Reversal of Fortune Screenplay

Reversal of Fortune
Original Screenplay written by Jason Wiese

jasonwiese77@gmail.com

Reversal of Fortune Original Screenplay by Jason Wiese 2

FADE IN

INT. SMALL, FAMILY-RUN VIDEO STORE IN BAY RIDGE, BROOKLYN

BILLY HENDERSON, an overweight, incompetent native
Brooklynite in his late-twenties, is tediously re-stocking
the shelves with a carriage filled of DVDs.

A neer-do-well that never did, Billy tackles life one day
at a time, trying to get through the monotony of his dead-
end job.

An ELDERLY WOMAN in the nearly empty store approaches him.

ELDERLY WOMAN
Excuse me sir, but Im looking for that
new Channing Tatum movie that just came
out a few months ago, I forgot what its
called, I think Celestial People? Or
maybe Spiritual Figures?

BILLY HENDERSON
(annoyed)
Heavenly Bodies.

ELDERLY WOMAN
Oh yes, thats it. Ohh boy, my god-daughter
just loves him. Were going to watch it
together tonight with some pizza and a vat
of ice cream. Its our girls night!

BILLY
Well maam, youll have to try another
store if you want to watch it tonight.
We havent gotten our copies in for that
yet.

ELDERLY WOMAN
Oh, thats unfortunate. Can you tell me
where another video store might be?

BILLY
No maam.

ELDERLY WOMAN
No? But there must be another store around
here you can guide me to.


BILLY
OK, well then, I suggest you climb into
your DeLorean, set it to 1995 and get that
bitch up to 88 miles an hour because thats
the only way youre going to find another
video store anywhere close to here.

ELDERLY WOMAN
(shocked)
Why, Id never!

The woman storms off as Billy goes back to re-stocking the
shelves like nothing happened.

Once she leaves, TWO TEENAGED GIRLS walk up to him.

TEENAGED GIRL #1
Do you have Believe?

BILLY
The Justin Bieber opus?

TEENAGED GIRL #2
Yes.

BILLY
No, we dont carry stupid shit.

TEENAGED GIRL #1
Hes not stupid.

BILLY
He aint smart.

TEENAGED GIRL #2
Says, the old man that works at a video
store.

BILLY
Im 28.

TEENAGED GIRL #1
Dickhead, you look 40.

BILLY
Let me ask you something, how many abortions
have you had between the two of you? Im
putting the over / under at 3.


TEENAGED GIRL #2
Nice, do you kiss your boyfriends dick
with that mouth?

BILLY
No, but I do go down on your mom with it.

TEENAGED GIRL #2
(looks at her friend)
Lets go.

TEENAGED GIRL #1
I really want to see Bieber though. So
do you have the movie or not?

Billy looks at the shelf and grabs the closest DVD to him.

BILLY (contd)
No, but we do have plenty of copies of
Norbit. Its a really good movie, tender
and funny at the same time, and Bieber
reminds me of the main character too.
Its one of Eddie Murphys finest films.

TEENAGED GIRL
Whos Eddie Murphy?

BILLY
(stares in disbelief)
Get the fuck out of my store. Go, get
the fuck out.

The two girls turn around and leave while Billy goes back
to re-stocking the shelves.

After he haphazardly places several more DVDs on the shelf,
hes then approached by a MIDDLE-AGED MAN.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Excuse me, Im looking for Expendables 3,
but I cant seem to find it anywhere.

BILLY
Yeah, were out of stock.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Are you sure?


BILLY
Yes, we dont have it.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Well can you check up front? Maybe some-
ones returned a copy this evening? I
really wanted to see that movie tonight.

BILLY
(under his breath)
Thats a pretty sad Saturday night.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
What?

BILLY
Nothing, I was just saying if thats going
to be your Saturday night maybe you should
just take a bunch of pills and end it.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Thats really nice, do you have it or what?

BILLY
Sir, were all out.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
How do you know that for a fact though?
You havent even checked the front
counter.

BILLY
Because all the movies we have, if theyre
not on the shelves, theyre here in this
carriage.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
I get that you think that, but again, some-
one couldve just placed a copy in the over-
night slot.

BILLY
That probably hasnt happened though.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
You know what? Forget it, Ill just watch
it on Netflix.


BILLY
Ummm, I think theyll be out of it too,
its a pretty popular title right now.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Netflix cant run out of copies asshole!

BILLY
Yes they can, its called bandwidth,
Maybe you should read a book sometime.

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Youre an moron, bandwidth has nothing to
do with whether or not they have a movie.

BILLY
Sure, keep on believing their propaganda,
Netflix this, and Netflix that, everyone
that comes in here thinks Netflix is like
the worlds greatest blowjob, when in fact
theyre just shaft rakers like every other
new technology out there. Youre all just
sheep. Bahhh! Bahhh!

MAN AT VIDEO STORE
Id ask to speak to your manager if I
gave a shit, but luckily I dont. I try
to help out a local small business and
all I get is attitude in return.

The man turns around and storms out of the store.

BILLY
Have a good night sir, dont come again.

Having seen enough not just that night but for the duration
of employment, the middle-aged VIDEO STORE MANAGER
approaches Billy.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Billy, we need to talk.

BILLY
Yes sir.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Billy, I hate to do this because I like
you as a human being, even though you
(MORE)

VIDEO STORE MANAGER (contd)
have no idea how to communicate with
people on the most basic level, but I
have to lay you off.

BILLY
Lay me off?

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Yes.

BILLY
Is it because of how I handled that gentle-
man? He started with me, asking if we had
a movie in stock. Im sorry sir, I just
get frustrated very easily sometimes.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
No, truth be told I dont mind that type
of shit. I get to live vicariously through
you, and the messed up think is I kind of
respect it. No, theres bigger business
reasons at play.

BILLY
Like what?

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Like the fact Im trying to run a god damn
video store in the 2015!

BILLY
Yeah, I can see how that could be tough.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Weve had a total of eight customers in
here tonight, six of which left empty-
handed. I cant keep up the staffing the
way it is now. Netflix is killing me,
its killing us.

BILLY
Fuck Netflix.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
You got that right. But theres nothing
I can do about it. Theyre monsters.


BILLY
Maybe I can hack into their site and make
it crash over and over again until their
customers get fed up?

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
You can do that?

BILLY
No. But I thought it sounded cool and Hugh
Jackman looked awesome doing that hacking
shit in Swordfish.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Billy, this isnt the movies.

BILLY
I wish it was, at least thered be a happy
Ending.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER
Theres nothing else I can do. I have to
let you go. Im sorry.

The manager reaches over and grabs a copy of Norbit from
the shelf.

VIDEO STORE MANAGER (contd)
Here, have a copy of Norbit, free of
charge, I know how much you love this
film.

BILLY
(sadly)
I do, thanks.

And with that, Billy takes his DVD copy, hangs his head
down low and slowly walks out of the store.

EXT. VIDEO STORE, 3
RD
AVENUE IN BAY RIDGE NIGHT

Billy walks out of the store and stands on the sidewalk
contemplating his next move.

BILLY
Great, what am I going to do now?


INT. SALTY DOG BAR, BAY RIDGE

Billy is sitting at a table in his favorite neighborhood
bar with his three best friends from childhood DENNIS, a
tall WASPY-type guy, GARY, a short, stocky Italian guy and
LORI, a tough but kind-hearted Brooklyn girl at heart.

Having all grown-up together, the four of them, while all
different in their own ways, share very similar traits.

Theyre in mid-conversation and Lori is responding to Billy
having asked what he should do now after being laid off.

LORI
Youre going to stop having a pathetic
pity party for yourself, youre going to
get up, wipe the dirt off your jersey,
get back into the batters box and take
another swing.

DENNIS
But dont go for the fences.

GARY
Yeah, dont swing for the fences. You
might whiff.

DENNIS
Be realistic, aim for a single.

GARY
You think? I wouldve said double.

DENNIS
I think a single is more attainable.

GARY
Yeah, but if hes been thrust into this
position he should try to make the best
of it.

DENNIS
And if he fails?

GARY
Then hes right back where he started,
drinking beers with us on a Friday night
at Salty Dog.


DENNIS
It wont be good for his self-esteem
though.

GARY
What self-esteem?

DENNIS
The little that he has left, you dont
want him to get negative self-esteem,
do you?

GARY
(thinking)
Youre probably right. You know what,
Billy? Just make contact.

DENNIS
Yeah, just try to hit the friggin ball.

BILLY
Excellent, thank you guys for no help what-
soever.

LORI
Billy, your idiot friends mean well.
Theyre just idiots.

DENNIS
Thank you Lori.

LORI
So do you have anything lined up?

BILLY
I went into the post office to see if
they have any openings; mailman, mail
sorter, anything. They told me they
dont expect to have any openings ever
again.

LORI
OK, no surprise there.

BILLY
I also contacted AM New York, the Metro,
and the New York Times to see if they
needed a newspaper deliveryman. No
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
luck there either. I also went to the
supermarket a few blocks over to see
if theyre looking for a cashier.

LORI
And?

BILLY
No dice. Theyre installing those new
electronic cashiers so theyre not hiring
anyone new.

LORI
What else?

BILLY
Theres this small mom-and-pop shop in
the neighborhood that I like, I asked if
they needed a stockboy. They politely
laughed in my face. They said they were
being forced to close at the end of the
month. God damn Amazon, theyre squeezing
out the little guy.

DENNIS
Billy, maybe you should stay away from
jobs and fields that are becoming obsolete
because of technology?

GARY
Yeah, it didnt work out so well for you
the last time around at the video store.

BILLY
I know, but I dont know how to do much
in life. Im pretty limited.

DENNIS
You got that right.

LORI
Hey, be nice.

BILLY
No, hes right.

LORI
Remember, no pity party here. OK?

BILLY
(reluctantly)
OK.

LORI
Are you looking at anything else?

Billy throws a folded up Classified section from AMNY onto
the middle of the table; several job opportunities have
been circled with scribbles along the border.

BILLY
Theres a couple things I found in the
paper.

GARY
(laughs)
The paper? You know theres something
called the internet, right? They have
a lot of job sites that you can go on.
Its very easy actually.

BILLY
You know I dont have the internet at
home.

GARY
You dont?

BILLY
Nah man, too expensive. I dont think
I really need it anyways.

GARY
What about your phone?

Dennis picks up Billys old flip phone from the table.

DENNIS
You mean this antiquated piece of shit?
Hes lucky if he can make a call from
this thing.

GARY
How do you watch porn then?

BILLY
Im fine, I have the whole set of
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
Baywatch. I wasnt always a model video
store employee you know, I skimmed DVDs
off the top sometimes. Checked them out
under dummy accounts and just walked home
with them.

GARY
Baywatch isnt porn though.

BILLY
It is if you have a good enough
imagination.

DENNIS
Why didnt you just steal porn then?

BILLY
If Im going to steal something and risk
my job, Im going to make damn sure it
has good production values.

DENNIS
Youre a weird dude Billy.

BILLY
You have no idea.

LORI
OK, OK, lets stay on track. What did
you find in the paper?

BILLY
Not much, a warehouse job, an inventory
job, a clerk at some place where Im not
sure what they do. Oh and Duane Reade is
hiring at their new location down the
street.

LORI
(encouraging)
OK, thats good, thats a start.

GARY
Do you think you could get me free condoms
at Duane Reade if you work there?

DENNIS
Condoms, what is this, 1978?

LORI
Dennis if you saw the chicks he was
screwing Im sure youd bag it too.

BILLY
More like doublebag it.

GARY
Oh, ha, ha, ha guys, funny, very funny.

LORI
So youre off to a good start Billy, but
dont you think you should aim for some-
thing a little higher?

BILLY
Like what?

LORI
Oh I dont know, what are you good at?

BILLY
Im not kidding, Im not really good at
anything.

LORI
Come on, everyones good at something.

BILLY
Not me.

GARY
Lori, hes right. Ive known him the
longest out of anyone here and I can
attest to him not being good at shit.
Dude was always picked last in gym class.
He rode the bench on our little league
team, and in the few innings that he
did play, he was put in right field.
He was a C minus student. Just an all
around mess.

BILLY
(sarcastically)
Thank you Gary.

GARY
No problem Billy, I got your back.


LORI
Billy, why dont you come over my place
tomorrow? You can use my internet
connection and Ill help you search
some of those job sites.

BILLY
You dont think David will mind?

LORI
No, hes at a bachelor party in Montreal.
Besides, were friends, whats the big
deal?

BILLY
OK, Ill be there.

INT. LORIS APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM

Lori is curled up on her couch reading US Weekly and
finishing a glass of red wine while Billy sits across the
room scrolling through a website on her computer.

LORI
Can I get you another glass of vino?

BILLY
Sure, Ill take one more.

Lori stands up and pours Billy another glass of wine.

LORI
Hows everything going?

BILLY
This internet thing is awesome. Do you
know you can find anything on here?
Even really bizarre shit. Like look, I
just googled chick blowing a dude in
the Eiffel Tower and you know what came
up? Over 1,000 videos of chicks blowing
dudes in the Eiffel Towerand also videos
of chicks being Eiffel Towered, whatever
the hell that is.

LORI
Please dont look at porn on my computer.


BILLY
Why not?

LORI
For a lot of reasons, like I dont want
that stuff in my browser history, I dont
need David to think Im a freak and I
dont need to get any viruses.

BILLY
How are you going to get an STD? This
is the safest sex there is.

LORI
A computer virus dumbass.

BILLY
Sorry, Im not one of those fancy computer
nerds.

LORI
Have you spent any time looking for jobs?
You know, the reason why I invited you
over?

BILLY
I thought you invited me over because you
like my company.

LORI
I do, but Im also trying to help you.

BILLY
Yeah, Ive been looking at jobs.

LORI
OK, what do you got?

BILLY
TGI Fridays is looking for a waiter, I
applied to that. The Salty Dog is looking
for a bar back. A messenger service in
Manhattan is looking for a delivery guy,
I know how to ride a bike, so thats
promising. Citibank is looking for a
bank teller, so I submitted my resume
there. A company in midtown is looking
for a data entry analyst so I sent my
resume into them too.

LORI
What does the company do?

BILLY
I have no idea. Didnt understand their
description, couldnt tell you what they do.

LORI
OK, a job is a job.

BILLY
Oh, and the Department of Sanitation is
looking for a mobile refuse technician.

LORI
A mobile refuse technician?
(thinking)
So, a garbage man?

BILLY
I prefer the term mobile refuse technician.

LORI
A garbage man.

BILLY
Hey, as you said, a job is a job. But
enough about me, I feel like Ive been
monopolizing the conversation tonight.
Whats been going on with you?

LORI
Nothing, same old same old, you know
nothing ever changes with me.

BILLY
And hows everything going with David?

LORI
(exhales loudly)
Ohhh, theyre going.

BILLY
What does that mean?

LORI
No, everythings good, things are fine.


BILLY
They dont sound very fine.

LORI
I dont know. Sometimes I wonder what
goes through that guys head and if hes
truly as invested in this as I am.

BILLY
God you sound like such a

LORI
(interrupts)
Chick?

BILLY
I was going to say little bitch, but
chick works too.

LORI
(embarrassed)
God I know! Arrgh, what have I become?
I never used to be like this! Im supposed
to be the tough girl from Brooklyn, now I
feel like an emotional basket case all the
time.

BILLY
Love does weird things to people.

LORI
Ewww, Im not in love.

BILLY
Youre not?

LORI
Oh who knows anymore, what I do know is
my boyfriend is in Montreal at a bachelor
party right now doing god knows what with
god knows who.

BILLY
Cocaine with hookers.

LORI
What?


BILLY
Have you ever been to Montreal?

LORI
No, but I hear it has beautiful
architecture.

BILLY
That and it also has beautiful hookers
that will do anythinganything.

LORI
You know youre supposed to make me feel
better, thats your role in case you
didnt know.

BILLY
I know, but I just dont want to see you
get hurt.

LORI
Do you think hes really banging hookers
up there?

BILLY
Hookers, no, strippers, well

LORI
(interrupts)
Hookers, strippers, civilians, whatever.
You know what Im asking.

Billy stares at Lori for a few moments before finally
deciding to answer.

