Breaking the silence | 1

Breaking the silence

A collection of personal writings and drawings
by women with autism
2 | Breaking the silence
Breaking the Silence
A collection of personal writings and drawings by women with autism
Contents
Introduction by Sylvia Kenyon ...................................................................................................................................
Some of my achievements by Daniela del Campo ..................................................................................................
My educational experiences by RL .........................................................................................................................
Getting a job by Laura Williams ................................................................................................................................
Miracles by TH ..........................................................................................................................................................
My childhood in pictures by MX ..............................................................................................................................
My achievements in life by MX ................................................................................................................................
Leaving an abusive situation by Robyn Steward ...................................................................................................
My things by Amy W ................................................................................................................................................
Beginning to overcome social phobia by AM .......................................................................................................
A perilous journey through the echelons of education -
being an invisible, black and neurodiverse sheep! by Holly Judge ...............................................................
My standard of living and health in pictures by Patricia Cuadrado .....................................................................
Hard work by Kerry ..................................................................................................................................................
Spirituality and relationships by Michelle Frias .....................................................................................................
Inclusion by Patricia Castanha ................................................................................................................................
Diffculties in school by Irenoula ............................................................................................................................
Me by Omeh Egbe (supported by Liz Miles) ............................................................................................................
Cover illustration by Sandra Serodio
Thank you so much to our wonderful project participants, for speaking and drawing from the heart to create such
touching and inspiring contributions. Without you, there would have been no Autism in Pink.

With the support of the
Lifelong Learning Programme
of the European Union
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This project has been funded with the support of the Lifelong Learning Programme of the
European Union.
This publication refects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held
responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained herein.
Breaking the silence | 3
Introduction
Although there are women who have spoken up about their autism, such as Temple Grandin, Donna Williams,
and Rudy Simone, autism is still generally thought of as a male condition. These women are speaking, but most
ordinary women still stay silent, for different reasons of their own. Maybe they already tried to speak, but were
not heard.
Many women are still met with disbelief when they suggest that they might have autism, even when theyve
managed to get a diagnosis.
You cant be autistic youre far too normal. But what is normal anyway?
You have mild autism. You are high-functioning. But what is mild autism, and what does high-functioning mean?
It is surely better to cast aside these unhelpful terms and descriptions, and to look at the women themselves.
What are their lives like, how do they feel, what are their struggles and their triumphs? What sets them apart
from other women?
This online book does not try to explain what the lives of all women with autism are like. It tells the stories of
individual women, women who are on the autism spectrum and have a diagnosis. It tells their stories in their own
words, and using their own pictures. The stories have only been edited in order to help the voices of these women
to be heard.
Contributors
All of the contributors to this book are women with autism who have taken part in the European Union Lifelong
Learning Programmes project, Autism in Pink.
During this project, the information that the women have given, the experiences they have related, the diffculties
and strategies that they have shared, have all gone towards the creation of a Learning Approach.
But the collection here is more personal its purpose is to bring more life into the learning approach, to help
people to understand what life is really like for the women who volunteered to participate in Autism in Pink.
The contributors are from Spain, Portugal, Lithuania and the UK.
Some would like their real names to be known, others prefer to go by a false name, a nickname or just part of
their name. It is not that they are ashamed of being autistic, but it is true that sometimes they are judged because
of being autistic.
So, putting aside all judgment, please read and try to understand what it could be like for these women
with autism.
Sylvia Kenyon
Senior researcher and editor of this collection
4 | Breaking the silence
Some of my achievements
by Daniela del Campo
Some years ago during the summer, my destiny
changed suddenly. My mother told my sister
and me that she had found a special school in
Los Angeles that could be great for my personal
development. There was a possibility that I might
live abroad for a school year!
At frst I was afraid, but fnally I faced up to the
new situation and I had one of the best years
of my life. Life in LA was amazing, and I made
friends like Aurel, Cara and Audrey. I also learnt
English, and I proved to myself that some new
situations are a goal worth achieving.
I feel proud of myself for my improvements in
social skills. Life used to make me feel really
angry, but now I can manage a lot of feelings
and thoughts. I have learnt some strategies that
help me to get on well with everybody, like thinking
about beautiful things when situations are going wrong or when I feel misunderstood.
I have another great achievement too: I was the winner of an artistic prize in my city in Spain, and the prize was a
year of art classes at a specifc school of drawing. I have artwork displayed in an exhibition in my city, and I have
participated in an international exhibition art in Catania, Italy. Im proud of who I am.

