Ting Hun for Dummies

Sub: Asian Dragon gives you a step-by-step guide on how to pull off the most
comprehensive ting hun, by the bookif youre into that stuff
By Jovi Figueroa
Instant coffee, instant messaging, instant noodles, instant weddingeveryone is
doing everything the easy way. With the consent of modernity, a lot of people are
taking the expressway of everythingeven weddings. Countless of wedding
planners, one-stop-wedding shops and its okay, its not the Jurassic era anymore so
its okay to compromise a bit support groups have been mushrooming, luring
couples into holding a condensed weddingnot that its a breeze pulling off even
the simplest of weddings.
When people hear the word ting hun or engagement, money is the first thing that
comes to their mind. Dont get me wrong, its not a futile point to make because
preparing a ting hun indeed scoops out a huge chunk from your bank account. But
what people are missing is the history behind the tradition, making their
engagements not a celebration of culture but a mere scratch on the ceremonys
meaningful surface.
But amidst all the one-step pancakes, there are still people who value the traditional
albeit laborious way of doing things. They could do without the extra thousands on
their wedding gown or shoes, but would never penny-pinch on account of the
sacredness their culture upholds. What indeed does a true ting hun mean and entail?
The history of the ting hun practice dates back to old China where a marriage is not
a union of two hearts but an agreement between two families for social status or
economic stability. The goal of every parent, especially those who are not too well
off, is to marry off their daughter to a more prosperous family. The couple and the
families would only really know each other through a matchmaker, who acts like a
bridge between the two parties. Gifts from the groom-to-be would be sent to the
bride-to-be through the matchmaker and the value of the gifts would be their gauge
of the mans ability to provide for the woman. Basically, its both an assurance to the
womans family that she will be married to a good home, and a means by the mans
family to show appreciation to the womans family for raising an acceptable
daughter-in-law.
There are people who still see the merit in going traditionalfrom history
appreciation, to culture celebration. So if youre into that stuff, here are the
ingredients in concocting a ting hun ceremony that has both heart and meatto the
dot, no compromises.

WHAT THE MAN PREPARES AND BRINGS:

A pair of gold bangles to be tied together with a red string

A pair of engagement rings

A ladies watch

Necklace with a gold medallion

A set of jewelries placed in a red box

2 pairs of ang paos (one pair has a bigger amount to pay for dowry and one
pair has a smaller amount as pocket money for the bride)

An even number of fabrics (for the bride, for the parents, and for the
grandparents as courtesy)

Four yards of red satin to cover the matrimonial mirror which is part of the
girls dowry

One box of corsage

One box of boutonniere

An even number of flowers that do not come in the color white

One pair of sin na (a four-layered basket made out of bamboo) containing the
following:

An even number of pork (roast for Cantonese and canned pork

legs for the Hokkien)

An even number of fruits

An even number of boxes of misua

An even number of candy bags (preferably chocolate coins)

An even number of fruits

An even number of boxes of biscuits, cookies and crackers

An even number of boxes with Chinese hopia, each containing four kinds of
Chinese delicacies (minimum of 12 sets)
WHAT THE WOMAN PREPARES AND BRINGS:

Mens watch
Necklace with a gold medallion
Two cakes (one cake with the name of the groom and one cake with the name
of the bride, both preferably in Chinese characters)
Two pairs of pomelos
Two kilos of uncooked rice
120 pieces of raw egg
Charcoal
Five kinds of grain
Yen chi tiak sim (a form of confetti consisting of tea leaves and pieces of
aluminum foil)
A set of Chinese hopia
Two yards of red satin for the grooms sash
Fabric for the grooms suit or barong
Sweet tea for the tea ceremony
Sweet eggs and cha misua

A set of yee seet containing food items that bring luck such as rock sugar,
sugar-coated peanuts, red dates, sweetened wintermelon, four red hardboiled eggs, charcoal, ginger, dried pork tendons, taro with many small roots
and long tendrils of a sweet potato plant
Son-in-law cakes and son-in-law biscuits
Peanut cakes

OTHER TING HUN ESSENTIALS:

An auspicious date for the engagement

The engagement should be publicized in a local Chinese magazine on the day
of the engagement so no formal invitations should be sent out
All betrothal gifts and pastries should be labeled with sang hee or double
happiness stickers
A good luck auntie who has both her parents alive, in her middle age, is still
with her original spouse, with many children and grandchildren, with a
zodiac sign thats compatible with the couple, and lived a relatively good life
Pregnant women, engaged couples, and those who are under a zodiac sign
that is incompatible with the couples signs are not allowed in the ceremony

THE CEREMONY (FINALLY!)