BILLY
No, you know how guys are, theyre more
talk than action, just trying to fit in
and look cool when they tell stories to
their buddies. Im sure David is sitting
in Club SuperSex like a scared little
puppy, afraid to even talk to any of the
girls.

LORI
You think?

BILLY
Suresure.

LORI
OK, I feel much better.

BILLY
Good.

LORI
Now lets find you a tie online so that
you can look all spiffy on your inter-
views.

Lori pulls a chair next to Billy and sits down so she can
browse sites on the computer as well.

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN

Billy, whos dressed in a short sleeve, buttoned-down shirt
and tie, is sitting nervously across a desk from a MIDDLE-
AGED MAN who is intently studying his resume.

CORPORATE RECRUITER
So Mr. Henderson, this is a rather short
resume.

BILLY
Well if were being honest with each other,
I havent done much in life.

CORPORATE RECRUITER
I see, so what makes you think youre
qualified to be a data entry analyst?

BILLY
Because I need a job.

CORPORATE RECRUITER
Thats not exactly an answer to my question.

BILLY
Well Ive learned when you dont want
to give an answer to a specific question
you should reframe the question.

CORPORATE RECRUITER
But Im the interviewer here.


BILLY
Exactly, youre set, youre on easy
street, you have a job. I need a job.

The recruiter scans Billys resume one more time.

CORPORATE RECRUITER
OK Mr. Henderson, I think were done here.
Well be in touch.

Billy smiles as he stands up to shake his hand, oblivious
to the fact that the interview went very poorly.

BILLY
Excellent. Do you think Ill get the job?

CORPORATE RECRUITER
Were interviewing several candidates for
this position so well let you know.

BILLY
But between us friends, I have a strong
chance, right?

CORPORATE RECRUITER
Youll have to wait and see.

BILLY
Ahh I see, holding your cards close to
the vest. I understand. Well I feel
that this was a great interview, thanks
for your time.

INT. CITIBANK BRANCH OFFICE IN BROOKLYN

In a similar situation, Billy, whos again dressed in the
same short sleeve, buttoned-down shirt and tie, is sitting
nervously across a desk from a MIDDLE-AGED MAN who is
intently studying his resume.

However this time, the interviewer gets to the point by
putting the resume down and simply shaking his head no.

CITIBANK BRANCH MANAGER
Nope, sorry youre not Citibank material.

BILLY
Why not?


You have no relevant experience whatsoever.

BILLY
I can count though, look, one, two, three,
four, five, six

(interrupts)
Yes, yes, I get it, congratulations, you
can count. But working at a bank is more
than just counting.

BILLY
OK, I can learn other stuff.

I dont have anyone here to teach you
though, I need someone that can hit the
ground running.

BILLY
I can be that guy.

No you cant. Thank you for coming in
though. Im sure you can see yourself
out.

The manager turns his back to Billy and goes back to typing
on his computer.

INT. MAILROOM IN CORPORATE OFFICE

In another similar situation, Billy, whos in the same
shirt and tie, sits nervously across a desk from a MIDDLE-
AGED MAN who is looking him up and down.

MESSENGER SERVICE MANAGER
(smiles and nods his head)
OK, youre my guy!

BILLY
(shocked)
Seriously?

Absolutely.


BILLY
But you didnt even look at my resume.

Whats there to look at? This is a
messenger service here, Im not trying
to cure cancer, put a man on Mars, or
build a nuclear bomb. I just need to
make sure that packages get from point
A to point B, and to do that I use my
gut. And my gut is telling me that
youre my guy. You know how to ride
a bike?

BILLY
Yes sir.

You know how to read directions?

BILLY
Yes sir.

You know your way around the city?

BILLY
Yes sir, Im better above 14
th
St though,
the grid pattern makes it a lot easier
for me, but Im sure I could figure out
SOHO.

Boom! Then youre qualified.

BILLY
(happily)
Thats awesome! When do I start?

Do you have your bike with you today?

BILLY
Yeah, I rode up here.

Then you can start right now if youd like.


BILLY
Lets do it!

OK, lets do it!

EXT. THIRD AVENUE, MIDTOWN EAST DAY

Billy is riding his bike up a busy city street weaving in
and out of traffic while dodging pedestrians.

Hes wearing a bike helmet while still dressed in his short
sleeve button-down shirt, tie and dress pants, he also has
a backpack slung over his back.

Billy pulls up onto the sidewalk in front of a skyscraper
and parks his bike next to a pole.

He grabs his bike chain from his backpack but cant find
the keys anywhere.

BILLY
Where the hell did my keys go?

He continues searching for his keys, both in the backpack
and in his pockets.

BILLY (contd)
Shit, I left them back at the office.

He looks around the area and notices that the street is
mostly filled with professionals dressed in suits.

BILLY (contd)
OK, alright, this looks like a nice area,
a bunch of suits just going to Chopt and
Chipotle for lunch. My baby should be
fine out here. I mean, Im only going to
be gone for a few minutes.

Billy wraps the chain around the bike to make it look like
its locked up then walks into the lobby of the skyscraper.

LATER ON

After delivering a package, Billy walks out of the building
and immediately sees his bike is missing.


BILLY
(deflated)
Son-of-a-bitch.

INT. MAILROOM IN CORPORATE OFFICE

Billy is standing nervously in front of his manager after
having just told him he lost his bike.

You lost your bike? After your first
delivery?

BILLY
I wont necessarily say it was lost, more
like stolen.

After your first delivery!

BILLY
Yeah.

How the hell did that happen?

BILLY
Funny story actually, I left my keys back
here so I had no way to lock up my bike.
I thought itd be ok in midtown, since
you know everyone there wears suits, I
mean what kind of thief wears a suit?

Im not laughing.

BILLY
Well, you really had to be there to find
it funny.

OK, get the hell out of here.

BILLY
What?

I cant have an idiot on the payroll.
(MORE)

MESSENGER SERVICE MANAGER (contd)
You lost your fucking bike on your first
fucking day! This job requires a bike,
you dont have one! Thats like being
a male pornstar without a cock.

BILLY
What? Anyways, I can use one of those
stupid Citibikes.

Youd probably lose that too. Youre
out of here pal.

BILLY
Can I at least get paid for the two hours
I worked?

The manager reaches into his pocket, takes out a $20 and
hands it to Billy.

Doing the paperwork for a two-hour
employee would be a nightmare, heres
$20, tax free, keep the change.

INT. TGI FRIDAYS RESTAURANT

Billy is sitting at a table in the practically empty
restaurant late in the afternoon. Sitting across from him
is the MANAGER, a pretty female in her late twenties.

She looks at a bunch of paperwork sitting in front of her.

TGI FRIDAYS MANAGER
Well Billy, I reviewed the personality
test you took and unfortunately you
failed.

BILLY
(laughs)
No way!

TGI FRIDAYS MANAGER
Im afraid Im serious.

BILLY
What the hell does that mean? How do
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
you fail a personality test? Does that
mean I have no personality? I want you
to know that I have a lot of damn
personality, I have personality oozing
out of my asshole.

TGI FRIDAYS MANAGER
Billy, failing our personality test
doesnt mean you dont have a personality
per se, it just means that youre not a
personality fit for the specific demands
of this job.

BILLY
What demands are those? I mean, no
offense we are talking about TGI Fridays
here. Dumbasses come in, sit down, order
their stupid margaritas and shitty
appetizers, I write it down on a pad, I
deliver their food, then give them their
check and tell them politely to get the
hell out so I can sit the next group of
idiots. Am I missing something?

TGI FRIDAYS MANAGER
Its more complex than that. We want to
create the complete dining experience
because we want all of our customers to
become repeat customers, and a lot of
that will be based on the repoire they
have with their server. See, our servers
are our front line to the customers.

BILLY
And you dont think I can deal with
people? I am mister fucking people person.
People love me, I love people. Well I
dont love most people, in fact love is
a strong word, but there are definitely
people I like.

TGI FRIDAYS MANAGER
Billy, its just not going to work.

BILLY
Can you at least comp me an order of
loaded potato skins for my time?


EXT. TGI FRIDAYS, 5
th
AVENUE IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN DAY

Billy has just left the TGI Fridays and walked out into a
downpour. Prepared, he opens up his umbrella and begins
walking down the sidewalk.

Suddenly, a Sanitation truck comes barreling down the
street close to the sidewalk and smashes through a huge
puddle which ends up completely drenching him.

BILLY
(stops in his tracks)
Son-of-a-bitch.

INT. - BILLYS APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM

Billy is sitting on the couch of his cramped living room
which is cluttered with a lot of useless stuff like stacks
of DVDs, videotapes and magazines.

Hes watching TV and eating directly out of a bucket of
Breyers ice cream, moping about his recent employment
failures, when his landline phone rings.

BILLY
Hello.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Billy, what are you doing?

BILLY
Watching Jeopardyeating some Breyers.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Well stop that stupid shit, throw on some
pants, meet me at B Dubs and lets get
weird tonight.

BILLY
Dennis, I dont feel like going out tonight,
its been a shitty week.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Stop crying like a bitch, it was a shitty
week for everyone. You think I like going
to work? Fuck and no. Its Friday night,
the weekends here, so lets blow off some
steam.


BILLY
Look, Im comfortable on my couch,
relaxing with some TV and Im doing the
only thing Im good at, eating.

DENNIS (O.S.)
You can eat at B Dubs, you can have as
many wings as you want.

BILLY
I dont have any money Dennis.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Ill cover you tonight.

BILLY
I dont need your charity.

DENNIS (O.S.)
What charity? Youre giving me a signed
IOU at the end of the night. Youre
paying me back.

BILLY
(thinking)
Oh, I dont know.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Come on, its be fun. You need to get
out of your shitty apartment.

Billy looks around and notices how messy his place it is.

BILLY
Yeah, it is pretty shitty, isnt it?

DENNIS (O.S.)
Loris going to be there as well.

Billys interest is suddenly piqued after hearing that.

BILLY
She is?

DENNIS (O.S.)
Yeah, me, Gary and Lori.

BILLY
OK, Ill go.

DENNIS (O.S.)
Good, throw on a decent shirt, you never
know what chicks well meet there, and be
there in an hour.

INT. BUFFALO WILD WINGS, BROOKLYN

Billy, Dennis, Gary and Lori are sitting around a high
table in the middle of the crowded, raucous restaurant.

Theyre in the middle of a conversation where Billy is
giving them an update on his employment search.

LORI
So what happened to the sanitation job?

BILLY
Ugh, its all politics.

LORI
What does that mean?

BILLY
Its a government job. Its all about
who you know and who you blow.

LORI
Even in sanitation?

BILLY
Especially in sanitation. Theres like
no show jobs everywhere in that depart-
ment.

GARY
Looks like someone is still watching
too much Sopranos.

BILLY
No its true. Nepotism is everywhere.
Its like a big racket, do you know how
much awesome, valuable shit people throw
out every day? Chaise lounges, folding
tables, armoires. You think any of that
stuff actually makes it to a landfill?
Heck no, these garbage men take it and
sell it on eBay. Its a very profitable
side business for them, thats why its
so hard to get a job there.

LORI
So I take it that was a dead end?

BILLY
Totally. Didnt even get a second
interview.

Dennis pounds the rest of his pint of beer.

DENNIS
Well screw it. Its Friday night, lets
just drink our faces off and forget about
our worries.

BILLY
Easy for you to say. You have no
worries, you all have a steady paycheck
coming in. I got nothing.

GARY
Theres more to life than just a pay-
check, believe me weve all got our
own worries to deal with. We all got
bills to pay and we all have our shitty
relationships that we have to deal with.

DENNIS
Yeah Billy, youre actually lucky you
dont have a girl draining the soul out
of your body like a vampire.

BILLY
I cant even think about taking a girl
out right now. Unemployment doesnt
make them moist.

LORI
Dont say that word.

BILLY
What? Moist?

LORI
(cringes)
Yes, stop it!

BILLY
Sorry, Im just so frustrated.


LORI
Oh Billy, your luck will change soon
enough, I know it.

Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom system which
immediately draws everyones attention.

BWW ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome to Friday night at Buffalo
Wild Wings. Youre all here on a
very special occasion as tonight well
be holding our first annual all-you-
can-eat wing contest celebrating
our newest flavor, Habanero Inferno,
our hottest sauce ever created. We are
looking for daring competitors who would
be willing to challenge the beast and
take on our soon-to-be infamous Habanero
Inferno wings. You will have to sign a
waver agreeing to not hold Buffalo Wild
Wings responsible for the feelings of
euphoria that youll no doubt experience
after gobbling down several of these
perfect pieces of poultry precision.
Now, who would like to participate?
Step right up, step right up!

Lori turns to Billy and immediately pleads for him to go
up, even going so far as to push him repeatedly.

LORI
Oh my god Billy, you have to do this!

GARY
Yes, this has your gut written all over it.

BILLY
(sheepishly)
Oh I dont know guys.

DENNIS
You dont know? Billy, you said it your-
self, the only thing youre good at is
eating. This is an eating competition.
Go up there and kick everyones ass.

BILLY
You think I should?

DENNIS
Theres no thinking about it. In fact

Dennis stands up and tries to grab Billy out of his seat
but quickly realizes its a little harder than he thought.

DENNIS (contd)
Gary, help me out here.

Gary stands up and helps Dennis pull Billy from his seat.
Billy finally stops resisting before they succeed.

BILLY
OK, OK, Ill do it.

LORI
(applauds)
Yeah, go Billy!

Billy makes his way through the crowd, while random patrons
high-five him and pat him on the back, as he hustles
towards a makeshift stage by the bar area.

BWW ANNOUNCER
There we go, we have our first contestant!
Come on up here buddy!

Billy walks up to the announcer and shakes his hand.

BWW ANNOUNCER (contd)
Whats your name friend?

BILLY
Billy, Billy Henderson.

BWW ANNOUNCER
Welcome to the stage and our first annual
wing eating contest! Billy, do you have
a nickname you go by?

BILLY
Yes, Billy.

BWW ANNOUNCER
(confused)
Well Billy, take a seat and get prepared
to eat wings until you puke, metaphorically
not physically speaking, of course. Like
(MORE)

any other eating competition, you puke,
you lose. No reversal of fortune here.

Lori grabs her beer from the table and rushes towards the
stage, followed by Dennis and Gary.

LORI
Come on, weve got to get a better look
at this.

LATER ON

Billy and his nine competitors, mostly male with a couple
females, ranging in age from teenagers to middle-aged, are
sitting at a long table. Each has a huge plate of wings
piled high in front of them.

BWW ANNOUNCER
OK contestants, you have five minutes to
eat as many wings as you can. Its as
simple as that. Remember, these wings
are literally as hot as a five-alarm
fire so be careful and dont blame me or
Buffalo Wild Wings Incorporated if you
are incinerated. By the way, we have
beautiful young ladies stationed in front
of each of you to count your wings as you
eat them so that theres no cheating.
Its not that we dont trust you, its
just that we dont trust you. OK, is
everybody ready?
(the competitors applaud)
DJ, kick some funky music for this!

The DJ salutes him then begins to play Joe Espositos
Youre The Best Around.

Immediately recognizing the song from the original Karate
Kid, Billy smiles and gives his friends a big thumbs up.

In return, Gary does some obviously fake karate moves while
Dennis shows off his version of the crane technique.

DENNIS
Put em in a body bag Billy, yeah!

GARY
Sweep the fucking leg!

LORI
(confused)
What are you clowns talking about?

DENNIS
Seriously?

The announcer looks at the timer that sits on the wall
above the table and shouts out.

BWW ANNOUNCER
Gentlemen start the timerand go!

With that, the ten competitors dive into their plates
furiously eating wings and indiscriminately discarding the
bones on the table and floor while the crowd cheers on.

After only a short time, most of the competitors begin to
take a break while Billy carries on, unfazed by the massive
amount of blazing hot wings hes eating.

LATER ON 30 SECONDS LEFT IN THE CONTEST

All the competitors except for Billy are slowing down,
barely able to eat another wing, while Billy continues
downing the plate in front of him.

GARY
Holy shit, hes a machine!

DENNIS
Hes killing them!

BWW ANNOUNCER
Were winding down this most exciting
competition. 10, 9

The crowd exuberantly joins in on the countdown.

