The

Collected Works
of
Sauel Beckett
Othe Work By Samul Btt
Pulihed By Gove Pres
Cascdo and Other Shor Dramatic Pieces
Film
Endgame
Happy Days
How It Is
Kapp's Lst Tape and Other Dramatic Piece
More Pricks Than Kicks
Murphy
Poems in Engish
Proust
Stories & Texts for Nothing
Molloy
Malone Dies
The Unnamable
Wating for Godot
Watt
HOW IT IS
by
Samuel Beckett
Translated fom the French
hy the author
GROVE PRESS, INC. I NEW YORK
No pa of ts book may be reproduced, for any reason, by
any means, includg any method of photogaphc reroduc
tion, without the peission of the publsher.
Copyight 19 by Grove Pres, Inc.
All Rights Resered
Origially published under the title Comment c'es cygt
191 by Ls Ediion de Minuit, Pa, France.
Librar of Congess Cataog Cad Number: 61698
Fist Evergreen Edtion, 19
First Prnting, Colected Works, 1970
MAC I T U SAT OF AC
1
how it was quote before 1mwith 1mafter 1mhow it i
tee parts say it as hear it
voice once without quaqua on all sides ten in me when the
panting stops tell me agai fnish tellng me invocation
past moments old dreams back again or fresh like those that
pass or tings things always and memories 1 say them as I
hear them murur them in the mud
i me that were without when the panting stops scraps of
an ancient voice in me not mine
my le last state last version ill-said ill-heard ill-recaptured
il-muued in the mud brief movements of the lower face
losses everwhere
recorded none the less it's preferable somehow somewhere
as it stands as it comes my le my moments not the milliont
par all lost nearly al someone lstening another noting or
the same
here then part one how it was before 1mwe follow quote
te natual order more or less my le last state last version
what remains bits and scraps hear it my lie natural order
more or less lear it quote a given moment long past vast
stretch of time on from there that moment and following
not all a selection natural order vast tracts of time
part one before 1mhow got here no question not know
not said and te sack whence the sack and me i it's me no
question impossible too weak no importance
[ 7 ]
bO O thO OUOt8OOVO n thO b_ht 88O tOh8VO OOOnmie
On8nOOnO _On_OaCkug thOtOnOguOtOnnOOnO 88kn_
Uat OmOnOVOtthOtO 8 CW ma_C8 On anO O n UO muO
O8H8ky8OWCtOatutOi thOl_ht8OmO8t8t8nOn_
thO88Ck8OlO _OOOOOgO88O88OnCO8-88CktOUOOOlm8l
OtmOOumbVO8tOnO 8D8tOnOWOt[utO I CutChttUg8n
thOgtO8OntOutlOn_g88t lOn_ _OnOV8t 8ttOtCh OtmO thO
DO_mn_U8mObt8t8@VOtybt8tOmO
thOnOnmyOOOWguOtO18OOmO gtOg mO ugthu8ti my
8D n thO 8aCk WOtO t8lkn_ O thO 88Ck thu8t t n COunt
thO tm8 mgO88OO WU OnO h8nO kOOg ttyn_ OnO d8y t
Wl OO gO88OO
OmgtythOmOutnthO muOthOtn8gutthOmD8CkOnO by
OnOmthO88CkmgO88OOtOOWO8kO8tOlO88
DO 8ggOttO8 CDO O tunny thOnmOuOyO8tmOulOyBO
DOOOtO WOtty WOnt dO llnOVOtUO Ohun_Ot
thOtnOtO8ChOOgutO8CknUO88CkOtkOgtnUOhanOt8
OnOOtUOOUOt tOmOmOOtWhOnaggOttOtOVVO8 Ot Ot-
_Ot OgOn 8nOUOt t8 OnO Ot UO OUOt 8OmOUn_ WtOn_
thOtOt8UOOO_mnn_OmymOgtOOntOtmul8tOn
OUOt COttatO8 UO muO thO d8tk 1 tOCagtulatO UO 8aCk
thO Un8 UO muO UO datk UC 8uOnCO UC 8OltuOO nOU_
OlOOt UOmOmOnt
OOmOOnmyaCOClO8OmyOyO8nOtUOOluOUOOthOtat
UOOaCkanO8OOmOOnmyaCOUOmOuthOgOnthOtOn_uO
COmO Out Ol8 n UO muO 8nO nO guOUOn O Uu8t O-
[ 8 ]
thCt nO Quc!On O dyng O thirst either all this time vast
stretch Otime
OnthO b_htbttm8_O OmOCtO8tutOOt OthOt1W8tChOd
hm 8ttmy ahOn tOm a8t tmOu_h my gy-_l8 d-
On_nmutOt thtOu_hWnOOW 8tn_htbtt m8_O
8yn_tOmyOhODOttOtth8nhOW8DOttOtlh8nyOtOt-
d8y lO u_ly lO tugd lO CtuOl l duty lO Old lO
wOtChOd 8nd yOu 8yn_tO myO 8nO yOu D8d tO WOtO
D8d lO WOtO tO8dly
OmOU_ WOn_ UOtC
OtDOWOtO 8yn_ tO myO uO WOtO yOutO nO WOtO 8nd
W8 WOtO
1 guOd 8nd h8t 8nOthOt m8_O i my CtD nOVOt O ClO8u
nCO
1 COtOd ntO lOnOOt ttg thO Wn_ O DuttOtBO btt
OuO Wn_ thOn thO OthOt OmOtm Ot 8 Ch8n_O thO to
8DtO8t nOVOt O _OOO nCO
lh8t alOt thO mOmnt thOtO 1 l8VO 1 hO8t t muDut t
tOthO mudthOtO1 lO8VOOtUO mOmnt luO i thO b@t t
_OO Out
Onmy8COnthOmud8ndthOd8tk1 OOmOt8h8ltnOtD-
n_ mOt m [Omyn_ t 8 tt nOthn_ mOtC
guOtOn i I WOtO tO lOO lhO tn-Ognt thtO 8nOthOt
OD[OCt Ot WhOn thO 8Ck u Omgty th8t 8mly
[9]
0D[Ct 8D[Ct8_ 8ChhtOCntOm th nXt Whnw
th l8t COm WhnW8my _OlOn VQ t8th8 tU hyd8y
1 8y t a 1 hm t
k dt8Wn ug D8Ck Dnt n 0 hOOg 1 C!8g U 8Ck tOmy
DllymnOWOnmyOO1ClutChtth8CkWtt8-
n_OthO8CkWtUOnOh8ndDhmOmyD8Ck1lgttundOt
my h8OWthOut lttn_t _O I nVOt !t t _O
Omthm_ WOn_ UOtC
nOt 8t 1 guOt O lOn_ t Omthn_ U nOt kOWu nOt
88OWhntmgty1gutmyh8Oi ttthnmyhOuldt
my CtOWu Wu tOuCh th DOttOm
8nOthtm8_O OOOn8_8n 0WOm8nlOOk ug lOOK 8tmO
UO m8_ COmO 8t th D_mn_ g8tt OnO thy Wu C8O
I 8y t 8 h0t tmuHut t n th muO th m8_ g8H
On hOW t W8 DOt Pi 1 thm n th muO 8 u_ht
_O OnthywC8 8WOm8n1 hti thOmuO
htt88lOOtny8tObtny8tdh!OOkuglOOK8tmO
8y8tl8ttOht!8i Whi WOtk_
my h8O Wht i my h8O t tt On th t8Dl my h8nd
UmD! On th t8Dl h 8m nOt lgm_ th Wnd
DlOW tmgtuOuU lttl ClOud OtVDOttth t8D!
_!CtOmu_httOO8tKd8tK tOb_ht
th8t nOt 8 h tOOg tO ht WOtk 8_8n th nd! tOg
m mdttCh h U8_htn ug 8nO !OOk 8t m 8_8u h
h8 Only tO C8 m Dy my n8m _t uQ COm 8nd l m
DutnO
_I0_
I don't move her aniety gows she suddenly leaves te
house and rns to friends
that's all it wasn't a deam 1didn't dream that nor a memory
1haven't been given memories this tie it was an image the
kd 1 see sometimes see i the mud part one sometimes
saw
with the gesture of one dealing cad and also to be ob
sered among certain sowers of seed I throw away the
empty ts they fal without a sound
fall i I may believe those I sometimes :nd on my way and
then make haste to throw away again
wat of primeval mud ipenetrable dark
suddenly like all that was not then is 1 go not because of the
sht and vomit something else not know not said whence
preparatives sudden series subject object subject object
quick succession and away
take the cord from te sack there's anoter object tie the
neck of the sack hang it from my neck knowing I'll need
bot hands or else instinct it's one or the other and away
right leg right a push pull ten yards :fteen yards halt
in the sack then up to now the tins the opener the cord but
the wish for someting else no tat doesnt seem to have
been given to me this time the image of oter things with
me there in the mud the dark in the sack within reach no
tat doesn't seem to have been put in my lfe this te
[
11
]
ueful tigs a cloth to wipe me that family or beautil to
te feel
which having sought in vai among the ti now one now
another in obedience to the wish te iage of the moment
which when weary of seeking tu I could promise mysel
to seek aga a lttle later when less wear a lttle less or t
and banih from my thoughts saying tue true think no
more about it
no the wish to be less wetched a lttle less the wih for a
lttle beauty no when the panting stops I hear nothig of
te kd that's not how I'm told t te
nor callers i my le this tie no wish for callers hateng
from all sides all sorts to talk to me about themselves lfe
too and death a though notg had happened me per
haps too i the end to help me last then goodbye m we
meet agai each back the way he cae
M sorts old men how they had dandled me on their kees
lttle budle of swaddle and lace ten followed i my
career
others kowing nothing of my beginngs save what they
could glean by hearsay or i public records nothng of my
beggs m le
others who had aways kow me here i my last place they
ta to me of themselves of me perhaps too i the end of
feeting joys and of sorrows of empires that are bor and de
as though notng had happened
I2_
others fnally who do not kow me yet they pass wit heav
tread mururig to themselves they have sought refuge i
a desert place to be alone at last and vent thei sorrows un
heard
they see me I am a monster of te solitudes he sees man
for the frst te and does not fee before him explorers bring
home hs sk among thei trophies
suddenly afar the step the voice notng then suddenly
sometg something then suddenly noting suddenly afar
te silence
lfe then without calers present forulation no callers th
time no stories but mine no silence but the silence I must
break when I can bear it no more it's with that I have
to last
question i other inhabitants here with me yes or no ob
viously all-important most iportant and thereupon long
wangle so minute tat moments when yes to be feared till
fnally concluion no me sole elect the panting stops and
tat is all I hear barely hear the question the answer barely
audible other inhabitants besides me here wit me for
good in the dark te mud long wrangle all lost and fnally
conclusion no me sole elect
and yet a dream I am given a dream like someone having
tasted of love of a lttle woman witn my reach and dream
ing too it's i the deam too of a lttle man within hers I
have that in my le this time sometimes part one as I
jouney
.
[ 13 ]
or failng knded meat a llama emergency dream t tdpica
llama the history 1knew my LOthe natural
she would not come to me 1 would go to her htddle in her
feece but they add no a beast here no the soul is de rigueur
the mind too a minimum of each oterise too geat an
honour
I tum to the hand that u free draw it to my face it's a
resource when all fails images deams sleep food for thought
something wrong there
when the great need fail the need to move on the need
to sht and vomit and the oter great needs all my great
categories of being
then to my hand that u free rather than some other part I
say it as 1 hear it brief movements of the lower face with
murur to the mud
it comes close to my eyes I don't see it 1 close my eyes
someting i lacking whereas norally closed or open my
eyes
i that is not enough 1futter it my hand we're talng of my
hand ten seconds ffteen seconds close my eyes a curtain
fall
i that is not enough 1 lay it on my face it covers it entirely
but I don't lie to touch myself they haven't left me that
thi tie
I call it it doesn' t come I can' t l ive without it I call it
with all my strength it' s not strong enough I grow mar-
[ 14
]
ta agin
my memor obviously the panting stops and question of
my memory obviously that too all-important too most im
portant ti voice is truly changeable of which so ltle left
i me bits and scraps barely audible when the panting stops
so little so faint not te milonth part I say it as I hear it
muu it to the mud ever word always
what about it my memory we're talking of my memory not
much that it's getting better that it's getting worse that
thgs are coming back to me nothng is coming back to me
but to conclude from that
to conclude from tat that no one will ever come again
and shine hs lght on me and notng ever again of other
days other nights no
next another iage yet another so soon again the third per
haps they'll soon cease it's me all of me and my mother's
face 1 see it from below it's like noting I ever saw
-.
we are on a veranda smothered in verbena the scented sun
dapples the red tiles yes asue you
the huge head hatted with birds and fowers is bowed down
over my curls the eyes bu with severe love 1 ofer her
mine pale upcast to the sk whence comet our help and
which I kow perhaps even then with time shal pass
away
in a word bolt upright on a cushion on my knees whelmed
i a nightshirt I pray according to her instructions
[15]
tat's not al she closes her eyes and dones a snatch of te
so-caled Apostles' Creed I steal a look at her lips
she stops her eyes bu dow on me again I cast up mine i
haste and repeat awry
te air tl with the hum of isects
tat's all it goes out lke a lap blown out
the space of a moment the passig moment tat's al my
past lttle rat at my heel the rest false
fae tat old te pa one how it wa before Pi vast
stretch of tme when I drag myself and dag myself aston
ished to be able the cord sawig my neck the sack jolting
at my side one hand Hung forwad towards the wal te
ditch that never come sometng wrong there
and Pi pa lOwhat I dd to mwhat he said to me
false lke that dead head the hand alve stll the lttle table
tossing i the clouds te woman jumping to her feet and
rhng out into the wd
no matter I don't say any more I quote on is it me i it me
I'm not lke that any more they have taken tat away from
me t te al I say is how last how lat
pa one before Pi before the discovery of Pi have done
wm that leaving only part to wth Pi how it was ten
leavng only pat three ater Pi how it was then how it is
vast tracts of tie
[ 1
6
]
my sack sole variable my days my nights my season and
my feats it says Lent everlasting then of a sudden Hal
lowmas no summer that year it is the same not much
real spring my sack than to my sack that I keep dyig in
a dying age
my tins all sorts dwindling but not so fast as appetite d
ferent shapes no preference but the fngers kow no sooner
fatened at random
dwindling in what stange wise but what is strange here u
diminished for years then of a sudden half as many
tese words of those for whom and under whom and all
about the earh turns and all turs these words here again
days nights yeas season tat family
te fngers deceived the mout resigned to an olive and
given a cherry but no preference no searching not even for
a language meet for me meet for here no more searching
the sack when it's empty my sack a possession this word
faintly hissing brief void and fnally apposition anomaly
anomaly a sack here my sack when it's empty ba I've lah
igs of time centuries of tie
centuries 1 can see me quite tny the same as now more or
less only tinier quite tiny no more objects no more food and
I live the a sustains me the mud I lve on
te sack again other conexons I take it in my ars talk
to it put my head in it rb my cheek on it lay my lps on it
tu my back on it tum to it again clap it to me again say
to it thou thou
[ 17]
say say part one no sound the syllables move my lps and
al aroud al the lower that helps me understand
that's the speech I've been given part one before Pim ques
tion do I use it freely it's not said or I don't hear it's one or
the other al I hear is that a witness I'd need a witness
he lives bent over me that's the lie he has been given all my
viible surface bathing in the lght of his lamps when I go
he follows me bent m two
h ad sits a little aloof he announces brief movements of
te lower face the aid enters it i hs ledger
my hand won't come words won't come no word not even
soundless I'm i need of a word of my hand dire need I
can't tey won't that too
deteroration of the sense of humour fewer tears too that
to they are failng too and there another image yet another
a boy sittng on a bed in the dark or a small old man I can't
see with his head be it young or be it old his head m h
hands I appropriate that heart
question am I happy mthe present stlsuch ancient tgs
a little happy on and of par one before Pi brief void and
baely audible no no I would feel it and brief apostil baely
audible not made not really for happiness unappiness
peace of mind
rats no no rats tis te I've sickened tem what else at ths
period pa one before Pi vast stretch of time
[
18
]
UO h0nO Og Cl0Wn_ Ot thO t0kO ntO0O O thO 0ml0r
LmO0n0tOOnhDO!lyhOtOODOOtOth0tWh0tOlOth0t
OnOu_hm _On_
uOtUOmtnOtthOVOmtOmOtmn_OlOm _On_thO 0Ck
tOO tO my nOCk m tO0Oy btt thn_ tOO gl0y Ot thO lO_
WhChlO_DtOVOO0nOb0tOly0uODlOthOt_httgtOOt-
8DlO
I tm Oumy OO WhCh OO thO lOt t gtOOt0blO thtOW
UOt_hth0nOOC0tO DOnO thO t_htknOO thOO [Ont8 0tO
WOtkn_thObn_Ot mthO tOO mm thO mO thOO 0tO
my hOlO tO ttOn_ mO utOO ttOn_ hOlO utOO ttOn_ I
0yt0hO0tt
guhguthO lO_ D0_htOm thO a DOnO M thOO [Ont8
8tO WOtkn_thO hO0O 0ttVO 0lOn_OOUOh0nO0tOuth0
0CO 0nOtOt
thOOthOtOOlOtlO_lOt0mguhgullthOhO0O0nduggOt
ttumtO ClO0ttOOuCn_tCtOnCOttOgOnOn_ly 0 D0Ck
I Ct0Wln0uMDlOtOny0tObtOOny0tUh0lt
lOOgdut0tOnOlOOgW0kOhOWmuChnO0tOtthO l0t
80nCy 0m _VOn 00nCythO g0ntn_tOg 0nO 0 DtO0th-
ClOCkDtO0thOlOhO0dm UO D0_ O_OnOt h00nhOm
W0kO WhOn yOu ChOkO tOgO0t bVO tmO O tmO th0t
OnOu_hnOWkOWmtOtOOmyttOn_UtOtOtOOthOd0y
C0nDO_nUOOCt0gb0tOly0udblOOt00nt0y
0lW0y lOOgy lttlO OOg th0t hOW thOytO ttyn_ tO tOll
mOtmtmOuCkOOOOWngOWOdugy0Wmn_y0Wm_0l-
[ 19 ]
wayssleepyhttlesleep
mLvoiceoncequaquathenm mewhenmepantmgstops
partmeeaIterPi notbeIorenotwithI have|omeyed
IoundPimlostPi itis over am m partthreeaterPi
howitwashowituIsayitasI hearitnaturalordermore
orlessbitsandscrapsm themudmymemumurittothe
mud
I leitnaturaordermore or less beIore Pi with Pi
vasttractsoItme how itwas myvanIshedhIe then ter
thennowaIterPi howitumymebitsandscraps
sayitmymea itcomesnaturalordermylipsmove can
Ieelthemitcomesoutm themudmyliIewhatremamiU-
saidm-recapturedwhenthepanungstopsilI-mumuredto
the mud m me present a that tmgs so ancient natmal
order the |omey the couple the abandon ah that m the
presentbarelyaudiblebitsandscraps
have|oumeyedIoundPi lostPi it`soverthatmethose
perods oI that liIe hrst second now ud pant pant the
panungstopsandhearbarelyaudiblehowI|omeywiu
mysackmyt i thedarkthemudcrawli anambleto-
wardsPi unwttingbits andscrapsm thepresentthings
so ancient hear them mumur them a they cme bely
audibletothemud
ptonebeIorePi thejomeyitcan`tlastitlasLI`mcam
calmeryouthimyou`recalmandyou`renotm thelowest
depthsandyou`reontheegeIsayitasIhearitandthat
deathdeathuitevercomes that`sallitdies
[20
_
t dO 0nO OO 0 CtOCu u0 gOt n 0n 8tO0 u 0 D0OmOnt
u80tOnthO un CtOOg8ug thO W0 0 h0nO kOOg t u UO
8un th yOllOV bOWOt Wth 0 ttn_ OO thO h0nO lOn_
m0_O hOut lOn_thO un _OO thO gOt _OO OOVnl_ht On
UO_OmOthOh0nO_OOthOW0ll_OO
t0_ OlOn thO l_ht IhO0t 0nO dOnt dOny dOnt DOlOVO
UOnt0y0nymOtOWhOgO0kn_th0tnOt0O0nymOtO
tmuth0VOCO08OOtODOOntOtOtDutWOtOkOnOWDO-
OtO 1m nO nO th0t8 nOt 0O Only mnO my WOtO mnO
ulOnO OnO Ot tWO OunOlO DtO mOVOmOnt 0 thO lOWOt
nOOundWhOn C0nth0t8thOUOtOnCO_tO0tCOnuOn
I OO 0ll 8uO lO mCuOOO th0t mnO thO l_ht _OO8 On
nthOmuOthOgt0yOtthO hO0OOnthO t0DlOthO CtOCu UO
OOm0n n tO0t thO tO0t DOmnO thO h0nO kO 0ll Ott
Om OtOnt 8Ott On l0nO 0nO O0 DluO O 0 uOOOn _OlO 0nd
_tOOnOthOO0tthO0uOOOnnthOmuO
DutWOtdlkOnOWWOtOnOtmnODOOtO1mnOnOth0t8
nOt0Oth0tthOOm OtOnCOhO0ttDOtOOnthOn0nOnOW
OnOOthOOOtOnCO 0mOn_thOmIl0ttO
thOWOtdO1mhOXtOttOdVOCOhOtOg tOgu0lthO
nOOdul hO t0tt 0_0m COulO btOn tO hm Ot OVOt Dut
mnO h0VO OOnO Vth mnO n0tut0l OtdOt DOOtO 1m thO
lIttlO0ynOOunOthOlttlOOOO0bOdOntdOnyOOnt
DOlOVODutWh0tDOlOVOthO0CkgOth0gthOO0kthOmuO
OO0UgOth0gtOWndugWth 0tOtOmuChluOthOtO0tO
mOmOnt
how I got here if it's me nO question too weak no inter-
[ 2
1
]
est but here this place where I begin this time present formu
lation part one my life clutch the sack it drips frst sign thi
place a few scraps
you are tere somewhere alve somewhere vat stetch of
time then ifs over you ae there no more alive no more then
agai you are tere agai alive again it wasn't over an eror
you begi again all over more or less i the same place or in
anoter as when anoter image above mthe light you come
to i hospital in the dark
the sae as which which place it's not said or I don't hea
it's one or te oter te same more or less more huid fewer
gleams no gleam what does tat mean tat wa once some
where where there were gleas I say it as I hea it every
word always
more humid fewer gleas no gleam and hushed the dea
sounds pretext for speculation I must have slipped you ae
mte depths it's te end you have ceased you slip you con
tue
anoter age yet anoter familia i spite of its stagenesses
this sack t slime the mild a the black dark te coloured
iages the power to crawl all tese stangenesses
but progress properly so called Dm m prospect as m the
dea tent centu the dea twentieth that you migt say
to yourself to a dream greenor a uyou had seen it four
hudred years ago what upheavals
a my young friend ths sack u you had seen it I could
hardly drag it and now look my vertex touches the bot-
[221
tom
and I not a we not one
at te end of the myriad of hours a hour mie a quarter
of an hour there are moments ifs because have sufered
must have sufered morally hoped more than once de
spaired to match your heart bleeds you lose your heart drop
by drop weep even an odd tear inward no sound no more
images no more joureys no more hunger or thirst the heart
is going you'll soon be there hear it there are moments they
ae good moments
paradise before the hoping from sleep I come to sleep re
tu between the two there is all all the doig sufering
failing bungling achieving until the mud yawns again thaf s
how they're tryig to tell me th time part one before Pim
from one sleep to the next
ten Pim the lost tins the groping hand te arse the two
cries mine mute the bith of hope on with it get it over have
it behind me feel the heart goig hear it said you're nearly
there
be with Pim have been with Pim have h behind me hear
it said he'll come back another wcome better than Pim
he's coming right leg right ar push pull ten yards ffteen
yards you stay quet where you are i the dark the mud and
on you suddenly a hand like yous on Pim two cries his
mute
you will have a little voice it wil be baely audible you will
whisper i his ear you will have a little life you will whisper
it in his ear it Wube derent quite d erent quite a difer
[ 2
3
]
ent music you'l see a little le 1ma lttle le music but in
your mouth it wil be new to you
then go for go and no goodbyes that age wil be over all
te ages or merely you no more joueys no more couples
no more abandon ever again anywhere hear tat
how it was before 1mfst say that natual order the same
tings te sae thigs say tem as hear them murur
tem to te mud divde into tee a sigle eterty for the
sake of clarty wake and of go all le part one before 1m
how it was leavig only with 1m how it was leaving only
after 1m how it was how it Lwhen te panting stops bits
and scraps 1wake of go my day my le par one bits and
scraps
aleep Isee me aleep on my side or on my face it's one or
the oter on my side it's preferable whch side te right it's
preferable te sack under my head or claped to my bely
claped to my belly te kees drawn up the back bent i a
hop the tiny head near the kees culed round the sack
Belacqua fallen over on h side ted of wating forgotten of
te hear where grace abides asleep
kow not what iect wound round its teasure come
back with empty hands to me to my place what to begi
WU ak mysel that last a moment wit that
what to begn my long day my lie present foruation last
a moment 'vt that coiled round my teasure liteng my
Gd to have to murur that
twenty years a hudred years not a soud and listen not a
gleam ad I strain my eyes four hundred times my only sea-
[
2
]
On I clasp the sack closer to me a tin clinks frst respite
VOrybtttOmthOlOnCOOthDl0Ck0g
OmOthn_WtOn_thOtO
thOmuO nOVOt COlO nOVOt Oty t OOOnt Oty On mO thO 0u
l0OOn Wth W0m V0gOm O W0tOt Ot OmO OthOt lguO I
nm thO t mOll nOtmn_ 0 hunOtOO yO0t nOt 0 mOll I
nmthO
nOthn_dO I ClutChthO0Ckbtt tO0l _OluOtODg 0
tnClmkmyh0unOVOtOtynOOlOCDCtymgODlObmt
ugCOmDtth0tC0nh0ggOn thOtO 0nOUOtOD[OCttt0_ht
D0CkthOtO0nOthOtOmytOOutCOW0 OnCOnOtnOW0ny
mOtOg0HthtOOthOtO 0nOthOtOm OtOnCO
thOmOt0lO0tthOOutOtDOOtOtm_ _OtOutOh0nO0 t
0CtOty0hthO8Oulh0OuthOOO0ythOOgu0mmtyth0t8
Why UOy_0VOmO 0 COmg0mOn
ttllmyO0yg0HOnODOOtO1mmylOgtOOntOmul0-
tOnthOVOtyDO_mn_Dt0nOCt0gCOmOD0CktOmOtO
mygl0COmthOO0tkUOmuOClutChthO 0Ck0 tmClm I
