Seinfeld

The Title
Any Season

Written by
Preetom Bhattacherjea

Twitter: @PreetomB
#aSpecAday
www.reddit.com/r/aSpecAday

The Title
11/14/2014

Seinfeld
Spec Script

1.

ACT ONE
INT. MONKS DINER - DAY
ELAINE is sitting across from JERRY and GEORGE at their usual
booth.
JERRY
And that is why I think that in the
not too distant future, Superman is
going to be seeing a real resurgence.
GEORGE
Hes been resting on his laurels since
the 80s. If Superman can make some
kind of resurgence, at least all the
mentions of him and all the costumes,
at least theyd make some sense.
JERRY
You will see, my friend. You will see.
GEORGE
Yeah, well I hope so.
Elaine is staring at the two, impatiently.
ELAINE
As much as I enjoyed listening to your
spirited conversation on comic book
characters for the last half-hour,
something just came up and I have a
proposition.
JERRY
Im glad that you were able to
appreciate our passion regarding the
subject.
GEORGE
Whats this proposition?
ELAINE
Well, a friend of mine had made a
reservation for a new restaurant for
tomorrow night, Fuze, where her
husband is the head chef.
GEORGE
Fuze? What kind of name is that?

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ELAINE
Its a fusion restaurant. You know,
where they take the food from
different cultures and fuse them
together.
JERRY
Now you see, I dont like that. In my
opinion, if you start mixing together
different kinds of cuisine, everything
just ends up a big jumbled mess.
GEORGE
Like if you like Italian food, and
somebody decides to start putting
Japanese ingredients in there, what do
you have? Its not Italian and its
not Japanese.
ELAINE
Its both. Thats the whole point.
Youre fusing two ethnic foods
together.
Jerry and George seem unimpressed.
ELAINE (CONT'D)
Anyway, it turns out that my friend
Bonnie cant make it, but she still
wants me to keep the reservation and
told me to bring whoever I want.
JERRY
So thats your proposition? To take us
to a restaurant because your friend
couldnt make it?
ELAINE
Yes, is there a problem with that?
Like I said, Bonnies husband is the
head chef. Its all going to be on the
house.
GEORGE
On the house? I might want to try this
new fusion thing. Sounds interesting.
JERRY
I think you just uttered Georges
favorite three words.

2.

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3.

Elaine puts some money down and starts to get up from the
booth.
ELAINE
So you guys will come?
JERRY
Yeah, yeah. Well be there.
ELAINE
(backing up)
Alright, its Fuze with a Z. I have
some errands to take care of so Ill
meet you over there.
JERRY
Fuze with a Z. Got it.
ELAINE
Tomorrow night, 8 oclock.
JERRY
(waving Elaine off)
Tomorrow night, 8 oclock. Well be
there.
Elaine exits the diner.
GEORGE
Fuze with a Z. Can you believe that?
The gall of these restaurants. Why
cant they just call it Clydes Sit
and Eat.
JERRY
That does sound like a very classy
dining establishment.
GEORGE
Everything always has to be such a big
deal. If it were up to me, youd just
go to a restaurant, order your food,
eat, and done.
JERRY
That sounds very much like every
restaurant Ive ever been to. What
else is going on at these restaurants
youve been frequenting, exactly?
GEORGE
I mean, without all the fuss.

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4.

Jerry takes a sip of his coffee.

JERRY
No, I dont know at all what you mean.
And if you could sit on the other side
of the booth that would be great. Im
beginning to feel uncomfortable.
George, slightly annoyed, gets up and starts making his way
over to the other side of the booth.
INT. JERRYS APARTMENT - DAY - D2
Jerry is at the counter cutting up an apple, when KRAMER
enters, sliding into the apartment in his robe.
JERRY
Kramer, what a pleasant surprise. I
see you still havent found the
concept of knocking to be to your
liking.
KRAMER
(looking around the room)
Too informal.
JERRY
Looking for something?
Kramer looks at Jerry.
KRAMER
No, nothing in particular. Im just
looking for something to do, Im going
out of my mind with boredom.
JERRY
Perhaps employment of some kind would
take your mind off things.
KRAMER
Come on, Jerry. Im an entrepreneur,
an inventor, a businessman - all
wrapped into one. What am I supposed
to do out there in the working world?
JERRY
I have no clue.
Kramer spots a book on Jerrys coffee table.

