FORUM

the hillsdale
Major drama at the Arnn
house. Will it ever end? p22
Will Gus the boxer ever find
his way home again? Dr. Jack-
son in question. p12
Mass wailing over another
rhino nominated for republican
representative. p12
march 2014
The Greek system is here to stay
Sarah Albers explains whyPage 4
Christian modesty degrades women.
Read Tim Troutners essayPage 12
Garrett Holt and Evan Gage fight to
the death!Page 14
Robert E. Flicker,
a short story by Micah MeadowcroftPage 17
CONTENTS
CONSERVATIVE FEATURES
A Long Tradition of Existence Sarah Albers
The Greeks are loved by some and hated by
others. Why the divide? Perhaps the cause is more
deeply entrenched than you think.
6 Thinking Historically Devin Creed
What do Nazis and Politics majors have in common? Creed has the
answer in his defense of the integrity of historicism.
In Defense of Politics Luke Adams
Politics majors dont deserve their campus stigma, Adams says. He
argues that statesmanship, though a distinct profession, is no less
honorable. Agree? Disagree? Read on.
Spontaneous Harmony Dani Shillingstad
Musicianship is not only technical skill, but intuition. Shillingstad
argues that musicians should seek to communicate, not replicate.
Not Against Flesh and Blood Timothy Troutner
Do advocates of modesty have it wrong? Perhaps female
objectifcation is most evident where it is most resisted. Troutner
takes up the contemporary modesty culture.
CAMPUS FEATURES
Campus Smackdown: Lane vs. Kendall Anna Wunderlich
Evan Gage and Garrett Holt weigh in on the question everyone
wants to know but is afraid to ask: is Lane or Kendall Hall superior?
17 Short Story: Robert E. Flicker Micah Meadowcroft
In this issues short story, Meadowcroft shows us Robert E. Flicker:
a hero in need of a hero.
Review: Family and Civilization Kate Patrick
Kate Patrick reviews Carle C. Zimmermans book, Family and
Civilization.
Tragically Hip Sarah Albers
Albers has found something on the Internet, and she wants to share
it with you.
22 Humor: Presidents Ball Gone Wilde Andy Reuss
Hillsdale Campus isnt exactly a paragon of pop culture. The
Oscars? Do you mean the playwright?
23 Spotlight On: Saga Workers Devon Izmirian
We fle past them three times a day, but we rarely see them. Who are
the workers of Saga, Inc.?
STAFF
Editor in Chief
Wes Wright
Managing Editor
Chris McCaffery
Head Designer
Lauren Wierenga
Featured Essayists
Timothy Troutner
Luke Adams
Devin Creed
Dani Shillingstad
Kate Patrick
Staff Writers
Sarah Albers
Andy Reuss
Devon Izmirian
Anna Wunderlich
Copy Editor
Chelsey Schmid
Content Editor
Matthew OSullivan
Layout Aide
Meg Prom
Business Manager
Ryne Bessmer
Faculty Advisor
Dr. John Somerville
STAFF
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
hough we take much pride in our artes
liberales, Hillsdale students often fall short in
understanding how they function. We take
Russell Kirk no further than his word: yes, the product
of a liberal education should be a soul ordered in
action and value, but no soul arrives at that point
automatically. Fully examining Kirks claim reveals
the way to order ones soul through liberal education.
Initially, the claim does not seem limited to the
liberal arts. All education necessarily involves values:
learning presupposes that knowledge is valuable,
requirements like timeliness are based in the value of
respect, and disciplines like mathematics are rooted in
order and its value. Even a purely technical education
would require some of these elements. What separates
liberal from servile education, then, is refection on
those values. Try as they might, cafeteria workers (see
p. 23) have few chances to consider and weigh values.
Food preparation, cooking, and cleaning are time-
consuming and effectively bar one from refection.
Now, one could approach such employment as a
Platonic noble art, seeking the forms of Beauty and
Courage in buffet-style food servicebut to do so
would be absurd. That it seems ludicrous points to the
ability of different disciplines to help order the soul.
Just as only some men are properly equipped to seek
an ordered soul, there are also subjects of study that
more effectively guide one to discussion of values.
Sadly, even if apprentice car mechanics have the drive
to pursue understanding of values, they cannot break
free from the limitations of their discipline.
The extremes of the spectrumphilosophy and,
say, making gravelare fairly easy to distinguish.
Philosophy breaks down ideas to their foundational
values and principles, while gravel-making breaks
down rocks into smaller rocks. Where subjects only
rarely discuss values (music, for example. See page
10), it is more diffcult to decide what counts as a liberal
art. Kirks claim implies that souls can be ordered. If
we accept this claim and its view of teleology, we can
gain insight into the traditional list of liberal arts. The
source of most values is the world in which man lives,
so those arts that discover and depict and distill the
world are those which lead us to understanding of
value.
It seems, at this point, that choosing a liberal art,
pursuing truth, and ordering ones soul are all that is
required for a good education. Why, then, do we study
a broad class of disciplines? Knowledge of one subject
is necessary but not suffcient for liberal education; it
is all too easy for someone to misuse a discipline and
dissuade us from truth we may have discovered. We
study other liberal arts to learn their methods and
basic principles, that we may understand how they are
to be used. For example, in the Confessions Augustine
describes rejecting some Manichaean claims because
he had studied enough astronomy to know they
were wrong. Though he was a teacher of rhetoric,
his understanding of astronomys basic principles
enabled him to reject falsity in the guise of truth.
At The Hillsdale Forum we discuss everything from
mathematics to religion to politics. We hope to help
students order their souls by creating a magazine that
pursues truth and showcases proper inquiry across
disciplines. If you would like to further that goal, let
us know. Were always looking for writers, designers,
photographers, and editors to improve our publication
and add to the Hillsdale culture of artes liberales. F
Call for submissions!
If you think you can contribute to Te Forum,
let us know! We need writers, photographers,
and designersif youre interested in journalism,
politics, or other right-wingery, our pages are a great
place to start.
If you have any submissions, comments, criti-
cisms, or ideas for new features, email us at
hillsdaleforum@gmail.com.
Mission Statement:
The Hillsdale Forum is the independent, student-run conserva-
tive magazine at Hillsdale College. The Forum, in support of the
mission statement of Hillsdale College, exists to promote a return
to limited government as outlined in the Declaration of Indepen-
dence and the Constitution. We publish conservative opinion,
editorials, and campus features. The Forum is a vehicle to bring the
discussion and thought of the intelligent students and professors
at the heart of the conservative movement beyond the classroom.
A LONG TRADITION OF EXISTENCE
By: Sarah Albers
ordes of screaming girls long into the night? Ah,
we all groan. Te sororities must have just gone
through rush.
Fire trucks down the road? Burst pipes? It must be
initiation week at Sigma Chi.
Many of us outside of the Hillsdale Greek system
learn to live with what is widely regarded as a noxious
campus organization. Te administration is perpetually
contending with a new fraternity on social probation.
Te student body gets bombarded with emails sent on
behalf of the men/women of [insert house here]. Friend
groups divide as new Greeks spend less and less time
outside of their respective houses. Facebook fame wars
erupt on a regular basis.