m0kOtO0Oy rm _On_OnOOthO [OmOy
tO gO0k O h0ggmO88 OnO hOt0tO thOO 0Wul yll0DlO
btt0g0t0_uDutt0DCO8Dut_OOOmOmOntyO 0utO
yOuDOOtOPi WthPi 0tOtPi V0ttt0Ct OUO _OOO
mOmOnt 0y Wh0t m0y lO _OOO tOO thOy mut DO OX-
gOCtOO I hO0t t I mumm t nO OOnOt hO0tO OO0t Ct0g
tOCOtOOO OmOWhOtO t gtOOt0DlO OmOOnO btOmn_ 0n-
OthOtnOtn_OtthO 0mOnOVOt 0 gl0mt 0n OOO tO0t nW0tO
nOOunO0gO0tV0ltt0CtOtmOn0tut0lOtOOr
[ 25 ]
suddenly le all that happens to be hagig on by the
fnger-nail to one's species that of tose who laugh too
soon alpie image or speluncar atocious moment it's here
words have teir utlty the mud is mute
here then ti ordeal before I go rght leg right ar push
pul ten yards ffteen yards towards Pim unwitting before
that a ti clks I fal last a moment wit that
enough ideed nearly enough when you come to t of it
to mae you laugh feel youself fallig and hang on with a
squea brief movements of the lower face no sound u you
could come to thin of it of what you nearly lost and then
this splendid mud te panting stops and hear it barely
audble enough to mae you laugh soon and late i you
could come to t of it
escape hs it's a of te little that's left of te little whereby
ma continues standig laughing weepig and speag
his mind notng physical the healt is not in jeopardy a
word from me and a agai I strai with open mout so a
not to lose a second a fart fraught with meang issuing
through the mouth no sound in the mud
it comes the word we're talng of words have some stil
it would seem at my disposal at t period one is enough
aha sigyig mama ipossible wit open mouth it
comes let it at once or in extremis or between the to
tere is room to spare aha signifying mamma or some other
thg some oter sound barely audible signiyg some
oter tng no matter the frst to come and restore me to
my dgnty
[26]
passing time i told to me ad time past vast tract of time
the panting stops and scraps of an enorous tale as heard
so murured to ts mud which is told to me natual order
pa thee it's there I have my le
my lfe natural order more or less in the present more or less
part one before Pim how it was things so ancient the jouey
last stage I come back to me to my place clutch the sack it
dps a tin clinks loss of species one word no sound it's the
beging of my lfe present forulation I can go pusue
my lie it will stil be a man
what to begin with drink to begin with I tu over on my
face that lasts a good moment I last with that a moment in
the end the mouth opens the tongue comes out lolls i the
mud that lats a good moment they are good moments per
haps te best dfcult to choose the face in the mud the
mouth open the mud i the mout tst abating huanty
regained
someties in this position a fne iage fne I mean in move
ment and colou blue and white of clouds in the wind some
times some days ths time as it happens this day in the mud
a fne iage I'll describe it it will be described then go right
leg rght ar push pull towards Pi he does not exist
someties in this position I fall asleep again the tongue goes
i the mouth closes the mud opens it's I who fal asleep
again stop drinng and sleep again or the tongue out and
drin all night all the time I sleep that's my nght present
forulation I have no oter I wake from sleep how much
neaer to the last that of men of beasts too I wake ask my-
[
2
7]
sel how much neaer I quote on lat a moment with tat
it's aother of my resources
the tongue gets clogged wit mud that can happen to ony
one remedy then pul it in and suck it swallow the mud or
spit it out it's one or te other and question i it nourishing
and vistas last a moment with that
I fll my mouth with it that can happen too it's anoter of
my resources last a moment with that and question i swal
lowed would it nourish and opening up of vistas they are
good moments
rosy in te mud the tongue lolls out agai what are the
hands at all t time one must always ty and see what the
hands are up to well the left as we have seen still clutches
the sack and te right
the right I close my eyes not the blue te others at te
back and fnay make it out way of on the rght at te end
of its a ful stretch i the a of the clavicle I say it as I
hea it opening and closing i the mud openig ad closing
it's aother of my resouces it helps me
it ca't be far a bare yard it feels far it will go some day on
its four fngers having lost its thub somethng wrong there
it wil leave me I ca see it close my eyes the oters ad see
it how it tows it four fngers forard like gapnels the
ends sin pull ad so with little horonta hoists it moves
away it's a help to go le that piecemeal it helps me
ad the legs and te eyes the blue closed no doubt no since
suddenly aother image the last there i the mud I say it a
I hear it I see me
[26
I look to me about siteen and to crown all glorious weather
egg-blue sky and scamper of little clouds I have my back
turned to me and the gil too whom I hold who holds me by
the hand the arse I have
we are i I may beleve the colours that deck the emerald
grass i I may believe them we are old dream of fowers and
seasons we are i April or in May and certain accessories i I
may beleve them whte rails a grandstand colour of old rose
we are on a racecouse in April or in May
heads high we gaze I imagie we have I imagie ou eyes
open and gaze before us stila statues save only the swing
ing arms those with hands clasped what ele
in my free hand or left an udefnable object and conse
quently in her right the extremity of a short leash connect
ing her to an ash-grey dog of fair sie askew on its hunkers
its head sunk stillness of those hand
question why a leash m this immensity of verdue and
emergence little by little of grey and white spots lambs
little by little among their dams what else te bluey bul
closing the scene three miles fou miles of a mountain of
modest elevation ou heads overtop the crest
we let go our hands and tu about I dextogre she sintro
she tanfers the leash to her left hand and I the sae in
stant to my right the object now a little pale grey brick the
empty hands migle the as swing the dog has not moved
I have the impression we are lookg at me I pul m my
tongue close my mouth and smile
seen full face the girl is less hideous it' s not with her I am con-
[29]
cerned me pal e staring hair red pudding face with pim
ples protruding belly gaping fy spindle legs sagging knock
ing at te knees wide astraddle for greater stability feet
splayed one hundred and thirty degrees fatuous half-smile
to posterior horion fguring the mom of lfe green tweeds
yellow boots all tose colous cowslip or suchke in the
buttonole
agai about tu intorse at nety degrees feeting face
to face tansfer of things minglng of hands swingig of
ars stilless of dog the rump I have
suddenly yp left right of we go chi up ars swinging
the dog follows head sun tail on balls no reference to us
it had te same notion at the same instant Malebranche less
the rosy hue the humanties I had if it stops to piss it will piss
without stoppig I shout no sound plant her there and run
cut you toat
brief black and there we are again on the summit te dog
askew on iL hukers m the heather it lowers its snout to
its black and pi penis too ted to lick it we on the con
tra again about tu introrse feeting face to face tansfer
of thigs swiging of ars silent relishing of sea and iles
heads pivotig as one to the city fumes silent location of
steeples and towers heads back front as though on a
axle
suddenly we are eating sandwiches alterate bites I mine
she hers and exchanging endearents my sweet girl I bite
she swallows my sweet boy she bites I swallow we don't
yet coo with our bills full
[
30
]
my darling girl I bite she swallows my darling boy she bites
I swalow bref black and there we are again dwindlng
again across the pastures hand in hand arms swinging heads
hgh towards the heights smaler and smaler out of sight
frst the dog then us the scene is shut of us
some animal still the sheep lke granite outcrops a horse
I hadn't seen standing motionless back bent head sunk ani
mal know
blue and white of sky a moment stil April morng in te
mud it's over it's done I've had the image the scene is empty
a few anals stil then goes out no more blue I stay
there
way of on the right in the mud te hand opens and closes
that helps me it's going let it go I realze I'm still smilig
there's no sense i that now been none for a long time
now
my tongue comesout again lolls i the mud I stay there no
more thist the tongue goes in the mouth closes it must be a
straight lne now it's over it's done I've had the image
that must have lasted a good moment with that I have lasted
a moment they must have been good moments soon it will
be Pim I can't kow the words can't come solitude soon over
soon lost tose words
I have had company mine because it amuses me I say it as
I hear it and a little girl friend's under the sky of Apri or of
May we are gone I stay there
[ 31]
way of on te right te tugging hand te mouth shut grim
the staring eyes glued to te mud perhaps we shall come
back it will be dusk the earth of childood glimmering
again streaks of dying amber in a murk of ashes the earth
must have been on fre when I see us we are already at
hand
it is dusk we are going tired home I see only the naked parts
te solidary faces raised to the east the pale swaying of the
migled hands tired and slow we toil up towards me and
vansh
the ars in the middle go through me and part of the bodies
shades through a shade the scene is empty i the mud te
sk goes out the ashes darken no world left for me now but
mine ver pretty only not like that it doesn't happen like
that
I wait for us perhaps to come back and we don't come back
for te evening perhaps to whisper to me what the morng
had sung and tat day to that morning no eveng
fnd something else to last a l ittle more questions who
were they what beings what point of the earth that
family whence this dumb show better nothing eat some
thing
tat must have lat:d a moment there must be worse mo
ment hope blighted is not te worst the day is well ad
vanced eat someting that wil last a moment they will be
good moments
then i necessarymypain whch of my many the deep beyond
reach it' s preferable the problem of my pains the solu-
[
3
2
]
tion last a moment with that then go not because of the shit
and vomit something else it's not known not said end of the
jourey
rght leg right ar push pull ten yards ffteen yards arrival
new place readaptation prayer to sleep pending which ques
tions i necessary who they were what beigs what point
of the earth
they will be good moments then less good that too must be
expected it will be night present forulation I can sleep
and i ever I wake
and i ever mute laugh I wake forthwith catastrophe Pim
and end of part one leaving ony part to leaving only part
three and last
the panting stops I a on my side which side the rght it"s
preferable I part the mouth of the sack and questions what
my God can I desire what hunger to eat wha, t was my last
meal that family time passes I remain
it's the scene of the sack the two hands pat its mouth what
can one still desire the left darts in te left hand in the sack
it's the scene of the sack and te a after up to the arpit
and then
it strays among the tins without meddling with how many
announces a round dozen fastens who knows on the last
prawns these details for the sake of something
it brings out the little oval tn transfers it to the other hand
goes back to look for the opener fnds it at last brings
it out the opener we're talking of the opener with its spin-
[
33 ]
dle bone handl e to the feel rest
the hands what are the hands at when at rest difcult to see
with thumb and index respectively pad of tip and outer
face of second joint something wrong there nip the sack
and with remaining fngers clamp the objects against
the palms the tin the opener these details in preference to
nothing
a mistake rest we're talking of rest how often suddenly at
this stage I say it as I hear it i this position te hands sud
denly empty still nipping the sack never let go the sack
otherise suddenly empty
grope i a panic in the mud for the opener that is my lfe
but of what cannot as much be said could not a much be
always said my little lost always vast stretch of tie
rest then my mistakes are my life the kees draw up the
back bends the head comes to rest on the sack between the
hands my sack my body all mine all tese parts ever
part
mine say mine to say something to say what I hear in Ere bus
i the end I'd succeed in seeing my navel the breath is there
it wouldn't stir a mayfy's wing I feel the mout opening
on the muddy belly I saw one blessed day saving the
gace of Heraclitus the Obscure at the pitch of heaven's
aure towering between its great black still spread wings
the snowy boy of I know not what frigate-bid the scream
ing albatoss of te souter seas the history knew my
Go te natural the good moments I had
[
3
4
]
but last day of te jouey it's a good day no surprises good
or bad as I went to rest so back I came my hads as I left
them I shalose notg more see nothing more
the sack my life that I never let go here I let it go needig
both hands as when I jourey tat hangs together ah these
sudden blazes i the head as empty and dark as the hear
can desire then suddenly like a handful of shavings afae
te spectacle then
need jouey when shall I say weak enough later later some
day weak as me a voice of my ow
with both hands therefore as when I jouey or mthem take
my head took my head above i the lght I let go the sack
therefore but just a moment it's my life I le across it there
fore tat hangs togeter stll
tough the jute the edges of the last tns rowel my rbs
perished jute upper ribs right side just above where one
holds them holds one's sides held one's sides my life that
day wilnot escape me that life not yet
I wa bor it was not left-handed the right hand tansfers
the tin to te oter and tis to that the same instant the
tool prett movement little swirl of fngers and pals
litte miracle tank to which lttle miracle among so many
thanks to which I live on lived on
notng now but to eat ten twelve episodes open the tin put
away the tool raise the tin slowly to the nose irreproachable
freshness distant perfume of laurel felicity then dream or not
empty the tin or not throw it away or not all that it's not said
I can' t see no geat importance wipe my mouth that with-
[
35
]
out fail so on and at last
take the sack in my ars stain it so lght to me lay my
cheek on it it's the big scene of te sack it's done I have it
behind me te day is well advanced close the eyes at lat
and wait for my pa that with it I may last a lttle more and
whie waiting
prayer in vain to sleep I have no right to it yet I haven't yet
desered it prayer for prayer's sake when all fails when
I thnk of the souls in torment true torment tue soul who
have no right to it no right ever to sleep we're talkng of
sleep I prayed for them once i I may beleve an old view
it has faded
me again always everywhere in te lght age unnown seen
from behind on my kees ase bare on the summit of a
muckeap clad in a sack bottom burst to let the head
trough holdg in my mout te horontal staf of a vast
baner on which I read
in ty clemency now and then let te great damned sleep
here something illegible in the folds then dream perhaps
of the good time their naughtiess procured them what
tie the demons may rest ten seconds ffteen seconds
sleep sole good brief movements of the lower face no sound
sole god come quench tese two old coals that have
nothing more to see and this old kl destroyed by fre and
in all this tenement
al this tenement of naught from top to bottom from hai to
toe and fnger-nails what lttle sensation it still has of what
it still i in all its parts and dream
[
36
]
drea come of a sky an earth an under-earth where I am
iconceivable aah no sound i the rectu a redhot spike
tat day we prayed no further
how often kneelng how often from behind kneeling from
every angle from behind in ever posture i he want me he
wa always the same cold comfort
one buttock twice too big the other twice too smal uness
a optical illusion here when you shit if s the mud that
wipes I havent touched them for an eterity in other words
the ratio four to one I always loved arithetic it has pad
me back in full
Pims tough undersized were iso he could have done with
a third I feshed them indistinctly something wrong there
but frst have done with my travelng days part one before
Pi how it was leaving only part two leaving only part
tree and last
in the days when I still hugged the walls in the midst of my
brotherly lkes I hear it and murmur that then above in the
lght at every bodily pain the moral leaving me as ice I
screamed for help with once in a hunded some measure of
success
as when exceptionally the worse for drink at the small hor
of the garbage-man in my deterination to leave the eleva
tor I caught my foot twixt cage and landing and two hours
later to the tick someone came running having summoned
it i vain
old dream fm not deceived or I am it all depends on
what is not said on the day it all depends on the day fare-
[ 37 ]
well rats the ship is sunk a l ittle l ess is all one begs
8!tt!CC88OuOm8ttCtWh8tnOm8ttCthOWnOm8ttCtWhCn
8 ttCC88 O tO DCgtC8Cut g88t ututC 8ud COudtOu8! O
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8uOOCu!y C8nt 8t8y8 8CCOud On_Ct tm8 Cg8OOC 8 thCtC-
OtCO8t
[
38
]
thCUC[CCtOu8 uOthCy 0tC mC Dut I OVCthCm UC OUh8-
CmgtCd t !Ct umg!y 8 uO8OmCthu_ CLC thC mud Cu-
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\
[
39
]
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[
4
0
]
and so mthe mud the dark on the belly in a straight line as
near as no matter four hundred miles in other words in eight
thousand years i I had not stopped te grdle of the e
a
t
meaning the equivalent
it' s not said where on earth I can have received my edu
cation acquired my notions of mathematics astronomy
and even physics they have marked me that's the mai
thing
intent on tese horions I do not feel my fatigue it is man
fest none the less passage more laborious from one side to
the other one semi-side prolongation of interediate pro
cumbency multiplication of mute iprecations
sudden quasi-certitude that another inch and I fall head
long into a ravine or dash myself aganst a wall though
nothing I know only too well to be hoped for in tat quarter
t tears me from my reverie fve arived
te people above whining about not lving strange at such
a time such a bubble in the head all dead now others for
whom it is not a life and what follows very strange namely
that I understand them
always understood everythng except for example history
and geography understood everything and forgave nothing
never could never dsapproved anything really not even
cruelty to animals never loved anything
such a bubble at such a time it bursts the day can't do much
more to me
[
41
]
yOu mu8Ut tOO WC8k 8_tCCd yOu W8ut WC8kCt uO yOu
mu8t88 WC8k 88 gO88D!C thCuWC8kCt 8t!! I88yt 88 I hC8t
t CVCty WOtd 8W8y8
my d8y my d8y my mC 8O thCy COmC D8Ck thC O!d WOtO
aW8y8 uO uOt muCh mOtC Ouly tC8CC!m8tZC my8C thCu
88tU8!CCguOt888!CCgm8duO8CmOi th8t
m8d Ot WOt8O tt8u8OHCd a 8 M8CCkC! DOD m 1Ot8d8m
WhCtC !Og8tOCk tOO 8mOu_ OthCt8 VCd 8 8g8CC 8ud
l8DOutCdthOu_hDutCdi A!tOu8thC8h8dOWhCC88t8
0tCVCmu_WUh88CCtOthChu_C8uuOth8 D8CkIOt_CL
t8 uOt 88d UC _tC8t 8h8dOW hC C88t8 tOW8td8 h u8tVC
C88tthC hum8utC8 Ih8dmy LOd 0ud Wth th8t d88hC8 O
_CO_t8ghy
not much more but in the tail the venom I've lost my lati
one must be vigilant so 8good moment in 8daze Oumy belly
UCuDC_uIC8utDCbCVCttOu8tCu
tO8tCu88thOu_hh8Vm_8CtOutthCgtCVOu8CVCuu_tOm
OV8 ZCmD!8 I h8d ]u8t COmC D8Ck tO my 8Cu8C8 u a 8uD-
UOghC8! 8uDgtCCCtmC th8t8 hOW I W88 h8d DCCOmC Ot
always was it' s one or the other the geography I had
question if always good old question if always l ike that since
thC WOt!O WOt!d Ot mC tOm thC muDm8 O my mOthCI
8h8t DtOthCuCtCdD!C tOhu-DOhu
kCth8tuu8DCtO t8kC88tCgg8HCu8t!y8tu_htWthOut
8tOggu_ UC8O Ou OuC !C_ CyC8 CO8Cd DtC8th C8u_ht C8t8
COCkCO
f
or gut8uCt88udtC8CuCt8
[ 4]
C!O8Cmy CyC8 thC88mC O!d tWO 8ud 8CC mC hC8d ugrCk
uthCuCCKh8nd8tCu8CuthCmud 8OmCthu_WtOu_thmC
DtC8th C8u_ht t !88t8 88t BKC th8t 0 mOmCut uuU thC
gmVCt O UC OWCt 8CC 8_uyu_ 0m 80yU_ h8VC 8uC-
CCCdCdu 88yn_ 8OmCthm_ tOmy8C
Wh8t C8u OuC 88y tO OuC8C! gO88Dy 88y 8t 8uCh a tmC a
ttCgC8t!OOt!OD8O!8CC8OmuChthCDCttCr8OmuChthO
WOt8C th8t 8ty!C Ou!y uOt 8O CO!d ChCCt8 888 th8t 8tyC Omy
uOt 8O W8tm ]Oy 8ud 8OttOW thO8C tWO thCr 8um dVdCU
Dy tWO 8ud uKC !uC i OutCt hCl
t8 8OOu 88d OuCC Omd 8OOu 88d thC ug8 8tm Cu 8uU 0H
thC 0d]8CCut dC8h thC h8ud8 OgCu thC hC8d dtOg8 8m 0
btt!CutthCtthCuuOutthCtt8thC88mCKu_dOm88DCOtO
0 mOmCut DCOtC thC 8mC t 0!W8y8 W08 I h0VC uCVCt Ct
t t 8 DOuud!C88
m OtCu h8ggy LOd KuOW8 Dut uCVCt mOtC th8u 8t U
u8t8ut uCVCt 8O Oh I KuOWh8ggmC88 um8gguC88 KuOW
I kOW Dut thCtC8 uO h8O mCutOum_ t
8DOVC WCtC 8DOVC thC 8t8t8 8bC8dy 0ud HOm thC DC-
tCy8 thC DtC hOm thCtC8 uOt muCh mOtC !Ct tO CudutC
d_!8d!y8t0y88 8mOt CVCtDutth8t WOut dO
uuCOtd 88CK 8ud uCCK dO t mu8t dO t t8 thC W8y OuC
8 tC_u!8tCd my hu_Ct8 dO t CCl thCm
uthCmudthCd8tKthC8CCuthCmudthCh8ud88nyhOW
8OmCthn_WtOu_thCtCthCCOtdumyh8udthCWhO!CDOdy
8uyhOW8ud 8OOut888thCtC8tth8tg8CC8Ud uO OthCr
h8d uVCd yC8 VCd 8W8y8
[ 43 ]
LOd 8OmCUC8 8OmCWhCtC 8t th8 mOmCut Dut h8VC
Ch8uCCd Ou 8 _Od d8y WOud _8Oy C8t 8OmCthn_ Dut
WOnt C8t ythu_ thC mOuth OgCu thC tOu_uC dOC8nt
COmCOutthCmOuU 8OOn CO8C8 8_8n
t8 On thC Ct thC 88Ck 8ttCud8 mC tm On my t_ht 8dC
d t8kC t8O_htu my 8O thCknCC8 dt8W ug thC D0Ck
DCuO8thChC8dCOmC tOtC8tOn UC88CkWCmu8t h8VCh8d
thC8CmOVCmCnt8 DCOtCWOud thCyWCtCthC 88t
DOW yC8 Ot uO 8 Od O thC 80Ck DCtWCCu thC bg8 th8t C8u
h8ggCn uOt u thC mOuU DCtWCCu UC g8 i thC VC8t-
DulO
i 8gtCO thC C VC DCCu _VCn VC kCgtmy gumg g8
tWO D_ 8C8tCt DuDDCt8 tO thC CO m8dC Ot k88C8
m8_uC thCy gOut Out 8 bttC mOtC g8tt 8nd 88tCn On 8
tuCk O UC 88Ck VCQ hOt8y
C8OtuOt8nOt 88d C8ut 8CCOthCt gO88DUC8 gt8y my
gt8yCttO8CCg8_8nW0tOt t tOdC8CCnd OgCn undCt mC
cl W8tCt 8t 88t 8nd n gCt mOtC th8n CVCt 8mCC 0
g8ttC8 8gCut th8t h8n_8 tO_CthCt 8t
Bnd mOtC WOtd8 8ud thCy 8 8gCut mOtC DtC mOVCmCut8
O thC OWCt 8CC hC WOu!d uCCd _OOd CyC8 thC WtuC88
thCtCWCtC8WtuC88_OOd CyC8 a _OOd8mghCWOudh8VC
thCm thCWtnC88 thC_OOCyC8 thC _OOd 8mg
tO thC 8CtDC 8ttn_ 8!OO hCd 8unOunCC mOu_ht uO tWO
n thC mODu_ UtCC u UC mODu_ 8!88t LmCC DtC
mOVCmCut8 O UC !OWCt8CCuO8Ouud t8my WOtO8 C8u8C
them it' s they cause my words it' s OuC or the other I' ll fall a-
[
4
]
sleep within humanity againjust barely
thCdu8tthCtCW08thCnthCmu_!CdmC0nd_t0ntC8tOuC8
g!CdugtOm0kC0W0!utlhCtOnUCthODi bOWCt @CCn
0udWhtCguCk8Ctmn_!CdgtVCt0udthOD
thCdCgth O du8t thCtC W08thCnthCtt!CCCt D_ Ot thCu
0_CD0tCnthCdu8t
thC 80tChC uudCt lhC 0t8C thC D0Ck 0_0n8t thC W0 t08C
thCCyC8tOthCD!uCW0kCugn08WC0tthCWhtCthCtOW8
thCnthC!tt!CC!Oud8yOuCOu!d8CCthCD!uCthtOu_hthChOt
8tOnC8 thtOu_h lhC [Ct8Cy 8UgCd hOtZOnt0!y D!uC 0nd
WhtC
t88CthCCyC8OOkOt0CC8nUC8ky0nm0!8nthC8ky0!
