Teaching Theology of

the body to young

people

Training to talk about Theology of the body to teenagers

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Teenagers have a hunger to be looking for something bigger than what they are. They have a
craving for love, a desire for freedom, to be different and to set out their own path. Teenagers are
very busy, distracted and media saturated. A teenager who texts is looking for a relationship and a
desire to be included, with a fear of being left along. Teenagers are looking for communion, and are
uncomfortable being alone or in silence, because they are looking for a relationship. Teenagers are
oversexed, under dressed and ready to hear the message of theology of the body.

We all have a desire of communion and a desire for love. The theology of the body is a gift that God
gave to the Church exactly what we needed when we needed it. Pope John Paul said, “The most
fundamental vocation of every human being is love.” This is great quote that encapsulates what
being human is all about. We can't compartmentalise what it means to be human.

In his first encyclical, Redemptor Hominis, Pope John Paul said, “Man cannot live without love. He
remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to
him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not
participate in it intimately.” Many teenagers are searching. They do not know what they want. They
are wandering around searching for truth and love and want to experience love. John Paul II takes
us back to the origin, how it is connected to life and relationships and finds humanity wandering
and looking for who we really are and who we are called to be.

The theology of the body is comprised of 129 talks, 6 more of which were discovered at a later date.
It answers the question: who we are by looking at the origin, present and destiny of man. It answers
the question of how we are to live by looking at marriage, celibacy, love and fruitfulness. It helps us
in different ways to see what it means to be human. Theology of the body answers who is man from
the beginning, where are we now, and where are we going. It delivers an adequate anthropology
because many of us have lost what it means to be human. It helps us to put Christ at the centre of
our lives and to untwist the desires of our hearts, overcoming concupiscence and so that we are not
left to our own desires.

It is a bold statement to say that theology of the body is a new delivery system for our faith. John
Paul spent 5 years of his life on this important topic and that is how important it is. When we
unpack it some authors have said that it will help how we will understand virtually everything in the
creed. The theology of the body has some long lasting effects, influencing how we see the Church,
the world, freedom and liberation and the vision of life and love. It is well worth studying up on.

Boethius once said that a person is an individual who is a substance of rational nature. Man images
God more in communion than in solitude. Everything we do, the way we breathe and move is
expressed through the body. Our desire for communion in our sexuality is a beautiful gift. God gave
us these desires from the very beginning. In the Catechism, it says that God himself is an eternal
exchange of love. Marriage is a foretaste of the eternal communion of heaven. It helps to point us
towards heaven. The word sacrament means sign, but also comes from the Greek mysterion
meaning mystery. The body is in a sense a sacrament because it reveals to us something of the
mystery about God. The body alone can make visible what is invisible. God desires to have a deep
and personal relationship with us because he loves us.

Theology of the body: The difference between loving and using

Many stories in our culture are not love stories but lust stories. The use of other people is so
prevalent in our culture that at times it is a subconscious way and part of how we live. St Thomas
Aquinas said that 'Love is willing the good of another person.' John Paul II said that love is not
merely a feeling, but an act of the will, preferring the good of another to the good of oneself. Love

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is not easy.

Many people talk rubbish about love is how you feel, that it should be a cushy, sweet feeling and
nothing more. It is so easy to look for love in the wrong places. It is also possible to feel the
emptiness of being used, just as we can use others for our own gratification. Love is a constant
decision. As a generalisation, guys will give what looks like love to get sex, whereas girls will have
sex in order to have an experience of love.

Jeremy Bentham invented the philosophy of utilitarianism. This can be summed up by the rhyme:
“Maximising pleasure, minimising pain, using another for someone's gain.” With this philosophy, it
is possible to use another person in order to have the most amount of happiness. The personalistic
norm is a standard by which we can all define love and the opposite of love. A person is a subject
that must be loved at every moment. The only proper and adequate response to a person is love.
Anything less is not treating them well and with respect. We can recognise both the exterior and
interior beauty of others.

What is the opposite of love? It is not hate or lust. It is using someone. To use another for my own
desire or needs is not loving them. Mother Teresa once said that Satan does not hate us, for it is
worse than that: he hates God. He is trying to use us to get back at God.

Pope John Paul defined love in different ways. He talked of love under three definitions: attraction,
desire and goodwill. Desire sees the other person as a good for me. Goodwill intuits that we have
receive the love of God and now we are able to reciprocate this love.

The theme of gift returns again and again to the theology of the body. To love another person is to
make a gift of oneself. John Paul II said “Man cannot find himself apart from making a sincere gift
of himself.” This vocation is in essence disinterested love.

Chastity is a word that needs to be rehabilitated. Many people think that chastity is abstinence.
Abstinence is simply the lack of activity. If we only have abstinence, it is merely a negation.
Chastity is a positive virtue. Chastity is not repression, it is about integration. The stuffing away of
our desires through repression can lead to explosions. The holding back of sexual desires can lead
to an unhealthy sense of sexuality. Chastity is about learning to channel the energy that we have and
saving the fullest expression of sexuality until marriage. In this way we learn how to behave
properly with the opposite sex and gives us a greater sense of freedom. The fire of our desires is not
a bad, but a good thing.

