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your home
a
soul oasis!
www
house-coach
.com
An inspirational self-help book using Interior Design and Life Coaching tools
Limited edition for BoConcept
By Kirsten Steno
Title: www.House-Coach.com
by Kirsten Steno
Graphic editing: Claus Bradsted, www.Image-Factory.dk
Editor: Diana Soloman, www.MyVADiana.com
Printed by: Zeuner Grafisk, Odder
Cover illustration: Lydia Wienberg, www.WienbergDesign.eu
Photo :
Jean-Francois JAUSSAUD/ LUXPRODUCTIONS.COM
Jens Erik Bk, www.HighwayStudio.dk
Claus Bradsted, www.Image-Factory.dk
Jonas Ahlstrm, www.JonasFotografi.dk
Diana Lovring, www.DianaLovring.com
BoConcept, www.BoConcept.com
Text and design: Kirsten Steno 2013
1st limited edition for BoConcept July 2013
"How to Find Out Who You Really Are" by Anne Lamott. Copyright 2009, Anne Lamott, originally published in
'O' Magazine, used by permission of The Wylie Agency (UK) Limited.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment
for physical, emotional or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent
of the author is only to offer helpful information of a general nature. It is your right to use any of the information in
this book for yourself; the author and BoConcept assume no responsibility for your actions.
CONTENT
What is a House-Coach?
Why BoConcept, House-Coaching and Me?
Get to know Kirsten Steno
The Power Of Home
When Do You Need a House-Coach in Your Life?
Young-Love Nest: Boy Meets Girl
Boy, Girl, Plus Baby
My own Story
The Challenges of the Single Parent
Our Story
How to be a Happy Patchwork Family
The Guardians of Things
Young at heart
Pathfinder Vision Board
Thank You
RESOURCE: Tool Box
4
6
10
12
17
29
41
53
63
73
87
97
111
123
128
130
What is
a House-Coach?
Home and Life Coach equals House-Coach. The
pronunciation is deliberately close to house-coat, a
comfortable and very private object of clothing. You allow very few people to see you in a house-coat! But it
represents your bodys comfort zone.
I am a House-Coach, a certified Martha Beck
Life Coach and interior designer for 25 years. The more
I work with people in their homes the more I realize
House-Coaching has developed in answer to a powerful
voice of restlessness from deep within us. That voice calls
out for Home, it yearns for Home, and for belonging, for
safety and peace. House-Coaching is the cure for feeling
Homesick-at-Home and is the end to longing for life
in your life.
I, myself, used to be so discontented, always wanting to live somewhere else with another version of my
lover or another version of my own body. I wanted another job, more money, and better health. In fact, I was
homesick in my life. In my mind all I could see was
lack. Unfortunately, I didnt realize then that I already
had so much for which to be grateful!
I have changed the major course of my life as many
times as I have moved. And thats a lot! Small changes in
my personal life (weight loss, job loss, etc.) have immediately and unconsciously been expressed in my home
with new decorations, new colors or by rearranging the
furniture. The more I expressed those changes, the better
I felt about my home. And the better I felt about myself.
That is because Home equals Me. And Home equals You!
(Read why in The Power of Home chapter). I now experience the bliss of living in freedom and gratitude and
would love to help you move away from unhappiness
and into gratitude, too.
How do you do this? By understanding and loving who you really are and realizing what home really is:
a metaphor for You and how you feel inside. Once you
truly accept and love who you are in the present, you can
learn to fully appreciate where you live right now and
find joy in life and in nesting.
Please bear in mind that coaching is not therapy
or counseling, although it is relationship-based and confidential. So, how is it different? Basically, life coaches
(and I as a House-Coach) work with the conscious mind,
while therapists work with the unconscious mind. Therapists and psychologists work with deeper psychological
issues, and need to delve deeply into the past. Coaches
help healthy people be the best they can be, while therapists often work with a state of poor mental health, even
pathology. (Although its true that many people invest
in therapy simply to learn about themselves and push
themselves to growth.) I am not a therapist, and I often
refer a client to a professional when I recognize issues
that need deeper work than coaching provides. But for
most people, House-Coaching is very powerful and even
life-changing!
I encourage you to make the place you live the
place you love. I hope youll find inspiration from the
following stories of people I have coached from all over
the world, many of whom are sharing the same life and
home challenges you have, right now. I sincerely hope the
coaching tools and interior design ideas I have learned
and invented will help you see yourself and your home
with new compassionate eyes. Start loving who you are,
and where you live for real forever!
Why
BoConcept,
House-Coaching
and Me?
I met the CEO of BoConcept, Torben Paulin, by
pure coincidence. I was rushing to a scheduled press
meeting with BoConcept and the Danish press in Herning, the location of the head office. I was a bit late... So
on two wheels I spun into the parking lot, just as Torben
was climbing out of his car. I had delivered Trend Talks
in Denmark for some months, but didnt know anything about BoConcept International or what their CEO
looked like. So I just pulled up next to the first approachable human being I saw to ask where the press meeting
was taking place!
He shook his head. No, there isnt any meeting
today, he told me, with a confident air, sounding sure
of this fact.
I insisted and even showed him my I-phone. See,
look, its the right date.
He reached for my cell phone, enlarged the invitation and said, Yeah, it is today, but its in Copenhagen...
Well. How silly did I feel? I was stunned and all
I could do was recite a popular TV commercial for a
well-known company. It mocks people who need glasses
but refuse to buy them, then make funny mistakes. And
regret it!
Should have gone to X! I mimicked the commercial, and we both had a good laugh. Then I went
on, a bit ruefully, Well, no worries. At least I wasnt
the speaker wouldnt THAT have been terrible? We
laughed again.
Waving him good-bye and thanking him for his
help, I drove off, heading home to prepare for a Trend
Talk I was giving that evening near my hometown. Once
at the venue, who should arrive but Torben and his wife?
As it turned out, they lived 15 minutes from my home.
The second and very important reason I am publishing this limited edition for BoConcept is to support
and recommend the wonderful people I have met everywhere in BoConcepts stores no matter the country.
They shine in a special, dedicated way. They want to sell
you their products, of course; its their art and their way
to make a living. But above all they truly want to help
you come home. They want you to maximize what
you buy by incorporating new furniture and accessories with those you already own and love at home. The
BoConcept interior decorators (or Consultants might
be more precise) are being taught how to employ these
House-Coaching tools, some of which youll find in this
book.
I am very fortunate to be working with such
lovely people, with such brilliant management and with
such lovely furniture!
Welcome home!
Love
Kirsten Steno
Get to know
Kirsten Steno
In Denmark, her country of origin, where Danish Design has been part of her life for more than 30
years, Kirsten is known for her empathetic approach to
interior design. She always focuses on the hearts desires
of her client, aiming to uncover the feelings behind the
thoughts that keep them from living a fulfilling life in a
happy home.
After going through her fair share of catalytic life
events, she published her first self-help book on interior
design, Home with a Heart in 2008. It became very popular, in part due to the shock of the worldwide Regression. Many people were hit hard and still feel lost with
regard to home and family. Kirstens great gift to her clients is her wealth of shortcuts and tools to lead them
home to a life filled with Love Peace and Harmony. Her
clients may have little money or a great deal either way,
Kirstens ideas are always very creative!
Over the last 20 years, she helped decorate more
than 1,800 homes, offices, hotels, companies and cottages all over Europe in her heartfelt manner! She has
owned her own interior design furniture shop and her
Heart to Heart sales techniques help many corpora-
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tions, including BoConcept and their interior decorators and sales personnel, to offer a more authentic approach to satisfying their customers.