08!CCg 0ud thCtC 0 DC0utuu yOuth mCCt 0 DC0utuu! yOuth
Wth _O!dCn _O0tCC C0d n 0n 0!D W0kC ug i 0 8WC0t 0nd
h0VC mCt _C8u8 n 0 dC0m
th0t knO 0n m0_C uOt Ot thC CyC8 m0dC O WOtd8 uOt Ot
thC C0t8 thC d0y 8 CuOCd m 80C t! tOmOttOW thC mud
OgCn8 OCg0tt t!! tOmOHOW thC hC0O nthC 80Ck thC 0O8
rOuud tthCtC8t 0nyhOW
DtCD!0Ck !Ou_ D!0CkuO kOWu_0nOthCtC 0m0_0n On
my W0y 0_0n 8OmCthu_ m88u_ hCtC Ou!y tWO Ot thtCC
y8td8 mOtC 0nd thCu thC gtCCgCC Ou!y tWO Ot tmCC 08t
8t0g8 0uO thCu thC Cud Cud O g0tt OuC !C0Vu_ Ouy g0tl
tWO!C0Vu_Ou!yg0tltmCC0uO!08t8OmCthu_m88u_ hCrC
thu_8OuCKOW80!tC0dyOt W!!uCVCt KOW t8 OnCOt thC
OthCt
[
45
]
I iveandIallastheslugIaLtakethesacki mysit
weighs nothmgany more nothinganymore topillowmy
headIpressaragIshanotsaytomyhe
noemouonalIislostthebottombmstmewetthedragging
thembbing mehugging the ages old coal-sack hve stone
si stone thathangs together all gone me tins me opener
anopenerandnotmsI`msparedthatthistimetimandno
openerIwon`thavehaddatm mymethis time
somany other ugs too so oIten imagmed never named
nevercouIduseIuInecessarybeauti!uItotheIeela!was
gvenpresentIormuIationsuchancientmingsallgonebut
decordaburstsackacordIsayitasIhearitmumuritto
themudoldsackoIdcordyouremain
alIttIemoretolastaIIttlemoreuntwinetheropemakewo
ropesuethebottomoIthesackhllitwimmudtiethetop
itwiUmakea goodpmowitwibesoItinmy ams briel
movementsoImeIowerIacewouldmeyweremelast
whenthelastmeaItheIast|omeywhathaveIdonewhere
beenmatkindmutescreamsabandonhope gIeamoIhope
Irantic departurethe cord roundmy neck the sack m my
moumadog
abandonedhereeEectoIhopemathangstogetherstillthe
ctemalstraightIineeEectoIthepiouswLhnottodiebeIore
mytmeinthedarkthemudnottomentionomercauses
onIyonethingtodo gobackor atIeastonIyothertmash
roundwhere!IieandI goonzigzag givememyduecon-
[ 46 ]
OH0Dy tO my COmglOXOn gtOOnt OHul0tOn OOkn_
U0tWhChh0VOlOtthOtOWhOtOh0VOnOVOtDOOn
dO0tb_utOWhOn00l0OWb_utOtOWnOugWUg0H
OnODOOtO1mthO _OOOn 0_OthO_OOdmOmOntthO lOO
O thOgOCO W0 yOun_ Clun_On tO thO gOCO WOtO
t0kn_ O thO gOCO thO hum0n 0ym_ tO myO DtO
mOVOmOntnOOunOtWO0nOtWOtWCOtWO 0nOOOn
uOdOn WOtVO thOtOOtO lOt t gtOOt0DlO Otty-bVO dO-
_tOO 0nO tWOy0td tt0_ht nO uCh u thO OtCO O h0Dt
thOn t_ht t_ht 0n_O 0nd tt0_ht 0hO0d Out y0tO dO0t
b_utO UOn Ot t_ht 0n_O 0nO DOOnO Out y0tO thOn
t_htt_ht0n_OOOntl1m
thunOtth0nOOuthOthO0D0nOOnOdOWOOCtOhOgO
OtO O 0WtOOth Ot ChOVrOn dO tWO y0td b0O thtOO
0 ttO lO th UOD0O WOtO t0_ OUOD0Om thO OO
bnO O m0tCh WmCh thu tOVt 0n mt0nt DOtWOOn tWO
VOHCO OnOy0td 0nO0 h0 0 ttO lO dO0tb_utO _OldOn
0_O O t Ond g0tt OnO DOOtO 1m my U0VOun_ d0y V0t
ttOtChOtmOWayOun_0llth0t0lthOOWOtdChOVtOm
gOlden vertices every word always as I hear it in me
that was without quaqua on all sides and murmur to
the mud when the pantig stops barely audible bits and
scaps
Om-dOlOtt_htlO_t_hta guhgu0tOn0COCutO
LOd DO hm DOOOCh hm nO Ound Wth OOt 0nd h0nd
Ct0DDOnthO mudWh0tdOI hOgO 0 t Ot WhOtO I h0VO
nOVOtDOOn 0 tn h0-OmgtOd tmOWn0W0y 0hO0Oth0t 0l
I hOgO
[
47 ]
WhCtCh8VCnCVCtDCCnDutOIhCt8gCth8g8On_DCOtCnOt
lOn_ DCOtC t8 OnC Ot thC OIhCt Ot l8 DOIh 8 gtOCC88On
Wh8tCOmOttm8dVCt8tyOUCt8 Wh8tCOmOH
UO8Cdt0__D_ OnmtOntthO8Cdt8__D_OnDChndWhO8C
Ot h88 DCCn WhO8C Ot W DC Wh0l yOut Ot u CndC88
COtt_C O88Ck8Dut8tn thCnICtC8t8O 8!!
Ot 8 CCC8t8 tn mU8CuOu8 88tdnC8 8Cnt dOWn Dy LOd 8t
thC nCW8 O my m8h8g WhCtCWth tO 8gCW hm Out an-
OthCtWCCk
8Cm-8dC t_ht Ct C_ Ct 8O gu8h gu b8t On thC 8CC
mutC mgtCC8tOm 8Ct8DDC m UC mud CVCj h8-y8td
C_ht tmC8 gCt ChCVtOn Ot thCC y0d8 O hC8dW8y CC8t 8
It!C !C88 thCh8nd dg8 C!8Wm_ Ot thC t8KC n8tC8d O UC
8m8t 8mC a 8t8C tWO CtC8 OnC mutC Cnd O g8tt OnC
DCOtC 1m th8t8 hOW I wa DCOtC 1m
[
48 ]
2
hOtOthOnatla8tgaHtWOWhOtOhaVO 8tlltO8ayhOWtWa8
08 hOm tmmOUatWa8 WthOut guagua On al 8OO8 OL
anO 8Ctag8 hOW t Wa8 Wth 1m Va8t 8ttOtCh O tmO mm-
mut tn thO muOtOthO muO WhOn thO gantn_ 8tOg8 hOW
tWa8 my luO WOtO talkn_ Omy lO n thO datk thO mud
Wth 1m gatt tO lOaVn_ Only gatt thtOO anO la8t that8
WhOtO haVO my luO WhOtO haO tWhOtO ll haVO t Vat
UaCt8 O tmO gmt thtOO anO la8tn thO Oatk UO muO my
mO mmm tOt8 anO 8Ctag8
haggy UO n t8 Way gatt tO WOtO ta_ O gatt tO
Wth1mhOWtWa8_OOOmOmOnt8 _OOOOtmOWOtOtalk-
n_OmOOthm tOOWOtO tan_ Ohm tOO haggytOOn
m8 Way ll knOW t latOt h8 Way O haggmO88 l haVO t
atOt haVO nOtyOthaO al
ant 8htll Cty thOn OtOta8tO O th8 8Om-Ca8ttatO muttOt
mu8tOOathOWlOn_nOmOtO b_utO8 thOtO8 anOthOt lttlO
dm OtOnCO COmgmOO tO What gtOCOOO8 nOt thO 8l_htO8t
b_utO hOnCOOtth a mOa8utO8 Va_uO yO8 Va_uO mgtO8-
8On8OlOn_thlOn_thO8gaCOlOn_thOUOVa_uOmgtO8-
8On8OOtOVtyOOtWOOnthOtWOandhOnCOnOmOtOtOCkOn-
u_8aVOgO88Olya_OOtaCalyO8 hOatyO8thOnnO
8mmtlya8tOm aOlOCkOCO OtWmtO-hOtmyhanOtOCOl8
han_8amOmOntt8Va_uOnmOatthOn8lOWly8m8a_a
anO8OttlO8bHanOOVOnWthatOuChOOWnOt8hg altOaOy
OnthOmtaCulOu8O8hgOtgOnOCulattOthOCtaCkthO8tumg
O UO thumO and thOnat anO hygO Oa8 On thO lOt ChOOk
thO Out bn_Ot8 On thO OthOt thO t_ht hand thOtOOtO WO
0tOnOtyOthOaOtOOOt
fat assuredly but slightly arched none the l ess modesty per
haps the innate kind it can' t have been acquired and so a l it-
[ 5
1 ]
tie hog-backed straddling the sl it whence contact with the
right cheek less pads than nails second cry of fright as
utOOlyOutmWmCh OOmOOtOCatChOtChOtta-OrOWnOO
0 ant a_OOlOt O glOamO 0bOaOy atuty Onmy gaH t8
gOOlO
thOtO a gat gOthag U gMWu WOtk n UO gat gmt
tWOWth1m hOW tWa 0OthOtlttO d OtOnCO gOthag8
COmgatOO tO What gtOCOOO Out guCk my nau a WOtO On
thOmUOyWlhaVOUOugmttOgay
tOOOOatOOWOWOthat i t gaH may OO BOt OXUn-
_uhOOnOUatBOtaOthatu nOtyOti my COmgOtOn
nO OmOO What aO UmmOO OOOtO atO ug 1m
_OnOOVOnmOtOlVOyuthatgOOlOthanOOOtOWOmOt
mOtO What thO WOtO mOtO lVOly UOtO nOthn_ OOttOt
thOmanWhOha8OmytOaggOatanOnOOatBOOyOOtany-
OnO Ol8O tOO ttOu_a alWay yO tO OOOmOOmygattnOW
UOuUty-mau
mygattWhOOutOtmOhOWOulOBOVOt 1m WOtO ta_
O1mBOVOtOOOutOtmOanytm_Outa OmOmg lumg
dat Ot OVOt n UO muO Out l guCkOn m yOu Wat auO
OOanOhOW Can 0daCOmyOl OOmnO my CtOatuO WhOn
UO bt takO mO nOWmy na
guCkauggOtOnuUO-CaOdmuO WOtOBOtD_mOtO
Uan a Out htyO au thOtO atO nOtOlOn8 Ou atUO
mOmOntanOWhynOtthOmOmOntthOtO atOtWOthOtOWOtO
yOOm OnOuCtaWm_anOhttn_nthOuhthu__n_
mO a UOauO m thOt aH thOWhOtOWUal tO CtaWl anO
mtabttlOmOtOnOwmynals
[ 52
]
mynaiLwelltomentiononlythehandsnottomentionmat
eastemsagetheywereinasorpstatethatextremeeastem
sagewhohavingclenchedhishstsIromthe tenderestage
it`svaguetillthehouroIhisdeathitisnotsaidatwhatage
havingdonethat
thehouroIhisdeamatwhatageitisnotsdwasenabled
toseethematlastalittlebeIorehisnailshisdeathhaving
piercedthepalmsthroughandthroughwasenabledtosee
mememerging atlast ontheother side anda little later
havingthus hveddonet donethatclenchedhishsts ab
h hIethusliveddiedatlastsayingtommsehlatestbreath
matthey`dgrowon
mecmtampartedpanone sawhsIriendscometovisit
hmwheresquattingi thedeep shade oIa tomb or a bo
h hstsclenchedonh keeshelivedthus
theybrokeIorwantoIchahorsuchlikebut noti concert
sothatsomemynailswe`retalkingoImynailssomealways
longotherspresentablesawmdreamingthemudparted
the lightwenton saw him deamingwith thehelp oI a
IriendorIailingthatboonallaloneoIbendingthembackto
mebackoIh handIorthemtogotmoughtheotherway
deathIorestalledm
Pim`s right buttockthen hrst contacthemusthave heard
themgratethere`sanoblepast couldhavedugtheminu
had wished longed claw dig deep Iurrows dm the
screams the blue the volent shade the tmbaned head
bowed over the hsts the circle oI Iriend i deir white
dhotLwithoutgoingthatIar
[ 53 ]
thecriestellmewhichendtheheadbutImaybemistaken
wimtheresultallhangstogetherthatthehandslidesright
andtheretobesure there`s theIorkit`s as I thought then
backleIt|ustthesame |usttoclinchitandmeretobesure
there`s me arse againthen ohwimout tarrying down in a
hollow then guidedbystump oImumb onspme onup to
thehoatingribsthatclinchesittheanatomy hadnopoint
in insistmg Iurmer ms cries contmue thatclinches it this
won`t worki thepasteiderI`lI never have a pastnever
had
goodaIellow-creatmemoreorlessbutmanwomangirlor
boy cries have neimer certain cries sex nor age I ny to
tumhimoveronhisbacknotherightsidestilllesstheleIt
less sulImy suength is ebbmg good good rn never kow
PimbutonmsbelIy
ab that I say it as I hear it every word always and mat
havmgrummagedinthemudbetweenms legs I bringup
hnally what seems to me a testicle or two the anatomy I
had
asIheitandmumurinthemudmatIhoistmysehu I
maysaysoahttleIorardtoIeeltheskullit`sbaldnodelete
meIaceit spreIerablemassoIhairsallwmtetomeIeelthat
clmches it he`s a httle old man we`re two httle old men
somethingwrongthere
i the dark the mud my head against his my side
glued to his my right arm round his shoulders hi cries
have ceased we lie thus a good moment they are . good
moments
( 5]
howlongthuswithoutmotionorsoundoIanykindwere it
butoIbreathvastavaststretchoItmeundermyamnow
andthenadeeperbreathheaveshmslowlyup leavesm
atlastandsetsmslowlydownotherswouldsayasigh
thusomlei commonwe begin itthus do not sayitu
notsaidasothersattheendoItheirsclingingamosttoeach
other never saw any it seems never any such but even
beastsobserveeachothersawsomeonceitseemsandthey
obseringeachotherletmunderstandwhohasawishto
havenone
almost clinging that`s too strong as always he can`t repel
meit`slikemysackwhenhaditstillthisprovidentialhesh
neverletitgocallthatconstancyyouwish
whenhaditsmlbut haveitstillit`sinmymouthnoit`s
notthereanymoredon`thaveitanymoreI amrightwas
right
vast stretchoItimethenIorourbeginnings adizzyhgure
inthedaysoIhguresthebegimingsoIourmem common
andquestionwhatbringsthis longpeace toa closeatlast
andmakesusbetteracquaintedwhathitch
a little tune suddenIy he sings a little tune suddenly me
allthatwasnotthenis listenIoramomentmeyaregood
momentsitcanonlybehebutmaybemistaken
my ambendsthereIoremyrightit`s preIerablewhichre-
duces Irom very obtuse to very acute the angle beteen
thehumeusandtheothertheanatomythe geometryand
my right hand seeks his l ips let us try and see this pret-
[ 55 ]
ty movement morecl early its conclusion at least
thehandapproachesundermemudcomesupataventure
themdexencounters themouthit`svague it`swell|udged
the thmb the cheek somewhere something wrong there
dimplemalartheanatomyallastulipshausbuccinatorsit`s
asIthoughthe`ssingingthatclinchesit
I can`t make outthe words the mudmumes or perhaps a
Ioreign tongue perhaps he`s singing a lied m the onginal
perhapsaIoreigner
anonentalmydreamhehasrenouncedItoowibrenounce
IwilIhavenomoredesires
hecanspeakthenthat`sthemainthmghehasthemewith-
outhavingreallymought about itImusthave thoughthe
hadn`tnothavingitpersonallyandalIttlemore generally
nodoubt thatonlyoneway oI beingwhere I was namely
my way song quite out oI the question should have
thought
awIulmomentmanycasethereeverwasonewhatvistas
that closes me hrstphase oI our liIe in common and un-
latches the second andIor that matter last more fertile in
vicissitudesandperipeteiasthebestmmymeperhapsbest
momentImeanitisdimculttochoose
ahumanvoicetherewiminaninchortwomydeamper-
hapsevenahumanmindIhavetolearnItalianobviously
twiUbeless amusing
but hrst some remarks very sparsm vast stretch oI time
somethirtyperhapsinallherearetwoorthreewe`llsee
[
56
]
orientedasheishemusthavebeenIollowIngthesameroad
asIbeIorehedroppedthere`sone
onedaywe`llsetohagaintogetherandIsawusthecurtains
partedaninstantsomethingwrongthereandIsawusdark-
lyabthisbeIorethehttletuneohlongbeIorehelpingeach
otherondroppingwithoneaccordandlymgbidingineach
ouer`samsmemetosetohagain
toplayathmwhoexistsoratleast existedthen I kow I
know so much the worse there`s nohaminmentiomngit
noham is done itdoes you good now and then they are
goodmomentswhatdoesitmatterit doesnoharmtoany-
onethereisn`tanyone
mere then behind us already at last the hrst phase oIour
lemcommonleavingonlythesecondandlastendoIpart
toleavingonlyparttmeeandlast
problemoItringandconcmentlyhttlebyhttlesolution
andapplicationoIsameandconcm entlymoralplanebud
andbloomoIrelationsproperbuthrstsomeremarktwoor
ueewe`see
moving right my right Ioot encounters only the lamihar
mud with the result that whde the knee bends to its Iml
extentatthesametimeitrisesmyIootwe`retangoImy
Ioot and mbs down one can see the movement ab along
Pim`sstraightstmlegsit`sasIthoughtthere`sone
myheadsamemovementitencountersbsit`sasIthought
butImaybemistakenwiththeresultitdrawsbackagain
andlaunchesrighttheexpectedshockensuesthatclinches
itI`mthetaller
[ 57 ]
resumemyposecleavetoh closerhe ends atmyanke
two or mee mches shorter than me I put it down to
seniority
nowhisamsSamtAdew`scross topV reducedaperture
my leIthand moves up theleItbranchIollows it mto the
sackmssackheholdshissackonthemidenearthemouth
moredaringthanmemyhandlingersamomentonh like
cords hisveinswithdrawsandresmesitsplaceontheleIt
mthemudnomoreaboutt sackIorthemoment
m the deeper silence succeeding Pim`s song hnalIy vast
snetchoItmeadstanttickgILtenagoodmomentthey
aregoodmoments
mynghthandsets ohalongh rghta toustothemit
oIitsreachandbeyondtipswimhnger-tipsawatchwristlet
totheIeelit`s asI thoughtitwmhaveitsparttoplayyes
hearyesthenno
betterabigordmapwatchcompletewmheavychamhe
holdsittightinbshstmyindexwormsthroughtheclench-
ed hngers and says a big ordnary watch complete wiu
heavychain
Idrawhisa towardsmebehmdh backit|s ticking
verygreatlymprovedIdrinkitIoramoment
aIewmoremovementsputtheambackwhereIIoundit
then towards me agam the other way overhead sinIstro
ut itjas onecanseethemovementgaspmewistwiu
myleIthandandpullwhilebearmgIrombehindwimme
rght on the elbow or thereabouts all uat beyond my
strengu
[ 5
8
]
without having had to raise my head Irom the mud w
questionIhnallyhavethewatchtomyearthehandmehst
it`s preIerable I drim deep oI the seconds delicious mo-
mentsandvistas
releasedatlastmea recoilssharpa httlewaythencomes
torestit`sIagainmustputitbackwhereI Iounditwayoh
ontherightmthemudPimislikethathewillbelikethat
he stays whateverway he`s put but itdoesn`t amount to
muchonthewholearock
IromittomenowpartueeIromwayohoutontheright
in the mud tome abandoned the dstant ticking I derive
no more proht Irom it none whatever no more pleasure
countno more the unIorgiving seconds measure nomore
durations and Irequencies take my puLe no more mnety
ninety-hve
itkeepsmecompanythat`sallitstickingnowandthenbut
breakitthrow itaway letitrundownandstop nosome-
thing stopsmeitstops I shakemy am it starts nomore
aboutthiswatch
nomoremanIbyhis own account ormy magination he
hadnonameanymorethanIsoI gavcmonethename
PimIormorecommodtymoreconvenienceit`sohagaini
thepast
itmusthave appealedtom it`sunderstandable hmshed
byappeahngtohimhewascalhnghimbyitmmseUinthe
end longbeIore Pm Pm ad nauseam I Pim I always say
when a man`s name is Pimhehasn`t the right and all the
thmgsamanhadn`ttherightalwayssaidwhenmsnamewas
PimandwiththatbetterIromthatoutliveherchattier
[ 5
9 ]
when this has sunk in I let hm kow that I too Pim my
name 1m there he has more d|mculty a moment oI con-
Iusionin|tat|onit`s understandableit`s anoblenamethen
itcamsdown
metoogeatbenehttooIhavethatimpressiongreatbeneht
cspec|allyathrsthardtosaywhylessanonymoussomehow
oroderlessobscme
me to I Ieel it Iorsakg me soon mere wib be no one
neverbeenanyoneoImenoblenameoI1myesIheyes
denno
deoneI`mwaiunglorohnotthatIbeheveinhimIsayit
asIhearithecangivemeanoderitwibbemyhrstBomhe
can ca me Bom Iormore commod|[ that would appeaI
tomematmeendandonesybabIederestmderent
BOM scored byhnger-nail amwart me se me vowel i
theholeIwouldsayinasceneIrommyhIehewouldobhge
metohavehadametheBomssiryoudon`tkowtheBoms
siryoucansmton a Omsiryou can`thmiIiatemaBom
sirde8omssu
buthrsthavedonew:muspautwowim1mmeincom-
monhowitwasleavingonIypartueeandlastwhenIhear
among omer exnavagances dat he is commg ten yards
hIteenyardswhoIormeIorwhomIwhatIIor1m 1mIor
me
other extravagances including the use of speech it will
come back to me that much is true it has come back
tome hert i t is I l isten I speak brief movements of the low-
[
6
0
]
er face with sound inthe mud a murmurall sorts one Pim a
l ife I' m said to have had before him with him after him a
life I'm said to have
trainingearlydays orheroicpriortothe scnptthe rehne-
mentsdmculttodescribe|ustthebroadhnesonstopthat
lamilybeyondmystrengthhehounderedI hounderedbut
IittlebyhttlelittlebylIttle
between sessions somemes a sprat a prawn that could
happenitgoesoninthepastahonlyallpastallinthepast
Bomcome goneandBom onomlile incommonwehad
goodmoments theywere good moments driveldivelno
matterasprataprawn
notburstPim`ssacknotbmstthere`sno|ustice or eLe|ust
one ol those ugs that pass understanding there e
some
olderthanmineandnotburstperhapsbetter quahtyjute
andwiththatstibhall-lullorelse sometmgthatescapes
me
sacksthatvoidandburstothersneverisitpossibletheold
businessolgracemthis sewerwhywantus allamesome
vanishothersnever
allIhearleaveoutmoreleaveoutallhearn' morelethere
inmyamstheancientwithoutendmewe`retahingolme
withoutendthatburiesallmankindtothelastcuntthey`d
be good moments m the dark the mud hearing notmng
sayingnotmngcapableolnotmngnoming
[ 61]
then o a sudden |ike a|l that starts starts again no
knowing set |orth |orth again ten yards h|teen yards
right leg right arm push pul| a ew images patches o
b|uea |ew words no sound c|ing to species a ew sardines
yawno|mudburst the sackdrive| on drone on in a word
the oldroad
Iromthenextmortaltothenextleadgnowheredsavg
conectionnoothergoalmanthenextmortalcleavetohm
give mm a name n m up bloody m all over wim
BomancapitalsgorgeonhisIablesumteIorliIemstoiclove
tothelastsmpandalittlelonger
mthehnedaywheniphevanLhesleavingmehLehects
andthesoomcomestruethenewliIenomore|oumeysno
moreblueamummmmemudmat`strueallmustbetrue
andmeotheronhiswaytenyardshIteenyardswhatIIor
1m1mIorme
allIhearhearnomorelietherethesameasbeIore1maIter
1m thesameasbeIoreinmyswithmysackthenoIa
suddentheold road towds mynext mortal ten yards hI-
teenyardspushpullseasonaterseonmyonlyseasonto-
wardsmyhrstmortaIdiveldivelhappilybrieI