In essence, chastity is vocational formation. It is a virtue that falls under the cardinal virtue of
temperance. It is preparing to give yourself away in love. We need to train for this! It is an
apprenticeship in self mastery and a training in faithfulness. If we work out at the gym in order to
build up our muscles, should we not train spiritually also? In the Catechism #2337 it says that
chastity is the successful integration of sexuality, the inner unity of man in his inner being. As a
vocation in itself, it is preparing the way to love.

Real love is something that is self-donating not self-seeking. The only proper attitude to other
people is love. We can measure the quality of a relationship but how much giving there is as
opposed to using. Chastity is a difficult and long term matter. It does entail a 'no,' but is a yes to
love and brings freedom. It is learning how to avoid manipulating others. To treat another person as
a means to an end is not loving them. In the film the Notebook, there is a scene where they agree to
have premarital sex. The main characters go to use one another. One good exercise is to rewrite this
scene, adding the appropriate words (one example might be: I want to love you like no other guy
has love you before).

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An examination of conscience helps us to work out exactly where we are at and what my life is
really all about. It helps us to consider how to proceed with true love, rather the emptiness that
comes from using. Pornography is something that tries to separate the body from the soul. It trains
you to look at someone as an object to be used rather than someone who likes to be loved. It is
strictly seeing the other person as an object. We no longer see the integration between body and
soul. It hurts future marriages and relationships. Love is something that is God's idea. We have to
train to find out what love really is, because it is something that will make us happy. Help others to
see the love in your life.

Theology of the Body: Naked without Shame

We do not have to believe that everything is literal in the Bible. It is important not to be hung up on
misconceptions like this. What we do have to believe is that God created us, he created us as man
and woman and he gave us free will. Genesis as a book portrays profound truths. John Paul II
describes the stories in terms of how they are inspired by the Holy Spirit. Many teenagers think they
know all about the story of Adam and eve already. They have heard of Original sin, but as teachers
it is important to convey the beauty and splendour of this story.

In the beginning, Adam was alone in the visible world as the only human being. This is known as
original solitude. He did not see anyone else like himself. He knew that he was created for a
relationship with God. Adam is all of humanity's experience. Women also have a heritage of this
original solitude too. The author Scott Hahn says, “God gave Adam an itch that only God could
scratch.” God did this through the gift of woman. It might be that God saves the best until last
because he created woman last.

The Spousal or nuptial meaning of the body means our capacity to express love. It talks of the
meaning and being of our existence. An understanding of the spousal meaning of the body helps us
to see the real significance that we are created for union, and that we are meant to be for the other.
Our desires are good, and they are for God.

What would society be like if we were not used by other people? Imagine if you could walk down
the street naked and that no-one would objectify you. In the beginning, both Adam and Eve had
original innocence. This was a state of purity of heart. They did not want to manipulate or use each
other. Adam and Eve were able with purity to see God in each other. Adam and Eve were able to
love as God loves before original sin.

We cannot tangibly see God as a person. But God draws us to himself through other people. We are
all called to make visible the invisible love of God in our lives. My desires ultimately are for God.
Sometimes, it is easy to forget that God is there. Man can make woman, just as woman can make
man an idol. We are not fully capable of satisfying the deepest desires of each other's hearts. Only
God can do that. We idolise each other if we mistakenly believe that a human relationship can bring
complete fulfilment. God is the source and summit of desire in a relationship.

Women can be susceptible to pride. In a culture where men look at women like objects, some girls
want to be looked at and become desensitised in this process. Girls can even feel upset if they are
not objectified in this way. But, we must be a temple for God to live in and be able to bring other
people to God. In the beginning, things were not so messed up. The union of man and woman
brought them closer to God. Only after the craziness of original sin that everything became so
manipulated.

The story of Genesis in many different ways can be compared to our modern day and age. We see

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the effects of original sin all around us. The marital sexual union was ordained by God as something
that is good. The meaning of our existence can be seen through married sexual union. If married
love is one of the least inadequate ways of describing God's love, then the devil will surely attempt
to thwart it. Satan not only is the enemy of God but is also our enemy. Satan cannot create things,
but he can twist and damage what has been created. He is at the bottom of sinful acts. God has
given and blessed us with desires and he helps us to make free choices in our decisions. God wants
us to choose him freely.

Genesis describes the time of original innocence when we were 'naked without shame.' This was
when mankind was so secure in the love of God that there was no such thing as shame as there was
a time when there was only love. However, being 'naked without shame' is not the same as being
shameless. This is when we don't see the value of other people and even use our own body as a tool.
It could be flaunting, drawing attention to myself or showing off.

Pope John Paul talked about the need for shame. Shame has both a positive and a negative function.
It acts as a protection against being devalued. Our media manages to violate a lot of people. In what
ways do you think that it promotes a culture of shamelessness?

We all have the capacity to desire good. If we can imagine the beauty and innocence of the garden
of Eden we can try to recapture and live this out in our own lives in a state of grace.

“Be strong and take heart, all who hope in the Lord.” Psalms 31:24. How young people find
redemption in Christ.

Many teenagers live with a lot of tension in their lives. We live in a fast paced word, with many
people living with a great deal of responsibility. There are both external and internal tensions
tugging on our hearts. Many teenagers do not have a lot of good models of overcoming
concupiscence. MTV is not going to help you overcome the tension of our own hearts.

