3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know

http://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/2014/01/3-secret-phrases-all-leaders-must-know/?utm_source=hootsuite&utm_campaign=hootsuite[19-03-2014 12:24:16]
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Leadership is inherently about communication.
Your ability to communicate well with your
team, your boss, your coworkers, and anyone
else around you can make or break your
career as a leader. Given the importance we
place on communications, it always helps to
have a few tools and techniques that can give
you an edge and make you a more effective
communicator.
Id like to share three of my favorite phrases.
Each of these three phrases is very carefully and thoughtfully crafted. If you want
to use them effectively, use them exactly as theyre written. Do not modify them
as changes you make will change their meaning (and correspondingly yield
different results for you). As you try putting them into practice, they may feel
awkward or uncomfortable at first. Any new skill you learn feels this way. That
said, if you use these phrases regularly and appropriately, youre likely to have
some great results.
I have shared these phrases with members of my teams over the years (just as
one of them was shared with me by a boss the other two are Mike Figliuolo
originals). I teach my coaching clients how to use them. People are often
surprised (positively) with the results they get from trying these phrases out. I
encourage you to give them a whirl too.
So here they are three secret phrases that will make you a more effective
communicator and leader:
Say mor e.
When youre having a conversation where youre trying to understand a situation,
you need to ensure you fully understand the situation before you recommend
action. Too often we think we know whats going on or what the root issue is
when we actually dont. In these situations, let the other person speak for a while
then simply say say more. Note its not Can you say more about topic XYZ?
Two things are wrong with that. First, they can say no and the conversation
ends. Second, if you narrow it to topic XYZ you will never find out the real issue
is topic ABC.
Say more. is deliberately constructed. Its a directive. Youre giving a command.
There is no no as an option. Its subtle but it matters. People feel compelled to
continue talking. Its also unbounded. You have told them to say more but you
have not told them what to talk about. Theyre going to talk about the thing thats
logically next in their mind. The thing is you had no idea that was logically next.
Ive been surprised many times by what pops out when I say say more and it has
led to me being able to resolve the true root cause on many occasions. This
technique also works very well when youre interviewing job candidates.

A 6351 personas les
gusta esto.
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3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know
http://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/2014/01/3-secret-phrases-all-leaders-must-know/?utm_source=hootsuite&utm_campaign=hootsuite[19-03-2014 12:24:16]
How do you f eel about t hat ?
If youve ever taken a Myers-Briggs test, you know one of the dimensions is the
thinking/feeling axis. On a 60 point scale, Im a 57 on thinking versus feeling.
Im brutally logical in most cases. Given that, I tend to speak logically and
approach issues logically. In my past I often found myself saying What do you
think about that?when I wanted someones perspective on a topic. And I got
logical responses.
Unfortunately, getting logical responses doesnt make you an effective leader
because humans are emotional animals. EQ, right? If you ask people How do
you feel about that?it unlocks an entirely different side of their being. You get to
their fears, their aspirations, their motivations, and their insecurities with this
question. You get into the visceral land of leadership. You understand them better
which makes you able to lead them more effectively. You have to use the f word
occasionally if you really want to understand what those around you care about
(and you folks know Im referring to feel as the f word).
I m sur e you under st and.
As leaders, we have to make tough decisions. We have to deliver bad news. We
have to say no to things people ask us to do because were overworked and
exceedingly busy. But we feel bad delivering this news or saying no. We also
dont like getting push-back from folks when we make these decisions.
Try this deliver your bad news or your no and follow it up with Im sure you
understand. If they do understand your decision or your no response, youre
appealing to that logical side of their minds (even though theyre having a
negative emotional response to the message youve delivered). Doing so reduces
the conflict inherent in what youve said. Youve taken away a basis for them to
object. Nobody wants to be seen as not being understanding of anothers plight.
If they dont understand why youve made your decision or why youve said no it
gives you a chance to clarify and further explain things. Sometimes folks wont
even protest your decision even if they dont understand it because theyre
uncomfortable with appearing dense for not understanding (which isnt a good
thing because you want to ensure they truly do understand your rationale). Also
note its not You understand where Im coming from, dont you?because saying
it as a question opens the no response and you havent closed the issue.
For example, I had to decline being part of an ongoing meeting because I was
over-committed to other projects. Rather than just tell the person who ran that
meeting Im not coming anymore which could insult or upset them, I said I have
to decline being part of these ongoing meetings. Right now Im stretched too thin
and have more commitments than I can attend to effectively. Im happy to be
involved in an ad hoc manner if you need my expertise but I wont be coming to
future recurring meetings. Im sure you understand. It was a great conversation.
I mean, who doesnt understand being overworked and over-committed?
Give those three phrases a try. Youll be pleasantly surprised with the results.
Again dont modify the way theyre phrased. Theyve been deliberately
constructed for effectiveness. Try those out and let us know how they work for
you in the comments section below.
- Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLEADERS, LLC
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3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know
http://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/2014/01/3-secret-phrases-all-leaders-must-know/?utm_source=hootsuite&utm_campaign=hootsuite[19-03-2014 12:24:16]
Ti m Ret hl ak e says:
J ANUARY 6, 2014 AT 9:36 AM
Mike:
Good stuff that Ill be incorporating onto this years lexicon.
If I may build on your list, Id like to add a question I use often.
Is that fair?I use it when trying to establish common ground rules with
other parties.
For example, when addressing a strained client relationship: Lets do
this. Id like you to first describe where your frustration with us lies so I
fully understand the issues. Then Id like the opportunity to explain how
we see it. After that, we can look for the common ground we do have and
try to find a path forward that benefits the both of us. Is that fair?
What I like about asking that question is that you almost always get a yes
response to it. Youre not asking them if they agree with you, youre
simply asking if they think its fair. It get s a potentially negative
conversation started off on a positive note.
P.S. Hows your ticker doing? No double quarter pounders for you in
2014???
Best,
Tim
Reply
Mi k e Fi gl i uol o says:
J ANUARY 6, 2014 AT 12:36 PM
Great add Tim. I like it a lot.
And yes my diet has fundamentally changed as have my
exercise habits. Ive had fast food exactly *once* since my
incident and it was a plain Arbys roast beef sandwich.
Doing much better. Thank you for asking.
Reply
Shar i Wr i ght says:
J ANUARY 9, 2014 AT 8:12 PM
Only three phrases and youve said a mouthful about communication
effectiveness in leadership. Say more is a non-threatening probe that
not only puts the respondent at ease but maximizes information gathering
to garner a greater understanding for the listener.
A huge thanks for the invaluable tips. Youve scored a colossal word
bang!
Reply
Ki r ana says:
J ANUARY 14, 2014 AT 10:43 AM
Ive never tried the third. But I do usually say tell me more, and hows
that?which is like the first two but mainly because I would actually be
curious
Reply
Kamal j i Sahay says:
J ANUARY 15, 2014 AT 10:21 PM
I think the leader may also allow some time to the other person in difficult
circumstances and he may ask: Why not come back to me if you have
some point to share. This may make him feel empowered
Reply
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3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know
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3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know
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3 Secret Phrases All Leaders Must Know
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