In the remembrance of my bygone love.

Fifty years ago, you were away with parents, we wrote each other love letters.
In one such letter you complained There are no stones here in the planes of
Punjab, I can put on my heart, I miss you. and I joked back I live in a hilly area
and have abundant stones and can send many, provided you do not throw these
on or hit someone who might be in-sane.(Majoon) (Koi pather se na marey
dewani ko).

I sent you then an SOS; I miss you too and ask you, instead of writing romantic
letters; why not you to come over. I will receive you at Railway Station. You
heard me and short closed your plan to stay any longer. You did come travelling
300 Km, a tedious journey in those times. You remember; the delight and
happiness; we got meeting after about a month at the Platform No. 5, of Railway
Station, Rawalpindi.

That was a remarkable day because after fifteen years it snowed in this area. It
was freezing cold evening. I kept waiting, shivering at the open Railway
platform, the cold wind blew incessantly. Suddenly there was increased activity
and the people who were waiting arrival of their loved ones started gathering. At
last the lights of train became visible and after few minutes the gigantic howling
black Engine came to a halt closing down its peculiar noise. There was a great
hustle and bustle. Everyone was searching eagerly, to receive warmly their
passengers. We found each other, my heart pounded and your face glowed. The
beauty, grace and the simplicity without makeup, gleaming smiles and white
pearled teeth made you distinguished and singular from crowd.
Shivering you said it is very cold here!

It was still heavy overcast and a dark evening, but your affectionate charismatic
closeness to me was enough to give necessary compassion and warmth. You
spoke sparingly but your face liberally. This was evident that you felt
satisfaction and liking coming into the protecting and caring arms of your
companion. We earnestly wished the journey be over as soon as possible and
that we reach our destination in a wink of an eye.

The weather was uncertain and the darkness had fallen already. We had to walk
half a mile after disembarking the bus. This was a beautiful and romantic rainy
evening. Such weather is our favorite you said while approaching swiftly our
house jumping over cautiously small puddles; rain had formed on the road.

You remembered this journey very well and mentioned many times to evoke the
memories; you were impressed, I was there at Railway Platform, besides harsh
weather and I travelled 40 kilometers to receive you. You mentioned to me this
journey also at Kingston Railway Station of London. This was December, 1995,
we were together then and how happy, satisfied and contented we felt. When
train stopped a young man leaped forward very swiftly. He was to receive his
partner or a girlfriend. The way so fervently they hugged, their faces locked by
lips. You could not see further. Being Easterner, you simply blushed. Such
scenes are only observed in the West. Maybe we had wished the same, what we
saw at London, when we met at platform of Rawalpindi railway Station in
1960s. In the East this was not possible though you were irresistible and I was
so impatient.

Now, I have many stones here, big and small but unable to put those on my
heart. I wanted to write a similar letter, you wrote me fifty years earlier. Your
address is not known and not registered with Pakistan Post. The block No, and
the Rows of your residence are not specified. My letter cannot reach to an
incomplete address. Then I reflected to send you SMS, which was composed
but did not push the Send button. I expected, you will remind me in a similar
manner, I sent you an SOS fifty years before. Come over instead of writing
letters. I will receive you not at a railway station as you did many years ago. But
at a wonderful floating, weird station, unique in its genre. This is calm, beautiful
and attractive station built high above over the milky mist. Wane slates of the
cool light of moon and stars shroud it around. A unique station, above those
clouds which brought snow on the day I arrived at Railway Station,
Rawalpindi. Neither I could write you a letter, nor receive from you any note.

Last year, with my daughter and son-in-law at Pembroke Pines Fl, we were
returning home after attending a late night dinner. Dr. Zafar mentioned the
wedding of Dr. Sarfarz Nawaz, his younger brother. That wedding was an
incredible and amazing and very graceful event, which took place at Lahore.
This chat took me back to that memorable occasion, we both were together then.
Your company added to the glory, splendor and pleasure of the gathering. This
gave me like always the satisfaction and contentment, you were mine.

