Ozymandias: An Analysis on Portuguese Translations

Gabriel Severo Curuja

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Introduction
The very first time that I came across the poem Ozymandias was in a quite
unpredictable way; I was watching an interview with Bryan Cranston and the title of a
video next to it called my attention Shelleys Ozymandias read by Bryan Cranston ,
since I had just taken an English Literature class about Shelley and Wordsworth. It
struck me like a bolt. All of a sudden it was decided that I would have to research and
explore this masterpiece.
Upon further discussion concerning the translation of Ozymandias to
Portuguese, I found out that scarce and lean translations were the most prevailing and
popular ones. Based on Hagge and Meschonnics concepts of language and translation,
I will attempt to reason among choices made by the translators in the given translations.
The present work is, therefore, an outcome of this urge love at first sight, if you please
for Shelleys poem and an endeavor to analyze, discuss and compare seven different
translations of Ozymandias to Portuguese.

Linguistics and Translation Approach
When translation crosses paths with poetics, we usually have several different
points of view we also have those who avoid the subject due to its difficulty that
vary greatly. Quoting Jakobson:
In poetry, verbal equations become a constructive principle of the text.
Syntactic and morphological categories, roots, and affixes, phonemes and
their components () Phonemic similarity is sensed as semantic relationship.

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Estudante de Graduao em Letras Bacharelado na UFRGS
The pull, or to use a more erudite, and perhaps more precise term -
paronomasia, reigns over poetic art, and whether its rule is absolute or limited,
poetry by definition is untranslatable. (Jakobson 1959)
Jakobson almost made the perfect statement in his essay On linguistic aspects of
translation. However, his last sentence is exceedingly general. It is a fact that prose
translation can be troublesome and poetry translation even more due to its rhyme, rhythm
and meter, but it seems a little audacious to assert that poetry is untranslatable. We have
poetry translations from English to Portuguese, from French to English, from Russian to
Spanish, etc. It looks like Jakobsons perspective contemplates the sole theory behind
translation putting aside the effort and creativity of translators. A poor translation still is a
translation, it has to be acknowledged. When we are dealing with translation, we will
always give up some features of the text; after all, languages are not symmetrical systems.
According to Hagge, despite all of the difficulties imposed by the poetic translations, its
practice has been recurrent since ancient times, even though sometimes considered
intransmissible.
Being clear now that poetic translation exists and that it is possible, how does it
work? In order to define the method of translation more suited for the purpose of the present
study, I will work under that established by Henri Meschonnic in Ethics Politics
Translating. There are two distinct types of translation, writing and unwriting; the first one
defined as the most fit and correct one consists in reproducing with the means available
in the target language, what the text has done to its source language (Meschonnic 2011, p.
85). The second one happens when you translate the meaning of the poem, its sign. Thus,
when we manage to make a solid and written translation, we have a sort of metaphor of the
original text, causing in the target language the same feeling as in the source language; we
have to translate the poem, and not its meaning.
Thereafter, what is required from the translator in order to achieve the ideal
poem translation other than at least sticking to the same rhyme and theme, obviously
is the fact that [he should] always [be] transparent, aiming at having forgotten the
linguistic, historical, cultural difference with the original. As if it were written in and for
the target language (Meschonnic 2011, p. 85). It might sound quite simple; however,
this point tends to separate the good translations from the ordinary and common ones.

