t$at -rocess is in t$e -arentin)*<

!;I t$in% you3re ri)$t* I you $ave -syc$olo)ically immature -arents w$o are still in t$e >-ower over3 mode& t$ey will #e li%ely to $arass or a#use t$eir c$ildren& or i t$ey are sel is$ t$ey will ne)lect t$em*<

!;?ou can3t #elieve w$at I see in 2uvenile court* >/rac%3 #a#ies& a#andoned c$ildren& severely #eaten c$ildren& c$ildren wit$ one or #ot$ -arents in 2ail or strun) out on dru)s* I everyone could only see t$e tra)edy o disastrous -arentin) t$ey would )o wit$ your licensin) ideas /$uc%* 4u)e in eriority eelin)s and no ca-acity to love& only t$e #iolo)y to re-roduce!we $ave ailed millions o our c$ildren*<

!;5ost -eo-le %now t$at c$ildren3s #odies need ood& vitamins and minerals* Some -arents can even read t$e ood la#els* It3s im-ortant& #ut it3s a w$ole lot sim-ler t$an t$e mental nutrition t$at is needed* In your country you $ave a lot o -arents w$o don3t care& #ut you also $ave many w$o care #ut don3t %now $ow to -arent* 6irst you $ave to start wit$ w$ic$ adults s$ould not #e -arents* +$ey s$ouldn3t #e alco$olics or dru) users #ecause t$ey would o#viously $ave -syc$olo)ical -ro#lems o t$eir own* +$en we wouldn3t want t$em modelin) t$is ne)ative #e$avior or t$eir c$ildren* .ny com-ulsive #e$avior would #e ne)ative& even wor%in) too muc$* .nd s$o--in) or )am#lin) com-ulsions would certainly #e ne)ative* (emem#er t$at w$at -arents do is muc$ more im-ortant t$an w$at t$ey say* It is easier to s-ot -arental ne)ative #e$avior t$an to evaluate -ositive #e$avior& so we start wit$ t$e ne)ative* ;+$en we want -arents w$o are relia#le in t$eir social relations$i-s and t$eir 2o#s* +$is overla-s t$eir sensitivity to ot$ers3 needs* ,e want to eliminate t$ose w$o are overly sel is$* 8aturally t$is is essential in selectin) -arents wit$ t$e a#ility to love* I t$ey understand t$e c$an)in) needs o t$e c$ild& t$e c$ild3s develo-mental tas%s& and can $el- t$e c$ild wor% t$rou)$ t$em we are well on our way to e ective -arentin)* @nderstandin) w$ere t$e c$ild is -$ysically& mentally and emotionally& s$ould %ee- t$e -arent rom overreactin) to t$e sometimes rustratin) #e$aviors o t$e )rowin) c$ild*

Z;Lovin) o ten requires settin) limits or t$e c$ild* Avery sel is$ w$im can3t #e indul)ed #y a lovin) -arent!as di icult as t$at sometimes is* /$ildren will learn w$at t$ey e1-erience!love& sel is$ness& com-assion& violence& relia#ility& or ne)lect* Inconsistent #e$avior #y a -arent will leave t$e c$ild wonderin) w$at is ri)$t* ;+$en t$ere is t$e intellectual side o develo-ment* ,e recommend readin) to t$e c$ild at #edtime and ot$er times* +$en we start t$e c$ild readin) as soon as -ossi#le* ,e want t$em -layin) wit$ ot$er c$ildren early in t$eir lives* ,e want t$em $u))ed o ten and wit$ eelin)* +$ese t$in)s $el- to develo- a c$ild3s sel esteem and reduce $is eelin)s o in eriority* +$ey also $el- to develo- t$e a#ility to love as an adult* +$ese& t$en& are necessary or develo-in) an o-timistic and -ositive attitude toward li e* ,e are not 100H success ul* +$ere are still a ew o our c$ildren w$o do not reac$ t$e standards we set* . ew #ecome criminals& usually t$e w$ite collar ty-e* ;In your country a#out GMH o -eo-le receivin) aid or amilies wit$ de-endent c$ildren are teena)e mot$ers* +$e e1-enses you amass #ecause you are a raid to wor% on limitin) c$ildren and educatin) -arents ama9e me* +$e num#er o asocial and anti0social c$ildren costs your society so muc$ socially and economically*

4", I+ .66A/+S "@( AD@/.+I"8

;.dler and 6reud #elieved t$at our a--roac$es to li e& our li estyles& are set early in li e!-ro#a#ly #y t$e time we are ive years old* I #elieve t$at we can c$an)e t$rou)$out our lives& #ut t$ose irst ive years are o critical im-ortance* .dler #elieved t$at a ter a#out a)e ive we )enerally see and inter-ret our world t$rou)$ t$e -rism o our li estyles* So we mi)$t say t$at we usually ad2ust our e1-eriences to it wit$ our views rat$er t$an $ave t$e e1-eriences c$an)e our views* ;,e ta%e seriously t$e analyses o .dler a#out t$e -ossi#le -ro#lems t$at can develo- serious li estyle -ro#lems* "ne is t$e in eriority com-le1es t$at our in ant incom-etencies )enerate* . second is -am-erin) t$e c$ild& w$ere it learns to ta%e wit$out )ivin)* 4e learns t$at $e need only demand to #e a#le to )et* . t$ird is ne)lectin) t$e c$ild* +$e c$ild can #e ne)lected #y #ein) i)nored or #y #ein) ordered around& w$ere $is uniqueness and $uman$ood is not reco)ni9ed* Aac$ one ocuses t$e c$ild more on $imsel or $ersel * Aac$ one leads to sel is$ness* ,e #elieve t$at we must do everyt$in) -ossi#le t$rou)$ -arentin) and education to ma%e t$e c$ild a--reciate $imsel & to ind success in various areas& and to #ecome adults w$o are unsel is$ and ca-a#le o lovin)* ;,e educate our c$ildren quic%ly and -ainlessly* 6or e1am-le& in our -re0sc$ool videos we o ten -ut t$e noun t$at names a c$aracter on t$at c$aracter* So a -icture o a #a#y mi)$t $ave >#0a0#0y3 on its dia-ers or a man mi)$t $ave >m0a0n3 on $is #elt* ,$en t$e conce-t o t$e c$aracter or t$e action is clear we can add more synonyms* So t$e man mi)$t #e an adult& a $ero& a villain& a doctor or a soldier*