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Seinfeld
Spec Script

5.

KRAMER
Do you mind if I borrow this? Maybe
doing some reading will spark
something in my brain.
JERRY
Knock yourself out.
KRAMER
What are you up to tonight? Any shows?
Got a date?
JERRY
Actually, Elaines friend got
reservations to a hot new restaurant,
so shes taking me and George there
tonight. Her friend knows the chef
there.
KRAMER
You dont suppose shed mind if tagged
along?
JERRY
(reluctantly)
I could give her a call and find out.
Jerry calls Elaine.
CUT TO:
INT. ELAINES APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Elaine is getting ready, putting on her jacket when the phone
rings. She picks it up.
ELAINE
Hello?
JERRY (O.S.)
Hey Elaine, its Jerry.
ELAINE
I was just about to head out the door,
I have to buy a gift.
JERRY (O.S.)
A gift? Who for?

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6.

ELAINE
Its my friend Francines birthday
tomorrow and her father always takes
her to brunch. They dont get along so
she always manages to drag me along as
a buffer. Anyway, what were you
calling about?
CUT TO:
INT. JERRYS APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
JERRY
Well, Im with Kramer, and I told him
about how you managed to get a
reservation at Fuze for tonight.
ELAINE (O.S.)
No way.
The click from the phone can be heard as Elaine hangs up on
the other end.
JERRY
Sorry Kramer, she said she already
tried but theyre all booked up.
KRAMER
Well thats too bad, those fusion
restaurants are delightful. And Fuze
is supposed to be top-notch.
JERRY
Yeah, I wish I had your enthusiasm for
fused foods.
KRAMER
If you dont want to go, I canJERRY
Eh, no.
EXT. FUZE - OUTSIDE - NIGHT - D2
Jerry and George are standing around waiting for Elaine to
show up.
GEORGE
Its already 8:05, where is Elaine?

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7.

JERRY
Calm down, George. Its only been 5
minutes. Im sure shell be here any
second.
GEORGE
Im starving. And who knows if a
restaurant like this is going to have
bread at the table. And if they do,
itll probably have something weird
like soy sauce to dip it in instead of
olive oil.
Elaine jogs up to meet them.
ELAINE
Sorry Im a little late.
JERRY
No problem. George almost passed out
in worry over your well-being,
however.
GEORGE
You know how I get when Im hungry.
ELAINE
Thanks for the concern, Im fine.
Lets head inside.
INT. FUZE RESTAURANT - NIGHT - D2
The three head into the restaurant and are met by the Maitre
D, JEAN-PIERRE. He has a heavy French accent, and is very
charming.
ELAINE
Hello, we have a reservation for 3, my
name is Elaine Benis.
JEAN-PIERRE
Ms. Benis, yes of course, we have been
expecting you. Right this way.
Jean-Pierre leads them to their table, the three take a seat.
JEAN-PIERRE (CONT'D)
My name is Jean-Pierre, it is a
pleasure to meet you all. I understand
that you are guests of Chef Andy.

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8.

ELAINE
Yes, thats correct. His wife Bonnie
is a close friend of mine.
JEAN-PIERRE
That is wonderful, Bonnie is a
marvelous woman.
ELAINE
Shes great, yeah. Marvelous might be
going a little overboard, though.
Jean-Pierre laughs at what he perceives to be a joke.
JEAN-PIERRE
Well, I assure you, any guests of the
Chef will be treated with the utmost
care.
(looking directly into
Elaines eyes)
Especially if the guest is a beautiful
woman.
GEORGE
(jokingly)
Thanks, Jean-Pierre, that really means
a lot.
Jean-Pierre then looks over at George and Jerry.
JEAN-PIERRE
Anything you need, please let me know.
Your server will be with you shortly.
Please enjoy your meal.
Jean-Pierre looks at Elaine and smiles as he walks away.
JERRY
(calling after Jean-Pierre)
Thank you, Jean-Pierre.
Elaine begins fanning her face with her hand.
ELAINE
Did you see that?
JERRY
I did.
GEORGE
I think everyone in the restaurant saw
that.
(MORE)

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GEORGE (CONT'D)
A rat in the basement just ran into a
wall, overwhelmed with the sexual
tension.