Style and Structure
Ozymandias is a quite exotic poem in terms of structure as attempts to
specifically classify it fail. It is a fourteen-line poem structured as an octave and a sestet
similar to a Petrarch sonnet. At the beginning of the poem we have a classical
Shakespeare rhyme (ABAB), but Shelleys poem does not follow it in the next quatrain
as its rhyme changes to ACDC; followed by another odd rhyme quatrain (EDEF) and
being concluded as EF rather than the classical EFEF.
It is by no means easier to define metrical pattern of the sonnet. It is often
described as a poem written in an iambic pentameter five groups of syllables in each
line, each group containing an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one even
despite the fact that in some lines it begins by a stressed syllable (called a trochee, the
reverse of an iamb):

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay. (Shelley 1818)

The previous line of the poem begins with a stressed syllable (No-) followed by
an unstressed syllable (-thing). After the initial trochee, we have two iambs, and then it
goes back to a trochee with "round the", finally ending with an iamb. There is no exact
definition for this sort of metric. Ozymandias refusal to follow a pattern of structure,
metric and rhyme might be a hint or a reference to the boldness and grandeur of the
character of the poem, pharaoh Ramesses II.


Ozymandias, king of kings

The inspiration to the poem Ozymandias was verbal through the reading of the
Greek historian Diodorus Siculus about the largest statue in Egypt rather than visual.
Hence that is the reason why a traveller from an antique informs the narrator of the
poem about the colossal wreck.
The narrator mentioned above is nothing but a species of tool to distance the
reader from the images being described. We can suppose that it is, perhaps, nothing but
a rumor, a legend about an old land, an old and forgotten kingdom nor the ruins of a
giant statue in the desert:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand ()

On the next moment we are introduced to the gigantic image of a ruthless-like
sovereign much more like to the lip rather than the whole face:


Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command ()

In the next instance of the poem, another element is inserted in the text, the
sculptor. The sculptor plays an important role of art in the poem; it gives the sense that
art and language will long outlast the legacies of power and remain for eternity. We can
also, to a certain degree, presume the adoration and loyalty of Ozymandias followers
through the sculptors acknowledgement of the passions in the poem; a bond between
servant and sovereign, both of them together cemented in art:

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed ()

On the final sestet we are moved to the bottom, to the pedestal of the colossal
figure; and we are challenged by him, at this moment we have Shelley telling us a story
about a traveller telling what Ozymandias says. It is a very complex layered narrative.
When we should behold his work, there is an ironic pause nearly comic as if the
traveller all of a sudden breaks our gaze, Nothing beside remains. The ending of the
poem is silent and mysterious; what happened to the kingdom? Was it engulfed by the
sand? Even the greatest, the king of kings, has fallen. Every empire will end up
crumbling:

And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."


The Different Ozymandias
I gathered all of the translations that I could find of Ozymandias; some of them
are individual blog translations, some are from Wikimedia Foundation and a single one
of them published in a book.
As it was previously established, the ideal translation that we are aiming for in
this essay should follow the conditions stated in Meschonnics text the translation of
the poem, and not the meaning of the poem. Unfortunately, by reading the first quartet
of the translated versions of the poem, we are able to eliminate five of them for not
following the rhyme of the poem:

Tomaz Amorim Izabel
Conheci um viajante de antiga terra
que disse: Duas pernas destroncadas, ptreas,
esto no deserto. Perto delas, soterra
a areia meia face despedaada (...)

Filipe Vlz
Encontrei um viajante de uma terra antiga
Que disse: Duas pernas de pedra sem tronco
Permanecem no deserto... Perto delas, sobre a areia,
Deita um submerso e trincado rosto cujo aspecto (...)

Wikipedia
Eu encontrei um viajante de uma terra antiga
Que disse:Duas gigantescas pernas de pedra sem torso
Erguem-se no deserto. Perto delas na areia,
Meio afundada, jaz um rosto partido, cuja expresso (...)

Wikisource
Eu encontrei um viajante de uma antiga terra
Que disse: Duas imensas e destroncadas pernas de pedra
Erguem-se no deserto. Perto delas na areia
Meio enterrada, jaz uma viseira despedaada, cuja fronte (...)

Thomas
Conheci um viajante vindo de uma antiga terra
Que contou: Duas grandes e desmembradas pernas
Esto de p no deserto. Na areia, perto delas
Um semblante destrudo, os lbios cerra (...)

