10TotallyImpracticalVideoGame

Weapons
http://www.gamescdkey.com/news/10-totally-impractical-video-game-
weapons
Some of the greatest weapon designs of all time have emerged from the world of gaming.
Balancing functionality, aesthetics and sheer power, certain game developers have manage to
createweaponsthathaveproveniconicenoughtoseepintotheworldofpopularculture.Takethe
GravityGunforinstance:makingitsdebutinValvesHalfLife2,itisaperfectexampleofatruly
greatvideogameweapon.Adevicethatwouldbejustasusefulforloadingboxesinawarehouse
asitwouldinbattle,therearefewwhowouldpassuponowningaGravityGuninreallife.Thats
not what were here for though. What follows are the weapons that have absolutely no place
outsideofthegamestheyrein,mindbogglinglyimpracticalinventionsthatavoidallconventional
logic. Oversized weaponry, such as Cloud Strifes infamous, compensatingforsomething Buster
Sword,wontbeincludedinthelist.Notonlyaretheretoomanytomention,butwellalsomake
theassumptionthatthecharacterswieldingthemprobablyhavesomesortofungodlystrength,
making them practical in the context of the game. Theseare rather the weapons that are too
dangerous,toosilly,toooverthetop,orjusttooplainuselesstobeconsideredanythingbuttotally
impractical.
10.M-490BlackstormMassEffect2
Atfirstglance,theM490BlackstormlookslikeitwouldprobablyfitinwiththeMassEffect2roster
justfine.Afterall,MassEffectisafairlyoutlandishscififranchise,somostpeoplewouldhavea
prettyhightolerancelevelwhenitcomestofindingtheweaponstoooverthetop.TheBlackstorm
isntjustyourstandardsupersonic,metalblockshavinggizmothough.Nope,insteadoffiringtiny
metalshavings,thisbadboycasuallyslingsoutgravitationalsingularities,withtheresultingevent
horizonrippingapartanythinginitsvicinity.Inotherwords,theM490Blackstormisablackhole
gun.ItsunderstandablethatCommanderShepardneedsaseriousamountofweaponrytosave
the galaxy and defeat the Reavers. However, with the Commander throwing around black holes
willynilly,itseasytowonderwhethertherellactuallybeauniverseworthsavingbytheendofit.

9.InsultsMonkeyIslandFranchise
Whilenottechnicallyaweapon,insultingyouropponentisthebestwaytodefeatyourenemyin
aswordfight,accordingtotheinhabitantsofMonkeyIsland.Letyouropponentscruelwordsget
undermightypirateGuybrushThreepwoodsskinandtheyllgettheupperhand,butchoosethe
bestcomebackandyoullturnthefighttoyouradvantage.TheMonkeyIslandgamescouldnthave
theirtonguefurtherintheircheekiftheytried,andtheinsultswordfightinghasbeenastapleof
the games since the original. The insults and their responses range from silly to sillier, with the
followingexchangebeingaparticularfanfavourite:
Youfightlikeadairyfarmer.Howappropriate.Youfightlikeacow.
Daft insults and witty retorts probably arent thebestweapons of choice, when it comes to
handlingamaraudingpirate.Infact,ifyoudontwantafasttracktobeingflogged,keelhauledand
dunked from the yard arm, it might be better to avoid opening your mouth altogether.

