PARENTAL INVERSION AND SUBSTITUTE MATE

1. INTRODUCTION.

When a parent or both is not able or unwilling (no knowing) to fulfil the parental
role, sometimes a child will carry the weight of burden of take care and take up
responsibilities which he/she Can’t carry. The term parental inversion and
substitute mate describe the identity taken on by the child. This wounding will
drive him/her trough childhood into adulthood, where it will reap destruction in
the individual and in the relationships with others. The role of substitute mate
is a more serious type of parental inversion.

DEFINITION OF PARENTAL INVERSION.

Identities taken on by children where both or one parent is absent or

INEFFECTIVE OF A RESULT OF:

Death or divorce sin or immaturity.

3. DEFINITION OF SUBSTITUTE MATE.

A more serious form of parental inversion, is when a parent relies inappropriately

on a child
the opposite sex for emotional comfort or in worst cases for, physical
satisfaction.

4. APPROPRIATE PARENTAL OBLIGATION.

1. Parents must be excellence responsible for their own children. 11 Cor.12:14

NAS
2. They have to supply in the family needs, spiritual, financial, comfort .1
Tim.3:8
3. The setting of appropriate boundaries and discipline is essential. 1 Tim.
3:4
4. To motivate them and call up spiritual gifts from God and right
living.Prov.22:6
5. Not only proving but Godly living, love comfort, boundaries, touch. Isaiah
38:19

5. CHILD RESPONSE TO INAPPROPIATE PARENTING.

If the order of the correct parenting is not in the house, the results of the
inappropriate
Manner cause parental inversion or substitute mate.
· The child enters into fear (responsibilities) thinking who will take care of
things.
· The child loose childhood, feelings responsible for being a grown up /adult.
· Child may becomes proud of his “adult” role built into him by the parent.
· Striving because he/she tries hard to impress the lost parent.
· Child self-image is at risk. They think they have to be strong /to help
weak people.
· They take the role of caretakers, protectors, problem solvers, and life-
givers.
· In short; They will be full performance and also looking for acceptance.

6. THE SYMPTOMS OF ADULTS WHICH HAVE PARENTAL INVERSION.

· Inability to rest but extremely tired they feel like nothing is really
right.
· They have a need to make everything work/things will better if I do it
myself.
· It is difficult to trust others,/imperfections trigger need to step in
situations.
· The need is their to keep situations under control and relationships in
order.
· The adult have a difficulty in trusting God,/see God as weak/he as person
can do anything.
· The person have got pride because he/her thinks she/him is a “noble martyrs”

· He/she has trouble to handling confusion or disorders /not knowing where it

comes from.
· There is a lot of denial/trying too hard they seems to be pushy.
· They don’t allowing spouse to function they think they are only person can
take care/things.
· They’ve got a inability to feel. Turning off emotionally they get logical.
· The person is full of advice but little “heart”. Also think they knows the
best.
· There is a inability to be corporate and intimate with the spouse and
children.
· Although roots are with parents, the fruits later surface in relations to
primary people.

6. PARENTAL INVERSION : THE HEALING.

· First recognition – where does the problem start – the root/discern the
truth/motives.
· Lead counselee tell/truth Pray/ask the YHVH/God to hear and accept spoken
words.
· Repentance and forgiveness: Person must forgive the parents for did/did not
do.
· Confess loud – judgements against parents.
· Repent and forgive – judging God as weak
· New behaviour – Counsellor must encourage counselee to call parents if still
alive.
· Giving up trying- to control parents, spouse, or co-workers./repent
controlling spirit.
· Acknowledging – all attempts to control anger or other behaviour when
confronted.
· Counsellors, responsibilities – be always their be always supportive give
/YHVH's love.