Yet we still have a signifcant portion of campus happily
engaged in fraternal organizations.
Why? Because the function of the
Greek system is not limited to
its manifest goals of kinship
and personal development.
Fraternal organizations
work precisely because
many of their goals are
tacitly observed and
attained: they implicitly
reinforce their members
social structure.
Te type of organization which we now refer to when we
mention a fraternity or sorority was primarily developed
in response to the increasing intergenerational alienation
that resulted from the post-Industrial Revolution boom
in undergraduate education. As children went farther and
farther from their families for education and employment
opportunities, social organizationslike fraternities
and sororitiesbecame more prevalent, functioning
implicitly to protect the interests of the group whence the
children came, professing all the while that they served
their members. And, admittedly, they do. In a way.
Te national leadership of a fraternal organization does
not refect the interests of the young men and women of
which it is constituted, but the interests of the preceding
generation. Te fraternity or sorority gives its members
a highly ritualized family structure within which to
develop during arguably the most crucial years of their
lives, the frst years spent away from the infuence of their
family and childhood friends.
Te student body here at Hillsdale is, for the most
part, composed of young men and women who come
from stable homes. Tey have been given a strong sense
of where they come from, where they belong, and where
they should be going. Political, religious, and ethical views
have ofen been strongly inculcated from an early age.
Indeed, it is Hillsdales preoccupation with the past that
draws many of us to the school: Hillsdale represents the
A LONG TRADITION OF EXISTENCE
precious values and prerogatives of bygone generations,
standing sharply at odds with the modern tendency
to celebrate any and all forms of social and ideological
liberation.
Hillsdale itself is largely reactionary, acting to
preserve what would otherwise be lost. Te mores of
past generations as manifest in the American historical
identity is what Hillsdale students most value and seek
to understand. Fraternities and sororities themselves
also operate largely for the sake of social and cultural
conservation, but with very diferent methods than the
College does.
Every social exchange any person engages in is bound
by convention. Every interchange, every actioneven a
conscious attempt to reject the systemworks within
socially implicit parameters. Why? Allow me to return to
an argument that, if a bit time-worn, remains applicable:
we are rational animals, defned by and aimed toward
the use of reason. Reason guides our actions. It makes us
capable of distinguishing, for example, between ethical
and unethical action. It allows us to compare particularity
to a general concept outside of physical existence. It
functions not only in the realm of the concrete, but the
abstract. Terefore, our social engagements, as with
language and cultural patterns, point past themselves and
are efectively symbolic.
Te use of symbolism is most evident in transitional
rites. Take, for example, a birth, death, or marriage
ceremony in a religious community. Each shif into,
out of, or away from a given social position within the
community is acknowledged with a predetermined
pattern.
Te individuals in question are separated from their
past role and re-incorporated into the community afer
taking up their new position as mother, wife, or widow.
Ritual helps individuals transition from one role to
another, to redefne themselves safely and in accordance
with the expectations of society. And what shif could be
more important in our society than the movement away
from the home into adult life? A fraternal organization,
acting as a representative of the family, helps further the
development of its members into socially acceptable,
well-adjusted members of their particular place in society.
Behavior, manner of dress, manner of speaking, habits,
priorities, goals for marriage and career: no personal
prerogative is beyond the pale of the fraternity.
Fraternities and sororities are ultimately geared toward
the perpetuation of their own interests and afrmation
of their standing social order. During recruitment, each
Greek house chooses individuals it deems most viable for
entry into its established system. Te individuals choose
a house based on its refection of their own values and
interests, thereby reciprocating the selection process.
During the pledge process, the respective houses have
a series of set requirements all pledged members must
fulfll before entering the organization. Pledges are
separated from pre-existing friendships by means of
secret information and exclusive activities. Te imposed
community of their fraternity becomes their primary
group. Ten, during the fnal steps of initiation, each
house has a distinct ritual by which new members are
fully incorporated.
Most are comfortable accepting the precepts of their
elders. Few question an established hierarchy. Life lived
underneath the arbitration of voluntarily-legitimated
authority poses no problems for those content in
the Greek system. Te house is a means to personal
growth, greater achievement, and meaningful personal
connections.
Te fact that the structure is entirely ritualistic,
however, causes a sharp line to be drawn by those outside
of the Greek system. Independents reject what they see
as an imposed, artifcial social group, ofen informing
Greeks that they have bought their friends. Tey argue
that, since the hierarchy is not organic, that it is contrived
and therefore illegitimate.
Te problem with this perspective is that these Greek
houses ofen do efect positive growth in their members.
Friendships are forged that last as long as those developed
outside of the house. Te connections made within
a Greek house are ofen more likely to help students
gain social infuence in the workforce than those of an
Conservative
continued on p. 20
5
THINKING HISTORICALLY
By: Devin Creed
What people think and what
they believe is, more than ever
before, the main element of
their historiesthe historian
ought not only to be concerned
with what people think. More
and more important is the
condition of how they came
to think this or that: why they
prefer to think this or that.
John Lukacs

T
oo ofen at Hillsdale we dominate our historical
discourse with narrative and ideology. I have
taken part in numerous discussions, lectures,
and classes in which participants make sweeping claims
about the course of history and view history through
some sort of ideological lens. Reducing history to ft a
narrative or uphold an ideology does the past injustice
and misinforms us about the world that was. Most
damagingly, it reduces individual humans to cogs in an
inexorable machine.
Viewing history as a specifc narrative or through
an ideology can be called reading history teleologically,
or, put otherwise, fnding a purpose in history. Trying
to shoehorn a certain theory onto the past ofen leads
would-be historians to leave out certain events that do
not support their theory. Not discussing certain events
means the historian has made implicit assumptions
about which events are important and which are not.
Tese assumptions are based entirely on the ideology he
or she espouses. Nonetheless, historical events should
speak for themselves rather than being mouthpieces for
the ideologies of current historians.
Historians who try to mold history to their own
agendas ofen fall prey to presentism, that is, interpreting
the past through the present. It is arrogant to presume
that history should be interpreted through modern ideas.
History needs to be contextualized lest we make grave
errors in our studies. One common error is ignoring the
changing defnitions of common words. For instance,
modern Americans mean a diferent thing by freedom
than 17th-century political theorists use of the word.
Specifcally, religious freedom in the 17th-century
American colonies meant the freedom to practice most
brands of Christianity. In 21st-century America, on
the other hand, we understand it to be the freedom to
practice any religion. Nevertheless, on this campus
I still hear the argument that the founding fathers
were proto-libertarians partly due to their progressive
beliefs on religious freedom. Tis kind of talk leads to
misappropriating the founding generation in order to
support ideas they probably would have opposed. But this
touches only the surface, for forcing modern narratives
on the past can do far more damage than misinterpreting
the ideas of those who came before us.
