Amazing Discovery in North America

North American Discovery finds life under 3 Meters of

Sand and Ice
Kanook – 2290

What has only been surmised before was validated the other day in the
wilderness of the former United States and bordering provinces of Canada, whereas
in the dark chilly climate, a colony of “bury your head in the sand and ice” humans
were found living without the benefit of light, oxygen or knowledge, existing solely
on cow methane and their droppings, mostly left by the large bulls that used to
roam the area. Scientists are rushing to the region, in hopes that they will gain an
insight on how they survived the initial onslaught of BS during the early part of the
21st century hoping to support their theory that life might be sustainable in other
like environments that has been eroding the world’s populations.
A quote from one of the discovers, Thomas D BarnsSwaker (Nick--named B/S)
from the Universe of “I’m Telling U” said it was like finding a cache of mixing’s of
chocolate BS – in other words a brown mine of information having thought to have
dropped out of existence years ago.
The discovers, whose find was reported in the latest issue of the journal “BS and
You” found that the colony consisted of at least 17 different advocates of religion
and the old Global Warming species, they said the only thing keeping the colony
alive was their ability to generate “nonsense” and effectively recycle it producing
chemical reactions never seen before – the residual odor took some getting to used
to, prompting the use of expensive filtration systems. The colony seemed to shrink
back from the sight of the sky and the green earth.
The area has been aptly named BS Prairie whereas it appears as a brown streak
on recent snapshots from space, and is located within the vicinity of old Chicago –
one researcher has put in for a grant to continue their research along the east coast
of the continent, this request based on the babblings of the inhabitants living
beneath the sand and ice.
It was noted that the average temperature was at least 4°F below freezing, but
the earth didn’t completely freeze because of the activity of the colony debating
their existence, all where noted as being former politicians a race of people that fell
out of favor about 200 years ago. Fact is up until this discovery it was believed they
never did really exist.
Because the inhabitants closely resemble our distant cousins who use to swing
from tree-to-tree in our tropical regions, the scientists said they will pass them
through a “see-through-me” device that will settle the argument once and for all –
one of the inhabitants remarked, “Not if we have anything to say about it.” My
cohorts in the research department said this is a typical response from their type.
The “Always right Press” (AP) asked the big question, “How does a colony of this
type function without a new issue?” The immediate response from other news
gathering and people who really didn’t give a rip said, “They don’t need a new
issue, they’re probably still debating the old ones!” Most of us lay persons gave a
hardy, “Here-Here” or is it “Hear-Hear” we’re so out of touch with yesteryear.
Robert Witch Coven said in his column being kind like he is, “Common theory is
life is structured to survive, no matter its beginning.” Well said Bobby boy, but
common sense tells us, “we hope they don’t breed!”