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Jabba`s Palace, but it was definitely a contender. C3PO, however picky he was, did not
need the perfect hiding place, for now… He quickly ran in the dusty, stuffy space behind
the workshop, looking nervously (about as nervous as a droid can look) behind him.
It had been just a couple of hours since his master, Luke Skywalker, had barely
evaded being ingurgitated by a Rancor. Ever since then, the Palace had been in an uproar.
Jabba, infuriated, sent C3PO away to wait with the other droids until he further needed
him. Of course that meant that C3PO would have to deal with…
Her… EV9D9. And her trusty cybernetic sidekick. 8D8. They appeared in the middle of
the doorway, looking fairly menacing (to C3Po anyway), half-hidden in shadows. From
behind them, screams and shrieks could be heard, droids being tortured by various
- I`m quite comfortable where I am, thank you, C3Po said trying to keep his vocal circuits
from stuttering.
- Oh… comfortable. You want comfort do you, Evie said mockingly. 8D8, please, show
our beloved guest what services we can provide to make him more… comfortable.
8D8 slowly raised his left arm. The five fingers each sank into his mechanical palm and
were replaced with five instruments that looked like they could cause a droid excruciating
in a frantic way, signaling his displeasure at the variety of torture tools being offered.
- Pick. Evie demanded forcefully, or will use them all on your behind.
C3PO definitely did not like the sound of that. He was very much fond of his behind. In
fact, next to his head, it was one of his favorite body parts.
- Oh dear… was all that he could mutter, as the sharp, menacing, sharp, pointy, and did I
mention sharp instruments where drawing nearer and nearer to his cheek.
It was a human voice that had said those words, a female human voice, but to C3PO it
was the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. There standing in the doorway, framed by a
soft light and with her hand on her hip, was a young human female. Her stance was one
of power and yet calm. She advanced slowly towards Evie who had swung around to see
who had dared to interrupt her fun. Organic or otherwise, they would pay.
- This does not concern you, human. She spat the last word as if the ultimate insult.
- Whenever somebody is bullied into a corner, it does concern me. I`m weird like that.
C3PO was still cowering in a corner but he felt brave enough to stand up. He could see
the female more clearly now. She was barely 1,65 m tall and she had to crane her neck
upwards to look the 1,90 m droid in the eyes. She had long red-gold hair and was wearing
a simple robe. In fact, it looked like she was in the middle of going off to bed before
stepping in. Quite unwise, C3PO thought, to challenge a droid like Evie unarmed. Now
normally droids had standard programs to prevent them from harming humans, but with a
droid like Evie, sadomasochistic and all around psychotic… who knows what damage
she could do. C3PO resigned himself to doing the brave thing. Even if it would mean he
was to suffer greatly… horribly… incredibly, he could never forgive himself for allowing
a sentient being to come to harm because of him. He had to step up and bring it, as his
- M-m-m-miss. It`s alright. We`re just having an argument. It`s nothing, he finally
managed to get out. He prayed that she would go and at least alert somebody of what was
going on. Hopefully Jabba would send word to stop Evie before his behind suffered
irreparable damage.
The female looked the terrified droid up and down, perhaps pondering his words. She
- Yes, human. Why don`t you scamper off and convince some poor humanoid to stuff his
life savings in your underwear. Isn`t that what you were hired to do? Evie said and felt
quite proud of herself. She had been meaning to say that to one of Jabba`s dancers ever
since she joined his little operation. Stupid female dancers… What she wouldn`t give to
have just five minutes with all of them in one of her chambers.
The female however did not look intimidated, nor did she look angry. She just continued
to look up, smirking at Evie. The smirk slowly turned into a genuine smile and just when
Evie was planning on asking what she has to smile about, she felt something akin to
numbness in her neck. Evie placed her metallic hands on her neck and both were quickly
covered in a fluid. The female had ripped one of her lubricant conduits. Evie started
panicking and strange mechanical coughs filled the room. When had the female done this.
Evie`s sensors didn`t even detect the movement. None of the droids in the room did. 8D8
quickly rushed by his master`s side and carried her out of the room, on the way to the
workshop.
C3PO felt relieved beyond measure, and leaned back, hiting the wall with his back. He
- Don`t mention, the female casually retorted and came next to him. Oh, look what they
did to you. She turned his head and saw that he had been scratched across the cheek.
- What.? C3PO jerked and brought his hand to his face. Oh, nooo, he lamented. What if it
gets infected.?
The female giggled. Some droids were taking the whole “human personality profile” a bit
too far.
- I can fix that. Come on, she said and extended her hand.
- Oh no miss, thank you. I already owe you my unending gratitude for saving me (all of
- Yes, I saved you and now you`re my responsibility. Come on. We can`t have you go out
with your face messed up. Jabba doesn`t like his goods damaged.
Again she stood with her extended hand. C3PO looked at it for a while and then
- I`m Ma… the female stopped herself and then after a split second pause she said. Arica.
My name is Arica.
- Please to meet you Miss Arica, I am C3PO, human-cyborg relations, at your service.
***
- Ouch…
- Oh don`t be like that, you wuss. It doesn`t hurt.
- It irritates my circuits.