Teleological readings of history have been used time
and again to justify horrifc atrocities because adopting
them makes it easy to ignore human sufering. A central
tenet of Nazism contained a narrative reading of history
concerning the inevitable domination of the superior
Aryan race. Tis reading of history
dehumanized other ethnic groups
such as the Jewsand made it
easier for the Nazis to justify
genocide. When we view
history as a teleological
narrative, we easily forget
that real human beings
are the subject of our
discussions. Accordingly,
the Nazis referred to the
Trying
to shoehorn
a certain theory
onto the past
often leads would-
be historians to
leave out certain
events.
6
people they oppressed as less than human. Tis is not
to say that all teleological and ideological readings of
history are equally dangerous. Rather, it is a call to view
history diferently, to view it as a study of what people
have thought and why they have thought it.
As John Lukacs so aptly puts it, the study of history
should be primarily concerned with how people
infuence ideas. Historians should seek to uncover and
contextualize what people in the past have meant by
their actions and words. Historians should be careful
not to make exaggerated claims by somehow projecting
a telos into what they study. Modesty is a quality
easily lost in historical discussions at Hillsdale. We
should bear in mind that any evidence or proof we
think we can draw from history is subject to multiple
interpretations and comes from a time that we most
likely do not fully understand. We cannot even claim
to understand the times we live in, much less what has
happened in the past.
To take our earlier example further, instead of reading
early American language of religious freedom through
the lens of modern libertarian ideology, historians
should seek to contextualize such statements. Upon
careful research, they will fnd that most declarations
of religious freedom were only meant to apply to
some sects of Christianity. Some Christians were
even persecuted at this time. In addition, many states
established a state religion, with the understanding
that the First Amendment only applied to the federal
government. Admittedly, some founding fathers, such
as Tomas Jeferson, did espouse the near equivalent
of the modern conception of religious freedom, but
they were few and far between. We can conclude that
religious freedom had a largely diferent meaning in
the 17th and 18th century than it does now, but that
there was debate even back then. Tese are merely
observations however. In order to continue to think
historically, the historian must be careful to qualify
statements and remain humble about any conclusions
drawn from these observations. We must look at past
narratives and ideologies to remember that history
is the study of humans and their ideas. History is
fundamentally a human endeavor, and we must be
careful not to think we can make it more than that. F

I am indebted to John Lukacs, Dr. Richard Gamble, and
David Roach for the ideas in this essay.
Trying
to shoehorn
a certain theory
onto the past
often leads would-
be historians to
leave out certain
events.
Conservative
7
IN DEFENSE OF POLITICS
By: Luke Adams
T
he most baffling idiosyncrasy found at
Hillsdale College is the resentment displayed
by a large section of the student body towards
politics majors. Indeed, the very school that Rush
Limbaugh advertises on his radio show and that
rightist circles champion as a conservative Ivy League
college harbors a degree of annoyance among its
student body towards the major for which it is famous.
A closer look at the major itself would seem in order
to put this unjust sentiment to rest.
To begin, politics majors are among the best
equipped and educated students after graduation. They
are required to take at least a few political philosophy
classes, which, in my experience, concentrate far
more on philosophy than politics. Thus, students of
politics gain an excellent understanding of the human
soul. Additional course offerings include classes
in American foreign policy, civil rights, and world
politics. The bottom line is that not only do students
in the major receive an education in the most basic
and fundamental level of humanity, but they also
study more practical applications of these studies.
Few other majors engage in such broad discussion.
In light of this, politics majors are certainly not the
mindless political activists that they are constantly
billed as. Yes, it is true, many of us do attend the
Conservative Political Action Conference every year.
Nonetheless, an anecdote will illustrate the distinctive
attitude Hillsdales politics majors bring to this event
and others like it. At last years CPAC, Mitt Romney
was one of the headlined speakers. Keep in mind
that this event happened in March, very soon after
the latest stinging Republican defeat on the national
stage. As Romney approached and left the podium, he
received a standing ovation from the audience while
more than a few Hillsdale politics majors protested by
simply sitting and looking on. Why? Because those of
us from Hillsdale had
learned that principle
mattered much more
than the letter after
someones name.
In addition, the
education of a politics
major is geared towards
a much more practical
end than most of
the other liberal arts
majors. This is not to say that politics
does not require the same level of academic discipline
as other fields like English or historyit certainly
does. But politics also asks its students to think about
ways in which they can directly apply their academic
studies to the real world. No company would put
out a help wanted ad requesting a professional
philosopher, but those with an understanding
of politics areespecially with the growing
regulatory stateonly in ever-increasing demand.
Beyond the mundane subject of acquiring a job
after graduation, the politics degree at Hillsdale
especially gives its students a boon as far as career
guidance goes. Not only do most of them work during
the summer at think tanks and governmental offices
in Washington, D.C., but their courses also give them
a goal to strive for. Obviously, few, if any, politics
majors leave Hillsdale still holding their bright-
eyed, innocent intentions of becoming President and
leading the United States in a glorious conservative/
libertarian revolution. But, they are given the
reasoning and critical thinking skills to govern best
wherever they find themselves. Thus, politics not only
grounds students in important academic studies, but
also gives them opportunities to get a meaningful
job in their interest area outside of academia.
Finally, what is definitely most irksome about
the majors detractors is
the line of argument that
says that politics majors
are somehow selling
out to the Washington
establishment, engaging
in low activities such
as campaigning and
strategizing. Working
towards achieving the
Good in the political
realm requires moving
in the same circles as
the unsavory and corrupt officials in Washington.
But just as being a mechanic means youre going to
get greasy, yet not actually become the grease, so
must politics majors work with the scum while not
becoming them. At least, thats the point of the degree.
With admitted irony in quoting a notorious
progressive, Theodore Roosevelt made an
excellent point about the man in the arena
over and against others who are only present:
The credit belongs to the man who is actually
in the arena, whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and
shortcoming; but who does actually strive to
do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms,
the great devotions; who spends himself in
a worthy cause; who at the best knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least
fails while daring greatly, so that his place
shall never be with those cold and timid
souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Politics majors actively seek to achieve Hillsdales
mission in government and think tanks, realizing
that the change longed for by much of the student
body can only happen through the tireless
work of men and women willing to devote their
lives to public service truly aimed at the Good.
Frankly, the idea that politics majors should be
singled out for ridicule as a group of mindless activists
trying to avoid an actual liberal arts education is
silly and completely inaccurate. They held to the
same rigorous academic standards as other Hillsdale
students. Politics majors
are not educated for quite
the same purpose as their
undergraduate colleagues
from other majors. They
are trained to be the
vanguard in a movement
towards achieving the
Good on a governmental
scale. No one can
criticize this mission. F
Politics
majors are
certainly not the
mindless political
activists they are
constantly billed
as.
Conservative
9
SPONTANEOUS HARMONY
By: Dani Shillingstad
A
ccording to legend, the frst time Mozart met
Beethoven, the young Beethoven played through a
simple melody for the master. Mozart recognized
him as a gifed player but found nothing remarkable about
his performanceuntil Beethoven began to improvise.
Mozart stood up, looked down at the young boy, and said
to him, You will make beautiful music someday.