Recalling, and that now I am deprived of that gift, a severe and sudden sadness
shocked me. My inner was badly shaken, gloominess and misery engulfed me.
Sitting in the front seat of the car and passing swiftly the buildings and parks of
the road, nobody could assess my feelings of loosing you and the severity and
gravity of how much I missed all that past. I was alone among the family. I am
alone even in a crowd. I felt my heart throbbed and a sharp transient pain went
through. Outside was deep dark and inside a complete gloom and gray.

It was long time sleep I dreamt I got wings and flied; I was light like a feather.
There were high mountains and verdant valleys below. I flew with ease and
comfort; I was happy and enjoyed the flight. I was like a part of ether. Suddenly
I saw you, below standing at the corner of an elegant palace. The clear blue
lakes around. You were clad in snow white loose glimmering gauze clothes. It
was very romantic and scenic place. I love you and beautiful places, so I wanted
to get there besides you. I had not seen you for a long time. You looked
stunning and dazzlingly beautiful. Flying overhead when I neared above you,
kept hovering a while to land along you. White doves, dappled sparrows and
green parrots were dancing and singing to entertain you. I heard you shouting
sturdily and bellowed at me to get back. You did not allow me to land near you
and find some moments of joy; the joy we received fifty years back at Railway
Station. I welcomed you then but you did not now. Why did you persevere not
let me get with you? Realizing your persisting admonition and warning, I
returned disappointed. The flight was still smooth light back over the valleys
and gullies. The water in the river below was silvery and flowing in the style of
a serpent in languor. It was an unforgettable superb but unique experience.

I was happy to see you in the dream but very sad when got up in the morning. I
could not understand the dream. I found myself miserably uncomfortable. My
eyes were heavy and a twinge in the head and chest. I reported this to my
daughter, who is a Doctor. She checked my Blood Pressure and my pulse. All
indicated an immediate medical emergency. I had undergone Open Heart
Surgery in 2007. She feared a massive heart attack might follow. My Son-in-
Law Dr. Zafar Nawaz took me and rushed to the Cardiologist, who advised
admission in Hospital.

There outside of the Holly Christ Hospital at Fort Lauderdale, Miami. It was
heavy overcast and black thundering clouds lurked over. Hurricane Isaac
slashed at a speed of 100 Km per hour. This was 27th of August 2012, most of
the Offices and Airports at Miami declared to be closed.

Inside the room I was to be examined and to put my heart cleared of any debris
due to stones which I tried to put on my heart to palliate my grief after you left
me alone. Doctors anesthetized me for a short period to perform angiography.
When I opened my eyes, the paramedics were closing their procedures. Outside
hurricane Isaac was lashing persistently.

An immediate health hazard was averted and I was put on extra medication. I
reflected to the dream of that night. You did not allow me to land by your side
over a beautiful station where you stood enjoying the surroundings.

The Intensive Care Unit of Holly Christ Hospital was too cold and I had to ask
for a blanket. One elderly Caucasian whose bed was next to me was busy on
telephone; I overheard him counseling a couple, which looked at the verge of
separation. Emphasizing that yelling and shouting at each other further
deteriorates, instead of doing some good and improving relations with each
other. Love is to beget love in the end. I do not know that couple paid any heed
to the advice or not, but I assure you, if you are listening to believe in me I had
not done anything of that sort and did not yell or shout at you. Why our loving
relations deteriorated to such an extent that you separated from me permanently.

You left me when I needed you most. I loved you; I loved and respected you
also for your compromising, compassionate affectionate and sacrificing nature.
We never have been angry with each other for more than a day or so. You
always took initiative to hold the hands together. I thank you; you always stood
by me, for all the joys you brought to me. You showed blind faith and trusted
me. This time you did against your nature, this kept me surprised and gloomy.
Now I have a treasure of past memories and only can pray for you to rest in
peace. My lost love, I know God is with you. You seldom failed to bow your
head before Him five times a day every day.

Manzoor Hasrat,
Wah Cantt. Oct, 2012.