BWW ANNOUNCER
8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And were done.
Competitors, put your wings down!

The announcer walks in front of the table to get a better
view. He sees that Billys plate is almost empty while
everyone elses is still half-filled with wings.


BWW ANNOUNCER
Whoa! Whoa! We have a B Dubs blowout!
Billy, they call him Billy, Henderson
has slaughtered the competition! His
competitors are figuratively walking
around like chickens with their heads
cut off! 52 habanero inferno wings in
five minutes! They said it couldnt be
done! They said it wouldnt be done!
They said it shouldnt be done! But
Billy proved all the haters wrong! Hes
the big winner, he will have his entire
check comped tonight! He will be the
envy of everyone in the restaurant
tonight! He will go home with the
hottest girl tonight!

The announcer looks Billy up and down then changes his
tune.

Maybe not the hottest girl, but certainly
a girl out of his league! Life is nothing
but great for the man they call Billy!
(walks over to Billy)
What would you like to say to all your
new adoring fans out there?

BILLY
I know its going to sound sad, because
quite frankly it is sad, but this is the
greatest accomplishment Ive ever had in
my miserable, shitty existence on this
hellhole we call earth.

Billys somber speech quickly brings the room to a hush.

BWW ANNOUNCER
Ummm, OK. Do you have anything else to
say, maybe something a little more
uplifting?

Billy puts his finger up to silence the crowd then picks up
a full pint of beer and downs it in one gulp, belching
after he finishes it.

The crowd roars in appreciation after he emphatically slams
the empty plastic cup on the table and crushes it. He
flashes a big smile and gives a knowing nod to his friends.

BWW ANNOUNCER
There you have it! Our chicken champion!
Our wing winner! Our prince of poultry!

Billy picks up two more wings and continues eating.

BWW ANNOUNCER
And hes still going ladies and gentlemen!
An absolute savage move by an absolute
savage of a man!

Billy picks up his plate of remaining wings and leaves the
table to rejoin his friends.

The restaurant guests all pat him on the back as he makes
his way through the crowd and towards his friends.

LORI
That was amazing Billy!

GARY
Hey do you feel big guy?

BILLY
Like I need another beer.

DENNIS
Lets go back to our table.

The four of them walk back to their table and take their
seats again.

GARY
How hot are these things really?

BILLY
Pretty friggin hot.

GARY
They dont look so bad. Let me have one
of those, Ill be the judge.

BILLY
OK, dont say I didnt warn you though.

Gary grabs a wing from the plate, takes one small bite and
immediately regrets his decision.


GARY
Holy fuckballs! Thats Scarlett Johansson
ass hot!

As Gary takes a sip of water, Dennis grabs a wing from the
plate.

DENNIS
Pussy. Let me show you how a real man
does it.

Dennis takes a small bite, immediately spits it out then
rushes to a neighboring table so he can take their pitcher
of water.

He chugs the water, drinking it so quickly that most of it
ends up going all over his shirt.

DENNIS
Damn man, that shit is straight fire
flames. You seriously ate 52 of them?

BILLY
Thats what the counter said, although
personally I think I did 54, but whatever
a win is a win.

DENNIS
Thats unbelievable.

Billy puts the plate of wings in front of Lori and offers
her one.

BILLY
Would you like one Lori?

LORI
Oh god no, I cant even stand the smell
of them.

BILLY
Alright, more for me then.

He grabs another wing and starts eating it.

GARY
Youre insane.


BILLY
(shrugs his shoulders)
I just know how to eat.

The WAITRESS, a pretty, young college-aged female,
approaches the table and warmly puts her arm around Billy.

BWW WAITRESS
That was amazing!

BILLY
(smitten)
Thanks, it was no big deal.

BWW WAITRESS
Can I get you guys anything right now?

BILLY
Yeah, well take two pitchers of Miller
Lite.

BWW WAITRESS
You got it.

GARY
Make it four.
(looks to his friends)
Hey, its Billys tab tonight and its
free.

BILLY
Gary, we dont have to use and abuse
B Dubs just because I won.

BWW WAITRESS
Its no problem at all. Ill get you
four pitchers.

The waitress rubs Billys back as she walks away.

DENNIS
Holy shit, maybe this will get Billy
laid.

GARY
Get real, shes a waitress, shes paid
to flirt with customers. Hell, she might
even blow him if the tip is right.


LORI
Gross. You know why youre single Gary?

GARY
Because Im too pretty to be kept by only
one girl?

LORI
No, its because you dont respect women,
which means you dont respect yourself.

GARY
Ohh, is this the part of the night when
you go all philosophical on us? Its
a little too early for that, dont you
think?

LORI
Its true though.

GARY
Well Billy respects women and look how
far that gets him.

BILLY
Hey dont bring me into this.

LORI
You know Gary, if you were half the man
Billy is

GARY
(interrupts)
I am half the man Billy is.

LORI
Har, har, har, you know Gary, I swear
to god I should

DONALD GORGE, a slick young man dressed in a crisp suit,
approaches the table and interrupts them just as the
argument starts to get heated.

DONALD GORGE
Excuse me, Mr. Henderson.

BILLY
Yes.


DONALD GORGE
Im Donald Gorge from Major League Eating.

BILLY
What the hells Major League Eating?

DONALD GORGE
Were the governing body that supervises
and regulates eating contests across the
world.

BILLY
Holy shit, something like that actually
exists?
(laughs)
Jesus, what is America going to think of
next?

DONALD GORGE
Yes, we actually exist.

DENNIS
I guess that means world hunger has ended?

DONALD GORGE
(deadpans)
No, why would you assume that?

DENNIS
Oh, no reason.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, not only do we exist but we take
the sport very serious.

DENNIS
Wait, did you just call eating a sport?

DONALD GORGE
Absolutely.

DENNIS
Eating, like something that everybody
does every day, a sport?

DONALD GORGE
Thats right.


DENNIS
(looks around to his friends)
OK, Ill ask. How the hell is that a
sport?

DONALD GORGE
I can see how this can be confusing.
Let me explain, see, what unathletic
people like yourself do every day,
thats just eating. You have your
Fruit Loops in the morning, soup and
sandwich for lunch, and at night you
come to your local Buffalo Wild Wings,
eat your dozen wings, drink a liter of
beer then go home and call it a day.
Thats all well in good, and I respect
that.

DENNIS
(interrupts)
Im glad you can respect eating.

DONALD GORGE
(ignores him)
However theres no competitive aspect
involved there. You add in competition,
you add, five other people, nine other
people, winners, who are as hungry as
you are, and you tell them to each the
most pounds of lunch meat or the most
number of wings or the most pieces of
shrimp, whatever, thats what gives you
the thrill of victory and the agony of
defeat, and thats what a sport is all
about. Billy, when I saw you tonight,
you were impressive, regardless of how
awful your victory speech was, I didnt
see a loser up there on the stage, I saw
a winner, I saw an athlete.

Gary and Dennis cant help contain their laughter.

DONALD GORGE (contd)
Sure maybe not a traditional athlete
like a Floyd Mayweather, Lebron James
or Ronaldo but an athlete none the less.


BILLY
Athlete? Not bad for a kid that was
always picked last in gym class.

GARY
(whispers)
I cant believe Im hearing this.

DENNIS
(whispers)
I cant believe hes saying this with
a straight face.

BILLY
Thanks for all the kind words.

DONALD GORGE
No, thank you for your performance. You
nearly broke a wing eating world record.
Im an excellent judge of talent and I
can confidently say I think, I think a
star was born tonight.

BILLY
You dont want to sleep with me do you?
I mean, Im flattered but I like girls.

DONALD GORGE
No, I want to sign you.

BILLY
To Major League Eating?

DONALD GORGE
MLE for short, yes.

DENNIS
Wait so your name is Gorge and you work
at a place called Major League Eating?

DONALD GORGE
Purely coincidental but some would say
with a name like mine I was born to do
this job. Actually, truth be told, my
real last name was Gage, but I legally
changed it to Gorge when I came to MLE.
See, were all about promotion and
theatrics at our organization so it only
(MORE)

made sense for me to change my name to
something that fit better contextually.
(looks at Billy)
So what do you say Billy, will you sign
with MLE?

BILLY
What does that mean exactly?

DONALD GORGE
You sign a contract, you join the circuit,
you enter various eating contests across
the country, and if you do well enough,
you might even be able to gain a spot at
the fabled Nathans Famous Fourth of July
Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island.

LORI
Nathans! Wow, Billy thatd be awesome!

BILLY
I dont know sir.

DONALD GORGE
What dont you know Billy?

BILLY
I appreciate the offer, but I dont know
if competitive eating is for me, Im
trying to get a full time job right
now, looking for some stability in life,
a steady paycheck. Im not sure if
traveling the country eating will
provide that.

DONALD GORGE
If youre good enough, it will.

BILLY
I dont know if Im good enough though,
and thats a big if for me right now.

DONALD GORGE
I see the gift in you though Billy. Do
you remember that quote in A Bronx Tale?


DENNIS
(whispers)
I love that movie.

BILLY
Its better to be feared than loved?

DONALD GORGE
The saddest thing in life is wasted
talent and the choices you make will
shape your life forever. I want you
to think about that for a little bit.

Donald takes a business card out of his jacket pocket and
hands it to Billy.

DONALD GORGE
You have a wonderful night with your
friends and I hope you enjoy your
victory. I have a feeling there will
be plenty more of them in your future.

And with that Donald walks away while Billy continues to
studying his business card.

DENNIS
Holy shit, was that guy serious?

BILLY
His business card seems serious.

Billy shows the card to them then Gary grabs it from him.

GARY
Its certainly printed on a good stock.

LORI
Whats there to think about Billy?

BILLY
I dont know about this.

LORI
I mean, if he is who he says he is, and
Major League Eating is actually what he
says it is, it seems to me like a no
brainer to at least try it. What have
you got to lose?


GARY
Yeah, its not like you have anything
else going on for you right now.

BILLY
I dont want to fail again though.

LORI
Is that what this is about? Failure?

GARY
Why should it matter, youre so good at
it now.

LORI
Gary, shut up.

BILLY
Thats exactly it though. Gary hit the
nail on the head. I am a failure, and
Im sick of it.

Lori looks sternly at both Gary and Dennis.

LORI
You know, would it hurt you two pricks
to be a little supportive of Billy once
in a while?

DENNIS
Lori, were just breaking balls.

GARY
Yeah, thats what guys do.

LORI
Theres a time and a place though.

DENNIS
Were dudes, its always the time and the
place.

LORI
Youre a bunch of Neanderthals.
(looks at Billy)
Billy, youre not going to fail.


BILLY
How do you know? All signs and historical
trends point to failure.

LORI
Did you see what you did on that stage
earlier? You were a man among boysand
girls. You were supernatural. You
didnt just win, you crushed everyone,
why do you not think you could do that
with other food products, like oysters,
jalapenos, pizza, hot dogs, and whatever
else they shove down their throats at
record speeds.

BILLY
I do like oystersand jalapenosand pizza
and hot dogs.

LORI
There you go! So whats the problem?

BILLY
I dont know, I just feel like if I fail
at this what the hell would I ever succeed
at?

LORI
I understand, but I have faith in you,
Dennis and Gary have faith in you too.
Right guys?

DENNIS
Oh yes, yes.

GARY
Absolutely we have faith.

BILLY
Thanks guys, youre all real good
friends.

LORI
Billy, make me a promise, thats all Ill
ask of you. At least think about this
opportunity. OK?

The waitress comes back to deliver the four pitchers.


BWW WAITRESS
Here you go guys, enjoy!

BILLY
OK, Ill think about it tomorrowbut
tonight we drink to celebrate!

DENNIS
Hell yeah we do!

Billy fills up everyones empty plastic cups with beer then
they cheers and pound their drinks.

INT. BILLYS APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM

Billys lying on his couch watching TV when he notices
Donalds business card sitting on his coffee table.

He picks up the card and looks at it, contemplating whether
he should call or not.

After several moments of thinking, he finally sits up and
grabs his landline phone to call him.

BILLY
Hi, can I speak to Mr. Donald Gorge?
(waits for a response)
Oh this is him? Hi, this is Billy
Henderson, we met the other night at
Buffalo Wild Wings, I won the wing
eating contest.
Yes, yes, Im doing good. How are you?
Im good, Im good. Well Mr. Gorge,
I know youre a very busy man so I
dont want to beat around the bush,
Im inand Im ready to kick ass!
(pauses)
So, what do I do now?

EXT. MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE BUILDING DAY

Billy walks across a well-manicured lawn towards a 5-story
glass tower that has an obnoxiously big sign hanging on the
faade that says MLE Performance Institute.


INT. - MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE BUILDING

ATRIUM

Billy is in awe when he steps into the huge, opulent lobby.
Decorated in all white, with white furniture, the place has
a sterile look to it.

He appraoches a desk set prominently in the middle of the
atrium where a young, very attractive female RECEPTIONIST
is sitting.

BILLY
Hi, Im here to see

RECEPTIONIST
(interrupts)
Mr. Gorge, youre William Henderson,
right?

BILLY
Jesus, no one has called me William
since Sunday school.

RECEPTIONIST
Please have a seat and Mr. Gorge will
be with you in one moment.

Billy takes a seat in the waiting area. After a few
moments of nervously fidgeting around, he decides to flip
through the stack of magazines sitting on a table.

He moves aside a Rolling Stone, a Time, a People and a Good
Housekeeping magazine then stops when he comes to
Competitive Eating Quarterly.

On the cover of the magazine is a screaming HARUTO THE
TYPHOON MATASUSAKA - a short, skinny Asian man in his
late-twenties - with the headline The Bad Boy of the MLE,
Can Anyone Beat Him?

BILLY
(to himself)
He doesnt look so bad to me.

A nerdy TEENAGER whos also sitting in the waiting area
overhears Billy and decides to interject.


NERDY TEENAGER
Youre wrong.

BILLY
What did you say?

NERDY TEENAGER
Thats Haruto Matasusaka, they call him
The Typhoon.

BILLY
So?

NERDY TEENAGER
Hes the seven-time defending Nathans
4
th
of July Hot dog eating champion.
Hes set the world record for eating
the most wings, jalapenos, dumplings,
cow brains and, of course, hot dogs.

BILLY
Of course.

NERDY TEENAGER
They say hes never met a food that he
couldnt eat.

BILLY
They say that?

NERDY TEENAGER
Oh yes.

BILLY
And who exactly are they?

NERDY TEENAGER
Only the editor-in-chief and head blogger
of Competitive Eating Quarterly!

BILLY
(to himself)
What the hell did I get myself into?
(to the teenager)
So what are you doing here?

NERDY TEENAGER
Im working on my certification in the
teenager division.

BILLY
You have to get certified for this
bullshit?

NERDY TEENAGER
Definitely, the MLE takes their
competitions very seriously therefore
they want to ensure all their athletes
are of both sound mind and body.

BILLY
Sound body?

NERDY TEENAGER
Yes, I mean maybe not exactly physically
but definitely spiritually.

BILLY
Good to see that theyve already brain-
washed you at such a young age.
(under his breath)
Tool.

Donald Gorge, a man who always walks with a purpose, enters
the waiting area and greets Billy with a firm handshake.

DONALD GORGE
Billy.

BILLY
Oh thank god youre here.

DONALD GORGE
Of course Im here, I work here. How
are you doing today?

BILLY
Im good.

DONALD GORGE
Are you ready to get to work?

BILLY
Absolutely.

DONALD GORGE
OK, lets do it. Follow me, and please
keep up. I walk fast, I think fast, I
talk fast and I act fast.

HALLWAY

Billy is trailing behind Donald by a few steps, struggling
to keep up, as they walk briskly down a hallway. This
allows Billy to peek into the rooms as they walk.

In one room, theres TWO MALE COMPETITORS practicing their
hot dog eating techniques splitting hot dogs in two,
dunking the buns separately in water, drinking pints of
pink lemonade.

In another room, a DOCTOR in a white lab coat is measuring
the height of another MALE COMPETITOR and then checks his
heartbeat with his stethoscope.

In a third room, a bunch of MALE COMPETITORS are stretching
and doing exercises like jumping jacks, stretching, running
in place and shadow boxing.

