CHAPTER

27
Poetry and Translation
During the course of reading this section you will be invited to translate a poem. If you are competent in a
language other than English, you will be ased to translate a poem of your choice from that language, and
also to write about the particular difficulties you e!perienced while translating. "r you can choose to
translate one of the #rench, $panish, and %apanese poems that we print in this chapter& you don't have to
now any of these languages, since we provide English translations.
A POEM TRANSLATED FROM SPANISH, IN AN ESSAY BY A
STUDENT
(e begin with a student's discussion of his translation of #ederico )arc*a +orca's short poem,
,Despedida.-
)u.man /
)eorge )u.man
Professor Tredo
English /0/
20 $eptember 2001
)arc*a +orca's ,Despedida-
2y father sometimes 3uotes, half45oingly although it is a serious poem, #ederico )arc*a
+orca's ,Despedida,- which he learned when he was a schoolboy in 6uba. 7ecause it is short
and because he 3uotes it so often, I now it by heart. In $panish it goes lie this8
)u.man 2
Despedida
$i muero,
de5ad el balc9n abierto.
El ni:o come naran5as.
;Desde mi balc9n lo veo.<
El segador siega el trigo.
;Desde mi balc9n lo siento.<
=$i muero,
de5ad el balc9n abierto>
(hen I translated the poem for this assignment, I didn't find any serious difficulties44
probably because the poem does not rhyme. The only word in the poem that I thin is
especially hard to translate is the title, ,Despedida.- It comes from a verb, ,despedir,- which
$panish4English dictionaries define as ,to tae one's leave.- In English, however, no one
,taes one's leave-& we 5ust say ,)oodbye,- and go. 7ut ,)oodbye- is too informal for
,Despedida,- so I settled on ,#arewell.- ?o one speaing English ever says ,#arewell,- but I
thin it catches the slight formality of the $panish, and it has the right tone for this poem
about a man who is taling about leaving the world. $till another possibility that seems good
to me is ,parting.-
@side from the title, I at first found the poem easy to translate, but on further thining
about my translation, I found a few things that I wish I could do better. Aere, for a start, is my
literal translation.
#arewell
If I die,
leave the balcony open.
The boy eats oranges.
;#rom my balcony I see him.<
)u.man B
The reaper reaps the wheat.
;#rom my balcony I hear him.<
If I die,
leave the balcony open>
There are subtle things in this poem, but most of them can be translated easily. #or instance,
in the first and the last stan.as the poet speas of ,el balc9n- ;the balcony<, but in the middle
two stan.as he speas of ,mi balc9n- ;my balcony<. That is, in the first and last stan.as, where
he imagines himself dead, he reali.es the balcony is not his anymore, but is simply ,the
balcony.- There is no difficulty in translating this idea from $panish into English.
7ecause I new the poem by heart, I translated it without first looing at the original on
the page. 7ut when I wrote it out in $panish, too, I became aware of a small difficulty. In
$panish if a sentence ends with an e!clamation point ;or a 3uestion mar< it also begins with
one, so the reader nows at the beginning of a sentence what sort of sentence it will be. (e
don't do this in English, and I thin something is lost in English. The two e!clamation mars
in )arc*a +orca's last sentence, one at the beginning and one at the end, seem to me to call
more attention to the sentence, and mae it more sad. @nd since the first and last sentences
are identical e!cept for the e!clamation mars around the last sentence, the punctuation
maes the last sentence different from the first. $uperficially the poem begins and ends with
the same sentence, but the last sentence is much more final.
@ second difficulty is this8 "n rereading my translation, I wondered if it should try to )u.man C
catch the o sounds that in the original are at the end of every line e!cept the third. It's hard to
e!plain, but I thin this repeated o sound has several effects. 6ertainly the repetition of the
sound gives unity to the poem. 7ut it also is part of the meaning, in two ways. #irst of all, the
sound of o is lie a lament or a cry. $econd, because the sound is repeated again and again, in
line after line, it is as if the poet wants the present to continue, doesn't want to stop, wants to
eep living. "bviously he is not looing forward to dying. Ae doesn't say anything about
hoping to go to heaven. @ll he thins of is what he sees now, and he suggests that he would
lie to eep seeing it from his balcony.
