Dear Senator Yamashita, Below is a record of one of my unforgotten experiences on Guam which was, in truth, a political construction of its

society at that time. What follows is a collection of notes made over a period of half a century which make up evidence of my distress over how selfish deceit wins over idealized effort. It was one that made me a victim of its hypocrisy , but, in that process deprived its self, its people and generations of its youth of what was for me, even then, a growing suspicion that there was a problem in the Guamanian paradise and that that problem was rooted in the territorys relationship with the Federal government as policies were administered by the Department of Defense. My vision of Guam then, as now, is that the Chamorro people have been held hostage to the selfish interest of others, namely the American military and Philippine acquisitive materialism and expectant governorship.. Neither of those groups seem able to either recognize nor credit the patient generosity of the Chamorro waiting for the passions of others to play out and hopeful that something for them maybe left. My sharing this with you now is an expression of my respect and fondness for your father and for the comments you made regarding the proposed change in function of the Planetarium. After fifty years , it would seem, nothing has changed, judging from the response to this matter by Dr. Underwood. The ideals of the classical educator lack the power to defend its legitimate interests or express its vision when faced with the power of the political. Perhaps my intuition about your father was wrong or had been misinterpreted, but the feeling still remains in my mind that his deepest

wish was to overcome the multiplicity of unproductive rivalries and to realize the formation of a respectable educational institution Dear Tony: This is not a letter but
a collection of notes about an unnecessarily confusing period that describes a time of personal, professional and social failure all of which caused by and sponsored by and augmented by government stupidity. This collection was composed over more than a two decade period to a deceased colleague and troubled professional who, like a modern day Prometheus was chained to the rock of official retribution and forever daily tormented in the frustration of his goals by the liver--hungry dragon lady.

Below are some images of the characters in this South Pacific Drama

The salutation and much of the basic content of this letter which while it is addressed to you you shall never, in this life, read is appropriately published now some twenty-two years after you died. Nevertheless, you and your remarks to me remain, somehow as unfinished business for others to incarnate. So come back from where ever you are and lets give the job the attempt that ought to have been made initially and this time without the arrogant, scheming, and selfish interference of an ignorant and endlessly ambitious woman. This might allow those on Guam being given the chance to be genuinely proud of their legitimate accomplishments without asking permission.

Notes for a letter

TONY: John Hawk was a member of your administration and it was his idea we, he and I, should be flight neighbors on the way to Honolulu. I had at first thought that we would be traveling together all the way to the West Coast. As it turned out he was to stay a few days in Honolulu and I, too, had a professional appointment there. But neither of those arrangements played a role in what happened during that part of the flight we were together. What I hadnt expected until after wed been air borne for a bit was that John Hawk felt somewhat predatory toward me. I should back up a little here, I think. The flight left Agana late at night .This was one reason I found it surprising to notice Ricky Bordallio was in the airport lobby. He was only about thirty feet away from me so I strode over to ask if he had come to kiss me good bye. It was only later I thought he had taken my question literally and had, therefore, found it difficult to respond, but the answer was no. I thought then, as I think now, Madeleine had sent him to check on my departure. She certainly wanted me off Island. This and other examples of her responses contributed to my belief that Governor Leon-Guerrero was correct in identifying her, somewhat obliquely, as did Isaac Stern, as the source of my problem. Manuel Leon-Guerrero had said to me, with you, Tony Yamashita, present, that some people (naming Madeleine, the governors wife and another I no longer remember) were jealous of me because of the people I knew. He was referring, I believe, to the artists I had hired through their agents to dramatize the program I had designed through the National Endowment, people like Daniel Nagrin , the dancer, the duo pianists The Contiguglia Brothers, The pianist Theodore Ullman and Isaac Stern, whom I had approached myself at a meeting in New York earlier that year and who favored me with a significant discount. By the time we got airborne the passengers were settling in for the night, There was one blanket for the seat section where we were and so rather than to take it all for myself I left half of it for John. Perhaps he took that as an invitation beyond sharing the warmth for he quite immediately began feeling for my private parts.