In a fourth, a MALE COMPETITOR is laying on a massage table
while a young, sexy female MASSAGE THERAPIST rubs and
massages his bare belly.

In a fifth room, another MALE COMPETITOR is standing in
front of a full length wall mirror practicing his burping
and also rubbing and moving his jawbone working on his
muscles.

Also down the length of the hallway hangs a series of
portraits of competitors that have been inducted into the
MLE Hall of Fame, the pictures run the gamut of people and
practically all photos are completely awkward.

DONALD GORGE
Do you like the offices?

BILLY
Yeah, its beautiful. Looks intense
around here though, not what I expected.

DONALD GORGE
Thats because competitive eating is
intense.

BILLY
So whats up first, what are we going to
do?


DONALD GORGE
First, Ill need you to sign some paper-
work, just a couple contracts, no big
deal. Should only take a minute or two,
maybe a little longer if you actually
want to read through them, but you dont
have to. Its not really necessary.

BILLY
Contracts? Im not really into big
business and Wall Street and things like
that. Should I have brought a lawyer
along with me? Not that I have one,
but I watch a lot of late night TV and
I think I remember the number for one
of them, his commercial has a catchy
jingle. Have you heard it, do you know
the one Im talking about?

DONALD GORGE
(ignores his question)
Lawyer? For what? Lawyers just like
to complicate things, write all their
legalese that doesnt make sense to
the common man, hold things up, stall
progress. I am progress. No, you
dont need a lawyer. Besides, Im your
friend, I dont try to screw over my
friends.

BILLY
Yeah, that makes sense. Youre right.

LATER ON DONALDS OFFICE

Donald is sitting behind his desk patiently waiting for
Billy to finish signing all of his paperwork.

BILLY
Whats this part mean about forfeiting
all merchandising rights and likenesses
upon agreement of entering the circuit?

DONALD GORGE
Oh nothing really, just means that once
you sign onto MLE, youre entering into
a partnership with MLE Incorporated and
we have the right to market and sell you
(MORE)

as we see fit. This is good for you
Billy, trust me, we have a dedicated
team of experienced marketers that know
how to promote our stars and build
incremental value. Let me ask you
something, do you like money?

BILLY
I do like money.

DONALD GORGE
Good, I thought you did. Well then if
you like money then theres no reason
why you wouldnt sign.

BILLY
Thats all I need to hear.

With that, Billy signs the last document that is in front
of him.

DONALD GORGE

Excellent. Now Billy, I need to tell
you one last thing. You see, competitive
eating is as much here
(points to his brain)
As it is here.
(rubs his stomach)
It takes equal parts mental toughness,
physical endurance and desire, the
heart and stomach of a champion, to
succeed. We can train you to eat.
We will train you to eat because your
first competition is only in two weeks.

BILLY
Two weeks? Thats pretty quick.

DONALD GORGE
Well we dont believe in wasted space.
You sign a contract, we put you to work
right away, its good for everyone
involved.

Donald notices Haruto in the hall walking towards his
office.


DONALD GORGE
Billy, youre actually in for a special
treat today.

BILLY
Whys that?

Haruto, with his famed mustard yellow belt draped on his
shoulder, walks into the office and immediately acts like
he owns the place.

HARUTO
Whats up my bitches!

DONALD GORGE
(laughs)
Theres my guy!

Donald stands up and greets him with a hearty handshake.

DONALD GORGE
Typhoon, Id like to introduce you to
Billy Henderson, our newest superstar
on the MLE tour.

HARUTO
Nah, nah, you dont introduce me to him,
you introduce him to me. Have some
respect for my number one ranking.

For once, Donald is humbled by someone else.

DONALD GORGE
Absolutely, sorry Typhoon. Ummm, Billy
Id like you to meet our most popular
superstar in the league, Haruto The
Typhoon Matasusaka.

HARUTO
Seven-time defending Nathans Famous
4
th
of July Hot Dog eating champion,
Haruto Matasusaka.

Billy stands to greet Haruto.

BILLY
Good to meet you Mr. Matasusaka-san.
I liked your cover on Competitive
Eating Quarterly.

DONALD GORGE
Ahh you saw that?!

BILLY
Yes, absolutely, I mean just in your
waiting area so I didnt have a chance
to read the article, but the pictures
were good, they made you look taller.

Haruto, being the tough guy he is and trying to exude his
dominance, shakes Billys hand and squeezes it as hard as
he can. This only annoys Billy.

BILLY
What are you doing?

HARUTO
Me? Nothing, Im just being friendly,
shaking your hand, welcoming a fellow
competitor onto the circuit.

BILLY
It feels like youre trying to squeeze it.

HARUTO
Me? No.

BILLY
Is that the hardest you can squeeze?

HARUTO
No.

Haruto tries to squeeze his hand harder which barely
affects Billy.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, youre going to be thrown into
the deep end right off the bat. Haruto
will be competing in your first contest.

BILLY
And whats that?

DONALD GORGE
The Shrimp Invitational at Red Lobster.


HARUTO
In case you dont know, Im Asian so
seafood is second nature to me. I was
practically born with flippers.

Billy sizes up Harutos shortness and looks over his head.

BILLY
Did they name the contest after you too?

HARUTO
Youre so funny I forgot to laugh.

BILLY
Thats a nice belt, a little gaudy but
it complements your complexion. Do you
always walk around with it on your
shoulder?

DONALD GORGE
Billy, that is the mustard yellow belt,
thats what every competitive eater
craves to attain. Its what the winner
of the Nathans Famous 4
th
of July hot
dog eating contest wins. Its very
coveted in our world, much like the
Lombardi trophy, Lord Stanley Cup,
Nobel Peace Prize or Congressional
Medal of Honor is to others.

BILLY
Well its pretty.

HARUTO
Admire it now because its the closest
youll ever get to this.

Haruto kisses the belt.

BILLY
Is everyone in this league as weird as you?

HARUTO
No. Im the best at being weird, just
like Im the best at eating hot dogs,
oysters, pizza, anything, you name it.


DONALD GORGE
Typhoon, why dont you go down the hall
and have one of the doctors check your
cholesterol.

HARUTO
Good idea.

He grabs a pretzel stick off of Donalds desk and takes a
big, hard bite out of it to try to intimidate Billy.

BILLY
Dude, get over yourself, Im not scared
of you.

Haruto stares down Billy and walks out of the office
backwards without taking his eyes off him.

HARUTO
Ill be keeping an eye on you, rookie.

BILLY
I look forward to our first competition.

HARUTO
And I look forward to beating you in
our first competition. Be careful,
dont do a reversal of fortune your
first time out.

Haruto laughs then bows to Billy once he gets to the
doorway.

BILLY
(annoyed)
Just leave already.

Donald sits back down after Haruto leaves the office.

DONALD GORGE
Did you like that belt?

BILLY
Yeah it was nice, a little ridiculous
looking, but kind of cool nonetheless.

DONALD GORGE
That belt should be your #1 goal. Yeah,
(MORE)

winning the overall cumulative point
total for the season is nice, but
traditionally, historically, everyone
wants to drape that mustard yellow belt
around their waist. Its our largest
nationally televised event, and anyone
would receive a ton of exposure for
winning it. Think about the Nathans
Famous 4
th
of July hot dog eating contest
as the Super Bowl, Daytona 500, World
Series, British Open, Wimbledon, Home
Run Derby, Final Four, Olympics, World
Cup, Haleys Comet and presidential
election all wrapped into one. Its
winner take all with no participation
trophy for second place.

BILLY
Thats pretty heavy.

DONALD GORGE
So are you ready to begin training?

BILLY
Ive never been more ready for anything
in my life.

DONALD GORGE
OK, lets do it then.

EXT. RUNNING TRACK, MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE CAMPUS
DAY

Billy is standing on the track in a jogging suit and
headband as Donald introduces him to his new TRAINER, a
hardened, tough-as-nails, jacked middle-aged Army veteran.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, Id like to introduce you to
ex-Navy Seal, Sergeant Harding, hell
be the trainer in charge of your
extensive workout regimen for the
next two weeks.

SERGEANT HARDING
Ive never seen a more disgusting pile
of puke standing before me in my entire
(MORE)

SERGEANT HARDING (contd)
life. Youre probably standing there
wondering how youre going to get into
competition shape in the next fourteen
days. Well, Im going to push you to
levels you never thought you could reach,
and when I get you there, Im going to
push you even harder. While I cant
make you into me, I can make you into
the best you can be.

BILLY
What are we doing out here?

SERGEANT HARDING
Youre going to run a mile. Then when
you complete that, youre going to run
another mile. Im going to stretch you
to the edge of your physical abilities,
youre going to run until you literally
drop.

BILLY
So if I drop after a hundred yards we
can move onto the next pointless thing?

SERGEANT HARDING
No, youre going to pick yourself up
and run some more.

BILLY
Im sorry sir, but what does running
have to do with competitive eating?
I dont even remember the last time
I ran for anything, for any reason.
Maybe sixth grade for the physical
fitness test?

SERGEANT HARDING
Im sure you failed that.

DONALD GORGE
Really Billy? You might as well ask
what does steering have to do with
driving, or what does paddling have to
do with kayaking or what does kicking
your feet have to do with swimming?


BILLY
OK, interesting analogies that have
nothing in common with what I asked.

SERGEANT HARDING
No more questions, losers stall, winners
do. Get to it.

DONALD GORGE
Ill let you two go to work.

Donald leaves as Billy, very slowly, starts running around
the track as his trainer follows behind barking at him.

SERGEANT HARDING
Pick up the pace fat boy! Winners run!
Losers walk! Winners rent a cheap motel
room and screw the homecoming queen on
prom night, losers stay home and jerk off
all over their Ouija board.

BILLY
(looks at Sergeant)
What the hell are you talking about?

SERGEANT HARDING
(shouts)
Maintain discipline! Look straight
ahead! A winner does not get dis-
tracted by outside forces! A winner
keeps their head in the game at all
times! A winnerwins.

Billy is already sucking wind after running just 30 yards.

This begins a training montage set to Survivors Burning
Heart with scenes of Billy struggling to run around the
track interspersed throughout:

He does push-ups in the middle field of the track, actually
he only does one before falling flat on his stomach even
though his trainer is on the ground next to him giving
encouragement by constantly yelling and screaming at him.

Then he tries to do a pull-up but cant even muster one as
he struggles mightily and just hangs there. Frustrated,
the Sergeant grabs his legs and pushes him up to do one.


INT. MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE BUILDING

VARIOUS ROOMS

Billy is sitting at a table where Donald is teaching him
proper technique for eating a hot dog taking the hot dog
out of the bun, ripping it in two then dipping the bun in a
cup of water.

He grabs a hot ketchup bottle and attempts to put some on a
hot dog but is quickly pushed away by Donald.

Donald has Billy grab a hot dog next. When Billy dips the
bun in the water, Donald shakes his head disapprovingly
then helps by adjusting his wrist just so and having him
dip again.

Then when he goes to eat the hot dog very gingerly, Donald
shakes his head again. He puts another hot dog in Billys
hand then pushes his hand up forcing the dog right into his
mouth, practically stuffing it in there.

Next, with instruction from the Sergeant, Billy works on a
punching bag, hitting it harder and harder with each
successive punch.

Afterwards, Donald is standing with Billy in front of a
mirror teaching him the wiggle technique. He watches
Billy eat a hot dog then shows him how to wiggle his body
to digest the hot dog more easily.

Billy tries to replicate his wiggle, but after he does
Donald shakes his head then puts his hands on Billys waist
and forcefully sways them to show him how he should do it.

He eats another hot dog and wiggles his body again, this
time meeting with Donalds approval as he claps his hand
and gives him a high five.

Later hes struggling hard to do sit-ups, with very bad
form, as the Sergeant kneels next to him slapping him on
the stomach.

SERGEANT HARDING
No pain, no pain, no pain.

Billy suddenly stops himself mid sit-up.


BILLY
Can you stop doing that? Its kind of
annoying.

The Sergeants demeanor changes quickly to a more relaxed
one.

SERGEANT HARDING
Yeah, youre right, that was over the
top.

Next, Billy is sitting down at a table with a large pizza
sitting in front of him.

He attempts to rip a piece off but is abruptly stopped by
Donald who folds up the entire pizza and hands it to Billy
who takes several mammoth bites from it.

He puts the pizza down and takes a swig from a pitcher of
water, but even that technique can be improved as Donald
encourages him to take bigger, but quicker gulps.

EXT. TRACK, MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE CAMPUS DAY

Billy, barely able to still stand, very slowly runs across
the finish line. Hes so ecstatic that he claps and jumps
around Sergeant Harding then tries to hug him.

Harding stands there stoically through all this then shakes
his head and puts his arm out to stop the hug.

In return, Billy just politely shakes his hand.

INT. PROSPECT PARK, BROOKYLN

Billy and Lori are walking across the park, both are eating
ice cream cones.

LORI
So are you ready for tomorrow?

BILLY
I think I am. Are you going to be there?

LORI
What kind of question is that? Of course
Ill be there, I wouldnt miss it for
the world. Im going to be your loudest
(MORE)

LORI (contd)
supporter without a doubt. David and I
will be your loudest supporters.

BILLY
Oh, Davids coming too?

LORI
Yeah, hes curious about this whole
competitive eating thing so he wants to
check it out.

BILLY
Hes not going to make fun of me, is
he?

LORI
What? No, absolutely not! No way!
And if he does, rest assured Ill give
him a swift kick to the balls.

BILLY
Thanks. Are the guys coming too?

LORI
Of course. You dont think theyd come?

BILLY
Maybe not. Maybe theyre tired of seeing
me be a loser.

LORI
Stop it! You sound nervous.

BILLY
I am nervous.

LORI
Youll do just fine. I know you will.
You said yourself that your training
went well.

BILLY
Physically Im ready, its the mental
part that Im not so sure if Im where
I need to be.


LORI
Once you step in the ringor up to the
tableor on the stagewhatever they call
it, Im sure youll forget about every-
thing, forget about the nerves and your
instincts and training will take over.

BILLY
I hope so. God this is good ice cream.

LORI
Its not bad.

INT. RED LOBSTER, SUBURBAN NEW JERSEY

Donald, whos on stage wearing a tuxedo in front of a
crowded Red Lobster thats covered with Major League
Eating banners and posters, is in the midst of introducing
the competitors for the shrimp eating contest.

DONALD GORGE
Hailing from your neighbor to the east,
and keeping it real from the mean streets
of Brooklyn, hes a newcomer popping
his competitive cherry and making his
debut tonight on the MLE circuit, Billy
Henderson!

Billy walks in from outside of the restaurant and makes his
way through the crowd as Dennis and Gary trail behind him.

DENNIS
Youve got this tonight. Youre our
David, youre our Rocky, youre our
1980s U.S Olympic mens hockey team,
youre our 1969 Mets. No fear, leave
it all on the table tonight.

GARY
Actually you should leave it all in
your belly.

DENNIS
Yeah, no reversal of fortune, forget
I said that.

Dennis rubs Billys shoulder as they walk towards the
stage. Once on stage he joins several competitors already
situated at the long table.

Billy looks out in the crowd and gives Lori a wink and wave
when he spots her.

LORI
(claps and whistles loudly)
Alright Billy! Go! Go! Go!

DONALD GORGE
And hailing from Tokyo, Japan please
welcome to the stage, the Godzilla of
seafood, the world record holder in the
shrimp eating category and two-time
defending champion of the New Jersey Red
Lobster All-You-Can-Shrimp Invitational,
the atomic bomb, Haruto The Typhoon
Matsusaka!

Haruto leaves the bathroom and is guided through the crowd
by a couple of HANDLERS, one of whom is holding his world
championship belt high above his head behind him.

Hes wearing an obnoxious headband and t-shirt that says I
Beat Anyone That Challenges Me To Eat.

HARUTOS HANDLER
The greatest of all time! The greatest
of all time! The greatest of all time!

Haruto is the last competitor to join the stage; he
immediately goes up to Billy to try to intimidate him.

HARUTO
Watch how a real professional gets it
done.

BILLY
I shit bigger than you Haruto.

HARUTO
Doesnt matter how big the shit is,
just how big the brain, stomach and
heart is.