hrstlessonthemesongIdgmynlsmtohis ampitright
handrightpithecnesIwimdawmemthumpwithhston
skllhis Iace sims m the mudhis cries cease end oI hrst
lesson
second |esson same theme nails in armpit cries thump
on skull silence end o second lesson a|| that be-
[62
_
yOnO my ttCngth
Dut tm m0n s nOOOlhO mut 0y tO hmO WOuO i I
WOtO hO Wh0t OOO hO tOgutO O mO Ot bOttOt t Wh0t u
tOgutOO O mO th0t M tOHOntOO Uu 0nO thO 0nWOt
g0tmbttlObylttOV0t U0Ct OlmO
nOt th0t hOulO Cty th0t u OVOOnt mCO WhOn dO m
gunhOOmt0ntOt
0OmgutOanOmglOnOuCOm0ynOtCQ
OmOthn_ gOth0g DOyOnO my gOWOt 0utOOly nOt th8
CtO0tutOnOOOnOOnOth0t
Wh0t s nOt DOyOnO my gOWOt kOWn nOt tO DO DOyOnO
thOmOn_ttOgmtOOthOtOOtO Uat In_
Wh0tWOtOhOWOuOh0VO0OtOOmtOmOnthOOnO
tO myObut m0y bO mt0kOn 0nO Go kOW m nOt
ntOl_OntOUOCOObOOO0O
th0t Ot OmOthn_ OlsO thO O0y COmO U0t WOtO0_an WO
COmO tO thO d0y 0t thO OnO O hOW lOn_ nO b_mO V0t
ttOtCh O tmO WhOn C0WOO i thO 0tmgtt lOn_ nCO 0n
OgOn OtO Ot tty 0 nOW gl0CO OnO tOmgtOO OOQOt0ttOn
mOtO OntVO thO OyO thO _l0n nO Only COmuOhm 0t0l
thn_ 0VOO 0t 0COt
thO O0y thOnWhOn C0WOOn thO 0OgIt ntO0O O Ctyn_
hOm_hOn_UOOn_0COnOnUOgtOOnttO0_0n
nthO gtOOnt
[
6]
I withdraw my nails he continues the sae air it seems
to me I am rather musical this time I have that i my
l ife this time and this time on the wing a word or two
eyes skies the or thee cheers we use the same idiom
what a blessing
that`snotabhestopsnaiLinampitheresumescheersdone
itampitsongandthismusicassmeasIpressedabutton
IcanindulgemitanytmehenceIorard
that`snotabhecontnuesthumponskubhestopsandstop
ithkewise the thump onskuh sigmIyng stop at all times
and that come to thim oI it amostmechamcally at least
wherewordsinvolved
whymechanicallywhysimplybecauseithastheehectthe
thumponskullwe`retalkgoIthemmponskulltheehect
oI plunging the Iace in me mud the mouth the nose d
eventheeyesandwhatbutwordscoudbeinvolvedinthe
caseoIPmaIewwordwhathecannowandthenIamnot
amonster
Ia notgoingtokllmysehdemandIngsomethmgbeyond
hispowersthathestandonhisheadIorexampleoronhis
Ieetorkeelmostcertamynot
ortumoveronhisbackorside norancourinmeanymore
nowishanymoreIoranyonetohavetodowithoutceasing
andwiuoutceasingnot be able huge cymbals giant s
outspread two hunded degrees and clang clang miracle
mnacle the impossibledotheimpossible smer the impos-
siblemostcertainlynot
[
6
]
merely thathesing orspeakandnot even this rather than
thatintheearlystagesmerely speakwhathewillwhathe
cannowandthenaIewwordsnothingmore
hrstlessonthensecondseriesbuthrsttakeawaymssackhe
resists I clawhis leIthand tothe bone it`snotIarhe cries
butwon`tlet gothe bloodhemusthave lost by this time
vast stretch oI time I am not a bmte as I may have sd
beIore access tothe sack that I have my leIt hand enters
gropesIortheopenerhereaparenthesis
nominutiae noproblems but allthis tme we`ve been to-
gether many is the couple would be content with it see
eachotherdiewithoutammurhavinghadtheirB
andPimallthis timevaststretchoItimenotamovement
0gMIromthehps andthereabouts the lowerIace tosing
cryandconvuLivenowandagaintherighthandIorpale
greenthehourtotmthathe`llneverseeandthoseWu y-
m ytobesmebymeimpartedPmhasnoteaten
I yeswithoutits being said allis not said amost nothing
andIar toomuch I have eaten oheredhim toeat cmshed
againsthismouthlostinthehairs themudmypamdnp-
pingwithcod`shverorsuchmerubbeditinlabomlosti
he`sstillnourishedit`s onmud that`s whatitis I always
said so tms mud by osmosis long run Iumess oI time by
capillarity
bythetonguewhenitsticks outthemouthwhen the lips
partthenostrilstheeyeswhenthelidsparttheanusnoit`s
highanddtheearsno
[ 65
]
te urethra perhaps after piss the last drop the blad
der sucking in a second after all the pumping out
certain pores too the urethra perhaps a certain number
opores
t mudIalwayssaidsoitkeepsamangomgandhecmgs
tothesackthatwasthepomttobemadeIsayit Ihear
itdoesitasmuchservetopillowhIsheadnoheclutches
it at `s length as he me wmdow-silI who IaL out o
f
mewmdow
notheuthist sackIalwayssdsot sackIorushere
usomethgmorethanalarderthanapiIlowIorthehead
than a fiend to tur to a thing to embrace a surface
to cover with kisses something far more we don' t proft
by it i any way any more ad we cling to i t I owed
it this tibute
now at restmy leIthandpan two second halI what u it
domg graspmg the sack beside Pim`s no more about t
sacktheopenertheopenersoonPmwspeak
somanytm smremnmgsomethgtherethat escapes
meI takethemoutleIthandonebyoneinmemudmat
lttheopenerputiti mymouthputbackthemIdon`t
sayallandmynghtama tmsme
allt tmevastsnetchoItimeallthatbeyondmystrengu
uulywiuPi mysuengthu ebbingit`sinevitablewe`rea
pmyrighta pressesmagamtmeloveIearoIbemg
abandoned a httle oI each no kowmg not said and
men
r aa 1
menwithmyright leg thrown crosswiseimprLonhL two
one can see the movement take the opener in my right
hand move it down along the spine and drive it into the
arsenottheholenotsuchaIoolthecheeka cheekhecnes
withdrawitthmponskullthecriesceaseit`smechanical
endoIhrstlessonsecondseriesrestandhereparenthesL
misopenerwhereputitwhennotneededputitbackinthe
sackwiththe tins certamly not hold iti the hand i the
mouth certainly not the muscles relax the mud engus
wherethen
betweenthecheekoIhisarsenotveryelasucbutstmsut-
hciently there it`s i saIety saying to myselI I say it as
hear it that wim someone to keep me company would
havebeenadiherentmanmoreuniversal
nonottherelowerdownbetweenthethighsit`spreIerable
thepointdownwardandonlythelittlebulbprouudingot
thepuiIorm handle there it`s out oI danger saying to my-
selItoolateacompaniontoolate
second lesson then second senes same principle same
procedurethudIourthsoonvaststretchoItimetilltheday
thatwordagainwhenstabbeinthearsemsteadoIc
ing
hesmgshis songwhatacuntthisPim damnit allconIuse
seandampithornandsteelthethumphegetsthenIgive
youmywordhappilyheisnoIoolhemusthavesaidtohim-
selIwhatisrequiredoImenowwhatisthemeaningoIus
newtorment
that I should cry no sing no that' s the armpit lubri-
[
67
]
cious ferocity no we have seen it is not that really I can' t
imagine
itisnotaimlessthatisevidentthiscreatureistoointelligent
to demand what i beyond my powers what then is
not beyond my powers to sing to weep what else what
else can I do could I do if I were put to the pi of
my collar
dkperhapsatapinchit`spossiblewhatelsea doing
atthismomentandblessmysoulthereitcomesagainhowL
mumponskullsilencerest
nothat`snotiteitherapossibledngnoreahy can`timag-
meperhapsshouldaskasksomedayi c
noIoolmerelyslowandthedaycomeswecometotheday
whenstabbedinthearsenowanopenwomdinsteadoIme
cryabrieImuu doneitatlast
withthehandleoItheopeneraswithapestlebangonthe
right kidney handier than the other Irom where he cry
thump onskullsilence brieI rest | ab m se umnteUgible
muu bangonkidneysigmyinglouderonceandIora
crythumponskullsilencebrieIrest
soonwimnowandthenlesthegetnstyretmtotheam-
pit the song ascends that`s workng thump doused onme
spotallthisiskllingmeI`mabouttogiveupwhenbanged
onthekdneyonedayat lasthe`s noIoolmerelyslow in-
stead o
f
cryinghe articulates heyyou mewhatdon`they
youmewhatdon`tthat`senoughI`vegotitthumponskulI
doneitatlastit`snotyetsecondnaturebutitwllbesome-
[
68
]
dngtherematescapesme
I put away the tool betweenhIs thighs take my right leg
lrom ohhistwoimprisonhisshoulderswithmyrighta
he can`t leaveme butI don`t trust m longrestsayingto
mysehthewords are there thattoo latetoo late indisput-
ablybutnonethelesswhatanimprovementalreadyhow
I`vemproved
orgyoIlalse beinglile in commonbrieI shames I a not
deadtoinexistencenotmetrievablytmewilltellit`stelhng
butwhatahog`swallowpah noteven not even pah bnel
movements oI the lower lace prohtwhile ye may siIence
gatherwhileyemaydeathlysilencepatiencepatience
trainingcontinuednopointskp
tabIe oI basic stimuli one sing naiL In ampit two speak
bladein arse three stop thmp on skull Iour louderpestle
onkdney
hvesoIterindexinanus six bravoclap amwart arse seven
lousy same as three eight encore same a one or two as
may be
allwiththerighthandI`vesaidthisandtheleltallmistime
vaststretchoItimeitholdsthesackI`vesaid misheardit
saidnowinmethatwaswithoutquaquaonaIlsidesmm-
mureditinmemuditholdsthesackbesidePim`sleIthand
mythumbhascreptbetweenhispamandIoldedhngers
scriptandthenPim` svoicetillhevanishesendoIparttwo
leavingonlypartthreeandlast
[
69
]
wim the nail then oI the right index I carve andwhen it
breaks or Ialls until it grows againwith another onPim`s
backmtactattheoutsetIromleIttorightandtoptobottom
asinourcivihsationIcarvemyBomancapitals
arduous begimngs then less heisno Ioolmerely sIow in
theendheunderstandsallalmostallIhavenougtosay
amost nomng even LO that old Iavourite my rain and
smebrieIallusionsnotimrequentasinthetenderyearsit`s
vagueheamostunderstands
a moment oI the tender years the lamb black with the
world`ssins theworldcleansedthe threepersonsyes I as-
sureyou dthat belieIthe Ieehng since then ten eleven
thatbelieI said tohave been mine the Ieeling smce then
vaststretchoItimethatIdhnditagainthebluecloakthe
pigeonthemiracleshemderstood
thatchildoodsaidtohavebeenminethecultyoIbe-
hevinginittheIeelingrameroIhavingbeenbomoctoge-
narian atthe age when one dies in me dark the mud up-
wardsbmupwardshoatinguplikethedrownedandtattle
tattleIourIubbacks oI close characters the childhoodthe
belieIthebluethemiracles ablostneverwas
thebluetherewasthenthewhitedustmpressionsoImore
recentdatepleasantunpleasantandthosehnallyumed
byemotionthingsnoteasy
unbrokennoparagaphsnocommasnotasecondIorreec-
tionwim me nail of me index untilit Ialls and the wom
back bleeding passim it was near the end like yesterday
vaststretchoftime
[
70
]
but quick an example Irom among the simple Irom the
earlydaysorheroicthenPimtospeakuntilhevanishesend
oIparttwoleavmgonlytmeeandlast
withthenailthenoItherightindexm greatcapitalstwo
IulI lines the shorter the communication the greater the
capitalsonehasonlytoknowahttlebeIorehandwhatone
wantstosayheIeeLthegreatomateletterthesnakesthe
impsCodbepraiseditwon`tbelong1L\PIMpause1L\
PIM m me Iunows here a dimculty h he grasped no
kowmg
stabhimsmplyinthearse thatistosayspeakandhewill
say anything what he can whereas prooI I need prooI so
stabhimina certainway signiIying answer once andIor
all which I do thereIore what an mprovement how I`ve
improved
aspecialstroke indescribable atrickoIthehandwiththe
gratiIyingresultonehnedayvaststretchoItimeme]imor
TmnotPiminanycasenotyetthebackisnotyetmom-
lysensitivebutitwillbecheersnonetheless doneitmore
orlessrest
simplytryagamnotyetsaydeagooddeepPandtheap-
posite stabandinevitableonehnedayshoulditmeanhis
nying all the consonants in the Boman alphabet that he
wilIanswermtheendit`sinevitablemePimwhichhedoes
mtheenditwasinevitablemePimclap athwartthearse
openerbetween the thighs amroundhis poor shoulders
doneitrest
thus then no point in other examples he was a bad pu-
[ 71
]
pil I a bad master butulnesso time the l ittle we had to
say it was nothing
I nothingonlysaythissaythatyommeaboveYOUR LIFE
pause my liIe ABOVE longpause above IN THE in the
LIGHT pauselighthishIe above inmehghtamostanoc-
tosyllablecometothinkoIitacoincidence
I thennothingaboutmemylewhatliIenever anyming
hardly ever he nomng either unless ven never on h
ownbutoncelaunchednotwimoutpleasuretheimpression
orillusionnostoppingmmumpthumpallhisIat-headed
meatusmtheshitnoholdinghmthumpthump
theproportionoIinvention vast assuredyvastproportion
a ming you don`t kow the threat me bleeding arse the
crackng nervesyouinventbutrealorimaginarynoknow-
ingit`simpossibleit`snotsaiditdoesn`tmatteritdoesitdid
that`ssuperbathmgmatmatters
mat liIe then saidtohavebeenhis invented remembered
a littleoIeachnokowmgthatthmgabovehegaveittome
madeitminewhatIIanciedskiesespeciallyandmepam
hecreptalonghowmeychangedwithme sky andwhere
you were going on the Atlantic in the evening on the
ocean going to the isles or coming back the mood of the
moment less important the creatures encountered hardly
any always the same I picked my fancy good moments
nothing left
dear Pim come back from the l iving he got it from an
other that dog' s l ife to take and to leave I' ll give it to an-
[
72 ]
other the voice said so the voice in me that was without
quaqua on all sides hard to believe here in the dark the
mud that only one life above romage to age eternally al
lowance made for preferences ah that's it allowance made
orneeds
minewhatneeddat`sitmostneedchangingaspectsthat`s
iteverchangingaspects oItheneverchangingleaccord-
ingtotheneedsbutdeneedstheneedssurelyIoreverhere
desameneedtromagetoagedesametmsts thevoice
saysso
itsaid mumm tor us here one aIter another the se
thustsandhIeunchangnghereasaboveaccordingtothe
unchanging needs hd to believe it depends on the mo-
ment the mood oI me moment the mood remns a little
changeIulyoumaysaynosoundthereisnothmgtoprevent
youtoday amperhapsnotquitesosadasyesterdaythere
i notmngtostopyou
dethingscouldnolongerseelittlescenespartoneintheir
stead Pim`s voice Pim inthe lightblue oIdayandblue oI
mght little scenes the cmtains panedthe mudpartedthe
hghtwentonhesawIormethattoomay be said there is
nothingagainstit
silencemoreandmorelongerandlongersilencesvasttracts
oI tme we at a loss more andmore he Ior answers lor
questionssickoIliIeinthelightonequestionhowoItenno
morehgures nomore timevasthgurevaststretch oI time
onhisle inthedarkthemudbeIorememainlycuriosity
was he still alive YOUR LIFE HERE BEFORE ME ut-
[
7
3 ]
ter confusion
CodonCoddesperationutterconIusiondidhebelievehe
believedthennotcouldn`tanymorehisreasonsbothcases
myCod
I pricked hm how I pricked m in the end long beIore
purelycuriositywashestillalivethmpthumpinthemud
viletearsoIunbutcherablebrother
if he heard a voice if only that if he had ever heard a
voice voices if only I had asked him that I couldn' t I
hadn' t heard it yet the voice the voices no knowing surely
not
I won`teitherinthe end I won`thearitanymore never
heardititsaidsoI munursonovoiceonlyhisonlyPim`s
nothis eimernomorePimneveryPim never anyvoice
hardtobelieveinthedarkthemudnovoicenomagemme
endlongbeIore
samples whatevercomes remembered imaginednokow-
inghIeabovemehereCod inheavenyes ornoheloved
mealittlePmlovedmealittleyes ornoI lovedhim
a littleinthedarkthemudi spite oI alla little ahection
hndsomeoneatlastsomeonehndyouatltlive together
gluedtogetherloveeachotheralittlelove a littlewithout
bemg loved be loved a httle without lovmg answer that
leaveitvagueleaveitdark
end oIpart twopartone is ended leavingonly pau tmee
and l ast they were good moments there will be good
moments l ess good it must be expected but frst a l it-
[ 7
4
]
tie frisk the last new pOstttOu and efect On soul
IlOt _O thO aCk lOt _O 1m that thOWOtt lOttn_ _O thO
aCk anO aWay Om-OO lOt t_ht lO_D_ht an guh gul
t_htt_htOOutOOhm tOuuOh hOaOhaugu tuHt_ht
t_httta_htOuugaCtOhaHaOu_h OO COOnanO
halt my hOaO tO h OOt h tO mnO lOn_ tOt _tOWn_
au_uh
8uOOOuly OaCk hu__n_ thO Oh WOt anO nOtth Wth my
D_hthauO I OZO h kn tOO O_Ot htm auO gullmyOl
OCatOlatlttOtukOaCktOmyglaCO1hOuOnOVOthaVO
lOt t ll nOVOt lOaVO t a_an I _rag thO aCk t ha uOt
UOO1mhanOttttOOOuthanOtOuChlOn_lOnCOlOn_
tOtVat ttOtCh O tmO
YOUB LL ALVL nOmOtO nOOO Ou_ht tWO lnO Only
anO 1m tO gOak hO tutn8 h hOaO tOat n thO OyO my
tOat my OyO 1 haO auy t Wa thOn 1 nOOOOO thOm nOt
BOW
h t_ht ChOOk tOthO muO hmOuth tOmy Oat OutnattOW
hOulOOt OVOtaggn_hhatn muOhumanOtOath ht
muDut tOO OuObu_Otn atO 1lttnOmOtO tOm th
glaCO1m tlthOtO
OOn unbearable thump on skull long silence vast stretch
of time soon unbearable opener arse or capitals if he
has lost the thread YOUR LIFE CUNT ABOVE
CUNT HERE CUNT as it comes bits and scraps all
sorts not so many and to conclude happy end cut
thrust DO YOU LOVE ME nO or nails armpit and
l ittle song to conclude happy end of part two leav-
[
75
]
ing only part three and last the day comes I come to
the day Bor comes YOU BOM me Bor ME BOM you
UOmWO UOm
hO COmtn_ 1llhaVOa VOCO nOVOtCOnthO WOtlO Out mmO
a munuh8Oa mO ug aOOVO OOWBhOtO 1 OO my thm_
8_8In a bttlO OluO m thO muO a bttlO WhttO Out tm_ bttlO
COnOkOOgOC8llyanOgath
anOmOOO mOCatCh a _umgO tOn OCOnO8 btOOn OCOnO
COWOttn_ guOt a8 a mOuO nmyhOlO Otm_ht COmO at lat
lOlt_htabttlOlO h8tOnu_ tOWatO thO nOXtmuCh OOt-
tOt muCh 8Ot th8t WI OO _OOd _OOO mOmOnt UO _OOO
mOmOnt 1llhaVOhaOu_ thOtOdOWnhOtO nOU_ lOtOut
_OtOhOaVOn
amglOmybOaOOVO1mluOWOtOt8lk_O1mmymO
ug thOtO my WO tOg OgOnOt mO lOW tO tatt thOn nO
hOOtn_mthumgOnkulOn_uOnCO
myWuO 8OOVO 1am 1D CanttOmOmOOt Cant OO hOthO
haVOOhOtmOunOnOVOtaWthat1 talKlKOm 1 OOWOtO
L_OmOltKOhtmlIttlOOluttmtO_Ot_tamm8tga8tUat
thOnglOOOWnthOhOlO
I talk l ike him Bor will talk l ike me only one kind
of talk here one after another the voice said so it tak
like us the voice of u all quaqua on all sides then i
u when the panting stops bits and scraps that' s where
we get it our old talk each his own way each his needs
thO OOt hO C8n t tOg Out t8 tatt 8_atn nO KOW-
ng
[
7
6
]
Pam Pm we made love every day ten every trd then
te Saturday then just te od tie to get rid of it tried to
revive it through te arse too late she fell from the window
or juped broken solun
in the ward before she went every day all winter she forgave
me everybody al mad she grew good God calling her
home the blue mound strange idea not bad she must have
been dak on the deathb it grew again
te fowers on the night-table she couldn't tu her head
see the fowers 1held them at arm's lengt before her eyes
the things you see rght hand left hand before her eyes that
was my visit and she forgiving marguerites from the latin
pearl they were all 1 could fnd
iron bed glossy white two foot wide all was whte high of
the ground vision of love in it see others' fuiture and not
the loved one how can one
sitting on the foot of the bed holding te vase bile-green
fute the feet dangling the fowers between the face through
them that 1 forget what it was le except intact white as
