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By }oiuan uiay

Euiteu by Bient Sutheilanu

Relationship Coach at http:www.joiuangiayconsulting.com

Click heie to get a FREE book on "Wow'ing" youi paitnei.
http:www.joiuangiayconsulting.comblog
1ab|e of Contents
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Introduct|on

When I fiist mention to my intioveiteu clients that they have many stiengths in
theii uating aisenal that theii extioveiteu counteipaits uon't, they aie often
shockeu.

Anu they aie even moie shockeu when I tell them that I am highly intioveiteu.

"But you useu to be a uating coach!"

The thing is, intioveision anu extioveision exist on a sliuing scale. They aie not
black anu white states of being. Foi example, some intioveiteu people may only
neeu a small amount of alone time to iechaige, while otheis may iequiie a lot.

Regaiuless of wheie you fit on this scale, this book will teach you how to leveiage
youi intioveiteu stiengths to impiove youi uating life anu cieate the most intimate
anu fulfilling ielationships possible.

This book coveis the many stages anu phases of the uating piocess. So whethei you
aie looking foi a giilfiienu, aie in a new ielationship, oi aie alieauy in a long-teim
ielationship, I am confiuent that you will finu a tiemenuous amount of value in the
pages that follow.

It shoulu also be noteu that although the book assumes the ieauei is a heteiosexual
male, it is just as applicable to any genuei oi sexual oiientation.

To youi success,

}oiuan uiay

What Is An Introvert?

The exact uefinition of intioveision is most often misunueistoou in mouein society.

Nost people assume that an intioveit is someone who is shy, uoesn't like being
aiounu people, anu uoesn't like to socialize unuei any ciicumstance. These
geneializations aie simply not tiue.

Theie aie a few key uistinctions between intioveits anu extioveits.

Intioveiteu people like enviionments with less exteinal stimulation, wheieas
extioveits like moie exteinally-stimulating enviionments. Whethei it's louu music,
iapiu-fiie conveisations, oi flashing lights galoie (nightclubs anyone.), intioveits
woulu piefei to steei cleai fiom such high intensity locations.

It uoesn't mean that they aie nevei uiawn to these enviionments. But geneially,
intioveits finu such places to be faiily uiaining.

Intioveits woulu iathei socialize anu connect with one peison oi a few people at a
time, wheieas extioveits woulu iathei socialize with lots of people simultaneously.
Because of this, intioveits' social ciicles aie usually smallei anu moie tightly knit
than theii extioveiteu counteipaits.

The final key uistinction is theii eneigy souices. Intioveits iechaige fiom within so
they enjoy theii alone time. Extioveits get theii eneigy fiom outsiue themselves
(music, fiienus, conveisations) anu so they aie moie pione to being out anu
engaging with otheis.
now Do I know If I Am Introverted?

Beie aie a few potential inuicatois of intioveision:

- You tenu to like quiet places moie than highly-stimulating enviionments
- You uislike small talk
- You piefei spenuing time alone oi in small gioups veisus being in a laigei gioup of
fiienus
- You have iepeateuly been tolu that you aie a goou listenei
- You enjoy ueep conveisations
- You tenu to be 'in youi heau' a lot of the time
- You often think long befoie you speak

If you can agiee with two oi moie of the points above, theie is a goou chance that
you aie at least somewhat intioveiteu.

Introverted Strengths |n Dat|ng

Relationships with intioveits aie tiuly a gift.

Stuuies have shown that intioveits outpeifoim extioveits in high-ticket sales
positions because they aie wiieu to be able to nuituie longei-lasting ielationships
with moie uepth anu patience. It is this exact tiait that allows intioveits to gain
quick anu thoiough connection with people that they have just met.

Whethei you aie seiial uating, tiying to finu a paitnei, oi you alieauy have one,
being pieuisposeu to builuing ueep connections with otheis will help you in youi
intimate ielationships foi the iest of youi life.

Beie aie the five majoi stiengths that intioveits possess that help them in theii
uating lives.

1) 8u||d|ng kapport & Lmot|ona| Connect|on

Intioveits have a neeu foi intimacy anu uepth in theii ielationships anu women
iesponu to this in a big way. That's because iappoit anu emotional connection leau
to tiust anu comfoit - essential ingieuients foi an intimate ielationship's ability to
thiive.

As a bonus, being auept at iappoit anu connection helps intioveits thioughout the
entiie couitship piocess. In the eaily stages of attiaction, iappoit must be quickly
establisheu. In the latei stages of attiaction (often iefeiieu to as the attachment
phase), emotional connection is the lifebloou of committeu intimacies.

2) Ab|||ty 1o L|sten

Intioveits aie woilu-class listeneis anu this tuins women on like ciazy. They
communicate with theii conveisational paitneis like lasei beams - seeing into the
soul of the speakei with intuition anu claiity.

Theie's a goou ieason that film anu television has maue a steieotype of men not
listening to theii paitneis. it's tiue!

Being boin a natuially bettei listenei, you will stanu out instantly in a woman's eyes
when you show that you not only ciave uepth in youi ielationships, but that you
actually heai anu piocess what she has to say. You, my fiienu, have hit the jackpot
on this one. 0i uiu she.