BILLY
Get bent.

HARUTO
(confused)
Bet rent?

BILLY
I said get bent.

HARUTO
Set gent?

BILLY
(annoyed)
Just shut up and sit down.

A bunch of SERVERS come up to the stage carrying platters
of shrimp piled high and place them in front of each
competitor.

DONALD GORGE
Are the competitors ready?

Everyone gives him a thumbs up.

DONALD GORGE
Time keeper please put five minutes on
the clock. OK, on your mark, get set,
shrimp!

Each competitor jumps into their pile of shrimp as the
clock begins its countdown and cocktail sauce goes flying
everywhere, especially all over their faces.

One of the weaker competitors meticulously peels each
shrimp before eating it, another has a more unorthodox
method he puts the whole shrimp in his mouth then spits
the tails out on the floor.

The more experienced eaters like Haruto, and even Billy,
are squeezing each tail to seamlessly get the meat into
their mouths.

Every once in a while, Haruto discards his shrimp tails by
throwing them towards Billy, a few even hit him which
briefly breaks his concentration.

The crowd is cheering wildly, including Lori, Dennis and
Gary. Loris boyfriend, David, is looking on more
skeptically.

DAVID
This is disgusting.


LORI
Oh come on David, lighten up, besides
Billys our friend, we have to support
him.

DAVID
Hes your friend. Theres no skill
involved here, I played lacrosse back
in college, now that took skill.

DENNIS
(sarcastically)
Yes, yes, we all know how much of a
world class athlete you are.

GARY
Yes, weve heard it many times.

DAVID
I wouldnt say world class necessarily,
but I was a two-time national champion.
Anyways all this gluttony is sick and,
the fact that global hunger is such an
epidemic, its incredibly intensive to
hold such an event or to even have such
a league exist in this day and age. If
Red Lobster was a good corporate citizen
theyd donate all this shrimp to third-
world countries like France, Greece and
Spain instead of engaging in, and
encouraging, this type of barbaric
competition.

GARY
Jesus, lighten up Francis.

DENNIS
(confused)
David, you know Italy, Greece and Spain
arent third-world countries, right?

DAVID
Whatever, I wasnt a geography major in
college, I majored in lacrosse and ass
slaying, but you know what I mean.

DENNIS
Thats nice. Youre certainly a credit
to humanity.

LORI
David, lets just watch and support my
friend.

David kisses Lori on the forehead.

DAVID
OK, Ill do it, but only for you honey
bunny.

LATER ON THE CLOCK IS COUNTING DOWN FROM 10 SECONDS

DONALD GORGE
Were coming to the end of the contest
folks, five, four, three, two, one.
Shrimps down!

Billy stuffs one last shrimp into his mouth then puts the
rest in his hand back down on the plate. His face, and
lips especially, are covered with cocktail sauce.

He looks over to Harutos nearly empty plate and realizes
immediately hes lost.

Billys look of dejection is countered by Harutos look of
elation. Knowing he won, Haruto jumps up on his chair then
on the table and raises his arms in celebration.

He then turns his attention to Billy and flips him off with
both middle fingers. After that he fakes throwing up on
him then laughs and dismisses him with a wave of his hand.

HARUTO
Screw you rookie! Youre my bitch!
Youre my little bitch! I own you!
You cant eat for shit, bitch!

DONALD GORGE
Ladies and gentlemen! What a contest!
I think its safe to say we were all a
witness to history tonight! Although
its clear who the victor is please
standby for a few more minutes as we
finish the official tally.

A sulking Billy leaves the stage and joins his friends.
They all give him consoling pats on the back.


DENNIS
Good try champ.

LORI
Yeah, you were wonderful!

BILLY
I lost though.

LORI
It was your first real competition,
youll get them next time.

DAVID
Yeah, you, ummm, looked OK out there,
I mean relatively speaking of course.
You looked less of an idiot than that
tiny Asian man who won.

BILLY
Well thank you David.

LORI
(whispers)
David, stop.

DAVID
(laughs)
What?

GARY
So what was it like, like overall?

BILLY
That was a lot of shrimp to eat. And
the cocktail sauce was pretty spicy so
that was an unanticipated challenge.

Dennis points to Billys face which is still covered in
sauce because he hasnt bothered to wipe it off yet.

DENNIS
Hey man, you got some sauce left on your
face.

BILLY
Oh yeah, where?


DENNIS
Ummm, everywhere.

GARY
Seriously, how does someone get cocktail
sauce on their forehead? Their forehead.

DENNIS
Forget that, how do you get it on your
ear?

DONALD GORGE (O.S.)
And its official! With an amazing four
pounds and nine ounces of shrimp eaten,
the winner and still champ, the Godzilla
of Seafood, the Saint of Shrimp, the
Prince of Prawns, the Fuhrer of Fish,
the Count of Crustaceans, Haruto The
Typhoon Matsusaka!

Haruto is carried off the stage by his two handlers and set
down in the crowd where hes greeted by fans and admirers
giving him high fives and patting him on the back.

He walks through the crowd and approaches Billy.

HARUTO
Hey rookie!

BILLY
(annoyed)
What?

Haruto puts his index and middle fingers up under Billys
nose.

HARUTO
Whats this smell like dickhead?

Billy immediately pushes his fingers away from him.

BILLY
Eww, get those away from me.

HARUTO
Thats the smell of victory, bitch!


Haruto laughs then walks away with the rest of his
entourage; one of the guys bumps into Billys shoulder on
purpose as he walks by.

After they leave, Billy turns around to chastise Dennis and
Gary.

BILLY
And where the hell were you guys to have
my back?

DENNIS
Oh come on Billy, that dude is like a
hobbit, you dont need us to help.

BILLY
Its not about needing help, its about
showing him that I roll deep too. Screw
him and his entourage, I want him to
know I have one too. That I cant be
fucked with, your inactions are making
me very fuckable.

DENNIS
Hey first time in your life at least!

BILLY
Go screw yourself.

GARY
If its any consolation, when the Asian
dude put his fingers to your nose and
asked what they smell like, I was going
to tell him your mamma! That wouldve
been a sick burn.

BILLY
So why didnt you?

GARY
I tripped over my shoelace and couldnt
regain my balance in time.

BILLY
Great, thanks. My money team is a bunch
of bumbling idiots.

DENNIS
Yes, but you already knew this.

BILLY
Come on, lets go to dinner.

LORI
You can eat after all that?

BILLY
Of course! That was just my appetizer,
Im fine as long as we dont go to Long
John Silvers.

INT. MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE

DONALD GORGES OFFICE

Billy is sitting in front of Donalds desk and has just
opened up his first paycheck. Its for $300.

He puts the paycheck down and sees Donald sitting across
from him with a huge smile on his face.

DONALD GORGE
What do you think? Pretty awesome to
get paid for eating, right? You get
paid for something that 75% of people
in this country do every day, in fact
most even have to pay to do it, but you
get paid.

BILLY
(unsatisfied)
Mr. Gorge, I appreciate getting paid,
but $300? Thats awfully tough to
live off of, you know?

DONALD GORGE
Oh is that what this is about? Having
a livable wage?

BILLY
Yeah, I think thats fair to ask about.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, the money will come when you
start winning. When that happens youll
get paid from not just competitions, but
also appearances and endorsements. The
money will be flowing in then, with MLE
(MORE)

only taking a modest 80% fee. But you
have to start somewhere first.

BILLY
I understand that, I just thought the
payments were going to be a little
higher.

DONALD GORGE
Well compensation was all clearly laid
out on pages 22, 23, 24 and 25 of the
contract. And also understand, as
stipulated in your contract, that we
took $200 off the top for use of the
facilities here at our performance
institute, so at least you dont have
to worry about that expense since weve
taken care of it for you.

BILLY
But you told me I didnt have to read
the contract.

DONALD GORGE
Yes, and thank god for me you didnt.
Billy, Im trying to run a business
here, if I tried to pay everyone here
like a superstar well then we wouldnt
be around for too long. Wed be bankrupt.
Were not communists, we dont live in
a utopian society where everyones
treated equally, were a business
and until you start winning, youll be
paid like a loser.
(thinking)
Would you like to meet who the top dogs
are in the world of competitive eating?

BILLY
Ive already met The Typhoon.

DONALD GORGE
(laughs)
Billy, Haruto might be our biggest star,
but hes by no means our only stud. Id
like to show you our superstars so that
you can see who makes superstar money,
(MORE)

and then hopefully youll start learning
to appreciate what it truly takes to
reach the top echelon of this profession.

BILLY
OK.

DONALD GORGE
Come with me then.

GYM

Standing against a wall are five of the meanest-looking,
toughest competitive eaters on the planet who are being
looked over by Donald and Billy.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, this is the crme de la crme
of MLE, and these are the men and
women youll be up against during our
major competitionsalong with of course
Haruto Matasusaka who youve already
competed against. First, Id like you
to meet Thomas The Hungry, Hungry
Hippo Potamus. Tommy hails from
Germany and is an expert eater in all
forms of kraut and wurst.

THOMAS POTAMUS is a very German-looking muscle head whos
wearing a tight tank top and biker shorts.

BILLY
So your name is Thomas Potamus? Thats
pretty catchy you know.

DONALD GORGE
I wouldnt rile him up Billy. Tommy
once bit a mans pinky finger off
during a competition in Dusseldorf
and ate it.

THOMAS POTAMUS
(menacingly)
It was in the heat of battle, I thought
it was a bratwurst. My mistake.


DONALD GORGE
Next we have a lovely lady by the name
The Praying Mantis.

BILLY
The Praying Mantis?

DONALD GORGE
Yes, just The Praying Mantis.

THE PRAYING MANTIS is a sultry, European-looking woman with
jet black hair and dressed in a skin-tight black leather
body suit.

THE PRAYING MANTIS
Do you know why they call me The Praying
Mantis?

BILLY
Im guessing its not because it was
your parents choice?

THE PRAYING MANTIS
Because competitive eating is like sex
to meand sex is like competitive eating.
Both are quite orgasmic.

BILLY
You get wet over eating large quantities
of hot dogs?

THE PRAYING MANTIS
(licks her lips)
Soaking.

The Praying Mantis blows Billy a seductive kiss.

DONALD GORGE
Moving on, we next have The Spearmint
Rhinoceros Joey Spearmint.

JOEY SPEARMINT, a husky man in his early-thirties, is
standing in a body suit flexing and admiring his own
muscles.

BILLY
Hey, are you named after


JOEY SPEARMINT
(interrupts)
No, I have that name because of my eating
prowessand penis size, if you know what
I mean.

BILLY
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

DONALD GORGE
Next to Joey, we have the Glutton From
Sutton Charles Chesterfield. Hes from
jolly old England, but dont let that fool
you. Just cause their food sucks doesnt
mean he does. Not only does he hold world
records in the shepherd pie and bangers
and mash divisions, but he also holds them
in the more Americanized divisions like
twizzlers, twinkies and calamari.

CHARLES CHESTERFIELD is an Englishman in his early-thirties
with crooked front teeth who wears menacing, warrior-like
face paint.

CHARLES CHESTERFIELD
So do you think youve got what it takes
to be a champion?

BILLY
I hope so.

You hope so? Jesus, you sound like a
cunt already.

BILLY
What was that? Did you call me a

DONALD GORGE
(interrupts)
Dont worry Billy, they use that word as
a term of endearment across the pond. Its
used just as much as the words like,
love and respect are over there.

BILLY
Oh, thank you for that then Glutton.


No, I really do think youre a

DONALD GORGE
Thats enough Charles, we got it. And
last, but not least, theres Nancy The
Real Slim Lady Bitterman.

Nancy Bitterman is a very petite, short middle-aged woman
that looks more like a librarian than a competitive eater.

BILLY
(looks at Donald)
Oh, she doesnt look too bad.

Upon hearing that, Nancy marches up to Billy and punches
him square in the groin. He keels over and falls to the
ground in terrible pain.

NANCY BITTERMAN
I heard that asshole. Remember, good
things come in small packages which
means you must be a pile of shit.

DONALD GORGE
And those are our top superstars. As you
can see, theyre all physical specimens,
not quite human either. Any questions?

BILLY
(high-pitched)
No.

DONALD GORGES OFFICE

After his meet-and-greet in the gym, Billy is back in
Donalds office in mid-conversation. Hes sitting on the
couch with a bag of ice on his crotch.

BILLY
Mr. Gorge, you sure do make a lot of
sense when you talk.

DONALD GORGE
So were good? No more annoying rookie
questions about salary and compensation
and other stupid shit like that?


BILLY
No, were good.

DONALD GORGE
Good, go home and get some rest, were
entering the heart of the season so
there are a ton of events coming up.

This leads into a competition montage of the events he
participates in across the country. Each contest, Billy
comes relatively close to winning but is always edged out
by his arch nemesis, Haruto.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE, MANHATTAN NIGHT

Hordes of tourists walk by, and are packing, the Olive
Garden in the heart of Times Square.

INT. OLIVE GARDEN, TIMES SQUARE

Donald Gorge is announcing the Never Ending Bowl of Pasta
Eating Competition.

Billy is competing against Haruto and the rest of the top
MLE superstars Hippo, Glutton, Mantis, Slim and Rhino.

The contest starts with all the competitors digging their
hands right into large bowls of pasta to furiously eat as
much as they can.

Bowl after bowl are set down in front of them and the more
they eat the more red sauce and grated parmesan gets all
over their face and t-shirts.

In the end, Haruto wins and does his typical wild
celebration towards the crowd then towards his fellow
competitors particularly Billy.

A dejected-looking Billy, who was being cheered on by his
friends Lori, Dennis and Gary, but not David, comes in a
disappointed fifth place.

INT. JOES SHANGHAI, CHINATOWN, NEW YORK CITY

In a very cramped restaurant during the lunch hour, Billy
is sitting at a large, circular table with nine other
competitors including the top MLE superstars.


Everyone in the restaurant is standing around the table
getting ready to watch the competition as Donald Gorge
stands over them announcing the festivities for the 5
th

Annual Chinatown All-You-Can-Eat Soup Dumplings Contest.

There are large buckets of soup dumplings sitting in front
of each competitor and they all dig in once Donald gives
the signal to start.

Soon enough, soup from the dumplings shoot all over the
table and the competitors as the contest begins.

As with the other contests, Haruto is an easy winner with
Billy placing a disappointing sixth place.

After winning, Haruto engages in his typical over-the-top
celebration, complete with jumping on his chair and doing a
dance.

HARUTO
(looks down at Billy)
Soup dumplings? Silly, you never had a
chance.

BILLY
The names Billy.

HARUTO
No, if you keep thinking you actually have
a chance in this league, then its Silly.

Frustrated, Billy pushes Harutos chair over which drops
him to the ground.

HARUTO
Very professional, Silly.

Haruto stands up and quickly recovers, trying to act like
nothing happened, then goes back to celebrating.

INT. PORT AUTHORITY TERMINAL, NEW YORK CITY

Billy is down in the depths of the terminal waiting in a
long line to board a bus. While in line he looks at his
bus ticket, Greyhound Bus One-Way From New York City to
Tampa.


INT. GREYHOUND BUS

Billy, an oversized man, looks ridiculous as hes squished
into a window seat on a packed bus thats going down the
New Jersey Turnpike.

He struggles to make even the smallest moves, like grabbing
his phone from his pocket or taking his headphones out from
his backpack.

After struggling so much, Billy gives up and decides to
just sit there and look out the window.

INT. OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE

Billy and the other MLE superstars are participating in a
promotional contest at an Outback Steakhouse in suburban
Tampa.

A prominent banner hanging in the restaurant says Bloomin
Onion Eating Contest.

Donald Gorge again is the MC for this event and gives the
signal for the competitors, who are sitting at a long table
with plates of Bloomin Onions surrounding them, to start.

Haruto is again the winner and does his usual victory dance
to celebrate. Billy again has a disappointing finish,
coming in 5
th
place, and sulks as he leaves the stage.

EXT. HERTZ RENTAL CAR, PARKING LOT DAY

Billy walks through a large lot looking for his rental car.
He passes by several luxury autos, convertibles, sports
cars until he finally makes his way to the economy section.