Many of the world's problems come from the human heart. This is the root of many problems. In
Philippians 4:13 it states, “I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me.” A
true change only comes with having an internal spiritual heart transplant. It is not about externals
changing. The human heart is called, back to purity and the origins of what we are called for.
Everything we do is worthless unless we are the healed by the redemption that Christ offered.
Sometimes, teenagers do not understand what redemption is. Sometimes it is good to use a suitable
analogy. Christ calls us to offer him our lives, and he gives us a heart that is redeemed and that is
more capable of love.

Romans 8:23 says, “we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our
bodies.” We are called to live in eternity with in perfection. If we find our hope and fulfilment in
something that is finite we end up empty again. There is a lot of despair and depression in teenagers
today. Teenagers are looking for hope. They don't want negative family experiences or to become
miserable statistics. They want to be offered the hope that they desire. They want to receive hope
and redemption in Christ, whether they know themselves or not!

We are destined to share in the eternal exchange of love. Marriage on earth points us as a mystery
towards marriage in heaven. Many teenagers have a distorted view of marriage. Some can only see
the darkness in their own hearts. Some are full of the feeling of guilt and regret. Despair is when we
stop caring and desiring the perfect. In heaven, there will not be any blemishes or filth. It doesn't
matter where you've been or what you have done. Christianity is not a religion to be hung up about
the past. Hope always looks forward to what he has destined us. Suddenly, we have a lifeline and all
we have to do is accept it. We need to allow God to pull us towards the safety of heaven. Christ did

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not come to leave us with a bunch of coping mechanisms. God is omnipotent, the hope of every
day. Every day God's mercies are new. We can overcome evil with good. When we learn to forgive
others, we learn to forgive ourselves, we can live in peace. When we say to Jesus, “I am yours, take
me and make me new” he offers us hope and healing and loves us where we are. We have a free
encounter with God's mercy and redemption.

God has revealed the whole meaning of our existence through the spousal meaning of the body. We
have great dignity because we are made in the image of God. The inestimable worth that we have
comes from God alone. No matter how many times we have been trampled on or trampled
ourselves, we have that great dignity. We never lose that dignity, because it is innate and inviolable.
Christ offers us his love- it is up to us to work out how to live out his love for us.

If there are people who have come from difficult backgrounds and then go on to have a great family,
then we can too. We can move from addictions to redemption, absolution and freedom. We have
hope to share in the resurrection of the body, a glorified body and in the communion of saints in
eternity. Now is the time of invitation to a new heart- transformed by hope by a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ. It is this hinge moment that will determine the rest of our lives.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32) – Finding truth and freedom
for young people today

Young people want freedom. They want to be free from the restraints of their parents. We live in a
culture that describes freedom in so many different ways. We desire love more than we desire
freedom. Pope John Paul said, “Freedom exists for the sake of love.” If love is to rise up out of our
hearts. We must use the freedom we are given to return love. Society tells us that freedom means to
do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it. If it feels good for you, it is good for you. But
freedom without responsibility is the opposite of love. This is a self centred version of freedom and
does not look forward. Love looks towards the good of another person.

Many young people want to be free of the rules, Church and parents. They want to live in freedom
as if it meant no rules, no responsibility and no commitment. But the more one does what is good,
the freer one becomes. No true freedom exists except in doing good.

We need to bring young people back to the concept of objective truth. Even though we can attain
truth from certain subjective experiences, we need a standard of how to be free. Truth is up for
grabs in today's society. People think if it is good for you, it must be true. If something is
objectively true, it is true for everybody. Marriage involves a restriction on freedom. Freedom is put
at the sake of love. When you are in love, you do not need external constraints. St Paul tells us not
to be conformed to this age but be transformed in Christ Jesus. We do not obey laws because we
have to, but because we want to.

Jesus Christ is the one who tells us about true freedom. This is because it comes from him. He tells
us, "If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the
truth will set you free." (John 8:31-2). We need to be hungry for the truth. The theology of the body
is not a lifting of the rules by saying the law is not important. When our heart is transformed in
Christ, we are not constrained any more. We live in the freedom we were supposed to live in. Jesus
said that “Everyone who looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery with her in his heart.” it is
possible to lust after your own husband or wife. Freedom is seeking the truth and seeking it well. A
good way to gauge a relationship is whether you are experiencing true freedom in that relationship.
Does it lead another person into greater freedom? Immature love is expressed in an immature way.
A new attitude of the heart comes about with redemption.

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When we establish that objective truth is possible, this leads us to understand the true definition of
freedom. If I try to steal your ipod, you know that this is wrong and I could not justify it under any
circumstances. Truth and freedom either go hand in hand or they perish in misery. To live in
freedom of the law is to experience purification of heart. To be able to experience the freedom that
Christ desires for us is a wondrous thing. We must make sure that we are witnessing to that
freedom, otherwise we undercut the witness to Christ that we have with our own lives. The Church
does not impose truth. She proposes the truth to us. The Holy Spirit does his work in our hearts,
respecting our freedom. Watch with faith to see what God has started in the hearts of others.

