Diet In Islam

Article: Verbal Diarrhea & Physically Hyperactive

By: Hwaa Irfan

Diet
All too often, parents assume that a young child is happiest when they eat snacks, fast
foods, sweets, and fizzy drinks. In fact a child probably is happy, but there is a price to
pay.

The first price, is that a child becomes demanding of these things that a parent gives into
to "keep them happy" or quiet! So what this teaches a child is that they can have what
they want, except it becomes a habit as a means of attention seeking, when maybe what
they really want is some quality time with mom or/and dad.

The second price paid is on the children themselves. The U.S-based Center for Science in
the Public Interest carried out a study looking at "Diet and Attention Deficit/Hyperactive
Disorder". They found that:

• School aged boys suffer with Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder, ADHD or

Hyperkinesis, more than girls

• Children often outgrow ADHD, but it can carry on into adulthood, leading to a lot of
other problems

• Such children are not welcome in the homes of others, or in teams or groups

Artificial colorings and flavorings can trigger ADHD, as well as certain natural colorings
like salicylates (found in apricots, berries, tomatoes almonds, cloves, coffee, pickles,
cucumber, currants grapes, raisins, oranges, nectarines, peppers, plums and tea).
Tartrazine and benzoic acid (food preservative) found in milk, wheat, oranges,eggs,
chocolates and others can cause irritability, sleeplesness, and restlessness.
Signs – of inattention include:

• Easily distracted by irrelevant sights and sounds

• Failing to pay attention to details and making careless mistakes

• Rarely follows instructions carefully or to completion

• Loses or forgets things

• Avoids tasks that requires mental effort

Signs – of hyperactivity and Impulsiveness includes:

• Restless and fidgety

• Physically active in situations that require quiet

• Behave as if driven by a motor

• Difficulty waiting ones turn

All of the above to constitute signs of ADHD must be observed before the age of 7 and
observable over a period of 6 months.

If any of the signs mentioned above are observable over the period of time stated, then it
is wise to put the children on an elimination diet. An elimination diet helps to identify the
food that is the trigger in ADHD which differs from child to child, according to what they
are allergic to. To know what they are allergic to, remove all the processed foods for a
whole month, and introduce one food one by one back into the diet to see what triggers
the behavior. Again , do the same with citrus fruits, meats, dairy products – - obviously
not all at once or you might have one really upset child on ones hands. Keeping a
notebook will help to keep track on the changes, and what was done when. Once the food
or foods are identified, then to help support the child to resist temptation, the family as a
whole should also avoid that food. By the way, refined sugars in soft drinks and foodstuffs
can also cause the problem and lead to changes in motor activity and attentiveness. All in
all, it means eating of the good things that Allah (SWT) provided for us by applying a low
additive or organic diet, with a home cooked food is the best policy.

Sleep
Sometimes, the parents are so busy with work and socializing, that sleep becomes
something that one fits in after everything else has been attended to. It is not too
uncommon to find parents taking their children everywhere believing that child can sleep
anywhere! This is probably true, but how often that sleep becomes disturbed because the
parent is ready to go or because of some noisy activity is too frequent to be of benefit to
the child. Sleep deprivation can lead to so many problems as adults, so think what effect it
can have on the children. Problems lead to:

• Further difficulty in sleeping

• Sleep walking

• Problems breathing, snoring

• Bad mood swings

Children are forced into the schedules of their parents, and they end up feeling powerless,
and with low self esteem. To help them sleep well, parents need to consider their children
with needs of their own and not an as additional factor to juggle in their day. Also, to aid
good sleep try to:

Eating Habits After Late Afternoon

• Establish a routine
• No drinks or meals containing caffeine (e.g. soft/fizzy drinks)
• Keep meals simple and not difficult to digest
• Cut back on protein and refined sugars
• Avoid excessive low calorie diets
• Make the last meal at least two hours before bedtime
• Establish a routine
• Reduce anything that over-stimulates the mind (T.V, music, artificial lights,
work/study, physical exercise)
• A calm atmosphere
• For little ones an anasheed/lullaby
• For those able to understand a story
• Just talking to air out any gremlins that might have occurred during the day
• Comfortable bedclothing