chal not a scratch or my eyes roved there were a score of
them
outside the road going down l ined with trees thousands
all the same same species never knew which miles of
hill straight as a ribbon never saw that toil in winter
to the top the frozen slush the black boughs grey with
hoar she at the end at the top dying forgiving all
white
[
77
]
the holly she had begged for the berries anything a little
colou a little green so much white the ivy anything tell her
I couldn't fnd fnd the words the places she must have done
it in summer July August fnd the words tell her the places
where I had looked left foot right foot one step forward two
back
my life above what I did in my life above a little of every
thing tried everything then gave up no worse always a hole
a ruin always a crust never any good at anything not made
for that farrago too complicated crawl about in corners and
sleep all I wanted I got it nothing left but go to heaven
papa no idea building trade perhaps some branch or other
fell of the scafolding on his arse no the scafolding tat fell
and he with it landed on h arse dead burst it must have
been him or the uncle God knows
mamma none either column of j ade bible ivisible in te
black hand only the edge red gilt the black fnger inside
psal one hundred and something oh God man his days a
grass fower of the feld wind above i the clouds the face
ivory palor mutterg lips al the lower it's possible
never anyone never kew anyone always ran fed elsewhere
some other place my lfe above places paths nothng else
brief places long paths the quickest way or a thousand de
tours the safest way always at night less lght a little less A
to to C home at last safe at last dop sleep
frst sounds feet whispers clnk of iron don't look head i my
ars face to the groud macfar lane on top of all tm the
head in the cover of the cloak make a chink open the eyes
close them quick close the chink wait for nght
[
78
]
B to C C to Dfrom hell to home hel to home to hel always
at night Zto A divine forgetting enough
did he think did we think just enough to speak enough to
hear not even comma a mouth an ear sly old pair glued to
gether take away the rest put them in a jar there to end i
it has an end the monologue
dream then that at least certainly not me dream me Pim
Bor to be me think pah
all alone Pim all alone before me his voice come back did he
speak the way 1do part three the way 1murur in the mud
what 1hear in me when the panting stops bits and scraps u
only 1 had asked 1 couldn't 1 didn't know 1 didn't speak not
yet he wouldn't have known 1Lb L PL 1 don't kow I
won't know 1ddn't ask 1 won't be asked
my voice L going it will come back my frst voice no voice
above none there either Pim' s life above never was never
spoke to anyone never solo mute words no sound it's pos
sible brief movements of the lower great confusion no know
ing
i Bor never came if only that but then how end the hand
dipping clawing for the tin the arse instead of the familiar
slme all imagination and al the rest this voice its promises
and solaces al imagination dear bud dear wor
all that always every word as 1 hear it in me that was with
out when the panting stops and murur it in te mud bits
and scraps I say it once more every word always I 'll
say it no more and now what to end is there anything
left before going on and ending part two leaving on-
(
79
]
ly part three and last yes all alone there i left all alone
alas
al alone ad the witness bendng over me name Kram bend
ing over us father to son to grandson yes or no and the
scribe name Krim generations of scribes keepig the record
a little aoof sittig standg it's not said yes or no. samples
extacts
brief movements of the lower face no sound or too fait
ten yards one hou for minutes six yads per hou or better
it's clearer one palm per miute 1 remembered my days
an handbreadth my lfe a nothig man a vapour
stuggles to open tn long struggles couldn't see of what
change our lamps gives up puts back t and opener in sack
very cal
slept si miutes breathing ftful set of on waking six yards
and a inch or two one hour twelve minutes dops
end of sevent year of stiless begig of eighth brief
movements of te snout would seem to be eating te mud
tee o'clock morng starts muttering my astoundment
ten succeed in catchig a few scraps Pi m proper
naes presumably iagiation deams thigs memories
lves ipossible here's my frst-hom old workshop fare
wel
monster silences vast tracts of tie perfect notgness re-
[
80 ]
tO8OthO 8nCOnt nOtO ga thOttmOOO_tnntn_OthOmm-
muth l8tO8yluC[ OOVl OOn On thatWh8t thO uO O
mO
tOtOaO Out nOtOs g8 thO tmO mOtO 8OOut mO than m
h8tOly8WOtOOutOhtmnOWnOt 8mumthgatyOm 8nd
mOtOlOOthOnuO-tOnthtt8tt OuOOOnCOmO O8mt
_OO O 8t OnO OsOOn m Ontn a88h t OVOt
nOmOtO mOttOnthan8 laO8nO OtOOOOn tO takO Om OyOs
O hm Wh8t thO uO O th8t tm 8ys h numOOt ug
OmnOWOOatOntlOaVOhtmguCk8numOOtsugtUO
OnlyOlutOn
yOtOtO8y tn _t8nOga nOtO thO gl8COWhOtOhOWhO hO
WOtO OO8O WO8knO haggly hOnOut O UO 8mly hOtt-
bVOOhOtuCktOutttllh tmOW8 ug WhOtO8 h8ggy mO
tOOumnaCtOnOOntm8kOmOl8u_hguOtOnOChaCtOr
0O thO OunO i thO OlOOd
I OOyhOOh8ggynnOV8tOnh8nOOtOtkOOgtn_8nOyO
Onhm nOt 8 gutVOt th8t OCagO mOthan guatttn_ On thO
bttlO tOOl OlO tylO OVOn gag8 auO thO t8tO hO i nOW
O thO OyO th8n thO Oat i I m8y 8y O t OOVOu nOW
mOthOO8 anOCOQ
K tOOUat_ht88adO 8tht tanOO8gOnt8tthOtO8Oy
OnthO 8lOttOtthOlOat nOVOtlOn_OlO i uOthn_ nVOnt
mut kOOg Ouy OthOCO OO0th
OnOnOtOOOOkOtthOOOOynOOOtOuatt tOOl OOmgutO
mud suckings shudders l ittle spasms of l eft hand in sack quiv-
[
81
]
erings of the lower without sound movements of the head
calm unhurried the face raised hom the mud or the
leItcheekortherightcheekandtherightcheekortheleIt
cheeklaidthereinitssteadortheIaceortherightcheekor
theleIt cheek orthe Iace respectivelya new development
inmyopiniona goodmarkIormewhatdoesitremindme
o
Kamthe Seventh atms lastgaspperhaps his Iacewhiter
manmepillow-slipandmestillasmttylittlechitcanitD
meendatlastmelong cam agonyandmethehappywit-
ness elect onenotebookIorallthatinanycase entries such
assample eighth oIMay Victory Daympressionmat he`s
simingK saysImmad
a second Ior the mutterings verbatim no tpermg ve
littleathirdtms Iormycommentswhereasup till now ah
pell-mellinthesameblueyeUowandredrespectivelysim-
leonceyou`vethoughtoIit
steepmgsweatinginthelightoImylampshemurmursol
darkess can he be bbd he must the great blue eyes he
openssometmesandolacompamonIseenoneinhishead
medarktheIriend
forbidden to touch hIm we might reheve hm Kim is a
Ior it andbe damned cleanms buttocks at least wipe his
Iace what do we risk no one will kow you never know
saIernot
dreamt otthe geat Kram the Ninth the greatest of us all
up to date never met him more' s the pity gandpa remem-
[ 82 ]
bered him raving mad before the limit brought up by force
trussed l ike a faggot Krim vanished never seen again
hethehrsttohavepityhappilytonoehecthonomolthe
lamily to eminate the httle stool regettable innovation
discardedandtheideaoIthethreebookssetasidewhere`s
uegreamessitisthere
rich testimony I agree questionable into the bargain
especially the yellow book that is not the voice of here
here all self to be abandoned say nothing when noth
ing
bluemeeyesIseethemoldstoneperhapsournewdaylight
lps it`s possible I agree and m the head the dark and
Iriend I agree but this voice the voice oI allwhat voice
hear none and who all damn it I' m the thirteenth genera
tion
but ol course here too no knowing om senses our lights
whatdotheyamounttolookatmeandeveniIIheretmr-
teen hves I say thineen but long beFore who knows how
longhowmanyotherdynasties
thL voice yes the sadtruthis there are moments when
lancyIcan hearitandmy lamps thatmy lamps are going
outKimsaysI`mmad
twomoreyearstoputinalittlemorethenbacktothesur-
laceahnohedownu Icouldliedownneverstiranymore
IleelIcouldweaknessIorpity`ssakehonouroItheFamily
if I could move on a l ittl e further if there is a further we on-

_
ly know this littl e pool of light there was a time he moved
it' s in the book a li ttle further in the mud the dark and
drop my frst-born dying to his grandchild your papa' s
gandpapa disappeared never came up never seen again
bear it i mind when your time comes
httleprivatebookthesesecretthingshttlebookabmyow
the hean`s outpomings day by day it`s Iorbidden one big
book and everything there K imagines I a drawmg
what thenplaces Iaces loved Iorgotten
that`s enoughendoIexnactsyes ornoyes ornononono
witness noscubeallalone andyetI hearitmumm it M
alonemthedarkthemudandyet
andnowtocontmuetoconcludetobeableaIewmorehtde
scenesle aboveinthelightasitcomesas!hearitwordIor
word lt little scenes I set m oh stop hm shon thmp
thmpcan`ttakeanymoreorhestops can`tgiveanymore
it`soneortheotheropenermstantlyornotoItennotsilence
rest
hehasstoppeIhavemadem stop suheredhmto stop
it`soneormeothernotspecihedthethingstops andmore
orlesslongsilencenotspecmedmoreorlesslongrestIset
m ohagnopenerorcapitaL as the casemaybeother-
wiseneverawordnewmstamentsoon
thegapsaretheholesomeriseithowsmoreorlessmoreor
lessproIoundtheholeswe`retaUingoItheholesnotspeci-
hed notpossible nopoint ! Ieelthem and wait till he can
out and on again or I don' t and opener or I do and open-
[ 8]
er j ust the same that helps him out as I hear it as it comes
word for word to continue to conclude to be able part two
leaving only three and last
whatlandalllandsmidnightsunmiddaynightalllatitudes
alllongitudes
alllongitudes
what men all coloms black to white uied them ah then
gave up noworse too vague pardon pity home to native
land todie inmy twenties iron constitution above in the
Iight my liIe my living made my hving tried everything
buildingmostlyitwasboomingallbranchesplastermostly
metPamIthim
lovebirthoI love increasedecrease deathehorts toresus-
citatetmoughthe arse |oint vain through the cunt anew
vain |umped Irom window orIellbroken colmn hospitaI
mgueritesliesaboutmistletoeIorgiveness
outbydaynobynightlesslight a little less hidbyday a
holearinland strewnwithruinsallagesmyspinaldogit
lickedmygenitalsSkomSkumrnoverbyadrayithadnt
allitswitsbrokencolumninmythirtiesandstilIaverobust
constitutionwhatamItodo
hIe little scenes |ust time to see thehangings partheay
swingoIblackvelvetwhatmewhoseletentwelveyears
oldsleepinginthesunattheIootoIthewallwmtedusta
palm thick azme httle clouds other details silence Ialls
aga
[
8
5 ]
what sun what have I said no matter I`ve said something
dat`swhatwasneededseensomethingcalleditabovesaid
itwassosaiditwasmetentwelveyearsoldsleepinginthe
suninmedusttohaveamoment`speaceIhaveitI hadit
openerarseIollowmgsceneandwords
sea beneath the moon harbour-mouth aIter the sun the
moon alwayslightdayandnightlittleheapinthestemit`s
meallthoseIseearemeahages thecmentcarriesmeout
the awaited ebb I' m looking for an isle home at last
drop never move again a l ittle turn at evening to the
sea-shore seawards then back drop sleep wake in the silence
eyes that dare open stay open l ive old dream on crabs
kelp
astemrecedinglandoIbrothersdimminghghLmountainu
I tmwaterroughemghe IalL I Iallonmykees crawI
Iorardcmofchains perhaps it`snotmeperhaps it`san-
other perhaps it`s another voyage comusion with another
whatislewhatmoonyousaythethingyouseemethoughts
sometmesthatgowithititdisappearsmevoice goesona
Iewwordsit can stop it can goondependingonwhat it`s
notkownit`snotsaid
onwhatthenaiLthatcangoonthehanddeadaIractionoI
anmchmealittleslowtoleavethemthehaumeheaddead
ahooprolledbyachildmehigherthanhimmeIIallds
appearthehooprolL ona littlewayloses wayrocks IaL
disappearsthegarden-pathisstill
can`tgoonwe`retalkingoImenotPimPimishnishedhe
has fnished me now part three not Pim my voice not his say-
[ 86]
ig this these words can' t go on and Pim that Pim never
was and Bor whose comig I await to fnih be fnished
have fnished me too that Bor will never be no Pim no Bor
and this voice quaqua of us all never was only one voice
my voice never any other
al that not Pim Iwho murur all that a voice mine alone
and that bending over me noting down one word every
three two words every fve from age to age yes or no but
above all go on impossible for the moment quite impossible
that's the essential nay folly Ihear it murur it to the mud
folly folly stop your drivel draw the mud about your face
children do it in the sand at the sea-shore mthe country m
the sandpits the humbler
al about pressed tight as a child you would have done it in
the sandpits even you the mud above the temples and not
ing more be seen but thee grey hais old wig rotting on a
muckheap false skull foul with mould and rest you can say
noting when time ends you may end
all that the time it takes to say all that my voice a voice of
mine not lie that more fait less clear but the pupor and
back to Pim where abandoned part two it stil can end it
must end it's preferable only a third to go two ffths then
part three leaving only part thee
E then good and deep sick of light quick now the end above
last thing last sky that fy perhaps glding on the pane the
couterpane all summer before it or noonday glory of
colours behind the pane in the mouth of the cave and te
approaching veils
[
87
]
tWO VOtl tOm Ot 8ud t_ht thOy 8ggtO8Ch COmO tO_OthOt
Ot OuO OOW thO OthOt ug Ot 8l8ut d8_Ou8 tOm lOt Ot
t_ht tOg COOOt t_ht Ot Ot OOttOm COOOt OuO tWO thtOO
8uOOut thOy aggtO8Ch COmO tO_OthOt
a brtg8uthOuOUOt8OutOga8m8uyUO 88nOCO88ty Ot
8 btt OuO tWO UOOOtOut8 OCOuO tWO thtOO Ou Ot OuO
athtOthtOOOutOnOOtlOaOmOmOnO lOOtUOO
a8m8uytmO8a nOCO88Q
OtWh8tOttO OO h8ggy OyO8 8t8ttn_ gugu taDn_ u_ht
u thO mO8t O d8y OOttOt thO y 8t OtO8k O mOO Out
OCOCk bVO OCOCk UO uu tuO t d8y bO_m8 thOy WOtO
t8_ O8 y t8 Oay t ummOt OnthO g0O thO COuntOt-
g8nO t mO l88t tDu_ l8t [
L thOn_OOOanOOOOgguCkuOWthOOnO8OOVO8CkOl_ht
8nOu8l OukuOtthOOOWu-ttOkO OthO Om8nN WhOn
uOOOuy tOO 8OOu tOO OOu 8 OW mOtO bttO 8COuO8 uO-
OOnly 1 CtO8 t Out _OOO anO dOOg b8tut AuOtOW O thO
U8Ck bOa8uO OgOuOt _uym_ 8_8u 1m uO[OCt tO thOO
WhIm8
my lO a_8n 8OOVO u thO u_ht thO 8Ck Ut8 _tOW tl
8_8u tt8 8_8tu thO l_ht tDOu_h thO WOD thOaO U8B
O WmtO h8g OunO dt8ut t Out O t OVOnu_ hO
Ct8WttDyOutOUO8ckmO8_a1mthOtO8_8uthObtt
u 8W8ymOUOuthO OthOt8
Wh8t 8_O my LOO bty Dty O_hty mumOn KOOlu_ 8tO
Ou hOO h8nO Ou _tOunO gl8yOO KOOOt VOty ClOatgC-
tutOth_hs achn_thOatsOttsOUOhO8OdOgs tOuChOthO
UaW t gtOOt8OO OuuO O WOOgtu_ thO OO_8 t8 WO
W8uttO_OOnhOmO 8t8t
[
88 ]
myeyesopensmltooIightIseeeachham sounds oIham-
merstmeeorIomatleasthammers cmseLcrossesperhaps
orsomeother omament
I crawl to the door rse my head yes I assme you peer
tmoughacmkandsoIwouldgototheworld`sendonmy
kees totheworlds endrghtroundit onmy kees ams
Iorelegs eyes aninchIrom meground r dsmell the world
againmy laughter in dry weather raises the dust on my
knees up me gangways between decks with the emi-
grants
homer mauve !ight oI evenmg mauve wave ong the
streetsmeserotinesabroadalreadywenotyetnotsuchIooL
I'm the brain of the two sounds distant still but less
its the evenig air does that one must understand these
things and later drawing near that it's only a creaking
of wheels drawing near iron felly jolting on the stones
the harvest perhaps coming home but the hooves in that
case
nomatterthereIamagainhowI ltonmykeeshand
|oinedbeIoremyIacethumb-tipsbeIoremynosehnger-tips
beIorethedormycrownorvertexagainstthedooronecan
seetheattitudenotkowingwhattosaywhomtomplore
whattoimplorenomatterit`s the attitudethatcounts it`s
theintention
bowI lastsomedayitwillbenightandallasleepweshall
slipoutthetailsweepsthestrawithasntallitswitsmine
nowtothinkIorusbothherecometheveiLmostdearIrom
leIt andright theywipe us away then the rest the whole
doorawayhIeabovehttlesceneIcouldnthaveimaginedit
Icouldnt
[
89
]
thump on skull no poit m post mortems and then what
ten what we'll try and see last words cut tst a few words
DOYOU IOVE ME CUNTno disappearance of 1m end
of part two leaving only part three and last one can't go on
one goes on as before can one ever stop put a stop
that's more l ike it one can' t go on one can' t stop put a
stop
so Pmstops life above i the light he can't give any more
me permitting or thump on skull 1 can't tae any more it's
one or the other and what then him me I' ll ask him but
frst me when Pim stops what becomes of me but frst
the bodies glued together mine on the north good so
much for the trunks the legs but the hands when Pim
stops where are they the arms the hands what are they
at
h right way of on the right as of the clavicle or cross
Saint Andrew of the Volga mine about h shoulders h
neck Ica't see good so much for the right ars and their
hands 1 can't see it's not said mkeeping and the others the
left the as we're talng of our as full stretch before us
the hands together in te sack good so much for the four
as the four hand but how together touching siply or
clasped
clasped but how clasped as in the handshake no but his fat
mie on top the croked fngers slpped between his the
nail agaist h palm it's the position they have fnally
adopted clea pictue of that good and parentesis the
viion suddenly too late a lttle late of how my ijunctions
by o
t
er mean more humane
[ 90 ]
myOOhOtOyaOOtOnt Ot O_na8 gutO d OtOntmOtO
humanOmOtOuOtOtOmOthanOtOOthanO n UO aCk
na8anOgam CtatCm_gtOn_OutnOaWay thO t_ht
hanO thumg On ku CaW n amgt Ot thO On_ OaOO n
0tO gOtO On kOnOy ag aUWatt anO nOOX n hOO a
UOnOOOulugtOUOOnO_tOatgty_OOOanOthOhOaO
hOaOtO_OthOtnOCOatuymyr_hthOuOOtOVOttOn_hs
Ot VO thO uggOt OVOtyWhOtO Out hOW tO_OthOt mO tO
OO[aOO haOOOOtO_OthOtnO OutmmO my hOaO L aCO
m thO muO anO h t t_ht ChOOk n thO muO h mOuU
a_ant my Oar Outhat tan_OO tO_OthOt mgtOOn that
tOOgatatO u OnOWOuOhaVO tOOVOt thOm _OOO OmuCh
OtthOOOOOthO aD thOhanO thOhOaO
WhatthOn OOCamO O u hmmO Og OaCk ntO thO gat n
th8gOtOnWhOnthOOnCOWhOn1mtOggOOgat_Vn_
anymOtOmOgOOttn_Ot thumg On kull gat tMn_ any
