Appropriate Language, Exact Words, Avoiding Wordiness Commas Apostrophes Division & Classification Writing D&C What is division? Single subject subdivided into its parts Cut a pizza into slices List ingredients in cereal Key is to begin with a single thing Purpose is to show components of a larger subject To help reader understand a complex whole by considering it in smaller units Division & Classification Writing D&C What is Classification? Begins with two or more items that are then grouped into categories Must have at least two categories Eastern Shore of VA people Born heres Been heres Come heres 1. Sports teams Classification = football, hockey, baseball Division = football = Steelers, Browns, Ravens 2. fast-food restaurants Classification = Mexican, Italian, American Division = Wendys, Burger King, McDonalds 3. Transportation Classification = airlines, motor vehicles, cruise ships Division = Norwegian, Carnival, Royal Caribbean 4. Academic subjects Classification = math, history, science Division = biology, physics, chemistry 5. Movies Classification = horror, comedy, drama Division = The Exorcist, The Conjuring, The Devil Inside Division & Classification Writing D&C How do you choose a subject? Division & Classification are tools to help readers understand a subject Part of the purpose is inform readers Increase understanding of the whole if one knows how it can be divided Part of purpose is to increase clarity and understanding Avoid obvious approaches and topics Teachers placed in groups based on grade level If write about common topic, use a novel approach Always ask, Will my reader learn something or be entertained by what I plan to write? Division & Classification Writing How do you divide or classify a subject? Defining a purpose Why are you writing about this to be informative or to persuade? Making your classification or division complete Do not omit pieces or leave items unclassified Completion depends on purpose Reasons people want kidsmust include political even if it is irrelevant to Americans Using parallelism Phrase categories in similar grammatical terms Biological, cultural, political, economical, familial... Items must fit into only one category Division & Classification Writing How do you structure a division or classification essay? each category should have its own paragraph Logical order (need a reason) G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17 or NC-17, R, PG-13, PG, G not PG-13, R, PG, G, NC-17 Division & Classification Revising How do you revise a division or classification essay? Does your paper make the subject/topic easier to understand? Purpose Why have you chosen this subject? Make sure subject is not too large or complicated Be wary of audience knowing too much or too little about subject Structure Largest to smallest or in other direction Need a clear rationale for order Proportional development Make it balanced!!! Avoid categories labeled other or miscellaneous Parallelism The textbook is an example. Each chapter has parallel headings and subheadings. Division & Classification PreWriting Play C&D Scattegories Change to a minute Choose a subject. Decide if you will divide or classify. Create a detail tree. DIVISION one into many *(ONE into MANY)* 1 2 3 CLASSIFICATION many into one *(MANY into GROUPS)* 1 2 3 DO NOT DO BOTH! *Divide one subject into 3 parts/subgroups OR Classify many subjects into 3 groups/types. *This is only a 2-3-page paper; thus, we do not have the room to perform both tasks. *Focus your energy on one. Classification Division D&C Thesis Statement Once you have decided on your group, purpose, and categories, develop a thesis statement that does the following three things: names what group of people or things you intend to classify describes the basis of the classification labels the categories you have developed Our last five U.S. presidents have practiced physical fitness regimens that have included being regular private gym- goers, disciplined public joggers, or casual active sports enthusiasts. D & C Outline I. Introduction A. Attention Grabber 1. 2. B. Background information 1. 2. C. Relevancy and Thesis Statement 1. 2. D & C Outline II. Body: Categories or Parts A. Category or Part 1 1. Characteristic (explain) 2. Characteristic (illustrate w/ specific example) B. Category or Part 2 1. Characteristic (explain) 2. Characteristic (illustrate w/ specific example) C. Category or Part 3 1. Characteristic (explain) 2. Characteristic (illustrate w/ specific example) D. Category or Part 4 1. Characteristic (explain) 2. Characteristic (illustrate w/ specific example) D & C Outline II. Body: Types of Tribal Belly Dance A. Tribal Fusion belly dance gives dancers the freedom to adopt moves from Oriental styles. 1. Dancers of this style can incorporate moves and poses that are typically used only in Oriental style. 2. Tribal dancers never lift their heels; however, tribal fusion dancers may lift their heels in the upward figure 8. B. American Tribal Style (ATS) follows a specific sequence of moves based upon various cues. 1. These cues are universal so that dancers from various locations can randomly dance together. 