+$e #a#y mi)$t #e la#eled as an in ant or a toddler* ,e can quic%ly #uild t$e voca#ulary wit$ ad2ectives& li%e >red3 or >small3& and wit$ ver#s& li%e >run3 or >eat3* ,e #uild t$is voca#ulary w$ile teac$in) a#out mat$& $ealt$& morality or any ot$er su#2ect* .nd t$e learnin) -rocess is en2oya#le or t$e students* ,e #elieve& wit$ Jo$n Dewey and Jacques (ousseau& t$at learnin) is more e ectively accom-lis$ed w$en it is en2oya#le* ;+$e old idea t$at >it doesn3t matter w$at a c$ild learns as lon) as $e doesn3t li%e it3 doesn3t ma%e sense to us* ,$ile it seems to indicate t$at disci-line comes rom disa)reea#le tas%s& we #elieve t$at it comes rom develo-in) wort$w$ile )oals t$at are ac$ieva#le* ,$et$er it is trainin) to #e an "lym-ian& strivin) to #e a com-oser o sym-$onies or t$in%in) t$rou)$ and wor%in) toward an entre-reneurial #usiness!t$e most e ective motivation is )oal directed* ;,$en you are motivated you are movin) orward wit$ e1citement& not cowerin) rom ear* So t$e truly $uman ideals -ro-osed #y 5aslow )ive us visions t$at our students and our adult citi9ens can )lim-se as t$ey -re-are or and -roceed t$rou)$ t$eir -roductive& socially use ul lives* ;,e want to avoid t$e >evil3 o mental illness t$at many -syc$olo)ists $ave written a#out* I3m not tal%in) a#out #rain a#normalities li%e e1cessive neurotransmitters* ,e $o-e we $ave avoided most t$is ty-e o #rain -ro#lem in our licensin) evaluations* .s or t$e learned mental -ro#lems& li%e many neuroses& we try to avoid t$e li%ely causes suc$ as t$ose t$at mi)$t #e #rou)$t on rom rustrated unconscious drives or needs& or rom our -eo-le3s #e$avior t$at is not in accord wit$ w$at t$ey #elieve to #e t$eir values* "ur licensin) is )eared to reduce& or $o-e ully eliminate& -ro#lems caused #y t$e lac% o a lovin) amily* ,e also e1-ect t$e amily and sc$ool to ind areas in w$ic$ a c$ild can satis y $is or $er -ower drive #y #ein) success ul in a su#2ect area or wit$ some -eer )rou-* ;5aslow elt t$at mental -ro#lems are usually t$e result o our own i)norance as to $ow to satis y our various needs* In our society we want to oil t$at i)norance #y indin) e ective ways or eac$ c$ild and teena)er to satis y t$e needs t$at 5aslow s-elled out* /ertainly eac$ c$ild is di erent so di erent e ective ways o meetin) $is or $er needs must #e ound* So ar we are ma%in) )ood -ro)ress in widenin) t$e curricula and develo-in) e ective evaluative tools or discoverin) any -syc$olo)ical $oles& t$en we $ave an array o met$ods or $el-in) t$e c$ild towards sel actuali9ation* ;+$e -$ysiolo)ical and -$ysical sa ety needs are easily met #y our society3s -ro)rams* +$e emotional sa ety and love needs s$ould #e met at $ome* "ur licensin) requirements and -arent education -ro)rams are )eared to ma%e t$is $a--en* +$e esteem needs may #e addressed at $ome& #ut it is t$e sc$ool3s 2o# to ma%e t$is $a--en* +$is is done in t$e social areas o t$e curriculum* "ur curriculum e1tends #eyond t$e academics* 4ere we $ave learned muc$ rom your .merican education& #ut we $ave not le t t$e academics #e$ind as you o ten seem to do* +$e meta needs #e)in to #e incor-orated into our curriculum )oals #y a#out a)e 12* ,e e1-ose all o our students to art and

music& to -$iloso-$y and law& to -olitics and economics* ,e $el- t$em to see $ow t$ey can t$in% inde-endently*<

!;Doesn3t t$is inde-endence con lict wit$ your societal valuesD I you are loo%in) or a society wit$out -ro#lems wouldn3t it #e #etter to $ave your education -ro)ram mold your students into t$e society you $ave* It seems to me t$at you $ave a wonder ul society*<

!;?ou don3t understand' ,e $ave a wonder ul -ro)ressive society* But we couldn3t #e -ro)ressive i we didn3t $ave new ideas stimulatin) our t$in%in)* ?ou %now we $ave a dynamic democratic re-u#lic* +$ere ore we must admit new ideas* +$e way to sto- -ro)ress is to ma%e everyone a drone* .t t$is -oint in time we $ave an economy t$at is more ree enter-rise t$an socialist& #ut t$e )overnment $as a )ood deal o control over t$e direction we are )oin)* "n t$e ot$er $and t$e citi9ens $ave t$e ri)$t to c$oose in most areas o t$eir lives* ;,e #elieve& wit$ 5aslow& t$at evil is really our own i)norance* ,e can c$oose to develo- our own $uman ca-a#ilities* ,e t$en )o #eyond 5aslow3s idea o individual $uman e1cellence to t$e develo-ment o a society wit$ t$ese truly $uman meta level )oals* ;4ow s$ould we c$ooseD 5aslow quoted /$ild B21C to #ac% u- $is t$esis t$at t$e $i)$est ac$ievers in a >$uman area3 t$in% similarly* /$ild ound t$at t$e #est artists& no matter w$at t$eir culture& t$in% similarly in t$e area o w$at is #eauti ul* +$e #est t$in%ers a)ree on w$at is )ood and w$at is ri)$t* +$ese -eo-le are not con used #ecause t$ey may ind t$at EMH o t$e -eo-le may disa)ree wit$ t$em* +$ey are con ident in t$eir c$oices* ,$en we #rin) t$ese $uman attri#utes to ruition in a society we move our society to a more $umane and truly $uman reality* 5ore truly $uman -eo-le will t$in% rat$er similarly a#out w$at is needed as we evolve in our uto-ian -lan* ,e t$in% t$at uto-ia is not a -lace or a state o #ein)& #ut rat$er a -rocess00a -rocess aimed toward -roducin) t$e $i)$est level o $umanness* .nd as we evolve toward a $i)$er level o $umanness we as individuals and we as a society s$ould e1-ress t$e $uman -ossi#ilities t$at 5aslow saw* +$en we s$ould continue in our intellectual& et$ical& -olitical and economic -at$ towards -er ection* .nd 5aslow cautioned t$at >I you settle or less t$an you can #e& you will #e un$a--y or t$e rest o your li e*3 ;But #ac% to w$ere we are today* ,e all $ave t$e im-ulse to im-rove ourselves* ,e may aid our decision ma%in) #y loo%in) at t$e $i)$est values in ot$ers* But im-ortant -eo-le& -eo-le w$o $ave ac$ieved $i)$ levels o $umanness& tend to ma%e us eel insecure and ri)$tened* 4owever i we $ave t$e coura)e to not #e intimidated #y t$em we can learn to admire t$eir qualities* I we can admire t$e qualities in t$em& we can learn to admire t$ose same qualities in ourselves* In loo%in) at t$e >truly

$uman3 -eo-le we can see& in every case& t$at t$ey are involved in a cause outside o t$emselves* +$ey are devoted to somet$in) t$at is very -recious to t$em* "ne wor%s at law& anot$er at 2ustice& anot$er at #eauty& anot$er at trut$ 00 eac$ is $onestly $a--y #ecause $e or s$e is -ursuin) a truly $uman value* ,e can easily see t$at a $un)ry -erson needs ood and t$at a tired -erson needs rest* But we o ten ail to reali9e t$at we all need #eauty& trut$& and meanin) in our lives* ;+$e sel 0actuali9ed -erson is one w$o is indin) out a#out $ersel or $imsel & w$o and w$at s$e or $e is& w$at is )ood& and t$e direction t$eir lives s$ould ta%e* +$is -erson s$ould #e e1-eriencin) li e ully and #e totally a#sor#ed in it* Intelli)ence and truly $uman t$in%in) are -rimary in t$e -ursuit o a satis yin) li e* +$e sel actuali9ed -erson is $onest* 4onesty is an a#solute requirement or a uto-ian society* ,$en con ronted #y t$e -ro)ression o c$oices t$at determine oneKs li e& t$e sel 0actuali9ed -erson c$ooses or )rowt$ rat$er t$an rom ear* 6ear is a re)ression to t$e lower need or sa ety and security* +$ere is a sel 0awareness t$at s$ould )ive a clear idea o w$at is #est00 suc$ as w$et$er and w$o to marry& and w$at to do wit$ oneKs li e* +$is -erson is in control o $is or $er own destiny* ;,$ile most -eo-le are not sel 0actuali9ed& many -eo-le $ave leetin) awarenesses o w$at it is li%e* 5aslow called t$ese >-ea% e1-eriences3& times w$en we are >sur-rised #y 2oy*3 . -ea% e1-erience mi)$t #e )ained rom e1-eriencin) a #eauti ul sunset& #ein) reed o a alse idea& )ainin) a new insi)$t& ac$ievin) an or)asm& or $avin) a dee- reli)ious e1-erience* Sel actuali9ed -eo-le $ave t$ese -ea% e1-eriences o ten* +$ey live ull and satis yin) lives* 5aslow descri#ed t$em t$uslyV >By de inition& sel 0actuali9ed -eo-le are )rati ied in all t$eir #asic needs00 #elon)in)ness& a ection& res-ect and sel 0esteem* +$is is to say t$at t$ey $ave a eelin) o #elon)in)ness and rootedness& t$ey are satis ied in t$eir love needs& $ave riends and eel loved and lovewort$y& t$ey $ave status and a -lace in li e and res-ect or ot$er -eo-le& and t$ey $ave a reasona#le eelin) o wort$ and sel 0 res-ect* I we -$rase t$is ne)atively& in terms o t$e rustration o t$ese #asic needs and in terms o -at$olo)y& t$en t$is is to say t$at sel 0actuali9in) -eo-le do not o ten eel an1iety0ridden& insecure or unsa e* +$ey don3t eel alone& ostraci9ed& rootless& or isolated nor do t$ey eel unlova#le& re2ected& or unwanted* +$ey do not eel des-ised and loo%ed down u-on& and do not eel dee-ly unwort$y& nor do t$ey $ave cri--lin) eelin)s o in eriority or wort$lessness*3B22C ;It is -ossi#le or some -eo-le to s%i- some needs in t$e -ursuit o ac$ievin) t$e meta0needs* +$e 6renc$ -ainter& :aul Gau)uin& le t $is amily or +a$iti in order to -aint* +um#lin) rom $is #an%in) 2o# wit$ t$e all o t$e economy& rat$er t$an -ursue inancial security in #usiness $e le t or +a$iti to satis y $is love o -aintin) and t$e #eauty o t$e tro-ical isle* /lim#ers o 5t* Averest sacri ice some sa ety or t$e satis action o t$e meta0need to do somet$in) s-ecial* ?ou remem#er t$at Sir Admund 4illary& t$e irst to scale Averest& said t$at t$e reason $e did it was >#ecause it is t$ere*3 +$e $oly -erson may orsa%e some #asic needs or t$e love and t$e esteem o ot$ers in order to live alone and