After her bout with cancer, and reading many brilliant self-help books, she decided to become a life coach,
herself. She is a now a certified Martha Beck Life Coach
who combines her teachings with interior design. As the
only global House-Coach, she decided to write a book
of the same name. By using modern technology, she
now helps clients all over the world; via phone, laptop or
I-pad she pays her clients a visit and helps them create
better homes and lives for themselves, whether alone,
with partners and/or children.
Kirsten will be delivering Trend Talks with
BoConcept all over the world and spreading the good
news of House-Coaching. People everywhere need
to know they can come Home to where they live, and
Home to themselves!
Next on her agenda is the publication of a spiritual
self-help book that will benefit churches worldwide. For
more information, read about Pay It Forward Home
Ministries on her website: www.house-coach.com.
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Anne Lamott
Kirsten Steno
To love home as it is
is a miracle, and to seek home
is to have found home, for now
and now is all we have,
and love is what home is.
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Lorena Siminovich
The Power
Of Home
Its all about love! I understood this a long time ago in my heart but couldnt name it, until I read this poem and
replaced the concept of You with Home:
Therefore, if you make a choice to accept that
wherever you live right now is Home and to accept that
whoever you are in this moment is You and love both,
you find the pearls of Love, Peace and Harmony (something of a mantra in this book!). You have indeed found
a true miracle.
Do you want to change your life situation? Begin by
changing your home!
Do you want to change your home situation? Begin by
changing your attitudes!
After decorating countless homes over the last
20 years, I now know this solution inevitably works
both ways. This explains why we humans have for centuries changed our interior decor, bought cushions and
paintings, and moved furniture around! People often
rearrange furniture, plants and paintings when theyre
restless and feel the need for change. The truth is, they
really long to move forward, or grow inwardly. I regularly
experience those yearnings. How about you?
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14
Home is You.
The Power of
Home is your own
power. Homesick actually
means You-Sick!
When you play with the interiors of your home,
you play hide-and-seek with your own personality. You
test what makes you happy. You display what is meaningful to you and you give yourself this gift: Love equals
Safe Self-Expression. Children only play when they feel
safe; some need very little from the outside world to feel
safe and others need a great deal. This behavior continues through adolescence and into adulthood. Even as
grown-ups most of us are only able to be creative when
were safe, and in order to feel safe, we all have different
needs. This is always very apparent in the way we decorate our homes. Some people require a lot of things
around them to feel safe and comfortable, while others
need very little. So a hoarder and a minimalistic person
are both longing for safety.
If you have forgotten how to be joyful and playful, it will show in your home. A prime example is a decor style I call Shades of Grey, employing a very strict
and minimalistic mix of decors and furniture. Ive seen
a thousand homes like that and feel it is a tragedy of our
time. We work far too much; we are stuck behind the
computer and stuck to the belief that work is hard and
no fun.
Some of my clients even share the feeling that
taking care of a home and family is an ongoing nightmare. Women have always felt they are supposed to be
good at creating lovely, peaceful and comfortable homes
for their families. Yet I have helped many female clients
who did not know how to nest. At dinner parties they
would rather sit with the boys talking business, finance
or politics than ooh and ah over decor, baking, or
crafts. They dont get the whole Martha Stewart thing and
feel like outcasts. I have orchestrated many anonymous
fixes for these clients!
The ultimate Decorator and Creator is God! Imagine how much fun He had, and still has, designing each
human, plant and animal using thousands of colors, textures and forms. I am awe-struck when I contemplate
Gods creativity in the design of our home, Planet Earth.
Just look at the color scheme on a beach or in a rose
garden!
Out of pure love and joy He has given each of us
unique DNA a trademark, if you will. And with this
physical DNA, I truly believe we also have been given
emotional DNA, a GPS system to help us find Gods plan
for our lives. Living out our true destiny we find what we
all eventually strive for: Love, Peace, and Harmony.
Honor His creation. Give yourself that special home
full of loving energy, no matter the building, the location, and no matter if you have little money or plenty!
Give yourself that special attention and love, no matter
how you look or what your social status might be right
now. Try one wall covered with photos and quotes that
feed your soul and make you happy. It can so often do
the trick! Dive into the creation of a Pathfinder Vision
Board (see the Tool box at the end of the book) and
you may follow Gods GPS coordinates to find your magical life. I know. This was my personal experience, and
that of many of my clients.
I am merely an interior decorator among thousands, who saw the light. I had lost my identity, my
home, and almost lost my sanity! Read the chapter on
my spiritual journey (on my website) and you will understand why I had to go through this process. I believe
it was in order to Pay it Forward, to be able to help
you, or someone you know who is suffering at home.
Read on and I will share with you what I have
learned through this process. You too will soon be
viewing the world from a safe and contented state
of mind and a love-filled heart. You will be living in
a home which radiates comfort and peace. From this
safe place you will receive the strength to face everyday
challenges and attract the life you were meant to live.
When living out the purpose of your life, being
content with who You are, you become a role model
to others. In fact, coming home to yourself is the
greatest gift you can ever give the world. Lets teach the
next generation that table-setting is less important than
table conversations, good food, wine and candles. Lets
finally and forever understand that cushions on a sofa
are meant to be there for comfort! They can be pleasurable, soft in texture, and bring joy to a living room with
their colors and patterns. Cushions are not supposed to
stand in a row like soldiers in some cushion battalion
telling people to back off!
Im sure you all know what a house-coat is: a
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When Do You
Need a
House-Coach
in Your
Life?
You can be the TV Star of your own make-over
show. What Carson does for women in Carson City,
and what Trinny and Susanna do for men and women
all over the world is show them how to view themselves
with compassionate eyes. They help them dissolve those
thoughts that kill their self-esteem. A happy Cinderella gains or regains lost confidence with new hair and
clothes. The experts help her to enhance the beautiful
aspects of her human body and hide the less attractive
bits! In TV shows such as Extreme Makeover, designers
like Tye and his team perform similar magic with new
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Combining Homes?
18
Young Family?
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Divorced?
20
in groups, too. (For more info, see the Tool Box at the
end of the book).
One day, youll find true love in yourself and
thus attract another partner. When the moving truck is
standing outside your empty apartment, you will close
and lock the door for the last time and hear your kids
yelling joyfully for you to hurry up. With a grateful
tear youll whisper a thank you for the immeasurable
teachings this place gave you and your kids.... I know I
did!
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Are you in a Patchwork Family or LAT (Living Apart Together) situation? A Patchwork Family is
best described as a new family made up from pieces of
divorced families. Like a Patchwork Quilt! Living Apart
Together (LAT) is the same as Patchwork: you are in a
committed and intimate relationship, but you reside in
different homes.
So, when your days of being a single or a single
parent draw to an end because youve found a new love
in your life, often all you long to do is merge. But, youre
not alone and it may not be so easy. The new love comes
with a package: your/his/hers children. With a new love
the new-found hope of having Family Life again, is
heaven on earth. At first.
But after a while you may start disagreeing on the
rules: bringing up the kids, how to handle money, how
to decorate your home, etc. half of a family might have
moved in with half of another family, in their home. This
is the Patchwork Family scenario. Wow, possible danger:
Before long, the newcomers can feel like guests in the
house. There is now an elephant in the room; no one
talks about it, but those who become homeless at home
are miserable.
Let me in. Start with tools like my 40 + 40 + 20
tool, which teaches decorating a home, with fairness to
all. Sounds simple, but this guideline can save untold
angst! 40% of the furniture and decor is his and 40% is
hers, and they buy 20% together. In this way every child
and adult from one part of the Patchwork Family can
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One small family merged with another in their home. So, new
house rules must be set for everyone, including those who lived
there in the first place. More people means more clothes, shoes,
schoolbags and sports bags. Find creative ways to store things
in the hallways that work for everyone. If you dont, the tidy
parties will soon get annoyed with the not-so-tidy parties!