Im proud of who I am.

Lovebirds
Breaking the silence | 5
My educational experiences
by RL
Rudy Simone, author of Aspergirls
1
, says one trait common to females with Asperger syndrome is that they
may be highly educated but will have had to struggle with social aspects of college. [They] may have one or
many partial degrees.
This describes me very well. I am currently studying for my second undergraduate degree, and I have started
a total of six higher education courses, only one of which I have completed. Despite doing well at school, my
diffculties were rooted in problems with rigid thinking and social interaction. I have an infexible thinking style
and perfectionist tendencies, wanting to get work done in certain ways. But I ended up feeling overloaded and
overwhelmed by the workload I had enforced on myself.
I often found it diffcult to start work at all, procrastinating and using distractions to avoid work. Sometimes I was
able to pull myself together to rush in coursework, but sometimes it would be paralysing and I would hide under
my duvet while deadlines whizzed by. I struggled with priorities set by different modules, and it felt as if I had too
many things to do at once not just demands related to study but also things to do with family, friends, personal
health or interests.
I had a low self-esteem due to failures in social relationships, and I left my frst course believing that I was not
academically good enough. I was too embarrassed to ask for help, wanting to project a veneer of capability. When
I found it hard to get to lectures on time, it was easier to stay at home and miss the entire lecture, rather than walk
in late to a full lecture theatre and have everyones gaze on me.
I returned to my course after a years break but I ended up re-sitting the second and third year, so I attended with
a different cohort each year. It took me six years to complete the course (a degree normally takes three years).
This also made it more diffcult to establish social relationships with my course mates, and I never made any
lasting friends there. This had an impact on my studies too, as it meant I didnt know people well enough to ask
to borrow notes or discuss issues to do with the course.
My strengths are that I am quite a stubborn person with a good memory and attention to detail, which has
compensated for my other problems to some extent. I am pleased that I managed to fnally graduate with a good
degree. I am now studying for a degree in a different subject, and I have similar problems. But I have learned from
my experiences and have more confdence, and I believe that even when I encounter obstacles, they will be minor
hurdles that I can eventually overcome.
1
Simone, R. (2010). Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. ISBN: 978-1849058261

I believe that even when I encounter obstacles, they will be

minor hurdles that I can eventually overcome.

6 | Breaking the silence

Getting a job
by Laura Williams
I have managed to get a place doing a degree in Animal
Behaviour, and I am now in my second year. I am enjoying
my course a lot and making some lovely friends. I fnd
cats fascinating and I love spending time with them, so my
dream would be for my degree to lead to a job working
with cats.
I dont come across well in interviews for a number of
reasons related to my autism. I can come across as odd,
shy, rude, uninterested, or simply forget to mention any of
my positive attributes. All of these things are off-putting to
potential employers.
But now I am very lucky, because I have managed to secure a voluntary
position in a cat rescue centre, where I work with cats once a week.
I hope that, through volunteering there, I will get a chance to impress the
managers with my hard work, dedication, attention to detail, and affnity
with cats. Maybe by the time a paid position becomes available, they will
know from my work that I am a suitable candidate, even if I dont perform
brilliantly at interview. And if not, then, well, I have had a very good time
working with the cats!
At college with the buzzard
A bit more friendship
than I was expecting!
Making friends at the
cat rescue centre
Another of my
friends from the
cat rescue centre

But now Im very lucky.