While there is great speculation about what was actually
said, or if the meeting even took place, the story illustrates
an idea ofen lost to classical music today. With the advent
of new musical technology, we can produce what is truly
perfect music: notes played with exact rhythm and pitch,
dynamics in perfect proportion to each other, tempo
carried perfectly from phase to phrase. In any given piece
of music, there are rules that dictate how the piece fows,
both from convention and the mind of the composer.
Knowing how to push the boundaries of these rules and
when to adhere to them is what makes a performer great.
A musicians goal is to convey this to the listener; the rules,
the theme, the intent, the emotion, and the melody are
what make the music.
Why is it then that we study music the way we do?
We sit down to learn a piece for a recital or performance
and work until we achieve muscle memory for a fawless
execution of each note. Our goal is aural accuracy; we want
to play note-for-note what is on the page. As a student
this is a necessitylearning to do this hones practical
skills and makes us better musicians. Te notes on the
page are the musical roadmap the composer created, and
learning to read this and translate it is part of the art of
musicianship. Pieces with greater technical difculty can be
performed with more and more beauty and fnesse as this
understanding develops. Tis is what allows the average
listener to diferentiate between a simple run through of
a piece and a truly great performance. An orchestra has a
conductor for the same reasonto unify the group in this
emotion and create one voice out of many. Without this
hard-studied accuracy it would be impossible. Applying
these skills and studying a piece to produce the most
accurate rendition of it will allow for its compositional
beauty to be shown, but this is not the only beauty that can
be found in a work.
Within the physical capabilities of the instrument,
a composer can choose to put anything on the page.
Tere is reason and intent in their form, their notes, their
dynamics, and their thematic constructs. Te written work
tells the musician what the composer felt and wanted to
convey. Te parts of a piece to come together and form a
much greater idea. But if you had two people read the same
exact sentence, you could have entirely diferent emotions
felt based on how they placed their emphasis. Temes and
ideas should be played with fnesse appropriate to the work
to make it clearer to the listener. Its easy to get caught up
in delivering a spotless performance that we forget where
we ft in it. A person who made an exact copy of the Mona
Lisa would not be venerated for their brilliance, and the
same can be said for how a piece is performed. Tere is
a time and place to learn technical precision; it allows us
to grow. Tink of the idea behind a Bach prelude or the
Suzuki method: they are written to teach and instruct. But
as we progress technically, we should be able to take what
the composer has given us and run with it.
Tere is not a single composer who doesnt have a set
of variations on a theme, an impromptu or ex tempore
manuscript to their name. To gain a better understanding
of what the emotion was in that moment, the performer
must be able to play and develop the same idea and theme,
within the composers set boundaries, but using their
personal emotions. If a piece is composed as an impromptu
or variation, it was expected that the performance would be
Knowing how to push the
boundaries of these rules
and when to adhere to
them is what makes a
performer great.
10
diferent each time. Tis is what makes the great performers
greatthey understand the music well enough to make it
personal and internalize what the composer is trying to
convey while maintaining the integrity of the work. How
can we call ourselves artists if we exist merely to reproduce
what has already been done? We must be able to expand the
ideas so we can see where we ft in with the music. Artistic
liberty is what makes a particular performance stand out,
and without the ability to develop the same ideas in your
piece for yourself, you cannot make it your own.
Tis idea only became clear to me when I began
performing jazz. When one plays in that sort of situation,
frst the band plays the composition of the pagethis
is called the head. But then, while the band stays on
the form laid out in the music, each soloist makes their
own interpretation of the melody in their solo. But this
is not a purely modern concept. In the Baroque era, any
harpsichordists would need to be able to be able to write
parts improvisation that ft with the piece. In classical
music, most composers sat down and performed their
pieces a little diferently each time, depending on what they
felt. Chopin in particular never saw his works as solidifed
and he never stopped adapting and changing them to what
he felt was best. In order to get to the next level, students
must do the same. Making our own versions of Mozarts 12
variations, expanding on Pachelbels Canon in D, or simply
taking a chord structure and manipulating it by changing
the key, the melody, or the tonality. It is not sacrilege to do
so. Certainly in a professional setting a musician wouldnt
just depart from all reason and start making up new themes
like a jazz artist. Imagine Ludwig van Beethovens Fur Elise
as a swing tune or Carl Orfs O Fortuna from Carmina
Burana in a major keyit would be absolutely ridiculous
and would grossly misrepresent what the composer was
trying to do. But sometimes in order to fnd a medium
between this level of insanity and a perfect technical
performance, we must be willing
to think both outside the staf
and between the ledger lines. It
teaches us to how to be subtle
with this skill in performance, but allows us to make the
leap from automatons to artists.
When two people sing together, their brainwaves
synchronize. Music can speak so clearly because it exists
outside of the boundaries of language. It speaks directly to
the senses and requires no interpretation to be appreciated
on a basic level. Tus a group of people from entirely
diferent backgrounds, cultures, and understandings can
feel the same emotion together. Te greatest compositions
are the ones that convey these emotions best. So then how
can a performer emulate this same emotion if they are
fxated on reproducing the most concise copy of a piece
possible? If this were the case we would be content with
music produced of a program or instruments played by
machines. But while these are novel, they are less moving
than seeing the work through the mind of the musician.
When you look back to a concert, a composition will be
memorable because of what it made you feel, and the
picture it painted, but a performance will be memorable
by seeing this same emotion in the musician. We must not
be performers, but performance artistsour goal is not to
merely project an idea in one dimension, but to allow it to
resonate out in all directions.
Tis same idea can be applied to students in all felds. For
those in theater, the student has to adopt the psychology
of the character they are playing. English majors must
understand the language of the time to understand a
particular work. Te mathematician must know the
theory behind the equations he derives, the scientist, the
Conservative
continued on p. 20
11
NOT AGAINST FLESH & BLOOD
By: Timothy Troutner
m bothered. Im bothered by the way Ive found
myself perceiving women. Im bothered by the way
Ive seen the evangelical modesty culture treat young
girls struggling to do the right thing in a culture that
objectifes women. Im bothered by the agony and shame
young men endure as they fght every mans battle every
minute of every day.
Surely the goal of this modesty culture was noble.
Christian leaders didnt want the next generation to
fall into the trap of cheap sex. Tey didnt want their
daughters attracting the wrong type of man. Tey didnt
want their sons falling for the wiles of the strange
women. Tey rightly perceived the medias obsession
with objectifcation.
So they proclaimed a holy war against immodest
behavior, holding up purity as the ideal. Along the way,
though, something happened and the message was
lost. Modesty became code for covering up. As a result,
girls learned to be ashamed of their bodies. It became
a set of rules for preserving women from men who just
couldnt help lusting afer them. A womans body became
something to be hidden away from everyone until it
could be presented to her husband. It became a trap for
men on every beach, and in every mall, ready to reach
out, attack, and destroy them. Lust became the devil
inside every young boy, assaulting him every time he saw
a girl. Instead of fghting the darkness of objectifcation
and commitment-free sex, Christian culture ended up
fostering an environment of shame and fear.
Te problem was that Christian modesty culture never
identifed the core problem, instead settling for a watered-
down Gnosticism. Te body became something to be
feared, to be repressed, to be covered up. Nevertheless,
the real problem is not the body, which is a good gif of
God, a deep part of our identity, and a part of Gods plan
for restoring all creation.