Young-at-Heart?
My beloved adopted sister Helga took her biker drivers licence at the age of 50 and she has crossed many countries with
her husband and several young at heart bikers with their travel
agency Dream & Bike Tours.
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25
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The wonderful energy that Guardians of Things receive from a fresh, clean, cozy room is the boost they need to sort and let go
of excessive hoarding.
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Young-Love
Nest:
Boy Meets Girl
Wherever you met each other, whether through
online dating, through friends, at your work place, a
nightclub, etc., you were both on your best behavior,
trying to show the best version of yourself. We all do!
You are mirroring yourself in the other and we all feel
very good about ourselves in times of fresh new love. You
can never predict, though, that the feminine girl in the
black sexy dress may have a home stuffed with 150 pairs
of shoes, like Carrie in Sex and the City. Or that she is
a Guardian of Things. Or perhaps she adores her little
Chihuahua, who licks his backside and then her face! She
will never part with him, so you may have to part with
her!
It is a miracle to find true authentic love. And if
you are fortunate enough to find it, it is truly wonderful dreaming and scheming about a common nest. But,
you need to be prepared for some surprises. Lets take
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Middle East, was the result, which dealt with two parties
wanting to live in the same dominion... Hey, doesnt that
sound familiar? When I work with a young couple, I feel
like the Jimmy Carter, the Hillary Clinton, or the William L. Ury working to achieve fairness by honoring both
parties underlying interests. In their soul, each must feel
the comfort and joy of their shared home.
In a similar fashion, as a Life and House-Coach,
I aim for fairness by asking the new nesting couple (no
matter their age): In your home, what would you love to
have around you and what would you absolutely hate?
They may not be able to answer that question right away,
but when I show them photos of diverse interior styles
they certainly have opinions, likes and dislikes. These reactions can then be used to create a visual response to
the questions.
I begin with the men. Now, a masculine Alpha-Male might struggle at first to copy and paste from
interior design magazines or find something on the Internet. This task may be well outside of his normal range
of interests. I know many men feel a bit awkward about
the whole nesting thing. He might just wish to leave all
those decisions to his girlfriend/wife, especially if he feels
she has been going on and on about it ad nauseum! He
wants to wash his hands of it so she will stop talking about
it. And hopefully she will revert back to the lovely girlfriend or wife he fell in love with from this Homezilla
she morphed into. But she is bursting from her yearning
to finally create a nest of (her own) their own. And, fair
warning, if he doesnt enter the home-making game now,
at this early stage, hell be forever excluded!
I explain this concept to the man, using a metaphor
he can understand. He needs to view me as a personal
Home-trainer, and I will present a perfect home-fitness
schedule that is right for him. It must be right for his
strength, fitness, desires and needs. Together well find
out what would make his posture improve, what would
make him happy with his mirror image, and what
would be too much for him. This is about finding his underlying interests. I have noticed over the years, that men
have a hard time answering the question, What do you
like? but find it much easier to respond to What do you
dislike?. Therefore, I begin by asking him: What do you
absolutely hate in a home, what would eventually drive
you to distraction? Once he gets this he tends to fully
cooperate and tell me what I need to know to help. This is
like watching a little Labrador puppy when he suddenly
learns he can swim its easy and its fun!
i Hate
i Love
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i Love
It is important everyone understands what accessories are all about. Lets start with a little tutorial:
Men and women need to know what cushions, candleholders, vases, photo frames, large flat-screen TV sets
and surround-sound are all about. Girls are brought up
combining colors in their dress style and expressing their
personality through their clothes. Boys today do this
more than they did when I was a teenager, but still to a
lesser degree than girls. But today, as for centuries, our
clothes, glasses, shoes and jewelry express the way we
feel every day. Boys use electronic devises to boost their
masculine ego. This never changes! Acquiring the newest Apple Product still gives my husband a thrill and he's
over 50! Driving to our wedding five years ago he played
Led Zeppelin full blast on his massive car stereo while
my choice during the drive to the church was classical
wedding music. Vive La Difference! Boy meets girl
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i Hate
Girls:
A sofa
a little white or black dress
Cushions
scarf and belt, to dress up the dress/sofa
Candleholders
a bracelet or earrings
Carpets
shoes
Picture frames and paintings
hair style and colors
Lamps
Hat or hair-bands etc.
TV
EGO not too big
Stereo
playfulness
Etc... You get the picture
Once you know this, its more fun and much easier
to understand each other and make room for compromise, which will be needed all throughout your life as a
couple.
When it comes to compromise, my 40 + 40 +
20 tool is the formula to achieve fairness. It works at
every stage of life, for two people blending belongings
and lives. Here is the nutshell of the system: The couple
Boys:
A sofa/bed
jeans and shirt or suit
Cushions
what cushions? - Leather or fur
the Davy Crocket edition
Candleholders
what candleholders?
Carpets
shoes or boots
Lamps
Cap or hair gel
TV
EGO as BIG as possible
Stereo
playfulness just more playful and
louder when they play!
Etc..... much simpler!
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doesnt know how to cope with her irritation in this situation, nor in others. She suppresses her desire to confront,
and this leads to a pressure-cooker situation. That in turn
leads to late-night fights or fights in the car on the way home.
They must find a harmonious way to solve this tension.
Now were back to underlying interests. If the young
girl is left alone to play home sweet home with her boyfriend (a metaphor for their love life, we all know that by
now) and she gets recognition for her efforts, shes happy. If
the mother/mother-in-law sees her son happy in this nesting
process with his sweetheart and enjoys the creative and fresh
ideas, she will still be part of the nesting process from a
distance and shes happy. If the son/boyfriend/husband has a
happy girlfriend or wife, a happy mother and a cozy nest to
come home to, hes happy. And he can breathe a sigh of relief
knowing in the future, when the two lovely women are in the
same room, there will be peace.
If they all recognize each others underlying interests,
desires and motivations and remember to praise each other,
they will be partners instead of opponents, not only in this
matter, but in all future dealings with each other.
Dont ever hold back on praise and recognition.
The son tells his mother he thinks his rooms growing up
were always cozy and he really appreciates everything she
did for him at home. Shell be so happy!
The sweetheart tells her boyfriend she loves him and believes he could become (or is) a brilliant DIY guy. That
more than anything, she would love the two of them to
create this love nest together. Hell be so happy!
Both the boyfriend and his mother tell the young woman
how wonderful home has become because of her ideas and
simply because shes living in it. This First-Time-Nester
will be so happy!
The young couple politely request that the mother/motherin-law call first, to see if she could drop off home-made
food and visit for a bit. She gives them heartfelt praise on
how lovely everything looks and how well she things the
process is coming along. Everyone will be happy!
I actually connected and bonded a bit with this
mother, explaining all of the above concepts to her. She understood this advice, coming from someone her age and
also perhaps because she was a wee bit impressed by my
talk and saw me as the expert. The young couple smiled
at each other and at me and you could feel the air getting
lighter between them. The relief was palpable! In fairness, it
probably took some time to achieve the perfect Camp David
Accord, but they knew the underlying interests of all three
needed to be honored.
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Question C:
Young woman: I want to paint a wall in the living
room orange "terracotta" and he said yes, but we never
get around doing it. Im tired of waiting, almost begging
him. Why doesnt he want to do it, when he knows it will
make me happy?