Apparently the non-committal absence of my response did not deter him He really wanted me. Even now I am not sure what my mental position was at the time. I know I was curious about his intentions and quietly wondered why the airline allowed him to change his seat to the one next to me without consulting me. Or, perhaps Madeleine had been involved with that as well. How far would Hawks go? .and how far would Madeleine go? What is, actually, going on around me? Hawks was an administrator at The University of Guam and had been, I would suppose, apprised of the alleged (only alleged) charges against menone of which had been officially made so it was impossible for me to know what they were although the scuttlebutt had them range over a wide spectrum, but such seems to be the nature of social man that in the giving up of independence of action and obeying the orders of those others to whom he has reliquiched moral responsibility, he accepts , as evidence of his excellence the manifold titles, munificences and accolades required to pacify a traumatized view of reality. That was a rather involved statement, but true. It is vital to know who you are and to avoid the psychic schism between what popular opinion chooses to accept for itself and to impose that upon an individual who is trying t sort matters out on his own. With a very sensitive personality this operation can be a threatening experience and the less resolute of individuals may simply give in to what he perceives to be the majority view even though, while deep within, he knows the judgment faulty. A psychologically based, philosophically supported explanation of my rejection of this offer of sexual play would not have been understood. It is not merely that Hawks lacked the intellectual and moral positioning to understand it. He may have done, given the right circumstances, been able to place lust in its proper perspective and to overcome, with tremendous effort, the unreasonable demands of the erotic. So, when he issued the directive that I should meet with him in his Honolulu hotel room I simply didnt appear. My dick is not for hire. My purpose on earth is not to give others the pleasures they think they want. What were his real intentions? He evidently believed that the reports were trueand not that they just could be true, or maybe this attempt is a ruse to try to find out. . Not that I had actually done those things that people had been asked, or induced, to sign their names to affidavits claiming that I had actually done them. Was John proving something to himself about me? perhaps about himself ? He had, after all, gone through what seemed to have been a life-threatening case of jaundice. Had he been asked to see whether, after all, the reports were true? Was he acting as an agent for my detractors? all these retroactive questions were getting me nowhere and I was aware that the only factor, in my mind, which has placed them there was the assertion by some casual, non-involved observer (for it was a subject of great entertainment on the island) that the Attorney Generals office had a signed affidavit, (by someone unidentified) to my having had sex with. I had had no idea who such a person might be, or how the claim might be proved, but, in any event, if such a document existed it was not used or presented to me to answer. As matters stood, my files taken from my office I could

not function. No action had been taken against me. The situation seemed in limbo so I felt it the most reasonable action was for me to resign. At least, in this way, pressures on you , who didnt seem to take a professionally responsible action in the matter, would be lightened and the University could go on as well as it might without me. and I might continue building. I would give up my Merizo shore

house, which I truly enjoyed, and turn over some valuable paintings to Patty Jo Hoff. I was not very much concerned about my future for I had the self-assurance of my own worth, professionally, intellectually and creatively and my subsequent development has borne out that confidence. Although, I must admit that not everyone agrees. In this regard one of the lessons I apparently had to learn was that not all people are capable, because of impositions placed upon them, of telling the truth should they be able to recognize it. Bob MacDonald, the Christian Science Tenor, whom I hardly knew but seemed aware of the scandal came to my office a few days after the planned demonstration in Andrew Shooks office to tell me that he felt for me and also to warn me that he personally was not so concerned about these registered complaints about my professional behavior as he was deeply worried about the rumors. They are saying that you are losing your mind. I remember that I smiled at that for it reminded me of Pauline Harveys (at that time still an active member of the Art Department) story that Dr. Humphrey thought I should return to the states for psychiatric treatment. I wondered whether he thought me mad because I refused to masturbate with him. George Christian Anderson, one of Americas religious leaders, and President of the National Council of Churches, or so he was introduced as, was a house guest of Humphreys and had indicated that it (homosexuality)would be permissible. He also told me that God was dead. I was a bit taken aback. At the time I felt mildly pressured because I was a visitor in Humphreys sealed and air conditioned apartment, but asked him why he said that God was dead and his reply was that no one had been able to come to an agreement as to what or who God was. I thought at the time that this was, for an avowed ecclesiastic most especially, most odd, to affirm the concept that Divine beings can exist only by virtue of consensual agreement among mortals. It seemed to me then, as it does now, that only an atheist could hold such a view. And he was President of The National Council of Churches..oh my! where does that leave us? I thought I felt a warm glow surround me and thought how ghastly of them, Humphries and Anderson,to suppose that after having lived thirty-odd years I would have needed that kind of encouragement. He also might have guessed that I didnt need his parading coyly about in his undershorts with the fly open to understand what he was after.knowing all that, which I suppose he