2. The specific cues lead to a specific sequence of dance combinations so that dancers can lead-and-follow one another. C. Hot-Pot Improv Tribal Style (Hot-Pot ITS) also utilizes the lead and follow forms but it is less choreographed that ATS. 1. Hot-Pot ITS categorizes moves as fast and slow slow moves can not be cued or danced in a fast song and vice-versa. 2. The Arabic move may not be pulled in a slow song. D. Homegrown Improv Tribal Style (HITS) combines improv and fusion characteristics. 1. Dancers of other styles are unable to dance with HITS dancers without instruction, but HITS dancers know the cues of all other styles. 2. HITS dancers also incorporate moves from Oriental styles. D & C Outline III. Conclusion A. Link back to Introduction 1. 2. B. Reminder of thesis 1. 2. 3. C. Lasting Impression 1. 2. What is wrong? Watch the following video and identify its writing error. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKueUBlc-u0 So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads. Dr. Seuss Tighten Wordy Sentences Eliminate redundancies Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist. Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered physical therapist. Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin. Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin. Tighten Wordy Sentences Avoid unnecessary repetition of words Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient. Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill. The best teachers help each student become a better student both academically and emotionally. The best teachers help each student grow both academically and emotionally. Tighten Wordy Sentences Cut empty or inflated phrases Along the lines of...like As a matter of fact...in fact At all times...always At the present time...now, currently Because of the fact that...because Due to the fact that...because For the reason that...because In order to...to In the final analysis...finally Tighten Wordy Sentences Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single words We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas Jefferson. We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. Exercise E.1 Wordy Sentences 1. It seems likely that American parents choose really carefully when naming their children. American parents choose carefully when naming their children. 2. Making comparisons between popular names of today and the names that were popular in the past shows how much our ideas about naming children have changed. Comparing popular names of today and of the past shows how much our ideas about naming children have changed. Exercise E.1 Wordy Sentences 3. The names chosen for girls have undergone he most changes. Girls names have changed the most. 4. Forty years ago, the majority of baby girls received names that sounded traditional rather than being considered unusual. Forty years ago, most baby girls received traditional names rather than unusual ones. Exercise E.1 Wordy Sentences 5. Some of the older names gradually became less popular over a period of time, and newer names, like Jennifer, now a perennial favorite year after year, took their place. Some of the older names gradually became less popular, and newer names, like Jennifer, now a perennial favorite, took their place. 6. In these modern times, parents often give their daughters names that were once considered masculine, like Sidney or Taylor. Today, parents often give their daughters names that were once considered masculine, like Sidney or Taylor. Exercise E.1 Wordy Sentences 7. It is also true that some parents try to make their daughters names seem quite unusual by spelling a traditional name in a way that is not considered traditional. Some parents try to make their daughters names seem unusual by spelling a traditional name in a nontraditional way. 8. Boys names, however, have really changed very little and not as noticeably. Boys names, however, have not changed as noticeably. Exercise E.1 Wordy Sentences 9. For decades the most popular of the names parents have given to boys has been Michael For decades the most popular boys name has been Michael. 10. It may perhaps be true, as the results of a recent poll suggest, that parents think having an unusual name is helpful to girls and having an unusual name is harmful to boys. Perhaps, as the results of a recent poll suggest, parents think having an unusual name helps girls and harms boys. Choose Appropriate Language Stay away from jargon (theres a time and a place for it) We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because we didnt have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house. We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few employees to do the work. The CEO should dialogue with investors about partnering with clients to purchase land in economically deprived zones. The CEO should talk with investors about working