The body speaks a language

The body communicates a language without words. In the theology of the body we are finding an
adequate anthropology of who are are. Then after this, we find out how to live when we know who
we are. First we find our identity. Then we go out to find our mission. Now it is time to look into
greater specifics: what does a good relationship look like? Non verbal communication is very
important in communication according to experts. It can give over 50% of meaning. There are over
500,000 different gestures that the body can speak. The body can also speak the truth of Christ's
love. The body therefore can also speak a lie. The body can be prophetic. We have to distinguish
between true and false prophets. Judas gives Jesus a kiss in the Gospels at the moment that he
betrays him. We have to understand what the body is actually saying.

The total gift of self is when the body says, “I give you all that I have and everything that I am.”
When we start to look at the body we seem to think it is not connected to the person. When we
make the total gift of self to another, my words that I use should be reflected in my body. This helps
teenagers to understand the 'why' of Church rules.

Many people have not been told the beauty of the Church's teaching on contraception. This deals
with how the body is meant to express love. Contraception takes the gift of fertility out of the gift of
self. Our fertility is a huge part of who we are as men and women. There is a sense of hypocrisy in
the language of the body if it is telling a lie. Pornography constitutes a lie with the body.
Pornography is very widespread with young people. It is something that undercuts marriage as a
training in infidelity rather than faithfulness. It is an issue where one needs to be sensitive but very
direct. There is no need to apologise over an issue that hurts many young people as it is a lie with
the body. In pornography, we are pretending that there is a gift going on, but there is no gift at all.
There is only money involved. In some ways it is prostitution. It is all about taking and not giving.
The body is a gift. In pornography, the body is being revealed but the person is being obscured. It
trains people in unfaithfulness.

What is the difference between sex between a married couple and two unmarried teenagers? After
all, it is the same act? The difference is that one is an act of consummation, the other a lie is being
lived. I might say something with my body, but I lied with my whole act. A fake priest can go
through the motions, but if he said Mass it would be sacrilegious. I cannot offer someone one
million pounds if I only have 4 pounds in my bank account. If I only have one apple, I can only give
it to one person. Part of the apple is for the other person. IF you try to give the gift to more than one
person, it is incomplete and ruins the relationship (e.g. adultery).

A truthful sigh is when the truth in reality corresponds with the truth in my heart. When you ask
someone, how are you? Sometimes they don't always answer truthfully. When girls go dancing they
can communicate with their bodies that they want to be used. They dance with sexual motions that
make men only see their bodies. Perhaps the woman doesn't realise what she is doing in her head.
Later, when she is used, perhaps she still does not understand. She thinks maybe she should lose
more weight. What she is communicating with her body does not correspond with the truth in her

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heart.

Pope John Paul wrote a commentary on the Song of Songs. The grooms calls to the bride: she is a
garden enclosed and a fountain sealed. This is a suitable analogy of how women can express
themselves by their bodies. The dignity women have is worth protecting and preserving. The
woman is the mastery of her own mystery. If every single girl set the standard high, guarded her
heart and did not have premarital sex, boys would set their standards higher. If women set their
standards high, the other sex will recognise their own dignity and worth. Rather than being hung up
one issue, they would realise the standard of dignity is the cross. This is how to speak the truth with
the body!

The legacy that has been left to us with the cross is a message with the body. What is the sign going
to be with my body? Will I imitate Christ or Mary with my life? How will we set our own course?
It is great to get teenagers to implement some of these ideas.

The body has a capacity to speak a language. If the body can speak the truth, it can also speak lies.
Teenagers can learn to judge the truthfulness of sexual behaviour. Anything that is not the truth will
lead to bad relationships. The best language of the body is a language of love. Contraception
disorders the sexual act. I don't give or receive all of you. With premarital sex, adultery or
pornography, the body speaks a lie. Teenagers hate to be lied to. What would motivate you to tell a
lie with the body to another person? How do you feel when someone lies to you with his or her
body? St Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, if necessary use words.” Try to
speak a language without using any words at all.

Pope John Paul also talks of the difference between nudity in art and pornography. He talks of the
ethos of the image and the ethos in seeing. There is a responsibility of the artist to uphold the
dignity in the way he portrays the art. The ethos of seeing calls for responsibility of the viewer to
have purity of heart. We are capable of looking on an image with purity. Sometimes we can watch a
film in silence in order to ascertain who was speaking the truth and who was lying. Sometimes, a
person can be obscured because of a lie with the body. With your own body, make sure that you are
living in truth and love. When we do, we speak the language of the Gospel in our own way.

Love that is free, faithful, total, fruitful.

It is very important to apply morality to typical day-to-day life. When we apply the theology of the
body to real life, we can see its application and do not just to let it remain in the theoretical sphere.
Sometimes it is easy to get away from what is really happening in a relationship. Teenagers do not
like counterfeits. It is important to get people to think about relationships, as to what is Christ like
and what is not Christ like. Nobody openly and deliberately offers someone love which is partial,
coercive, sterile and lacking commitment at the same time. Sometimes people are not able to
recognise the counterfeits. At other times they end up falling for it anyway. John Paul II said that in
some relationships there are elements of truth and this makes it harder for people to decipher the
true nature of a relationship.

St Augustine said “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” We have with this method of
discernment a better way to discern what is full and true. God is the ultimate good and is what we
have the biggest desire for. If we take the message of the theology of the body to heart, we will not
end up in relationships that leave us empty and bankrupt.

