July/Aug.

2008
Issue 150
Subtypes in Relationship
A Conversation with Richard Rohr
In Tis Issue
letters
editorial
page 2
masculine/feminine
A. Hahn/J. Beckett
page 4
transcending gender-
Courtney Behm
page 4
Who Am I
Susan Rhodes
page 6
dynamic sevens
Tom Condon
page 13
O
ur primary subtype has a powerful eect on our
relationships. We bring all three of our instincts
into our relationships, yet one of these is central. Over the past 30 years of
Enneagram work, many people have found that subtype in a primary relationship
is more important than personality type itself when it comes to daily life. Tere are
many decisions and habits in living together that are shaped by our instincts and
emotions. How do we manage our time and attention, and how does this t with
our partners subtype? What are our expectations, personal habits, and rhythms of
coming and going? Who cooks and cleans? Who initiates physical contact and how
much? How do we include friends and family, or not?
I am not suggesting that the basic Enneagram type is unimportant. As we travel
the path of intimacy we follow the basic needs and longings of our deepest selves,
we rely on the strengths and capacities of our type structure, and we are confronted
with the issues and limitations of our defense systems. But in living together on a
daily basis, much of our relating is heavily inuenced by our subtypes. Tis is the
realm of instinct and emotion, ruled by our mammali-
an limbic system, not entirely a function of our rational
mind. Understanding subtypes is a way of bringing this to our conscious attention
and having a language which describes it. Fortunately, there are practices to develop
new skills and mediate subtype dierences and similarities in relationship. We can
appreciate the dierent subtype priorities which need attention in order to estab-
lish security and rapport for each partner. We can track rhythms of contact and
withdrawal without taking it all so personally. We can nd ways to balance all three
instincts, each of which plays an important role in home and family life.
Ill focus on intimate partners for the most part, but there are plenty of insights
for our relationships with family members, long term friends, and colleagues at
work. We all know about cooperating and clashing on the emotional/instinctual
eld of relating. Whether you are new to subtypes or an old hand, you will nd
your experience reected and informed by this material at least in part. It wont
all t, but take what is useful to explore your
CONTINUED ON PAGE 16
Jack Labanauskas: It was just over 11 years ago when you and I had a conver-
sation in the Enneagram Monthly. A lot of shifts in attitude and perceptions about
the enneagram happened since then. Im curious if in the last
10 years you have come up with new ideas, conclusions or
projects. What have you been up to lately?
Richard Rohr: Well, we just gave a conference in Assisi
(Italy) entitled, Te Enneagram and Paradox. It opened
up so many interesting question that in fact were doing the
conference here in Albuquerque at the end of the year. Ive
invited Russ Hudson to join me because he also sees a lot of
fruitfulness in the idea that the enneagram is a marvelous per-
sonal tool to open you up to paradoxical thinking. Another
recent interest is on a related topic, non-dual thinking. I just
wrote a book about it. In it, I talk about why it is that so many
people read reality always as either/or, all or nothing
why they see people as either totally right or totally wrong.
Tis dualistic way of thinking is just destroying us politically
and spiritually, as far as Im concerned. It doesnt create wise
people. Ive found that the enneagram teaches people how to
get beyond this kind of thinking, by helping them to tune into non-dual thinking
on a very personal level. It helps us see how we are each a living paradox, in that
the good side of us really cant coexist without the bad side. What is more, using
the enneagram enables people to learn this not in a philosophical theoretical way
but in a very personal experiential way. Tis kind of learning
is of course is quite convincing and long lasting.
JL: Do you think that this is the same thing as saying that
the enneagram types are value neutral? Because if you think
that good and bad necessarily go togetherthat the human
being is inherently paradoxicalthen how can you value one
part (i.e., the good) more than the other?
RR: Let me make the point a little more subtle. Teres
nothing wrong with valuing one thing more than another
with valuing the good more than the bad. You just dont
want to make that value judgment so total and judgmental
that you stop being compassionate and patient. I wouldnt
want to say that valuation is wrong in itself, only that value
judgments need to be tempered, so that you dont wind up
being self-righteous or judgmental, and eliminate what the
shadow side always has to teach you. Tat does not mean
that you stop calling it shadow, however.
JL: Im all for values and decry the losses and
Peter OHanrahan
monthly
ennea
ennea
g
ram
CONTINUED ON PAGE 20
2 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
T
he recent EM article entitled Te Ennea-
gram, Addictions Treatment and the Levels
of Development (May 2008) is the nest
essay I have seen to date about applying Enneagram
theory and practice to the eld of addiction recovery,
and I thank Michael Naylor for taking the time to
write and oer it to the general public. It seems to
me that this is one of the areas that the Enneagram
can be most usefully applied, and to great eect. So...
how can we, especially trained clinicians, bring the
system into treatment centers and consulting rooms?
As an Enneagram teacher, I have used the
movie Clean and Sober (with Michael Keaton
(ET7) as the addict) as a teaching tool, and have
often wondered how the movie would have
looked and felt had his character been oered a
type diagnosis (including his psychic structure
with the basic fear, etc.) in his recovery process.
Te article also helped me understand a problem
that I have noticed arising in the course of recovery
for many individuals. Michael writes on p. 10 that ...
due to sobriety, Jack (the ET8 addict being discussed)
is smarter about getting what he wants, protecting
his territory, asserting himself skillfully... etc. What
seems to be the case is that when the addict, regard-
less of type, stops using his or her substance of choice
to numb feelings, deny problems, etc., then the more
normal type-related defenses have a chance to click
in, and may even for a time become exacerbated.
Perhaps s/he does rise up a few notches on the lev-
els of development, but then they get stuck at those
pernicious intermediate levels, with fully developed,
xated or neurotic defenses, and can get caught in the
developmental doldrums for years and years. Michael
does a very good job of explaining this phenomenon.
For example, my own ET9 stepmother who
died in 2000 of alcoholism would, on those rare
occasions when she became sober thanks to time
spent at the Betty Ford Center, Hazelden or St.
Helena) become even more stubborn, passive-
aggressive, unconscious or controlling of self, etc.
Tis fact alone should be enormously useful to ad-
diction counselors and other healthcare provid-
ers, not to mention friends and family members.
Finally, any chance that we can get Michael to fol-
low this up with examples of the journeys of recovery
of the other eight types (perhaps with Jack tacking on
the same introduction and conclusion to each new
article)? Just a thought...
Carl Marsak , Mt. Shasta CA
marsak@sbcglobal.net
I
n 1802, William Paley wrote Natural Teology;
or, Evidences of the Existence and Attributes of
the Deity, in which he put forth the Teleologi-
cal, or Watchmaker, argument, citing that the ap-
pearance of design in and of itself implies a designer.
After all, if one found a watch on the road one would
assume that someone designed that watch, Paley as-
serted.
Of course, Charles Darwin, who as a young man
advocated Paleys argument, later went on to show
that nature evolves through unguided natural selec-
tion working on random mutation and reshaped the
science of biology in the process. Every competent
and credible biologist ever since has agreed with
Darwins basic assertions. (While there are books by
scientists advocating intelligent design, none to my
knowledge are biologists.) Te literature supporting
unguided evolution is vast and not at all controversial
outside of those drawn to fundamentalism on one side
and those drawn to new-age inuenced ideas on the
other. (I recommend Richard Dawkins Te Blind
Watchmaker for a good explanation of the aws of
the teleological argument).
It was disappointing to see the intelligent-design
hypothesis resurrected in Susan Rhodes article Te
Enneagram from a Systems Perspective. Susan ac-
knowledged that her assertion that the universe is
intelligently designed was sure to arouse a reaction
from some quarters. As fruitless as this may be, I
will speak for those of us in those quarters and say
that Susans assertion is outside the mainstream of
accepted science. Granted, this in and of itself does
not make Susans assertion false, but there is noth-
ing in her argument that supports her conclusion.
In fact, her argument rests on: faulty syllogisms (i.e.,
the statement if A equals B and B equals C, then A
equals C is only valid if proposition A is valid to
start with), argument from personal incredulity (e.g.,
I cant believe that nature is random, so it must not
be), and the fallacy of excluded middle (e.g., if its
not black it must be white). (Please note that Im
addressing these comments to Susans sidebar rather
than her article in general, on which I have no judg-
ment.)
Tere are many, many biologists who can accept
the scientic view that life evolves through random
mutation and natural selection and yet still em-
brace religious faith. Tey do so because their faith
is important to them but the scientic evidence for
blind evolution is so overwhelming they cant deny
it. (Francis Collins presents this perspective nicely in
Te Language of God.)
Te Enneagram community should not be threat-
ened by the ndings of science, and we should bravely
face their implications. It is tempting to try to squeeze
facts to t a cherished hypothesis but as seekers after
truth we must resist this temptation. I encourage the
Enneagram Monthlys readers to embrace legitimate,
conventional science . While I dont agree with Su-
sans previous assertion that the Enneagram is bigger
than science, I do believe that the world of science is
big enough that it need not exclude the Enneagram.
Mario Sikora
Philadelphia PA
W
ere close to the wire for making it to
the IEA Conference in Atlanta. Just
before the deadline, my email server
got fouled up and gave me countless pleasure-
less hours on the phone trying to sort things out.
Not exactly the kind of thing a Seven appreciates.
Nevertheless, the mixup was eventually sorted out
and the paper printedand just in the nick of time!
So as I write, there are only a couple of days left
before the conference kicks o on Tursday, July 31,
with the Pre-Conference day. Te conference proper
is August 1-3and from what I hear, the Renaissance
Concourse Hotel is a pretty comfortable container.
I wont be able to make it this year because Im still
catching up from my long and taxing trip to India
last year in June and July. Please notice that, with
this issue, were nally caught up and back on a regu-
lar printing schedule. (Hurrah, hurrah!) Now I can
nally work on the to do list thats been burning a
hole in my pocket for about a year, especially on lon-
ger-range EM projects and plans for the future. For
example, wed like to nd a way to make past issues
and/or articles available online. Were also interested
in nding ways of bringing together people to share
innovative ideas about the enneagram. We see the
enneagram community evolving. And as it evolves,
we want to evolve with itto stay on or even a bit
ahead of cutting edge developments. (If you have any
thoughts about this, please let us know.)
Its a shame to miss the conference, though. As
always, the roster of IEA presenters is impressive. Bill
Dyke will be there reporting for the EM. (and several
mystery reporters will be checking in daily). We
also welcome your comments on the conference, as
well.
By the way: Youll see several articles on the rela-
tionship between male/female dierences and the en-
neagram. As you may have noticed, Ive tried to drum
up some interest in exploring this topic for a couple
of months now. So I was pleased at the response to
my plea for more articles on this always-timely topic
(apparently, Im not alone in my fascination with sex
and relationships.) Te submissions we received
are as diverse as they are thought-provoking.
In this issue:
A Conversation with Richard Rohr (part
1), was an interesting exchange that caught me up
on what Richard has been up to for the past few years.
Richard is particularly dear to me for several reasons.
His description of type Seven clinched it for me, once
and for all. I had been straddling several types on
the left side of the enneagram for a year or two, but
was not able to land on one type with any degree of
condence. Looking back I have to laugh at my lack
of insight. But back then, like most beginners with
the enneagram, I was in the position of trying to type
myself at the time when I knew the least about the
enneagram. In 1995,
Suzanne Zuercher had typed me as a Seven
At that point, Type 7 was the last type I identied
withI was just getting used to thinking of myself
as a Five.
But then I read the Epicurean paragraphs in Rich-
ard Rohrs book, Discovering the Enneagram. And
From the Editor
Leters
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 3
contents enneagram monthly
Enneagram Monthly
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Email: em@guna.us
Editor and Publisher Jack Labanauskas
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Consulting Editor Andrea Isaacs
The Enneagram Monthly, Inc. was founded by Jack Labanauskas and
Andrea Isaacs as a not-for-profit corporation. Its purpose is to gather and
disseminate information in the field of the Enneagram, that is most com-
monly known as a personality typing system.
For subscription and advertising rates see back cover.
Volume 14, Number 7, Issue 150
Conversation with Richard Rohr . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Labanauskas 1
Subtypes in Relationship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter OHanrahan 1
Letters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
From the Editor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
Ralationship of Masculine/Feminine and the Enneagram . . . . Andrew Hahn and Joan Beckett 4
Transcending Gender and Type . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Courtney Behm 4
Who Am I: Identity, Freedom and the Enneagram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Rhodes 6
Te Dynamic Enneagram: All About Sevens Part 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Condon 13
Teachers Listing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
Subscription Forms and Ad Rates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Visit our web site! www.ennea.org with the updated Index by Author 1995 - 2007 and Index by Subject 1995 - 2007
that really nailed it for me. Tere it wascrystal clear
and plain as day. He talked about the way that Sevens
made decisions, and I saw myself and my life laid out
in his descriptions.
But the enneagram is not Richards sole focus of
attention. He is an eclectic writer and thinker who
likes to explore human nature from many perspec-
tives. (Just my cup of tea.) It was a pleasure to talk
with him about his latest ideas and explorations..
Peter OHanrahan may well be among the most,
if not the most. experienced writer on Subtypes in
Relationship. In this issue, he focuses on a topic
dear to us all: how an understanding of subtypes can
help us improve our relationships.
One of his conclusions is a bit surprising: that
subtype may matter more in a primary relationship
than personality type. Tis is because subtypes are in-
timately associated with instincts and emotions, and
instincts and emotions determine a lot about how we
react to situations in daily life (the real testing ground
of any relationship).
Andrew Hahn and Joan Beckett believe that the
Relationship of Masculine/ Feminine to the En-
neagram rests on two elements in life that are hard-
wired. Te rst is biological structure and the sec-
ond is psychic structure. Biological structure, which
represents the realm of matter, manifests in physical
gender dierencesi.e., whether we are born male/
female. Psychic structure, which represents the realm
of soul/spirit, manifests in core archetypes, centers
and subtypes. Tese biological and psychic structures
are manifestations of even deeper, more primary ar-
chetypal forces which can be broken down into three
additional categories (assertive, receptive, and inclu-
sive), which they explain in more depth.
Courtney Behm is Transcending Gender and
Type by taking the position that focusing on essence
is more relevant than focusing on gender. Gender
is just one of many qualities that we possess; type is
another. What matters is how we can get past such
dierences so we can experience ourselves in a less
limited fashion. Heres how she puts iti: To me, the
Enneagram is less a classication system than it is a
map to a more universal, essential way of being in the
world, where gender takes a back seat to a more inclu-
sive, elemental, essential self hood. And in the light
of essence, the importance of gender-type dierences
pales in contrast to the challenge of discovering the
parts of us that transcend classication, reach across
barriers of gender, type, culture, age, and belief, and
carry the spark of the divine.
Susan Rhodes article Who am I?: Identity,
Freedom and the Enneagram, was inspired after she
saw Natan Sharansky on CSPN2 (Book TV) as he tra-
versed the talk-show circuit promoting his new book,
Defending Identity: Its Indispensable Role in Protecting
Democracy. Te book reects his belief that discover-
ing and maintaining a sense of personal identity is
what enables us to resist the forces of tyranny. And
this is what makes his argument uniqueits focus
on the relationship between identity and democracy.
Natan Sharansky is one of the most famous Soviet
dissidents on record, a man on a par with Alexander
Solzhenitsyn, Andrei Sinyavsky, Yuli Daniel and An-
drei Sakharov.