quietly meditate on t$e mysteries o nature* .nd $ow many artists $ave -ractically starved w$ile -ursuin) t$eir drive to createD<

!;?our a ter sc$ool -ro)ram reminds me o w$at t$e Vene9uelans call >+$e System3 in

w$ic$ -oor c$ildren are tau)$t to -lay musical instruments* 2M0&000 c$ildren are )iven musical instruments and -ractice L to Q $ours a day wit$ an instructor* It is not enou)$ t$at t$ey are -roducin) $i)$ly s%illed musicians at an early a)e& #ut t$ey are learnin) t$e teamwor% t$at is essential to an orc$estra* +$ere are now over 200 yout$ orc$estras* But more t$an -er ormin)& t$e youn) learn a#out t$e s-iritual dimension o music and $ow it can #rin) t$em to $i)$er $uman levels* ;+$is $i)$ly success ul -ro)ram $as already )iven us some musical )eniuses& suc$ as Gustavo Dudamel& w$o was named t$e musical director or t$e Los .n)eles :$il$armonic w$en $e was only 2I* 4e $ad already conducted ma2or orc$estras around t$e world* 5aslow would #e -roud*<

!;+$at3s e1actly t$e -oint* But w$ile Vene9uela $as reac$ed nearly all c$ildren wit$ and t$rou)$ music& we attem-t to #roaden t$eir e1-eriences* ,e would $o-e t$at our more varied o erin)s will allow t$e c$ildren to move into t$e areas o t$eir -otential )enius* +$at3s w$y we& li%e Vene9uela& allow t$ose as youn) as 2 to e1-erience t$e -at$s toward $umanness* 5usic& t$e arts& science& literature& are all used to titillate t$e youn) minds* +$ey can ollow any o t$e roads to 2oy and $umanness* It all starts in c$ild$ood* ;I we $aven3t met all o t$e needs o our c$ildren and adults& some#ody alon) t$e line must s-ot -ro#lem #e$avior* I it is neurotic #e$avior we want to catc$ it early!in t$e amily& in sc$ool or on t$e 2o#* +$e earlier we catc$ it t$e #etter* +$at3s w$y t$e study o #asic -syc$olo)y is essential in our society* I t$e #e$avior seems to #e -syc$otic& we want immediate dia)noses and treatment* But it isn3t 2ust t$e mental illnesses t$at are concerns* ,e want -eo-le aware o $ow t$ey are usin) t$e various de ense mec$anisms* .re t$ey -retty close to normal or are t$ey movin) toward neurosis* ;It is not enou)$ to study 2ust mat$& science& lan)ua)e and $istory* ,e must study $ow to live* ,e must understand $ow our minds and #odies wor%* +$at means studyin) -$ysiolo)y and nutrition& -syc$olo)y and et$ics* :re-arin) to live in today3s world requires so muc$ more -re-aration t$an was necessary in years -ast* ;?ou may #e amiliar wit$ t$e ideas i :ierre Bourdieu* 4e tal%ed a#out di erent %inds o >ca-ital3 or ric$es t$at a -erson $as* /ultural ca-ital& t$at is >cultural ric$es3 is common in t$e u--er classes* In every society t$ere will #e inequalities in t$e various %inds o ca-ital a -erson -ossesses* 4e listed ot$er ca-itals asV economic& one3s access to inancesP social ca-ital& riends and

relations$i-s in one3s social networ%sP cultural ca-ital& w$ic$ includes one3s education t$e accoutrements t$at come wit$ cultural statusP t$en inally sym#olic ca-ital& t$e -resti)e t$at comes wit$ success* ;.s you %now& we are not a socialistic or communist country& even t$ou)$ we are stron)ly societally #ased* "ne3s economic ca-ital de-ends on t$e im-ortance o one3s wor% to t$e society and $ow well $e or s$e does it* Li%e =ino& at$letes and actors are not -ro essional* In your country t$ey would #e t$e $i)$est -aid wor%ers* "ur researc$ers& -ro essors and $i)$ level )overnment o icers are t$e $i)$est -aid* So t$ere is an inequality o economic ca-ital* But in t$e $i)$ly im-ortant area o cultural ca-ital t$ere s$ould #e ewer di erences* ,e don3t $ave t$e variation o $i)$ and low level education t$at you $ave* ?our e1clusive -rivate academies& w$ere cultural ca-ital is in)rained in t$e c$ildren o your culturally ric$ citi9ens& $ave no -lace $ere* .ll o our students can learn to a--reciate music& art& -$iloso-$y and t$e ot$er $umanities* ?ou may ind one o our amateur actors w$o is an e1-ert on S$a%es-eare& an amateur sin)er w$o -er orms di icult o-eratic arias& a -lum#er w$o is a sa)e in t$e $istory o t$e :elo-onnesian wars* So cultural ca-ital is not tied to t$e u--er0u--er social classes as it is in your country* Social ca-ital can #e ound at every economic level* Avery -erson can develo- $is or $er own social ca-ital* Sometimes it revolves around t$e ty-e o wor% t$at one does& #ut o ten it revolves around academic interests& so t$e #iolo)ical researc$er or t$e car-enter wit$ interests in #allet may well $ave a social networ% t$at includes -ro essors o t$e arts and amateur dancers* +$e sym#olic ca-ital is commonly )enerated #y one3s success in $is wor%& #ut it can also come rom success in avocational -ursuits* ;"ur -$iloso-$y is t$at itKs not enou)$ to #e )ood i you $ave t$e a#ility to #e #etter* ItKs not enou)$ to #e very )ood i you $ave t$e a#ility to #e )reat* "ver t$e door o every sc$ool we $ave a si)n& >Be t$e #est you can #e00ItKs your res-onsi#ility'3<

+4A :.+4 +" 5A8+.L 4A.L+4.8D I+S (AS@L+I8G 4.::I8ASSD

!;I3m im-ressed* Let me #rin) t$is to a -ersonal level* .m I on t$e ri)$t trac%D 4ow can we )et more out our lives in terms o our needs and drives& our values& our )ender identityD @nderstandin) w$ere we are and w$ere we would li%e to #e are essentials in #ecomin) mentally $ealt$y00and t$ere ore $a--y* ,e all want $a--iness* But $a--iness is not somet$in) we ind* It is t$e result o livin) a well t$ou)$t0out li e w$ic$ is in accord wit$ -syc$olo)ical and moral directions t$at suit us #est* 6or t$is reason eac$ o us s$ould t$in% a#out& and act on& our #est selves* I would t$in% t$at t$is s$ould #e t$e source o t$e stron)est motivation or our lives*