did, why did he think he needed the moral support of Anderson and the entire National Council of Churches to budge me from what he thought was not my rock of certitude but was, instead, my island of apprehension. I would rather have my sense of guilt because of my sexual misdeeds, if any, than to join a daisy chain singing hymns in honor of the death of God.a limp penis, no less. My reply to Anderson was: It seems to me that in this case the fault lies with man, not with God. I thanked him for renewing my faith and left. I told him:Everything youve said tonight confirms me, strengthens my belief in God. Since then I have thought it would be much more pleasurable to experience from a living God the forgiveness of my sins no matter how grave, than to exist in the belief that it didnt matter what I did. In brief. I rather like the idea of self improvement. To voluntarily resign from the responsibility of knowing good from evil, or thinking that I could know it, or might know it for the very insubstantial claim that God was dead. Even if he were, his remains would still move meif a non-God, now dead, would leave any. Dr. Andrew Shook, the Academic Vice President for Academic Affairs, a man in his fifties who should stand four to six inches taller if his carriage were erect. His hair is long, thinning on the top, and more white than grey. He wears a mustache and goatee. His eyebrows are still dark as are his sparkling brown eyes. I have never, or rarely ever, heard him discourse, or even comment, beyond what was necessary to carry on the academic affairs, in a theoretical fashion, on our discipline of teaching. It is really, odd, I think, that an individual occupying and important chair in an honored and venerable profession does not feel himself compelled, to say nothing of the natural desire to explore the idealistic, the theoretical substances of that profession. He acts, not only as though he feared such exploration, but that the profession (in this instance the word is misused and therefore misleading, job would be more descriptive) were an already defined, or fully formed, like Athena from the head of Zeus, tool purchasable at the local hardware store, a tool which needed only to be employed by some trained technician the role fate had destined for it. How cynical and , I think, unrealistic a view, but. it seems, real enough to be the only functioning criteria. Its only a job! It was not my fate to have Andrew Shook screw me out of a position which had not, I believe, not at all been his intention ,for according to report, mentioned sort of in passing by Patty Jo Hoff that he felt I had been entirely vindicated of the charges against me which threatened not just my personal professional career, but the glowing success of an educational program which would have made The University of Guam, at least for a time, a beacon of enlightenment ,and for this loss of benefit to the University and to Guam I lay at Madeleines feet. The creation of an enlightened civilian population would have been a development, the Department of Defense could not tolerate. It is, however, slowly happening as the current concern of the fate of the Planitarium demonstratesIt represents the achieved success of the ideal over the use of force.at least for the time being, but with the oncoming military build up the facts might alter.

I have a note from Isaac Stern suggesting he had been aware of some malevolence perhaps, somehow, related to the fact Madeleine had assigned not two bedrooms in her large home, but one, for the violinist and his accompanist to share after she had been specifically informed that two rooms were desired and the thoroughly inexcusable action of leaving me stranded in Agana on the islands west side when protocol required me to be present at her residence at the dinner for Sterne and his accompanist on the east side. Such hasty, ill-considered and spiteful action surely had not passed unnoticed by Stern It may have been these behaviors which clued him into the probability of her not being entirely kosher, as it were. The possibility of her meddling in University affairs finally came to my attention when Theodore Ullmann, a pianist I had contracted out of New York, informed me of his arrival time and failed to be there. The following day I was called into your office and there he was waiting in time to abuse me for not meeting him as scheduled, I corrected him, telling him that I was there and he wasnt, whereupon he informed me It was my duty to wait for all the incoming planes until he arrived. I looked at him, quite unbelieving that anyone in his right mind could come up with that idea. I looked at him shocked and replied I wouldnt do that for anyone. At Madeleines reception dinner for him he suddenly spoke to me in French which neither Patty Jo Hoff, my companion, nor Madeleine spoke and something about that way he did it gave me the idea it had been Madeleine who had put him up to it so I replied :Moi, je pense que vous etre un espece de fouIt worked and he didnt pursue the matter. When the local TV announcer, a statesider, and news interviewer contacted me for a live interview session I agreed and he provided me with a script some days ahead and when we were walking through the door into the studio for the live interview, then announced he wasnt going to use the script. This, I suppose was intended to unsettle me. It didnt. So when his first question came and it was off topic and provocative I laughed heartily and told him, on live television, he knew better than to ask a question like that. He blushed, but recovered enough to continue a normal interview Madeleine works in underhanded ways and I have often wondered whether she may have encouraged her husband to perform his dramatic public suicide. As what the Sephardim in New Mexico call a converso she might not have known that it had at one time been a dogma, among Roman Catholics, that suicide was a mortal sin and to contrive to have one perform it something approximating it in seriousness, all of which tends to create a sense of reality about the perception of her as the Dragon Lady. That is, one totally unfamiliar with remorse. For me, my professional success on Guam had been a growing, dynamic and pulsating thing. I was rising, the University was rising and an independent Guam was rising as well, Tony, and you knew it, for you were rising with me. But I needed stronger protection for I dont know how to protect myself against fabrications. and certainly not those originating from a government based on lies, fraud . You said two times, You and I will work more closely together, Paulus. Then, out of the blue, Marvin Montvel Cohens reaction to one of my flippant statements born out his incompetence and sired by irritation with his complaining comes to my mind. He claimed had been