Talk about a school of hard knocks, courtesy of
the KGB! Sharansky was taught lessons about life
on the most extreme edge any human can be subject-
ed to. Some of my Lithuanian relatives received the
same lessons, unfortunately. And unlike Sharansky,
most did not live to tell the tale.
Te main lesson Sharansky wants to impart is this:
that anybody who hopes to survive political persecu-
tion with their psyche and integrity intact needs to
have a deep and abiding sense of who they are before
they take on an enemy determined to destroy them.
Susan links Sharanskys ideas to the enneagram by
pointing out how knowing our type both relieves us
of the need to be all things to all people and deep-
ens our sense of who we really are.
Tom Condons Dynamic Enneagram: All About
Sevens (part 2), continues exploring the world of
the Seven, focusing on such topics as hypnotic pain
control ( using techniques of visualization and/or
imagining the easing of pain) and kinesthetic crashes
(when long suppressed pain nally catches up). Tom
has observed a multitude of Sevens from dierent
cultures. Here he skillfully presents cameo snippets
of behaviors, attitudes and examples that highlight
the distinctive quirks of this type. One of the main
quirks is the Sevens inclination and adroit ability to
avoid being pinned down. Tis is especially true if
the pinning down involves pain, boredom or tedious
routine. Multiple talents come to the rescue out of
the Sevens vast and disparate grab bag of distrac-
tions for all occasions.
Liz Wageles Merging on p.5 required a second
look before I noticed the gures.
Well, have fun at the conference if youre going, or
else, read about it later.
4 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
The Relationship of Masculine/Feminine
to the Enneagram
I
n discussing the relationship of gen-
der to the Enneagram, we would
like to begin with the idea that there
are two elements in life that are hardwired. Te
rst is biological structure and the second is psychic
structure. Biological structure, which represents the
realm of matter, manifests in gender dierences, i.e.
whether we are born male/female. (When we expand
the realm of matter beyond human beings, we dis-
cover that in fact there is a third gender which we call
the androgen.) Psychic structure, which represents
the realm of soul/spirit, manifests in core archetypes,
centers and subtypes. Tese biological and psychic
structures are manifestations of even deeper arche-
typal forces which can be called assertive, receptive,
and inclusive.
In terms of biological structure, the masculine is
the representation of the assertive force in that it en-
ters the female body, ultimately entering the egg. Te
feminine is the representation of the receptive force
as it carries a womb and egg that literally receive.
Generally, the masculine is more prone to autonomy
and the external; it represents that which sustains and
builds the container. Generally, the feminine is more
prone to relationship and the internal; it represents
the forces of creation and destruction.* Tese qualities
are reinforced by family structure where the creation
of developing identity is not in relationship to adults
in general, but to the feminine in particular (on the
biological literal we all emerge from the feminine).
In other words, one way boys nd their identity is by
distinguishing themselves from the feminine, while
one way girls nd it is by distinguishing and identify-
ing** themselves with the feminine.
In a like manner, the psychic structure has as-
sertive, receptive, and inclusive forc-
es. Without spelling out these forces,
which we will do in an upcoming pa-
per, it nonetheless is clear that gender aects type. No
matter what your psychic structure, if you are a man
you are more prone to being assertive, autonomous
and external and if you are a woman you are more
prone to being receptive, relational and internal.
__________
*Tese forces have been culturally misrepresented.
On the surface it may seem that one of these forces is
active and the other passive. In fact, both of them have
what might be called active and passive elements, and it
is this confusion which has contributed to so much dif-
culty in the relationship between men and women.
** Te girl has to distinguish herself from the par-
ticular identication with the feminine (her mother)
but not with the archetypal feminine with which she
actually goes on to strengthen her identication.
Andrew Hahn, Psy.D. and Joan Beckett, M.A.
By now, you will nd few people arguing with the
statement that men and women are dierent. Any-
one who will take on the debate has probably been
spending a great deal of time on another planet,
though probably neither Mars nor Venus!
And if men and women are dierent, big sur-
prise! Tey will manifest their type dierently. For
some percentage of Enneagram enthusiasts, analysis
of these dierences will be compelling and fullling.
A recent Conversation devoted to the topic produced
as many questions and theories as answers, but its
clear that the topic is beginning to heat up, and that
increased attention is about to be paid to exactly how
and why and on which side of the Enneagram, and
under what circumstances type manifests dierently
through gender.
Ive been surprised to hear the sentiment expressed
that type and gender havent seen much attention
paid to them, as Ive been hearing about gender dif-
ferences in type ever since I saw my rst Enneagram
panel back in 1992. No question, gender can make
a dierence in how the type manifests. But in my
experience with friends and clients, and in listening
to the panelists report on their personal dilemmas,
the dierences seem most signicant when the drive
of the type fails to match the gender expectations of
the society. In my work in the business community,
I see many gender-driven mistaken identications.
Eight women want to be Twos, because powerful
women often get negative pushback from the men
with whom they work. Six men want to be Trees or
Sevens, because they dont want to appear fearful to
their corporate constituents. Two men camouage
their caring natures and show up as Trees or Eights.
Four women hide out at Tree or One.
But that seems to me more of a coping strategy,
in response to an externally generated threat to ac-
ceptance, rather than a biological imperative that
transmutes type into something dierent depending
on whether or not you have a Y chromosome. Te
dierence in manifestation will also, I believe, depend
a lot on how your family system received your type
behaviors. If a Two boy is told to be a man and stop
talking about feelings, or an Eight girl is required to
be sweet and stop taking charge, those messages are
strong enough to induce behavior modication at a
very early age. On the contrary, support for the child
as he or she is allows the type to show up more directly.
In support of my theory I oer my friend Laura, pos-
sibly the most powerful Eight I know. Tough she
has seen her share of struggles with interpersonal dy-
namics, in her younger years, her family found her
nurturing power an asset to be praised. As a result,
she is comfortable in her skin, and plays her Eightness
straight up.
So I would agree, there is valuable information
and insight to be gained by more thorough exami-
nation of why and when type characteristics bend
to gender, from more accurate self-identication to
healthy coping strategies. But I wonder whether the
process of tracing type/gender dierences will ulti-
mately become a very long, torturous tunnel at the
end of which there really isnt very much light. We
may know more about typing, about self-identica-
tion, about societal pressure, about perceived anoma-
lies between men and women of the stereo-types,
such as Fours and Eights and Twos, but at the end of
the day, the true value of this information will depend
largely on what we believe about the Enneagram and
its place in our lives.
Ive participated in too many Enneagram discus-
sions not to notice that for many people, the Ennea-
gram is primarily a classication system. Its a way
to make sense of dierences, to explain behavior, to
understand why he, she or we do things, and to place
the people in our lives in a denable relationship to
each other and to us. I also nd that a valuable aspect
of the Enneagram. It allows me to treat the anomalies
of my relationships with compassion, and frees up the
energy I would otherwise put into What were they
thinking? But I nd that Im more often annoyed
than gratied by the need of some to immediately
Transcending Gender and Type
Courtney Behm, MA, MBA
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 5
classify, to pin the buttery on the green felt with
the pin of type. Its a lot like meeting someone at a
cocktail party and having them immediately ask you,
Whats your sign? Teres an inherent assumption
buried in that question, and in the similar question,
Whats your type? that implies that I will tell you
enough about me by my answer for you to know who
I am. Im a Four, so that assumption is inherently
insulting, but regardless of type, it strips away indi-
viduality and replaces it with a set of prefabricated
characteristics. It says, I dont really need to get to
know you; Ive got all the information right here in
my little Enneagram book. In addition, I confess to
being mildly horried that someone would posit the
theory that the right half of the Enneagram is more
feminine than the left. Sheesh! In addition to the
fact that I can immediately produce a list of people
who would run counter to that theory, its another
way of trying to reduce the complexity of the human
experience to a simple, predictable denition.
No doubt my Fourish addiction to individuality
fuels this reaction at the gut level. (Oh, Courtney,
youre SUCH a FOUR!) But from my possibly self-
serving perspective, I think my aversion to aggressive
classication has less to do with my type and more
to do with what I believe to be the true value of the
Enneagram. To me, the Enneagram is less a classi-
cation system than it is a map to a more universal,
essential way of being in the world, where gender
takes a back seat to a more inclusive, elemental, es-
sential selfhood. And in the light of essence, the im-
portance of gender-type dierences pales in contrast
to the challenge of discovering the parts of us that
transcend classication, reach across barriers of gen-
der, type, culture, age, and belief, and carry the spark
of the divine.
Ive struggled with gender issues all my life. Im
a tall, muscular woman with a strong personality, a
voice that carries, an assertive (OK, sometimes ag-
gressive) way of expressing myself, a belief that I am
subordinate to no one, and a denite idea about how
things should go. I like being in charge. I like di-
recting the action. I like machinery and trucks and
taking things apart. I lift heavy things. Tough I also
like music and art and dance and cooking and ow-
ers, no one, including me, would be likely to refer to
me as feminine. Te story of my early years is speck-
led with incidents of humiliation heaped on me by
delicate little girls with uy dresses, long curls and
ribbons in their hair whispering to each other on the
playground and smirking about how they werent go-
ing to let me play because I was too big, too awkward,
too other. Most of the traditional qualities by which
a good woman was measured in our societynur-
turing, supportive, consoling, kind, gentleI had to
dig deep within myself in late adulthood to nd and
bring forward. I was and still am - really bad at
the traditional ways women were supposed to attract
men. I didnt irt well, wasnt seductive, had a hard
time deferring just because, and was more inclined
to tell the truth than atter. I never felt confused
about being a woman, never wanted to BE a man,
but I knew I hadnt a prayer of being like most of
the girls I knew. My mother, as a card-carrying Two,
wasnt much help in this department either. Tough
brilliant and talented in her own right, she wore ruf-
es, dedicated her life to my Dad, and never looked
back. Role models for strong women were not thick
on the ground in the 50s and early 60s, especially in
small town America.
What I took away from this is that boys were safer
to be around, easier to understand and certainly more
like me. Te rules of engagement were clearer with
boys. Tey didnt simper and they didnt plot. If they
didnt like you, they just threw a rock at you and ran
away. So since I couldnt beat the uy girls at their
game, I became the tomboys tomboy, digging in the
dirt and climbing trees and throwing snowballs. My
few girl friends were caught in the same dilemma, and
we did our best to turn a societal disadvantage into a
badge of honor. Who needed long blonde curls, any-
way? OK, so we stood on the edge of the dance oor
most of the night, but we got picked rst for softball.
In the late 60s, when the womens movement began
to reach even my small town life, I was loud in my
repudiation of my own gender. Who would want to
spend time around women, for crying out loud? Give
me a good conversation about football any time.
Who knows how much of my masculine aect
was a product of my particular genome, arose from
my personality, or had its origins in my rst child of
an All-American athlete status. Or how much of it
was simply the byproduct of physical realitybeing
tall, strong, and muscular in a time when girls were
supposed to be uttery, soft and submissive. I will
never know for sure. But looking back, there is one
thing that seems clear to me: it was the imperative of
the societal feminine image that did me in. I didnt
t the cookie cutter so it didnt really matter whether
or not I embodied one of the more feminine types.
I still couldnt pass through the screen. My type
certainly inuenced my coping strategy, however. I
couldnt t in and didnt belong in the community
of little girls, so I would be special. I took the soci-
etal masculine image and ran with it. I became the
anti-girl, and the choices I made from that young and
uninformed perspective hardened into habits that ran
my life for many years afterwards. I was well into my
40s before I learned about the power of the true femi-
nine and how much I had denied myself by pushing
it away. I slowly began to let my own soft, strong,
resilient feminine energy inform my choices. I made
peace with my childhood memories, and opened my
heart to trust, love and revere women, and to wel-
come them by the dozens into my life. I greeted the
world with a kinder aect and a profound delight in
being a woman.
Te questions of gender dierences within type are
worth asking from a number of perspectives. But for
me the reason for asking the questions is not whether
my type looks dierent depending on my gender. For
me the question that matters is whether Ive looked
deeply enough to encounter, integrate and manifest
my true feminine energy AND my true masculine en-
ergy so that I am a whole person within my type, ca-
pable of using the strength and power of both yin and
yang. Te Enneagram is beyond important in this
quest. It shows me the way to my true self, helps me
know myself at the core. And it is at the core that the
real magic happens. At the core is where I learn to be
deep and grounded and wise, to stretch my spiritual
wings, to keep my balance when things are shifting.
My type is not really who I am. It is a set of learned
behaviors informed by my essential self, but distorted
by early life experience. Somewhere along the way,
the real, essential Courtney got lost, and I want her
back. What I want is to move closer to that essential
me that is buried under years of habit. In the mo-
ments when I can sink into my own embrace, I nd
myself infused with the feminine power of the god-
desses, the best women athletes, the great sopranos,
the women who raised their arms and their voices
and said follow me, but who could also stop to still a
babys cry, or shed tears at a beautiful sunset. In the
same way, I experience the masculine energy of the
warrior, with courage and wisdom, great strength and
devotion to duty, and the will to protect and defend.
True feminine and masculine live in all of us, and
they transcend type. Compassion, acceptance, wis-
dom, courage, strength, serenity, equanimity, love
these are among the real jewels hidden in the cave of
our hearts. When we can incorporate the warrior and
the goddess within ourselves, we can rise above gen-
der imposition and ofer the world our true self.
Merging...by Liz Wagele
Beyond the Enneagram
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6 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
T
he other day, I was watching former Soviet
human rights activist Natan Sharansky on
Book TV (C-Span 2). He was talking about
his new book, Defending Identity: Its Indispensable
Role in Protecting Democracy, in which he speaks
of the value of discovering and maintaining a sense of
personal identity. What makes his argument unique
is its focus on the relationship between identity and
democracy.
As a long-time advocate of democracy, Sharanskys
main focus was on how a strong sense of personal
identity helps people maintain a democratic way of
life. So he started o by talking about his experiences
thirty years ago in the Soviet Union as a Jewish activ-
ist who was pressuring the government to allow him
and other Russian Jews to leave the Soviet Union and
immigrate to Israel. Te Soviet government found
his activities embarrassing and tried to intimidate
him into shutting up. Tey didnt succeed. So in
1977, he was arrested and interrogated by the KGB,
who were intent on getting him to confess to being a
spy for the United States.
His KGB interrogators badly wanted to break him
down. Tey told him he would die in prison if he did
not confesses. Tey kept him in solitary connement,
deprived him of sleep, and utterly isolated him from
contact with the outside world. Tey interrogated
him night after night in teams, intent on gaining a
signed confessiona confession that would demoral-
ize him, justify a long prison sentence, and eectively
render him impotent as a political force.
Tey didnt get what they wanted. Teir eorts to
break him down psychologically didnt succeed. De-
spite the extreme pressure, Sharansky was able to resist
confessing and even managed to put her interrogators
on the defensive more than once. In his account of
this experience, Fear No Evil: The Classic Memoir
of One Mans Triumph Over a Police State (1998),
he gives a blow by blow account of those interroga-
tions, his trial, and subsequent years in the Gulag la-
bor camp where he almost died from exposure during
100 days in an unheated punishment cell.
I read this book ten years ago. While its hard to
read of somebodys suering, I found the book more
inspiring than depressing. What really jumped o
the pages was the power of Sharanskys sense of hu-
mor. Here was a guy that could see the humor of just
about any situationeven a Soviet interrogation! He
was so clever and funny that he often managed to
break through the humorless demeanor of his inter-
rogators. Tey obviously got to like him, and this
obviously made it hard for them to do their job.
