Anak ng Teteng

"I have nothing to do with this scum! Ah, pota, I thought to myself. He just
called Benhur Luy scum.
www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 1

Then after a few seconds, it hit me: he meant scam. But oration and
English elocution, it seems, might not exactly be one of Bong Revillas
strongest virtues.

***

TERROR shot through my veins upon hearing these words: Utang ko po

sa 16 million na bumoto sa akin noong 2004 at halos 20 million na
bumoto sa akin noong 2010 na marinig ang aking sagot at putulin na ang
kanilang paghihintay. If you want to know what is fundamentally wrong
about Philippine politics, look no further.

Let it be known that I do not belong to the 20 million of Revillas faithful. It

should also go without saying that I am not even a fan of Bong Revilla the
actor and his movies. I, however, am a dutiful taxpayer and whether or not
I voted for him is immaterial.

The Constitution guarantees my right to bitch.

Bong Revillaone of Ramon Revilla Seniors 72 children by 16 womenhas

been accused by the National Bureau of Investigation of pocketing 224.5
million worth of pork. His supposed take puts to shame those of his coaccused, Jinggoy Estrada, (P183.79 million) and JPE (P172.8 million).

In September 2013, Jinggoy Estradas defense turned out to be a sort

of suicide grenade that really did nothing to deny his involvement in the
scam but did everything to incriminate everyone else around him, including
poor Jollibee.
www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 2

In Revillas equally kilometric privilege speech (clocking in at over 53

minutes), he spent the first 13 minutes refuting specific allegations and the
rest praising himself and spraying opprobrium on Malacaang as
well as uncovering Mar Roxas fetish for clandestine motoring. He also
raised the level of wit-laden performance art in the senate. When he took
out that toy truck, you could see him silently grinning, congratulating
himself for such rapier wit.

Heres the interesting part. If we were to gauge the reactions on social

media, no one believed him.

From the moment he took to the podium everyone was tweeting about it as
one big acting jobthat glaring demeanor like hes about to gun
down Paquito Diaz and goons. Revilla, after all, is not an actor of multiple
dimensions. At one point in his speech, he used the expression, Anak ng
teteng!

I have asked around for the exact definition of teteng. Nobody seems to
really know. The answers vary wildly and are mostly the subject of
speculation. Teteng does not appear in the UP Diksiyonaryo, but it did
gain prominence in his movie Alyas Pogi 2 (where he goes head to head
with Nardong Kalabaw played by Bomber Moran), at a time when people
were still making action films and clever punchlines. Revilla is the star of
movies with such enlightened titles like Mahal Kita: Final Answer, Walang
Matigas na Pulis sa Matinik na Misis, Onyok Tigasin, Alyas Pogi: Birador
ng Nueva Ecija, Kung Marunong Kang Magdasal, Umpisahan Mo Na,
Ang Titser Kong Pogi, Isusumpa Mo ang Araw na Isinilang Ka and a
hundred others that, shall we say, would not exactly be the subject of
Manunuri discourse.

www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 3

It also did not help that one of his shows is named Kaps Amazing
Stories. For nasty netizens, it was just all too easy. But take note: those
nasty netizens may also not be part of Revillas 20 million adoring fans. To
which he stresses: Hindi po ako magiging Bong Revilla kung
hindi dahil sa kanila.

But Bong Revillas blatantly theatrical delivery is just indicative of our

politicians regard for the publics taste and intelligenceeasily swayed by
copious displays of emotion.

And then there were the issues. Like Jinggoys speech he attempted to
divert the controversy by pointing out the moral foibles of the Aquino
administration, everything from Mar Roxas to the bunkhouses to poverty
stats to Mar Roxas. And did I mention Mar Roxas? The term ad
hominem perfectly describes this speech, attacking the administrations
character instead of directly answering the argument.

The issue of the president personally persuading senators for a Corona

conviction is long dead. After all, the public still doesnt like Coronalook
at how the former Chief Justice was booed upon arriving at the Luneta antipork rally.