SA++I8G G".LS

;,$en we understand our motivations& our needs& drives& and values& we can more e ectively #e)in to -lan or an e ective and sel actuali9ed li e* +o do t$is we must $ave )oals t$at )ive us t$e most e ective direction to ta%e* ,e must %now w$ere we are )oin) i we e1-ect to )et t$ere* ;" tentimes -eo-le t$in% t$at t$eir dreams are t$eir )oals* Dreams are antasies* .nd w$ile t$ey may )ive us a )lim-se o w$at we may want in li e& t$ey donKt )ive us a concrete -at$ to ollow* "ne may dream o #ein) a Su-reme /ourt Justice& #ut com-letin) colle)e& t$en law sc$ool& are a#solute requirements #e ore one is even minimally quali ied* .not$er may dream o #ein) t$e quarter#ac% or t$e 5iami Dol-$ins& #ut $e never e1ercises& -ractices t$e s%ills needed or studies t$e )ame* Bot$ $ave a lon) way to )o to accom-lis$ t$eir dreams* Dreams are not )oals unless we #e)in to wor% seriously to accom-lis$ t$em* ;In our ,estern ,orld t$e accumulation o money $as #ecome t$e ma2or )oal or many -eo-le* /ertainly t$e acquisition o money will not necessarily ma%e a -erson un$a--y #ut it doesnKt #rin) $a--iness eit$er* It seems t$at wor%in) on #e$al o -eo-le )enerally )ives a )reater li e satis action* So in settin) #ot$ lon) and s$ort term )oals many o us would -ro it #y loo%in) at all o t$e o-tions and t$in%in) seriously a#out t$e consequences o t$eir success ul accom-lis$ment* ;,$ile lon) term )oals may )ive us our ultimate direction& we will -ro)ress only #y ul illin) s$ort term )oal e1-ectations* So i a -ersonKs lon) term )oal is to #ecome t$e stateKs )overnor& t$e s$ort term )oals s$ould -ro#a#ly includeV com-letin) colle)e and law sc$ool& -artici-atin) in colle)e activities& and wor%in) wit$ a -olitical -arty* "n t$e ot$er $and i t$e lon) term )oal is to $ave an outstandin) relations$i- wit$ anot$er -erson& t$e s$orter term )oals s$ould include meetin) many -eo-le& studyin) a#out w$at ma%es e ective relations$i-s& and #ecomin) a )ood riend to one or more -eo-le* ;Some -eo-le set and evaluate t$eir )oals every day* +$ey evaluate $ow well t$ey are -ro)ressin) on t$eir lon) term )oals& t$eir intermediate )oals o several mont$s to several years& and $ow well t$ey are $andlin) t$eir daily )oals* ,$et$er we do it daily or merely -eriodically& it s$ould #e done* It is in t$e settin) o $i)$& #ut attaina#le )oals& and t$eir accom-lis$ment t$at is a undamental to t$e ormin) o a -ositive sel conce-t and develo-in) )enuine sel esteem* ;So ,rec%& your )oal o $avin) universal -arent licensin) as a way o $avin) ewer #ut $a--ier and #etter ad2usted c$ildren is quite -ro#a#ly too #road to accom-lis$ in your li etime* ?ou see it $as wor%ed $ere and in =ino& #ut it $asn3t #een tried in . rica or Sout$ .merica* I you are loo%in) or a s$ort term )oal you mi)$t -ic% one country as a candidate or licensin)* +$e -oliticians won3t )o or it i t$ere isn3t money in it or t$em* +$e -eo-le& too& will -ro#a#ly #e more easily -ersuaded i t$ere is money or education and retirement #ene its or t$em* So you would need a )reat in usion o money rom -$ilant$ro-ists or rom interested countries* +$en you would $ave to $ave a )uarantee o military -rotection #ecause a reduced -o-ulation in a ric$er and more economically and educated society is

very tem-tin) or t$e rulers o t$e over-o-ulated and -oor nei)$#orin) countries*<

!;8ow you3re tal%in) -olitics /on** ,e -lan to )et into t$e -olitics o $ow t$in)s mi)$t #e done w$en we )et to Indus and tal% wit$ 5r* G$os$* But you are certainly ri)$t t$at motivatin) -eo-le is very di icult even w$en we are tal%in) a#out savin) t$e -lanet and ma%in) a #etter li e or t$ose w$o trod it* ;I we are see%in) real dee- down $a--iness or t$e -eo-le o t$e Aart$& $ow do we -lan or itD 4ow do we reco)ni9e itD<

/"8+A8+5A8+ .8D 4.::I8ASS

;It3s one t$in) to #e content and anot$er to #e really $a--y* +o #e content we must 2ust #e in our com ort 9one* Bein) wit$ riends in our own nei)$#or$ood& or -er$a-s on a vacation or may#e 2ust readin) a )ood #oo% may #rin) us contentedness* (eal $a--iness is quite anot$er realm* ,e may $ave to leave our area o co9y riendliness and enter t$e world o our -otentials to reac$ real $a--iness* ;Glo#ali9ation and t$e a#sor-tion o minorities into cultures t$at don3t really acce-t t$em -us$ -eo-le into indin) t$eir -asts or somet$in) to clin) to* I t$at doesn3t $a--en t$ey must ind a new identity #y identi yin) wit$ t$e roots o t$eir ancestors* .mericans ind com ort in t$eir Iris$& Italian& S-anis$ or Jewis$ #ac%)rounds* Genealo)y is a -assion or many see%in) t$eir roots* In 8orway& wit$ a -o-ulation o only Q million& -eo-le3s $oliday and ormal wear is o ten t$e costume o t$eir ancestral county* ;But w$ile some ind com ort in t$e -ast ot$ers loo% to newer )rou-s to ind com ort* +$ey may convert to Islam rom /$ristianity or to evan)elical /$ristianity rom a more traditional way o /$ristian wors$i-* "r may#e t$ey acce-t Budd$ism and re2ect t$eir 5id0Aastern reli)ious roots*<

00;,e must all eel t$at we $ave an identity* But do we )et t$at identity rom t$e inside or t$e outsideD Do I )et my identity rom #ein) a mem#er o a lovin) amily& rom #ein) a )enius& rom #ein) a $ard wor%erD "r do I )et it rom #ein) a devoted mem#er o a reli)ious )rou-& a descendant o some et$nic )rou-& rom my avorite team& rom my )am#lin) or drin%in) -rowessD It is o#vious to us in Sin)alin) t$at t$e most im-ortant elements o one3s identity come rom t$eir lovin) amily and t$eir economic or academic contri#utions* (ay& are you $a--y& and i so w$yD<

!;,$at $as made me t$e $a--iest is in indin) my vocation as a -riest& discoverin) t$e

de-t$s o my reli)ion* .nd naturally ministerin) to my loc%* So I assume t$at my main motivations are meanin) and love*<

!;I )uess my ma2or motivations $ave #een -ower and love* In my #usiness it was -rimarily -ower& I )uess* But my wi e and I were so close* ,e #ot$ $el-ed eac$ ot$er to #e t$e #est we could #e* Boy I miss $er* 8ow& #ecause o t$is tri- I t$in% my -rimary motivation is meanin)* I )uess we can move rom one to anot$er as t$e )rey $airs accumulate*<

!;(i)$t you are* ,e can c$an)e our -syc$olo)ical motivations and our values* ,e can and s$ould o ten c$an)e our interests as we a)e* ,e eit$er c$an)e or )o dee-er into our interests* .nd $o-e ully we are in our meta level o li e* Loo% at Bill Gates )oin) rom a meanin) driven scientist to t$e world3s ma2or -$ilant$ro-ist* 6rom meanin) to lovin)& and may#e t$ere was some -ower in t$eir as $e develo-ed one o t$e world3s )reatest #usinesses* ,$at a#out you LeeD<

!;I would )uess it is -ower and meanin)* Law sc$ool orced me to understand t$e oundations o our laws and $ow -ersonal con licts wit$in t$e le)al system o ten )ave us new insi)$ts into our le)al undamentals* But once I )ot into -ractice it was a#out -ower& a#out winnin)* +$en as I wrestled wit$ my reli)ious #elie s and moved rom /$ristian to a)nostic to at$eist I elt t$at I $ad used my mind to sort out and evaluate evidence and to loo% at t$e #asic assum-tions I $ad )rown u- wit$*In loo%in) dee-er I ound t$at my t$in%in) led me in a di erent direction t$an my mot$er would $ave -re erred* But I elt -roud t$at my adult mind& not t$e c$ild$ood #elie s acquired rom my mot$er and my minister& )ave me my direction* .nd o course w$at I3m learnin) on t$is ti- is really eye o-enin)* So more meanin)*<