The “Free, faithful, total, fruitful” principles come from Humanae Vitae #9 where the key
characteristics of married love are charted out. In the twentieth century, contraception became easy
to obtain. At the same time false notions of freedom were spread about sexual morality. This lead to

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changes in how and why we approached sexuality. There were some people in the Church who
wanted the Church to modernise and become with the times. They said that the Church needed to
modernise in order to be up to date. Pope Paul VI set up the Birth control commission in order to
discern whether contraception was consistent with God's plan?

Contraception is not a part of God's plan. It obstructs the love of donation. A total gift of self means
that in marriage sexual intercourse should be open to life. How does the marital act image the love
of God? Contraception robs the sexual life of the giving act of God's love. How does contraception
compare with Christ's love on the cross? Inside a marital relationship needs to be free. In a
relationship, sexual love can be expected or coerced when there is no communication. If sexual love
is a total gift, we must also make the gift of fertility. Contraception refuses to give this part.
Contraception compromises on faithfulness: it can rob us of the gift of motherhood or fatherhood
and helps to make infidelity easier. Contraception restricts the fruitfulness of married love because
the person says that they do not desire life to come from this act. God's love is always life giving
and fruitful.

It is impossible for pre marital sex to mirror free, total, faithful and fruitful love. These aspects are
not automatic even in marriage. Jesus and Mary are the best models of how to love to the full. The
salvation of the world came through the faithful and fruitful gift of the yes of Mary and Jesus. The
culmination of Christ's love is that he gave us his body. Comparing our love to his is a great
practical way to do theology of the body. It is important to differentiate between self-giving and
self-seeking love. We end up saying, “This is my body, taken for me.” Mary's love was possible
because she was willing to receive God's love as Mary did. Marriage is a prerequisite for sex. Christ
did not call us just to sex, but to love. When we try to mirror God's love in all that we do, our lives
begin to change.

Paul VI made some prophetic statements in Humanae Vitae. He said that if contraception became
widespread there would be general lowering of morality, would be further degraded and the body
would be seen as a commodity, to be used as a tool Mankind would look on the body as if he was
God (in an anything goes, super superiority). Paul VI was a true prophet. Today we are reaping the
consequences of these problems.

The theology of the body is most beautifully brought to life when we seek to live it out and bring
this good news to others. When with interact with challenging material and wrestle with the ideas
ourselves, we learn to love as God loves.

Exploring the gift of Marriage

Many young people have had negative thoughts about marriage. They have had hurts along the way
from their experience of divorce and live ins. Our culture is feeding them a misleading message that
a man can live with a man. Pope John Paul II wants us to see the profound dignity of marriage. The
one flesh union of marriage images the love of God and the 3 persons in the trinity. Marriage is a
sacrament that points us towards the marriage of the Lamb. It means to love another person with a
full commitment. Faithful, married love breaks through difficultly, trial and suffering to look for the
good of another. We cannot do things always on our own. We are called to a union that is so tight
that life shines through the union. We exhibit this love in our love for each other.

In Ephesians 5, we read, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church.” According to
Pope John Paul II, Ephesians 5 is the crowning of the Biblical analogy of spousal love. It represents
the glory of love. It is the glory of what marriage is supposed to be: a complementary relationship.
This passage of Ephesians is a real challenge. This is what we are called to live out. A woman is
called to trust and man and submit to his love. Woman is the archetype of humanity. A woman's

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body reveals receptivity to the initiating love of God. There is a beautiful glory when it is lived out
with God's love. This is a powerful witness and changes the world. Imagine if this was lived out in
all marriages! How different would the world be if people were loving each other in the way the
sacrament was intended!

God does not depend on us. God calls us to imitate the communion of persons in the trinity. If we
are able to live that out, then we can be married. Our understanding of God as love is important. To
use an inadequate analogy, God wants to marry us. When we are receptive to the love of God we
can live this out. We need to stay focused on marriage as God created it. The disparity of what we
see everyday in our culture, we can forget the possibility of live and love that is possible in our
hearts. No woman wants to find a man that is going to use and abuse her. They want a beautiful life
giving love. Some girls despair and settle for something less. We need to encourage teenagers to
become their spouses that they are looking for.

In the Scriptures, marriage is used as an analogy of God's love for us. Marriages are under attack
today, because they show forth the love of God. Everybody wants a glorious love story. Teenagers
are scared of marriages. Looking at the statistics, maybe they should be scared! But marriage is the
primordial sacrament. God calls us to be a part of that beautiful marriage in heaven.

Sex is something that was created by God to be holy, beautiful and good. If we can understand this
well, we can understand the whole faith and the other sacraments really well. It reveals the meaning
of our existence. The two become one flesh and become one subject. Sex is the wedding vows
coming to life. Christ's teaching on adultery means that adultery is possible within marriage.

Some people think that marriage is about finding the perfect person. There is an element of idealism
with youth. Actually, it is about choosing to love and imperfect person. We must learn to love an
imperfect spouse. We must choose to love in good times or bad. We must choose to love and choose
to image God, choose to love in spite of faults. This is how God loves us. God loves us in spite of
our faults.