Breaking the silence | 7

Miracles
by TH
As a child, I was told about miracles and I was impressed. They indicated that this god was indeed powerful
and wonderful. Then I realised that there was a faw in the wonderfulness of miracles. If this god was so wonderful
and all knowing, then he should really be able to plan for stuff so that it inherently worked properly. With proper
planning and design, there wouldnt be the need for all these one-off fxes to correct the botched up cases.
When I queried this, I was told to shut up. When I persisted, I was told to shut up again or be slapped.
Thus, I stayed unenlightened and became unimpressed by miracles. Whilst my classmates and fellow
worshippers oohed and aahed over them, I simply saw quick corrections involving botch jobs.
Later in life I became a computer programmer. Elegant design of programming solutions involved rules that
allowed processes to fow through smoothly, not unlike good plumbing in a building which simply directs fuids
through as and when required.
Bad programming design involved sticking on inelegant patches to deal with unexpected problems, like a
building that requires buckets placed strategically under leaks and ripping apart plaster to access pipes that
have come awry.
To me, miracles are like these necessary fxes to get things muddling along again an inelegant fx to a problem
caused by a bad designer or artisan. Basically, although the miracle is all well and good, it shouldnt be needed to
start with.

Basically, although the miracle is all well and good, it shouldnt

be needed to start with.

8 | Breaking the silence

My childhood in pictures
by MX
Breaking the silence | 9
Achievements in life
by MX
Since childhood, Ive been an artist.
Only heaven knows how many papers of
pictures I keep in my collection, not to
mention how much I paint. At the age of
17 or 18, I started to study art and with the
help of my teacher, I developed my style
of painting. Some of my paintings have
already travelled out of Spain to New
York, Venice, and London.
Years later, I was able to fnd a place
to exhibit my frst drawing collection:
The Ink Ladies. This was one of the
achievements of my life that I cherish,
Ill keep working to achieve more in
exhibiting my art.
Ending my studies was another
of my life goals that I managed to
succeed in. There are so many
things that I was troubled by in
primary school, middle school,
high school, cookery school,
and dressmaking school.
But even when some teachers
told me that I could quit if it was
too much for me, I refused.
What achievement is there in
attaining goals if there arent any
obstacles?
My achievements were worth the fght! I even want to keep studying while I get work, in order to be able to do
what I dream.

My achievements
were worth the fght!

Dressmaking
10 | Breaking the silence
Leaving an abusive situation
by Robyn Steward
In 2010 I left the home I had shared with someone who had been abusive to me and I moved into a fat on my own
for the frst time. I had had some experience living in halls of residences and such, but this was my frst time being
alone.

Some of the frst things I brought into my new home were paintings: I started painting when I was 22 and this has
been an important means of expression and relaxation for me.
In the UK, there is a catalogue store (similar to mail order but you can go to the store to pick up your items) called
Argos with a TV advert. It shows a man sitting in his living room which starts off empty apart from what he is sitting
on, a telephone and the Argos catalogue. As the advert continues, more furniture appears because the man is
using the phone to call Argos to buy items for his home. Thats kind of how I felt. I had to call the gas company,
the electric company and various other people to set up my home.

If you have ever experienced abuse then you may be able to relate
to the feeling of betraying the abuser. I felt guilty for leaving, and for
telling people what had happened. I also felt scared I would not be
able to do things for myself; abusers often are nice some of the time
to confuse the victim so that he or she will stay with them.

The whole circumstances that arose to moving to live on my own resulted in depression I saw a psychiatrist, two
social workers and also an art therapist. I came off anti depressants after 18 months. Antidepressants can be very
helpful for some people, but for me I felt the effects were too much.
So instead, I went to the gym fve times a week and I used Dr Liz Millers
positive mood mapping book
2
to monitor my emotions. I also had daily,
weekly and monthly behaviour goals with a system of rewards for meeting
them. I also found it important to fll my time during the day with activities
that I found intellectually stimulating. This highly structured approach
worked for me.
I never seriously considered going back to the abuser only because I
feared others were in danger, and to go back would mean I could do
nothing to try and ensure this person stopped hurting others. Its not
that women who do go back like being abused, its simply that abusers
can be all consuming and own your life to some extent. The process of
taking life back can be hard and scary, and sometimes there is only so
much one person can take while healing from abuse of any kind.
2
Miller, L. (2011). Mood Mapping: Plot Your Way to Emotional Health and Happiness. Emmaus: Rodale. ISBN: 978-1905744770

The process of taking

life back can be hard
and scary.