Te object in a KGB interrogation is to pluck a
guy out of ordinary life and plunge him straight into
a situation that is so terrifying and horrible that he
breaks psychologically. If the initial shock doesnt do
the trick, they use long-term deprivation to wear him
down, depriving him of food, sleep, warmth, natural
light, and human company. Te idea is to put peo-
ple in a position in which they must relinquish any
shred of dignity or self-respect, so that the prisoner
will no longer feel like a human being. Tey become
reduced to a human animalan animal willing to
sacrice everything they hold dear in order to avoid
further pain and humiliation. Tis is accomplished
in many ways, but the key goal is to deprive them of
the sense of who they are. Because once a person
loses their sense of identity, they lose most of their
incentive to resist interrogation.
In Defending Identity, Sharansky says this is why
Soviet prisoners were isolated during interrogation.
It was so they would be unable to reinforce each oth-
ers sense of identity. Later, when he actually did get
to meet other prisoners, he found that those who be-
came his friends in prison all had one thing in com-
mon: a strong sense of identity:
Te ones you could count on to be your allies in
resisting the KGB were those who possessed strong
identitiesthey could become your partners in resis-
tance, the people you could depend on in your own
battleTe stronger a prisoners identity, the greater
the likelihood that the KGB could not succeed in de-
stroying them (p. 35).
Interestingly, he found that it didnt really matter
much whether potential allies shared his particular
identity (i.e., whether they shared his religion, po-
litical views, etc.) but simply that they were strong
within some identity. Even people whose views di-
verged from his could be reliable prison friends, just
so long as they were solid in their sense of who they
were. What mattered, he says, was that they valued
their identity more than they feared death. It was this
resolute sense of self that made them so stubbornly
resistant to intimidation from their oppressors.
Sharansky credits his own sense of inner resolution
to his strong sense of identity. He knew who he was,
what he wanted, and why he was in prison. He also
knew that the ties he had forged with fellow activists
and Western supporters would ensure the survival of
the movement he had initiated. He never signed a
confession. Even so, he spent almost ten years in a
labor camp. But in the end, he won. He got what he
wanted: a release not only from prison, but from the
larger prison that was the Soviet Union. In 1986, he
walked across the bridge from East Berlin into West
Berlin, a free man. He subsequently immigrated to
Israel, where he has lived ever since.
Personal Identity in Ordinary Life
Most of us are never going to undergo the rigors
of a Soviet interrogation. But even in ordinary life,
we sometimes have dicult experiences. Sometimes
the diculties are minor and sometimes they are po-
tentially devastating. In either case what matters is
our sense of identity, because its that sense of who
we are that gives us the strength to sustain us. Its
what helps us stay grounded despite the vicissitudes
of life. In everyday life we have to face mundane is-
sues such as choosing a career, accepting a new job,
buying a house or renting and apartment, moving to
a new area, changing our status from single to mar-
ried or breaking up a relationship. At times we get
tangled up in a tremendous x where only suicide
seems to oer a way out. Regardless of what the chal-
lenge is, having a strong sense of identity helps us to
get through it somehow.
Torture of course is an extreme example that
eclipses all imaginable situations. But if it works in
that extreme case, how could it not work when fac-
ing common decisions and adversities of life? As Sha-
ransky so eloquently puts it, What really destroys
people is the lack of hope. Your identity gives you
both strength and hope. And that is what helps you
survive.
Most of us arent really in survival mode most
of the time. Our vicissitudes arent all that extreme,
at least not on a daily basis. As Arthur Koestler ob-
serves, there are two planes of lifewhat he calls the
trivial and the tragicand we live on the trivial
plane most of the time.
1
Te problems that arise
things like minor arguments, losing our keys, fender-
benders, etc.are not the stu of horror movies or
Shakespearean tragedy.
But even ordinary problems can loom large if we
lack a strong sense of personal identity. Even though
we all know we shouldnt make mountains out of
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Who am I?: Identity, Freedom & Enneagram
Susan Rhodes
Even in ordinary life, we often have dif-
cult experiences. Sometimes the difcul-
ties are minor and sometimes they are
potentially devastating. In either case
what maters is our sense of identity, be-
cause its that sense of who we are that
gives us the strength to sustain us. Its
what helps us stay grounded despite the
vicissitudes of life.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 7
molehills, it can sometimes be hard to resist the urge,
especially if we lack a strong and grounded sense of
self. Why? Because to a person that feels small and
insignicant, molehills really do seem like moun-
tains! Tey loom large, indeed. Only by developing
a strong sense of identity can a person manage to put
things back in proportion,
So Sharanskys comments about appreciating our
personal identity dont apply just to extraordinary
situations. Tey apply to everyday life.
Psychological Perspectives on Identity
What do psychologists have to say about a strong
sense of personal identity? Lots of things, virtually
all of them positive. Mental health leaders from Sig-
mund Freud to the present are fans of a strong per-
sonal identity, although for varying reasons.
In psychology, the idea of identity is usually as-
sociated with the concept of ego. In ego psychology,
the ego is that part of the psyche that deals with the
outer world. As Freud put it, ego is the representa-
tive of the outer world to the id.
Freud favored the development of a strong ego
self to control the chaotic impulses of the id (the un-
conscious). For Freud, the id seemed rather like an
internal version of the KGB: menacing, animalistic
and psychically disruptive. A strong ego could con-
tain and control these forces, so that they could be
directed via sublimation into productive channels.
Tose who followed in the footsteps of Freud also
favored a strong ego identity, although without such
a heavy emphasis on the role of ego in subjugating
id. In the late1950s, Heinz Hartmann advanced the
view similar to that of Sharanskys in the sense that
it focused on the value of a strong ego identity in
interactions with the social world. Erik Erikson (who
coined the term identity crisis) focused on how
ego identity develops over a lifespan. James Marcia
looked into the process by which a person resolves
their adolescent identity crisis to develop a stable,
long-term sense of identity.
Carl Jung saw was interested in identity formation
not just from a psychological but a transformational
perspective. Unlike Freud, he did not see the forces
of the unconscious as an anti-civilizing inuence but
rather as the prima materia or raw material for self-
transformation. He spoke of their immense power,
which could be potentially integrated into the psyche
via shadow work. But this kind of work would only
be productive for individuals rmly-grounded in
their sense of self; otherwise, it could be psychically
destabilizing.
At one period of his life, Jung himself was plunged
deep into the shadow side of his psyche. Speaking of
one of Jungs pivotal experiences, psychoanalyst Helen
Luke remarked that had he lacked the right attitude,
he could actually have died in a psychic sense, his
humanity lost in the coldness of insanity, or despair
or uncontrollable ination (Dark Wood to White
Rose, 1975, p. 22).
Positive psychologist Robert Cloninger cites em-
pirical studies that show the value of having a stable
sense of being, which he denes as the presence of
spiritual fullness, identity, permanence and vitality
(Feeling Good: The Search for an Adequate Psy-
chology, 2004, p. 45). Without this stable sense of
being, he notes, people become unstable, desperate,
and even suicidal.
Psychiatrist Mark Epstein is a Buddhist meditator
who brings a new level of subtlety to the discussion by
pointing out that a strong ego is not the same thing
as an inated or articial ego. He tells the story of a
friend of his who sought therapy to deal with feelings
of unbearable emptiness. Te friend was by chance
assigned to see a therapist with meditation training.
So instead of giving him techniques for dispelling
the emptiness, she encouraged him to sit with it. He
found this dicult, but did it anyway. Over time, the
feelings of emptiness eased and in Epsteins words, his
friends ego (i.e., his sense of personal identity) be-
came stronger (p. 24, Going to Pieces without Fall-
ing Apart, 1998).
Epsteins example illustrates something important
about the true nature of a strong ego. Strong means
stable and balanced; it does not mean infated. So a
strong ego is what enhances our sense of identity, so
that we become more stable, balanced, and grounded.
Enter the Enneagram
In the enneagram community, ego is seldom
viewed as an asset. Typically, the terms ego, ennea-
gram type, and personality are seen as close in mean-
ing, and the meaning usually has negative connota-
tions. I dont know that we have focused much on
the issues of identity per se, but ego and identity are
obviously closely related. If we hold a negative view
of ego or personality, then the idea of developing a
strong identity will not appeal. We will be afraid that
cultivating a strong identity will lead to an inated
ego.
But all of us can think of at least one person we
know who has a strong egothat is, a person who is
grounded, stable, and balancedthat does not suer
from ego ination. I know I can. Such individu-
als always seems to have a good sense of who they
are. Tey are the kind of trustworthy individuals that
Sharansky sought as companions in prison.
Not only do such people exist, but I would go
one step further and say that every one of us is one of
them either in fact or in potential. Every one of us
can work toward developing a stronger sense of self,
a more intimate understanding of who we are. But
its important that we look for that sense of identity
close to homenot in some idealized, egoless version
of ourselves. Such a self may exist, but its not the self
that we live with day in and day out.
My work with the enneagram helps me better un-
derstand who I amand who I am not. Like many
people, I used to think I had to be good at everything.
It sounds funny to say it now, but its really true.
Hey, guess what? I failed! I just couldnt be com-
petent at everything, especially anything involving
repetitive routines, bureaucracy, or depressing envi-
ronments. I saw other people handling these things.
Why couldnt I? What was wrong with me?
It was only when I discovered my type (Four)
Freud favored the development of a
strong ego self to control the chaotic
impulses of the id (the unconscious). For
Freud, the id seemed rather like an inter-
nal version of the KGB: menacing, animal-
istic and psychically disruptive.
Psychiatrist Mark Epstein is a Buddhist
meditator who brings a new level of sub-
tlety to the discussion by pointing out
that a strong ego is not the same thing
as an infated or artifcial ego.
In the enneagram community, ego is sel-
dom viewed as an asset. Typically, the
terms ego, enneagram type, and person-
ality are seen as close in meaning, and the
meaning usually has negative connota-
tions. I dont know that we have focused
much on the issues of identity per se, but
ego and identity are obviously closely re-
lated.
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8 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
that I realized a lot of my discouragement came from
trying to excel at things that were just not a Fours
forte!
It was such a relief to realize that it was okay not to
be detail-oriented (like a One), thick-skinned (like an
Eight), or accepting (like a Nine). I didnt necessarily
have to be everybodys friend (like a Two), a respected
authority (like a Five), or a loyal contributor to my
community (like a Six). I didnt have to be constantly
on the move like a Seven, either. Best of all, I didnt
have to feel like a complete idiot for being totally un-
able to concentrate on my work when sitting in a hor-
ribly ugly, impersonal oce where the windows dont
open and the furniture is made of soulless formica
(likegulpa Tree)! (My mom was a Tree and,
yes, Im afraid it can be a real shadow type for me.)
Studying the enneagram helped me see that I
didnt need to be a Renaissance woman (or maybe
even a Superwoman) in order to be a decent person
or live a meaningful life. I could just be myself.
In fact, now that I think about it, I realize that
I dont actually want to have the abilities of all nine
types. Because with those abilities comes the need to
respond to the gifts that have been givento bear
the responsibility to develop and use them properly.
Lots of gifts = lots of responsibility. Maybe thats one
reason our gifts are limited in certain waysso we
arent crushed by the need to use them all.
Knowing my type sure helped lift the burden of
thinking I had to manifest the gifts of all nine types.
I begin to enjoy the abilities I had instead of long-
ing for those I lacked. I was also better able to meet
the special challenges of my type in a more conscious
fashion, now that I understood what was motivat-
ing them. For instance, when I started looking for
greener grass in somebody elses pasture, I was able to
notice that tendency and put my attention back on
cultivating that grass in my very own pasture! I also
got better at handling my ability to tune into other
peoples emotionsonce I realized just how sensitive
my emotional radar really is, I was better able to ig-
nore or screen out unwanted emotional stu in my
surrounding environment.
So knowing my type helped me know both: who
I am and who I am not. It helped me accomplish
what Sharansky is encouraging people to do: get a
real sense of my identity.
Perhaps its synchronistic that just before I wrote
this article, I had the following dream:
I was walking along a road when a monstrous
fgure appeared. I became very frightened and left
the scene by sliding down a giant spiral slide. The
fear was so great that the adrenalin in my body be-
gan to wake me up.
This next bit happened in those 2 or 3 seconds
between sleep and waking: I decided for some rea-
son to look back at the fgure. When I did, I became
a very small girl, about four years old.
The fgure stared right at me and said in a menac-
ing voice, Who are Y-OOO-UUU, little girl???
I was absolutely petrifed.
I didnt move. He was so big and I was so small.
Then amazingly, I heard myself speak. I am Su-
san, I said, in a very small voice.
All I did was stand my ground and state my
name, but the effect was amazing. The monster in-
stantly transformed. His horrible features melted
away and I saw that his horrifying face and scaly
skin was just a suit he could take off. At the moment
I became fully awake, he was beginning to pour me
some tea in a friendly way.
Gosh, what a dream! I had never before had
one quite like this. Ive had dreams of being scared
and running away, but I never turned back and ap-
proached the thing I was afraid of. Tis time, I did.
And when I did, I was asked the ultimate question:
Who are you?
Withstanding Social Pressure
In my dream, all I knew was my name. But thats
a good place to start.
Knowing my type is a good start, too. It doesnt
tell me everything about myself, but it does help me
know myself in a whole new way.
But until I heard Natan Sharanskys talk, I never
thought much about the political implications of
working to understand myself. I never encountered
the kind of problems he encountered. I never had
to nd out whether I know myself well enough to
withstand serious political pressure. Lots of us talk
about human rights, but how many of us have what
it takes to take on the power of the Soviet state and
live to tell the tale?
According to Sharansky, what it takes is no mys-
tery. Its a very real and tangible sense of personal
identity. Once we have this, nobody can talk us out
of it. Were solid and reliable both as individuals
and as members of a larger society. And while we
may never encounter the kind of dramatic pressures
brought to bear on Sharansky, we do encounter our
share of pressuressocial and otherwisesimply by
living in a world that is fast-moving, intense, and full
of people who want a piece of us in some way.
Just think about all the stu that bombards us
every single dayall the stu that pushes us to do
this, believe that, spend our money here, travel there.
Te pressures come from so many dierent sources
governments, political candidates, people selling
products, friends, family, teachers, and bosses. All
day long, were subjected to a barrage of informa-
tion that is really some form of propaganda.
Even a hermit would be hard-pressed to avoid all
of it. If he has a phone, hes going to hear from tele-
phone solicitors; if he has a mailbox, he gets more
junk mail than anything else. And if he has an email
accountwell, we all know what kind of unsolicited
oers we get every morning when we rst open our
electronic mailbox!
People interested in personal evolution often fo-
cus on how internal demons can interfere with their
peace of mind. But sometimes I wonder whether
we overestimate the negative eects of self-generated
conict and underestimate the eects of the negative
energies that swirl around us in the environment.
Teres all kinds of energies and everybody reacts
to them in a dierent way. For instance, as a Four,
Im sensitive to other peoples emotions. But before
I knew I was a Four, when I picked up on those emo-
tionsemotions that are really not mineI used to
think I was a pretty unstable person because I was
constantly picking up on everybody elses emotional
states, especially the negative ones.
Once I knew better, I didnt have to take those
impressions so seriously. Yes, they were still there,
but I didnt have to react so strongly to them. (By
the way, for other types who think that Fours depart
from social situations to sort out their emotions:
the reason I depart from social situations is often to
shake o other peoples emotions! I can deal with in-
coming emotional impressions to a point, but sooner
or later I have to go someplace quiet to center myself
and let go of that energy.)