7alc9n in $panish means, as I have translated it, ,balcony,- but to say ,leave the balcony
open-44which is perfectly all right in $panish44sounds a little funny in English, maybe
especially because we don't have many balconies here, unlie ;I am told< $pain. The idea of
course is to leave open the door, or if it is glass it is also a window, that leads to the balcony.
2aybe, then, it maes better sense to be a little free in the translation, and to say, ,+eave the
window open,- or even ,Do not draw the curtain,- or some such thing. In fact, if we can put
,window- at the end of the line, we get the o sound of the original.
If I die,
+eave open the window.
7ut in the original the first line ;,$i muero,- literally ,If I die-< has this o sound also, and I
can't thin of any way of getting this into the translation. #or a moment I thought of
beginning,
)u.man 1
If I go,
+eave open the window,
but ,If I go- 5ust isn't a moving way of saying ,If I die,- which is what ,$i muero- means.
$till, we might translate line C as ,I see him from my window,- and line D as ,I hear him from
my window.- In the end, I decided not to begin by saying ,If I go,- but ;even though I lose the
o sound in the first line< to substitute ,window- for the ,balcony- in lines 2, C, and D, in order
to get the repetition and the sad o sound. 2y final version goes lie this8
#arewell
If I die,
leave open the window.
The boy eats oranges.
;I see him from my window.<
The reaper reaps the wheat.
;I hear him from my window.<
If I die,
leave open the window>
E T"PI6$ #"F 6FITI6@+ TAI?GI?) @?D (FITI?)
Aere are our responses. If yours differ, consider putting them into writing.
/. 4This seems lie an e!cellent translation to us. Do you agreeH
2. 4(hen the student shared his essay with others in the class, it was praised for being ,thoughtful.-
(hat gives the essay this 3ualityH
A Note on Using the First-Person Singu!r Pronoun in Ess!"s
$ome handboos on writing tell students never to use I in an essay. 7ut this rule is too rigid& in the case of
the essay you have 5ust read, the personal touches mae it all the more interesting and engaging. "ften the
problem is not really with the use of I, but, rather, with the absence of e!planation and evidence that mae
clear what prompted the ,I- to respond as he or she does. This student does a good 5ob of focusing on the
poem, commenting on details of language, and eeping the nature of the assignment in mind. Ais use of I
occurs as part of a careful analysis and argument.
TRANSLATIN# A POEM OF YOUR CHOICE, AND
COMMENTIN# ON THE TRANSLATION
If you are at ease in a language other than English, translate a short poem from that language into
English. It may be a poem that you learned in school or at home or on the street.
(e suggest that you begin by 5otting down a line4for4line prose translation, and then wor on a poetic
version. Iour prose version of course will not be a word4for4word translation. @fter all, a word4for4word
translation of the $panish ,2e llamo %uan- is ,2e Jor ,2yself-K I call %ohn,- but no one speaing
English says this. The English version of these words is ,2y name is %ohn-Leven though the $panish
word for name (nombre) does not appear in the original sentence. $imilarly, a native speaer of #rench,
when ased whether he or she is going to class this morning , may reply ,2ais oui,- which in a word4for4
word translation would be ,7ut yes.- In English, however, we would simply say ,Ies- or ,6ertainly,- and
therefore the ,7ut- ought to be omitted in a translation. "r consider the phrase ,les hommes d'M3uipage-
in the first line of 7audelaire's ,+'@lbatros- ;see page NDO<. @ word4for4word translation would be ,men
of the crew,- but does one say thisH Perhaps ,members of the crew- is betterH "r perhaps simply ,the
crew-H "r ,crewmen-H "r, perhaps best of all, ,sailors-H In any case, the #rench equipage certainly
cannot be translated as ,e3uipment.- ;Translators call words that loo alie but have different meanings
,false friends.- E!amples8 #rench advertissement means ,warning-& )erman also means ,therefore-&
$panish constipado means ,having a head cold.-<
The prose translation ought to sound like English, and this means going beyond a word4for4word
translation, at least to a phrase4by4phrase translation. If English is not your native language, you may
want to chec your prose version with a native4born speaer of English. In any case, once you have a
prose version that is in idiomatic English, try to put it into a poetic form.