having trouble with getting cooperation from Rudy Duenas. For days he had gone, or so he said, to Duenass office to get him to do something and had failed. I went one time to get done what needed to get done. With the reaction appropriate to the inept and the envious Cohen angrily wondered how I could get it done and he could not. His eyes behind the thick lenses and the sometimes toothy leer now hidden by a childish pout the muscles of the upper lip pressed firmly down and on upon the lower making a form which repeated the form of his pot-bellied stomachso amused me that I smiled and replied using an oft repeated, as a joke, the assertion suggesting that success in business and politics is of often achieved through the bedroom Why, I just go to bed with the right people . His reply:Hummph!, I dont do that kind of thing, while he lowered his eyes and tuned on his heal and walked away, saying under his breath I cant behave that way. This statement was probably true. Cohen would have a hard job getting anyone excited about any intimacy with him. I am sure he believed my fabrication, however, for you will grant that Rudy is a handsome man and it may have been this that gave Cohen the clue as to how to get what he needed. Sometimes witticisms back fire and this one seems to have done. . I think Cohen wanted to believe this and encouraged others to believe this about you and me as well. Its practically certain he knows about the Taitano episode and believed what he wanted to believeand could use. I mustnt forget Scott Wilson.. When he asked me to write an article on the Palauan rock paintings. I did, I even went to Palau to see them . The result was, apparently, a very good, one at least now some 50 years later it is attracting an impressive amount of notice. I understand that the photographs which accompanied the article were the first ever to appear in print That article alone might have distinguished my reputation at the University The effort went unnoticed even by Scott Wilson whom I suspected seemed a mite jealous, pleased, however that it was the journal he edited which published it.. But at that time nothing, absolutely nothing, was said to me . Except for the one remark you made, (twice you made it), asking me to help steer the university. I thought I was already doing all I could. However, I certainly would have given it a try had the offer been framed properly. I simply do not know how to function in a politically charged unprofessional environment. I left Radford University for these sorts of reasons where the President Charles Knox Martin was basically a criminal, and a boor in addition, and I doubted that any serious scholar in any field with the possible exception of criminal investigation could survive. It took six years after I left to get rid of him, but the state, in its inimitable talent at recognizing and rewarding its collaborators publicly acclaimed his having ruled over the most orderly of Virginia campuses. It was, in effect the most tyrannical when the President orders the faculty to agree on a text By and large that campus and nearly all I have known have as the intellectual leaders of the youth been a collection of crushed egos and bruised social characters unable to protest in defense of idealsand Guam, partly because of its reputation as a military base is at the very bottom of that heap.and Madeleine Bordallo has been very successful in keeping it there.

I felt that the six months that I stayed with Scott and Elnora, his Kusaien wife, and paid rent, was a respite from the outside world. I was protected, I thought, and was productiveeven in that small bedroom.

It was also about this time that Al Hendricks, The Vice President of the University sent me a memo asking me to do something (I no longer remember what it was, but it had struck me as being not only highly irregular but unethical as well[shades of Charles Knox Martin]) My secretary Christobel Enos typed my response up which in some detail explained my reasons for not complying. This was, apparently, unexpected, for Hendricks left his office and in a furry came to mine and in the presence of Enos threatened my job. For some reason I was singularly unimpressed , but felt it my duty to tell you to which you responded in an equally surprising way expressing the wish that Hendricks would learn that you were the one to fire people, not he. Your response disappointed me for the matter of firing had not concerned me, it was rather that Hendricks had expected me to bend to an unethical proposition. At the time there seemed to be a lot of those around. I should have exppected it, I imagine, for the institution I had left in Virginia was also run unethically and most things based on cheating, lying and screwing ones colleagues and I still have not learned how to live in a dirty nest. sooner, rather than later, I leave. Hilda Kogut, the wife of some Polish contract employee wanted me for sex and told me she thought him, Marvin Montvel-Cohen, more feminine than I. I wondered why, if she thought this, why she wanted me in bed. In any event I let the matter rest since it was something I really did not feel would be pleasant to pursue. She also believed that Cohen behaved the way he does because he is Jewish. Somehow, in her statements there always seemed to be some lacunae of logic echoing some non placement of something somewhere.. (She denies it, but I think she is Jewish). No matter, I like her anyway, partly, for the mystery I imagine. I was, she said, one of the few people she cared for on Guam (I

