Monologues Male, 2013

Howie from Tina Landau's 1969 OR HOWIE TAKES A TRIP

I remember te first da! of i" s#oo$ and tere we were and te mornin" was fine and
tere was no indi#ation watsoe%er tat in a #ou&$e of ours a few &eo&$e' one &erson in
&arti#u$ar' (urtis (a$$ender to be e)a#t' wou$d destro! m! $ife* I mean w!' I a$wa!s
wonder' I wasn't dressed funn! I was +inda norma$ I tin+ $oo+in" in fa#t so w! was I
immediate$! an outsider, (urtis' te $eader' -ust sto&&ed me in te a$$' $oo+ed at me and
"rabbed me ere b! te #o$$ar and sa!s' .e! fa""ot' wat are !ou doin" in our s#oo$,.
/ou see te funn! tin" about it $i+e funn! weird not funn! a0a is tat (urtis and I ad'
u& to tat &oint' no #onta#t wit ea# oter watsoe%er' I mean I ma! a%e seen im on#e
in a wi$e around town' but tat was it* So tat was te first time I eard te word
.fa""ot. but I ad to wait unti$ "ot to te safet! s&ot of m! own ouse before I #ou$d $oo+
it u&' tere's no &$a#e $i+e ome !ou +now' and tere it was' te trut ri"t tere in te
di#tionar!1 a bund$e of twi"s* I am a bund$e of twi"s' I am a bund$e of twi"s*
In#om&reensib$e to me* Sim&$! and irre%o#ab$! and a$wa!s be!ond meanin" for me' I
mean it was e%er! da! in te s#oo$ !ear times four for ea# !ear of i" s#oo$ tat I
was #a$$ed fa""ot and I mean' #an !ou te$$ me &$ease ow #ou$d someone wo bare$!
+new me ate me so mu#, We$$ !ou +now e's te most &o&u$ar "u! in te s#oo$' so
!ou see e &o&u$ari2ed tis a#ti%it!' I mean tat of atin" me' so e%er!one wanted to "et
into te a#t' !ou +now' do te #oo$ tin"* Tat's ow m! orror be"an*
3arius from 4aomi Ii2u+a5s 66 7IEWS
I'm in te no0man's $and between Tai$and and 8urma* O&ium in e%er! $itt$e %i$$a"e*
O&ium not e%en te a$f of it9sa&&ires' i%or!' &i"eon b$ood rubies9b$a#+ mar+et' a$$
of it' and !ou #ou$d "et a bu$$et in !our brain tr!in" to do business wit tese &eo&$e*
Ten a"ain' !ou "o in tere' -ust ma!be !ou #ome awa! wit sometin" so beautifu$' so
in#redib$! beautifu$' sometin" !ou'd ne%er find' not in a mi$$ion !ears on te outside'
and if !ou're $u#+!' if !ou're smart' !ou "et !ourse$f out of tere in one &ie#e*
:nbe$ie%ab$e wat I saw tat ni"t1 Son" d!nast! tem&$e &aintin"s' Kusan &eriod
8uddas a$most two tousand !ears o$d* He ad stuff from An"+or Wat' museum ;ua$it!'
ob-e#ts tere's no wa! e sou$d'%e ad' and I'm tin+in"' wo are !ou, Wo are !ou,
8e#ause te tin" was' I +new' as soon as I saw it' as soon as I tou#ed it and e$d it in
m! ands' I +new it was rea$* 4o ;uestion in m! mind' it was rea$' and if I ad enou"
mone!' it was mine*
<im from Kat$een To$an's A WEEKE43 4EAR =A3ISO4
Tat afternoon 3a%id and me wa$+ed down te road to (ad's* It was tis in#redib$e da!
9bri"t and wind! and it sme$$ed $i+e snow9in fa#t te! were fore#astin" te first
storm' so (ad and 3a%id and I "ot into tis +ind of fren2! to beat te snow* We were
s&$ittin" and sta#+in" and !e$$in" and #ursin" and te$$in" stories' and ten te wor+ itse$f
1
9te &!si#a$ $abor9to"eter wit bein" out in tat da!9+ind of o%ertoo+ us* And we
-ust +e&t "oin"' $iftin" and s&$ittin" and $iftin" and s&$ittin"' in si$en#e* <ust our breat
and te #o&&in" and te trowin" and te sounds of te woods * * * And wen we'd done
a$f of it' we o&&ed into te tru#+ and dro%e te rest u& to our &$a#e and went at it tere *
* * And I was &antin" and a#in" and soa+ed wit sweat9I ad no idea were te
stren"t was #omin" from to $ift te a)* At one &oint I strai"tened u& and -ust stood
tere* Te $i"t was fadin"' te s+! was a &a$e !e$$ow' #ut wit a tin strin" of #ar#oa$
#$ouds* A &at# of te !ard was wased wit a "o$den $i"t from te +it#en window* I
$oo+ed u&' and !ou and 4essa were standin" tere' $oo+in" out at us* And I wa%ed* And
!ou bot wa%ed* And' I fe$t tis fu$$ness* * * * I'%e ne%er fe$t so fu$$ * * * of $ife * * * as I did
at tat moment* >Pause*? I fe$t $i+e a man*
<a! from <erome Hairston5s A*=* S:43A/
3ad* I $ied* It's not a$wa!s si$en#e* Wen te &one rin"s' and tere's no one tere*
Tere was on#e' tis one time wen I eard sometin"* Tis breatin"* So I waited* To
see if an!tin" wou$d be said* Was about to "i%e u&' but ten I eard it* A %oi#e* Tis
une%en %oi#e* One I ne%er eard before' but sti$$' someow I +new se ad te ri"t
number* And se as+ed me* Se as+ed me tis one tin"* >Pause*? .Is !our fater
a&&!,. >Pause*? I said notin"* I sta!ed ;uiet* I sta!ed* So' se as+s a"ain* .Is !our
fater a&&!,. And te wa! se said it* So des&erate* Soft* Li+e se* Li+e se was in
$o%e wit !ou* Or needed to be in $o%e wit !ou* Sounded in need of sometin"* Se
as+s a"ain* And tis time' I was about to answer' but on#e I "ot stren"t u& to * * * se
un" u&* Se un" u&* I'%e tried to ma+e sense of it* 8ut it's a m!ster!* A tota$ m!ster!*
8ut tose sort of tin"s a&&en' I "uess* =!steries "o une)&$ained* Pones "et bro+en*
I don't +now wat e$se to sa!* I don't +now*
:nnamed (ara#ter from <onatan 8* @oster's A4ALOA/
Tat is su# #ra&' and I wi$$ te$$ !ou w!1 be#ause wo te e$$ #ou$d e%er fatom 0 in te
first &$a#e' first and foremost 0 wo #ou$d e%er o&e to fatom wat rea$it! is, And ten if
!ou #ou$d' !ou're sure as e$$ not "oin" to a##e&t it* Wit or witout an ana$o"!* Wi# is
ridi#u$ous be#ause' no' $isten to wat !ou're sa!in"1 tat a dru" indu#ed ana$o"ous rea$it!