Seinfeld
Spec Script

9.

ELAINE
Not too bad lookin either.
INT. KRAMERS APARTMENT - NIGHT - D2
Kramer is on his couch, glasses on, reading the book he
borrowed from Jerry earlier. It is called The Art of
Arguing. The phone rings and Kramer picks it up.
KRAMER
Hello? (beat) Oh was it now? A wrong
number?
Kramer closes the book and puts it aside. He slides over to
the end of the couch so he can be closer to the phones base.
INT. FUZE RESTAURANT - NIGHT - D2
Jerry, Elaine, and George are enjoying their meals. They are
about halfway through their main course.
GEORGE
This is absolutely amazing. I was
expecting something like a squid
thrown on top of a hamburger.
JERRY
Now, why would you expect something
like that?
GEORGE
You know how these fusion places can
be.
ELAINE
Mines excellent as well, I cant
remember the last time I had something
this good.
JERRY
Same here, Im astounded.
CHEF ANDY approaches the table. Elaine quickly chews and
swallows so that she can converse.
CHEF ANDY
You must be Elaine, its a pleasure to
finally meet you.

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10.

Chef Andy and Elaine shake hands.

ELAINE
The pleasure all over here on this
side. We havent had a meal like this,
maybe ever. Thank you, Chef, and
please thank Bonnie for me as well.
GEORGE
Yes, chef. Absolutely magnificent. I
was a little reluctant at first, I
gotta tell you, but your food really
turned me around to this fusion thing.
CHEF ANDY
A lot of people are a bit intimidated
by our menu at first, but people seem
to enjoy it.
JERRY
You have a great thing going here,
buddy. A+.
Chef Andy is a bit taken aback.
CHEF ANDY
Buddy?
JERRY
Im going to tell everyone I know to
come here.
Chef Andy forces a smile.
CHEF ANDY
Im glad you enjoyed.
Chef Andy walks back over to the kitchen. Elaine slaps
Jerrys arm.
ELAINE
Jerry, what are you doing?
GEORGE
Ive seen a lot of discourteous things
in my life, most of them done by me,
but this is one of the worst.
JERRY
Discourteous? What did I do?

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11.

ELAINE
You called him Buddy. The head chef
at a hot new restaurant, and you
called him Buddy. Youre supposed to
address them as Chef, everybody knows
that.
GEORGE
Even I know that, and I dont know
very much.
JERRY
We can all attest to that.
ELAINE
I think you should go apologize.
JERRY
Apologize? Are you serious?
ELAINE
Yes, Im serious. People can get
really offended by that.
JERRY
I told him his food was
I would tell everyone I
eat here. Im not going
his narcissism by going
apologizing.

A+, I told him

know to come
to feed into
and

ELAINE
Fine, if you say so. But I better not
get a call from Bonnie about this.
The three continue eating for a few moments until Jean-Pierre
approaches the table.
JEAN-PIERRE
(trying to keep a hushed
tone)
Excuse me, Im very sorry. Chef Andy
has asked that I escort your party
from the restaurant.
ELAINE
Escort us from the restaurant? Why?
JEAN-PIERRE
Chef Andy is a very proud man. He has
worked very hard to get to the
position that he is in today.
(MORE)

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JEAN-PIERRE (CONT'D)
Chef feels a bit disrespected by the
manner in which he was addressed by
your party.

Seinfeld
Spec Script

12.

JERRY
Is this because I didnt call him
Chef?
JEAN-PIERRE
The title of Chef is like a badge of
honor in this industry.
ELAINE
Do we all have to go? Even me?
Elaine smiles at Jean-Pierre.
JEAN-PIERRE
Yes, Im afraid so. The check is taken
care of.
JERRY
Lets get out of here.
Jerry gets up and puts on his coat. George follows suit.
Elaine sits there trying to eat the rest of her food as
quickly as possible.
JERRY (CONT'D)
(faux-disgusted)
Elaine.
ELAINE
Alright, alright. Im coming.
Elaine finishes another bite and gets up and puts her coat
on.
INT. JERRYS APARTMENT - NIGHT - D2
Jerry enters the apartment, followed by Elaine and George.
ELAINE
You couldnt have just gone and
apologized when I asked you to.
JERRY
I had absolutely no reason to
apologize.