wonder whether this included her husband who seemed never to have anything to say, but still aware of it all. This attraction she attributed to the fact that we were both Capricorns. And Twyla Tannahill, the wife of a Navy officer, came to my office and threatened me with the warning if I didnt screw her in the sea cave she would report that I was having relations with students and to emphasize the point she swept into a mess the slides I had neatly separated for the next weeks lectures That I could not tolerate so taking the two spelunking flash lights I was carrying on my way out as she came in I pressed them against her belly to guide her out of my office. For this her remark was one will be enough. When Roy Tidwell and his wife suggested that I join them in a threesome I did not respond so I ought not to have been surprised when a similar offer came from a high Guam government official , nor that my refusals , in such an erotically focused ambiance, should take that form as well, but it did not, my response was silence. After all when Joseph denied Potiphars wife he got into trouble. Such things put an inharmonious color on all sexual expression. It is peculiar, I think, that when given the chance the Government of Guam, or if not that entity, then other decision makers on Guam tend to prefer to keep their criminals around them such as Marvin Montvel-Cohen one of the most active trouble makers , together with his occult controller, Madeleine Bordallo and Cohens son Evan who criminalized his contacts (even Jewish charities)for funds many times over those with which his father was involved and was keeping Montvel-Cohens wife on the staff of the University a response to her talents or in fear of retaliation? Marvins Doctoral advisors seemed helpless to find an acceptable rationale for their having accepted his dissertation on Micronesian canoes. Those mischievous and deceitful talents were joined by Madeleins who seemed quite adept at avoiding accusations of misconduct while her closest colleagues , including Ricky, got the full treatment. Perhaps it was a spy thriller novelist who got the idea that Madeleine had long been selected as a form of agent provocateur to seduce Ricky, marry this prominent and wealthy Guamanian and work herself into positions of the Federal governments Dragon Lady, The white goddessof the Guamanian males imagination, to work the civic and social end of the control of Guam and, in the process be uncompromisingly callous of her victims, Ricky among them, he having been found guilty of misconduct in office, condemned to prison, wrapped himself in a Guamanian flag and shot himself during rush hour at the foot of a statue of a Guamanian hero. I think it was at the first cocktail party you held (maybe it was the only one you had) for the faculty and members of the legislature that I first saw Carlos Taitano. In this crowd of gathered mediocrities this 61 rather good looking man stood out even without his odd eye-brow raising like a Japanese cartoon script character. I was confused. I was certain that I hadnt met this fellow before and I had not been told that such an approach was the Pacific island method of getting to know you. Yes, I am sure that was in November of 1965. It was at Charlie Corns Hong Kong Gardens, upstairs on the roof. I cant remember the name of the section. I was with Patty-Jo. We hadnt really wanted to come to the party, or rather, she hadnt, but we did just in order to be able to say that we had been there. I,

naively, thought it was a good idea to get the contract teachers, government officials and business men together. Perhaps it worked out better for some than it had for me. Taitano kept bobbing his head up and down and I was somewhat bewitched by his active eyebrow movement..all in all, not unlike the dance of the penguins or the howdy dos of ducks and geese. It was the kind of motion that could hardly fail to attract attentionnot just mine but anyone elses. But Patty Jo hadnt noticed it and she seldom lies.