Judge not lest ye be judged. The biblical verse from Matthew came to
mind while I listened to the speech. My thoughts returned to the senate
investigation of the Hayden Kho scandal of 2009 where the good senatora
puffing like a towering paragon of moralityinterrogated like
Torquemada and Pope Benedict combined. If Revilla were to be believed,
Kho was the pure embodiment of moral corruption, the cause of the
suffering of millions, Lucifer himself. Revilla asked philosophically probing
questions like, Anong software ang ginamit mo? and Saan mo nilagay
ang kamera?

www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 4

As Revilla gave his privilege speech, seated behind him was his father,
former Senator Ramon Revilla Sr.a.k.a Jose Bautista, looking weak and
wheelchair-ridden. A fine prop, if there ever was one, perhaps intended to
elicit sympathy from the millions who had thought of Nardong
Putik and Pepeng Kuryente as the zenith of Filipino cinema. The speech
ended, as expected, with tears in the eyes of both Revillas.

And how does the cold, diabolically heartless Philippine Daily

Inquirer respond? With a headline that screamed: LUY: REVILLA SR.
ALSO DEALT WITH NAPOLES with the subhead, Bongs father
among Janets earliest clients. Cruel, heartless, heartless
publication.

Because of Bong Revilla, everyone is now a boy (he calls Benhur Luy
Boy Pirma, Boy Xerox). Juxtaposing the name Boy with any one word
that embodies that persons essence has become a hallowed Filipino
tradition, and has become the fertile source of action movie titles, from Boy
Negro to Boy Chico: Hulihin si Ben Tumbling. If we go by Bongs schtick,
our governmental hierarchy would be:

PNoy Boy Ubo

Binay Boy Uling (He himself said he doesnt mind these skin-color jokes
so STFU.)
Drilon Boy Lechon
Belmonte Boy Kyusi
Enrile Boy Tanda

Sadly, this is what the Philippine senate has been reduced to. Time was
when our senators debated on lofty issues, like the Rizal Law in the 1950s
and the extension of the US Bases Treaty. Time was when our senators
www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 5

could quote Zola (Teofisto Guingona invoking the spirit of Jaccuse in a

privilege speech, signalling the start of Eraps impeachment).

Now? You hear shit like may asim pa si Tanda, Langhap-sarap,

obsessive hater, hypersexualized serial womanizer. But this is just one
part of it.

And thats just the past year alone.

When Miriam does stuff like that, somehow its okayat least we know
shes a million times smarter than all of us. Miriam is always great
entertainment. Shes funny. Shes demonically witty as well. And you know
Miriam could quote Zola if she wanted to. But Anak ng teteng? Bong
Revillas speech is like his movies. Its not funny at all. Revillas lame
attempts at wit include the terrible Thats very A-Bad!

Revillas toy-truck gimmick is nothing new. In 2009, then-senator nowBoy-Pickup Mar Roxas delivered a privilege speech condemning
constitutional assembly efforts by Malacaang and the House of
Representatives. He called the issue con-aswang for its refusal to die. But
heres the clincher: Roxas wore agarland of garlic and, in fact, handed
out the same to every senator. Remember, this was 2009 and he had not
been modest about his presidential ambitions. Revillas speech signals the
complete evolution of Roxas from Mr. Palengke to Boy Padyak to Boy
Bawang and now, Boy Pickup.

Perhaps its the natural consequence when politicians get elected by

virtue of entertainment (i.e., campaigns utilizing artistas, cheap
slogans, gimmickry pandering to the lowest common denominator). But
more than that: its probably the most convenient and practical method of

www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 6

addressing a generation that has become entirely dependent on visuals, the

punchline, and the quick, easy soundbite.

But then again, what would be the alternative? A boring speech full of
platitudes and polysyllabic words that only Miriam Santiago understands?
But whos gonna talk about it?

The paradigm shift had happened a long time ago. An Arturo Tolentino or a
Helena Benitez would probably have a tougher time getting elected in this
day and age. Once upon a time, we had orators, not actors. There is
a vast ocean of difference.

And we thought Caligula was mad when he appointed his favorite horse to
the senate. On second thought, it did not seem like an act of an unsound
mind but rather a powerful statement: Tangina niyo, kahit kabayo
kaya iyang ginagawa ninyo.

As of this writing, the senate is preoccupied with a myriad issues.

Theres Enrile cautioning against premature jubilation over the
Bangsamoro Peace Deal, which he claims could raise a hundred
constitutional problems. Miriam Defensor-Santiago wants further study on
a particularly sensitive section of the accord, the wealth-sharing annex. Sen.
Antonio Trillanes IV of the defense committee describes the MILF
deactivation as a good start in the otherwise long road to peace. In
meantime, were awaiting Bong Revillas privilege speech on the Vhong
Navarro mauling incident.

www.pinoy-koleksyon.net uploaded by futhark

Page 7