Young man: I do want to make her happy, but I
cannot see the point in painting that wall or understand
why it means so much to her! Im happy with things as
they are right now...
Answer C: What a girl/woman says and what a
boy/man hears are not always the same. She says: Id like
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job, and 30% yours, and I am fine with the white wall
right now! And he can go on to describe the tasks as
listed above and what is involved for him in the painting
process.
She needs to reply: What if I bought the paint,
you and I carried the furniture, I taped, I covered with
plastic and I cleaned up while you brought back in the
furniture ... Would this feel like 30/70 for you, and be
more fair, because the idea initially was mine? Oh, and I
think the color will make me easier to be around, so for
you its a win-win situation!
He falls for it... Now his underlying interest is
again to make her happy!
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Phyllis Diller
the food somewhere in the house and forgot all about it.
Our lovely bedroom was transformed: we had a baby bed
next to ours and our pretty cover and bed cushions were
crammed into a corner on the floor. The whole room was
a continuous mess for over a year. There was little time or
energy for romance and we forgot all about that, too! A
wee baby boy took over our warm, beautiful bedroom
and our lives!
As for the living room during our sons first year,
it morphed into a playground: a little swing chair, a huge
basket overflowing with cuddly animal toys, brightlycolored plastic games and figures and blocks And of
course, the constant adult mess and food leftovers. We
were completely overwhelmed by this baby.
Our lives were out of balance and we needed to set
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them right again, for us as a couple but also for our son!
Happily I saw it then many of my clients dont see
it for many years, if ever. This may be because new babies
follow the first one and the mess just becomes the norm.
I reclaimed my life after nine months of insanity and
handed my baby over to a lovely daycare, where he was
surrounded by love and other babies for six hours every
weekday. I started jogging, got a haircut, and took any part
time job I could get. I grabbed temp secretarial work for
awhile and then ended up delivering school milk, comforting the worried teachers who cried, The kids are out
of control! It was not my chosen career path, but it got me
out of the house! As for all the plans I had for our home?
I was shocked to realize I had done none of them during that year I was a stay-at-home-mom. Nothing zero,
zilch, nada. But once I was working outside the home
again, energy flooded in. That and the bliss of picking up a
happy, stimulated baby meant my life returned to balance.
Desperate Homemakers?
The moms of today have dreams of their own, and
watching them drown one by one in domestic tasks and
parenting is never easy. Its often Mom who sets aside her
career plans while the kids are young. This is supposed
to be only for a few years, but it so often stretches interminably. Starting or re-establishing a career at 40 is
an up-hill battle! Many women are thrilled to be stay-at-
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What is draining
my nervous system
every day as I walk
through my home?
What will it take
for me to relax and
enjoy life in this
home?
Who can help me or
us?
The Get the Damn Things Done form:
Typically young families live in unfinished homes
which are often too small. Jobs are postponed for lack
of money, time or energy. At some point the unfinished
tasks become overwhelming and even the smallest item
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Dad
John
Dad
Mum
Problems to be solved
Laundry room
Mount Laundry basket
Mount Smoke alarm
Mount Shelves & Hooks
Paint wall blue
Anne + Mum
John
Mum
Anne
Dad
Kitchen
Clear out cabinets
Move lamp back above dining table
Paint wall behind stove
Create a collage wall
Mount shelves for cookbooks
Tom
Mum
Dad
Dad
John
John
Anne + Mum
Mum
Name
Living room
Mount Loudspeakers
Paint walls
Assemble cupboard
Frame Photo's + mount.
Install lamps
Mount Smoke alarm
Buy new cushions/accessories
Clear out kids toys - mostly into their rooms
x
x
x
x
x
x
x
Saturday 1/12
x
x
x
x
x
Saturday 8/12
Saturday 15/12
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Before
After
Before
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To style
or not
to style
When a BoConcept interior decorator comes
by you only need to buy flowers for yourself and feel
you are part of the nesting process. Its always easier
for outside decorators to dress up your home. They
are able to work within your comfort zone and push
slightly beyond!
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This young mans main interest is soccer/football, so his Father made this goal
for him. He painted ordinary planks with red
and white and passed nylon cord through
small metal rings, creating the net of the
goal. With office clips this creative goal
turned into a Happy Wall for the boy at
little to no cost!
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51
Game over
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My own Story
Finding the Cure
for Homesickness
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buy a new home for us all, with space for all my belongings or I was gone!
I thought missing my things was the reason I
was so lost and fragile. Now I know: I could not find myself in the role, because I had given up myself. By not
being my authentic self with everyone, I forced everyone
to be someone they werent, either. It was an incredible
masquerade, for which no one had ever prepared us! If I
had enjoyed my life inside myself, I could have lived anywhere with anyone. All I really had to do was focus on
the things that worked in my life, instead of what didnt...
but I didnt know how!
We finally found a very beautiful (expensive)
house and moved into what we both thought and hoped
was our dream house. It certainly looked like it, as we
gazed on photos of our home displayed in Danish interior design Magazines. Our Dream Home was featured in eight-page articles! But sadly it turned out to be
a new fresh nightmare, because we were creating the bad
dreams, not the house! Karma haunted me, because I refused to learn the lessons, and like a child, I chose the
role of the victim.
A beautiful library
decorated in Country
Style with attention
to the smallest details. I had fun in the
process playing and
pretending I lived in
Southern England. But
I was unhappy in my
private and working
life and it showed in
the home. It was tidy
for the magazine photographer, but most
days it was cluttered
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Now, heres how it is done. Out of 7 pieces of furniture, in random order, I picked 3 of them to keep. I
picked 7 books on each shelf and kept 3 of them My
mind started to get it very fast. It became easy to look at
7 things at a time, keeping 3 of them as life companions,
and saying thank you and goodbye to the remaining 4.
The choices were made in my heart.
For example, from my basement I hauled up 7
boxes crammed with sentimental hopes, dreams, and
memories, such as a 35-year-old Barbie and other dolls.
Plus clothes, schoolbooks, 1st grade memorabilia, baby
stuff from my sons birth right up to his schooldays, old
books (memories of beloved Aunt Emmy), clothes of a
potential smaller body size (in completely insane fashion
I was hoping to become the skinny teenage size 0 again
at 43 years old). And oh yes, old love letters proof that
I was once loved. I was tough with myself. I decided,
firmly, that I could only keep what would fit into 3 boxes.
(Yikes.) So I placed 3 empty boxes opposite the 7 filled
ones.
There they were: 10 boxes on my lawn, and I dived
in. I started sorting, with my girly heart open and my
adult mind coaching the fear away. I started with 7 old
schoolbooks, kept 3 favorite ones, and put them in the
empty boxes. Of 7 pieces of baby clothes I decided to
keep 0 (thereby beginning to let go of a deeply held goal:
another child). This way, keeping none of the 7 baby
clothes, I had made a bargain with myself, and I could
keep 7 books instead! You see the system? If you choose
7-5 in one category, you have to go 7-1 in another, and
doing this in boxes makes it tough, because there is limited space!
What really got to me was giving away my sons
things from his toddler days. I was forced to really re-
Play it till you make it This is my first attempt and the front
cover of my first book: An apartment in Small-ville Denmark
turned into a wooden cottage in USA, just to get the feel and
the fix of being somewhere else for my yearning soul. And
it worked.
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Writers
retreat in
france
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He loved his own room and these photos have been an inspiration to many Danish readers. This is how to create a warm and
personal room for a teen with little money and effort!