mOtO akm OutmOmO
guOtOnuWhathOha ad OtrathOt hOatO O that VOCO
tmnOO tOm uCh On_ OnCO a thtd tWO bth Or OVOty
WOtO guOtOn thOtO WhOn t tOg u OmOWhOtO thOtO
OOOOtthOu_htgtayOtWthOutWOtOa_antataOO-OOOt
lOn_ Cy tOu tOWatO8 thO tOO atO al-Ot_Vm_ What OO
B_htatOOaOWatOtOnUOOOOgOnthOlttOOagOOtnO
OtO8OOmOOUOtVOya_O
thOtO WhOtOWU tO OO_uO a mOmOnt O tm Vat OaOn
Ot [ut a OtOg O WatOt Ot thO thut that yOu Otm anO
_OOOOyO anWOt [uta OtOg O OtCh-WatOt 1O OO _laO O a
ugatthhOu
[ 91
]
andquestionwhatcanIaskhimnowwhatonearthaskhim
Iurther busy myseUwith that u only a Iew seconds they
would be good second amwer no they would not either
questionwhy answerbecause a yes there`s reason m me
yetbecauseallmethingsI`veaskedh anddon`tmuch
askowwhatbutonlyknowu asmuchthathe`stherestill
halI m my s cleaving to me with all his little length
mat`s something to know and m mat httle ageless body
blackwithmudwhen the silence lalls agam enough Ieel-
ingstillIorhmtobeuerestib
with me someone uere with me stilI d me uere sm
strangewshwhenmesilence there sti enough Iormeto
wonderuonlyaIewsecondsuheu breaugsmlorinmy
amsalreadyauecorpseuntortmablehenceIorardand
miswamthmdermyamagainstmysidemerelymemud
uatstays wam aswehave seen wordmyuant guides
wthyousuangej omeys
merrily men once ag push pub u only a herrmg
f
om
ue to ume a prawn they would be good moments alas
wongroadweenotonthatroadanymoremet inme
depthsoIthesackhemeticallymdervacumontheirdead
Ioreversealedthevoice stopsIor one ormeotherreason
andmealongwithitabovemmehghtandwealongwith
itmatiswhatbecomesoIus
meatleasthm!havestilltokwhat becomes oIme at
Ieastwhen the silence I stop uen start again opener or
capitalsandinthehasagamstmyeartheextortedvoice
hIe above a mumurpestle on kidney louder clearer and
what will become of me when I have it nomore I' l l have an-
[
9
2 ]
otherquaquaous all I didn' tsay it I didn' tknow it then
myownIdidn`tsayit
nonothingIsaidnothmgIsayita IhearitIsaidalways
brieImovements oIthe lowernosound Pim` s voiceinmy
earthatI`dhaveitalwaysandhFeabovenotpossibleomer-
wise ourlittlescenes blue bydayalways hne a Iew heece
clouds the stars by mghtheavenly bodies never dark ad
hbitum comdential between ourselves secrets a mumur
always and what u more m my opimon I hear it such a
question I mumur it my opinion such a question never
crossednevercouldmymind such a doubt my opinion I
heitmumuritnevernever
inawordPim`svoicethennothingleaswesayhttlescene
oneminutetwominutesgodmomentsthennothingeven
betternotadoubtKramwaitsoneyeartwoyearsheknows
ussomethingwrongtherebuta thesametwoyearsthree
yearsin the end to K they e dead something wrong
there
Krimdeadareyoumadonedoesn`tdiehereandwimthat
withhislongindexclawKramshakenpiercesthemudtwo
little hues to theskthentoKrimrightIoryoutheyare
wamKrmtoKramrolesreversedit`sthemudKrwe`h
leavethemopenandsee oneyeartwoyearsKram`shnger
sknsstihwam
KrimI cannot credititletustaketheirtemperatureKram
noneedtheskinisrosyKrimrosyareyoumadKramthey
arewaman
d
rosymereitiswearenomingandwearerosy
goodmomentsnotadoubt
[
93
]
inawordoncemoreonceandlorallPim`svoicethennou-
ingnothingthenPm`svoice Imakeitstopsuherittostop
den set i ohagainthat I at lastmay be nomore then at
last be again somethmg there that escapes me since how
can I opener capitals and not be it`s mpossible it stands
toreasonthere`s reasonmme yet
mawordmore livelymat`s whatI w getting atI`ve got
atitI sayit as I hear it morehow shall I say more hvely
there`snothingbetterbelorePimpanonemoreindepend-
ent seeingmy own httle scenes crawlmg eating ug
eveni you insist anodd dmthoughtlosingthe one and
onlyopenerhangingontohumankinda thousandandone
lastshiltswithemouonslaughterevenandtears tomatch
sondriedmawordhangingon
nothingtootobesureoltennothingm spite oleveung
dead as muttonwam androsyalways mcmeddatway
eversincethewombi Imay|udgebywhatIkowlessand
less that`s true olmysehsincethewomb thepantingstops
Imurmurit
evenPimwithPmmthebeginningpantwohrsthallhrst
quartermorehvelywhenIththatIcouldasIdidnain
himupasIdidconceIvethatsystemthenapplyIcan`tget
over it make it work my undoing lor ever since It`s clear
eyelIds partclose agamquick!`ve seen mysellqmte clear
eversincenothingleItbutvoice
Pim`s then quaquaolus allthenmine alone that ol us ah
minealoneaItermylashionamunurmthemudthemin
blackairnothing leIt but short waves three hundred Iour
hundred yards per second brief movements of the low-
9]
er with murmur little tremble fuh with te mud one yard
wOymOmOOlVOlynOUn_lOtbutWOrO a mmurOn
anOO
OmmyWOrOOmanylOtOnOOVOrythrOOtWOOVOrybVO
brtthOOunOthOnthO OmO amOratOOrOlOnOtOnOnOt
OnO lOt I hOar aunOOrtanO all anO lVO a_ahaVO lVOO
a_a I OOnt ay abOVO m UO b_ht amOn_ thO haOO m
OarChOhaOOayhOrO1LU LL MLLmaWOrOmy
VOCO OthOCO nOthn_ thOrOOrO nOUn_ OUOC8O my
VOCO thOrOOrO my VOCO sO many WOrO Uun_ tO_OthOr
tOthO OOCtmtOXglO
tO thO OOCt t lOaVn_ mO lO thO OthOr thOn nOthn_
nOUn_butnOthn_thOnUOmlOWthUOmthO OlOWOrO
baCkDOmthOOOaOaOWOlOWOrOhWhhOOnmylOt
h D_hta abOutmOh lOthanOnmnOm UO aCkh
Oar a_amt my mOuth my lO m UO b_ht a muDur a OW
mOuOy Old rOlablO 8urO that nOVOr OO mOmg Wth
OVOnn_ i t tran OthOr ubOVOn8 O UO OnO Or tWO
uualOWOr n_ht alWay tOO l_htWhatOVOrmay bO aO
tOthOCOnUmaOglaCOOnOatOranOthOrnOmahOmO
hOWll alWay haVOmOWthm amumur OmOmOnt at
wlDOm UO lOn_ gOt thatdOnOtbmhu thOn yah Ob-
tmy ratrOm hOaO tO OOt m thO Ok thO muO
anOtOthOOOCtOCOnOOXamglOnOPi nOUOmI alOnOmy
VOCOnOOthOrtlOaVOmOI lOaVOmOtCOmObaCktOmO
I COmObaCktOmOOrbnM yunOOrthOlgthuOOXmglO
anO lat unOOr thO OOal ObOFOr lamg uOOOn hm O
mOuthanOaO[aCOntathOlOWOrbrOOmtOrOytOn_uOa
OW bOaO O rOth thOn uOOOn tra_ht lnO bg _OnO nO
trace of mucus gums clenched arch to arch he u
[ 9
5]
pects nothing but where am I fown then sudden same
again then then where do I go fom then to then and in
between but frst quick make an end of life i common
end at last of part two leaving only last at last
YOU8LIFEHE8Elong pause YOU8LIFEHE8Egood
and deep long pause t dead soul what appal I can i
agine YOU8LIFEunnished for murur light of day light
of nght lttle scene HE8Eto the quick and someone keel
ing or huddled in a corer in the gloom start of lttle scene
i the gloom HEBEHEBEto the bone the nail breaks quick
another in the furows HEBE HEBE howl thump the
whole face in te mud mout nose no more breath and
howls still never saw that before h lfe here howl in the
black a and the mud like an old inant's never to be stied
good try agai HEBE HEBE to the marow howls to
m solar years no fgues until at lat good he wins life
here thi life he can't
queston then DOYOULOVEMECUNTtat faiy cut
thrust to make an end got there at last uhe remembers how
he got here no one day he found helf here yes like when
one is bor yes manner of speaking yes u he kows how
long ago no not even a rough idea no uhe remembers how
he lived no always lved le that yes fat on h bely in the
mud yes in the dark yes wuhi sack yes
never a glea no never a soul no never a voice no Ithe frst
yes never stired no crawle no a few yards no ate paue
ATEgood and deep no u he knows what's mthe sack no
never had the curiosity no he thinks he can de one day
pause DIEONEDAYno
[
96
]
nOVOr dO Or anyOnO What I Or hm anmatO nO urO yO1
nOVOrOltanOthOrOha_anth nOhaggynOunhaggynO
i hO OOb mO a_amt m nO Only WhOn tOmOnt m
yO
i hOlO tO n_ nObut OmOtmOhO m_yO alWay UO
amO On_ gauO SAME SONC yO i hO OO thn_ yO
OtOnnObttlO COnO yOnUOB_htyObutnOtOtOnnOa
i al_htWOntOnyOa i yO
[anOOarthyOgOOglOgOkn_abOutyOM OVOrthOglaCO
yO anOmthOrOOmOWhOrO yO kulk_OmOWhOrOyO
a8 i thOmuOOgOnOOyO OrtmOOUamgarOntyO butnOt
OtOnnOnOtlOn_ nO OthOCO blaCk yO anO hO Calb that
lO abOVO yO 8 a_an8t mO hOrO gauO HER hOWb
_OOO
UOyarOnOtmOmOnOnOhOhasnOmOmOrOnOnOthn_tO
grOVOhOW8 OVOrabOVO nOnthOglaCOhOOO nObuthO
may haVO bOOn yO kub_ OmOWhOrO yO hu__n_ thO
WalbyObyn_htyOhOCantammanythn_nOOOnyany-
U_nOO OnO CantgOak OmOmOrO nObutatthO amO
tmO OnOCangOakOthOmyO
i hOtalk tOhmOlnOUnObOlOVOi LOOyO OVOry
Oay nO WuhO tO dO yO but OOOnt OXgOCt tO nO hO OX-
gOCt tO tay WhOrO hO yO at a a COWClag Onh8 bOlly
yOnUOmuOyOWthOut mOtOnyOWthOut thOu_htyO
OtODallyyO
if he is sure of what he says no he can' t afrm anything
no he may have forgotten many things nO certain lit-
[
9
]
te things ye the little there wa yes such as having cawle
a little yes eaten a l ittle yes thought a l ittle murmured a lit
tle for himself alone yes heard a human voice no he
wouldn' t have forgotten that no brushed agaist a brother
bOOrO mO nOhOWOulOuthaVO Or_OttOn thatnO
hO Want mO tO lOaVO m yO n gOaCO yO WUOut mO
thOrO gOuCOyOWagOuCOyOOVOry OuynO hO thm
1 lOaVO m nO 1 tay WhOrO 1 a yO _luOO tO m yO
tOmOntm_m yO OtOmully yO
but hO Cant m anythn_ nO dOny any_ nO thm_
mayhaVObOOnOmOrOntyOhlOhOrOgau8OY
O
UR L1L
HERE _OOOunO OOOg m UOhOW hOWb thumg aCO m
thOmuOnOOmOuUhOWl8 _OOOhOWhO Cmt
AB
O
VE thOb_ht _OOOnbttlOCOnOmthOmudOrmOmO-
DO O COnO g8t hObnO thO WOrO Or thO akO O gOaCO
HERE hOWlthmOhOCantOrCantanymOrOhOWa8ablO
OnCO hOW t W8 bOOrO thO OthOr Wth thO OthOr atOr thO
OUOrbOOrOmOthObttlOthOrOW8nOmlyalkOmOmybO
hOrO bOOrO Pi WU Pi hOW t W8 thO lttlO thOrO Wa
VO aO t 1VO bOOn ablO 1 Um O8 1 hOar t Oay tO
makOanOnOWthmaWa_tOmOmmuttOthOmuO
guCkQmCkOn1WOntbOablOOUOrnOVOranyPi nOVOr
W8 nOVOr any_ O M U bUO QuCk thOn thO bttlO
that is left add it quick before Bor before he comes to
ak me how it was my lie here before him the l ittle that
is left add it quick how it was after Pim before Bor how
it is
guCkthOn0nOatla8tOgarttWOhOWtW8WthPi lOaV-
[ 98 ]
n_ at at Only gart tmOO anO ast hOW t Wa MtOr m
bOOrO UOm hOW t aym_ a 1 hOar t that OnO Oay all
that OVOry WOrO alWay a I hOar t m mO Uat Wa Wth-
OutguaguaUO VOCO Ou aWhOn UO gantn_ tOg O
mumurnthOmuOtOUOmuOUat OnO Oay COmObaCktO
myOl tO m Why nOt kOW nOt aO rOm UO nOUn_
COmO baCk DOm thO nOUn_ thO urgrO tO bnO myO
alOnOatlastnOmOrOmmOalOnOmUOOarkthOmuOOnO
atl8tOgmttWOhOWtWaWth 1m lOaVn_ at latOmy
gartthrOOanOlasthOWtW8MtOrmbOOrO UOmhOWt
uthathOWtWaWUm
[
99
]
3
hOrO thOn at lat 1 guOtO On gart tmOO hOW t Wa MtOr
m hOW t gt thrOO at lat anO l8t tOWarO WmCh
_htOr Uan a mtant Og allOn O many VOW _h
grayOr WthOut WOrO OVOr mCO thO brt WOrO 1 hOar t
thOwOrOhOw
nOmOrOtmO1 ayta 1hOartmmur tn UOmuO1m
m_ m_ 8t tOO trOn_ nO mOrO hOaO magaUOn
gOnt nOmOrO brOaU
thOV8tg8t nO auO ar thO OlOtOay O thO OXUOmO Old
OVOn thO hummm_-buO knOW 8 thO gan_ mOmOnt a
Uat
thO Vat gat OVOn thO hum_-buO t COmO i DOm thO
r_htI WatChty l_htmn_ Om-CuClO OOal thOn rOgtO
thOnUOnOXt UOn UOn Or OyO ClOOO t grOOrablOhOaO
bOWOO OrnOtbOOrO UOtOm brO blam _OOO mOmOnt
brOblaCk thOnZZuZthOnnOXtathat
athatamOtblmkthatW8OaOODOOaOWUaCOthat
a OOm_WhO 1 alWaymOrO Or lO O lttlO O bttlO thOrO
butthOrOttlOUOrO but UOrO nO altODaUVO
bOOrO m lOn_ bOOrO Wth m Vat traCt O tmO knO
O thOu_hL amO amly dVOr OOubt OmOtOm tOO yO
OmOtOn OmO Wth tO yO tOar mOUOn tOO OmOVO-
mOntbOthgaH anOWhOlOaWhOnhOOt OuttOOOkOut
alOm Ot OuttOOOkOutthOtruOhOmO
thOrO UOn mOrO Or lO mOrO O OlO lO O latO VOry lttlO
UOO lat traCt thOy O thO lat OXtrOmOly lttlO harOly at
all a few seconds on and of enough to mark a life sev-
[ 103 ]
eral lives crosses everyhere indel ible traces
8th8t8lmOtDl8nknOthtn_tO _OtOutOt8lmOlnOthn_
nOUm_ tO gut m U8t thO 8OOOt U8t WOulO DO thO 8O-
dOt m8_tn8tOnOnthO OOCmO h8Vtn_8tt8tnOOthO DOtlOm
Wh8tOnOC8mkn_OnOutOmgtOO
Ot8COnOtn_hO8VOn8ll8tnOg!8COlkOti tDOen
d
Ot nOt U_ U8l lOO U8t dOOnd8DlO D0l i UO mud
h8l Out
nO mOtO DO8O n y C0O D8dly any nO mOtO DO8H [ul
OnOu_DtODO tD8mul Ot t 8 lttlO th8nKul lO DO Ol:ttlO
thOtO 8nO mkn_ a lttlO 8l l8l h8Vn_ 8ttmOO tDO DOl-
lOm
8ttlOChOOHultDO!OyOutOtDOtOtDOmOtOyOutOChOOt-
ul WhOn yOutO thOtO lO tO8t 8 tUO lO WhOn yOutO
UOtO WOtd l8Ckn_ 8ll l8Ckn_ lO lO0t Ot l8Ck O WOtd
l8CkOOOOOVOnDDhtl8Ckm_0lU8tmMOyOuCDOOt-
f tmut DO th8t M th8t8 lttlOmOtO ChOOtul
hOWtW8tD8t!8Ckn_DCOtO1mWtD1m8l1lOl8mOt
8ll nOUn_ lOt 8mOt nOUm_ Dut t dOnO _tO8t DlOn_
lO8Vn_ Only tthOnCO hOW t W8 8tOt 1m hOW t V8t
ttOtChOtmODOOtO1mWU1mV8tD8CtOUO8OW
mnutOOn8nOOb8OOOOugV8tttOtChOtODty8mO C8lO
Om8_mtuOOnOUm_thOtO8mOtnOthn_
ClnCh UO Oy I guOtO On nOt thO DluO thO OUOt 8t thO
D8Ck OO OmOUn_ OmOWhOtO 8tOt 1m th8t 8ll u !Ot
breath i a head nothing left but a head nothing in it al-
[
104
]
most nothing Only breath pant pant hundred to the minute
hold it be it held ten seconds ffteen seconds hear some
thing try and hear a few old wOrO after Pim how it wa
how it is quick
YmguCkatOr1mbOOrOhOVanhOnOVOrWa8 OnlymO
mO 1m hOWtWa8 bOOrO mO Wth mO atOr mOhOWt s
guCk
a aCk braVO COlOur O muO i UO muO gmCk ay a aCk
COOur O t utrOunOn_ haVn_ aumOOt alWay haO t
t OnO Or thO OthOr OOk nO uHhOr What OO that thn_
COulO gObly bO O many thn_ ay aCk OlO WOrO brt
tO COmO OnO ylablO k at thO OnO OOk nO OthOr all WOulO
Vanh a aCk thatWlOOthOWOrO thO thn_t a gObh
thn_n t WOrlO O ttlO gObO yO WOrlO What mOrO
Can yOu ak a gOblO thn_ OO t namO t nO t OO t
OnOu_h nOWrOt1ll bO baCk nO altODatVO OmO Oay
tOg ganUn_ ay What yOu hOm OO What yOu ay ay yOu
OO t ana COlOm OmuO thO hanO n thO aCk guCk ay
an am thOn anOthOr ay anOthOr a OO t trOtChOO taut
a thOu_htOOhOrttOrOaChnOWaOOahanObn_OrgartOd
trOtChOO taut mOnUOus na al Uat ay yOu OO al
tt
abOOyWhatmattOrayabOOyOO abOOyaUOrOmWmtO
` Or_nally OmO l_ht gOt t ay _rOy O har _rOwn_
UthatOnOu_hahOaOayahOaO ayyOuVO OOn ahOaO
athat allthOgOIblOa aCkWthOO a bOOy OntuO alVO
tI yO lVn_ tOg gantn_ lOt t tOg tOn OCOnO btOOn
OCOnO hOar thu brOath tOkOn O lO hOar t aO ay yOu
hOart_OOgantOn
[ 105 ]
onand oha u bome onthewind but not a breath shaq
and Iaint Cod`s oldclapperoldmill uesmgthevoidor
inanothermooda moughitchanged geat shears oIthe
blackoldhagoldermantheworldbomoIn|ghtchckclack
chck clack to threads a second hve every two never
mine
nomoreI`hhenomoreseenomoreyes1musttomakean
endaIewmoreoldwordshndaIewmorenotquitesoold
as when Pmpt two those are doneneverwere butold
toovaststretchoItmethisvoicethesevoicesasbomeon
allthewIndsbutnotabreamanotheranuqmtyahttlemore
recentstoppungletitstoptensecondhIteenseconda
Iew old words on and oh string them together make
phrases
aIewoldimagesalwaysmesamenomorebluetheblue
done never w the sack me ams the body the mud the
darklivmghauandnails allmat
my voice noob|ection back at last a voice back at last i
mymoummymoumnoobjectIonavoiceatLtinthedk
themudunmaginableuactsoItme
tms breathholdt bream beitheld oncetwice perday
andmghtmemematmeanstothoseunderwhomandall
aboveandahaboutmeearthmsandaht whohten
so
f
om onegoaltothenextthatbutIorthIsbreathIwould
Iancy I hear meir htening leet hold it be it held ten
secondsmteensecondst andhear
oIdsoldtalequaquaona sidesthenmmebiLandscraps
tryandhear a Iew scraps two or ueeeachtimeperday
and night string them together make phrases more phra-
[ 106 ]
es the last how it was after Pim how it i something wrOng
UOrO OnO Ogt thrOO anO l8t
t VOCO thOO VOCO nOkOWn_nOt mOanm_ a ChOr nO
nOOnly OnO but guagua mOamn_ On a OO mO_aghOnO
gObly tOChnguO OmOthn_ WrOn_ thOrO
WOn_OrnOVOrtWCOthOamOunlO tmO VattraCta_OO
Out O rOCO_ntOn nOOr OtOnrOhOrtrOn_Or atOr than
bOOrOunlO CknO OnOWthOyOmOtmOga OnOOOb
bOttOrlOWrOtChOOatOrthanbOOrO
unlOrOCOrdn_OnObOntOOruChmOaWhOlOlO_OnOra-
tOmOnObOntOOnOCanma_nOtnOthn_tOgrOVOnt OnO
mu t a ug Chan_O thO natural OrOOr glay abOut wth
that
mO unOhan_n_ atOr all thO VOCO WOrO ta_ O UO
VOCO anOamyaultlaCkOattOntOnWant OmOmOry thO
VarOu UO mbOugnmyhOaO athOVarOu tmO bO-
OrOOun_atOrVattraCtOtmO
anOalWay thO O OlOtm_thOamOOlOthn_gOblO
anO mgOblO Or mO my ault WhO Oan bnO nOtmn_ ObO
whOn UO gantn_ tOg hOar nOthn_ OlO thO amO Old
thn_ Ou Or bVO a Ow aOOHOnt lO abVO ttO
COnO
Un_ ad tO mO aO O mO tO WhOm OlO O WhOm OlO
ClOnCh thO OyO try anO OO anOthOr tO WhOm O WhOm
tO WhOm O mO O WhOm tO mO Or OVOn a thrO ClOnCh UO
OyO tryanOOOathrOmbugathat
quaqua the VOcc O us all who all all those here be-
[
107 ]
fore me and to come alone in this wallow or glued to
gether all the Pims tormentors promoted victims past if it
ever passes and to come that's sure more than ever by the
earth undone its light all those
Iromit I leamIrom it I letwhat littleremained le
whatlittleremainsoIhowitwasbeIore1mwith1maIter
1mdhowitisIorthattooitIoundwords
IorhowitwouldbewhenIhaditnomorebeIoreIhadmine
that vast pit and when I had it at last that vast stretch
how it would be thenwhen I hadmine at last andwhen
Ihaditnomoreminenomorehowitwouldbeuen
uemomentwhenIwouldneedtosayandcouldnotmama
papahearthosesoundslakemythustIorlabiaandcould
notIromthenonwordsIorthatmomentandIollowingvt
stretchoItime
movementsIornothingoIthelowerIacenosomdnoword
andthennoteventhatnoIurtherpomt

omorerelianceto
be placed on that when it`s the last hope look Ior some-
tmngeLehowitwouldbethenwordsIorthat
IromitM thatoIthatsolittlewhatlittleremainsI`venamed
myseUmepantingstopsandIamaninstantthatoldever
dwindmg litde that I uim I hear oI an ancient voice
quaqua on M sides the voice oIus M asmy aswe e
asmanywe`llendweeverendbyhavmgbeensome-
tmgwrongthere
namelydaysoIgeatgaietythickerthanonearthsinceue
ageoIgoldaboveinthehghttheleavesIaUendead
[I06|
OmO On thO bOu_h buttOr On tO thO rOaWakOmn_ blaOk
dead faunting in the green shit yes some in this condi
tion manage two springs a summer and half three-quar
ters
bOOrO 1m thO [OuDOy gart OnO r_ht lO_ r_ht a guh
gull tOn yarO mtOOn yarO halt nag a arOnO Or uOhbkO
tOn_uOnthOmuOa ma_OOrtWOlttlO OOnOmutOWOrO
han_OnOa_anguhgullallthatgartOnObutbOOrOthat
8_au
anOUOrtOrylOaVOtOarknOthOamOtOrynOttOtOrO
lOaVO t Oark all thO amO lO thO rOt a lttlO OarkOr a OW
WOrO all thO amO a OW OlO WOrO lkO Or thO rOt tOg
gantm_lOtttOg
anOhOaraOWOlOWOrOOn8nOObtrn_thOmtO_OthOr
m a gmaO a OW ghraO tQ anO OO hOW t Oan gObly
haVO bOOn nOt bOOrO 1m that OOnO gart OnO bOOrO that
a_an Vat UOtOhOUO
tWOthOrOWOrOtWOOumhanOOnmyarO OmOOnOhaO
COmO UOm UOm OnO yllablO m at thO OnO all that mattOr
OmhaOOOmO tOOlOaVO tOmOOO latOr 1m anO mO IhaO
OOmO tO OlOaVO tO 1m thO O thn_ OXOOgt that mO m
UOmmOUOmlOtmO Outh .