From the very beginning of the poem we have conflicts; three of the five
previous translations opted to translate the verb met as encontrei. Given the context
of the inspiration and story of the poem, it is much more likely that we should use the
word conheci since it implies a longer time elapsed from the present in order to
build Shelleys sense of distancing the reader from the plot.
The next aspect that I would like to point out is in the second line, the translation
for Two vast and trunkless legs of stone. Each of the five translations before chose a
different option. Wikisource and Izabel went for the literal translation of trunkless as
destroncadas, as Thomas translated as desmembradas. The later one makes it look
like the torso is around after the legs were separated somehow, when it is actually not
what is happening.
To finish this quartet, I would also like to highlight the choices for visage, one
of the most difficult lines of the poem. The majority of the translators that is, two out
of five translated as rosto; however, we have semblante from Thomas, viseira
from Wikisource and face from Izabel. When we face an unusual word such as
visage, we should avoid the correspondent common words in the target language in
order to make the reader experience this sense of formality. Also, the head of the
sculpture does not really resemble a face, but a sheer visage.
The previous translations have great discrepancies amongst themselves
throughout the entire text, and most of them are quite misled translation according to the
approach established here. From now on I will focus on the two most suited translations
for Ozymandias that I was able to find: Andrei Cunhas and Alberto Marsicanos.

Andrei Cunha
Contou-me viajante na velha estrada:
No deserto, duas pernas sem tronco cadas
Tm a seu lado, na areia afundada,
Cabea enterrada, de testa franzida,
Cara fria mandona e boca enrugada --
Cpia bem lida das feies estudadas
Que ardem ainda, nessas coisas no p,
Mais que mo que imita e paixes imitadas.
No pedestal se l a frase que insiste:
"Meu nome, Ozimndias, de faras, fara :
Olha minhas obras, poderoso, e desiste!"
Nada mais sobrou: em torno da escultura
Do colosso destrudo, s e simples assiste,
At perder de vista, a areia plana e pura.
Alberto Marsicano
Conheci um viajante de uma terra ancestral
Contou-me: Sem tronco, duas pernas enormes
Erguem-se no deserto... Perto delas no areal,
Semienterrada, a cabea em partes disformes,
Franze o cenho, e o escrnio de um comando glacial,
Mostra-nos que o escultor captou bem o seu estado
Que ainda sobrevive estampado nessas pedras estreis,
A mo que dele troou e o corao que foi alimentado;
E no pedestal esto grafadas as seguintes palavras:
Meu nome Ozymandias, rei dos reis:
Poderosos, rendei-vos ao olhar minhas obras!
Nada alm permanece. Ao redor do desolamento
Da runa colossal, infinitas e desertas
As areias planas e solitrias se estendem ao vento.

On the first line, we can go back to what was mentioned concerning time and
past; Cunhas version can easily be interpreted as a close and not long gone event. On
the other hand, Marsicano pictures this scenario very closely to the original. On the
following line it feels that a vital element of the original poem is being left aside by
Cunha the vastness of the legs as he chooses to translate as duas pernas sem tronco
cadas which might not cause the effect of gigantism expressed in the original.
When introducing the visage of Ozymandias, neither translator gives exclusive
attention to the lips as the original. Yet, Marsicano does not even make mention to lips
in his translation, whereas Cunha opts to use Cara fria e boca enrugada that
contemplates the whole frown, and wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command ().
In the next line, with the introduction of the sculptor, Cunha triumphs greatly by
highlighting the passion and adoration of sculptor and king perhaps it might be quite
tricky for the reader to perceive the introduction of the sculptor in Cunhas version, not
impossible though. The crucial point of this final quartet is about the passion and the
bond between the two in eternity, it is a terrible loss for Marsicanos version not to
express the feeling and even the strong words present in Shelleys poem.
Upon entering the sestet and final part of the poem, we are facing the words of
the pedestal. I like the personality and uniqueness of Cunhas translation for this line
the only one who translated king as fara in all of the seven translation , but the
short, strong and stressed sound of king of kings match perfectly with rei dos reis
that is chosen by Marsicano. On the following line, both translators had the same
feeling about despair, they perceived the feeling of despair as a surrender. Still,
Marsicanos line sounds smoother and more fitting into the original as it is expected
from a king to speak formally and lengthy.
At the closure of the poem, in my opinion, Cunhas version would be perfect if
the verb sobrou were to be replaced by restou. The poem can portray the sudden
break gaze of the works into reality as the blink of an eye. The last two lines of the
poem are slightly changed in Cunhas version as he attempts to give sight to the
sculpture as it watches the sand. It is actually a very nice touch that give us the
impression of a mad king; a fallen king that can still see his kingdom, blinded by greed
and power. Marsicano follows the original in a less bold translation and he excels at it
as much as Cunha. It is depicted in a very poetic couple of last lines so many fitting
adjectives to the sand of the desert, the illustration makes a beautiful and suiting ending
for the poem.