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ELAINE
You made the head chef of a restaurant
feel disrespected, of course you
should apologize.
JERRY
What is it with chefs all of a sudden?
When did a chef reach the same level
of authority and admiration as someone
from the military or a police officer?
What other profession do you see that
happening in?
GEORGE
(contemplating)
I never thought of it like that. You
have a point.
ELAINE
Its very prestigious to be the chef
of a fine dining restaurant.
JERRY
Im a comedian, some would consider
that prestigious.
GEORGE
Thats true.
JERRY
Nobody comes up to me and says, Nice
set, comedian or Great show, laugh
administrator.
ELAINE
Thats different.
JERRY
How is that different?
GEORGE
Its not that different. Ive never
had anybody bowing at my knees for a
job that I was already paid to do.
Maybe I deserve a bit more respect,
myself.
JERRY
(to George, slightly
belittling)
I think youre receiving the
appropriate amount of respect.

13.

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14.

ELAINE
Im not going to talk about this
anymore, I have to head home.
Kramer enters, still in his bathrobe.
JERRY
Youre leaving already, what for?
ELAINE
I told you, I have that brunch thing
tomorrow.
JERRY
Ah, right, you have to go buffer a
nice father-daughter moment.
KRAMER
Elaine, I wish I could have joined you
all for dinner. Sorry to hear it was
completely booked?
ELAINE
What? Dont worry, it wasnt all it
was cut out to be.
Elaine looks at Jerry. Jerry shrugs.
KRAMER
Whats this I hear about a brunch?
ELAINE
Im going to brunch with a friend of
mine and her father for her birthday.
KRAMER
Alright, what about that? How about I
come along with you?
Elaine stares at Kramer, trying to figure out how to react to
Kramers proposal.
ELAINE
(unsure)
No?
KRAMER
What? Why not? Im a pleasure to be
around.

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ELAINE
I didnt know how to answer and that
kind of just came out.
JERRY
You know, Kramer could be your buffer.
ELAINE
My buffer, thats brilliant! Instead
of trying to avoid talking to each
other by talking to me, they can both
talk to Kramer, the self-proclaimed
pleasure to be around.
JERRY
There you go.
KRAMER
So were on for tomorrow then?
ELAINE
Yes, Kramer. Yes we are.
Elaine leaves the apartment.
JERRY
So Kramer, what have you been up to
tonight?
KRAMER
Ive been reading that book you let me
borrow, The Art of Arguing. Theres a
lot of great stuff in there. I spent 2
hours on the phone arguing with
someone claiming that they called the
wrong number.
JERRY
That seems like a great use of your
time.
KRAMER
Oh, you bet it was.
GEORGE
So whatd you find out? What was the
guy actually calling about?

15.

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KRAMER
Well, it actually was a wrong number.
But the point is, I was able to keep
him on the phone and argue with him
about it for 2 whole hours.
JERRY
You must be very proud of yourself.

END OF ACT ONE

16.

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17.

ACT TWO
INT. JERRYS APARTMENT - MORNING - D3
Jerry, Elaine, and George are standing in the apartment.
Jerry is getting a drink out of the refrigerator. Kramer
enters.
ELAINE
There you are, are you ready to go?
KRAMER
Yup, lets get to it.
ELAINE
Ill talk to you guys later.
JERRY
I would love to know how this goes.
ELAINE
Dont worry, Ill tell you all about
it.
Elaine and Kramer exit Jerrys apartment.
GEORGE
What about you, feel like going out
and getting lunch or something?
JERRY
You know what? I think Im going to go
down to that restaurant and apologize.
If this guy wants to be called Chef by
everyone, who am I to say he cant.
GEORGE
Alright, Ill go with you, and we can
grab lunch after that.
JERRY
Alright, sure. Lets go.
INT. FUZE RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON - D3
Jerry and George enter the restaurant. It is empty, the staff
is getting ready for the nights dinner. Jean-Pierre meets
them at the entrance.
JEAN-PIERRE
Gentlemen, what can I do for you?

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18.