This does not mean that ;assuming your original uses rhyme< you must preserve the e!act rhyme
scheme. If the original rhymes abab, you may find it satisfactory to produce a version in which only the
second and fourth lines rhyme. $imilarly, even if the original line has // or /2 syllables, you may prefer
to reduce the line to /0 syllables because the pentameter line ;/0 syllables< is so widely used in English
that it seems natural. @dmittedly, your tas is easier if you choose an unrhymed poem, and much of the
world's poetryLto cite only two instances, ?ative @merican poetry and %apanese poetryLdoes not use
rhyme. ;(e discuss one %apanese form, the haiu, on page ND2.<
(hen you have done your best, rela! for a while, and then 5ot down ;in preparation for drafting an
essay that will accompany your translation< some notes about the particular problems involved in
translating the wor. Is there a pun in the original that is impossible to translateH @re there historical or
mythological allusions that are clear to people who belong to the culture that produced the poem but that
are obscure to outsidersH @re there 3ualities in the original language ;specialists call it ,the source
language-< that simply cannot be reproduced in the ,host- ;or ,target-< languageH #or instance, %apanese
has several verbs meaning ,to give-& the word used in ,I gave you a boo- differs from the word in ,Iou
gave me a boo.- It is rather as if one had to say, ,Iou bestowed a boo on me-Lbut of course no one
does say this in English. (hat, then, is a translator to doH
In the end, you will produce a translation, and an essay of some 100 words, e!plaining the particular
difficulties you encountered, and perhaps e!plaining the hardest decisions that you ultimately made.
LAST-MINUTE HELP$ THREE SPANISH POEMS
If you don't now a poem in a language other than English, consider translating one or both of these
$panish fol songs, or, finally, the poem we print by the 6hilean poet )abriela 2istral.
Ia se van los pastores, alla The shepherds are already leaving
Estremadura on their way to Estremadura
Ia se 3ueda la $ierra triste y @nd the mountain ridge is already
obscura. sad and gloomy.
Ia se van los pastores ya se van The shepherds are already going,
marchando they are already departing
Ia las pobres ni:as se 3ueden @nd the poor girls remain there,
llorando. crying.
Aere is the second song8
Ena gallina con pollos cinco duro I bought a hen and chics for five
me cost9 duros
6orrocloclo corrocloclo 6orrocloclo corrocloclo
+a comprM por la ma:ana, y a la I bought her in the morning and in
tarde se perdi9 the afternoon it lost its way
6orrocloclo corrocloclo 6orrocloclo corrocloclo
Io no siento la gallina ni el dinero I'm not sorry about the hen or the
3ue cost9 money it cost
6orrocloclo corrocloclo 6orrocloclo corrocloclo
$olo siento los pollitos 3ue sin I'm only sorry for the chics who
madre los 3ued9 are left without a mother
6orrocloclo corrocloclo. 6orrocloclo corrocloclo.
#ABRIELA MISTRAL
+ucila )odoy @lacayaga ;/OONP/N17< adopted the pseudonym )abriela 2istral. @ teacher and a director
of schools in 6hile, she achieved fame there in /N/C, when she won first pri.e in a national poetry
contest& she received international fame in /NC1, when she was awarded the ?obel Pri.e for literature, the
first +atin4@merican writer to win the award. $he was also distinguished in two other careers, as an
educatorLshe is esteemed for her revision of the 2e!ican school system and she was a beloved professor
at 7arnard 6ollege in ?ew IorLand as a figure in the world of international politics, representing 6hile
in the +eague of ?ations and the Enited ?ations.