a$$ows !ou to a##e&t te rea$ rea$it!, .Rea$ Rea$it!,,. Tere's su&&osed to be some
rea$it! tat isn't rea$,, Wait' wait' wait' no' no' ear me out on tis' and I +now wat
!ou're "oin" to start sa!in"' !ou're "oin" to start "oin" off about tese samans $i%in" out
in te Painted 3esert somewere tat tra%e$ trou" %arious * * * Wate%ers' be#ause I am
si#+ u& to ere wit a$$ tese -ustifi#ations about tese .o$! men'. about ow te!'%e
used a$$u#ino"ens trou"out te #enturies to "o on s&iritua$ -ourne!s' and so w! #an't
we, .To tra%e$' to unra%e$ te dra%e$' te "ra%e$' ma%e$ ba%e$ b$a b$a b$a'. !ou +now
wat I'm sa!in", It's bu$$ #ra&* 8e#ause !ou are not some o$! man* I am not * * * B Aod
I "et so &issed off* I'm not a o$! man* And I don't foo$ m!se$f into be$ie%in" tat I am' so
tat I #an ta+e some fri#+in' dru" and e)&erien#e some .ana$o"!. tat wi$$ e$& me a##e&t
.rea$it!*. And !es tat r!mes* /es' I +now' ana$o"!' rea$it!' I am aware tat tat r!mes*
C
8ut tat doesn't mean an!tin"* It doesn't mean an!tin"* Sometimes r!mes -ust a&&en*
O+a!, (an we $i%e wit tat, Tis is rea$$! "ood &ot' !unno' tis is some rea$$!' rea$$!
"ood stuff*
3ais! from (risto&er 3uran"'s 8A8/ WITH THE 8ATHWATER
Wen I was e$e%en' I #ame a#ross tis medi#a$ boo+ tat ad &i#tures in it' and I rea$i2ed
I $oo+ed more $i+e a bo! tan a "ir$' but m! moter ad a$wa!s wanted a "ir$ or a
bestse$$er' and I didn't want to disa&&oint er* 8ut ten someda!s' I don't +now wat "ets
into me' I wou$d -ust fee$ $i+e stri+in" out at tem* So I'd wait ti$$ se was a%in" one of
er #r!in" fits' and I too+ te boo+ to er 0 I was twe$%e now 0 and I said' .Ha%e !ou e%er
seen tis boo+, Are !ou tota$$! insane, W! a%e !ou named me 3ais!, E%er!one e$se
as a$wa!s said I was a bo!' wat's te matter wit !ou,. And se +e&t #r!in" and se
said sometin" about <udit Krant2 and sometin" about bein" out of Sa+e0n08a+e
#i#+en' and ten se said' .I want to die.D and ten se said' Perhaps !ou're a bo!' but
we don't want to -um& to an! ast! #on#$usions' so w! don't we -ust wait' and we'd see
if I menstruated or not* And I as+ed er wat tat word meant' and se s$a&&ed me and
wased m! mout out wit soa&* Te se a&o$o"i2ed and u""ed me' and said se was a
bad moter* Ten se wased her mout out wit soa&* Ten se tied me to te +it#en
tab$e and turned on a$$ te "as -ets' and said it wou$d be -ust a $itt$e wi$e $on"er for te
bot of us* Ten m! fater #ame ome and e turned off te "as -ets and untied me* Ten
wen e as+ed if dinner was read!' se $a! on te +it#en f$oor and wou$dn't mo%e' and
e said' I "uess not' and ten e sort of #rou#ed ne)t to te refri"erator and tried to read
a boo+' but I don't tin+ e was rea$$! readin"' be#ause e ne%er turned an! of te &a"es*
And ten e%entua$$!' sin#e notin" e$se seemed to be a&&enin"' I -ust went to bed*
<on from <on Patri#+ San$e!'s 8EAAARS I4 THE HO:SE O@ PLE4T/
Wat's te matter wit !ou, Wat's te matter wit !our sou$, We #ou$da e$&ed ea#
oter' Po&* Te wor$d is ard enou"* Ain't it, Witout no a%en at a$$, I $oo+ $i+e te
8ron) inside* I #ou$d %omit u& a burnin" #ar* /ou seen tem* Tese dead wre#+s
e%er!were* Te!'%e been abandoned* I fee$ tem insideB And I was te $u#+! oneB I
was te fortunate son* Wat a%e !ou done to me, Wat a%e !ou done to !our bo!s,
4o* To e$$ wit !ou* /ou +now wat I fee$ wen I see a be""ar on te street, I wanna
+i#+ is fa#eB I wanna beat im ta deatB (ause tat's meB Pateti#a$$! waitin' wit m!
fri#+in' #u&* 8ut tat's o%er* I'%e sto&&ed stea$in' and I'%e sto&&ed settin' fires and I'%e
sto&&ed brea+in' windows* And now' now I'm "onna sto& waitin' for !ou* To rea# down
to me* To tou# m! fa#e* To +iss m! wounds* Tere's a +inda si$en#e fa$$en between us
$i+e a $on" dro& onta sar& ro#+s* @or a $on" time now* It's been m! wait* I'%e been
waitin' for sometin"* Words' I "uess* Some words* 3o I a%e te words e%en now, I
wi$$ ne%er tin+ of !ou witout bein" so#+ed b! !our $o%e$essness* I wi$$ ne%er tin+ of
!ou witout a "as& of wonder* I wi$$ ne%er tin+ of !ou witout some &ain* And des&ite
6
e%er!tin"' in te fa#e of e%er!tin"' tou" it &ersona$$! sames me to sa! it' I sti$$ a%e
$o%e for !ou*
Arno$d from 4ei$ Simon's 8ILOEI 8L:ES
I was in te $atrine a$one* I s&ent four ours #$eanin" it' on m! ands and +nees* It
$oo+ed better tan m! moter's batroom at ome* Ten tese two non0#oms #ome in'
one was te #oo+' tat tree0undred0&ound "u! and some oter s$ob' wit #i"ar butts in
teir mouts and ree+in" from beer * * * Te! #ome in to &ee on$! instead of usin" te
urina$' te! use one of te -ons' bot &eein" in te same one' ma+in" #ir#$es' fi"ure0
ei"ts* Ten te! start to wa$+ out and I sa!' .He!' I -ust #$eaned tat* P$ease f$us te
-ons*. And te bi" one' te #oo+' sa!s to me' .:& !ours' roo+ie'. or some oter rea$$!