with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods. Choose Appropriate Language Avoid pretentious language Taylors employment of multihued means of expression draws back the curtains and lets slip the nostalgic vantage point from which she observes American society as well as her lack of comprehension of economic realities. Taylors use of colorful language reveals that she has a sentimental view of American society and does not understand economic realities. Choose Appropriate Language Avoid most euphemisms Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words thought to sound harsh or ugly Adult entertainment Pre-owned automobile Economically deprived Negative savings Strategic withdrawal Correctional facility Revenue enhancers Chemical dependency Avoid doublespeak Deliberately evasive or deceptive language Downsizing = firing employees Choose Appropriate Language Avoid sexist language Chairman Fireman Mailman Mankind weatherman Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely Choose Appropriate Language Revise language that may offend groups of people North Dakota takes its name from the Indian word meaning friend or ally. North Dakota takes its name from the Lakota word meaning friend or ally. Find Exact Words Select words with appropriate connotations When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women abandoned their jobs in favor of marriage. When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women left their jobs in favor of marriage. Exercise E. 6 Word Choice Americans have recently had their noses rubbed in the fact that anorexia nervosa, a disease of self- starvation, is becoming more widespread. Had their noses rubbed in = been forced to accept They are also usually sharp. Sharp = intelligent Exercise E. 6 Word Choice They seem to other people to have pretty much every advantage. Pretty much = nearly Their families and comrades ordinarily have a rough time comprehending why they will not eat. Comrades = friends Rough = difficult Exercise E. 6 Word Choice Because anorexia is a psychological disorder, the sufferers themselves may not catch on to what caused the onset of their illness. Catch on to = understand Anorexics have a weird body image. Weird = distorted Exercise E. 6 Word Choice They often believe they are totally overweight unless they are dangerously slender. Totally = extremely Slender = thin The disease is notoriously difficult to treat, even if the patient tries to go along with her doctors. Go along = cooperate Other words/phrases A lot of = many, several Start = begin, commence Find Exact Words Prefer specific concrete nouns Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc. The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: the environment and world peace. The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism. Ex.E.7 Concrete, Specific Detail 1. Every year, a large number of high school students take standardized tests. Every year, almost all college-bound high school juniors take one or more college admissions tests. 2. A good test score can help a student. A high test score can help a student gain admission to a prestigious college. 3. Test-preparation courses are becoming popular. Test-preparation courses, which give students practice exams to measure their progress, are becoming popular. Ex.E.7 Concrete, Specific Detail 4. These courses are expensive. These courses can cost hundreds of dollars. 5. Experts disagree about the value of such courses. Educators disagree about whether test-preparation courses actually help students prepare for the exam and for college work. Ex.E.7 Concrete, Specific Detail 6. Many students get better scores after taking a course. Many students who take a standardized test before and after a test-preparation course show at least some improvement in their scores after the course. 7. The amount of improvement is not always significant. The amount of improvement may only be a few percentage points. 8. Opponents argue that the courses are unfair. Opponents of the courses argue that by taking them, wealthy students can, in effect, buy a better score. Ex.E.7 Concrete, Specific Detail 9. Others say that the courses make no real difference. Others say that the scores of students who take test- preparation courses are not significantly higher than the scores of students who do not take them. 10. Many people continue to pay for test preparation. Many worried parents continue to pay for test preparation, reasoning that it can not hurt their childrens chances. Find Exact Words Do not misuse words These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbent. These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbing. Find Exact Words Use Standard Idioms Speech forms that follow no easily specified rules NEVER ALWAYS Angry at (a person) Angry with (a person) Agree to (an idea) Agree with (an idea) Different than Different from Off of Off Plan on doing Plan to do think on Think of; think about Try and; sure and Try to; sure to Find Exact Words Do not rely heavily on clichs Cool as a Beat around Blind as a Crystal Dead as a Light as a Like a bull Nutty as a Playing with Use figures of speech with care Similes & metaphors E. 8 Figures of Speech 1. For generations, women were considered to be delicate flowers too fragile for sports. 