JERRY
Hello, Jean-Pierre. We actually just
came by because I wanted to apologize
to Chef Andy about last night.
JEAN-PIERRE
Im sorry, I do not think that would
be appropriate, given the
circumstances.
JERRY
What circumstances?
JEAN-PIERRE
Well with Chef being upset with your
demeanor last night, I just dont
think it would be appropriate.
JERRY
I think this is the only appropriate
time. When else would you apologize to
someone other than when theyre upset.
This is the perfect time for an
apology.
Chef Andy comes out from the back, sees Jerry and George and
approaches.
JERRY (CONT'D)
Chef, we just came by to apologize, I
didnt mean any disrespect by not
addressing you in the proper manner.
CHEF ANDY
I appreciate that very much. Lets put
that all behind us.
JERRY
So are we good now?
CHEF ANDY
Yes, as people we are good. Your
friend Elaine is good friends with my
wife. I may see you around, so yes
were good. But in a culinary sense,
Im afraid were not so good.
JERRY
Why not? I apologized, you accepted.

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19.

CHEF ANDY
There are rules in the culinary world.
Ones that you apparently dont
understand as well as your friends do.
GEORGE
I told him straight away that what he
did was wrong.
JERRY
(to George)
Would you shut up?
CHEF ANDY
If I were to let this slide and let
you come back to the restaurant, it
would set a bad precedent.
JERRY
A bad precedent.
George notices a police officer outside writing a ticket.
GEORGE
(looking out the window)
Looks like some poor guys getting a
ticket out there.
Chef Andy looks out and starts running.
CHEF ANDY
Oh no, thats my car!
Chef Andy exits. Jean-Pierre comes over to Jerry and George.
JEAN-PIERRE
I apologize for asking, but that
lovely woman that you were with last
night, she is taken?
GEORGE
Elaine? No, shes not.
JEAN-PIERRE
Do you think perhaps I could have her
number, so I may give her a call?
JERRY
(smugly)
I dont think that would be
appropriate.

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20.

EXT. FUZE - OUTSIDE - AFTERNOON - D3

Chef Andy is arguing with the POLICE OFFICER. Jerry and
George see the argument going on and Jerry decides to
approach.
CHEF ANDY
You are disgusting, you are slime.
They should take your badge and throw
it in the garbage bin.
POLICE OFFICER
Listen, buddy, Im just doing my job.
I could have this thing towed.
Chef Andy spits on the ground in front of the police officer.
CHEF ANDY
This is what I think of you and your
job.
POLICE OFFICER
Or maybe we could take a ride
downtown, finish our conversation
there.
Jerry steps up and joins the conversation. While Jerry is
talking, he is emphasizing certain words to annoy Chef Andy.
(Words are in italics.)
JERRY
Officer, Im very sorry about my
friend here.
POLICE OFFICER
Hey, youre that comedian, arent you?
Jerry Seinfeld.
JERRY
Yes, I am.
POLICE OFFICER
My wife and Ive seen your act a few
times, its great.
JERRY
Thank you very much, sir. I appreciate
our compliment.
POLICE OFFICER
(motioning towards Chef Andy)
So, youre friends with this guy?

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21.

JERRY
(sighing)
Unfortunately. Were very close. Hes
a chef at the restaurant right there.
You know how chefs can be.
(looking directly at Chef
Andy)
Theyre pretentious, they think the
whole world owes them something, and
peons like us should be groveling at
their feet.
Chef Andy is snarling at Jerry in anger.
POLICE OFFICER
Ugh, my brother-in-law is a chef.
Absolutely insufferable.
JERRY
Youre telling me, I have to deal with
this clown all the time.
POLICE OFFICER
Yknow, I feel for you.
JERRY
I know its a lot to ask, sir, but do
you think you could just let this one
go? Im going to be hearing about it
for the next week otherwise.
POLICE OFFICER
Yeah, I hear you.
(to Chef Andy)
Im going to let you off with a
warning this time. Get this thing
moved, and fix that attitude of yours.
The police officer puts his pad away and goes back to his
cruiser. Chef Andy heads to his car to go move it.
JERRY
(calling out to Chef Andy)
Youre welcome.
CHEF ANDY
(mumbling)
Much appreciated.

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22.