The engagement day is here and the party troops to the brides house for the
ceremony. To keep the ceremony as traditional as possible, it is encouraged to hold
the ceremony at the brides house and not in a restaurant for mere convenience. The
man arrives one hour before the ceremony begins and starts arranging the
multitude that is the betrothal gifts. The amount of his entourage should be an even
number, most often between six and 12. The woman receives the party with the
same number of entourage, bearing in mind the people who are not allowed in the
ceremony.
The ceremony is divided into three parts for ease of memory: Jewelry, Tea, and Eggs
and Misua. Once everyone has settled, the first part of the ceremony begins with the
bride-to-be walking backwards towards her betrothed, escorted by the good luck
auntie. A female family member of the bride goes around and hands out red or
orange juice as welcome refreshment, serving from the eldest to the youngest,
before giving a glass to the couple. The man then pins the corsage on the woman,
and the woman reciprocates with the boutonniere. The grooms familys acceptance
of the bride is displayed as the mother puts on the bride the gold bangles, the father
sets the gold medallion necklace, and the eldest member of the entourage puts on
her the betrothal watch. The brides family does the same and puts on the necklace
and watch on the groom. Finally, with the couple feeling dolled-up with the amount
of jewelry placed on them, they slip the engagement ring on each others finger. All
the other gifts are then presented to the bride, hopefully not to overwhelm her, but
to show the grooms appreciation to the brides family for a wonderful daughter.

The second part of the ceremony is the traditional tea ceremony where the couple
serves tea to the members of their families. The grooms family is served first as the
groom holds the tray while the bride gives the tea to each member. The groom
would address each member with his/her corresponding honorifics, which the bride
would repeat before serving the tea. The same will be done with the brides family,
now with the bride holding the tray and the groom serving the tea. The tea serving
will be done the same way the juice was served, from the eldest to the youngest.
The brides mother then invites the witnesses to the dining area where the third
part of the ceremony begins. The first course is the sweet tea soup containing two
pieces of eggs and two pieces of red dates. If the guest is unable to finish the two
eggs, he/she may cut the remaining egg in two to keep the even number of elements
inside the bowl. The second course is the cha misua, also served in order of
seniority. To cap off the ceremony, the groom will be accompanied by a male
relative and will take the two cakes bearing his and his fiancs names around the
block. When he returns from the drive around the block, he will keep the cake with
the brides name on it and return the other to the bride.
Before the reception takes place, the returning and distribution of the gifts
commence. The rule that returning a gift is rude is a fallacy when it comes to a
Chinese engagement. The ang paos that were given to the bride will be returned to
the grooms family and the baskets filled with gifts will be divided in half and
returned to the groom. The flowers will also be distributed to the single ladies
present in the ceremony. The peanut cakes from the bride will be given out to
relatives who werent able to attend the wedding. The history of these peanut cakes
dates back to old Chinese times when relatives used to live really far from each
other so the moment they receive a peanut cake from a distant relative, its a clear
announcement that the son of that family is already engaged.
MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL
At the end of the close-to-absurd amount of things to prepare, give and do, there is
actually a heart to it all. The pair of gold bangle tied together signifies the grooms
familys acceptance of the woman, and should never be pulled apart because it
symbolizes the couples lifelong togetherness. This demonstration of acceptance and
appreciation also goes true with the other jewelries that are exchanged.
Rice means freedom from want; the overflowing eggs is a symbol of fertility;
charcoal symbolizes the wish to bear sons; dried pork tendons mean the
relationship is stable and will be hard to tear apart; the grain means general
fruitfulness, in life and relationship; and even the roots and tendrils are believed to
bring a long lasting relationship for the couple. The loose tea leaves in the confetti
symbolize the hope that the couple will have as many descendants as the tea leaves
(thats a lot of pressure, if you ask me!).

Each part of the ceremony also has its own significance. The brides backward walk
at the start symbolizes the wish for a smooth transition from singlehood to
couplehood while the red or orange juice denotes good luck and happiness. The gift
giving ceremony, where most of the gifts are returned to the groom anyway, is
actually to show that the grooms family is generous and that the brides family is
not greedy. The essence of the gift giving is not in the grandeur of the gifts but in the
effort exerted by both parties in the elaborate preparation of the ting hun presents.
The tea ceremony is the couples way of introducing each other to their relatives,
since its going to get awkward however they choose to do it anyway. And the eggs
and misua eating at the end of the ceremony is to signify happiness, long life, and
fertilitybecause the 120 pieces of eggs, apparently, isnt enough hopes for the
brides fertility. The driving around the block with the two cakes before the
reception is similar to forming a circle, thus, symbolizes the lifelong union of the
bride and groom.
One can also notice that all gifts are prepared in even numbers because the Chinese
believe that all good things come in twosyin and yang, man and woman, pansit
and sio pao.
After the hassle of the ting hun preparations and the making sense of it all, the real
milestone for the couple is the sense of familiarity and belongingness that the
ceremony hopes to establish between the two families. Aside from the reconnection
to cultural roots, the ting hun ceremony acts as a preparation for the couple,
psychosocially and emotionally, for the greater things they must face as husband
and wife. But of course, thats after they come out of their wedding preparations and
wedding proper alivewhich is a different story altogether.