3) 1houghtfu|ness And Car|ng

You've likely heaiu the phiase, "It's the thought that counts." Intioveits aie keenly
self-awaie anu, uue to theii sensitivity towaiu theii enviionments, aie moie likely
to stoie infoimation about theii significant othei. This makes theii paitnei feel
incieuibly caieu foi anu quickly makes foi a loving ielationship. Whatevei we put
into oui ielationship, we get back tenfolu (not that anyone's counting).

A peifect example of intioveiteu thoughtfulness comes fiom one of my close fiienus,
Tom. 0n theii fiist uate, Tom took his futuie wife out foi uinnei. 0n theii way home,
they stoppeu to get uesseit at Tom's favoiite gelato shop. Be hau been talking about
it all night but, foi whatevei ieason, the shop was closeu on this paiticulai evening.
Be was visibly uisappointeu. Bis uate, upon seeing his uistiess, tolu him to stay put
foi a minute. She quickly ian into a neaiby gas station anu came back with a Kinuei
Suipiise. (Foi those of you who uon't know, a Kinuei Suipiise is a chocolate shell
that encases a tiny toy.) Tom's eyes lit up anu this spaikeu theii fiist kiss.

When it came time foi Tom to piopose to his wife, he ueciueu to put hei engagement
iing insiue of a Kinuei Suipiise. She, of couise, saiu yes anu his thoughtfulness (anu
the many houis spent attempting to bieak open anu ieseal the egg) paiu off. It's
been yeais since they've weu but she still biings it up to this uay. Women, anu all
people, appieciate feeling caieu foi.

4) Se|f-kef|ect|veness And Lrror-Correct|on

You'ie bounu to mess up in youi uating life. Eveiybouy uoes. Intioveits aie veiy
goou at self-ieflecting, iealizing what they uiu wiong, anu aumitting to it openly.
Show me a boyfiienu that can aumit when he was wiong, anu I'll show you his
happy giilfiienu.

0ne of my most memoiable apologies came aftei I was uefensive anu unieasonable
ovei something insignificant. The next uay, aftei a bit of self-ieflection, I tolu my
giilfiienu I was soiiy foi acting in a way that was not congiuent with the man I
wanteu to be. The next woius out of hei mouth completely shockeu me: "You just
became one hunuieu times moie attiactive!"

As an intioveit, you aie alieauy natuially pieuisposeu to being moie awaie of youi
ielationship blunueis. 0se this tiait to youi auvantage.

S) Depth vs. 8readth

Intioveits piefei uepth of connection in theii social anu intimate lives ovei bieauth
of connection. As a iesult, they aie moie pione to talking about 'heaviei' topics such
as sexuality oi ieligion. These types of conveisations always make an impiession
anu people will appieciate that you took the time anu effoit to tiuly get to know
them.

Auuitionally, high value women aie attiacteu to stiong minueu men. Theie's no
bettei way to show this tiait than by uiscussing youi values, moials, anu othei ueep
topics. Contiaiy to what you might tell youi fiienus in the lockei ioom, youi biggest
sexual oigan is youi minu. So use it!

An Introvert's Gu|de 1o Attract|on

Because intioveits have a uesiie to analyze situations in gieat uetail, it is impeiative
that you tiuly unueistanu the attiaction piocess- that is, which tiaits aie initially
attiactive to women, how you can become moie attiactive, anu knowing what is
simply out of youi contiol.

0nueistanuing attiaction will also save you time anu eneigy because you will be
able to analyze situations coiiectly insteau of woiiying about the things that uon't
actually mattei. You will also be able to piime youi minu to seize the many
oppoitunities that will piesent themselves iathei than missing them because you
weie too busy focusing on things that uiun't mattei in the fiist place.

1) Attract|ve 1ra|ts

As humans, we become attiacteu to someone on a piimal oi evolutionaiy level fiist.
ueneially, foi men anu women, this means uiffeient things.

0nsuipiisingly, men's piimal instincts aie attiacteu to signs of youth anu beauty.
Befoie youi biain can make any logical "choice" about the mattei, youi piimal
instincts have alieauy foimeu an opinion about the attiactiveness of the potential
mate in question.

When a 22 yeai-olu blonue giil with a small waist, iauiant smile, anu a walk that
swishes anu sways fiom siue to siue goes by, a guy can't help but look. It's laigely
beyonu the man's logical contiol because of the attiaction to what aie known as
sexual health inuicatois - a women's ability to make healthy babies.

Contiastingly, women's piimal-level iesponses aie not tiiggeieu by oui looks so
much as by othei veiy impoitant factois such as health, inteinal status, anu
emotional congiuence.

I'll go into each one of these factois iight now.

nea|th

Bon't woiiy; you uon't neeu to be a piofessional athlete by any means! 0n a piimal
level, women only caie that you aie physically anu mentally healthy enough to
pioviue foi whatevei offspiing you two woulu potentially have togethei.

Remembei, even if neithei one of you wants chiluien, youi biains aie still
haiuwiieu to iesponu to each othei in this way. Fiom an evolutionaiy stanupoint,
human biains aie always looking to uo one of two things - suivive anu iepiouuce
(aka stay alive anu make babies). But because of how oui typical chilu-ieaiing
iesponsibilities aie uiviueu up, men aie moie attiacteu to ieplication inuicatois
(how well women seemingly woulu make babies, which is laigely juugeu by
attiibutes that communicate youth anu beauty) anu women aie piimaiily attiacteu
to suivival inuicatois (which aie about 2u% baseu on oui physical looks, anu 8u%
tieu to oui social intelligence, social ties, anu likeability).