Te problem is the systems of oppression, power,
objectifcation, and abuse that humans set up to control
and exploit other human beings. Tis can take the form of
sexualized advertising or patriarchal codes for controlling
female dress. To be fully human, we must come to terms
with our existence as sexual, physical beings. Life in the
body is not a phase we will overcome, for the Christian
faith is not a Platonic system. Te resurrection proclaims
that God will redeem us in our embodied condition.
So, the only path towards a healthy approach to
modesty, lust, and shame is a recognition of the holistic
worth of every embodied man and woman. Te solution
is not modest dress. Te solution is not looking away
from immodestly dressed women. Te solution is mutual
respect for men and women as bodily creatures.
Men, we are not respecting ourselves when we are so
controlled by guilt and shame that we cannot even be
around women without feeling the need to look away.
I myself know the feeling, and I know how the beach
is considered a minefeld for young men. We cannot
have fun at the beach or go shopping in the mall, let
12
NOT AGAINST FLESH & BLOOD
alone actually treat women like human beings,
because we are too busy looking away and
feeling guilty. Any image of the female body
immediately flls you with guilt. Tis is not
psychologically healthy and it leads men
to see themselves as failures who cant
stop sinning. If it is true for the average
man, it is because the very modesty
culture that shaped the way he thinks in
Christian
modesty
culture never
identifed the core
problem, instead
settling for a
watered-down
Gnosticism.
Conservative
continued on p. 20
fact produces the lust it condemns.
Men, we are not respecting ourselves when we
see ourselves as machines that cannot help but lust.
Tinking this way is degrading. Christians ofen speak
of the male sex drive as if it is some uncontrollable
force. Ironically, this is ofen used as an excuse when
Christians fail to meet the expectations of the modesty
culture. Tis is the other side of the guilt coin. While
modesty culture instills fear and guilt in boys and men
who have not necessarily done anything wrong, once
someone actually messes up, the blame rests on the fact
that men are visual, or that boys are just being boys.
Men, we are not respecting women when we cannot
recognize their embodied humanity. When we have
it pounded into our heads to focus on their eyes so
we dont even recognize their natural form, when we
constantly have our eyes down and
would never even talk to a girl
at the beach or recognize her
existence, we cannot engage
with women as human
beings. Of course, this
attitude counterintuitively
leads to an obsession with
the body, perpetuating the
cycle of lust and shame.
Men, we are not respecting
women when we judge their
moral character by what they
wear. Sure, there are women trying to
attract men by the way they dress. But not
everyone who wears something you think is immodest
is out to get you. And even those who knowingly dress
immodestly are probably just looking for attention,
or living out the expectations placed upon them by a
culture of objectifcation. Tat girl at the beach is not
a siren. She is a child of God, a human being worthy of
love and compassion. We have turned from one form of
objectifcation to another, and as always, we are leaving a
trail of victims in our wake, lost opportunities to be like
Christ who was accused of hanging out with prostitutes.
We must suppress our inclination to judge the second we
see someone dressing in a way that might be considered
provocative.
Men, we are not respecting women when we teach
them to hide their bodies away for their husbands eyes.
Teir bodies are theirs to be used, of course, in serving
Gods kingdom. But they are also theirs to live in, to
rejoice in, and to celebrate in. Tey are not something to
be hidden away until they can be given away to a man.
Tis patriarchal view reduces women to something less
than fully human and subjects their identity to male
validation and approvala problem for those who dont
end up getting married (something else that can be a
stigma in the modesty culture). Sure, the two become
one fesh, sharing a unique bond others cannot share.
But that is about the divine dance of mutuality
the togetherness that comes from the unifcation of
diferencenot about a womans body being hidden
away until given to her husband.
One of the most popular books on the subject is Every
Mans Battle. Whom is the battle against? Is it against
women who are perceived as a threat? Is it against a
mans nature as an embodied being? No, our battle is
13
SMACK DOWN
Compiled by: Anna Wunderlich
garret holt
What is the best part about Lane Hall?
Te panoramic vistas get me every time. Tere are some dang
great views: overlooking the quad, the green behind Delp, the
parking lot next to Koon, and the Liberty Walk right at your
fnger (toe) tips. Tere is also simply a more aesthetically
pleasing aura about the place. Maybe its because Dr. Coupland
and Dr. Blackstocks ofces are in Lane
So, why is Lane better than Kendall?
Where do I begin? You could point to the fnished basement,
Jitters, or simply the fact that it has far more classrooms because
we dont have the psychology majors (no ofense) taking over
half of our third foor. Okay, so the name isnt the best, but if it
were renamed Vanna White Hall, then Lane would be heaven
on earth.
Which building would be more defensible in the
event of an apocalypse, and why?
Lane. Duh. Long defensible hallway in the basement to pick of
foes, strategically placed balconies for sniping or sunbathing,
boiling pots of Republican cofee to pour on poor fools, and
close, over-hanging trees for easy access to squirrel meat.
lane vs kendall
14
SMACK DOWN
What is the best part about Kendall Hall?
Kendall possesses an obvious ontological superiority to Lane-
it just is better. If I had to pick one thing, I would say that its
the architecture that really sets Kendall apart. Kendall Hall
fawlessly combines a Second French Empire exterior with a
markedly mid-2000s interior in a way that seems to be only
refected darkly in Lane. Furthermore, the name Kendall
meaning from the bright valley in Celticis intrinsically
better. Lane means street. Streets are made with public funds,
and Hillsdale doesnt take any public funds. So, not to say the
name Lane stands out like a sore thumb, buterI think we
can agree its no Kendall.

So, why is Kendall better than Lane?
Te air is salubrious. Te drinking fountains taste better. Its
nearer to the coolest dorm (Simpson) and the fnest of-campus
houses. Near Kendall Hall, the birds sing sweeter and fowers
grow more readily. Its the closest building to Johnson County,
Kansas. Its where Dr. Jackson taught Biblical Narrative. Its not
Lane.
Which building would be more defensible in the
event of an apocalypse, and why?
Lane wins this one; it has those basement rooms, afer all. But if
all youve got is Lane, is it really worth the fght?
evan gage
lane vs kendall
15
Hunk & Hottie
of the month
Devin Creed
Anna Barhanovich
DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM GUY/DREAM
GIRL.
My dream guy would be one whooh, wait. My
dream girl would have to be crazier than I am and
always willing to partake in adventures on the spur
of the moment. Kind of like Joan of Arc, minus the
dying young bit.
WHATS YOUR STYLE IN TWO WORDS?
Highly questionable.
DREAM JOBWHAT AND WHERE?
Tutor to the crown prince of Bahrain.
WHATS YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL AND
WHY?
Te honey badger, because, well, you can make the
inference.
WHAT SONG BEST
DESCRIBES YOUR LIFE?
Dont Stop Me Now Queen

ANY GUILTY PLEASURES?
I have been known to mine Ke$has songs for
religious meanings.
NERD CRUSH, PAST OR PRESENT
WHO IS IT?