He looks down at his paperwork to check the lot number and
parking space written on it which leads him to a spot where
a SMART FORTWO car is sitting.

BILLY
(shaking his head)
No, this cant be.

He does a double take on his paperwork to confirm this is
the car hes renting. It is.

BILLY
Where the hells the rest of this car?

Billy sucks it up and attempts to get into the drivers
side. It takes him a good three chances before hes
finally able to squeeze himself in.

INT. SMART FORTWO CAR

Billy is literally smashed into the automobile with very
little room for anything else. He can barely put the key
into the ignition to start the car.

Sitting next to him on the passengers seat are MapQuest
directions outlining his next destination, Atlanta, GA.

EXT. I-75 NORTH HIGHWAY

Billy is driving his micro car in the right lane well below
the speed limit, while every other vehicle, including 18-
wheelers, whiz by him.

INT. CHEESECAKE FACTORY

The next competition is an All-You-Can Eat Cheesecake
Competition at a Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta.

Like with the other competitions, Billy is joined by the
other MLE superstars while Donald announces the contest.

Several decadent cheesecakes of all kinds are sitting in
front of each competitor.

The whistle blows signifying the start of the competition
as the contestants immediately dig their hands into the
cheesecakes and stuff their faces.

In the end, Haruto wins another event while a stunned Billy
just sits there with cheesecake covering the better part of
the bottom of his face.

He thought this was an event he had a good chance of
winning but instead came in 3
rd
place.

EXT. TEXAS STATE FAIR, DALLAS DAY

A large CROWD has gathered to watch Billy and the other top
competitors engaged in their latest eating contest, Chicken
Fried Meatloaf.


A banner hangs prominently over their table which says:
Texas State Fair Welcomes The All-You-Can-Eat Chicken
Fried Meatloaf Contest.

After the competition ends, Donald Gorge rushes over to
raise Harutos hand signaling his victory.

EXT. FARM IN KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI DAY

In a large, vacant farm with only a handful of SPECTATORS
in attendance, Billy and the MLE crew participate in their
next competitive eating contest.

A makeshift wooden sign hangs off the table which says:
Welcome to Kansas City, Home To The All-You-Can-Eat Tongue
Contest.

After the competition ends, Donald Gorge once again has the
duty of raising Harutos hand in victory.

Billy picks up a tongue and tosses it on the ground in
frustration.

EXT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE PARK - DAY

Under the shadow of the Brooklyn Bridge on a sunny, Spring
day is a long table where Billy and the MLE top superstars
are sitting with their back towards the East River. Pizza
boxes are stacked high in front of everyone.

A large banner hangs high over the table which reads:
MLEs 2
nd
Annual All-You-Can-Eat Pizza Challenge on The
Brooklyn Waterfront Sponsored By Grimaldis.

Donald Gorge again is there to MC the proceedings and
signal the start of the competition.

Billy opens his first pizza box and instinctively tries to
rip off a piece but then thinks back to his training and
picks up the whole pie and folds it into fourths before
taking a few huge bites.

Lori, Dennis and Gary are there cheering him on in the
crowd.

Billys making good time and is periodically looking over
to his competitors to see how theyre faring.


As the competition is coming to a close, Haruto steps up
his pace and furiously goes through several more slices of
pizza.

The clock winds down to zero and Donald orders them to
stop.

DONALD GORGE
Whoa, whoa! What a competition folks!
What a competition! Newcomer, and home-
grown kid, Billy Henderson gave it all he
got, an inspired showing no doubt inspired
by the inspiration of the inspirational
Brooklyn Bridge shining down on us from
above. But as usual Haruto also put up
a tremendous showing and the rest of our
cast of characters did very well. The
judges will confer on the official tallies
then well be back to tell you the winner.

LORI
How do you think he did?

DENNIS
He looked like he ate a lot up there.

GARY
No shit.

LORI
I hope he wins, he needs this. He was
sounding down in the dumps the other day
when I talked to him on the phone.

DENNIS
Yeah, it only takes one. He just needs
that one win to springboard him.

Billy just sits on the stage fidgeting his hands while he
awaits the results.

LORI
He certainly looks nervous.

Lori waves to try to get his attention, after a few
attempts he finally notices her and smiles then waves back.


DONALD GORGE
Well ladies and gentlemen, it mustve
looked closer than it really was since
Haruto The Typhoon Matsusaka won by a
whole half of a pizza pie over Brooklyn-
born, Brooklyn-bred Billy Henderson.
Congratulations to The Typhoon, a
real Asian-American hero!

Billy gets up, hangs his head down low and leaves the stage
as Haruto celebrates by jumping all around and doing his
victory dance.

Lori, Dennis and Gary immediately walk up to their friend
and console him.

LORI
Thats OK Billy, you did good. You
almost won.

BILLY
No I didnt.

LORI
What? You came in second.

BILLY
Yeah, first loser.

LORI
Come on, thats no way to think.

DENNIS
Yeah, you were awesome up there.

BILLY
He beat me by four slices. Thats not
a rounding error, thats an ass kicking.
Hes just too good. I cant compete and
Im tired of losing.

LORI
Billy, you know

Billy doesnt want to hear anything about it so he walks
through the crowd as his friends trail behind him.


BILLY
(interrupts)
No, face it you guys, youre friends with
a loser. Ive always been a loser and I
always will be a loser. Thats what I
am, Im sorry. But a cheetah cant change
his stripes.

DENNIS
Its actuallyoh never mind.

BILLY
I am what I am and a loser I am.

LORI
Billy, where are you going? Its a nice
day, were in Dumbo, why dont we just
take a walk and relax?

BILLY
No, I just want to go home and be alone.

Billy picks up his speed through the crowd which allows him
to separate from his friends.

LORI
BillyBilly.

He doesnt acknowledge Loris callouts and continues
walking until hes lost in the crowd.

DENNIS
Let him go, let him be by himself for a
little bit.

LORI
Poor guy.

INT. MLE PERFORMANCE INSTITUTE, DONALDS OFFICE

Donald has just welcomed Billy into his office as they take
a seat around a table.

DONALD GORGE
So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this
most unexpected visit?

BILLY
I wanted to discuss my options sir.

DONALD GORGE
Options? What options?

BILLY
Whether or not I should continue on in
the MLE. Ive got to admit, its getting
pretty boring to lose all the timeand
thats saying something for me who is
used to losing in life.

DONALD GORGE
Oh well thats the beauty of having a
signed contract, you dont have any
options! We own your ass!

BILLY
I wouldnt say you own my ass.

DONALD GORGE
Oh, but I would, and we do.

Donald walks over to his desk and grabs a contract from his
file cabinet then throws it on the table for Billy to see.

Here, take a look. Page three, fourth
paragraph.

Billy picks up the contract, turns the page and scans it.

BILLY
Holy shit, it really does say you own
my ass.

DONALD GORGE
Well, not me, technically Major League
Eating Incorporated.

BILLY
How the hell did you get that writing into
a contract?

DONALD GORGE
I told you, Im not much for legalese.

BILLY
So Im stuck and fucked?


DONALD GORGE
Youre not fucked at all. Look, everyone
starts out at the bottom, everyone loses
their first few contests, it takes a lot
to get used to this kind of competition.
Remember, youre facing the best eaters
in the world.

BILLY
Did Haruto start from the bottom?

DONALD GORGE
Oh god no, but thats beside the point.
Billy, forget the past, and who gives a
shit about the present, its all about
the future. Nothing youve done in the
past matters tomorrow. And that future
is the Nathans Famous 4
th
of July Hot
Dog Eating Contest, the eyes of the world
will be on that event. Fame and fortune
awaits the winner, and that winner can
certainly be you. What a great story
itd be if a local boy like yourself
won the event too, thats the kind of
publicity you cant even buy. Youd
instantly be on the cover of all the
local newspapers and magazines, inter-
viewed on all the local TV stations,
youd be a hero, right up there with
other New York City heroes like Babe
Ruth, Rudy Giuliani, Mother Theresa
and Gandhi. However, you need to
qualify for it.

BILLY
Ive been trying to, but I cant win,
I cant beat Haruto.

DONALD GORGE
You have one more chance. Boston, Fenway
Park, two weeks from now, the Fenway
Frank Battle. Its our last qualifying
event for Nathans. Train, go up there,
win and youre in.

BILLY
I dont know.


DONALD GORGE
Well Billy, again, you dont really have
a choice. So get to practicing.

INT. JUNIORS RESTAURANT, BROOKLYN

Billy and Lori are in mid-conversation while having lunch
in a crowded restaurant.

BILLY
Im thinking about going AWOL.

LORI
AWOL? From what?

BILLY
From Major League Eating.

LORI
AWOL sounds pretty serious.

BILLY
It is.

LORI
Can you even go AWOL in something like
this? I thought that was just a military
thing.

BILLY
Id have to, they have me locked into a
contract that I cant get out of.

LORI
Why do you want to run away?

BILLY
Its not running away, its quitting
then hiding, a big difference.

LORI
Doesnt sound that different.

BILLY
It is, its just tough to explain.

LORI
Try me, Ive got time.


BILLY
Please, you dont need to hear about my
troubles, you probably have enough of
your own.

LORI
Not anymore.

BILLY
What do you mean?

LORI
I kicked David out.

BILLY
You did? Why? He seemed so not right
for you, but I just didnt know you
knew that yet.

LORI
Yeah, well I know now. He finally
admitted that he banged a stripper
while he was at that bachelor party
in Montreal.

BILLY
Of course he did! Thats why you go to
Montreal. But why did he admit it?

LORI
Seems he was still talking to her, she
texted him while he was in the bathroom
at a restaurant, I accidently saw it
because the dumbass left his phone on
the table.
(pauses)
He went up to Montreal two other times
to visit her, they were planning another
trip. I didnt know any of it. Asshole.

BILLY
Oh, ouch. That sucks.

LORI
Yeah, its for the best though long term,
I guess, I hope. I checked myself out,
I dont have the HIV, so thats good.


BILLY
That is good, congrats on that.

LORI
Anyways, he can go up there as much as
hed like now. But enough about me,
tell me why youre being a bitch about
this whole competitive eating thing?

BILLY
Im not being a bitch.

LORI
Kind of sounds like youre being a bitch.

BILLY
I got offered a job in Maine working as
a lumberjack.

LORI
Waitwhat? What the hell are you talking
about?

BILLY
You heard me.

LORI
I know but I just dont believe it, a
lumberjack? Do those even exist anymore?

BILLY
Yeah, but machines do most of the work now,
however, Id still get the chance to play
with a chainsaw.

LORI
Well thats good I guess, but how did this
ever come about?

BILLY
I was in the library the other day, playing
around on that internet thing you showed me
and I found this job.

LORI
We have a library around here? Who knew?

BILLY
I didnt until last week.

LORI
So you got the job?

BILLY
Yes, I guess theres not a lot of people
looking to go into the field of lumber-
jacking these days. Apparently its cold,
dark and depressing, not to mention lonely.
Right up my alley.

LORI
Do they pay well at least?

BILLY
No. Not at all.

LORI
So why do you want to do this? Why
do you want to leave the MLE? Most
importantly, why do you want to move
so far away from your friends?

BILLY
Because I cant winand maybe itll be
good for me to have a fresh start some-
where else.

LORI
Billy, but youre so good at competitive
eating.

BILLY
No Im not.

LORI
Do you ever listen to the shit that comes
out of your mouth?

BILLY
Occasionally.

LORI
You are good. In fact, the latest issue
of Competitive Eating Quarterly has you
ranked #7 in the worldin the world, not
just in New York, not just in America,
not just in the Western Hemisphere, in
the world!


BILLY
You read that rag?

LORI
Well it was on your coffee table last
time I was there, so I thumbed through
it when you went to your room to master-
bate.

BILLY
(nervously laughs)
Lori, ha, I did no such thing.
(Lori stares him down)
OK fine. How did you know?

LORI
I could hear you moaning from the living
room. The point is, youre not good at
competitive eating, youre great!

BILLY
Yeah, but as Ricky Bobbys dad says,
if youre not first, youre last.

LORI
Ricky Bobbys dad also later said he
was full of shit, that you could be
second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth,
or, in your case, seventh.

BILLY
He did? I mustve been taking a leak
during that scene.

LORI
Or masturbating. Billy, you cant live
your life because of what you saw in a
movie.

BILLY
I cant?

LORI
No. You have to live your life for you,
and what you want to do, and what makes
you happy.

BILLY
Id be happier if I started winning.

LORI
I know deep down you like the MLE, it
gives you a sense of purpose which you
desperately need. Give it a little more
time, for me. At least through the
Fenway event this weekend. If you win
that, youre in Nathans on the 4
th
,
competing in front of all your family
and hometown friends. Think of how cool
thatd be.

BILLY
But I have to face Haruto to get through.
Hes a tough out.

LORI
Think positive and positive things will
happen. OK?

Billy cant resist Loris infectious smile.

BILLY
OK, Ill put lumberjacking on hold for
now and well see how Fenway goes.

Lori leans over and gives Billy a kiss on the cheek.

LORI
Yay! Now lets eat.

EXT. YAWKEY WAY, OUTSIDE OF FENWAY PARK - DAY

Its a Red Sox game day and the street is packed with FANS
dressed in Boston gear. In the middle is a stage thats
draped in American flags with a banner flying above that
says Fenway Frank Battle.

Billy is standing nervously off to the side of the stage
waiting to take his spot when Donald approaches.

DONALD GORGE
Billy, I have some good news for you.

BILLY
Whats that?

DONALD GORGE
Haruto has a slight back strain from
(MORE)

training, apparently he was practicing
his wiggle just a little too hard yesterday,
so as a precautionary measure hes going
to sit out today. He already qualified
for Nathans a long time ago so his
standing in that remains unaffected. He
will be 100% and ready to go for the 4
th
.

BILLY
Hes not competing today?

DONALD GORGE
Nope, that doesnt mean you have a walk
in the park though. Still a lot of great
competitors in the line-up; Hippo, The
Glutton, Slim Lady, Spearmint Rhinoceros
and The Praying Mantis are all competing.
Theyve all qualified for Nathans through
other events, but theyre here and theyre
hungry.

BILLY
So Harutos not here?

DONALD GORGE
Well I didnt say that. Hell be in
the audience cheering on the contestants.

BILLY
He will?

DONALD GORGE
Yeah, hes very enthusiastic about it too.

BILLY
(sarcastically)
Oh great.

DONALD GORGE
(looks at his watch)
Its time now, go take your place.

Donald walks up on stage, along with the other competitors,
and grabs a microphone.

DONALD GORGE
Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and
(MORE)

girls, to todays doubleheader at Fenway
Park! In an hour, the Boston Red Sox
will take on the hated New York Yankees
only a few steps from us in fabled and
famed Fenway Park, but now Major League
Eating is proud to bring you the Fenway
Frank Battle right here on Yawkey Way
in the non-geographical center of the
U.S., the cradle of democracy, the heart
and soul of America, thats right folks,
were in Boston, Massachusetts! Home
of The Mayflower, Plymouth Rock, Paul
Reveres ride, the Boston Tea Party,
the American Revolution, and now an
event of equal, if not greater, historical
importance, the Fenway Frank Battle!
No doubt if Paul Revere was alive today,
he would ride through the streets of
Boston not shouting The British are
coming, but shouting Major League
Eating is Here! Youve met our
competitors during the pre-show
introductions, so without further ado,
lets put ten minutes on the clockand
lets get up to see some hot dogs go
down!

The clock begins its countdown and just as the competitors
start chowing down, Haruto, with his mustard yellow belt
draped over his shoulder, pushes his way through the crowd
to get up close to the stage.

He immediately starts a ruckus by heckling the competitors,
mainly Billy, and playing to the crowd.

HARUTO
Theyre all just competing for second
place! Everyone knows who the real
champ is! Thats right Billy, Im
talking to you too! You suck and your
hot dog eating technique is shit.
(kisses his belt)
You want this but youre not going to
get it. This is mine to keep.

Billy does his best to ignore him as he continues ripping
his hot dog in two and eating it followed by soaking his
bun in water and eating that.

HARUTO
(looks around the crowd)
Hey guys, hey guys, I didnt know they
could stack shit that high up here in
Boston, hes like the Leaning Tower of
Shit up there.