UOm OOmO tO OlOaVO tO mO WhOrO I lay abanOOnOO tO _VO
mO anamOh namO tO_VOmO alOmakOmO taOalO
aOtOhaVObOOnmnOabOVOnUOl_htbOOrO IOllallUO
alrOaOyaOgarttWOWU1manOthOrgarttWObOOrOgart
OnOOXOOgtthatmO1mUOmmOUOmlOtmOOuUIhOt
mmmtnthOmuO
[
10
9 ]
tO_OthOr UOnlOn COmmOnmOUOm hO UOmWOUOmVat
trOtCh O tmO unt UO Oay hOar Oay ay Oay mumur t
dOnt bO ahmOO 8 UOrO WOrO a OaH a mmOmOnt
OlOOatkmOrOOatkUOrO lau_h
Oark br_ht UOO WOrO OaCh tmO thOy COmO m@t day
haOOW b_ht that amuy thO wh tO lau_h OaCh tmO nO
OmOtmO tmOO OVOry tOn Our OVOry mtOOn that raUO t
OmOtmO O raUO uCCOOOOmOtmOOraUO
Ot_htOkthatlyOrOVOQhunOrOOtmOthOyCOmO
tmOOlau_hOutlau_hbrOu_htOHUOkOthatCOnVlsO
an ntant rOmOCt an ntant UOn lOaVO Or dOaOOr than
bOOrO
mU UO day mmm Oay OOnt b ahOd WhOn tO h
mgDO OmOUn_ thOrO UOm alOnO n thO Oark thO muO
anO OnO OrmO thatgaHOr mO tO tO my uDO tO
OmOUm_ thOrO tO 8 1 dOgaH D_ht lO_ r_ht a guh
gutOnyarObtOOnymOtOWarOmmWtU_lOn_lOn_
[OmOy
UmO tO Or_Otal lOO abO_nOrantO alWhOnCO I COmO
WhthOr 1 _O rOguOnthalL brOnag a mOO tOn_O i
thOmuOlO OthOgOOChOOOarly rO_amOO aOW ma_O
KO hOmO ttlOCOnOM haOutOgOCObnOmOVO-
mOnt OthO lOWOrnOOunOlO O thOnOblOnOO UOm
gart OnO bOOrO Pi hOW t Wa Va8t UOtCh O UO t
OOnO
it's come it' s said it' s murured n the mud hOw it
was not before Pi that's done part one before that
agn vast stretch of time very pretty but not right some-
[
110 ]
thing wrong something quite wrong
ts thO aOk 1m lOt mO WthOut h aOk hO lOt h aOk
WthmO1lOtmyaOkWthUOm1lllOaVOmyaOkWthUOm
lOtUOmWthOutmyaOktO_OtOWarO1mtthOaOk
UOm thOn 1 Wa Wth UOm bOOrO _Om_ tOWarO 1m 1 lOt
UOm thOn WthOut my aOk anO yOt that aOk that 1 had
_On_tOWO1mgaHOnOthataOkthat1had
UataCkthOnthat1 dOnOthaVO On lOaVn_ UOm anO that
I haO_Om_tOWarO1mnOtkOWn_1haOlOtanyOnOW8
_On_tOWarOanyOnOthataOkthOnthat1haO1muthaVO
OunO t thOrO rOaOn i mO yOt that aCk WthOut WmOh
uO[OmO
a aOknOOOn_WthOutaaOkWthOutOOWhOnyOu[Om-
uOy a WO haVO OOn hOulO haVO OOn gaH OnO nO OOn_
wUOutthOmtrO_ulatOOthuWOrOrO_ulatOOthU
OaVn_thOnWUOut a aOk 1 had a aOk 1 haOOmOtOn
myWaythOrOthatOmOultyOVOrOOmOWOlOaVOOmaOK
tO thOO WhO OO nOt nOOO thOm WO takO thOr aOk rOm
thOOWhO OOnWnOOO thOmWOlOaVO WthOut a aOkWO
bnOOnOOnOuWayWOCanOOnUnuO OnOuWay
a aOkthat OnOdOOhOrO OnOm_ht ayhaO bOlOn_OO tO
OnOOOaOatlathaVn_lOtt_OatthOlatthOnunkbOnOath
thOmuObutnOanOOamglOaCkgurOanOmglOamall
COal-aOk tO thO OOl bVO tOnO b tOnO WOt [utO OOO n-
OO
a mglO aOk thOn gurO anO mglO Uat nO On-
[
111
]
er on our way without food or thought of ever fnding any
Ot memory of ever having had any or notion of ever need
ing any we fnd no sooner on our way n the dark the mud
for a journey that would otherwise be brief and is not brief
V8t tttCh O tm 8nO t8k untO OutlV 8uO lO 0
l ittle before arival together with the uneaten food as we
have seen part one how it was before Pim
mOt 8Ck ht thu th8u Oul mmtly W [OuOy
mmtly 8nO Wh8t mnt lO WthOut gtObt tht i U8l
UCulty OVtCOmOmUn_WtOn_tht
0tUmt8nt l8V m 8nOthtl8V1m 8nO tu D
8tU8tnt8ntOnhunOtOthOu8uOttOn_thnbtythOu-
88nOOg8ttut bty thOu8nO 8D8nOOnO uO uD uO 8rth
uOthn_tutmn_th8mnt8nt8lW8yVtyWhtO
8tthnt8ntt8Ch1m8nOthttaChmW8tt_u-
8tO thu Out [utC Wll8 t thu bty thOu8nO COugl
8_8m 8l th 8m nt8nt th 8m VtyWht Wth th
m g8C DtWn thm t m8thm8tC8l t Om [utC
m th muCk Wht 8l OntC8 Om W0y 8nO W8y O
8n_t_htl_t_ht a guh gul
0 lOn_ 8 1 WU1m th Otht Wth m 8 hunOtO UOu-
8BO gtOn _luO tWO DytWO tO_tht V8t tttCh Otm
nOUn_ tutn_ 8V th tOmutOt thO WhO tm ti
On8nOo
f
t_ht8H Cl8W th 8Dgt Otth On_ C8C th
CtgtOn8 glun_ thOgntgtlthkOny athnO-
f
8t th n8t8nt 1m l8V m 8uO _O tOW8tO U Otht
Ber leaves the other and comes towards me I place my-
[
11
2 ]
self at my point of view migration of slime-worms then or
tailed latrinal scissiparous frenzy days of great gaiety
at the instant Pim reaches the oter to for again with him
the only couple he fors apart from the one with me Ber
reaches me to for with me the only couple he fors apart
fom the one wit the other
illumination here Ber is terefore Bor or Bor Ber and
the voice quaqua from which 1 get my lie these scraps of
life in me when the panting stops of three thngs one
when according to me it said Ber speaking of how it was
before the jourey part one and Bor speaking of how it
wi be ater the abandon part three and last it said in
reality
it said in realty i te one cae as in the other eiter Ber
solely or solely Bor
or it said in realty now Ber now Bor through caelessness
or iadverence not realzing that it varied 1 personiy it
it personifes itself
or fnally it passed prepensely from the one to the other ac
cording as it spoke of how it was before the jouey or of
how it will be ater te abandon tough ignorance not re
alizing tat Ber and Bor could only be one and the same
tat it was vain to wish for him an uamiliar guise whose
coming it anounced right leg rght ar push pull ten yards
ffteen yard
[ 11
3 ]
Uat hO wa nOCOmly that anCOnt OthOr WhOm t aO I
haO m OrOO thOn OtakOn tO _O tOWarO 1m a 1m mO
U OrOOthOnOtakOntO_OtOWatOh OthOr
tOnOunwttn_ahOrOuwttn_Our[utCO_OnOVOrrOm
nOVOr tOWO
unWttm_thatOaChalwaylOaVOthO mOalWay_OO tO-
watO UOamOalWaylOO thO amOalWay _OO tOWO
hm WhO lOaVO hm alWay lOaVO m whO _OO tOWarO
mOur[utCO
mOnmOnthOrOOmOmOuanOthOrOatOUOO
I glaCO myOl at my gOmt OVOW UOm UOm UOm UOm
lOt u ay UOm t grOOtablO UOm thOn mO anO 1m mO
mthOmOOO
Om mO 1 guOtO OnWhOn thO ganU_ tOg Crag O Uat
anCOntVOCO On tOL OnOt anO OXaCttuOO On u mu-
On Onu thtOOOurCOuglO [OmOy anO abanOOn On mO
aOnO1guOtOOnmyma_nary[OmOyma_nmbrOUOt
mmOWhOnthO gantn_ tOg UatWa WthOut guagua On
aOO bt anO Crag 1mmurthOm
a VOCOWhCh 1 haO a VOCO 1 m_hthaVO takOn Or mnO
whChatthOmtant1hOart1guOtOOnu aLOhOarObym
WhOm UOm lOt tO COmO tOWmO8 mO anO by m tO _O tO
WarO8 WhOm 1m lOtmO anOWO O a mOn UOn_by
thOOUOr4
997
abanOOnOO
thO amO VOCO UO amO Um_ nOUn_ Chan_m_ but thO
namO anO hatOy thOy tWO arO OnOu_h nmOlO OaCh
aWat h UOm namOlO _OO tOWmO h 1m
[ 114 ]
OmtOthO abanOOnOOnOtmO UOm yOu UOm WO Om but
mOUOmyOu 1m 1 tOthO abanOOnOO nOtmO1m yOum
WO1mbutmOUOmyOu1mOmOthn_VOQWOu_thOrO
OOtODM y1guOtOOnOmOUn_lOtthOrOOOtODalynOw
Om nOW 1m OmOUn_ WOn_ thOrO aCCOtOn_ a lOt Or
r_ht uOrU Or Outh tOmOntOr Or VCUm thOO WOrO tO
trOn_tOmOntOralWay O thO mO anO VCtm aWay O
thO amO anO nOW alOnO [OuDOyn_ abanOOnOO al alOnO
nOlO all thOO WOrO tOO trOu_ almOt al a ttlO tOO
trOn_I ayta1hOart
or OnOalOuOOnOnamO alOnO thOnOblOumOO m anO I
hOarWrOn_OrthOVOCOayWrOn_anOWhOn1hOarUOmOr
t ay UOm n mO WhOn thO gantn_ tOg thO Crag Om
thatWa WthOut guagua On al OO
WhOnI hOarOrnaCttaythatbOOrO _On_tOWarOm
gartOnOI WaWthUOmamWthmOgtto
anOthatatth mOmOntgartthrOOD_htlO_r_hta puh
gmUOmtOWOmOaI tOWarO 1mgmOnO
t m that hOulO bO hOO m that hOulO haVO bOOn
aOthatI WaWth1mbOOrO_On_tOWarO1mgtOnO
anO that at t mOmOnt gart thrOO 1m tOWO mO a I
tOWarO m gt OnO r_ht lO_ r_ht a guh gull tOn
yarObtOOuyO
a mOnthOnammOntrOn_amlbOnmnOWmOtOn-
Oa__lutnatOOtWObytWOnthOntOrOt OtOmOnttO
UOn_bVOhunOrOOthOuandlttlOhOagOlOmOmuOanO
uOWa thOumOthOuauOnamOlO OltarO halabanOOn-
[ 1
1
5 ]
ed half abandonig
and three three when in me the pantg stops this voice
which was without quaqua on all sides when 1hear it speak
of millons and of three which 1 had a voice 1 quote a
lttle heart a little head 1 might take for mine then 1 alone
hea it who alone a abandoned
alone murur of milions and of three our joueys couples
and abandons and the name we give to one another and
give and give agai
aone hear these scraps and muur them in te mud to the
mud my two companions as we have seen being on thei
way he who ucoming towads me and he who is going from
me somethng wrong there that is to say each i h part
one
or i h pa fve or ne or tteen so on
crrect
whereas te voice as we have seen peculia to pa tee
or seven or eleven or ffteen so on jut as te couple to par
to or four or si or eight so on
corect
asuming one prefers the order here proposed namely one
the jouey two te couple tee the abandon to that to
those to be obtained by stating wit the abandon and end
ing wit the journey by way of te couple or by stang
wit te couple and ending with the
[
116 ]
WthUOCOuglO
byWayOthO abanOOn
OrOthO[OmOy
COCOCt
OmOthn_wrOn_thOrO
anO i On thO COntraQ 1 alOnO thOn nO urthOr grOblOm a
OluUOn whCh wthOut a OrOu OOrt O thO ma_naUOn
tWOulO OOmOmCulttOaVOO
a Or OXamglO Our COutO a ClOOO CuFO anO lOt u b
numbOrOO 1 tO1000000 thOnnumbOr1000000 OnlOaVn_hu
tOmOntOr numbOr 999999 ntOaO O launChn_ Otth ntO
thO WOODO tOWarO an nOXtOnt VCtm grOCOO tO
warO numbOr 1
anOnumbOr 1 OrakOnbyhVCtmnumbOr
2
OOO nOtrO-
man OtODally bOrOt O tOrmOntOr nCO th lattOr a wO
haVO OOn nthOgOrOn OnumbOr 1000000 u aggrOaChn_
Wth all thO gOOO hO Can mutOr r_ht lO_ r_ht a guh
gulltOnyarObtOOnyO
anO thrOO Omy thrOO O u anO OnumbOrOO Only 1 tO 3
Our rathOr t grOOrablO COarOr gCturO Only Our O u
anOOnumbOrOO Omy 1 tO4
thOnlOglaCO OnlyatthOOXtrOmtOOthO_rOatOtChOrd
ayAanOUOrthOOmCOuglO thOOurabanOOnOO
[ 117 ]
wO traCK Only O a Om-Orbt OaCh ay hOw hM WO a
A mOAOrUOtraVOlOr
OtmOOrOXglObOnumbOrOO 1 tnOtakn_a_rOatdOa
anOata_VOnmOmOntbnOmyOlabanOOnOOthatutOay
a_auabanOOnOOatthOOXUOmtyAOthO _rOatChOrOmd
aumn_WOt dOal
thOnbOrOICanbnOmyOa_auatUOOgOmtandm
muChUOamOtatO Ih8lhaVObOOnuCCOVOly
VCtm O numOOr 4 at A On rOutO alOn_ AU tOmOntOr O
numbOr 2 at B aOunOOnOO a_a but th tmO at U VCtm
a_anOnumbOr4 OutUUmOatU OnrOutOa_amOutt
tmOalOn_BA tOmOntOrOnmOOr2 a_mnbuttmtmOat
A anO bnay abauOOnOO a_am at A anO a Ot tO bO_n
a_am
COCOCt
OrOaCh OnO O u thOn OnlyOm O ubOOrOthO ita
tuatOn Can bO rOtOrOO tWO abanOOn tWO [OmOy Om
COugbn_ O WhCh tWO On thO Ot Or nOH tOmOntn_
aWay thO O mmy CaOnumbOr2 anO tWO OnthO r_ht
Or Outh tOHOntOOalWay by thO amOnmy CaO nmbOr
4
0OrnumbOr
3
IOOnOtkOWhmnOrCOmOguOntyhOme
[utanumbOr2 anOnumOOr
4
OOnOtkOWOaChOUOr
Or OaCh Ou thOn Only Om Ou OnO O u Or OVOr u
kOWnOrkOWnOnybyrOgutO thOrOLthatgObmty
I frequent number 4 and number 2 i my quality of vi-
[ 118 ]
tim and tormentor respectively and number 2 and number
4 frequent number 3 in their qual ity o tormentor and
victim respectively
possibletheninprinciplethattonumber
3
ontheonehand
through my victim whose victim he is and on the other
throughmytomentorwhosetormentorheisposs|bIethen
repeat I quote In prInciple that tonumber
3
amnot a
totalstrangerwithoutomeverhavingoccasiontomeet
similarlyamillIonstrongeachknowspersonallyonlyms
tomentor andvictmin otherwordshmwhocomes im-
mediatelybehindhmandm whogoes immed|atelybe-
foreh
andbythem aoneispersonallyknown
butmayquiteconceivablyinprincipleknowbyrepute the
999997
omerswhombyvIrtueolmspositIonm theround
hehasneveroccasiontomeet
andbyreputebythembeknown
for take twenty consecutive nmbers
no matterwhichnomatterwmchitisirrelevant
814326 to8
1434
5
nmber8
14327 mayspeakmisnomerthetomentorsbeing
muteaswehaveseenparttwomayspeakoInumber814326
tonmber
81
4328 whomayspeakoIhmtonumber814329
whomayspeakolhtonumber8
14
3
3
0 andsoontonm-
[ 119
]
ber814
3
4
5
whointhis waymayknow number 814326 by
repute
similarly number 814
3
26 may know by repute number
81434
5
number 814344 having spoken oI hm to number
814343 andthislasttonmber814342 andthislasttonm-
ber814341 andsobacktonumber81
43
26 whoinmisway
mayknownumber81434
5
byrepute
rumourtransmissibleadinhnitumineitherdirecuon
IromleIttorightthroughtheconhdencesoIthetomentor
tohisvictimwho repeats them toh
Irom right toleIt throughthe comdencesoIthe victim to
mstomentorwhorepeatsthemtohis
allmesewords IrepeatI quote onvictmstomentorscon-
hdences repeat quote I andtheothers aUthesewords too
strongIsayitagainasIhearitagainmmuritagaintothe
mudmmtum alone comensmate wth us
butquestiontowhatpmpose
Iorwhennumber814336 describesnumber81
4337 tonm-
ber81433
5
andnumber81433
5
tonumber814337 Iorexam-
ple heismerelyinIact describing hmseU to two liIelong
acquaintances
sotowhatpurpose
moreoverthethingwouldappeartobeimpossible
[
120
]
lornumber81
433
6 a wehaveseenbythetimehereaches
number 81
4337
has longsinceIorgotten allhe everkew
oI nmber 81
4335
as completely as though he had never
been and by the time number
814335
reaches him a we
havealsoseenhaslongsinceIorgottenaheeverkewol
number 8
14
337 vast stretch oItime
sotrueituthathereonekowsone`stomentoronlyaslong
asittakes tosuherhmandone`s victimonIyas Iongasit
takestoen|oymi aslong
andthesesamecouplesthatetemalIyIomandlomag
allalongthisimmensecircmtthatthemiUonthtimethat`s
conceivable is as the inconceivabIe hrst and aIways two
snangersunitingintheinterestsoItoment
andwhenonmeunpredictablearselorthemilhonthtme
the gropinghanddescends thatIorthe handitis the hrst
arseIorthearsethehrsthand
somethingwrongthere
sotmethepantingstops1 heit1 mumurittothemud
sotrueallthatu
sonoacquaintancebyhearsayandasIorthe other orper-
sonal acquired by Irequentation that which wim his tor-
mentorontheonehandwithh victimonthe other each
oneoIusmayboasta Iorit
whenyoutmoImecoupIewewerePmand1 parttwo
andshallbeagainpartsutenIourteensooneachtimeIor
theuntmablehrstwhenyouthinkoIthat
[
121
]
whatweweretheneachIormseIlandlortheother
gluedtogetherlikeasingIebodym thedarkthemud
how at each instant each ceed and w mere no more
eimerIormmsedorIortheomervastnactsoItime
andwhenwecamebacktobetogetherloranmtantagam
whenyouthnkoIthat
crueItysuheringsopaIdbneI
thepaInyneedoIaIIIeavoiceolonewhohneither
thevoiceextortedaIewwordsmebecauseoIcrythat`sthe
prooI good and deep nomore u needed a httle cryaIIu
notdeadonedinksonegivestodrmgoodbye
deywere 1 quote goodmoments somehow orother good
momentswhenyouthink
PmandmepttwoandBomandmepanIourwhatmat
wibe
tosayaIterthatmatwekeweach otherpersonay even
then
gIuedtogetherlikeasingIebodyinthedarkthemud
motionlessbutIoronerighta brieIurryonandoIaIlthe
needul
[
12
]
lO0y0tOtth8tth0tknOW1mth8t1mkOWmO0nOOm
andth8tWOh0llkOWO0ChOthOtOVOnbOOUn_ly
_Ou m0y 0y yO 0nO yOu m8y 0y nO t OOgOnO On Wh0l
yOuhO0t
tnOm OnynOOnOhOtOkOW0nyOnO OthOtgOtOn0-
yOt OthOtO t UOnOU0ttm ug mmutl
anOnO0_8nmOtty0_0nnOOnODOtOkOWhmOt
lhO gl0CO WthOut kOWlOO_O WhOnCO nO dOuDl t gOOt-
OnO
WDOthOt Out thOn tOVOlVn_ Ot 8 mm On Out tt0n_Ot 0
mOn tt8n_Ot lO thOmOlVO tO OnO 0nOthOt Dut hOtO I
guOtO OnWO dO nOt tOVOVO
U0t 0DOVO n thO l_ht WhOtO UOt g0CO i mO0mOO
DOtOUOtt0_htlnOthOtt0_htlnOO0lWmdtt0n_O0nO
dO0thmthOWOta 0DO
OnOthOtOutnOt0mm On
nOt tOn mlOn nOt tWOntymllOn nOt 8ny bntO nmbOt
OVOnOtunOVOnhOWOVOt_tO8tDOC0uOOOut[utCOWhCh
W th8t nOt OnO WOtO WO bty mllOn nOt 0 n_O OnO
0mOn_ u DO WtOn_C
nOt OnO OOQtVOO O tOHOntOt a numDOt 1 WOulO DO nOt
OnO dOQrVOO O VCtm 8 numDOt
5
0000000 WOulO bO 8-
umn_thl8ttOt8tthOhO8OOthOQtOCOOnWhChWOnO
0WOh8VOOOntOmlOttOt_htOtyOuQtOOttOmWOt
tOO8t
[
123
]
andthattherebeneveroheredtotheeyesol
olwhom
olhimmchargeolthesacks
possible
to ms eyes me spectacle on me onehandol a single one
amongu towardwhomnooneevergoesandonmeother
oIasmgleotherwhonevergoestowardsanyoneitwouldbe
anin|usbceandthati abovem thelight
motherwordsmsimplewords quoteoneither amalone
andnolurmerproblemoreLeweareinnmerableandno
lumerproblem eimer
savethatolconceivgbutnodoubtitcbedoneapro-
cession m a sught linewthneither head nor tam me
dark the mud wim ab the varous mnimdes that such a
conceptionmvolves
nomgtobedoneinanycasewehaveourbeingmjusuce
haveneverheardanyingtoueconuary
withthatoIaslownessdcultto conceive theproession
wearetaUingoIaprocessionadvancingin|erksorspasms
Leshitinthegt tillonewondersdaysoIgreatgaie[u
weshallnotend one ater another ortwobytwobybeing
shat into me open an the hght oI day the regmen ol
grace
a slowness oI which hgures alone however biuary cau
giveaIeebleidea
[
1
2
]
abowing then 1 quote twenty years lor the jomey and
kowIng Iurthemore hom having hed so that the Iom
phasesthroughwhIchwepassthetwokIndsoIsolitudeme
two kinds oI company mrough which tomentors aban-
donedvIctms navellers wealIpass and ps again being
regulatedthusareolequalduration
kowingfurthemorebythesamecourtesythatthejoumey
is accomphshed in stages ten yards hIteen yards at the
rateoIsay it`sreasonable tosay one stage permonth thIs
wordthese words months years 1 mumurthem
lourbytwenty eightytwelveandhahbytwelve onehun-
dredandhItybytwentythreethousanddivdedbyeighty
uty-sevenandahahthiny-seventotmty-eightsayIorty
yards a yearweadvance
correct
hom lelt toright we advance each one advances and all
advancelromwesttoeastyearmyearoutinthedarkthe
mudm toment and sohtude at the speed oI mIrty-seven
tourq-eightsayIonyyardsayearweadvance
suchtheIeebleideaoIourslownessgivenbythesehgures
oIwmch It is sumcient to admit and no doubt it can be
doneontheonehandmat assignedtotheduration oIme
journey and on the otherthose expressing the lengthand
IrequencyoIthestagetoobtainthisIeebleideaoIourslow-
ness
our slowness the slowness oI our procession lrom leIt to
rightinthedarkthemud
[ 125 ]
animageinitsdiscontinuityoIthe |omeys oIwhichit is
thesummadeupoIstagesandoIhalts andoIthose stages
oIwhichthe|oumeyis thesm
whenwe crawl in anambleright legright a pushpull
atonIacemutemaledicuonsleItlegleIta pushpuhhat
onIacemutemaledicuonstenyardshlteenyardshalt
allthatoncewimoutquaquaonallsidesnowmmewhen
thepanting stops a that Iainter weaker but still audible
lessclearbutmepurportmmewhenmepantingstops
andthatheremtruthalIdiscontmuous|omeyimagestor-
ment even solItude part three when a voice speaks then
stopsaIewscrapsthennothingmoresavethedkthemud
alIdLcontmuoussavethedkmemud
an image too oI this voice ten words hIteen words long
silence ten words hIteenwords long silence long solItude
oncewithoutquaquaonasidesvaststretchoItmemenm
mewhenthepantingstopsscraps
!romiteverythingIkowhowitwasbeIorePmbeIorethat
again with Pim after Pim how it i words for that too
how it will be words for that in a word my l ife vast tracts
ol time
Ihearmeagammummmemmemudandamagain
me|omeyI made inthedarkthemudstraightme sack
tied tomy neck never quite IalIen Irom my species ad 1
made that|omey
[
126
]
mensomething ehe and1 did`t make it then again and 1
made itagain
andPimhowIoundhimmadeh suhermadehimspeak
dlosthimandallthatwhileitlasts1 haditallwhenme
pantingstops
andhowtherearethreeolusIouramillionandthereJ a
always was withPimBom andanotherand
9
9
9
997 others
jomeying alone rottmg alone martyring and being mar-
tyredohmoderatelyIistlesslya httlebloodaIew cries hIe
aboveinthelightaIittle blue little scenesIorthetmrstIor
thesakeoIpeace
and how there camot beonlythree ol us onlyIom only
a milhon and there 1 a always was with Pim Bom m-
numerableothersinaprocessionwithoutendorbeginmg
IanguidlywendingIromleIttorightstraighthneeastward
suange m the dark the mud sandwiched between victm
dtomentorandhowthesewordsnotweakenoughmost
oIthemnotquiteenough
oraloneandnolurtherproblem never anyPim never any
Bom never any |ourney never anything but the dark the
mud the sack perhaps too it seems constant too d this
voicewmchknowsnotwhatitsaysor1 hearwrongwhich
i 1 hadavoicea littlehetahttle head 1 mighttakelor
mineoncewithoutquaquaonallsidestheninmewhenthe
pantmg stops Iaintnow scarce a breath
allthat allthatwhileitlastsalIthosekind oI liveswhen
thepantingstops haditallit depends onwhatyouhear
knew it all did and sufered as the case may be i the pres-
[
127
]
ent too and in the future that's sure a matter o| hearing
nothing more when the panting stops ten seconds ffteen
seconds all those kinds of l ives bits and scraps murmur
them to the mud
and hnally how now the panting wildermore andmore
animalinwantoIrandtostopitagainIorittostopag
sowIIda pantingandthis voice tohearitagainthatwas
withoutquaquaonalsides nowinmewhen the panting
stopshowthatwsoonnodoubtbepossiblenomore
atthatmoment1 quote onIrom thatmoment onandIol-
lowing 1 beIng this voice these scraps nothing more sha
atlastbenomorebutwithoutceasingIorsucha triheend
oIpartthreeandlastitmustbealmostended
thatyesapantingmthemudtothatitalIcomesmtheend
the|ourneythe couple the abandonwhen the whole tale
i toldthetomentoryouaresdtohavehadthenlostthe
|oumeyyouaresaidtohavemadethevIctimyouaresaid
to have had men lost the images the sackthe littleIables
oIabovehttlescenes a lIttleblueinIemahomes
thevoicequaquaonallsidesthenwithIninthehttlevault
emptyclosedeIghtplanesbone-whitetherewerealIght
a tinyeabwouldbewhitetenwordshIteenwordshke
a IumeoIsighswhenthepanbng stops thenthe stomthe
breath token oI lIIe part tmee and last It must be nearly
ended
then thatyouhaveyourlIIeandthatyou had it the long
| omeysandcompanyoIyourhkeslostandIorsakenwhen
the panting stops to that it all comes in the end a pant-
[
12
8 ]
ing in the dark the mud not unl ike certain laughs but
nOt OnC
OtthOnthataOO_n8 anOthOnthOuO yOuhaVOthOtOt-
mOntOt yOu haVO thO [OutnOy yOu makO thO VCtm
yOuhaVOthO tObVO8 UOtmOObVO8 thO bOyOuhaOUO
bOyOu haVO thO uOyOuhaVO
hatO tO COnCOVO tm lat WhOn ntOaO O D_mn_ a
U8VOOt 1 OO_naVCtm 0nO ntOaOOCOnUnun_a8 tOt-
mOntOt ICOntnuOa UaVOOtanO n8tOaO O OnOn_ aOan-
dOnOO
mtOaO OOnOm_ aOanOOnOI OnOa8 tOHOntOt
thOO88OntalWOulO8OOm tOOOlaCkn_
t OtuOOWhOnUOVOCOtOCOunLtOlOmOamObVn_
t
my mO WOtOtakn_ O my mO
unlO8ttOCOunttUOVOCOmy mOdmn_thatOthOt Ob-
tuOO WhOn I[OmOy that L tO ay n8tOaO O a btt g8t 8
8OCOnO gat 0O a gtOOnt a ga8t a gtOOnt anO a utuO
OmOthn_WtOn_thOtO
tOHOhn_ atOOatOn OhtOtygtOghO8y anO atOt nOW8
WhOtOOyIOaOnt t nO OOuOt WhatkOOg mOyOm_
hOWtWa8my mO WOtO tltan_Omy O
hOWtWaOOOtO1mhOWtWa8Wth1mhOWt8gtOOnt