Putting it bluntly, as a man, this point is weighteu heavily in oui favoui. That being
saiu, uon't take this as an excuse to let youiself go! Take piiue in youi appeaiance.
Sleep well, eat well, exeicise, anu leau a clean lifestyle.

Interna| Status

This isn't about how much money you make, what kinu of cai you uiive, oi anything
else people tenu to associate with the woiu 'status.'

Inteinal status iefeis to how you feel about youiself. If you feel goou about youiself,
if you iespect youi own thoughts anu uesiies, then inteinal status will iesonate
fiom within you. Women will pick up on it intuitively.

If, on the othei hanu, you uon't know what you expect of youiself oi what you want
fiom youi life, women will see you as a lost little boy. It will appeai as though you
aie looking foi a woman to uIvE you a sense of puipose oi uiiection. This is not
attiactive.

Lmot|ona| Congruence

Emotional congiuence is an alignment of youi thoughts, feelings, anu actions in
eveiyuay life. What you think, say, anu uo aie all one. If you say one thing anu uo
anothei, you aie seen as less attiactive. Women aie so intuitive that they often see
this behavioi befoie you've iealizeu you have even shown a hint of it.

If you tell hei that you'ie a ieally easy-going guy, but then you yell at the waitei on
youi fiist uate because youi foou was colu, she will see this as incongiuent. You saiu
one thing, but uiu anothei.

Women neeu tiust anu comfoit to be able to open up to theii paitnei. Anu high-
value women want a stiong-minueu paitnei. Nen who know themselves
emotionally anu who aie consistent aie the kinu of men women finu attiactive.

2) now to be More Attract|ve

Remembei, theie aie thiee ciitical tiaits that women finu extiemely attiactive in a
man: health, high inteinal status, anu emotional congiuence.

You know how to be healthy anu it's ielatively easy to assess wheie you stanu on
the health scale.

Bowevei, the othei two tiaits can be a little moie challenging to assess objectively
anu to impiove upon.

I've cieateu a quick exeicise to help you in this piocess. Let's stait out by answeiing
the following questions:

1) Who am I.

2) What is my path in life.

S) Who will I take with me.

It shoulu be noteu that these questions neeu to be answeieu in the oiuei listeu. If
you tiy to finu the answeis to these questions in any othei oiuei, theie's a goou
chance that you will suffei.

Foi example, imagine a man that leaves high school anu staits uating the fiist
woman he meets. Be uoesn't ieally know what he's going to uo with his life but he
knows that he likes spenuing time with his giilfiienu. Be answeieu the thiiu
question fiist.

Then, aftei uating foi a few yeais anu bouncing aiounu fiom job to job, the man
iealizes that he is passionate about seeing the woilu. Bis giilfiienu, howevei, is
passionate about staying in one place anu staiting a family. Because theii coie
missions aie at ouus, because he answeieu the questions out of oiuei, theie is an
upheaval in theii ielationship. The man suffeis unless he chooses to stait ovei.

Women say it all the time. They aie looking foi a man who "knows himself," who
"has uiive," oi "is going places." All of these things point to the fact that, foi women
to tiuly be able to open up to you anu tiust you, you must know youiself.

So how uo you know what youi life's puipose is. It's the thing that makes youi heait
iace. It's the thing that you coulu uo foi houis without even iealizing you weie
uoing it, the thing that, when you uo it, time just seems to fall away. It's when theie
is nothing in that moment except foi youi passion.

Let's uo a little moie uigging.
- What goa| wou|d you chase |f you knew that your fam||y wou|d never f|nd out?

Nany men, uue to social anu cultuial conuitioning, stiongly iesist chasing theii
uieams because that's not what they aie supposeu to uo. But theie is no haiu anu
fast iule about what you shoulu be uoing in youi life. Theie is no one-size-fits-fall
bluepiint. theie is only you anu youi tiuth. Anu youi tiuth is that no one else can
touch, juuge, oi uistiact you unless you let them.

- What books do you read for fun?

Anu if you uon't ieau books veiy much, then what moviestelevision showsfoims
of enteitainment uo you usually giavitate towaius. You like these things foi a
ieason anu that says something about you.

- What dream d|d you have when you were younger (S-1S years o|d) that you |et go of
because |t d|dn't seem reasonab|e?

As we giow oluei, it is easy to foiget wheie we came fiom. A laige peicentage of oui
peisonalities anu tempeiament aie fixeu at a young age. What you enjoyeu uoing oi
uieamt of uoing when you weie youngei is still at least somewhat tiue foi you
touay. Biu you ieally enjoy uoing acting in high school. You uon't have to become an
actoi, but maybe you ieally thiive being in fiont of people anu woulu uo well as a
teachei. Bo you miss the competitiveness of the team spoits you playeu when you
weie in elementaiy school. Naybe you woulu kick ass in a sales job wheie you aie
constantly tiying to best youi own pievious iecoius.

Whatevei youi path in life is, align with it. Now!

3) What's Cut of our Contro|

The attiaction inuustiy woulu like you to believe that you can get any women you
want if you aie chaiming enough. This is simply not the case.

It takes two consenting people to be in a healthy, balanceu, anu intimate
ielationship.

Theie is no magic pill you can swallow. Theie is no magic pick-up line. Theie is only
you being you. What you can contiol is youi commitment to continuously woik on
youiself to become the best possible veision of you. This will natuially leau you to
attiacting the highest quality paitnei possible.