Dr. Gamble has my undying love for his attention
to detail and his uncompromising historicism.
DO YOU HAVE ANY HIDDEN TALENTS?
Rumor has it that Im a wizard on the kazoo.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN
YEARS?
Why, tutoring the crown prince of Bahrain of course.
Either that, or riding whales in the Persian Gulf.
DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM GUY
Alive.
WHATS YOUR STYLE IN TWO WORDS?
Comfort able.
DO YOU HAVE ANY HIDDEN TALENTS?
No. My talent of falling can be seen by all.
DREAM JOBWHAT AND WHERE?
Food critic in Italy and Croatia
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN
YEARS?
Retired with plenty of money to travel the world
NERD CRUSH, PAST OR PRESENT
WHO IS IT?
Chris Pine, he was in Star Trek...so it counts.
MOST EMBARRASSING STORY OR FUN
FACT ABOUT YOURSELF.
Fun Fact: Before noon one day last semester, I broke
the blinds in my room, broke the wafe maker in
Saga, and jammed the printer in the library.
WHATS YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL AND
WHY?
Bear, thats what the online quiz told me...hopefully
that means Im lovable like a teddy bear.

WHAT SONG BEST DESCRIBES YOUR
LIFE?
Story of My Life One Direction
ANY GUILTY PLEASURES?
Pretty Little Liars...Ive seen every episode.
Sophomore from
Seattle, WA
Junior from
Westford, MA
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Introductory text if there needs to be some. put alla dat text up in
hurr, boyee. four lines max. Estrumquam liquam, vid et ium nihiti dolup-
tum et doluptatias qucestius nimusa doloris at.
ICOB by the Island Creek Oyster Bar
Bea aut optaque prae. Oluptatempor restes dolorposame ommolores
Ellessent, consequi sandiam solupta audia pro moluptibus quat
deligen dundisquis explaut audam facerferibus aliatae ius, con repti ad
quis as
Occatecatum accust, sus etur, nonsequi ium experis id quis doluptur
mi, eaque que quiamus mi, sed magnihi llibea nihiliquam qui rerit a
ICOB by the Island Creek Oyster Bar
Bea aut optaque prae. Oluptatempor restes dolorposame
ommolores Ellessent, consequi sandiam solupta audia pro
moluptibus quat deligen dundisquis explaut audam facerferibus
aliatae ius, con repti ad quis as
Occatecatum accust, sus etur, nonsequi ium experis id quis doluptur
mi, eaque que quiamus mi, sed magnihi llibea nihiliquam qui rerit a
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R
obert E. Flicker was a hero. Not a real hero. He
was fctional. He wasnt a movie hero. Nor yet was
he a literary hero, which is widely considered the
best type by professorial people who sit in stufy ofces
writing essays on literary criticism and the decline of
the heroic archetype. No, sadly, Robert E. Flicker was a
television hero.
He was tall. But he wasnt exactly dark, he did have a bit
of a tan, but that was only in the summers and sometimes
it went away. As to whether he was handsome, well, if
you asked some women they would say he was, but if you
asked others they would say he had a slightly too large of
a nose and a chin more weak than was really necessary to
make him look realistic.
His mission, which he hadnt chosen to accept, but like
every self-respecting television hero, he hadnt avoided,
was simple: Robert E. Flicker had to survive life in a city.
Not a zombie infested city, that was too popular and thus
wouldnt appeal to the critics, but a city that was infested
by real people. Te producers of Robert E. Flickers show
were sure that this had never been done before and would
probably earn them some awards.
He wasnt very good at it. He didnt seem to get the
cues. Te background music played some romantic, slow,
Italian music, the camera was steady, the colors sof, but
Robert E. Flicker went and ruined the moment by saying
something dull and sappy that the script department had
labored hours to vainly produce. And in the action scenes
he didnt seem to be able to hear the music. It was fast,
irregular, probably against the doctors orders. But he was
oblivious. While the audience felt ready for a heart attack,
his face expressed something similar to constipation.
Critics said it was revealing the depth of his tension. We
would agree. We just dont like that type of tension; it is
rather uncomfortable.
Script and facial expressions aside, Robert E. Flicker
was a wonderful character to watch. He seemed to know
just when to have a really interesting friend with him. If
you were feeling a bit queasy afer seeing him grimace,
then you could count on him telling a truly pathetic joke
to someone who wasnt afraid to call it that. He seemed to
know all sorts of people.
Robert E. Flicker rode in an airplane. He sat next to
a whiskered old man who wore round, steel rimmed
spectacles, a waistcoat that was a bit of an eyesore, and
a bow tie. Tis was a very witty old man. You could tell
because he didnt say anything and Robert E. Flicker
wouldnt stop talking. It was about half way through the
episode and Robert E. Flicker had already firted with
a fight attendant, so you knew the action scene was
imminent.
It happened. A white, American, accent-less accountant
stood up yelling something about Santa Claus and tried to
rush the cockpit with a card board box. (Te producers
had decided that this was the best way to display an act of
terrorism without ofending anyone.) Te music whined.
Robert E. Flicker looked like he was going to explode. He
leapt to his feet. He sprinted down the aisle. He tackled the
accountant. Te accountant said something about suing
him. Te old man walked up looking wittyyou could
tell because he had a twinkle in his eye. He reminded
Robert E. Flicker that it was very common to give people
Christmas presents. Christmas presents generally do
come in cardboard boxes. Robert
E. Flicker calmed down. Te
music calmed down. (Te
producers had decided
that acts of terrorism were
too political and so they
would not include one.)
Robert E. Flicker is a
hero, just not the kind that
word normally refers to.
ROBERT E. FLICKER
By: Micah Meadowcroft
short story
17
THE GROUND OF SOCIETY
By: Kate Patrick
amilies are more important than you think. In
todays individualistic society, it is common
to feel obligations to oneselfto look after
oneself, look out for oneself, better oneself, or
elevate oneself. Very rarely do we meet people whose
chief concerns are their blood-brothers, their aging
parents, or their estranged sisters. In other words,
people rarely consider their families as their principal
duty.
But families are the very first unit in society
families come before schools, before local government,
before the state, before the nation. Without families,
individuals are incomplete and dont have a solid
foundation to grow from. If we have incomplete
individuals, we have incomplete societies, cultures, and
governments. Families make the world a better place.
In his book Family and Civilization, Carle C.
Zimmerman explores the relationship of the family
to human civilization. He provides three different
models of the family that are present in the cycle of
civilization: the trustee family, the domestic family, and
the atomistic family.
By using Rome as an example, Zimmerman warns
Americans today that when they allow the family to
disintegrate, they are tearing down their very society.
Beginning with the trustee family, Zimmerman
describes the first stages of civilization as tribal and
violent. In the trustee family model, family members
first loyalties are to the entire family as a whole, to the
18
clan. Members of a family are part of something
bigger than themselvesthey exist to serve the
family. Zimmerman writes, The living members
are not the family, but merely trustees of its blood,
rights, property, name, and position for their
lifetimes. The family is supposed to have existed and
exist forever, so that the individual is subjected to
family duties first of all, if the family needs him.