When I was young, nobody told me about this di-
mension of life. Nobody told me about the tangible
eects of invisible impressions in the environment.
Now that I know, Im stronger for that knowledge.
As a Four, I too often metaphorically experience the
world as a place full of rushing water, shifting sands,
and changeable winds. Nothing is ever solid or sta-
ble. Teres such a yearning to nd a place that is re-
ally solidto rest on real bedrock that never moves.
I guess thats why the idea of nding my identity
makes so much sense to me. It may be why I respond
so positively to Sharanskys plea for people to value
and develop a strong sense of identity.
But I dont think its only Fours that are negatively
aected by disruptive energies in the world around us.
I think everybody is aected. And the worst eects
arent the ones we notice, but those we dontthose
that are so subtle and pervasive that they undermine
our sense of who we are without our really noticing
it consciously. Te same negative energies that shat-
It was such a relief to realize that it was
okay not to be detail-oriented (like a One),
thick-skinned (like an Eight), or accepting
(like a Nine). I didnt necessarily have to
be everybodys friend (like a Two), a re-
spected authority (like a Five), or a loyal
contributor to my community (like a Six).
I wonder whether we overestimate the
negative efects of self-generated con-
fict and underestimate the efects of
the negative energies that swirl around
us in the environment.
A person with integrity knows herself in
a way that makes her difcult to psycho-
logically subvert. She is stable without
being rigid, fexible without being faky,
and joyful without being manic.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 9
ter the Fours emotional equanimity have pernicious
eects on the other types, making them passive-ag-
gressive, critical, controlling, cynical, numbed-out,
paranoid, spaced-out, or aggressive.
While people doing transformational work tend
to worry that a strong personal identity might lead to
narcissism, ego ination, or self-obsession, we often
fail to see the other side of the coinhow having a
strong sense of identity helps us resist the inuence
of that barrage of stu we must contend with every
day. Tis is a blind spot we miss because were so
focused on a dierent problem.
Yes, inated ego can be a problem. But its not
the only problem around. If were only guarding
against ination without looking around to see what
else needs our attention, guess what happens? Some-
thing else sneaks up from another direction! If we
only look East, the problem that defeats us will surely
come from the West. Or vice-versa.
Te point is those of us who work with the en-
neagram seem to be particularly sensitized to dangers
from within. Sharansky, however, is trying to focus
us on the dangers from withoutin particular, on
the danger of thinking we can substitute an identity
that sounds good (because its socially acceptable, po-
litically correct, or culturally inoensive) for the real
thing. When we do, he says, were setting ourselves
up for political exploitation.
I agree, but I would broaden the scope of his argu-
ment. When we dont have a strong and grounded
sense of our own identity, we are likely to lose our
freedom not just politically, but on many others lev-
els. Te loss of political freedom may just be the last
step in a long process that begins with our loss of
freedom as family members, friends, and employees.
Tis loss happens when we succumb to social pres-
sures to conform to somebody elses ideas of who we
are instead of arming our own true identity.
When we are children, we dont have a lot of
choice in the matter. We do have a little bit, but
realistically, a small child is going to have a hard time
defending himself against outer projections, whether
from family, friends, or TV advertisers. Its when we
get a bit older that it becomes possible to separate
out what we really value from what weve been told
were supposed to value by other people in our lives.
Tis search for values begins in earnest in adolescence
but may continue for many years afterwards, depend-
ing on the individual. It is not an easy process, but
as far as I can tell, its the only means by which we
gain such a solid and profound sense of self that we
acquire a real sense of personal integrity. (Te word
integrity is interesting, because it implies a sense of
self that is both psychologically integrated and ethi-
cally grounded.)
A person with integrity knows herself in a way that
makes her dicult to psychologically subvert. She
is stable without being rigid, exible without being
aky, and joyful without being manic. She doesnt
seek out trouble but doesnt avoid it when it comes.
She is able to interact with others without worrying
about losing her own center. Tis makes her resis-
tant to any kind of inharmonious inuences, whether
they are fearful, malicious, or simply confused.
If the process is incompletethat is, if someone
doesnt gain enough self-insight to develop a real sense
of integritythen they are easier to psychologically
subvert. If this happens to a lot of people (whether
in a family, organization, or society), then you see the
development of a herd or Group Tink mentality,
where people look more to the group for their cues
about how to behave than they do to their own inner
voice.
We know these things, but in a country like the
United Stateswhere we as a culture have yet to ex-
perience the repression of Hitlers Germany or Stalins
Russiaits hard to really grasp what they mean. I
suppose thats why Sharansky wrote his bookas a
warning against the complacency that can creep up
when we arent actually living under a dictatorship.
We might think, It cant happen here. But as I
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While people doing transformational work
tend to worry that a strong personal
identity might lead to narcissism, ego
infation, or self-obsession, we often fail
to see the other side of the coinhow
having a strong sense of identity helps
us resist the infuence of that barrage of
stuf we must contend with every day.
10 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
was writing the last section of this article, I saw a TV
program where a large group of Jews who survived the
Hungarian purges at the end of World War II were
talking about their experiences. Two things in the
discussion stood out. One was how hard it was for
people to actually come to terms with what was hap-
pening. Even when told what awaited them if they
did not resist deportationabout the death camps,
crematoria, etc.it was simply too much for them
to take in. Tey just couldnt believe what they were
told could actually be true (some said they still cant
believe even now, after experiencing it themselves).
What also struck me was a comment made by an
impassioned elderly gentlemen, who stood up re-
peating over and over how people have to understand
they should not blindly follow what they are told out
of the habit of deferring to authority. Tis was the
big problem of his generation, he feltit should not
be the problem of the next.
Tis discussion seemed to me to be a poignant en-
dorsement of Sharanskys plea for people to become
tethered in their identity in such a way that they dont
become frozen in denial or habituated to following
orders when confronted with forces determined to
intimidate and even eradicate them.

Personal Identity and Spiritual Trans-
formation
So lets suppose that we accept Natan Sharanskys
premisethat a strong sense of identity is good for
resisting coercion and thus for promoting democratic
values. Perhaps, as I argue, it is good to develop the
kind of personal integrity that makes someone psy-
chologically balanced and ethically responsible.
But is a strong sense of identity good for pro-
moting spiritual liberation? On one hand, it seems
sensible that the same traits that promote psychologi-
cal and political well-being would promote spiritual
well-being, too. On the other, in spiritual literature,
we so often read that the ego has to go. Is the ego
referred to here the same ego that psychologists strive
to stabilize?
I would say noits the infated ego that is not
desirable in spiritual work, not the ordinary ego that
we need to live an ordinary life. If spiritual life re-
ally requires the complete loss of ego, then spiritual
masters would have little trace of ego, and such is not
the case.
In fact, spiritual masters do not seem to be lack-
ing in ego, personality, or identity. Te ones Ive met
actually seem like they have a very profound sense of
identitya denite and innate sense of who they are.
And then there are famous stories about masters that
give a similar impression.
Masters are good subjects for stories precisely be-
cause of their colorful and unconventional ways. For
instance, dharmanet.org brings us the following story
about Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism
in China:
Bodhidharma is said to have arrived in China
about 520. (Buddhism had by then been known in
China for about 400 years.) He was soon summoned
to the emperor, who had questions for him.
According to the teachings, how do I understand
the merit I have accrued in building temples and
making donations to monks? the emperor asked.
Bodhidharma, usually depicted as a scowling,
hooded, bearded gure, shot back, Tere is no mer-
it.
What then is the meaning of the Buddhas Holy
Truths? the emperor asked.
Empty, nothing holy, Bodhidharma replied.
Shocked, the emperor imperiously asked, Who
addresses me thus?
I dont know, Bodhidharma replied, turned
on his heel and left the court, to which he never re-
turned.
Such stories abound. Some of them are about his-
torical gures and others are ctional. For example,
the Sus have stories about Nasruddin, the wise fool
who makes us laugh but also shows us something im-
portant about life. Te Native Americans tell similar
stories about the trickster gure, Wily Coyote.
When I read them, I am always struck by how free
these characters actually are, how unbounded and yet
unique. Rather than being without identify, ego, or
self, they actually seem to have a greatly expanded
sense of identity. Tey dont identity just with the self
but with something innitely bigger than that.
To arrive at that expanded sense of self, I imagine
that they had to relinquish a more limited sense of
self. And its that process of giving up a very limited
understanding of self in order to make way for an
expanded understanding that we call ego death. If
we think of ego death in this way, then we dont just
die once, but over and over again.
You can see it happen in very young children.
Tey are constantly willing to shed one version of the
world for a newer, updated version. And they do it
easily and eagerly, because they havent yet learned to
be attached to one particular version. Later, they do
learn to become more attached once they come to
understand the potentially serious consequences of
making mistakes. Ten such transformations can be-
comes more dicult.
But it makes sense that as we grow and mature,
our challenges get bigger and the consequences more
signicant. What remains the same is the need to
shed outworn ways of thinking and acting for those
better suited for the next stage of life.
If we are to keep evolving in life, maybe the ego
really has to go. But maybe it doesnt have to go
away, at least not permanently. Its my intuitive
sense that as we grow in our understanding, the pe-
riod between the image of old self and new self
tends to become longer and more painful. Impercep-
tible in early childhood, it becomes clearly noticeable
by adolescence. By the time were in our forties, its a
(mid-life) crisis. If we should venture onto the spiri-
tual pathwhich in many traditions, happens some-
what late in lifethe magnitude of the transition has
become such, we see it as a Dark Night or Descent
into the Underworld.
People who undergo such inner tests do not start
out with a weak sense of identity. If they did, they
would not have the fortitude even to contemplate
such a journey. Te only kind of journey they could
undertake could be a journey into fantasy. And real
spiritual work is not about that.
What is it about? Tats a good question. I think
its dierent for everybody. Its all too easy to hear
about one version of spiritual life (or the spiritual
path) and think that this is the only version that is
possible (or at least legitimate). Its easy to transform
rules of thumb (like the ego has to go) into ste-
reotypical images of spiritual practices, the spiritual
path, the master, or states and/or stages of the jour-
ney. One thing I notice spiritual masters are con-
stantly trying to do is to pry people loose of their
stereotypes, so they are free to have an experience that
is not contaminated by pre-existing ideas.
None of us know for sure what is possible for us
in terms of our spiritual evolution at a given time in
life. Tats because it depends not just on us, but on
factors that are mysterious and beyond our control
e.g., when were born, where we grow up, the circum-
stances of our families, our genetics, etc.
But what seems clear to me is that developing a
strong sense of identity is a good idea at any stage
of the journeynot strong in the sense of being un-
changeable, just strong enough to provide the psyche
with the structure it needs to grow and develop.
When the time comes to make a quantum leap, the
person with a strong sense of personal identity tends
to trust the process. Tey might initially resist (which
is actually a healthy impulse), but eventually summon
up the courage to make a leap into the unknown.
Can a weak-willed person do the same?
No Guts, No Glory
I see a strong sense of identity as foundational for
growth of any kind, because it makes us care about
something, and this caring motivates us to move in
some direction,
toward some goal. A weak sense of identity does
the opposite. If we dont care much about anything,
we arent very motivated to act. (And by act, I dont
just mean to physically act, I also mean to be genu-
inely receptive, so that we can respond appropriately
to whats happening around us.)
But what if the goal is wrong-headedwhat if
what looks like the primrose path turns out to be the
road to Hell?
Well, this could denitely happen. We could
move in the wrong direction and make a big mistake.
It could hurt. It could create problems that take years
to work out.
But what is the alternativesitting tight and do-
ing nothing? Is this better than trying something, if
it turns out were making a mistake?
It seems to me that moving toward any goal is bet-
ter than not moving at all. So maybe we bump our
heads. So what? At least this gives us useful informa-
What seems clear to me is that develop-
ing a strong sense of identity is a good
idea at any stage of the journeynot
strong in the sense of being unchange-
able, just strong enough to provide the
psyche with the structure it needs to
grow and develop.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 11
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By integrating the dynamics of emotional
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tion (as in, Maybe I should try something else!).
We can learn from our mistakes, but we learn noth-
ing from playing it safe.
A weak sense of identity is what makes people tend
to play it safe. As such, its of little use. All it does is
make us unsure, uncommitted, and hesitant to act.
And if we do act, we tend to second-guess ourselves,
always looking backward, wondering whether we did
the right thing.
If we dont try new things, we dont learn. If we
play it safe, we never venture far enough in any given
direction to determine whether its right for us or not.
Tats how we get stuck, caught between the desire
for something better and the fear of pain and loss.
In the enneagram community, there seems to be a
lot of fear of ego ination. Ego is like the bogey man
thats going to lead us straight to Hell. Tis fear casts
a pall over our eld, inhibiting our ability to work
with the enneagram in a more positive way.
Well, suppose we do become inated and do wind
up in some version of egoic Hell (the one most suited,
no doubt, to our particular type)? Hey, we might ac-
tually learn something there! I am reminded of what
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche said when asked what
he would do if he somehow wound up in Hell: Try
to stay there!
We shouldnt let a fear of ego prevent us from liv-
12 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
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Last Chance to Sign Up: July 31
ing boldly in the moment. If we do, we wind up do-
ing a lot of waiting and very little living.
When we read stories about successful people
whether theyre about business people, explorers, po-
litical activists or spiritual mastersits clear that they
have one thing in common: a willingness to strongly
commit to some course of action. I dont mean ac-
tion in a literal sense, since in the case of spiritual
masters, the action could be sitting in mediation for
years, but in the sense that successful people identify
so strongly with something they value that it becomes
a compelling source of motivation for them. Most of
them make mistakes, sometimes really big ones. But
they dont let those mistakes stop them, at least not
for good. Tey learn from them and move on.
Te key here is movementthe willingness to
keep on moving, keep on trying, until the goal is
reached. As I said before, this isnt necessarily the
kind of goal that is obvious to others. It simply means
holding what we really value close to our hearts, and
taking every opportunity available to make it a reality
in our lives.
Teres no guarantee well reach our goal, of
course. It might turn out to be the wrong goal. Or
we might have set our sights unrealistically high. Or
we might need the life experience of failing before we
succeed. But unless we try, well never know what
might have happened.
Natan Sharansky is the kind of man who was will-
ing to attempt the impossible. When I originally
read his autobiography ten years ago, I was incredibly
impressed by the audacity and courage of a guy who
was willing to take on the Soviet empire in the service
of his ideals. And he not only took it on, but he suc-
ceeded, perhaps beyond his wildest dreams.
In his most recent book, Defending Identity, hes
trying to share with his readers the secret of how he
did itof what it takes for a person to boldly go
where no man has gone before. Although his focus
is to show us how a strong sense of identity promotes
democratic values, its not hard to see how a strong
sense of identity can be of value in any sort of en-
deavor.
We who work with the enneagram have a tool
that is particularly eective for helping us nd our
identity because it clues us in to the core motivation
of our enneagram type. Te power of that tool is en-
hanced to the degree that we can accept the idea that
each type represents not so much a false persona as a
source of inner wisdom and inspiration.
Discovering myself as a Four brought me into
greater alignment with my real identity as a person.
It showed me not only my many blind spots but my
hidden potential, as well. It relieved me of the need
to try to be somebody else (some other type) and
gave me a shortcut to realize my wishes, hopes, and
dreams.
Sharansky was a dreamer, too. And guess what?
He made his dream a reality. Why cant we all do the
same?