Home is You
Home is Love
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KRPHDJDLQRUPRYLQJLQWRJHWKHUIRUVLQJOHVDQGIXVLRQIDPLOLHV.LUVWHQ6WHQR
The
Challenges
Kirsten Steno
of the
Single Parent:
Ho
is the cat will never sit on a cold stove, either. The cat
just wont sit on stoves, because every time it sees a stove
it sees a painful failure! He thinks to himself, Danger
danger! I tried that and it didnt work, or Ill never get
hurt like that again.
We are the same. We get burned, and then we can
turn our backs on the possibility of new wonderful love!
And life can pass us by. You think to yourself, I have
learned the hard way. My marriage, my childhood or
all kinds of hardship formed me into who I am today.
Painful, perhaps, but nevertheless true. In reality, all the
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1. Meltdown:
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Oprah
Dare to Dream
Make the place you live the place youll
love.
Most of us live with a longing for another life (home) or at least improvements. I
used to believe you could never decorate yourself out of mental pain, but in fact you can. When youre
rested, comfortable with the thought of living in a Temporary Life and Home, grateful for the small blessings
in life and patient with yourself in the process, then its
time to Dare to Dream. Youre going on an adventure,
to make your best life happen within these walls! This is
your cocoon from which you will emerge as the beautiful
butterfly you were meant to be. And, as an extra bonus,
youll be an excellent role model for your children. Youll
be showing them how to overcome lifes obstacles and to
be grateful for life itself.
Now, the present moment is the perfect time for
you to steer towards your new life, and certainly the direction you are steering towards should always feel like
joy and freedom. Can you remember what that felt like?
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Childrens rooms:
A Soul Recharger.
This is vital no matter how small a room or
how young the child. Childrens lives are the future of us all.
Most teenagers and today also young children
know how vital it is to know where the charger for their
cell phone is located. No energy equals no contact with
the outer world, and this would be catastrophic! A room
without energy has the same effect: no recharging of the
soul. Being deprived of energy for long will eventually
make them Homesick-at-Home. They will be restless, not
unlike a dog that turns round and round before resting and
finally settling down.
For shared kids, those who have two homes, this
is even more important. They often need doubles of many
things. Please make them feel cared for and let them know
you understand how hard it is for them to have two places
in which to nest. Get another key to a bicycle, extra school
supplies, chargers, etc, in both places. No adult would ever
agree to live on their terms, but we give them no choice.
This is why their rooms are extremely important even if
they only spend only a quarter of their lives in them. It must
always be lovely and soul-restoring to visit each parent. If
they always look forward to open arms and lovely rooms,
theyll more easily survive the life of a modern nomad.
To create a room that recharges their soul, ask what
their interests are and decorate from there. I once helped a
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This teenage girl got stuck with the left-over furniture from her parents and
old bedroom curtains from the 80s. This room was not a Heart and Soul Recharger. We got to work, all together, on a makeover, full of intent and design
and creativity, with her tastes and needs in mind. Her father worked with her to
design and create a new desk from MDF (medium dense fiber) and when we
were done, the young girl blossomed.
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Our Story
A Patchwork
Family
A Patchwork Family, one of the most common living arrangements in todays world, is simply a new family
made up from pieces of divorced families. Simply may not
be the right word for it, because it is anything but simple. It
consists of pieces of families trying to adjust, find comfort,
and fit with pieces of other families. No situation needs
House-Coaching any more than this one. It is full of potential pitfalls: arguments about money, bedrooms, how to
bring up the kids, how to decorate, and on and on. It is all
so new, and somehow we go into it believing it will all be
peachy and easy. When it isnt, we dont know how to cope.
How I wish House-Coaching existed to help Frank
and me and the kids when we went through it! We could
have saved two years of pain and struggle
Our story may help you. You may relate, and you
will find tools that will save you some of the angst we endured.
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an even bigger challenge than the last time. That was because this home his childhood home was not ours. It
was theirs, like our first Waterloo years ago. Oh, my, I
can tell you there was a lot of fear involved! Would history repeat itself?
(Be sure to check out the Camp David Accord description in the chapter, Young-Love Nest: Boy Meets
Girl. You will find it helpful!).
Frank hadnt insisted we stay in this childhood
home, he just thought it was fun as a temporary home.
He thought it was fun to be a story in my book and
loved how we redesigned most of it together for later
sale. Although his heart was not in it, he felt it would be
good for his kids. Their mothers life choices (as well as
our earlier ones) meant theyd already overcome several
moves. This was a safe place to them. They had known it
all their lives and they certainly deserved to finally stay in
a Home for a few more years!
Frank and I planned to live in it as a Temporary
Home, just for a couple of years. The world wide regression had hit us in Denmark too, so we chose to make the
best of the house, have fun with the process until times
got better. sound familiar?
We had some finagling to do. There was simply not
enough physical room for two adults and two teenagers
and one young man. Happily this young man (Franks
oldest son was 20 at that time) volunteered to move into
a studio nearby. It was a perfect solution for all of us, because this allowed Franks daughter to move into the big
basement room, where his son used to stay. She wanted
40 + 40 + 20 Tool:
In order to avoid moving in with Frank, or he and
his kids moving in with us, I came up with a system: the
idea of using 40% of his furniture and decorative items
and 40% of mine. Then we would buy the last 20% together. This seemed to spell perfect fairness. And indeed
it worked like a charm! Both of our souls, and the souls
of our children, were given a fair chance of settling in to
Home, with items they were used to and loved. I let go of
many of my Shabby Chic items and furniture and Frank
let go of many Phillip Stark pieces, stainless steel clocks
and wine bottle displays, etc.
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Finding a
theme
Before
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After
Before
After
This seventies house had old worn-out windows. I convinced Frank he could only sell the house if he made two new
terraces and exchanged the windows. Little did I know then
Id be the one enjoying them! I am grateful that every morning
when the sun shines, I am able to do my yoga meditation on
the warm eastbound wooden terrace surrounded by flowers.
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Global Living:
Since we couldnt agree on a typical interior style,
we decided to play Global Living. We chose the countries in which we both had felt the most Love, Peace and
Harmony and where we had had most joyful fun and romantic memories:
- One end of the living room: Our condo in New York
- The opposite end: Our sea cottage on Long Island
- Our mutual home work place (copying the cover idea
from my first book):
- Our hip office somewhere in California
- Our dining room: A restaurant in Paris
- Our kitchen: Our countryside cottage in Cornwall, in
England
- Our bedroom: The French Bed and Breakfast
- Happy Ending: Our Patchwork Home!
In our new home its not 40 + 40 + 20 in every
country, but overall, it is. In the chapter My Story you
can see what my home looked like before. Then if you
compare the images of our new Patchwork Home, you
will recognize many items from our former homes.
New York
30% mine, 50% his, 20% new: My two sofas with new white
linen covers and my lamps = 30%. His 50% = 2 old coffee
tables with one leg taken off (Franks design). His drawers redesigned with modern aluminum legs, and his TV and surround
sound (it is more often men who bring this element into the new
home).
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Long Island
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Paris
20% mine, 50% his, 30% new. My dining table and black painted top and two chairs = 20%. His bookshelves re-designed and a drawer
re-designed, his mothers white porcelain, his wine glasses and wine, and his lamps = 50%. The new white cupboard, photo frames, and
a chalkboard of painted chipboard = 30% new.
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Hip Office
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Cornwall UK
30% mine, 30% his, 40% new: My Shabby Chic porcelain, antique pitchers,
my former kitchen fabrics now turned into a roman blind = 30%. His kitchen,
the 40-year-old electrical devices (kept for fun) = 30%. New wallpaper from
Ralph Lauren, new mixer tap and mirrors, new fridge and dishwasher and different mugs we had bought on our travels = 40%.