We cannot have a sacramental marriage without Christ being at the centre of marriage. Sacramental
marriage is the earthly foreshadowing of marriage in heaven. Sacrament marriages points towards
heaven. This marriage is imaged on how Christ loved the Church. It is also based on how man loves
woman and woman loves man. We need to honour God's plan for the world. When we have a cord
of three- man, woman and God- this cord is not easily broken. Find a spiritual bouquet to offer your
future spouse.

Marriage is a building block of society. It is most beautifully lived out in mutual submission and
selfless love. If marriages break apart, our society breaks apart. Marriage is the primordial
sacrament by which grace comes to us. If we have 15 characteristics that we want our spouses to
have, these are the characteristics that we ourselves must have. If you are looking for the perfect
person, then become that perfect person and they will find you. Even when things are really hard,
God gives us the grace in order to live out his will.

Sexual intercourse outside of marriage can confuse and obstruct clear thinking. Oxytocin is released
in men and women during sexual intercourse from the pituitary gland. This can impair critical
thinking and makes things cloudy. Relationships can become abusive if oxytocin is released in a
relationship that is not committed. This hormone helps unite a couple. This great gift is abused
when it is used in the wrong context. Science and faith can complement each other beautifully. This
is one example of how science points towards the beautiful teachings of faith.

Celibacy

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Many teenagers thing that celibacy is weird. It is something that many people do not understand. In
fact they find it mystifying. We struggle with things that we do not understand. Celibacy is about
gift and sacrifice. Celibacy is a radical life. It is to free choice not to be married and point everyone
toward Christ and the Church in heaven. Celibacy speaks volumes about the spousal meaning of the
body. The presence of a celibate religious helps one to think about things that are connected to God.
We cannot look at a sister wearing her habit and not think about Godly things.

We need to remember that many people are receiving almost a daily message that continues to tell
them that sexual exploration is going to lead to happiness. Films, newspapers and magazines
continue to fill young people with this distortion of the truth. What can they possibly think when
they encounter a celibate person who is joyful? Young people presume that celibacy is boring
because they can't have any excitement according to this model. Celibates that are connected with
the Kingdom of God are joyful! There is only a problem if the celibate is not joyful.

Sexuality is something that is not only expressed through intercourse. Celibates are not ignoring
sexuality. They are channelling their desires in a beautiful and fruitful way to live. They are
forsaking marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Teenagers see Priests as people who are
not happy because they are not having sex. I know a lot of people who are having sex and who are
miserable. If people are not living their lives in the vocation as God calls them to, it makes it more
likely they will be unhappy.

Sex is not synonymous with joy. Sex does not equal love. Love is synonymous with joy. Many
people think that celibacy is an act of repression. But celibacy for the kingdom has acquired a
meaning of an act of spousal love. Celibacy fulfils the spousal meaning of the body. When our
sexuality is offered to God, it is always a life giving gift that brings forth fruit. Spiritual fatherhood
and motherhood brings forth great fruit for the celibate. Celibacy is the superior vocation: an
objectively higher vocation according to the Church. It is higher than the sacrament of marriage
because it more closely participates in the marriage of the lamb. Celibacy more closely embraces
the life of Christ and takes on elements of poverty, chastity and obedience. Celibacy is a gift, just as
poverty is a gift.

Subjectively speaking, the right vocation for us is the one God calls us to. We become most holy in
the vocation that God calls us to. In the New Testament, the term Eunuch is used. This is someone
who is incapable of having sex. But Jesus talks about eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of
heaven: that it they choose not to engage in sexual intercourse. These people skip the earthly
sacrament to point directly towards the heavenly marriage.

Many young people think that the only two options for a celibate is repression or indulgence. To be
pure of heart is to allow chastity in both celibacy or marriage. When we allow Christ to redeem us,
Eros needs to be infused with Agape. All of our love needs to be infused with God's love. Marriage
is a calling from God. Marriage is something that points towards our ultimate union with God in the
heavenly marriage of the Lamb.

The ministerial priesthood is reserved to men. Men and women in many different ways complement
each other. The spousal analogy is not an arbitrary decision of discrimination by the Church. It is
following the design God made in creation. Christ is the initiator of the gift to the Church. The
priest acts in persona Christi (the person of Christ). A woman cannot be a ministerial priest just as a
man cannot have a baby. Masculinity and femininity are stamped into our bodies. We are called to
communion and no one is called to be alone. Celibacy is not a calling to be lonely but a fruit to be
lived to the full.

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When we allow God to break open our hearts we can discover what our vocation really is.
Sometime this can be a call within a call. Often we assume we know everything about ourselves.
We can even assume that we know a lot about who we are spending our lives with. In new
circumstances, our personality and habits can mature and develop and we can surprise ourselves.

Young people today need to be put in touch with people with religious who are living in a
wonderful and holy way. Celibacy is like a marriage to Christ and the Church. Most priests and
religious were invited by someone to consider their religious vocation. Anyone can be called to the
priesthood- Do you know where God calls you yet? Perhaps God is calling you to religious life.
Young people want to live radical lives and for the great part of life. So we pray to the Lord to send
more labourers into the harvest, for the harvest is plentiful, but the labourers few.

