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2) Getting Attraction
At my bootcamps I teach that there are several different types of attraction:
1. “State-based” attraction – powerful and immediate, but often “easy come, easy go”
The first two of these are extensively written about – with the actual quotes and dialogues and
specific things to say, in the Love Systems Routines Manual I and the Love Systems Routines
Manual II.
The third is a bit trickier. Mr. M and I teach how to use this on our bootcamps, but it really
requires some expert help to avoid turning “warm and fuzzy” into “lame and needy.” It’s a
delicate balance and it’s not one-size fits all. We need to work with your individual identity to
do this.
Today I want to give you some tools to get state-based attraction. This is probably the easiest
kind of attraction to get.
3) State-Based Attraction
Let’s start with three core Love Systems principles:
• “Change her mood, not her mind.” (Source: Love Systems Relationship Management)
4) Push/Pull
One great way to build state-based attraction is what we call “push/pull.” Push/pull to me is the
bedrock of flirting. If you get good at push/pull you can drive women wild.
The basic premise behind push/pull is going hot and cold over and over. The key here is to keep
it playful. You can easily take push/pull too far by making her feel that you are just mean.
What I love about push/pull is that it helps you keep things balanced. Most guys are either too
nice or too mean. They are either kissing ass or trying to act distant. Either one of these
strategies will end in the same poor result.
One of the best explanations of push/pull was given to me by Mr. M. He said, “How did you get
your dog to chase you when you were a little kid? You chased him and then you ran away.”
This is basically push/pull on the most surface level. You are going to flirt with the girl and just
when she thinks she has you, you pull the rug out from under her by teasing her. Or, you tease
her hard and get your friends laughing at her expense and then just before you take it too far, you
drop a compliment on her or touch her so she knows that you are just flirting with her.
The message she should be getting over the course of the conversation should be something like:
“I’m starting to like you... no I’m not, you suck. Wait, I like you again... now I’m not sure.
Wow, you are pretty sexy... nope you’re annoying me again.” Etc...
(Don’t say that out loud to her. That’s the underlying message. I’m about to give you some
example of what you ACTUALLY say.)
• Say something playfully mean and then dovetail into a light compliment.
• Call her out on something or tease her and then follow that with warm body language so she
knows you are just flirting (I.E. a smile, a wink, squeezing her hand, etc.).
• Go really nice and build tons of rapport and then release the tension with a playfully asshole
comment that undermines the compliment.
A little while ago, I started recording some of my pickups. It makes me a better instructor on
bootcamps (as well as giving me funny stories for my blog). It also gives me great material for
real-life examples like these push/pull dialogues.
Most of these dialogues took place within minutes of first meeting.
At this point, she wanted to jump in and defend herself, so I just smiled and hugged her. More
push/pull in action.
Remember that you don’t have to push every time and you don’t have to pull every time. You
use them as you need them.
To learn more from Braddock, check out his blog or his Love Systems bio, read some
independent reviews of his programs, or sign up for one of his events on the Training Schedule.