Breaking the silence | 11

My things
by Amy W
I live with my mother. My room is my own private world
and its very important to me. There, I have my belongings
and its a shelter to me. I like having privacy for my
activities so the door is always closed. Im happy because
I have books, music, magazines, and drawing materials.
There are certain belongings that are very important
to me. I also realise that when I lose something
(a sock or an earring of a pair), then I feel that the
whole falls apart. Somethings missing, and that
really annoys me. I like to have everything together
and complete.
Im happy with the things I own, although I would
like to buy all the clothes I want. Im not very much
into fashion, but I miss having some garments to
match others and to complete outfts.
I really appreciate having an internet connection.
I can browse, watch TV series and movies online and download music just when I want, without having to share
it with any other people. I also appreciate my tablet, with which I can watch YouTube videos at night from my
bed, and my mobile, which I use as a music player and mini-computer.
Jellyfsh stopped mattering almost two years ago and I had several other interests for a while. But fnally, when I
thought I was crazy about space... an even stronger passion came into my life: Stitch!
That blue creature from Lilo & Stitch: small, furry, blue with huge ears. I love him! Im crazy about him! His black
almond eyes fascinate me, his big smile, his bat ears. His extreme strength, his ability to climb walls and ceilings,
especially when he has a second set of arms, two antennae on his head and three spikes on his back (which are
usually retracted into his body); he looks more like an alien... Im in love with him! Its something so intense and
obsessive... like it used to be with jellyfsh. Its what I like best in the world.
I was so happy to have an extreme passion again after a year and a half without anything in particular. I watched
the movie, but even before that I was impressed by this character as I was attracted by his eyes and his wide
smile, full of sharp teeth. I saw him and BOOOOM!!! Thats when everything started. I love having extreme
passions. It makes me feel alive and motivated, eager to write about them.
I already have a lot of Stitch stuff; I have four movies, the TV series, a fuffy
toy, a T-shirt, three pictures hanging on my room walls, the wallpaper on my
computer, tablet and smartphone, and drawing Ive made. Since I began to
love him, I have him everywhere.
I have Stitch videos on my tablet and mobile. Lots of them, and they are completely worn-out as Ive seen them
so many times. I also watch the TV series on YouTube. I love him so much! It makes me so happy! Like when I
used to love jellyfsh its exactly the same feeling.

I love having
extreme passions.

12 | Breaking the silence

Beginning to overcome social phobia
by AM
I live with my parents in the city of Coimbra in the centre of Portugal. I have Asperger syndrome and reduced
vision, although Im not blind. As I cant see very well, Im always suspicious of other people. I am healthy, except
for my vision problems. People keep telling me I could be more independent if I could overcome my social
phobias. They say I could have a better quality of life.
I am 23 years old and Ive fnished high school. I had good results but since fnishing I havent wanted to go into
further education. Im afraid of going out of my house. I feel insecure. Thats why I dont like to go out.
I fght with my family because they want me to go into further education to follow up my studies. I fnally decided
to go to a professional course in the administrative services of the secondary school where I studied. That way
I could stay in a familiar setting. But the course did not run smoothly. I didnt like my monitor because he had a
physical disability and I dont like people with physical disabilities. Thats strange isnt it? When I have a
disability myself.
During the school year I participated in a show in the music conservatory and I danced and acted with other
people with disabilities. I had the occasion to interact with other people and it was a good strategy to help
overcome my phobia. The play was about the UN Convention on the Rights of People with Disabilities.
The young man who danced with me is a very competent person diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.
I want to invest more time in theatre and musical plays I like them. I enjoyed the play very much and I think Im
feeling more secure about going out now. However, Im not sure if I can go out alone.

I think Im feeling more secure about going out now.