Attention

Some parents as children did not get much attention from their parents, and find it
difficult to give attention because they have not learnt the skills of bonding. It is imposible
to raise a child, without spending time with that child. It is important to a child's self
esteem that they receive the kind of attention that allows for their feelings, their thoughts,
and for understanding, as well as fun. A child deprived of these aspects will react in many
ways, and sometimes those ways will be expressed outwardly to others, and sometimes
inwardly, but both ways are negative, and turned inwardly is more dangerous, because
then the parents are not attentative enough to be aware that something is wrong.

By the way, the besty place for a young child, is outdoors, not couped where they can get
lots of fresh air, feel physically rejuvenated and explore their natural environment which
nurtures an enquiring mind, and instills balance. It is only then, when they are not so
much in need of direct attention from their parents.

Discipline
All children need to have limits set, but those limits must be reasonable. Without those
limits. Achild will keep trying to "push that button" to see how far they can go and get
away with it. If a child is to be punished, they should only be punished because they
understand what they are being punished for, and the best punishment is not allowing
them a treat, or something that they want.

When your child does not accept "No" for an answer.

• Distraction is the best policy

• Do not lose your temper
• Do not bribe with sweets – your child will learn deception and manipulation
• Do not give in – otherwise your child will become more demanding.
• Ignore all the fuss – your child is playing on the attention she can get

A three-year old child is:

• Learning about their physical capabilities

• Affectionate, especially towards their parents

• Jealous (i.e. jealous of the mother if they are a girl, and jealous of the father if
they are a boy but will begin role modeling according to gender.
• Fearful of imaginary things, the dark, etc

• Enjoying being a part of a group

• In need of social interaction with peers

Mercy and compassion are essential components of building a Muslim society, and it starts
with how we raise our child, who afterall are the future. When we only expect obedience,
we treat our children as extensions of ourselves to do our bidding, and to be who we want
them to be. By showing respect to our children, and with that the compassion of mercy,
we develop emotional ties, which all humans needs regardless of age, and in so doing we
establish a loving, caring relationship that is reciprocated. In this way, the child learns,
love, learns compassion, learns to give and learns to listen, because we too listen to them.

Prophet Muhammad said: "He who does not respect our elder, or is not merciful to the
young, or does not feel indebted to the scholars, is not of my Nation" (Abu Dawud, #
4921, and At-Tirmidhi, #1925)
What is The Meaning of the Discipline Process? (Part l)
by Sahar Kassaimah

02/07/2001

Have you ever gotten tired of shouting, threatening and warning your children? Have you
ever felt annoyed at how much time you have to spend arguing with them? Most parents
have, at one time or another. Sometimes, we feel that all we ever do is punish. We blame
ourselves for getting angry and for not knowing what to do. But, we need to realize that
often, we are a part of the problem. The ways that we react to our children's behavior can
actually serve to increase misbehavior in the future.

It is normal for young children to sometimes misbehave. After all…they are children.
Therefore, it is the parents' role to discipline them in a way that would actually serve to
decrease future outbursts. Although it is not easy to raise a well-behaved child, children
learn how to behave in exactly the same ways as they learn how to misbehave.

Before we talk about how to discipline our children, we need first address the meaning of
the disciplinary process. Disciplining our children is a teaching process, and not just one of
punishment. Disciplining does not mean controlling our children's behavior, nor does it
mean spending the day chasing them around the house in order to force them to behave.
The most important purpose of the process is to teach children how to make better
decisions, better choices about their behavior, how to be responsible and how to choose to
behave.

