CHOOSING BELIEFS: Crib-Notes

PROGRAM REMINDER: The Success Conversion Coaching training program

is written with your ultimate success and enjoyment in mind.
The twenty-four teleclasses are presented in continual rotation and intended to
assist you in developing your overall understanding of the coaching model. The
weekly teleclasses provide the opportunity for students to ask specific questions
of the trainer on each module while providing interaction with other students
undertaking the program.

CRIB-NOTES: Your interaction and participation on the teleconference calls is

monitored and given a value (score), which is added to the score of your final
examination.

Choosing Change Exercise

CHOOSING BELIEFS
Understanding how your beliefs shape you
History is full of men and women who defied the odds and overcame seemingly
immovable obstacles to reach their goals. These people all had one thing in
common:

In life coaching a belief is simply a feeling of _________________ about

something.
Holding _____________ beliefs or ones that no longer serve you well, has the
opposite effect and keeps you stuck.

Beliefs are tricky things.

For example the world isnt flat but people used to believe that it was, and
wasted a lot of energy in formulating strategies to avoid falling off the edge.
Where do beliefs come from?
Some of the beliefs we hold go right back to childhood.

Some beliefs we picked up in childhood are harmful. (Name a few.)

Choosing different beliefs that may challenge you, but drive you forward doesnt
make you nave or just thinking positive, it is simply good sense.

The beliefs that hold someone back are no _____________ than the beliefs that
spur someone into positive action.
So it makes sense to choose to focus on the beliefs that get you the great results
you want.
What are your beliefs?
Many of our convictions are so much a part of us that we rarely have a good
objective look at them.
Building a strong positive belief system starts with dusting off each one of those
beliefs and taking the time to truly examine them

An exercise Finding beliefs

Set aside some quiet time and ask yourself the following questions. Write down
everything that occurs to you as you answer the questions. Dont worry too much
at this stage about the whys and wherefores. Simply capture what seems to you
to be the truth, pleasant or unpleasant.

What do you believe about yourself? For example, Im smart. Im

lazy. Im lovable. etc.

What do you assume is possible in your world? For example, I can do

anything I set my mind to? Ill never quit my smoking habit. etc.

What do you conclude about other peoples relationships to you? For

example, People are generally supportive. Work colleagues dont
cooperate with my plans. etc.

What do your beliefs give you?

All the beliefs you hold are likely to feel very real to you.
At some point you have gathered evidence that supports everything you believe.

Here is a key point of information: Once you have made up your mind about
something, or even someone

To change your beliefs you have to be open to receiving new information.

An exercise Beliefs and Payoffs

1. Draw two columns. Head the first as My beliefs and the second as My
payoffs
2. Take your original list from the Finding Beliefs exercise and enter all
your beliefs from the three questions you asked yourself, both limiting
and empowering, into the first column.
3. Consider what your payoffs are for each of these. What does this belief
give you? Be specific. Is it a feeling of pride, safety, or love? Or is it a
very tangible thing such as a great salary, too much stress, or a massive
bank overdraft.
My beliefs

My payoffs

I am smart.
I am lazy.
I cant sing a note.
I am lovable.
I can do anything I want.
Ill never kick my smoking habit.

I feel confident that I can hold my own.

I can let myself off the hook.
I dont have to risk embarrassing myself.
I feel secure.
I feel powerful.
I dont have to try.

You can do some personal research by asking some of your friends and loved
ones what makes up their beliefs systems. You are likely to get a fascinating
cross-section of views demonstrating that everyone has their own unique map of
the world. We all see a different version of fact and reality. This activity can
demonstrate how arbitrary some beliefs are, and it can also aid you to a better
understanding of what drives your nearest and dearest. Your friends and loved
ones are just as entitled to their maps as you are to yours. Make no judgements
regarding anyones belief systems during this exercise.
Changing your beliefs
Sometimes, simply by recognizing a limiting belief, you take away its power.
So following the earlier thought about evidence: whatever you believe about
yourself, is probably supported by plenty of evidence. Changing our assumptions
allows us to act differently more often.