Finding your calling in life

Many people have trouble believing that God loves them. Others think that God is not going to call
them. Do I listen to the voice of the Lord in my life? The sheep of the shepherd hear his voice and
follow him. God speaks to us in silence. We need to learn to be comfortable in the silence. God says
“Be still and know that I am God.” When we cultivate a voice of prayer, we learn that we are
worthy of love, for God created us. We all have a general call to holiness, as recognised by the
Second Vatican Council. But we also have a specific call. When we make a total and irrevocable
gift of ourselves, this leads to major fruits. This is a free and total gift of myself. There are demands
on us to carry this out. We might not have that many great role models of how to carry this out.
People have good desires, and then things go astray. Our specific vocation goes astray when our
general vocation goes astray. Sometimes there might be something that is obstructing a way of
receiving God's love. The reality of sin in the world means that we must receive God's gift of love
before we give it away. The Blessed Virgin Mary made a free, total and irrevocable gift of herself.
We can contemplate Christ at the school of Mary. Mary's yes effects entire generations to come. If
we say yes to our vocation, it will change the whole Church. We find clarity when we meet Christ in
the sacraments.

Pope John Paul said, “Confidently open your most intimate aspirations to the love of Christ who
waits for you in the Eucharist. You will receive the answer to all your worries and you will see with
joy that the consistency of your life which he asks of you is the door to fulfil the noblest dreams of
your youth.” We cannot find ourselves apart from the gift of self. The gift of oneself takes work.
Our vocation does not come naturally. We must actively work at it. We must root out selfishness
from within ourselves. It is a training in faithfulness. When we are then called to that vocation of
love, then we are ready for it.

To train for faithfulness is to allow Christ to perfect our hearts. It is to be able to listen to God's call.
When we live a sacramental life and have good mentors, this is what preparing a vocation is all
about. Sometimes we cannot hear a vocation from God is there is something over our ears. The
Sacrament of reconciliation lifts things out of the way. In silent time we learn to pray and listen. If
we have a journal this can help us to hear God's voice. We can write things that they feel God is
saying to us. If we have a wise spiritual mentor, he can point us in the right direction.

When we look at the desires in our hearts, if they are faithful, God can grant them. In Psalm 37:4 it
states, “Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart's desire.” This does not mean if I
scratch God's back he will scratch mine.

How can adults help teenagers discern and listen to their vocation? When we create a culture of
vocation, we give them space to discuss God's plan for their life. Every teenager has a vocation.
Vocation is a scary word for teenagers. Some think that it just means Priests or nuns. They need to

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know that vocation is a gift. God has given them a gift and it is important to recognise that dignity.

Once, Brian Butler took his pupils on a mystery trip. They needed trust on this trip, as they were not
given any information on where they were going. They were in a perpetual state of wonder and
awe. The teenagers trusted him that they were going to take them somewhere cool. This taught them
about their vocational journey. God reveals piece by piece. When we have confidence in Christ,
who is the centre of every vocation, I can go everywhere he calls me.

Every person is a unique and unrepeatable human person. God's call is unique. We are created to
know, love and serve God. A vocation might be marriage, or it could be to live a celibate life. The
sacramental life is key to knowing how to serve God, to be aided in the yes of every day. We need
to inspire young people on a daily basis to discern and live their vocation. The great gifts that we
have been given need to be used and offered to some greater purpose.

Silence is needed to help find a vocation. John Paul II said, “A discovery of the importance of
silence is one of the secrets of practicing contemplation and meditation. One drawback of a society
dominated by technology and the mass media is the fact that silence becomes increasingly difficult
to achieve.” Christ calls us to a mysterious life that he will reveal along the way. Listening, prayer
and silence will help us find the insights needed for our vocation.

One lie is that if you say yes to the vocation God is calling us to, then we cannot be happy.
Happiness does not come in spite of our vocation. The Lord of the Rings is a great example of how
we are to fight the good fight. In one scene, the main character is called to “Put aside the ranger
and become who you were born to be.” You can watch that here on youtube.

Ideas for helping to discern vocations:

1. Go to Eucharistic adoration
2. Create a poster to make a way that you can encourage others to live out their vocation.
3. Listen to their thoughts. Do they have any misconceptions or good insight?
4. Find out why John Paul II became a Priest.
5. Get teenagers to write a letter to Christ about their vocation.

Dating and Courtship

The first paragraph of the section on morality in the Catechism of the Catholic Church states,
"Christian, recognize your dignity and, now that you share in God's own nature, do not return to
your former base condition by sinning. Remember who is your head and of whose body you are a
member. Never forget that you have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the
light of the Kingdom of God." (St. Leo the Great, Sermo 22 in nat. Dom., 3:PL 54,192C).

We have all been called home. This is a high and difficult calling. It takes a lot of effort and prayer.
This is something that we can do by God's grace. Chastity is not the norm in our culture and society.
God loves us the way we are but not enough to let us stay that way. We do not have to conform to
the spirit of our age, as what is being normalized by the culture. The modern dating system is only
about 100 years old. The invention of the car changed what was courtship into dating. Courtship is
a way of learning about the other person. Courtship is rooted in the family of the person: you don't
just get to know the person on their own. A young man had to pursue a woman and it was clear
what his true intentions were. When courtship was the norm, it was easy to get to know somebody
well. The film pride and prejudice is a classic example of this method of courtship.