7. CONCLUSION FOR PARENTAL INVERSION.

We must realise that every case is unique we as Counsellors have to rely fully on
God and the
Holy Spirit/Ha Khodesh for wisdom, power and sometimes a word of Knowledge.
God/YHVH is the creator and knows everything of every single person. Everyone is
for Him important. Parental inversion can starts from a very little child and
upwards.

When one parent fails or is gone from home, the child (usually eldest of opposite
sex) step in to fill the vacuum. His/her position will be like of the spouse, but
without the bedroom.

But…there may be no sexual flow yet, but it is in the subconscious. He/she can
later become a model husband or wife in every way except in making love. So
trusting GodYHVH OUR ELOHIM to reveal to you the whole TRUTH to be able to fully
healing for the counselee.

9. SUBSTITUTE MATE WHAT IS THE SYMPTOMS?

1. This is more serious than the parental inversion, a parent inappropriately

relies so on help

From the opposite sex that the child have to respond/feel under condemnation.

2. This person has all the symptoms of parental inversion

3. This leads to seek refreshments outside the home/other

activities/vulnerability to adultery.

4. There is a definite sexual dysfunction, /leading to early sexual stimulation

due to usurpation of parental role.

5. Complexes named Electra or Oedipus/sexual difficulties in marriage/feeling

guilty.

6. Intense but hidden hate and anger toward the parent of the opposite sex.

10 SUBSTITUTE MATE SEEKS UNNATURAL COMFORT LIKE:

1. The child has to be their for emotional comfort

2. Child /as a confidant-this can lead to misperceptions be father or be

mother.

3. In very worst cases for physical satisfaction, the parent ask child to sleep
in same bed.

4. Parent can excessive hold out needs.

5. The worst: incest can happen and continue for the child feel guilt or
needed.

6. Remember it is not the serving which is sin, but the MOTIVE /child feel/must
do something.
11. SUBSTITUTE MATE : THE HEALING.

· Recognition (like in parental inversion) identify the fruit and the roots
for childhood.

· Fear- base of acquiescence to parental coercion- this cause a lot of

problems later on.

· Origins are in lack of understanding the lack of parenting, discipline

/love/adulthood.

· Person must forgive –forgiveness /a daily discipline until accomplished in

the heart.

· Repentance and confession – for sin of usurpation(this must be remembered)

· Changing- together with repentance we as counsellor must help person walk in

new way.

· Do not preach- to the counselee, you can offer suggestions for new
behaviour.

· Most counselees- will not live near parents, so most of the fruits of PI AND
SM are manifested in relations to other people. May be their own family, friends,
church members, or people at work. Starting to forgive the parent will really
bring changes in their lives.

· Forgiving – is the wonderful force behind pattern changes, the support of

the counsellor and the Word of God will renew their mindset. They must be
willing.

· Forgiving God/YHVH and themselves / this will help the counselee to be free
Jesus set us free indeed.

· Pray out loud TO ELOHIM YHVH/GOD asking Father YHVH your creator for
restoration its only HIM that can restore the inner man nothing else or no one
else - and be always full of the love of YHVH, counselling together with Gods/YHVH
love do miracles We serve a God of miracles.

12. CONCLUSION.

The symptoms of above discussed items is nearly the same. I want to focus on the
following:

Parental inversion resemble performance orientation, it is important to make some

distinctions.

Performance oriented people believe they must earn the right to exist. Their
concern is self-Centered their actions are designed to give them sense of worth in
the world.

The substitute Become like the parent himself will take abuse and will have a
serious sexual
problems

WE CAN ALL LEARN OUT OF THIS PLEASE MOTHER AND FATHERS LOOK TO YOUR LIFES AND
LOOK AT YOUR CHILDRES THEY ARE A AWSOME GIFT FROM YHVH OUR GOD. HE GIVES YOU THE
TOOLS THROUGH OBEYING THE SCRIPTURE AND GIVING A GOOD FOUNDATION.

SHALOM
MARIA REYNEKE
B-DEGREE DIVINITY
REGISTERED COUNSELLOR.