__________
1 By trivial, Koestler is referring to the ordinary
ups and downs of life. Tey are not trivial in the
sense of being unimportant, only in he sense of pro-
moting stability and a sense of continuity. By tragic,
he means those events that cut across the ordinary
ow of life and which thus transport us into a larger-
than-life realm of experience. Tey are tragic in the
sense that they change us in ways that are both pro-
found and permanent.
Natan Sharansky is the kind of man who
was willing to atempt the impossible.
When I originally read his autobiography
ten years ago, I was incredibly impressed
by the audacity and courage of a guy who
was willing to take on the Soviet empire in
the service of his ideals. And he not only
took it on, but he succeeded, perhaps be-
yond his wildest dreams.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 13
Hypnotic Pain Control
L
ast month I wrote about the Seven defense
mechanisms of rationalizing and reframing
talking yourself out of how you feel and view-
ing painful feelings or dicult situations through a
dierent frame, the way someone might put a new
frame around a painting.
Both are forms of hypnotic pain control, a Seven
speciality. Clinical hypnosis has many uses but one
of its chief medical applications is to relieve severe or
chronic pain. If a hypnotherapist has a client suering
with pain that drugs cant help or if the drugs have too
many side eects, the therapist might teach the client
how to subjectively control her pain. If a client has an
aching right foot she can learn to send her pain down
into the oor or unconsciously occupy her attention
with something else besides the pain. One good way
to do pain control is to see your pain instead of feel-
ing it, maybe by assigning it a color, say red, and then
changing the color to green. Or you can give the pain
a quality of brightness and then turn the brightness
down. If the pain comes in waves you could learn to
lengthen the time between the waves. If that doesnt
work you can do something else; there are about 20
good ways to subjectively control pain and most Sev-
ens intuitively know how to do them all.
Some Sevens control their pain by visually chunk-
ing up, meaning they see their feelings from a great
height or philosophical distance: I dont let a lot get
to me, I really dont, a Seven explains, When any-
thing is blocking my head or theres a worry in my
life, I look up at the stars and whoosh I go sit
on Mars and look back at life here on Earth. All you
can see is this tiny speck. You dont see the fear. You
dont see the pain. You dont see the thoughts. Its just
one solid speck. Ten nothing really matters, it just
doesnt.
Other Sevens control their pain by pretending
by simply deciding not to feel it. One Seven remem-
bers catching himself in the act: My defenses really
came clear to me one day when I was in college. Id
broken up with a girlfriend and spent a weekend in
pain. On Monday I decided to cheer myself up. I re-
solved to start by smiling at everyone I met.
I rode a city bus to the college I attended. I got
on the bus, sat down and beamed at an older woman
who was sitting across the aisle. She looked back at
me with a xed gaze. I smiled more and she contin-
ued to stare back without expression.
Suddenly, I realized that she was drunk. It was
9:30 in the morning. In a loud, slurred voice, she
said, Your smile reminds me of that old saying that
people always smile in the same language. Ten she
threw up.
Later after school, I was out running errands with
a friend and her six year old daughter. I continued my
smiling experiment giving everyone I met the full 32
tooth display. Just before we were to drop me home
my friends daughter suddenly turned to me with a
puzzled look on her face. She said, Why do you keep
doing this? And she grimaced! Tat was the end of
my smiling.
Other Sevens control pain with post hypnotic sug-
gestion, clinical hypnosis name for speaking about
the future. Hypnotists use post-hypnotic suggestion
to ensure that the therapeutic benets of a trance
will extend forward in time. A hypnotist might end
a trance session by saying, And your present feelings
of relaxation and condence can continue into the
future and be remembered at times when youll need
them the most.
In daily life we use post-hypnotic suggestion
whenever we talk about our future limits or possi-
bilities. Advertisers commonly oer us post-hypnotic
suggestions: Next time youre at the store, remember
to buy hand lotion. On television, every autumn,
theres what might be called the National Cold In-
duction. One commercial after another uses post-
hypnotic suggestion to predict that you will catch a
cold. Its just a matter of time.
Within their Enneagram styles, Ones, Fours and
Sixes can use post-hypnotic suggestion to empha-
size negative possibilities that they carry forward in
time. Sevens, by contrast, use positive armations.
Asked how hes doing, a Seven linguist routinely re-
plies, Wonderful. Tis is going to be the best week of
my life. Sevens use post hypnotic suggestion to put
charms on themselves rather than curses. Instead of
saying, I have a sore throat, Im coming down with
a cold; there goes my weekend, a Seven might say, I
guess my body is successfully warding o a cold.
Kinesthetic Crashes
Sevenish pain control is a kind of sublimation
so when Sevens reframe their pain away it still goes
somewhere. While pain is not exactly a thing or a
stored commodity, some Sevens are nevertheless
prone to kinesthetic crashes when, after a period
of ying high, their suppressed painful feelings catch
up to them. Tis is not unlike the mythical character
Icarus, who ew so high that the sun melted the wax
binding his articial wings and he crashed back to
earth.
Some Sevens express this up-and-down pattern
through persistent bouts of normal illness. Tey
could, for instance, catch cold easily or reliably come
down with the u or whatever is going around. Oth-
ers play out the pattern in relation to a chronic physi-
cal condition; while the physical condition is real the
Seven lters the ailment through the script of their
style. One Seven was slowed down by arthritis in his
hip; the ailment pinned him to his chair at work,
grounding him on the one hand he was literally un-
able to run away but also making him feel trapped
and desperate. He took refuge in occasional ights of
mental fancy and, to the irritation of his assistant, an
ungrounded inattention to detail.
Other Sevens crash land into their emotional feel-
ings rather than their physical ones, maybe by getting
depressed and spending the weekend alone or by pe-
riodically going to pieces. One cheerful, active extra-
verted Seven was abruptly rejected by his girlfriend
and sank into an upset state for several months. For
a time he locked himself in his room, stayed in bed
and stared at the ceiling, often crying. When he re-
covered, he created a new business and shifted back
into a hyperactive mode, leaving himself no time for
interiority. A few years later, another woman left him
and he went through the same sequence of collapse
and resurrection.
One way to think about these ups and downs is
that the Sevens kinesthetic system is speaking. Sevens
tend to skate over their feelings in favor of the visual
and auditory parts of their sensory experience. When
Sevens are busy and out in the world they are in up-
time, with all their senses externally focused, eeing
their inner pain into outer activity, possibly until they
exhaust themselves. After ying too long or too high
they crash into both their emotions and body sen-
sations. Tis is like the kinesthetic system asserting
itself, getting the Seven to slow down and digest their
experience. Te trouble is that the pattern is self rein-
forcing: after spending time uncomfortably stuck in
negative feelings the Seven wants to escape even more
which sets up the next cycle of ight and crash.
Other Sensory Distinctions
If you want to experience the Seven mindset, surf
the internet. Te basic element of browsing is the hy-
perlink which mimics the itting, hop-skip thought
sequence that sustains the Seven pattern. Te toy ka-
leidoscope could also have been invented by a Seven
through a narrow aperture, the device translates
what you see into an endless variety of color and pat-
terns, although, curiously, not many people can stand
to use a kaleidoscope for very long.
Another analogy is to insomnia. Te Seven mind-
set is like a pleasant version of the inner state many
people enter when they cant sleep. Usually Sevens
experience their internal imagery as bright, vivid and
in motion; meanwhile an underlying anxiety drives
the speed and quantity of the thoughts. I cannot
The Dynamic Enneagram Sevens Part 2
Tom Condon
Within their Enneagram styles, Ones,
Fours and Sixes can use post-hypnotic
suggestion to emphasize negative pos-
sibilities that they carry forward in time.
Sevens, by contrast, use positive afr-
mations.
One way to think about these ups and
downs is that the Sevens kinesthetic
system is speaking. Sevens tend to
skate over their feelings in favor of the
visual and auditory parts of their sen-
sory experience.
14 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
settle down, a Seven explains, My mind is like one
of those antique medieval charts of the solar system,
with all the planets whirring around. Another Seven
adds: On a good day I am well paced, getting a lot
done, feeling cheerful about it all and my place in the
world. On a bad day I am immobilized by options,
shorted out, fretful, unable to attend to anything long
enough to be productive. I am like an electrical socket
with every appliance in the house plugged into it. It is
just too much to do, too much to manage and I need
to shed some of it for my own self-preservation.
NLP distinguishes between people who are mo-
tivated towards pleasure versus others who are pain-
avoidant, who move away from uncomfortable possi-
bilities. Sevens usually believe they are drawn toward
positive possibilities and are often unaware that they
are simultaneously running away from something less
appetizing.
When working with Sevens on a problem it is not
unusual for imagery to arise in which the Seven is be-
ing chased. Tey can also feel subjectively propelled
from behind. Te famous baseball player Satchel Page
could have been referring to this aspect of the Seven
trance when he said, Dont look back, something
might be gaining on you.
Some Sevens use directional metaphors about go-
ing forward or backward and say things like standing
still feels to me like going backwards or, I know I
have to go forward and nd ways to learn and grow
or I will never get unstuck. Some feel they have to
move even faster: I feel like if I dont want to go
backwards, I have to run.
Tis may reect tempo problems. Sevens can be
hasty, getting ahead of themselves, wanting to be
somewhere before they arrive. Some say that they rush
through dinner in order to get to their true goal: des-
sert. Other Sevens complain of never having enough
time, always feeling as if they are racing the clock.
Some enthusiastic Sevens overuse the expression, I
cant wait as in I cant wait to go on my vacation,
also indicating a subjective forward tilt as they lean
into the future. Ive also known Sevens who hurry
through the telling of jokes. Tey will sometimes
omit key plot points in order to reach the punchline
more quickly. Its as though their tongues cant keep
up with their minds. Needless to say, their jokes tend
not to be funny to others.
While leaning into the future the Seven may be
leaning away from the past. In English we speak of
putting the past behind us and Sevens are especially
likely to experience the past this way. In contrast to
Fours and Sixes who may subjectively see the past in
front of them, Sevens keep their memories over their
shoulder, behind them, both out of sight and easily
forgotten.
Some Sevens, especially those who feel conicted
between their libertine impulses and the moral judge-
ments of others, report feeling lashed from side to
side. One Seven realized that she spoke to herself in
two voices, both of which talked in sentence frag-
ments and interrupted each other. As she listened
more closely, she realized she was hearing the two
voices of her parents, located on either side of her
head, arguing about what she, the Seven, should do
with her life.
Sevens may have to actively work at being kines-
thetic, deliberately taking time to get in touch with
how they feel both emotionally and physically. Ev-
erybody tells me how grounded I am, a Seven dancer
commented, But I feel like my feet barely touch the
earth.
Sevens can have bright roaming eyes and pro-
nounced smile lines. A number have slightly higher
pitched voices, consistent with a visual and auditory
bias. Some Sevens speak in a musical tone of voice,
with an underlying lilt that the Chinese medical
model calls speaking in a song.
Around the age of fty many Sevens stop looking
their age and begin to look either younger or older,
depending on the form their appetite has taken. If
they overate, used drugs or alcohol then they tend
to look burned out, haggard and overweight. If they
have healthy habits and prefer natural highs, they of-
ten stay physically youthful and may also subjectively
feel this way: I feel about 25, a fty-year-old Seven
said, Old is in your mind.
In one study, researchers reported a high number
of Sevenish traits in people who seemed to be aging
slowly, whom the researchers dubbed the super-
young. Although they came from dierent countries,
races, religions, economic and social backgrounds,
the super-young showed a surprising similarity of
personality traits: When they describe themselves,
they emphasize things like enthusiasm, novelty, chal-
lenge, curiosity and a sense of fun. Tey see them-
selves as big-hearted, loving, passionate people who
enjoy each day.
Sevens occasionally report sleeping little. As one
said, I like to stay up late and get up early. Some
thrive on this regimen while others seem to prema-
turely age. Sevens with an appetite for activity often
have trim, well-proportioned bodies and good pos-
ture. Appetites of other kinds can lead Sevens to a
more heavy and formless body type. Gluttony can
take its toll in weight gain as well as in gout from
eating rich food.
Keys to Change
Sevens may be motivated to change for a variety of
reasons, among them: boredom, feedback from oth-
ers, problems with commitment, weight, substance
abuse or impulse control; because they are worried
about negative future consequences or even because
life is good and they want to make it better. Some Sev-
ens end up in therapy as mandated clients, ordered
by an outside agency to get help for their uncontrol-
lable behavior, or needing to quit drinking after an
arrest for drunken driving. Te world clamps down
on them and the motivation is external, but possibly
still sucient. Other Sevens intuitively begin to feel
that they are borrowing from the future, accumulat-
ing a kind of pain debt they start to recognize that
short-term gains sometimes lead to long-term pain
and future regrets.
Terapists, coaches and counselors working with
Sevens may need to watch for too-quick progress and
faltering commitment. While a Seven client may be
motivated enough to come to therapy, she may still
Youre Fat, Your Fault?
By Dr. Shadrach Smith and Clarence Thomson
When we eat for all the wrong reasons, we usually eat because of our Enneagram
Style. Our Enneagram style shapes our eating patterns, responds to specifc
triggers and helps create the stress we eat not to notice.
But our Enneagram style also can be used to our advantage. All the books with
good advice have to be fltered through an Enneagram template. Each style has
strategies that will enable them to make the lifestyle changes they need.
We dont offer recipes or meals or a diet. We offer suggestions for your
Enneagram style on how to accomplish what you already know you should do.
Download the book or your own single chapter at
www.enneagramcentral.com
Dr. Shadrach Smith is Medical Director of the Truman Medical Center in Kansas City, Missouri.
Clarence Tomson teaches the Enneagram and has written three other books on the Enneagram.
On a bad day I am immobilized by options,
shorted out, fretful, unable to atend to
anything long enough to be productive. I
am like an electrical socket with every ap-
pliance in the house plugged into it.
Around the age of ffty many Sevens stop
looking their age and begin to look either
younger or older, depending on the form
their appetite has taken.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 15
try to keep one foot out the door or argue that her
problem is not really a problem. A Seven could also
be seeking pain control techniques hypnotic and
otherwise hoping to shortcut the therapeutic pro-
cess and minimize pain just as they do in daily life.
Since motivation is at issue, you may need to ex-
plore a Seven clients reasons for being in therapy and
then later remind the client of them during hesitant
moments. After nding a motivational button you
can push, you might push it more often than you
would with other clients. Te idea is to keep the Sev-
en remembering why she is in your oce and whats
at stake.
Some, and occasionally all, of the work in therapy
will be in getting a Seven client ready and willing to
face the possible pain of changing. Most of the ther-
apeutic work is in the build-up to changing. After
the Seven has honestly and successfully wrestled with
that prospect, the actual changework often happens
quickly. Sevens are quick learners and can require
surprisingly minimal interventions. After a long pre
therapy, suddenly its over.
NLP, hypnosis, Brief Terapy and other approach-
es have reputations for being fast, painless and eec-
tive. But most Sevens generally need to settle into
their experience, to learn how to endure themselves,
to face what they dread or learn how to, at least, sam-
ple their pain. Tis can take time and patience.
If youre drilling for water its better to dig one
60-foot well than ten six-foot wells. Sevens often
benet from taking time to ruminate, to interiorize,
be alone, and identify their fears. While classic long-
term psychoanalysis has gone out of fashion in favor
of faster, more tangibly eective types of therapy, sev-
eral Sevens have told me that they benetted from the
consistency and inward focus of both Freudian and
Jungian analysis. Terapists with no anity for these
practices might still take a cue and structure their
work with Seven clients so that the pace is steady. You
might also think about homework assignments that
require consistency. It is also good to chunk problems
down and focus on a few things, to have a list of four
things to work on as opposed to forty.