OmulatOn
_ 1ZJ j
how it was with Bor how it is how it will be wit Pim
how it is how it will be wit Bor how it will be before
Pi
how it was my lie still with Pim how it is how it will be wit
Bor
feeting ipression 1quote that in tying to present in thet
parts or episodes a a which all things considered i
volves fou one is in danger of beig incomplete
tat to this thd pat now endig at last a fouh should
norally be appended i whch would be seen among a
thousand and one oter things scacely or not at all to be
seen in the present forulation ths thing
itead of me sticking the opener ito Pim' s arse Bor stck
ig it ito mie
and istead of Pim's cries his song and exorted voice be
heard indistinguishably simila mie
but we shal never see Bor at work 1shall pant on in abey
ance i te dak te mud te voice being so ordered 1quote
that of our total lfe it states ony thee quarters
now the frst second and thd now the fouh frst and
second
now te thid fourt and frst now the second thid and
fou
[
130
]
somethIngwrongthere
andsoorderedthatitu loathIortheepisodecoupleevenm
itstwoIold aspecttohgure twice inthe same communica-
uonaswouldbethe case insteadoIhavingmebegin as
travellerpresentIomulationorasabandonedpossibleIor-
mulationithadmebegina tomentororasvictim
needthentoemendwhathas|ustbeensaidinwhichitsuc-
ceedbysayinginits steadthatoItheIourtmeequters
oIourtotalme onlythreelendthemselves tocommunica-
uon
the three quarters oI which the hrst the |omey present
fomulation and the three quarters oIwhich the hrst the
abandonIomulationequabydeIendable
loatmg most understandable it be kindly considered
that the to solitudes that oI the | omey and that oIthe
abandon dmer appreciably and consequently merit sep-
arate treamentwhereas the two couples that i which 1
hgmem thenorthastomentorandthatm which1 hgure
i thesouthasvictmcomposethesamespectacIeexactly
having already appeared with Pim in my quality oI tor-
mentor part two 1 have not to take cognizance oI a part
fourinwhich1 would appearwith Bom m myquahtyoI
victmitissumcientIortmsepisodetobeannouncedBom
comesrightlegrighta pushpuUtenyardshIteenyards
oremotions sensatiom take asuddeninteresti them and
eventhenwhatmeIuckIquote does itmatterwhosuEers
laintwaverherelamttremor
[ 131
]
deIuckwhosm erswhomakes tosuEerwhocries whoto
be leIt in peace in the dk the mud gibbers ten seconds
hIteensecondsoIsuncloudsethseapatchesoIblueclear
nights and oI a creature not sti standing stiIl capable
oI standing always the same magination spent loking
IoraholemathemaybeseennomoremthemiddleoIuis
IaerywhodinksthatdropoIpissoIbeingdwhowithhis
lastgasppissesittodrimthemomentit`ssomeoneeachi
histm our|usticeWuL andnever any end itwithat
tooalldeadornone
to possible Iormulations thereIore the present d mat
otherbeginnmgwherethepresentendandconsequently
endingwiththe|oumeyinthedarkmemudtheuaveUer
right legright a push puU coming so utterly Irom no-
wherednoone and soutterlyonhiswaymerethathe
has never ceased Irom travelling wi never cease !rom
travelhng dragging ms sack where provisiom are dw-
dlingbutnot soIastasappetite
that cogmance then oI the present commcauon be
taken backwd and once studied !rom leIt to nght L
courseberetracedIromnghttoleItnoob|ection
oncondtionthat by an ehort oI uemagination the su
centralepLodeoImecouplebedulyad|usted
allmatoncewithoutscrapsm mewhenthepantingstops
tensecondshIteensecondsathatIainterweakerlessclear
butthepmouinmewhenitabatesmebreamwe`retalk-
ingoIabreamtokenoIlewhenitabateslikealastinthe
l ight then resumes a hundred and ten ffteen to the min-
[
13
2 ]
ute when it abates ten seconds ffteen seconds
it`sthenI hearitmylileherealilesomewheresaidtohave
been mie still mine and still i store bits and scraps
strung together vast stretch of time an old tale my old
l ife each time Pim leaves me till Bom fnds me it is
there
wordsquaquauenm mewhenthepantmgstopsbitsand
scraps a murmur tm old me same old words same old
scrapsmimonsoltmeseachmethehrsthowItwasbeIore
PmbelorethatagamwIuPimalterPImbeloreBomhow
itishowitwIllbeallthatwords lor M thatmme1 hear
themmumurthem
myhletensecondshlteenseconds It`sthenI haveitmur-
muritIt`s preIerable more logical brielmovements olthe
Iowerlacewithmummmthemud
Oa ancientvoiceIll-spokenill-heardmumurusomean-
cientscrapsIorKramwholistens Krimwhonotes orKram
alone one Is enough Kr alone witness and scribe his
IampstheIrhghtuponmeKramwithmebendingoverme
tmtheage-limitthenmssonhisson`ssonsoon
withmewhen1 |omeywithmewIthPmwiumeaban-
donedpartthreeandlastwithmewithBomIromagetoage
thenlpstheirlightuponme
theu books where alI Is noted whatever httle there is to
notemydoingsmymmurtensecondshIteensecondspan
mreeandlastpresentlormulatIon
[ 133 ]
my le a voice wthout quaqua on all sides words scraps
then nothing then again more words more scraps the same
ill-spoken il-heard then notng vast stretch of time then
in me in the vault bone-white uthere were a lght bit and
scraps ten seconds ffteen seconds ill-heard ill-murured
ill-head il-recorded my whole life a gibberish garbled si
fold
te panting stops 1 hear itmy life I have it muur it it's
preferable more logical for h to note ad u we are i
numerable then Kas innumerable uyou like or one alone
my X mine alone he's enough here where j utice reign
one lfe all lfe not to lives our justice one Kam not one of
us there's reason in me yet his son begets h son leaves te
light Xgos back up into te light to end his days
or no h that too when the pantg stops an ear above
somewhere above and unto it the muru ascendg ad u
we are inumerable then muurs inuerable al alie
our justice one lfe everhere i-told ill-heard quaqua on
al sides ten within when the pantig stops ten seconds
ffteen seconds in the ltle chamber all bone-white u there
were a lght oakum of old words il-head il-muued
tat muur those mururs
falen in te mud from our mouth inumerable and ascend
ig to where there i an ear a mid to understand a means of
noting a care for us the wish to note the curiosity to under
stand an ear to hear even il these scraps of other scraps of
an antique rigarole
1
emorial imperishabl e l ike us the ear we
'
re tlk-
[
1
3]
ing of an ear above in the l ight and in that case for us days
of great gaiety in that untiring listening to this unchanging
dronetheIaintsignIorusoIachangesomedaynayevenof
anendinallhonomandjustice
or for which as for us each time the frst and in that case no
problem
oroItheIragilekindmadeIortheblackbndswhentoue
daythelongnIghtyieldsatlastandtothemghtalittlelater
meintemmabledaybutu this liIe howitwashowitis
howmost certamly itw be notmadeIorthata second
time next per shaving and m mat case no smrise to be
expectedeither
allthat among other things somany omers ill-spoken ill-
heard ill-remembered to ue sole end that there may be
white onwhite trace oI so many and so many words ib-
givenill-receivedib-renderedtothemudandwhoseearm
theseconditiom the gt oIunderstanding the care Ior us
uemeamoInotingwhatdoesitmatter
whosehLinchargeoIthesacksuesackspossibleandIood
thesewordsagainthesacka wehaveseen
thesack as wehave seen uere bemgoccasions when the
sacka we haveseenismoreuanamere larder Iorusyes
momentswheniIneedsbeitmayappearmorethanamere
larderto us
those words of old in their place of old end of part
three and last present formulation at the end before the si-
[ 135 ]
lence the panttng without pause the antmal n want of air
the mOutb murmurtng them tO the mud and the cOnttnu-
ation of old when the panting stops ten words ffteen wOrds
a murmur to the mud
andatOtmuChlatOtUOOaOOnmyLOOWhOnttOga_an
tOnmOtO btOOnmOtOnmOammmutCatCO a OtOath thOn
tOmmOuthtOmuOOtOk OtuhOlgantk8
namOy ttn_ thOm tO_OthOt at tOaOnn_ namOy UOO
8aCk UOOaCk OnOmutunOOttanO anOunOOttand
UOO aCk mmOtaOlO Wth u hOtO Ot Out [OmOy u-
BmOtaOOOnthnaOWttaCkOnOOOttWOOOt ahOtOm
gOtOn altOaOy lkO ualhOtOngOtOnatthOmCOnCOV-
aOlO8tattOthCaraVannOmgOOlO
mgOOO Uat at at OVOty [OmOy WO hOulOhaVO haO tO
sCalO a mOuntan OaCk aDOhOulO thaVO andhOud
Ot OVOt haVO OaCh OnO O u at OVOty [OmOy m OtOOt tO
IOaCh h VCtm tOCalO a mOuntan O 8aCk Out gtO_tO8
a WOhaVO OOnWhlOaOmttOOylaOOtOu yOt thO tODan
thOtODamttyanOunOOttanOnOaCCOOntnOagOttOOut
[uUCO
lat tOaOnn_ lat b_utO numOOt 777777 lOaVO numOOt
777776 Onm WayunWttn_tOWarO numOOt777778 bnO8
thO aCk WthOut WhCh hO WOulO nOt _O at takO t untO
hmOl anO COntnuO On h Way thO amO tO OO takOn
Oy numOOr 777776 n h tuD anO atOt hm Oy numOOt
77777
5 anOOOaCktOthOunma_naOlOnumOOt1 OaChOnO
nOOOnOrOnhWayUanhObnOthO aCknOgOnaOOtO
h [OuDOy anO nOt tO bO tOmguhOO t a bttlO OOOrO
attValaWOhaVO OOn
[ 136 ]
whence allthe sack inpositionIike us atthe begiming
thathypothesissuchanacervationoIsacksonthetracknay
concentratedinalittleroomsinceeachhndshisaswehave
seenhissackwearetalkingoIomsacks nosoonerhistor-
mentorIorsakenashemustiIheLevertoreachhisvictm
aswehaveseenmsvictmLevertobereached
such an aceration ol sacks at the very outset that al
progressimpossibleandnosoonerimpanetomecaravan
theunthinkablemst mpulsion than anestedIor ever and
lrozenmin|ustice
thenlromlelttorightorwesttoeasttheanociousspectac!e
onintothe blackmght oIboundlessIuturityoI the aban-
donedtormentornevertobevictimthenalittlespacethen
his brieI|omeydone prostrate atthe loot oI a mountain
oIprovisionsmevictimnevertobetomentorthenagreat
spacethenanotherabandonedsoonimmtely
forcleara daythatsimilarlyobstrctedwithoutexception
each and every section oItrackor segment between con-
secutive coupes consecutive abandons according as one
considersittheuackwe`retagoIthetrackitssections
or segments beIore the departures or during the |ourneys
mepantingstopsandclearasdaythatsimilarlyobstructed
withoutexceptioneachand every section orsegment and
Iorthesamereasonsour|ustice
thusneedIorthebillionthtimepartmreeandlastpresent
IomulationattheendbeIorethesilencethepantingwith-
outpauseiIwearetobepossibleourcouphngs|ourneysand
abandons needoI one not one oIus anintelhgence some-
[
137
]
where a love who all along the track at the right places
accordingasweneedthemdepositsoursacks
tenyardshIteenyardstotheeastoIthecouplestheaban-
doned according as deposited beIore the deparmres or
dmingthejoumeysthosearetherightplaces
and to whom given our nmber not unreasonable to at-
nibuteexceptionalpowersorelseathisbeckassistantsm-
numerable and towhom in pursuance oIthe principle ol
parsmonynotexcessiveattimestensecondshIteenseconds
toassign the earwhich X elminatedom mmur de-
mdsotherwisedeserthower
andmatminimumoIintelIigencewimoutwmchitwerean
earlIke ours andthat strangecare Ior us nottobeIound
ongus andmewish andabilitytonote whichwehave
not
cmulationolomcesmostunderstandableitwillbekind-
ly considered that to hear and note one oI om mmm
utohearandnotethemall
andsuddenlIghtonthesacksatwhatmomentrenewedat
somemomentintheliIeoIthecouplessinceitiswhilethe
victm |ourneys as we have seen and indeed see mat the
abandonedtormentormummsorelseringtheknellwhe
lolIowingthehearseit`spossibletoothere`sapoorhght
andtowhomattimesnotextravaganttomputethatvoice
quaquathevoiceoIusalloIwhichnowwhenthepantIng
stops tenseconds hIteenseconds dehmtely the last scraps
tohavecomedowntousandinwhatastate
[ 138
]
there he i then at last that not one of us there we are then
at last who listens to himsel and who when he lends his
ear to our murur does no more than lend it to a story of
h own devising ill-inspired ill-told and so ancient so for
gotten at each telling that ours may seem faithful that we
murur to the mud to m
and this life i the dark and mud its joys ad sorrows jour
neys intimacies and abandons as with a single voice
perpetually broken now one hal f of us and now the other
we exhale it pretty much the same as the one he had
devised
and of whch untiringly every tenty or forty years ac
cording to certain of our fgures he recalls to our abandoned
the essential features
and ths anonymous voice self-styled quaqua the voice of us
all that was without on all sides then in us when the pant
ing stops bits and scraps barely audible certainly distorted
there it is at last the voice of him who before listening to
us murur what we are tell us what we are as best he
can
of him to whom we are further indebted for our un
failing rations which inable us to advance without pause
or rest
of him who God knows who could blame him must some
times wonder uto these perpetual revictuallings naration
and auditions he might not put an end without ceasing to
maintain us in some kind of being wthout end and some
kind of justice without faw who could blame him
[
1
39
]
and fnally he might not with proft revise us by mean
for example of a pronouncement to the efect that this d
versit is not ou portion nor these refreshg tansiton
from soltary travelers to torentors of ou immediate fel
lows and from abandoned torentors to their vctis
nor al t black air that breathes through ou ran and
enshres as i a thebaid ou couples and ou soltudes a
wel of te jouey as of the abadon
but that in realty we are one and a from the uthable
frst to te no less untnable last glued together i a vast
ibricaton of fesh witout breach or fssue
for a we have seen part two how it was wit Pi te
comig into contact of mouth and ear lead to a slght over
lapping of fesh i te region of the shoulders
and that lied tus bodly together each one of us is at te
sae te Bor and Pi torentor and torented pedant
and dunce wooer ad wooed speechless and reaficted with
speech i the dark the mud nothng to emend there
tere he is ten agai lat fges the inevitable number
77777 at the istant when he buries the opener i the arse
of nuber 777778 and Lrewarded by a feeble cry cut shor
as we have seen by te thump on skul who on being st
ulated at te same istant and i the same way by number
77
7776 makes his ow private moan whch same fate
something wrong there
ad who at the intant when clawed in the arpit by nu-
[
140 ]
her
7
7
7
776 he sings applies the same treatment to nuber
777778 with no less success
so on and similaly all along the chai in both directions for
al our other joys and sorrows M we extort and endure from
one another from the one to the other inconceivable end of
this immeasurable wallow
forulation to be adjusted assuredly in the light of our
limits and possibilities but which will always present this
advantage that by eliminating all joureys all abandons it
elminates at the same stroke all occasion of sacks and voices
quaqua then in us when the pantig stops
and the procession which seemed as it must be eteral ou
justice the advantage of stopping it without prejudice to a
single one among us for try and stop it without frst closing
ou ran and of two things one
it is stopped at the season of our couples and m that case
one half of us torentors i perpetuity victis in perpetuit
the other
it is stopped at te season of our journeys and in that case
soltude guaranteed for al assuredly but not in j ustice since
the traveller to whom lie owes a victi wil never have an
oter and never another torentor the abandoned to whom
lfe owes one
and other inquities leave them dark pant wilder one is
enough last scraps very last when the panting stops try and
catch them last murmurs very last
[ 141 ]
nelyhrsttohavedonewiththisnotoneoIus
hisdreamoIputtinganendtoour|ourneys abandons need
oIsustenanceandmmmurs
to the extenuating pureyances oI eve descnption that
devolveonmmconsequence
withoutbeingreducedonthataccounttowhemgusone
andalleventotheumaginablelastatone stroke int
black mud and nothing on iL surIace ever more to sully
it
i justiceandthesaeguardoIomessentialactivities
mis new Iormulabon namely t new hIe to have done
withthat
suddenquestioni m spiteoIt conglomerationolallom
bodieswearenotstilltheob|ectoIaslowtramlationlrom
westtoeastone L tempted
i itwibkndlybeconsideredthatwhileitLinourinterest
astomentorstoremainwhereweare asvictims ourmge
utomoveon
dthatoIthesetwo aspiratiom wangin eachheart it
would be normal Ior the latter to triumph i only nar-
rowly
Iora wehaveseeninmedaysmatwordagainoIjomeys
andabandom amostremarkablethingwhenyoucome to
tn oIitonlythevictims|omneyed
[
1
4]
te torentors a though struck numb with stupor itead
of giving chase right leg right an push pull ten yards ff
teen yards lying where abandoned penalty perhaps of their
recent exertion but efect also of our justice
tough in what this dinished by a general free for M one
does not see
involving for one and all the same obl igation precisely
that of feeing without fear while pursuing without
hope
and it is stil possible at thi late hour to conceive of other
worlds
as just as ours but less exquisitely organied
one perhaps there is one perhaps somewhere merciu
enough to shelter such frolics where no one ever abandons
anyone and no one ever waits for anyone and never two
bodies touch
and it may seem strange that without food to sustain us
we can drag ourselves thus by the mere grace of our united
net suferings from west to east towards a inexistent peace
we are invited kdly to consider
that for the les of us and no matter how we are recounted
there is more nourishment in a cry nay a sigh tom from one
whose only good is silence or in speech extorted from
one at last delivered from its use than sardines can ever
ofer
[ 143
]
to have done then at last wit all that last scraps very lt
when the panting stops and t voice to have done with t
voice namely t le
tis not one of us harping haping mad too with weaness
to have done with m
ha he not starig mi the face 1 quote on a soluton more
siple by fa and by fa more radcal
a forulation that would eliiate mcompletely and so
admit mto that peace at least while rendering me m te
sae breath sole responsible for tis unqualifable muu
of which consequently here te lt scraps at last very
lat
i the famiar for of questions 1 a sad to ask myself
and anwers 1 a said to give myself however ukely tat
may appear last scraps very last when the panting stops last
murus very last however unely that may appear
i al tat all tat yes i all tat is not how shall 1 say no
awer all tat is not fae yes
all these calculation yes explanations yes the whole stor
from beging to end yes completely fale yes
that wasn't how it was no not at all no how ten no awer
how wa it ten no anwer HO\\\VAS IT screams good
there wa someting yes but noting of all tat no al bal
fom start to fnih yes this voice quaqua yes all balls yes on-
[ 14]
ly one voice here yes mtnC yes when the panting stops
yO8
WhOnthOgantD_8tOg8yO88OthatWa8tHOyO8thOgantu_
yO8 thOmutmutyO8 n thO datkyO8 m thO muO yO8 tOthO
muO yO8
hatd tO OObOVO tOO yO8 Uat 1 haVO 0 VOCO yO8 m mO yO8
WhOn thO gantn_ 8tOg8 yO8 nOt at OthOt tmO8 nOanO that
1 muHut yO8 1 yO8 n thO Oatk yO8 n thO mud yO8 Ot
nOthn_yO81yO8Outtmu8tOOOOlOVOOyO8
0nOthOmudyO8thOd0tkyO8thOmuOanOUOdatkatOUO
yO8uOthn_tOtO_tOtthOtOnO
Out a th8 Ou8uO88 O VOCO8 yO8 guagu0 yO8 O OthOt
WOtlO8 yO8 O8OmOOnO n anOUOt WOtlO yO8 WhO8O knO O
UOam 1 yO8 8aO tO OO yO8 that hO OtOam8 all thO tmO
yO8 tOll8 all thO tmO yO8 h Ouly dtOam yO8 h Only 8tOQ
yO8
allth8 Ou8uO88 O 8aCK dOgO8tOdyO8 at thO OnO O a COtd
nOdOuOt yO8 OanOatl8tOm_tOmOyO8 a CatO OtmOyO8
an aOlty tO nOtO yO8 a thatallO0l8 yO8 btm 0nO btam
yO8 M Oall8 yO8
and ath8 Ou8nO88 O aOOVO yO8 l_ht yO8 8kO8 yO8 0 lttlO
bluO yO8 a lttlO WhtO yO8 thO Oatth tuOn_yO8 Ot_htand
lO88Ot_ht yO lttlO 8COnO8 yO all Oall8 yO8 thO WOmOnyO8
thOOO_yO8thOgtayOt8yO8thOhOmO8yO8allOallyO8
and this business of a procession no answer this busi-
[ 1 45 ]
ness of a procession yes never any procession no nor any
j ourney no never any Pim no nor any Bor no never any
one no only me no answer only me yes so that was true
yes it was true about me yes and what's my name no answer
'VHAT'S MY NAME screams good
only me in any case yes aone yes m the mud yes te dark
yes tat holds yes the mud and the dark hold yes nothng to
reget there no with my sack no I beg your padon no no
sack either no not even a sack wit me no
only me yes alone yes with my voice yes my murur yes
when the panting stops yes al that holds yes patng yes
worse and worse no anwer WOBSE AND WOBSE yes
fat on my bely yes m te mud yes the dark yes nothing
to emend there no the as spread yes lie a cross no answer
LIKEACBOSSno answer YES OB NOyes
never crawled no in an amble no rght leg rght ar push
pul ten yads ffteen yards no never stirred no never made
to suer no never suered no awer NEVBSUFFEBED
no never abandoned no never was abandoned no so that's
lie here no answer THAT`S MY LIFE HEBE screams
good
alone in the mud yes te dark yes sure yes panting yes some
one hears me no no one hears me no murmuring sometimes
yes when the patig stops yes not at other ties no in the
mud yes to the mud yes my voice yes mie yes not another's
no mine alone yes sue yes when the pantig stops yes on
and of yes a few words yes a few scraps yes that no one
hears no but less and less no anwer IESS AND LESS
yes
[ 1 46 ]
Othm_mayChan_OnOmWOrOnOnOanWOrImayChOkO
nOamWOrmnOmWOrm yUOmuOnOmOrOnO anWm
thOOarknOamWOrtrOuOlOUOgOaCOnOmOrOnOamWOrthO
OnCOnO anWOrdOnO anWOr DIE CrOam I mA1 DIE
CrO 1 SHALLDIE CrOam _OOO
_OOO _OOO OnO at at O gart thrOO anO 8t that how it
wa OnOO guOtatOn atOr Pi hOW t
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