8.WakkasBlitzballFinalFantasyX
Iftheresalistmentioningthemostmemorablevideogameweaponsinanyshapeorform,you
can safely bet thattherellbe a mentionof the Final Fantasy franchise. Some of the most iconic
weaponsofalltimehaveemergedfromtheSquareEnixsRPGseries,oftenaspompousasthey
aredeadly.Unfortunately,thesamecannotbesaidaboutWakkaschoiceofweapon:Auronhas
katanas,Kimahrihaslances,andRikkuhasclaws.Sowhat,inastrokeofgenius,didWakkathink
wasthebestoptionforfightingoffthehordesoffiends?Sportingequipment.Thatsright,because
helikesplayingSpirasfavouritesport,Blitzball,Wakkadecideditwouldbeagoodideatobring
theballitselfintobattle.EvenTidus,oneofthegreatestBlitzballplayersinhistory,hadthegood
sensetocarryasword.Admittedly,WakkasBlitzballsgetabitmoreintricateandbladecovered
later in the game, but they still look laughably ineffective when bouncing off of some of the
especially large enemies. In reality, Wakkas attacks would be about as effective as throwing a
footballatalion.
7.TacticalKnifeCallOfDuty:Modern
Warfare2
Ok,thisoneisbynomeansanimpracticalweaponinitself:knivesarestillusedinmodernmilitary,
and they can be more deadly than a gun in close combat. Butits the context that maters: the
tacticalknifewassofrequentlyseeninCallofDuty:ModernWarfare2smultiplayer.Backinthe
day,itwasallthecrazetoplayasaninjaclass,pickingperksthatmadeyouaslightandfastas
possible, sprinting around the map and backstabbing enemies left, right and centre.In fact, on
some maps, the ninja tactic became one of the most effective ways to dispatch the enemy,
especiallycombinedwiththeabilitytoseeminglyteleporttoenemieswithjustatapofthemelee
button.However,itisntrecommendedforanyonetojointhemilitarybasedsolelyonthestrength
oftheireliteCallofDutyknifingskills.Attemptstomakeuseofgamebasedtalentsinarealbattle
will more than likely result in being riddled with holes before you can say Tango Sucka.

6.SaiFung(Gun-Chuks)Bayonetta
ItfeelslikecheatingtoincludeanythingfromBayonettaonthislist,agamethatfeatureshairbased
attacks,bulletfiringhighheels,andalivingkatana,butSegasactiontitleisfilledtothebrimwith
ludicrousweaponry.Byfarthemostimpracticalthough,hastobetheSaiFungnunchakus,known
affectionatelyasthegunchuks.Now,nunchuksbythemselvesarealreadyfairlyimpractical,and
even in the heyday of Okinawan martial arts, they were never a particularly popular weapon,
outside of training. Of course, Sega just had to take it one step further. While most developers
wouldprobablyaddsomethinglikebladesorstudstoincreasethedamageofthesenunchakus,
Bayonetta instead strings together two pistol barrels that fire rounds of ammunition each time
theyre swung at an enemy. Along with being insanely difficult to aim effectively, youre also far
more likely to shoot yourself than an enemy. And by the time your foe is close enough to get a
cleanshot,youmightaswelljusthaveanormalsetofnunchuks.Withthisinmind,theSaiFung
nunchakus have to be the most ridiculous ideas the eccentric Sega has ever come up with.

5.DynamiteCrossbowRedneckRampage
If Lost has taught us anything, its that dynamite can be volatile stuff if handled improperly. Of
course,thehillbilliesofRedneckRampageprobablynevergotaroundtowatchingAbramsseries,
givingthemnoqualmsaboutinventingthedynamitecrossbow.Releasedbackin1997,Redneck
RampageisanFPSthatwholeheartedlyembraceshickstereotypes,includingtheircompulsionfor
blowingthingsup.Thedynamitecrossbowisjustoneofthehealthandsafetyignorantfeaturesin
the game, which also includes hyperpowered moonshine and a bra gun. A perfect blend of
stupidityandinstability,thedynamitecrossbowisaweaponthatshouldonlybehandledbythose
with the reddest of necks.

4.BoomerangTheLegendOfZeldaFranchise
TheLegendofZeldaistheseriesthatintroducedtheMasterSword,possiblythemosticonicvideo
gameweaponofalltime,andafantasticpieceofdesign;elegant,timelessand,aboveall,practical.
Basically,everythingthataboomerangisnot.Atthispoint,alotofpeoplewouldarguethatthe
boomerang is a timehonoured hunting weapon, originally used by Australian Aboriginals tens
thousandsofyearsagoanditstrue,aproperlythrownboomerangismorethancapableoftaking
out small prey. However, for taking out legions of enemies, it would be almost totally useless. If
you hit a rampaging Moblin with your boomerang, theyd probably notice; hit them in the right
place hard enough, and it might even knock them out. Its not exactly the deadliest weapon at
Linksdisposalthough.Evenmoredamning,isthatifaboomeranghitssomething,itsnotgonna
comebacktoyou.Theboomerangmightbefineforaoneshot,lastresortkindofdeal.ButifLink
hastorunbackandforthpickingabentstickupeverytimehethrowsit,thenhemightaswellstop
beating around the bush and unsheathe the real weaponry.