Sevens can be easy trance subjects, responsive to
guided imagery and fantasy exercises, from which
they may report powerful, fascinating experiences. A
Seven client could, however, have a strong reaction
in your presence that ultimately doesnt leave a mark
on their problem; or seems to lead to other changes
but not the one the Seven came to therapy for. Te
question is whether the experience sticks, whether the
Seven actually changes. Not all change is progress any
more than all movement is forward.
Sevens usually have a dierent relationship to au-
thority than Sixes. While Sixes romanticize, deify or
fear authority, Sevens are more ambivalent, less in-
timidated and avoid overt power struggles. Tey may,
in fact, be proud of their ability to nesse, manage
or hoodwink authorities while still getting what they
want. Sevens are also natural democrats so it might
be good to equalize your relationship with them, for
example, asking them questions that presuppose your
equality: what can we do about this problem? Tis
will lessen the Sevens desire to blur boundaries or try
to charm or distract you.
Positively reframing a Sevens pain is like oer-
ing cookies to the Cookie Monster; you simply play
into their defenses. It is more important to teach
them how to stay with their pain, to delay their es-
cape. Otherwise therapy stays mental, from the neck
up, without touching the Sevens feelings. Te Seven
pattern of self-jailing and escaping is almost always
rooted in locked-away, unconscious emotions.
Some Sevens go to therapy unconsciously expect-
ing to be plunged into overwhelming pain. A thera-
pist may need to divine and address this expectation
and reassure the Seven that the point of dredging up
any unpleasant feelings is to make them manageable.
Sevens are precisely defended against feeling intense,
seemingly bottomless pain that they are helpless to
resolve, so its best to avoid having therapy mimic
that very thing.
One Seven jokingly described therapy as open
heart surgery, performed an hour a week. Tis is a
good way to think about the rhythms of changework
for this style. Te general goal is to acknowledge pain
but to chew through it in bite-sized, bearable piec-
es. Te general idea is to take them into their pain
a little and then bring them out, possibly teaching
them skills to cope with their pain or just helping
them learn that it can be endured, worked through
and resolved.
Next issue: How Sevens Grow &Change
Will You Help Us Grow?
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Sevens usually have a diferent relation-
ship to authority than Sixes. While Sixes
romanticize, deify or fear authority, Sev-
ens are more ambivalent, less intimidat-
ed and avoid overt power struggles. They
may, in fact, be proud of their ability to
fnesse, manage or hoodwink authorities
while still geting what they want.
16 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
subtype issues in relationship. We can nd ourselves
in all three subtypes, depending on our circumstanc-
es and our path of development, so we may have all
three subtype styles at dierent moments. Still, most
people have found (or will nd) that one of their in-
stincts is predominant, and they can see how their
subtype aects relationships.
I feel well informed about subtype patterns
through 30 years of personal experience and coun-
seling practice with the Enneagram. I have learned
about each of the 27 subtypes embodied by friends,
colleagues, and students in countless workshops, pri-
vate sessions, and spirited discussions in locations
around the world. Helen Palmer has been a consis-
tent mentor, challenging us to discover how the activ-
ity of the subtype expresses and obscures the passion
(lower emotion) of each personality type.
In particular, I have the benet of suggestions
from 150 colleagues at the 2005 conference of the
Association of Enneagram Teachers in the Narrative
Tradition (AETNT). At this annual meeting, Terry
Saracino and I made a short presentation on subtypes
in relationship followed by subtype groups which re-
ported back lists of valuable observations. Tis chap-
ter is informed by these reports as well as those from
other AET conferences and years of subtype work-
shops with Narrative Tradition panels. Although the
Enneagram lends itself to many interesting theories,
teaching or writing about the system is most accurate
when it reects the personal experience of those who
live there, those who know the type and subtype from
the inside out.
Same subtypes, different subtypes
Te rst thing that needs to be said is that all sub-
type combinations work! Just as all type combinations
can work. So there is no easy answer to the question
of What types or subtypes together make the best re-
lationship? Tis is probably all for the best, although
it does mean that we cant make a big prot in the
matchmaking business. (Forget about computer gen-
erated, Enneagram dating guides). If you have loved
more than one person in your life, more than one
type, you know the truth of this: having a successful
relationship is more a function of self awareness and
inner work. Te Enneagram subtypes help us under-
stand what were working with in ourselves and the
people we love.
Lets explore the ways that subtypes converge and
diverge in relationship. We all know what its like to
experience a feeling of connection and sympatico
with people of the same subtype. Tis person has a
similar world view, similar areas of interest and ac-
tivity. Tere is often a quicker, better rapport based
on a shared language and subtype style of relating.
For example, a Warmth Six may have an easier con-
nection with a Self Pres One or Nine than with a
Social Six or a One-to-one Six. Te Self Pres types
can relate more to the same issues, the same anxieties,
and the same security operations. In a parallel way, a
Strength/Beauty Six will often prefer the intensity
of a One-to-one Two or Five, people who oer a more
direct, personally intense connection than the other
subtypes of Six. (Tis assumes that the One-to-ones
can negotiate their natural competitiveness!) When
Social types connect, we easily fall into synchronistic
patterns based on our shared outlook and rules for
group interaction. A reminder here that the Social
subtype is really the Social Structure subtype, and
sometimes the Anti-social subtype. Its not about
who has the most friends or is most active in their
community.
Each subtype has an inherently dierent set of
personal boundaries. We often use the terms warm,
cool, or hot to describe subtype styles in relationship.
Self Pres people have a warm quality about them; the
One-to-ones run hot; and we Socials are accused of
being cool (I hope not cold!). Tis is not meant to put
us in a box. As a cool social type, I feel that I can be
warm and hot too. But I know how my style contrasts
with the others, and their way is often challenging
to my comfort zone. Can I maintain that direct eye
contact with a One-to-one type and raise the energy
level? Am I willing to pursue a conversation with a
Self Pres type about family matters or home projects?
I might want to adapt or I might resist, depending on
the situation and my internal state.
In spite of having an easier rapport with people
of the same subtype, we value the people in our lives
who have dierent subtypes. Love, attraction and
friendship do not stay within the boundaries of sub-
type. Te point is to recognize both advantages and
challenges that accompany subtype issues and styles.
Is it easier if we share the same subtype with our
partner? In many ways the answer is yes. But easy is
not always the best in the long run. For one thing, we
can miss out on aspects of relating that other subtypes
bring. Probably the biggest danger of having the same
subtype lies in how we reinforce each others habits
and beliefs. We can end up in long term collusion pat-
terns which lead to decits in other areas of instinctual
life, and we may not develop our full capacities under
the inuence of largely unconscious agreements about
what is possible, or what is permissible. For example,
two Self Pres people might nd themselves support-
ing one anothers shopping habits, eating habits, and
comfortable home activities while dispersing atten-
tion away from sexual intimacy. Two Social people
together may lose essential, personal priorities due
to excessive group activities and social conformity, or
conversely, they may reinforce each others anti-social
behavior. And its not uncommon to see two One-to-
one types set up a cult of two while retreating from
friends, family, and the outside world.
When people in a primary relationship have dif-
ferent subtypes, they can bring dierent resources to
their relationship, complementing one another with
their strengths and expansiveness in their favored ter-
ritory. For example, a traditional pairing is illustrated
by the One-to-one (or Social) spouse who is out in
the world doing all the things that they like, yet at
the same time happy to come home to their Self Pres
partner who is keeping the household and children
well organized and cared for. Or perhaps the Self Pres
spouse leads in working and making money, or tak-
ing care of the family business, while the One-to-one
partner keeps the home res burning. Granted, in
modern life this separation of roles is not as common
as it used to be. But its often true that each person
has areas where they have their greatest strengths, and
long term couples usually organize themselves in a
way that reects this. (Even partners with the same
subtype will tend to dierentiate roles and take the
lead in dierent domains). Gender and culture enter
the picture here as well, so we cant say that it all hap-
pens because of subtype, but its an important piece.
In time, however, partners may feel a need to
branch out and participate in other instinctual are-
nas. Ten the deal is o! How couples negotiate these
developmental changes and life transitions is vital to
the continuing relationship. Sometimes new arrange-
ments work, sometimes not. One partner may not be
happy with the others change in direction and focus.
A Self Pres wife (or husband) may decide its time to
jettison the role of householder and venture out to
the world beyond the home, schools, and neighbor-
hood. Its not only the Self Pres folks. Many of us at
midlife have the experience of children leaving home
(a major project coming to a close) and how this shifts
the dynamic between us and our partners. Another
example occurs when a One-to-one spouse suddenly
realizes that their world has shrunk to the connes of
the primary relationship, and other important needs
for participation and friendship are not being met. A
common belief of One-to-ones is that their intimate
relationship should, or will, supply all the necessary
love and attention to be happy in life. What will hap-
pen when they no longer feel this way? How will the
partner feel, whatever their subtype, when all that in-
tense, one to one focus is no longer aimed solely at
them? Tere may be a feeling of abandonment, or a
feeling of relief , or both.
Tese changes can lead to profound shifts in iden-
tity as people leave behind their earlier roles, projects,
and attachments. Tese transitions and re-negotia-
tions have a better chance of working out if we put
the Enneagram to work, using both type and subtype
to understand the needs of both partners.
With cross-type couples, there are more varied
resources and there are also predictable conicts. As
David Daniels M.D. reports from his extensive ther-
apy practice, even small dierences in subtype focus
can gradually erode a relationship over the long haul.
Its not uncommon for couples who genuinely love
one another to show up in the therapists oce with
Subtypes in Relationship . . . CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
In spite of having an easier rapport with
people of the same subtype, we value the
people in our lives who have diferent sub-
types. Love, atraction and friendship do
not stay within the boundaries of sub-
type.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 17
their marriages in great diculty due to subtype mis-
communications. Were not necessarily talking major
dysfunction or people not loving one another, but
rather how dierent style and approach can lead to
major gaps between partners. Conicts are rooted in
dissimilar patterns based on neurobiology - its in our
bodies and nervous systems.
In my work with couples over the years I have
heard many poignant stories of subtype misunder-
standings. For example, a Self Pres husband works
long and hard on building a new addition to the
house. Evenings after work and weekends are devoted
to the project. Meanwhile, his One-to-one type wife
feels abandoned and increasingly resentful. Finally,
she hits the roof and confronts her husband, say-
ing you never have time for me, you dont seem to
care. Te husband is completely surprised, actually
in shock. He responds But Ive been doing all this
for you, and for us. From his perspective, this is how
he shows his love, building a more beautiful home
where he and his wife will live happily ever after. For-
tunately in this instance, these two were able to work
out a solution. Te husband came to understand his
wifes need for times of one on one relating, times
when no project work was scheduled. In the process
he had to deal with his own discomfort about just be-
ing there, not being physically active (except for some
fun ways in the bedroom), but with practice he found
that he liked it. And his wife was able to forgive him,
for the most part, by understanding his real love for
her as demonstrated through his busy Self Pres style.
Tis story illustrates how even with the best of inten-
tions, our subtype style and major projects can lead
us away from intimacy.
In another example, a Self Pres wife nds it dif-
cult to keep up with all her Social type husbands
friends and social activities. She nally blows up at
him when, with little advance notice, he once again
invites friends to stay at their house for a weekend.
She feels both invaded and discounted. Her home is
her place of refuge from a busy life, a place she de-
pends on for privacy and rest. How can he be so
insensitive to her needs? He feels misunderstood and
threatened. His friends are important, and its not
that big a deal, they can look after themselves and
wont get in the way. Is she trying to control him and
limit his life? At this point both partners are very
riled up. Te specic issue of the friends coming to
stay is now less important than the strong emotions
generated by the lack of mutual empathy. Is the prob-
lem that he is socially excessive and inconsiderate, or
that she takes on too much work and responsibility
for providing meals, company, and a polished home
environment? By calming down and talking it over,
and by remembering the subtype dierences, this
couple found the necessary compromises. Each per-
son felt heard, and the problem became a practical
one, not something that wreaked havoc on their sense
of well being and connection.
Reviewing the nine descriptive terms
within each subtype category:
One way to enter a discussion of subtype rela-
tionship issues is to re-visit the nine words or phrases
linked to each of the subtype categories, regardless of
personality type. Tese sets form a composite style,
although some of the titles may have more personal
resonance. Tis is most obvious with One-to-one
subtypes - all of the terms can be seen as directly re-
lated to intimacy. Te qualities represented by union,
jealousy, seduction, strength, fascination, etc. are
shared by all One-to-one types, although in dierent
proportions. For the Self Pres types, appetite, anxiety,
privilege, security, etc. will come together in a dier-
ent avor of relational style, in both positive and neg-
ative aspects. And for the Social types, participation,
non-adaptability, duty, and friendship all combine in
ways that inuence their approach to intimacy, even
though it may seem that these issues are not so linked
to intimacy per se.
Self Preservation Subtypes
in relationship
Most Self Preservation subtypes share a relational
style that is characterized by warmth (the Point Six
word) and the need to achieve a basic feeling of se-
curity (Point Tree) through aection and nurture.
Tis does not only depend on the interpersonal as-
pects of relating, the you and me. It also includes
the physical environment and cooperating around
self preservation tasks and activities. Is the home se-
cure, are there enough supplies, how can we support
one anothers self care and comfort? Self Pres types
tend to relate side by side rather than face to face,
a kind of being here together that is quite dier-
ent from the intensity of the One-to-one style or the
circular attention of the Social types. Self Pres types
like to do things together, accomplish tasks, enjoy life
together. Of course they can shift their attentional
style to a one on one focus when necessary. In fact,
they may demonstrate talent and gracefulness when
using their other instincts in relationship when they
get to them, since these are not as implicated in their
type structure and defenses. In other words, Self Pres
types might nd expressing their social instinct, or
their one-to-one instinct, fairly simple and uncom-
plicated, once they get there. Te main challenge may
be getting there.
With Self Pres types in relationship there is a qual-
ity of blending into a eld of instinctual activity with
others. Tey connect through the basic activities of
life, including family, home, food, and work. In villag-
es, towns, and cities around the world these networks
address the security needs, the material supplies, and
the physical infrastructure of the community.
Self Pres people both focus on family relationships
and demonstrate a family style of relating to the
larger community. However, there are big dierences
in where the boundaries are set. Some Self Pres types
(Nines in particular) seem naturally inclusive - were
all part of the human family; while others (often Sixes
or Eights) may send a message that if youre not part
of their extended family, you dont count. Not much
fun if youre on the outside! In times and places when
material resources are scarce, or perceived as scarce,
other families and clans may be seen as competitors
or even enemies.
For those who are included, there are expectations
of loyalty and mutual support that dont depend on
liking people as individuals but because they are part
of the family or tribe. All of us who have extended
families know something about this. We dont always
like or appreciate a sibling, a relative, or the person
they have married, but we have a relationship with
18 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
them anyway. Te good part of this is that family ties
oer a kind of security beyond personality, like and
dislike. Te bad part is that we can get stuck in re-
lationships with family members who are irritating
or worse. Tis is more of an issue for Self Pres types
since family bonds are so important to feeling secure
in the world.
On a personal level, Self Pres people may have
trouble establishing a sense of identity which is sepa-
rate from their family. After all, this is the ground
of security and belonging to which they are attuned.