Of course, someone had to introduce us. I do not know whether it was you, Tony, or not, but after that was accomplished I felt that for everyone else this bobbing motion I found so peculiar was looked upon by others as simply the eccentricity of another third cousin. Frank Hall, who had his own eccentricities and an offensive odor, could mimic Carlos Taitano very well. I do not believe Ive ever been approached by someone in just that way before so after a few other muscular miscoordinations I thought I would just go along without commenting to see how this might develop. ..to see what he really had in mind. Hall claimed that Taitano had sent him to clarify for me what Taitano had thought my role should be. My reaction might be described as stunned disbelief that such issues could be so openly discussed. My answer was intended to be morally neutral. That is not my style But before that decision had arrived you and Al Hendricks, your Vice President with the young new wife picked me up at Scotts house to take me someplace and on the way behaved just as mystifyingly as had Taitano, laughing as boys with naughty thoughts do, at something they know but others do notand I didnt know that Taitano had thought my name Henrickson meant I was Hendricks son. Well, Taitano had apparently overlooked the morphology of age and a few other things. Hendricks could not have likely have been my father as there were barely a decade between us. I hadnt understood his twitter at the time you and he drove me to where we were going and only retrospectively put things together. Maybe I did it wrong and your joint attempt was simply to try to embarrass me, but at the time I thought I sensed some small regret in your demeanor and some greater embarrassment at Hendricks Jack Armstrong all-American Im a real man jocularismthe kind of good fellow attitude that praises a halfback for raping a cheer leader. I had no telephone, nor, at that time did I need one, but since the secretaries didnt know how to contact me they may have thought that someone else with a similar name might do just as well , and, of course, they would not have dared point up someone elses error, if they did recognize it. So they put the Speaker of the Guam Senate onto the Vice President instead of the art man and the speaker probably reveals more about himself than he should and more about me than exists. Even before I arrive anywhere I am already compromised by this fool-hardy opposition politician with a roaring hard on for someone whose name he cannot remember.

I am not going to play coy, so when he asks me where I live , I tell him. So what does he do? He arrives at my declared abandoned, formerly military housing at Harmon Village house driving the state car number 2 with the flags from the front bumpers and leaves the head lights burning in the day time while he initiates a seductionand I maintain the attitude of a polite host when a neighbor, concerned about the cars battery comes to within 30 feet of my house and calls out the danger. What was I to do when the No.2 man in the political machinery was intent upon pushing himself into my life? I did what I have done with others who revealed an interest in me I was unable to return. Now, had he made a more conventional approach some reciprocity might have developed, he was somewhat good looking, not unintelligent, politically powerful, relatively rich, married and, for the moment, the #2 man in Guam. Yes, we went to the steam baths at Anderson Air Force base together. or rather he brought me to them and all the while I am wondering how it could be that a man running a franchise as important as CocoCola and functioning as a legislator could possibly even find the time to shower in his office bathroom..he and I were the only ones there which I found peculiarbut what is that? What do the steam baths amount to? Horse play is horse play. He thought he had seen some turgidity in my member, but I hadnt noticed. What I had wondered was why he seemed to be showing me that the U.S. Government was giving him full pass to the facilities supported by tax money. I wondered whether the military was complicit in all this. They were, of course, but I didnt know it then. I did reflect on the inhumane and more than stupid decision on the part of the U.S. Military to withdraw , the housing promised earlier on as part of my contract when my wife decided not to come and I arrived without her and, in consequence, assign me to barracks intended for unmarried males where there was a curfew of 10 P.M., a shared bath-room and no visitors allowed and where from a second story window-sill there sat two inmates, chatting away, in their underwear one showing a long brown stainand I with an academic library of several thousand books and various art materials. I remembered nothing in the contract that required my wife to do anything, or to be anywhere. At this time there seems to have been a serious breach of contract and an ominous suggestion that any contract with any government makes one not a citizen but a subjectworse, a serf. But, on the contrary for a government, any government, to fail to attract and to provide the very best of appropriate rewards for the very best minds into the creation and the administration of policies ought to be a cardinal malfeasance and in the regard both the Federal government and its agent , the Government of Guam which feels itself compelled to obey even inane regulations has morally forfeited its right to govern. Instead, I am required to face an automaton issuing regulations and requirements for behavior to one vastly superior in intellect as though, without a wife, I had suddenly become an inmate of a correction institution. It had been Scott Wilsons idea that I should , after all, be allotted one of the condemned Harmon houses in order to allay rumors that Scott was sharing his wife. The offer of the Roy Tidwells, my assigned faculty guides, to do just that had not lightened my concern, but even after similar conditions for academic appointments were made at Florida State at Tallahassee and a state college in