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South of france
My turn to get 60% (He got
the garage for his car!), 20%
his, 20% new: My curtains,
my dresser, my mirrors, and
my old table with my pots on
the terrace. His bed = 20%.
New wallpaper and cushions
(Designers Guild), new photo
frames for our Pathfinder Vision Board = photo collages of
Love Peace and Harmony. Plus
Joy!
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What soothes my
soul, and fits my
nature?
What if anything
were possible?
(Examples: Living on a boat or in nature, such as in a
cabin in the woods).
Here is how it worked for one of my male clients:
He went directly from a broken marriage into a new relationship. Staying in a hotel for six months, he stored his
few belongings at a friends house. He only contributed a
large leather sofa and a flat screen TV to the new living
situation. So to keep the balance, he bought more than
his new partner to come up with his 40%. And she had
to downsize her belongings to get down to her 40%.
Then they had fun buying the remaining 20% together!
A Room of My Own:
Our bedroom turned into my Asylum. Every
parent should aim to have it we need this! It needs to
be somewhere lovely where you can close the door and
just breathe.
Mine looked and felt like my former home (the
French B & B), so when I needed to find my soul, I retreated to the bedroom. I placed fresh flowers in my favorite old French vases, lit candles, listened to soft music
and read a good self-help book. Or I dove deep into myself with meditation and yoga on a soft blanket on the
terrace, when the weather would allow it. Although I often entered my Asylum frustrated and exhausted from
work or Patchwork Family life, I always came out in Zen
Mode. I was ready to give more of myself to the three
peeping chicks who wanted food and attention, or in
other words, my love.
I retreated to my Asylum when my bonus-daughter surfaced from her Dungeon room in the basement.
She watched her favorite TV show in the living room, sat
on my sofa while chatting on Facebook on her laptop,
texting her friends and eating a favorite snack all at the
same time! Her aura or essence filled the whole room.
Because she wasnt mine, I felt the need to leave my
place at the desk. Had this been my own son, his aura
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How to be
a Happy
Patchwork
Family:
Give all the patches
a fair chance!
More and more, the term Patchwork Family
has come to mean a family in which at least one parent
brings a child from a previous relationship. The Patchwork Family is the fastest growing form of family, worldwide, and as you might expect, putting the patchwork
together successfully can sometimes prove a delicate
process. They are in need of support and encouragement,
and great tools, from a House-Coach!
Creating a Sanctuary of Love, Peace and Harmony: Once you have finished moving yourself and all
your belongings into the new common home, its wonderful it is everything youve been dreaming of! You
are finally part of a family again. In the first months your
relationship consists of passion, fun, joy. You feel so alive
and everything feels easy. Its like sailing, with all the bliss
and challenges of finding balance on a rolling sea.
For me personally, there was an unforeseen issue which
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www.TheHomeFactory.dk.
This couple has a very special
touch for interior design and
they love traveling to Thailand: It
shows in their home and in their
lives. They use this Sanctuary to
find peace alone and together
when the world outside home
has taken up too much of their
Love, Peace and Harmony energy. And it works like a charm!
It is just like having a cell phone
charger We all know how important that is!
Heres an idea: copy a favorite hotel or Bed & Breakfast room or copy what you can agree on from making
your Love-Hate Vision Board. Surround yourself with a
few beloved items from your former home 40 + 40 + 20
(for the How To on this, see the Our Story chapter
and the Tool box at the end of the book). Always create
a Happy Wall! You can make a collage of photos and love
notes framed on the bedroom wall opposite or above the bed, to remind you both why you hang in through this
process on the not-so-fun days!
Take turns using the bedroom/sanctuary. Rest,
meditate to music, or pray for help and guidance. Light a
tea light candle on a shelf, as if creating a mini-altar.
Read a good book to keep your mind off the world
outside this room.
Dont ever argue in this room. Instead, go for a walk
or a run, when you need to let out your frustrations. Only
enter the Sanctuary to reconcile and rest, when youre at
peace again. The energy of Love, Peace and Harmony you
infuse into this room will be a vital part of sustaining you
as a loving couple and keeping sane individuals sane! It is
the oxygen on which everyone in the house depends.
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ted that you are following the hot track to the trail of
your right life.
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behavior often turns into nasty fights, where your partner brings up all the faults of your own children, who
were not even involved this time! I know this the hard
way, trust me.
In the beginning it feels like two very different jigsaw puzzles: one with all green grass and one with all
blue sea and bits of houses and boats. Nothing seems to
fit; there is just no satisfying click from finding the perfect match. You know straight away when you have to
press hard, or try to force that jigsaw piece into an almost
fit... you sigh, put it down and hunt for another. STOP!
Play another game, drop the struggle for a perfect outcome, and create a new art work of the mismatch like
a quilt! At first glance all the different pieces of cloth do
not fit well together. But when it all is pieced together
by a creative mind, it looks appealing and even creates
patterns you didnt see before.
Author unknown
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Here's a House-Coaching
help summary:
Finding home
for now is a
miracle, and to
seek home is
to have found
home, for now.
Now is all we
have and love is
what home is.
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Welcome
Home
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I 0121
The Guardians
of Things
You have all heard of hoarders; I call them the
Guardians of Things. Or you may wonder deep inside if
you are one. Do you save things, finding it hard to throw
them away? Do you have piles of stuff you rarely look
through in your home, in your garage, your attic or your
basement? You feel sure this stuff has value and you cant
get rid of it? Yet I bet months or even years go by and you
do not use any of it.
House-Coaching is very helpful for the Guardians
of Things, the hoarders. And many of us are, to some
degree! We may be addicted shopaholics or collectors
of things that are fixes for memories. I have met S, M,
L to XL to XXXL over the years and they (we) share
the same traits. Sometimes the more extreme cases of
hoarding do need a psychotherapist or psychologist, but
many simply need to understand what they are doing, in
order to release this behavior.
Understanding the concept of Guardian of Things
begins by uncovering the persons feelings behind all
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with me, not at me! What the hell is the comfort and joy
from an old broken jug? It is not the jug. It is France, it is
the lovely holidays, it is the memory of where I bought
them. They become members of my family. It is the romantic sensation and feeling one gets from a beloved old
movie, it is the illusion that life was better then. We were
not as busy, not as rushed, we did not have to overcome
so much at work, but could nest in peace. Eternal romantics are always potential Guardians of Things these
hoarders sometimes decide to run a B & B to cram in as
much as possible in every available room of their home. I
have been cured. To see how, read the My Story chapter;
I used the 7-3 Downsizing tool and woke up to reality!
So, are youre a Guardian of Things, one of these
types of hoarder? Or do you know someone you think
is? Where to begin, where to get help? In the USA there
is a foundation called NAPO, The National Association
of Professional Organizers. (Google it in your own
country). Hoarders has now become the internationally accepted term for being disorganized and clinging
to what you believe is important stuff. There is also the
website of Office Hoarders, where colleges take photos
of their hoarding coworkers. Also, check out Dave Al-
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Guardian of Things
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She hired me to decorate her store, but when I saw her office, I really wanted to help her find a balanced life. Generally, when people are no longer working out of joy and pride
but out of fear and stress, it can look rather disorganized.
But, oh my God, this office was way beyond disorder, this
was cliffhanging!
I decided on a bold shot: I sat down with her over coffee and told her about my years of burn-out. I told her of my
divorce, the sickness, and the hell I went through. I predicted
she might be on that descending path, and begged her to let
me help her. To my surprise she agreed.