The following poem originates in a response to a statue, Fodin's The Thiner. If you do wor on a
translation of 2istral's poem, you might eep in mind a comment by an earlier translator of her wor, the
poet +angston Aughes, who in his Introduction to $elected Poems of )abriela 2istral ;/N17< wrote8 ,I
have no theories of translation. I simply try to transfer into English as much as I can of the literal content,
emotion, and style of each poem.- Enfortunately Aughes did not include a translation of the following
poem.
El Pensador de Rodin
6on el ment9n ca*do sobre la mano ruda,
el Pensador se acuerda 3ue es carne de la huesa,
carne fatal, delante del destino denuda,
carne 3ue odia la muerte, y tembl9 de belle.a. C
I tembl9 de amor, toda su primavera ardiente,
y ahora, al oto:o, anMgase de verdad y triste.a.
El ,de morir tenemos- pasa sobre su frente,
en todo agudo bronce, cuando la noche empie.a. O
I en la angustia, sus mQsculos se hienden, sufridores.
+os surcos de su carne se llenan de terrores.
$e hiende, como la ho5a de oto:o, al $e:or fuerte
3ue la llama en los bronces . . . I no hay Rrbol torcido /2
de sol en la llanura, ni le9n de flanco herido,
crispados como este hombre 3ue medita en la muerte.
Rodins Thinker
Translated by Gustavo Alfaro*
(ith his chin fallen on his rough hand,
the Thiner, remembering that his flesh is of the grave,
mortal flesh, naed before its fate,
flesh that hates death, trembled for beauty. C
@nd he trembled for love, his whole ardent spring,
and now in autumn, he is overcome with truth and sadness.
,(e must die- passes across his brow,
in every piercing trumpet sound, when night begins to fall. O
@nd in his anguish, his long suffering muscles split.
The furrows of his flesh are filled with terrors.
It splits, lie the autumn leaf before the mighty +ord
who calls it with trumpet calls . . . @nd there is no tree twisted /2
by the sun in the plain, nor lion wounded on its side,
as tense as this man who meditates on death.
TRANSLATIN# HAI%U
Earlier in this boo ;pages 77CP77D< we looed at some haiu, a %apanese poetic form that consists of /7
syllables, arranged into lines of 1, 7, and 1 syllables. ;$trictly speaing, it is written in a continuous line,
as we write prose, but it is conceived as three units, 14741.< It is unrhymed, but some English translations
and imitations use rhyme.
Aere is the most famous of all haiu, in %apanese and with a word4by4word literal translation8
BASHO &'())*'(+),
#uruie ya old pond
awa.u tobiomu frog 5umps in
mi.u no oto water's sound
"ne of the things that made this poem remarable was that it probably was the first %apanese poem
about a frog that did not tal about the noise of the frog croaing, but instead taled about the noise of the
water. ;7y the way, for an @merican poem that calls attention to the croaing of a frog, see Emily
Dicinson's ,I'm ?obody> (ho are youH- on page 7/N.<
Aow to translate 7asho's poemH (e have already given a literal translation, but here are some efforts
at more literary versions8
The old pond
@ frog 5umps in
The sound of water.
"ld garden lae>
The frog 5umps in,
@nd the waters wae.
The old pond
@ frog 5umps&
The water slurps.
@n old pond
a
frog
5umps
inL
Plop.
@ bog
@ frog
@ sound
Drowned.
E T"PI6 #"F 6FITI6@+ TAI?GI?) @?D (FITI?)
"ffer your own translation or adaptation of the haiu, perhaps eeping the 14741 arrangement of the
original& or compose an original poem that responds to 7asho's. Aere are two e!amples of responses
that our students have produced8
@n old pondL @n old pondL
7asho 5umps in& If 7asho were here
?o more noise. I'd push him in.
Aere is another haiu by 7asho, in %apanese and with a graceless word4by4word translation.
;The original has, unusually, nine syllables in the second line, a permissible variation.<
Gare4eda ni withered branch on
arasu no tomari4eri crow is perched
ai no ure autumn evening
%apanese does not usually distinguish between the singular and the plural, so what we translate as
,crow is perched- could e3ually be translated ,crows are perched.- #urther, what we translated as
,autumn evening- may e3ually be translated ,late autumn.-
The ne!t poem, also by 7asho, was composed at the site of a battle where one of %apan's most
famous warriors committed suicide after being defeated by forces acting on behalf of his own
brother. It is impossible to find an e!act parallel in @merican history, but perhaps the death of
$tonewall %acson at the 7attle of 6hancellorsville ;/ODB< comes close in feeling, especially because
%acson was mortally wounded by his own men.