!;Guess it3s my turn* Loo%in) #ac% at our $i)$ sc$ool days I can see t$e )ame o oot#all irst )ave me t$e eelin) o -ower& #ot$ -ower over and -ower to* 5y teac$in) and coac$in) #rou)$t out my a#ility to love and some o t$e >-ower to3 also* +$en my doctoral wor% #rou)$t me into t$e area o meanin)* +$e immensity o t$e universe and $ow $umans were dealin) wit$ our small -art o it* +$en as I toured t$e -lanets and #ecame more aware o w$at we were doin) to do our -lanet& I was struc% wit$ t$e t$under#olt o trut$!we $ad to c$an)e our -at$* ,e $ad to reco)ni9e our -li)$t and save our $ome* .t t$at -oint I would say love o $umanity #ecame my ma2or motivation*<

!;?ou ellas seem to $ave a $andle on it* ?ou $ave t$e ma2or motivations down* But w$at a#out t$ose -ea% e1-eriences t$at 5aslow mentioned* +$ose moments w$en you were overcome wit$ 2oyD<

!;I )uess my li e $as #een #lessed* "ne o my most memora#le -ea% e1-erienceswas w$en I sto--ed a last second touc$down #y @S/ in t$e (ose Bowl* +$eir tail#ac% too% a dee- $ando and dove u- and over t$e line* I went u- wit$ $im and we collided a#out si1 eet over t$e )round* I drove my $elmet into t$e #all and $e um#led& and we won* I don3t %now $ow many times I3ve rerun t$at instant in my mind& #ut it was de initely a -ea% e1-erience* ;.not$er was a--roac$in) Saturn3s rin)s* .nd one o t$e #i) ones was returnin) to eart$& seein) t$e (oc%ies& Ba2a& and t$e :aci ic* +$en anot$er was t$e touc$ down on t$e /ali ornia desert*<

!;+ouc$ downs seem to #e #i) in your memory'<

!;5ay#e #ecause I $aven3t #een involved in many in my li e* .s a quarter#ac% you were involved in $undreds o touc$downs*<

00<But no s-ace s$i- to touc$ down in'<

!;5y mind is loodin) wit$ 2oy illed -ea% e1-eriences I3ve $ad* Seein) .ida in t$e Bat$s o /aracalla in (ome* +$e )reatest voices rom La Scala& camels and ele-$ants& one o t$e Verdi3s inest o-eras* It was ma)ic* ;+$en was e1-eriencin) t$e Sound and Li)$t in .t$ens* Sittin) on a $ill across rom t$e .cro-olis I $eard :ericles& in -re0Socratic .t$ens& e1$ortin) t$e .t$enians to democracy and )reatness* I saw t$e :art$enon evolve rom a tem-le to .t$ena& to a /$ristian c$urc$ t$en to an "ttoman mosque* I saw it e1-lode wit$ sound and li)$t in 1IFG as a Venetian s$ell $it it and e1-loded t$e ammunition t$at t$e +ur%s $ad stored t$ere* I e1-erienced t$e s-ectacle in An)lis$& Gree%& 6renc$ and German as I attended two -er ormances a ni)$t or a wee%* I was luc%y enou)$ to see #ot$ t$e o-era in t$e Bat$s and t$e Sound and Li)$t #e ore t$ey were discontinued to save t$e antiquities ;+$en t$ere was .ida a)ain in t$e /oliseum in Verona* ,it$ t$e world3s lar)est sta)e s-annin) one

end o t$e area and t$e )iant A)y-tian -yramid revolvin) a#ove it& t$e unam-li ied voices o t$e world3s )reatest sin)ers titillated t$e 20&000 ea)er minds devourin) some o Verdi3s tenderest morsels& t$e music o t$e 5uses* +$e lan)ua)e o an)els illed t$e warm summer air& as (omeo and Juliet sle-t near#y in t$e city o t$eir love* ;+$e 8ew ?ear3s /oncert in Vienna was anot$er -ea% e1-erience& wit$ t$e music o Strauss and 5o9art* +$e w$irlin) walt9ers o t$e State "-era& t$e sym-$ony o strin)s& t$e ent$usiasm o t$e conductor and $is audience* +$en t$ere was t$e Jerome (o##ins modern #allet wit$ t$ree sailors in a #ar* +$at was 6ancy 6ree* +$en t$ere was .nna :avlova in t$e Dyin) Swan and (udol 8ureyev in Stone 6lower* Sounds li%e many o my -ea%s were in o-era and #allet*<

!;It3s not uncommon w$en viewin) or -er ormin) t$e arts* :aintin)& literature& sin)in)& dancin)& -layin) a musical instrument all )ive t$e classic satis action t$at stirs our souls* +$ey are classic #ecause t$ey $ave lasted t$rou)$ t$e a)es* .nd t$ey are classic #ecause t$ey e1$i#it t$e ew times t$at $uman endeavor $as clim#ed "lym-us* 6ew modern -eo-le $ave touc$ed t$e $ei)$ts o t$e masters* ;:ro#a#ly everyone w$o $as ever lived $as wanted $a--iness* +o some it $as merely #een ood and water* .s t$ey move u- 5aslow3s ladder o $umanness $a--iness #ecomes more and more $uman and more and more mental* +$e Budd$a said t$at to #e truly $a--y we need to eliminate our desires& t$en we will $ave everyt$in) we want* .ristotle said we s$ould live #y t$e >)olden mean3 not wantin) too muc$ or too little* ;Aconomists& sociolo)ists& -syc$olo)ists& -$iloso-$ers and lots o ot$er -eo-le $ave #een studyin) w$at ma%es -eo-le $a--y* ,orldwide surveys o a cou-le o $undred t$ousand -eo-le $ave )iven us some ideas o some in)redients o $a--iness* 8ational scales $ave s$own some similarities& #ut also some di erences* +$ere are also some e1-lanations* 6or e1am-le& $ealt$& wealt$ and education levels seem to #e im-ortant* ;Ai)$ty t$ree -ercent o Danes versus QEH o .mericans ran% t$emselves $a--y* +$e Danes come out num#er one in t$e world on most surveys* +$e Scandinavian countries do quite well wit$ 6inland& Iceland and Sweden )enerally in t$e to- ten* 8orway ran)es rom 10 to 1E* Swit9erland& .ustria& 5alta and Lu1em#ur) are o ten in t$e to- ten& wit$ Ireland $i)$& sometimes even num#er one* "ne survey $ad Guatemala and 5e1ico in t$e to- ten* .not$er $ad B$utan and Brunei u- t$ere*.nd /osta (ica was 1Lt$ on a ma2or survey* ,$at does t$is tells usD ;6or one t$in)& more money doesn3t ma%e us $a--ier* Lu1em#our)3s -er ca-ita income is over [F0&000 a year* But it usually doesn3t ma%e t$e to- ten list* Its income is twenty times t$at o Guatemala and B$utan& a#out ei)$t times t$at o 5e1ico and /osta (ica& and more t$an twice t$at o