EXT. AMYS BISTRO - DAY - D3

Elaine, Kramer, and FRANCINE are sitting at a table looking
at menus. DR. LEAVITT joins the group.
ELAINE
Hello, Dr. Leavitt, its a pleasure to
see you again.
DR. LEAVITT
Why, hello Elaine. Its a pleasure to
see you as well. I apologize for being
a tad late, I was finishing up
Mondays lecture and I must have lost
track of time.
KRAMER
Oh, a lecture. Youre a teacher I
presume.
FRANCINE
My father is a Physics professor at
Columbia University.
DR. LEAVITT
I dont believe weve met before.
Kramer quickly stands up and extends his hand.
KRAMER
Kramer, Im a friend of Elaines.
Kramer and Dr. Leavitt shake hands.
DR. LEAVITT
Im Francines father, as you just
heard.
Kramer and Dr. Leavitt sit down at the table.
KRAMER
Let me say, it is an honor to be
sharing a meal with a professor from a
school like Columbia, Mr. Leavitt.
DR. LEAVITT
Doctor.
CUT TO:

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23.

EXT. AMYS BISTRO - MINUTES LATER - D3

Kramer and Dr. Leavitt are clearly having a heated argument.
Francine is covering her face in embarrassment and Elaine is
eating her meal.
KRAMER
I dont see what any of that has to do
with me, right now, at this table.
DR. LEAVITT
I have worked long and hard to reach
this position both in my career and in
my life. I am a professor at an
esteemed Ivy League university. I have
earned my title, and I expect those
that I associate with to address me in
the proper manner.
KRAMER
Well, were not in your Ivy League
university right now, are we?
DR. LEAVITT
Im not going to sit around and take
this. Francine, we are leaving.
Dr. Leavitt and Francine get up and begin to leave.
FRANCINE
(whispering to Elaine)
Im so sorry, well get together again
soon.
KRAMER
And trust me buddy, youre not someone
Id want to associate with anyway.
Dr. Leavitt and Francine exit.
KRAMER (CONT'D)
(smiling)
Well, that went well, I think.
ELAINE
Couldnt have been better, for me.
INT. MONKS DINER - AFTERNOON - D3
Jerry, George, Kramer, and Elaine are sitting at their booth.

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JERRY
So Kramer got into an argument with
your friends father within the first
two minutes of meeting him?
ELAINE
Yup. He was the perfect buffer for
both me and Francine. I didnt even
have to talk.
JERRY
Very impressive.
KRAMER
Its that book, Jerry. Im telling
you, its changing my life.
GEORGE
But it sounds like you just anger
everyone you speak to until they lose
it.
KRAMER
Exactly. An emotional person isnt
thinking straight. I have the upper
hand in every argument. They play
right into the palm of my hand.
ELAINE
(to Jerry)
Whatd you do?
JERRY
Actually, George and I took a trip
over to Fuze.
ELAINE
Jerry, why would you go back there?
Wasnt getting kicked out the first
time embarrassing enough?
JERRY
Well, I went there to apologize, and
ended up getting your friends husband
out of a ticket.
ELAINE
A ticket?

24.

The Title
11/14/2014

Seinfeld
Spec Script

JERRY
He was arguing with a police officer.
I stepped in and got everything under
control.
ELAINE
Well, thats good. At least one
interaction in the past few days
didnt end in arguing or getting
kicked out of somewhere.
JERRY
And you know what? Were going there
again today.
ELAINE
He invited you guys back for dinner?
GEORGE
Nope.
ELAINE
You guys got a reservation?
JERRY
No, we did not.
GEORGE
Were just going to go back there and
ask to be seated. We figure, he owes
us pretty big after what Jerry did for
him.
JERRY
All credit goes to George for the
idea.
George slightly bows his head.
JERRY (CONT'D)
Would you like to join us?
ELAINE
I think Ill pass.
GEORGE
What, why? Its going to be perfect.
ELAINE
I have very few friends that I
actually enjoy being around, and
Bonnie happens to be one of them.
(MORE)

25.

The Title
11/14/2014
ELAINE (CONT'D)
Harassing her husband at his place of
work doesnt seem like it would lead
our friendship in a positive
direction.

Seinfeld
Spec Script

JERRY
Alright, if you say so.
GEORGE
Kramer?
KRAMER
Oh, you know Im in.

END OF ACT TWO

26.

The Title
11/14/2014

Seinfeld
Spec Script

27.