1he 3 8est Introverted Ways 1o I|nd A G|r|fr|end

Intioveits have ielatively limiteu social eneigy to expenu in theii seaich foi love.
Theiefoie, you want to make suie the effoit you put out gives you the best iesults.
That is to say, you uon't want to have to go on a hunuieu fiist uates to finu youi
iueal match.

Beie aie thiee of the most effective ways to finu a qualifieu paitnei.

Soc|a| C|rc|e

This is how people have been linking up foi centuiies anu it still woiks ieally well.
Especially foi intioveits.

It's moie likely that you have a small gioup of close fiienus than a laige, vaiieu
gioup of social acquaintances. So let those fiienus know that you'ie inteiesteu in
finuing a paitnei. If theii suggestions aien't in line with what you want, make suie
to let them know what qualities you aie attiacteu to.

Foi example, if you know that you want a paitnei that ieaus, is loving, anu is
physically active, then let it be known. Theie is nothing wiong with having
piefeiences.

I finu it helpful to wiite out thiee sepaiate lists when you aie seaiching foi a lovei.
The fiist one is youi 'Nust Bave' list. These aie things that you know fiom pievious
expeiience aie things that aie ieally impoitant to you. Tiy to keep this list as non-
physical as possible (i.e. moie chaiactei tiaits, less bia sizes).

The seconu one is youi 'Beal Bieakeis' oi 'Nust Not Bave' list. These aie things that
you know ieally cioss a peisonal bounuaiy of youis. Foi me, these aie things like
smoking, close-minueuness, oi a sense of entitlement.

The thiiu anu final one is youi 'Woulu Be Nice If.' list. Beie you can let youi minu
iun fiee anu think of all of the tiaits that woulu be piesent in youi iueal paitnei.

When you have a cohesive unueistanuing of what you aie looking foi in a paitnei,
let youi social ciicle know youi piefeiences. Remain somewhat flexible in youi
seaich.

Approach|ng D|rect|y In 1argeted Lnv|ronments

Think of the kinus of places that Y00 alieauy enjoy going anu then think about
whethei theie woulu be any women that you woulu be inteiesteu in uating theie.

These places coulu be coffee shops, libiaiies, bookstoies oi yoga centeis. In geneial,
lowei-stimulation venues wheie you can have a conveisation woik the best. Women
want to be appioacheu by a socially-calibiateu, high-value man in these places.

Because youi intioveision allows you to builu ueep iappoit quickly, uon't tiy to be
flashy with youi appioach. Insteau, play to youi stiengths.

Appioach hei with something simple that lets youi intention be known:

"Bey, I saw you sitting ovei heie anu thought you lookeu cute. What's youi name."

0i, if that's too foiwaiu foi youi style, stait out with:

"Bey, I'm (Y00R NANE). I saw you ovei heie anu thought you lookeu inteiesting.
What aie you up to touay."

Bon't feel that you have to get the appioach peifect by any means.

Nen's attiaction piocess staits befoie we've even openeu oui mouths. Women's, on
the othei hanu, uoesn't ieally stait to iamp up until Su-6u seconus into youi
conveisation. So if you woiiy she's sciutinizing eveiy little inflection in youi vocal
tonality befoie you've gotten the fiist sentence out, uon't!

Besiues, coming acioss too smooth anu ieheaiseu is a tuin-off. Being able to see a
little bit of neivousness is enueaiing to most women.

So give it a shot!

Cn||ne Dat|ng

A collective sigh of ielief is heaveu acioss the intioveiteu woilu.

0nline uating staiteu out as something that was tuineu to only by the tiuly
uespeiate. Luckily, it has giown into a massively common tienu that people of all
walks of life aie tiying out.

The benefits to online uating foi intioveits aie plentiful.

You can scan women's piofiles to see if you aie somewhat compatible befoie you
meet up in a fiist uate context. This natuially saves you a lot of social eneigy anu
keeps youi intioveiteu biain thiiving.

I have also founu that a uispiopoitionate peicentage of the people on uating sites
aie highly intioveiteu so online uating is a mecca foi intioveits seaiching foi othei
intioveits.

The suggestions I woulu offei foi those setting up online uating piofiles aie: be
honest, uon't biag, anu insteau of telling women about youiself, SB0W them. Foi
example, insteau of saying, "I'm a funny guy," incluue a few subtle jokes thioughout
youi piofile. Insteau of mentioning youi active lifestyle anu love of the outuoois,
incluue photos of youiself uoing something active outuoois. You get the pictuie.

0nline uating is a miciocosm of youi ieal life. If you aie a level-heaueu, emotionally
congiuent man who is on his path in life, it will show in youi piofile veiy quickly
anu high-value women will be messaging you often.

The only potential uiawback to online uating is that if you spenu too much time
sifting thiough potential paitneis, it can uevalue the women whose piofiles you'ie
scanning. It's not youi fault. Buman beings aie wiieu this way.

If you steppeu ovei a big pile of uiamonus eveiy time you left youi house, uiamonus
woulun't seem as valuable. They woulu no longei be in scaice supply.

So, to counteiact this, go quality ovei quantity with youi seaich. Spenu only a bit of
time seaiching foi highly-qualifieu paitneis. Bon't get lost in the cycle of scanning
ovei hunuieus of potential paitneis. If you fall in to this tiap, you might pass ovei a
tiue gem.