t$e ot$er to- ten countries* ;.s Ben 6ran%lin said >$ealt$y& wealt$y and wise3 are in)redients to desira#le lives* 5ost o t$e $i)$ly $a--y -eo-le $ad state $ealt$ care and many $ave re-utations or e1ercise* +$e #i%in) Danes& t$e $i%in) and s%iin) .ustrians& t$e outdoor0active .ussies& and t$e $ard wor%in) /entral .mericans are e1am-les* ;.nd wit$ t$e e1ce-tion o t$e /entral .mericans& t$e $a--ier countries $ad ree or ine1-ensive education t$rou)$ t$e university* But we mi)$t e1-ect t$at t$e /entral .mericans $ad lar)e and close e1tended amilies near#y* ;+yin) t$ese in wit$ 5aslow3s -riorities& we can -ostulate t$at t$ey all $ad t$eir #asic -$ysiolo)ical and sa ety needs met* ,e can assume t$at t$ese were met wit$ a $i)$er standard in Auro-e and .ustralia* But it is -ossi#le t$at t$e emotional as-ects o security and t$e de-t$ and widt$ o lovin) relations$i-s mi)$t $ave #een #etter met wit$ t$e e1tended amilies o t$e /entral .mericans* +$e needs or esteem mi)$t #e met equally well in any culture& de-endin) on t$e audience availa#le to a ect t$e esteem needs* But t$e ric$er countries would #e more li%ely& t$rou)$ education and cultural ca-ital& to assist -eo-le to reac$ t$e meta levels* ;+$e studies can #e viewed t$rou)$ a di erent -rism to s$ow a cultural& rat$er t$an a -syc$olo)ical& matri1* +$e societies t$at nurtured t$e $a--ier -eo-le tended to #e more tolerant& more democratic& and wit$ e ective economic develo-ment* But neit$er a lac% o a state wel are system nor a wide dis-arity o income levels seemed to ne)atively a ect t$e $a--iness levels* Bein) reco)ni9ed as an im-ortant -erson in one3s amily or social networ% was im-ortant* +$is was -ro#a#ly t$e ma2or actor wit$ t$e /entral .mericans* In t$e ot$er countries t$e $a--iness o ten seemed to result rom #ein) inde-endent& $avin) a stron) sense o sel 0awareness and eelin) in control o one3s li e* ;It is interestin) to note t$at +$e 8et$erlands& wit$ its -ermissive culture and stron) wel are system& ran%s #etween Gt$ and 1Mt$ amon) t$e countries* .nd reli)ious and a luent .merica is ran%ed rom t$e $i)$ teens to t$e mid020s* +$ese mi)$t indicate t$at neit$er indul)in) t$e -o-ulations3 sel 0 centered desires or se1& dru)s and roc%0and0roll& nor wra--in) t$e country in a reli)ious mantel o God #ased morality )uarantees $a--iness* But t$en one or two countries do not validate a societal $y-ot$esis' ;.t t$e #ottom o t$e $a--iness scales we $ave suc$ countries as Jim#a#we& /on)o and Burundi and t$e ormer Soviet re-u#lic& 5oldavia* (ussia isn3t a w$ole lot #etter& in s-ite o its im-roved economics* In one ma2or study o 1GF countries& t$e @S. came out 2Lrd& Germany LMt$& t$e @= Q1st& 6rance I2nd& /$ina F2nd& Ja-an E0t$ and India 12Mt$& wit$ (ussia 1IGt$* +$is doesn3t indicate t$at t$e lar)e economic -owers -roduce )rossly $a--y -eo-le* ;In t$e same study wit$ Denmar%& Swit9erland& .ustria and Iceland in t$e to- our -ositions& we ind

t$at seven o t$e to- twenty are sunny lands t$at aren3t -articularly ric$& $avin) -er -erson annual incomes o ten to twenty t$ousand dollars a year* .nd w$ile many analysts t$eori9e t$at t$e sun doesn3t ma%e a di erence in $a--iness& it may #e a #it o a actor* /ertainly t$e winter3s seasonal a ective disorder t$at de-resses many w$o live ar rom t$e equator& doesn3t a ect t$e low0latitude #eac$ #ums* ;Loo%in) at Denmar%& w$at can #e t$e reasons or t$e #lue#ird o $a--iness continually #uildin) its nest in t$e trees o +ivoliD It isn3t wealt$& t$e 8orwe)ians and .mericans $ad more money* It wasn3t low ta1es* 5iddle income Danes are in t$e M0H ta1 #rac%et* It isn3t suns$ine& t$e Italians and S-aniards )et muc$ more sun* Li%e t$e Budd$a& t$e Danes $ad lower e1-ectations so w$en t$in)s were #etter t$an e1-ected t$ey were $a--y* +$ey drin% and smo%e a lot* But t$eir society is quite $omo)eneous* Danes $ave ew inancial worries* Sc$oolin) at every level is ree* 8ew mot$ers )et I mont$s o wit$ -ay* +$ere is ree c$ild care and elder care* +$ey wor% LG $ours a wee% and )et si1 wee%s o -aid vacation* +$ey tend to $ave close amily relations$i-s* Is t$is w$at ma%es -eo-le $a--yD .mericans wit$ t$eir $i)$ inancial e1-ectations& t$eir stron) wor% et$ics& t$eir low ta1 rates and s$ort vacations may #e runnin) ra-idly to now$ere on t$eir economic treadmills*

+4A /.:./I+? +" BA 4.::?

;.c$ievin) universal $a--iness may #e even more di icult t$an )ettin) universal licensin) or -arents* ?ou remem#er t$at your +$omas Je erson wrote t$at we $ave an >inaliena#le ri)$t3 to $a--iness* 4owever as we -syc$olo)ists continually o#serve& it doesnKt always come t$at easily* Studies o -eo-le w$o eel )ood a#out t$emselves indicate several actors t$at are im-ortant00i not essential* . ew attri#utes stand out& at least or you ,esterners* Studies in t$e ,est indicate several as-ects o one3s -ersonality t$at are related to $a--iness* "ne is t$at t$e -erson $as a real eelin) o sel esteem* +$ese -eo-le li%e t$emselves* Second t$ey $ave a sense o control* +$ey eel t$at t$ey can control t$eir lives* 8e1t t$ey s$ould #e o-timistic* +$ey e1-ect success at w$at t$ey do& in relations$i-s and in t$eir vocations* 6ourt$& t$ey tend to #e e1troverted* +$ey are out)oin) -eo-le w$o li%e to #e wit$ ot$ers #ut are also content to #e alone* I t$ese our actors are in)rained in our -ersonalities we would e1-ect us to $ave close -ersonal relations$i-s and to en2oy our wor% and our -lay* ,e s$ould t$en #e ent$usiastic a#out li e& i we can3t #e e1cited a#out our lives we will #e #ored and un ul illed* ;+$e sense o well #ein) does not seem to #e related to )ender& a)e& race& or income* +$ere seems to #e no s-ecial time o li e t$at is more li%ely to -roduce )reater $a--iness* 6rom t$e teena)e years to old a)e one can #e $a--y i $e or s$e $as a -ositive outloo% on li e* .nd you can see t$at none o t$ese actors is closely associated wit$ inancial wealt$* But you can see $ow wealt$ mi)$t accumulate