#$e%er remar+ * * * And I b$o#+ te doorwa! and I sa!' .Tere's a &rinted order on te wa$$
si"ned b! (a&tain Landon statin" te re"u$ations tat a$$ fa#i$ities must be f$used after
usin". * * * And I'm re;uestin" tat te! fo$$ow re"u$ations' sin#e I was $eft in #ar"e' and
to &$ease f$us te fa#i$it! * * * And te bi" one sa!s to me' .Su&&ose !ou f$us it' 4ew
/or+ <ew Ki+e'. and I said m! etni# erita"e notwitstandin"' &$ease f$us te fa#i$it! * *
* Te! $oo+ at ea# oter' tis a$f a ton of brain$ess beef' and sudden$! rus me' turn me
u&side down' "rab m! an+$es and9and9and te! $owered me b! m! feet wit m! ead
in te toi$et' in teir fi$t' teir &oison * * * a$$ te wa! unti$ I #ou$dn't breate * * * ten te!
&u$$ed off m! be$t and tied m! feet on to te #ei$in" &i&es wit m! ead sti$$ in teir fou$
waste and tied m! ands beind m! ba#+ wit dirt! ra"s' and te! $eft me tere' an"in"
$i+e a &i" tat was "oin" to be s$au"tered * * * I wasn't stron" enou" to fi"t ba#+* I
#ou$dn't do it a$one* 4o one #ame to e$& me * * * Ten te &i&e bro+e and I fe$$ to te
"round * * * It too+ me twent! minutes to "et m!se$f untied * * * Twent! minutesB * * * 8ut it
wi$$ ta+e me te rest of m! $ife to was off m! umi$iation* I was de"raded* I $ost m!
di"nit!* If I sta!' Aene' if te! &ut a "un in m! ands' one ni"t' I swear to Aod' I'$$ +i$$
tem bot * * * I'm not a murderer* I don't want to dis"ra#e m! fami$! * * * 8ut I a%e to
"et out of ere * * * 4ow do !ou understand,
8LA(K (O@@EE b! 8rain Saffer
I used to ate b$a#+ #offee' but $et's fa#e it' b$a#+ #offee is man$!* 3o !ou tin+ ($int
Eastwood e%er too+ .two su"ars and a #ream,. Of #ourse not1 ($int Eastwood was a
man* And te "ir$s $o%e man$iness* On#e at a 3enn!'s I en#ountered a waitress wo
wou$d #an"e me* <enn!D su# a $o%e$! "ir$* I ad to sow off m! man$iness >or at $east
a#t te &art?* I ordered a Lumber-a#+ S$am' e)tra am' a &ie#e of #arrot #a+e' and of
#ourse' te #$in#er1 b$a#+ #offee* :nim&ressed wit tis man$iest of brea+fasts9wi#
wou$d a%e wowed most waitin"0&ersons' <enn! tried to brea+ me b! brin"in" more and
more #offee* O' I downed te brea+fast before te rest of m! fami$! finised teir tree
&an#a+es' mind !ou * * * but tat #offee* I #ou$dn't ba#+ down now* I'd #ome too far to
#i#+en out* Se brou"t te #e#+ and wit tat to&&ed me off1 m! e$e%ent #u&* I
tried to mana"e it down' but I was on m! $ast $e" $on" before * * * $i"t bu$b* On#e no one
was $oo+in"' I dum&ed m! #offee in m! "randmoter's #u&* =o#+ si&&ed it* S$ammed it
F
down and strode to te door9%i#torious* I ta+e m! #offee b$a#+ for te same reason
"u!s do an!tin"1 to im&ress women*
Rand! from <ani#e @ron#2a+'s 8L:E @OO3
Wat #o$or is tat, :"' no tan+ !ou* I don5t $i+e to eat b$ue food* Tere is sometin"
amiss in tis wor$d* I #ome ome from a ard da!5s wor+ and m! wife &resents me wit
a #a+e tat se made wit a b$ue tea&ot on to& of it and e)&e#ts me to be e)#ited* I wor+
wit murderers a$$ da! and I #an5t dea$ wit edib$e tea&ots wen I "et ome* Se meets
me at te door wit tis si$$! "rin on er fa#e wearin" an a&ron from te fifties and dra"s
me into te +it#en to sow me ere $atest #reation* I5m under a do#tor5s #are from er
$ast attem&t* 3on5t "et me wron"* I $o%e m! wife* @or er birtda! I "ot er a series of
ba+in" $essons from GHenri*H GHenriH is a $itt$e fri$$! man* (ome to tin+ of it' e%er
sin#e tose #$asses I a%e been fed a $ot of &rett!' feminine food* =ini0;ui#es' fin"er
#u#umber sandwi#es, Hu, Hu,, And I #an te$$ !ou ri"t now' I don5t $i+e it* 4o'
sir* 3on5t $i+e it a$$* Loo+ ere' is it wron" for me to want man$! food* I wear man$!