Breaking the silence | 13

A perilous journey through the echelons of education
being an invisible, black and neurodiverse sheep!
by Holly Judge
For the fnal piece of my GCSE in Art, I painted a herd of anthropomorphic sheep all
veering in one direction. To represent their diversity I adorned them in attire which
symbolised such things as their walk of life, ethnic group, nationality and gender.
However, there was a single sheep who exhibited the same level of uniqueness
that other members of the herd possessed, but was veering in the opposite
direction through the chaotic mass exodus, looking back through a voluminous
shroud of hair.
They thought I was a surrealist, but I wasnt. I never paint dreams. I paint my
reality, said my favourite artist Frida Kahlo. My own work symbolised my own
feelings as a depressed, socially anxious and isolated teenager, and it still does to some extent. However, I have
started to climb the rungs of transition and as I meet a bigger world of possibilities, the constraints begin to ease.
I can hear people saying, Well, havent most people experienced depression, isolation, social anxiety at some point in
their lives? How are you any different?
I have asked myself this many times. I experienced self-denial and confusion after my diagnosis. Unbeknownst to
myself or my parents, my school nurse referred me, observing that my social skills were poor in relation to my overall
intelligence. I found it hard to immediately relate to the rigid diagnostic criteria (is this really me?) and I felt guilt when I
didnt feel the sense of relief described in personal accounts that Id read.
It has taken years of self refection to understand my diagnosis. Perhaps I have been indifferent to social hierarchies,
out of sync with the unspoken needs/wants/trends of peer groups. What forces draw people into groups? Its a
mystery! Ive sometimes been completely disinterested in interaction, choosing solitary activities instead. Perhaps
sometimes I do have diffculty remembering/following instructions but at the same time I feel basic emotional
concern on an individual level, and recognising facial expressions and empathy is not always a problem. Hmm...
Ten years ago I came across a website by a woman on the spectrum. It was the personal perspective that seemed to
resonate with me - the description of her differences transcended puddle deep stereotypes. I could certainly relate to
her issues with disclosure. If she told people she was on the spectrum they would remark how normal she appears to
be despite it, but if she didnt tell them, she was often branded strange, stupid and rude. Further research on women,
and being involved in this research project, has confrmed for me that this as a not uncommon scenario.
The most important rung on my transition ladder has been attending University College London (UCL) and living
independently in London. It took me six years and I improved my grades from an E to an A in Chemistry and a D to
an A in Biology in order to get there. I have a lethal combination of dyslexic and ADD traits that has had a signifcant
impact on my academic life and ability to learn.

As a result, my dream for the future is to gain a
deeper understanding of different cognitive and
learning styles and I hope to connect this knowledge
with developing educational innovations and
strategies to help others maximise their learning.

My dream for the future is to gain

a deeper understanding of different
cognitive and learning styles.