easier i a -erson elt o-timistic a#out $is wor% and en2oyed t$at wor%* But 2ust t$e accumulation o money isn3t t$e %ey* ;Some -eo-le are now callin) it a eelin) o s-irituality* I see it as 2ust mental $ealt$* S-irituality smac%s o c$urc$0)oin)& -rayin) and meditation00and in s-ite o w$at your eelin)s may #e& 6at$er (ay& )oin) to c$urc$ doesn3t seem to ma%e -eo-le $a--ier* But it seems t$at -eo-le li%e to eel somet$in) t$at t$ey can call s-iritual& even i it doesn3t deal wit$ s-irits* I remem#er w$en -eo-le started addin) >s-iritual3 to t$e traditional elements o $ealt$!-$ysical& mental and social* But in t$e -u#lic sc$ools and colle)es t$ey couldn3t say >reli)ion3& so t$ey la#eled t$e reli)ious actors t$at t$ey wanted to include in t$eir conce-t o $ealt$& as s-iritual* But you can3t measure t$e >s-iritual3 as you can t$e -$ysical& mental and social actors* So some -eo-le are rede inin) mental $ealt$ as s-irituality* Semantics comes into -lay* /allin) >yo)a3 -$ysical itness or callin) itness >s-ort3 are e1am-les t$at I o ten see* ?o)a is -rimarily stretc$in)& w$ic$ is 2ust one as-ect o itness& t$e least im-ortant** +$e ot$ers #ein) cardio0-ulmonary endurance and stren)t$* .nd s-ort -artici-ation entails -$ysical com-letion a)ainst anot$er -erson& w$ile itness center wor% does not* But #ot$ may aid -$ysical itness* I t$in% we must #e s-eci ic a#out t$e de initions o t$e words we use* :eo-le are so intellectually la9y t$at t$ey o ten use words t$at are related to w$at t$ey mean& #ut are not really w$at t$ey mean* .nd sometimes t$ey want to in2ect a -ersonal value or a value related word t$at will involve t$eir audience* So callin) a mental $ealt$ criterion& w$ic$ is measura#le& a s-iritual quality is not scienti ic* . ter all we can3t measure e-$emeral s-irits* ,e can measure w$at we may t$in% o as s-iritual& i it $as -$ysical or mental meanin)s* ;So we can measure w$et$er a -erson #elieves in s-irits or a s-irit* ,e can measure i t$ey -ray or meditate* ,e can measure w$et$er -rayin) or meditatin) )ives t$em -$ysical or mental #ene its li%e a lower #lood -ressure& or w$et$er t$ey are detrimental& suc$ as causin) an1iety or de-ression relative to an a terli e* ,e can measure c$urc$0)oin) and w$et$er t$ey s-ea% in >ton)ues3 #ut we can3t measure a Su-ernatural or any s-iritual cause or t$e #ene its or detriments t$at reli)ious #elie causes* ,e can only measure t$e e ects* ;+$e studies I mentioned ound t$at c$ildren are $a--ier i t$eir lives $ave meanin) and value and i t$ey $ave develo-ed dee-& quality relations$i-s* :syc$olo)ists certainly a)ree wit$ t$at* It is really not a new indin)* ,$at was new is t$at t$ey de ined $avin) meanin) and value in t$eir lives and $avin) )ood relations$i-s as #ein) s-iritual qualities* It made or )ood -ress covera)e& and may#e o-ened t$e doors or more )rant money& #ut it was semantically and -syc$olo)ically dis$onest!or s$ould I say& con usin)* But at t$e same time reli)ious -ractices $ad little e ect on t$e $a--iness o c$ildren* B2LC ;So -ro)ressin) u- 5aslow3s $ierarc$y& develo-in) a $ealt$y sel conce-t& a sense o sel & and develo-in) sel esteem are t$e in)redients or mental $ealt$ and its concomitant& $a--iness* +$is will

result in more lovin) -eo-le and t$ere ore& more altruism* It will also result in a more -ro ound eelin) t$at we can control our lives* ;,$en we can3t control our lives& we must #e a#le to ad2ust* ?our c$ild is %illed* ?our #usiness ails* Do you commit suicide& in2ect $eroin& drin% to an alco$olic stu-orD "r do you let time $eal t$e woundsD Start a new #usiness& ado-t a -oor c$ild& )et involved wit$ -ositive -eo-leD +$e -erson w$o $as t$e -ersonality oundations or #ein) $a--y will ind a way* ;So i we loo% at t$e essentials o mental $ealt$ t$at 5aslow -ointed out& we see t$at i you $ave met t$ese meta needs it s$ould result in $a--iness* ,e s$ould not see% $a--iness #ut rat$er see% a -ositive and use ul li e* 4a--iness t$en is t$e result* +$ere is certainly enou)$ in ormation availa#le rom t$e science o -syc$olo)y to $el- -eo-le live e ectively and $a--ily* But t$e #asic in)redient& t$e soul o your well #ein)& is your attitude* . -ositive& o-timistic outloo% is essential* ;?ou $ave -ro#a#ly $eard t$e story o t$e set o twins in w$ic$ one was always o-timistic #ut t$e ot$er was always -essimistic* +$e -arents decided to try to #alance t$em o * +$ey illed t$e -essimist3s room wit$ all %inds o new toys& #ut $e was not $a--y* .ll my riends $ave #etter toys3 $e said* +$en t$ey illed t$e o-timistic twinKs room wit$ $orse manure* +$ey t$ou)$t $e would #e u-set& #ut $e was 2oy ully di))in) t$rou)$ t$e manure* 4e e1citedly told $is -arents t$at >,$ere t$ereKs manure& t$ere must #e a -ony*3 ;.n o-timistic attitude may come rom a num#er o sources* Su--ortive o-timistic -arents& success in sc$ool or ot$er activities00and yes& even $eredity can -lay a -art* I you $ave t$at o-timistic outloo%& consider yoursel very luc%y* I you donKt $ave it you can develo- it* ,$en you are success ul in activities w$ic$ are im-ortant to you or w$en you s$ow concern or ot$ers w$o are less ortunate you s$ould $ave -ositive eelin)s* 4ave enou)$ -ositive eelin)s and you s$ould #ecome o-timistic* .nd it is muc$ more li%ely i you $ave $i)$ )oals and a -lan to ac$ieve t$em* +$e more you ac$ieve& t$e more o-timistic you s$ould #ecome* ;Develo-in) t$ese a#ilities is essential in our -arent education& our sc$ool systems and our recreational systems* ,e wor% to ind areas w$ere our c$ildren and teena)ers can ind success* +$is s$ould ma%e t$em o-timistic* .nd t$at o-timism s$ould lead to $a--y and -roductive citi9ens* ,e all %now t$at in t$e world o today and tomorrow t$ere will #e )i)antic c$an)es* ,e want our students to #e -re-ared in t$eir -ersonal lives and in t$eir occu-ational lives* ?ou $ave to admit t$at t$e uture isn3t w$at it used to #e'<

!;,ait a minute* .re you sayin) we s$ould ollow t$e Danes& -ay $i)$ ta1es& $ave )reat relations$i-s and let t$e )overnment ta%e care o our inancial concernsD "r are you sayin) we s$ould clim# 5aslow3s -yramid& meet our $uman needs& t$en we3ll #e $a--yD<

!;I3m 2ust sayin) you s$ould loo% at t$e t$in)s t$at may ma%e you $a--y* ,e are not all s$a-ed #y t$e same -syc$olo)ical coo%ie cutter* I don3t t$in% t$ere is a >one si9e its all3 reci-e or $a--iness* ?ou %now t$e old sayin) t$at >Success is )ettin) w$at you want& $a--iness is wantin) w$at you )et* 34a--iness is a #y0-roduct o an e ort to ma%e someone $a--y* ;/ertainly some would ollow t$e Danes& en2oy recreation and relations$i-s& avoid worry and let t$e #ene icent Bi) Brot$er -rovide* But ot$ers are more ul illed #y meetin) t$eir own needs& satis yin) t$eir -syc$olo)ical drives and livin) t$eir values* I am more inclined to ollow t$is latter -at$ #ecause I t$in% t$at t$e $a--y -eo-le are li%ely to #e t$ose w$o are -roducin) somet$in) wort$w$ileP w$ile t$e #ored and un$a--y -eo-le are t$ose w$o are consumin) muc$ #ut -roducin) not$in)* But %ee- in mind t$at muc$ o w$at ma%es us $a--y is overloo%ed #ecause it doesnKt cost anyt$in)* It3s li%e t$at old son)& >+$e Best +$in)s in Li e .re 6ree*3<

!NIt seems li%e t$e sa)es $ave said t$e same t$in) t$rou)$out $istory* "ne o my avorites is a quote rom +$omas Je erson* 4e said& >It is neit$er wealt$ nor s-lendor& #ut tranquility and occu-ation& w$ic$ )ive $a--iness*3 I t$in% t$at its in wit$ 5aslow3s sel actuali9in) -rinci-le*

00;+rue* But so o ten -eo-le con use $a--iness wit$ -leasure or wit$ mere stress relie * "r)asms ma%e us eel )ood& #ut t$ey are on t$e lowest level o -syc$olo)ical need* .nd sni in) cocaine is merely a su#stitute or or)asm* In2ectin) $eroin or )ettin) drun% 2ust mas% t$e causes o -syc$olo)ical -ain and our ina#ilities to move success ully u- 5aslow3s mountain* +$ere are $armless ways o or)ettin) our world* (eadin) mysteries& romance or science iction will -ro#a#ly ta%e your mind o w$at3s #ot$erin) you& #ut readin) )ood non0 iction may actually add to your $uman -otentials* Aven listenin) to music as an esca-e or as a way o li tin) your s-irits de-ends on t$e %ind o music you listen to* /lassical music will o ten release endor-$ins and )ive you a minor $i)$& w$ile listenin) to $ard roc% will )enerally cut o t$e release o your endor-$ins* So as Jo$n Stuart 5ill -ointed out& t$ere are levels o -leasure or $a--iness* But I t$in% we $ave clari ied t$ose levels a )reat deal since $is day*<