#$otes' I want man$! food* Wat, O' I don5t +now* Stea+' I "uess* Tat rea$$! sounds
ma#o' doesn5t it, How about omemade $asa"na, Tin"s tat remind me of m!
moter* I miss moter* Se ne%er fed me b$ue food*
@rom A$an A!#+bourn5s (O=I( PRESE4(E
Te $oo+, O' !ou mean te ta+e' te doub$e ta+e* It5s a we$$0+nown #omi# de%i#e' te
doub$e ta+e* Or in 8uster Keaton5s #ase' te ;uarter ta+e* Te demi semi minis#u$e ta+e*
8ut at te oter end of te s#a$e' !ou a%e someone $i+e' $et5s see9<ames @in$a!son9
@in$a!son5s a "ood e)am&$e* He was famous for te Laure$ and Hard! mo%ies* He
wou$d do tese ta+es were e $itera$$! too+ off and $eft te "round* 8o$d massi%e ta+es*
Li+e tis* Rea$$! funn!* Wen e did tem* OK' I5$$ tea# !ou* Let5s see* Ima"ine
!ou5re readin" a boo+' !es, /ou ear me #omin" into te room* /ou +now it5s me' so
!ou don5t $oo+ u& at on#e* Wat !ou don5t +now is tat I5m #o%ered in mud* I a%e
fa$$en in a &udd$e outside and I am #o%ered in b$a#+ s$im! mud from ead to toe* /ou
$oo+ u& #asua$$!' re"ister m! &resen#e' but !our boo+ is so interestin" !ou "o ;ui#+$!
ba#+ to it* /ou do tat * * * 4ow' as !ou $oo+ at !our boo+ a"ain' te ima"e of me
sudden$! re"isters on !our brain* /ou $oo+ at me a"ain* Iui#+$!' sar&$!* Ama2ed*
AoodB E)#e$$entB /our first doub$e ta+eB We5$$ ma+e a #omedian of !ou !et* 4e)t
wee+' te #ustard &ieB
:nnamed (ara#ter from Aar! Aarrison's (O=PLI(ATE3 LO7E
Wo +new, Wo, 3id m! fater +now and for"et to te$$ me, 3id m! moter tin+ I5d
-ust fi"ure it out, Lo%e is -ust so &ain0in0te0buttJeartJeadJsou$ #om&$i#ated* Wat
a&&ened to te da!s of .=eet me after #$ass* I'%e "ot to +iss !our #ee+*. 4ow it5s
Gw! do !ou want to +iss, And +iss now, W! now and not an our a"o, And if I +iss
K
!ou now' wi$$ !ou e)&e#t a +iss tomorrow, And if I +iss !ou tomorrow' does tat mean
I5$$ a%e to +iss !ou e%er! da! for te rest of our $i%es, 8e#ause I5m not read! for tat
+ind of #ommitment* And I don5t tin+ !ou are eiter* I mean' !ou don5t e%en $i+e te
#o$or red* So wat does tat mean for us and 7a$entine5s 3a!, And if !ou sa! 7a$entine5s
3a! is not a o$ida!' I5m $ea%in"' because it is a holiday damn it* And I +now !ou don5t
$i+e me to #urse' but I5m in tou# wit m! an"er and m! #a+ras and m! s&iritua$ $ife and
after$ife and &ast $i%es*H Wat,B*** And tat's -ust te oter &erson's ba""a"e* Wat
a&&ens wen I add mine into te mi),
Ra! from Eri# O%erm!er's 3ARK RAPT:RE
/ou ne%er +now watLs out tere' $ur+in' in te dar+ ra&ture* (ambodia* :sed to sa! tat
in (ambodia* Seemed a&&ro&riate* /ou ne%er did +now* And te ra&ture was dar+*
7er! dar+ indeed* (Pause) Te! used e$i#o&ters in Souteast Asia* /ou ma! a%e
eard* And some of tese &i$ots* Sow boats* Li+ed to #$i& te to&s of te trees* @$! as
$ow as &ossib$e o%er te ri#e &addies* (urn te surf* Te rea$ ma#o ot sots wou$d
bomb down tese dirt roads' notinL more tan tra#+s trou" te -un"$e' si) or so feet off
te "round' strafin" e%er!tin" in si"t' b$owin" u& water buffa$os' a%in" a "reat time*
So wat te 7 (Ld do' Kmer Rou"e' Patet Lao' wate%er' te!Ld strin" a wire a#ross
te road' or a ro&e' between te trees* @irst tin" in te mornin"' ere #omes ot sot'
e$$ bent for $eater' wom&a wom&a wom&a' twin"* Hits tat wire' #$i&s is rotors'
"oes u& in a fire ba$$* Woos* Wi# e%ent I a$wa!s tou"t was te war in a nutse$$*
A$$ it too+ to e%en te &$a!in" fie$d' brid"e te "a& in te#no$o"!' brin" down a mu$ti0
mi$$ion0do$$ar ma#ine' was a &ie#e of wire strun" a#ross te road*
Trent from Artur Ko&it's E43 O@ THE WORL3
4ow I +now were we metB *** It was at our &$a#e' our a&artmentB We were $i%in" in te
#it! ten' and some friends #ame b! to see our #i$d' e'd -ust been bornD ob%ious$!' one
of tem brou"t Stone9wo, doesn't matter' Stone was tere' I #an see im' in a #orner'
listening' as I *** te$$* >Pause? 8ut evil, >Long pause? Our son ad -ust been born* We'd
brou"t im ome* He was wat' fi%e da!s o$d' I "uess* >Pause? And ten one da! m!
wife went out * * * And I was $eft a$one wit im* And I was %er! e)#ited* 8e#ause it was
te first time I was a$one wit im* And I &i#+ed im u&' tis tin! tin"' and started
wa$+in" around te $i%in" room* We $i%ed on a i" f$oor o%er$oo+in" te ri%er' te
Hudson* Li"t was streamin" inD it was a $o%e$!' $i$tin" autumn da!' #oo$' beautifu$* And I
$oo+ed down at tis tin! #reature' tis tin! tin"' and I rea$i2ed* * * >Pause? I rea$i2ed I
ad ne%er ad an!one #om&$ete$! in m! &ower beforeB *** And I'd ne%er +nown wat tat
meantB 4e%er fe$t an!tin" remote$! $i+e tat beforeB And I saw I was standin" near a
window* And it was o&en* It was but a few feet awa!* And I tou"t1 I #ou$d *** drop him
outB And I went toward te window' be#ause I #ou$dn't be$ie%e tis tou"t ad #ome into
m! ead9where had it come from, 4ot one &art of me fe$t an!tin" for tis bo! but
$o%e' not one &artB =! wife and I ad &$anned' we were bot in $o%e' tere was no an"er'
no resentment' notin" dar+ in me toward im at a$$' no one #ou$d e%er a%e been more
6
in $o%e wit is #i$d tan I' as mu# !es' but not more' not more' and I was tin+in"1 I
#an trow im out of ereB *** and ten e wi$$ be fa$$in" ten' twe$%e' fifteen' twent!
stories down' and as e's fa$$in"' I wi$$ be unable to get him back *** And I fe$t a thrillB I
@ELT A THRILLB IT WAS THEREB *** And' of #ourse' I resisted tis* It wasn't ard to do'
resistin" wasn't ard *** 8:T I 3I34'T STA/ 8/ THE WI43OWB*** A43 I (LOSE3
ITB I resisted b! mo%in" awa!' ba#+ into te room *** And I sat down wit im* >Pause?