Dat|ng Introverts And Lxtroverts: 8enef|ts And 1h|ngs 1o Watch
Cut Ior

It goes without saying that uating people acioss the intioveisionextioveision scale
can be quite uiffeient. In this section, I will tiy to help you unueistanu the types of
ielationships that you can expect fiom uating an intioveiteu oi extioveiteu peison.

Introverted artners
!"#"$%&'
When uating anothei intioveit you often unueistanu each othei without woius. You
know fiom expeiience how youi paitnei opeiates anu you know how to give hei the
space she neeus. You uon't feel guilty staying in anu ieauing next to each othei, noi
uo you evei feel like you'ie holuing hei back fiom being hei natuially social self. The
uepth, connection, anu attention to uetail in an intioveit-intioveit ielationship is
something tiuly special anu ueseives to be cheiisheu.

)*&+, -.& /01
0n the othei hanu, this ielationship setup has the potential to keep you stuck in
youi comfoit zone if you'ie not awaie of it. 0pposites attiact in many ways in
intimate ielationships because it foices you to giow. You aie constantly challengeu
to step out of youi comfoit zone. If you anu youi paitnei get into the habit of 0NLY
staying in anu ieauing books eveiy weekenu, you might be missing out on fulfilling
social ielationships with otheis. To avoiu this cycle, make a conceiteu effoit to go
out socializing with othei fiienus oi couples on a semi-iegulai basis (even if you
uon't necessaiily feel like it).
Lxtroverted artners
!"#"$%&'
An extioveiteu paitnei will push you out of youi comfoit zone moie often. You will
leain how to become moie auept at small talk by watching hei inteiact with otheis.
Youi social ciicle will giow to incluue a few people that you woulun't have talkeu to
otheiwise. Anu you will help youi paitnei become moie intiospective. You will help
hei see the patteins in hei behavioi that she woulun't have been awaie of hau you
not pointeu them out.
)*&+, -.& /01
As with any chaiactei tiait that we auoie in oui intimate paitnei, it has the potential
to fiustiate us a few months into the ielationship. You may finu youiself getting
annoyeu that youi paitnei can't give you the kinu of emotional uepth in youi
conveisations that you so often ciave. Naybe she has to woik a bit haiuei to listen
to you effectively. No mattei what the ioaublock seems to be, make suie you cleaily
state youi uesiies. Bave patience with hei.

1he Cho|ce Is ours

Peisonally, I have enjoyeu both types of ielationships, but because I have a
piefeience foi someone who intuitively unueistanus me ovei someone who
challenges me, I uo bettei with othei intioveits long-teim. Keep in minu that
eveiybouy is uiffeient anu you will finu youi own balance thiough youi own uating
expeiiences.

Ny only iequest is that you sample each kinu of ielationship befoie you make a
long-teim uecision as to which kinu of paitnei is best foi you.

1op 10 Date Ideas Ior Introverts

Bating shoulu be be fun, but foi a lot of intioveits, it can be a teuious task (especially
in the eaily stages of a ielationship).

These uate iueas take place in less stimulating enviionments that will allow you to
connect with youi paitnei effoitlessly.

Beie aie the top ten uates that I have founu my intioveiteu clients have enjoyeu
themselves the most.

1. L|brary

Nice anu simple. Invite youi uate to a libiaiy oi bookstoie anu peiuse the books
togethei. You can take tuins showing each othei youi favoiite sections, oi ianuomly
selecting books anu ieauing next to each othei. This woiks suipiisingly well as a
fiist uate oi as a fiftieth uate.

2. eop|e Watch|ng

}ust like it sounus, but less ciiminal. uo to the mall, a bookstoie, oi a public paik anu
co-cieate stoiies about the people that you see. Take tuins (eithei by the peison oi
by the sentence) cieating scenaiios foi the people aiounu you. It is ieally quite fun
anu fliity; you also have the chance to make fun of each othei in the piocess.
Auuitionally, people watching tenus to be a suipiisingly effective way to get to know
youi uate. She will tell cieative stoiies about otheis that might actually say moie
about heiself than about the people you aie watching.

"See that anxious looking man ovei theie. Be was supposeu to meet a blinu uate
heie. She saiu she woulu be weaiing a ieu sweatei. but he feels like he might have
been stoou up."

"See that couple walking aiounu awkwaiuly. They just hau a huge fight ovei how he
nevei gets to watch his Satuiuay moining caitoons anymoie anu they aie tiying to
save face now that they'ie in public."

"See that laige gioup of guys in matching unifoims. They aie piofessional golfeis."

You get the pictuie. Encouiage youi uate when she has ieally awesome iueas.

3. kunway kendezvous

Biive out to youi local aiipoit anu paik neai the lanuing stiip (0FF the iunway).
Biing a blanket foi the hoou of the cai (anu a spaie one in case it gets chilly). Lie
back anu watch the planes take off anu lanu. Bon't foiget to biing snacks! Though
not eveiy city has this oppoitunity available, it can be well woith the uiive to youi
neaiest iunway.

4. oo|]8ow||ng

When was the last time you playeu pool. A fun way to iaise the stakes while playing
pool is to attach a bet to it. Set the paiameteis befoie youi fiist bieak. I've founu
that "best 2 out of S" is the sweet spot that woiks well foi uates. It's long enough
that you get to builu an emotional connection, anu shoit enough that neithei of you
gets boieu.

As foi bowling, it's playful, competitive, inteiactive, anu a fun challenge to shake up
the olu ioutine. You also get to weai silly shoes that look like clowns uesigneu them.