?atsu4gusa ya $ummer grasses
tsuwamono4domo ga strong warriors'
yume no ato dreams' relics
In the second line, we use ,warriors- rather than ,soldiers- because the %apanese word has an
archaic flavor. ;7y the way, in this instance, unlie the poem about the crow or crows, the word for
,warriors- is plural.< The gist of the idea of the poem is that grasses ;or weeds< now flourish where
strong soldiers once fought& all that is left of the dreams ;or ambitions< of the soldiers is the summer
grass. Aere are two versions that students produced, using off4rhymes8
$ummer grasses (eeds flourish
@ll that is left where soldiers nourished
where warriors passed. dreams of glory.
Aere are two versions, again by students, that retain the 14741 pattern of the original.
"n this grassy spot )rasses grow today
Aere once a noble army (here heroic soldiers died
Dreamed its dream and died. +eaving bones and dreams.
E T"PI6$ #"F 6FITI6@+ TAI?GI?) @?D (FITI?)
/. 4Try your hand at translating 7asho's poems about the crow;s< and about the dead warriors, or
invent an adaptation of each poem. Iou might, for instance, write a poem about a bird in a season
other than the fall, and a poem about the ironic implications of some local site.
2. 4Aere are literal translations of two more haiu by 7asho. 6reate versions that are more
memorable.
stillness
roc into pierce
locust4voice
soon die
no indication of
locust's voice
FURTHER THOU#HTS ABOUT TRANSLATIN# POETRY
If you have read the preceding pages and have had the pleasures of wrestling with a translation and of
writing an essay about your efforts, you are ready for an advanced courseLthe ne!t few pages. 7ut even if
you have not engaged in the preliminaries, you may find that the following discussion of poems and
translations will help you to thin about the language and structure of poetry.
(e begin these supplementary remars by looing at a very short poem by the Foman author 6atullus
;O7HP11H 76E<. The sub5ect is the parado!ical 3uality of the feelings of a lover. ;There are countless poems
about love as a pleasing pain, a heavenly hell, and about the lover as both active and passive, eagerly
loving and yet tormented by love. $ee, for instance, @phra 7ehn's poem on page D70.< Aere is 6atullus'
poem8
"di et amo, 3uare id faciam, fortasse re3uirisH
?escio, sed fieri sentitio et e!crucior.
This can be translated more or less literally as8
I hate and I love. (hy do I do that, perhaps you as.
I don't now, but I feel it to be happening, and I am tortured.
?otice that the language of this poem is not so remote from English as it may seem at first glance8
S 4In the first line, the +atin odi ;,I hate-< is related to the English word odious amo ;,I love-< to
our word amorous& and requiris ;,you as-< to our require and inquire.
S 4In the second line, sentitio ;,I feel-< is related to our sentient, and e!"crucior ;,I am crucified-
or ,I am tortured-< to our e!cruciate. ;This last word includes cru!, or ,cross.-<
?e!tLand here we get closer to our topic, poetryLnotice the !rr!nge-ent or .!ttern of the words,
since one of the things literature does is to put e!perience into a pattern. In 6atullus' little poem, there is a
pattern of long and short syllables ;but we need not discuss classical versification here<, and also a pattern
of verbs. Each line contains four verbs. Those in the first line are active ;,I hate,- ,I love,- ,I do,- ,you
as-<, whereas those in the second line are passive or describe a passive condition ;,I don't now,- ,I feel
it to be happening,- ,I am tortured-<. @nd so we can say that 6atullus catches an aspectLor rather, two
aspectsLof love,
S the sense of activity and also
S the sense of helplessness.