We$$' tere's not a #an#e I wou$d a%e done it' not a #an#eB >Pause? 8ut I #ou$dn't ta+e
a #an#e' it was %er!' %er! *** sedu#ti%e* >Pause. HE looks at S!"E. he lights come
back a bit. S!"E is sipping his tea# eyes on $E"? If doom #omes*** it wi$$ #ome in
tat wa!*
(orus from =ar+ Ra%eni$$5s @A:ST IS 3EA3
See' a few !ears a"o' I #ou$dn't s$ee&* I'd "o to bed and ten I "ot tin+in" about a$$ tis
stuff in te wor$d 00 about te riots and te fi"tin" and a$$ te an"r! &eo&$e and a$$ 00 and
I -ust #ou$dn't s$ee&* And sometimes I'd #r! 00 &art$! be#ause I rea$$! wanted to s$ee& and
I was mad tat I #ou$dn't s$ee& but &art$! be#ause of a$$ tose bad tin"s "oin" on* And
m! mom wou$d #ome into m! room and be -ust $i+e so tota$$! frea+ed tat I was #r!in"
ni"t after ni"t* .Wat's wron"' &oo&s, /ou a%e to te$$ me wat's wron"* Is it te
tea#ers at te s#oo$, Is one of te tea#ers at te s#oo$ doin" bad tin"s to !ou,'
:nti$ e%entua$$! I'm $i+e1 '4o' =om' it's not te tea#ers at te s#oo$* I'm #r!in" for te
wor$d' be#ause te wor$d is su# a bad &$a#e*' And =omma is $i+e1 'I +now' &oo&s* It's
bad now but it's "ettin" better* It's "onna "et a wo$e $ot better* We're "oin" to $i%e in a
better wor$d*' 'I +now' =omma*' And so I &retended to s$ee& and m! mom went off to
bed* And after tat I tau"t m!se$f to #r! in a s&e#ia$ wa! tat meant se wou$dn't ear
me e%er a"ain* Loo+in" ba#+' now I'm an adu$t' I tin+ I used to #r! at ni"t not be#ause
te wor$d was su# a bad &$a#e* We$$' o+a!' not -ust be#ause te wor$d is su# a bad
&$a#e* 8ut a$so be#ause I wanted te wor$d to #ome to an end* Li+e Arma"eddon or
He$$fire or Tota$ =e$tdown or some su# was "onna a&&en an! da! and it wou$d be a$$
m! fau$t for wantin" it so mu#* 8ut te wor$d asn't ended* It's "oin" on and on* And I
+ee& $oo+in" for si"ns tat it's "ettin" better $i+e =omma to$d me* 8ut I #an't see tem*
So' it asn't ended and it's not "ettin" better* It's -ust "oin" on' on and on and on* And I
wonder if I sou$d fee$ sometin" about tat* 8ut 00 !ou want te trut, 00 I don't fee$ a
tin"* See' I'm te +ind of &erson wo #an stand in te midd$e of an eart;ua+e and I'm
-ust $i+e 'woa' neat eart;ua+e'* And I wonder wat made me tat wa!*
Robbie from =i#ae$ We$$er's @ISHI4A
It fe$t so ama2in" in te fo"* A undred mi$es an our* I #ou$d'%e ad an a##ident before
I ad a #an#e to off m!se$f* I was sort of s#ared but te s#ared went into -ust &erfe#t
&ea#e* Perfe#t #ontro$* And I tou"t' O*K*' do it* <ust $i+e tat* A$$ I need is a set of
ead$i"ts* I went around tis #ur%e* 4otin"* Sti$$ deserted* Ten I started to fee$ +ind
of weird* Se$f0#ons#ious* I mean' wo was wat#in", Wo was I doin" tis for, Wo
am I doin" e%er!tin" I'm doin" for* I mean' are te! wat#in", Wo te e$$ is tis
M
#rowd tat doesn't want me around, I mean tis is &ateti#* I'm "oin" trou" tis
in#redib$e &erforman#e and no one's wat#in"* I was &issed off* And ten I tou"t'
Wait a minute' I'm ta$+in" to m!se$f* I'm out in te fo" on a motor#!#$e tra%e$in" one
undred mi$es an our wit te intention of #ommittin" sui#ide and I'm ta$+in" to m!se$f*
And ten sudden$! it a$$ sto&&edD te %oi#es' te intention' te tri&' te da!' e%er!tin"'
and I saw sometin" ama2in" inside of me tat was so #$ear !ou #ou$d a$most tou# it
wit !our fin"er * * * $ife1 Sta! a$i%e* I wanted $i+e #ra2! to sta! a$i%e* Wi# means tat'
in ba$an#e' tere must be sometin" in it* :nder a$$ tat #ra&' one sim&$e tin"* Kee& on*
Sta! a$i%e*
<esse from Ste%en 3iet25s @OOLI4' ARO:43 WITH I4I@IT/
Ei"t of us are #rammed into a 1961 Ramb$er* We are #omin" ome from a #on#ert* =!
nint roommate' Henr!' as sta!ed at ome* =! friend (onnie is dri%in"* Tree in front*
@i%e in ba#+* We a%e done a $ot of musrooms and smo+ed a $ot of do&e* Te =ood!