Mara rolled her eyes as she applied the coagulant on C3PO`s face. The pasty substance
would fill the indentation in his cheek. Getting to that point however proved troublesome,
- I`m sorry, said C3PO sensing that his benefactor was growing irritated. R2D2, my
counterpart, usually applies droid first aid. I am not used to fleshy appendices.
Mara finished the procedure and then gently tapped the surface where she had applied the
C3PO looked on the floor and grabbed a shiny metal tray. He looked at his reflexion and
yelped.
- Oh. There`s a spot on my face now. You should`ve left the scratch. I would`ve looked
more intimidating.
- C3PO, plasma canons for hands and laser beams coming out of your eyes and you still
- Well, not to you maybe, the droid grumbled and dropped the tray back on the ground.
- What did you say, Mara asked squinting her eyes, looking like she took offence to what
he had said.
- Ah, she said nodding her head. He was a fun one, that`s for sure.
- If you don`t mind me saying miss, you are quite handy with a wrench. How did that
came to be exactly?
- Oh, I know protocol droids through and through. I grew up surrounded by them. In fact,
Mara stared at some blank spot on the wall, lost in her private memory. A girl running
around in a big empty palace. The only other people, if you can call them that, that would
wander in those secluded areas were the droids. For some reason they took a liking to the
little red head girl who was always training for something, always sweaty, always
exhausted. They would talk to her and sometimes even, listen to her, better than any
sentient organic being had listened to her before than and even better than anybody has
- My goodness, C3PO exclaimed and snapped her out of her reverie. You grew up
surrounded by protocol droids? Than your family must`ve been very wealthy indeed.
Fun, but not quite as dense as you would think, Mara thought to herself.
- Oh. My father made them, she quickly made up. He designed behavioral programs. We
- What is your father`s name. Maybe I know of him, C3PO pressed on.
- Oh, I don`t think you do. He operated out of a backwater planet. He wasn`t very well
known, she quickly added trying to bury the subject. He… he died.
- Oh. I`m so sorry, C3PO said sincerely and then felt a bit awkward for pressing the
- Yes. What is your story? She asked though she knew most of it. Her mark, Luke
Skywalker had offered the droid to Jabba the Hutt. What an idiot, she thought. Ok, maybe
he was a little full of himself, but C3PO seemed really smart for an average droid. Not
that it mattered much since Skywalker was going to be dead soon anyway, but it certainly
made her task of pulling that trigger a lot easier knowing that the so called Jedi was a jerk
that would place his droid in danger for no good reason. Easier and pleasurable even.
- Well, C3PO started, in short, I am a present to his greatness, Jabba the Hutt, offered by
- Feel?
- Yes. You were abandoned, don`t you feel angry. At your former master?
- Oh no. I mean, if I wanted to impress a crime lord with a valuable, precious gift, I
Ok, he was very full of himself, Mara corrected her earlier statement.
- Oh, obviously, she quickly added in a mock-tone. But, you know, as you can see, this is
not the safest environment for a droid. He knowingly placed you in danger.
- Oh, me and my counterpart R2D2 have been in far worse situations than this. Though
granted, I`m not particularly fond of dangerous situations, not like my friend anyway, but
I`ve come to expect it, being mr. Skywalker`s droid and all.
- Really?
- Yes. I even have a catchphrase for whenever we`re about to be destroyed. Want to hear
it?
- Fire away.
- Ahem, C3PO coughed and seemed like he was trying to find the right frequency for his
shrill of terror. “Oh no. We`re doomed.” he finally let out in the most terrified voice he
could modulate.
- Thank you. Some times I follow it up with “for sure”, just to surprise people.
C3PO paused and locked his photoreceptors on a straight trajectory with the female`s
green eyes. He looked to the left and to the right and then leaned in. Mara mimicked his
- Can you keep a secret? C3PO said in the lowest tone possible for him.
- Yes…
- I know. I think… maybe it is all part of a plan. Coming here, surrendering me and
R2D2.
- I don`t know C3PO said and lowered his voice even more. But when the escape
happens, and I`m willing to be my last oil bath on it, I am coming back for you miss
Arica.
Ok, now she really was surprised. Her first instinct was to burst out laughing but
thankfully she swallowed her mad fits and continued to look very serious-like at her new
friend. It then dawned on her that in the morning she was going to kill his master, and
suddenly the whole situation felt very very wrong. This droid was actually thinking… he
- Thank you C3PO, she said slightly embarrassed by his offer, but I`ll be fine. You should
- No, Miss Arica. I am determined to repay my debt to you. I will tell my master about
you. We will come to save you from a life of crime and depravation. I`m sure you`ll like
my master.
“Soon he`ll be, how do the droids say, permanently offline” she thought but obviously
- No, it`s ok. I enjoyed talking to you C3PO, she said getting up. And don`t worry about
me. There`s nothing wrong with being a dancer. Just like there`s nothing wrong with
- My master is part of the rebellion. They will fix everything, in due time.
Not if MY master has anything to say about it, Mara thought but again, kept it to herself.
- Yeah. I`ll believe it when I see it, she added and then turned to leave. Goodnight C3PO
- Oh, I won`t be here for long. She won`t have the chance to torment me again.
“Stubborn idiot. Who does that remind me of?” she asked herself jokingly and then left