Each verb in the first line is echoed or balanced in the second& thus Odi et amo (I hat e and I love) at
the begi nni ng of the first line chi mes with sentio et excrucior (I feel . . . and I am tort ur ed)
at the end of the second. Moreover, the active faciam (I do) in the first line connect s with
the passi ve form of the verb, fieri (to be done, to happen) in the second.
Aaving tried to convey something of the poetry of 6atullus' two linesLsomething of their artful
e!pressivenessLlet's loo at a few translations. The original does not rhyme, but many translators have
believed that an English version needs to rhyme if it is to be seen and felt as a poem.
I hate and loveLthe why I cannot tell,
7ut by my tortures now the fact too well.
LTheodore 2artin
In the ne!t two versions the translators suggest particular tortures8
I hate and love. (hy do thatH )ood 3uestion.
?o answer save ,I do.- ?ailed, through either hand.
L#rederic Faphael and Genneth 2c+eish
I hate and I love. @nd if you as me how,
I do not nowLI only feel it, and I'm torn in two.
LPeter (higham
The first of these versions, by Faphael and 2c+eish, clearlyLperhaps too clearlyLevoes crucifi!ion.
The second, with ,I'm torn in two,- catches the double nature of love that is the sub5ect of 6atullus' poem,
and it evoes visions of the instrument of torture nown as the rac, or perhaps of a victim whose limbs
were tied to two or more horses that were then whipped into flight.
Aere is one more version8
,@t once I hate and love as well.-
L,In heaven's name, 6atullus, howH-
L,)od nows> @nd yet I feel it now
Aere in my heart8 the whole of hell.-
L2. A. Tattersall
Tattersall's version is free in that it converts the poem into a dialogue and names 6atullus, but one can
argue that it is true to the spirit of the poem. It is widely agreed that in the translation of poetry the spirit
is more important than the letter. $ome of the worstLleast moving, indeed least readableLtranslations
are word4by4word translations that can claim to be very close to the original but that are unlie anything
we can imagine being spoen in English.
CAN POETRY BE TRANSLATED/
Aaving looed at a range of translations, we can perhaps now move from a particular wor to a general
problem or 3uestion. To translate is ;literally< ,to carry across-& a te!t is carried from one language into
another. 7ut can poetry be translatedH Fobert #rost once defined poetry as ,what gets lost in translation.-
Ae was not the only person to thin that poetry can't be translated. @n Italian proverb generali.es,
,Traduttori, traditori-Lthat is, ,Translators are traitors,- or, more freely, ,Translation betrays-Lbut as
you can see, much is lost in our translation.
The idea that poetry can't be translated is rooted in the fact that poets mae use not only of the gist of
the obvious meaning of a word but also of patterns of sound. (e can see this most easily by first looing
at a statement that is not a poem but that relies heavily on its sounds. 6onsider
+oo before you leap.
The most obvious pattern is the alliteration ;words that begin with the same sound<, loo and leap, but
there is also a pattern of stresses. The sentence begins and ends with a stress, and ,before- and ,you leap-
each consist of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. If you compare ,+oo before you
leap- with ,(atch out before you leap,- or with ,7efore leaping, loo around,- you'll see that these
translations of English words into other English words lose much of what counts in the original.
Iou might tae a moment to try to put into other words such e!pressions as ,There's no fool lie an
old fool,- ,Penny wise and pound foolish,- or ,@ penny saved is a penny earned.- Even better, if you are
familiar with a memorable saying in a language other than English, try to capture its effectiveness in an
English translation of your own.
+et's thin now of some issues specific to translating poetry. Fhyme of course is a ind of pattern ;a
recurring sound<, and it can cause a translator difficulty, since effective rhyme often conveys some sort of
meaning. It may bring together two words that not only sound alie but have some association in
common, as in the greeting4card rhymes of moon and #une, or dove and love. "r a rhyme may achieve a
poignant ironic effect by bringing together two words that sound alie but that differ sharply in meaning,
such as light ;with its associations of life< and night ;with its associations of death<. ,+oo before you
leap- doesn't contain rhyme in the usual sense of the word, but the alliterating l sounds can be called
initial rhyme. @nd lie rhyme, alliterationLbecause of the identity in soundLcan imply some sort of
identity between the alliterating words, or as here, it can mae an effective contrast8 +oo implies caution
and probably motionless, whereas leap implies recless activity.