"The purpose of discipline is teaching children to be cooperative. Begin emphasizing

cooperation and responsible decision making at an early age. Have faith in your child's
willingness to cooperate. Children are either in control or under control. Discipline means
teaching children to control themselves. If you want your children to be responsible
decision makers, you must teach them self-control. If you force control, they do not learn
to master being in control; they do not develop self-control skills and habits, and as a
result, they are out of control."*

Therefore, even when we punish our children, we need to choose the forms of
punishments that actually teach them. We need to control our reactions and to think
about which punishment would actually serve to curtail misbehavior. Punishing them in
anger will only succeed in curbing the misbehavior for the short-term.

It is also important for parents to be strict when they discipline. Psychologists confirm that
parents must be consistent, because children need to learn that when mom and dad say
something, they mean what they say, even if it means some temporary unpleasantness.
Threatening children, but not following through with any form of discipline can actually be
detrimental. Why should they listen to our threats, if they believe that we just talk without
taking any actions?

Our children, even the youngest of them are much smarter than we think. Despite their
innocence and young ages, they know how to test us and how to take advantage of our
love and kindness. From our reactions, they learn how to behave. Therefore, we need to
learn how to get them to listen the first time we ask them to do something. We need to
learn how to correct them without arguments and how to use punishments that teach,
rather than hurt, them.
"Too many parents have the false belief that if they love their children as much as
possible, their misbehavior will someday improve. Love, warmth, and affection are
essential. They are fundamentals. But you also need knowledge."

"Parents need training just as professionals need training. Children need trained parents
as much as they need loving parents. Training pulls together all the good ideas you
already have, provides structure and direction, and gives you confidence. You learn that
what you are doing is right." (Sal Severe, 2000).

Furthermore, children are smart enough to know when we are serious and when we are
not; when we mean what we say and when we do not; and when we are ready to punish
them and when we are not. Therefore, they know how to choose the right time to
misbehave. Sometimes, we care about what people will say about our children's behavior,
especially when we are in public. Therefore, we do not feel comfortable disciplining them
or punishing them when people can see. Thus they realize that they can misbehave in
public without consequence.

Nevertheless, if parents would just forget about the public and pay more attention to
disciplining their children, then the children will understand that they will be punished if
they do not follow the rules. No matter where or when.

Do not hesitate say "No" when needed. And when you say "No," you have to be strict. If a
child forces you to say "Yes" by crying or screaming, they will learn that this is the way to
control you and force you into realizing their wishes. But, if you are strict, you will teach
then that when you say "No," it means "No," even if they cry or scream in public. Thus,
you will be doing them a favor by teaching them how to behave properly.

Reference
Sal Severe, Ph.D., "How to Behave, So Your Children Will, Too!" Viking Press. 2000.

www.islamonline.net

What is the Meaning of the Discipline Process? (Part II)

by Sahar Kassaimah

18/07/2001

Part I of this article addressed the meaning of the disciplinary process. In this article,
we will discuss how to teach children to make better choices about their behavior;
and help them realize that good behavior will actually make them feel better.

Our children's self-discipline will be a key to their success in the future. But, how can
they learn the keys necessary to help them towards that path of discipline? Since our
goal in disciplining our children is to teach them self-discipline and not to just stop
misbehavior temporarily, parents need to begin by learning to differentiate between
the times when their children are behaving inappropriately and when they are merely
experimenting or testing boundaries. It is also important for us to remember that our
expectations of a child's behavior should be realistic.
In the meantime, it helps when parents can create an environment that respects the
child. This environment of mutual respect gives children a feeling that the world
around them is a friendly place wherein they can learn. Therefore, harsh punishment
and aggressive acts are not successful in teaching children self-control. Beating,
excessive screaming and yelling may stop a child's misbehavior for the moment, but
at the same time, it may increase the conflict level and convince children that they
are bad people, which may lead them to stop listening or exhibit even worse
behavior in the future. Psychologists say that calling a child names is damaging
because he or she may believe that those names are accurate descriptions of their
behavior.

