FROMBOYSTOMEN

SANDRAL.BLOOM,M.D.
EMAILFROMAMERICA,THEPSYCHOTHERAPYREVIEW,2(1):
1314.
The20thcenturyisarguablythemostviolentperiodofhumanexistence.While
duringthe19thcentury60peopleperonemillionofpopulationlosttheirlives
ascasualtiesofwar,inthiscentury460peoplepermillionweresacrificedto
oneoranotherpoliticalcause.Asoflastcount,thiscenturyhasbeenawitness
to250wars(Tehranian,1997).Althoughfrequentlywarsvictims,womenare
rarelywarsperpetrators,andneverhavewomenhadthepowertoinitiatethis
scaleofcollectiveviolence.

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Despitethefactthatmenareoverwhelminglyresponsiblefortheperpetration
ofbothpersonalandcollectiveviolence,thestudyofmenasaspecificsubset
ofhumanityhasreceivedshortshriftinthepreviousdecadesofthisera.So
perhapsitisapositiveharbingerofaturninourintellectualclimatethatthe
lastdecadeofthislastcenturyofthemillenniumhasseenthepublicationofa
numberofnotablevolumesstudyingthemalegender.Rangingfrom
psychologicaltreatisesonthenatureofAmericanboyhood,topsychological
explorationsofmaledepressionandsociologicalstudiesofAmericanmale
disenfranchisement,thesevolumestogetherpresentuswithaclearer,more
differentiated,empathic,andcomplexunderstandingofwhatitmeanstobea
manandtodefinemasculinityinthelate20thcentury.
PediatricianEliNewbergerandpsychologistWilliamPollackhavebothwritten
volumeslookingatthedevelopmentofboys.Newbergerfocusesonmale
characterasdistinctivefromfemalecharacterandlooksathowtemperament
interactswithenvironmenttoshape,forgoodorforill,theconstantly
evolvingbalancebetweenaboysinnerdesiresandidealsandtheforcesofis
environment(Newberger,1999).Pollackhaswrittenabookdescribinghis
recentstudy,ListeningtoBoysVoicesinwhichheandcolleaguesatHarvard
MedicalSchoolobserved,interviewedandtestedhundredsofyoungand
adolescentboysandconductedinterviewswiththeirparents.Whatthese
researchershaveheardfromboysisapoignantstoryofthegender
straitjacketinwhichboysareexpectedtoupholdoutmodedideasabout
masculinitythatdatefromthenineteenthcentury,whilebeingexpectedtoact
asnewmen,easilyslippingbetweenrolesasNewAgeguysandcooldudes.
Inexampleafterexample,Pollackletsushearthevoicesofboysastheyabsorb
whathecallstheBoyCode,asetofbehaviorsandrulesofconductthatmask
thechildstrueselfashecontinuallyfallsshortofthissetofimpossibleand
contradictoryideals.

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JamesGarbarino,apsychologistatCornellUniversitymovesawayfromthe
morenormativeaspectsofboyhooddevelopmentinhisexplorationoflost
boystheboysandyoungmenwhohavebeenincreasinglyvulnerableto
violenceandcrime.Garbarinohaspersonallyinterviewedboysinjuvenile
institutions,prisonandboysondeathrow,someofwhohavebeeninvolvedin
theschoolkillingsthathavemadeheadlinenewsinAmericaduringthelastfew
years.Hehascarefullyreviewedtheresearchliteratureonchilddevelopment
andchildabuse,temperamentandenvironment,attachmentanddisrupted
attachment,moraldevelopmentandchildhoodaggressionandhasintegrated
thisinformationwithathoroughlookattherolethatbroadersocialfactorslike
mediaviolence,poverty,easyaccesstoweapons,andracismplayin
determiningoutcomefortroubledboys.Whatemergesisacomplex,
comprehensiveandunderstandingpictureofwhybadboysturnoutbadand
whatasocietyneedstodotokeepboysfromturningbad.Whilepointingout
thatsavingviolentboysisnteasy,Garbarinooffersacommunitybasedplan,
withexamplesofsuccessfulstrategiesandprograms,toreclaimtheselost
boys.
IDontWantToTalkAboutItbyTerrenceReal,isabookworthreadingfor
anyonewhois,knows,workswith,orlovesaman.Real,apsychotherapistand
codirectoroftheHarvardUniversityGenderResearchProject,describeshow
gendersocializationandthesmallinstancesofbetrayalandabandonmentthat
characterizethelifeofmanyboys,combineswithwhateverbiological
vulnerabilitiesexist,toproducedepressivesyndromesinmen.Asheputsit,
Masculineidentitydevelopmentturnsouttobenotaprocessofdevelopment
atallbutratheraprocessofelimination,asuccessiveunfoldingofloss...the
lossoftherelational(p.130,137).Women,Realcontends,tendtoshowtheir
depressivesymptomsopenlyastatehecallsovertdepression.Incontrast,
manymendemonstratecovertdepression...Becauseofthestigmaattached
todepression,menoftenallowtheirpaintoburrowdeeperandfurtherfrom
view.Incovertdepression,themandoeseverythinghecantowardoffthe
shame,guilt,andlossofselfesteemassociatedwithadmittingtobeingweak
andasissy.Addictionstodrugs,alcohol,sex,gambling,work,moneyyou
nameitareallwaysofavoidingtheunderlyingfeelingsassociatedwiththis
covertdepression.Sotooarethegrandiosepursuitofnarcissisticachievement,
theabuseofpower,theuseofviolence.Whenselfesteemisbuiltnotonwho
youarebutonwhatyoucanorcannotdoperformancebasedesteemlife
becomesaperpetualcompetitionforexternalapprovalofones
accomplishments.Oncewerealizethattheelusivemasculineidentitydoes
notexistinsidetheboyspsyche,butratherthatitisasocialconstructtowhich
theboymustbendandcomply,wecanunderstandwhyitisimpossibleformost
boystofeelsecureaboutit(p.172).AccordingtoReal,forthecovertly
depressedmantorecover,thecovertdepressionmustbetransformedinto
overtdepression,bypeelingbackthelayersofanonion.Underneaththe