Probably everyone will agree that translators should strive to capture the subtleties of the original, and
probably everyone will agreeLhere we get bac to Fobert #rost's viewLthat inevitably much will be lost.
7ut what is gained in translation, or what may be gained, is a new poem.
$omething along these line is suggested by Edwin 6ranston, a leading translator of classical %apanese
poetry, in A $aka Anthology. Translators have duties to their authors, but they also have duties to their
own powers. 6ranston maes this point by calling attention to a tenth4century %apanese poet's assertion
that poems ,have their seed in the human heart, and burgeon forth into the myriad leaves of words.- In
similar fashion, 6ranston says, the translator ,descends into the poem and lets something happen-& the
translator serves ,as a medium for the new growth.- 7ut of course the process of translating is not passive.
@s 6ranston says, if translators enter into the wor and listen to it, they also have their own ideas. The
original is strongly there, but so is the translator's creative impulse, which has its own direction and has
,its own life and integrity. ?othing is more persuasive than something that wors, and if a line somehow
wors, it is hard to abandon it.-
The result may be a translation that is free rather than faithful. "r if it is faithful, it is faithful to the
spirit of literature rather than to the letter of the original wor. If we push this view further than 6ranston
himself does, the translationLperhaps better called a version or an adaptationLis a success if it has life
as a poem, however removed it may be from the original. 2ore than one translator has defended his or her
wor as Edward #it.)erald ;translator of The %ubaiyat of &mar 'havyamn< did, by 3uoting from
Ecclesiastes, ,7etter a live dog than a dead lion.- "ne translator we now tells us he lies to thin of the
original as a ,control.- The original serves as a control on the act of translation, though it rests with the
translator to decide whether he or she allows the original to control a lot or a little. Translators can give
themselves a great deal of freedom, or only a little. 7ut in either case, because their wor is a translation
of something else, they are always referring bac to another te!t while they compose a new one.
LOO%IN# AT TRANSLATIONS OF A POEM BY CHARLES
BAUDELAIRE
In the following poem the #rench poet 6harles 7audelaire ;/O2/P/OD7< compares the albatrossLma5estic
when soaring above oceangoing ships, but pitiful when captured and flopping on the decLwith the poet,
whose lofty imagination maes him unsuited for the woraday world. The poem was first published in the
/O1N edition of 7audelaire's boo, (leur du mal ((lo)ers of Evil).
LAlbatros[1859]
$ouvent, pour s'amuser, les hommes d'M3uipage
Prennent des albatros, vastes oiseau! des mers.
Tui suivent, indolents compagnons de voyage,
+e navire glissant sur les gouffres amers. C
U peine les ont4ils dMposMs sur les planches,
Tue ces rois de l'a.ur, maladroits et honteu!,
+aissent piteusement leurs grandes ailes blanches
6omme des avirons traVner W cXtM d'eu!. O
6e voyager ailM, comme il est gauche et veule>
+uis, naguYre si beau, 3u'il est comi3ue et laid>
+'un agace son bec avec un brZle4gueule,
+'autre mime, en boitant, l'infirme 3ui volait> /2
+e PoYte est semblable au prince des nuMes
Tui hante la temp[t se rit de l'archer&
E!ilM sur le sol au milieu des huMes,
$es ailes de gMant l'emp[chent de marcher. /D
@ literal translation, almost word by word, would go something as follows. ;(e retain the lineation of the
original, and we offer it not as a satisfactory version of the poem but only as a starting point, in order to
help readers who do not now #rench to follow the poem.<
"ften, to amuse themselves, sailors
capture albatrosses, great sea birds,
who follow, indolent companions of the 5ourney,
the ship, gliding on the bitter deeps. C
@s soon as they stretch them out on the dec
these monarchs of the blue, awward and ashamed,
pitifully let their large white wings
lie oars drag by their sides. O
The winged traveler, how awward and feeble>
Ae who a short time ago was so beautiful,
one sailor teases his bea with a clay pipe,
and another, limping, mimics the cripple who flew. /2
The Poet is lie the prince of the clouds
who is at home in the tempest and who scorns the archer,
e!iled on the earth, an ob5ect of scorn,
his giant wings hinder him as he wals. /D
+et's loo now at some verse translations of the first stan.a. In the original, the first and third lines of
each stan.a rhyme, as do the second and fourth, the rhyme scheme thus being abab . The task of
following audel ai re!s rh"me scheme is difficult, and it can lead to ver" strai ned lines# some
transl at or s ther efor e prefer to rh"me onl" two of the four lines, or to set tl e for an off$ rh"me,
as in the first e%ampl e here, wher e sea and indolently rh"me, and wher e selves and gulfs
chi me less preci sel "&
$ometimes, sailors to amuse themselves
catch albatrosses, great birds of the sea,
which as companions follow indolently
the vessel gliding over bitter gulfs.