8$ues s&ew &o& &i$oso&! trou" te tin! in0das radio* We are ei"t bodies in a meta$
bo) mo%in" se%ent! mi$es an our* And' as a$wa!s at tis &oint in te e%enin"' te
#on%ersation #onsists of ta$+in" about -ust ow stoned we are* We are $au"in" riotous$!
at our $a#+ of motor s+i$$s* And u&on e)&erien#in" an! new %isua$ sensation9a
bi$$board' a bum&er sticker' windsie$d wiper9we s#ream in -o! at te to& of our $un"s*
It was at tis moment tat (onnie9wit bot ands sti$$ &ro&&ed u&on te wee$9%er!
soft$! said1 .Aod' tis is "ood stuff* I'm so "$ad I'm not dri%in"*. Te rest of us fro2e*
(onnie' wit bot ands sti$$ &ro&&ed u& on te wee$' was wearin" a beatifi# smi$e and
na%i"atin" us down te i"wa!* We eard on$! soft as&a$t and $oud =ood! 8$ues1
.%reathe deep the gathering gloom. &atch lights fade from every room * * * . Te rest of
us are abso$ute$! si$ent* Starin" at (onnie' starin" at te wee$' starin" at te road* And
ea# of us is terrified to te$$ er tat se is dri%in"9for fear se'$$ &ani#' $ose #ontro$ and
+i$$ us a$$* .'old hearted orb that rules the night. $emoves the colors from our sight.
$ed is gray and yellow white * * *. I am in te seat ne)t to (onnie* @ro2en* :n#ertain
weter to "rab te wee$* .%ut we decide which one is right. (nd which is an illusion*.
Te mi$es went b! in si$en#e as we barre$ed trou" te twi$i"t* And tere we sat*
Se%en &ani#+ed fa#es in a meta$ bo) mo%in" se%ent! mi$es an our* And (onnie' a&&!
and serene' o$din" te wee$* Se#ure in te +now$ed"e tat someone e$se is dri%in"*
=ort from A$enn A$terman's AOI4' RO:43 O4 RO(K SOLI3 ARO:43
Wo to$d me, I'$$ te$$ !ou wo to$d me 0 !our friends* /our dou#e0ba" friends' tat's
woB Aotta #a$$ $ast ni"t* Some dete#ti%e at te ei"t!0si)t &re#in#t* Seems !a friends
"ot busted' sma$$ stuff* We$$ m! name and tis address was on tis &ie#e a &a&er* Te!
#a$$ed me' so I went* (ou$dn't be$ie%e it* Te! to$d me e%er!tin"* I +e&t sa!in'' .4o'
not im* 4ot Harr!' e's m! best friendB He wou$dn't***B. We$$ we a$$ ad a ni#e ta$+'
$itt$e &ow0wow* /a friends' te #o&s and me* Te! $aid it a$$ out* Te wo$e tin"* How
!ou were &$annin' to s#rew me* =e' !our best friend* <ust one tin" !ou didn't +now*
N
/ou "ot "reed! friends* 7er! "reed!* Harr!' !ou +now tat, Seems te! were ta+in' !ou
for a ride* 4e%er "onna #ut !ou in* /ou' wo !ou said te! e$d wit su# i" res&e#t'
remember, Sou$da seen ow te! $au"ed* (a$$ed !ou a #um&' a sa&' a s#umba"B
Ima"ine, Ima"ine tat,B Same "u!s tat !ou said e$d !ou on a ."o$d trone*. So !ou
see nobod!'s #omin'' Harr!* S'-ust !ou and me* /ou' and me* 8ut I must admit s'been
%er! entertainin"* /ou &ut on a rea$ "ood f$oor sow toni"tD %er! ni#e* 8ut a$$ !ou been
doin' is &u$$in' !our own #ain' &a$' '#ause no one's #omin'* 4o one' Harr!' no one*
=an from (risto&er 3uran"'s LA:AHI4A WIL3
Te oter ni"t I dreamt m! fater was inside a ba+ed &otato* Isn't tat stran"e, I was
%er! start$ed to see im tere' and I started to be afraid oter &eo&$e wou$d see were m!
fater was' and ow sma$$ e was' so I +e&t tr!in" to #$ose te ba+ed &otato' but I "uess
te &otato was ot' #ause e'd start to #r! wen I'd sut te ba+ed &otato' so ten I didn't
+now wat to do* I tou"t of sendin" te wo$e &$ate ba#+ to te +it#en9te$$ te #oo+
tere's a &erson in m! ba+ed &otato9but ten I fe$t su# "ui$t at desertin" m! fater tat
I -ust sat tere at te tab$e and #ried* He #ried too* Ten te waiter brou"t dessert' wi#
was de%i$'s food #a+e wit mo#a i#in"' and I ate tat* Ten I wo+e u&' %er! un"r!* I
to$d m! tera&ist about te dream' and e said tat te ba+ed &otato re&resented eiter te
womb or were I tried to &ut m! fater durin" te Oedi&a$ #onf$i#t9.Wat Oedi&a$
#onf$i#t,. I a$wa!s sa! to im' .I won' ands down*. And ten m! tera&ist said m!
fater #ried be#ause e was una&&!' and tat I dreamt about te #a+e be#ause I was
un"r!* I tin+ m! tera&ist is an idiot* =a!be I sou$d -ust a%e "urus* Or find a
nutritionist* 8ut wat I'm doin" now isn't wor+in"*
=an from (risto&er 3uran"'s LA:AHI4A WIL3
I used to be a %er! ne"ati%e &erson* 8ut ten I too+ tis &ersona$it! wor+so&
tat tota$$! turned m! $ife around* 4ow wen sometin" bad or ne"ati%e a&&ens' I #an
see te &ositi%e* 4ow wen I a%e a rea$$! bad da! or wen someone I tou"t was a
rea$$! "ood friend betra!s me' or ma!be wen I'%e been it b! one of tose damn &eo&$e
ridin" bi#!#$es te o&&osite wa! on a one0wa! street' so' of #ourse' one adn't $oo+ed in
tat dire#tion and tere te! are bearin" down on !ou' about to +i$$ or maim !ou9
an!wa!' I $oo+ at an! of tese tin"s and I sa! to m!se$f1 tis "$ass is not a$f fu$$' it's
a$f em&t!*
4o9I said it ba#+wards' for#e of abit* Tis "$ass is not a$f em&t!' it is a$f full*
Of #ourse' if te! it !ou wit te stu&id bi#!#$e !our "$ass wi$$ not be a$f fu$$ or
a$f em&t!' it wi$$ be sattered to &ie#es' and !ou'$$ be dead in te os&ita$*
8ut rea$$! I'm tr!in" to be &ositi%e' tat's wat I'm doin" wit m! $ife tese da!s*
>$eads from a note card.?
I was tired of not bein" -o!fu$ and a&&!' I was si#+ of m! &ersona$it!' and I ad
to #an"e it
>!ff the card) back to speaking e*temporaneously.?