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covertlydepressedmansaddictivedefensesliesthepainofafaultyrelationship
tohimself(p.279).Thismeansthatthemanmustgiveuphisaddictive
defenses,developmorerelationalmaturity,andthenreleasewhatever
traumasareunresolvedinhispast,redressingtheempathicreversalthatliesat
thecoreofhisdepression.Withinthecontextofsafeandsupportive
environments,thedepressedmanmustallowhimselftofeelagain,tobreak
throughallofthesociallycondonedwallsthatlittleboysmustbuildaround
theirmosttenderselves.
Whileallofthesebooksareimpressiveforhowtheyconnectthepersonaland
thepolitical,theindividualandhissocialcontext,feministauthorand
journalist,SusanFaludi,hassteppedbackevenfurthertolookattheentire
sociohistoricalframeworkforAmericanmenandwheretheyaretoday,inher
newbookStiffed:TheBetrayaloftheAmericanMan.Afterindepth
interviewingofAmericanmenfromallwalksoflife,Faludiattemptstoanswer
thequestion,WhathappenedtothemenofpostwarAmerica?.Heranswers
tothatquestionarefascinatingandinsightful,reachingfarbeyondanysimple
explanations.ShepointsoutthatattheendofWorldWarII,twovisionsofthe
futureAmericaviedforattentiononthenationalscene.Onevoicecalledfor
seeingAmericaasamasculinenationwhosemanifestdestinywastoloomlike
agiantontheglobalscale...anationthatwoulddominatetheworldthrough
unapologeticforce.Theothervisioncalledforamanlyidealthatreflectedthe
ethicofthecommonmananewgenerationofmenwhowouldbecomethe
caringgoodfathersofthenextgeneration,centeringontheexperiencesof
comfortandsupportthatmenhadgiveneachotherinthewar.Faludicontends
thatthevisionofdominancethroughtheuseofforcewastheAmericanvision
thatwonout.Menwerepromisedaclearanddefinedmissiontomanhoodand
thatmissionwastobebasedonthenationalmaleparadigmwhichhadfour
aspects:thepromiseofafrontiertobeclaimed,thepromiseofaclearandevil
enemy,thepromiseofainstitutionofbrotherhoodinwhichanonymous
memberscouldshareagreaterinstitutionalglory,andthepromiseofafamily
toprovideforandprotect.AccordingtoFaludi,thepostwargenerationofmen
havebeenbetrayedbytheeldergenerationofmenonallfourpromises.The
promisedfrontier,formerlytheAmericanWildWestandthewartimefronts
wouldbecomespace,onlyspaceturnedouttobeavoid,andnotmuchworth
conquering.Theevilenemy,formerlytheIndianandtheNazi,wasnowthe
Communist,onlyinVietnam,theenemyturnedouttobevillagers,women,
childrenandfamiliesintheirhuts.Thepromiseofaninstitutionalized
brotherhood,formerlythemilitary,becamethepromiseofjobsecurityin
corporateAmerica,onlythatpromisehasturnedintodownsizing,union
breaking,restructuringandoutsourcing.Andthepromisedfamilyfailedto
materializeaswell.WhilemeninAmericawerepursuingtheAmerican
dream,womenwereliberatingthemselvesandbegandoingjustfineontheir
own,oftenviewingthemenintheirlivesasoppressors,notliberators.Faludi

assertsthatAllthepillarsofthemaleparadigmhavefallenexceptthesearch
fortheenemyandtheenemythatmenarestilltargetingasthesourceofall
theirproblemsarewomenandminorities.Sheasksthevitalquestionofher
readers,Whyhaventmenrespondedtotheseriesofbetrayalsintheirown
livesthefailuresoftheirfatherstomakegoodontheirpromiseswith
somethingcoequaltofeminism?andindoingso,laysdownthegauntlettoa
newgenerationofmenandwomen.

References

Faludi,S.(1999),Stiffed:TheBetrayaloftheAmericanMan.NewYork:William
MorrowandCompany.
Garbarino,J.(1999).LostBoys:WhyOurSonsTurnViolentandHowWeCan
SaveThem.NewYork:TheFreePress.
Newberger,EH.(1999).TheMenTheyWillBecome:TheNatureandNurtureof
MaleCharacter.Reading,MA:PerseusBooks.
Pollack,William.(1998).RealBoys:RescuingOurSonsfromtheMythsof
Boyhood.NewYork:HoltBooks.
Real,T.(1997).IDontWantToTalkAboutIt:OvercomingtheSecretLegacyof
MaleDepression.

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Republishedbypermission:ThePsychotherapyReview,IanG.JonesHealey
Editor,POBox14TeddingtonTW118YYUK