Wisconsin it came to me as an unwelcome intrusion into the corridors of learning. But that mentality is there, and as repeated endlessly in various governmental office, the Oval room not excepted where the President is found blameless for allowing a staffer to give him a flip. I keep wondering why, if someone really wanted to get rid of Clinton, they didnt use his negotiations with Wen Ho Lee as the focus of the case In 2013 Ian Welsh provides a description of a society in decline which graphically describes Guam as well as its parent, the United States mainland very well. It goes: This is the symptom of a

society that doesnt really care about progress. We live in a courtiers society, where ability is secondary to social skills, where who you know and who you blow (as the cynical saying at one of my ex-employers ran) is far more important than how good a job you do, because your job isnt to actually solve problems or get things done, its to manage your superiors and get along with your peers.
It is almost March 1 now and in only 2 1/2 weeks and I will leave your island, where I had almost learned to feel at home. This feeling was real, but only in the aesthetic sense, not the emotional one. The beauty of the paradise cannot make up for the lack of deep human responses. When I first came I thought these were here too, but only more intensified. I guess, what I really was seeing, or feeling, was some reflection of my need, the bounce of my own scream in an empty room. All I saw in reality were the faces of the curious who from the outside had heard the sound I had made only from the inside.. Do other people have pain too? Joanne, a former student in Virginia, would raise her eyebrows and nod her head at that remark, but only because it seems to characterize some people she knows. I think that it doesnt apply to me. Although I would probably agree that I may have tended to sacrifice people, including myself, for the good of the program. I dont think there is any justification for that however. It was a good program and it still could be if those who want to supplant me could think of it in those ways. John Hawk agrees that the envy of the frustrated contributed to the revolt. You might remember, Paul, that the way things are now it is expected that other ambitious people must work for your glory, not their own. John was right, I guess. On the other hand, Tony, why didnt you allow me to delegate authority and administer rebuff? I never thought to ask Youre the only one I can trust, Paul, I want you to take care of everything for me. A statement like that worked on me the way the morning wake up trumpet works on a boy scout, or the tuning up of an orchestra readies a receptive audience. I was your man, but you had your feet of clay. They were , in reality, not your feet anymore, but the property of the United States government. One might think, as I do sometimes, that were there a model of what the United States might become under a totalitarian regime Guam under the Department of Defense, is the classic model, an image of obedience with no reasoning, form without substance, behavior without a personal motivation, but in Guam, with luck it may ultimately fail for one reason onlythe Magahaga, an organization of mothers.

For the past two or three days it has been raining. Now, it is raining quite hard. Like the sound of it falling on the metal roof of the small entry porch. The grayness of the sea and the dull lead color of the sky above, the rain obscuring the view of the rock outcroppings to the west. I am reminded of a colder climate. One that I have already known so well. I hope all these things are not omens. I do not know where I am going any more that I know what I shall do. Even after 22 years that is still trueI do not know what to do, but there may be some doubt I shall publish this letter there are too many people who might be innocently hurt and one, still operative, who would use the information to her advantage and ,somehow,manufacture their disgrace. A recent news announcement to the effect that the Planetarium at the University may be dismantled and its components placed in storage in Hawaii ( for handy retrieval, of course) and the building renovated into classrooms. Even President Underwood, in contrast to his usual complaisance, seemed uncomfortable in the televised comment that the destruction of a facility and its transformation into classrooms was a requirement for the furtherance of the Universitys objectives is he advising us that the establishment of the planetarium some decades ago had been a move not in accordance with University objectives?. These objectives were left unreported.One must ask whether those objectives include the dismantling of an appropriate education for the people of Guam and Micronesia and, to employ a much used phrase these days, to effect the down grading of American education The gentle. but firm, comments made by your daughter, Tony, encouraged me to hope that, perhaps, she might fulfill the fathers secret wish for an intellectually and creatively enfranchised Guam but another look at the video made of a meeting between the, members of the Magahagah organization and their official representative to Washington, Madeleine Bordallo, and the then Military representative who spoke assuringly that any military development would certainly keep the best interests of the people of Guam in mind made me wonder whether this military man appearing , as he did, in a splashy Hawaiian figured shirt felt he could say anything he wished out of uniform

The half-literate Philippino whom I hit broadside with my car because he couldnt see my little Datsun on the other side of the slower lane where the full sized cars were driving. When he emerged from in front of them I was barely twenty feet away and going 35 mph and could not stop. I wonder what significance there might be in the fact that I have been blocked both physically and professionally by two incompetents. It was not intelligent of the Philippine to assume that because he could not see me I was not there nor was it smart of Madeleine to assume my interests and talents were without value. Madelein Zeien Bordallo the would be attractive wife of the handsome Ricky owner of the Chrysler, Dodge franchise . Madeleine, though, drove the biggest car on this little island, a Lincoln Continental.. I felt it was a little ridiculous since there were no highways, none worthy of the name, and this little female with the white haired pompadour , like a little girl of 12 managing an elephant. At 35, without the make-up, I was told she looked 70.