L6. #. 2acIntyre
In the ne!t version, all four lines rhyme closely, but, not surprisingly, the translation is somewhat freer8
"ften, when bored, the sailors of the crew
Trap albatross, the great birds of the seas,
2ild travelers escorting in the blue
$hips gliding on the ocean's mysteries.
L%ames 2c)owan
(e say this version is freer because, after all, 7audelaire spoe not of ,the ocean's mysteries- but of les
gouffres amers , the bitt er deeps. In short , ther e often is a trade$ off bet ween closel " following
what might be called the formal proper t i es of the poem (in this case, rh"me) and the preci se
meani ng. 'n the other hand, here is a rh"med transl at i on that is remar kabl " faithful to the
original. (e )uot e the entire version&
"ften, for pastime, mariners will ensnare
The albatross, that vast sea4bird who sweeps
"n high companionable pinion where
Their vessel glides upon the bitter deeps.
Torn from his native space, this captive ing
#lounders upon the dec in stricen pride,
@nd pitiably lets his great white wing
Drag lie a heavy paddle at his side.
This rider of winds, how awward he is, and wea>
Aow droll he seems, who lately was all grace>
@ sailor poes a pipestem into his bea&
@nother, hobbling, mocs his trammeled pace.
The Poet is lie this monarch of the clouds,
#amiliar of storms, of stars, and of all high things&
E!iled on earth amidst its hooting crowds,
Ae cannot wal, borne down by his giant wings.
LFichard (ilbur
E T"PI6 #"F 6FITI6@+ TAI?GI?) @?D (FITI?)
Produce your own versionLrhymed or unrhymedLof the final stan.a of ,The @lbatross.- #or your
convenience we offer some rhymes that other translators have used, but you are under no
compulsion to use them. 2acIntyre used mocks* clouds* cro)ds* )alk& 2c)owan used clouds* day*
cro)ds* )ay. )eorge Dillon ;who collaborated with Edna $t. \incent 2illay on a translation of The
(lo)ers of Evil< used cloud* slings* cro)d* )ings. #rancis Due, in his translation of (lo)ers of
Evil, used clouds* defiant* cro)ds* giant.
@ Poem Translated from $panish, in an Essay by a $tudent
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
@ Poem Translated from $panish, in an Essay by a $tudent
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
Translating a Poem of Iour 6hoice, and 6ommenting on the Translation
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
)abriela 2istral
*Translators note: 2istral's bronce in line O and bronces in line /2 I translate as trumpet sound and
trumpet calls+ )iven the conte!t, this reading seems to me to be more plausible than a reading that taes
bronce and bronces to refer to the bron.e sculpture itself.
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
@uguste Fodin, The Thinker+ ;/N/0. 7ron.e, height 27
/
^2_. The 2etropolitan 2useum of @rt. )ift of
Thomas #. Fyan.<
Translating Aaiu
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
#urther Thoughts about Translating Poetry
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
+ooing at Translations of a Poem by 6harles 7audelaire
6hapter 27 ] Poetry and Translation
+ooing at Translations of a Poem by 6harles 7audelaire