Soon after this she took two days of holiday so I
could dive in. So, where to start? In TV shows like Extreme
Makeover I always find myself wondering what they do
with the old stuff with all that old clutter! No one seems
to care once the bus has moved on, so I thought I'd do the
same. I tried out the Ostrich-Tool for the first time it was
fabulous! I came in the morning, occupied her office, took
down everything on the board, and packed it in one folder
writing Board on it. Then I took everything from her desk
yes, writing Desk on it. Then each drawer, and each shelf,
putting all the contents in moving boxes and stacking them
against one wall in a storage room. Voila: one day's work.
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Making the place you work into a place you love is easy.
What makes you happy? What makes you creative? What
makes you feel energized? Surround yourself with the answers.
Find inspirational quotes, images of mentors, love notes and
visible proof of I was born to do this! It is guaranteed to make
your work better and have a balanced work/private life.
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After
blissful.
Then everything went wrong. I will spare you with
the details, but in the end she lost everything, including
her health. When they divorced, she took the rest of her
savings and bought the little cottage, where I met her,
retreating even further into "Nowhere Land." Not unlike
a wounded animal, she hid, with just her two dogs for
company. She desperately needed to try to heal from her
mental wounds and physical health issues, the result of
prolonged stress and misery.
Unfortunately, she had hooked up with a small
advertising company who paid her late, and poorly. She
bravely refused to abandon the independent life style
her own company afforded her and the sense of freedom it gave her. And of course there was the benefit of
working from home with the dogs.
As we talked, I asked her to share with me her
thoughts and beliefs around the biggest issue: her
money problems. As it turned out (and this is true for
many of us) the two big stumbling blocks were fear and
shame.
What drives these emotions that plague us?
Truth is, we all have a nasty little voice inside us, which
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Before
105
Most were overweight, enjoying some kind of stimuli: tobacco, wine or food. And all of them had difficulty sorting, organizing, or giving things away. They all collected
what to them could be potential joy or guilt, but to us just
looks like junk: stacks of paper, heaps of cardboard and
plastic boxes, and piles of unidentifiable items!
Christine was no exception. Learning that she consulted Angel cards (someone had just recently given me
a set by Doreen Virtue), I started there. We did a reading
with the cards which fortunately were all good signs for
her! As I worked with the cards, a perfect example came
to me. I said, "Let me tell you a metaphor story. The Angels just sent it to me for you. She nodded eagerly, leaned
back into her chair and drew on her cigarette. I could
clearly see new hope and a new spark of life in her eyes.
"Close your eyes, please, Christine. Now, imagine
yourself standing at the edge of a beautiful lake on a hot
summer's day. You have always wanted to swim naked
in the water wanted to know how it feels You look
around carefully, sure that no one's nearby, and so you
feel quite safe, even bold. You slip off your clothes, step
into the water and oh, my, it feels just like you dreamed
it would! You swim a few lengths, and then you roll over
on your back and gaze up at the perfect, iridescent, sky
above you. You revel in the feeling of the cool water embrace
I stopped to give Christine a chance to assimilate
this wonderful sensation, then carried on. Then, suddenly your feet are tangled up in seaweed or something
you cant see. Oh, no! What is that? It scares you! It pulls
you down, and now you're fighting not to drown, waving your hands above water You are pulled down again
under the water. You fight your way up again, but there
is that endless pulling at your feet, at your ankles You
are terrified! You are about to give up, when you feel you
have no fight left. Youre exhausted Its hopeless.
I left a beat or two. Just then you spot some
people at the shore standing beside your clothes. They
holler, Swim back! Just swim back! (What they really
mean is, Pull yourself together, damn it!), but they
don't know, they cant know, that you cant though you
desperately want to! I left another short pause, while
Christine reached for a tissue. Even through her closed
eyes I could see a tear creeping through her lashes, and
trickling down her cheek.
I said, You are in this drastic situation because
you dared to try out a new adventure, but it just didn't
turn out the way you hoped. And now you blame yourself you are full of guilt and shame. You say to yourself
over and over, Why on earth did I do that? You dared try
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Young at heart
= YAH
The YAHs make up a large percentage of my clients, and they sure benefit from House-Coaching! In my
experience, they are most apt to be open, ready, and to
willingly grab the concepts and run with them! Perhaps
this is because they understand and long for Life, Peace
and Harmony.
BoConcept and many other furniture stores have
always aimed at the 25 to 35-year-old urban age group
the settlers. But today, the furniture worlds fastest growing clientele worldwide are the ones re-settling in their
lives and in their homes past 45. They have money, they
have time, and they are ready to make any changes necessary to live their lives to the fullest. They refuse to settle
for less in life and continue to follow their lifes passions.
This shows in their homes, in what they wear and in what
they do! They have money and want to spend it on that
which gives them balance, freedom, and fun in life. Great
changes occur at this time: kids leave home, homes are
changed or downsized, new and wonderful dreams are
pursued.
Nowadays we age better and live much longer
than our ancestors did. We hope to combine the enthusiasm of youth with the wisdom of age and experience.
At this stage of life we cry, If only I knew when I was
22 what I know now and had that young strong body!
I could have achieved more and experienced life more
intensely." (Though that is just another limiting thought).
So, although this stage of your lives can be a time of
meltdown, in actual fact there is a golden opportunity to
morph from a caterpillar to a butterfly once again.
Both the men and the women of the Young-at-Heart
(YAH) are wiser and more demanding when it comes to
nesting but keep their playfulness much longer than ever
before. The wise know and appreciate that happiness is not
a state of mind, it is a choice. We decide what we want to get
out of life. We know it is never too late for Tango lessons, to
learn to sail, or to travel all over the world. It is never too late
to buy a holiday home somewhere in another country or
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I went to Florida with my husband to begin writing this book. We were surrounded by YAHs in every
town we went. This is the state in America where the
YAHs come to stay/retire and enjoy the warmth of the
sun from fall to spring. And some live there all year.
They love: jogging, golfing, entertaining, shopping and
Yes, nesting, big time. Many have plenty of money! At
mid-age you may have saved, lived prudently to live well
in your senior years, or have made a lot of money from
business. Or maybe you inherited! No matter, how you
came to money in Florida is not important!
On the flip side we also met many of the unfortunate ones that had lost all their savings in the Regression
and drove taxis or worked as waiters. Or there was the
65-year-old cashier woman who held on to her crutches
while packing my suntan lotion at Wal-Mart. We encountered several similar people. As I said to my husband, they only work because they have no other option
to sustain life. In my country that would never happen;
welfare and elder care come from paying enormous taxes
all Danes hate this until we get older and start benefitting from it!
All over the world we have low-scale and upscale
YAHs. The financial level itself is not important to have a
good home and a happy life, in my experience. Attitude
is everything. But I can always spot a persons mood, and
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Love of
Design
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Wonderfull
Copenhagen
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Inhabit Yourself:
Turn on the Lights in Your Rooms.
In Florida I went to Bookstore in the Grove
(BookstoreintheGrove.com) in Miami to enjoy their
famous coffee and cake. I moseyed around happily, seeing which books spoke to me. I always do that; I love to
go into book stores, wander around where my soul tells
me to. I just watch with a soft look and an open heart
to see which new adventure calls to me. Looking for
Martha Beck's books, I discovered they were sold out,
then bam, there it was: The Age of Miracles by Marianne Williamson. I bought it immediately knowing this
would be a heart opener. As a Danish reader I didn't
know her at all, but I remembered the parting words of
my dear friend Connie from Tampa, Florida, where I
had stayed to write. My husband arrived to take me on
a two-week Florida tour in a convertible (very YAH!)
and as we were leaving, Connie called out, I'll send you
a poem by Marianne Williamson. You'll love her! She
did, and it made an impression on me. So I was thrilled
to happen upon this wonderful book.