Without family you will be alone in the world. How
would you survive? But does the family in turn
control your life, your decisions about where to live,
whom to marry? For much of our human history, and
even now in many parts of the world, having the ap-
proval and support of ones family was indeed vital
to physical security and survival. Individual choice or
personal development was not, or is not, anywhere
near the top of the priority list. People make compro-
mises and sacrice at least part of their individuality
(although not always aware that they are doing so).
In many parts of the world marriage partners are still
chosen by families.
Self Pres types usually bring these basic values to
their primary relationships, expecting the partner to
share their assumptions and priorities about the im-
portance of the family, the need to make decisions
together, the boundaries between whos in and whos
out. Tis can lead to diculty in allowing the part-
ner to do things by themselves, outside the context of
family and marriage.
What one person experiences as conning may
be arming and strengthening to someone else. On
the continuum from immersion in family to leading
a more separate, individual life, it would be wrong
to judge one side over the other. What we can do
is explore how this works for each of us. How close
or how distant are we with our own family - current
nuclear family, extended family, or family of origin?
How much do we blend with the family agenda and
how much do we keep our own agenda? How does
the family aect our primary relationship? For the
Self Pres person on the path of individuation, these
questions are central.
In our modern society, there is a trend for people
to live apart from their families of origin, moving
away to school, a job, or simply to a new life in a new
city. Not everyone nds it easy to re-create a family,
and for the rst time in human history we have large
numbers of people living alone in their own house or
apartment. Tis brings new problems as well as new
freedoms. In my counseling practice over the years I
have talked with many people suering from loneli-
ness. Tey have engaged the work of individuation,
making their own way in the world, but at a price.
Some Self Pres people do seem to thrive on their own,
with the space to pursue their own interests. Tey stay
connected to others in their neighborhood and com-
munity; they share meals and activities on a regular
basis. Others become isolated within a small world
ruled by comfort-making rituals and habits.
Pets oer a partial solution to the problem of
loneliness, yet at the same time may de-motivate peo-
ple from reaching out to form close ties with other
people. After all, who can match the unconditional
love of an animal companion? We often see Self Pres
types who have given up on human relationships in
favor of their animal companions. Or it becomes a
major distraction, leaving them less time for people.
In fairness, animal lovers say that their creature com-
panions help them meet people and expand their so-
cial network in addition to their intrinsic warmth and
aection.
Families are dened in many dierent ways. For
some its limited to the couple relationship, only the
two of us, with a focus on comfort and security.
When children are present, the circle grows larger.
And with an extended family, the circle can become
very large indeed with relatives, in-laws and friends
constantly owing in and out of homes and gather-
ings in a spirit of warmth and vitality (and sometimes
drama, conict and chaos).
Traditionally in the world of Self Preservation sub-
types, marriage leads to new family alliances. Wed-
dings are a big deal, involving many near and far rela-
tives. Te newly weds may nd themselves somewhat
in the background or taken over by the family festivi-
ties, even though the ceremony honors the one-to-
one relationship. (Not limited to the Self Pres couple
of course). Te movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding,
is a classic example of this all encompassing, family
style. Te wedding itself is a wonderful celebration
of family relationships and material abundance. Te
movie ends with the new couple, plus child, walk-
ing down the sidewalk in their neighborhood to pre-
school, with lots of neighbors out and about to greet
along the way. Tis archetype of the happy couple in
a friendly neighborhood is honored in communities
all around the world. It can lead to a wonderful and
meaningful life, or it can lead to unfullled expecta-
tions and disappointment if the couple is unable to
preserve their primary bond.
Self Preservation subtypes will benet by paying
attention to how satisfactory survival (Point Eight)
and appetite (Point Nine) aect their marriage and
important relationships. On the positive side they are
well equipped to enjoy the abundance of what life
has to oer and can share this experience with their
partner. Lets have lots of good food, a comfortable
home, and fun experiences in the world. But appe-
tite can easily get in the way of intimacy: over con-
sumption of food or drink is an obvious problem, or
simply too much time spent on shopping, cooking,
eating, etc. When these daily habits link up with the
defense systems of the personality type, they create
major obstacles to keeping attention on our primary
relationship. Its just too easy to avoid showing up
for the necessary work of intimacy, either through
comfort making activities or urgent tasks related to
security issues.
Anxiety (the Point One term) related to security
issues plays a big role, although what form security
takes will vary according to personality type. Self Pres
people do not have a monopoly on anxiety, but it of-
ten shows up as a chronic, body-based issue for them.
It may be obvious, or it may stay just below the surface
sometimes leading to an overly controlled style. Te
partner may get the message, Ive got to take care of
the house or business or kids, I have no time to slow
down and relate. It can inltrate the relationship in
non-verbal but tangible ways. Te partner senses the
anxiety but may not know how to respond.
Is it OK to expect our partner to alleviate our anx-
iety? Of course the answer is yes, thats part of what
people do in a loving relationship. But the partner
cant do it all, or cant do it all the time. Te best way
to approach this is to notice the anxiety, identify the
source, and to communicate directly and ask for help.
Self Pres people tend to get angry or scared if a dif-
ferent subtype partner doesnt share their alarm and
concern, but that is unreasonable and usually unpro-
ductive. Te partner often has a dierent view, a dif-
ferent experience, but can oer empathy and provide
practical help if the message comes as a request rather
than a demand. However, they may not be willing to
spend all evening, or all weekend, on what seem like
vitally important activities to the Self Pres subtype,
such as family gatherings, house work, nancial plan-
ning, etc. And perhaps there is a more direct way to
provide support.
What will it take to feel secure (the Point Tree
word), how much supplies do you need, when is
enough, enough? When anxiety derives from experi-
ences in early childhood related to decits in nurture
and safety, it cant be resolved through self preserva-
tion activities, however productive. Its important that
Self Pres people ask directly for warm and reassuring
contact to reduce anxiety and increase their feeling of
security rather than trying to route it through tasks.
Sometimes a good hug is better than hours of cook-
ing or housekeeping!
At Point Two we see the word privilege which is
a kind of entitlement around self preservation needs.
Tis can show up for all Self Pres people in having
diculty in knowing how much to assert oneself;
with internal anxiety, its easy to over assert or under
assert, hard to be appropriate to the situation. Either
side of this behavior can create trouble for the partner
and friends. When a Self Pres person is being grabby
in the style of me rst or its co-dependent counter-
part, not me, you go rst, it can be seen as either
selsh or confusing. Te partner may respond with
feeling: Arent we in this together, dont we share re-
sources, cant we trust each other?
Te self preservation instinct at Point Tree is
called Security, already mentioned as a key word. At
Point Four we nd Dauntlessness and personal cre-
ativity which are qualities that all Self Pres people can
bring to work and personal life. Point Five brings us
the terms Home or Castle Defender which refer
to the importance of having a safe refuge and retreat.
Warmth at Point Six and Family at Point Seven
round out this instinctual map. (For Eight, Nine, and
One, I have already discussed satisfactory survival,
On a personal level, Self Pres people may
have trouble establishing a sense of iden-
tity which is separate from their family.
After all, this is the ground of security
and belonging to which they are atuned.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 19
appetite, and anxiety).
All of these self preserving qualities can provide
safety, nurture, and abundance for the Self Pres types,
their families and partners. Te issue is whether time
and attention is available for ones primary relation-
ship and not completely used up in the service of
these compelling security-making operations. As a
Self Pres type, will you be able to shift your focus
to your partner? It takes energy, determination, and
focus. Or will work, home and family keep you so
busy that you put her or him at the bottom of your
priority list? What is the right balance?
Te way these self preservation issues are ex-
pressed in daily life are inuenced by the personal-
ity types. Where are the boundaries set? For a Self
Pres Five home may be so important as a refuge that
its hard to invite other people in, or hard to come
out and play. Teir signicant others may get bored
and frustrated with a lack of activity. In contrast, Self
Pres Sevens tend to over-extend and bring too much
activity into the home and family space, dispersing
attention away from their partner. Sevens and Nines
in particular may include people in their circle with-
out sucient discernment; they can project family-
style aliation or assume mutuality even if the other
people do not have the capacity or the inclination to
reciprocate. Tese varied styles, while all reecting a
focus on self preservation, will aect relationships in
very dierent ways.
Counter-instinctual Issues in Relationship
We think of Self Pres people as warm, conserv-
ing, home and family oriented, and this is generally
true. But there are the seemingly anti-preservation
tendencies in people too. Sometimes things ip to
their opposite, creating a paradox. At Point Four for
example, we see the terms dauntless/reckless. While
the Fours take the lead with this, other Self Pres types
can surprise and alarm their friends and partners with
new projects or new investments that involve big
risks. And partners have reason to be alarmed when
such decisions are driven by unconscious pressure or
anxiety. Self Pres people can have serious blind spots,
jeopardizing nancial security with the lure of a big
win, or leaving a secure home or work situation in or-
der to nd something more attractive and compelling
elsewhere. One persons bold initiative may be anoth-
er persons nightmare. If communication is good, big
decisions like these will involve both partners, serious
consideration of the pros and cons, and attention to
the social and one-to-one instincts (and how these
will be aected).
Tere are other examples which illustrate self pres-
ervation contradictions. Self Pres Trees might work
so hard that they neglect their health and family. Self
Pres Fives might be so stingy with their resources that
they never enjoy having them. A Self Pres Six without
sucient warm relationships might pull back entirely
from people, in eect turning cold. A Self Pres Seven
might overextend nancially and end up bankrupt.
Naturally, all of these would have a big impact on
their primary relationship!
On a more positive note, and in order not to
stereotype Self Pres people as homebodies, its good
to remember that they can participate in the larger
community with great impact and leadership. Teir
world is not limited to home and family, they just
bring along their subtype style wherever they go. Ex-
amples in my experience include a Point Nine man
who is a bank president, a Tree woman who runs
her own business and leads workshops in spiritual de-
velopment, a Four woman who is a nationally known
coach and motivational speaker, a Seven man who is
a physician and head of a hospital sta. All of these
people have found balance with their three instincts
and have successful primary relationships.
Relationship Tips
Notice when your self preservation issues lead
to non-verbal communication of worry and anxiety
with your partner, friends or family members. Either
address your concerns directly, or breathe deeply and
let them go for the time being. Your connections will
suer if others pick up your anxiety but dont know
how to respond or if it seems unrelated to them.
Schedule quality time just for you and your
partner, and leave the worries about work, family
etc. behind. Tey will still be there when you return,
hopefully with a better feeling of being loved and
supported.
Gather your attention for talking with other
subtypes. Avoid becoming distracted by physical
tasks, bills, family members, pets, etc. Often, people
will want/need your undivided attention in order to
feel seen and heard. Take a break, even a short one,
from your security-making or comfort-making ac-
tivities and habits in
order to make direct
contact.
Remember
that other subtypes
are less interested
in self preservation
topics. Resist your
tendency to focus
on these and try to
include their inter-
ests in conversation.
With other Self Pres
types, practice shift-
ing the focus to the
social and one-to-
one areas at least
some of the time.
Practice build-
ing and containing
your energy inside
your body instead
of dispersing it
through your ev-
eryday activities or
distractions. One-
to-ones appreciate
more intensity, and
Social types appreci-
ate more structure.
It may feel quite un-
comfortable at rst,
but it will become easier with practice.
Be careful not to exclude people who dont match
your need for warmth in relationship. Tis will make
your world smaller and limit your access to resources.
On the other hand, dont assume or project family
style bonds with people who have no intention or
ability to connect in this way, or you may have some
rude awakenings.
In general, the work for Self Pres people in rela-
tionship is to notice and manage their predominant
instinct, to enjoy its productivity and strengths, to set
limits on excess in this area, and to put the necessary
attention on developing their one to one and social
instincts. In other words, dont over do the self pres-
ervation stu and be sure that you and your partner
have quality time together, just focused on the two of
you. You might also consider how to participate in
structured groups/activities with others if you dont
already.
Stay tuned, continued next issue...
__________
On a personal note:
Tis is a chapter from a forthcoming book about
the Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes. I welcome your
feedback, and I am also looking for short examples
and anecdotes that describe each of the 27 subtypes in
action, for better and worse, and the learning process
in working with them. If you have feedback for this
chapter or a subtype piece youd be willing to contrib-
ute, please contact me at: POHanrahan@aol.com.

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20 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
the lack thereof lately.
RR: I agree. In our increasingly supercial coun-
try, it can be hard to get people to take values serious-
ly. Ironically, you always and forever evaluate. Even
people who call themselves libertarian or secular or
antinomian, still have a scale by which they evaluate
things up or down. Te only problem is when you
use it to dismiss or marginalize people, that is what
Jesus would mean by being judgmental or righteous.
JL: I dont know if its fair to single ourselves out
as if the problem stems from something specic to
this country. I see it as a phenomena of our times in
the entire industrialized West. Maybe its the result
of the era Hindus call Kali Yuga. But I dont know
whether you use that term.
RR: Can you tell me what you mean?
JL: Kali Yuga would be one of the four parts of
a complete cosmic cycle of time. In the Vedic scrip-
tures, there is said to be a long golden age, followed
by two progressively shorter and less golden ages
ending in the shortest and most decadent age where
wisdom and values are forgotten and ignorance reigns.
Tis is Kali Yuga. According to scriptures, humanity
has entered it a little over 3000 years ago and we are
nowhere near the bottom yet.
Te symptoms of Kali Yuga are a collapse of fami-
lies, weakening of social values, individual rights be-
ing treasured over individual responsibility, the rise
of narcissism, self absorption, taking privileges for
granted, a decline of gratitude for what we have and
celebrating the shallow over the substantive.
RR: Oh yes I see, Kali Yuga refers to the falling-
apart period in the cosmic cycle.
JL: Yes, falling apart indeed! Its the most de-
structive of all the ages, where our ability to stick to
righteousness seems to either be lost or at least hard
to develop.
RR: Yes, isnt that the truth, although you are
now using righteousness in a good way, which is ap-
propriate too.
JL: Im an ex-Catholic, but without a grudge
against the Church. I use Hindu terminology be-
cause Im more familiar with it. Actually, my respect
and appreciation for Christianity has grown a lot af-
ter getting into Eastern thought. Christians appear to
hold the record among world religions for going out,
rolling up their sleeves and doing charitable works.
Surely, there have been abuses, birthing pains and
excesses throughout history, but Christianity seems
to have eective self-regulating safety guards. We pe-
riodically have reformations that provided new op-
portunities to improve or to right previous wrongs.
RR: Ive believed for a long time that some of the
best Catholics are the ones who leave the Church, go
deeper, and then come back and see that the same
depth was also available inside of Catholicism. Tis
doesnt mean that you have to come back, but that at
least you can see that, it was there for those who were
willing to search for it.
JL: Yes indeed. Its just that by chance, the Cath-
olic instructors in my youth spoke in a way that I
couldnt really understand.
RR: Tell me about it. Tats most of them! Yet
they were not usually bad willed, they just passed on
the half digested truths that they themselves had been
supercially taught.
JL: But didnt you yourself feel called to the priest-
hood at an early age? Like when you were about 14
or so?
RR: Well, yes. But of course I grew up in the pre-
Vatican II world, where all that early stage religion
made sense to me. But it has been a wonderful life
and has not disappointed me, so Im OK.
JL: Speaking of Vatican II, what did it change
for you?
RR: Vatican II really made Catholicism under-
standable, acceptable, adult, even exciting. It wasnt
an exclusionary system, at least for the rst 15 years.
