Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
PREPARED FOR ICAI BIKANER CHAPTER
by :
dr. t.k. Jain
AFTERSCHOOOL
centre for social entrepreneurship
sivakamu veterinary hospital road
bikaner 334001 rajasthan, india
www.afterschoool.tk
mobile : 91+9414430763
What is an assertive personality?
●You are assertive when you stand up for your rights
in such a way that the rights of others are not
violated
– Implies that you can express your personal likes and
interests
– You can talk about yourself without being self
conscious
– You can accept compliments comfortably
– You can openly disagree with someone
– You can ask for clarification
09/12/09 – You can say “NO”
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Developing an Assertive Communication Style
• The nature of assertiveness.
– Assertiveness – “involves acting in your own
best interests by expressing your thoughts
and feelings directly and honestly”.
– In contrast, submissive communication
involves “giving in” to others.
• Individuals who use this style report feeling
bad about being “pushovers”.
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Developing an Assertive Style
• The nature of assertiveness. (cont.)
– Aggressive communication is different from
assertiveness and “focuses on saying and
getting what you want at the expense of
others”.
– Assertive communication is more adaptive
than either submissive, or aggressive
communication, and is a skill that can be
learned through assertiveness training.
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Developing an Assertive Style
• Steps in assertiveness training:
1. Understand what assertive communication is.
• Don’t forget about nonverbal cues.
2. Monitor your assertive communication.
• Identify when you are not assertive, find
out who intimidates you, on what topics,
and in which situations.
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Developing an Assertive Style
• Steps in assertiveness training: (cont.)
1. Observe a model’s assertive communication.
2. Practice assertive communication by using:
• Covert rehearsal – imagine using
assertiveness in a situation that requires it.
• Role playing – ask a friend to play the role
of an antagonist so you can practice.
3. Adopt an assertive attitude.
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What about those who don’t
show assertive behavior?
●People who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe they have a right to
their feelings, beliefs, or opinions.
●They reject the idea that they are equal to others
●They have difficulty objecting to exploitation or mistreatment
●They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance
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What are the 3 basic styles of
interpersonal behavior?
●Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are
honestly stated, but at the expense of others
● Advantage – get what they want
● Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid them
Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are
●
withheld altogether or expressed indirectly
● Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making
decisions
● Disadvantages – low selfesteem and having to live with
others decisions
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What are the 3 basic styles of
interpersonal behavior? (cont)
●Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are
clearly stated without violating the rights of others
● Advantage – active participation in making decisions,
getting what you want without alienating others,
emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully
exchanging feelings and ideas, and high selfesteem
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What is your script for change?
●Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and
what your feelings are about the situation
●Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is
convenient for you and the other person
●Define the problem as specifically as possible’
●Describe your feelings so that the other person has a
better understanding of how important the issue is to you
●Express your request in one or two easy to understand
sentences
●Reinforce the other person to give you what you want
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What if the other person
doesn’t get it?
●In some cases, positive reinforcement may be
ineffective
●If the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble
motivating them to cooperate
● Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate
● Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative
way you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t
met
•If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without
you. Then you’ll have to drive over later on your
own.
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LADDER script
●Look at your rights and goal in the situation
●Arrange a time and place to discuss the situation
●Define the problem specifically
●Describe your feelings using “I” statements
●Express your request simply and firmly
●Reinforce the other person to give you what you want
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Is body language important to
assertiveness?
●Yes, it portrays confidence in what you are
saying and doing
●Important body language cues:
● Maintain direct eye contact
● Maintain an erect body posture
● Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly
● Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice
● Make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis
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Is listening important to
assertiveness?
●Yes, it is just as important for you to hear the other
person as for them to hear you
●Sometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is
important to the other person before they will be able to
focus on what you have to say.
● This is especially true when what you want conflicts with long
unspoken and unmet needs of the listener
●Steps to listening assertively
● Prepare
● Listen and Clarify
● Acknowledge
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Learn how to avoid manipulation
●Broken record ●Accusing gambit
●Contenttoprocess ●The beatup
shift ●Delaying gambit
●Defusing
●Why gambit
●Assertive delay
●Selfpity gambit
●Assertive agreement
●Quibbling
●Clouding
●Threats
●Assertive inquiry
●Denial
●Laughing it off
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Toward More Effective Communication
• Tips for creating a positive interpersonal climate:
1. Learn to feel and communicate empathy.
2. Practice withholding judgment.
3. Strive for honesty.
4. Approach others as equals.
5. Express your opinions tentatively.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Conversation skills: five steps for making
successful “small talk”:
1. Indicate you are open to conversation by
commenting on your surroundings.