In the trustee model, family authority comes
before church and state. Loyalty is first and foremost
to the family, so if there is a disagreement between
a member of one family and the member of another,
the two families will feud until the matter is resolved.
Zimmerman uses examples of the Germanic tribes,
Scottish clans, and Kentucky families with their
feuds to provide us with a clearer picture of what the
trustee family looks like.
The second type of family, which Zimmerman calls
the domestic family, allows for some individualism,
but still provides social structure like the trustee
family. According to Zimmerman, the domestic
family differs from the trustee family in that it is
subject to church and state power. Zimmerman calls
the domestic family the basic type of all developed
civilization.
It was during the early days of the Roman Republic
that the domestic family flourished. During this
time piety was very prevalentreligion and the rural
lifestyle were held in very high esteem.
The third type of family that Zimmerman
examines in his book is the atomistic family, which
he describes with some negativity as the rose of
the conception that, as far as is compatible with the
successful carrying-on of society, the individual is to
be freed of the family bonds, and the state is to become
much more an organization of
individuals.
It was during
the time of the
Roman emperors
that the
atomistic family
model rose to
prominence.
With the rise
of Christianity
came a
resurgence of
the domestic
family. Upon
the fall of the
Roman Empire, Zimmerman considers the Christian
domestic model to be the civilizing force in the
midst of chaos, because there was nothing else to
discipline the rampant forces of society, no one to
protect the weak, no other moral civilizing force.
Zimmerman describes the atomistic family as one
of the defining characteristics of the late Roman
Empire, during its final stages of social, religious,
and moral decay. Even though Zimmerman wrote
in 1947, he saw the atomistic family taking hold of
American culture. Sixty-seven years later, its not
difficult to see the political corruption and moral
decay that grips our individualistic culture so tightly.
Families broken by divorce, sexual immorality,
violencewe as Americans can testify to troubled
home lives and a troubled socio-political scene.
What Zimmerman suggests is that many of the moral
and social problems experienced by a civilization
are a result of a breakdown in the family. If the first
social unit of society is broken, then the society will
be broken.
A civilization is made of families, and families are
made of individuals. Families nurture the individual,
so when families fail and the individual is lost, then
the culture will be lost.
Zimmerman concludes that the best way to save
a civilization is to strengthen the family. He writes,
When the answer to this great social problem
is finally discovered, it will be found to lie in the
making of familism and childbearing the primary
social duties of the citizen.
In our day, when settling down and raising a
family is unpopular and not as fun as pursuing a
career, its easy to look at Zimmermans concerns and
feel as if hes cheating us into feeling guilty about our
worldly aspirations. But I think Zimmerman is really
saying that if you want to change the world, you need
to start in the home. Families are where we glean our
habits and valuesthey mold and shape us into who
we are. If you want to have an impact on culture,
you need to raise individuals in a strong family that
clings to mercy and fidelity.
If youre looking for an alternative way to change
the world, try Zimmermans book. The history of
familism that he covers is extensive and fascinating,
especially as it relates to the cycle of civilization,
which we can apply to our own circumstances
today. According to Zimmerman, if we invest time
and energy into our families, we are already doing
more for our society than the average politician or
journalist. F
If you
want to have an
impact on culture,
you need to raise
individuals in a strong
family that clings to
mercy and fdelity.
review
19
independent.
Te structure of the houses
fosters efciency, cooperation, and
the ability to coordinate actions
with other people. Good behavior
is emphasized. Members learn to
subordinate their immediate needs
for the good of the group, a skill
that ofen comes into play during
professional life. In addition,
the fraternities and sororities
function to introduce young men
and women from similar social
backgrounds and encourage
acceptable, functional marriage.
Te key to understanding
why fraternal organizations can
be an immensely positiveand
efectiverite of social preparation
lies in recognizing that every
relationship is, on some level,
symbolic. Every choice that we
make is a refection on who we see
ourselves to be. How we choose to
represent ourselves says less about
who we are than about who we
want to become. Fraternities and
sororities give students an ideal
to conform to, a social group that
aligns with that of their childhood
and their future.
Te Greeks are here to stay, and
youre probably more like them
than you think. F
Traditionfrom p. 5
chemistry behind his compound. But just as
the musician should not stop once they can
perform a piece frontwards and backwards,
each person must be able to see where
their understanding and technical skill
can be applied to the world at large. Tose
who rise to the top of their feld do so
because they not only excel in their
work but can make it relevant
and understood by those
around them. In
order for the world
to appreciate the
niche that you
thrive in, you
have to present
yourself in
a way that
captivates the
public and holds
their interest.
Tose that are able
to do this are the
ones that are able to get
grants, do good PR, climb
social ladders and connect to the
world around them.
As students of the liberal arts we are
especially equipped to do this. We have a
global understanding and basic knowledge
of every feld. Tis can be applied to our
own work so that we can see where it fts
in, and how to project our passions out into
the world so that they can share in those
passions.
Te musician does the same when he
performs a particular piece for an audience.
By taking even our most boring assignments,
papers, research, data, and being more
than profcient with them, we can go one
step further and connect with our work
emotionally to make it more relevant in
every feld. Tis makes us true students of
liberal understanding and greater human
beings because of it. F
Musicfrom page 11
not against fesh and blood. It is
against domination, oppression,
objectifcation, and anything else
that reduces the immense worth
of men and women. It seems
to me that modesty culture has
simply substituted one form of
objectifcation for another.
I believe Christs vision is for an
embodied humanity. Embracing
this vision will serve to change the
standards of modest dress and the
roles assigned to men and women
in church and society. We will
always be bodily creatures, seeking
to live and love in harmony. May
we walk the narrow way between
shame and lust, loving the whole
human being as Christ did. F
Modestyfrom page 13
20
Tragically Hip
BY SARAH ALBERS

had fve
hours lef
b e f o r e
my take-home
exam was due. I
had enough cafeine
in my system to
make a moderately-sized
hippopotamus hallucinate. Most
signifcantly, I had no idea what I was going
to write.
My headingin perfect MLA format, mind
youglared at me from the otherwise blank
page of my word processor. Te pressure
was on. I typed up a single, bleakly optimistic
sentence to assuage my guilt and then began
scouring the internet for remixes.
Irresponsible? Yes. Worth it? Oh, yes.
Here, an LCD Soundsystem cover of Joy Division
appeared. Tere, a hip-hop remix of Led Zeppelin.
Everywhere lay forgotten and unwanted tracks: like the
stray dogs of the Internet, waiting to be taken in and
loved. But not everything I found was worthwhile. For
every stellar re-imagination, there were at least three
truly cringe-worthy ones.
In the best covers, the new track is more than a simple
imitation of the original. It takes the material at hand
and gives it a new voice, a new form. So before you grab
a guitar and record yourself wailing along to a Rihanna
song, I advise you to listen to the following covers and
learn a thing or two. F
Daughter, Get Lucky (Daft Punk cover)
Get Lucky, originally an energetic electronica mega-hit by Daf Punk,
takes on a new form in the hands of Elena Tonra, Daughters vocalist.