14 | Breaking the silence

My standard of living and health, in pictures
by Patricia Cuadrado
At home
I like the woods
In the countryside
I like going for walks
When I have a tummy ache, I dont like doing anything
At the doctors
Breaking the silence | 15
Hard work
by Kerry
I always knew I wanted to work with children. As Ive grown older I can see that I communicate much more easily
with children and dont feel the same anxiety and pressure to conform like I do with most adults. Children are
naturally more accepting and judgement-free. I lack the ability to fully understand the complexities of adult
communication and I feel that my thinking is more childlike. Adults (particularly women) have many hidden
meanings in what they say and do, and the expectation is there that I will understand these meanings - which I
often dont. I need people to communicate directly and clearly with me and children are generally better at this
than adults.
I was naturally drawn towards teaching as I like sharing my knowledge with others and it is immensely pleasurable
to see someone grasp a concept that they didnt understand before. With hindsight it wasnt the best career
choice! Maybe if I had been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome earlier I would have made entirely different
choices, but due to many GPs not understanding autism in women, I wasnt diagnosed until my mid twenties - a
few years ago. Yes, I get to be surrounded by children every day and I follow a very structured timetable (although
changes often happen at the last minute, which I fnd very stressful). But my need for perfection means that I am
happiest when I achieve the highest standards. Of course it would be impossible for anyone to achieve perfection
100% of the time and so Im often left disappointed with myself and fearing the disappointment of others.
Having Asperger syndrome means that I have to be very aware of when I am being pushed beyond my limits.
Preparation is the key to my survival, hence I am probably one of the most organised teachers there is! I have to
spend my school holidays working tirelessly to ensure I have everything planned and ready until the next holiday.
Most teachers just work extra at the weekends or late into the night, but I cant do that. Every working day I am
pushed to the limits of my capability by putting on an endless act to appear normal, and this leaves me feeling
exhausted. I must reserve my evenings and weekends for recovery time or else I will quickly be left in such a state
that I cant actually go to work - luckily that happens very rarely. Most social occasions have to wait until school
holidays. Of course most people, even if they know about my diagnosis, do not understand this necessity AT ALL!
How I see it is that all people are huge batteries. The batteries are drained during the week and they recharge
at the weekend. Other peoples batteries can still charge even when they are socialising (maybe even charging
faster) whereas my battery is stopped from recharging when Im socialising and so I must spend a lot of time
alone. I feel that the guilt that is often put upon me for not socialising, even by the people I love, is hugely unfair
when I have no control over the way I have been made.
The biggest problem in my career, by far, is working with other adults. On a daily basis I have to communicate
with parents, other teachers, teaching assistants and management (amongst others). There are so many things
that might be said, in so many different ways. For example, a parent might just make small talk with me about
my weekend, or they might be fairly aggressive about something they are unhappy about; a teacher might be
upset about something that has happened and need comforting. I might need to express my unhappiness

My need for perfection means that I am happiest when I achieve

the highest standards.

Having Asperger syndrome means that I have to be very aware

of when I am being pushed beyond my limits.

16 | Breaking the silence

about something they have done; I might need to give instructions to a teaching assistant; a member of the
management might chat to me socially in the staffroom, or they might discuss a very serious matter with me that
needs urgent attention. Each situation needs a different response from me and I need to judge this just right if I
am to come across as responsible, caring and competent.
I tend to approach each situation neutrally and then mimic how the other person is behaving as that is probably
how they would like me to respond. So, if they are laughing lots then so will I, and if they are quite serious then
I will be too. To most people this comes naturally, but I have to consciously think it through and be very wary of
saying or doing the wrong thing in the wrong situation (which has happened many times before).
Another factor which makes it infnitely more diffcult is that each person is completely different. I have to learn
how each individual person responds in each situation. Some people are very easy going all the time (my favourite
type of person) whereas others are unpredictable and even though they react a particular way one time, the
next time they might respond in an entirely different way. I am incredibly sensitive to changes and this applies
to changes in people. I have heard that autistic people are probably not oblivious to social cues at all like was
once believed. The opposite is probably true: that they are so sensitive to each change in facial expression, tone
of voice and gesture that they are quickly overwhelmed and cant process all the information at once. This is
certainly how I feel. I can sense the slightest changes but I just cant process the information quickly enough to
work out what they are trying to tell me. I end up having to guess to try and fll in the gaps and I often jump to the
wrong conclusions or get myself in a state over something that isnt even true.
My spectrum of emotions is a lot more restricted than most peoples and this often causes problems. If someone
shows an emotion that is outside of the range I can cope with then I will panic and feel the overwhelming need to
exit the situation in any way possible. I cannot cope with people who are upset or angry and I do not know how
to respond in these situations. I also cant cope if I feel those emotions and will inevitably end up in tears which
many people dont understand - as a professional and an adult I am expected to be able to control my emotions.
I think expectations are one of the biggest hurdles for people with Asperger syndrome to deal with in the
workplace. Because I look normal I am expected to exhibit normal behaviours. Inside, I feel far from normal.
The problem is that many people have a stereotypical view of a person with Asperger syndrome - for this reason
I have to be very careful whom I share my diagnosis with. Being a teacher with Asperger syndrome is a very
sensitive topic. Although I would like to be entirely open about my diagnosis, I feel that that would not be wise. I
think parents in particular would be doubtful of my ability and would probably choose to focus on the negatives
rather than the positives. In my opinion (and in that of those who have seen me in the classroom) I am an
exceptional teacher and can offer a lot to the teaching profession. I used to want to be a head teacher as I am
incredibly ambitious but I found out very quickly that my communication skills are not strong enough. I am in a
leadership position currently and, with the support of my school, I am achieving great things. I am happier in my
career now than I ever have been and that is mostly due to the exceptional understanding and accommodation of
the school I work at.