2. Many people thought that women would die like an old tree if they were too physically active. E. 8 Figures of Speech 3. Even though these mistaken beliefs were widespread, women athletes have moved forward by leaps and bounds. 4. Individual women athletes, like the track and golf star Babe Didrikson Zaharias, had to be as strong as an ox. E. 8 Figures of Speech 5. During World War II, a womens baseball league drew spectators like a snake in the grass when a shortage of male players depleted mens teams. 6. The end of the war nipped the womens league in the bud. E. 8 Figures of Speech 7. The American womens movement of the 1970s was the dawn of a new era for women in sports. 8. A battle of the sexes took place in tennis during that decade, when Billie Jean King, a star female player, made Bobby Riggs, an avowed male chauvinist who had challenged her, look as weak as the ocean tides. E. 8 Figures of Speech 9. In the following decades, some individual women became sports heroes, like Florence Griffith Joyner, who could run like the wind. 10. Finally, in the 1990s, the popularity of womens basketball and soccer spread like a disease in a crowded city. Talk to your neighbors When do you use a comma? Commas Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction joining independent clauses The department sponsored a seminar on college survival skills and it also hosted a barbecue for new students. Do NOT use a comma to separate coordinate word groups that are not independent clauses A good money manager controls expenses, and invests surplus dollars to meet future needs. Commas Use a comma after an introductory clause or phrase When Irwin was ready to iron his cat tripped on the cord. His cat tripped on the cord, when Irwin was ready to iron. In no time we were at 2,800 feet. Use a comma between all items in a series Bubbles of air leaves ferns bits of wood and insects are often found trapped in amber. Use Oxford comma in MLA style writings Commas Use a comma between coordinate adjectives not joined with and. Do not use a comma between cumulative adjectives. (use the and test) Roberto is a warm gentle affectionate father. Three, large gray, shapes moved slowly toward us. Commas Use commas to set off nonrestrictive (nonessential) elements. The campers need sturdy shoes, which are expensive. How do the meanings of these two sentences differ because of the commas? The dessert made with fresh raspberries was delicious. The dessert, made with fresh raspberries, was delicious. In the first example, the phrase made with fresh raspberries tells readers which of two or more desserts the writer is referring to. In the example with commas, the phrase merely adds information about the dessert. Commas Use commas to set off transitional and parenthetical expressions, absolute phrases, and word groups expressing contrast Minh did not understand our language; moreover he was unfamiliar with our customs. As a matter of fact American football was established in the mid-nineteenth century. Commas Use commas to set off nouns of direct address, the words yes and no, interrogative tags, and mild interjections Forgive me Angela for forgetting your birthday. Use commas with expressions such as he said to set off direct quotations Its okay, Angela said. Commas Use commas with dates, addresses, titles, and number On December 12 1980 orders were sent out for the arrest of Sitting Bull. The security alert system went into effect on 15 April 2009. Use a comma to prevent confusion Patients who can walk up and down the halls every day. To err is human; to forgive divine. Exercise 12.1 Adding Commas 1. Breeders have long prized their swiftest, most graceful horses, and raced them. horses and raced them. 2. Horse racing in the United States generally means either thoroughbred racing or harness racing. correct Exercise 12.1 Adding Commas 3. Harness racehorses pull small lightweight vehicles, handled by a driver. small, lightweight vehicles handled 4. Harness racing falls into the two categories of trotting, and pacing. omit comma Exercise 12.1 Adding Commas 5. The most famous event in harness racing the Hambletonian, is a mile-long trotting race. racing, the Hambletonian, is 6. Harness racing may be known mainly to enthusiasts but even people who appreciate very little about horse racing are familiar with thoroughbred racing. enthusiasts, but Exercise 12.1 Adding Commas 7. Thoroughbred racehorses, unlike harness racehorses, carry a rider. Correct 8. The best-known events in thoroughbred racing, the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness Stakes, and the Belmont Stakes, are the three races, that make up the Triple Crown. three races that make up Exercise 12.1 Adding Commas 9. All of the Triple Crown races which vary in length are for three-year-old horses. races, which vary in length, are 10. In the twentieth century only eleven horses won thoroughbred racings Triple Crown. century, only Exercise 12.2 Working with Commas 1. Several years ago, many police departments ignored minor violations of the law, and concentrated on bigger crime problems. ...law [omit comma] and concentrated 2. Today, however, the broken window theory, is widely accepted. ...theory [omit comma] is widely accepted. Exercise 12.2 Working with Commas 3. According to this popular theory allowing broken windows to remain, unrepaired, leads to a loss of hope in a community. ...theory [insert comma] allowing broken windows to remain [omit comma] unrepaired [omit comma] leads... 