9
Ha$f fu$$' not a$f em&t!* I ad to sa! to m!se$f1 !ou do not a%e #an#er9at $east
not toda!* /ou are not b$ind* /ou are not one of te star%in" #i$dren in India or (ina
or in Afri#a* Loo+ at te sunset' $oo+ at te sunrise' w! don't !ou en-o! tem' for Aod's
sa+e, And now I do* >(lmost as a sidetrack to himself.? E)#e&t if it's #$oud!' of #ourse'
and !ou #an't see te sun* Or if it's #o$d* Or if it's too ot*
>Hearing his negativity above.?
I &robab$! need to ta+e a few more &ersona$it! wor+so&s to #om&$ete te
&ro#ess* It's sti$$ not ;uite witin m! "ras&' tis bein" &ositi%e business*
>$eads from the cards again.?
8ut I'm ma+in" "reat strides*
Aeor"e from (onstan#e (on"don's LOSI4A @ATHER'S 8O3/
We$$' S#ott* Kimber$!* @a#t is' we'%e it +ind of a sna"* It's no bi" tin"' rea$$! bi" tin"'
an!wa! I mean' e%er!tin" is $e"a$$! "oin" forward* It's a &ersona$' more of a &ersona$9
>%lows out some breath# starts over.? 8asi#a$$!' it's tis1 !our :n#$e (e#i$ fee$s %er!
stron"$! tat te #artered &$ane #osts too mu# and as de#ided to dri%e !our fater ba#+
in te station wa"on* Himse$f* @rom (anada* He's stored im9!our fater9under te
#anoe' on te roof' #arefu$$! wra&&ed' and as been ad%ised b! some =ountie u& tere9
some "u! wo +nows wat e's ta$+in" about9tat "ame is trans&orted at tis time of
!ear wit no &rob$ems in9a9!ou +now' &reser%ation* So* 4ow' I +now tis ma! seem
a $itt$e bit9I mean9a9a $itt$e' a' a bit un#omfortab$e* 8ut (anadian $aw on te
trans&ort of' !ou +now' remains is in#redib$e* In#redib$e* I mean' te red ta&e9 >+ore
than ,eorge can e*press.? 4ow' I +now wat !ou ma! be9wat's runnin" trou"9
wat !ou ma! be tin+in"9I mean' it's' it's 4OT b! an! stret# of te ima"ination' idea$*
I rea$i2e tat' and so does !our :n#$e (e#i$* 8ut e is9!ou +now ow e is* He and
!our fater bui$t tis #om&an! from a %er! modest9we$$' !ou +now te stor!' of #ourse*
A$$ of tis from tese &rin#i&$es of fru"a$it! and &ra#ti#a$it!' wi# I admire so mu#9
a%e a$wa!s admired in tem bot' and in !ou' and in Pau$ine' And determination* It's
in#redib$e' rea$$!' (e#i$'s determination is in#redib$e' rea$$!* I wis !ou #ou$d ear im on
tis sub-e#t' I mean' te immediate sub-e#t at and *** tat we're dis#ussin" ere* So' wat
do !ou tin+, 8efore !ou sa! an!tin"' tou"' ere are some tin"s to #onsider* It's not
a $on" dri%e' and e is dri%in" strai"t trou"' so our basi# timetab$e wou$d be te same*
Te oter tin" is' we$$' tis is rea$$! te tin"' e's on te road' !ou see' a$read!*
3a%e from S+! 7o"e$'s SHOES
Let me as+ !ou sometin"* 3o !ou e%er wonder ow it is tat &eo&$e "et to"eter, Tis
da! and a"e, /5+now, I meanOLoo+' -ust meetin" &eo&$e' anyone is ard enou"*
=eetin" women9someone of te o&&osite se) is "oin" to be arder ten' ri"t, 4ow'
add to tat te meetin" of someone of te o&&osite se) wo !ou find attra#ti%e* =eetin"
someone of te o&&osite se) wo !ou find attra#ti%e wo finds you attra#ti%e* =eetin"
someone of te o&&osite se)' te attra#tion tin"' and wo5s sin"$eB And ten tere5s
&o$iti#a$ affi$iation' re$i"ion' wi# wa! !ou $i+e te toi$et &a&er to ro$$OSo wit a$$ of
1P
tis' I want to +now ow it is tat an!one an!were an!time is a#tua$$! a #ou&$eB How is
tat, Wat are te odds,
8ut !ou +now wat, It a&&ened to me* /ea* I won te $otter!* Ama2in"* 3on5t as+
me ow* I don5t remember an! "ood deeds or si"nin" m! sou$ awa!* I -ust wo+e u& one
da! and IOI fe$t9I fee$9Am I ma+in" sense, It5s $i+e !ou5re desi"ned for ea# oter*
And $i+e9m! Aod' $ife isOWitout e%en tou#in" !our #est !ou #an a#tua$$! fee$ !our
eart beatin"* And !ou5re f$!in" i"* /ou5re en-o!in" e%er!tin"* E%er!tin"B
Waitin" for te subwa!* Te "odawfu$ &ri#e for a #and! bar* /ou5re sin"in" a$on" wit
T7 #ommer#ia$s and sa!in" i to te otdo" %endors* And it5s te "reatest fee$in"* Te
"reatestOfee$in"*
I5m sorr!* I rea$$! sou$dn5tOIt5s -ust a woman I $i+e doesn5t $i+e me*
Kroe"er from Aa$ant! =i$$er's THE 3REA3E3 WOR3
I was wat#in" some &rotest in Ira; or one of tose #ountries* Te! were burnin"
Ameri#an f$a"s* 3on't tese &eo&$e a%e an!tin" e$se to do, Aod I ate oter #ountries*
Tere are $i+e' on$! tree tin"s &eo&$e in oter #ountries do* Te! eiter stand around
&rotestin"' te! stand around sootin" ea# oter' or te! stand around star%in" to deat*
3on't an! of tese &eo&$e a%e' -obs, At $east I o##u&! m!se$f* I a%e a s#edu$e* I
wat# T7* 4obod! in tese oter &$a#es e%er as an!tin" to do* Is tere one &erson in
Iran wo sa!s' ./ou +now wat, I #an't "o out and burn :*S* f$a"s toda! be#ause I "otta
"o to te offi#e*. 3oes Iran e%en a%e offi#es, Or wat about Afri#a, 3oes an!bod!
e%er sa!' ./ou +now wat' I #an't stand around and &ose for te :4I(E@ #ameras toda!
be#ause I'm a dentist and I a%e a&&ointments toda!*. /ou wou$d tin+ one &erson in one
of tose #ountries wou$d #ome u& wit te bri$$iant idea of bu!in" a bui$din" and o&enin"
a store*
(ar$ie from Eri# 8er$in's THE LI4E THAT PI(KE3 :P 1PPP 8A8ES >A43 HOW IT
(A4 WORK @OR /O:?