Getting a little annoyed, Billy grabs a hot dog and throws
it at Haruto. This just eggs him on more.

HARUTO
Ohh look at the little baby! Do you
think Im hurting fat boys feelings?
Well suck it up, you need mental tough-
ness if you want to be an elite Major
League Eating athlete like me. Check
it out, check it out everybody, Humpty
Dumpty stood on a stage, Humpty Dumpty
is a fat fuck, sorry thats all I got,
I dont rhyme, Im not a poet, Im an
eater.

Haruto looks at the scoreboard five minutes in and sees the
leader, Spearmint Rhinoceros, has eaten 25 hot dogs.

HARUTO (contd)
25! Only 25 hot dogs! You bitches are
so far behind my world record pace. Do
you even know how to eat hot dogs? How
do you even stand a chance against me
at Coney Island? They should just give
me the win now, save everyone their time
and effort. Dont bother coming to Coney
Island folks, spend that time barbecuing
at home with your family and friends
because there wont be any competition.

Donald quietly inches his way through the crowd over to
Haruto.

DONALD GORGE
(whispers)
Haruto, settle down. Just stick to your
script. Remember those assholes that
come to Coney Island help pay your salary.

HARUTO
Let me be me.


DONALD GORGE
I can, but to a point. Calm down or Ill
be forced to fine you for conduct un-
becoming of a Major League Eater.

Donald stares Haruto down at which point he acquiesces.

HARUTO
OKOK, I will.

Billy continues scarfing down hot dogs as Haruto settles
down.

Haruto whispers to a young TEENAGER standing next to him.

HARUTO
Dont get it twisted, I am the real champ.

YOUNG TEENAGER
Whatever dork.

DONALD GORGE (O.S.)
30 seconds! 30 seconds remaining.

Dennis, Gary and Lori are rooting Billy on from the crowd,
far from Haruto.

DENNIS
Come on Billy, you can do it!

Billy sneaks a peek out of the corner of his eye to see
Spearmint Rhinoceros furiously downing hot dogs, this makes
him speed up his pace for a last minute rush to the finish.

DONALD GORGE (O.S.)
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. OK, dogs
down!

Billy immediately looks at the scoreboard as soon as the
contest ends. Him and Spearmint are both tied at 51, but
suddenly Billys score increases to 52.

He raises his arms in victory as his three friends cheer
him on!

GARY
Alright Billy! Its your world, were
just eating in it!


DONALD GORGE (O.S.)
What a competition! It came right down
to the wire between Billy Henderson and
The Spearmint Rhinoceros Joey Spearmint.
But in a squeaker, in a photo finish, in
a too close to call race, in a lets
go the videotape, in an instant reply
review, Billy Henderson wins by a dog!
Give it up for Billy Henderson! He has
now qualified for the last spot at the
Nathans World Famous 4
th
of July Hot
Dog Eating contest!

Billy walks to the edge of the stage to greet his friends,
and give them high fives. Then he turns his back so he
stage dive onto them.

His friends, wisely, try to talk him out of it.

DENNIS
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell are you
doing?

BILLY
Im stage diving to celebrate!

GARY
The fuck youre not!

BILLY
Come on guys, you can lift me no problem.

DENNIS
No.

Dennis and Gary walk away leaving Billy stranded on the
stage.

BILLY
Guys, guys come back!

DENNIS
(waves him off)
Nah thats OK, well see you back in
Boston.

BILLY
But youre my ride.


Donald walks on stage, raises Billys arm and hands him the
Fenway Frank Battle Trophy featuring two hot dogs in buns
with arms and legs boxing each other.

DONALD GORGE
Congratulations Billy, you did it. Ill
see you in Coney Island.

A single tear forms in the corner of Billys eye and drips
down his cheek.

BILLY
Thank you sir.

As Donald walks off the stage, Haruto jumps up onto it and
gets in Billys face. Hes literally foaming at the mouth.

HARUTO
You mightve won the battle, but Ill
win the warand that war is Coney Island.
Im going to bomb on you, payback for
Nagasaki bitch. I am the champ and I
will be the champ for years to come.

Haruto stares him down, inching closer and closer to
Billys face until his eyes are literally an inch away from
his chin.

BILLY
Get lost.

Billy casually pushes Haruto off the stage and walks away
with his trophy.

Having fallen to the ground and looking disheveled, Haruto
stands back up and shouts out to Billy.

HARUTO
You think you can intimidate me? Im
the intimidator! I own the mustard
yellow belt! I am everything and you
are nothing! Youre shit, you dont even
know how to efficiently eat a hot dog!
Youre a loser and you always will be a
loser!

Billy whos walking away from Haruto just puts his arm up
and flips him off without even breaking stride.


HARUTO
Ill see you in Coney Island bitch!

INT. CONEY ISLAND CIRCUS SIDESHOW THEATER

Billy, Dennis, Gary and Lori are sitting in the front row
of the theater watching the freak show performance.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
And for our last performance of the show,
meet Wanda, she has this amazing death-
defying talent that is sure to please
you all.

WANDA, a very attractive Eastern European woman wearing a
red sequined dress, walks onto the stage.

WANDA
Hello all, lets get right down to it,
Im looking for a fat guy in the audience,
is there any fat guy in the audience who
would like to come to the stage and help
me out?

Dennis pushes Billy to try to get him to stand up but he
refuses to budge.

WANDA
Anyone, anyone at all? Come on people,
this is America in the year 2014, Im
sure there are plenty of fat guys in
the audience.

Dennis continues to push Billy to no avail.

DENNIS
Come on Billy, get up there.

BILLY
Im not fat though, she asked for a fat
guy, I dont want to lie to her.

DENNIS
Billy, I love you but youre fat.

BILLY
Im hefty, not fat.

Wanda notices Dennis pushing Billy.

WANDA
You thereyes you. You fit my
qualifications. Come on up!

Billy shakes his head no.

LORI
Come on Billy, go up there, itll be fun.

WANDA
Whats your name?

BILLY
Billy.

WANDA
Crowd, do you want to see Billy come up
here?

The crowd applauds which finally makes Billy sheepishly
stand up and walk onto the stage.

WANDA
Thank you Billy for being a good sport
and team player. Billy, you see a bed
of nails in front of us, do you know what
youll have to do?

BILLY
I hope I dont have to lie on it, but
Im guessing I do.

WANDA
Nonsense, Im the talent here so I do
the tough stuff. No, Im going to be
the one lying on it, youre only job is
to stand on me for five seconds while
I do it.

BILLY
You want me to stand on you? But that
would hurt you even if a bed of nails
werent involved.

WANDA
Let me worry about that. So are you ready?


BILLY
I guess the real question is if youre
ready.

WANDA
Oh, Im ready.

Wanda lays chest down on the bed of nails.

WANDA
OK, get on and count to five. God I hope
I dont puncture my breast implants!

Billy stands there thinking about standing on her.

WANDA
Come on, what are you waiting for?
Dont be a wimp! This can only hurt
me, not you. My tits wont pop, Ive
done this a million times before.

Billy carefully steps up on her back and stands there for
five seconds.

BILLY
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Billy gets off her back then Wanda stands up and takes a
bow to the raucous applause of the audience.

WANDA
Ladies and gentlemen, please thank my
very helpful assistant, Billy!

Wanda gives Billy a kiss on the cheek before leading him
off the stage.

She takes one more bow before walking off as the MC comes
back.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Ladies and gentlemen please give a loud
round of applause to all our performers
tonight. Remember, the show runs
continuous all day long so you can stay
as long as youd like, however we will
be taking a ten minute break to rest
our talents.


All of the PERFORMERS come out on stage to take a bow and
show off their unique talents again - theres the FIRE
EATER, SWORD SWALLOWER, HUMAN CONTORTIONIST that puts his
body through a tennis racket, guy that eats cigarettes and
razor blades, Wanda who walks on a bed of nails, a KNIFE
JUGGLER, and a woman that walks on broken glass.

As the performers are still on stage, Lori looks over to
Billy and points to the door, signifying that theyre going
to leave.

The four of them stand up and crouch down so that they
dont block anyones view as they leave the theater.

EXT. CONEY ISLAND BOARDWALK NIGHT

The four friends are leisurely walking down the boardwalk
eating ice cream cones after the show.

LORI
So are you ready for tomorrow?

BILLY
Yeah, I think I am. The freak show
definitely relaxed me.

DENNIS
You nervous?

BILLY
Yeah, this is my hometown, I dont want
to embarrass myself in front of the
hometown crowd.

LORI
You wont embarrass yourself.

DENNIS
I dont know how you do it.

BILLY
Do what?

DENNIS
Do eating competitions when youre nervous.

BILLY
What do you mean?


DENNIS
Eating when youre nervous. Remember
back in sixth grade when I won the
school spelling bee and it put me in
the competition for the entire Kings
County district? I was nervous as shit,
knowing that I had to stand up in front
of a gymnasium full of people and spell.
I didnt eat for two days before that,
so I cant imagine how you do it, because
after all, you aint spelling, youre
eating.

BILLY
Its all about concentration. Look at
that girl from the freak show who I
stood on. She was laying on a damn bed
of nails. You dont think that hurt?
Hell yeah I bet it hurt, but its all
about concentration. Being an athlete,
competing at the highest levels, is 90%
mental, 10% physical.

GARY
I still cant take you seriously when you
call yourself an athlete.

BILLY
But I am. I didnt believe it at first
but being on this circuit for the months
Ive been doing it has really changed my
world view of things.

GARY
Damn, youre drinking the Kool-Aid these
days, theyve brainwashed you.

LORI
Yeah, what gives? Just a few weeks ago
you wanted out of MLE.

BILLY
Its intoxicating to win. Ive changed
after the Fenway Frank Battlebut unless
I beat Haruto I really wont know how
good I am, or even if I am any good.

DENNIS
Hes in your head isnt he?

BILLY
Yeah, he is.

DENNIS
How can you let that little taint get
in your head?

BILLY
Because hes the champion, thats why.
And hes got something I want, that god
damn mustard yellow belt. Winning that
will validate that my life was not lived
in vain, itll prove that I finally have
a purpose, that I was put on this earth
for something, for some reasonto eat.

GARY
I guess theres worse reasons to be on
this earth.

BILLY
There are. I at least can bring joy to
people in 5 to 10 minute spurts. I
transport people out of their shitty
world for a little bit and into another
place.

DENNIS
Youre being to sound delusional.

GARY
Beginning? Hes already there.

LORI
Guys, I think youre missing the point
in all this. Billys finding a purpose
in life, and thats all that matters.
This is a good thing.

BILLY
But I have to beat Haruto tomorrow to
see the purpose through.

LORI
Youll do it, I have faith.

BILLY
God I hope so, I really want this. I
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
mean I dont remember the last time I
really wanted something, my life has
been so mundane up until now. It feels
good to want something. And I want this.

LORI
OK, to tomorrow then.

DENNIS
To tomorrow.

Lori holds her ice cream cone out and does a cone cheers
with the other three friends.

LORI, BILLY, GARY
To tomorrow.

LORI
(smiles)
Go get em and become the top dog
tomorrow Billy.

EXT. CORNER OF SURF & STILLWELL AVE, CONEY ISLAND DAY

Its the 4
th
of July and there are about 50,000 spectators
packed into the streets to witness the famed hot dog
contest.

Donald Gorge is standing on center stage holding a
microphone and dressed as Uncle Sam.

DONALD GORGE
(shouts)
Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Deter Jeter,
Joe Namath, Lawrence Taylor, Babe Ruth,
Mark Messier, Donny Baseball, Walt
Frazier, Mickey Mantle, Willy Mays,
Willis Reed and todays winner of the
Nathans Famous 4
th
of July Hot Dog
Eating Contest, all will go down in
infamy with New York City sports fans.
No, not just New York City, American
sports fans, no not just American sports
fans, worldwide sports fans, no forget
about just worldwide sports fans, sports
fans throughout the entire Milky Way
galaxy! Goooooooood afternoon, Coney
(MORE)

Island and welcome to the annual
Nathans Famous 4
th
of July Hot Dog
Eating Contest, where dreams are made
and legends are born! Please give an
enthusiastic welcome to our competitors!
Coming to the stage is our first
competitor. His stomach contains more
random items than a great white shark.
Word has it an x-ray once revealed a
Mississippi license plate and a live
frog living in his belly, he is The
Spearmint Rhinoceros Joey Spearmint!

Joey Spearmint high-fives spectators as he makes his way
through the crowd and onto the stage.

Legend has it our next competitors
first act out of the womb was to eat
three hot dogs then wash them down
with raspberry lemonade. From there
it was clear a star was born. Shes
slim lady, yes shes the real lady,
all you other slim ladies are just
imitating so wont the real slim
lady please stand up, please stand
up, please stand up. Give it up for
Nancy The Real Slim Lady Bitterman!

Nancy stands up from her seat, shoots Donald a pose then
makes her way through the crowd and onto the stage.

He is determined to never eat anything
healthy and swallows lard by the gallon.
Scientists say that the largest land
animals in the world are the African
elephant, the Asian elephant, the
rhinoceros and him. He is Tommy
The Hungry, Hungry Hippo Potamus.

Tommy wipes his bald head down with his towel and then
throws it into the crowd as he makes his way towards the
stage.

She has killed more men in her lifetime
(MORE)

than heart disease and prostate cancer
combined, but impressively enough shes
killed even more hot dogs. Make no
mistake guys, and consider this fair
warning, she is so dedicated to her
craft that she will eat you after any
type of fornication or copulation. Her
birth certificate was lost on the day
she was born then her parents were lost
the next year in the Bermuda triangle,
thus she has no idea what her real name
is. Ergo, she goes by the name, The
Praying Mantis.

The Praying Mantis, dressed as a Goth chick with heavy
black makeup, makes her way menacingly though the crowd not
acknowledging anyone as she heads to the stage.

From parts unknown, even though his
hometown is mentioned in his nickname,
this man is the ultimate warrior in
the world of competitive eating. He
is the greatest export from Great
Britain since the Beatles, he is The
Glutton from Sutton Charles Chesterfield.

Charles politely shakes spectators hands as he makes his
way through the crowd and towards the stage.

He makes no apologies for being fat,
he says its just more of him to love.
The hometown hero that loves to eat
heroes. From right down the street
in Bay Ridge, ladies and gentlemen
you know him, you love him, and if
you dont know him youd love him
anyways, Billy Henderson!

Billy is on one knee doing a quick prayer as Donald gives
his intro. He does a sign of the cross, points to the sky
then stands up and enthusiastically runs through the crowd.

Lori intercepts Billy and plants a big kiss on his cheek.


LORI
Good luck Billy, I know youre going to
kick ass.

Billy rubs his cheek.

BILLY
Thanks, that was a nice kiss.

LORI
Well if you liked that, youll love this.

Lori grabs Billys head and kisses him on the lips.

BILLY
(shocked)
Oh, that was nice too.

LORI
Go up there and do what youre destined
to do.

BILLY
I will.

Dennis and Gary walk over to Lori dumbfounded as Billy
leaps onto the stage.

DENNIS
Did I just see what I thought I saw?

LORI
I just wanted to give him some confidence,
some inspiration, thats all.

DENNIS
I sense there was more to that though.

LORI
Perhaps.

GARY
Consider my mind blown.

LORI
Shut up and just watch the contest.


DONALD GORGE
And now coming to the stage, he is the
modern day Kim Jong-il of America, he
has bowled a perfect game blindfolded,
he twice made five hole in ones during
the same round of golf, he has had over
35 books on the New York Times bestseller
list, he has bedded over 20,000 women,
many by way of threesomes, he invented
the hamburger years before inventing the
internet, he once solved a Rubiks cube
even before being handed it, he once
wrote, directed and starred in a four
hour opera based on his own life, he
has successfully brokered world peace,
and in his spare time he is the reigning
world champion of the Nathans Famous 4
th

of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. This man
has caused more damage and disruption
across the earth than all the storms
in the history of the world combined,
please welcome to the stage the seven-
time defending Nathans Famous 4
th
of
July hot dog eating champion and world
record holder, Haruto The Typhoon
Matsusaka!

Haruto is led through the crowd on a platform carried by
four people. Hes wearing a crown and purple velvet robe
with his mustard yellow belt around his waist while James
Browns Living in America plays.