S. See|ng A L|ve Comedy Show

This uate is gieat foi when you feel like having a goou time, but you want someone
else to 'leau' the night conveisationally. }ust sit back, anu enjoy the iiue.

6. Art Ga||ery

uet caught up on cultuie, take in visual ait, anu feel fancy as you sip youi wine.
Again, this uate is easiei on you conveisationally as you have pieces of aitwoik all
aiounu you to uiscuss.

7. Arcade

This uate is goou olu-fashioneu fun. Between pong, iacing, anu shoot-'em-up style
games, you have a plethoia of options as to what kinu of vibe the night will holu.
You'u be suipiiseu to see how fai a $2u bill goes towaius cieating memoiies foi the
two of you.

If you honeu youi gaming skills when you weie youngei but youi uate happens to
be teiiible at viueo games, ease off a little in the skill uepaitment. It's only fun foi
both of you if theie's at least the oppoitunity to win.

8. Cook|ng C|ass

Step out of youi comfoit zone with this unique uate wheie you get to eat youi ait.
Naybe a cooking class sounus like an expensive uate iuea. Nany cooking classes
actually offei affoiuable alteinatives to full-piice classes- uiscounteu spots listeu on
an online gioup buying site, specials foi online sign-up, oi those with the option to
buy youi own ingieuients aheau of time.

What if you'ie alieauy a goou cook. Then leau youi own veision of a cooking class!
Buy the ingieuients to piepaie youi favoiite uish befoiehanu anu spenu a few houis
with youi uate latei on, co-cieating youi masteipiece meal.

9. Cutdoor |cn|c

An easy way to pass an afteinoon. Pack some sanuwiches, a thiowing uisc, anu some
juice boxes, anu you have a quiet, intimate uate foi two.

10. Coffee

A mouein-age classic foi a ieason. uet to know each othei in the intellectual
biithplace of some of oui centuiy's gieatest iueas.

This uate is also gieat as a fiist uate since "giabbing a coffee" implies less of a time
investment than meeting up foi a two-houi uinnei.

If you want moie uate iueas, you can always check out my best-selling book on the
subject - www.amazon.comupBuuBNPZuLu

now 1o Set C|ear 8oundar|es In our ke|at|onsh|p 1o Get our
Needs Met

You neeu alone time. You neeu time to iechaige. Anu you neeu ueep, stimulating
conveisation moie than you neeu small talk.

The following aie my top S tips foi getting youi intioveiteu neeus met in youi
ielationship. These tips aie veiy simple anu they will leau to extiemely healthy
ielationships so I can't iecommenu them enough.

{Note: Witb oll of tbese points, Jon't inform your portner from o ploce of bostility. You
ore lettinq ber know bow sbe con moke you feel most loveJ onJ coreJ for, os you woulJ
Jo tbe some for ber. Relotionsbips toke flexibility onJ effort from botb porties.)

1. Com|ng nome 1o u|etness

This may not be the case with you peisonally, anu that's fine, but the vast majoiity
of intioveiteu males that I know stiongly piefei to have a few minutes of silence
when they fiist ietuin home fiom woik. It allows them to settle in to theii
enviionment.

Nen thiive in situations that give them a feeling of emptiness (exeicising to a point
of exhaustion, being uiunk, ieaching climax, etc). So it natuially follows that aftei a
long uay at woik (when we aie expecteu to be "on" socially), we enjoy coming home
to a nice, quiet place.

Women, howevei, uon't have as much of a uesiie foi conveisation to cease when at
home with theii paitneis. Foi women, home is the safe haven wheie they aie able to
connect with theii paitneis. Theie aie steps you can take if you woulu like to come
home to a ielaxeu householu while also enjoying the feeling of being connecteu to
youi paitnei.

Nake hei awaie of youi piefeience in the foim of something along the lines of:

l reolly con't woit to come bome onJ see you ofter work, but one tbinq you coulJ Jo
for me tbot l woulJ obsolutely love is if we JiJn't tolk for tbe first few minutes ofter my
return. l just neeJ o few moments to ollow my minJ tbe cbonce to settle in. We con
buq, kiss, onJ soy bello, but l woulJ prefer if ony kinJ of cotcb-up conversotion woiteJ
for o bit until l feel more reoJy to Jiscuss my Joy. WoulJ tbot be oll riqbt?

Women aie veiy comfoitable with having uiscussions that set cleai bounuaiies
when appioacheu fiom a place of love. Any quality paitnei (male oi female) shoulu
want to be the best paitnei they can be foi TBEIR paitnei, so giving hei this specific
feeuback shoulu be met with open aims.
Tiy it out. You'll be glau you uiu.

2. C|a|m|ng our 1|me Cuts|de Cf 1he ke|at|onsh|p

All ielationships uo bettei when each paitnei iealigns themselves by hanging out
with theii fiienus of the same genuei. You neeu guy time, anu she neeus hei giils'
nights. Youi entiie ielationship will benefit fiom having time away fiom each othei.

The iuea that you shoulu be able to be eveiything with youi paitnei is a fallacy. All
of the most successful maiiiages (2u-6u+yeais) I've evei witnesseu ioutinely took
time away fiom each othei. As my wise gianufathei once put it, "Technology touay
takes away the gift of missing youi paitnei."

So how uo you let youi paitnei know that you neeu some guy time.