!;I t$in% I )et it* I you are very $un)ry and )et ed you will eel )ood a#out it* But it isn3t $a--iness& it is stress relie * .nd you are )oin) to eel )ood w$en one o your stresses is relieved* I you are a little #it $un)ry and someone $ands you a cou-le o scoo-s o roc%y road ice cream& you3ll

)et some -leasure out o it* +$e days t$at 5a$atma Gand$i and 5artin Lut$er =in) s-ent in 2ail were -ro#a#ly not all t$at -leasura#le& #ut as t$eir marc$es led to t$e reedom t$ey t$ou)$t was 2ust& t$ey must $ave elt satis ied* So t$e )ood eelin)s t$at we o ten call -leasure or $a--iness can #e seen on a scale o -ositive eelin)s and satis action wit$ our lives* . ew #eers and we or)et t$e -ro#lems wit$ t$e #oss* +$at3s stress relie * .n or)asm a ter a ew wee%s o a#stinence is a $i)$er level o )ood eelin)* 4earin) your c$ild readin) $er irst sentence is still $i)$er on t$e )ood eelin) scale* So we3ve moved rom t$e -$ysiolo)ical to t$e love areas* But Gand$i and =in) were wor%in) at t$e meta level* ;,e3ve #een s-endin) our time loo%in) at $a--iness or t$e -resent* ,e 2olly well #etter loo% to t$e uture* /an you #e ecstatically $a--y today i you %now t$at we $ave already entered a -eriod o )lo#al crisisD .ll t$e t$in)s we3ve tal%ed o !over-o-ulation& t$e e1cesses o air and water -ollutants and )ar#a)e& t$e ra-id elimination o our natural resources li%e water& t$e increase in crime& t$e starvation and disease t$at con ronts us w$ile %illin) our #rot$ers #y t$e millions* It3s not a -retty -icture* 4ow can we $onestly #e content or $a--y w$en our security #lan%et is catc$in) ireD It is not intelli)ent to #lit$ely wander down t$e crater o Vesuvius w$en t$e ma)ma is risin) and t$e eru-tion column o smo%e #loc%s out t$e sun* It ma%es no sense to $ost a -arty on t$e stern o t$e +itanic a ter it $as already rammed t$e ice#er)* ,ould you $a--ily )ra# your #oard to sur t$e +sunamiD But a volcanic eru-tion or an ocean storm merely %ills t$ousands* +$e -lanet3s -redicament will %ill #illions !may#e all o us' +$e minutes o warnin) to t$e +itanic -assen)ers& or t$e $ours o notice to t$e tsunami victims or t$e -eo-le o :om-eii were not enou)$* +$e ew years we $ave to save t$e -lanet or $umanity3s uture is not ta%en seriously* /an we really smile wit$ 2oy w$en loo%in) down t$e #arrel o a LMG 5a)num $eld #y a serial %illerD ;"ur )oals must #e com-re$ensive* ,e must see t$e reality o t$e w$ole& t$e %arma o our collective decisions& t$e ate t$at our uture dictates* Bein) $a--y& or most o us& means #ein) $ere* But will t$e $ere o today #e )one tomorrowD<

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1 (e-orted inV .rdrey& (o#ert* . rican Genesis* Dell :u#* 1EI1& -* 20Q* 1a* /ou--is& 5* "nline J o :syc$o-$armacolo)y& Sa)e :u#* Jan* 200F 2* Jim#ardo& :G* +$e Luci er A ectV @nderstandin) 4ow Good :eo-le +urn Avil* (andom 4ouse* 200F* .lsoV Interview wit$ Dr* Lom#ardo on BB/ 4ardtal%& .-ril 2L& 200F* L* Stanley 5il)ram;Be$avioral Study o "#edience< J o .#normal and Social :syc$olo)y IGVQ B1EILC LG10G* Q* Aric$ 6romm& +$e .rt o Lovin)* 8ew ?or%V 4ar-er and Brot$ers&1EMI& -* 1i1* M* .#ra$am 5aslow& +$e :syc$olo)y o Science& 4ar-er and (ow& 1EII& -*1QQ*

I* /ondensed rom KSel 0.ctuali9in) :eo-le . Study o :syc$olo)ical 4ealt$N in 5otivation and :ersonality* 2nd ed*& #y .#ra$am 4* 5aslow& /o-yri)$t 1EMQ 4ar-er \ (ow& :u#lis$ers& Inc*P/o-yri)$t 1EG0 #y .#ra$am 4* 5aslow* IaSura EVGLP see alsoEV12L and QVGQ0GF G* /enter or Disease /ontrol study 200F Ga4ard +al%& BB/ .-ril G& 200F F* Ancyclo-edia o 5ental 4ealt$* 8* ?* 1EIL& Vol* L& -* EM0* E* 5a)oun& .le1ander* Love and 5arria)e*& 4ar-er \ (ow& 8* ?* 1EMI 10* :erson& At$el* N(omantic LoveV .t t$e intersection o t$e -syc$e and t$e cultural unconscious* NJournal o t$e .merican :syc$oanalytic .ssociation& 1EE1& Vol* LE& -- LFL0Q11 11* Bray& :aul* N,$at is loveDN +ime 5a)a9ine& 6e#ruary 1M& 1EEL* -* QM* 12* Busca)lia& Leo* Love* 6awcett /rest* 8ew ?or%* 1EG2& -- EI0100* 1L*6romm& Aric$& /ontem-orary :syc$oanalysis* .-r*& 1EE0 Vol* 2I& -- L0M0LL0*00"ri)inally a--eared in :syc$iatry& 6e#* 1EME* Vol* 22C 1Q* 6romm& Aric$* +$e .rt o Lovin)* 8* ?* 4ar-er \ Brot$ers& 1EMI* 1M* Ber%owit9& L* ;Some e ects o t$ou)$ts on anti0and -ro0social in luences o media events*<:syc$olo)ical Bulletin B1EFQC EM0Q10P See also Geen& (* G* and Donnerstein& A*I* BedsC .))ressionV +$eoretical and Am-irical (eviews BVol* 1C 8ew ?or%V .cademic :ress* 1I* ,ilson& Bar#ara& et al* ;+$e im-act o social issue television -ro)rammin) on attitudes toward ra-e*< 4uman /ommunication (esearc$& Vol* 1E B2C Dec* 1EE2& -- 1GE020F* 1G* De-t* o Justice re-ort cited in Los .n)eles +imes July 21& 1EEQC 1F* Bla9er& D*G* N+$e -revalence and distri#ution o ma2or de-ression in a national community sam-le* N.merican Journal o :syc$iatry& Vol* 1M12 BGC& July 1EEQ& --* EGE0EFI 1E* NDe-ression and .n1ietyN Jo$ns 4o-%ins ,$ite :a-ers BSimeon 5ar)olis and :eter (a#ins editorsC Baltimore& 5D*V Jo$ns 4o-%ins @niversity& 1EEQ* --* M0I* 20* Bruce& 5* et al* N.n1io)enic e ects o ca eine in -atients wit$ an1iety disorders*N .rc$ives o General :syc$iatry* Vol* QE B11C& 8ov* 1EE2* -- FIG0FIEC 21* /$ild& I* N+$e A1-erts and t$e Brid)e o Jud)ment t$at /rosses Avery /ultural Ga-& N :syc$olo)y +oday& 1EIF& 2V2Q02EC 22* .#ra$am 5aslow& +$e 6art$er (eac$es o 4uman 8ature& +$e Vi%in) :ress& 8* ?*& 1EG1& --* 2EE0L00*C 2L* 4older 5D& /oleman B& \ ,allace J B200FC* S-irituality& reli)iousness& and $a--iness in c$ildren a)ed F012 years* Journal o 4a--iness Studies* .ndV 4ealt$ 8ews & @niversity o /incinnati& Jan* F& 200EC