Conclusion
Very before starting this work, I wanted to conclude it with a version of my own
Ozymandias. In the end, though, I did not manage to go far upon reaching the fourth
line I have to go back to the first one and rewrite, and so on. This proves that criticizing
and suggesting others translations is far easier than writing a work of your own. I am
still working on a version between both Cunhas and Marsicanos Ozymandias, but that
as well has proven to be very tricky. Even though you have a certain freedom and it is
hard to decide whether something is wrong or right, it is still challenging. Translation is
not an exact and specific science; it is much more like a matter of taste. Each translator
and each reader will accept different literary works in distinct ways.
The primary objective that I could achieve in this work was the realization of a
much stronger contrast between amateur and free translators from scholars that have
worked and studied literature for a time. Perhaps in the right time I will be able to
enclose this work with my own translation of Ozymandias.

References
Cunha, Andrei. Not marble, nor gilded monuments. The pillow blog. Available at
http://makura.blogspot.com.br/2006/07/not-marble-nor-gilded-monuments.html, 2006.
Hagge, Claude. Armadilhas e delcias da traduo. O Homem Dialogal. 1990. 44-48.
Izabel, Tomaz Amorim. Traduo: Ozymandias. Tomaz amorim izabel. Available at
http://tomazizabel.blogspot.com.br/2013/09/traducao-ozymandias.html, n.d.
Jakobson, Roman. On Linguistic Aspects of Translation. 1959. Available at
http://culturalstudiesnow.blogspot.com.br/2011/10/roman-jakobson-on-linguistic-
aspects-of.html, 2011.
Meschonnic, Henri. Translating: Writing or unwriting. Ethics and Politics of
Translating. Ed. John Benjamin B.V. Amsterdam, 2011. 79-89.
Ozymandias (Shelley) Wikipdia: A Enciclopdia Livre. Wikimedia Foundation, n.d.
Available at http://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozymandias_(Shelley).
Ozymandias (Shelley) Wikisource. Wikimedia Foundation, n.d. Available at
http://pt.wikisource.org/wiki/Ozymandias_(Shelley).
Scandolara, Adriano. O nome atroz da eternidade: Questes acerca da traduo
brasileira de Percy Bysshe Shelley. Curitiba, 2010.
Shelley, Percy Bysshe. Ozymandias. 1818. The Literature Network, n.d. Available at
http://www.online-literature.com/shelley_percy/672.
Shelley, Percy Bysshe. Ozymandias. Sementes Aladas. Ed. Ateli Editorial. So
Paulo, 2010.
Thomas. Ozymandias. Jabuticaba Republic. Available at
http://jabuticabarepublic.blogspot.com.br/2011_01_01_archive.html, 2011.
Vlz, Filipe. Traduo do Ozymandias de P.B. Shelley. Quando eu sai de casa
minha me me disse:. Available at
http://quandoeusaidecasaminhamaemedisse.blogspot.com.br/2010/06/traducao-do-
ozymandias-de-pb-shelley.html, 2010.