You coulu tell hei in a uiiect way.

lve been feelinq like l sboulJ probobly qet out onJ sociolize o bit lotely so lm beoJinq
out witb tbe quys toniqbt. Notbinq too rowJy, well probobly just bonq out ot }obns
ploce onJ wotcb o movie. l sboulJnt be out too lonq, but if l boppen to be out post
10pm, l con qive you o coll if you'J like.

0i in a cute way.

Eey, os mucb os l know lm qoinq to miss you, l tbink its time tbot l boJ some quy
time. }obn oskeJ me to bonq out tomorrow niqbt onJ l tbink it will be qooJ for me.
Tben l con come bock, recborqeJ from sociolizinq, onJ smusb you witb my love.

Bowevei you let hei know, make suie to uo it with claiity anu honesty.

Anothei quick anu easy way to have set asiue time foi youiself outsiue of the
ielationship is having a iegulaily scheuuleu commitment. Whethei it's exeicise,
pokei night, oi youi scaif-knitting ciicle, having something in the calenuai is a gieat
way to get out of the house foi a bieak.

Too many couples think of theii ielationship as the piimaiy (oi only) aspect of theii
intimate lives. Think of you anu youi paitnei as two oveilapping ciicles wheie theie
is "You," "Bei," anu "The Relationship." Thiee sepaiate entities that can all coexist.
This peispective will help you in occasionally choosing to uo activities in youi life
that encouiage a bit of inuepenuence anu autonomy to keep the attiaction fiies
buining.

3. 8e|ng In S||ence And Lmpt|ness

Nale biains thiive in emptiness. When you ciave emptiness, conveisation can be
giating to youi minu.

Let youi intimate paitnei know when you neeu quiet time. Whethei you aie
watching spoits, ieauing a book, oi sitting on the back poich, set a cleai bounuaiy
by letting youi paitnei know that you neeu to be with youi thoughts foi a while.

It is healthy to exploie life as an inuiviuual anu, as long as youi paitnei has a ceitain
level of secuiity in heiself, she shoulu be happy to oblige. If you feel that she might
neeu a bit of convincing, tiy the following steps.

- Bighlight how impoitant youi time togethei is foi you
- Tell hei how happy being in tempoiaiy silence makes you
- Let hei know that youi time with youi own thoughts will allow you to be moie
piesent with hei when you aie back fiom youi exploiation of emptiness

So that stiuctuie coulu play out like.

l reolly enjoy tbe time we spenJ toqetber. Your intuition onJ love omoze me on o Joily
bosis onJ l om so qroteful for you. Hy minJ is feelinq o bit frozzleJ riqbt now onJ l
woulJ love it if l coulJ zone out for o bit onJ wotcb tbe qome. Tben, ofter on bour or
two, lll be feelinq mucb more recborqeJ. l woulJ love to sbut off our pbones onJ
connect ofterworJ, wben l feel more present. Boes tbot work for you?

As always, honesty is the policy. Woist-case scenaiio, she says no, anu you negotiate
something that woiks bettei foi both of you.

4. nav|ng Conversat|ons W|th Depth

Sometimes you may feel a lack of connection in youi ielationship fiom too many
suiface-level conveisations. Let youi paitnei know that you want to have a night of
connection. Tuin off youi cell phones anu any othei uistiactions anu focus on ieally
seeing each othei.

Ask questions that encouiage uepth such as:

Eow con l most support you in your potb?
Wbot emotionol neeJs ore you owore of tbot oren't os fulfilleJ os tbe otbers?
Wbot con l Jo to moke you feel more loveJ in our relotionsbip?
Wbot is on oreo of our relotionsbip tbot you feel neeJs some extro love?
Wbot ore you tbe boppiest obout in our relotionsbip toJoy?

S. Ask|ng Ior our Lmot|ona| Needs 1o 8e Met

Finally, I want to stiess the impoitance of asking. As intioveits, we aie veiy pione to
living in oui heaus. We think moie than we uo. Anu we often assume that otheis
think just as much as we uo.

0nfoitunately, even if youi paitnei is also an intioveit, she is not a minu ieauei.

If you feel the neeu to be listeneu to, oi to be helu, let youi paitnei know. Let hei
know youi uesiies in youi ielationship.

Introverted ke|at|onsh|p Management

I am a fiim believei that it is easiei to get what you want than it is to keep what you
want. uetting into a ielationship in the shoit-teim is ielatively simple, but
maintaining that ielationship is wheie intioveits ieally tenu to shine.

Beie aie ten things that you can uo to play up youi intioveiteu stiengths anu keep
youi ielationship thiiving.

1. Nake a conceiteu effoit to ieally heai hei on a uaily basis. Nake hei feel heaiu
anu unueistoou. Eveiyone has an innate uesiie to feel seen.

Set asiue uaily connecting time. It can be five minutes, oi it can be an houi. }ust
make suie that it is puiely about the two of you. Set asiue all uistiactions anu be
piesent with the piocess. Theie aie few things sexiei than a peison that wants to
tiuly heai you.

2. Pay attention to the uetails of hei uaily life; keep tiack of hei likes anu uislikes. Bo
things like making notes on youi calenuai about when she's getting hei haii uone
anu comment on it.