Because I look normal I am expected to exhibit normal

behaviours. Inside, I feel far from normal.

I knew it was the right school for me when the head teacher told
me that the diagnosis didnt matter to him - he had seen what an
outstanding teacher I am and that was all that mattered.

Breaking the silence | 17

I disclosed my diagnosis as soon as I was offered this job. I knew it was the right school for me when the head
teacher told me that the diagnosis didnt matter to him - he had seen what an outstanding teacher I am and that
was all that mattered. He sat down and discussed how he could help me at work and since then has always
considered my needs and supported me fully. I feel incredibly lucky as I know that many employers are not as
kind or understanding.
In my darkest times I resent being as high-functioning as I am. I feel that being highly intelligent can often be a
hindrance as I can see every possibility, every outcome, every missed opportunity and it burdens me hugely. I
often wish I could have never had Asperger syndrome but then I remind myself that Id be an entirely different
person and I like who I am - I just dont like the way that I seem to have to work so hard to achieve the simplest
things. I live a fairly normal life but this is at the detriment of my mental and physical health. It frustrates me
hugely when health professionals show such ignorance to offer up statements such as, You cant have Asperger
syndrome because you have a job, a house and a husband. If they could live my life for just one day they
certainly wouldnt hold that opinion anymore!
I have always been resigned to the fact that I will have to leave teaching before starting my own family as I dont
see how the two can coincide successfully. I am often on the cusp of coping now and thats without the huge
responsibility and inevitable stress of having my own children. My current job is the frst time Ive felt it could,
perhaps, be possible but of course no job ever stays the same - everything changes all the time - and thats the
hardest thing for someone with Asperger syndrome to deal with.
So, for now I will enjoy my happiness and appreciate the position I am in. I will try not to think about the
uncertainty of the future. Most of all, I will continue to try and educate the world on what it truly means to be a
woman with autism.
18 | Breaking the silence
Spirituality and relationships
by Michelle Frias
Everybody was talking about Halloween and they were
planning to use a Ouija board.
So I was quiet, laughing to myself. I have plenty of
experience of magic, and this way to contact the dead is
very dangerous. They dont know anything about the dead.
I decide to stay there to have fun if anything happens.
It sounds cruel, but if anyone listened to me at any
moment, I would give advice to them. But everybody
thinks that I am retarded.
Oh, hopeless souls, I thought. The sculpture teacher
was laughing, for different reasons. He didnt believe
in paranormal activity; he said that the believers were
stupid. Listening to them, I felt like this:
This is why I am alone, out of the art group.
They talk to each other and the group has the
same ideas about life but, poor people, they need
to do dangerous things to feel important. They dont
know about feeling alone like a slave, throughout the
whole of their childhood. They left me alone, crying
and begging for friendship. I asked to be a part of
the art group, but nobody answered me. I try to talk
to them, but they pass by me as if I was invisible
to them. If they suffer, I wont feel sad about that,
because their game is hurting me every day and I
still keep my lips closed.
My blood boils
whenever I think
about how those
idiots are going
to beg for their
lives
.
Breaking the silence | 19
Inclusion
by Patricia Castanha
Being a young woman with autism is not an easy task.
Inclusion is a very beautiful word. However, it is nothing more than that many people use this word but very few
practise it.
When I was a little girl it was easy at kindergarten or primary school. Small children accept other children who are
different quite well. The situation gets worse when you grow up! The other teenagers, some teachers and most
adults dont want to include an autistic child and they dont even make an effort to understand what it means to
be autistic.
When I went to a swimming club my mother didnt mention the word
autism as the clubs policy was that children with disabilities couldnt go
in the pool. People didnt know I was autistic. They just found me very
shy. I went to swimming classes and learned how to swim. It was too late
when they realised I was autistic they didnt have the courage to send
me away because they already knew me well.
The same situation happened again at an aqua park during the holidays!
I wanted to go swimming with the dolphins but it was written in the admission rules that children with autism were
not allowed. Once again, my mother omitted the fact that I had autism so that I could realise my dream.
Last July, I fnished high school and my parents and I decided that I would apply to attend a professional course
for playing the fute. Again my parents didnt mention my condition.
The exams with the instrument
were fne but I wasnt admitted
after the interview because I had
to disclose that I was autistic. The
same thing happened when I applied
for a course to become a library
technician. Finally, I was able to do
a professional secretarial course, at
the school that I attend now. They
accepted me with no problems.
My parents complained to the Minister
of Education and to the Secretary
of State about the discrimination Id
experienced. However, the problem
has not been solved as it should be.
Despite all the barriers, Ive been able
to overcome the obstacles in my life,
and feel that I am a fulflled and happy
young woman!