Te relentless nu-disco of Daf Punk melts away, leaving a satiny, skeletal
rendition of the track. Between Elenas characteristically haunting voice
and the sparse, clattery percussion, Get Lucky is nigh unrecognizable.
Available on SoundCloud and YouTube.
Chvrches, Do I Wanna Know (Arctic Monkeys cover)
Te Arctic Monkeys really shook things up to begin with when they recorded their
new album, but Chvrches took things a step further. Guitar rifs are replaced with
bouncing synths. Te sleek, powerful masculinity cedes to vulnerability. Lauren
Mayberrys vocals foat delicately over the wash of synths and pulsating beat. Part of
triple Js Like a Version radio series, available on YouTube.
Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover)
Tis is the cover to rule them all. I say this without fear of contradiction. Te
original song has been covered over and over since John Cales frst cover in
1991, with more than 300 versions extant. Buckley lends the song unparallelled
vulnerability and complexity. Te recorded version is available as part of his only
complete studio album, Grace, released in 1994.
TRAGICALLY HIP
By: Sarah Albers
music
C
haos reigned on the eve-
ning of February 22. Te
annual Presidents Ball was
the center of a frestorm of confu-
sion over what campus was cel-
ebratinglate nineteenth-century
literary fgures or homosexuality.
Te Presidents Ball takes place
each spring as the students of the
College honor President Larry
Arnn and his wife. Te Student
Activities Board organizes this
festive occasion and usually gives
it a theme, which dictates the
decorations and decorum of the
evening. Tis year, the theme was
Oscars Night, for the recent flm
awards ceremony.
Unfortunately, the majority of
Hillsdale students were unaware
of this pop culture phenomenon
and interpreted the theme
diferently. Approximately two-
thirds of the nights attendees
dressed as characters from Oscar
Wildes literary works, including
Te Importance of Being Earnest,
Salome, and Te Picture of Dorian
Gray. Costumes were creative and
detailed, and featured such iconic
fgures as Algernon Moncrief, Miss
Prism, Basil Hallward, and Salome
herself.
Te remaining third of the ball-
goers took a more liberal approach
to the evening and remade
themselves into characters from
other nineteenth-century literary
staples.
When asked about their paired
outfts, senior Jonathan Jones and
junior Steve McDouglas explained
their love for Robert Louis
Stevensons famous Te Strange
Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
As clich as it sounds, the
characters are us, Jones said. I tell
Steve all the time, Steve, I am a man
of letters and of beauty. I want to
help those around me succeed and
fourish. Yet I just cannot quell the
urge to break free, once in a while.
Tankfully, I have Steve to do that
for me.
McDouglas was unable to
comment, as he was preoccupied
with vandalizing a parked car
in what Jones described as an
interesting and seemingly modern
interpretation.
Tis literary carnival was met
with the angry shouts and faming
torches of rioters, the segment
of Hillsdale who rejected the
homosexuality of Oscar Wilde.
Tough they made clear their
disapproval of the commemoration
of Wildes life, their critique of his
works was much less unifed.
A student protester (who asked
to remain anonymous) provided
a lengthy article systematically
attacking the homoerotic overtones
she perceives in Te Picture of
Dorian Gray, calling it scandalous
and violating in the highest order.
Oddly, the review was comprised
solely of such ambiguous claims,
without ever actually referencing a
page or sentence of the work.
Te hostilities seemed to be
nearing an end as the protestors and
party-goers began to discuss other,
less-controversial late nineteenth-
century writers. Tey found
agreement in a shared love for
Victorian British literature, citing
Dickens and the Bront sisters as
favorites. But pandemonium broke
loose once again, and even more
viciously, when someone claimed
that Wordsworth was greater than
Tennyson.
An infux of English professors
compounded the tension, with
professors from every discipline
of British and American literature
adding fuel to the fre. And
though the medievalists initially
held the advantage, the American
modernists eventually claimed the
day with a clever snagging of Eliot
and James (though the Anglophiles
still contend this was a cheap and
unfair trick). F
By: Andy Reuss
satire
THE CONFUSED OSCARS
22
How long does it take you to prepare and
cook a meal?
Depends on what it is. Most of it is pre-
pared the night before and baked the next
day, like lasagna. Vegetables are steamed
and put out right away. All the meat is ob-
viously done right before the meal. Salad
prep is done the day before and kept in a
cooler.
Is the menu predetermined or do you
choose what happens from the available
ingredients?
Yes. It actually goes on a roughly six-week
schedule. Some meals tend to repeat, like
taco Tuesdays. Te meals will typically be
the same order each cycle. So everyone,
please realize that were on a schedule, and
I cant control shipping. Be patient when
something runs out and realize that you
have about fve other options.
Has working in Saga been a good experi-
ence for you?
In some ways yes, in some ways no. Ive
met some of the coolest people ever. I was
the only freshman on the Monday shif
my frst semester, so I knew a lot of ju-
niors and seniors automatically. But I no-
ticed that people fnding out that I worked
at Saga was a big deal. Also, people, we
serve you, but we dont wait on you hand
and foot. Basically, I do like it, because the
people I work with are awesome, but the
people I serve can be awful.
What station of Saga do you normally
work at?
Usually hotline. In hotline, youre grab-
bing pre-made food from hot boxes, set-
ting it up, tearing it down, and starting
all over again. Its like the circle of life. Of
course, if theres help needed elsewhere,
Ill do that.
Has working in Saga been a good experi-
ence for you?
Sure. Its a job. Takes care of my HC re-
quirement. Im around cool people, and I
like the structure of knowing exactly how
much Ill work. Whats to complain about
that?
Do you personally like Saga food?
Yeah. Compared to my freshman year, its
improved in quality 100%. Its decent. Its
good nutrition. Its edible. Im not dying,
so...
Anything you want to say?
People complain about Saga, but theres
a lot of work that goes into it. Te cooks
work hard, harder than they need to. I
dont want to sound cynical. Were actu-
ally short a chef, so theres one who comes
in on Saturdays to pick up the slack and
isnt getting paid for it. Te foods ok, and
we have to accept that.
Did you had any experience in the food
industry before working at Saga?
Yeah, I worked at McDonalds for over two
years.
How long does it take you to prepare and
cook a meal?
What happens is we prepare things when-
ever. For example, I prepare the dinner
vegetables in the morning and they go
in the freezers until we need them. It de-
pends on what it is.
What kind of spices or seasonings do you
have frequent access to?
It depends. Te chefs use a lot of spices.
Sometimes they experiment, especially in
the Asian and gluten free places theyre
always using new things.
Has working in Saga been a good experi-
ence for you?
Yeah, its pretty enjoyable. Its kind of a
drag because theres not always that much
to do. At McDonalds you hardly had any
down time at all. At Saga we mass produce
to serve over 400 meals each dinner, so its
sort of boring.
Isaiah Brown
Hot Line and Bistro
Kirby Hartley
Hotline
SPOTLIGHT ON SAGA
By: Devon Izmirian
Maddie Overholtzer
Student Manager
23
WHICH HILLSDALE ENGLISH
PROFESSOR IS FOR YOU?