If you uon't feel like you have the best memoiy, you can get in the habit of making
lists of the things that youi paitnei enjoys. It coulu be something as simple as an on-
going list that you keep on youi phone oi computei: "Likes tuna moie than salmon,"
"Loves fiesh oiange juice," "Likes when I uo the uishes," etc. Thoughtfulness is an
attiactive tiait fiom any paitnei, anu youi intioveit biain will excel with this one.

S. Let hei know she is appieciateu with veibal appioval anu giatituue. Eveiyone
thiives on piaise, but women especially iesponu to it. Nen iesponu to challenge
piimaiily, anu piaise seconuaiily. Compliment hei. Tell hei you love hei. Tell hei
often.

Nany men feel that being lavish with theii piaise is a way of giving away theii
'powei.' This notion is iiuiculous. As long as you aie complimenting a woman
sinceiely, compliments aie always welcome.

0ne of my most intuitive female fiienus once tolu me that any anu eveiy aigument
that women stait with theii significant otheis has the hiuuen unueitone of "I uon't
feel loveu enough." If you take hei suiface-level uiama as an inuication that she just
isn't feeling loveu enough, then you will faii fai bettei than men who uon't
unueistanu this simple fact. So compliment hei. Let youi appieciation be known. It
beais iepeating.

4. Suipiise hei with thoughtful uates oi small gifts. She puts a ton of effoit into hei
appeaiance foi you. When compaiing that effoit to the effoit you have to put foith,
it's a baigain. Bate hei like it's the fiist month of youi ielationship anu this alone
will make it thiive.

S. Be a man of youi woiu. Women aie veiy sensitive to the list of what you saiu you
woulu uo anu what you actually uo.

Biu you say you woulu mow the lawn but then nevei got aiounu to it. Stiike one.
Biu you tell hei that you wanteu to stait volunteeiing but then foigot. Stiike two.
Women aie a moment-to-moment miiioi of youi integiity. Bo what you say. Follow
thiough on youi commitments. If you uon't, she will know it.

6. Cieate intimacy anu emotional connection intentionally. Bave uecompiessing
time outsiue of a sexual context wheie you catch up on life anu go ueepei about
ielationship topics. Bon't ovei-think it but uo speak fieely anu fiom youi heait.

7. Always take time to cieate fun anu a sense of auventuie in youi ielationship.
Women want to be leau on an auventuie with you. they uon't want to BE youi
auventuie. Plan suipiises, mini-vacations, oi at-home uates without a woiu of
waining.

8. Call hei anu text hei back piomptly when she callsmessages you fiist (when you
aie past the initial 'getting to know each othei' stage). I know it can be a hassle, but
it ieally means a lot to hei if you make youiself available once you aie in a
committeu ielationship. Piioiitize hei. Show hei that you caie.

9. Respect hei anu take an inteiest in hei life. Bon't just "seem" to uo this at the
beginning of youi ielationship. Really make a conceiteu effoit to fall in love with the
minu anu chaiactei of youi paitnei. All the time.

1u. Take caie of youiself anu youi neeus outsiue of the ielationship. Bon't expect
that an intimate ielationship will make you a happy peison. You aie iesponsible foi
youi own emotional well-being. Engage in youi hobbies, exeicise, ieau, anu uo
whatevei else it takes you to be a happy peison outsiue of youi ielationship fiist.
Anu then biing that positive eneigy into youi ielationship.

now 1o ke-Charge Cuts|de Cf our ke|at|onsh|p

Attiaction occuis in the space between two people.

It is a common tiap many men fall into wheie they piioiitize theii giilfiienu ovei
eveiything else in theii lives. 0ccasionally, men uo this to the point wheie the iest of
theii lives stait to suffei.

They aien't connecteu to theii path oi puipose any longei. As a iesult, they look to
theii paitnei to give them a sense of puipose, which she cannot uelivei.
She can be youi favoiite anyone, but not youi favoiite anything.

Nake suie that you anu youi paitnei have sepaiate time wheie you aie able to
iechaige away fiom each othei.

uo foi a iun. Bang out with youi guy fiienus. }oin a spoits league. Encouiage hei to
have lunch with hei sistei oi close fiienus.

}ust make suie you aie scheuuling anu following thiough on youi alone time.
Baving a sense of autonomy, oi sepaiateness, is vital to making a long-teim
ielationship thiive. You must always have youi fingei on the pulse of wheie 'you'
enu, anu wheie 'she' begins.

Wrap Up

Wheievei you lanu on the intioveitextioveit scale, getting into anu maintaining a
thiiving intimate ielationship is a life-long jouiney.

I hope that this book has sheu some light on the numeious ways that you, as an
intioveit, aie alieauy well-equippeu to cieate anu maintain a healthy love life.

Bave patience with youiself, anu you will finu the woman you ueseive.

About 1he Author

#1 Amazon best-selling authoi, ielationship coach, anu jet-setting woilu tiavelei,
}oiuan uiay helps people iemove theii emotional blocks, anu get into (anu
maintain) thiiving intimate ielationships.

Bis thoughts on mouein uating anu ielationships have been featuieu in numeious
piint publications anu on iauio anu television bioaucasts inteinationally.

In his ielationship coaching piactice, }oiuan has woikeu with thousanus of stuuents
ovei the past foui yeais anu has moie weuuing invitations fiom his foimei clients
than he can keep up with.

When he's not coaching clients oi wiiting new books, }oiuan loves to suif without a
wetsuit, immeise himself in new cultuies, anu savoi slow motion hang outs with his
closest companions.

Finu out moie at: http:www.joiuangiayconsulting.com

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