Some parents exaggerate when expressing their anger towards their children's
misbehavior. They even go so far as excessively threatening them with statements
like, "I am going to throw you out of the house if you don't behave." But, what
happens in these cases is that our aggression may diminish our credibility in our
children's eyes, thus teaching them to ignore what we say. Nevertheless, throwing
your hands up and quitting will not change the children's misbehavior either, nor will
it teach them the keys to self-discipline.

Parents should find positive disciplinary techniques, that combine direction and
caring, to help show and teach children why certain behaviors are unacceptable. On
the other hand, it is important that parents figure out what their children hope to
gain by their misbehavior. If, for example, the child misbehaves because he seeks
attention, we should show him how to get our attention without misbehaving. In
general, we should always teach children how to get what they want through proper
behavior.

Setting Limits:

Beneficial discipline techniques include setting limits for children in order to teach
them what is acceptable and what is not. Subsequently, they will learn that when
they surpass their limits, they will be punished and that the punishment will match
their mistake.
For example, it is not useful, nor is it logical, to send your child to bed without dinner
because he did not finish his homework; however, if you eliminate TV privileges for
two or three days, that would be more appropriate.

Spotlight Good Behavior:

"Positive feedback is the most powerful tool you have to improve your children's
behavior and self-esteem. Positive feed-back is a payoff for good behavior."*

Someone may ask: What is the payoff and what does it have to do with the discipline
process? "Learning occurs because of a payoff. We behave to earn a payoff. We do
things to get what we want. We make decisions about our behavior to get what we
want. Sometimes we want things. Sometimes we want things our way. We avoid
behaviors that might cause us to lose things or make us feel uncomfortable."*

Sometimes, parents only spotlight inappropriate behavior and forget to highlight and
commend children for good behavior. Sometimes, parents even take good behavior
for granted. But, psychologists confirm that using positive feedback with children is
very important because it helps us to increase the desirable behaviors, as well as to
decrease the misbehavior. And, it doesn't cost us a lot. All we need to do is learn to
recognize good behavior and reinforce it by rewarding the child with a hug or some
words of encouragement.

"You would like your children to share with each other. When your children share
something, reinforce the sharing. You could say 'I like the way you are sharing this
morning. That's a good decision,' 'I am proud of the way you are sharing the TV.
That shows you are growing up. Good for you!"*

We can also use positive feedback to eliminate misbehavior. For example, if your son
fights with his sister, it would be beneficial to encourage him to play nicely and to
help her to draw or to color; and to show him how to do it. Sometimes, all we need
to do is spend more time explaining to our children what is and isn't acceptable,
before we resort to punishing them. When he plays nicely, spotlight his positive
behavior towards his sister and reinforce it with encouraging words. For example,
"You are helping your sister draw. Good for you."

He will immediately learn that playing nicely with his sister is a more acceptable way
of playing. Over time, the arguing and the fighting will decrease because your son
will have learned that it is inappropriate and because he will try to get the payoff
through good behavior.

Our children believe what we say about them. If you tell him he is a good boy and he
likes to share with his sister, he will believe what you say and he will act accordingly.

Punishment:

Psychologists say it is important for parents to explain to their children what they
expect from them before resorting to punishing them for misbehaving. Our children
do not understand some of the reasoning behind our actions. From their limited and
innocent points of view, they may think that we are doing things they totally
disagree with. Therefore, it is normal for them to feel bad about being disciplined.

As we said in the first part of this article, our children are smarter than we think.
Sometimes they test us just to measure our limits, often trying to see if they can
surpass them.

We need to be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment, especially in

anger; and we must make sure to follow through with what we say. For example,
saying, "if you do not stop crying, I will stop the car and leave you alone in the
street," is not exactly a realistic punishment.

"If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the
backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The lost day at the beach is
much less valuable than the credibility you'll gain with your kids."**

References and Sources

** "Disciplining Your Child." The Nemours Foundation.

* Severe, Sal, Ph. D. "How to Behave, So Your Children Will, Too!" Greentree
Publishing. 1997.

Rogers, Joan S. "How to Handle Hard-to-Handle Kids." Piedmont Parent.