3.BananaPeelMarioKartFranchise

If this were a list of the mostannoyingvideo game weapons, then those featured in Mario Kart
wouldprobablyfillhalftheslots.Inagamewherefirstplaceisthemostdangerouspositiontobe
in,thearsenalmadeavailabletoNintendoskarterscontainssomeirritatinglyefficientmeansto
disrupt your opponents. One of the most annoying weapons in Mario Kart is the banana peel.
Accidentallydrivingintothisslipperyyellowitemwillresultinthevehiclespinninghelplesslyout
ofcontrol,givingopponentsaneasyopportunityforanovertake.Atfirstthought,itseemstomake
sense. It probably hasnt happen to you, but a misstep onto a nastily placed banana peel could
easilyleadtoanembarrassingfaceplant.However,thisisntMarioMarathon,itsMarioKart,with
anemphasisontheKart.Drivingovereventhemostoversizedfruitisunlikelytoresultinanything
butaslightbumpinthesuspension.UnlesstheresanobscurecustominsomeEuropeancountry
thatmakesitoffensivetotossfruitoutofyourwindow,theresnowayabananapeelontheroad
is going to cause anything but a fresh splatter on the tarmac.

2.BananaBombWormsFranchise
In a bizarre continuation of bananathemed weaponry, the Super Banana Bomb is enough to
inspirefearintheheartofanyone,eventhewielder.AlsoknownastheSoftFruitOfDoom,the
BananaBombisatrueweaponofmassdestruction.TheBananaBombbeginsasasinglethrown
fruit, which explodes like a stick of dynamite after bouncing around for a while. So far, so
predictable.However,oncethishappens,itthensplitsoffintosixmorebananas,scatteringacross
thebattlefieldandleavingdestructioninitswake.Thoughdevastatingifusedproperly,thebanana
bombcouldbethecauseofmorefriendlycasualtiesthananyothervideogameweapon.OilDrums
and Mines scattered around the battlefield further broaden theinevitablefallout, occasionally
resultinginthetotalannihilationofeveryinvertebrateinthegame.TheBananaBombisoneof
the riskiest weapon choices in the extensive Worms arsenal, andcan backfire oneven the most
experienced commander of worm warfare.Who said fruit was good for you?

1.ExperimentalMIRVFallout3
TheFalloutseriesisanabsolutegoldmineforridiculous,unreliableweaponry,oftencraftedfrom
a mix of Cold War remnants, alien hardware, and scrapyard waste. However, for its sheer
destructivepower,theExperimentalMIRVtakesthecake.EarlyoninFallout3,theplayerisgiven
access to the Fat Man gun. This device functions similarly to a grenade launcher, except it
catapultsmini nukes instead of puny lesser explosives. Able to cause its own miniature nuclear
fallout, the Fat Man is already an extremely dangerous weapon in its own right. Enter the
Experimental MIRV. Making even the Fat Man look like an air rifle in comparison, the MIRV
launches a grand total of 8 mini nukes at once. Not only is this far more firepower than anyone
couldpossibleneed,itsalsopackagedinthemostunreliableweaponimaginable.Evenfiredwith
extremeprecision,thedestructivecapabilitesof8mininukesexplodingsimultaneouslyputsthe
firerinaverydangerousposition.TheMIRVisfarfromaccuratethough,andisessentiallyjusta
fancymetalenclosureforabigcatapult.Theeightnukescanendupanywhereina180degreearc
in front of the weapon,meaning extremecollateral damagethat might not even hit the original
target in the first place. Factor in the frequent jamming, and the loss of eight valuablenukes
witheachpressofthetrigger,andyoureleftwithwhatisabsolutelythemostimpracticalvideo
gameweaponofalltime.Toitscreditthough,itsarealachievementtocausenoticeabledamage
in a place named the Capital Wasteland.

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