2. Introduce yourself.
3. Select a topic others can relate to.
4. Keep the conversation ball rolling.
5. Make a smooth exit.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• SelfDisclosure – “the act of sharing information
about yourself with another person” – is
important to adjustment for several reasons.
1. Sharing problems with others plays a key role
in mental health.
2. Emotional selfdisclosures lead to feelings of
closeness.
3. Selfdisclosure in romantic relationships is
associated with relationship satisfaction.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Self disclosure and relationship development.
– Selfdisclosure varies over the course of
relationships.
• At the beginning, there are high levels of
mutual selfdisclosure, which taper off as
the relationship becomes established.
• In established relationships, disclosures
are not necessarily reciprocated.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Movement away from reciprocal self
disclosures in established relationships
occurs for two reasons:
– There is more of a need for support,
than a reciprocal disclosure from the
other person.
– The need for privacy outweighs the
need for mutual selfdisclosure.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Culture, gender, and selfdisclosure.
– Personal selfdisclosures occur more in
individualistic cultures, whereas disclosures
about one’s group membership are the norm
in collectivist cultures.
– Females tend to disclose more than do
males, and this trend is strongest within
samegender friendships.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Tips for Effective Listening.
1. Signal your interest in the speaker by using
nonverbal cues:
• Face the speaker squarely.
• Lean toward them.
• Try not to cross arms and legs.
• Maintain eye contact.
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Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
• Tips for Effective Listening. (cont.)
1. Hear the other person out before you
respond.
2. Engage in “active listening” by:
• Asking for clarification if information is
ambiguous.
• Paraphrasing what the person said by stating the
speaker’s main points back to them to ensure you
have interpreted correctly.
3. Pay attention to the other’s nonverbal cues.
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Communication Problems
• Communication apprehension – “or anxiety
caused by having to talk with others” is usually
followed by one, of four, responses:
1. Avoidance – choosing not to participate.
2. Withdrawal – “clamming up” in conversation
you cannot escape.
3. Disruption – the inability to make fluent
statements.
4. Overcommunication – (e.g., nervous speech).
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Communication Problems (cont.)
• Barriers to effective communication.
• Defensiveness – excessive concern with
protecting oneself from being hurt.
• Motivational distortion – hearing what you
want to hear.
• Selfpreoccupation – being so selfabsorbed
the other person cannot equally participate.
• Game playing – manipulating the interaction,
or concealing your real motives for a selfish
purpose.
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Interpersonal Conflict
• Beliefs about conflict.
– Most people believe any kind of conflict is
bad.
– However, avoiding conflict is usually counter
productive and leads to a selfperpetuating
cycle (see Figure 7.10).
– It is better to confront conflicts constructively
so that issues can be aired and resolved.
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Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
• Five types of conflict:
• Pseudoconflict – false conflict from game
playing.
• Factbased conflict.
• Policy conflict – disagreement about how to
handle a situation.
• Valuebased conflict – disagreement that
occurs when people hold opposing values.
• Egobased conflict – emphasis on winning
over resolving the conflict.
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Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
• Styles of managing conflict:
– Two dimensions (concern for self, and
concern for others) underlie five distinct
patterns of managing conflict (see Figure
7.11).
– Avoiding/Withdrawing (low concern for
self and others).
– Accommodating (low concern for self,
high concern for others).
– Competing/Forcing (high concern for
self, low concern for others).
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Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
• Styles of managing conflict: (cont.)
– Compromising (moderate concern for self
and others).
– Collaborating (high concern for self and
others).
– While compromising simply involves
“splitting the difference”, collaborating
involves finding a solution that is
maximally satisfying to both parties.
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Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
• Dealing constructively with conflict.
– Make communication honest and open.
– Use specific behavior to describe another
person’s annoying habits rather than general
statements about their personality.
– Avoid “loaded” words.
– Use a positive approach and help the other
person “save face”.
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Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
• Dealing constructively with conflict. (cont.)
– Limit complaints to recent behavior and to the
current situation.
– Assume responsibility for your own feelings
and preferences.
– Try to use an assertive communication style.
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Public Communication in an Adversarial Culture
• Tannen (1998) describes contemporary America as “the
argument culture” in which there is a growing tendency to
take adversarial positions in almost any public situation.
• Contributing factors include:
1. The self is perceived to be an isolated entity.
2. Americans tend to see things in terms of opposites
(e.g., “good” vs. “bad”).
3. Facetoface communication is on the decline.
4. Desensitization from exposure to high levels of
physical and verbal aggression in the media.
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Adversarial Culture (cont.)
• Restoring productive public communication:
– What Can Individuals Do?
1. Tune in to nonverbal signals.
2. Create a positive interpersonal climate.
3. Be a good listener.
4. Overcome the barriers to effective
communication.
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