It's a very sma$$ wor$d* -ery sma$$* I ran into some "ir$ before' se #omes u& to me $i+e
we're te o$dest of friends* Her name's <oan' <ane' <on' sometin" $i+e tat* /ou +now
wo se turns out to be, Se's m! * * * wait' wait' I want to "et tis strai"t* Se's m! e)0
"ir$friend's sister's friend's older brother.s e)0"ir$friend* Is tat stret#in" it or wat,
And ere I am ta$+in" to er $i+e I ma! a%e at one time sa%ed er $ife* .Hi' ow !ou
doin"' been a $on" time' !ea*. I #an't be$ie%e I re#o"ni2ed er* Wat' did I see er once'
ma!be twi#e* =a!be said fi%e words to er* And two of tem were .Aesundeit*. And
te damn tin" is' it a&&ens a$$ te time* =a+es me fee$ $i+e I'm $osin" m! mind
sometime* I &ass &eo&$e out on te street' te! sa! e$$o to me' sa! e$$o to tem' I wa$+
awa! sa!in"' wo te e$$ was tat, It "ets to te &oint tat I sa! e$$o to e%er! &erson I
ma+e e!e #onta#t wit* I mean' I don't +now w! I babb$e wen I "et drun+' it's -ust
sometin" I do' I babb$e* =! friends sa! ./ou babb$e wen !ou "et drun+'. and te!'re
ri"t' it's sometin" I do' I babb$e* 8e#ause I don't #are too mu# wen it's a "u! sa!s
e$$o to me and I don't +now wo e is* I mean' it boters me a $itt$e' but I'm not "oin" to
11
s&end te da! a"oni2in" o%er it* 8ut te "ir$s' I "et tese &rett! "ir$s wo are -ust so
a&&! to see me' and I'm a&&! to see tem too' and I'd be e%en a&&ier if I +new wo
te! a#tua$$! wereB 8ut' !ou +now' !ou #an't as+' ri"t, /ou #an't te$$ some "ir$ !ou
don't +now wo se is' se'$$ be insu$ted* Ri"t, Ri"t, See' I'$$ &ro%e it' wo te e#+
are !ou,
IS THERE LI@E A@TER HIAH S(HOOL' b! <effre! Kind$e!* <im Wanama+er*
I ad a dream $ast ni"t were someone found out I ne%er too+ tese #ourses tat were
ne#essar! for "raduation' and I ad to "o ba#+ to s#oo$ to ma+e u& te wor+* I sat down
at a des+ wi# was wa! too sma$$ for me' but nobod! e$se in te #$assroom seemed to
noti#e tat I was an! different from tem* Ten =rs* 3e$ane! Q m! Ameri#an Prob$ems
tea#er Q ands out tese test boo+$ets' and I $oo+ at te #o%er and someone as drawn
obs#ene &i#tures a$$ o%er it* I don5t +now wat to do* Sou$d I te$$ =rs* 3e$ane!' and #a$$
attention to m!se$f' or sou$d I -ust i"nore te &i#tures, Q in wi# #ase se5$$ &robab$!
tin+ I drew tem* Te &i#tures are in &en#i$' see' so I start to erase tem* A$$ of tese
sti#+ &eo&$e doin" orrib$e tin"s to ea# oter* 8ut as soon as I "et one &art erased' I
noti#e anoter one Q and anoter* @ina$$! te be$$ rin"s and =rs* 3e$ane! starts #o$$e#tin"
te boo+$ets' and I rea$i2e I ne%er e%en o&ened mine* I don5t e%en +now wat te test was
about* And wat5s worse' a$$ te &i#tures are sti$$ tere* I start tearin" u& te boo+$et $i+e
#ra2! and sti#+in" &ie#es of it in m! mout' tr!in" to #ew it a$$ u& and swa$$ow it before
se "ets to me* Ten se5s standin" o%er me and se sa!s' GWere5s !our boo+$et' <ames,
Wat a%e !ou done wit it,H Tat5s as far as it went* I wo+e u& in a #o$d sweat* I wanted
to sa!' GI ate it' !ou wit#B I ate itBH Q but I ne%er ta$+ed ba#+ to =rs* 3e$ane! in m! $ife*
=A RAI4E/5S 8LA(K 8OTTO=' b! Au"ust Wi$son* To$edo*
4ow' I5m "onna sow !ou ow tis "oes * * * were !ou -ust a $efto%er from istor!*
E%er!bod! #ome from different &$a#es in Afri#a' ri"t, (ome from different tribes and
tin"s* Soonawi$e te! be"an to ma+e one bi" stew* /ou ad te #arrots' te &eas' te
&otatoes' and watnot o%er ere* And o%er tere !ou ad te meat' te nuts' te o+ra' te
#orn * * * and ten !ou mi) it u& and $et it #oo+ ri"t trou" to "et te f$a%ors f$owin"
to"eter * * * ten !ou "ot one tin"* /ou "ot a stew*
4ow !ou ta+e and eat te stew* /ou ta+e and ma+e !our istor! wit stew* A$$ ri"t*
4ow it5s o%er* /our istor!5s o%er and !ou done ate te stew* 8ut !ou $oo+ around and
see some #arrots o%er ere' some &otatoes o%er tere* Tat stew5s sti$$ tere* /ou done
made !our istor! and it5s sti$$ tere* /ou #an5t eat it a$$* /ou "ot some $efto%ers* Tat5s
wat it is* /ou "ot $efto%ers and !ou #an5t do notin" wit it* /ou a$read! ma+in" !ou
anoter istor! * * * #oo+in" !ou anoter mea$' and !ou don5t need tem $efto%ers no
more* Wat to do,
See' we5s te $efto%ers* Te #o$ored man is te $efto%ers* 4ow' wat5s te #o$ored man
"onna do wit imse$f, Tat5s wat we waitin" to find out* 8ut first we "otta +now we
te $efto%ers*
1C