9 Shockingly Filthy Lines From

Latin Poetry
Behold, the Louis C.K.s of ancient Rome. (NSFW language.)

9. Quod culus tibi purior salillo est, nec toto
decies cacas in anno; atque id durius est faba
et lapillis. Quod tu si manibus teras fricesque,
non umquam digitum inquinare posses.

prafulla.net
Your ass is purer than a saltcellar, nor do you take a shit 10 times in
the whole year. When you do, its harder than beans and pebbles; and if
you rub and crumble it in your hands, you cant ever dirty a finger.
Catullus 23 (meant as a compliment)
8. Cum depilatos, Chreste, coleos portes et
vulturino mentulam parem collo et prostitutis
levius caput culis.

robertluisrabello.com
Chrestus, your balls are hairless
And your cock is as smooth as a vultures neck.
Your scalp is slicker than a hookers butt.
Martial, Epigrams IX.27
7. Sed domi maneas paresque nobis novem
continuas fututiones.

ancientworlds.net
But stay at home, and prepare yourself for nine back-to-back fuckings.
Catullus 32
(A love letter to young Ipsitilla. Conclusion of poem: I am lying down
after lunch, I am full and on my back; I am boring a hole through my
tunic and cloak.)
6. De cathedra quotiens surgisjam saepe
notavipedicant miserae, Lesbia, te
tunicae.sic constringuntur gemina
Symplegade culi et nimias intrant Cyaneasque
natis.

classicalanthology.theclassicslibrary.com
Ive noticed when you get up from the couch
Youre buttfucked, Lesbia, by your wretched skirts.
Your skirts are caught between those massive buns
As big as two Gibraltars a tight fit.
Martial, Epigrams XI.99
5. Os et labra tibi lingit, Manneia, catellus: non
miror, merdas si libet esse cani.

mosaicartsource.wordpress.com
Your little dog licks your mouth and lips, Manneia.
I am not surprised it always enjoyed eating shit.
Martial, Epigrams I.63
4. Zoile, quid solium subluto podice perdis?
Spurcius ut fiat Zoile, merge caput.

wikipaintings.org
Zoilus, why do you pollute the bath
By plunging your ass into it? A tip
Want to make it filthier? Do this:
Submerge your head in the bath as well.
Martial, II.42
3. At tu, pro facinus, Bassa, fututor eras. Inter
se geminos audes committere cunnos
mentiturque uirum prodigiosa Venus.

thebeautifulevil.wordpress.com
Bassa, you were in fact a fucker (of women). You dare to rub together
two pussies, and your clitoris plays the role of a male.
Martial, Epigrams 1.90
2. Mentula tam magna est, tantus tibi, Papyle,
nasus // ut possis, quotiens arrigis, olfacere.

commons.wikimedia.org
Your penis and your nose are so large, Papylus,
that you can smell it whenever you have an erection.
Martial, The Nose, 6.36
1. Pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo // Aureli
pathice et cinaede Furi.

bookkake.com
I will fuck you in the ass and in the mouth, respectively; Aurelius, you
sodomized ass pony and Furius, you cock-sucking pervert.
Catullus, poem 16, directed at two men who think Catullus is girly
because he writes love poems.
This poem was considered so vulgar that no one translated it fully into
English until the 20th century.