4. Frequently, buildings that look neglected make neighbors feel that no one cares what goes on in the area. correct Exercise 12.2 Working with Commas 5. Similarly, if petty crimes are ignored in a neighborhood people there may feel that larger crimes are acceptable as well. ...neighborhood [insert comma] people... 6. Community policing is one result of the new emphasis on stopping victimless crimes such as loitering and panhandling. ...crimes [insert comma] such as... 7. But, can a police officer, walking a beat, really be more effective than a patrol car? Omit all commas Exercise 12.2 Working with Commas 8. Some experts believe that police should be required to live in the communities, that they serve. Omit comma 9. Police who live elsewhere may not understand the needs of the community, and they will certainly know less about the people living in the community. Correct. Exercise 12.2 Working with Commas 10. Different methods of community policing may work in different areas but the goal should always be to keep communications open between the public and the police. ...areas [insert comma] but the goal Talk to your neighbors... When do you use a comma? In a list of 3 or more items (oxford for MLA) To combine 2 sentences (CS, [FANBOYS] CS) After an introductory clause Around extra information in the sentence Apostrophes Use an apostrophe to indicate that a noun is possessive The hat of Tim Tims hat The desk of the lawyers The lawyers desk The camper of Joyce and Greg Joyce and Gregs camper The memoir of my father-in-law My father-in-laws memoir Apostrophes Use an apostrophe and s to indicate that an indefinite pronoun is possessive (everyone, someone, no one, something) The raincoat of someone Someones raincoat Apostrophes Use an apostrophe to mark omissions in contractions and numbers Its = it is Its _____ raining outside. Each area had _____ own desk. Use an apostrophe to mark omissions of the first two digits of a year or years The class of 08 The 60s generation (notice it isnt 60s or worse 60s) Apostrophes Do not use an apostrophe to form the plural of numbers, letters, abbreviations, and words mentioned as words Oksana skated nearly perfect figure 8s. The 1920s are known as the Jazz age. He received two Ds for the first time in his life. Beginning readers often confuse bs and ds. Students with straight As earn high honors. The Is in the sign are crooked. There are exceptions for Js, js, Ps, and ps. Harriet has thirty DVDs on her desk. Apostrophes Avoid common misuses of the apostrophe. Some outpatients have special parking permits. The House on Mango Street was written by Sandra Cisneros, whos work focuses on the Latino community in the United States. Ex 17.1 Apostrophes 1. African chiefs stories led a German explorer to the stone ruins in Mashonaland, now in Zimbabwe, in 1871. Chiefs 2. The explorer, whos name was Karl Mauch, tried to find out who had built the once-great city. whose Ex 17.1 Apostrophes 3. The tribes nearby could not answer Mauches question, but they knew gold had been found there. Mauches 4. The Africans called the site Zimbabwe. Africans Ex 17.1 Apostrophes 5. Mauch became convinced that the city was Ophir, the source of the gold brought back to King Solomons Israel around 1000 B.C.E. correct 6. He thought perhaps the cities builder was the Queen of Sheba. Citys Ex 17.1 Apostrophes 7. An archeologists findings later demonstrated that the city was about six hundred years old and that it had been built by African natives. Archeologists 8. The Shona tribe probably built the first walls on the site, but its more complex structures were added later by the Rozwi tribe. its Ex 17.1 Apostrophes 9. The Rozwi probably erected the temple, which was inhabited by Rozwi ruler-priests until their empires end in the 1830s. 1830s 10. The legends about the origins of the city persisted for a long time, perhaps because of white South Africans and Europeans resistance to the idea that black Africans had built the impressive structures. Africans Apostrophe song Watch the following video. Write down examples of apostrophe misuse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc2aSz9Ficw For next week Rough draft Essay #2 (either compare/contrast OR classification/division) Read sample essays online (under Essay #2 sample essays tab) In glossary read definition of dashes, parenthesis, colons, semicolons