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By Jenny Duffy
Sometimes when we wives hear that we are our husband's helpmate, we tend to feel
slighted. We feel like we've been given an inferior role, but this isn't so. Man and women have
both been created in God's image and thus they are equal. And while men and women are equal,
I do believe that they serve different roles. This implies no inferiority to either gender, but rather
the best use of what God has given to each one.
The Curse
In Genesis 3:16, we read that after Adam and Eve sinned, part of the curse which God
sent forth was that woman would suffer pain in child bearing and that her desire would be for her
husband and that he would rule over her. Although man was already in a place of authority over
the woman, it was now to be a duty and feeling of injustice and punishment for the woman to be
subject to her husband. In turn, women would strive to be the rulers of the relationship. God also
said that he would put enmity between man and woman meaning that there would be hostility
between the two genders and a regard for each other as enemies. Jesus has redeemed us from
this curse (Galatians 3:13-14) and so spiritually we are not under this curse anymore, but we can
choose to live as if we are. For example, men and women today could still feel hostility toward
each other and choose to live that way, if they reject the freedom that Jesus has provided in
regards to this. Today, men are no longer to rule over their wives as a master rules over a slave.
Men and women are partners who are to cherish, love and respect each other. With this being
said, submission is still key and it is still biblical for a woman to submit to her husband. Husbands
and wives are to serve each other but there is a special emphasis on men being the head of the
relationship, and women submitting to that headship.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for
her (Ephesians 5:25)
The role of husband and wife isn't one of master and slave but of Christ and His church.
Jesus leads His church, protecting her from evil and promoting holiness and purity. In this way,
husbands should care for their wives, ready to protect them in every way and encourage them
toward spiritual maturity. A husband is to recognize his wife’s gifts, and encourage her to thrive in
them, utilizing herself for the glory of God. To love someone as you would love the church is no
light matter. This involves giving yourself up in the service of others, and tending to their needs,
all the while, maintaining a vision of a bride who is spotless and blameless. This is to be the kind
of faithfulness and dedication that a husband has for his wife. Although, his wife has short
comings and makes mistakes, the husband sees her as his pure bride, washed in the blood of
Christ. He continually leads her and doesn’t abandon her in times of hardship. As a Godly leader,
the husband submits to God and guides the wife and his children in the way that he feels God to
be leading them. Decisions should be made by the husband and wife together. The goal is that
the husband and wife may come to the same conclusion but this doesn’t always happen. In the
situation that the husband and wife cannot agree, the husband is to have the final say because
his role has put him in a place of submission and accountability toward God for the decisions of
the family. The wife is look at him, as being led by God and wanting what is best for the family.
The Helper
We can see Biblically that it is the role for the husband to be the leader. So what is the
role of the wife? God created woman for the purpose that she could be a helper to the man.
When we look deeper at what it means to be a helper, we can be delighted that God has given
this role to women. Jesus calls the Holy Spirit our helper (John 14:16). Also, David praises God
for being his helper (Psalm 54:4), and this is the same word which God uses to describe the
woman as a helper. God is no less wonderful for being man's helper and He has no problem
when we call Him our helper. God is humble and happy to be our helper, and even gives this
name to His Spirit. This realization does not cause us look down at God or regard him as merely
our assistant. On the contrary this only makes Him even more wonderful and personal to us. We
are strengthened and delivered from trouble. We receive counsel, affection and intimacy. Our
heart can confidently rest in God who is our helper. It is an honor and grace that God gives this
role to women. The right place for a wife to be is beside her husband helping him and
experiencing with him, the joys of God and all the pursuits of their life together.
The Goal
The goal of the Christian life is to become like God. To serve one another is to be like Jesus who
did not come to this earth to be served, but rather came to serve. To submit is to be like Jesus
who being one with God, did not fail to submit to God as his authority, all the while recognizing as
a loving, holy and just father.
Men and women are equal but God has assigned them different roles. Both roles are important
and require humility in servant hood, and humility in submission. It is only by God’s grace that we
can carry out these roles. The roles of the husband and wife are not to be of bondage, in the
same way that our relationship with God isn’t supposed to be one of just duty and obligation.
Rather these roles are to liberate us to freely love one another, receive love and selflessly serve,
being motivated by the love of God. These roles allow the husband and wife to experience each
other in the vocation that they were designed for. When husbands and wives walk in the role that
God has designed them for, they avoid the pain that comes when they try to take on a job that
wasn’t created for them.
Finally, 1 Corinthians 14:16 says “let all that you do be done in love.” No matter what role we are
in, God has entrusted us to be a witness of Himself to other believers and to the unbelieving
world. Our marriage is to be an example of how the church is cared for and led by Christ. Our
motive and strength comes continually from the love of God, so that we may bring glory to Him.