I am a fulflled
and happy young
woman!

20 | Breaking the silence

Diffculties in school
by Irenoula
When you are a child you have to leave your home every day to attend school. Thats where the torment starts
for a girl with an autism spectrum disorder. From the very frst moment you get in the classroom you stop being
yourself. You lose your identity and you have to sit quietly, learning things you are not interested in and forgetting
those you really care about. Youre forced to be surrounded by people with whom you have nothing in common,
spending a lot of time with them whether you like it or not. Each time youre not able to follow the pace set by the
teacher you are grounded, put in detention, or mocked. Who said that tying your shoelaces and understanding
the passing time on a clock is an easy thing to do? You are compared to your schoolmates every single day, but
whats the point?
In this advanced educational system we seem to value competition over cooperation: the triumph of the individual
over the collaboration of a group. Copying, as a basis for learning, is essentially wrong, but then making fun of
someone is overlooked. Who is wrong here? The teacher or you? Your worth is measured by your marks but they
dont refect your knowledge. Even worse, you put it all at stake on a test, in just one day. Isnt it true that anyone
can have a bad day, in which you can wake up with a headache or go blank? Apparently not. Or probably nobody
wants to raise their voice against this unyielding and nineteenth-century educational system.
Girls with an autism spectrum disorder are free
souls trapped in sealed glass pots, observed
through refections produced by the external
lights of society colliding with their fragile yet
unforgiving cage. These refections do nothing
but accentuate the shadows. Bring them out of
these pots so you can see they have their own
light! No one will be able to overshadow them,
neither personally nor professionally. You need
only to be willing to understand that there are
as many different ways to live and see life as
different persons exist on the face of the earth.
The person writing these words has two
different base plates with two different
operating systems in her brain: the frst
one, my own, real one, doesnt need to
be repaired, its virus-free and has a lot of
installed programs. The second one, the
societal one, is full of operational failures
and viruses which have to be removed
constantly, and it has just one program for
all the areas of life, based on the pecking
order of society.
LOST. If anyone fnds me, please can you let me know

Girls with an autism spectrum disorder are free souls trapped in

sealed glass pots.

Breaking the silence | 21

Me
by Omeh Egbe (supported by Liz Miles)
I am a woman with autism, and...
I have many talents and I have many skills.
I can work.
I can cook... I can sew... I can sing... I can dance... I can act... I am artistic...
I have a loving family and a place in my church and in
my community.
22 | Breaking the silence
I have met very important people. Famous people too!
I have my hopes. I have my dreams
I am a woman with autism and...
With acceptance and understanding, I hope, one day,
my dreams will come true!

With acceptance and

understanding, I hope,
one day, my dreams will
come true!

Royal Household/John Swannell

Breaking the silence | 23
With the support of the
Lifelong Learning Programme
of the European Union
1606 130414