Whether Marvin Montvel-Cohen was Madeleines tool or not I am not sure, but he managed to screw up every assignment given him. Asked to write-up a report of an event he, after a week or two, submits a one line of no more than six words, a statement telling us that it took place. Finally, given some responsibility for money he manages to lose $3,000 at a throw, or to steel it. I felt I had to accept responsibility for his unbelievable failures because it was I who had him hired. I doubted that anyone worthy of their professional standing would be anxious to come to this fledgling institution and I really did have the expectation that even an incompetent would try to try honestly. I was wrong. The only thing that either Madeleine or Cohen could see was that Guam was there to take advantage of. They did not see the potential, they saw only the trusting and awed native from a Pacific island. In the hands of the unbeliever the believer is at risk. As for Cohen, everything had been set up for him, the only thing he needed to do was to keep it going. He did not, he could not. The sea is no longer calm outside my house. Because of the bend in the land I can see the breakers from the side and therefore watch them in patterns to my left as a thinning line of white against the grey-violet blue, directly in front of me in vertical white lines and to my right, past the bay, in a line like soldiers are seen from the side marching along. In less than two weeks I will be gone. I do not know where. My second house is leased to a goodlooking, sexy MD attached to the Navy. Odd fellow, openly announces he uses pot. The lease should pay well and may means that I might have a home by the sea to come back to. I have no desire to live in Virginia. So who is involved Tony? dont you think I should know?....have a right to know? Rumors tell me there were signed statements? Where are they? Who signed them? Am I ever going to know anything? There are reports, rumors, that there exist signed testimonies to some effect or other? If there are signed testimonies and the A.Gs office feels they have nothing on me then they do not believe the signed statementsWhy havent they asked me? All this secrecy and rumor amounts to cruel and unusual punishment and THAT is supposed to be against the law.even for a government. Well, there is only so much of that I can stand, or should. ` This letter is turning out to be much more difficult to write than I had anticipated. What has emerged is the intense struggle to delineate differences, to help establish definitions where facts mitigate against any definition at all. If Andrew Shooks conclusion that I had emerged unscathed from whatever the accusations were I am left , perhaps, even more confused than initially. It would appear that I was the only one left uninformed. I finally came to the conclusion that my ability to function as I had supposed I was expected to function had come to an end. I believe it was two weeks before I arrived at that conclusion. None seemed to care that I did not work, could not work, and that my classes were not held..at all, I do

believe, as a result of Madeleines inexcusable interference in University affairs. In the half century that has passed since all these matters had materialized how much harm has that woman done and how much good has been left undone in order to feed her appetite for power. . Her association with the Federal government departments and agencies and her success with them is understandable for they, as the Marcos administration in the Philippines demonstrated, are of like minds. I doubt there is a nano partical of legitimacy in any of them. Considering all that I have written above, and, I suspect, there might be more, what my experience were I went through not only describe thoroughly unethical behavior inflicted upon me by the Government of Guam and it as an agent of the United States Department of Defense not only was insulting to my person, my profession but was, as well, immoral and cruel and amounts to not only an abuse of my civil rights in not bringing charges and allowing my speaking in my own defense It is in its way a novel form of sexual abuse..acts of sexual abuse attributed to someone who rejected what was for Guam the conventional, but secretive behavior of military, academic and government agents who do what they say they wouldnt and know they shouldnt and harbor pride in their deceit. One of my students, a Sergeant in the Marines, who had been assigned duty in the Officers Bar as tender was also expected to act as the go between for officers and other officers wives. It bothered him a great deal and it became one of the factors of the psychic distress over his military life with which he asked for my help. But there were other factors which although he wanted to, needed to, but could not. in his collection of worries bring himself to discuss in detail or comprehensively.

He registered his concern in the most outrageous ways as did Tannahill, the Tidwells, certain government and diplomatic agents all of which I found, finally, very distracting and forced me to reconsider my needs both professional and personal. I wonder whether there might not be a statute of limitations inhibiting me from suing the Federal Government, the Government of Guam, the Attorney General, Madeleine Bordallo. Interest at 8, 1/2% for damages over a half century might make a tidy amount. Enough already I am tired. I will just end with the comment that as the reports of similar and worse behaviors are characterizing much of the so-called civilized world these days and scandal upon scandal are being exposed both , there and everywhere, there seems no reasonable hope that guidance in proper behavior from our leaders is likely. It would, I believe, be more correctly stated that they cannot help anyone, they are so enmeshed in evil we must save ourselves. We must create anew and Tony, I think it a great idea we work togethersomewheresomehow.