He gets on the stage and immediately starts playing up to
the crowd and cockily doing his victory dance.

Two little ASIAN GIRLS walk up and hand him a dozen roses.

A FEMALE ESPN REPORTER approaches Billy on stage to
interview him.

FEMALE ESPN REPORTER
Billy Henderson, youre such a great
story young man. A hometown kid that
recently made it on the competitive
eating circuit and here you are now
competing in front of your family and
friends, competing in the world famous
Nathans hot dog eating contest. Tell
me, how have you been preparing for today.

BILLY
First off, thank you Sandy for the kind
words. Ive been practicing, Ive been
fasting, Ive been exercising, Ive been
downing ice cream to expand my stomach,
Ive been meditating and praying, Im
ready for this.

Thanks Billy, and good luck to you.

The reporter turns to Haruto as Billy walks away.

Haruto, youre the current world record
holder in hot dog eating and youre
going for an unprecedented eighth title
in a row here at Nathans, how are you
feeling today?

HARUTO
I feel unbeatable. The weathers perfect,
the hot dogs look good, good consistency,
Im going to take down 75 of them,
guaranteed.

You sound pretty confident.

HARUTO
Its tough not to be when youre me.

How do you feel about your competitors?

HARUTO
They suck, theyre not in my league.
Especially that bitch boy Billy Henderson.

Im sorry Haruto but you cant use that
kind of language on live television.

Haruto points to his mustard yellow belt.

HARUTO
The hell I cant, when you have this
beauty wrapped around your waist you
can do whatever you want.

The reporter abruptly cuts the interview short.

OK, lets go back to the stage where
Donald Gorge of Major League Eating is
set to read the rules of the competition.

DONALD GORGE
Competitors you were all told the rules
earlier today backstage but for the
benefit of our audience here and for
the billions watching across the world
in over 200 countries, within seven
continents and on three planets, I will
repeat those rules now. Competitors must
eat both the hot dog and accompanying bun.
There is a 10 minute time limit. Dunking
of food may not exceed five seconds.
And of course there is an automatic
disqualification for a reversal of
fortune. Does everyone understand the
rules as Ive laid them out here?

COMPETITORS
Yes.

DONALD GORGE
Good, then its time! Ladies and gentle-
men welcome again to the 323
rd
annual
Nathans Famous 4
th
of July Hot Dog
Eating Contest. In a minute youre
going to see our seven competitors compete
in one of the most grueling athletic
competitions of all time, theyve come
from all over the world to compete for
you and for the honor of hoisting the
world infamous mustard yellow belt over
their head. Now, without further ado,
competitors ready?

The competitors all give him a thumbs up as the official
scorers take their place in front of each person. Standing
behind each competitor is a scantily-clad PROMO GIRL
holding a flipboard to keep track of the hot dogs eaten.

Lori, Dennis and Gary inch their way through the crowd to
get close to the stage, in front of Billy.


LORI
Good luck Billy!

Billy smiles and winks at her.

DENNIS
Hes looking good up there.

GARY
Yeah, hes not sweating any more than
usual. I mean, hes sweating, dont
get me wrong, but not any more than on
an average day.

Billy grabs a towel thats laying on the table next to him
and wipes down his forehead.

DONALD GORGE
Begin!

The clock starts its countdown from ten minutes as the
competitors jump into their hot dogs.

Each one has their own distinct technique; dancing,
shimmying, swaying, jumping up and down, whatever it takes
to get the hot dog down their throats.

DONALD GORGE
And were off! The Typhoon is looking
great out the gate with his patented
conscious uncoupling technique of bun
and hot dog.

Gary winces as he watches up close the competitors spit up
the hot dogs and force them back into their mouths.

GARY
You know Lori, youre ex-boyfriend was
a complete squid but Ill give him one
thing, he was right when he said this
competitive eating stuff is disgusting.

LORI
Come on Gary, be supportive.

DENNIS
I will say though, The Praying Mantis is
a little hottie.


GARY
You cant be serious.

DENNIS
I am, theres something oddly seductive
about the way she shoves hot dogs down
her throat.

LORI
Ew, gross.

DENNIS
What? Shes sexy.

GARY
Shes also a killer.

DENNIS
Come on, you really think shes killed
more men than heart disease and prostate
cancer combined? Thats just hyperbole,
for promotional purposes.

Gary stares at The Praying Mantis as she shoves hot dog
after hot dog down her throat.

GARY
Maybe, but I wouldnt be surprised.

DENNIS
Even if its true, thats still way hot.

LORI
(claps)

Billys taking in two hot dogs at a time then dips his two
buns into a cup of lemonade before eating them.

DONALD GORGE
We have a truly great competition here
folks, desire, determination, destiny,
its all on display here today. Every-
one competing here today has talents,
its just going to come down to who
wants the most. The Olympics have
nothing on The Nathans.


Haruto, whos competing next to Billy, looks over to his
plate and sneakily knocks a couple of his hot dogs onto the
ground. Billy and his friends notice this.

LORI
(turns to Dennis and Gary)
Did you see that? Did you see what he
did? Cheater! Youre a cheater!

GARY
(shouts)
Bring that shit to me bitch! Bring that
shit to me!

BILLY
(looks at Haruto)
Keep it up and Ill knock you into the
Atlantic.

HARUTO
I didnt do nothing.

BILLY
Worry about yourself asshole.

Billy goes back to downing hot dogs two at a time.

DONALD GORGE
It looks like its getting a little testy
up here on the stage folks. Its street
eating at its meanest. Thats bound to
happen when youre at the pinnacle event
in your profession and you want to win.
Ill tell you what folks, you came to a
great event today. The sun is shining,
the dogs are flowing and the burps are
flying. Were half way through the
competition and Haruto has a five hot
dog lead over The Spearmint Rhinoceros.
Hometown hero Billy Henderson is only
six behind but will he have the stamina
to have a strong showing in the second
half? He is the least experienced of
any of the competitors here so itll be
interesting to see if his conditioning
becomes a factor in the last few minutes.
Remember folks, competitive eating is as
much mental training as it is physical
(MORE)

eating. The mental aspect is what
separates the men from the boys, the
women from the girls, the gluttons from
the casual eaters.

Billy takes a quick breather and has a sip of lemonade.

DENNIS
Aww man, hes slowing down, hes slowing
down.

LORI
No hes not, hes getting his second wind!

Billy then grabs two more hot dogs and eats them quickly,
followed by the soaked buns, then immediately grabs two
more hot dogs and eats them.

DONALD GORGE
And Billy Henderson is coming on strong!
Where is he getting this endurance from?!
For those wondering at home, we take
competition very seriously and do drug
test here at Major League Eating. Random
drug testing takes place at least twice
a year and we look for the existence of
any performance-enhancing drugs in the
bloodstream, human growth hormones,
methamphetamines, pain killers, sedatives,
diuretics, horse tranquilizers, blood
boosters, we test for all it. Except
marijuana because, of course, we
encourage the munchies. Enough about
that though, back to the action! Haruto
still has a lead but hometown hero Billy
Henderson continues to come on strong,
hes tied for second, only three hot
dogs behind your leader, The Typhoon.

LORI
(claps louder)
Come on Billy! Come on! Ill show you
my breasts if you win!

Billy hears this and stops eating mid hot dog to shoot a
confused look at Lori. After a moment he goes back to
eating.


DENNIS
What the hell was that?

LORI
Just trying to give him encouragement,
anyway I can.

GARY
Well can I see your breasts? I feel like
I need encouragement too.

LORI
(slaps Gary)
Shut up Gary.

DONALD GORGE
Ladies and gentlemen, were coming down
the home stretch! Only thirty seconds
left!

DENNIS
Hes still behind. Hes got to catch up.

LORI

DENNIS
Lets go Billy!

GARY
Kick his ass Billy!

Billy is furiously stuffing hot dogs into his mouth while
Haruto does the same.

DONALD GORGE
And hometown hero Billy Henderson has
overtaken The Spearmint Rhinoceros to
take over sole possession of second
place but hes still two hot dogs
behind The Typhoon with ten seconds
left, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Dogs down!

Billy finishes chewing the last hot dog in his mouth then
turns around to check the flipboards.

He sees that his score is 70 vs. Harutos 71 and
immediately becomes deflated.

DONALD GORGE
What an amazing competition folks,
unbelievable, unfathomable,
unconsciousable. Youve witnessed
history here folks, the unofficial
results show that The Typhoon has
eaten 71 hot dogs! We will check
with the official scorers to confirm
the results.

Haruto turns to Billy, still with a mouthful of hot dogs,
and flips him off.

HARUTO
Ha, ha! Screw you fat boy! Im the
greatest ever! How does my ass taste
bitch?

Billy just stands on the stage sulking.

LORI
Thats OK Billy, you did good. No
shame with 70 hot dogs.

Donald walks over to Haruto carrying a trophy and the
mustard yellow belt.

DONALD GORGE
And its official ladies and gentlemen,
with 71 hot dogs consumed, this years
champion is a name were all familiar
with, the defending champ, Haruto
The Typhoon Matsusaka!

Donald raises his arm in victory as the ESPN reporter walks
over to interview him.

Haruto, outstanding performance again,
what would you like to say to the audience
at home watching you complete such an
astounding feat.

Haruto takes the microphone but then he suddenly grabs his
stomach, stumbles across the stage, chokes, heaves and
pukes up a couple of hot dogs as the crowd gasps.


DONALD GORGE
Ohh no, ohh no, a reversal of fortune!
A reversal of fortune! What an un-
believable turn of events, what an upset!
Haruto has puked up two hot dogs, Haruto
is disqualified! Hometown hero Billy
Henderson is the new champion! Billy
Henderson is also the new world record
holder in hot dog eating! He is the man!
He is a living god! Hes Ra, the god of
the sun and hes sitting on the Mount
Olympus of Major League Eating.

Billys sourpuss quickly turns to elation as he jumps up
and down upon hearing the news.

He runs over to Donald, gives him a hug and grabs the
trophy and belt from him.

Haruto throws a temper tantrum on the stage, kicking the
table, punching the wall and stamping his feet, upset that
he lost.

The reporter walks over to Billy for an interview.

Congratulations Billy, what a great
performance. What do you have to say
for yourself?

BILLY
Dreams do come true, thats really all
I have to say. For the kids at home,
keep believing and positive things will
happen. Even rejects can have their day
in the sun.

Anyone out there that you want to
specifically thank?

BILLY
Of course Donald Gorge of Major League
Eating for believing in me and giving
me a chance. My parents, all my friends
in the 718, especially Dennis and Gary.
But Id like to give a special shout
out to my friend Lori, she is the wind
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
beneath my wings, the angel on my
shoulder and shes always been there
and supported me, through good times,
through bad times, and believe me,
theres been a lot of bad times, but
to her credit shes always been able
to make those times good. I love you
Lori.

Lori is standing in the crowd with a big smile on her face
and a tear trickling down her cheek.

Spoken like a true gentleman, congrats
again Billy and good luck in your
future competitive eating endeavors.

BILLY
Thank you Sandy.

Before Billy walks off the stage to join his friends, he
turns back to Haruto.

BILLY
Oh, and Haruto, kiss my ass you puking
bitch.

Billy flips him off to wild cheers from the crowd before
leaving the stage and joining in a group hug with Dennis,
Gary and Lori.

DENNIS
Way to go Billy!

BILLY
Thanks.

LORI
Did you mean everything you said up there?

BILLY
Did you mean that kiss before the contest?

LORI
Yes.

BILLY
Yes.

LORI
Youre my hero Billy.

BILLY
And youre my love Lori.

Lori and Billy embrace in a hug and deep, passionate kiss.

GARY
Hes the greatest of all time!

Dennis and Gary try picking Billy up but after a few failed
attempts they give up and just hug him.

Billy triumphantly raises his mustard yellow belt over his
head as the crowd roars in approval. Lori puts her arms
around his waist and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

FADE OUT

Outtakes from several endorsement deals that Billy made in
the wake of his Nathans success.

INT. TGI FRIDAYS RESTAURANT

Billy is standing awkwardly in front of a camera just about
to shoot a commercial for TGI Fridays.

A man walks in front of the camera with a clapboard to
begin the taping.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Billy Henderson promoting endless
appetizers for $10 at TGI Fridays,
take one.

TGI FRIDAYS DIRECTOR (O.S.)
And action.

BILLY
(awkwardly)
Hi America, Im Billy Henderson, you
might know me as a world champion hot
dog eater but when Im not competing
Im just your average, everyday guy
going to TGI Fridays for their endless
appetizers for $10. When you talk about
game changing experiences, this is the
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
beginning and the end. You want eight
loaded potato skins? OK, ten dollars.
You want fifteen loaded potato skins?
Ten Dollars. You want twenty loaded
potato skins? OK, you might have a
serious problem and die of a heart
attack, but still, only ten dollars!
And dont get me started on the other
apps like pan-seared pot stickers,
mozzarella sticks, garlic and basil
bruschetta, Tuscan spinach dip, and
much, much more, all for only $10!
So stop on by TGI Fridays and enjoy
gluttony at its best.

TGI FRIDAYS DIRECTOR (O.S.)
And cut!

Billy looks off screen to the guys running the cameras.

BILLY
You know I tried to get a job as a
server here eight months ago but they
said I didnt have the personality to
work here so they didnt hire me.
Screw them. But I do appreciate the
paycheck right now, but still fuck them.

INT. MENS WEARHOUSE

Billy is awkwardly standing in the middle of a Mens
Wearhouse, dressed in a super tight-fitting tuxedo,
shooting a commercial.

BILLY
Are you big? Are you tall? Are you
fat? Are you lazy? Well if you
answered yes to all of those questions
and you need to get a suit or tuxedo
for your next wedding or funeral then
come on down to Mens Wearhouse.

Billy poses in his tuxedo by flexing his muscles and
tearing the arms of the suit revealing his sweaty armpits
soaking through his shirt.


BILLY (contd)
If I look good in this, you will too.
Youre gonna like the way you look, I
guarantee it.

INT. KFC RESTAURANT

Billy is filming another commercial, this time at a KFC.

BILLY
Fuck Subway, yeah I said it, fuck Subway,
its like eating six or twelve inches of
cardboard when you go there. Am I right?
Dont you want to have taste when youve
pass along youre hard earned money?
Dont you want the savory taste of some-
thing in your mouth that doesnt suck
when you put food in you? Oh, you do,
right? I thought so. So, if you love
life, if you love food and youre a red-
blooded American, then come to KFC, and
again, fuck Subway.

KFC DIRECTOR (O.S.)
OK cut, lets do that again but without
any of the vulgarities.

BILLY
What? I cant swear on TV commercials?
What is this, communist Russia?

KFC DIRECTOR (O.S.)
You cant swear.

BILLY
Sorry, Im not an actor, Im an eater.

INT. COUNTRY HOME, KITCHEN

Billy is standing in a rustic-looking country home kitchen
shilling for another product on a commercial.

BILLY
You love America, dont you? Well if you
dont, I dont want to know about you or
your pagan beliefs. However, if you do,
dont waste any time and go down to your
nearest Piggly Wiggly to buy Jimmy Dean
(MORE)

BILLY (contd)
delicious food products. Nothing says
America like eating fully cooked apple-
wood smoke chicken sausage patties from
my main man Jimmy Dean. Trust me on
this, I know what Im talking about,
Im heavy and I get paid to eat!

Billy grabs a sausage patty and stuffs it in his mouth,
downing it in one bite.

EXT. BROOKLYN CYCLONES STADIUM, CONEY ISLAND NIGHT

Its the seventh inning stretch and Billy is standing on
the field in an oversized baseball jersey singing Take me
Out To The Ballgame. He gives a very stilted performance.

BILLY
Take me out to the ball game, take me
out with the crowd; buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jack, I dont care if I
never get back. Let me root, root,
root for the home team, if they dont
win, its a shame. For its one, two,
three strikes, youre out, at the old
ball game!

Billy drops the microphone then stuffs the two hot dogs
hes holding into his mouth and eats them.

FADE OUT

Reversal of Fortune Screenplay

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Reversal of Fortune

Original Screenplay written by Jason Wiese

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