As I dived into The Age of Miracles, I started folding the corners of pages I wished to remember. Then I
underlined, and highlighted, and then I added StickyTags all through it. I had to read it twice that week!
On our vacation my husband and I read passages and
laughed and discussed the new age of all possibilities.
And it set me free as a mid-aged woman. I loved her way
of describing what happens when our children leave
and we are left alone or with each other. Understanding
and really believing there are still so many opportunities in life changed many of our limiting thoughts about
our own aging.
To quote from her book Once we've realized
that life is not as fabulous in some of the ways we
thought it was, we also realize it's even more fabulous
in ways we could never have known We can forgive
ourselves for the past, that wasn't all it should have
been and commit to a future that is all that it can and
should be now that we've finally grown up You
feel at last like you inhabit yourself. You finally went
into all the rooms, turned the lights on and settled
in.
The new You longs to march into every room and
turn the lights on in your life. You can make it real by
using your current home; you must adopt every single
room of your home all over, and make it yours. This
applies whether you stay in the home where you had
your kids or move to something smaller after the kids
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have gone. Let it reflect who you really are: your tastes,
your joys, your memories, your colors, your sense of
beauty. Then you connect to it, you are fed by it, and
comforted by it.
Your
home is
truly
You
Adopting your home and life
falling in love once more!
I have many clients in the YAH category. They
are restless and eager to find new Love, Peace and Harmony in their lives. They have moved furniture around
for a couple of years, tried new hairstyles, lost weight,
had affairs or shifted jobs to find new joy in life. You can
probably list many more examples from your life or from
your YAH parents or friends. When some YAH meets on
the golf course or after Zumba classes the conversation
for both men and women is often about selling, moving
or re-building the old home. (Yes, I know you get it by
now: Home equals Me).
I have helped many couples move from a wornout home which no longer fulfills or reflects them, into a
new vibrant apartment or modern home. I recommend
keeping 50% of the former furniture and accessories so
you are not getting rid of everything from the past. After
all, your life up till now has formed you into your new
magnificent being. The next step is to downsize 25%,
which means giving away items with love to someone in
need, and then adding 25% new furniture and accessories. This will create perfect new harmony and yet will still
feel like a safe home sweet home.
Together, the YAH couple and I make an affordable and achievable plan to adopt every single room with
love. This may be because theyve sold the old home and
moved to a new one. Or it may be that we re-create their
old home into something they'd want to buy on the spot!
We use many of the tools from the former chapters
(summarized in the Tool Box at the end of the book):
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Pathfinder
Vision Board
A Pathfinder Vision Board can act as a compass
and continual reminder to help you walk away from past
pain and create a new life filled with true happiness.
From more than 20 years of coaching and decorating homes, I know that most of my clients focus their
entire adult lives on creating "success," in both their work
status and their private homes. They strive to own a beautifully designed house, expensive furniture and art, and of
course to create the perfect family. Naturally, the rest of
us, viewing them from the outside, believe they must be
happy and often set out to copy their life styles!
They look successful, they seem happy and often
they are. But working behind the scenes of countless
homes, I witnessed these same people lose their jobs, their
homes and sometimes their family. And I learned without
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+4
+8 Was actually the day when my first book was published in Denmark. And on the same day my husband
Frank proposed to me. Another +8 day, of course, was our
wedding day, when my then 17-year-old son Nikolai gave
me away. Another was the time, many years ago, when I
felt God enter my heart, heal my pain and set me free to
love again. He took me up on his shoulders so I could see
my life from a higher perspective! A powerful +8 day was
the day my son survived his brain surgery. The brilliant
surgeon removed the entire tumor giving superb odds for
his complete recovery. It is a true miracle.
+10 Was the day I "died to self " and gave birth to my
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Lao-tzu,
A journey of a
thousand miles
begins with a single step.
In planning your day focus on how you can let
"this little light of mine" shine as brightly as possible.
Gaze at your vision board every morning as you perform
yoga or meditate in front of it. I have done it for years
now and it feeds my soul! Go on, find back to the hot
tracks in your life and you'll find the animal spirit in you,
the lovely gazelle, or the beautiful leopard, or panther
you were born to be.
Consider taking a picture of your Pathfinder Vision Board to use as the background on your desktop or
laptop, and perhaps even your phone. You will have a
constant reminder to be happy and grateful!
Lorena Siminovich
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Thank You
There is no way I could have journeyed from a
broken home, with a single mother, to where I am today,
without the awesome writers who inspired me to be the
very best version of my true self. I am sincerely grateful
for your words and I realize, with humility, that I am on
a life-long path of learning and growing.
I dedicate this book to my dear son, Nikolai, who
during the writing of this book suffered a terrifying and
painful illness. For six months we couldn't receive a
diagnosis, locally. When finally diagnosed by an Angel
Neurologist at a private hospital, it turned out he had,
against all odds, completed his International Baccalaureate degree with a malign tumor deep in his brain. We
spent months in the hospital; I wrote, while he underwent treatment. And recovered!
We practiced gratitude in our hearts, as best we
could under the stress, but I confess there were days I was
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These wonderful books, countless audiobooks and articles have inspired me and changed my outlook on life forever
- THANK YOU - each and everyone !!
At BoConcept, I'd especially like to thank Bitten,
for her endlessly helpful, competent spirit and the fun
she brought to the project. Also my thanks to Torben and
Kenneth, who offered me this huge opportunity to write
a book on House-Coaching. They witnessed firsthand
what House-Coaching can do to create heart-to-heart
connection between customers and BC Interior Decorators. And thank you to all the lovely people I met at
BoConcept world-wide, who welcomed me and my message with open hearts and minds.
Thank you to my brilliant editor, Diana Soloman.
Youd managed to morph my Danish-English text into
lovely lyrics and added your own special music, which
obviously you were born to do!
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1) Pathfinder Vision Board, Happy Wall, and LoveHate Vision Board: These are magical tools to help you
visualize your dreams and stay on course to fulfill them!
It is fun and easy.
Pathfinder Vision Board: During the creation
and use of the Pathfinder Vision Board there is often a
moment when a client will begin to listen to her hearts
desire, and find the hot track to her best life. Once she
proclaims YES! as she looks at images that trigger deep
longing or a memory of great happiness, she begins to
believe in a new start in life. The Pathfinder Vision Board
can be for you personally only, for you as a couple or for
the future of a whole family. You will collect images and
quotes that make you happy. Dont think about it, dream
and follow your heart! There is no right or wrong way
to do this, just your way. Take pictures in stores, cut pictures from magazines or scan the internet for images that
touch you, move you, be they places, looks, art, furniture,
a dream career, hobby or passion. Glue or pin the photos
onto your vision board wall in a hierarchy of 10 lines.
0-2 of these lines are where you place images of what you
quite like to do, 4-6 what makes you happy, 6-8 what you
absolutely LOVE to do and 8-10 what allows you to let go
of your ego and experience a blissful state of Love, Peace
& Harmony... singing, sailing, art, gardening, building
something, running?
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choose soft greens and glues and browns. Add the bright
color tones which make you feel happy, in accents such
as cushions, paintings, posters, books, vases and candles.
(See the chapter entitled The Challenges of the Single
Parent: How to Ease the Way! in the Emerge as the
New You section.
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Name
2) Get the Damn Things Done: This tool helps you give up the lonely fight and ask friends and family for help. Sometimes you just cant do
everything, and people do love to help! There is a good example in the Boy, Girl, Plus Baby chapter, in the Desperate Homemakers section. You
can copy this form here.
Fill it in and you are on your way to getting those things done!
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ISBN 978-87-989129-9-6