Ten Pope John Paul started closing it down again
and over centralizing it in Rome.. But during my for-
mative years as a priest, it was the ocial policy and
developing practice of the Church. So my rst years
of ministry were the open years, where everything
was building on the marvelous documents of Vatican
II. You know, there are few people who wouldnt nd
these documents inspiring, who would not say, Tis
is good stu, very broad, very compassionate its very
understanding and life giving.
But Im afraid were not there anymore, even
though these documents still exist as documents of
the church. Im a Vatican II priest to the core, as is
most of my generation. Te new young priests of the
current generation would be very conservative again,
and preoccupied with circling the wagons around a
largely non experiential agenda. It tends to be all in
the head and doctrinaire.
JL: Would you say that Pope Ratzinger is more
conservative than John Paul was?
RR: No. not really. Except for the re-allowing
of the Latin mass, thus far Pope Benedict has actu-
ally been less reactionary than John Paul, believe it
or not. Tis is very interesting to people [within
the Church]. He isnt going around condemning
anybodyhe is willing to use the word dialogue;
John Paul never used the word, you know, and he
created the most centralized, top-heavy Catholicism
since the 13
th
century. Benedict seems to be willing to
live inside of that, but his public statements and his
rst two encyclicals on hope and love are really rather
brilliant and broad statements. So, although Im not
all that excited about him, since he took oce two
years ago, I would say that hes been a lot better than
we thought.
JL: Does it pain you to say that?
RR: I almost hate to have to admit this. I think
he created so much ill will by his arrogant condem-
nations in his role as defender of the faith. But since
hes been Pope, its almost as if he wants to redeem his
Rottweiler public image.
JL: Since life always seems to proceed in cycles of
open-close, I wonder if its just natural and necessary
for the pendulum to swing back and forth, so that the
Catholic church becomes too loose for a while (which
causes everything to begin to fall apart), and then be-
comes too rm (to make a correction).
RR: Yep, yep. Tats very broad-minded of you
to see this pattern. I think thats what they see at the
top of the Church hierarchy. When they choose
the Pope, it may have been a concrete and deliber-
ate decision that they were going to throw in their
lot with the conservatives. Why? Because in fact its
the conservative Catholicsthe ones who institute
rules and boundariesthat tend to pass on the faith
to their children. Te liberals dont. So if you want
the church to endure, at times you have to support
the conservative wing of the church.
JL: Do you have an objection to that?
RR: No, except I cant go back to being preoc-
cupied with boundaries. Not that I think boundaries
are wrong, you understand. I talk about this the re-
corded conference, Te Spirituality of the Two Halves
of Life. I think creating boundaries is very much the
task of the rst half of lifethats when we create an
identity and the boundaries that help us sustain that
identity. But the task for us during the second half of
life is to build bridges not boundaries. Im 65 now,
and Ive spent plenty of years learning boundaries.
But I see Jesus as a second-half-of-life man, in that
he was never concerned with trying to build bound-
aries around Judaism or against anybody else.. But
religion is, almost by denition, a boundary-keeping
sort of phenomenon. What much of the mature
world is longing for now is bridge building instead of
just boundary keeping. But as my non dual thinking
would also say, it is BOTH-AND.
JL: Right, thats well stated and I totally agree
with it.
RR: But a lot of people want spirituality today.
Tey see that youve got to build bridges instead of
boundaries. Maybe that is a simple way to distin-
Conversation w/Richard Rohr... CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
But a lot of people want spirituality today.
They see that youve got to build bridges
instead of boundaries. Maybe that is a
simple way to distinguish the two: reli-
gion gets us started with boundaries so
we can go deep in one place. Spirituality
leads us out of that depth to build bridg-
es and connections with all things
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 21
guish the two: religion gets us started with boundar-
ies so we can go deep in one place. Spirituality leads
us out of that depth to build bridges and connections
with all things.
JL: But if we just remove boundaries, do we ipso
facto get spirituality? My experience is quite the con-
trary.
RR: I would agree with you.
JL: Holding on to boundaries, even for a long
time, may help with staying on track, sorting our pri-
orities, or developing the kind of discipline well need
to become responsible human beings. Living grace-
fully in society seems to require us to make the eort
both to keep boundaries and also to build bridges.
RR: Ditto, ditto, dittoI totally agree with
you. Its best to begin conservative. In MALEs (Men
as Learners and Elders), we call it keeping the edges
hot. To throw out all necessary boundaries is asking
for trouble, because this creates very narcissistic and
loose personalities. It also creates skepticism (or even
cynicism) as a way of life. Children already have an
innate sense of rules, fairness, and boundary keeping.
Tey are right, of course. Without boundaries, noth-
ing means nothing.
JL: Well, I can also relate to your urge to build
bridges. Im not sure I agree with you about the idea
that conservative rules are valuable only at the begin-
ning, because I see the negative eects of too little
respect for boundaries on my own generation, the
baby boomers. Tey seem to suer from the Peter
Pan syndrome, wanting to extend their childhood ad
innitum. When I was growing up, military service
under sadistic drill sergeants was considered a male
rite of passage. At the time, I happened to be stateless,
so much to my relief, I could not be drafted. But I
could see the quantum leap in maturity in those who
came back from military service.
Fast forward to now: what do we do with the
generations who have been actively retarded by Dr.
Spock-style leniency from maturing? Te new educa-
tion style is schools of NO hard knocks. Just look at
the way we feminize our boys starting in kindergar-
ten.. Or the lack of discipline apart from obedience to
rules of political correctness... I compare our schools
to the ones I saw in India last years, where there were
little kids just sitting on a cement slab in the school-
yard, totally attentive, in neat rows, with their school
items neatly piled up. A single female teacher was
imparting the lesson to about 40 boys and girls of 6
or 7 and you could hear a pin drop.
RR: Its the same in Africa, the little black kids
just sit there so respectful and humbleand there-
fore teachable and growable. Were losing all that, its
frightening...
JL: Yes, and once we lose it how do we get it
back?
RR: How do you get it back? Well, what happens
is those who realize the need for it then tend to over-
react and become fundamentalists of some sort. Te
pendulum swings to the other extreme, as we see so
much of today in all of the world religions.
JL: Yes, thats the yin and yang of it.
RR: Yes, we see this in the new conservative
young priests I talk about. Its like they are from a
dierent religion. I dont easily relate to them. I
relate to Methodists, Lutherans and Jews of my gen-
eration much more than I can relate to the young
neo-conservative Catholic priests. Im not saying that
is a virtue on my part, its just my experience. I ad-
mit that the yin and yang may need to alternate, but
its not easy for someone raised under one inuence
to eagerly embrace its opposite, especially because I
started where they are, saw its deciencies and moved
beyond it, while not rejecting the good part. It is
hard, if not impossible, to go backwards.
JL: You could say that these priests have become
neo-Catholics. Maybe its because the Catholics had
drifted further away than
the Methodist, Lutherans
or Jews and we could call
them neo-Caths. Teir
job is to regain balance.
RR: Yeah, and theyve
received this validation
from John Paul and Bene-
dict and the kind of bish-
ops they have appointed,
bishops who tend to be
system men to the core.
I would call them church
men more than gospel
men. Tats the kind of
leadership we have in the
church now.
JL: Well, its like wa-
ter seeking its own level.
When one side pushes too
far the other side pushes
back and thats the para-
dox we need to embrace.
So how do we do this?
RR: Tats what Im
trying to live in my own
life. Contemplation is a
big helpthis is what you
would call meditation, I
dont know how you get
to non-dual patterns of
thought except through some form of meditation or
contemplation. But as I said before, the enneagram
sort of opens you at least to the recognition that non-
duality is the real nature of life.
JL: How so?
RR: Well its pretty simple. Its the recognition
that the sin of each type is the same as the gift. Both
are inseparable. So you cant have the good part with-
out having the bad part. But the problem is that you
are undone by your gift because you overdo it. You
have to have your gift but you over-identify with it.
And that when it becomes your curse.
Tere is a paradoxical character to this situation.
Just to have that understanding is Enneagram 101.
You said you are a Seven. Te fact that you can
see things positively, optimistically and hopefully is
what I am sure people love you for. But it has made
you make mistakes characteristic of your type and no
doubt made you lose some friendships. People get
tired of your optimism or dont trust it any more.
Also, as a Seven, you may be unable to see the dark
side of things when the dark side is killing you or
others.
JL: Yeah, not to mention how the Sevenish love
of gambling and speculating aects the way I operate
when investing in the stock market....
RR: (laughing).. Oh is that (chuckles)...there it
is:, Gosh how can I keep this gift without going
overboard with it? Tats the challenge. When I
rst taught the enneagram, I used to say that 70-80%
of what we get from our type is a gift but that 25% of
Richard Rohr
Russ Hudson
AND
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would like to lead you on a journey of laughing and
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uncover some of the fruitulness of this marvelous
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The weekend will oer lectures, practces and anity
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THE ENNEAGRAM: KNOW YOUR NUMBER with Suzanne Stabile
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Thats what Im trying to live in my own
life. Contemplation is a big helpthis is
what you would call meditation, I dont
know how you get to non-dual paterns
of thought except through some form
of meditation or contemplation. But as I
said before, the enneagram sort of opens
you at least to the recognition that non-
duality is the real nature of life.
22 july/aug. 2008 enneagram monthly
it is just plain rotten, that it ruins you and messes up
your best projects. And as a righteous idealist, I am
a ONE, this approach has made me hurt people and
judge people.
My greatest regret, as I look back at my 60 years of
life is this: there have been people whom I judged too
quickly or pushed too much. Dammit, I wish I could
undo that, but I cant. It goes along with me being
an idealist visionary that I always want the best. So
those people who arent working for the best always
disappoint me.
JL: Well, that may have been your duty and your
job to push.
RR: Tats how I justied being righteousbe-
cause I was responsible or in charge. But being re-
sponsible and in charge and also being a One can be
a lethal combination. And Ive been in charge most
of my life of whatever Im doing!
JL: Well, what else is a One to do? My under-
stand is that Ones are the custodians of dharma and
guardians over societal wellbeing.
RR: Well thats true too. I guess thats why Im a
teacher.
JL: Who better than Ones to provide the yard-
stick by which behavior ought to be measured? And
you cant do it by quietly shrinking into the back-
ground and saying nothing.
RR: No, nowe are actually good leaders. I do
want to say that, but I think this is only after weve
seen our compulsion. Its then that we can balance
ourselves out. With self-insight, Ones become very
self- balancing people, which is why we are keepers of
the dharma. Tis quest for balance is deep, very deep
in us. And yet, our righteousness keeps squeaking out
at the edges.
JL: Well, why not? After all, somebody has to
do it.
RR: Tats a compassionate reading of the situa-
tion, thank you.
JL: Is there another?
RR: Well, its a paradox. Do you see what I mean?
It is a paradox that the very traits that make me a
good keeper of the dharma are the same traits that
make me overly righteous. You see it and I do too.
JL: Yes, I know what you mean. But what bugs
me a lot is how people think they know me because
they know my type. I consider myself a grumpy,
curmudgeonly Seven. When people say that Sevens
are ippant, easy-going, and always on the go... I say,
wait a minute!
RR: You dont know me...
JL: Yes, thats not me.
RR: ...laughing.... Tats great you have that self
knowledge. Good for you! What else do you think
would be helpful here?
JL: Lets see.well, I think there is a shift in the
enneagram world. After Ichazo and then Naranjo in-
troduced the system, the focus was mainly on the pas-
sions, the xations and the defectiveness of the ego.
From reading over a decade of article submissions and
hearing readers comments, it seems that people are
all over the board in what they think the ego isbut
the distinction between ego and personality remains
unclear. Are they identical or is there a distinction of
some sort?
Whatever ego is, its clear that a lot of people think
that it has to either be defeated or gotten rid of. So
the idea that our ego/personality has to disappear in
order for us to grow persistswhich of course is im-
possible.
RR: Yes, impossiblethats right. Nor is it
healthy. You have to have an ego to let go of your
ego.
JL: I cant even get rid of my accent, let alone my
personality. And of the two enlightened teachers I
had the fortune to hear, one had an Indian accent
and the other a French accent in spite of many years
teaching in English...
RR: Really, and still kept it, like Arnold Swarzeneg-
ger... He has the most horrible Austrian accent I have
ever heard and he cant lose it either.
JL: I see personality as equal to an accent. Its
there, its peculiar, and it neither helps nor hurts very
much in the pursuit of liberation. Talking about ac-
cents and liberation, I read somewhere that you said
nice things about Eckhart Tolle.
RR: Yes I like his stu very much.
JL: Eat your heart out, Arnoldtheres some-
body enlightened with only a fraction of a German
accent...
RR: ...laughing...whats your accent?
JL: Im of Lithuanian origin, born in Germany,
lived 38 years in Europe the last 12 in Italy before
immigrating to USA.
RR: So, you speak all those languages? God, what
a gift. Marvelous. We had a marvelous time in As-
sisi last month. Helen Palmer followed us up in the
same location.
JL: I heard good things from Claudio Garibaldi
about the Assisi Conference. Tey loved what you
had to say.
RR: I hope so. Did I respond to your concern?
JL: Ah yes, that personality is essentially some-
thing value neutral and there is no particular urge or
advantage in being one personality over another?
RR: Yes thats right, if I could build on your dis-
tinctionwhich I think is a good oneI would say
personality becomes ego only in so far as you are identi-
ed with it and attached to it. But you are right about
not wanting to defeat personality as such. I think that
real knowledge of the enneagram should allow you to
shine with your true personality. It is the attachment
and identication that turns personality into ego. If
that makes sense to you?
JL: By the way, Robert Bly was here recently and
I thought you had dealings with him in connection
with mens groups?
RR: Well, I have quoted him a lot over the years.
I admire him and he was kind enough to call me
twice here on the phone and just really arm my
work. Tis was specically in regard to my attempts
to try to connect mens spirituality with the Judeo-
Christian tradition. On one occasion, he was humble
enough to say that he cant do that, hes not in the
position by education or public image to know how
to make the God link. But he was arming me for
making it. And I just thought that this was such a
generous gesture on his part to phone me up, just to
let me know of his support. But thats all there is to
our relationship.
JL: From talking to him, I get the impression that
he nds himself embedded in a highly secular culture
that has a jaundiced view of religion, which is too
bad. Its as if conceding that there could be a superior
power would detract from his ability to relate to his
audience. I think it has something to do with our
current cultural wave of narcissism, where so many
people have too much freedom without the appropri-
ate values to prevent decadence.
RR: Tats a very interesting point. Ill bet there
is truth in that idea, thank you.
JL: Look for example at what have become our
gods these dayits physical tness, health food,
material comforts, and security. Were talking about
things that sustain a separate sense of selfa self that
is isolated, nite, and ends upon death. Its consid-
ered quaint to think of life after death or becoming
an enlightened being...
RR: I couldnt agree more, that is very true. Even
though you and I would agree that taking care of our
bodies is good, the number of TV shows on health
food, exercise, yoga and keeping your body in perfect
shape does reect a heavy preoccupation with the ma-
terial side of life. Im all for anything that promotes
our physical well-being, but not when it excludes or
minimizes everything else.
Tis is almost the opposite scenario we saw with
the medievals, who were obsessed with the soul, even
at the expense of the body. Now were pretty much
obsessed with the body. But what of the soul?
JL: Tere goes the yin yang pendulum again...
RR: Yes there it is again, thats right...yep. What
else? You understand things very well and are easy to
talk to. Tank you for your responses.
Stay tuned, continued next issue...
But you are right about not wanting to
defeat personality as such. I think that
real knowledge of the enneagram should
allow you to shine with your true person-
ality.
enneagram monthly july/aug. 2008 23
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