Dating is something that can be pure, beautiful and slow. When purpose in dating becomes cloudy,
problems can come along. Every decision we make has an effect on our life. The purpose of dating

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is to find a spouse. In dating we are trying to find a wife. It is not wise to date someone that you
could not see yourself possibly marrying. We need to be intentional with the person we are dating to
look through the lens of truth. Dating with purpose and purity is what relationships are all about.

Many young people want to know: 'how far is too far?' They want to know the specifics. They feel
it is an important question that they deserve to have answered. Many people get lost in specific
dynamics by talking about body parts when answering this question. What is most important is the
ethos of redemption. When we give Christ our heart, the question should not be how far can I go
away from Christ, but how far can I go towards Christ. If I don't marry my girlfriend, it would be
good to have no regrets, having helped her to be a better woman and having been a good influence
along the way. If you really love someone, you are not going to lead them onto a cliff in the hope
that they do not fall.

To have a relationship with others can mean that we are helping them find their call. This can even
be applied to friendship. We are continually looking for the good of others in this way. When young
people can find support and love in the pursuit of truth and purity they can go towards future
vocations healthy and intact.

Our sexuality is about who we are, not what we do. If we can redirect our sexual energy we can find
the life that God has planned for us. God has a specific time and place for sexual intercourse: within
marriage. The fire of sexuality is not the problem; it is the correct place of the fire that is most
important.

To build relationships on friendship first is the most important thing. In the book of the Song of
Songs it says, “You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride.” (4:9) Christian friendship is of
great importance as a building block in a relationship. Great marriages can come about when we
learn to love women as sisters. It takes a lot of discipline. Either we learn to control our passions or
our passions control us. If you don't learn how to be able to say, our yes is going to mean nothing.

Purity starts with prayer. A life of prayer can purify life on a daily basis. When we spend time with
Jesus we can have a heart that will continue to be pure. Time in the sun changes the colour of the
skin. Time with Jesus changes our hearts to be purer. Pope John Paul II said that chastity is a
difficult and long term matter, but a sure way to happiness. Chastity makes us free to love. We are
able to live out this calling.

It is important to remind teenagers that they are walking tabernacles. They are creations of God and
temples of the Holy Spirit. In this way they will be less likely to desecrate the temple. We can learn
the love to treat each other with by the love that God has for us. Our call is to love as God loves.

We can take a lot of good elements of courtship such as getting to know the other person in
friendship and getting to know her family. If a teenager can express chastity fully, later in life it will
be easy. Relationships need to be built on friendship rather than sex because this is proper hierarchy
or roadmap for a relationship. The gift of sex is not something to be repressed or indulged in a
dating relationship.

We need to live radical lives for Christ. We need to aggressively purse the vocation that God has for
us. Purity in a relationship helps to bring each other closer to Christ. Our purpose for life is to love
like Christ. When we stay in the life of prayer, we look forward in love to the good of the other.

Living for Greatness

God created us in his own image and likeness. He created our bodies and sexuality as things that are

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good. Our bodies reveal the mystery of God. The creature reveals something of the creator. Our
bodies make visible what is invisible. How do we explain our sexual desires? All our desires are a
desire for God. G.K. Chesterton once said that 'At the door of every brothel is a man looking for
God.' All our desires are for God. Our desires were at the beginning given to us by God. The call to
love is nurtured and fostered through our parents. We are called to a pure love to prepare for our
destiny that is with God in heaven. In the present age, where we are living now, we struggle with
sin. But, we have a heritage of redemption in Christ. Christ does not leave us to our own devices,
but calls us to bring us back to the purity of our origins. We have hope in Christ.

Our destiny is to be with God forever. We are to join in the marriage in heave. Christ is the
bridegroom, the Church is the bride. We are called to love as God loves. St Theresa of Lisieux said,
“My vocation is love.” We all have a specific vocation, and a general vocation. Our love is within
the framework of something that is free, total, faithful and fruitful. In the battlefields of our hearts,
we must decide whether lust is going to win, or love is going to be victorious. Lust is trying to
experience love without the author of love. If we include God with what he has given us, we are
never going to be taking from others, because we will be orientated towards the gift of self-
donation.

The family is the school of love. Many young people are sceptical about family life, especially if
they have had a negative experience of it personally. Freedom exists for the sake of love, according
to John Paul. As I lay my life down in every way, I speak the truth in this way, in the way I behave
and treat my friends. We can aid others in many small and beautiful ways. We need to lift up heroes
to aid others in a practical way to show that family life is possible. Many vocations come from role
models earlier in life. When we look at the lives of the saints, we realise that many vocations were
the fruit of another vocation. When we learn how to share God's love and testimony and we can
come to realise how God is sharing and working in all of our own lives. The Gospel does not
change but we can be part of the new evangelisation. There are new ways of evangelisation as we
have the power to bring the Gospel to the edges of the earth. Teenagers can join in this noble task.
When teenagers use their own creativity and genius they are truly free.

We do not need to be afraid of the future and for other desires. We must be confident in the life that
God has for us. To follow that life that Christ has for us, we need to have an integrated life. We need
to place Christ at the centre of not only our minds but also our hearts. When we live life
authentically we can evangelise with acts of service.

Christ comes to us where we are. It does not matter where we have been or what we have done in
the past. The purpose of the body is good and sexuality is a gift from God. God is the author of life
and love. Some men plant. Others water, but God gives the growth.

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