Exercise Challenging Disempowering Beliefs

(EXAMPLE SHEET)
Examples of
Remember the last time you felt bad about something
disempowering beliefs
angry, resentful, jealous etc.? What were you telling
yourself? What beliefs were behind the self-talk? Thinking 1. I must be perfect in all I do
about the event, try filling in this table, writing down any 2. I must be liked and
admired by everyone
self-talk in your own words. They may include
condemnation of yourself and be full of what people 3. Disagreement and
conflict are a disaster
should or should not do.
The event: My best friend forgot my birthday!

4. Everyone in my life must

be perfect
5. People do not change

What I felt: I felt neglected, angry and hurt.

What I was telling myself: That nobody really cares for

me!

What it made me do: Ate the entire chocolate birthday cake

all on my own!

6. Other people exist to make

us happy & we cannot be
happy unless they do
7. People are either good or bad
8. Problems are a sign of
weakness and failure
9. People are fragile & must
be protected
10. There is only one way of
seeing any situation

What my disempowering belief was: (It isnt necessarily important to

recognize the limiting belief rather, be aware of how you might want the
situation or incident to go should it occur again. How will you plan to handle it
differently, next time?)
.

Now try challenging the self-talk, for example changing shoulds and oughts for preferences:
Constructive Talk

Friends really do the best

that they can do.

Feelings Would be

To feel forgiveness knowing

that my friends didnt set out
to hurt me intentionally.

Actions Could Be

Recall that others I

let others down
sometimes too!

Exercise Challenging Disempowering Beliefs

Remember the last time you felt bad about something
angry, resentful, jealous etc.? What were you
Examples of
disempowering
beliefs
telling yourself? What beliefs were behind the selftalk? Thinking about the event, try filling in this table, 11. I must be perfect in all I do
writing down any self-talk in your own words. They
12. I must be liked and
may include condemnation of yourself and be full of
admired by everyone
what people should or should not do.
13. Disagreement and
conflict are a disaster
The event: revati group of frnds gathered -14. Everyone in my life must
be perfect
15. People do not change
What I felt:

16. Other people exist to make

us happy & we cannot be
happy unless they do

What I was telling myself:

17. People are either good or bad

18. Problems are a sign of
weakness and failure

Wandering what the problem

19. People are fragile & must

be protected
20. There is only one way of
seeing any situation

What it made me do:

Played in ur mind , u r no longer frnds,,, no

What my disempowering belief was: (It isnt necessarily important to recognize the limiting belief
rather, be aware of how you might want the situation or incident to go should it occur again. How will you plan to
handle it differently, next time?)

Now try challenging the self-talk, for example changing shoulds and oughts for preferences:

Copyright Rhema International Training Group Inc.

Constructive Talk

Feelings Would be

1 person not everyone opens up, speak frankly,

spoke abt other things - not main issue
didnt interact

Copyright Rhema International Training Group Inc.

Actions Could Be

no bitterness

8
Getting under your most stubborn limiting beliefs
Appreciate that it is not necessarily important to fully understand why the client has the
fear that is preventing the release of the limiting belief.
Sometimes we have to make peace with the past before focusing on the present.

Remember, a coach is not a therapist. If your client should have beliefs associated with a
strong childhood trauma or any past storyline that seems to permeate every piece of that
clients life and causes distress, then some counseling or therapy by a professional is
probably recommended.
Managing fears
Jill Bolte Taylor My Stroke of Insight We are born with only two fears... the fear of
falling, and the fear of loud noises.
http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html

Fear gets in the way when you allow it to stop you from taking action and achieving
something. Managing the fear is essential.

Fear of achievement
Fear of achievement seems an odd fear to have, yet it holds many people back at some
point in their lives.

Fear of achievement can be one of the trickiest fears to recognise in yourself because it
seems quite unselfish.

Copyright Rhema International Training Group Inc.

9
A quote from Marianne Williamsons book A Return to Love
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
How does this statement sit with your spirit?

Minimising your fear foes

If you find that you have a client that wishes to do a little deeper work around their
personal beliefs we have a form called Examine One Belief worksheet by Byron Katie.
Primary take-away from todays call:

*View the following Supplementary Forms:

The supplemental forms list found below is considered additional reading rather than
compulsory. You may download these by visiting the Library tab of the Student Area.

CB101 Do Your Beliefs Reflect Reality?

CB102 How Do You Believe?
CB103 Changing Beliefs
CB104 Examine One Belief

Copyright Rhema International Training Group Inc.