ACT THREE
INT. FUZE RESTAURANT - NIGHT - D3
Jerry, George and Kramer enter, once again being greeted by
Jean-Pierre.
JEAN-PIERRE
Gentlemen. You have come. Once again.
JERRY
Yes, Jean-Pierre, we have. Table for 3
please.
Chef Andy can be seen in the back near the kitchen watching.
Jean-Pierre looks over and shrugs. Chef Andy reluctantly
gestures to let them enter.
JEAN-PIERRE
(annoyed)
Right this way.
GEORGE
Thank you.
They follow Jean-Pierre to their table.
JERRY
The atmosphere here is so pleasant,
dont you think?
GEORGE
Absolutely phenomenal.
JEAN-PIERRE
Your server will be with you shortly.
CUT TO:
INT. FUZE RESTAURANT - MINUTES LATER - D3
A waiter comes by and pours more wine into their glasses.
KRAMER
Fusion, huh. Doesnt seem all that
special to me. Its just put a bunch
of different ingredients together.
JERRY
You would think so, wouldnt you.

The Title
11/14/2014

Seinfeld
Spec Script

28.

GEORGE
The food I had here was some of the
best I ever had. Hands down.
KRAMER
You think you can just fuse any kind
of food you want? Is there going to be
a restaurant where they give you a
pizza topped with a curry chicken.
GEORGE
I dont know, theres gotta be some
rules to the whole fusion thing. Maybe
they have to pass it by someone first.
JERRY
You think theres kind of fusion guru
that sits around all day approving
different combinations of food?
GEORGE
Just throwing it out there.
JERRY
There must be some kind of system.
Otherwise itd be chaos.
KRAMER
(thinking of the
implications)
Chaos!
The WAITER comes by with their dishes and places them down in
front of them.
WAITER
Enjoy.
The three begin eating their meals, and Jerry drops his fork
on the plate.
GEORGE
Whats the matter?
JERRY
This isnt enough fusion for me. Its
basically a salad with some chicken
thrown in. Im going to ask for
something else.
Jerry flags down the waiter.

Seinfeld
Spec Script

The Title
11/14/2014

29.

JERRY (CONT'D)
Excuse me, Im sorry to bother you. I
was wondering if maybe I could choose
something else from the menu.
WAITER
Is there something wrong with your
dish, sir?
JERRY
Not wrong, per se.
WAITER
Well, we can certainly have it changed
for you. What shall I say the issue
is?
JERRY
(struggling to find the right
words)
Its just not... fusion-y enough.
The waiter looks at Jerry strangely.
WAITER
Alright, then.
The waiter can be seen going over to Jean-Pierre.
GEORGE
(referring Jean-Pierre)
Oh, God. Do they really need to get
that guy involved?
The waiter points to the table where they are sitting. JeanPierre nods and walks back to the kitchen.
JERRY
Im sure its fine, restaurants allow
people to change their meals all the
time.
KRAMER
It helps with the customer experience.
GEORGE
I like that. It makes you feel, I
dont know, special.
Jean-Pierre walks over to the table.

The Title
11/14/2014

Seinfeld
Spec Script

30.

JEAN-PIERRE
Chef Andy has once again asked that I
escort your party from the restaurant.
JERRY
What? Again?
GEORGE
We didnt even do anything wrong this
time.
Jerry, George, and Kramer look back near the kitchen where
Chef Andy is standing with his arms folded.
JEAN-PIERRE
Gentlemen, if youd please.
Kramer looks at Chef Andy and smiles. He is getting prepared
for a good argument.
KRAMER
(getting up)
Dont worry, Ill take care of this.
JERRY
Wait, Kramer, no.
GEORGE
Lets just get out of here.
KRAMER
Trust me. I got this.
CUT TO:
EXT. FUZE - OUTSIDE - NIGHT - D3
Kramer and Chef Andy are being put into the back of separate
police cars. Jerry and George are watching.
GEORGE
I have to give it to Kramer, he does
know how to argue.
The police officer from earlier is standing by the curb. He
notices Jerry.
POLICE OFFICER
(re: Kramer)
Another friend of yours?

Seinfeld
Spec Script

The Title
11/14/2014

31.

JERRY/GEORGE
Never met him.
Jerry and George start walking away. Kramer can be heard
yelling from the police car.

END OF SHOW